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1
00:00:02,021 --> 00:00:03,741
KNOCKING ON DOOR
2
00:00:03,741 --> 00:00:05,181
Mum?
3
00:00:08,941 --> 00:00:10,061
Mum?
4
00:00:10,061 --> 00:00:11,461
KNOCKING ON WINDOW
5
00:00:18,381 --> 00:00:19,421
Mum!
6
00:00:21,261 --> 00:00:25,141
Mum? Michael?
What are you doing here?
7
00:00:25,141 --> 00:00:27,061
I need a go on Linda.
Where is she?
8
00:00:27,061 --> 00:00:29,501
She's charging in the living room.
9
00:00:29,501 --> 00:00:31,701
Is everything all right? Er...
10
00:00:31,701 --> 00:00:35,781
No. There's an Open Mic night
at the shop to support artists
11
00:00:35,781 --> 00:00:37,381
doing new songs.
12
00:00:37,381 --> 00:00:40,501
I put my name down...
Good for you!
13
00:00:40,501 --> 00:00:44,901
Well, Renee's always talking about
following your passion, pushing
14
00:00:44,901 --> 00:00:48,861
past your comfort zone, how Chris is
always achieving all of his dreams.
15
00:00:48,861 --> 00:00:55,581
Hello, Michael! Jesus! Well,
the thing is, my songs are...shit.
16
00:00:55,581 --> 00:00:58,461
They're shit and stupid.
Then you should cancel.
17
00:00:58,461 --> 00:01:01,181
I'm not cancelling!
This is my dream!
18
00:01:01,181 --> 00:01:02,701
Then you should follow your dream.
19
00:01:02,701 --> 00:01:07,381
Look, OK, Linda, I need you
to sort me
20
00:01:07,381 --> 00:01:10,781
an original composition that has
"hit" written all over it.
21
00:01:10,781 --> 00:01:12,301
I can do that for you, Michael.
22
00:01:19,901 --> 00:01:23,381
BLEEPS
23
00:01:19,901 --> 00:01:23,381
I have sorted you out an
24
00:01:19,901 --> 00:01:23,381
original composition
25
00:01:23,381 --> 00:01:26,581
with "hit" written all over it.
26
00:01:26,581 --> 00:01:28,821
I will email you the music
and lyrics.
27
00:01:28,821 --> 00:01:30,541
Wow!
28
00:01:30,541 --> 00:01:35,861
Amazing! OK, I've got to get
to work! Wish me luck!
29
00:01:35,861 --> 00:01:40,821
Best of luck, Michael,
pursuing the dream of a lifetime.
30
00:01:40,821 --> 00:01:42,301
SUE CHUCKLES QUIETLY
31
00:01:42,301 --> 00:01:47,101
I thought before we get the onions,
we could call at the British Legion.
32
00:01:47,101 --> 00:01:49,581
Repetitive routines are unhealthy.
33
00:01:49,581 --> 00:01:52,141
Perhaps today,
we could do something different.
34
00:01:52,141 --> 00:01:55,021
Sorry, I didn't know my life
was so boring.
35
00:01:55,021 --> 00:01:56,741
Yes, it is.
36
00:01:56,741 --> 00:01:58,901
I was being sarcastic.
37
00:01:58,901 --> 00:02:01,621
You could try Senior Puzzle Club.
38
00:02:01,621 --> 00:02:06,181
Try what? Senior Puzzle Club is
where elderly can socialise
39
00:02:06,181 --> 00:02:09,781
and do simple puzzles, to slow
deterioration of brain function.
40
00:02:09,781 --> 00:02:10,821
Linda...
41
00:02:11,941 --> 00:02:14,901
..if you ever take me
to Senior Puzzle Club,
42
00:02:14,901 --> 00:02:18,981
I will personally pour yoghurt
into your circuits!
43
00:02:18,981 --> 00:02:20,181
Understood?
44
00:02:20,181 --> 00:02:23,781
You will personally pour yoghurt
into my circuits.
45
00:02:23,781 --> 00:02:25,061
Understood.
46
00:02:26,581 --> 00:02:29,381
Maybe we could do something
that you have never done.
47
00:02:29,381 --> 00:02:34,101
OK. Well I've never gone
scuba-diving in the Maldives,
48
00:02:34,101 --> 00:02:38,741
I've never flown first class
on an aeroplane,
49
00:02:38,741 --> 00:02:42,381
I've never made love to anyone
apart from my husband.
50
00:02:42,381 --> 00:02:47,381
But I'm 80, so the chances of any
of that happening are nil.
51
00:02:48,581 --> 00:02:50,701
This question has made you angry.
52
00:02:50,701 --> 00:02:52,741
Yeah, well, it was
a stupid question!
53
00:02:52,741 --> 00:02:54,581
I will ask a new question.
54
00:02:54,581 --> 00:02:57,701
Would you like to make love to
someone other than your husband?
55
00:02:57,701 --> 00:03:00,581
God, no! I'm not a floozy!
56
00:03:02,141 --> 00:03:04,341
Unlike my daughter-in-law.
57
00:03:04,341 --> 00:03:07,381
Ha-ha-ha. Good one, Sue.
58
00:03:10,021 --> 00:03:11,901
Hello, Phyllis, Jeffrey.
59
00:03:11,901 --> 00:03:13,021
Hello, Linda.
60
00:03:14,501 --> 00:03:16,941
Nice lamp. This?
61
00:03:16,941 --> 00:03:21,581
This is for one of our rentals
that needs rewiring to meet
62
00:03:21,581 --> 00:03:23,861
"fire safety requirements".
63
00:03:23,861 --> 00:03:26,821
Honestly, we lose money
being landlords.
64
00:03:26,821 --> 00:03:29,501
Why don't you stop being landlords?
65
00:03:29,501 --> 00:03:32,581
Her problem solving capacity
is incredible.
66
00:03:32,581 --> 00:03:35,301
That's real lateral thinking,
Linda, that.
67
00:03:35,301 --> 00:03:39,461
You are welcome. We are actually
downsizing our portfolio.
68
00:03:39,461 --> 00:03:42,421
We've just closed on one
of those pokey little terraces
69
00:03:42,421 --> 00:03:43,741
on Portman Road...
70
00:03:43,741 --> 00:03:45,221
That's where I live.
71
00:03:45,221 --> 00:03:49,541
Well, it's taking off,
the gays are moving in!
72
00:03:49,541 --> 00:03:51,541
You're soon going to have
a cheesemonger's.
73
00:03:51,541 --> 00:03:53,421
Gay people eat cheese.
74
00:03:53,421 --> 00:03:57,501
We'd best be off, we haven't even
started to pack for Dorset.
75
00:03:57,501 --> 00:03:59,701
Doing anything fun today?
76
00:03:59,701 --> 00:04:02,701
I'll probably go shopping
and then make a casserole.
77
00:04:02,701 --> 00:04:03,781
Aw...
78
00:04:03,781 --> 00:04:07,221
Oh, Sue, you're missing
an earring.
79
00:04:07,221 --> 00:04:08,581
Oh...
80
00:04:08,581 --> 00:04:13,221
Oh, no! Dave bought me these
years ago in Tenerife.
81
00:04:13,221 --> 00:04:16,821
Never mind, it doesn't look
a very expensive pair.
82
00:04:18,221 --> 00:04:19,381
Bye, Linda.
83
00:04:19,381 --> 00:04:20,821
Goodbye, Jeffrey.
84
00:04:23,501 --> 00:04:25,981
Hello, Tom.
You're looking bright and summery.
85
00:04:25,981 --> 00:04:28,741
We're off to the seaside... Lovely!
86
00:04:28,741 --> 00:04:31,341
Yeah. We're scattering
my cousin's ashes.
87
00:04:31,341 --> 00:04:33,381
I'm sorry,
I didn't know he passed away.
88
00:04:33,381 --> 00:04:35,701
Oh, no, Harry died nine years ago.
89
00:04:35,701 --> 00:04:38,781
No, I've been meaning to get around
to this for a while.
90
00:04:38,781 --> 00:04:42,301
Roxy, would you do my neck
and shoulders?
91
00:04:46,381 --> 00:04:48,061
Why don't you come too?
92
00:04:48,061 --> 00:04:50,461
Oh, I hadn't planned to.
93
00:04:50,461 --> 00:04:53,101
I hadn't planned to neither.
Come on, Sue.
94
00:04:53,101 --> 00:04:56,421
Sue, it would be healthy for you
to be in a new environment.
95
00:04:56,421 --> 00:04:58,541
Linda's right,
you should get out more.
96
00:04:58,541 --> 00:05:01,621
I get out all the time!
I don't mean to the shops.
97
00:05:01,621 --> 00:05:04,581
Come to the seaside.
It's full of raw sewage.
98
00:05:04,581 --> 00:05:07,141
Yeah, it's not French Polynesia.
99
00:05:08,421 --> 00:05:14,101
Sue... It took me years after
Gwen died to start doing new things.
100
00:05:14,101 --> 00:05:18,381
I'd spent so much time caring
for her after she got sick...
101
00:05:19,701 --> 00:05:21,541
..I forgot how to live.
102
00:05:21,541 --> 00:05:27,581
Tom... Choose an outfit, Linda,
we're going to the seaside.
103
00:05:27,581 --> 00:05:29,381
Let's scatter dead Harry.
104
00:05:33,141 --> 00:05:35,461
This is incredible.
Michael, come and have look at this!
105
00:05:35,461 --> 00:05:36,581
Michael!
106
00:05:39,581 --> 00:05:42,221
This piano is 570kg!
107
00:05:42,221 --> 00:05:43,421
Michael, look!
108
00:05:44,421 --> 00:05:45,941
Wow, it's so heavy.
109
00:05:45,941 --> 00:05:47,461
Where would you like me
to put it, Mark?
110
00:05:47,461 --> 00:05:50,821
I'll tell you where you can put it.
Put it here for now, mate.
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LOUD BUMP
112
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Promise you won't
113
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call in sick with back pain?
114
00:05:53,181 --> 00:05:56,461
I promise. Although I won't promise
I won't phone in with a hangover.
115
00:05:56,461 --> 00:05:58,341
FORCED LAUGH
116
00:05:59,381 --> 00:06:02,701
You make jokes!
Michael, did you hear Keith's joke?
117
00:06:02,701 --> 00:06:05,861
Yeah, it didn't make any sense.
No-one calls in with a hangover,
118
00:06:05,861 --> 00:06:07,821
people call in sick
to hide a hangover.
119
00:06:07,821 --> 00:06:10,461
Michael, can I assist you
in any way?
120
00:06:10,461 --> 00:06:12,261
Doubt it. Then I will utilize
121
00:06:12,261 --> 00:06:14,341
this quiet time
to clean the staff toilet.
122
00:06:14,341 --> 00:06:16,941
Why, did you do a massive shit
in there this morning?
123
00:06:19,261 --> 00:06:20,661
Thanks, Keith. I appreciate it.
124
00:06:22,141 --> 00:06:24,981
Keith is the smartest investment
I've made in a while.
125
00:06:24,981 --> 00:06:28,821
Yeah, sure, it's handy
having a walking forklift.
126
00:06:28,821 --> 00:06:30,781
Keith can do way more than
heavy lifting.
127
00:06:30,781 --> 00:06:34,221
He can play over 20 instruments.
26, to be precise.
128
00:06:34,221 --> 00:06:36,701
I thought you were cleaning
the toilet. I've finished.
129
00:06:36,701 --> 00:06:39,941
I also play all 26 instruments
to a Grade 7 level.
130
00:06:41,661 --> 00:06:47,821
So what?! You have no idea about
how humans connect with music.
131
00:06:47,821 --> 00:06:52,541
I mean, I remember listening
to Dark Side of the Moon
132
00:06:52,541 --> 00:06:53,901
for the first time.
133
00:06:53,901 --> 00:06:57,181
I remember saving up
to buy a ticket for AC/DC.
134
00:06:57,181 --> 00:06:59,861
It's a language, you don't speak it.
135
00:06:59,861 --> 00:07:01,901
'Sup? You all good?
136
00:07:01,901 --> 00:07:05,261
Yeah, I'm looking for a cheaper
version of Hester Chambers' guitar.
137
00:07:06,621 --> 00:07:10,341
Who? Hester Chambers, from
English indie rock band Wet Leg.
138
00:07:10,341 --> 00:07:11,901
He only knows that
because he's a robot.
139
00:07:11,901 --> 00:07:13,541
I love their surreal style.
140
00:07:13,541 --> 00:07:15,941
He doesn't love anything,
he's a robot.
141
00:07:15,941 --> 00:07:18,621
Look, look...just because I didn't
know the name of the band,
142
00:07:18,621 --> 00:07:22,261
it doesn't...
Michael, let Keith do his job.
143
00:07:22,261 --> 00:07:24,461
Hester Chambers plays a Hofner 173.
144
00:07:24,461 --> 00:07:25,981
His hand's been in the toilet.
145
00:07:44,221 --> 00:07:47,261
Yes! Thank you, Linda.
146
00:08:14,501 --> 00:08:15,541
You ready, Tom?
147
00:08:17,981 --> 00:08:20,021
Linda! Roxy!
148
00:08:20,021 --> 00:08:21,661
Come join us.
149
00:08:25,181 --> 00:08:27,061
Want to say a few words, Tom?
150
00:08:28,941 --> 00:08:30,741
Oh...OK. Um...
151
00:08:33,341 --> 00:08:34,381
Er...
152
00:08:35,781 --> 00:08:39,781
Harry was, er...
153
00:08:41,101 --> 00:08:42,741
..5 foot 10.
154
00:08:43,901 --> 00:08:44,941
Um...
155
00:08:46,581 --> 00:08:50,341
He loved Wet Wet Wet,
he had three of his albums.
156
00:08:50,341 --> 00:08:51,381
Erm...
157
00:08:54,341 --> 00:08:57,661
Either of you want to say something?
We never met him.
158
00:08:57,661 --> 00:08:59,821
5 foot 10 is a good height though.
159
00:09:01,021 --> 00:09:02,061
Thank you.
160
00:09:04,901 --> 00:09:09,021
Linda, have you got
any funeral speeches?
161
00:09:09,021 --> 00:09:10,221
Yes.
162
00:09:10,221 --> 00:09:14,701
"Do not go gentle into that
good night, old age should burn
163
00:09:14,701 --> 00:09:16,861
"and rave a close of day
164
00:09:16,861 --> 00:09:20,941
"Rage, rage against the dying
of the light..."
165
00:09:20,941 --> 00:09:25,341
Have you got something more upbeat?
Yes.
166
00:09:25,341 --> 00:09:28,061
"Cousin Harry knew how to party.
167
00:09:28,061 --> 00:09:30,301
"He had a taste for racy cars...
168
00:09:30,301 --> 00:09:32,261
"and even racier women!"
169
00:09:32,261 --> 00:09:35,301
Actually, Harry was gay.
170
00:09:35,301 --> 00:09:37,141
He was very shy.
171
00:09:37,141 --> 00:09:38,861
And he died of loneliness...
172
00:09:40,061 --> 00:09:43,861
Apparently, the body just shuts down
when it's not being touched.
173
00:09:47,381 --> 00:09:50,781
Linda, maybe a few comforting words.
174
00:09:50,781 --> 00:09:52,861
And a little light music.
175
00:09:52,861 --> 00:09:53,941
Yes.
176
00:09:55,781 --> 00:09:58,581
"Do not stand by my grave and weep,
177
00:09:58,581 --> 00:10:02,381
"I am not there, I do not sleep,
178
00:10:02,381 --> 00:10:05,221
"I am the thousand winds that blow,
179
00:10:05,221 --> 00:10:08,541
"I am the diamond glints on snow.
180
00:10:08,541 --> 00:10:11,541
"I am the sun on ripened grain.
181
00:10:11,541 --> 00:10:14,221
"I am the gentle autumn rain.
182
00:10:14,221 --> 00:10:17,141
"When you awaken
in the morning's hush,
183
00:10:17,141 --> 00:10:19,821
"I am the swift uplifting rush
184
00:10:19,821 --> 00:10:23,221
"Of quiet birds in circled flight,
185
00:10:23,221 --> 00:10:26,541
"I am the soft stars
that shine at night.
186
00:10:26,541 --> 00:10:29,741
"Do not stand by my grave and cry.
187
00:10:29,741 --> 00:10:33,181
"I am not there, I did not die."
188
00:10:53,461 --> 00:10:56,621
One day you're buying
your Wet Wet Wet albums,
189
00:10:56,621 --> 00:10:59,301
and before you know it,
three strangers
190
00:10:59,301 --> 00:11:03,741
and their robots are scattering
your ashes over raw sewage.
191
00:11:06,061 --> 00:11:09,141
Perhaps the funfair
will help elevate your mood.
192
00:11:09,141 --> 00:11:11,621
That's a great idea! Carpe diem!
193
00:11:11,621 --> 00:11:14,581
Well, maybe I'll make
my casserole tomorrow.
194
00:11:14,581 --> 00:11:16,381
That's the spirit!
195
00:11:24,141 --> 00:11:25,701
It's changed a bit.
196
00:11:25,701 --> 00:11:28,901
Right, everybody,
get your laughing gear round that.
197
00:11:28,901 --> 00:11:32,461
I just love funfair food!
It's actually quite nice.
198
00:11:32,461 --> 00:11:33,861
Mm!
199
00:11:33,861 --> 00:11:37,821
I'm thinking of taking Roxy
on the rollercoaster.
200
00:11:37,821 --> 00:11:40,661
I'm not getting on one of those
bloody death traps!
201
00:11:40,661 --> 00:11:43,061
Not after what happened
to that Swedish woman.
202
00:11:44,941 --> 00:11:49,221
She'd flown 28 hours to get
to a fun park in Florida,
203
00:11:49,221 --> 00:11:50,781
gets on a rollercoaster,
204
00:11:50,781 --> 00:11:52,781
it derails!
205
00:11:52,781 --> 00:11:55,661
Safety bar goes right through her.
206
00:11:55,661 --> 00:11:58,581
Skewers her like a shish kebab.
207
00:11:58,581 --> 00:12:00,381
I think I've chipped
one of my teeth.
208
00:12:00,381 --> 00:12:02,061
Bled to death.
209
00:12:02,061 --> 00:12:07,381
That is why you should never remove
impaled objects.
210
00:12:09,461 --> 00:12:11,381
Oh, my God!
211
00:12:11,381 --> 00:12:13,981
Oh, my God!
212
00:12:13,981 --> 00:12:15,781
It's a toenail!
213
00:12:15,781 --> 00:12:18,501
Give it here, I'll take it back.
They might give us a free one.
214
00:12:18,501 --> 00:12:21,341
Why would I want another hotdog
from them?!
215
00:12:21,341 --> 00:12:22,661
Sue, you are unhappy again.
216
00:12:22,661 --> 00:12:27,341
There was a toenail in my hotdog.
217
00:12:27,341 --> 00:12:30,061
I'm ready for a ride. Do you want
to go on a ride, Roxy?
218
00:12:30,061 --> 00:12:31,781
Yes.
219
00:12:31,781 --> 00:12:33,821
Sue, is it time to go on a ride?
220
00:12:33,821 --> 00:12:35,221
I can't face the queues.
221
00:12:35,221 --> 00:12:37,341
The bigger the queue,
the better the ride!
222
00:12:37,341 --> 00:12:39,861
Isn't that what they say, Roxy?
223
00:12:39,861 --> 00:12:43,541
No. See? Come on,
let's hit the road.
224
00:12:44,901 --> 00:12:47,221
Other funfair activities.
225
00:12:47,221 --> 00:12:51,221
Coconut shy, ghost train,
hook-a-duck...
226
00:12:51,221 --> 00:12:53,581
Oh, isn't she sweet?
227
00:12:55,501 --> 00:12:58,901
Michael used to love getting
his face painted when he was little.
228
00:12:58,901 --> 00:13:00,941
Sue, you could get
your face painted.
229
00:13:00,941 --> 00:13:03,261
No, that's for children.
230
00:13:03,261 --> 00:13:04,701
Or wankers.
231
00:13:07,461 --> 00:13:09,501
Sue, there is no queue
for this ride.
232
00:13:09,501 --> 00:13:11,661
Fortune teller?
233
00:13:11,661 --> 00:13:15,701
Dave and I went to see the fortune
teller when we were first courting.
234
00:13:15,701 --> 00:13:20,501
God, that must be...
over 50 years ago!
235
00:13:20,501 --> 00:13:22,821
Would you like a ride
on a fortune teller?
236
00:13:22,821 --> 00:13:26,061
Sue, you shouldn't meddle
with the dark arts.
237
00:13:26,061 --> 00:13:29,941
My friend Lynn Bacon,
she got herself a Ouija board,
238
00:13:29,941 --> 00:13:33,541
a succubus attached itself
to her aura.
239
00:13:35,821 --> 00:13:37,741
I think it might be fun...
240
00:13:37,741 --> 00:13:41,141
All right. Give us your hotdog
and toenail, suit yourself.
241
00:13:41,141 --> 00:13:45,421
Tom's right. They're bound
to give me a free ice-cream.
242
00:13:45,421 --> 00:13:46,941
Come on, Linda.
243
00:13:52,741 --> 00:13:54,221
Sit.
244
00:13:54,221 --> 00:13:59,701
Ow! Linda, have you got
a torch or something?
245
00:13:59,701 --> 00:14:02,581
FUTURISTIC SOUND
246
00:13:59,701 --> 00:14:02,581
Argh! Shit, turn it off!
247
00:14:02,581 --> 00:14:03,781
Linda, lights off!
248
00:14:10,821 --> 00:14:13,261
Cross my palm with silver.
249
00:14:13,261 --> 00:14:15,021
How much?
250
00:14:15,021 --> 00:14:19,381
20 pounds for ten minutes, 50 for...
20 pounds?!
251
00:14:19,381 --> 00:14:23,141
Do you want communion with
the astral realm or not?
252
00:14:23,141 --> 00:14:25,341
This had better be
top shelf communion...
253
00:14:31,141 --> 00:14:32,461
Now give me your hand.
254
00:14:41,941 --> 00:14:44,861
Do you go to the optician?
255
00:14:46,261 --> 00:14:47,621
I'm 80.
256
00:14:47,621 --> 00:14:48,821
So, yes.
257
00:14:49,821 --> 00:14:52,661
You'll be going again soon.
258
00:14:52,661 --> 00:14:54,061
Sue, she is correct.
259
00:14:54,061 --> 00:14:56,541
Sshh! You are a mother...
260
00:14:56,541 --> 00:14:57,861
of a daughter?
261
00:14:57,861 --> 00:14:59,181
No.
262
00:14:59,181 --> 00:15:01,301
Three sons? No.
Son and a daughter? No.
263
00:15:01,301 --> 00:15:02,461
Two daughters? No.
264
00:15:02,461 --> 00:15:04,861
Who's Margaret? I don't know.
265
00:15:04,861 --> 00:15:06,821
Are we going to do this
for ten minutes?
266
00:15:09,021 --> 00:15:13,861
I am sensing you're disappointed.
267
00:15:13,861 --> 00:15:15,941
Yes, I am.
268
00:15:15,941 --> 00:15:17,981
You're often disappointed,
269
00:15:17,981 --> 00:15:19,141
by life.
270
00:15:21,901 --> 00:15:24,021
Yeah, I guess, yeah.
271
00:15:24,021 --> 00:15:27,861
You weren't always like this.
272
00:15:27,861 --> 00:15:30,181
No. Just the last few years.
273
00:15:31,381 --> 00:15:33,821
You used to be fun.
274
00:15:33,821 --> 00:15:35,421
I am fun. But are you?
275
00:15:35,421 --> 00:15:37,701
Yes, I am fun.
Tell her, Linda.
276
00:15:37,701 --> 00:15:39,901
Sue is fun! In what way?
277
00:15:43,821 --> 00:15:44,981
Sue is fun!
278
00:15:46,541 --> 00:15:48,941
Is this all part
of the 10 minutes? Yes.
279
00:15:48,941 --> 00:15:52,301
That's not fair,
you're charging us by the minute!
280
00:15:52,301 --> 00:15:56,221
We have been arguing
whether Sue is fun for 19 seconds.
281
00:15:56,221 --> 00:15:59,501
Now 20. 21...
Sshh! I'm getting something.
282
00:16:00,981 --> 00:16:03,261
It's a male energy.
Very dear to you.
283
00:16:03,261 --> 00:16:06,101
I can see a...car.
284
00:16:06,101 --> 00:16:07,501
And the colour...
285
00:16:08,901 --> 00:16:10,021
..yellow.
286
00:16:15,141 --> 00:16:19,341
My...Dave had a yellow Ford
when we first met.
287
00:16:19,341 --> 00:16:21,781
He says he'll send you a sign.
288
00:16:21,781 --> 00:16:23,021
What kind of sign?
289
00:16:24,301 --> 00:16:26,261
SHOUTS: What kind of sign?
290
00:16:29,181 --> 00:16:33,381
He said that's a great question,
and he needs time to think.
291
00:16:42,101 --> 00:16:44,221
Is this part of the 10 minutes?
292
00:16:45,421 --> 00:16:47,621
I can't make him think faster.
293
00:16:59,061 --> 00:17:04,061
Doing anything fun this weekend?
I've got tickets to Hamilton.
294
00:17:04,061 --> 00:17:07,301
We will probably watch Strictly,
we watch Strictly every...
295
00:17:07,301 --> 00:17:14,021
Sshh! He says you've lost something,
but don't worry, you'll find it.
296
00:17:14,021 --> 00:17:17,501
Sue, you have lost an earring.
Where will I find it?
297
00:17:17,501 --> 00:17:21,621
He says it will be
in the last place you look.
298
00:17:21,621 --> 00:17:23,661
Yes, it will be in the last place
she looks.
299
00:17:23,661 --> 00:17:26,021
Sshh! He says...
300
00:17:27,941 --> 00:17:29,221
..let go of the past.
301
00:17:30,421 --> 00:17:35,461
Remember the happier times,
and try new things...
302
00:17:39,781 --> 00:17:45,141
..and open your heart
to life's wondrous possibilities.
303
00:17:47,501 --> 00:17:49,781
Dave said "wondrous"?
304
00:17:51,461 --> 00:17:52,861
I'm paraphrasing.
305
00:17:54,461 --> 00:17:57,661
Will you tell him I'm trying?
306
00:17:57,661 --> 00:17:59,101
Of course.
307
00:18:01,421 --> 00:18:03,261
SHOUTS: She's trying!
308
00:18:04,621 --> 00:18:08,621
Oh, my God, is that
THE Michael Bevan?
309
00:18:08,621 --> 00:18:11,861
Whoo! Sign my tits!
310
00:18:11,861 --> 00:18:15,621
Stop, stop...
How was sound-check?
311
00:18:15,621 --> 00:18:18,381
Yeah, smashed it.
312
00:18:18,381 --> 00:18:21,581
I met some of the other acts.
They're...
313
00:18:21,581 --> 00:18:22,981
..young.
314
00:18:22,981 --> 00:18:27,021
Well, I just wanted to give you
a good luck charm for tonight.
315
00:18:27,021 --> 00:18:29,901
Oh... Thank you.
316
00:18:32,221 --> 00:18:35,181
Wow, it's...beautiful.
317
00:18:35,181 --> 00:18:39,261
This last week,
seeing you prepare for this gig...
318
00:18:39,261 --> 00:18:41,981
I've never seen you this excited
and enthusiastic.
319
00:18:41,981 --> 00:18:43,181
Really?
320
00:18:43,181 --> 00:18:47,101
I'm proud of you, performing
your own original material.
321
00:18:47,101 --> 00:18:49,541
It takes guts. Yeah, you're right.
322
00:18:49,541 --> 00:18:51,661
I don't know what
I was so scared of.
323
00:18:51,661 --> 00:18:53,581
I should've done this
so much sooner.
324
00:18:53,581 --> 00:18:55,141
Well, you're doing it now.
325
00:18:55,141 --> 00:18:57,421
You are making your dreams happen.
326
00:18:58,781 --> 00:19:00,541
Chris talks a lot
about that at training.
327
00:19:00,541 --> 00:19:04,341
Pursuing a career in music is a bit
harder than teaching martial arts.
328
00:19:04,341 --> 00:19:05,941
Well, they're both dreams.
329
00:19:05,941 --> 00:19:08,221
My dream is heaps harder
than Chris's dream.
330
00:19:08,221 --> 00:19:11,981
Michael, "Holding a grudge
is like drinking poison
331
00:19:11,981 --> 00:19:14,261
"and waiting for
the other person to die."
332
00:19:16,261 --> 00:19:17,781
That's is such a good quote.
333
00:19:18,781 --> 00:19:20,501
Who said that?
334
00:19:22,541 --> 00:19:24,141
It was Chris, wasn't it?
335
00:19:26,021 --> 00:19:29,221
Well, I should practise.
336
00:19:29,221 --> 00:19:30,981
OK, I'll leave you to it.
337
00:19:30,981 --> 00:19:33,621
Wait, aren't you going to put it on?
338
00:19:33,621 --> 00:19:34,661
Hm?
339
00:19:36,461 --> 00:19:38,941
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
340
00:19:49,821 --> 00:19:52,981
You look like Enrique Iglesias!
341
00:19:52,981 --> 00:19:54,021
Who?
342
00:19:54,021 --> 00:19:55,301
You look hot.
343
00:19:56,381 --> 00:19:58,341
I'll be watching you!
344
00:19:59,621 --> 00:20:00,661
Don't take it off!
345
00:20:12,381 --> 00:20:14,501
Linda, do you believe
there's an afterlife?
346
00:20:14,501 --> 00:20:19,061
The existence of an afterlife is an
issue of belief, rather than proof.
347
00:20:19,061 --> 00:20:20,661
I got us free ice creams.
348
00:20:20,661 --> 00:20:23,461
Don't worry,
I've checked them for toenails.
349
00:20:23,461 --> 00:20:24,741
Linda, hold this.
350
00:20:27,341 --> 00:20:29,621
Sue, what does ice cream taste like?
351
00:20:29,621 --> 00:20:31,541
It's delicious!
352
00:20:31,541 --> 00:20:34,381
So, what did the fortune teller say?
353
00:20:34,381 --> 00:20:36,981
She said a lot of things.
354
00:20:36,981 --> 00:20:40,861
I think I just really wanted
some sort of sign from Dave.
355
00:20:40,861 --> 00:20:42,061
Yeah.
356
00:20:42,061 --> 00:20:44,341
Did she say anything
about sinkholes?
357
00:20:44,341 --> 00:20:48,661
She's right, Dave would want me
to keep trying new things,
358
00:20:48,661 --> 00:20:49,941
and be...
359
00:20:51,181 --> 00:20:52,621
..happy. Yeah.
360
00:20:52,621 --> 00:20:55,221
What about megaviruses?
361
00:20:55,221 --> 00:20:59,141
She was also correct that
you are going to the optician soon.
362
00:20:59,141 --> 00:21:03,061
She say anything about
rollercoasters derailing?
363
00:21:03,061 --> 00:21:06,501
Ooh! Sue, you just had
an adrenaline spike.
364
00:21:06,501 --> 00:21:08,981
You are afraid of rollercoasters.
Yes.
365
00:21:08,981 --> 00:21:10,381
Very. You should be.
366
00:21:10,381 --> 00:21:12,381
Have you ever been on one?
God, no!
367
00:21:12,381 --> 00:21:14,581
They're deathtraps.
They really are.
368
00:21:14,581 --> 00:21:19,061
The odds of being injured on
a rollercoaster are...one in...
369
00:21:19,061 --> 00:21:20,941
..24 million.
370
00:21:20,941 --> 00:21:22,101
Wow...
371
00:21:23,301 --> 00:21:27,261
Sue, this would be an opportunity
to try something new.
372
00:21:27,261 --> 00:21:28,301
And fun.
373
00:21:32,381 --> 00:21:36,301
Tom! We're coming with you!
Boomers are pushing in.
374
00:21:36,301 --> 00:21:39,021
It's all right, I saved their place.
What are you on about?
375
00:21:39,021 --> 00:21:41,141
Here we go! Give over.
376
00:21:46,621 --> 00:21:47,701
Thank you.
377
00:21:48,741 --> 00:21:49,781
Oh...
378
00:21:52,581 --> 00:21:55,141
I am proud of you, Sue.
379
00:21:55,141 --> 00:21:57,181
Are you having fun?
380
00:21:57,181 --> 00:21:58,661
Oh...
381
00:21:59,701 --> 00:22:00,981
Fun mode activated.
382
00:22:21,021 --> 00:22:23,861
Doesn't look like this can be
salvaged, though, does it?
383
00:22:23,861 --> 00:22:26,421
Do we now scatter Roxy
on raw sewage?
384
00:22:26,421 --> 00:22:28,701
No, Linda.
Do we throw her in the bin?
385
00:22:28,701 --> 00:22:31,261
There is a bin over there.
Linda, shush.
386
00:22:31,261 --> 00:22:33,301
I had no idea Roxy weighed so much.
387
00:22:33,301 --> 00:22:35,501
Don't feel bad.
It's not your fault.
388
00:22:35,501 --> 00:22:38,461
The sign said it is the robot
owner's responsibility. Linda...
389
00:22:38,461 --> 00:22:41,301
There were signs everywhere...
Linda, mute!
390
00:22:41,301 --> 00:22:43,461
What if I die like Harry did?
391
00:22:43,461 --> 00:22:45,821
Roxy was the only one
who touches me.
392
00:22:45,821 --> 00:22:47,701
Oh... What is wrong with you?
393
00:22:47,701 --> 00:22:49,341
I don't mean like that!
394
00:22:49,341 --> 00:22:52,141
Well, I...I could touch you.
395
00:22:53,381 --> 00:22:54,581
Sometimes.
396
00:22:56,941 --> 00:22:59,341
Yeah, well, maybe not.
397
00:22:59,341 --> 00:23:04,381
Roxy knew exactly how I like my tea,
what time I go to bed,
398
00:23:04,381 --> 00:23:07,221
what time I like to be woken up,
399
00:23:07,221 --> 00:23:09,261
my favourite Strictly judge...
400
00:23:09,261 --> 00:23:11,661
Shirley. No! Craig!
401
00:23:11,661 --> 00:23:17,141
He's brutal, but how else are
the dancers going to learn?
402
00:23:17,141 --> 00:23:20,021
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
403
00:23:17,141 --> 00:23:20,021
That was Slutguts!
404
00:23:20,021 --> 00:23:22,941
Slutguts, everybody.
405
00:23:22,941 --> 00:23:24,941
Ok, to close this section,
we've got
406
00:23:24,941 --> 00:23:26,661
an artist you'll definitely
recognise...
407
00:23:26,661 --> 00:23:27,861
from the till!
408
00:23:31,021 --> 00:23:33,421
One of Off The Scale's own,
Michael Bevan.
409
00:23:33,421 --> 00:23:37,741
What am I doing? I can't do this,
go and start a fire in the toilets!
410
00:23:37,741 --> 00:23:40,141
You're making your dreams come true.
411
00:23:40,141 --> 00:23:41,181
Now go.
412
00:23:42,581 --> 00:23:44,661
Michael Bevan.
413
00:23:42,581 --> 00:23:44,661
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
414
00:23:48,261 --> 00:23:49,981
Thank you... Thank you.
415
00:23:52,501 --> 00:23:54,141
Um...
416
00:23:54,141 --> 00:23:58,021
It's not easy being an artist. Um...
417
00:23:58,021 --> 00:24:02,541
You spend most of
your time feeling like shit.
418
00:24:02,541 --> 00:24:06,421
And then there's this
technology replacing us,
419
00:24:06,421 --> 00:24:09,341
because it's faster and cheaper
to steal from humans.
420
00:24:09,341 --> 00:24:11,181
< Yeah!
421
00:24:09,341 --> 00:24:11,181
All right!
422
00:24:11,181 --> 00:24:13,501
I believe in people.
423
00:24:14,501 --> 00:24:18,061
I believe there are things
within us that cannot be mimicked,
424
00:24:18,061 --> 00:24:23,461
or stolen, or learnt by algorithms
for financial gain.
425
00:24:23,461 --> 00:24:25,701
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
426
00:24:25,701 --> 00:24:30,101
I wrote this song for someone...
427
00:24:30,101 --> 00:24:32,101
someone very special. Er...
428
00:24:33,221 --> 00:24:34,701
My wife, Renee.
429
00:24:34,701 --> 00:24:36,581
You are the reason I do
what I do, babe.
430
00:24:39,701 --> 00:24:41,181
QUIETLY: D, D, A...
431
00:24:41,181 --> 00:24:44,061
STARTS PLAYING
432
00:24:44,061 --> 00:24:46,781
And I want to dedicate this song
to anyone out there...
433
00:24:47,901 --> 00:24:48,941
..creating.
434
00:24:53,141 --> 00:24:57,221
This song...
This song came to me in fragments.
435
00:24:57,221 --> 00:25:02,861
And then...the fragments came
together and they spoke to me.
436
00:25:06,541 --> 00:25:11,461
Sorry. Like the...
Like the memory of a dream...
437
00:25:16,621 --> 00:25:19,421
# Where is the moment
you needed the most?
438
00:25:22,781 --> 00:25:26,461
# You kick up the leaves
and the magic is lost... #
439
00:25:27,501 --> 00:25:31,021
Keith, is that Bad Day
by Daniel Powter?
440
00:25:33,101 --> 00:25:36,381
# They tell me your passions
gone away
441
00:25:36,381 --> 00:25:41,061
# And I don't need to carry on
442
00:25:41,061 --> 00:25:43,341
# Because you had a bad day
443
00:25:43,341 --> 00:25:45,181
# You're taking one down
444
00:25:45,181 --> 00:25:46,221
# You sing a sad song
445
00:25:46,221 --> 00:25:49,341
# And you turn it around... #
446
00:25:49,341 --> 00:25:52,621
Look, I asked Linda for
an original song
447
00:25:52,621 --> 00:25:55,381
and the stupid idiot gave me
an original song...
448
00:25:55,381 --> 00:25:56,981
By Daniel Powter.
449
00:25:58,541 --> 00:25:59,941
Yes.
450
00:25:59,941 --> 00:26:04,381
You're always banging on about
being bold and chasing your dreams.
451
00:26:04,381 --> 00:26:09,581
This last week, I realised...
I'm shit at this.
452
00:26:11,261 --> 00:26:15,461
Do you have any idea how
soul-destroying it is to realise
453
00:26:15,461 --> 00:26:19,541
that you can't do the one thing
you've always wanted to do?
454
00:26:22,221 --> 00:26:24,181
No.
455
00:26:24,181 --> 00:26:27,901
I'll never play Wembley. I'm never
going to have a number one album.
456
00:26:29,301 --> 00:26:31,541
I'll never be good enough for you.
457
00:26:31,541 --> 00:26:32,581
Wait.
458
00:26:34,061 --> 00:26:36,221
So this was entirely about me?
459
00:26:36,221 --> 00:26:38,381
Well, yeah.
460
00:26:38,381 --> 00:26:40,101
And also me.
461
00:26:40,101 --> 00:26:42,421
That is really hot.
462
00:26:44,021 --> 00:26:45,941
You're not embarrassed?
No.
463
00:26:47,141 --> 00:26:50,301
I'm not. ROBOTIC VOICE: Here's one
I pretended to write earlier.
464
00:26:50,301 --> 00:26:53,741
LAUGHTER
465
00:26:50,301 --> 00:26:53,741
Good one, Keith!
466
00:26:53,741 --> 00:26:55,341
Eat a turd, Keith!
467
00:26:55,341 --> 00:26:57,541
HAD A BAD DAY PLAYS
468
00:27:01,381 --> 00:27:03,101
Woo, Keith!
469
00:27:03,101 --> 00:27:05,621
Don't be so disgusting.
Sorry.
470
00:27:05,621 --> 00:27:07,981
He's amazing!
CHANTING: Keith, Keith, Keith!
471
00:27:09,941 --> 00:27:11,901
He's amazing!
472
00:27:11,901 --> 00:27:14,581
All right, love, I'll do that.
I will.
473
00:27:14,581 --> 00:27:16,781
Nighty-nighty, then.
474
00:27:16,781 --> 00:27:18,141
Linda, it's Michael.
475
00:27:20,821 --> 00:27:22,821
Hello, Michael.
476
00:27:22,821 --> 00:27:24,301
Yes.
477
00:27:24,301 --> 00:27:27,221
Yes. I understand.
478
00:27:27,221 --> 00:27:29,941
I am a dipshit who cannot follow
basic instructions,
479
00:27:29,941 --> 00:27:31,701
and should be smelted for my metals.
480
00:27:31,701 --> 00:27:34,221
Goodnight, Michael!
481
00:27:34,221 --> 00:27:35,901
OK...
482
00:27:35,901 --> 00:27:37,861
Right, well, I'm going to bed, then.
483
00:27:38,861 --> 00:27:45,221
Tom can purchase another Roxy,
the T68/700 is an affordable model.
484
00:27:45,221 --> 00:27:47,821
I think he might need
a bit more time.
485
00:27:47,821 --> 00:27:50,461
Humans, we get attached to things.
486
00:27:50,461 --> 00:27:53,141
That's why we find it so hard
to let go.
487
00:27:54,221 --> 00:27:57,581
I know it's difficult to understand
because you're never going to die.
488
00:27:57,581 --> 00:27:59,781
Yes, but I will never get
to taste ice cream.
489
00:27:59,781 --> 00:28:01,781
SUE CHUCKLES
490
00:28:01,781 --> 00:28:03,661
Goodnight, Linda.
491
00:28:03,661 --> 00:28:05,821
Goodnight, Sue.
492
00:28:05,821 --> 00:28:07,821
Don't forget to take your tablets.
55277
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