All language subtitles for Eight.Legged.Freaks.2002.1080p.BluRay.x264.AAC5.1-[YTS.MX]JCG

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(majestic music)

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(brooding music)

(insects trilling)

- Do you know fear?

Do you know what it's like

to feel your heart beating in your chest

so intensely, (inhales)
that you can't even breathe?

This is a story of monsters, creatures,

hideous nightmares that
crawl in the night.

I've seen them.

I've seen them in visions,

and you will too.

(laughs) I know you must
be saying to yourself,

"What is this fine and
enlightened brother doing

in this godforsaken landscape?"

Well, I'll tell you.

Here's the truth what brought me out here,

because this is the only
place in this country

where I can tell you the
truth and they can't get me.

That's right.

Right here at KFRD, freedom radio.

The only source for the inside dope

on government conspiracies, space aliens,

and up-to-the-minute reports
on when they plan to invade.

It's a beautiful morning
here in Prosperity, Arizona,

and it's time for America
to wake up, people!

Wake up before it's too late!

But no, of course you're still asleep.

You still think we actually
landed on the moon,

that Oswald killed Kennedy,

and that a black man's vote
in Florida actually counts.

Wake up, people!

Look to the skies.

Look to the skies, my friends.

Unless, of course, you're driving,

I don't want anybody suing my ass.

I've got enough problems
from the government.

I can barely pay for this damn trailer.

(static crackling)

- Keep talking, buddy.

Say something that has caffeine in it.

- [Harlan On Radio] It's a
hard life, spreading the truth.

Never made Gandhi rich.

Never made Mother Teresa rich.

L. Ron Hubbard?

Well, actually, he did
pretty good for himself.

(startling music)

(driver gasps)
(tires screeching)

(barrel crashing)

(water splashes)

(calm music)

(insect chirping)

- Hmm.

(dramatic music)
(water bubbling)

-Joshua?

(animals chittering)

Joshua?

Josh?

Whoa.

You're a big fella.

(spider hisses)
(Mike gasps)

(muffles scream)

(panting) Joshua, are you
trying to scare me to death?

- Hello, Mike.

- The Lycosa Narbonensis
looks different today.

It's bigger.

- It's their diet.

I made a discovery.

These have been appearing in the pond

for the past three days.
- Crickets?

- They're like spider steroids.

(parrot squawks)

- [Parrot] I see dead people.

I see dead people.

- He loves that movie. I don't...

Here, there they go. Look, look!

- Whoa! He was hungry.

- [Joshua] Yeah. As they
grow, their appetites do too.

- [Mike] I've never seen
spiders this big before.

It's all from eating those crickets?

- I'm going to make a fortune.

- Wow, jumping spiders!

- [Joshua] Yeah, Habronattus Orbus.

- Wow.
- Yeah, look.

Look how they kill.

(spiders hissing)

I call this an arac-attack.

(Mike chuckles)
You get it?

- Yeah. It's good.

(Joshua chuckles)

So have the new orb weavers come in yet?

- Oh, yeah.

It took me forever to get
that mating pair from Chile.

I had to bribe every customs
agent from Santiago to Tuscon.

But here...

- That is too cool.
- Yeah.

See the male orb weavers compete
for the female's attention.

- Yeah?
- They all try to give her

the best present, you know,
like bugs or, you know, rats,

or the occasional parrot.

(parrot squawks)

Come on. I want to show you something.

You see, the prey is cocooned alive

so she can eat them in her nest.

You know how much women
like breakfast in bed.

Here, look at this.

Look at this. Look at her.

See, the female of the species

is three times as big as the male.

Say hello to Consuela.
(spider hissing)

She fills her prey with digestive acid

to liquefy the internal organs,

so she can drink it from the inside out,

- Ooh.
- while it's alive.

(sack cracking)
(squelching)

(watch beeps)
- Oh, man, am I in trouble.

I gotta go.

I'll call you later, okay?

Yeah, when you come back next,

I bet they're twice as
big as they are today.

- [Mike] Bye, Josh! See you next week.

(door closes)

(Joshua gasps)
(ominous music)

- [Joshua] Where'd you go, little fella?

(spider hissing)
(Joshua screaming)

(shelves clattering)
(glass shattering)

(spiders hissing)
(chittering)

(Joshua screaming)
(grunts)

- I see dead--
(parrot squawks)

(soft rock music)

♪ I hear your lonely ♪

♪ I've been sick and lonely too ♪

♪ I wanna know why ♪

(horn honking)

(workers chattering)

♪ Because I'm saying that it's so true ♪

♪ If you only knew ♪
(keys clacking)

♪ I have been everywhere ♪

♪ Some men never break ♪

- Sorry, sonny, we aren't hiring.

- You sure? I'm a pretty good engineer.

- Do I look like a woman who isn't sure?

- Yeah, well, I used to know
my way around these parts.

- We aren't hiring.

We're laying off.

We're three months from a
going-out-of-business sale.

You got the picture?

- Yeah, I got the picture,

but my name's not Sonny, it's Chris.

- Chris?

Chris?

- Aunt Gladys.
- Oh, welcome home.

(dog growling)

(dog snarling)
- Ow!

Bad dog. No!

(dramatic music)

(water splashing)

- [Mike] Hey, Pete, what
are you doing out here?

- Well, we've got a--
- No.

The question is, what
are you doing out here?

You were supposed to stay in the house.

- What'd you find, Mom?

- Some jerk tossed a barrel
of chemicals off the road.

Judging by its condition,

it's been out here at
least a couple of weeks.

Who knows how much
contamination it's caused?

- The water's contaminated?

- Pete, send this sample down
to the EPA lab in Phoenix.

Let's see what they
come up with, all right?

- Yeah, okay, uh-huh.
- I've gotta tell Joshua!

- Oh, yeah. So that's
where you were going, huh?

I told you, no more weekly
visits to that spider farm,

didn't I?
- Ah.

- All right, you're grounded, mister.

- But, Mom, I've gotta tell
Joshua about this contamination.

- I don't want you hanging
out with that weirdo.

Those spiders are dangerous.

And besides, they give you nightmares,

and your nightmares keep me up all night.

And you know what happens

when I don't get enough sleep, right?

- Bad mood?

- Put your bike in the truck.

- [Samantha] Pete, can you
help him with his bike?

- Yeah, okay, sure.

(exciting music)

(motorcycles revving)

- Hang on, Mike.

(tires screeching)

(siren blaring)

Party's over, gentlemen.

Off your bikes.

- [Bret] Great, this is all I need.

- She's got to be the sexiest
sheriff in the country.

- I know. It's weird.

- Just bought yourself a reckless, Bret.

- (sighs) Oh, come on. Give him a break.

- Get in the truck, Ashley.

- Mom!
- Now.

- Give me your license.
- Come on, Sheriff.

- Come on.

- You have the right to remain silent.

Anything you say can
- Shut up, dork!

- And will be used against
you in the court of law.

You have a right to an attorney.

If you can't afford an attorney,

you will be appointed one...

- Hey, Larry, do we know
anybody down at city hall

that might be able to take care of this?

- Bret, isn't your stepfather the mayor?

- Next time you put my
daughter's life in danger,

I'll show you exactly how
little that means to me.

- We're cool, Sheriff.

- What do you think,
G-string or underwear?

- Definitely thong.
(laughing)

(police truck starts)

- You guys gotta be kidding me.

Are you gonna pay for this?

- No.
- That was sweet.

That was really fucking--
- Hey, sorry, man.

- I heard that!
- Yeah, whatever.

- [Ashley] God, Bret, I can't believe

my mom gave you that ticket.

It was so humiliating--
- Ash?

I really need to use the phone.

- No, you don't. You have no friends.

(Mike sighs)

Yeah, I just can't get any
privacy around here, you know?

(phone line clicks)

Hello?

Hello?

Hello, hello?

Oh, God.

Does anybody know what's
going on with the phone?

(dial tone rings)
(keypad beeping)

(telephone ringing)

- Come on, Joshua, pick up.

(spiders scurrying)
(phone ringing)

(low growl rumbles)

(spider roars)

- [Man] They won't tell us how much.

It don't make no sense!

(crowd clamoring)
- Wait, wait.

This is a town meeting, not the WWF.

- Mayor?

Why can't those of us
that want to sell, sell?

(shouting in agreement)
- Now, Viroanol wants

all of our properties or
none of our properties.

Let's face it.

The town's going broke,

and they're willing to pay us to relocate.

- How do we know that this isn't

just another one of your get-rich schemes,

like, you know, building this
ridiculous mall out here?

- Well, they scrapped plans

to run a freeway through here, otherwise--

- Or that stupid ostrich farm of yours.

(crowd laughs)
- It's good meat,

it's healthy, and, hey,
everybody in this town is having

some kind of financial problem.

- Yeah, right!
Sure, I want to get out

from under this, and the
rest of you should too.

- This is a government cover-up, isn't it?

- Harlan, what in the hell
are you talking about?

- Why are they willing
to pony up so much money?

Just to get to the mines
underneath our properties?

- They just want to put the
empty mines to some use.

It's perfectly safe.
(Harlan scoffs)

The only reason that
we've kept this town going

is the hope that the McCormick mines

could turn their selves around

and put everybody back to work.

(crowd muttering)
It is not happening.

Old Man McCormick, God
rest his soul, he's dead,

as dead as those mines.

- Well, Mr. Mayor,

before he died,

he claimed he'd seen that vein.

- I heard that too!
- Let's be honest, Leon.

The man was hallucinating.

- You know those mines are
filled with methane gas.

Are you going to load
that gun with toxic waste?

- This is for landowners only.

- Well, I am a landowner, Wade.

- Hey, Chris McCormick! (nervously laughs)

I didn't know you were back.
(crowd murmurs)

- My father said he'd
found the Agua Mesa lode,

I believe him.
- So do I!

- Well, he said a lot of
things near the end, Chris.

I'm not selling the mine.

- Yeah, where's that leave us?
(crowd murmuring)

- [Woman] The mines are
under our property too!

- Chris, wait up! Wait up!

You're being foolish, Chris.

- Back off, Wade.

- Your father was delusional.

- You better shut the
hell up about my father,

I'm warning you.

- Since when did you give a damn

about the mines, anyway, huh?

You've been gone for, what, 10 years/

- Wade...
- Hey!

Don't make the rest of the town suffer

just because you feel guilty

you weren't around when your father died.

I'm talking to you.

- Chris!
- Oh my God!

- I warned you!

- [Samantha] What the
hell are you doing, huh?

- That's it. That's it!

Okay, Sam, I'm pressing
charges. I want him arrested.

- Go home, Wade.

Put some ice on your nose.
- Move it along.

Everything's fine, just curve around,

20 feet away from the
scene of a misdemeanor.

Thank you very much.
Go to your car, folks.

- 10 years and you have not changed a bit.

- [Pete] Curve around.

Nothing wrong, go to your car.

- [Samantha] Why don't you lay low

for a couple days, all right?

- Good to see you again, Sam.

Just like old times, huh?

- [Pete] I'm sure everything will be

sorted out in the morning.
- Later.

- So it's nice to see you still like men.

- What the hell are you talking about?

- Oh, nothing.

I just saw you staring at his butt

when you handcuffed him, that's all.

- Who told you that it's okay

to talk to your mother like this?

- He's pretty cute for an
old fogy kinda guy, you know?

- Hmm. He needs a shave.

- Okay, folks, show's over.

Move along.

Night, Sam.

Yeah, nothing to see here, folks.

You don't have to go home,
but you can't stay here. Okay.

(drill whirring)
(grinding)

(cat meowing)
(spider chittering)

- Oh, honey, give it a rest.

It's so late. It's almost midnight.

- (sighs) Okay, but you
told me to finish the job,

now I'm trying to
actually finish the job--

- Let's just give Zekie
his snack and go to sleep.

Where is Zeke?
- Well, he's just...

- Don't tell me he went into
the drywall again. Jeez.

- Well, yeah, I was
meaning to get a grille,

but they don't have the
right size down at the--

You were gonna, you were gonna.

You were gonna finish
remodeling this place

over a month ago.

I don't think you know what you're doing.

(ominous music)

We're going to have to give Zeke cat food,

and he hates cat food.

- [Pete] Oh, God forbid a cat
should have to eat cat food.

That cat is spoiled rotten.

If he was a kid, we'd have to
send him to military school.

- Poor Zekie.
- Let's lie and say it's tuna.

- Okay. I don't think you'll
trick him, he's smart.

- Zekie-doodle.
(cat meows)

Look what we've got for you.

We've got tuna.

(cat meows)

Get your furry cat ass out of there.

(cat screeching)
Whoa!

(clattering in wall)
(snarling)

(Emma gasping)
(slamming wall)

(both scream)
Zekie!

Zeke!

(cat whimpering)
(clattering)

Zekie, Zeke, Zeke.

(spider growling)
(clattering)

Zeke.

(slams wall)
(growling)

Oh, my God.

(electricity zapping)

(Cat groans)
(thuds)

Oh, my God.

- [Gladys] She's divorced now, you know.

- I really don't want to talk
about Sam Parker right now.

- Well, a man in a flea
circus don't want to itch,

but he still does.

- Something on your mind, Gladys?

- I know why you left town 10 years ago.

- I left town for a lot of reasons.

- You wanted to avoid telling Sam Parker

why you beat the crap out of her husband.

- That was a long time ago.

I'm a changed man now.
- Okay, prove it.

March your butt down
right now to Sam Parker's

and tell her everything.

Tell her why you broke her husband's nose,

and why you left town without
so much as a fare-thee-well.

And tell her once and for all
how you really feel about her.

Lose the face fuzz before you do.

Makes your mouth look
like a stripper's crotch.

(kettle whistling)

- That's disgusting.

(mischievous music)

(telephone rings)

- Hello?
- Hey, Sam.

- Hey, Pete. What's up?
- Can you talk?

- Yeah, I can talk.

What's the matter?

- Something ate Zeke.
- What?

- He got in the drywall.
- Something ate your cat?

Oh, my God.

What do you think it was?

(dramatic music)

Aw!

Unbelievable!

- How's Emma taking it?

- Well, she left me.

She's gone to stay with her mother.

- Pete, I'm so sorry.

Are you okay?
- (sniffling) I'm fine.

- [Samantha] You sound like you're crying.

- Oh, no, no.
- Pete...

- I just, you know, I have
an intolerance to dairy,

and I'm just a little
bit mucousy right now.

(sniffles) That's it.

(gentle music)

- Sam, I need to tell you something...

(doorbell rings)

- It's Bret. I'm gonna get it.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Wait, wait! Hey, hang on a second.

Come here.

I'm worried about a lot of things

that you've been doing lately, Ash.

(Ashley sighs)
This whole bad-girl thing

you're going through
could get you in trouble.

- Mom.
- All right.

I have something that I want
you to keep with you, okay?

- [Ashley] Mom, I really don't
want to do this right now.

(doorbell rings)
- Just a sec!

- I'm a man, you're a woman...

No. What am I doing?

- Here, take this.
- What is that?

Is that a stun gun?

- Protection.
- What, are you kidding me?

- I knew guys just like Bret

when I was your age.
- Mom, I'm not you, okay?

I'm not going to get pregnant at 16.

I'm not going to stay here
for the rest of my life

and be like a trailer-trash
sheriff, all right?

- Thanks for the flashback.

I didn't deserve that.

- (sighs) Look, I'm sorry, okay?

I'm really sorry.

Can I have the stun gun, please?

- Be careful with it, all right?

- Okay. Thank you.

- Get outta here.
- Ew.

(doorbell rings)
(Samantha chuckles)

Hey!

Oh, it's you.

- Yeah. I was wondering
if your mom was home?

- Mom, it's for you!

- Good morning, Chris.
- Morning, Sam.

I just wanted to come by
and apologize for yesterday.

- No. I can handle Wade.

Really, don't worry about it.
- Great.

And you know, since I'm back in town

for a little while and all,

I thought maybe I could...

Sam, before I left...

- Is there something you want to tell me?

- (sighs) Do you think
we could meet somewhere?

Hook up? Not hook up. (laughs)

I mean, meet somewhere,

and, you know, catch up on things?

- Sure, Chris. Yeah, we could do that.

- Great. All right, I'll be in touch.

- Okay-.

Um, who are the flowers for?

- Ah! (nervously laughs)

Well, they're for you, actually.

Ahem. I picked 'em myself.

- (chuckles) Nice.
- Nice.

All right, bye.

"Picked 'em myself." Come on.

(dramatic music)

(Mike panting)

(mysterious music)
(door creaking)

-Joshua?

There is no sign of Joshua,

his parrot, or any of the arachnids,

just these huge, intricate
webs they've left behind.

I've discovered several arachnid
tracks outside Joshua's.

From my initial estimate,
the spiders have doubled.

No, more like they're five
times their original size.

(mysterious music)

(thumping echoes)

(dramatic music)
(spider hissing)

- I found this map in my dad's study.

Leon, is this the section he
was working on when he died?

- Yep.
- I thought so.

All right then.

I want to concentrate all our
energy in these tunnels here.

- Those mines have the highest
concentration of methane gas.

- Yeah, well, I'm not gonna make

the same mistake my dad did.

I want all men to wear
their masks at all times.

If you start feeling disoriented,

then get to one of these higher chambers

as soon as possible.

- Well, it's nice to know

you didn't forget everything
we taught you. (laughs)

(vehicle approaching)

- Hey, can you give me a
ride into town, mister?

- Sure. Hop in, kid.
- Great. Thanks.

- What's that?

- I think it's an exoskeleton

of a male orb Weaver's pedipalps.

- Okay-.

- It's a spider's leg.

- Well, that seems awful
big to be a spider leg.

- Yeah, that's the problem.

But, (sighs) nobody's gonna believe me.

- Believe what?

- Do you really wanna know?
- Try me.

- Okay. The situation is this.

My friend Joshua sells exotic spiders.

They've been growing bigger and bigger

over the last couple of weeks,

and now they've grown so big

that they've broken out of their cages

and headed down to the mine shafts.

Joshua is nowhere to be found

and I think they might've killed him.

But, you're not gonna
believe me because I'm a kid,

and they never believe the kid.

- Let me see it.

You know, it does kind of look
like an old piece of cactus.

- See?
(Chris chuckles)

(jackhammer rumbling)

(Leon groans)

(shutoff squeaking)
(ominous music)

(hose crackling)

(Leon gulps)
(swallows)

(stifling breath)

(Leon moaning)

(Leon gagging)
(spiders chittering)

(low growl rumbling)

(Leon groans)

(monster on TV screeching)
(glass shattering)

- So, where were you?
(Mike gasps)

- I went to Joshua's.

- What did I tell you
about going over there?

- Mom, his spiders have become gigantic!

The whole town could be in danger.

They could destroy everything.

People could get killed.

Just hear me out.
(TV monster growling)

- I swear to God, it's the television.

This is exactly your problem right here!

I don't want to hear any more

of your media-induced,
paranoid, delusional nightmares.

- [Mike] But, Mom, listen to me.

- You can add a week to how
long you're grounded too.

- (sighs) Please?
- And no TV!

(Mike sighs)

(crickets chirping)
(turkeys chittering)

- I know. I thought it was a slam-dunk.

Who knew Chris McCormick
would suddenly get gold fever?

I'm trying my best here.

Do you have any idea what the
people of this town would do

if they knew we were storing toxic waste

without their consent?

- Wade, I'm going out now.

- Now, look, I let you guys run tests,

putting that stuff in the mines

that run under my own property.

- [Bret] I'll be back late,
maybe not till morning.

- You owe me on this.

- Going off to get
wasted, have a wild orgy,

and I might steal a car.

You want one?
- Bret, I'm on the phone.

Go have some fun. I'll see you later.

Either we stand together on this

or we fall together.
- Thanks for caring, Wade.

(brooding music)

(engine starts)

(turkeys chittering)

(turkey squawks)

- I'll do what I can.

(turkeys chittering)
(squawking)

What the...

(suspenseful music)

(turkeys chittering)
(squawking)

(ground crackling)

Good Lord.

(suspenseful music)

(spider growls)

(turkey squawks)
(fluttering)

(prey squawks)

(Wade breathing heavily)

- I've been warning you
about this for years,

but you wouldn't listen to me.

And now it's starting to emerge as a trend

in our sleepy little town.
(radio frequencies shifting)

Checking on the police wire

that Bob Stuck's dog
Skippy's been missing,

and that's the fourth missing-pet call

we've had this morning.
(takes deep breath)

Oh, it's strange, it's strange.

And people are saying,

"Well, you know, it's
coyotes and it's wolves,"

but we know the truth.

We all know about those
cows in New England

and the probe, the anal probe. (chuckles)

Yeah, let's talk about the probe.

Let's talk about the anal probe.

I mean, what is that?

I mean, what are they looking for?

I mean, that's just wrong!

I mean, Skippy didn't
do anything to anybody.

I mean, he doesn't deserve that.

I mean, what are you going
to find in a dog's...

You know what I'm saying.
I mean, it's just wrong.

You're all ostriches with
your heads stuck in the dirt,

which just leaves your ass
sticking up in the air.

You're inviting the aliens in, people.

They have no choice but
to probe you in the butt!

(inaudible) on that!

- Aunt Gladys, how can
you listen to this wacko?

- I think he's very informative.

- Do Floyd and Leroy still
have that barber shop?

- Good idea. People are beginning to talk.

- Ah, you can't light those matches, huh?

Maybe it's a sign to quit.

- If the aliens come down and
they try to anal probe me,

I'm telling you, I'm not taking that.

That's...

If you want a piece of me,
just don't take that piece.

- [Chris] So how much
is a shave these days?

- Four bucks.
- Four bucks?

That's a good deal.

- Got to give a good deal.

Can't charge around here
what a barber can charge

in other places, where they've got money.

- And jobs.

- Of course, some people don't know

a good deal when they see one.

- You know, maybe I don't need a shave.

- Hold still.

I wouldn't wanna cut you, hmm?

(motorcycles rumbling)

- [Ashley] Bret, slow down.

- Well, I thought you loved me?

- I do, I do.

But, I just...
- But what?

- I just...

I just don't want to lose my virginity

in the front seat of a truck.

- Well, why didn't you say so?

I got a blanket in the back.

- Bret, no.

No, that's not it.

I just don't think I'm ready.

- Tammy and Larry do it every night.

- So fine, call them, okay?

Have a menage a trots if you want.

- Oh, that dirty talk just drives me nuts.

- Oh, Bret, no.

Bret, please.

Bret, look, I'm warning you, okay?

- Well, I can't help it.

You just bring out the beast in me.

- Bret, back off!

(taser zapping)
(Bret groaning)

- Ow, my balls! (groaning)

God, my balls.

(car door slams)

(urine trickling)
(Ashley chuckles)

Damn it, I pissed my pants!

Don't you think you're
overreacting a little bit?

I was just copping a feel!
- Overreacting?

God, you know, I can't believe
my mom was right about you.

Do you have any idea how
embarrassing that is?

(engine starts)
- Ash!

Ash, wait! I'm sorry! (moans)

(dramatic music)

(spiders chittering)
(growling)

(Bret screaming)

- Check out Bret.
- Yeah.

- Go! Go, they're coming!

They're coming! Go!

Get on your bikes! Get on your bikes!

They're coming! (panting)

- Dude, did you piss your pants?

- we've gotta go!

We've got to get out of
here. They're coming!

- Looks like the only
thing going is you, dude.

(both laughing)

(spider hissing)
(screaming)

(spiders chittering)
(growling)

(all screaming)

(motorcycles buzzing)

(spiders screeching)
(exciting music)

(biker screaming)

- [Biker] They're getting closer! Move it!

(spiders screeching)
(screaming)

- We have ostriches, cats,
and dogs disappearing

all over town.
- Sir, last time I checked,

cats and dogs are not fish,

and ostriches are
farmed, they're not game.

This department--
- (sighs) There has to be

somebody at Fish and Game who
can be of some assistance.

(exciting music)

(spiders screeching)

(boy screaming)

(spider screeching)

(revs bike)

- Hey, watch it!

(spider screeches)
(banging)

(trucker screams)
(wheels skidding)

(spider screeching)
(splattering)

(electricity zapping)

(explosions boom)

(spiders chittering)

(explosion booming)
(screeching)

- Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

(electricity zapping)

(explosion booms)
(spiders screeching)

(spider grunts)

- Yes!

(tense music)

(spiders screeching)

What the hell are these things?

(spiders screeching)

- Here we go again.

The phone lines are down. (chuckles)

I know they're going to tell you

that it's a technical error.

But you know what it is,
they're shutting us down.

(scoffs) That's right.

I know what you're saying to yourself.

You're saying, "Oh, he's paranoid,

he's paranoid, he's
crazy," but you know...

And then there's an old saying, you know,

"Just because I'm paranoid

doesn't mean people aren't following me."

And all of a sudden there's
a communication "blackout."

- Probably at the bottom
of the bag, Bruiser.

It's where they always put the food.

(footsteps pattering)

(dog panting)

Here it is.

Here we go, Bruisie.

Bruisie?

(ominous music)

(dog barking)

(spider roars)
(dos vehflns)

Bruiser?

- Aunt Gladys?

- Bruiser?

Oh, my God.

Oh, God.

Oh, Lord.

Are you in there?

Oh.

Oh, my God.

(gasps) Oh...

Oh, my God!

Oh! I'm coming, baby!

I'm coming!

- Aunt Gladys, I lost the face fuzz.

- Bruiser?

(spider growling)

(Gladys screaming)

- Aunt Gladys?

(suspenseful music)

(shouts muffling)

Aunt Gladys?

Aunt Gladys?

This ain't no cactus.

(Chris gasping)
(breathing heavily)

(dramatic music)

Mike!

Mike!

Mike! Sam!

(banging on door)

Can I talk to Mike?

- Why? What's going on?
- I can't explain now.

Mike, look what I found in my basement.

- Whoa, that thing is huge!

Give me a second!

Hold this.

- What's going on?

- So check this out.

After taking careful measurements

of the exoskeleton I found at Joshua's,

my program calculated that the spider was

roughly the size shown here.
- What spider?

- But the hole in the basement
was much bigger than that.

- What hole?

- Okay, now let's input the measurements

from your exoskeleton
and see what happens.

- That's more like it, unfortunately.

- What the hell is this?

- It's my media-induced,
paranoid, delusional nightmare.

(Ashley humming)

(Ashley sighs)

- Oh, God.

- So you're trying to tell me

that a giant spider ate Gladys?

- Maybe not.

Was there webbing around?
- Yeah, lots of it.

- She might have been
attacked by a male orb weaver.

- Male, female, what's the difference?

- Males compete for the female's attention

by bringing her the best present.

The prey is cocooned alive

so that she can feed on
it later in her nest.

You know how all women
like breakfast in bed.

- So Gladys might still be alive?

(ominous music)
(growling)

(window creaking)

(Ashley gasps)

(Ashley screams)

- That's Ashley! Come on!
- Ashley?

(Ashley screaming)
(dramatic music)

Ashley...

- Mom!

- What?

Look out!

- Keys, keys, keys, keys!

(spider growling)
- Mike, get outta here!

(Ashley screaming)

Scissors! Throw me the scissors!

- Scissors?

Scissors! Here you go!

(Chris groans)

(Ashley screaming)
(glass shattering)

(spider chittering)
(hissing)

- Hey, spidey!

(spider screeches)

(shotgun blasts)
(guts squelching)

(breathing heavily)

- Thank you.

- [Samantha] Pete. Come in, Pete!

- All right. Hold on to your shirt.

Sam, is that you, Sam?
(Samantha sighs)

Look, I don't know what's going on,

but all the phones are down.
- I know.

I want you to take every weapon we have

and get over to my house.

- Guns? Why would we be needing--

- Just do it!
- Okay.

All right. Okay.

(breathing heavily)

(muffling screams)

(spider hissing)

(sac squelching)
(man screaming)

Winchester, we got six,

Mossberg pump, and the
Lee Harvey Oswald rifle.

Why we have that, I do not know.

- [Man On TV] Why don't you stomp

them old ass-heels out flat

and give yourself some room to grow

before you start making brags around us.

- Brags, is it?
(woman screams)

(men grunting)
(dramatic music)

(spiders scampering)

- I'm closing up.

- Oh, my Lord, always
complaining about something.

- Can you turn that thing down?

You're already deaf from it.

I said turn that thing down!

(low growl rumbling)
- What did you say?

(dramatic music)

Ooh!

(spider screeching)

- (screaming) No! No!

(spiders chittering)
(muffling screams)

- Bob?

- [Pete] First Emma leaves,

now Sam's got me doing spring cleaning.

It can't get any worse than this.

(spider growling)
(ominous music)

(engine starts)

(siren blaring)

(spider hissing)

- So what happened with
you and Brian, anyway?

- (chuckles) He wasn't
exactly the faithful type.

- Sam, I've been trying to
tell you this for a long time.

- You can handle one of these, right?

(siren approaching)
(horn honking)

Ashley, Mike, you guys ready?

- [Mike] Just a minute, Mom!

- [Ashley] How many
spiders did Joshua have?

- I don't know, 100, maybe 200?

- 200? Are you kidding me?

- Hurry up, you guys. It's time to go.

- Mom, nearly all Joshua's
spiders are nocturnal hunters.

They're coming out of the
mines right now to feed.

We have to warn everybody.

- All the phone lines are down, Mike.

- [Harlan On Radio] To spread the word,

to open up your eyes,

to get you to look into the dark places

that our government-controlled
media doesn't want

you to look.
- We can broadcast a warning.

Okay, who is gonna believe that lunatic?

(horn honking)
(ominous music)

(footsteps scampering)

What was that?

(roof thumping)
- What the...

What the hell is going on?

- [Samantha] It's Pete. He's waiting.

Come on. Let's go.

- [Mike] See you, Ash!

- I don't think that was Pete.

(thumping on hood)
(spider growling)

(spider screeching)

- Oh, my God.

(spider screeching)

(spider tumbles)

— Holy moly!

- Everybody get in the car now!

Ashley, go!

(pumps shotgun)

- Come on, come on!

Look out, Sam!
- Mom!

(gunshot blasts)
(spider screeching)

- Come on.

- [Ashley] What are you waiting for? Go!

- Habronattus Orbus.

- Let's go!
- The jumper.

(tires squeal)
(tense music)

(spiders screeching)
(growling)

- You guys stay in the car.

Pete, honk if there are any problems.

- You got it, Sam.

- Mom?
- Stay in the car.

- Morn!
- Guys! Stay.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, what are you doing?

- Harlan, I need to make
an emergency broadcast.

- You can't just come in and oppress me!

- I have no time to explain, okay?

Just show me how this thing works.

- [Chris] Consider this
a government conspiracy

to take over your station.

- Here.

- Friends, our local authorities have

a emergency message for our
charming little community.

- This is Sheriff Sam Parker

and I have a very important
announcement to make.

- Pete, turn on the radio.

- This is not a prank

or one of Harlan's crazy stunts.

We have a crisis situation on our hands.

The town is being
overrun by giant spiders.

Now, believe me, I know how this sounds,

but you must trust me on this.

I want everyone to arm
themselves immediately.

I repeat, giant spiders
are all over the town.

- Did she just say giant spiders?

- (scoffs) It's just Harlan's show.

- Giant spiders?

What the hell kind of bullshit is that?

- Space aliens you believe,

this you have a hard time with?

- Why didn't someone say something?

Look at me. God!

(thumping on car)

(dramatic music)

I've gotta warn Sam.
- No, no, no, no, no!

No. Shh!

Noise will just attract it.

- What are we supposed to do?

- Give me the walkie-talkie! Shh!

(spider growling)
Right here.

Mom, are you there? (panting)

- Yeah, yeah, Mike.
Mike, is everything okay?

- Mom, don't make any movements or noises.

There's a giant tarantula headed your way.

- Copy that.

(spider growling)

- Oh, my God!

(muffling screams)

- You're just food to that thing.

- Attention, people.

Everyone meet at the Prosperity Mall.

(spider growling)

I repeat, (screaming)

The Prosperity Mall.

- Why the mall?

- Concrete walls, steel doors.

(both screaming)
(tense music)

(gunshots firing)
(spider growling)

(all screaming)
- Did you see that thing?

(screaming on radio)

(pistol clicking)

(spider screeching)
(screaming)

(spider growling)

- [Samantha] Come on!

- I had four more payments on this shit.

(spider growling)

- Come on, hurry!

It's coming this way!

Go! Go!

(tires squealing)
(screaming)

(spider chittering)

(tires squealing)

(all screaming)

(cars crashing)
(spider screeching)

(people shouting)
(spiders chittering)

(tires squealing)
(tense music)

(woman gasps)

(Spider squeaking)

(people screaming)
(glass shattering)

(spider growling)

(spider gags)

(victims screaming)

(man gasps)
(low growl rumbling)

(heroic music)

(tense music)

- Come on.
(engine starts)

(spider growls)
(woman screams)

(tires squealing)

(quiet elevator music plays)
- Mm.

- [Man] Can I get a refill, Carol?

- Help yourself, sweetie.
- Thanks.

- That was an excellent ostrich burger.

- Well, thank you.

Here...
- Kind of slow today, huh?

- (laughs) It's always slow here, Wade.

- No, no, no, no, I'm telling you,

there's no way you're telling me

that thing back there is from Earth!

- All right, they're spiders from Mars!

You happy?

- No.

(tense music)
(spiders chittering)

(horns honking)
(tires squealing)

(victims screaming)

It's the invasion! It's the invasion!

Sam, I'm telling you, it's the invasion!

I told you! I told you!

- Everyone, just get to the
mall, as quick as you can.

(tires squealing)
(spiders screeching)

(spiders chittering)

Everybody get to the Prosperity
Mall as soon as possible!

(spiders screeching)

- Arac-attack.

(squealing tires nearing)
(horn honking)

(hopeful festive music)

(tires squealing)

(horns honking)

- Run!
- Come on! Run!

(people shouting)

- If you build it, they
will come. (chuckles)

(tense music)
(tires squealing)

- Chris, get everyone inside
and get the gate down!

Kids, go with him.
- All right, Mom.

- Oswald's gun! This is the
weirdest day of my life.

- What is going on?

- Look behind you.

(spiders screeching)

(tires squealing)
(people screaming)

(guns firing)
(screaming)

- Norman, how do you get this gate down?

- Key.
- Do you have it?

- Yeah.
- Come on!

Hurry up!
- Okay.

That's the back gate.

That's the ladies lavatory.
- Come on! Come on!

- You're making me nervous!

- I'll make you nervous. Give me that!

Oh, could it be this one
with "Front Gate" on it?

- [Norman] Yeah, Front
Gate. That'll do it.

- Come on!

(spider screeching)

- [Samantha] Everybody get inside! Hurry!

(dramatic music)
(spiders chittering)

- Mom, hurry up! Come on!

- Mom, hurry! Hurry!

(spider screeching)

- Mom, come on! Hurry up!

Mom, are you okay?

(slamming door)

- What exactly is that?

- A spider, man.

- Hey! Hey, Chris, how's the
lockdown holding over there?

This one's holding pretty good.

- They're holding, but
we don't have much time.

Okay.

All the doors are locked and secured.

- No breaches at the front.

I haven't heard a sound in a couple hours.

I think the doors are gonna hold.

You know, someone oughta
get back there and...

- Go.
- Okay, I'll go.

- Sam, I think we have a right to know

what the hell is going on here.

- Those things killed Leroy.

And Bob Miller, my best customer,

was hanging from my ceiling.

- And what am I doing
on the radio all day?

And I've been telling y'all

about the alien invasion for months.

I mean, am I talking to myself?

I'm here for you.
- I listen to you every day.

I know what you talk about.

You saying those things
out there are aliens?

(crowd arguing)

- Mom, they have to be quiet.

- Those weren't aliens.

Those were big-ass
spiders, really big ones!

- Shh! Shut up.

Let's listen to the kid, for once.

Go on, Mike.

- All right.

First of all, the spiders
are attracted to vibrations.

That includes loud noises,
movement, and talking,

so everybody just needs to stay

as calm and quiet as possible.

- Sam, why didn't you call
in the Army, for Christ sake?

- Where have you been, Wade?

The phones are dead.

- Doesn't anyone have a
cell phone around here?

- You can use mine, as
long as you're willing

to climb a mountain to get a signal.

- Why don't you just use the antenna

up on the top of the mall?

I mean, that's how I get my broadcast

out over the mountains.

Just have somebody climb
up and get a signal out.

- Oh, that's a great idea, Harlan.

Be a hero.

- [Samantha] I'll do it.

- No, Sam, let me.

- I've got your back.

- Great.
- I've been fighting

these aliens my whole life.

About time I busted up a few of them,

(pump clicks) face to face.

- [Man] They're not
aliens, they're spiders!

- All right, those of you
who don't have weapons

need to arm yourselves with
anything that you can dig up,

and then we'll all meet
right back here, okay?

- Go to the hardware store,
see what you can find.

Meet me here.

- Norman, show me the way to the roof.

- I'm sorry. Show you where?
- The roof, Norman!

- The roof! The roof.

(suspenseful music)

- How is it looking?
- All right, roof's clear.

- Be careful, Chris.

- (pumps shotgun) Thanks, Sam.

Listen, I've been trying
to say something to you,

so I'm just gonna come out and say it.

- Okay. Here, take these.

You're gonna need 'em.
- Perfume?

- Well, spiders, they have

a highly developed sense of smell.

The perfume could confuse 'em.

- Oh, great, you know, if we
die, we die smelling nice.

- [Samantha] Nobody's dying, okay?

(spiders chittering)
(suspenseful music)

(spider growling)

- That's the one who busted up my trailer!

- Shh!
- I bet you he's their leader.

(spiders screeching)
(growling)

- Listen!
(door crashing)

(glass shattering)

(spider growling)

- Come on.

- You have the phone?

- I thought you had the phone.

- You said you had it.

- Oh yeah, I've got it. Sorry.

I got confused.

(suspenseful music)

(spiders chittering)

Damn it!

(spiders screeching)

(shotgun firing)

(Harlan screams)

I got a signal.
- That's great!

Now how about dialing?

- [Operator] 911 emergency.

- Yeah, I'm calling from
Prosperity, Arizona.

My name is Chris McCormick.

I know how this is going to sound,

but you have to believe me.

I swear it's the truth.

Our town is being
attacked by giant spiders.

We need military intervention.
(spider chittering)

- [Operator] This is for
emergency services, sir,

not dial-a-joke.
- No.

This is not a crank call.
- I'm hanging up on you.

- Don't hang upon me, lady. Please!

Please! It's an invasion!

They're here!

- You're damn right!

That's what I've been telling you!

(door crashing)

- I don't knowhow much longer

those gates are gonna hold, Mom.

- I have to find Wade.

Has anyone seen Wade?

- He went through that door back there.

- Through that door
between the Sewing Center

and the Cinemaplex?
- Yeah.

- He's trying to go into the mines

through the storage room downstairs.

- Ashley, I want you to
take everyone who's hurt

and all the kids, and get
down to that storage room.

Norman, show 'em.

Now, now, now, now. Go!

(door crashing)

Here we go.

(breathing heavily)

Get ready. (pumps shotgun)

Get ready!

- Oh, yeah!
- Right.

(chainsaw buzzing)

(door crashing)

(spider screeching)

(chainsaw motor idling)

(dramatic music)
(spiders chittering)

- Shoot!
(guns firing)

- [Pete] Kill 'em!

(spiders screeching)

- Everybody get to the
basement now! Hurry!

(people screaming)
(spiders screeching)

(guts splattering)

(chainsaw buzzing)

(liquid flowing)
(screaming)

(Pete grunting)
(spiders screeching)

(spider growling)

Pete, come on!

- Go, Sam! Get downstairs!

I'll find another way out!

(breathing heavily)

- Guys! go'

(door crashes)
(Samantha yelps)

(gun firing)

(chainsaw buzzing)

(spiders chittering)

(Pete screams)

- Come on!

- It's locked!
- What?

- He must've locked it
from the other side.

(Ashley sighs)
We're trapped.

(spiders screeching)
(chittering)

(tense music)

(Pete Grunts)
(gasps)

(Pete screaming)
(groaning)

(chainsaw buzzing)
(Pete roaring)

(juices splattering)

(Pete screams)
(startling music)

- Get back, you eight-legged freaks!

- [Harlan] Oh, my God, there's so many.

- Harlan, get up here!

- I'm afraid of heights.
- Heights?

Aren't you afraid of spiders?

Come on, Harlan!

- I'll try to lead them away.
- You'll what?

- Defend the human race.

(Harlan screams)

- What, are you insane?
- Go! (shouting)

(spiders chittering)

You'll never get that anal
probe near me! (sneers)

- Harlan, no!

(Harlan screaming)

(Harlan grunts)
(groans)

- Harlan, Harlan...

(spiders screeching)
(Harlan screaming)

Hey, you know what?

Let's just go back inside.
- Okay. All right.

It's locked.

That's okay. Plan B?

- All right, I tell you what.

We're just gonna run away.
- Yeah?

- Yeah.
- Okay.

(suspenseful music)
(Chris grunting)

(spiders chittering)

(triumphing music)

(Chris grunting)
(groaning)

(breathing heavily)

(slams head)
(exclaims)

- Jeez. God. (grunting)

(knocking on grille)

(Bret sighs)

- Bret?

- Wade?

- What are you doing here?

- I can't find my way outta here.

You're not going to believe me, (panting)

But I've been getting chased
by giant spiders all day.

- Down here?

- Yeah, a second ago,
they were right behind me,

but, (exhales sharply) I think I lost 'em.

(spiders screeching)
(suspenseful music)

- No, you didn't.

- Go, go, go, go, go, go, go!

Go, go, go, go, go, go!

(spider growling)
(screaming)

- Bret! Bret! (screaming)

(spiders screeching)
(scampering)

(Bret screaming)

(breathing heavily)

- Sam!
- Chris, where are you?

- Sam, I'm up here!

- What the hell are you doing up there?

- Ah, just chilling. Get me outta here!

- All right. Back up.

All right, wait. You push and I'll pull.

(Chris yells)

(quiet elevator music playing)

(low growl rumbling)

(spider screeches)

- Oh! (screams)

(tense music)

- Ash?

Ashley?

- Mom? (panting)

Look, Wade locked the
door from the other side.

(banging on doors)

- [Mike] They're all around us.

- Everybody hide. Just take cover!

(door crashing)

- [Ashley] Bret?

- [Mike] Behind you!
(guns firing)

(spiders screeching)
(screaming)

(bodies gurgling)

- Bret?
- Ashley.

(banging on door)

- [Mike] Mom, we better hurry!

- All right, everybody,
let's move! Come on!

- Let's go!
- Into the mines.

Come on, hurry.

- There's gotta be
flashlights or something.

- Keep moving. Keep moving.
- Grab one of these.

- Oh, cool, a miner's helmet.

I always wanted to try one.

(banging on door)

- Chris, do you think you can you lead

these people outta here?
- You bet.

Come on, everybody, let's go!

(tense music)

(banging on door)

(engine rumbling)

- This should hold him.

I hope.

- Chris, how the heck
do we get outta of here?

- We have to follow these
power lines to a generator.

The generators are always
near an exit. Hurry!

- Come on, everybody.

Not that way, this way! Hurry!

- This way.
- Follow the kid.

- [Mike] Hurry up!

- Oh, Bert, you went back therefor that?

God, lose that thing.

It's gonna slow us down.

- You wouldn't believe how many times

this puppy saved my ass today.
(Ashley scoffs)

- Ah! (coughing)

- What's that smell?

- Wasn't me.

- Methane gas, a lot of it.

Listen up.

The slightest spark or an open flame

can blow us all to hell,

so be careful.

Let's go.

- They lead you to a generator.

Follow the cables.

Right to a generator.

You guys, it's this way!

Follow the cables.

The cables lead to a generator.

Follow the cables.

(eerie music)

Ugh.

Ugh. Ah.

(low growl rumbling)

(spider hisses)
(Norman screaming)

- Norman!
- No! No!

- [Mike] Somebody save him!

- No, no, no. No gunfire.

No gunfire. We'll set off the gas.

(tense music)

(spider hisses)
- Catch.

(Spider squeals)
(gurgling)

(breathing heavily)
(kicks spider)

- All right, come on, everybody.

Hurry, into the tunnel!

Follow the cables.
- Let's go.

(all gasping)

- [Samantha] People, hold on.

What the hell is this?

- What's going on?
- I don't know.

- That spider back there,
was that the female?

- No. That was just another male.

The female is three times as big.

- So she's probably still close by, right?

- Yeah, yeah, I'd say so.

- Mike, go back with your sister.

- Mom?
- Go back with your sister!

- Hmm.
- Go!

- What are you doing here?

- Mom sent me back.
- Why?

- You don't wanna know.

(ominous music)

- We have to do it.

It's the only way out.
- Okay.

Oh, my God.
- What the hell?

(all screaming)

What is it?

I think it's alive.

(man moaning)

- (screams) Shh!
- Don't, don't...

(inhales deeply)
- It's Wade.

It's Wade!

- Bret, just go, okay?

Just go.
- Wade?

- Let's get him down.
(grunting)

(Wade groaning)
Oops.

- Wade?

- I don't feel so hot.

- All right, all right, hold on a second.

(spiders chittering)
(growling)

- Wow, look at the size of that.

What the hell is this place, Mike?

- It looks like an orb weaver den.

- Okay, Chris, get us outta here fast.

- Sam, I can't.
- Why not?

- No, now, listen.

Is there a chance Gladys is still alive?

- Well, it's possible.

- Are you crazy?

- Sam, you're gonna have
to get out without me.

Keep following those wires.

There's a wooden shed on the
outside with a generator.

Get it started as soon as possible.

- What are you up to?
- I've got an idea.

(light bulb pops)
(shatters)

- I get it.

All right, everybody, come on.

Follow the cables.

Let's go. This way.

Come on, Mark.
- All right, Sam.

Bret, I gonna need your bike.

- My bike?
- Bret, just do it.

- All right, kids, come on.

- Sam, Sam!

Just leave it there.

I've been trying to tell
you this for a long time.

- Now?
- Yes, now.

I may not get another chance.

I should have said this a long time ago.

- Sam--
- I know.

You beat up my ex

because you found out
he was cheating on me,

and you couldn't tell me,

because you didn't want
to break up my family,

and you love me, you've always love me,

and if we may have said something sooner,

maybe our lives would be different.

- Exactly.
- Your father told me.

- My dad told you?
- Yes.

Now get moving, so you can
make it up to me later.

Go on.

- That was easy.

(suspenseful music)

Gladys?

Gladys?

Gladys?

(startling music)

- This way. Follow me.

Come on!
- Move it!

(tense music)

(breathing heavily)

(Gladys coughing)

- Gladys!

Breathe!

(Gladys gasping)
(coughing)

You're alive.

- Oh, hey, you look like an angel,

all that gold, ooh!

- Gold?
- Right behind you.

- The Agua Mesa lode, he found it!

(spiders screeching)
(chittering)

- [Man] Go!

- We need to find the generator.

- All right. Mark, get
everybody away from the mines.

- Okay, Sam.

Come on, folks, hurry up.

Get away from the mines. Get out there.

- [Mike] Hey, Mom, what about that one?

Come on.

- Come on!

(Gladys coughing)

- I knew he wasn't crazy.

What are you doing?

No, no, no, no. No smoking.

Come on. We've gotta get--
(spider roaring)

(Gladys gasping)

Stand back, Gladys.
- Shoot it!

Shoot it!

- I'll set off the gas. I can't!

(spider roaring)
Get back.

(spider groaning)
(grumbling)

Mike, you saved us.

- I need this more than you.

(motor rumbling)
(Gladys moaning)

(spider growling)
(Gladys screaming)

- Damn it. Why isn't it working?

- It needs fuel. See?

- All right, everybody, find gas tanks,

anything you can find.

We need gasoline.

- (moaning) Hurry! Hurry!

Oh, God. What are you doing?

- It'll set off the gas.

' [Gladys] Hurry!

(spider growling)

(Gladys screaming)

- All the gas cans are empty.

- Well, keep looking!

We just need a little
for one electrical surge.

- [Mike] Keep looking, everybody!

Don't give up!

- Here. Will this work?

- Ashley, you're a genius.

(spiders chittering)
(scampering)

(Gladys screaming)

Switch. Turn this on.

(electricity zapping)

- Mom! Mom, it worked!

(electricity buzzing)
(Gladys screaming)

(circuit sizzles)
(flames whooshing)

(spiders screeching)

(spider screeching)

- Adios, Consuela!

- Ah! Fireball!

- Oh...

(heroic music)

(Gladys groaning)

- My God.
- Aunt Gladys!

Are you okay?

(spiders screeching)
(flames whooshing)

(explosions booming)

Not my mall, not my mall.

Oh, not the mall. Please, not the mall.

(triumphant music)
(explosion booming)

Oh, I hope to God the
insurance pays for this.

(all laughing)

(sirens blaring)

- [Officer] Let's go! Let's go!

- I thought you said
911 didn't believe you?

- They didn't.

They listen to my broadcast.

- We never miss a show.

We just drove down from Tucson.

It sounded like you guys needed some help.

- Where are the aliens?

- How many times do I have
to keep telling you guys?

They're not aliens, okay?

They're just spiders who
grew to enormous size

because they ingested toxic waste.

- Oh, that's a more
believable explanation.

- Well, hey, I'm the one

that had to drag that
barrel out of the water.

I got completely covered in the stuff.

- And your point is?
- Point?

Well, see this?

All brand-new, brand-new growth.

Check it out, people, brand-new.

(Mike laughs)
- Ma'am, are you all right?

- Do you smoke?
- No.

- Good.

Dangerous habit, disgusting,
causes explosions.

Wish I'd never started.

- Are there any more
people down in those mines?

- No. My Aunt Gladys was
the only one I found alive.

- I checked the other
cocoons, but nobody made it.

- Cocoons? (cocks pistol)

Hey, guys, we've got cocoons!

I told you it'd be worth the ride!

- Glad you came back home?

- Yeah. Yeah, I am.

Me too.

- And that, my friends, is the story

of how the aliens attacked
our sleepy little town.

And to this day, people
refuse to believe the truth

about what happened here.

I mean, they would lead you to believe

that I would embellish this story,

that I would make it up,
but we know the truth.

Oh yeah, two things I forgot to tell you.

One, they never did
get that probe near me.

And two, as far as Chris
McCormick reopening the gold mines

and putting everyone back to work,

well, that, my friends, is
another story altogether.

(Harlan laughs maniacally)
(sparkle rings)

(spooky music)

♪ The itsy bitsy spider
crawled up the water spout ♪

♪ Down came the rain, and
washed the spider out ♪

♪ Out came the sun, and
dried up all the rain ♪

♪ And the itsy bitsy spider
went up the spout again a ♪

♪ Itsy bitsy spider
crawled in from the sun ♪

♪ Wrecked into the crib
and bound the baby bun ♪

♪ Baby kept a or yin', so
mama's work was done ♪

♪ And the itsy bitsy spider
crawled back out in the sun ♪

(baby cries)

♪ The itsy bitsy spider
crawled into mama's bed ♪

♪ Crawled up on her hubby
and bit him in the head ♪

♪ Mama lay there sleepin'
while hubby laid there dead ♪

♪ And the itsy bitsy spider
crawled out of mama's bed ♪

♪ Itsy bitsy spider
crawled into mama's shoe ♪

♪ Mama was forlorn and
didn't know what to do ♪

♪ She tried to go for help, but
her blood was turning blue ♪

♪ And the itsy bitsy spider
crawled out of mama's shoe ♪

♪ So The itsy bitsy spider
crawled up the waterspout ♪

♪ Down came the rain and
washed the spider out ♪

♪ Out came the sun and
dried up all the rain ♪

♪ And the itsy bitsy spider
went up the spout again a ♪

(thrilling music)