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1
00:00:02,090 --> 00:00:03,590
( upbeat piano theme playing )
2
00:00:05,590 --> 00:00:07,590
It's hokey.
It's not. It's funny.
3
00:00:07,590 --> 00:00:09,590
It is not.
It is. Uh, okay, wait--
4
00:00:09,590 --> 00:00:12,100
Guys-- Guys, maybe you can, uh,
settle something for us.
5
00:00:12,100 --> 00:00:14,600
Now that Alex and I
are living together,
6
00:00:14,600 --> 00:00:17,100
we wanna change the message
on her answering machine.
7
00:00:17,100 --> 00:00:20,100
Now, Alex wants a standard
8
00:00:20,100 --> 00:00:22,110
"We're not in. Yadda yadda.
Beep." Right? Okay.
9
00:00:22,110 --> 00:00:25,610
I think that I have come up
with something that just has
10
00:00:25,610 --> 00:00:29,110
a little more personality.
11
00:00:29,110 --> 00:00:30,620
BRIAN:
Okay, ready?
12
00:00:30,610 --> 00:00:33,620
I really don't wanna do this.
Just play along.
13
00:00:33,620 --> 00:00:35,120
Okay.
14
00:00:36,120 --> 00:00:39,120
( pirate voice ):
Avast there, mateys.
15
00:00:39,120 --> 00:00:41,130
This is Captain Brian.
16
00:00:41,130 --> 00:00:44,630
And this is Damsel Alex.
17
00:00:44,630 --> 00:00:47,630
We're not aboard
the Jolly Roger right now.
18
00:00:47,630 --> 00:00:51,140
But leave a message or we'll
make you walk the plank.
19
00:00:51,140 --> 00:00:54,140
BOTH:
Arr. Arr. Arr.
20
00:00:54,140 --> 00:00:55,640
What do you think?
21
00:00:55,640 --> 00:00:58,140
It's the most moronic thing
I've ever heard.
22
00:00:59,640 --> 00:01:01,650
Uh, can you guys put that
on my machine?
23
00:01:01,650 --> 00:01:05,150
Correction: That is the most
moronic thing I've ever heard.
24
00:01:05,150 --> 00:01:07,650
( piano theme playing )
25
00:01:16,160 --> 00:01:17,660
Excuse me.
26
00:01:17,660 --> 00:01:20,160
I'm looking for a woman
with silky blond hair,
27
00:01:20,160 --> 00:01:21,170
alabaster skin
28
00:01:21,170 --> 00:01:24,670
and eyes a man can get lost in.
29
00:01:25,170 --> 00:01:27,170
Have you seen her?
30
00:01:27,170 --> 00:01:28,670
I used to be her.
31
00:01:28,670 --> 00:01:30,670
( chuckles )
32
00:01:30,670 --> 00:01:33,180
But I-I-I guess
you want Helen Chapel.
33
00:01:33,180 --> 00:01:35,180
She runs the lunch counter here.
34
00:01:35,180 --> 00:01:36,180
Thank you.
35
00:01:39,180 --> 00:01:40,180
Hi.
Hi.
36
00:01:40,180 --> 00:01:44,190
Here's your French toast
and your eggs.
37
00:01:45,690 --> 00:01:48,190
Hi.
Hi.
38
00:01:48,190 --> 00:01:49,690
Okay, what can I get you?
39
00:01:49,690 --> 00:01:51,700
Nothing.
40
00:01:52,700 --> 00:01:54,700
Okay.
41
00:02:02,210 --> 00:02:03,710
Uh, do I know you?
42
00:02:03,710 --> 00:02:05,210
I'm Mark,
43
00:02:05,210 --> 00:02:08,710
your waiter from the Crab House.
44
00:02:10,710 --> 00:02:13,720
You were there a few months ago.
45
00:02:13,720 --> 00:02:15,720
I served you...
46
00:02:15,720 --> 00:02:18,220
crabs.
47
00:02:22,230 --> 00:02:24,230
Oh, yeah, right.
48
00:02:24,230 --> 00:02:27,230
I just came by to say, "Hi."
49
00:02:28,730 --> 00:02:30,230
So...
50
00:02:30,230 --> 00:02:32,240
hi.
51
00:02:34,740 --> 00:02:36,240
Hi.
52
00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:38,740
Hi.
53
00:02:38,740 --> 00:02:40,240
Close your eyes and you'd swear
54
00:02:40,240 --> 00:02:42,750
you were at
the Algonquin Round Table.
55
00:02:46,750 --> 00:02:48,250
Oh, my God.
56
00:02:48,250 --> 00:02:49,750
Look at that woman.
57
00:02:49,750 --> 00:02:52,760
BRIAN:
That's Roy's ex-wife.
58
00:02:52,760 --> 00:02:53,760
Hold it. Hold it.
59
00:02:53,760 --> 00:02:55,760
Somebody actually
married Roy?
60
00:02:58,260 --> 00:02:59,260
Hey, there, Roy, uh,
61
00:02:59,260 --> 00:03:00,770
over at your counter--
62
00:03:00,760 --> 00:03:03,270
Isn't that your ex-wife?
63
00:03:03,270 --> 00:03:05,270
Oh, my God. It is Sylvia.
64
00:03:05,270 --> 00:03:07,270
Hackett, don't let her see me.
65
00:03:07,270 --> 00:03:10,780
The last time we were together
she sicced a rottweiler on me.
66
00:03:11,780 --> 00:03:13,280
FAY:
That's your ex-wife?
67
00:03:13,280 --> 00:03:15,280
She's so elegant and refined
68
00:03:15,280 --> 00:03:17,780
and attractive and, um--
69
00:03:17,780 --> 00:03:21,290
And what? Is it so hard to
believe she was married to me?
70
00:03:21,290 --> 00:03:23,290
Yeah.
71
00:03:24,290 --> 00:03:25,290
What'd she do, lose a bet?
72
00:03:25,290 --> 00:03:26,790
( grumbles )
73
00:03:28,290 --> 00:03:29,790
Hey, what's goin' on?
74
00:03:29,790 --> 00:03:31,300
It's Roy's ex-wife, Sylvia.
75
00:03:31,300 --> 00:03:33,300
FAY:
Can you believe it?
76
00:03:33,300 --> 00:03:35,300
Sure, why not?
77
00:03:35,300 --> 00:03:36,800
Thanks, Chapel.
78
00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:38,800
It's exactly the way
I pictured her.
79
00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:41,810
HELEN:
All the way down
to that tacky fur coat.
80
00:03:45,310 --> 00:03:48,310
No, not her. The blond.
81
00:03:48,310 --> 00:03:50,310
No way.
82
00:03:51,820 --> 00:03:53,820
Why don't you go over
and talk to her, Roy?
83
00:03:53,820 --> 00:03:56,820
( grumbles )
Oh, what the hell.
84
00:03:57,820 --> 00:03:58,820
How do I look?
85
00:03:58,820 --> 00:04:00,820
Well--
That's good enough.
86
00:04:03,830 --> 00:04:05,330
Man, this is gonna be great.
87
00:04:05,330 --> 00:04:07,330
She is gonna tear him up.
( giggles )
88
00:04:08,830 --> 00:04:09,830
Sylvia.
89
00:04:09,830 --> 00:04:11,340
Hello, Roy.
Hi. Heh-heh.
90
00:04:11,340 --> 00:04:13,340
What are you, uh--?
91
00:04:13,340 --> 00:04:14,840
What are you doing
on Nantucket?
92
00:04:14,840 --> 00:04:17,340
I wanted to get away
from Boston for a few days,
93
00:04:17,340 --> 00:04:19,340
and Palm Beach this time of year
94
00:04:19,340 --> 00:04:21,850
is silly with Eurotrash.
95
00:04:21,850 --> 00:04:23,850
I-I-I guess you must've
96
00:04:23,850 --> 00:04:25,350
forgotten
that I live here, huh?
97
00:04:25,350 --> 00:04:26,850
Not at all.
98
00:04:26,850 --> 00:04:29,850
In fact, I was hoping
I would run into you.
99
00:04:40,860 --> 00:04:41,870
What are we lookin' at?
100
00:04:41,870 --> 00:04:43,870
That blond over there
Roy's talking to?
101
00:04:43,870 --> 00:04:45,870
That's his ex-wife, Sylvia.
102
00:04:45,870 --> 00:04:47,370
No way.
Yeah.
103
00:04:48,370 --> 00:04:49,370
JOE:
She's so...
104
00:04:49,370 --> 00:04:51,380
attractive.
105
00:04:51,380 --> 00:04:54,880
She oughta be. She married
a hotshot plastic surgeon.
106
00:04:54,880 --> 00:04:56,880
Oh, yeah, that's right.
When she was married to Roy,
107
00:04:56,880 --> 00:04:59,880
she probably looked like Myra
from down at the bait shop.
108
00:05:01,890 --> 00:05:02,890
I dated Myra
109
00:05:02,890 --> 00:05:05,890
for three and a half years.
110
00:05:10,890 --> 00:05:13,400
A-and a lovely woman she is.
111
00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:14,900
( stammers )
112
00:05:14,900 --> 00:05:15,900
Who--? Who are you?
113
00:05:15,900 --> 00:05:16,900
I'm Mark,
114
00:05:16,900 --> 00:05:20,400
Helen's waiter
from the Crab House.
115
00:05:20,400 --> 00:05:23,410
I served her...
116
00:05:23,410 --> 00:05:25,410
crabs.
117
00:05:26,910 --> 00:05:27,910
Oh.
118
00:05:34,920 --> 00:05:36,420
What are we looking at?
119
00:05:36,420 --> 00:05:38,920
HELEN:
That's Roy's ex-wife, Sylvia.
120
00:05:38,920 --> 00:05:41,430
No way.
121
00:05:42,930 --> 00:05:44,930
Here they come. Act normal.
122
00:05:44,930 --> 00:05:47,930
You, you're on your own.
123
00:05:47,930 --> 00:05:49,430
SYLVIA:
I don't wanna be
an inconvenience.
124
00:05:49,430 --> 00:05:50,940
( chuckles )
125
00:05:51,940 --> 00:05:53,440
See you guys later.
126
00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:55,440
We're going to lunch.
127
00:05:55,440 --> 00:05:57,940
Oh, well, a-aren't you
at least gonna introduce us?
128
00:05:57,940 --> 00:05:59,440
Oh, where are my manners? Heh.
129
00:05:59,440 --> 00:06:01,950
This is my, uh--
My ex-wife Sylvia.
130
00:06:01,950 --> 00:06:02,950
Sylvia,
131
00:06:02,950 --> 00:06:05,450
these are all the losers
I work with.
132
00:06:06,450 --> 00:06:08,450
Charmed. Hee-hee.
133
00:06:08,450 --> 00:06:10,960
( mellow piano theme playing )
134
00:06:19,460 --> 00:06:20,970
I could watch you
135
00:06:20,960 --> 00:06:23,470
scrape the gunk
off that griddle
136
00:06:23,470 --> 00:06:25,470
all day.
137
00:06:29,970 --> 00:06:30,470
Thank you.
138
00:06:32,980 --> 00:06:33,980
Joe, you've gotta help me.
139
00:06:33,980 --> 00:06:36,980
That kid's been staring at me
for hours.
140
00:06:36,980 --> 00:06:38,980
He's got a crush on you.
What do you want me to do?
141
00:06:38,980 --> 00:06:40,980
Tell him to take a hike.
142
00:06:40,980 --> 00:06:42,490
Tell him to beat it.
143
00:06:42,490 --> 00:06:45,490
Kick his weirdo butt outta here.
144
00:06:45,490 --> 00:06:48,490
I would, but I'm too nice.
145
00:06:48,490 --> 00:06:49,490
No, I'm not gonna
break his heart.
146
00:06:49,490 --> 00:06:51,000
Besides, who can blame him?
147
00:06:50,990 --> 00:06:53,000
( imitates Mark ):
You got the kind of spatulas
148
00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:56,000
that drive men wild.
149
00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:01,000
Is, uh, Roy back yet?
150
00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:02,010
No.
151
00:07:02,010 --> 00:07:03,510
Whew. Man, this--
152
00:07:03,510 --> 00:07:05,010
This thing with
his ex-wife is--
153
00:07:05,010 --> 00:07:06,510
Is very strange.
154
00:07:06,510 --> 00:07:08,010
Whoa. What are you
talking about?
155
00:07:08,010 --> 00:07:11,010
Well, I mean, Sylvia showin' up
all of a sudden,
156
00:07:11,010 --> 00:07:14,020
being real nice to Roy,
inviting him out to lunch.
157
00:07:14,020 --> 00:07:16,020
Come on. What's the big deal?
They were married.
158
00:07:16,020 --> 00:07:18,020
I agree with Brian.
159
00:07:18,020 --> 00:07:22,030
It's very strange.
160
00:07:22,530 --> 00:07:24,030
Who are you again?
161
00:07:24,030 --> 00:07:27,530
Don't you remember?
He's Helen's crab boy.
162
00:07:29,530 --> 00:07:31,040
Oh, hello.
163
00:07:32,040 --> 00:07:33,540
( humming )
164
00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:39,540
Hello, Joe.
165
00:07:40,540 --> 00:07:42,550
Hi, guys. Heh-heh.
166
00:07:42,550 --> 00:07:44,550
Hi, Alex.
167
00:07:44,550 --> 00:07:46,050
What are you
so happy about?
168
00:07:46,050 --> 00:07:48,550
Yeah. Sylvia pick up the check?
169
00:07:48,550 --> 00:07:52,060
Better. She wants me back.
170
00:07:52,060 --> 00:07:53,560
Let's face it.
171
00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:54,560
Once you've
been with Roy Biggins,
172
00:07:54,560 --> 00:07:57,060
you never wanna
be with another man.
173
00:07:58,560 --> 00:08:01,570
Sounds about right.
174
00:08:01,570 --> 00:08:04,570
( upbeat theme playing )
175
00:08:09,570 --> 00:08:12,080
( upbeat piano theme playing )
176
00:08:14,080 --> 00:08:16,080
Well, Roy, what would
make you think
177
00:08:16,080 --> 00:08:17,580
Sylvia wants you back?
178
00:08:17,580 --> 00:08:20,080
She asked me to have dinner
with her tonight.
179
00:08:20,080 --> 00:08:21,590
In her hotel room.
180
00:08:21,590 --> 00:08:24,090
( laughs )
181
00:08:24,090 --> 00:08:25,590
Smart lady. No witnesses.
182
00:08:25,590 --> 00:08:27,590
( imitates Roy's laugh )
183
00:08:27,590 --> 00:08:30,090
I knew she'd come back
eventually.
184
00:08:30,090 --> 00:08:31,600
Now, if-- If you'll excuse me,
185
00:08:31,600 --> 00:08:33,600
I have got to get ready
for the big night.
186
00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:36,100
Oh, that's right. You're
about to romance a woman.
187
00:08:36,100 --> 00:08:38,100
You'll wanna shower, shave,
188
00:08:38,100 --> 00:08:39,100
buy chloroform.
189
00:08:39,100 --> 00:08:40,100
( groans )
190
00:08:40,100 --> 00:08:42,110
Okay, make all
the jokes you want,
191
00:08:42,110 --> 00:08:43,610
but the important thing here
192
00:08:43,610 --> 00:08:47,110
is my Sylvia is comin' back.
193
00:08:48,610 --> 00:08:51,120
Did I hear Roy say
that Sylvia wants him back?
194
00:08:51,110 --> 00:08:52,120
Yeah.
195
00:08:52,120 --> 00:08:53,620
Well, I don't mean to be rude,
196
00:08:53,620 --> 00:08:56,120
but...why?
197
00:08:56,120 --> 00:08:57,120
BRIAN:
I've seen her house.
198
00:08:57,120 --> 00:09:00,120
She's way too classy for Roy.
199
00:09:00,120 --> 00:09:02,130
She's got a mansion, a butler.
200
00:09:02,130 --> 00:09:04,130
She's got those heart-shaped
soaps in her bathroom
201
00:09:04,130 --> 00:09:06,130
that a less cultured person
would've mistaken
202
00:09:06,130 --> 00:09:08,130
for little white chocolates.
203
00:09:08,630 --> 00:09:10,130
ANTONIO:
Yeah.
204
00:09:10,130 --> 00:09:12,140
Brian does have a point.
205
00:09:12,140 --> 00:09:14,140
What could Roy possibly have
206
00:09:14,140 --> 00:09:16,140
that her husband doesn't?
207
00:09:16,140 --> 00:09:19,640
Well, he does have
that cool chair in his office
208
00:09:19,640 --> 00:09:22,150
that's shaped like a big hand.
209
00:09:22,150 --> 00:09:24,150
FAY:
Well, who's to say
210
00:09:24,150 --> 00:09:25,150
what attracts one person
211
00:09:25,150 --> 00:09:26,650
to another.
HELEN: I know.
212
00:09:26,650 --> 00:09:28,150
Sometimes you see people
and you think,
213
00:09:28,150 --> 00:09:29,650
"How'd they ever get together?"
214
00:09:29,650 --> 00:09:32,660
Yeah. Look at Lyle Lovett
and Julia Roberts.
215
00:09:32,660 --> 00:09:33,660
I know.
216
00:09:33,660 --> 00:09:36,160
What in the hell
does he see in her?
217
00:09:40,660 --> 00:09:43,170
Well, I think the mark
of a good couple
218
00:09:43,170 --> 00:09:45,170
is if you can
picture them in bed,
219
00:09:45,170 --> 00:09:47,670
and it brings
a smile to your face.
220
00:09:47,670 --> 00:09:49,170
For instance,
221
00:09:49,170 --> 00:09:52,180
Fred and Ethel Mertz.
222
00:09:53,680 --> 00:09:55,180
So would that be a good couple
223
00:09:55,180 --> 00:09:57,180
or a bad couple?
224
00:09:58,180 --> 00:09:59,180
I always thought it was
225
00:09:59,180 --> 00:10:02,690
good for Fred,
bad for Ethel.
226
00:10:04,190 --> 00:10:07,190
You know what's one of the great
mysteries of the world to me?
227
00:10:07,190 --> 00:10:09,690
Hang on.
228
00:10:09,690 --> 00:10:12,200
Charlie and Maria Callas.
229
00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:17,700
Lowell, look, Charlie Callas
230
00:10:17,700 --> 00:10:20,200
is a zany nightclub comic.
231
00:10:20,200 --> 00:10:23,710
Maria Callas was
a world-renowned opera star.
232
00:10:23,710 --> 00:10:26,710
The two have absolutely
nothing in common.
233
00:10:26,710 --> 00:10:27,710
Ha! Proves my point.
234
00:10:32,220 --> 00:10:33,720
Helen,
235
00:10:33,720 --> 00:10:37,720
what do you find attractive
in a man?
236
00:10:40,220 --> 00:10:42,230
A Harvard education.
237
00:10:42,230 --> 00:10:43,730
Class of '89.
238
00:10:48,230 --> 00:10:50,730
All right. All right, let's--
Let's-- Let's just--
239
00:10:50,730 --> 00:10:52,740
For the sake of argument,
let's assume
240
00:10:52,740 --> 00:10:55,740
that Sylvia once was
attracted to Roy.
241
00:10:55,740 --> 00:10:58,740
Why in the hell would she make
the same mistake twice?
242
00:10:58,740 --> 00:11:00,740
There's one possibility
we haven't considered.
243
00:11:00,740 --> 00:11:03,250
Maybe we're selling Roy short.
244
00:11:03,250 --> 00:11:05,750
I don't know, maybe there's
a side of him that's,
245
00:11:05,750 --> 00:11:07,250
I don't know,
246
00:11:07,250 --> 00:11:09,250
romantic, charming, sensitive.
247
00:11:09,250 --> 00:11:10,250
ROY:
Coming through.
248
00:11:10,250 --> 00:11:11,250
Coming through.
249
00:11:11,250 --> 00:11:14,760
Time to take the little lady
to headboard heaven.
250
00:11:14,760 --> 00:11:17,260
( upbeat piano theme playing )
251
00:11:25,770 --> 00:11:26,770
( phone ringing )
252
00:11:34,280 --> 00:11:35,780
Aeromass.
253
00:11:35,780 --> 00:11:37,780
Uh-huh.
254
00:11:37,780 --> 00:11:38,780
Really?
255
00:11:38,780 --> 00:11:40,780
Really?
256
00:11:40,780 --> 00:11:42,290
Really? Okay.
257
00:11:42,290 --> 00:11:43,290
Thanks for calling. Cool.
258
00:11:43,290 --> 00:11:44,790
Yes.
259
00:11:44,790 --> 00:11:45,790
Hey, what are you
so happy about?
260
00:11:45,790 --> 00:11:47,290
Brian, that was some guy
on the phone
261
00:11:47,290 --> 00:11:49,290
telling me that Bunny
was coming to Nantucket
262
00:11:49,290 --> 00:11:51,290
to sleep with me,
because she caught him in bed
263
00:11:51,290 --> 00:11:53,300
with his secretary.
264
00:11:54,800 --> 00:11:57,800
Somebody just called you
on Roy's phone,
265
00:11:57,800 --> 00:12:01,310
to tell you that Bunny's
coming to sleep with you?
266
00:12:01,300 --> 00:12:03,310
Yeah.
267
00:12:04,810 --> 00:12:07,310
Well, did he actually
ever mention Bunny's name?
268
00:12:07,310 --> 00:12:10,310
Well, no,
but he said my ex-wife.
269
00:12:10,310 --> 00:12:12,820
And, you know, I mean,
how many ex-wives do I have?
270
00:12:12,820 --> 00:12:15,820
Oh, man, I just-- I knew--
I knew there had to be a reason.
271
00:12:15,820 --> 00:12:17,820
Lowell. Lowell,
don't you get it?
272
00:12:17,820 --> 00:12:21,830
That was obviously
Sylvia's husband on the phone.
273
00:12:21,830 --> 00:12:23,330
He must've had an affair, right?
274
00:12:23,330 --> 00:12:24,830
That's why--
That's why she came here.
275
00:12:24,830 --> 00:12:27,830
To get even with him
by sleeping with Roy.
276
00:12:27,830 --> 00:12:29,830
( sighs )
Yeah.
277
00:12:29,830 --> 00:12:31,840
Hello.
278
00:12:31,840 --> 00:12:34,840
I don't even know him.
Why would he call me?
279
00:12:34,840 --> 00:12:36,840
( upbeat theme playing )
280
00:12:41,340 --> 00:12:43,850
( mellow piano theme playing )
281
00:12:50,350 --> 00:12:52,860
Mm. Syl, I still can't believe
we're here together.
282
00:12:52,860 --> 00:12:55,360
Neither can I.
283
00:12:56,860 --> 00:12:58,360
Sorta reminds me of
284
00:12:58,360 --> 00:12:59,860
where we spent
our wedding night.
285
00:12:59,860 --> 00:13:00,860
Oh, yeah.
286
00:13:00,860 --> 00:13:02,870
Whatever happened to that car?
287
00:13:02,870 --> 00:13:03,870
( Roy chortles )
288
00:13:05,870 --> 00:13:07,870
No, Syl, I meant the cabin.
289
00:13:07,870 --> 00:13:08,870
Oh.
Heh.
290
00:13:08,870 --> 00:13:11,380
Do you want some more champagne?
Please.
291
00:13:11,370 --> 00:13:12,380
Now, don't drink
too much,
292
00:13:12,380 --> 00:13:14,380
or you won't
remember a thing.
293
00:13:14,380 --> 00:13:16,380
Syl, Syl...
294
00:13:21,380 --> 00:13:22,390
Well,
295
00:13:22,390 --> 00:13:25,390
why don't I just go change.
296
00:13:25,390 --> 00:13:26,390
Ch-ch-change?
297
00:13:26,390 --> 00:13:27,390
As--? As in to--?
298
00:13:27,390 --> 00:13:29,390
Into something
more comfortable?
299
00:13:29,390 --> 00:13:31,390
[SIGHS]
Yeah.
300
00:13:31,390 --> 00:13:34,400
You still want me to be here
when you come back out?
301
00:13:34,400 --> 00:13:35,900
That's the point.
302
00:13:35,900 --> 00:13:37,400
Oh, Syl.
303
00:13:40,900 --> 00:13:41,910
Don't be long.
304
00:13:41,910 --> 00:13:43,410
( laughs )
305
00:13:43,410 --> 00:13:45,410
Oh, you.
306
00:13:45,410 --> 00:13:46,910
( chortles )
307
00:13:46,910 --> 00:13:50,410
You are a stud.
308
00:13:50,410 --> 00:13:51,920
( knock at door )
309
00:13:54,420 --> 00:13:56,420
( humming )
310
00:13:56,420 --> 00:13:58,920
Hi, Roy. Listen, I gotta talk
to you. It's very important.
311
00:13:58,920 --> 00:14:00,920
Hackett, I don't know
what the hell you're doin' here,
312
00:14:00,920 --> 00:14:02,430
but whatever it is,
it can wait.
313
00:14:02,430 --> 00:14:04,430
Whoa. Whoa, Roy.
Roy, it cannot wait.
314
00:14:04,430 --> 00:14:06,930
It can't wait. Listen.
Listen to me.
315
00:14:06,930 --> 00:14:08,430
It's about Sylvia.
316
00:14:08,430 --> 00:14:11,430
I hate to be the one to have
to tell you this, but, um,
317
00:14:11,430 --> 00:14:12,440
she's using you.
318
00:14:12,440 --> 00:14:13,940
Not yet, but she's about to.
319
00:14:13,940 --> 00:14:14,940
No, wait, Roy.
320
00:14:14,940 --> 00:14:16,440
Roy, I'm tellin' you,
321
00:14:16,440 --> 00:14:17,940
her husband called.
322
00:14:17,940 --> 00:14:18,940
That's the reason she's here:
323
00:14:18,940 --> 00:14:20,940
To get even with him
for having an affair.
324
00:14:20,940 --> 00:14:22,450
Right.
325
00:14:22,450 --> 00:14:25,950
And you expect me to believe
that you, of all people,
326
00:14:25,950 --> 00:14:27,450
came racing
all the way down here
327
00:14:27,450 --> 00:14:28,950
just to help me out?
328
00:14:28,950 --> 00:14:30,450
Now, why would you do that,
Hackett, huh?
329
00:14:30,450 --> 00:14:32,960
I'll tell you why. One friend
sees another friend in trouble--
330
00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:37,460
That doesn't apply, does it?
No.
331
00:14:37,460 --> 00:14:39,460
Well-- Look-- I don't know.
332
00:14:39,460 --> 00:14:41,460
Uh, listen, yesterday if you
told me that I would've taken
333
00:14:41,460 --> 00:14:42,970
one step out of my way
to help you,
334
00:14:42,970 --> 00:14:44,970
I would've said you were crazy
but the fact is that
335
00:14:44,970 --> 00:14:47,970
when one guy sees another guy
about to get dumped on,
336
00:14:47,970 --> 00:14:49,970
he wants to help him out.
337
00:14:49,970 --> 00:14:52,480
Even if that guy is you.
338
00:14:52,480 --> 00:14:55,480
Wait a minute here, Hackett.
339
00:14:55,480 --> 00:14:56,480
You are serious.
340
00:14:56,480 --> 00:14:57,980
Yeah, I'm serious.
341
00:14:57,980 --> 00:14:59,980
So what you're saying
342
00:14:59,980 --> 00:15:01,990
is that Sylvia doesn't care
anything about me,
343
00:15:01,990 --> 00:15:02,990
I don't mean anything to her,
344
00:15:02,990 --> 00:15:06,990
that she just wants
to get me into bed
345
00:15:06,990 --> 00:15:09,990
and use me like some
cheap piece of meat?
346
00:15:10,990 --> 00:15:12,000
Exactly.
347
00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:15,500
I can live with that.
348
00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:20,500
Wow-ow-ow, Syl.
349
00:15:20,500 --> 00:15:23,510
You look great.
350
00:15:23,510 --> 00:15:26,010
That looks just like the kind
of lingerie I used to buy you
351
00:15:26,010 --> 00:15:27,510
when we were married.
352
00:15:27,510 --> 00:15:31,010
No, it doesn't. The kind
you used to buy me lit up.
353
00:15:32,520 --> 00:15:34,020
Well,
354
00:15:34,020 --> 00:15:37,020
let's have a night
we'll never forget.
355
00:15:37,020 --> 00:15:38,020
( cackles )
356
00:15:38,020 --> 00:15:40,020
All right.
357
00:15:40,020 --> 00:15:42,530
I am ready.
358
00:15:42,530 --> 00:15:45,530
You know, Syl,
359
00:15:45,530 --> 00:15:48,030
I've dreamt about this night...
360
00:15:52,040 --> 00:15:54,040
Sylvia? S--?
361
00:15:54,040 --> 00:15:55,540
You're wearin' a mask. Heh.
362
00:15:55,540 --> 00:15:57,540
It's a sleep mask.
363
00:15:57,540 --> 00:15:59,040
But we're about to
make love here.
364
00:15:59,040 --> 00:16:00,540
Oh, well, it's a fantasy.
365
00:16:00,540 --> 00:16:02,050
I'll be Catwoman,
366
00:16:02,050 --> 00:16:04,550
you be...quick.
367
00:16:07,050 --> 00:16:09,550
Is there anything
you wanna tell me, Sylvia?
368
00:16:09,550 --> 00:16:10,550
What?
369
00:16:10,550 --> 00:16:12,060
Oh.
370
00:16:12,060 --> 00:16:16,060
This is a moment
I've been dreaming of for years.
371
00:16:16,060 --> 00:16:17,060
I need you.
372
00:16:17,060 --> 00:16:19,060
I want you.
373
00:16:19,060 --> 00:16:21,570
Try not to touch the hair.
374
00:16:22,570 --> 00:16:24,070
Anything else?
375
00:16:24,070 --> 00:16:26,070
Oh, yes. Can you
turn off the lights?
376
00:16:26,070 --> 00:16:27,570
But you're wearing a mask.
377
00:16:27,570 --> 00:16:29,070
Yes, but I can see
a little something
378
00:16:29,070 --> 00:16:31,070
out the sides.
379
00:16:32,580 --> 00:16:33,580
How's that?
380
00:16:33,580 --> 00:16:35,580
No, I'm still getting something.
381
00:16:35,580 --> 00:16:37,080
It's the moon.
382
00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:38,580
Oh, for God's sake,
383
00:16:38,580 --> 00:16:40,080
I can't go through with this.
384
00:16:40,080 --> 00:16:41,590
Why on earth not?
385
00:16:41,580 --> 00:16:43,090
I'm not in the mood.
386
00:16:43,090 --> 00:16:43,590
You?
387
00:16:46,090 --> 00:16:47,590
You found out, didn't you?
388
00:16:47,590 --> 00:16:50,090
Yeah. Your husband called
to warn me.
389
00:16:50,090 --> 00:16:51,090
Damn it.
390
00:16:51,090 --> 00:16:52,600
Sylvia, how could
you do that?
391
00:16:52,600 --> 00:16:54,100
Oh, I'm sorry, Roy.
392
00:16:54,100 --> 00:16:56,600
When I found out about
him and his secretary,
393
00:16:56,600 --> 00:16:59,100
all I could think about
was getting even
394
00:16:59,100 --> 00:17:01,610
by sleeping with
the first guy I could find.
395
00:17:01,600 --> 00:17:03,610
I knew that would hurt him.
396
00:17:03,610 --> 00:17:05,110
But why did you pick me?
397
00:17:05,110 --> 00:17:07,610
'Cause I knew
that would kill him.
398
00:17:08,610 --> 00:17:11,110
But some part of you must've
399
00:17:11,110 --> 00:17:12,620
wanted to be here with me.
400
00:17:12,620 --> 00:17:14,120
I mean, you could've just
told your husband
401
00:17:14,120 --> 00:17:15,620
that we slept together.
402
00:17:15,620 --> 00:17:17,120
You could've just
lied to him, Syl.
403
00:17:17,120 --> 00:17:19,620
No, he knows me too well.
404
00:17:19,620 --> 00:17:20,620
I can't fake things with him
405
00:17:20,620 --> 00:17:23,630
the way I could with you.
406
00:17:23,630 --> 00:17:25,130
Thanks a lot.
407
00:17:25,130 --> 00:17:26,630
Oh, I'm sorry, Roy.
408
00:17:26,630 --> 00:17:28,130
I was trying to hurt him,
409
00:17:28,130 --> 00:17:30,630
not you.
410
00:17:30,630 --> 00:17:32,640
Come on. What do you say?
411
00:17:32,640 --> 00:17:34,140
Can you help me out?
412
00:17:34,140 --> 00:17:36,140
For old times' sake?
413
00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:38,640
Sure, what the hell.
414
00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:40,140
( giggles )
415
00:17:40,140 --> 00:17:42,150
What's one more
roll in the hay, huh?
416
00:17:42,150 --> 00:17:43,650
( chuckles )
Really?
417
00:17:43,650 --> 00:17:46,150
Nah. Heh-heh.
418
00:17:46,150 --> 00:17:48,650
I'm such a tease. Heh-heh.
419
00:17:48,650 --> 00:17:50,650
( piano theme playing )
420
00:17:55,660 --> 00:17:58,160
Oh, Helen, I've been thinking
about your little problem
421
00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:01,670
with Mark, your crab boy.
422
00:18:01,660 --> 00:18:03,670
It reminds me of the way
we stewardesses
423
00:18:03,670 --> 00:18:06,670
used to deal with
overly amorous passengers.
424
00:18:06,670 --> 00:18:09,170
Well, actually, Fay--
No, no, no. Listen and learn.
425
00:18:09,170 --> 00:18:11,680
You just walk by, smile sweetly,
426
00:18:11,670 --> 00:18:13,180
and then when no one's looking,
427
00:18:13,180 --> 00:18:14,680
give them a quick rap
on the nose
428
00:18:14,680 --> 00:18:17,680
with one of those
tiny liquor bottles.
429
00:18:19,680 --> 00:18:21,680
Well, actually, Fay,
I don't have a problem anymore.
430
00:18:21,680 --> 00:18:25,190
I explained to Mark that I'm not
the only woman in the world,
431
00:18:25,190 --> 00:18:29,190
and that he should find someone
better suited for him.
432
00:18:29,190 --> 00:18:32,200
Oh, Alex, that was the most
exciting helicopter ride
433
00:18:32,200 --> 00:18:33,200
I ever took.
434
00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:35,200
So how'd you learn to fly?
435
00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:38,700
Would you just get away from me,
and stop with the bug-eyes?
436
00:18:38,700 --> 00:18:40,700
Thanks a lot, Helen.
437
00:18:42,210 --> 00:18:44,710
( upbeat piano theme playing )
438
00:18:49,710 --> 00:18:51,210
ROY: Hey, Hackett.
No, no, no, Roy.
439
00:18:51,210 --> 00:18:52,720
Roy, don't say a word, okay?
440
00:18:52,720 --> 00:18:54,220
You were right,
absolutely right.
441
00:18:54,220 --> 00:18:55,720
I had no business showing up
at that hotel.
442
00:18:55,720 --> 00:18:57,220
No, Hackett,
I wanna tell you--
443
00:18:57,220 --> 00:18:58,220
No, no, please. Spare me.
444
00:18:58,220 --> 00:19:00,220
Spare me the grisly details,
okay?
445
00:19:00,220 --> 00:19:02,730
I didn't do anything.
446
00:19:02,730 --> 00:19:03,730
What?
447
00:19:03,730 --> 00:19:07,230
Oh, she was there
for the taking.
448
00:19:07,230 --> 00:19:09,730
And I just walked out.
449
00:19:12,240 --> 00:19:13,240
Really?
450
00:19:15,240 --> 00:19:16,240
Gee, you?
451
00:19:17,740 --> 00:19:19,740
Well, uh, I-I-I guess you--
452
00:19:19,740 --> 00:19:21,740
You kinda did the right thing.
( sighs )
453
00:19:21,740 --> 00:19:23,250
I mean, why would you
wanna be with a woman
454
00:19:23,250 --> 00:19:24,750
who treats you that way, anyway?
455
00:19:24,750 --> 00:19:27,250
I don't know. Heh.
456
00:19:27,250 --> 00:19:28,750
Maybe it was 'cause I thought
457
00:19:28,750 --> 00:19:30,750
things could go back to being
the way they were
458
00:19:30,750 --> 00:19:31,750
when we were first married.
459
00:19:31,750 --> 00:19:33,260
Oh, Hackett.
460
00:19:33,260 --> 00:19:35,760
We used to walk
down the street,
461
00:19:35,760 --> 00:19:38,260
and every guy would turn
and look at my wife.
462
00:19:38,260 --> 00:19:39,760
And you know what
they were thinkin'?
463
00:19:39,760 --> 00:19:41,760
How the hell a guy like you
ever got a woman like that?
464
00:19:41,760 --> 00:19:43,770
Exactly.
465
00:19:43,770 --> 00:19:45,270
And I loved it.
466
00:19:45,270 --> 00:19:47,770
They envied me, Hackett.
467
00:19:47,770 --> 00:19:49,270
And when she came back
yesterday,
468
00:19:49,270 --> 00:19:51,270
I saw the way you guys were
looking at her in the terminal.
469
00:19:51,270 --> 00:19:54,280
I got that feeling again.
470
00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:57,280
Till I found out she was
only here to use me
471
00:19:57,280 --> 00:19:59,280
to prove a point
to her husband.
472
00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:01,790
( chuckles )
Oh, then I knew.
473
00:20:01,780 --> 00:20:04,790
Sylvia and I are never, ever
gonna get back together again.
474
00:20:04,790 --> 00:20:07,290
Wow, Roy. It's--
It's been 20 years.
475
00:20:07,290 --> 00:20:09,290
Um, did you really think
she'd be comin' back?
476
00:20:09,290 --> 00:20:11,290
I always had a glimmer of hope.
477
00:20:11,290 --> 00:20:14,800
I didn't say
it was a big glimmer.
478
00:20:14,800 --> 00:20:17,800
But it was
definitely there.
479
00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:20,300
Till last night.
480
00:20:20,300 --> 00:20:22,310
Suddenly, it seemed so wrong
to go through with it
481
00:20:22,310 --> 00:20:24,810
just for a cheap thrill.
482
00:20:24,810 --> 00:20:27,810
Oh, wh-who said that?
483
00:20:27,810 --> 00:20:29,810
Oh, Hackett,
why am I bein' so stupid?
484
00:20:29,810 --> 00:20:31,310
What is wrong with me?
485
00:20:31,310 --> 00:20:33,820
Well, it's-- It's just guess,
but it sounds like
486
00:20:33,820 --> 00:20:36,320
you might've experienced
a moment of human dignity.
487
00:20:36,320 --> 00:20:38,320
Damn, I was afraid of that.
488
00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:40,320
Hackett, I wanted her.
489
00:20:40,320 --> 00:20:41,830
I heard this voice
in my head saying,
490
00:20:41,820 --> 00:20:43,830
"Don't do it. Don't do it."
What the hell was that?
491
00:20:43,830 --> 00:20:45,330
It's your conscience.
492
00:20:45,330 --> 00:20:47,830
Oh, no. No.
493
00:20:47,830 --> 00:20:49,830
Oh, this can't be happening.
494
00:20:49,830 --> 00:20:52,340
I'm losin' my edge here,
Hackett.
495
00:20:52,340 --> 00:20:53,840
Hey, Antonio, thanks a lot
for the ride.
496
00:20:53,840 --> 00:20:57,340
Did I give you the impression
it was for free?
497
00:20:57,340 --> 00:20:58,840
Listen, uh, Joe,
498
00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:01,340
um, Roy just, uh,
499
00:21:01,340 --> 00:21:02,850
was telling me about
last night with Sylvia.
500
00:21:02,850 --> 00:21:04,350
Yeah, great.
501
00:21:04,350 --> 00:21:06,350
No, no, no.
No, listen, guys.
502
00:21:06,350 --> 00:21:08,850
Uh, I really think you--
You'd wanna hear this.
503
00:21:08,850 --> 00:21:09,850
Roy.
504
00:21:09,850 --> 00:21:11,350
Well, if I don't tell 'em,
505
00:21:11,350 --> 00:21:14,360
you probably will.
506
00:21:14,360 --> 00:21:16,360
I was an animal. Heh-heh.
507
00:21:16,360 --> 00:21:19,360
I got her so hot,
sprinklers went off.
508
00:21:19,360 --> 00:21:21,870
We went on for hours.
509
00:21:21,860 --> 00:21:22,870
I was so good,
510
00:21:22,870 --> 00:21:25,370
I screamed out my own name.
511
00:21:25,370 --> 00:21:26,370
I was--
I've heard enough.
512
00:21:26,370 --> 00:21:27,870
That'll do it for me.
Wait a minute.
513
00:21:27,870 --> 00:21:29,870
Guys, no. Come on, now.
514
00:21:29,870 --> 00:21:31,370
You haven't heard
the details.
515
00:21:31,370 --> 00:21:32,880
Roy, what the hell was that?
516
00:21:32,880 --> 00:21:34,880
What happened to--?
To human dignity?
517
00:21:34,880 --> 00:21:36,380
What happened
to your conscience?
518
00:21:36,380 --> 00:21:38,380
I know.
519
00:21:38,380 --> 00:21:41,380
I was worried too,
but it's okay.
520
00:21:41,380 --> 00:21:42,390
I'm back.
521
00:21:42,390 --> 00:21:43,890
( chortles )
522
00:21:43,890 --> 00:21:45,390
( piano theme playing )
523
00:21:51,190 --> 00:22:03,410
( upbeat piano theme playing )
33088
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