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1
00:00:01,590 --> 00:00:03,090
( upbeat piano theme playing )
2
00:00:06,590 --> 00:00:08,090
Antonio, what are you doing?
3
00:00:08,090 --> 00:00:10,600
Selling my most
valuable possessions.
4
00:00:11,600 --> 00:00:14,600
I have some unexpected
cab repairs this month.
5
00:00:14,600 --> 00:00:17,100
Could not send money
home to Italy.
6
00:00:17,100 --> 00:00:19,100
I didn't know you did that.
7
00:00:19,100 --> 00:00:21,610
Ah, yes, it is a tradition
in my family for the eldest son
8
00:00:21,610 --> 00:00:23,610
to help support his father.
9
00:00:23,610 --> 00:00:26,110
Oh, aren't traditions wonderful?
10
00:00:26,110 --> 00:00:28,610
You feel like you're
part of history somehow.
11
00:00:28,610 --> 00:00:31,620
I think familial ties like that
give you such a warm--
12
00:00:31,620 --> 00:00:32,620
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
13
00:00:32,620 --> 00:00:35,120
Pretty words,
but papa just wants his cash.
14
00:00:37,620 --> 00:00:39,620
Antonio, if you need money,
15
00:00:39,620 --> 00:00:42,130
I'd be more than happy
to make you a loan.
16
00:00:42,130 --> 00:00:44,130
No, Fay, I appreciate the offer,
17
00:00:44,130 --> 00:00:46,130
but, uh, I am a Scarpacci,
18
00:00:46,130 --> 00:00:48,630
and Scarpaccis
don't accept charity.
19
00:00:48,630 --> 00:00:50,630
It is--
It is a matter of dignity.
20
00:00:50,630 --> 00:00:51,640
See? Excus-- Uh--
21
00:00:53,140 --> 00:00:54,640
Get your reindeer hat here.
22
00:00:55,640 --> 00:00:57,640
Beat the holiday rush.
23
00:00:57,640 --> 00:00:58,640
Amuse your friends.
24
00:00:58,640 --> 00:01:00,640
( upbeat piano theme playing )
25
00:01:04,650 --> 00:01:07,150
I'll never have enough money
to send to my father.
26
00:01:07,150 --> 00:01:08,650
Oh, Scarpacci, quit complaining.
27
00:01:08,650 --> 00:01:11,660
Your lucky. At least your dad's
an ocean away.
28
00:01:11,660 --> 00:01:14,160
My mom is right down the road
at that old folks home.
29
00:01:14,160 --> 00:01:17,160
Or, as I like to call it,
"Seizures Palace."
30
00:01:18,660 --> 00:01:21,170
That's terrible.
I'll tell you what's terrible,
31
00:01:21,170 --> 00:01:23,170
the fact she's going
to be staying with me
32
00:01:23,170 --> 00:01:25,170
for three days
while they paint her room.
33
00:01:25,170 --> 00:01:28,170
Oh, I hope I can distract her
on the drive home,
34
00:01:28,170 --> 00:01:29,170
I'd hate for her
to learn the way.
35
00:01:31,680 --> 00:01:34,180
You know, Fay,
I hope this works.
36
00:01:34,180 --> 00:01:36,680
Otherwise I will have to start
selling my blood.
37
00:01:36,680 --> 00:01:37,680
LOWELL:
Ah.
38
00:01:37,680 --> 00:01:40,680
Selling your blood, Antonio?
That's crazy-talk.
39
00:01:40,680 --> 00:01:42,190
Oh, absolutely.
40
00:01:42,190 --> 00:01:43,690
Big money's in organs.
41
00:01:45,690 --> 00:01:46,690
You know,
42
00:01:46,690 --> 00:01:49,690
just sell one
of whatever you have two of.
43
00:01:49,690 --> 00:01:52,700
You got your lungs, kidneys,
44
00:01:52,700 --> 00:01:54,200
you get the picture.
45
00:01:58,700 --> 00:02:00,200
Oh, um, Joe.
46
00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:02,210
Brian called from Boston,
he said he's bringing in
47
00:02:02,210 --> 00:02:04,710
an old friend of yours
from highschool: Sandy Cooper.
48
00:02:04,710 --> 00:02:06,710
Oh, no.
Oh, great.
49
00:02:06,710 --> 00:02:08,210
Who's Sandy Cooper?
50
00:02:08,210 --> 00:02:09,710
She's--
Oh, no, Joe, don't even--
51
00:02:09,710 --> 00:02:11,720
What? Start what?
She was nuts.
52
00:02:11,720 --> 00:02:13,220
You want to know
who Sandy Cooper is?
53
00:02:13,220 --> 00:02:15,220
Not a lot,
I was just being polite.
54
00:02:15,220 --> 00:02:18,220
She was this mousey girl
with spooky eyes
55
00:02:18,220 --> 00:02:19,720
who had an insane crush on me.
56
00:02:19,720 --> 00:02:20,720
I mean--
She was obsessed.
57
00:02:20,720 --> 00:02:23,730
She followed me home practically
every day from school.
58
00:02:23,730 --> 00:02:24,730
Did not.
Did too.
59
00:02:24,730 --> 00:02:26,730
And she came to every one
of my baseball games,
60
00:02:26,730 --> 00:02:28,730
sat in the front row,
and took pictures of me.
61
00:02:28,730 --> 00:02:30,230
Did not.
She did too.
62
00:02:30,230 --> 00:02:31,740
And, I swear to you,
63
00:02:31,740 --> 00:02:34,240
one day she came up
behind me in Study Hall,
64
00:02:34,240 --> 00:02:35,740
and cut off a lock of my hair.
65
00:02:35,740 --> 00:02:38,240
Oh, good, Joe.
Blame a bad haircut on Sandy.
66
00:02:39,740 --> 00:02:40,740
You believe me, don't you?
67
00:02:40,740 --> 00:02:42,250
I believe someone
was obsessed with you.
68
00:02:42,250 --> 00:02:44,750
Thank you.
Sounds like it was you.
69
00:02:45,750 --> 00:02:46,750
You know,
70
00:02:46,750 --> 00:02:49,250
when I was a stewardess
I was once involved
71
00:02:49,250 --> 00:02:50,760
in a similar situation
with a frequent flier.
72
00:02:50,750 --> 00:02:53,260
It was quite an infatuation.
73
00:02:53,260 --> 00:02:54,760
And what did you do about it?
74
00:02:54,760 --> 00:02:55,760
Nothing.
75
00:02:55,760 --> 00:02:58,760
He got a restraining order
and I had to stay away.
76
00:03:03,270 --> 00:03:05,770
Listen, Helen,
when Sandy asks about me,
77
00:03:05,770 --> 00:03:06,770
just tell her I'm dead.
78
00:03:06,770 --> 00:03:09,270
Heh-heh,
like that's going to stop her.
79
00:03:09,270 --> 00:03:10,270
Sandy!
80
00:03:10,270 --> 00:03:13,280
BRIAN:
Hey, everybody,
look who I found, eh?
81
00:03:13,280 --> 00:03:15,280
Oh, my God, Helen Chapel?
82
00:03:15,280 --> 00:03:16,280
Hi, girl.
83
00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:17,780
You look terrific.
Thanks.
84
00:03:17,780 --> 00:03:19,280
Hi, Joe, how are you?
85
00:03:19,280 --> 00:03:21,290
Well, I'm doing pretty--
Helen!
86
00:03:21,290 --> 00:03:22,290
You look so...
87
00:03:23,790 --> 00:03:24,790
"Not fat anymore?"
88
00:03:24,790 --> 00:03:25,790
( giggles )
Yeah.
89
00:03:25,790 --> 00:03:27,790
You're a rail, you're a stick.
90
00:03:27,790 --> 00:03:29,290
My God, you could be a model.
91
00:03:29,290 --> 00:03:30,800
Oh, God, please.
Go ahead.
92
00:03:30,790 --> 00:03:32,300
BRIAN:
Hey, hey.
93
00:03:32,300 --> 00:03:34,300
You'll never guess what
our Sandy's been doing,
94
00:03:34,300 --> 00:03:36,300
she's a prosecuting attorney
in Chicago.
95
00:03:36,300 --> 00:03:37,800
Really?
96
00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:40,800
So, Sandy, what brings you
back to Nantucket
97
00:03:40,800 --> 00:03:42,310
after all these years?
98
00:03:42,310 --> 00:03:43,310
I came to visit my parents.
99
00:03:43,310 --> 00:03:44,810
HELEN:
I hope we can all get together
100
00:03:44,810 --> 00:03:46,810
before you leave.
101
00:03:46,810 --> 00:03:47,810
I'm free tonight.
102
00:03:47,810 --> 00:03:49,310
Well, uh, Club Car, 8:00?
103
00:03:49,310 --> 00:03:50,820
Perfect, I'll see you then.
All right.
104
00:03:50,810 --> 00:03:52,320
Uh, uh, I won't be there,
105
00:03:52,320 --> 00:03:56,820
I've gotta check on some stuff
that I haven't checked on since
106
00:03:56,820 --> 00:03:59,320
the last time I checked on it.
107
00:03:59,320 --> 00:04:01,830
Well, that's too bad.
I'll see you guys later.
108
00:04:01,830 --> 00:04:02,830
Great.
Okay.
109
00:04:02,830 --> 00:04:04,330
Bye.
Have fun.
110
00:04:04,330 --> 00:04:06,830
So sweet, look at her.
I know, looks great.
111
00:04:06,830 --> 00:04:08,330
Man, what did I tell you?
112
00:04:08,330 --> 00:04:10,840
That woman is certifiable.
113
00:04:10,830 --> 00:04:12,840
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
I'm missing something here.
114
00:04:12,840 --> 00:04:15,340
Oh, Joe still thinks
that she's after him.
115
00:04:15,340 --> 00:04:16,840
Come on, are you telling me
you didn't see it?
116
00:04:16,840 --> 00:04:20,840
The way that she hugged Helen
and she purposely didn't hug me?
117
00:04:20,840 --> 00:04:21,850
She didn't hug me either.
118
00:04:21,850 --> 00:04:23,850
That's just how devious she is.
119
00:04:24,850 --> 00:04:25,850
Okay. Sure.
120
00:04:25,850 --> 00:04:27,850
What-- Oh, oh, oh--
121
00:04:27,850 --> 00:04:29,850
Come on, are you trying to tell
me you don't remember
122
00:04:29,850 --> 00:04:31,860
the bizarre nicknames
she used to have for me?
123
00:04:31,860 --> 00:04:32,860
"Scooter."
124
00:04:34,860 --> 00:04:36,360
"Dimples."
125
00:04:37,860 --> 00:04:38,860
"Liza" with a Z.
126
00:04:40,360 --> 00:04:43,370
No, no. "Joey Bear."
127
00:04:43,370 --> 00:04:45,870
Like "teddy bear"
only with "Joe."
128
00:04:45,870 --> 00:04:46,870
( upbeat piano theme playing )
129
00:04:51,880 --> 00:04:55,380
Okay, Mom,
I'll get you some new toast.
130
00:04:55,380 --> 00:04:57,380
Now, don't throw that--
Mom!
131
00:05:00,380 --> 00:05:02,890
Mom says she wants
her toast blacker
132
00:05:02,890 --> 00:05:05,390
and that your chili
doesn't have enough kick.
133
00:05:05,390 --> 00:05:07,390
I practically used
a whole bottle of Tabasco.
134
00:05:07,390 --> 00:05:08,890
What kind of breakfast
is this anyway?
135
00:05:10,390 --> 00:05:11,400
You're right.
136
00:05:11,400 --> 00:05:13,400
Skip the chili,
just give her another beer.
137
00:05:18,400 --> 00:05:20,910
( horn blares )
138
00:05:20,900 --> 00:05:22,910
Be right there.
139
00:05:22,910 --> 00:05:24,910
Ever since I took her
to that Patriots game,
140
00:05:24,910 --> 00:05:27,410
I cannot pry that thing
out of her bony little hand.
141
00:05:28,910 --> 00:05:29,910
( horn blares )
142
00:05:29,910 --> 00:05:31,420
( angrily ):
Coming, mother.
143
00:05:33,920 --> 00:05:35,420
Oh, good, you're here.
144
00:05:35,420 --> 00:05:37,420
So, uh, fill me in.
145
00:05:37,420 --> 00:05:39,420
What happened last night?
146
00:05:39,420 --> 00:05:41,930
Well, that depends.
What are we talking about?
147
00:05:41,930 --> 00:05:44,430
Your dinner with Sandy
at the Club Car,
148
00:05:44,430 --> 00:05:46,430
she did ask about me, right?
149
00:05:46,430 --> 00:05:48,430
Well, let's see.
Your name came up,
150
00:05:48,430 --> 00:05:50,430
counting the times
we brought it up...
151
00:05:50,430 --> 00:05:51,940
( imitates adding numbers )
152
00:05:51,940 --> 00:05:52,940
...never.
153
00:05:54,440 --> 00:05:57,940
You know, even if Sandy did have
a crush on you in high school,
154
00:05:57,940 --> 00:05:59,940
it's been 15 years.
155
00:05:59,940 --> 00:06:01,450
And take it from someone
who knows,
156
00:06:01,450 --> 00:06:02,950
you're not that hard
to get over.
157
00:06:02,950 --> 00:06:03,950
( both chuckle )
158
00:06:03,950 --> 00:06:05,450
Great. Fine. Laugh.
159
00:06:08,450 --> 00:06:09,450
Guys,
160
00:06:09,450 --> 00:06:12,460
you want to come in here
for a second?
161
00:06:15,460 --> 00:06:15,960
( gasping )
162
00:06:20,460 --> 00:06:21,970
"Joey Bear.
163
00:06:21,970 --> 00:06:24,970
Till death do us part."
164
00:06:24,970 --> 00:06:26,470
( upbeat piano theme playing )
165
00:06:29,970 --> 00:06:31,980
( upbeat piano theme playing )
166
00:06:33,480 --> 00:06:34,480
What did I tell you?
167
00:06:34,480 --> 00:06:36,480
Sandy is crazy.
168
00:06:36,480 --> 00:06:37,980
Now, maybe you'll
believe me now.
169
00:06:37,980 --> 00:06:40,980
Yeah, maybe Joe's right.
This is pretty weird.
170
00:06:40,980 --> 00:06:44,490
Wait, wait, let's not jump
to any conclusions, okay?
171
00:06:44,490 --> 00:06:45,490
This could be a suicide,
172
00:06:45,490 --> 00:06:46,990
check the bear
for signs of a struggle.
173
00:06:48,490 --> 00:06:50,490
Maybe we should call the police.
BRIAN: Yeah.
174
00:06:50,490 --> 00:06:52,500
Because if we stand here
and do nothing,
175
00:06:52,500 --> 00:06:55,500
then another innocent
stuffed toy could get whacked.
176
00:06:57,500 --> 00:06:58,500
Brian...
177
00:06:58,500 --> 00:06:59,500
Come on, this is not funny.
178
00:06:59,500 --> 00:07:00,500
We've got to do something.
179
00:07:00,500 --> 00:07:02,010
Well, no--
First things first.
180
00:07:02,010 --> 00:07:05,010
I think we should notify
the bear's next of kin.
181
00:07:05,010 --> 00:07:07,510
( giggling )
182
00:07:07,510 --> 00:07:09,510
How can you two kid around
at a time like this?
183
00:07:09,510 --> 00:07:10,510
Thank you, Helen.
184
00:07:10,510 --> 00:07:12,020
A bear has died.
185
00:07:14,520 --> 00:07:15,520
( giggling )
186
00:07:15,520 --> 00:07:16,520
JOE:
Oh, great.
187
00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:18,520
You guys did this, didn't--
No, no.
188
00:07:18,520 --> 00:07:20,020
You know, I don't think
this is funny at all.
189
00:07:20,020 --> 00:07:21,530
Joe, we just did this
to show you
190
00:07:21,530 --> 00:07:23,030
how stupid you're being
about Sandy.
191
00:07:23,030 --> 00:07:25,030
And to get a good cheap laugh
at your expense.
192
00:07:25,030 --> 00:07:26,530
( giggles )
193
00:07:26,530 --> 00:07:29,030
Well, I still think that that
woman is seriously disturbed.
194
00:07:29,030 --> 00:07:31,030
Okay, Joe.
195
00:07:31,030 --> 00:07:32,040
Maybe he's right.
196
00:07:32,040 --> 00:07:34,040
Let's-- Let's leave him alone.
197
00:07:38,540 --> 00:07:40,540
Hey, Joe.
I'm sorry.
198
00:07:40,540 --> 00:07:42,550
And, listen,
if it helps any,
199
00:07:42,550 --> 00:07:44,550
I'd be happy to call
Santa's workshop
200
00:07:44,550 --> 00:07:46,550
and make
the funeral arrangements.
201
00:07:46,550 --> 00:07:48,050
( upbeat piano theme playing )
202
00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:54,560
( horn blares )
203
00:07:57,560 --> 00:07:59,560
All right, all right.
204
00:07:59,560 --> 00:08:01,070
Momma, I'm back.
205
00:08:01,060 --> 00:08:03,070
I got your racing form
and your cigars right here.
206
00:08:06,570 --> 00:08:07,570
Lowell,
207
00:08:07,570 --> 00:08:10,070
Antonio's hardly sold a thing.
208
00:08:10,070 --> 00:08:12,580
Why don't you go over
and buy something?
209
00:08:12,580 --> 00:08:14,080
Well, you know, I would,
210
00:08:14,080 --> 00:08:15,580
but I really
don't need anything.
211
00:08:15,580 --> 00:08:18,080
He's a proud man.
212
00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:20,080
Go over and at least
help him retain
213
00:08:20,080 --> 00:08:23,090
some vestige of his dignity.
214
00:08:23,090 --> 00:08:24,090
Yeah, you're right.
215
00:08:24,090 --> 00:08:25,590
Say no more, I'm on it.
216
00:08:28,590 --> 00:08:30,590
Ah. Welcome.
217
00:08:31,600 --> 00:08:33,600
So, uh, what have you got here,
Antonio?
218
00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:34,600
Ah, well,
219
00:08:34,600 --> 00:08:36,600
some very fine items.
220
00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:37,600
Ah, for instance, ah,
221
00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:41,610
here's a practically brand new
electric leg-hair remover.
222
00:08:43,610 --> 00:08:45,610
Now, why do you have--
223
00:08:45,610 --> 00:08:46,610
Found it, ah.
224
00:08:48,610 --> 00:08:50,110
Yeah. Hm.
225
00:08:50,110 --> 00:08:52,120
Well, let's see here.
226
00:08:52,120 --> 00:08:53,620
Um...
227
00:08:53,620 --> 00:08:55,620
Uh, I like your shirt.
228
00:08:55,620 --> 00:08:56,620
How much?
229
00:08:56,620 --> 00:08:58,120
My shirt? No, no.
Ha, ha.
230
00:08:58,120 --> 00:09:00,120
My shirt is not for sale.
231
00:09:00,120 --> 00:09:02,130
Now, perhaps I could interest
you in a soccer ball.
232
00:09:02,130 --> 00:09:03,630
Still has a lot of bounce.
233
00:09:07,130 --> 00:09:09,130
Mighty tempting, but no.
234
00:09:10,130 --> 00:09:11,130
Okay, okay, well,
235
00:09:11,130 --> 00:09:14,140
I-I-I might be able
to sell you my shirt,
236
00:09:14,140 --> 00:09:17,640
but not for less than $25.
237
00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:20,140
For this?
It's a cotton-poly blend.
238
00:09:22,150 --> 00:09:23,150
Three dollars.
239
00:09:23,150 --> 00:09:24,150
Fifteen.
240
00:09:24,150 --> 00:09:25,650
Three dollars.
241
00:09:25,650 --> 00:09:28,150
Look, this is the shirt
off my back.
242
00:09:30,150 --> 00:09:32,660
Well, three dollars,
take it or leave it.
243
00:09:33,660 --> 00:09:35,160
All right, all right,
I'll take it.
244
00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:38,660
Take it, take it.
245
00:09:38,660 --> 00:09:39,660
Take the shirt.
246
00:09:43,170 --> 00:09:44,170
Hey, you know, Fay,
247
00:09:44,170 --> 00:09:46,670
( sobbing )
248
00:09:46,670 --> 00:09:50,170
you're right. It feels good
to give a man back his dignity.
249
00:09:51,680 --> 00:09:52,680
( sobbing )
250
00:09:54,180 --> 00:09:57,680
Brian, do you know if this--
Oh, God!
251
00:09:57,680 --> 00:09:59,180
What is she doing here?
252
00:09:59,180 --> 00:10:00,680
Would you relax?
253
00:10:00,680 --> 00:10:02,190
No, I'm telling you,
she's stalking me.
254
00:10:02,190 --> 00:10:03,190
Relax.
255
00:10:03,190 --> 00:10:05,190
Hey.
Hi, guys.
256
00:10:05,190 --> 00:10:06,190
Hey.
How was lunch?
257
00:10:06,190 --> 00:10:07,190
Oh, great.
She paid.
258
00:10:07,190 --> 00:10:08,690
Ah.
259
00:10:08,690 --> 00:10:13,700
Well, I've got some more
stuff to do.
260
00:10:13,700 --> 00:10:15,700
Joe, are you all right?
261
00:10:15,700 --> 00:10:17,700
Yeah, I'm fine,
why wouldn't I be fine?
262
00:10:17,700 --> 00:10:20,200
Joe, come on, just open up.
263
00:10:20,200 --> 00:10:22,210
Just get it all out.
264
00:10:22,210 --> 00:10:23,210
What? Open up what?
Tell her what?
265
00:10:23,210 --> 00:10:24,710
Oh, man,
cut this nonsense with her.
266
00:10:24,710 --> 00:10:26,210
You've been harboring
this for years--
267
00:10:26,210 --> 00:10:29,210
All right, okay, okay, okay,
all right, okay, okay. Um.
268
00:10:29,210 --> 00:10:30,710
Sandy, I guess I'm still
269
00:10:30,710 --> 00:10:32,220
just a little weirded out
270
00:10:32,220 --> 00:10:34,220
by that stuff you did
back in high school.
271
00:10:34,220 --> 00:10:35,220
What stuff?
272
00:10:35,220 --> 00:10:39,720
You followed me home from school
every single day.
273
00:10:40,720 --> 00:10:42,730
Joe,
I never followed you anywhere,
274
00:10:42,730 --> 00:10:45,230
I lived one block up and I guess
I walked the same way,
275
00:10:45,230 --> 00:10:46,730
if that's what you mean.
276
00:10:48,230 --> 00:10:50,730
Excellent, Deputy Fife,
you've cracked the case.
277
00:10:52,740 --> 00:10:54,240
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
278
00:10:54,240 --> 00:10:57,240
You came to my baseball games
with that camera.
279
00:10:57,240 --> 00:10:59,240
I was a photographer
for the school paper.
280
00:11:00,740 --> 00:11:02,250
Strike two.
281
00:11:02,250 --> 00:11:05,250
No, I cannot be imagining this.
282
00:11:05,250 --> 00:11:06,750
You came up behind me
in Study Hall
283
00:11:06,750 --> 00:11:09,250
and cut off a lock of my hair.
You knew that was me?
284
00:11:09,250 --> 00:11:10,250
Yes! What did I tell you?
285
00:11:10,250 --> 00:11:12,260
Oh, the stupid things you'll do
286
00:11:12,260 --> 00:11:14,260
to get into
a high school sorority.
287
00:11:15,760 --> 00:11:16,760
A sorority?
288
00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:19,260
Yeah, it was part
of the initiation.
289
00:11:19,260 --> 00:11:21,260
Oh, God. So, um,
290
00:11:21,260 --> 00:11:23,270
you didn't have a crush on me?
291
00:11:23,270 --> 00:11:25,770
Joe, give it up.
No, no, Joe's right.
292
00:11:25,770 --> 00:11:27,270
I did kinda have a crush on him.
293
00:11:27,270 --> 00:11:29,270
I knew it!
294
00:11:29,270 --> 00:11:31,270
But most of the girls did,
didn't you, Helen?
295
00:11:31,270 --> 00:11:34,780
Uh, well, no. I didn't make that
mistake until later on in life.
296
00:11:36,780 --> 00:11:38,280
While I'm confessing--
297
00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:40,280
Oh, this is really
embarrassing.
298
00:11:40,280 --> 00:11:43,290
--I had this idea that maybe
you'd ask me to the prom.
299
00:11:43,290 --> 00:11:44,790
Can you imagine?
Aw.
300
00:11:44,790 --> 00:11:47,790
Here you were, the captain
of the baseball team,
301
00:11:47,790 --> 00:11:50,790
and here I was,
this tall, gawky stick
302
00:11:50,790 --> 00:11:52,800
with cat's eye glasses
and braces.
303
00:11:52,800 --> 00:11:54,800
Wow, you weren't gawky.
304
00:11:54,800 --> 00:11:56,300
Joe, if you believed
those things about me,
305
00:11:56,300 --> 00:11:57,800
no wonder you didn't
come along last night,
306
00:11:57,800 --> 00:11:59,300
you must have thought
I was crazy.
307
00:11:59,300 --> 00:12:00,300
Uh, no, Sandy, uh...
308
00:12:02,810 --> 00:12:04,810
I'm starting to think maybe
I'm the one that was crazy.
309
00:12:04,810 --> 00:12:08,810
I have obviously blown this
thing way out of proportion.
310
00:12:08,810 --> 00:12:10,310
( chuckles )
311
00:12:10,310 --> 00:12:12,320
I'm sorry,
I feel like such a jerk.
312
00:12:12,320 --> 00:12:13,320
Well, forget it.
313
00:12:13,320 --> 00:12:15,320
I just wish we'd had
this conversation last night
314
00:12:15,320 --> 00:12:17,320
you missed a nice evening.
Yeah.
315
00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:18,320
Well, the next time
you're in town
316
00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:19,820
we've got to get together.
317
00:12:19,820 --> 00:12:22,330
I am leaving in the morning,
but I have time tonight.
318
00:12:22,330 --> 00:12:24,830
Oh, really? Uh.
Do you want to go to dinner?
319
00:12:24,830 --> 00:12:25,830
That would be nice.
320
00:12:25,830 --> 00:12:27,330
Great. Terrific.
I'll pick you up at 8.
321
00:12:27,330 --> 00:12:28,330
Okay, come on.
322
00:12:28,330 --> 00:12:29,330
I'll walk you out.
All right.
323
00:12:29,330 --> 00:12:30,830
Bye.
Bye.
324
00:12:30,830 --> 00:12:31,840
Bye-bye.
Hey, you know...
325
00:12:31,840 --> 00:12:33,340
( chuckles )
326
00:12:33,340 --> 00:12:34,840
...ah, I once had a crush
on somebody in high school
327
00:12:34,840 --> 00:12:36,340
and I didn't tell them either.
328
00:12:36,340 --> 00:12:37,840
Oh, really? Who?
329
00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:40,340
Mrs. Nash.
330
00:12:40,340 --> 00:12:42,350
You were turned on
by the lunchroom lady?
331
00:12:44,850 --> 00:12:46,850
I think it was the plastic
baggies on her hands.
332
00:12:46,850 --> 00:12:48,850
( upbeat piano theme playing )
333
00:12:53,360 --> 00:12:55,360
Well, look,
I'm really glad we did this.
334
00:12:55,360 --> 00:12:57,360
It finally gave me a chance
to get to know you.
335
00:12:57,360 --> 00:12:58,860
I'm glad too.
336
00:12:58,860 --> 00:13:00,860
Well, goodnight.
Goodnight.
337
00:13:00,860 --> 00:13:01,870
And thank you.
338
00:13:01,870 --> 00:13:02,870
( dog barking )
339
00:13:02,870 --> 00:13:04,870
Joe, would you do me
one last favor
340
00:13:04,870 --> 00:13:06,370
and just get the door for me?
341
00:13:06,370 --> 00:13:07,370
Oh, don't be ridiculous.
342
00:13:07,370 --> 00:13:08,870
Here, let me get this for you.
343
00:13:08,870 --> 00:13:11,380
No, no, it's very heavy.
It's old law books I'm storing--
344
00:13:11,370 --> 00:13:12,380
No problem.
345
00:13:12,380 --> 00:13:13,380
Thank you.
346
00:13:13,380 --> 00:13:15,380
( keys jingle, latch clicks )
347
00:13:25,890 --> 00:13:28,390
Uh, Sandy?
348
00:13:28,390 --> 00:13:30,890
Having a little trouble seeing
where I'm going,
349
00:13:30,890 --> 00:13:32,400
you, uh, want to hit the lights?
350
00:13:34,900 --> 00:13:35,900
( switch flicks )
351
00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:42,910
You never asked me
to the prom, Joe.
352
00:13:42,910 --> 00:13:44,410
Well,
353
00:13:44,410 --> 00:13:47,910
we're going to the prom now.
354
00:13:47,910 --> 00:13:48,910
( upbeat piano theme playing )
355
00:13:54,420 --> 00:13:55,920
( upbeat piano theme playing )
356
00:13:55,920 --> 00:13:57,920
What's going on here, Sandy?
357
00:13:57,920 --> 00:14:00,920
It's our senior prom.
Isn't it fabulous, Joe?
358
00:14:00,920 --> 00:14:02,430
We're 17 again.
359
00:14:04,930 --> 00:14:06,430
( laughs )
360
00:14:07,430 --> 00:14:08,430
I get it.
361
00:14:08,430 --> 00:14:11,940
Oh, Brian and Helen
put you up to this, didn't they.
362
00:14:11,940 --> 00:14:13,940
( both laughing )
363
00:14:13,940 --> 00:14:15,440
That's very funny.
364
00:14:15,440 --> 00:14:17,440
Come on out, you guys.
The joke's over.
365
00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:18,940
( laughs )
366
00:14:18,940 --> 00:14:20,940
How long have you
been planning this?
367
00:14:20,940 --> 00:14:23,450
Since June 5th, 1978.
368
00:14:23,450 --> 00:14:25,950
( chuckles nervously )
369
00:14:25,950 --> 00:14:26,450
Brian?
370
00:14:27,950 --> 00:14:29,450
Helen?
371
00:14:29,450 --> 00:14:32,460
Didn't I do a great job
of recreating the school gym?
372
00:14:32,460 --> 00:14:34,960
I had to guess
about the finishing touches
373
00:14:34,960 --> 00:14:36,460
since I wasn't there,
374
00:14:36,460 --> 00:14:38,960
even though I was chairman
of the decoration committee.
375
00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:41,470
I spent every day after school
for three months,
376
00:14:41,460 --> 00:14:44,470
planning the theme,
and hanging crepe paper,
377
00:14:44,470 --> 00:14:46,470
and then somebody forgot
to ask me to go!
378
00:14:49,470 --> 00:14:50,970
Uh, Sandy--
379
00:14:50,970 --> 00:14:52,480
I kept hoping you'd come around.
380
00:14:52,480 --> 00:14:54,980
I kept hoping
right up until that night.
381
00:14:54,980 --> 00:14:55,980
But you didn't.
382
00:14:55,980 --> 00:14:57,480
Nah, you didn't care
that I spent
383
00:14:57,480 --> 00:14:59,980
the whole night dressed
in my beautiful prom dress
384
00:14:59,980 --> 00:15:01,990
sitting in front of the TV
385
00:15:01,990 --> 00:15:04,990
watching Donnie and Marie
with my parents.
386
00:15:04,990 --> 00:15:06,990
No, you didn't care,
387
00:15:06,990 --> 00:15:08,490
'cause you had your little
trophy girlfriend
388
00:15:08,490 --> 00:15:09,990
Janey Jordan.
389
00:15:09,990 --> 00:15:12,500
You like the flowers, Joe?
I made them myself.
390
00:15:14,500 --> 00:15:15,500
Uh, y-- Uh, yeah.
391
00:15:15,500 --> 00:15:17,000
They're-- They're--
They're beautiful.
392
00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:20,500
You did a really good job,
just like you did back then.
393
00:15:20,500 --> 00:15:23,010
You know, I-I remember thinking:
394
00:15:23,010 --> 00:15:26,010
gosh, why didn't I ask Sandy
to the prom?
395
00:15:26,010 --> 00:15:28,010
You know, I thought about you
that whole night.
396
00:15:28,010 --> 00:15:29,510
Really?
397
00:15:29,510 --> 00:15:31,010
Big, fat liar.
398
00:15:33,020 --> 00:15:34,020
Don't go away.
399
00:15:38,020 --> 00:15:40,020
Don't bother, Joe.
400
00:15:40,020 --> 00:15:42,030
Mr. Door is locked.
401
00:15:44,530 --> 00:15:45,530
Besides,
402
00:15:45,530 --> 00:15:48,530
why would you want to leave
your prom so early?
403
00:15:51,030 --> 00:15:52,540
Mr. Phone doesn't work either.
404
00:15:54,040 --> 00:15:56,540
That's the phone I sat next
to for three years
405
00:15:56,540 --> 00:15:58,540
waiting for you to call.
406
00:15:58,540 --> 00:15:59,540
How do I look?
407
00:16:00,540 --> 00:16:03,050
Uh, Sandy,
maybe we could just
408
00:16:03,050 --> 00:16:05,050
sit down for a minute and talk.
409
00:16:05,050 --> 00:16:07,050
I said, "how do I look!"
410
00:16:12,060 --> 00:16:13,060
Gorgeous.
411
00:16:13,060 --> 00:16:14,060
Thank you.
412
00:16:16,060 --> 00:16:18,060
Joe?
413
00:16:18,060 --> 00:16:20,060
Do you know what I have
in my locket?
414
00:16:21,060 --> 00:16:22,570
It's hair.
415
00:16:23,570 --> 00:16:27,070
It's not just hair,
it's your hair.
416
00:16:27,070 --> 00:16:29,570
Joey Bear hair.
417
00:16:31,070 --> 00:16:32,580
Here.
418
00:16:32,580 --> 00:16:33,580
Put this on.
419
00:16:33,580 --> 00:16:35,580
No, you know, Sandy,
I really--
420
00:16:35,580 --> 00:16:37,080
Put it on!
421
00:16:41,080 --> 00:16:44,090
Much better, Joey Bear.
422
00:16:44,090 --> 00:16:46,590
Wow, this looks
just like the jacket
423
00:16:46,590 --> 00:16:47,590
I wore in high school.
424
00:16:47,590 --> 00:16:50,090
It's the exact one.
425
00:16:50,090 --> 00:16:52,600
I went to the rental place
the day you returned it
426
00:16:52,600 --> 00:16:53,600
and bought it.
427
00:16:54,600 --> 00:16:57,100
You didn't.
I did.
428
00:16:59,100 --> 00:17:01,610
Oh, how handsome
you must have looked
429
00:17:01,600 --> 00:17:05,110
on June 5th, 1978.
430
00:17:05,110 --> 00:17:06,610
Oh, look.
431
00:17:06,610 --> 00:17:09,110
This must be Janey Jordan's
lipstick on your collar.
432
00:17:10,110 --> 00:17:12,620
Oh, mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm.
433
00:17:15,120 --> 00:17:16,120
Sandy?
434
00:17:16,120 --> 00:17:18,120
Sandy?
435
00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:19,120
Thirsty, Joe?
436
00:17:21,120 --> 00:17:23,630
I hope the punch isn't too warm.
437
00:17:23,630 --> 00:17:26,130
It's been sitting there since--
Oh, no, don't tell me:
438
00:17:26,130 --> 00:17:29,130
June 5th, 1978.
439
00:17:29,130 --> 00:17:31,130
No, since this afternoon.
440
00:17:31,130 --> 00:17:32,640
What do you take me for, a kook?
441
00:17:34,640 --> 00:17:35,640
Try it.
442
00:17:39,140 --> 00:17:40,140
Mm.
443
00:17:40,140 --> 00:17:41,650
Let's put on some music.
444
00:17:45,150 --> 00:17:47,150
I wanna get wild,
I want to get crazy,
445
00:17:47,150 --> 00:17:48,650
I want to dance the night away.
446
00:17:51,150 --> 00:17:52,660
( disco playing on record )
Let's dance.
447
00:17:55,160 --> 00:17:57,160
Uh, Sandy, you know,
I really don't--
448
00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:58,660
Dance!
449
00:18:03,170 --> 00:18:05,170
You're not doing it the way
I pictured you would.
450
00:18:05,170 --> 00:18:06,670
Well, what do you want me to do?
451
00:18:06,670 --> 00:18:08,670
Do it better.
452
00:18:13,680 --> 00:18:15,680
Penny for your thoughts.
Uh,
453
00:18:15,680 --> 00:18:18,680
I think you're a total psycho
in need of a Prozac
454
00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:20,180
about the size of a handball.
455
00:18:20,180 --> 00:18:21,180
( laughs )
456
00:18:26,190 --> 00:18:29,190
You always knew
how to make me laugh.
457
00:18:32,200 --> 00:18:33,700
( record scratches, stops )
458
00:18:33,700 --> 00:18:35,200
Time to sign the yearbooks.
459
00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:36,700
( sighs )
460
00:18:36,700 --> 00:18:41,200
You know, Sandy, I have had just
about enough fun for one night.
461
00:18:41,200 --> 00:18:43,210
I'd really like to--
462
00:18:43,210 --> 00:18:44,210
What? What, Joe?
463
00:18:44,210 --> 00:18:45,710
Whatever it is, we'll do it.
464
00:18:45,710 --> 00:18:48,710
This is our night
and I want it to be perfect.
465
00:18:48,710 --> 00:18:53,220
Well, then, let me go home.
466
00:18:53,220 --> 00:18:55,220
This is insane.
467
00:18:56,720 --> 00:18:58,220
Fine, Joe.
468
00:18:59,720 --> 00:19:03,230
If it's too much to ask,
don't sign it. Forget it.
469
00:19:03,230 --> 00:19:06,730
Forget that this is the most
important night of my life.
470
00:19:06,730 --> 00:19:09,230
More important
than the bar exam.
471
00:19:09,230 --> 00:19:11,740
More important than any night
of my two week marriage.
472
00:19:13,740 --> 00:19:17,240
If it's so painful for you,
Joey Bear,
473
00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:21,240
if my feelings mean
absolutely nothing,
474
00:19:21,240 --> 00:19:24,250
then I lied.
Mr. Door isn't locked.
475
00:19:24,250 --> 00:19:27,750
So you can just turn
your back on me and leave.
476
00:19:33,760 --> 00:19:34,760
( upbeat piano theme playing )
477
00:19:40,260 --> 00:19:42,270
Ma, I told you a hundred times,
478
00:19:42,270 --> 00:19:44,270
Barnaby Jones, Jed Clampett,
same guy.
479
00:19:47,770 --> 00:19:49,770
( blusters )
480
00:19:49,770 --> 00:19:50,770
I can't take anymore.
481
00:19:50,770 --> 00:19:51,770
( horn blares )
482
00:19:52,780 --> 00:19:54,780
She sounds lovely.
483
00:19:58,280 --> 00:19:59,280
Hold it.
484
00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:01,790
Uh, hold it, Scarpacci.
485
00:20:01,780 --> 00:20:05,290
I'm going to give you $100.
486
00:20:05,290 --> 00:20:07,290
To spend the rest of the day
with my mom.
487
00:20:07,290 --> 00:20:10,790
No, I don't take charity.
488
00:20:10,790 --> 00:20:12,300
( horn blares )
489
00:20:13,800 --> 00:20:15,800
Trust me, you are going
to earn every penny.
490
00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:19,300
Okay, okay, okay.
491
00:20:19,300 --> 00:20:20,800
Okay.
492
00:20:25,310 --> 00:20:26,810
Mrs. Biggins?
493
00:20:26,810 --> 00:20:28,310
Uh--
494
00:20:28,310 --> 00:20:29,310
( coughs )
495
00:20:29,310 --> 00:20:31,820
Uh, are you there?
496
00:20:31,810 --> 00:20:32,820
( screams )
497
00:20:35,320 --> 00:20:36,320
JOE:
I'm telling you.
498
00:20:36,320 --> 00:20:37,320
You gotta believe me.
499
00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:39,820
She actually
had on her prom dress.
500
00:20:39,820 --> 00:20:40,820
Joe, we're not buying
your story.
501
00:20:40,820 --> 00:20:41,820
BRIAN:
No, no, no, no, no.
502
00:20:41,820 --> 00:20:43,330
He's just trying
to get back at us
503
00:20:43,330 --> 00:20:45,330
for stringing up Joey Bear
in his office.
504
00:20:45,330 --> 00:20:46,330
No, I'm serious.
505
00:20:46,330 --> 00:20:48,330
She made me put on
my old tuxedo jacket
506
00:20:48,330 --> 00:20:51,330
and fast-dance to disco music.
507
00:20:51,330 --> 00:20:52,840
God, that must have been awful.
508
00:20:52,840 --> 00:20:54,340
I've seen you dance.
509
00:20:54,340 --> 00:20:55,840
( all chuckling )
510
00:20:55,840 --> 00:20:57,840
Hi, everybody, I just have
a minute before my flight
511
00:20:57,840 --> 00:20:58,840
but I wanted to say goodbye.
512
00:20:58,840 --> 00:20:59,840
ALL:
Bye.
513
00:20:59,840 --> 00:21:00,840
JOE:
Okay, fine, fine.
514
00:21:00,840 --> 00:21:02,350
Listen, if you don't believe me,
515
00:21:02,350 --> 00:21:04,350
then let's ask Sandy.
516
00:21:04,350 --> 00:21:06,350
Why don't you tell them
what happened last night.
517
00:21:06,350 --> 00:21:07,350
Joe and I had
a wonderful dinner.
518
00:21:07,350 --> 00:21:08,350
JOE:
No, no, no, no.
519
00:21:08,350 --> 00:21:10,350
Sandy. Sandy.
520
00:21:10,350 --> 00:21:14,360
Tell them about the basement.
You know? Mr. Phone? Mr. Door?
521
00:21:14,360 --> 00:21:15,860
Come on, tell 'em.
Go. Tell 'em.
522
00:21:15,860 --> 00:21:17,860
I'm not following you, Joe.
523
00:21:17,860 --> 00:21:19,360
Oh, come on. Sandy.
524
00:21:19,360 --> 00:21:23,870
Sandy, the punch, the yearbook,
you know, the disco dancing?
525
00:21:23,870 --> 00:21:24,870
BRIAN:
Sandy, Sandy,
526
00:21:24,870 --> 00:21:27,870
just forget him,
he's a little stressed out.
527
00:21:27,870 --> 00:21:29,370
Oh, well, I understand that.
528
00:21:30,370 --> 00:21:31,370
It was nice to meet you.
529
00:21:31,370 --> 00:21:32,880
It was nice meeting you.
Have a good flight.
530
00:21:32,880 --> 00:21:33,880
Thanks again, everybody.
531
00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:34,880
Bye.
Bye.
532
00:21:37,880 --> 00:21:40,380
Next year? Homecoming.
533
00:21:40,380 --> 00:21:41,380
( upbeat piano theme playing )
534
00:21:51,660 --> 00:21:53,400
( upbeat piano theme playing )
34605
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