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1
00:00:01,590 --> 00:00:03,590
( jazzy theme playing )
2
00:00:13,100 --> 00:00:14,100
JOE:
If anyone had ever told me
3
00:00:14,100 --> 00:00:15,600
I'd end up like this,
4
00:00:15,600 --> 00:00:17,100
I would have thought
they were crazy.
5
00:00:17,100 --> 00:00:19,100
But here I am.
6
00:00:19,100 --> 00:00:22,610
I wonder what people will say
when they hear the news.
7
00:00:22,610 --> 00:00:24,610
Maybe they'll think
this was the coward's way out.
8
00:00:24,610 --> 00:00:27,610
All I know is, after a lifetime
of playing it safe,
9
00:00:27,610 --> 00:00:30,110
I felt like there was
no other choice.
10
00:00:30,110 --> 00:00:32,620
But wait, I'm getting ahead
of myself.
11
00:00:32,620 --> 00:00:34,120
MAN:
Hello?
12
00:00:34,120 --> 00:00:35,620
( raps on countertop )
13
00:00:38,120 --> 00:00:39,620
Hello?
14
00:00:39,620 --> 00:00:41,130
You work here?
15
00:00:41,130 --> 00:00:43,130
Sure do. I own the place.
Oh, I'm sorry, sir.
16
00:00:43,130 --> 00:00:45,130
There really should be someone
out here. Can I help you?
17
00:00:45,130 --> 00:00:47,130
Yeah, I was on your morning
flight from Providence.
18
00:00:47,130 --> 00:00:50,130
I checked my briefcase through
and I have not seen it since.
19
00:00:50,130 --> 00:00:53,140
It's black, it's about this size
and it's got my initials on it.
20
00:00:53,140 --> 00:00:54,140
P.M.S.
21
00:00:56,640 --> 00:00:58,640
Yeah, you heard me,
and no jokes.
22
00:00:58,640 --> 00:01:01,650
All right, well, no problem,
sir.
23
00:01:01,650 --> 00:01:03,650
I will put our ticket agent
on it right away
24
00:01:03,650 --> 00:01:05,650
and she'll track it down
in no time.
25
00:01:05,650 --> 00:01:09,650
Of course, I'll just have to,
uh, track her down first.
26
00:01:10,650 --> 00:01:12,160
I'll get on it right away.
27
00:01:12,160 --> 00:01:15,160
Look, I have an extremely
important meeting at 5:00.
28
00:01:15,160 --> 00:01:17,160
I need what's in that briefcase,
understand?
29
00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:19,160
Don't worry, sir.
We'll find it.
30
00:01:19,160 --> 00:01:21,170
Oh, hey, Lowell, uh,
this gentleman lost
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00:01:21,170 --> 00:01:23,170
a black briefcase
on a Providence flight.
32
00:01:23,170 --> 00:01:24,670
Could you put
our tracking system on it?
33
00:01:24,670 --> 00:01:26,670
Our what?
34
00:01:28,170 --> 00:01:30,170
Uh, go out on the runway
and look around.
35
00:01:30,170 --> 00:01:32,180
Oh.
36
00:01:32,180 --> 00:01:33,680
( chuckles ):
Tracking system.
37
00:01:36,180 --> 00:01:37,680
I'll be back here
at 4:30.
38
00:01:37,680 --> 00:01:40,680
If I don't have that briefcase
I'm out of a lot of money.
39
00:01:40,680 --> 00:01:41,690
And I've got a team of lawyers
40
00:01:41,690 --> 00:01:43,690
who'll make sure
that you are too.
41
00:01:46,190 --> 00:01:49,690
Another satisfied customer.
42
00:01:49,690 --> 00:01:51,200
Not now, Roy.
43
00:01:52,700 --> 00:01:54,700
Oh, Fay, Fay,
thank God you're here.
44
00:01:54,700 --> 00:01:56,200
Look, I need your help.
No, no, I can't stay, Joe.
45
00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:58,200
I'm just here
to pick up my handcuffs.
46
00:02:00,700 --> 00:02:01,710
Handcuffs?
47
00:02:01,710 --> 00:02:04,210
My second husband, George,
is in trouble.
48
00:02:04,210 --> 00:02:07,710
He's dead. How much more
trouble could he be in?
49
00:02:07,710 --> 00:02:08,710
No, it-- It's terrible, Joe.
50
00:02:08,710 --> 00:02:10,210
They want to move everyone
in the cemetery
51
00:02:10,210 --> 00:02:12,720
so that they can build
a new golf course.
52
00:02:12,720 --> 00:02:13,720
Yes, but handcuffs?
53
00:02:13,720 --> 00:02:15,720
A group of us widows
are staging a protest.
54
00:02:15,720 --> 00:02:17,720
We're going to chain ourselves
to the gate.
55
00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:20,220
Look-- Look, Fay, I really
need your help this morning.
56
00:02:20,220 --> 00:02:22,730
I'm trying to track down
a lost piece of luggage.
57
00:02:22,730 --> 00:02:25,230
You know, Joe, this may be
the last chance I'll ever have
58
00:02:25,230 --> 00:02:28,230
to visit my husband
without paying green's fees.
59
00:02:33,240 --> 00:02:34,240
Grave robbers.
60
00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:37,740
( jazzy theme playing )
61
00:02:40,740 --> 00:02:43,250
Hi, is this the Baggage Claim
Department?
62
00:02:43,250 --> 00:02:45,250
Yeah, hi, this is Joe Hackett
of Sandpiper air.
63
00:02:45,250 --> 00:02:47,250
Look, um, I'm missing
a black briefcase
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00:02:47,250 --> 00:02:48,750
from my last flight.
65
00:02:48,750 --> 00:02:51,260
It's monogrammed.
The initials are P.M.S.
66
00:02:52,260 --> 00:02:53,760
( chuckles ):
Yeah-- Yeah.
67
00:02:53,760 --> 00:02:56,760
I-- I-- I know. Look, I don't
have time for jokes right now.
68
00:02:56,760 --> 00:02:59,260
Uh, could you look around
and see if maybe it's--?
69
00:02:59,260 --> 00:03:01,270
Joe, Joe, I need
to talk to you.
70
00:03:01,270 --> 00:03:02,770
Um, can you hold on
one second?
71
00:03:02,770 --> 00:03:05,270
Listen, my cab is falling apart,
and I found a new one,
72
00:03:05,270 --> 00:03:07,270
except the bank would not
give me a loan
73
00:03:07,270 --> 00:03:08,270
without a cosigner.
74
00:03:08,270 --> 00:03:09,770
So I put down you. Thanks.
75
00:03:09,770 --> 00:03:11,780
What? Antonio,
how could you just--?
76
00:03:11,780 --> 00:03:14,280
Don't worry. Look, I will make
all the payments.
77
00:03:14,280 --> 00:03:17,780
They-- They just need
someone to sue in case I don't.
78
00:03:17,780 --> 00:03:19,780
Hang on.
Hang on just one second.
79
00:03:19,780 --> 00:03:21,790
Antonio, how could you
give them my name
80
00:03:21,790 --> 00:03:23,290
without asking me first?
81
00:03:24,290 --> 00:03:26,790
My dear friend,
I never would have done it
82
00:03:26,790 --> 00:03:30,290
if I thought you would have
this attitude.
83
00:03:30,290 --> 00:03:33,800
I don't have an attitude.
I just--
84
00:03:33,800 --> 00:03:35,300
Just forget it, rich boy.
85
00:03:36,300 --> 00:03:39,800
Antonio Scarpacci
has his pride.
86
00:03:39,800 --> 00:03:40,800
What the hell am I saying?
87
00:03:40,800 --> 00:03:43,810
Pride won't feed
the bulldog.
88
00:03:43,810 --> 00:03:45,310
Please, Joe,
I'm in big trouble, here.
89
00:03:45,310 --> 00:03:47,310
I need this cab.
90
00:03:47,310 --> 00:03:49,810
I-- I'll be with you
in one second.
91
00:03:49,810 --> 00:03:52,320
Uh, well, you know,
I guess, maybe--
92
00:03:52,320 --> 00:03:53,820
Aw, thanks.
93
00:03:53,820 --> 00:03:55,320
I'll be back this afternoon
with the papers.
94
00:03:55,320 --> 00:03:57,320
Well, we have to talk
about this, because--
95
00:03:57,320 --> 00:03:58,820
Oh, not now.
You're way too busy.
96
00:04:00,820 --> 00:04:01,830
Hi, thanks for holding.
97
00:04:01,830 --> 00:04:04,330
Uh, the bag's not there
anywhere, huh?
98
00:04:04,330 --> 00:04:06,330
All right, well, maybe it got on
the wrong plane.
99
00:04:06,330 --> 00:04:08,330
What flights did you have
that left around the same time?
100
00:04:08,330 --> 00:04:10,840
All, right. Yeah, I'll try
Syracuse, Cleveland and Newark.
101
00:04:10,830 --> 00:04:11,840
Yup, thanks. Bye.
102
00:04:13,840 --> 00:04:15,840
Well, are you happy now?
103
00:04:16,840 --> 00:04:18,840
Oh, I bet you are.
104
00:04:18,840 --> 00:04:21,850
Oh, I see that arrogant,
smug look on your face.
105
00:04:21,850 --> 00:04:23,850
All right, go ahead.
Just lay into me.
106
00:04:23,850 --> 00:04:25,850
Go ahead, just rub my nose
right in it.
107
00:04:25,850 --> 00:04:28,350
What the hell
are you talking about?
108
00:04:28,350 --> 00:04:31,360
Look, you were 100 percent right
about Davis Lynch.
109
00:04:31,360 --> 00:04:32,860
This is the fifth weekend
in a row
110
00:04:32,860 --> 00:04:34,360
that he has canceled our date.
111
00:04:34,360 --> 00:04:37,360
He obviously does not take
our relationship very seriously.
112
00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:38,860
Well, I hope you told him
to go to hell.
113
00:04:38,860 --> 00:04:40,360
No, but when I told him
I couldn't wait
114
00:04:40,360 --> 00:04:41,370
to see him next weekend,
115
00:04:41,370 --> 00:04:44,870
my enthusiasm was very low.
116
00:04:44,870 --> 00:04:47,370
Could we talk about this
a little later?
117
00:04:47,370 --> 00:04:48,870
No, I don't even want
to talk about it.
118
00:04:48,870 --> 00:04:50,370
I just want you to tell me
what to do.
119
00:04:50,370 --> 00:04:51,380
( sighs ):
Look, I-- I don't know.
120
00:04:51,380 --> 00:04:55,380
Well, why don't you give him
some kind of ultimatum?
121
00:04:55,380 --> 00:04:57,880
Look, tell him, uh,
either he shows up next weekend
122
00:04:57,880 --> 00:04:58,880
or it's over.
123
00:04:58,880 --> 00:05:01,390
That is exactly right.
124
00:05:01,390 --> 00:05:03,390
I'm gonna do that right now.
I'm gonna call him
125
00:05:03,390 --> 00:05:04,890
and tell him that.
126
00:05:06,890 --> 00:05:08,390
You think I'm being
a little rough--?
127
00:05:08,390 --> 00:05:09,890
Tell him.
128
00:05:12,400 --> 00:05:14,400
Hi, yeah, this is Joe Hackett
out of Nantucket.
129
00:05:14,400 --> 00:05:17,400
Uh, listen, I have a--
A little problem.
130
00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:18,900
( motor rattles, roars )
I need a-- I-- I said--
131
00:05:18,900 --> 00:05:20,400
( yelling ):
I have a little problem.
132
00:05:20,400 --> 00:05:21,910
Can--? Can you hold on
for one second?
133
00:05:21,910 --> 00:05:23,410
Thank you.
134
00:05:24,410 --> 00:05:26,410
Lowell! Lowell!
( engine revving )
135
00:05:27,410 --> 00:05:29,910
Hey, Joe. Hi.
136
00:05:29,910 --> 00:05:31,420
It's a beauty, isn't it?
137
00:05:31,420 --> 00:05:33,920
1947 Harley-Davidson.
138
00:05:33,920 --> 00:05:34,920
I'm rebuilding it.
139
00:05:34,920 --> 00:05:36,420
Yeah, that's great, Lowell,
140
00:05:36,420 --> 00:05:38,420
but I'm trying to do
some work, here.
141
00:05:38,420 --> 00:05:40,930
Well, I'll tell you, you picked
the right place for it,
142
00:05:40,920 --> 00:05:42,430
because if you tried
to get anything done out here,
143
00:05:42,430 --> 00:05:44,930
well, the engine noise
would just drive you bats.
144
00:05:47,430 --> 00:05:50,430
Yeah, hi. No, no, no, no.
I'm still here. Don't hang up.
145
00:05:50,430 --> 00:05:53,440
Yeah, um, I'm looking for
a black briefcase.
146
00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:56,440
It's monogrammed.
The initials are P.M.S.
147
00:05:56,440 --> 00:05:59,440
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
Uh-huh.
148
00:05:59,440 --> 00:06:00,950
Yeah, they told me
over in Providence
149
00:06:00,940 --> 00:06:02,450
that it might be there
with you.
150
00:06:02,450 --> 00:06:03,450
Yeah.
151
00:06:04,450 --> 00:06:05,950
Well, could--?
152
00:06:11,960 --> 00:06:13,460
What the hell are you doing?
153
00:06:13,460 --> 00:06:15,460
I-- I-- I'm in the middle
of a situation, here.
154
00:06:15,460 --> 00:06:16,960
Joey...
155
00:06:18,460 --> 00:06:19,960
something happened.
156
00:06:20,960 --> 00:06:22,470
Well, what is it?
157
00:06:22,470 --> 00:06:24,470
What's--? What's the matter?
Are you all right?
158
00:06:24,470 --> 00:06:25,470
I-- I-- I-- I--
159
00:06:25,470 --> 00:06:27,470
I-- I--
Well, come-- Come on.
160
00:06:27,470 --> 00:06:28,970
Just-- Just tell me.
You're scaring me.
161
00:06:28,970 --> 00:06:30,970
Oh, man, it's awful, Joey.
It's awful.
162
00:06:30,970 --> 00:06:33,480
What? What? What?
163
00:06:33,480 --> 00:06:35,980
Alex and I finally had sex
last night,
164
00:06:36,980 --> 00:06:38,980
and it wasn't great.
165
00:06:43,490 --> 00:06:44,490
That's it?
166
00:06:44,490 --> 00:06:46,490
Come on, stop kidding around,
will you?
167
00:06:46,490 --> 00:06:48,490
This is serious.
168
00:06:48,490 --> 00:06:52,000
I mean, we waited until we
really got to know each other.
169
00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:54,000
And I was expecting magic,
you know?
170
00:06:54,000 --> 00:06:57,500
But it just wasn't magic.
171
00:06:57,500 --> 00:07:01,010
Don't get me wrong. The rabbit
came out of the hat, but...
172
00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:04,010
I really don't want
to talk about this.
173
00:07:04,010 --> 00:07:06,010
That's fine. That's fine,
because what I really need
174
00:07:06,010 --> 00:07:08,010
is for you to talk to Alex.
175
00:07:08,010 --> 00:07:09,010
What?
Yeah, that's right.
176
00:07:09,010 --> 00:07:11,520
I want you to ask her
how it was for her.
177
00:07:11,520 --> 00:07:14,520
Are you crazy? You-- You expect
me to go to your girlfriend
178
00:07:14,520 --> 00:07:16,020
and talk to her
about your sex life?
179
00:07:16,020 --> 00:07:17,020
Well, yeah.
180
00:07:17,020 --> 00:07:19,020
I mean, with you
she'll be truthful.
181
00:07:19,020 --> 00:07:22,030
If I ask her,
she'll lie through her teeth.
182
00:07:22,030 --> 00:07:24,030
Like I did to her.
183
00:07:24,030 --> 00:07:25,530
No. No, there's no way.
184
00:07:25,530 --> 00:07:26,530
I-- It is out of the question.
185
00:07:26,530 --> 00:07:28,030
I am not doing it.
186
00:07:28,030 --> 00:07:30,030
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
right, right, right.
187
00:07:30,030 --> 00:07:31,540
Hey, and let me tell you,
188
00:07:31,540 --> 00:07:34,540
if ever you have a girlfriend,
I'll do the same for you.
189
00:07:34,540 --> 00:07:38,540
Of course, sex at that age--
How good could it be?
190
00:07:44,050 --> 00:07:46,050
( jazzy theme playing )
191
00:07:47,050 --> 00:07:48,550
No-- No problem.
192
00:07:48,550 --> 00:07:50,550
Your briefcase will be here
at 4:30.
193
00:07:50,550 --> 00:07:52,060
Thank you.
You have my word on it.
194
00:07:52,060 --> 00:07:55,560
Yeah. As a matter of fact,
it is on its way here right now.
195
00:07:55,560 --> 00:07:58,060
That's right. Thank you.
Bye-bye.
196
00:07:58,060 --> 00:08:00,560
Don't you have any idea
where it is?
197
00:08:02,070 --> 00:08:03,070
New York?
198
00:08:03,070 --> 00:08:05,070
Well, why is it going
to New York?
199
00:08:05,070 --> 00:08:06,570
( sighs ):
All-- All right.
200
00:08:06,570 --> 00:08:08,070
Okay, thanks.
201
00:08:08,070 --> 00:08:10,570
Hey, Hackett,
wanna hear something beautiful?
202
00:08:10,570 --> 00:08:12,080
My new radio commercial.
203
00:08:12,080 --> 00:08:14,080
Not-- Not right now, Roy.
204
00:08:14,080 --> 00:08:15,580
( grandiose music playing )
205
00:08:16,580 --> 00:08:18,080
ROY:
Aeromass.
206
00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:22,590
The official airline of
New England proudly announces
207
00:08:22,590 --> 00:08:27,590
air-cushion service
to New York, Boston, Nantucket
208
00:08:27,590 --> 00:08:30,590
and the world.
209
00:08:30,590 --> 00:08:32,100
( commercial shuts off )
210
00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:35,100
Too subtle?
211
00:08:35,100 --> 00:08:37,100
My God, that must have cost
a fortune.
212
00:08:37,100 --> 00:08:39,600
Hey, you gotta spend money
to make money.
213
00:08:39,600 --> 00:08:40,600
You know how that is.
214
00:08:40,600 --> 00:08:42,610
Oh, that's right.
You don't.
215
00:08:44,110 --> 00:08:45,610
Hey-- Hey, did you talk
to Alex yet?
216
00:08:45,610 --> 00:08:47,110
Brian, right now
I have bigger problems
217
00:08:47,110 --> 00:08:49,610
than your sex life.
218
00:08:49,610 --> 00:08:52,620
Well, first of all,
I can't believe you said that.
219
00:08:52,620 --> 00:08:54,120
And second of all--
220
00:08:54,120 --> 00:08:55,120
Could you please get out?
221
00:08:57,620 --> 00:08:58,620
Hey, you guys.
222
00:08:58,620 --> 00:09:00,620
Listen, uh,
could somebody, uh--
223
00:09:00,620 --> 00:09:03,630
Somebody hit me on the head
with this hammer?
224
00:09:03,630 --> 00:09:05,630
I want to see
if his helmet's any good.
225
00:09:05,630 --> 00:09:06,630
No.
I'll do it.
226
00:09:08,630 --> 00:09:10,130
All right.
( clears throat )
227
00:09:10,130 --> 00:09:11,640
All right, listen.
Uh, don't hold back.
228
00:09:11,640 --> 00:09:13,640
Now just, you know--
I want you to lay me out.
229
00:09:13,640 --> 00:09:14,640
Just give me everything
you got.
230
00:09:14,640 --> 00:09:15,640
I want you to really just--
231
00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:19,640
Lowell! Lowell! Lowell!
You all right? Are you okay?
232
00:09:22,150 --> 00:09:24,650
Oh, uh, the hammer works.
233
00:09:24,650 --> 00:09:26,150
Helmet sucks.
234
00:09:27,150 --> 00:09:29,650
Please, please, both of you,
could you go?
235
00:09:29,650 --> 00:09:30,650
All right.
Could you go?
236
00:09:30,650 --> 00:09:31,660
Hey, tell me what Alex says.
237
00:09:31,660 --> 00:09:33,160
No, I-- Brian
Tell me what she says.
238
00:09:33,160 --> 00:09:35,660
I am not talk--
Uh, hello, LaGuardia?
239
00:09:35,660 --> 00:09:37,660
Uh, yeah--
I gotta talk to you, Joe.
240
00:09:37,660 --> 00:09:39,660
Fay, not right now.
I'm on a very important call.
241
00:09:39,660 --> 00:09:42,170
Yeah-- Yes, I'll hold.
I'll hold.
242
00:09:42,170 --> 00:09:43,170
What is it, Fay?
243
00:09:43,170 --> 00:09:45,670
They came after us
with bolt cutters.
244
00:09:45,670 --> 00:09:46,670
You've got to help me, Joe.
245
00:09:46,670 --> 00:09:48,170
First thing in the morning
246
00:09:48,170 --> 00:09:49,670
they're moving George
to the cemetery
247
00:09:49,670 --> 00:09:51,180
on the other side of the island.
248
00:09:51,170 --> 00:09:52,180
What is so bad about that?
249
00:09:52,180 --> 00:09:54,680
They're moving him
to a nicer place.
250
00:09:54,680 --> 00:09:56,680
No, no, I-- I don't want him
in the same cemetery
251
00:09:56,680 --> 00:09:58,180
as my first husband.
252
00:09:58,180 --> 00:09:59,680
That-- That's all I need
253
00:09:59,680 --> 00:10:01,190
is for the two of them
to get together
254
00:10:01,180 --> 00:10:03,690
and start comparing notes.
255
00:10:04,690 --> 00:10:06,190
Now, you know people
on the city council.
256
00:10:06,190 --> 00:10:08,690
You know the mayor.
Uh, can't we do something?
257
00:10:08,690 --> 00:10:10,190
I mean, can't--?
Can't you talk to someone?
258
00:10:10,190 --> 00:10:12,200
All right. All right, Fay.
All right. I'll do it.
259
00:10:12,200 --> 00:10:13,700
Oh, thank you, Joe.
260
00:10:13,700 --> 00:10:15,700
Oh, uh, don't-- Don't forget
you have that, uh,
261
00:10:15,700 --> 00:10:17,200
newspaper interview
this afternoon.
262
00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:18,700
What? What? What interview?
263
00:10:18,700 --> 00:10:20,200
The one I told you about
this morning.
264
00:10:20,200 --> 00:10:21,710
You didn't tell me about
anything.
265
00:10:21,710 --> 00:10:23,210
Well, I was supposed to.
266
00:10:23,210 --> 00:10:24,710
Um... uh...
267
00:10:24,710 --> 00:10:27,210
some reporter from
some newspaper is coming
268
00:10:27,210 --> 00:10:29,210
to talk to you
about something.
269
00:10:29,210 --> 00:10:30,210
What--? What, Fay?
270
00:10:30,210 --> 00:10:32,220
Why would a reporter
want to interview me?
271
00:10:32,220 --> 00:10:34,720
Oh, well, how would I know?
I only take the messages.
272
00:10:36,220 --> 00:10:37,720
Hello? Uh-- Uh, yeah. Yes.
273
00:10:37,720 --> 00:10:39,720
Yeah, I'm still holding.
274
00:10:40,720 --> 00:10:43,230
Joe, what are you doing?
275
00:10:43,230 --> 00:10:44,730
Well, at the moment
I'm listening to
276
00:10:44,730 --> 00:10:48,230
the New Christie Minstrels do
"Papa's Got a Brand-New Bag."
277
00:10:48,230 --> 00:10:49,730
What do you want?
278
00:10:49,730 --> 00:10:52,240
I have never been so humiliated
in my life.
279
00:10:52,240 --> 00:10:54,240
Here I told the man
at the car dealership
280
00:10:54,240 --> 00:10:55,240
you are so dependable,
281
00:10:55,240 --> 00:10:59,240
and your credit report
comes back a mess.
282
00:10:59,240 --> 00:11:01,240
What are you talking about?
283
00:11:01,240 --> 00:11:04,250
You, Mr. Deadbeat. You--
284
00:11:04,250 --> 00:11:08,250
Apparently, you owe a bundle
to Idi's House of Electrolysis.
285
00:11:09,750 --> 00:11:11,260
I've never even heard
of that place.
286
00:11:11,250 --> 00:11:13,760
Oh, yeah, fine. And I suppose
I've never been there either.
287
00:11:13,760 --> 00:11:15,260
Listen,
288
00:11:15,260 --> 00:11:17,260
I certainly hope
you're a little more convincing
289
00:11:17,260 --> 00:11:18,760
when the man gets here
with the loan papers.
290
00:11:18,760 --> 00:11:21,270
I-- Oh.
291
00:11:21,260 --> 00:11:22,770
Okay, Joe, guess what?
292
00:11:22,770 --> 00:11:25,270
I took your advice
and gave Davis an ultimatum.
293
00:11:25,270 --> 00:11:27,270
I told him exactly
what you told me to tell him.
294
00:11:27,270 --> 00:11:29,270
I said, if you can't make time
for me,
295
00:11:29,270 --> 00:11:31,270
then we cannot see each other
anymore.
296
00:11:31,270 --> 00:11:32,780
Good for you.
You let him have it.
297
00:11:32,780 --> 00:11:34,780
I certainly did.
298
00:11:34,780 --> 00:11:36,780
And he told me he understood.
299
00:11:36,780 --> 00:11:38,780
And he said he cared about me
so much
300
00:11:38,780 --> 00:11:40,280
that he had to let me go.
301
00:11:40,280 --> 00:11:42,290
( cries ):
Oh, Joe.
302
00:11:42,290 --> 00:11:44,290
Why did I ever listen to you?
303
00:11:44,290 --> 00:11:45,290
Why? Why?
304
00:11:45,290 --> 00:11:47,290
Why?
305
00:11:47,290 --> 00:11:49,790
Oh, God, this is horrible.
306
00:11:49,790 --> 00:11:51,300
( cries )
307
00:11:51,290 --> 00:11:52,800
Hello?
308
00:11:52,800 --> 00:11:55,300
Hi-- Is this New York
Baggage Information?
309
00:11:55,300 --> 00:11:56,800
Yeah-- No. No,
I wasn't on a flight.
310
00:11:56,800 --> 00:11:59,300
No, I don't want
International Baggage.
311
00:11:59,300 --> 00:12:02,310
No, I don't want to hold. I--
312
00:12:02,310 --> 00:12:03,810
Helen, Helen, Helen.
313
00:12:03,810 --> 00:12:04,810
Look, look, now. Shh, shh.
314
00:12:04,810 --> 00:12:07,810
Look, would it be so hard
for you to go and call him
315
00:12:07,810 --> 00:12:09,810
and just tell him
you changed your mind?
316
00:12:10,810 --> 00:12:12,320
I can't do that.
317
00:12:12,320 --> 00:12:13,320
He'll think I'm out of my mind.
318
00:12:13,320 --> 00:12:14,820
A hysterical woman.
319
00:12:14,820 --> 00:12:16,320
And I'm not!
320
00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:18,320
( door slams )
Hello?
321
00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:21,830
Oh, no! No! No, not voice mail.
322
00:12:21,830 --> 00:12:24,330
No, I don't want to leave
a message!
323
00:12:24,330 --> 00:12:27,330
Hello, this is Joe Hackett
at Sandpiper air.
324
00:12:27,330 --> 00:12:30,330
Yeah, I am desperately trying
to track down a black briefcase.
325
00:12:30,330 --> 00:12:33,840
It's monogrammed
with the initials P.M.S.
326
00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:34,840
Your laugh here.
327
00:12:36,340 --> 00:12:38,840
Uh, now, it is on it's way
to you right now.
328
00:12:38,840 --> 00:12:40,840
As soon as you get it,
could you put it on a plane
329
00:12:40,840 --> 00:12:42,350
back to Nantucket immediately?
330
00:12:42,350 --> 00:12:43,850
I need it by 4:30.
331
00:12:43,850 --> 00:12:44,850
Thank you. Bye.
332
00:12:45,850 --> 00:12:47,350
( sighs )
333
00:12:47,350 --> 00:12:48,850
( grandiose music playing )
334
00:12:50,350 --> 00:12:51,860
ROY ( over radio ):
Aeromass.
335
00:12:51,860 --> 00:12:54,860
The official airline of New
England proudly announces...
336
00:12:54,860 --> 00:12:55,860
( knocks )
337
00:12:55,860 --> 00:12:58,360
Hey, Joe. You have a minute?
Can I talk to you?
338
00:12:58,360 --> 00:12:59,860
Not really.
I'm kind of busy.
339
00:12:59,860 --> 00:13:01,370
This won't take long.
340
00:13:01,360 --> 00:13:02,870
I was just wondering
if Brian mentioned--
341
00:13:02,870 --> 00:13:05,370
Oh, I don't want to talk
about this.
342
00:13:05,370 --> 00:13:08,870
But I'm afraid of disappointing
him. I don't know what he wants.
343
00:13:08,870 --> 00:13:10,370
Well, what makes you think
I'd know?
344
00:13:12,380 --> 00:13:13,880
Well, because
you're his brother.
345
00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:15,380
There must be something,
you know, special
346
00:13:15,380 --> 00:13:17,380
that no woman's ever given him.
347
00:13:17,380 --> 00:13:21,380
Hey, we're Catholic. We don't
talk about stuff like that.
348
00:13:21,380 --> 00:13:24,890
What's the big deal? I mean,
he must have said something.
349
00:13:24,890 --> 00:13:27,390
All right, okay. All right.
350
00:13:27,390 --> 00:13:30,890
He, uh, told me that you two
finally slept together
351
00:13:30,890 --> 00:13:33,400
and it wasn't that great, okay?
352
00:13:34,400 --> 00:13:36,400
Oh. I was talking about
his birthday.
353
00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:37,900
I didn't know what to get him.
354
00:13:43,910 --> 00:13:46,910
I can't believe he said that.
355
00:13:46,910 --> 00:13:48,410
Oh, who am I kidding?
356
00:13:48,410 --> 00:13:50,910
I mean, he's right.
The sex wasn't great.
357
00:13:50,910 --> 00:13:52,920
Well, look, uh...
358
00:13:54,420 --> 00:13:57,420
have you, uh, thought about
jumper cables?
359
00:13:59,920 --> 00:14:01,930
Oh, that's sick.
360
00:14:01,930 --> 00:14:04,930
I meant for his birthday.
361
00:14:04,930 --> 00:14:06,430
( mellow jazz theme playing )
362
00:14:09,430 --> 00:14:11,940
Gee, Hackett, it's almost 4:30.
363
00:14:11,940 --> 00:14:14,440
Where do you suppose
that briefcase could be?
364
00:14:14,440 --> 00:14:16,440
( grandiose music playing )
365
00:14:17,940 --> 00:14:20,940
Roy, would you please
turn that thing off?
366
00:14:20,940 --> 00:14:22,450
FAY:
Uh, now, now.
367
00:14:22,450 --> 00:14:24,450
You don't want to be too
frazzled for your interview.
368
00:14:24,450 --> 00:14:27,450
Fay, look, I just don't have
time for this interview today.
369
00:14:27,450 --> 00:14:29,950
Could you please
call the reporter and cancel?
370
00:14:29,950 --> 00:14:31,960
Well, I would,
but I don't know his name.
371
00:14:31,960 --> 00:14:34,460
Think. What newspaper
does he work for?
372
00:14:34,460 --> 00:14:35,960
I don't know.
373
00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:36,960
( sighs )
Uh, it was, uh,
374
00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:38,460
the New York Times
or the Boston Globe.
375
00:14:38,460 --> 00:14:39,960
Or-- It was a big one.
376
00:14:39,960 --> 00:14:42,470
Hi, uh, Scotty Nelson
from the Sconson High Tattler.
377
00:14:42,470 --> 00:14:43,470
Oh, that's the one.
378
00:14:45,470 --> 00:14:47,970
Uh, look, Scotty,
I just don't have time
379
00:14:47,970 --> 00:14:49,470
for this interview today.
380
00:14:49,470 --> 00:14:50,970
Oh, come on.
381
00:14:50,970 --> 00:14:52,980
It's just a little profile.
382
00:14:52,980 --> 00:14:55,980
If I don't get this interview,
I'll flunk Journalism.
383
00:14:55,980 --> 00:14:58,480
If I flunk Journalism,
then I won't graduate.
384
00:14:58,480 --> 00:14:59,480
Please.
385
00:15:00,980 --> 00:15:02,490
( sighs ):
Okay. All right.
386
00:15:02,490 --> 00:15:04,990
Uh, but-- But you only have
five minutes, okay? Come on.
387
00:15:06,490 --> 00:15:07,990
Uh, I don't know why
you're even bothering
388
00:15:07,990 --> 00:15:09,490
with a puff piece.
389
00:15:09,490 --> 00:15:11,490
The hard news
is at the cemetery.
390
00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:18,500
( jazzy theme playing )
391
00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:22,510
The slant of the article
is, uh, class presidents:
392
00:15:22,510 --> 00:15:23,510
where are they now?
393
00:15:23,510 --> 00:15:25,010
Well, that's interesting.
394
00:15:25,010 --> 00:15:27,010
So tell me, what are some
of the other class presidents
395
00:15:27,010 --> 00:15:28,510
up to these days?
396
00:15:28,510 --> 00:15:31,510
Well, uh, one is serving
on President Clinton's staff.
397
00:15:31,510 --> 00:15:34,520
Another one's a correspondent
for CNN.
398
00:15:34,520 --> 00:15:36,020
One's a chief
financial off--
399
00:15:36,020 --> 00:15:37,020
I'm not talking about
the old guys.
400
00:15:37,020 --> 00:15:39,020
I mean, you know.
Well, actually,
401
00:15:39,020 --> 00:15:41,020
they're all younger
than you, Joe. But, uh,
402
00:15:41,020 --> 00:15:43,530
they were either too busy
to be interviewed
403
00:15:43,530 --> 00:15:45,530
or too far away.
404
00:15:45,530 --> 00:15:48,030
Lucky for me
you haven't gone anywhere.
405
00:15:48,030 --> 00:15:49,530
( laughs )
406
00:15:49,530 --> 00:15:52,040
Yeah, let's get started, Scotty.
I got kind of a time problem.
407
00:15:52,040 --> 00:15:53,540
Oh, okay. Uh, in your
senior yearbook,
408
00:15:53,540 --> 00:15:55,540
you said that your goals were,
409
00:15:55,540 --> 00:15:56,540
and I quote,
410
00:15:56,540 --> 00:15:57,540
"To fly jets,
411
00:15:57,540 --> 00:15:59,040
"raise a family
412
00:15:59,040 --> 00:16:01,550
and live in some faraway
exotic place."
413
00:16:01,540 --> 00:16:04,550
So does your airline
have any jets?
414
00:16:05,550 --> 00:16:07,550
No.
415
00:16:07,550 --> 00:16:09,050
Are you married?
416
00:16:10,050 --> 00:16:11,050
No.
417
00:16:11,050 --> 00:16:12,560
Fiancée?
418
00:16:14,060 --> 00:16:15,060
No.
419
00:16:15,060 --> 00:16:16,560
Do people your age
still have girlfriends?
420
00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:18,060
Yes.
421
00:16:18,060 --> 00:16:19,560
So you have a girlfriend?
422
00:16:20,560 --> 00:16:21,560
No.
423
00:16:21,560 --> 00:16:23,570
And you still live
in Nantucket.
424
00:16:23,570 --> 00:16:25,070
( chuckles ):
I think we covered that.
425
00:16:25,070 --> 00:16:26,570
( motorcycle engine roars )
426
00:16:26,570 --> 00:16:30,070
Uh, excuse me one second,
Scotty.
427
00:16:30,070 --> 00:16:32,080
Lowell. Lowell!
428
00:16:32,080 --> 00:16:33,580
Hey, could you shut
the motorcycle off?
429
00:16:33,580 --> 00:16:35,080
I'm in the middle
of an interview, here.
430
00:16:35,080 --> 00:16:37,080
Oh, uh, sorry, Joe.
431
00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:38,080
Come on, Scotty.
432
00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:39,580
Scotty?
433
00:16:39,580 --> 00:16:42,090
Would that be Scotty Nelson?
434
00:16:42,090 --> 00:16:44,090
Sconson High Tattler ?
435
00:16:44,090 --> 00:16:45,590
Ho-ho! Lowell Mather.
436
00:16:45,590 --> 00:16:47,090
Oh, I never miss your column.
437
00:16:48,590 --> 00:16:50,590
You know, I especially loved
the exposé you did
438
00:16:50,590 --> 00:16:51,590
on gym class.
439
00:16:51,590 --> 00:16:54,600
I agree.
Dodge ball: what's the point?
440
00:16:56,100 --> 00:16:59,100
Joe, the man is here
about his briefcase.
441
00:16:59,100 --> 00:17:00,600
( sighs ):
Damn!
442
00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:02,110
I'm dead!
443
00:17:02,110 --> 00:17:03,610
Briefcase?
444
00:17:03,610 --> 00:17:05,110
Uh, that reminds me.
445
00:17:05,110 --> 00:17:08,110
Uh, Joe, Ernie walked this over
from Air Freight
446
00:17:08,110 --> 00:17:10,110
about an hour ago.
447
00:17:10,110 --> 00:17:11,620
Please don't kill me.
448
00:17:11,610 --> 00:17:14,120
Kill you? Kill you?
449
00:17:15,120 --> 00:17:16,120
Mwah.
450
00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:19,620
Scotty,
451
00:17:19,620 --> 00:17:22,630
I'd appreciate it if you'd keep
my name out of this.
452
00:17:26,630 --> 00:17:28,130
Now, now, now, now, Joe.
453
00:17:28,130 --> 00:17:30,630
Time's running out for George.
When will you call the mayor?
454
00:17:30,630 --> 00:17:32,640
I will get to it, Fay.
I promise you.
455
00:17:32,640 --> 00:17:33,640
Hey, hey.
Thanks a lot, Joe.
456
00:17:33,640 --> 00:17:35,140
I don't know what you said
to Alex,
457
00:17:35,140 --> 00:17:37,640
but she's incredibly upset
and I want you to fix it.
458
00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:40,140
All right. I-- I'm sorry. I'll
do whatever I can. I promise.
459
00:17:40,140 --> 00:17:43,150
Joe, Davis called and he
apologized and so I forgave him.
460
00:17:43,150 --> 00:17:44,650
But do you think I did
the right thing?
461
00:17:44,650 --> 00:17:47,150
Yes, yeah, I-- I-- I do think
so. We'll talk about this later.
462
00:17:47,150 --> 00:17:49,650
Joe? Joe, this is Mr. Donovan,
the loan officer.
463
00:17:49,650 --> 00:17:52,660
Mr. Donovan, Joe Hackett,
the most responsible man I know.
464
00:17:52,660 --> 00:17:53,660
Hi, uh--
465
00:17:53,660 --> 00:17:55,160
Joe, I've got the mayor
on the phone.
466
00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:59,160
Sir.
467
00:17:59,160 --> 00:18:01,160
It took me some doing,
but here it is.
468
00:18:01,160 --> 00:18:02,170
It's your briefcase.
469
00:18:03,670 --> 00:18:05,170
Look, I'm really very sorry
470
00:18:05,170 --> 00:18:07,170
that you had a bad experience
with Sandpiper.
471
00:18:07,170 --> 00:18:08,670
And I'd like the chance
to make it up to you.
472
00:18:08,670 --> 00:18:12,180
So if you ever decide
to fly with us again,
473
00:18:12,180 --> 00:18:13,680
that flight's on the house,
okay?
474
00:18:16,680 --> 00:18:18,180
It's scratched.
475
00:18:20,680 --> 00:18:22,190
What?
476
00:18:22,190 --> 00:18:23,690
There's a scratch on it.
477
00:18:24,690 --> 00:18:25,690
Right here.
478
00:18:25,690 --> 00:18:28,190
And it wasn't there before.
479
00:18:28,190 --> 00:18:29,690
I'm filing a damage claim.
480
00:18:29,690 --> 00:18:31,690
Somebody's going to pay
for this.
481
00:18:31,690 --> 00:18:34,200
It is not going to be me.
482
00:18:35,700 --> 00:18:37,700
Well, that's not a problem, sir.
483
00:18:37,700 --> 00:18:39,700
There's no need to file
a report. Here, come with me.
484
00:18:39,700 --> 00:18:41,200
I've got just the thing
for you.
485
00:18:41,200 --> 00:18:42,710
I am gonna take your briefcase
486
00:18:42,710 --> 00:18:44,710
and put it through our special
scratch remover.
487
00:18:47,710 --> 00:18:50,210
You can collect your bags
right through there.
488
00:18:50,210 --> 00:18:53,220
Thank you for flying
Sandpiper.
489
00:18:53,220 --> 00:18:56,220
Uh, don't think
I'll be needing you today.
490
00:18:58,220 --> 00:18:59,720
All right, Scotty.
Where were we?
491
00:18:59,720 --> 00:19:00,720
Oh, oh, oh, yeah. Yeah.
492
00:19:00,720 --> 00:19:02,730
You were, uh, asking me
about my life.
493
00:19:02,730 --> 00:19:05,230
Well I think that right here
is pretty much
494
00:19:05,230 --> 00:19:06,230
everything you need to know.
495
00:19:06,230 --> 00:19:07,730
This is Nantucket.
496
00:19:07,730 --> 00:19:09,230
I was born here,
I live here,
497
00:19:09,230 --> 00:19:11,230
and I am probably
gonna die here.
498
00:19:11,230 --> 00:19:12,740
Joe, take it easy. Relax.
499
00:19:12,740 --> 00:19:14,740
No-- Relax?
I can't relax.
500
00:19:14,740 --> 00:19:16,240
If I relax,
who's gonna try
501
00:19:16,240 --> 00:19:17,740
to keep this damn airline
in business?
502
00:19:17,740 --> 00:19:19,240
Certainly not you.
503
00:19:19,240 --> 00:19:21,750
No, you're too busy wrestling
with life's greater problems
504
00:19:21,740 --> 00:19:24,250
like your recent battle
with mediocre sex.
505
00:19:26,250 --> 00:19:28,250
A little louder. I don't think
everybody heard you.
506
00:19:28,250 --> 00:19:30,750
No, I could hear fine, thanks.
507
00:19:32,260 --> 00:19:33,760
Joe, stop it.
508
00:19:33,760 --> 00:19:35,260
No, you stop it, Helen.
509
00:19:35,260 --> 00:19:37,260
You stop coming to me
every time you have a problem
510
00:19:37,260 --> 00:19:38,760
with your boyfriend.
511
00:19:38,760 --> 00:19:40,760
Did it ever occur to you
that I'm alone here,
512
00:19:40,760 --> 00:19:43,270
and maybe I don't want
to hear about it?
513
00:19:43,270 --> 00:19:46,770
I am sick of everyone
running to me
514
00:19:46,770 --> 00:19:47,770
every time they have a problem.
515
00:19:47,770 --> 00:19:49,270
Fay has a crisis.
Run to Joe.
516
00:19:49,270 --> 00:19:51,780
Antonio wants to buy
a new cab. Run to Joe.
517
00:19:51,770 --> 00:19:53,280
Roy wants to gloat.
Run to Joe.
518
00:19:53,280 --> 00:19:56,280
Where do I run to?
Where do I go?
519
00:19:56,280 --> 00:19:57,780
Where do I go
520
00:19:57,780 --> 00:20:00,280
when my--
My dream of flying jets
521
00:20:00,280 --> 00:20:03,290
turns into the nightmare
of being a baggage handler, huh?
522
00:20:04,790 --> 00:20:06,290
Somebody tell me.
523
00:20:06,290 --> 00:20:08,290
Where do I go
524
00:20:08,290 --> 00:20:09,790
when it finally dawns on me
525
00:20:09,790 --> 00:20:12,300
that my life sucks?
526
00:20:17,300 --> 00:20:18,300
Hi, Joe.
527
00:20:25,810 --> 00:20:26,810
Joe, hey--
528
00:20:26,810 --> 00:20:28,310
( engine rumbles )
Joe, what--?
529
00:20:28,310 --> 00:20:29,810
What the hell
are you doing?
530
00:20:29,810 --> 00:20:31,310
Joe, where are you going?
531
00:20:33,820 --> 00:20:35,820
( mellow jazz theme playing )
532
00:20:37,820 --> 00:20:39,820
JOE:
Well, this is where you
came in.
533
00:20:39,820 --> 00:20:41,320
The truth is,
once I got on that bike,
534
00:20:41,320 --> 00:20:43,330
I just wanted to keep going.
535
00:20:43,330 --> 00:20:45,330
I remembered thinking
I don't care where I go,
536
00:20:45,330 --> 00:20:47,830
as long as it's not back there.
537
00:20:47,830 --> 00:20:50,330
But you know,
in my wildest dreams
538
00:20:50,330 --> 00:20:52,840
I never thought I'd end up
like this.
539
00:20:56,340 --> 00:20:57,340
( all giggle )
540
00:20:57,340 --> 00:20:58,840
A minute, 47.
541
00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:00,340
That's the record.
542
00:21:00,340 --> 00:21:01,850
( all cheer )
543
00:21:02,350 --> 00:21:04,350
Oh, yes. Ha-ha!
544
00:21:04,350 --> 00:21:05,850
Oh, yeah!
545
00:21:05,850 --> 00:21:06,850
Whoo!
546
00:21:06,850 --> 00:21:09,350
Oh, somebody owes me a drink.
547
00:21:09,350 --> 00:21:10,850
I can't believe
you just jumped in
548
00:21:10,850 --> 00:21:12,860
with all your clothes on.
You're crazy.
549
00:21:14,360 --> 00:21:15,360
( mellow jazz theme playing )
550
00:21:21,360 --> 00:21:33,380
( upbeat piano theme playing )
37392
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