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1
00:00:02,090 --> 00:00:04,090
( upbeat piano theme playing )
2
00:00:07,590 --> 00:00:09,590
( airplane flies overhead )
3
00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:18,600
Helen, did you see
4
00:00:18,600 --> 00:00:21,610
which way my eggs went?
5
00:00:21,610 --> 00:00:22,610
Oh, I threw 'em out.
6
00:00:22,610 --> 00:00:23,610
Don't you know what happens
7
00:00:23,610 --> 00:00:24,610
when you leave food around?
8
00:00:24,610 --> 00:00:26,610
It attracts bugs
which attract more bugs,
9
00:00:26,610 --> 00:00:29,110
and pretty soon the whole place
is crawling with vermin.
10
00:00:29,110 --> 00:00:30,620
( belches )
11
00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:36,120
I see what you mean.
12
00:00:36,120 --> 00:00:39,120
Helen, why are you
going so crazy?
13
00:00:39,120 --> 00:00:41,630
There's a new health inspector
making the rounds on the island.
14
00:00:41,630 --> 00:00:44,630
So, what are you worried about?
You keep a very clean place.
15
00:00:44,630 --> 00:00:46,630
That's what they thought
at the Lobster Bucket.
16
00:00:46,630 --> 00:00:48,630
But last night he busted them.
17
00:00:48,630 --> 00:00:50,630
And all they had
was a little grease
18
00:00:50,630 --> 00:00:51,640
in the exhaust vents,
19
00:00:51,640 --> 00:00:53,140
mildew under the sink,
20
00:00:53,140 --> 00:00:56,640
and one measly little cockroach
in the chowder.
21
00:00:57,640 --> 00:00:59,140
You are grossin' me out here.
22
00:00:59,140 --> 00:01:01,650
Could we talk about
something else, please?
23
00:01:01,650 --> 00:01:04,150
Hey, Scarpacci, how'd
your date go last night?
24
00:01:04,150 --> 00:01:05,650
Not as well as I thought.
25
00:01:05,650 --> 00:01:08,150
We had dinner
at the Lobster Bucket.
26
00:01:08,150 --> 00:01:10,150
( upbeat piano theme playing )
27
00:01:14,160 --> 00:01:16,160
Hey, Chapel,
28
00:01:16,160 --> 00:01:17,660
I want another refill.
29
00:01:17,660 --> 00:01:19,160
Roy, can't you see
I'm busy here?
30
00:01:19,160 --> 00:01:22,170
Besides, you've had
six cups already.
31
00:01:22,170 --> 00:01:23,670
So if you want more coffee,
here.
32
00:01:23,670 --> 00:01:25,670
Suck it up.
33
00:01:27,170 --> 00:01:29,170
God, I'm bored.
34
00:01:29,170 --> 00:01:31,680
Ah, you know what I do
when I'm bored, Roy?
35
00:01:31,680 --> 00:01:35,180
I like to ponder
some of life's big questions.
36
00:01:35,180 --> 00:01:37,180
For instance,
if you're driving a car
37
00:01:37,180 --> 00:01:39,180
down Sesame Street,
38
00:01:39,180 --> 00:01:40,690
would you in fact end up
39
00:01:40,680 --> 00:01:43,190
in Mister Rogers' Neighborhood?
40
00:01:48,190 --> 00:01:50,190
You might.
41
00:01:52,200 --> 00:01:53,700
God, I'm bored.
42
00:01:54,700 --> 00:01:56,700
( Roy whistles )
43
00:01:56,700 --> 00:02:00,200
Here's a little something
to spice up my day.
44
00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:02,210
Good morning, Alex,
how was your run?
45
00:02:02,210 --> 00:02:03,210
Fine.
46
00:02:03,210 --> 00:02:05,710
Brian and I just did
a quick five miles.
47
00:02:05,710 --> 00:02:08,710
I hear that's all you two
have been doing these days. Heh.
48
00:02:10,210 --> 00:02:11,720
All I know is a real man
49
00:02:11,720 --> 00:02:13,220
wouldn't wait.
50
00:02:13,220 --> 00:02:16,220
Hey, Brian is more man
51
00:02:16,220 --> 00:02:17,720
than you'll ever be.
52
00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:19,720
( sighs, laughs )
53
00:02:19,720 --> 00:02:21,730
( panting )
54
00:02:23,230 --> 00:02:24,230
Honey, are you okay?
55
00:02:24,230 --> 00:02:26,730
Yeah.
ROY: Oh, what's that Lassie?
56
00:02:26,730 --> 00:02:28,230
Timmy fell in a mine shaft.
57
00:02:28,230 --> 00:02:29,230
( laughs )
58
00:02:29,230 --> 00:02:32,240
It's okay, girl.
I'll go get the ranger. Heh.
59
00:02:32,240 --> 00:02:34,240
( growls )
Brian what happened?
60
00:02:34,240 --> 00:02:35,240
( gasps )
61
00:02:35,240 --> 00:02:37,240
I was running,
62
00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:39,240
my socks fell down,
63
00:02:39,240 --> 00:02:41,250
so I had to pull 'em up.
64
00:02:41,250 --> 00:02:44,250
Fell on my tailbone.
65
00:02:44,250 --> 00:02:47,250
Precisely why I run
in the nude.
66
00:02:49,250 --> 00:02:50,760
I'll tell you,
67
00:02:50,750 --> 00:02:52,760
there's nothing quite like
feelin' the wind
68
00:02:52,760 --> 00:02:56,260
blowin' through,
69
00:02:56,260 --> 00:02:58,760
well, pretty much
everything you got.
70
00:03:00,760 --> 00:03:03,270
U-uh, Brian, you might
try to ice that injury
71
00:03:03,270 --> 00:03:04,770
to ease the pain.
( groans )
72
00:03:04,770 --> 00:03:06,770
That's what the doctor told
my first husband George to do
73
00:03:06,770 --> 00:03:09,270
when he broke his ass.
74
00:03:12,280 --> 00:03:14,780
Well, that's what
the doctor called it.
75
00:03:14,780 --> 00:03:15,780
Medical men.
76
00:03:15,780 --> 00:03:18,280
They got a language
all their own.
77
00:03:18,280 --> 00:03:21,290
I'll go get some ice.
78
00:03:21,290 --> 00:03:22,290
Good mornin', everybody. Hey.
79
00:03:22,290 --> 00:03:23,290
Come on, Brian. Get up.
80
00:03:23,290 --> 00:03:25,290
You're sweating all over
the waiting area.
81
00:03:25,290 --> 00:03:27,790
Hey, hey, Joe, he had
a terrible accident.
82
00:03:27,790 --> 00:03:29,290
Wh-what happened?
83
00:03:29,290 --> 00:03:31,300
His, uh, socks fell down.
84
00:03:31,300 --> 00:03:32,800
I'm all right. I just--
85
00:03:32,800 --> 00:03:34,800
I bruised my tailbone.
86
00:03:34,800 --> 00:03:36,800
Oh, no. Are you gonna
be able to fly?
87
00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:38,800
I can fly. I can fly.
88
00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:40,300
I can't fly.
89
00:03:40,300 --> 00:03:42,310
JOE:
Oh, no, why'd this
have to happen now?
90
00:03:42,310 --> 00:03:43,810
We got five extra
charters this week.
91
00:03:43,810 --> 00:03:45,810
And I'm almost
maxed out on hours.
92
00:03:45,810 --> 00:03:47,810
Ah, what am I gonna do?
93
00:03:47,810 --> 00:03:48,810
Hey, Lambert,
94
00:03:48,810 --> 00:03:50,810
you're a pilot,
you could help him out.
95
00:03:50,810 --> 00:03:52,320
( groans )
96
00:03:52,320 --> 00:03:53,820
Yeah, Joe, um,
97
00:03:53,820 --> 00:03:55,320
I could take Brian's flights.
98
00:03:55,320 --> 00:03:58,320
Uh, well, thanks anyway,
99
00:03:58,320 --> 00:04:01,330
but I'm really funny about
other people flying my plane.
100
00:04:01,330 --> 00:04:03,330
Okay, fine, I'm, you know,
just trying to help.
101
00:04:03,330 --> 00:04:07,330
Hey, Hackett, you could always
take her up for a test flight.
102
00:04:08,330 --> 00:04:09,830
Hey, Alex, you know what?
103
00:04:09,830 --> 00:04:10,830
Maybe you could help me out.
104
00:04:10,830 --> 00:04:12,340
Why don't we go up
and I'll check you out
105
00:04:12,340 --> 00:04:13,340
on the aircraft?
106
00:04:13,340 --> 00:04:14,840
Now? I mean, I--
107
00:04:14,840 --> 00:04:16,840
I really think I should
drive Brian to the doctor.
108
00:04:16,840 --> 00:04:19,340
Nah, I can drive.
I can drive.
109
00:04:19,340 --> 00:04:21,850
I can't drive.
110
00:04:21,850 --> 00:04:23,350
No, no. You two go on.
111
00:04:23,350 --> 00:04:24,850
I'll get him to the doctor.
Go on.
112
00:04:24,850 --> 00:04:26,350
Great. Thanks, Roy.
I'll see you on the plane.
113
00:04:26,350 --> 00:04:28,850
O-okay, um, I'll be there
as soon as I change.
114
00:04:28,850 --> 00:04:31,360
Okay, um, I'll see you later.
All right. All right.
115
00:04:31,360 --> 00:04:32,860
Now, Brian, you just cheer up.
116
00:04:32,860 --> 00:04:34,360
If you're anything at all
like George,
117
00:04:34,360 --> 00:04:37,360
you'll be up and about
in no time.
118
00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:38,860
And then a week and a half later
119
00:04:38,860 --> 00:04:41,870
you'll be broadsided by a bus.
120
00:04:43,370 --> 00:04:46,870
Not all my stories
have happy endings.
121
00:04:47,870 --> 00:04:49,870
Hackett, Hackett, Hackett!
122
00:04:49,870 --> 00:04:52,380
How could you be so stupid?
123
00:04:52,380 --> 00:04:54,880
What are you talking about, Roy?
124
00:04:54,880 --> 00:04:56,880
I think you're crazy
to let 'em fly together.
125
00:04:56,880 --> 00:04:58,880
Do the words "Mile High Club"
126
00:04:58,880 --> 00:05:01,390
mean anything to you?
127
00:05:01,390 --> 00:05:03,890
They're only going up
for a test flight.
128
00:05:06,390 --> 00:05:08,390
Joe and Alex.
129
00:05:09,890 --> 00:05:10,890
Nah.
130
00:05:10,890 --> 00:05:12,900
Hey, uh, Scarpacci, uh,
131
00:05:12,900 --> 00:05:14,400
Joe wants you to take Brian
to the doctor.
132
00:05:14,400 --> 00:05:15,400
He'll pay you later.
133
00:05:15,400 --> 00:05:17,400
Wha--?
134
00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:19,400
What--? Brian, what happened?
( groans )
135
00:05:19,400 --> 00:05:23,410
And please don't tell me
you ate at the Lobster Bucket.
136
00:05:26,410 --> 00:05:27,410
( giggles )
137
00:05:27,410 --> 00:05:28,910
What's so funny, Roy?
138
00:05:28,910 --> 00:05:31,920
This isn't gonna be
such a boring day after all.
139
00:05:31,920 --> 00:05:33,420
( laughs )
140
00:05:33,420 --> 00:05:35,920
( upbeat piano theme playing )
141
00:05:35,920 --> 00:05:37,920
( groans )
142
00:05:37,920 --> 00:05:40,420
Oh, this is embarrassing.
Ah.
143
00:05:40,420 --> 00:05:42,430
Oh, you'd think there'd be more
medical science could do
144
00:05:42,430 --> 00:05:44,930
for a bruised tailbone
than make you sit on a donut.
145
00:05:44,930 --> 00:05:47,430
Oh, well, you're lucky.
146
00:05:47,430 --> 00:05:49,930
When my grandfather
had the same injury,
147
00:05:49,930 --> 00:05:51,940
they did not have
such things.
148
00:05:51,940 --> 00:05:53,440
He had to sit on the lap
149
00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:55,940
of his fat uncle, Carmine.
150
00:05:57,440 --> 00:05:58,940
Yeah, well, thanks for the ride
151
00:05:58,940 --> 00:06:01,450
and for sharing
that really disturbing image.
152
00:06:08,450 --> 00:06:09,950
( grunts )
153
00:06:10,950 --> 00:06:13,460
( sighs )
154
00:06:13,460 --> 00:06:15,960
Hey, Joe, I need to ask you--
155
00:06:15,960 --> 00:06:18,460
Oh, Joe's not here.
He's up in a plane with Alex.
156
00:06:18,460 --> 00:06:19,460
Still?
157
00:06:19,460 --> 00:06:20,970
( whistles )
158
00:06:20,960 --> 00:06:22,970
Okay.
159
00:06:22,970 --> 00:06:25,470
Boy, you're a lot more trusting
than I am, Hackett.
160
00:06:25,470 --> 00:06:27,970
If it was me, I would be
on that radio right now,
161
00:06:27,970 --> 00:06:29,970
trying to find out what
the hell's going on up there.
162
00:06:29,970 --> 00:06:30,970
Roy.
163
00:06:30,970 --> 00:06:32,980
There's nothing goin' on.
164
00:06:32,980 --> 00:06:33,980
You're right.
165
00:06:33,980 --> 00:06:34,980
You're right.
166
00:06:34,980 --> 00:06:36,480
Why would she be
interested in Joe
167
00:06:36,480 --> 00:06:38,980
when she's got
a real man right here?
168
00:06:40,480 --> 00:06:41,990
By the way,
how's your tushy feeling?
169
00:06:41,990 --> 00:06:43,990
( laughs )
170
00:06:43,990 --> 00:06:46,490
( piano theme playing )
171
00:06:50,490 --> 00:06:53,500
( upbeat piano theme playing )
172
00:06:55,000 --> 00:06:56,500
( sighs )
That's it, Fay.
173
00:06:56,500 --> 00:06:57,500
I've done the best I can.
174
00:06:57,500 --> 00:07:00,000
This place is as clean
as it's gonna get.
175
00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:02,010
Oh, Helen, I think
it looks beautiful,
176
00:07:02,010 --> 00:07:03,510
and you're gonna pass
that inspection
177
00:07:03,510 --> 00:07:05,010
with flying colors.
178
00:07:05,010 --> 00:07:07,010
Thanks, Fay.
I really needed to hear that.
179
00:07:07,010 --> 00:07:08,510
But of course,
you might just wanna get
180
00:07:08,510 --> 00:07:11,020
that little thing there.
181
00:07:12,020 --> 00:07:14,020
Oh, right. Okay, thanks.
182
00:07:14,020 --> 00:07:16,520
And-- A-and there's
a little gob of something
183
00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:18,520
over by the stove.
184
00:07:19,520 --> 00:07:22,530
All right, I see it.
185
00:07:22,530 --> 00:07:25,030
You remember last Halloween
186
00:07:25,030 --> 00:07:26,530
when Lowell dropped
that pumpkin pie,
187
00:07:26,530 --> 00:07:28,530
and it splattered
all over everything?
188
00:07:28,530 --> 00:07:29,530
( giggles )
Right.
189
00:07:29,530 --> 00:07:31,040
Well, there's some right there.
190
00:07:35,040 --> 00:07:36,540
Ow. Huh. Ow.
191
00:07:36,540 --> 00:07:38,540
Huh. Ow.
192
00:07:40,040 --> 00:07:43,050
Ooh. Ah.
193
00:07:43,050 --> 00:07:45,050
Oh, hey, give these back
to Joe for me, will you?
194
00:07:45,050 --> 00:07:46,550
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
I'll give them to him
195
00:07:46,550 --> 00:07:48,050
as soon as he gets back
from his flight.
196
00:07:48,050 --> 00:07:50,050
Oh, they're back.
197
00:07:52,060 --> 00:07:53,060
They're back?
Yeah, yeah.
198
00:07:53,060 --> 00:07:54,560
He and Alex came in
from the field,
199
00:07:54,560 --> 00:07:57,060
went straight in the office
and shut the door.
200
00:07:58,560 --> 00:08:00,560
At least, I--
I think they're still in there.
201
00:08:00,560 --> 00:08:03,570
You can't really tell
with the shades pulled.
202
00:08:05,570 --> 00:08:08,570
You okay, Hackett?
203
00:08:08,570 --> 00:08:10,070
Course I'm okay. Why--?
204
00:08:10,070 --> 00:08:11,580
Why would you think
I wouldn't be?
205
00:08:11,580 --> 00:08:14,080
( chuckles )
206
00:08:17,580 --> 00:08:19,080
Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.
207
00:08:19,080 --> 00:08:21,080
Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.
208
00:08:22,590 --> 00:08:24,090
( guffaws )
209
00:08:27,590 --> 00:08:30,090
All right, when you land,
you just, uh, log in
210
00:08:30,090 --> 00:08:31,600
your arrival time right there.
Okay.
211
00:08:31,600 --> 00:08:32,600
And sign it down
at the bottom there
212
00:08:32,600 --> 00:08:33,600
and that's it.
213
00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:35,100
Sounds simple enough.
214
00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:37,600
Hi.
ALEX: Hi.
215
00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:39,100
Hey. Hey, how're you doing?
216
00:08:39,100 --> 00:08:41,100
Everything's okay?
I-I see they gave you a donut.
217
00:08:41,100 --> 00:08:42,610
Oh, yeah, the, uh--
218
00:08:42,610 --> 00:08:44,610
Uh, I didn't need it,
but the doctor insisted.
219
00:08:44,610 --> 00:08:47,610
You know doctors, right?
220
00:08:47,610 --> 00:08:49,110
Donut. Donut. Donut. Donut.
221
00:08:49,110 --> 00:08:51,110
Donut. Donut. Donut.
222
00:08:51,620 --> 00:08:53,120
( sighs )
223
00:08:53,120 --> 00:08:55,620
Well, uh, thanks
for fillin' in for me.
224
00:08:55,620 --> 00:08:57,120
I know there's plenty
of other things
225
00:08:57,120 --> 00:08:58,120
you'd rather be doing.
226
00:08:58,120 --> 00:08:59,620
It's no problem.
In fact, it was--
227
00:08:59,620 --> 00:09:00,620
It was kinda fun.
Oh, okay.
228
00:09:00,620 --> 00:09:02,630
Which, by the way,
I have another flight,
229
00:09:02,630 --> 00:09:05,130
so I'll see you later.
230
00:09:05,130 --> 00:09:06,630
And, uh, I'll see you
on the plane, Joe.
231
00:09:09,630 --> 00:09:12,640
Why do you have to
go up with her again?
232
00:09:12,640 --> 00:09:14,640
She's goin' to Boston,
I've got an appointment there,
233
00:09:14,640 --> 00:09:18,140
and I'm just hitchin' a ride.
234
00:09:18,140 --> 00:09:20,140
Wait a minute.
You're not jealous, are you?
235
00:09:20,140 --> 00:09:22,150
What? M-me? Come on.
236
00:09:22,150 --> 00:09:23,650
( scoffs )
Jealous.
237
00:09:23,650 --> 00:09:24,650
Yeah, I know Alex well enough
238
00:09:24,650 --> 00:09:26,650
to know that I don't have to
worry about her.
239
00:09:26,650 --> 00:09:28,150
You'd better not,
'cause you know how much
240
00:09:28,150 --> 00:09:30,650
she hates jealous guys.
241
00:09:30,650 --> 00:09:32,160
She does?
242
00:09:32,160 --> 00:09:35,160
Yeah, that's why
she broke up with Dan.
243
00:09:35,160 --> 00:09:37,660
Who?
244
00:09:37,660 --> 00:09:40,160
Dan, the guy
she was engaged to.
245
00:09:40,160 --> 00:09:42,170
She was engaged?
246
00:09:42,170 --> 00:09:43,170
Don't you two talk?
247
00:09:43,170 --> 00:09:45,170
Yeah, we talk.
We talk ourselves blue.
248
00:09:45,170 --> 00:09:46,670
Which happens to be
249
00:09:46,670 --> 00:09:48,170
her favorite color.
250
00:09:48,170 --> 00:09:49,170
It's green.
251
00:09:49,170 --> 00:09:50,670
It is?
252
00:09:53,680 --> 00:09:56,180
( wheezy laugh )
253
00:09:58,680 --> 00:10:01,190
( upbeat piano theme playing )
254
00:10:01,180 --> 00:10:03,190
Celtics front office, yeah.
255
00:10:03,190 --> 00:10:04,690
Uh, give me Red Auerbach.
256
00:10:04,690 --> 00:10:07,190
That's right.
257
00:10:07,190 --> 00:10:08,690
Uh, yeah. Yeah, it's me again.
258
00:10:08,690 --> 00:10:10,190
Yeah.
259
00:10:10,190 --> 00:10:12,200
Well, yeah, it's--
It's still the same message.
260
00:10:12,200 --> 00:10:13,700
No, no, no. Please, no.
261
00:10:13,700 --> 00:10:16,200
Tell him that I still want
Aeromass to be
262
00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:17,700
the official airline
of the Boston Celtics.
263
00:10:17,700 --> 00:10:19,700
Now, you think you can
handle that, toots?
264
00:10:19,700 --> 00:10:20,700
Do--?
265
00:10:20,700 --> 00:10:24,710
Nice mouth. O-oh.
266
00:10:24,710 --> 00:10:28,210
Talk like that usually costs me
2 bucks a minute.
267
00:10:29,710 --> 00:10:30,710
Do you know where I can find
268
00:10:30,710 --> 00:10:32,720
the person who operates
this counter?
269
00:10:32,720 --> 00:10:34,720
Who wants to know?
My name is Pam Chase.
270
00:10:34,720 --> 00:10:37,220
I'm with the Massachusetts
Department of Public Health.
271
00:10:37,220 --> 00:10:38,720
She's in the can.
272
00:10:38,720 --> 00:10:40,220
I'll just wait here.
273
00:10:43,230 --> 00:10:44,730
Oh, Helen,
that woman over there is--
274
00:10:44,730 --> 00:10:46,730
Oh, my God.
Relax.
275
00:10:46,730 --> 00:10:48,230
It's just--
That's Pam Chase.
276
00:10:48,230 --> 00:10:49,230
You know her?
277
00:10:49,230 --> 00:10:50,730
Know her? I hate her.
278
00:10:50,730 --> 00:10:53,240
When we kids,
I was a little overweight,
279
00:10:53,240 --> 00:10:55,740
and she never missed
an opportunity to torment me.
280
00:10:55,740 --> 00:10:58,240
What is she doin' here?
281
00:10:58,240 --> 00:11:01,240
You don't know?
282
00:11:01,240 --> 00:11:02,750
You know what?
I don't care.
283
00:11:02,750 --> 00:11:03,750
Call me when she leaves.
284
00:11:03,750 --> 00:11:05,750
Uh, no, Helen, Helen,
Helen come here.
285
00:11:05,750 --> 00:11:07,750
Now, you know me.
286
00:11:07,750 --> 00:11:10,750
You know how I hate
to butt in, but, uh,
287
00:11:10,750 --> 00:11:12,260
if she really tormented you,
288
00:11:12,260 --> 00:11:13,760
you have no choice
289
00:11:13,760 --> 00:11:16,260
but to take action.
290
00:11:16,260 --> 00:11:17,260
What do you mean?
291
00:11:17,260 --> 00:11:19,260
Well, I say that you
march right over there,
292
00:11:19,260 --> 00:11:21,770
and you tell her off but good.
293
00:11:21,770 --> 00:11:25,270
You make her feel the pain
you felt all those years.
294
00:11:25,270 --> 00:11:28,270
Helen, if you don't do it
for yourself, at least do it
295
00:11:28,270 --> 00:11:32,280
for all the fat, little,
tormented children everywhere.
296
00:11:32,280 --> 00:11:34,280
You're an adult.
297
00:11:34,280 --> 00:11:35,780
What can she do to you now?
298
00:11:35,780 --> 00:11:37,280
( scoffs )
299
00:11:38,780 --> 00:11:40,280
You're right, Roy.
300
00:11:40,280 --> 00:11:42,790
Good.
Good girl.
301
00:11:48,290 --> 00:11:49,790
Hello, Pam.
302
00:11:49,790 --> 00:11:51,800
Remember me?
303
00:11:52,800 --> 00:11:54,800
Helen?
304
00:11:54,800 --> 00:11:56,300
Helen Chapel?
305
00:11:56,300 --> 00:11:58,300
Listen, there's something
that's been bothering me
306
00:11:58,300 --> 00:11:59,800
all these years.
307
00:11:59,800 --> 00:12:02,310
When we were kids,
308
00:12:02,310 --> 00:12:04,810
you weren't always
really nice to me.
309
00:12:04,810 --> 00:12:06,810
You said things about my weight.
310
00:12:06,810 --> 00:12:08,810
You said names like:
311
00:12:08,810 --> 00:12:10,310
Tubbo,
312
00:12:10,310 --> 00:12:12,820
Lard Lady,
313
00:12:12,820 --> 00:12:15,320
and Mount St. Helens.
314
00:12:16,320 --> 00:12:17,320
Well,
315
00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:19,820
I have a few names for you.
316
00:12:19,820 --> 00:12:21,330
You're rude,
317
00:12:21,320 --> 00:12:22,830
you're vindictive,
318
00:12:22,830 --> 00:12:23,830
you're shallow,
319
00:12:23,830 --> 00:12:25,330
you're conceited,
320
00:12:25,330 --> 00:12:27,830
you're phony, you're fake,
321
00:12:27,830 --> 00:12:29,830
you're bitchy,
and above all,
322
00:12:29,830 --> 00:12:32,840
you're the biggest tramp
this island's ever seen.
323
00:12:32,840 --> 00:12:34,340
Now, everybody
knew about
324
00:12:34,340 --> 00:12:35,840
you and Skip Riley doin' it
325
00:12:35,840 --> 00:12:38,840
in the back seat of, uh,
his dad's Plymouth.
326
00:12:38,840 --> 00:12:40,340
Well, you know how they knew?
327
00:12:40,340 --> 00:12:44,850
I told them.
328
00:12:44,850 --> 00:12:47,350
And I'm the one that started
329
00:12:47,350 --> 00:12:50,850
calling you "Wham Bam Pam."
330
00:12:52,360 --> 00:12:55,360
So, Wham Bam,
on behalf of all
331
00:12:55,360 --> 00:12:58,360
the little, tortured,
fat children all over the world,
332
00:12:58,360 --> 00:12:59,860
get outta here.
333
00:12:59,860 --> 00:13:01,370
Move it.
334
00:13:01,360 --> 00:13:04,370
Get away from my lunch counter.
335
00:13:04,870 --> 00:13:06,870
( Helen giggles )
336
00:13:08,370 --> 00:13:09,870
This is your lunch counter?
337
00:13:09,870 --> 00:13:13,880
That's right, baby.
338
00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:15,880
So go on. Move it.
339
00:13:15,880 --> 00:13:18,380
There's nothing
you can do to me now.
340
00:13:18,380 --> 00:13:21,380
I'm the state health inspector.
341
00:13:28,390 --> 00:13:30,390
Oh, Pam, it's been so long.
342
00:13:32,900 --> 00:13:36,400
Oh, I just love what you've done
with your hair.
343
00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:38,400
( wheezy laugh )
344
00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:42,910
Oh, this is great.
345
00:13:42,910 --> 00:13:44,410
I say it and they do it.
346
00:13:44,410 --> 00:13:46,410
( laughs )
347
00:13:46,410 --> 00:13:48,910
Oh, I'm having a ball.
348
00:13:49,910 --> 00:13:52,420
( upbeat piano theme playing )
349
00:13:54,920 --> 00:13:57,920
Oh, Brian,
how are you feeling?
350
00:13:57,920 --> 00:13:59,920
Yeah, and how's it going
with your butt?
351
00:13:59,920 --> 00:14:01,930
( sighs )
Fine, Lowell. Thanks for asking.
352
00:14:01,930 --> 00:14:03,930
Listen, um,
353
00:14:03,930 --> 00:14:05,930
I don't wanna sound paranoid
or anything, but--
354
00:14:05,930 --> 00:14:08,430
But do you think there's
something going on
355
00:14:08,430 --> 00:14:10,930
between Joe and Alex?
356
00:14:10,930 --> 00:14:11,940
Brian, I'm ashamed of you.
357
00:14:11,940 --> 00:14:13,440
How could you
accuse your brother
358
00:14:13,440 --> 00:14:14,940
of something like that?
359
00:14:14,940 --> 00:14:17,440
No, you're right. Thanks, Fay.
I really needed to hear that.
360
00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:19,440
And on the other hand,
who could blame him?
361
00:14:20,940 --> 00:14:23,950
You are the one
who stole his fiancée.
362
00:14:23,950 --> 00:14:25,950
Maybe he did wait
all these years
363
00:14:25,950 --> 00:14:27,950
just to get even.
364
00:14:28,450 --> 00:14:29,950
Everyone knows
365
00:14:29,950 --> 00:14:33,460
revenge is a dish
best served cold.
366
00:14:34,960 --> 00:14:36,960
In Italy, we have
the same expression,
367
00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:38,960
except instead of revenge,
368
00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:42,470
we use the word "calamari."
369
00:14:44,470 --> 00:14:45,970
Oh, it's crazy.
370
00:14:45,970 --> 00:14:48,470
Joe Hackett doesn't have
a mean bone in his body.
371
00:14:48,470 --> 00:14:49,970
Yeah, yeah, of course not.
372
00:14:49,970 --> 00:14:51,480
He's probably
just experiencing
373
00:14:51,470 --> 00:14:54,980
that raw, wanton,
sexual passion
374
00:14:54,980 --> 00:14:57,480
that occurs between people
who work together
375
00:14:57,480 --> 00:14:59,480
day in and day out.
376
00:14:59,480 --> 00:15:02,990
I mean, God,
take a look at Alex.
377
00:15:02,990 --> 00:15:04,990
LOWELL:
I-- Uh, she's got
378
00:15:04,990 --> 00:15:07,490
the kind of body
that drives...
379
00:15:08,490 --> 00:15:12,500
lonely mechanics wild.
380
00:15:12,500 --> 00:15:14,500
I mean, if you
weren't my boss,
381
00:15:14,500 --> 00:15:17,500
I'd be on...
382
00:15:17,500 --> 00:15:19,000
Enough said.
383
00:15:20,500 --> 00:15:22,510
Brian, don't-- Don't worry.
384
00:15:22,510 --> 00:15:24,010
I-I know a man and a woman
385
00:15:24,010 --> 00:15:26,510
who worked together for 15 years
386
00:15:26,510 --> 00:15:28,510
side by side in a grocery store.
387
00:15:28,510 --> 00:15:30,510
Never so much as looked
at each other.
388
00:15:30,510 --> 00:15:32,020
There you go.
389
00:15:32,020 --> 00:15:34,020
Of course, no one
could look at them.
390
00:15:34,020 --> 00:15:37,020
They were the two ugliest people
in our village.
391
00:15:39,020 --> 00:15:41,530
Not like Alex and Joe.
392
00:15:41,520 --> 00:15:42,530
Can you--?
393
00:15:42,530 --> 00:15:44,030
Can you imagine how beautiful
394
00:15:44,030 --> 00:15:45,030
their children would be?
395
00:15:45,030 --> 00:15:47,030
Oh.
396
00:15:47,030 --> 00:15:49,530
Thanks, thanks, thanks.
Thanks for your help.
397
00:15:51,530 --> 00:15:52,540
JOE:
Hey.
398
00:15:52,540 --> 00:15:53,540
Hey, Brian.
Hey.
399
00:15:53,540 --> 00:15:55,040
Uh, listen, Brian.
400
00:15:55,040 --> 00:15:57,540
Can I, uh,
borrow Alex tonight?
401
00:15:57,540 --> 00:15:59,040
Why?
402
00:15:59,040 --> 00:16:00,540
Funny thing happened
on the plane.
403
00:16:00,540 --> 00:16:03,050
We met this nice old couple.
They had tickets to the Pops.
404
00:16:03,050 --> 00:16:05,050
They can't go,
so they gave 'em to us.
405
00:16:05,050 --> 00:16:06,550
They thought we were married.
406
00:16:06,550 --> 00:16:08,050
( both laugh )
407
00:16:08,050 --> 00:16:09,050
Isn't that funny?
408
00:16:09,050 --> 00:16:11,560
( chuckles mockingly )
409
00:16:11,550 --> 00:16:14,060
So you'd be okay spending
the evening alone?
410
00:16:14,060 --> 00:16:15,560
Yeah, sure. Sure, sure.
I'll just--
411
00:16:15,560 --> 00:16:17,560
I'll rent a film and I'll
pull up a comfortable chair
412
00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:20,060
and stand behind it.
413
00:16:20,060 --> 00:16:22,070
Great. Okay, see you tomorrow.
All right.
414
00:16:22,070 --> 00:16:24,070
See you later.
You bet.
415
00:16:29,070 --> 00:16:30,570
Wow.
416
00:16:30,570 --> 00:16:33,580
If there was ever a time
I wish I was wrong, Hackett,
417
00:16:33,580 --> 00:16:35,080
this is it.
418
00:16:35,080 --> 00:16:37,080
It kills me to see anybody
treated that way,
419
00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:39,580
especially by
his own brother.
420
00:16:39,580 --> 00:16:41,080
Oh, look, Hackett, we--
421
00:16:41,080 --> 00:16:42,090
We've never been close,
422
00:16:42,090 --> 00:16:45,590
but if you need me,
423
00:16:45,590 --> 00:16:47,590
I'm here for you.
424
00:16:49,590 --> 00:16:50,590
Thanks, Roy.
425
00:16:54,600 --> 00:16:56,100
( wheezy laugh )
426
00:16:59,600 --> 00:17:02,110
Be brave, Hackett.
427
00:17:03,610 --> 00:17:05,610
( wheezy laugh )
428
00:17:09,980 --> 00:17:12,620
( upbeat piano theme playing )
429
00:17:16,120 --> 00:17:18,120
I had a very nice time, Joe.
Thank you.
430
00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:19,620
Oh, thanks. Me too.
431
00:17:19,620 --> 00:17:21,120
We've gotta do that again.
It's so much fun.
432
00:17:21,120 --> 00:17:22,130
Yeah.
433
00:17:22,130 --> 00:17:23,630
( wheels rolling )
434
00:17:23,630 --> 00:17:25,130
Aha!
435
00:17:26,630 --> 00:17:28,130
Brian?
( Brian cackles )
436
00:17:28,130 --> 00:17:29,630
You know what time it is?
437
00:17:30,130 --> 00:17:31,640
Yeah, it's 2 a.m.
438
00:17:31,630 --> 00:17:32,640
It's 2 a.m.
439
00:17:32,640 --> 00:17:34,140
Have you been drinking?
440
00:17:34,140 --> 00:17:35,640
Matter of fact, I have.
441
00:17:35,640 --> 00:17:39,140
Yeah, found Joey's private stash
in his office,
442
00:17:39,140 --> 00:17:41,650
and I'm feeling no pain. Heh.
443
00:17:41,640 --> 00:17:45,150
I even threw away my donut.
444
00:17:45,150 --> 00:17:47,650
Brian, those beers
are nonalcoholic.
445
00:17:47,650 --> 00:17:50,150
In that case,
I'm feeling lots of pain.
446
00:17:52,160 --> 00:17:53,660
That concert ended
447
00:17:53,660 --> 00:17:55,660
at exactly 10:21.
448
00:17:55,660 --> 00:17:59,160
It is now...2:07.
449
00:17:59,160 --> 00:18:00,660
Where the hell have you been?
450
00:18:00,660 --> 00:18:03,170
If you must know,
we went to Martha's Vineyard
451
00:18:03,170 --> 00:18:04,670
for some coffee.
452
00:18:04,670 --> 00:18:06,670
Ha, ha! Of course.
453
00:18:06,670 --> 00:18:09,170
That's where everyone
goes for coffee at 2 a.m.
454
00:18:09,170 --> 00:18:13,180
Martha's Vineyard,
the Decaf Island.
455
00:18:13,180 --> 00:18:14,680
Alex, you would've
found this out eventually,
456
00:18:14,680 --> 00:18:16,680
but our father also went insane.
457
00:18:16,680 --> 00:18:17,680
So.
458
00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:19,680
You're finally gettin' me back
459
00:18:19,680 --> 00:18:22,190
for, uh, stealin'
your fiancée, huh?
460
00:18:22,190 --> 00:18:24,690
( scoffs )
Wha--? Are you kidding me?
461
00:18:24,690 --> 00:18:26,690
Hey, hey, hey,
don't be coy with me.
462
00:18:26,690 --> 00:18:29,690
Everybody knows
that revenge and calamari
463
00:18:29,690 --> 00:18:31,690
are best served cold.
464
00:18:33,700 --> 00:18:35,200
What, you don't think
I know what goes on
465
00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:37,200
between two people, hm?
466
00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:40,200
Who work together
day in and day out?
467
00:18:40,200 --> 00:18:42,210
It's not as though you're
the two ugliest people
468
00:18:42,210 --> 00:18:44,210
in the village.
469
00:18:44,210 --> 00:18:45,710
Joe, was your dad
ever this bad?
470
00:18:45,710 --> 00:18:48,710
Nowhere near. Look, Brian,
I think you'd better stop--
471
00:18:48,710 --> 00:18:50,710
No, I'll-- No, I'll deal
with you in a minute.
472
00:18:52,220 --> 00:18:55,720
I knew I never
should've trusted you.
473
00:18:55,720 --> 00:18:58,220
So, sweetheart,
474
00:18:58,220 --> 00:19:00,220
got anything to say
for yourself?
475
00:19:00,220 --> 00:19:01,730
Go to hell.
476
00:19:02,730 --> 00:19:04,730
Go to hell.
477
00:19:05,730 --> 00:19:07,230
And as for you?
478
00:19:07,230 --> 00:19:10,230
I've only got one question.
479
00:19:10,230 --> 00:19:13,240
At exactly what point
did I become
480
00:19:13,240 --> 00:19:17,240
a complete and total
jackass?
481
00:19:18,740 --> 00:19:22,250
I think it was right after
you said, "Aha!"
482
00:19:22,250 --> 00:19:24,250
How could you think I would do
something like that?
483
00:19:24,250 --> 00:19:26,250
What are you talkin' about?
484
00:19:26,250 --> 00:19:28,250
Roy kept pointing out how close
you two guys were getting.
485
00:19:28,250 --> 00:19:29,750
You listen to Roy?
Ow. Oh.
486
00:19:29,750 --> 00:19:31,250
ALEX:
I'm not leaving.
487
00:19:31,250 --> 00:19:33,260
I'm not letting you off
that easy.
488
00:19:33,260 --> 00:19:34,760
Now, for your information,
489
00:19:34,760 --> 00:19:37,760
the only reason I was spending
so much time with Joe
490
00:19:37,760 --> 00:19:41,260
was to help you out.
And it--
491
00:19:41,260 --> 00:19:43,770
Besides, it wasn't even my idea.
Roy suggested it.
492
00:19:43,770 --> 00:19:45,270
Roy told me to take her
on a test flight,
493
00:19:45,270 --> 00:19:47,270
so I took her on a test flight.
494
00:19:47,270 --> 00:19:49,270
Ooh, yeah, yeah
I'm gon--
495
00:19:49,270 --> 00:19:50,270
( screams )
496
00:19:50,270 --> 00:19:51,780
ALL:
Oh!
497
00:19:51,770 --> 00:19:53,280
Helen, what are you doin' here?
498
00:19:53,280 --> 00:19:54,780
( sighs )
I'm cleanin' my kitchen.
499
00:19:54,780 --> 00:19:57,280
I got 16 health violations,
500
00:19:57,280 --> 00:19:59,280
and if I don't fix 'em
by morning,
501
00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:00,280
they're gonna shut me down.
502
00:20:00,280 --> 00:20:02,290
Well, how did that happen?
503
00:20:02,290 --> 00:20:03,790
Never would've happened
if I hadn't told off
504
00:20:03,790 --> 00:20:05,290
the health inspector.
505
00:20:05,290 --> 00:20:06,290
But nope.
506
00:20:06,290 --> 00:20:09,790
I had to listen
to my good friend Roy.
507
00:20:09,790 --> 00:20:12,300
( upbeat theme playing )
508
00:20:15,800 --> 00:20:17,800
Hey, hey, hey, Hackett.
509
00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:20,300
Your airline just got
a lot smaller,
510
00:20:20,300 --> 00:20:23,310
'cause mine just got
a lot bigger.
511
00:20:23,310 --> 00:20:25,810
( Roy laughs )
What are you talkin' about, Roy?
512
00:20:25,810 --> 00:20:27,810
Well, I finally got a call
from Mr. Red Auerbach
513
00:20:27,810 --> 00:20:29,810
of the Boston Celtics.
514
00:20:29,810 --> 00:20:32,320
They want Aeromass to be
the official airline
515
00:20:32,320 --> 00:20:33,820
for the team.
HELEN: Wow.
516
00:20:33,820 --> 00:20:35,320
That's incredible.
517
00:20:35,320 --> 00:20:36,820
( chuckles )
Roy, you've been tryin'
518
00:20:36,820 --> 00:20:38,320
to do that for years.
519
00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:40,820
Well, they finally wised up
and accepted my offer. Heh.
520
00:20:40,820 --> 00:20:42,830
Well, aren't you gonna
have to buy a bigger plane?
521
00:20:42,830 --> 00:20:44,830
Ooh. I'm glad you asked,
because I just put
522
00:20:44,830 --> 00:20:47,830
a very sizable deposit down
523
00:20:47,830 --> 00:20:52,340
on a brand-new 727.
524
00:20:52,340 --> 00:20:54,840
Wait a minute. Where were you
able to scare up that much cash?
525
00:20:54,840 --> 00:20:56,340
Oh, that's the beauty part, see.
526
00:20:56,340 --> 00:20:59,340
I also got a call this morning
from Nantucket Realty.
527
00:20:59,340 --> 00:21:01,340
So?
ROY: So I've always had a dream
528
00:21:01,340 --> 00:21:04,350
of tapping into some of that
easy Hollywood money.
529
00:21:04,350 --> 00:21:07,850
Well, guess who just made
a very generous offer
530
00:21:07,850 --> 00:21:09,350
on that piece of bottomland
531
00:21:09,350 --> 00:21:10,850
that I call
oceanfront property?
532
00:21:10,850 --> 00:21:12,860
Who?
533
00:21:12,860 --> 00:21:15,860
Mr. Jack Nicholson.
534
00:21:15,860 --> 00:21:17,360
Wow.
535
00:21:17,360 --> 00:21:19,360
( laughs )
That's unbelievable.
536
00:21:19,360 --> 00:21:21,360
Ooh, what a sucker.
537
00:21:21,360 --> 00:21:22,870
Oh, so long, losers.
538
00:21:22,870 --> 00:21:25,370
( sighs )
BRIAN: Whoa, man.
539
00:21:25,370 --> 00:21:26,370
Mm.
540
00:21:28,370 --> 00:21:30,370
Nice work, Mr. Nicholson.
541
00:21:31,870 --> 00:21:35,380
( as Jack Nicholson ):
Same to you, Mr. Auerbach.
542
00:21:35,380 --> 00:21:37,880
( upbeat piano theme playing )
543
00:21:43,390 --> 00:21:55,900
( upbeat piano theme playing )
34894
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