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00:00:02,485 --> 00:00:03,762
MY NAME IS STEVE SCHIRRIPA,
2
00:00:03,762 --> 00:00:05,695
AND I WANT TO TALK TO YOU
ABOUT REVENGE.
3
00:00:06,282 --> 00:00:07,973
YOU GET CHEATED ON...
4
00:00:07,973 --> 00:00:09,492
LIED TO.
5
00:00:09,492 --> 00:00:10,700
YOU'VE BEEN PLAYED.
6
00:00:10,700 --> 00:00:12,081
YOU WANT TO GET EVEN.
7
00:00:12,081 --> 00:00:13,841
Jones:
I REALLY LIKED THIS GUY.
8
00:00:13,841 --> 00:00:15,325
I MEAN, I FELL HARD.
9
00:00:15,325 --> 00:00:18,156
FIVE DAYS PASSED,
AND I HAD NO RESPONSE.
10
00:00:18,156 --> 00:00:20,468
"THIS IS NOT GOING WELL."
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00:00:20,468 --> 00:00:22,367
SHE SAID,
"WELL, HE'S HAVING AN AFFAIR,"
12
00:00:22,367 --> 00:00:26,612
AND SHE LURED HIM
BY MAKING SEXUAL SUGGESTIONS.
13
00:00:26,612 --> 00:00:29,270
THERE SHOULD BE
SOME SORT OF CONSEQUENCE.
14
00:00:29,788 --> 00:00:32,273
BECAUSE WHAT GOES AROUND
DOES COME AROUND.
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00:00:32,273 --> 00:00:34,689
IT'S CALLED "KARMA,"
AND THERE'S A SAYING...
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00:00:34,689 --> 00:00:37,692
--Captions by VITAC--
www.vitac.com
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00:00:37,692 --> 00:00:41,144
CAPTIONS PAID FOR BY
DISCOVERY COMMUNICATIONS
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00:00:41,144 --> 00:00:43,491
[ VIOLA PLAYING ]
19
00:00:43,491 --> 00:00:46,563
WELCOME TO SALT LAKE CITY.
20
00:00:46,563 --> 00:00:49,946
IT'S A GREAT PLACE
TO MAKE BEAUTIFUL MUSIC.
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00:00:49,946 --> 00:00:51,327
[ PLAYING CONTINUES ]
22
00:00:51,327 --> 00:00:53,501
THAT'S WHAT CANDI WAGNER
LIVES FOR.
23
00:00:53,501 --> 00:00:56,263
HER INSTRUMENT IS THE VIOLA.
24
00:00:56,263 --> 00:00:59,162
SHE MEETS GARY VESSEL.
25
00:00:59,162 --> 00:01:00,922
HE MAKES INSTRUMENTS.
26
00:01:00,922 --> 00:01:02,614
WHAT A MATCH.
27
00:01:02,614 --> 00:01:04,512
Wagner:
I MET GARY WHEN I WAS WORKING
28
00:01:04,512 --> 00:01:06,480
AT THE VIOLIN MAKING SCHOOL
OF AMERICA
29
00:01:06,480 --> 00:01:09,586
AS A SECRETARY,
AND HE WAS A STUDENT.
30
00:01:09,586 --> 00:01:11,381
HE JUST WAS REALLY FUN.
31
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WE BECAME FRIENDS.
32
00:01:12,900 --> 00:01:15,696
HE SEEMED VERY MATURE
FOR HIS AGE
33
00:01:15,696 --> 00:01:19,907
AND REALLY READY TO SETTLE DOWN
AND HAVE A FAMILY.
34
00:01:19,907 --> 00:01:22,668
Schirripa: SO, THEY COMBINE
THEIR SOLO LIVES
35
00:01:22,668 --> 00:01:23,773
AND BECOME A DUET.
36
00:01:23,773 --> 00:01:25,568
Wagner:
GARY AND I GOT MARRIED
37
00:01:25,568 --> 00:01:28,260
ABOUT A YEAR AND A HALF
AFTER WE MET.
38
00:01:28,260 --> 00:01:30,435
Schirripa: THEIR MARRIAGE IS
ONE OF THOSE PARTNERSHIPS
39
00:01:30,435 --> 00:01:32,920
WHERE EVERYTHING HARMONIZES.
40
00:01:32,920 --> 00:01:36,786
AND OVER THE NEXT FEW YEARS,
THEY HAVE THREE KIDS TOGETHER.
41
00:01:36,786 --> 00:01:40,686
BUT THEN GARY
STARTS DRIFTING OUT OF TUNE.
42
00:01:40,686 --> 00:01:41,894
[ RECORD SCRATCHES ]
43
00:01:41,894 --> 00:01:44,621
WE WERE MARRIED
FOR EIGHT AND A HALF YEARS.
44
00:01:44,621 --> 00:01:48,384
AND GARY STARTED SPENDING
A LITTLE MORE TIME AT WORK
45
00:01:48,384 --> 00:01:51,421
AND SEEMING
A LITTLE MORE INTROVERTED.
46
00:01:51,421 --> 00:01:53,492
HE DOESN'T REALLY SEEM
TO WANT TO TOUCH ME.
47
00:01:53,492 --> 00:01:56,702
I WOULD ASK HIM,
"ARE YOU HAVING AN AFFAIR?"
48
00:01:56,702 --> 00:01:59,360
HE WOULD ALWAYS SAY, "NO,"
49
00:01:59,360 --> 00:02:01,328
BUT HE WOULD NEVER
LOOK ME IN THE EYE.
50
00:02:03,882 --> 00:02:06,781
Schirripa: CANDI'S
FEMININE INTUITION IS DEAD ON.
51
00:02:06,781 --> 00:02:11,096
IT ALL STARTED WHEN HE WENT ON
A BUSINESS TRIP TO ALBUQUERQUE.
52
00:02:11,096 --> 00:02:13,719
GARY MEETS CATHY NOLAN IN A BAR.
53
00:02:13,719 --> 00:02:17,171
GARY'S 30, AND CATHY'S 41.
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00:02:17,171 --> 00:02:20,209
SHE'S A LEGAL SECRETARY,
DIVORCED,
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00:02:20,209 --> 00:02:23,764
A GRANDMOTHER, AND A COUGAR.
56
00:02:23,764 --> 00:02:27,595
AT FIRST IT'S JUST
AN INNOCENT FLIRTATION,
57
00:02:27,595 --> 00:02:30,840
BUT THEN CATHY STARTS
A LETTER-WRITING CAMPAIGN
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00:02:30,840 --> 00:02:33,498
WITH THE CLEAR AIM
OF GETTING GARY'S HANDS
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00:02:33,498 --> 00:02:37,536
OFF HIS INSTRUMENTS,
OFF HIS WIFE, AND ONTO HER.
60
00:02:40,470 --> 00:02:44,716
SHE DID SOMEHOW RESEARCH HIM
61
00:02:44,716 --> 00:02:48,547
AND FIND HIM IN ORDER
TO SEND HIM A CHRISTMAS CARD.
62
00:02:48,547 --> 00:02:53,103
Schirripa: THEN CATHY STARTS TO
GET MORE PERSONAL...
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00:02:53,103 --> 00:02:55,727
WAY MORE PERSONAL
64
00:02:59,627 --> 00:03:01,491
WHILE THE LETTERS ARE COMING,
65
00:03:01,491 --> 00:03:04,287
THEY'RE ARRIVING
AT HIS WORK ADDRESS.
66
00:03:04,287 --> 00:03:06,324
I HAD NO IDEA.
67
00:03:06,324 --> 00:03:08,395
Schirripa:
AFTER FOUR MONTHS OF THIS,
68
00:03:08,395 --> 00:03:10,983
CATHY'S LETTERS
HAVE THE DESIRED EFFECT.
69
00:03:10,983 --> 00:03:14,504
GARY'S GOT A BUSINESS TRIP
COMING UP IN NEW YORK,
70
00:03:14,504 --> 00:03:17,507
AND HE MAKES PLANS WITH CATHY
TO MEET THERE.
71
00:03:17,507 --> 00:03:20,579
SHE KNOWS HE'S MARRIED,
AND SHE DOESN'T CARE.
72
00:03:20,579 --> 00:03:22,823
THEY KEEP HAVING
THESE RENDEZVOUS
73
00:03:22,823 --> 00:03:25,653
FOR THE NEXT FEW MONTHS.
74
00:03:25,653 --> 00:03:30,900
THEN CANDI GETS THE PHONE CALL
THAT WILL BREAK HER HEART.
75
00:03:30,900 --> 00:03:33,143
[ TELEPHONE RINGS ]
76
00:03:33,143 --> 00:03:35,422
Wagner: THIS WOMAN SAID,
"YOU DON'T KNOW ME.
77
00:03:35,422 --> 00:03:36,802
"I'M A FRIEND OF A FRIEND.
78
00:03:36,802 --> 00:03:39,080
BUT YOU'RE MARRIED
TO GARY VESSEL, RIGHT?"
79
00:03:39,080 --> 00:03:40,323
AND I SAID, "YES."
80
00:03:40,323 --> 00:03:42,636
AND SHE SAID,
"WELL, HE'S HAVING AN AFFAIR."
81
00:03:47,813 --> 00:03:49,436
[ MOANING ]
82
00:03:51,783 --> 00:03:55,959
AND SHE SAID,
"HER NAME IS CATHY NOLAN,
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00:03:55,959 --> 00:03:57,444
AND SHE LIVES IN ALBUQUERQUE,"
84
00:03:57,444 --> 00:03:59,204
AND SHE GAVE ME
HER PHONE NUMBER.
85
00:04:01,758 --> 00:04:04,485
Schirripa:
BUT CANDI DOESN'T CALL.
86
00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:09,628
Schirripa:
SO, I JUST HANDED HIM THE PAPER,
87
00:04:09,628 --> 00:04:12,286
AND I SAID, "ARE WE GONNA TALK?"
88
00:04:12,286 --> 00:04:14,046
AND HE GOES,
"THERE'S NOTHING TO SAY.
89
00:04:14,046 --> 00:04:15,979
SHE'S MY SOUL MATE.
I'M IN LOVE WITH HER."
90
00:04:15,979 --> 00:04:20,294
HE JUST TOLD ME HE WAS MOVING
OUT AND THE MARRIAGE WAS OVER.
91
00:04:20,294 --> 00:04:24,402
IT WAS REAL TOUGH.
92
00:04:24,402 --> 00:04:28,337
Schirripa: THE MAN SHE LOVED,
THE FATHER OF HER CHILDREN --
93
00:04:28,337 --> 00:04:31,512
HE'S JUST WALKING
OUT OF THEIR LIVES.
94
00:04:31,512 --> 00:04:34,066
IT WAS SHOCKING TO KNOW
THAT MY HUSBAND
95
00:04:34,066 --> 00:04:35,965
WAS IN LOVE WITH ANOTHER WOMAN,
96
00:04:35,965 --> 00:04:38,899
THAT THIS WHOLE RELATIONSHIP
HAD DEVELOPED AND I DIDN'T KNOW.
97
00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:44,318
[ TAPE FAST-FORWARDING ]
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00:04:44,318 --> 00:04:46,527
ARE YOU MARRIED?
YES, I AM.
99
00:04:46,527 --> 00:04:47,942
YOU THINK YOUR HUSBAND
EVER CHEATED ON YOU?
100
00:04:47,942 --> 00:04:49,219
I KNOW HE HAS.
101
00:04:49,219 --> 00:04:50,876
AND HOW'D YOU HANDLE THAT,
IF YOU DON'T MIND MY ASKING?
102
00:04:50,876 --> 00:04:53,120
I HAD A COUPLE OF DRINKS AND
CALLED HER QUITE A FEW NAMES.
103
00:04:53,120 --> 00:04:55,122
ANY GUY EVER CHEAT ON YOU?
104
00:04:55,122 --> 00:04:56,779
YES.
AND WHAT DID YOU DO?
105
00:04:56,779 --> 00:04:58,574
MM. I WAS VERY ANGRY.
106
00:04:58,574 --> 00:05:00,369
BUT FOR THE REAL REVENGE,
107
00:05:00,369 --> 00:05:03,510
I WANT TO DO SOMETHING
IN PUBLIC, NOT PRIVATE.
108
00:05:03,510 --> 00:05:07,479
WHEN CANDI WAGNER'S HUSBAND,
GARY, WALKS OUT,
109
00:05:07,479 --> 00:05:09,585
SHE'S NOT THINKING ABOUT
GETTING BACK AT HIM.
110
00:05:09,585 --> 00:05:12,277
SHE'S STUNNED, HEARTBROKEN.
111
00:05:12,277 --> 00:05:15,315
I HAD DAYS WHERE I WOULD JUST --
112
00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:17,593
AFTER I LEFT THE HOUSE
AND I WAS ALONE IN THE CAR,
113
00:05:17,593 --> 00:05:20,389
I WOULD JUST CRY
AND CRY AND CRY.
114
00:05:20,389 --> 00:05:22,391
BUT WHEN SHE DUSTS HERSELF OFF
115
00:05:22,391 --> 00:05:24,669
AND COMES TO UNDERSTAND
WHAT REALLY HAPPENED,
116
00:05:24,669 --> 00:05:28,707
SHE BE READY TO TEACH HIM
A MASTER CLASS IN COMEUPPANCE.
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00:05:28,707 --> 00:05:31,054
BELIEVE ME -- HE'S GONNA WISH
118
00:05:31,054 --> 00:05:33,367
KARMA NEVER HEARD OF
ALBUQUERQUE.
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00:05:39,304 --> 00:05:41,341
IN SALT LAKE CITY,
120
00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:44,516
THE BEAUTIFUL DUET CANDI WAGNER
THOUGHT SHE WAS PLAYING
121
00:05:44,516 --> 00:05:47,174
WITH HER HUSBAND,
VIOLIN MAKER GARY VESSEL,
122
00:05:47,174 --> 00:05:49,590
HAS FALLEN WILDLY OUT OF TUNE.
123
00:05:49,590 --> 00:05:51,454
GARY'S BEEN LURED OFF
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00:05:51,454 --> 00:05:53,974
BY THE SIREN SONG
OF ANOTHER WOMAN, CATHY NOLAN.
125
00:05:53,974 --> 00:05:56,666
YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES I THINK
THERE OUGHT TO BE A LAW
126
00:05:56,666 --> 00:06:00,083
AGAINST SNAGGING
SOMEONE ELSE'S SPOUSE.
127
00:06:00,083 --> 00:06:04,191
TURNS OUT, I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE
WHO THINKS THAT WAY.
128
00:06:06,158 --> 00:06:08,437
Wagner:
MY WORLD HAD BEEN FALLING APART.
129
00:06:08,437 --> 00:06:11,474
I JUST NEEDED TO KNOW WHAT
HAD BEEN GOING ON IN MY LIFE
130
00:06:11,474 --> 00:06:13,096
THAT I DIDN'T KNOW.
131
00:06:13,096 --> 00:06:16,617
Schirripa:
HOW'S CANDI GONNA FIND OUT?
132
00:06:16,617 --> 00:06:18,930
WELL, THE SAME WOMAN
WHO TOLD HER ABOUT THE AFFAIR
133
00:06:18,930 --> 00:06:20,656
ALSO TELLS HER
134
00:06:20,656 --> 00:06:23,313
ABOUT ALL THOSE CARDS
AND LETTERS THAT CATHY SENT
135
00:06:23,313 --> 00:06:27,490
AND THAT GARY'S BEEN HIDING THEM
AT HIS WORKSHOP.
136
00:06:27,490 --> 00:06:32,184
GARY'S COWORKER TOLD HIS WIFE,
AND SHE TOLD A FRIEND,
137
00:06:32,184 --> 00:06:35,533
WHO DECIDED CANDI
HAD A RIGHT TO KNOW.
138
00:06:35,533 --> 00:06:38,432
SO, I WENT TO THE SHOP AND I SAW
HIS COWORKER THERE AND I SAID,
139
00:06:38,432 --> 00:06:41,884
"I'M GOING ON A LITTLE SEARCH.
DON'T TRY TO STOP ME."
140
00:06:44,093 --> 00:06:46,336
I SAID, "MOVE OUT OF MY WAY,"
AND WE HAD THIS LITTLE BATTLE.
141
00:06:46,336 --> 00:06:48,408
AND THEN HE LET ME TAKE THEM.
142
00:06:51,134 --> 00:06:53,654
AT FIRST I TOLD MYSELF
I WASN'T GOING TO READ THEM,
143
00:06:53,654 --> 00:06:56,070
BUT, OF COURSE, I STAYED UP
ALL NIGHT AND READ THEM.
144
00:06:56,070 --> 00:06:58,176
IT WAS A HORRIBLE NIGHT.
145
00:07:09,567 --> 00:07:12,949
AND SHE LURED HIM
FOR THREE MONTHS
146
00:07:12,949 --> 00:07:15,227
BY SENDING
ALL THESE CARDS AND LETTERS
147
00:07:15,227 --> 00:07:16,953
AND MAKING SEXUAL SUGGESTIONS.
148
00:07:16,953 --> 00:07:19,024
Schirripa:
AND BECAUSE SHE LURED HIM,
149
00:07:19,024 --> 00:07:22,959
KARMA -- OR, AS THEY CALL HER
IN COURT, JUSTICE --
150
00:07:22,959 --> 00:07:25,617
IS GONNA WEIGH IN BIG TIME.
151
00:07:25,617 --> 00:07:30,519
I REALLY FELT LIKE INTERFERING
IN A MARRIAGE WAS WRONG
152
00:07:30,519 --> 00:07:32,693
AND THAT THERE SHOULD BE
SOME SORT OF CONSEQUENCE.
153
00:07:35,351 --> 00:07:36,766
FORTUNATELY FOR CANDI,
154
00:07:36,766 --> 00:07:39,804
IN UTAH, THERE'S AN OLD LAW
ON THE BOOKS THAT SAYS
155
00:07:39,804 --> 00:07:43,324
IF SOMEONE RUNS OFF WITH
A PERSON THEY KNOW IS MARRIED,
156
00:07:43,324 --> 00:07:47,328
WHAT THEY ARE DOING
IS UNDERMINING A LEGAL CONTRACT,
157
00:07:47,328 --> 00:07:49,952
AND YOU CAN SUE THEM
FOR DAMAGES.
158
00:07:51,540 --> 00:07:54,543
THE LAW IS CALLED
ALIENATION OF AFFECTION,
159
00:07:54,543 --> 00:07:57,649
AND IT'S BEEN AROUND
SINCE THE 1860s.
160
00:07:57,649 --> 00:08:00,928
MOST STATES HAVE GOTTEN
RID OF IT, BUT NOT UTAH --
161
00:08:00,928 --> 00:08:04,035
A FACT
THAT LEGAL SECRETARY CATHY NOLAN
162
00:08:04,035 --> 00:08:06,071
SHOULD HAVE READ UP ON.
163
00:08:06,071 --> 00:08:08,626
I SUED HER
FOR ALIENATION OF AFFECTION,
164
00:08:08,626 --> 00:08:10,662
FOR A MILLION DOLLARS.
165
00:08:10,662 --> 00:08:14,942
I THINK IT'S APTLY NAMED 'CAUSE
HE SLOWLY, SLOWLY PULLED AWAY,
166
00:08:14,942 --> 00:08:18,359
AND HIS AFFECTIONS
WERE ALIENATED TOWARDS ME.
167
00:08:20,879 --> 00:08:23,261
Schirripa:
CATHY'S THE ONE ON TRIAL,
168
00:08:23,261 --> 00:08:26,471
BUT BOTH SHE AND GARY
ARE IN KARMA'S CROSS HAIRS
169
00:08:26,471 --> 00:08:30,268
BECAUSE HER STEAMY LETTERS
ARE NOW INTRODUCED AS EVIDENCE
170
00:08:30,268 --> 00:08:35,135
AND READ ALOUD FOR THE JUDGE
BY THE CHEATING HUSBAND HIMSELF.
171
00:08:35,135 --> 00:08:37,413
"HOW WOULD YOU RATE YOURSELF
SEXUALLY?"
172
00:08:37,413 --> 00:08:39,380
THAT WAS JUST THE BEGINNING.
173
00:08:39,380 --> 00:08:42,625
GARY HAD TO KEEP ON READING.
174
00:08:42,625 --> 00:08:44,627
ONE OF THE LETTERS SAID,
"YES, I DO THINK
175
00:08:44,627 --> 00:08:47,009
YOU CAN BE IN LOVE WITH
TWO WOMEN AT THE SAME TIME,"
176
00:08:47,009 --> 00:08:49,114
AND THEN IT PROGRESSED TO
177
00:08:49,114 --> 00:08:51,634
"I KNOW YOU'VE NEVER
LOVED YOUR WIFE" KIND OF THING.
178
00:08:51,634 --> 00:08:55,776
IT WAS ALL IN THE CARDS
AND LETTERS, IN HER WORDS.
179
00:08:55,776 --> 00:08:58,572
Schirripa: THE SOUND
OF GARY READING THOSE LETTERS --
180
00:08:58,572 --> 00:09:01,713
THAT'S THE SWEET SOUND
OF KARMA AT WORK.
181
00:09:01,713 --> 00:09:04,336
AND WHAT DID THE JURY SAY?
182
00:09:04,336 --> 00:09:08,996
THEY WERE IMMEDIATELY UNANIMOUS,
AND THEY AWARDED ME $500,000.
183
00:09:08,996 --> 00:09:11,930
Schirripa:
WOW. 500,000 BUCKS.
184
00:09:11,930 --> 00:09:14,588
THAT'S SOME SUPER-SIZED KARMA.
185
00:09:14,588 --> 00:09:18,350
I CHOSE TO WATCH GARY'S REACTION
FOR THE VERDICT.
186
00:09:18,350 --> 00:09:21,457
WELL, HIS MOUTH PRETTY MUCH
FELL TO THE FLOOR.
187
00:09:21,457 --> 00:09:23,493
I DID GET SOME ENJOYMENT
OUT OF THAT.
188
00:09:23,493 --> 00:09:25,047
[ LAUGHS ]
189
00:09:25,047 --> 00:09:28,326
Schirripa: CATHY AND CANDI END
UP SETTLING FOR ABOUT 50 GRAND.
190
00:09:28,326 --> 00:09:31,536
FOR A LEGAL SECRETARY,
THAT'S A BIG BITE.
191
00:09:31,536 --> 00:09:35,057
BUT FOR CANDI,
IT WAS NEVER ABOUT THE MONEY.
192
00:09:35,057 --> 00:09:37,680
MY GOAL WAS TO NOT BE VICTIMIZED
193
00:09:37,680 --> 00:09:41,546
BY THE WHOLE CIRCUMSTANCE
OF THE AFFAIR
194
00:09:41,546 --> 00:09:44,963
AND HAVING
A DIVORCE I DIDN'T WANT.
195
00:09:44,963 --> 00:09:47,517
I FEEL LIKE THE ALIENATION
OF AFFECTION LAWSUIT
196
00:09:47,517 --> 00:09:50,141
WAS A WAY
TO STAND UP FOR MYSELF.
197
00:09:50,141 --> 00:09:52,281
CATHY COULD HAVE SAVED HERSELF
198
00:09:52,281 --> 00:09:54,973
A PILE OF MONEY
AND SOME HEARTACHE.
199
00:09:54,973 --> 00:09:56,768
GARY LEFT HER, TOO.
200
00:09:56,768 --> 00:09:58,908
HE SHOULD HAVE STUCK
TO MAKING VIOLINS
201
00:09:58,908 --> 00:10:00,358
INSTEAD OF BREAKING HEARTS.
202
00:10:00,358 --> 00:10:01,946
THANKS TO AN OLD LAW,
203
00:10:01,946 --> 00:10:05,190
KARMA NAILED BOTH OF
THOSE LOVE BIRDS WITH ONE STONE.
204
00:10:05,190 --> 00:10:07,089
BUT CHECK THIS OUT --
205
00:10:07,089 --> 00:10:09,160
EVEN WITHOUT THE LAW,
206
00:10:09,160 --> 00:10:12,646
THERE ARE WAYS
TO TURN PAYBACK INTO PAYROLL.
207
00:10:12,646 --> 00:10:15,407
WHEN TAYLOR FINDS OUT
HER BOYFRIEND'S CHEATING,
208
00:10:15,407 --> 00:10:19,549
SHE KICKS HIM OUT SO FAST,
HE CAN'T EVEN GRAB HIS CLOTHES.
209
00:10:19,549 --> 00:10:23,933
THEN SHE REALIZES, "HEY,
I BOUGHT HIM THOSE CLOTHES.
210
00:10:23,933 --> 00:10:25,314
THEY'RE MINE."
211
00:10:25,314 --> 00:10:30,077
SO, SHE DECIDES TO HAVE
A LITTLE FASHION SHOW ON eBay.
212
00:10:30,077 --> 00:10:32,355
IT'S FUN FOR TAYLOR
213
00:10:32,355 --> 00:10:35,151
'CAUSE HER EX WOULD
NEVER LET HER STRUT HER STUFF.
214
00:10:35,151 --> 00:10:39,535
SO, HE CAN'T BE LOVING IT
WHEN SHE STRUTS
HIS
STUFF.
215
00:10:39,535 --> 00:10:43,366
HER ONLINE CATWALK
PAYS OFF BIG TIME...
216
00:10:43,366 --> 00:10:45,023
[ CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS ]
217
00:10:45,023 --> 00:10:48,751
...'CAUSE TAYLOR ALSO RAKES
IT IN BY SELLING HER SEXY SNAPS,
218
00:10:48,751 --> 00:10:51,167
AS WELL AS HIS OLD THREADS.
219
00:10:51,167 --> 00:10:53,342
SHE BECOMES A MEDIA SENSATION --
220
00:10:53,342 --> 00:10:56,034
TV INTERVIEWS,
A FEATURE FROM
PENTHOUSE.
221
00:10:56,034 --> 00:10:59,900
AND SHE DOES IT ALL
WHILE KEEPING HER PRIVACY.
222
00:10:59,900 --> 00:11:02,178
SHE TELLS HER EX
WHAT SHE'S DOING,
223
00:11:02,178 --> 00:11:04,318
BUT DOESN'T TELL ANYONE
WHO HE IS
224
00:11:04,318 --> 00:11:07,874
'CAUSE THAT WOULD REVEAL
WHO SHE IS.
225
00:11:07,874 --> 00:11:09,530
WHEN SOMEONE BREAKS UP WITH YOU,
226
00:11:09,530 --> 00:11:11,878
IT ALWAYS SEEMS TO HAPPEN
AT A BAD TIME,
227
00:11:11,878 --> 00:11:13,949
BUT THERE ARE
SOME MOMENTS IN LIFE
228
00:11:13,949 --> 00:11:16,434
WHEN IT'S TOTALLY UNFORGIVABLE.
229
00:11:16,434 --> 00:11:17,884
YOU'RE ABOUT TO MEET A GAL
230
00:11:17,884 --> 00:11:22,854
WHO GOT DUMPED
AT THE WORST POSSIBLE TIME.
231
00:11:22,854 --> 00:11:25,270
Jones: I KNEW SOMETHING
WAS TOTALLY WEIRD.
232
00:11:25,270 --> 00:11:26,927
THE FEMALE INTUITION
JUST KICKED IN,
233
00:11:26,927 --> 00:11:28,964
AND I'M LIKE,
"THIS IS NOT GOING WELL."
234
00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:38,318
WHEN YOU'RE IN COLLEGE,
THERE'S LOTS OF COMPETITION --
235
00:11:38,318 --> 00:11:41,424
GRADES, SPORTS, RUSH WEEK.
236
00:11:41,424 --> 00:11:43,737
BUT AT SOME SCHOOLS,
THAT ALL PALES
237
00:11:43,737 --> 00:11:47,223
COMPARED TO THE PRESSURE LEADING
UP TO THE BIG FORMAL DANCE.
238
00:11:47,223 --> 00:11:50,192
SO, IMAGINE -- YOU'RE
A CALIFORNIA SORORITY GIRL,
239
00:11:50,192 --> 00:11:52,297
AND THE WORLD IS YOUR OYSTER.
240
00:11:52,297 --> 00:11:53,264
THE BIG NIGHT'S COMING UP.
241
00:11:53,264 --> 00:11:55,162
YOU GOT YOUR DATE, YOUR DRESS,
242
00:11:55,162 --> 00:11:58,579
AND AT THE 11th HOUR,
TOTAL DISASTER.
243
00:11:58,579 --> 00:12:01,893
I'M NOT TALKING
CHIPPED TOOTH HERE --
244
00:12:01,893 --> 00:12:03,653
MORE LIKE BROKEN HEART.
245
00:12:03,653 --> 00:12:06,726
[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]
246
00:12:12,145 --> 00:12:13,802
I'M A CREATIVE WRITING MAJOR,
247
00:12:13,802 --> 00:12:15,976
AND SO I HAVE
A BUNCH OF DIFFERENT CLASSES
248
00:12:15,976 --> 00:12:16,977
THAT I'M TAKING.
249
00:12:16,977 --> 00:12:18,358
I REALLY LOVE IT.
250
00:12:18,358 --> 00:12:21,154
Schirripa: CHRISTINA JONES
LIVES THE GREEK LIFE
251
00:12:21,154 --> 00:12:23,535
AT THE UNIVERSITY
OF SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA.
252
00:12:23,535 --> 00:12:28,195
IT'S A PRESSURE COOKER
OF HIGH STAKES AND HIGHER HEELS.
253
00:12:28,195 --> 00:12:30,163
MY SORORITY IS PI BETA PHI,
254
00:12:30,163 --> 00:12:33,062
AND IT'S BY FAR, I THINK,
THE BEST AND MY FAVORITE.
255
00:12:33,062 --> 00:12:34,892
I LOVE ALL THE GIRLS IN IT.
256
00:12:34,892 --> 00:12:36,203
IT'S REALLY FUN.
257
00:12:36,203 --> 00:12:38,447
[ TAPE FAST-FORWARDING ]
258
00:12:38,447 --> 00:12:42,865
I'M ALWAYS DOWN TO TAKE RISKS,
AND I'M VERY SPONTANEOUS.
259
00:12:42,865 --> 00:12:44,833
Schirripa:
HER ROOMMATE CAN BACK THAT UP.
260
00:12:44,833 --> 00:12:48,595
FOR A FOOTBALL GAME, SHE, LIKE,
PAINTED HER ENTIRE BODY RED
261
00:12:48,595 --> 00:12:50,942
AND, LIKE, WENT TO
THE FOOTBALL GAME LIKE THAT.
262
00:12:50,942 --> 00:12:54,049
Schirripa: EVERYTHING'S GREAT
IN CHRISTINA'S WORLD,
263
00:12:54,049 --> 00:12:57,397
EXCEPT FOR JUST ONE THING --
GUYS.
264
00:12:57,397 --> 00:12:59,813
Mukerji:
SHE GETS DUMPED ALL THE TIME.
265
00:12:59,813 --> 00:13:00,987
IT'S REALLY AWFUL.
266
00:13:00,987 --> 00:13:02,851
Schirripa:
AND WHY DOES IT HAPPEN?
267
00:13:02,851 --> 00:13:05,681
Jones:
I'M A VERY EASYGOING PERSON,
268
00:13:05,681 --> 00:13:08,442
AND I THINK EVENTUALLY
GUYS TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THAT.
269
00:13:08,442 --> 00:13:10,790
THEY THINK THAT WALKING AWAY
270
00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:12,895
OR GOING FOR ANOTHER GIRL
WON'T HURT ME.
271
00:13:14,517 --> 00:13:16,416
Schirripa:
BUT MAYBE ALL THOSE GUYS
272
00:13:16,416 --> 00:13:19,246
JUST NEEDED TO CLEAR THE FIELD
FOR THE BIG MAN ON CAMPUS
273
00:13:19,246 --> 00:13:23,250
'CAUSE NOW HE AND CHRISTINA
ARE AN ITEM.
274
00:13:23,250 --> 00:13:24,734
I REALLY LIKE THIS GUY.
275
00:13:24,734 --> 00:13:25,908
I MEAN, I FELL HARD.
276
00:13:25,908 --> 00:13:27,703
I THOUGHT HE WAS
A MATURE AND OLDER GUY,
277
00:13:27,703 --> 00:13:29,049
THAT THIS IS GONNA BE GOOD.
278
00:13:29,049 --> 00:13:31,017
Mukerji: SHE USED TO, LIKE,
GO OUT WITH HIM A LOT,
279
00:13:31,017 --> 00:13:32,708
AND SO SHE WAS VERY EXCITED.
280
00:13:32,708 --> 00:13:35,331
YOU KNOW, SHE JUST THOUGHT THIS
WAS SOMETHING THAT MIGHT LAST.
281
00:13:35,331 --> 00:13:37,989
WE DATED FOR A FEW MONTHS.
282
00:13:37,989 --> 00:13:41,544
Schirripa: THEY DATE THROUGH
CHRISTMAS, NEW YEAR'S EVE.
283
00:13:41,544 --> 00:13:43,339
BUT THOSE ARE JUST A RUN-UP
284
00:13:43,339 --> 00:13:47,033
TO THE MOST IMPORTANT
SOCIAL EVENT OF THE YEAR --
285
00:13:47,033 --> 00:13:50,968
THE BEAUX AND ARROWS
FORMAL DANCE.
286
00:13:50,968 --> 00:13:52,935
IT'S AROUND VALENTINE'S DAY,
WHICH IS --
287
00:13:52,935 --> 00:13:55,213
YOU WANT TO TAKE SOMEBODY
THAT YOU'RE REALLY INTO.
288
00:13:55,213 --> 00:13:56,490
IT'S KIND OF HIGH-PRESSURE.
289
00:13:56,490 --> 00:13:59,079
Schirripa:
BECAUSE IT'S THE BIG EVENT
290
00:13:59,079 --> 00:14:02,531
WHERE SORORITY LADIES SHOW
WHO THEY LOVE,
291
00:14:02,531 --> 00:14:05,396
NO GUY CAN GO
TO BEAUX AND ARROWS
292
00:14:05,396 --> 00:14:09,124
UNLESS HE'S PERSONALLY INVITED
BY A SORORITY MEMBER.
293
00:14:09,124 --> 00:14:12,610
I WAS SO EXCITED TO, LIKE, BE
TAKING THIS GUY IN PARTICULAR
294
00:14:12,610 --> 00:14:14,370
'CAUSE I WAS REALLY INTO HIM.
295
00:14:14,370 --> 00:14:16,096
HE'S FRIENDS WITH MY FRIENDS,
296
00:14:16,096 --> 00:14:17,477
AND SO I THOUGHT
IT WAS GONNA BE A REALLY --
297
00:14:17,477 --> 00:14:20,929
LIKE, JUST THE ULTIMATE,
PERFECT, STORYBOOK FORMAL.
298
00:14:20,929 --> 00:14:23,379
Schirripa:
BUT SHE'S ABOUT TO FIND OUT
299
00:14:23,379 --> 00:14:27,659
THAT HER PRINCE CHARMING
IS REALLY A TOAD.
300
00:14:27,659 --> 00:14:31,008
Jones: WE HAD CALLED AND TEXTED
EVERY SINGLE DAY,
301
00:14:31,008 --> 00:14:33,493
AND WHEN WE CAME BACK
TO START THE NEW SEMESTER,
302
00:14:33,493 --> 00:14:37,048
FOUR OR FIVE DAYS PASSED,
AND I HAD NO RESPONSE.
303
00:14:37,048 --> 00:14:38,739
I KNEW SOMETHING
WAS TOTALLY WEIRD.
304
00:14:38,739 --> 00:14:40,741
THE FEMALE INTUITION
JUST KICKED IN, AND I'M LIKE,
305
00:14:40,741 --> 00:14:44,504
"OKAY, LIKE,
THIS IS NOT GOING WELL."
306
00:14:44,504 --> 00:14:46,230
I KEPT,
LIKE, THE FALSE HOPE, LIKE,
307
00:14:46,230 --> 00:14:47,956
"OH, MAYBE THE PHONE DIED,"
308
00:14:47,956 --> 00:14:50,061
BUT WHEN
THAT ONE-WEEK MARKER HIT,
309
00:14:50,061 --> 00:14:51,683
KIND OF IT JUST LIKE SUNK IN
310
00:14:51,683 --> 00:14:55,480
I WAS LIKE, "IT'S OVER.
HE'S NOT GONNA CALL."
311
00:14:55,480 --> 00:14:56,861
Schirripa:
HE DOESN'T EVEN BOTHER
312
00:14:56,861 --> 00:15:00,071
SENDING A LAME BREAK-UP TEXT.
313
00:15:00,071 --> 00:15:02,142
Jones: THIS WAS ABOUT A WEEK
314
00:15:02,142 --> 00:15:03,903
BEFORE BEAUX AND ARROWS
HAPPENED,
315
00:15:03,903 --> 00:15:05,974
SO I AM NOW SCRAMBLING.
316
00:15:05,974 --> 00:15:09,425
I HAD ABSOLUTELY
NO IDEA WHAT TO DO.
317
00:15:09,425 --> 00:15:11,634
THE BIG DANCE IS COMING UP FAST.
318
00:15:11,634 --> 00:15:14,189
CHRISTINA JONES
IS ALL DOLLED UP,
319
00:15:14,189 --> 00:15:17,433
WITH A HUGE GAP IN HER LIFE
WHERE HER DATE USED TO BE.
320
00:15:17,433 --> 00:15:19,297
NOW, IF YOU'RE THE KIND OF GAL
321
00:15:19,297 --> 00:15:22,024
WHO PAINTS HERSELF RED
FOR FOOTBALL GAMES,
322
00:15:22,024 --> 00:15:24,337
YOU DON'T FOLD
FOR SOMETHING LIKE THIS.
323
00:15:24,337 --> 00:15:28,203
YOU SEE RED,
AND THEN YOU GO FOR THE GOLD.
324
00:15:36,349 --> 00:15:38,454
Schirripa: AT THE UNIVERSITY
OF SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA,
325
00:15:38,454 --> 00:15:40,146
CREATIVE-WRITING STUDENT
CHRISTINA JONES
326
00:15:40,146 --> 00:15:42,044
IS DATING THE BIG MAN ON CAMPUS
327
00:15:42,044 --> 00:15:45,358
AND EXCITED ABOUT GOING WITH HIM
TO THE FORMAL DANCE.
328
00:15:45,358 --> 00:15:48,119
BUT THIS FAKE PRINCE CHARMING
HASN'T READ THE FAIRY TALE.
329
00:15:48,119 --> 00:15:50,950
HE WALKS OUT ON HER.
330
00:15:53,021 --> 00:15:58,958
USC STUDENT GOING TO A FORMAL,
AND THE GUY STOOD HER UP.
331
00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:00,511
WHAT WOULD YOU DO
IF THAT WAS YOU?
332
00:16:00,511 --> 00:16:02,685
I'D PROBABLY TRY TO GET HIM BACK
FOR IT 'CAUSE THAT'S JUST --
333
00:16:02,685 --> 00:16:05,550
I MEAN, GIRLS PLAN FOR THOSE
THINGS LIKE MONTHS IN ADVANCE.
334
00:16:05,550 --> 00:16:07,207
SO, WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
335
00:16:07,207 --> 00:16:09,865
FIND THE MOST GORGEOUS DATE
TO GO IN HIS PLACE
336
00:16:09,865 --> 00:16:13,800
AND LOOK BEAUTIFUL THAT NIGHT
AND RUB HIS NOSE IN IT.
337
00:16:13,800 --> 00:16:15,664
[ THUNDER RUMBLING ]
338
00:16:15,664 --> 00:16:17,459
Schirripa:
YEAH, RUB HIS NOSE IN IT.
339
00:16:17,459 --> 00:16:18,494
SOUNDS GOOD.
340
00:16:18,494 --> 00:16:19,979
THAT'S EXACTLY
WHAT CHRISTINA JONES
341
00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:22,671
WOULD LOVE TO DO, BUT HOW?
342
00:16:22,671 --> 00:16:25,156
ANYONE ELSE SHE COULD
ASK TO THE FORMAL
343
00:16:25,156 --> 00:16:27,193
IS ALREADY GOING
WITH SOMEONE ELSE.
344
00:16:27,193 --> 00:16:29,333
IT WAS PRETTY MUCH
AN IMPOSSIBLE FEAT,
345
00:16:29,333 --> 00:16:30,851
BUT I WAS NOT ABOUT TO GIVE UP.
346
00:16:30,851 --> 00:16:32,370
I WAS GONNA FIND SOMEONE.
347
00:16:32,370 --> 00:16:35,753
Schirripa: LUCKILY, CHRISTINA
DOESN'T HAVE TO LIMIT HERSELF
348
00:16:35,753 --> 00:16:36,961
TO GUYS ON CAMPUS.
349
00:16:36,961 --> 00:16:38,445
Jones:
WE CAN TAKE WHOEVER WE WANT.
350
00:16:38,445 --> 00:16:41,310
SO, THEN MY NEXT
NATURAL INSTINCT
351
00:16:41,310 --> 00:16:43,036
WAS TO GO TO CRAIGSLIST,
352
00:16:43,036 --> 00:16:49,801
WHICH IS PROBABLY THE LAST THING
THAT ANY NORMAL PERSON WOULD DO.
353
00:16:49,801 --> 00:16:52,528
I TOLD HER THAT SHE WAS INSANE,
354
00:16:52,528 --> 00:16:56,118
THAT SHE WAS GONNA END UP, LIKE,
MURDERED ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD
355
00:16:56,118 --> 00:16:57,775
BY SOME CRAZY CRAIGSLIST GUY.
356
00:16:57,775 --> 00:17:00,191
I MADE
THIS VERY CONSTRUCTED LIST
357
00:17:00,191 --> 00:17:02,607
OF ALL THE QUALITIES
THAT THE GUY HAD TO HAVE.
358
00:17:02,607 --> 00:17:04,092
MAYBE I'D GET LUCKY.
359
00:17:04,092 --> 00:17:07,612
THE DATE HAD TO BE OVER 6',
NOT INCLUDING HEIGHT FROM HAIR,
360
00:17:07,612 --> 00:17:10,857
HAD TO HAVE
PERFECT CREST-WHITESTRIP SMILE.
361
00:17:10,857 --> 00:17:13,101
AND SHE STARTED GETTING
ALL THESE RESPONSES
362
00:17:13,101 --> 00:17:14,481
FROM ALL THESE GREAT GUYS,
363
00:17:14,481 --> 00:17:16,932
AND SHE WAS JUST HAVING A BLAST
FOR TWO DAYS.
364
00:17:16,932 --> 00:17:19,590
Schirripa: BUT EVERY FAIRY TALE
HAS AN EVIL VILLAIN.
365
00:17:19,590 --> 00:17:22,110
CHRISTINA'S AD GETS HACKED.
366
00:17:22,110 --> 00:17:25,285
IT'S FROZEN.
367
00:17:25,285 --> 00:17:26,769
THAT CONTACT INFO FOR THE GUYS
368
00:17:26,769 --> 00:17:28,875
WHO WANT TO ESCORT HER
TO THE DANCE --
369
00:17:28,875 --> 00:17:30,911
IT'S GONE.
370
00:17:30,911 --> 00:17:33,155
AT THE POINT WHERE
THE CRAIGSLIST AD GOT HACKED,
371
00:17:33,155 --> 00:17:35,157
I HAD ABOUT
THREE OR FOUR DAYS LEFT.
372
00:17:35,157 --> 00:17:36,158
[ CHUCKLES ]
373
00:17:36,158 --> 00:17:37,849
AND I WAS COMPLETELY DATE-LESS,
374
00:17:37,849 --> 00:17:39,920
AND NOW I AM
REALLY OUT OF OPTIONS.
375
00:17:42,095 --> 00:17:44,235
Schirripa:
BUT JUST IN THE NICK OF TIME,
376
00:17:44,235 --> 00:17:45,719
LIKE SHE DID FOR CINDERELLA,
377
00:17:45,719 --> 00:17:48,860
FAIRY GODMOTHER KARMA
REACHES OUT.
378
00:17:48,860 --> 00:17:50,172
I NEVER WAKE UP EARLY,
379
00:17:50,172 --> 00:17:53,279
BUT THIS DAY IN PARTICULAR
I GET UP AT 8:00 A.M.,
380
00:17:53,279 --> 00:17:54,797
AND I TURN ON THE RADIO.
381
00:17:54,797 --> 00:17:56,075
I NEVER AM UP THAT EARLY,
382
00:17:56,075 --> 00:17:58,077
LISTENING
TO EARLY-MORNING TALK SHOWS,
383
00:17:58,077 --> 00:18:00,148
BUT I HEARD RYAN SEACREST
ON THE AIR,
384
00:18:00,148 --> 00:18:01,908
AND THE CONVERSATION
AT THE TIME WAS,
385
00:18:01,908 --> 00:18:04,738
"DO YOU HAVE ANY KIND OF DATING
DRAMA THAT REVOLVES AROUND
386
00:18:04,738 --> 00:18:08,017
NEEDING TO GET BACK
AT A GUY THAT DUMPED YOU?"
387
00:18:08,017 --> 00:18:12,677
AND I JUST WENT [SIGHS] "DO I
EVER," LIKE, "LET ME TELL YOU."
388
00:18:12,677 --> 00:18:15,232
I CALL THE RADIO
RIGHT THEN AND THERE.
389
00:18:15,232 --> 00:18:16,888
ONE RING, SOMEONE ANSWERS.
390
00:18:16,888 --> 00:18:18,511
I JUST TELL THEM -- I'M LIKE,
391
00:18:18,511 --> 00:18:20,271
"OKAY, I'M GONNA TELL YOU
A STORY."
392
00:18:20,271 --> 00:18:22,584
Schirripa:
THEY LIKE THE STORY,
393
00:18:22,584 --> 00:18:24,620
BUT THEY DON'T PUT CHRISTINA
ON THE AIR.
394
00:18:24,620 --> 00:18:26,105
IT'S EVEN BETTER.
395
00:18:26,105 --> 00:18:30,523
THEY SAY MR. SEACREST MIGHT DO
SOMETHING ABOUT IT PERSONALLY.
396
00:18:30,523 --> 00:18:32,939
Jones: I GIVE THEM NUMBER AND
DON'T REALLY EXPECT A CALL BACK.
397
00:18:32,939 --> 00:18:37,840
SO, I HAD ACTUALLY
HAD A MIDTERM EXAM THAT DAY.
398
00:18:37,840 --> 00:18:42,293
DURING MY EXAM, MY PHONE RINGS.
399
00:18:42,293 --> 00:18:45,572
Schirripa: AT USC,
STUDENTS TAKING TESTS
400
00:18:45,572 --> 00:18:47,471
SHOULDN'T EVEN
HAVE THEIR PHONES,
401
00:18:47,471 --> 00:18:48,541
LET ALONE LOOK AT THEM,
402
00:18:48,541 --> 00:18:51,268
BUT CHRISTINA JONES
HAS A GUT FEELING
403
00:18:51,268 --> 00:18:53,649
THAT HER PRAYERS
HAVE JUST BEEN ANSWERED.
404
00:18:53,649 --> 00:18:54,857
Jones: [ COUGHING ]
405
00:18:54,857 --> 00:18:57,377
I JUST EXCUSED MYSELF
AND STARTED COUGHING,
406
00:18:57,377 --> 00:19:00,242
BAILED OUT OF THE CLASSROOM
RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE TEST
407
00:19:00,242 --> 00:19:01,554
AND ANSWERED THE PHONE.
408
00:19:01,554 --> 00:19:03,556
AND HE SAID
"RYAN SEACREST IS ON THE LINE."
409
00:19:03,556 --> 00:19:05,558
HE BASICALLY SAID, LIKE,
"WE WANT TO RUN WITH THIS.
410
00:19:05,558 --> 00:19:07,076
WE'RE GONNA GET YOU A DATE."
411
00:19:07,076 --> 00:19:10,563
Schirripa: RYAN'S ALREADY GOT
SOMEONE IN MIND..
412
00:19:10,563 --> 00:19:13,082
AND NOT JUST ANYONE.
413
00:19:13,082 --> 00:19:15,050
HE HAD DEREK HOUGH ON THE LINE,
414
00:19:15,050 --> 00:19:17,880
SAYING THAT
HE WAS WILLING TO GO WITH ME.
415
00:19:17,880 --> 00:19:19,572
Schirripa: DEREK HOUGH.
416
00:19:19,572 --> 00:19:23,541
YOU MAY HAVE SEEN HIM
DANCING WITH SOME STARS.
417
00:19:23,541 --> 00:19:25,371
EVEN IF YOU'RE
A BIG MAN ON CAMPUS, I THINK
418
00:19:25,371 --> 00:19:27,614
YOU WOULD HAVE TO BE A LITTLE
BIT AFRAID OF DEREK HOUGH.
419
00:19:27,614 --> 00:19:31,031
Jones: AND I -- HONESTLY,
I DIDN'T HAVE WORDS.
420
00:19:31,031 --> 00:19:32,999
NOTHING WOULD COME OUT.
421
00:19:36,071 --> 00:19:38,453
Jones:
SO, THE BIG NIGHT ARRIVES.
422
00:19:38,453 --> 00:19:41,732
SHE HAD GOTTEN HER HAIR DONE
AND SHE HAD HER MAKEUP DONE
423
00:19:41,732 --> 00:19:43,320
AND SHE WAS WEARING
HER FAVORITE EARRINGS.
424
00:19:43,320 --> 00:19:45,943
I HAD COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT
BIG MAN ON CAMPUS AT THIS POINT.
425
00:19:45,943 --> 00:19:47,841
IT WAS LIKE THE FARTHEST THING
IN MY MIND.
426
00:19:47,841 --> 00:19:50,982
Schirripa: LOOKS LIKE THE FAIRY
TALE'S COMING TRUE, AFTER ALL,
427
00:19:50,982 --> 00:19:53,433
COMPLETE WITH A PRINCE CHARMING.
428
00:19:53,433 --> 00:19:55,435
MAKE THAT A DOUBLE.
429
00:19:55,435 --> 00:19:56,781
Jones: AND ON TOP OF IT,
430
00:19:56,781 --> 00:20:01,683
THEY GOT JASON KENNEDY
FROM "E! NEWS" TO COME ALONG.
431
00:20:01,683 --> 00:20:03,409
[ FANFARE PLAYS ]
432
00:20:03,409 --> 00:20:04,996
[ CROWD GASPS ]
433
00:20:04,996 --> 00:20:08,172
WALKING IN TO THE FORMAL
434
00:20:08,172 --> 00:20:11,175
WAS HONESTLY JUST LIKE
THE MOST GLORIOUS MOMENT.
435
00:20:11,175 --> 00:20:15,593
IT WAS EXACTLY
LIKE WHAT I WANTED,
436
00:20:15,593 --> 00:20:19,252
GETTING A REVENGE
ON THE BIG MAN ON CAMPUS.
437
00:20:19,252 --> 00:20:20,943
BUT IT WAS EVEN MORE THAN THAT
438
00:20:20,943 --> 00:20:25,465
BECAUSE IT WAS HONESTLY
STORYBOOK-PERFECT FORMAL
439
00:20:25,465 --> 00:20:27,674
I COULD HAVE EVER IMAGINED.
440
00:20:30,677 --> 00:20:33,128
Schirripa: BUT KARMA'S
NOT DONE WITH CHRISTINA YET.
441
00:20:33,128 --> 00:20:34,854
A MEMBER
OF RYAN SEACREST'S STAFF
442
00:20:34,854 --> 00:20:37,236
CALLS HER
WITH AN EXCITING OFFER.
443
00:20:37,236 --> 00:20:40,135
HE THINKS SHE'S SMART AND FUNNY
444
00:20:40,135 --> 00:20:42,896
AND WANTS TO KNOW
IF SHE'D LIKE TO WORK FOR THEM.
445
00:20:42,896 --> 00:20:45,830
Jones: HE SAID, "WELL,
WOULD YOU BE INTERESTED
AT ALL IN WRITING
FOR
US?"
446
00:20:45,830 --> 00:20:48,661
ABSOLUTELY.
LIKE, I WAS -- DUH.
447
00:20:48,661 --> 00:20:50,352
LIKE, I COULDN'T EVEN
ANSWER QUICKER.
448
00:20:50,352 --> 00:20:53,493
I FEEL LIKE WHEN YOU FINALLY
TAKE THAT STEP YOURSELF
449
00:20:53,493 --> 00:20:55,357
AND MAKE THAT DECISION,
450
00:20:55,357 --> 00:20:57,739
LIKE, "I'M GONNA BE
DEFEATED BY THIS,"
451
00:20:57,739 --> 00:20:59,154
THAT'S WHEN IT PAYS OFF.
452
00:20:59,154 --> 00:21:02,882
I THINK THAT KARMA
DEFINITELY WORKED ITS MAGIC
453
00:21:02,882 --> 00:21:05,125
BECAUSE EVERYTHING
FELL INTO PLACE.
454
00:21:05,125 --> 00:21:07,127
SHE IS DEFINITELY
THE BIG GIRL ON CAMPUS.
455
00:21:07,127 --> 00:21:10,269
Schirripa: AND WHAT ABOUT
THAT DIRTBAG WHO STOOD HER UP?
456
00:21:10,269 --> 00:21:12,029
HE SEEMS TO BE KEEPING
KIND OF A LOW PROFILE,
457
00:21:12,029 --> 00:21:13,444
WHICH I THINK IS BEST.
458
00:21:13,444 --> 00:21:15,964
Jones :IF I HAD TO SAY ANYTHING
TO THE BIG MAN ON CAMPUS,
459
00:21:15,964 --> 00:21:17,345
IT'S THAT I'M DOING PRETTY WELL
460
00:21:17,345 --> 00:21:18,518
AND I'M REALLY GLAD
YOU DUMPED ME.
461
00:21:18,518 --> 00:21:19,657
[ CHUCKLES ]
462
00:21:19,657 --> 00:21:22,142
WHEN THERE'S WRONGS
THAT NEED RIGHTING,
463
00:21:22,142 --> 00:21:25,801
KARMA MAY LET YOU SWEAT A BIT
JUST TO SEE WHAT YOU'RE MADE OF,
464
00:21:25,801 --> 00:21:27,562
BUT SHE DOESN'T FORGET,
465
00:21:27,562 --> 00:21:30,289
AND IT'S GOOD TO HAVE HER
ON YOUR SIDE
466
00:21:30,289 --> 00:21:33,326
'CAUSE KARMA -- SHE'S A BITCH.
36355
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