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1
00:01:59,160 --> 00:02:28,960
Hey
2
00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:41,920
I'm looking. I'm looking.
I'm trying to understand. Trying to give
3
00:03:41,920 --> 00:03:46,600
what I experienced to someone and I don't know to whom.
But I don't want to stay with what I experienced. No
4
00:03:46,600 --> 00:03:58,360
I know what to do with what I experienced. I have
fear of this deep disorganization.
5
00:03:58,360 --> 00:04:03,920
I don't trust what happened to me.
Something happened to me,
6
00:04:03,920 --> 00:04:07,800
because I don't know
how to live, I lived another one.
7
00:04:09,120 --> 00:04:17,200
I prefer to call this disorganization,
because I don't want to confirm what I experienced.
8
00:04:17,200 --> 00:04:24,000
In confirmation of me, I
I would lose the world as I had it
9
00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:29,120
and I know I don't have the capacity for another.
10
00:04:32,280 --> 00:04:39,800
Yesterday morning, when I left
room for the maid's room,
11
00:04:39,800 --> 00:04:49,880
nothing made me suppose that I was one step away
of discovering an empire, one step away from me.
12
00:04:51,600 --> 00:04:56,720
My most primal fight for the most primal life,
13
00:04:56,720 --> 00:05:06,760
would open up with peace of mind
devourer of desert animals.
14
00:05:06,760 --> 00:05:13,840
That morning, before entering the room,
15
00:05:13,840 --> 00:05:17,200
What was I?
16
00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:31,440
14th festival of January
17
00:05:31,440 --> 00:05:43,600
how difficult it is to know what I was like.
18
00:05:43,600 --> 00:05:46,360
The day before, the maid had said goodbye.
19
00:06:02,040 --> 00:06:13,040
I got up at the end of the breakfast table. this woman.
20
00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:17,200
Not having any maid that day
would give me the kind of activity that
21
00:06:17,200 --> 00:06:27,800
I wanted. The tidying up. I always liked
tidy up. Tidying is finding the best way.
22
00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:36,280
Ordering things, I create
and I understand at the same time.
23
00:06:36,280 --> 00:06:42,760
If I didn't belong for money and culture to
class to which I belong, and would normally have had the
24
00:06:42,760 --> 00:06:53,120
housekeeping job in a large house
of rich people, where there is a lot to fix.
25
00:06:53,120 --> 00:06:56,240
I treat myself the way people treat me.
26
00:06:59,760 --> 00:07:08,080
I am what others see from me.
27
00:07:08,080 --> 00:07:13,760
They refer to me as someone who makes sculptures
that wouldn't be bad if there had been less
28
00:07:13,760 --> 00:07:22,800
amateurism. For a woman, this reputation
is socially very important and placed me in an area that
29
00:07:22,800 --> 00:07:36,120
socially it is between woman and man. that
It made me much freer to be a woman.
30
00:07:36,120 --> 00:07:41,720
All this gave me the slight pre-climax tone.
31
00:07:41,720 --> 00:07:45,800
I didn't need the climax
or the revolution or more
32
00:07:45,800 --> 00:07:53,480
than pre-love, which is so much happier than love.
33
00:07:53,480 --> 00:07:55,120
A promise was enough for me.
34
00:07:58,400 --> 00:08:01,240
One promise was enough for me.
35
00:08:02,560 --> 00:08:19,160
My last, peaceful love connection
he had dissolved amicably with a caress.
36
00:08:19,160 --> 00:08:26,200
I'm slightly gaining the taste again
tasteless and happy of freedom.
37
00:08:26,200 --> 00:08:37,320
This places me, hieroglyphic fragment
of an empire dead or alive.
38
00:08:37,320 --> 00:08:44,400
Only my portraits photograph an abyss.
39
00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:49,480
An abyss. Maybe it was this
tone of pre-climax that I saw in
40
00:08:49,480 --> 00:09:01,480
haunted photography. An abyss
you're welcome. Just this big, empty thing.
41
00:09:01,480 --> 00:09:14,120
All portraits of people
They are a portrait of Mona Lisa.
42
00:09:14,120 --> 00:09:19,520
The pre-climax was perhaps even
now my existence.
43
00:09:21,320 --> 00:09:26,520
As for my so-called intimate life, perhaps
it was also sculpture that gave him
44
00:09:26,520 --> 00:09:31,360
a slight tone of pre-climax by
have gone through the experience
45
00:09:31,360 --> 00:09:43,880
to patiently wear away the matter
until you find your immanent sculpture.
46
00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:49,760
The rest, oh, now I know. The rest was
the way little by little I had become
47
00:09:49,760 --> 00:09:58,840
transformed into the person who bears my name. It is
enough to see my valizes, initials,
48
00:09:58,840 --> 00:10:06,240
come-me
49
00:10:06,240 --> 00:10:13,880
where would I start? and also so that
then in the seventh hour as on the seventh day,
50
00:10:13,880 --> 00:10:25,760
be free to rest and have a rest
calm day. Calm almost without joy.
51
00:10:25,760 --> 00:10:31,880
The week before, I had too much fun
and now I wanted that day exactly as
52
00:10:31,880 --> 00:10:39,840
he promised himself. Maybe I would start by tidying up
at the end of the apartment. The maid's room
53
00:10:39,840 --> 00:10:45,440
he must have been filthy in his dual role as
sleeping quarters and deposit of rags, old suitcases,
54
00:10:45,440 --> 00:10:51,360
useless wrapping paper and string.
I would leave it clean and ready for the new
55
00:10:51,360 --> 00:11:01,160
employee. Then I would read the newspaper lying down
on the couch and probably falling asleep.
56
00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:13,880
Lost in the scorching hell of a canon,
a woman desperately fights for her life.
57
00:11:13,880 --> 00:11:19,840
Yesterday, however, I lost during
hours and hours of my human assembly.
58
00:11:24,760 --> 00:11:33,320
But now, now I know a secret.
I knew what I couldn't understand. My
59
00:11:33,320 --> 00:11:38,960
mouth was sealed and all I was left with were
incomprehensible fragments of a ritual.
60
00:11:39,680 --> 00:11:47,280
Life and death were mine and I was monstrous.
61
00:11:47,280 --> 00:12:01,200
My courage was that of a
sleepwalker who simply goes.
62
00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:35,440
Eu
63
00:12:35,440 --> 00:12:38,560
vi.
64
00:12:38,560 --> 00:12:48,200
I know I saw it because I didn't. And what I saw
my sense. I know I saw it because I don't understand it.
65
00:12:48,200 --> 00:12:52,120
I know I saw it because what I saw is useless.
66
00:12:53,720 --> 00:13:01,080
Listen, what I saw shatters my daily life.
67
00:13:01,080 --> 00:13:09,000
Listening,
68
00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:17,280
Sorry I gave you this. I well
I wish I had seen something better.
69
00:13:17,280 --> 00:13:21,800
Take what I saw. Deliver me from my
useless vision and of my useless sin.
70
00:13:23,320 --> 00:13:27,400
I'm so scared that I can only
accept that I got lost if I imagine that
71
00:13:27,400 --> 00:13:35,960
someone is giving me a hand. Give a hand
to someone was what I expected from joy.
72
00:13:35,960 --> 00:13:40,880
Often, before falling asleep,
73
00:13:40,880 --> 00:13:47,960
in this little fight not to lose the
consciousness and enter the greater world,
74
00:13:47,960 --> 00:13:56,240
I pretend that someone is giving me a hand
and then I go I go to the enormous absence
75
00:13:56,240 --> 00:14:03,920
so that I sleep. And when
Even so, I don't have the courage,
76
00:14:03,920 --> 00:14:12,200
dream.
77
00:14:12,200 --> 00:14:16,920
For now, I need to hold this one of yours
hand, even if you can't invent your own
78
00:14:16,920 --> 00:14:23,840
face and your eyes and your mouth. Although
severed, this hand doesn't scare me.
79
00:14:25,440 --> 00:14:28,960
Her invention comes from such an idea of love,
80
00:14:28,960 --> 00:14:36,240
as if the hand were actually
linked to a body that I cannot see.
81
00:14:36,240 --> 00:14:45,040
It's because of an inability to love more.
82
00:14:45,040 --> 00:14:51,560
I'm not up to imagining a person
whole, because I'm not a whole person.
83
00:14:53,240 --> 00:15:00,800
And how can I imagine a face if I don't know
what facial expression do I need?
84
00:15:02,680 --> 00:15:10,120
As soon as I can spare this hand of yours
hot, I will go alone and with horror. THE
85
00:15:10,120 --> 00:15:21,680
horror will be my responsibility
until the metamorphosis is complete.
86
00:15:21,680 --> 00:15:26,280
Although I know the horror,
87
00:15:26,280 --> 00:15:34,920
I am the horror in the face of things. I
88
00:15:34,920 --> 00:15:39,960
It was a beautiful replica itself. And
here is a woman who does not give work,
89
00:15:39,960 --> 00:15:46,920
who smiles and laughs. A woman who doesn't laugh at a man.
90
00:15:46,920 --> 00:15:57,120
And gently I eat my pleasure. I'm bored
feeds and eats me the sweet boredom of a honeymoon.
91
00:15:59,560 --> 00:16:07,400
This is who I am, I still won't have it all
the appearance of someone who failed and only me
92
00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:11,960
I will know if it was the necessary failure. Just
I will know if it was the necessary failure.
93
00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:52,080
Oh.
94
00:17:21,640 --> 00:17:27,119
Да. Give me your unknown hand,
95
00:17:27,119 --> 00:17:36,760
that life is hurting me
too much and I don't know how to say it.
96
00:17:42,440 --> 00:17:47,600
What probably
I asked and finally got it. He came,
97
00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:59,640
Yet leave me needy like a
child who walks the earth alone.
98
00:17:59,640 --> 00:18:06,160
So needy that only the love of all
universe for me could console me.
99
00:18:09,840 --> 00:18:16,960
For a great one, I tasted life-giving death,
100
00:18:16,960 --> 00:18:26,000
the fine death that made me handle
the forbidden fabric of life.
101
00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:32,520
It is prohibited to say the name of the
life and I almost said it.
102
00:18:32,520 --> 00:18:35,000
It was love that I saw.
103
00:18:44,240 --> 00:19:00,440
Will it take courage for what I'm going to do? to say
104
00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:05,720
and risk the huge surprise that
I will feel the poverty of what was said.
105
00:19:06,760 --> 00:19:16,360
As soon as I say it, I will have to add it.
It's not that. It's not that.
106
00:19:16,360 --> 00:19:25,040
I put off talking to myself out of fear
107
00:19:25,040 --> 00:19:32,280
and because I don't have a word to say
say. I don't have a word to say.
108
00:19:32,280 --> 00:19:37,000
Why don't I shut up? Then,
109
00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:45,760
Why don't you shut me up? Then,
110
00:19:45,760 --> 00:19:54,200
I will create what happened to me alone
because living is not relatable.
111
00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:56,720
Living is not livable.
112
00:19:58,240 --> 00:20:09,960
I will have to create about life and
without lying. Creating yes, lying no.
113
00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:38,160
Creating is not imagination, it is running
great risk of having reality.
114
00:20:38,160 --> 00:20:46,560
How shall I say now? which had already begun
see what would only be evident later.
115
00:20:46,560 --> 00:20:56,440
I was already starting to see it and I didn't know.
I saw it since I was born and I didn't know.
116
00:20:56,440 --> 00:20:58,720
I did not know.
117
00:21:00,520 --> 00:21:06,600
3000 years ago I lost my mind and what
What remained were fragments of me,
118
00:21:06,600 --> 00:21:21,240
telegraph signals, the world bristles
of antennas and me capturing the signal.
119
00:22:13,960 --> 00:22:14,460
Margarine
120
00:22:27,800 --> 00:22:34,320
Surrendering to what I don't understand will mean putting me
on the edge of nowhere and just going. And how
121
00:22:34,320 --> 00:22:42,160
a blind woman lost in a field, this
supernatural thing that is living.
122
00:22:53,200 --> 00:23:11,960
to
123
00:23:11,960 --> 00:23:35,440
Eu
124
00:23:35,440 --> 00:23:44,280
morality was the desire to understand and how I didn't
I understood, I fixed things. It was just yesterday and now
125
00:23:44,280 --> 00:23:51,880
that I discovered that I had always been deeply moral.
I only admitted the purpose for my deep
126
00:23:51,880 --> 00:23:58,920
previous morality, I have discovered that I am
as rawly alive as that raw light that yesterday
127
00:23:58,920 --> 00:24:09,800
I learned for that morality of mine, the glory
The horror of being alive is hard. I used to live
128
00:24:09,800 --> 00:24:16,040
of a humanized world, but the purely
living destroyed the morality I had.
129
00:24:19,560 --> 00:24:23,920
It's just that a whole world is alive
It has the strength of hell.
130
00:24:53,400 --> 00:24:53,900
Amen.
131
00:29:25,480 --> 00:29:30,600
African queen,
132
00:29:30,600 --> 00:29:41,760
foreign enemy.
133
00:29:41,760 --> 00:29:47,960
What was her name?
134
00:29:47,960 --> 00:29:50,160
What was her name?
135
00:30:01,080 --> 00:30:04,320
It is clear,
136
00:30:04,320 --> 00:30:12,360
Janai.
137
00:30:19,640 --> 00:30:26,880
It wasn't surprising that I had it
used as if she had no presence.
138
00:30:26,880 --> 00:30:38,080
And his clothes were always brown or
in black, which made her invisible.
139
00:30:42,880 --> 00:30:46,400
What happened to me?
140
00:30:46,400 --> 00:30:48,400
I will never know how to understand, but there must be someone
141
00:30:48,400 --> 00:30:58,960
understand. And it's in me that I have to
create that someone who will understand.
142
00:31:05,040 --> 00:31:20,600
Even inside the room, I continued
somehow on the outside. Already.
143
00:31:20,600 --> 00:31:50,600
Hey
144
00:31:50,600 --> 00:32:00,640
Ah.
145
00:34:37,040 --> 00:34:42,560
Nothing. It was nothing.
146
00:34:42,560 --> 00:34:51,679
No, it was nothing.
147
00:34:51,679 --> 00:35:02,000
Ah!
148
00:35:02,000 --> 00:35:12,200
Ah.
149
00:35:12,200 --> 00:35:22,280
Ah.
150
00:35:42,760 --> 00:35:50,720
So before I understand, my heart
turned white like hair turns white.
151
00:36:42,320 --> 00:36:45,560
Grit,
152
00:36:45,560 --> 00:36:48,160
grit.
153
00:37:09,600 --> 00:37:17,960
A
154
00:37:23,920 --> 00:37:32,960
Ah.
155
00:37:32,960 --> 00:37:42,160
He was
156
00:37:42,160 --> 00:37:48,240
attentive. I was all attentive.
157
00:37:48,240 --> 00:38:03,280
is that in this attentive waiting I recognized
all my previous waits.
158
00:38:03,280 --> 00:38:14,240
I recognized the attention that also before
had lived. The attention that never leaves me.
159
00:38:18,160 --> 00:38:28,200
the attention that may be
thing that is most attached to my life.
160
00:38:28,200 --> 00:38:38,560
Who knows, that attention was my own life.
161
00:39:39,560 --> 00:39:49,320
I hadn't fought in 15 centuries. That's the
madness. I hadn't killed in 15 centuries.
162
00:39:50,120 --> 00:40:02,040
I hadn't died in 15 centuries. Already.
163
00:40:27,920 --> 00:40:36,280
What had I done? What had I done with myself?
164
00:40:36,280 --> 00:40:49,120
I had killed, I had killed one more blow.
165
00:40:49,120 --> 00:40:55,000
One more blow.
166
00:41:24,960 --> 00:41:36,440
That was it. That was it. So I fall centuries
and centuries in mud. It was a mud
167
00:41:36,440 --> 00:41:50,880
where the trees moved with unbearable slowness
roots of my identity. This is crazy.
168
00:41:50,880 --> 00:41:57,080
The cockroach doesn't have a nose. One
169
00:41:57,080 --> 00:42:01,640
mulatta to death,
170
00:42:01,640 --> 00:42:06,360
bridal eyes,
171
00:42:06,360 --> 00:42:16,120
the eye is fringed, dark, alive, dustless.
172
00:42:16,120 --> 00:42:21,160
Another same eye.
173
00:42:21,160 --> 00:42:39,160
Two cockroaches embedded in the cockroach.
174
00:42:39,160 --> 00:42:46,600
Each eye reproduced the entire cockroach.
Forgive me for giving this hand that I hold,
175
00:42:46,600 --> 00:42:58,080
But I don't want that for myself.
Take that cockroach. I don't want what I saw.
176
00:42:58,080 --> 00:43:00,360
Take what I saw.
177
00:43:01,880 --> 00:43:13,200
is that what I saw with embarrassment
so painful, so amazed and so innocent.
178
00:43:13,200 --> 00:43:28,720
What I saw looking at me.
179
00:43:28,720 --> 00:43:39,360
What I saw life looking at me.
180
00:43:39,360 --> 00:43:46,520
Father, if I had the courage to abandon, if I
I had the courage to abandon my feelings,
181
00:43:46,520 --> 00:44:01,000
If I had the courage to abandon
hope, hope of what?
182
00:44:09,240 --> 00:44:13,240
The unknown room,
183
00:44:13,240 --> 00:44:17,480
hell laboratory.
184
00:44:17,480 --> 00:44:22,400
I was in the desert like I had never been before.
185
00:44:25,040 --> 00:44:28,760
Hold my hand
186
00:44:28,760 --> 00:44:36,000
because I feel like I'm going.
187
00:44:36,000 --> 00:44:41,200
Don't let me see
188
00:44:41,200 --> 00:44:45,960
because I'm close to seeing a nucleus of life.
189
00:44:48,200 --> 00:44:53,440
The cockroach is pure seduction.
190
00:44:53,440 --> 00:45:01,920
Eyelashes, blinking eyelashes that call.
191
00:45:06,120 --> 00:45:15,000
Life, my love, is a great
seduction, where everything is seduced.
192
00:45:15,000 --> 00:45:20,360
I had arrived at nothing
193
00:45:20,360 --> 00:45:25,040
and nothingness was alive and damp.
194
00:45:51,800 --> 00:46:02,080
It's that hand that supports me. is that I
experience I never want again,
195
00:46:02,080 --> 00:46:06,480
in an experience through which
I ask myself for forgiveness,
196
00:46:06,480 --> 00:46:45,840
I was leaving my world and entering the world.
It's just that I wasn't seeing myself anymore. was coming.
197
00:47:29,120 --> 00:47:32,960
Because you see,
198
00:47:32,960 --> 00:47:40,880
I knew I was getting into
raw, raw glory of nature.
199
00:47:44,880 --> 00:47:52,440
seduced.
200
00:47:52,440 --> 00:47:59,680
I, however, fought as best I could against
the quicksand that sucked me in.
201
00:48:02,520 --> 00:48:09,560
And every move I made to no no
202
00:48:09,560 --> 00:48:17,280
each movement pushed me further beyond measure.
203
00:48:17,280 --> 00:48:25,600
Not having the strength to fight was my only forgiveness.
204
00:48:25,600 --> 00:48:29,280
And the first true silence began to blow.
205
00:48:33,080 --> 00:48:44,680
But now he knew he had fought,
that he had succumbed and that he had given in.
206
00:48:44,680 --> 00:48:51,520
I'm the cockroach.
207
00:48:51,520 --> 00:48:57,600
I am my leg. I am my hair.
208
00:49:00,040 --> 00:49:17,680
I am the whitest patch of light on the plaster
from the wall. I am every hellish piece of me.
209
00:49:28,160 --> 00:49:33,200
The world looks at me,
210
00:49:33,200 --> 00:49:39,680
everything looks everything.
211
00:49:39,680 --> 00:49:44,200
Everything lives the other.
212
00:49:53,840 --> 00:50:02,240
Things know things. The
things know so much things.
213
00:50:04,520 --> 00:50:09,600
I will call this forgiveness.
214
00:50:09,600 --> 00:50:15,320
This is forgiveness.
215
00:50:15,320 --> 00:50:22,280
Forgiveness is an attribute of living matter.
216
00:50:22,280 --> 00:50:26,680
For now, the metamorphosis of me,
It doesn't make any sense to me.
217
00:50:26,680 --> 00:50:32,320
It's a metamorphosis in which I lose everything I
had. And what I had was me. I only have
218
00:50:32,320 --> 00:50:49,120
what I am. And now what am I? I am to be
standing in fright. I am what I saw.
219
00:50:54,920 --> 00:51:03,280
I don't understand and I'm afraid to understand.
220
00:51:03,280 --> 00:51:13,760
But why me? But why not me? Se
Had it not been me, I wouldn't have known.
221
00:51:14,840 --> 00:51:27,000
And having been me, I am just that. What
had called me madness or reality.
222
00:51:27,000 --> 00:51:37,160
GH was a woman who lived well. He lived well. lived
well. lived in the super layer of the world's sands. G.H.
223
00:51:37,160 --> 00:51:51,200
lived on the top floor of a super structure that,
even built in the air, it was a solid building,
224
00:51:51,200 --> 00:51:59,160
herself in the air. And this was
had been happening for centuries.
225
00:51:59,160 --> 00:52:06,760
How bees descend to life in the air. And
it worked. It worked. Nobody said
226
00:52:06,760 --> 00:52:20,320
that wasn't right. But why
Is it possible to restore the silence in me?
227
00:52:28,480 --> 00:52:35,160
As if a woman had been called
and without a word, abandoning his life,
228
00:52:35,160 --> 00:52:46,920
denying embroidery, love and already made soul. It is
that the previous life had claimed her and she was gone.
229
00:52:46,920 --> 00:52:49,880
Every case of madness is that something came back.
230
00:52:51,720 --> 00:52:59,480
Processes are not owned
for what comes, but for what comes back.
231
00:52:59,480 --> 00:53:07,920
Sometimes life comes back and then, like
After a deluge, a cupboard emerged,
232
00:53:07,920 --> 00:53:21,160
one person, one loose window, three
suitcases. And that seemed like hell to me.
233
00:53:21,160 --> 00:53:31,240
Seen up close, the cockroach is an object of
great luxury, a bride with black jewels.
234
00:53:31,240 --> 00:53:42,640
It's all rare, it looks like a single copy. I
I felt filthy as the Bible speaks of the filthy. Put
235
00:53:42,640 --> 00:53:50,720
Why did the Bible care so much about the filthy?
and made a list of forbidden and unclean animals?
236
00:53:50,720 --> 00:53:58,360
Why? If like the others they had also
been created? And why was the unclean thing forbidden?
237
00:53:58,360 --> 00:54:10,840
I had done the forbidden act of touching what is unclean.
I had done the forbidden act of touching what is unclean.
238
00:54:10,840 --> 00:54:20,360
They say everything. The Bible says it all.
But if I understand what they say,
239
00:54:20,360 --> 00:54:24,920
they themselves will call me crazy.
240
00:54:27,040 --> 00:54:34,560
But you shall not eat of the unclean, which
are the eagle, the griffin and the merlin,
241
00:54:34,560 --> 00:54:46,120
and neither the owl, nor the swan, nor the bat,
nor the stork and all the ravens.
242
00:54:46,120 --> 00:54:52,760
And the law says that whoever eats
unclean, who eats it without knowing.
243
00:54:56,720 --> 00:55:02,080
For whoever eats what is unclean, knowing that
is unclean, he will also know that the unclean
244
00:55:02,080 --> 00:55:17,000
It's not filthy. And everything that goes down
and has wings, he will be unclean and will not be eaten.
245
00:55:17,000 --> 00:55:31,080
Help! Help! Get filthy
of what? become filthy with joy.
246
00:55:31,080 --> 00:55:36,920
My love,
247
00:55:36,920 --> 00:55:44,360
see how I'm already losing courage
to find what you need to find.
248
00:55:44,360 --> 00:55:46,720
See how I'm already losing
the courage to give myself to
249
00:55:46,720 --> 00:55:59,400
path. And I'm already promising us that
In this hell I will find hope.
250
00:55:59,400 --> 00:56:11,800
Help! Help! Help! Why? I don't
had nothing to ask for. I wasn't against
251
00:56:11,800 --> 00:56:23,880
to ask for help. I had arrested
The filth of the world stands before me.
252
00:56:23,880 --> 00:56:27,840
Santa Maria,
253
00:56:27,840 --> 00:56:34,040
I offer you my life in exchange for not being
true this moment right now. Have experienced
254
00:56:34,040 --> 00:56:41,360
It was already the beginning of a hell of wanting. Santa
Maria, do you want? To want. I offer. Use my life
255
00:56:41,360 --> 00:56:46,200
in exchange for this moment of
now. My desire to want was more
256
00:56:46,200 --> 00:56:52,360
stronger than my will to salvation
and disenchanted the living thing. Santa Maria,
257
00:56:52,360 --> 00:57:04,600
I lose my ideas, I offer you my life
in exchange for this moment not being true now.
258
00:57:47,880 --> 00:57:55,440
I remembered you when I kissed your face
of man slowly and that the salt of tears
259
00:57:55,440 --> 00:58:04,560
In your eyes was my love for you. To my
kiss, your most profoundly insipid life
260
00:58:04,560 --> 00:58:19,640
was given to me. And kissing your face was ice
and busy work, patient in love.
261
00:58:19,640 --> 00:58:27,520
It was a woman weaving a man,
just as you had woven me.
262
00:58:27,520 --> 00:58:29,840
Neutral craftsmanship of life.
263
00:58:40,280 --> 00:58:46,880
The country was at 11 o'clock in the morning,
superficially like a backyard that is
264
00:58:46,880 --> 00:58:57,800
green of the most delicate superficiality.
Green, green, green is a backyard.
265
00:58:59,600 --> 00:59:06,680
Between me and the green, the river water.
266
00:59:06,680 --> 00:59:14,480
Nothing is heard. In the rest of the house the shade
It's all swollen. It's 11 o'clock in the morning
267
00:59:14,480 --> 00:59:23,720
in Brazil. And now. This is exactly about now.
268
00:59:48,920 --> 00:59:50,800
Amen.
269
00:59:52,440 --> 01:00:01,440
Song of thanksgiving for the murder of
one being for another being. Amen. Murder more
270
01:00:01,440 --> 01:00:13,960
deep. That which is a mode of relationship,
which is a way for one being to exist for another being.
271
01:00:13,960 --> 01:00:19,920
A way of seeing each other, of
to be ourselves, to have ourselves.
272
01:00:22,560 --> 01:00:26,840
Murder where there is no victim or something,
273
01:00:26,840 --> 01:00:41,720
but a bond of mutual ferocity.
My primary struggle for life.
274
01:00:52,600 --> 01:01:00,720
Lost in hell, scorching a canon,
a woman desperately fights for her life.
275
01:01:01,280 --> 01:01:08,240
But hell has already taken me, my love.
I was already selling my human soul,
276
01:01:08,240 --> 01:01:14,960
because seeing it start to consume me
in pleasure. I sold my future,
277
01:01:14,960 --> 01:01:26,200
I sold my salvation. I sold us.
Pray for me, my mother. Pray for me.
278
01:01:46,520 --> 01:01:51,920
Do you feel,
279
01:01:51,920 --> 01:01:55,840
Don't you feel like it's something that needs to be known?
280
01:02:24,120 --> 01:02:44,360
Goodbye. Beauty of the world. God. Beauty of the world.
281
01:02:44,360 --> 01:02:52,360
Blessed is the fruit of your womb.
Blessed is the fruit of your womb.
282
01:03:03,440 --> 01:03:11,120
The scandal is still necessary, but woe to that
by whom the scandal comes. Era in the New Testament
283
01:03:11,120 --> 01:03:20,480
which was said: "Freedom is a secret. Although
I know that freedom does not solve my guilt,
284
01:03:20,480 --> 01:03:31,320
my tiny divine part is greater than my
human guilt. So, I prefer God to my guilt.
285
01:03:31,320 --> 01:03:36,280
I want God in what comes out of the cockroach's belly.
286
01:03:37,480 --> 01:03:49,560
Even if this, in my old human terms
mean the worst. And in human terms,
287
01:03:49,560 --> 01:04:09,120
the infernal. I wanted, I wanted
288
01:04:09,120 --> 01:04:15,600
your eyes would be salty
289
01:04:15,600 --> 01:04:26,520
if I touched them with my mouth? I can't. I would feel them salty.
290
01:04:26,520 --> 01:04:41,680
Mom, I don't want to feel it directly on my
mouth so delicate the salt of the cockroach's eyes.
291
01:04:48,240 --> 01:05:02,280
I can't do anything for you,
cheap. I don't want to do anything for you.
292
01:05:15,880 --> 01:05:18,840
If the phone rang, I would have to answer it
293
01:05:18,840 --> 01:05:29,840
and would still be saved. I would run away from
room to meet and never again,
294
01:05:29,840 --> 01:05:41,280
I would never go back. I
295
01:05:41,280 --> 01:05:50,440
recognized the cockroach's vigil,
296
01:05:50,440 --> 01:05:54,360
both neutral and fertile ovaries.
297
01:05:56,080 --> 01:06:06,840
In them I recognized my two anonymous ovaries
neutrals and I didn't want them. Oh, how I didn't want to.
298
01:06:06,840 --> 01:06:16,800
I had hung up the phone, but maybe they could
ring the door bell and I would be free.
299
01:06:18,120 --> 01:06:21,280
The blouse, the blouse that I had bought,
300
01:06:21,280 --> 01:06:36,040
they had said they would send her and
then they would ring the bell, the blouse.
301
01:06:36,040 --> 01:06:41,760
No, they wouldn't play.
302
01:06:41,760 --> 01:06:44,720
I would be forced to continue to recognize.
303
01:06:44,720 --> 01:06:58,680
and recognized in the cockroach the sense of
time I was pregnant.
304
01:07:08,880 --> 01:07:23,080
Doctor, I remembered myself walking
on the streets upon learning that she would have an abortion.
305
01:07:23,080 --> 01:07:27,040
When I walked, I carried it.
306
01:07:35,400 --> 01:07:42,400
through the streets, I felt the son inside me
which still didn't move. I already knew
307
01:07:42,400 --> 01:07:50,800
myself the bright gaze of a
cockroach that was taken by the waist.
308
01:07:54,080 --> 01:08:02,320
And living, doctor, was the opposite side of a crime.
309
01:08:02,320 --> 01:08:12,280
Pregnancy. I was thrown into the merry
horror of the life that lives and moves.
310
01:08:12,280 --> 01:08:19,760
I told you, sir, what else
What bothers me, doctor, is that I'm breathing badly.
311
01:08:22,200 --> 01:08:43,840
Ea.
312
01:08:43,840 --> 01:08:47,800
I swear, I swear, I will do anything you want, but
Don't leave me trapped in the cockroach's room,
313
01:08:47,800 --> 01:08:59,920
because something huge is going to happen to me. No
I want the other species, I just want the people.
314
01:08:59,920 --> 01:09:07,840
How I hate the sunlight that reveals
everything, reveals even the possible.
315
01:09:10,000 --> 01:09:22,479
But no one touches your eyes, filthy.
Only another cockroach would want this cockroach.
316
01:09:22,479 --> 01:09:29,760
But what about me? Who would want me today?
317
01:09:29,760 --> 01:09:36,240
Who has ever been as dumb as me? Who
as I was calling fear love and
318
01:09:36,240 --> 01:09:45,479
wanting love and needing love? Who like me
I knew I had never changed shape since the
319
01:09:45,479 --> 01:09:56,080
time when they had drawn me on the stone of a
cave and next to a man and a dog?
320
01:09:59,120 --> 01:10:04,800
It feels bad to hold my hand. It's bad to stay
without air in this collapsed mine where I
321
01:10:04,800 --> 01:10:11,800
brought you without mercy for you, but
out of pity for me. But I swear that
322
01:10:11,800 --> 01:10:17,760
I will get you out of here alive. Not even me
lie, even if I lie what my eyes
323
01:10:17,760 --> 01:10:28,680
saw. I will save you from this terror
where, for now, I need you.
324
01:10:28,680 --> 01:10:39,280
You innocently gave me your hand and because I
I assured him that I had the courage to sink.
325
01:10:39,280 --> 01:10:46,760
How to compensate you?
326
01:10:46,760 --> 01:11:00,920
At least use me as a tunnel. dark.
327
01:11:00,920 --> 01:11:06,040
And when you cross my darkness,
328
01:11:06,040 --> 01:11:12,080
you will find yourself on the other side with you.
329
01:11:12,080 --> 01:11:36,560
You won't meet me, perhaps.
I don't know if I'll cross, but with you.
330
01:11:36,560 --> 01:11:43,560
If the person is not committed to
hope, lives the demonic. Leave it now
331
01:11:43,560 --> 01:11:50,240
I tell you the scariest. I
was being taken by the demonic,
332
01:11:50,240 --> 01:12:04,520
for the inexpressive is diabolical. The same in
cheap, the same in the stars, the same in itself.
333
01:12:04,520 --> 01:12:11,040
The demonic is before the human. If the person
have the courage to let go of your feelings,
334
01:12:11,040 --> 01:12:19,320
discover the broad life of a
extremely busy silence.
335
01:12:19,320 --> 01:12:28,240
The divine pre-human life is current that
burns. And if a person sees this current situation, he
336
01:12:28,240 --> 01:12:38,280
burns as if seeing the God. The God. The God. I will
tell you. I was afraid of blind joy and
337
01:12:38,280 --> 01:12:48,240
already fierce that it began to take over me and lose me.
The joy of getting lost is a Sabbath joy.
338
01:12:49,440 --> 01:12:56,640
get lost when you think you are dangerous. I was
experiencing in that desert the fire of
339
01:12:56,640 --> 01:13:05,640
things and it was hell, because in that
world where I lived there was no mercy or
340
01:13:05,640 --> 01:13:14,000
hope. Now I know what happens in the dark
from the mountains on orgy nights. I know. I know
341
01:13:14,000 --> 01:13:28,560
with horror. We enjoy things, we enjoy things
that things get done. This is the raw joy of
342
01:13:28,560 --> 01:13:42,400
black magic. I felt the joy of hell. And the
hell is not the torture of pain, it is the torture of a
343
01:13:42,400 --> 01:13:53,040
happiness. Neutral is inexplicable and alive. Search
understand me. Just like protoplasm and seed
344
01:13:53,040 --> 01:14:03,080
and the protein are of a living neutral. And I was
all new, like someone who has just started. It was as if
345
01:14:03,080 --> 01:14:12,880
Before I had an addicted taste
for salt and sugar and with my soul addicted to
346
01:14:12,880 --> 01:14:20,880
joys and pains and had never tasted
first. And now I tasted nothing.
347
01:14:22,320 --> 01:14:30,960
And the taste was new, like mother's milk, which
It only tastes like a child's mouth. I passed
348
01:14:30,960 --> 01:14:37,680
orgiacally feeling the taste of identity
of things. It's very difficult to feel.
349
01:15:24,760 --> 01:15:35,840
Sleep with me awake and only like that
you will be able to know about my great sleep.
350
01:15:35,840 --> 01:15:44,240
and you will know what the living desert is.
351
01:15:44,240 --> 01:15:52,640
But I'm going to take a risk because
I trust in my future cowardice
352
01:15:52,640 --> 01:16:01,120
and it will be my essential cowardice
that will rearrange me again in person
353
01:16:01,120 --> 01:16:03,600
in this new cowardice of mine.
354
01:16:04,400 --> 01:16:15,920
Cowardice is the youngest thing I've ever seen
happened. It's my biggest adventure.
355
01:16:15,920 --> 01:16:20,840
It's like waking up in the morning
in a foreigner's house.
356
01:16:20,840 --> 01:16:28,440
I don't know if I'll have the courage to just go.
357
01:16:35,240 --> 01:16:42,360
with red ones and red ones there is nothing.
358
01:16:42,360 --> 01:16:47,920
It must have been after noon that day.
room excavated in the rock of a building,
359
01:16:47,920 --> 01:16:51,600
from the window of my minaret,
I was looking for spaciousness.
360
01:17:26,440 --> 01:17:37,960
Yeah, this is a very nice guy.
361
01:18:07,840 --> 01:18:17,960
Ah.
362
01:18:40,120 --> 01:18:47,280
From the top of this building, the
present contemplates the present.
363
01:18:47,280 --> 01:18:56,600
And I had grown up and become so simple
like a queen. I was maybe the first
364
01:18:56,600 --> 01:19:07,240
person stepping into that castle in the air.
This is the city where I live, everything extinct,
365
01:19:07,240 --> 01:19:13,760
because I was looking for the treasure
from my city, Rio de Janeiro,
366
01:19:13,760 --> 01:19:25,200
whose inhabitants in the sun were 600,000 beggars.
367
01:19:25,200 --> 01:19:37,880
The city's treasure could be in a
of the gravel breccias, but which one?
368
01:19:37,880 --> 01:19:43,920
That city needed
of cartography work.
369
01:19:50,880 --> 01:20:01,520
And don't forget, as I begin the work of
prepare to make mistakes, don't forget that the error
370
01:20:01,520 --> 01:20:09,200
had often become my path.
All the times when what I didn't work out
371
01:20:09,200 --> 01:20:16,920
thought or felt, it was that one finally made a
loophole. And if I had had the courage before,
372
01:20:16,920 --> 01:20:26,480
I would have already entered through it. But I
He had always been afraid of delirium and error.
373
01:20:29,320 --> 01:20:37,720
Oh, I want to go back to my home
374
01:20:37,720 --> 01:20:43,480
and later you would be able to understand me.
375
01:20:43,480 --> 01:20:47,560
I don't know.
376
01:20:47,560 --> 01:20:52,840
If only I had entered the room
at dusk, tonight I would see the
377
01:20:52,840 --> 01:21:08,520
full moon rises over the desert, for the
wet moon made me miss my life.
378
01:21:17,960 --> 01:21:22,800
Disgust is necessary for me.
379
01:21:22,800 --> 01:21:28,560
Disgust guides me and fertilizes me.
380
01:21:28,560 --> 01:21:33,440
A long time ago I was drawn with you
in a cave and with you I swam from its
381
01:21:33,440 --> 01:21:39,160
dark depths to this day. I swear that
That's how love is. But for us it will
382
01:21:39,160 --> 01:21:48,600
it must be at night. I know that everything
We had love until today.
383
01:21:48,600 --> 01:21:56,680
The night is so humid that plants grow.
We are moist and salty beings. In homes
384
01:21:56,680 --> 01:22:03,160
the lights go out so the locusts
walk on the leaves almost without touching them.
385
01:22:04,000 --> 01:22:10,800
The leaves, the leaves, the leaves.
386
01:22:10,800 --> 01:22:23,640
Guess me, guess me, why is it cold?
387
01:22:45,480 --> 01:22:52,120
But are you afraid? I know that always
you were afraid of the ritual.
388
01:22:57,040 --> 01:23:03,640
If you can know through me,
without first needing to be tortured,
389
01:23:03,640 --> 01:23:12,880
without first having to be split
through a wardrobe door,
390
01:23:12,880 --> 01:23:15,960
without first breaking the
your shells of fear.
391
01:23:28,960 --> 01:23:35,960
But when you were tortured until you reached
be a core, then it goes demonically
392
01:23:35,960 --> 01:23:45,000
to want to serve the ritual, even if the
ritual is the act of self-consumption,
393
01:23:45,000 --> 01:23:59,320
the way of living is a secret so secret that
it is the silent creep of a secret.
394
01:23:59,320 --> 01:24:04,680
Oh, my love, things are very
delicate and we step on them with
395
01:24:04,680 --> 01:24:09,280
a paw that is too human, with too many feelings.
396
01:24:10,320 --> 01:24:28,480
Just the delicacy of innocence or just the delicacy
of the initiated is that he feels almost zero taste.
397
01:24:28,480 --> 01:24:52,840
I borrowed from you, you are the most
old in my memory.
398
01:24:52,840 --> 01:24:59,400
If I could only convey the memory to you
Now live from what we both already lived without knowing.
399
01:25:00,240 --> 01:25:06,000
No, I don't want to scare you
my love. If you're scared of me,
400
01:25:06,000 --> 01:25:13,080
I will be scared of myself. Don't have
fear of pain. All things happen
401
01:25:13,080 --> 01:25:23,400
above or below the pain. Pain is not the name
true of what we call pain.
402
01:25:23,400 --> 01:25:35,440
the ritual. Believe me, because I think
I know. Ritual is the mark of the God.
403
01:25:35,440 --> 01:25:41,240
That was what we lived and despised.
I didn't know love was happening
404
01:25:41,240 --> 01:25:57,160
much more exactly when not
there was what we called love.
405
01:25:57,160 --> 01:26:07,080
What I'm talking about is that when nothing happened,
If nothing happened, we called it a break.
406
01:26:07,080 --> 01:26:12,560
But what was that interval like?
407
01:26:12,560 --> 01:26:18,240
The man who was delicate with things and
with time. I didn't know I learned so much
408
01:26:18,240 --> 01:26:31,880
with you. I learned to look at a person by tracing threads
electrical, taking care of the positive and negative pole.
409
01:26:31,880 --> 01:26:35,360
You were the monotony of my eternal love. And me
410
01:26:35,360 --> 01:26:42,080
I did not know. I didn't know how to see
That was delicate love
411
01:26:42,080 --> 01:26:47,440
and it felt like boredom to me. It was boredom. It was a search
412
01:26:47,440 --> 01:26:58,000
someone to play with. The abundance
of the body that doesn't ask for it and doesn't need it.
413
01:27:03,480 --> 01:27:08,840
And I couldn't stand the slow transformation
of something that slowly turns into
414
01:27:08,840 --> 01:27:21,160
even something. I had for you
boredom I feel on holidays.
415
01:27:31,640 --> 01:27:36,360
My sore throat is gone,
I told you. Our every word,
416
01:27:36,360 --> 01:27:45,600
every word was so light
and empty like a butterfly.
417
01:27:56,320 --> 01:28:08,240
In the intervals that we called empty and
calm, my vision all big and trembling,
418
01:28:08,240 --> 01:28:10,080
it was the huge flower opening.
419
01:28:27,600 --> 01:28:38,720
I will never rest again. I stole the hunting horse
of the king of Sheba. Every day will be the same thing.
420
01:28:39,760 --> 01:28:42,120
I know that the first drum on the mountain will make the
421
01:28:42,120 --> 01:28:50,880
night. I know that the third one has already
will have been involved in its thunderstorm.
422
01:28:50,880 --> 01:29:01,760
And by the fifth drum I'll be there
unconscious in my greed.
423
01:29:01,760 --> 01:29:07,120
What did we do, those who
trot in the hell of joy?
424
01:29:14,280 --> 01:29:27,360
The last time I came down from my decorated cell, I swore
than ever again. The hazing, however, continues with me.
425
01:29:32,880 --> 01:29:40,760
I talk, tidy the house, smile,
but I know the hazing is in me.
426
01:29:40,760 --> 01:29:51,000
I miss you like someone who dies.
I can't let go anymore.
427
01:29:59,080 --> 01:30:10,680
Nobody knows, nobody sees it in my mouth
and on his paws the mark of blood.
428
01:30:10,680 --> 01:30:14,280
What do we emulate?
429
01:30:16,920 --> 01:30:27,560
The happy night is my sad life.
430
01:30:27,560 --> 01:30:34,080
From that country of rats and tarantolas and cockroaches,
my love, in which joy drips onto fat women
431
01:30:34,080 --> 01:30:39,520
drops of blood. Only mercy
of God could take me out of the terrible
432
01:30:39,520 --> 01:30:48,520
indifferent joy in which I bathed myself.
all full, for I exulted. I knew the
433
01:30:48,520 --> 01:31:03,640
violence of the joyful dark. I was happy
like the devil. Hell is my ultimate.
434
01:31:03,640 --> 01:31:12,360
My God, give me what you have already done or given. AND
435
01:31:12,360 --> 01:31:19,200
It's me who can't take the step
who will give me what you have already done.
436
01:31:19,200 --> 01:31:26,160
What you did is me.
437
01:31:26,160 --> 01:31:35,760
And I can't take the step to
me. Me that things and you
438
01:31:35,760 --> 01:31:40,160
give me what you are in me.
439
01:31:40,160 --> 01:31:43,000
Give me what you are in others.
440
01:31:44,400 --> 01:31:55,480
You are the him. I know. I know.
Because when I play I see him.
441
01:31:55,480 --> 01:31:59,000
But he,
442
01:31:59,000 --> 01:32:02,720
the man,
443
01:32:02,720 --> 01:32:07,280
take care of what you gave him.
444
01:32:07,280 --> 01:32:12,120
It is wrapped in a wrapper made
especially for me to touch and see.
445
01:32:14,840 --> 01:32:21,080
And I want more than the wrapper, which I also love.
446
01:32:21,080 --> 01:32:35,680
I want what I love you.
447
01:32:35,680 --> 01:32:51,800
Deep down, we are so, so happy, because there is no
a unique way of getting in touch with life.
448
01:32:51,800 --> 01:32:56,920
The secret of strength was strength. The secret of love
449
01:32:56,920 --> 01:33:04,560
it was love. And the jewel of the world
it was an opaque piece of stuff.
450
01:33:27,080 --> 01:33:32,760
I miss hell.
I'm not up to staying
451
01:33:32,760 --> 01:33:39,400
in paradise. that paradise has no human taste.
452
01:33:39,400 --> 01:33:48,600
But that would be destruction.
It is a sin to enter divine matter.
453
01:33:48,600 --> 01:34:01,800
Staying inside the thing is crazy.
454
01:34:01,800 --> 01:34:16,160
Listen. I know that if I abandon a life
all organized by hope, it hurts.
455
01:34:16,160 --> 01:34:20,120
It's like the agony of death.
456
01:34:22,480 --> 01:34:39,680
Something in death wants to break free and has
at the same time afraid of letting go of the safety of my body.
457
01:34:39,680 --> 01:34:44,400
See, my love, because I have plunged into the abyss,
458
01:34:44,400 --> 01:34:57,520
I'm starting to love the abyss
what I'm made of. And it's not dangerous,
459
01:34:57,520 --> 01:35:02,960
but there was a moment. No
I'm talking about the future,
460
01:35:02,960 --> 01:35:10,040
I'm talking about a permanent topic.
461
01:35:10,040 --> 01:35:15,560
Hope for me was a postponement,
462
01:35:15,560 --> 01:35:21,600
but I discover that it's not even
necessary to have hope. AND
463
01:35:21,600 --> 01:35:27,400
as if the future stopped coming into existence.
464
01:35:27,400 --> 01:35:31,960
Listen without fear and without suffering
that hope does not exist,
465
01:35:31,960 --> 01:35:37,720
because it is no longer a postponed future.
466
01:35:37,720 --> 01:35:40,960
It's today.
467
01:35:40,960 --> 01:35:47,600
Because God doesn't promise. He is very
bigger than that. He is and never stops
468
01:35:47,600 --> 01:36:00,040
to be. We are the ones who can't stand this light
always current and we promise it for later.
469
01:36:03,600 --> 01:36:15,560
The present is the face of God today.
470
01:36:15,560 --> 01:36:24,560
The horror is that we know it is
in life even if we see God.
471
01:36:24,560 --> 01:36:33,160
It is with our eyes open that we see God.
And if I postpone the face of reality until after
472
01:36:33,160 --> 01:36:45,080
my death, it's because I prefer to be dead at the time
to see him and so I think I won't really see him.
473
01:36:45,080 --> 01:36:52,600
Just as I only have the courage to
Truly dream when I'm sleeping.
474
01:36:52,600 --> 01:37:00,880
I know what I'm feeling
It's serious and can destroy me,
475
01:37:00,880 --> 01:37:04,080
because it's like you're giving me
the news that the kingdom of heaven has already
476
01:37:04,080 --> 01:37:12,000
and. And I don't want the kingdom of heaven. I
I don't want it. I can only take your promise.
477
01:37:12,000 --> 01:37:21,840
Giving up hope means I have to
start living and not just promising me life.
478
01:37:26,040 --> 01:37:31,360
And this is the biggest scare I can have. I
I didn't have the courage to stop being one
479
01:37:31,360 --> 01:37:39,160
promise. I would prefer to continue
asking without the courage to already have it.
480
01:37:39,160 --> 01:37:48,200
And I have. I always will. I just need
I have. Need never ends. Don't put yourself
481
01:37:48,200 --> 01:38:01,440
In the face of hope is not destruction
of the request and is not abstaining from the grace period.
482
01:38:01,440 --> 01:38:12,680
It's increasing it. It's infinitely increasing
the request that arises from lack.
483
01:38:16,040 --> 01:38:23,560
The more we need, the more
God exists. The more we can,
484
01:38:23,560 --> 01:38:30,760
the more God we will have. Like blind people who
they grope and we feel used
485
01:38:30,760 --> 01:38:39,400
by God. But this awakens in us the
disturbing desire to also use it.
486
01:38:43,480 --> 01:38:49,960
To have it, we just need to need it. To need
487
01:38:49,960 --> 01:39:02,640
it is always the supreme moment.
Without you I couldn't live.
488
01:39:17,040 --> 01:39:22,520
I don't want beautiful love, I don't want expressive love,
489
01:39:22,520 --> 01:39:31,320
I want the inexpressive, I want
the inhuman within the person.
490
01:39:31,320 --> 01:39:38,600
Wanting to be human sounds too beautiful to me.
I want the stuff of things. There is a
491
01:39:38,600 --> 01:39:51,760
something that is broader, duller, more
deeper, less good, less bad, less beautiful.
492
01:39:55,640 --> 01:40:13,600
In the world there is no plan
aesthetic. The thing is much more than this.
493
01:40:13,600 --> 01:40:26,320
God is greater than goodness with his beauty.
494
01:40:26,320 --> 01:40:33,240
Talking to me and you is being
mute. Talking to God is what
495
01:40:33,240 --> 01:40:43,080
the dumber there is. Talking to things is dumb.
I know this sounds sad to you and to me too.
496
01:40:46,920 --> 01:40:52,400
And that's why the muteness is
hurting me like a dismissal.
497
01:40:52,400 --> 01:40:54,440
No, don't misunderstand me.
498
01:40:54,440 --> 01:41:05,760
I'm not taking anything from you. It's a
much greater love than I am demanding of myself.
499
01:41:05,760 --> 01:41:12,920
It's a life so much bigger that it doesn't even have
beauty. One thing, I know. If I arrive
500
01:41:12,920 --> 01:41:41,720
At the end of this story, I will not go tomorrow, but
Today, eat and dance at the bambino top.
501
01:41:41,720 --> 01:41:49,640
I really need it
have fun and have fun.
502
01:41:49,640 --> 01:41:56,880
Yes, I will wear a new blue dress that makes me slimmer
a little and it gives me colors. I will call Carlos,
503
01:41:56,880 --> 01:42:04,560
Josefina, Antonio. I don't remember well
which of the two I realized wanted me
504
01:42:04,560 --> 01:42:06,160
or they both wanted me.
505
01:42:06,800 --> 01:42:17,760
I will eat revetes no matter what. And
I know why I will eat revetes. Tonight,
506
01:42:17,760 --> 01:42:25,560
tonight my daily life will resume,
of my common joy. I'll need it for the rest
507
01:42:25,560 --> 01:42:42,280
of my days of my slight vulgare. Sweet and good
humorous. I need to forget, like everyone else.
508
01:42:42,280 --> 01:42:43,320
It's just that I didn't tell you everything.
509
01:44:27,640 --> 01:44:35,120
Ah.
510
01:45:22,480 --> 01:45:31,080
bless blessed
511
01:45:31,080 --> 01:45:39,800
blessed lord Bless
blessed blessed
512
01:46:36,440 --> 01:46:39,360
H
513
01:47:09,080 --> 01:47:09,580
t
514
01:48:24,560 --> 01:48:38,560
A
515
01:48:49,120 --> 01:48:57,440
I lost something that was essential to me and
which is no longer mine. I don't need it,
516
01:48:57,440 --> 01:49:03,880
just as if I had lost a third
leg that until then made it impossible for me to walk,
517
01:49:03,880 --> 01:49:11,760
but it made me a stable tripod. This
third leg I lost and became one again
518
01:49:11,760 --> 01:49:20,040
person I've never been. I got what I never had again
I had. Just the two legs. I know that only with
519
01:49:20,040 --> 01:49:30,200
two legs is that I can walk, but the absence
the useless third one I miss and scares me.
520
01:49:30,200 --> 01:49:35,760
I'm talking about death, not life.
521
01:49:38,600 --> 01:49:42,800
Because there is a trajectory.
And the trajectory is not just
522
01:49:42,800 --> 01:49:51,240
a way to go. The trajectory is ourselves.
523
01:49:55,480 --> 01:50:07,280
When it comes to living, you can never arrive sooner.
524
01:50:07,280 --> 01:50:29,640
The via cruces is not a detour, it is the passage
unique. It can only be reached through it and with it.
525
01:50:29,640 --> 01:50:32,160
Now I'm not taking your hand for myself.
526
01:50:32,800 --> 01:50:41,280
I'm the one holding your hand. I know to believe
In all of this it will be in the beginning, your great loneliness.
527
01:50:41,280 --> 01:50:52,880
But there will come a moment when you will hold my hand, no
more out of loneliness, but now like me, out of love.
528
01:50:52,880 --> 01:51:01,320
Loneliness is not needing. And don't need
leave the man very alone, all alone.
529
01:51:08,080 --> 01:51:16,120
Ah, love is so much more fatal than me
had thought. Love is already there, it is always there.
530
01:51:16,120 --> 01:51:20,120
All that's missing is the stroke of grace called passion.
531
01:51:52,720 --> 01:51:58,920
I'm finally walking towards the path
inverse, path towards the destruction of
532
01:51:58,920 --> 01:52:08,520
that I built. Path to the loss of everything
what can be lost and still be.
533
01:52:10,400 --> 01:52:15,240
little by little take away from yourself with
an effort so attentive that it does not
534
01:52:15,240 --> 01:52:25,000
you feel the pain. Take it away from you like
who gets rid of their own skin.
535
01:52:25,000 --> 01:52:29,800
The first step towards each other
is to find in yourself the woman of all
536
01:52:29,800 --> 01:52:33,840
the women. Every woman is
woman of all women.
537
01:55:02,760 --> 01:55:10,000
Eu
538
01:55:10,000 --> 01:55:16,800
I was always afraid of being struck by achievement.
I had always thought that the realization
539
01:55:16,800 --> 01:55:28,840
It's an ending and it won't count on the need
always rising. Necessity is my guide.
540
01:55:28,840 --> 01:55:31,680
Reality is the matter.
541
01:55:36,920 --> 01:55:42,280
Language is the way I'm going to look for it.
542
01:55:42,280 --> 01:55:46,600
And since I don't think so,
543
01:55:46,600 --> 01:55:53,640
by destiny I have to go and look for
by fate I return with empty hands,
544
01:55:53,640 --> 01:56:05,880
but I come back with something indispensable. Only when the
construction is that I get what she couldn't.
545
01:56:05,880 --> 01:56:14,480
Insistence is our effort.
546
01:56:14,480 --> 01:56:21,760
Withdrawal is the prize. Giving up is
the most sacred choice of a life.
547
01:56:21,760 --> 01:56:36,840
I was getting closer to what I think
which was trust. I trusted.
548
01:56:36,840 --> 01:56:47,440
At last, at last, mine had really been broken.
casing. And without limit I was. Because it isn't,
549
01:56:47,440 --> 01:56:58,120
I was until the end of what I didn't
was, I was. What is not me, I am.
550
01:56:59,080 --> 01:57:14,120
Everything will be in me if I don't go, because I am
just one of the world's instantaneous spasms.
551
01:57:14,120 --> 01:57:23,000
My life doesn't just have human meaning, it's very
bigger. It is so much bigger that in relation to humans it is not
552
01:57:23,000 --> 01:57:33,160
it makes sense. the general organization that was larger than
me. Until then I had only noticed the fragments,
553
01:57:33,160 --> 01:57:42,280
but now I was much less than human and alone
I would realize my specifically human destiny if
554
01:57:42,280 --> 01:57:53,000
give myself up, as I was giving myself up to what I already had
it wasn't me, to what is already inhuman, and giving myself
555
01:57:53,000 --> 01:57:59,240
with the confidence of belonging to the unknown,
for I can only pray to what I do not know.
556
01:58:00,720 --> 01:58:06,480
And I can only love the unknown evidence
of things. And I can only add to what
557
01:58:06,480 --> 01:58:18,080
I don't know. Only this is a real delivery.
And such delivery is the only overcoming that does not
558
01:58:18,080 --> 01:58:31,760
exclude me. I was now so much bigger that I no longer
I saw myself, as big as a landscape in the distance.
559
01:58:31,760 --> 01:58:40,680
I was far away, but noticeable in my eyes.
last mountains and in my most remote rivers.
560
01:58:41,520 --> 01:58:48,600
Simultaneous current affairs no longer scared me
and in the last extremity of me, I could
561
01:58:48,600 --> 01:59:00,640
finally smiling without me smiling any less. Anyway, I
it extended me beyond my sensitivity.
562
01:59:00,640 --> 01:59:10,360
The world was independent of me. This was the confidence
that I had arrived. The world was independent of me.
563
01:59:11,640 --> 01:59:22,560
And I'm not understanding what I'm saying.
Never. I will never understand what I say again.
564
01:59:22,560 --> 01:59:29,040
Because how could I say without the
word lie for me? How can I
565
01:59:29,040 --> 01:59:39,680
say if not shyly like that?
Life is mine. Life is mine.
566
01:59:42,760 --> 01:59:46,160
Life is gone.
567
01:59:48,280 --> 02:00:01,840
Life is mine and I don't understand
what I say. And then I love it,
568
02:00:01,840 --> 02:00:09,400
I love, I love,
569
02:00:09,400 --> 02:00:13,400
I adore,
570
02:00:13,400 --> 02:00:13,900
I adore.
571
02:00:26,040 --> 02:00:35,200
yes
572
02:00:35,200 --> 02:00:43,960
It's wood, it's stone, it's the end of the road. It's the rest of
I play, it's a little lonely. It's a piece of glass, it's the
573
02:00:43,960 --> 02:00:52,840
life, is the sun. It's the night, it's death. It's the bond, it's the
hook, it's field peroba, it's the wood knot. Canga
574
02:00:52,840 --> 02:01:00,760
lamp. It's a so-called pear tree, it's windwood.
Tom from the bank. It's a deep mystery. And the
575
02:01:00,760 --> 02:01:08,520
whether you want it or not. It's the wind blowing. It's the end
from the slope. It's the beam. It's the vain. Food feast.
576
02:01:08,520 --> 02:01:15,920
It's rain raining. It's riverside talk
March waters. It's the end of tiredness. It's the foot,
577
02:01:15,920 --> 02:01:23,880
it's the floor. It's the masquerade. Little bird in hand.
Sling stone. It's a bird in the sky. It's a
578
02:01:23,880 --> 02:01:30,720
bird on the ground. It's a stream. It's a source. It's a
piece of bread. It's rock bottom. It's the end of
579
02:01:30,720 --> 02:01:38,080
path. Disgust on his face. It is a body alone. It is
a streppe, it's a nail. It's a tip. It's a tale,
580
02:01:38,080 --> 02:01:45,160
It's a ping one. It's an account, it's a tale, it's a
fish, it's a gesture. It's a shining silver. It's the
581
02:01:45,160 --> 02:01:53,480
morning light, it's the brick coming. It's the firewood, it's
the day is the end of the beating. It's the sugarcane bottle,
582
02:01:53,480 --> 02:01:59,960
shrapnel on the road. It's the house project.
It's the body on the bed. It's the stalled car. AND
583
02:01:59,960 --> 02:02:06,560
the mud. It's the mud. It's one step. It's a bridge.
It's a frog. It's a frog. It's a wizard's remains
584
02:02:06,560 --> 02:02:40,040
light. in the morning. It's the waters of March closing the
summer and the promise of life in your heart. No.
585
02:02:40,040 --> 02:02:46,680
It's a snake, a stick. It's João, it's José, it's
a thorn. In the hand, it's a cut on the foot.
586
02:02:46,680 --> 02:02:54,000
It's the waters of March closing the summer. And
the promise of life in your heart. It's dick,
587
02:02:54,000 --> 02:03:03,040
It's stone, it's the one on the stump path alone. It is
a step, it's a bridge, it's a saint, it's a frog,
588
02:03:03,040 --> 02:03:10,840
It's a beautiful horizon, it's a Tuesday fever. They are the
March waters closing the summer. It's the promise
589
02:03:10,840 --> 02:03:26,280
of life in your heart. Stick, stone, wine,
fire, hollow. Wine, hydro, hydra, night, steel,
590
02:03:26,280 --> 02:03:32,720
sun. It's the waters of March closing the
summer. Promise of life in your heart.
591
02:03:46,520 --> 02:04:02,520
and
58237
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