All language subtitles for zTre.tigri.contro.tre.tigri.1977.WEBRip.Netflix.ita

[tuning instruments]

Recording title column,
part 1. You are welcome, master.

[upbeat music]

- Pass!
- Pull!

- Behind!
- To me!

Pass it here!

Pull to me!

Don't you ever pass it? Hurry up!

- Pull at me!
- Ocio!

Ouch! Penalty! Foul on the goalkeeper.
Dangerous play.

- Not true.
- Penalty.

- Rule of advantage.
- It's not fair, though.

Today we will remember the pain
Of our Lord and his ordeal.

Physical and moral pain for which even
the face and eye have suffered

Because you don't have to do to others
What you don't want to.

Sport is fun
and the important thing is to participate.

As long as you play you play,
if it's for real.

But it does not end there, as we are reminded by
Ia parable of the careless child.

Mass is over, go in peace.

- And you, what do you want?
- I have to make a confession.

- But you confessed last night!
- I have to do it again.

All right!

In the name of the Father, the Son
and the Holy Spirit. Praise be to Jesus.

- Always be praised.
- Well?

I had just returned from fox hunting

And suddenly I have
Robert Redford into the sauna.

He had been courting me for a long time
And he was very excited.

He shouted, "I want you!
I want to possess you here right now!"

I didn't want to, but we were naked....

He raped me on the floor
And our quivering bodies

Have joined in savage intercourse.

- All right, I absolve you.
- But why?

For insufficient evidence.

From now on I give modern sermons.

One I do on fashion.

Haute couture, ready-to-wear and jeans
with built-in gender issues.

A second sermon
I give it on the oil crisis,

Middle Eastern issues
and Palestine, sacred places of Jesus.

- The third one I do...
- But what great to do?

He knows that no one comes to his sermons.

What is he doing in this country?
Why doesn't he leave?

Who comes to the church? They are all communists.

To tell the truth,
Berlinguer is just fine with me!

In fact, honest is honest,
in fact we are taking steps

to grab even
this large segment of the population.

- What's good?
- Here's the menu.

I don't feel like reading,
bring me the usual.

- And the egg is not there?
- I drank it as is my right.

And tonight you make bruschetta
with garlic and salt, because there is no oil.

- Did you forget to buy it?
- Don't be funny!

It has been three months since I got
the monthly payment. Three times seven, twenty-one.

If at the end of the month he doesn't pay me,
I leave and he makes his own bed.

Then resort to the bishop, the vicar,
to the pontiff, to whomever you wish.

But I want the money!
Twenty-one thousand lira. Understand?

These union claims
make my appetite go away.

I watch some TV and then lie down.

UEFA Cup Final.

But buy yourself a television set instead of
of watching other people's!

We will have our channel
And then you will come and beg for forgiveness.

- [knock on door].
- Who is it?

Romeo, the letter carrier. Registered mail.

- It must be the money!
- No, it's the curia.

- Unreadable signature, nothing important.
- How do you know this?

Why do you read the mail
And take an interest in other people's business?

Don Cimbolano,
do you of all people ask me these questions?

You who for 2,000 years,
Inside your filthy closets,

do you get people's facts?

The inquisition is over,
we have arrived at Eurocommunism!

- What did you do to yourself?
- I gave myself a hammering.

And what did you say as it happened?

"My poor finger!
What an ache I got!

Me I have blown him up,
Let's hope I don't have to amputate it."

But in my own words!

One thousand five hundred "Hail Marys." Out!

They warn that tomorrow comes
a Protestant reverend

and you have to offer him help
and maximum hospitality

as part of the hoped-for merger
of the two churches, Protestant and Catholic.

What is this Protestant priest coming to do?

To document
On the oldest parishes in Italy

And on the perpetual ball-breakers!

God, give me the strength to cross
this valley of tears!

[loud noises]

What happened?

I am a Catholic priest, Fr. Cimbolano.

Maybe he has heard of me.

I lost control of the vehicle
I am fond of.

I, too, am fond of
to my station.

- Is there any delay?
- Today is a strike.

- Couldn't you have told me earlier?
- I don't talk to priests.

Sometimes I would tear up the Lateran Pacts!

[singing and playing]

♪ Oh, my dear and good Jesus! ♪

♪ I'll never leave you again! ♪

♪ I'll never leave you again! ♪

- And the applause starts.
- Get the "teddy boys" out of my church!

Don Cimbolano, at last!

- Father John Martini.
- Ouch, the finger! I fell off on the motorcycle.

- He was waiting for me, wasn't he?
- Well...

- I was waiting for a clergyman.
- Exactly.

As part of the merger of churches.

Ouch! This organ is most delicate,
it should not be touched.

It must be played, otherwise it is ruined.

This is an 1860 Butti
with screw mechanics.

I have one, too.

The tools are
like women, flowers and furniture.

If they do not love each other, they wither and die.
[speaking in English] No love, no life.

No love, no life.

- Even the furniture?
- Of course.

Even this church
Is not loved enough.

This is a 17th-century fresco,
attributable to Guicciardini.

Most valuable, but completely ruined.

He falls apart
Because you do nothing for him! Lazy man!

This church would be very beautiful.
Look at the apse!

It's interesting, but look at all the cracks.

Maybe you made them
With your big feet, be more careful!

Everything here is very interesting,

but symbolic
Of your crumbling Catholic clergy.

Like this church that is held...

- What's the word?
- Watertightness.

Watertight? But if there are
holes in the ceiling! It's raining inside!

If while saying Mass
it collapses on your head, whose fault is it?

Let's hear it.

- It's your fault, Cambolano.
- Cambolano.

Help me carry
the last bags to your rectory.

[Don Cimbolano]
Now if the church falls down, it's my fault.

We are doing well!

Stays on.

Finally, I've been here for half an hour!

I told him it was at the station,
but he wanted to see the church.

Come, I made you coffee.

- Good.
- You bring the bags up!

[Don Cimbolano]
This inhuman effort raises

My pissed-off spirit over coffee.

[in English] Is that you, Johnny?

[in English] What are you doing?

[in English] Enter.

Good, but tastes like lentil.
What is it made of?

Of lentil.

Upstairs there is a
with her boobs and head in her shirt.

Jersey? Wife. My wife!

All right, I got it.

Your sacrifice
is not my initiative, it is written here.

I'm going to read to you now. It's coming from the Vatican.

"Father Martini and Mrs. are in Italy.

to document the parishes
most disasters and local folklore.

The curia recommends that efforts be made
to assist the distinguished guests."

They are not lies, it is written here.

If you want to meet me
and commit suicide, I'll come by later.

Or do you want me to...

[in English] Diana, hurry up, it's ready!

- The mountain air makes one hungry.
- To those who say so, father!

Who said to set the table?

No rash decisions! Clear?

We will have a good fast,
which is good for us and makes Jesus happy.

This is one of the nonsense
that separate our churches.

Fasting, penance,
flagellation, maceration

They hurt men
And do not serve God.

- And who convinces the hen?
- What hen?

- Do you already know Diana?
- Of course.

- Upstairs, do you remember?
- I think I do.

We bought something
to celebrate the meeting.

- Father John] You won't be offended, will you?
- No.

- [in English] Frankfurters, fries...
- [in English] Thank you.

Great!

- Mustard.
- It is so good!

[in English] One moment, Diana.

Lord, we thank you for the food

that even today
You have given to our table.

[All] Amen.

- Are you not eating?
- It depends.

He is in religious abstinence, so do not insist.

[in English] I'm sorry.

Are they original German frankfurters?

Yes, and they are great.

- What about the mustard?
- It is original German.

- I really like sauerkraut.
- We have those, too.

- Enjoy your meal, everyone.
- Thank you.

My wife studies primitive tribes.
She is proud of her research.

- She took these pictures.
- You can tell she studied!

These are the Tago-tago people,
I have been with them several days.

- What fine young men!
- [Diana] A primitive people, but noble.

Look at the elegance in their bodies,

What pride, what outstanding poise!

Beautiful costumes!

Too bad this passion
keeps her away for months!

- And isn't he jealous?
- But he is not Italian!

- I'm not Italian.
- And instructive things?

Mountaineering, landscapes,
plants and flowers, myths and legends...

- Here is the Rock of San Crispino.
- We know that legend.

Another of the fibs
Of your church.

My wife would like to go there.
[in English] Do you want to go there?

[speaks in English]

She says if tomorrow
he can accompany her to the Rock.

- Yes.
- [in English] He said yes.

[speaking in English].

Do you have a cigarette?

No, but we can go and buy them.

Good idea, so I will get to know the country.

Wait for me in bed, Don Cimbolano
lends us the guest room.

My room.

Thank you, you have been
so sweetly hospitable!

- The bed will be narrow.
- It's okay!

Diana and I usually
sleep on top of each other!

Ah, that's it.

- She has a beautiful automobile!
- It is very comfortable, a jewel.

- How much will it cost?
- In Italy 20-25 million.

- Of course, you are rich!
- Not me, my wife.

- What an ass!
- My wife?

- No, her.
- Like me!

- I can't explain.
- This car would suit you.

It would give parishioners the image
of modern priest that everyone hopes for.

If you want it, let's make a deal.
I want a bigger one.

I need to do some math.
How much would the moped value me?

We shall see.

I confess that a married priest
makes an impression on me.

How do you reconcile the two?

It confuses the physical function
with the spiritual one.

- I didn't say that.
- But Io thinks.

This is common among many Catholic priests.

- I bet you have obscene dreams.
- I only dream about St. Crispin.

Your alibis
Are always saints and martyrs.

This house is from the 15th century and that is where
Claudia Mori before she got married.

"Away with Don Cimbolano!"
They don't like you very much in this country.

But no, they dedicated the road to me!
They will put a plaque here.

We have already phoned,
but with the strikes...

You are always talking bullshit!

Good evening, dear friends!

I am Father John Martini,
of the American Protestant Church.

I hope you will like me
as I like your country.

Good evening, I am Borsetti, the mayor.

- Very pleased.
- I greet you on behalf of the city council.

However, I warn you
That we don't like priests too much.

- What do we offer you?
- Some Italian wine.

Of the head-turning kind,
Like the beauty of the hostess.

Finally, a priest
good with women, too!

My wife and I
are interested in ancient places.

II your country has historical importance.

Borgovaro, "magna civitas"!

Damn, what a force!

This is the power of America,
other than this guy!

- Here is a priest we would like here.
- Thank you.

Tomorrow my niece is getting married.

Civil ceremony, I will perform it.

Come to the refreshment with your wife.

My wife has to go tomorrow
to photograph your ruins,

But I will be happy to participate.

- [in French] You have to enjoy it!
- Learn.

- But you are a polyglot!
- I speak Spanish, Portuguese, French,

German, Italian, Russian, Turkish, Chinese,

Japanese, Hebrew, some dialects
African, Arabic, Greek and Latin.

- How do you remember them all?
- Healthy mind in a healthy body!

First, wake up early
And take a walk.

I do.

[Father John].
Second, large and regular meals.

I make them.

Third, but not least, sexual activity.

- Intense, frequent and well-planned.
- He does not.

II all under the blessing of the Lord,

To whom I would like to raise
A hymn of thanksgiving.

♪ Hallelujah, hallelujah... ♪

All together!

[All] ♪ Hallelujah, hallelujah!
Hallelujah, my lord! ♪

[moans of pleasure]

Breathe deeply! One, two, three.

Come on, run!

Free body exercises. One, two...

Look at Don Cimbolano.

A typical example of free-range living.

By sleeping in the open air
Will remain young and healthy.

Do as Cymbolan
And you will stay young and healthy!

- You always sleep outside, don't you?
- I'm also fine in the house.

I don't have time now, there is the wedding
of the mayor's niece.

Too bad you are not coming.
See you soon!

[all together, mocking him].
You are not invited!

- Don Cimbolano.
- Yes?

You have to confess to me.

It's not possible!
I haven't slept. What happened?

Do you know who I met in the woods?

- Who.
- Fabio Testi.

I need to make a confession.

So.

- What did you do?
- About everything.

With this still I say to you
A wise and ancient proverb.

"Great money will be pocketed there,
best wishes and sons!"

[all] Bravo!

Now the word
to the welcome foreign guest.

Thank you for inviting me to this party.

I heartily wish the newlyweds
a union full of satisfaction

In love and procreation.

To conclude poetically
as you Italians do:

"On this fabulous day
I raise my cup and kiss the bride."

Now it's time to dance!

[dance music]

Father Martini, I bet he can dance!

- Can you show me around?
- Gladly.

Does he know that he dances well?

He dances better than Don Lurio.

- Who is he, a priest?
- No, a famous dancer. [laughs]

- Ouch!
- What's going on?

My usual rip-off.

Do you want to sit down?

- No, you take me in.
- Lean in.

- Lean in.
- That hurt.

- Back here?
- Yes.

- Should I better take my clothes off?
- Sure.

- Can you help me?
- If you want, sure.

[she groans]

- Where does it hurt?
- There.

Lie down so we can see.

Not like that, turn around.

- What a pig!
- Why?

Now I touch you,
tell me which vertebrae aches.

- I studied chirotherapy.
- [woman shouts]

It must be the coccyx.

Now I'm going to give you a massage and it will all pass.

- Father John] Give me your arm.
- [woman] What are you doing? How strange you are!

There, like that!

You'll see it all passes after that.

Don Cimbolano?

What's he doing up there?

- I was arranging the landscape.
- [Diana] He promised to accompany me.

I'll be right over.

[Diana] I am waiting!

[woman shouts]

- Is that better?
- Yes, "golden hands."

- Take your clothes off, too.
- Why?

- Let's go down, or they will think wrong.
- They already think wrong by now anyway.

- Come here!
- But no!

- I'm going to eat you!
- What are you doing?

I am a priest,
not a "putane"! I'm going down now.

- Sorry. Thank you very much.
- You're welcome.

Was the wedding party beautiful
as seen from above?

- Gorgeous frame, but vulgar content.
- What do you mean?

Some things are better not to know,
I also says the parable.

- What is the parable?
- The parable, isn't it?

Be careful, in these parts
in the 1800s a viper was found.

Legend has it that Crispin
was a very poor shepherd.

In fact, he had no sheep.

One day he was here looking for mushrooms

He saw a strong light,

Like a fire at a gas pump.

Then he took refuge in a cave

And there he saw a sheep
all covered with sparks.

He thought it was a fire
a sheep, but instead it was the devil.

- Is this the cave?
- No, that one. And there is the shrine there.

Great!!! Go over there and I'll take a picture of you.

- But I come better in person.
- Do it for me!

- Does it make them for me as I open the cave?
- Okay.

Turn around!

You are beautiful! Be an angel,
Like on the church fresco.

Strike a pose.

Here, like this.

A little to the left.

Good. Straight.

Look at the little bird.

Ouch, something bit me!

What was that? Help me!
Do something, I've been bitten!

You have to suck here!

Look at my thigh!
It hurts! It needs to suck!

Help me, Don Cimbolano!
Please do something!

Oh, it was just a plug.

Look, it's nothing.

[thunder noise]

It's raining! Don Cimbolano, we have to go!

Come, we must take cover!

[Diana screams]

The gate!

I can't do it! We are stuck.

I'm worried, why don't they come back?

- The rain must have blocked them.
- The fool went on a motorcycle!

- [speaks English]
- [together] What?

- Let's go after them with the car.
- We will get bogged down!

I'm not deaf!
I speak Italian better than you, okay?

Calm down, let us at least finish the game.

When it stops,
we go with the municipality's jeep.

- [speaking in dialect].
- How?

- But do you speak Italian, or not?
- When it doesn't rain anymore.

What if it rains all night?

The other exit is also blocked,
dynamite would be needed.

I am so cold!

Of course,
she kept her shirt wet.

- Put on my cassock, it's dry.
- Thank you.

Tell me, why did you pass out earlier?

Because to tell you the truth
I'm not used to being...

Only with a woman?

I live with the perpetual.
Isn't that the same thing?

In short, in this situation
I feel uncomfortable.

- Will they come and get us out of here?
- They know where we are.

Not seeing us come back,
they will come looking for us.

I wouldn't want your husband, though,

With his mentality, he thought who knows what.

What do you want me to think?
He trusts me totally.

Besides, you are a priest,
what are you worried about?

Yes, I am a Catholic priest,
such things I don't do or think!

And I don't want to cause
a final break between the two churches.

I feel as nervous as a caged lion.

Why does the fire go out?
Why is this cave badly maintained?

Come on, don't be angry that you get ugly.

Rather, tell me
the end of the story of St. Crispin.

That sheep was the devil
Because the saint had fallen into temptation.

Once with a cousin,
at my aunt's house seven years ago.

One more time
at the agricultural fair in Verona

Where, dressed in plain clothes,

He entered a house
where there were ladies.

But I'd rather not talk about it.
And one more time here.

She turned
into a woman lying on the straw,

Of above-average stature.

So what?

St. Crispin,
who was strong of mind and body,

He was able to endure the temptations
that were tormenting him.

He asked the Lord for help,
Who, to keep him pure,

As if by a miracle...

I put to sleep...

suddenly.

Here's the bike, they went to the shrine.

Let's go that way.

Plan.

Here is the sanctuary.

- My wife's stuff!
- Stop!

- Diana.
- But what happened?

The boulder has fallen. They are here, come!

- [Father John] Diana!
- [Romeo] Cymbolan!

- Who is it?
- Don Cimbolano, post!

Diana.

Bring the jeep here that we move the boulder!

- The story of the boulder is incredible.
- It almost looks like a "ball."

Her husband cares a great deal about her,
so he insisted on coming to look for her.

If we didn't go,
who knows how long they would stay there.

In misfortune she was lucky.
Imagine if she had been alone.

Instead, she was not alone. Am I right?

- But he was with a priest.
- Yes, a priest -- man is man!

He remains a beast
even with the black skirt.

Who knows what the malicious tongues will say.
I wouldn't want to be in their shoes.

- [Romeo] I tell you they were naked!
- [Borsetti] That's not possible!

And what did he look like?

- I tell you...
- Here it is.

Hello.

[murmuring]

Father Martini.

Yes?

Do you want to tell me something?

You have some tremendous burdens on your conscience

That you want to free yourself from?

Let's talk man to man.
In fact, priest to priest.

In the sense that everything we say
Will not leave this room.

Know that I am not jealous,

I am capable of understanding
and forgive, as a civilized person.

What was it between you and my wife?

But no, I...

Can you not stand my accusing gaze?

All right, I won't look at you.
What did you do with Diana?

We were taking pictures,
it started to rain and we took cover.

The boulder fell.
Perhaps a lightning strike.

- What did you say?
- Thunderstorm.

You didn't say "storm."

Like no, it's my whole life
I've been saying "storm."

I once said "flash."

You did not say "thunderstorm."
but "lightning strike"!

Yes, it is true.

I knew it
That no one could be trusted!

[Father John] Least of all from someone like you!

Now swear by Saint Crispin
That you will tell the whole truth,

Nothing but the truth. Swear, dog!

- You don't swear by such things.
- It's true, you're right.

So tell me.

Were there any effusions,
caresses, touching?

Macché touches and caresses!

[shouts] Then there was something more!

[shouts] Speak, you sack of shit,
or I'll break your face!

- [shouts] It will destroy your house!
- Not the radio!

- [shouts] You're scared, huh?
- Yes.

[shouts] Coward!

[Father John] Pig, have the courage
Of your dirty deeds!

- Leave me alone!
- Come out!

I don't do anything to you,
I just want to destroy you.

- [shouts]
- Like this!

- Defend yourself, if you are a man!
- [shouts]

Clown! Worm!

You wretch, you didn't have to do that.
You ruined my life, my love.

- Don't be like that!
- [cries] But why?

Father Martini, don't be like that.

All right.

- I am calm now.
- [shouts]

How bad it is! Suddenly it's even worse!

And this is only the beginning!
Squeal your guilt, you worm!

- I will also inform "your" Holiness.
- No, not the pope!

You will burn in hell.

When you go through the country
you will get your ass kicked!

[speaks in English]

I felt sick, I got cold.

I wanted to say hello and thank you.

I will never forget our meeting.

[shouts] No!

- [in English] What did you do to him?
- And what did you do with that pig?

[shouts]

- [in English] Idiot!
- [in English] Diana, wait for me!

- I'm not comfortable with that.
- Oh, no!

My life is destroyed.

[John cries]

So much despair!

Forgive me for all the evil I have done.

- Give me a punch!
- No.

- Spit in my face!
- No.

- Humiliate me!
- No.

Then give me a hug, dear brother.

And now you have to tell me what you did
In that cave and how many times!

- [screams can be heard].
- Listen to that! It's a beast!

Here it is!

Away, away.

- Levati.
- Borgovaro "magna civitas"!

- But go away!
- Go away!

- Gun.
- Look at that.

- Did he leave?
- Yes.

I had a busy morning,
I didn't get to say goodbye to him.

My bike.

Don't worry about the bike.

Let's take up a collection
and buy a new one.

- So much for the American pain in the ass!
- [all together] Good!

You have to give us a special sermon today,
who knows what you have to tell us!

Comrades, everyone to the church! Go!

Thank you.

What do I tell them now,
another lie?

All right.

[playing a tango]

[screeching brakes]

[thinks] Look at that girl!

[thinks] What curves! How hot she is!

[thinks] Oh my God, the thighs!

[thinks] What would you do to her, Oscar?

[thinks] This is the fairy
From the "Thousand and One Nights"!

[thinks] I would need only one, at night!

[thinks] I'm backing off.
If I didn't, I would be just....

Asshole!

[thinks] Hear that, Oscar?
He would be right, if you didn't do.

[thinks] But because you do, he's not right.
You are a straight man!

- Good morning, young lady.
- Good morning.

- Is it serious?
- I don't know, I melted the engine.

Then it is serious.

Indeed. I've been standing here for two hours.

- Would you give me a ride?
- Sure, get in.

I couldn't take it anymore.
I've been to such a boring party!

I can't wait to go home.

- Arrange in all things.
- She is an angel.

[thinks] Hear that? He called you "angel."

[thinks] Now he will see what the hell you are!

- Bertoletti Oscar.
- Lucrezia Marini.

[clears throat].

Engine failures happen just
when one least expects them.

- Don't tell me.
- I know something about it, I shoot a lot.

I go up and down Italy.

I am a representative
in the clothing business.

You see, I walk around with the goods. IMEC.

- Interested?
- No thanks, I don't use it.

- But he's going to use some other leader, right?
- Maybe.

[thinks] But what is he without underwear?

- Do you smoke?
- Yes, that's the only vice I have.

- I, on the other hand, have all the vices.
- Thinks] What does he do, does he provoke?

[Thinks] Careful, you play with fire.

Ouch, it burns!

What's he doing, has he gone crazy?

Sorry, I was swerving in a moment. Forgive me.

[thinks] What's the matter with you?
Have your legs confused you?

[thinks] Of course
that this blonde is crazy!

[Thinks] It is time for the first approach.

- [thinks] If you don't eat it, you're just...
- Asshole!

That word got out?

- How?
- Nothing, just talking to myself.

As soon as I saw her, I knew immediately
that she was a good girl,

I could trust.

Because with all the thugs
that are around...

- Instead you inspire confidence.
- Thank you.

[thinks] Bravo, Oscar,
with prudence and elegance,

Without pointing it out.

Why don't you make it clear
that you want to sleep with me?

- What did he say?
- That you want to sleep with me.

- Didn't you help me because of that?
- What do you take me for?

Do you want to make love to me or not? I'm in.

- Are you in?
- I'm in.

Then I'm in, too.

I am not like you bourgeois
who make a thousand turns of phrase.

We can go to my house,
better there than here in the car.

[thinks] Oh my God, she's a whore!

[thinks] She's a high-class whore.
She was going to rip me off!

[thinks] The Jaguar, I'm going to rock,
"let's go to my house"...

- [thinks] And then it costs you a million!
- Well?

How?

Are you in a hurry? Have you gotten
The urge to finish?

Let me do the math, I don't have a lot of money.

- Shall we make it 10,000?
- What?

- How about 11,000?
- What do you take me for?

I do it because I feel like it and then I like you.

[thinks] The blonde likes me with I rock!

[thinks] Oscar...

What an ass you have!

Why did you bring me here?
Weren't we supposed to go to your house?

- This is my house.
- [thinks] Understand? It's his house!

- But who is that?
- Luigino. Don't worry, he's trustworthy.

[thinks] He looks pissed off to me.

- Welcome back, countess.
- Hello, Luigino.

The car is broken down
near the Brandolini mansion.

I forgot.

I remind you that you must telephone
to His Eminence Cardinal.

- Thank you.
- [thinks] Cardinal?

[thinks] You're going to see
That this one with the cardinal...

[thinks] Not dumb!

Aren't you going in?

Come on, that I have to make
an important phone call!

Oh, yeah?

But does Io know that you are naughty, Your Eminence?

I will have to pull her ears
next time!

- Do you want to make me blush?
- [sotto voce] Where should I go?

- Eminence.
- [sotto voce] That way? Good.

Yes, of course.

No! No...

- No, absolutely.
- [sotto voce] Where? Ah, over there.

[sotto voce] I settle in.

[thinks] See, statue in erotic pose,

erotic furniture,

painting depicting a pile-up...

[thinks] Here I am being provoked.
Soon it's my turn!

[thinks] What a day!

[thinks] What day is today?
Ah, the newspaper.

[think] Today is April 7.
Date to remember.

[thinks] What does it matter
If she's a countess? Oscar, jump in!

[thinks] With permission.

All right, let's do it here.
The atmosphere is more right.

So we're going to stick with that? All right.

[thinks] Damn,
look where I've ended up -- I'm leaving.

- [thinks] I'm going to leave.
- Oh! What time is it?

- Are you saying to me?
- Yes.

7:00, 7:30, I think.

And what did you wake me up to do? It's nighttime!

Me?

I had nothing to do with it, I was sent there by
the countess. Don't send me there yourself!

Rodolfo, how many times do I have to tell you
that your apartment is that way?

Every day Myself!

Let's not make it a bed issue.

- Don't disturb him.
- Come and help me!

- He is a heavy sleeper.
- Damn!

- Rodolfo, wake up.
- Come on! Rodolfo!

- But who is this Rodolfo?
- My husband.

Rodolfo.

Rodolfo, wake up!

Don't do that, or it's going to end up
Rodolfo getting pissed off.

You have annoyed me with this!
If you try it again, I'll divorce you.

[countess] Bloody hell!

[whistles and clears his throat].

Countess.

Countess.

Count Marini of Lampenusa,
husband of Mrs.

Bertoletti Oscar, on a courtesy visit.

Remember that this
is my apartment and I'm sleeping in it!

You forgot the other night
That I came back with that nigger

And found you in my bed?

- You made me look bad!
- He's right.

May it not be repeated! You know me!

Countess, we are sure
that her husband says nothing

- We are going to "cosare."
- Duh!

We are a modern, open couple.
He doesn't pay attention to this nonsense.

He has overcome
the retrograde block of jealousy.

Because from the accent he sounded Sicilian to me.

Now racism comes out too!

Do not conceive
that there is such a thing as a modern Sicilian.

- Oscar, are you following me?
- I follow you, countess.

He said?

That for you there are no
modern, progressive Sicilians.

Her husband seemed modern, evolved.

I would not want him to then
have a return to basics.

- [imitates thought-provoker].
- You know, the honor killing.

Two lupara shots, one bullet...

Enough talk, right?

Come here.

[in English] Yes.

Countess, alone at last!
Away from prying eyes.

[window noises]

But does Frankenstein have to put himself right there?

Who, Luigino? It's not like we bother him.

- If we don't bother him.
- He is used to these things.

- What do you care?
- Of course.

If he is used to it, what do we care?

[countess] How I like you!

[the countess groans]

What a man!

What a male!

How beautiful!

Indeed!

- But who are you?
- Bertoletti Oscar, countess. It was Achilles.

I am yours, countess!

- How I like you! You are so good!
- I'm going strong!

[inaudible]

[countess] You drive me crazy!

Come on! Come on, squeeze me!

- Squeeze me!
- Lady countess!

- What are you doing?
- What have I done?

No kissing. We conclude,
mica we don't have to be romantic.

Excuse me, but the kiss
Is like ham and melon.

How?

It is the appetizer; it is needed to get going.

- Permission?
- What's going on?

Madam Countess!

Gianluca cries,
he wants her to go to him.

- Did you tell him I was busy?
- Yes.

- I told him that mother is busy.
- He could have turned on the TV.

I tried everything: radio, ball,
skittles, train, backgammon.

- No way, he cries.
- Give him the drops, you'll see he'll calm down.

[speaks in German].

- Fatty, where are you?
- I'm here.

Come.

One moment, I make sure
that the Gestapo has withdrawn.

Here every now and then there is an invasion!

- Here!
- Ah, you're here...

[he hears whistling]

- [whistles]
- Nice male of mine!

You are terrible!

[countess] Come on! What are you doing?

I am crazy about you!

Madam Countess,
I think I saw your husband.

[countess] But in short,
you make all the excuses!

I told you, he is not jealous.
He doesn't pay any attention to it.

But I pay attention to it! I don't concentrate.

You Italians are all the same.
Either timid, or depraved!

- Where are you going? Are you leaving me here with your husband?
- Wait for me, I'll take care of it.

- Dr. Loy?
- Shut up!

Where is the doctor?

- They're here. What is it?
- I need to tell you something. Come.

You guys keep rolling.

- Listen to me, Dr. Nanni Loy.
- Hurry up.

I'm leaving. That one is a dirty one!

- But if you're great at it.
- Of course!

- I am an actress.
- But what does that have to do with anything?

- It does!
- [crewman] You can hear everything.

- Easy.
- As long as there is acting, it is fine.

But other things I don't want to do,
I am ashamed.

Don't be ashamed, you act very well.

Do you think you are succeeding
to prove that the average Italian

In order to achieve that goal
Is willing to do anything.

Don't worry, I am here.
Now go and follow the script.

But if that
wants to do "le robe," I'll leave.

[director] You are wonderful!

- Let's see if this cretin wakes up!
- She gets her clothes back on!

Turn, Io will make Peppino stay.

- What are you doing, getting dressed?
- Yes, I have an urgent engagement.

Since I represent intimate goods

And she only wears them in the family,
I would have nice underwear.

- I have to go now.
- But you are crazy!

She doesn't know what she's missing!
My wife is a force of nature!

- Unheard of things happen in bed with her.
- Do they?

It makes numbers, numbers...

- But I...
- Listen to me, stay.

Remains.

Remains.

- It is a sexual machine!
- Sexual...

Can you believe it, Oscar? This one is doing the numbers!

Not bad!

Give him a close-up,
as big as possible.

Give him the big head.

Fatty!

Fatty, come and ride
your jaguar!

Come.

"Fatty" hunter!

- Come!
- [roaring]

Countess, I do as
Marquis De Sadico!

- Countess!
- Again!

I can't take it anymore! I'm leaving.

- Packing.
- Is Gianluca still crying?

He is pestiferous, he keeps crying.
You keep him!

Gianluca, go to mom!

Love!

Love, come to mother. Come!

What did they do to you?

Baby, come here!

Do they make you cry?

I cannot, Madam Countess.
I'm leaving!

You can't!

With the urge I have, I would make love
With her even at the Wax Museum.

But this is the Museum of Horrors!
First Frankenstein, then her husband,

then the SS disguised as a nun
and now the monkey as well!

But Gianluca is so cute!
He's just standing there looking good.

Exactly. The monkeys remake
what they see them doing.

It's not that while I'm on the bed
With her, I find myself ...

No, never mind.
So sorry, friends like before.

I don't know how to tell him,
but ... I'm sick and tired of it!

- This time he's really leaving.
- Turn, turn.

Now he tells them a joke
that stops all Italians.

Then you know what I say to you, Bertoletti?
You're a faggot!

How? I didn't understand the last word.

- Fennel.
- Fennel?

- Me?
- Yes.

[in English] Danger, Madam Countess!

He who touches the wires, dies.
This he did not have to say.

Is that so? Then first:
Gianluca, bugger off!

Come on!

- No!
- Go away!

Don't let me see you again,
or I'll kick your ass twice!

Second:

close, which looks like the courtyard
Of an asylum in the recreation hour.

Third, you know Chief Kennedy,

the rocket launch?

[in English] Six,
five, four, three, two...

You told me faggot
And now I'm going to show you...

- if I'm a fag!
- Help, doctor!

- The doctor will serve you later!
- Help, doctor!

[megaphone from outside].
Bertoletti, Commissioner Castelli speaks.

The mansion is surrounded,
come out with your hands up.

Nice one about the commissioner!

But who had it?

[megaphone from outside].
We know you're there...

[director] He is a real commissioner!

Bertoletti, you'd better surrender yourself
without resisting.

- No harm will come to you.
- We got him, commissioner!

But what did you take?

It is not him, leave him! Take a position.

I am an actor,
I am working with Nanni Loy.

- Nanni Loy?
- Yes, we shoot Secret Mirror.

Don't be reckless,
you have a woman on your hands.

But why do you seek Him?

He escaped from the La Spezia prison
with six dangerous extremists.

And he stole my car
and my pants! I am the representative!

Shut up, we know.
Go away, they are shooting here!

He is armed and dangerous. Oscar Bertoletti!

I said that one
had an ugly face.

I am fake.
I told you, we are working.

Commissioner, come.

Look, here it is.

How many are they!

Hands up! We know
That you ran away with the Gang of Three!

What, commissioner, are you freaking out?

Extremist revolutionary terrorists.
You arranged the escape.

[sotto voce] There is a setback.

Our man could be dangerous.

What do I do?

Always say yes to him,
humor him and don't make him angry.

He reads too many mystery novels.
There is a misunderstanding.

Come.

I want to make it clear,
I don't want to be misconstrued.

I was in the bathrooms of the prison infirmary,

When six individuals popped up.

They blew up the bar
and ran away.

I was done.
What was I going to do, stay and shit?

I escaped as well,
everyone in Italy evades anyway!

Enough. I'll give you one minute to surrender.

At the very least, I need half an hour.
Excuse me for a moment.

- [countess shouts]
- Mortacci vostri!

Ready to fire!

I have to defend myself.
Come, countess, don't be afraid.

So?

- Watch out, he's armed!
- Of course.

I found it in the car I stole.

- Everyone in Italy is armed except me.
- You have 15 seconds.

That's enough now! You put me
in jail for a trifle,

I have been awaiting trial
for two years and after two years of abstinence

I am about to conclude
with a beautiful, compliant countess.

What do I do with 15 seconds?
It's not enough for me even if you wall us in alive.

Let's be calm!
If I get angry, I make a carnage.

End of statement.

- What do we do?
- We shoot.

- [Oscar] Alone at last!
- Don't make a sound.

- For goodness sake! I didn't do anything!
- Neither did I.

- I am a poor thing!
- What are you doing, Madam Countess?

- There's television in there!
- We'll see the TV later.

There is television back there!
There's Secret Mirror!

- Secret mirror?
- Yes, that way.

- That way.
- Let's not play games.

[sotto voce] Let's be casual.

So many people! Hands in the air!

Mr. Bertoletti,
take it easy with that thing there.

But what are you doing? Have you taken it all back?

We are doing some filming
for Secret Mirror.

Do you want to have fun behind my back?

Did you also film
When he said I was a fag?

He jumped on her
with an admirable rapture.

- Does it mean that I am a fag?
- On the contrary, that you are a real man.

Then it also showed
When I threw it on the bed!

- Yes.
- Ah, you can tell!

Did you take me to be a puppet to you?

If you don't agree, let's burn it down,

we don't air anything.

Nanni Loy in the flesh! Beautiful!

But what's burning? You air everything,
what do I care?

- I have met Nanni Loy!
- I, too, am pleased to meet her.

- He is sympathetic.
- No, you are nice!

He remembers when he used to do:
"Can I dunk?"

No one ever notices.
They all turn around like puppets.

- And how did I come?
- Good. Now I'll show you.

- Can it be seen in color?
- Yes.

Good!

- Go with the monitor.
- Nanni Loy shows me everything.

- What is this?
- A monitor.

Can you see yourself there?

- No, it is there.
- Ah, you can see it there!

Beautiful! I look good though, I'm photogenic!

- How did he end up in prison?
- For a leave of absence.

- What license?
- As a peddler of various seeds.

I had been waiting for two years and wrote
to the President of the Republic.

What's wrong with that?

I wanted to give it to him
during the June 2 parade.

When the bersaglieri passed by,
I queued up.

I didn't make it in time
to climb over the stage

That an armorer
slapped me on the teeth.

- What did you do?
- Now I'm going to show you. Hold it.

I stared at him with evil eyes,
I made a feint with my left

And I punched him with my right hand.

I fractured my hand.
He was wearing body armor!

What's going on?
One cannot be distracted for a moment!

Dr. Loy, tell him I am innocent.

[Nanni Loy] He is a good boy.
Try to help him.

- When do I see myself on TV?
- Wednesday.

How nice, everyone can see me!
Thank you, Dr. Loy!

Hear that, commissioner? Let's get on the air.

I'm on TV with Nanni Loy!

He called me by my name! What an ass I have!

[playing a mazurka]

- Counselor, do you want a ride?
- No, I will never take the car.

Look where you are going!

[indistinct hubbub]

And be careful!
You're even late! Look what time it is!

Come, let's take the shortcut.

Excuse me. Sorry...

Excuse me.

Permit?

Corrected coffee.

Here is your coffee.

I'm sorry -- look, it's not like I've...

Let's go, it's late!

It is late.

- I hope the boss hasn't arrived.
- But he is only a minute late!

You no elevator?

- I'm not crazy!
- Best wishes for the five stories!

It is scientifically proven

that the elevator
Is a dangerous means of transportation.

And I will never take it!

- I gave the practice to lawyer Scorza.
- But that one is never there!

- Attorney Scorza, good morning.
- One moment.

Let go of me! Every morning a fight!

Today two extra minutes to take the stairs.

I am untrained.

- He has the file of SNIA Viscosa.
- Let me at least have a coffee.

- Good morning, counselor.
- Good morning.

Forni, get the Cambogi file.

- Signature.
- What's new?

Notary Lucifer is in his room.

Have you booked me for London?

- Yes, he has a 6:45 p.m. flight.
- Perfect.

- [From the Pine] Good morning, counselor.
- Hello, dear.

- It's yours, counselor.
- Thank you, Scorza.

Scorza, right away from me with the SNIA file.

Now!

- Do you know where the SNIA file is?
- Up there, folders one through eight.

- From the -- from the -- from the pine tree.
- Yes?

- A courtesy, for pity's sake.
- What is it?

- Does he take them from me?
- It's getting worse!

- I am slightly dizzy.
- Just because I like him.

I'm dizzy.

- Sorry.
- Counselor, be careful!

The technical assessment for SNIA
is set for 3:45 p.m. today in Milan.

- Milan?
- Milan.

- Hurry up, at 12:30 you have the plane.
- The plane?

But what does he do?

- The plane?
- Sure.

- Hello, Mrs. Nardi.
- Attorney Berchielli.

- He is busy.
- Busy for me? You announce me.

Counselor, Mrs. Nardi is here.

- Good morning, Ms. Nardi.
- Comfortable.

- Great news!
- I don't give a damn!

- Follow me. Lawyer.
- I'm with you, ma'am.

Away. Can't you see that Nardi is there?

- From the Pine.
- What's more?

I need help.

I am here for a personal matter.
I want to frame the pig.

It will be done. But I don't have
quite clear what the practice is.

He is my husband.

- Tell me all about it.
- The pig...

- Yes?
- Because Io is!

- Yes.
- He's still with that hooker.

- But this time I know where it is.
- This can be useful for us.

I need her to surprise him
on the fact, photograph it and ruin it.

- Come, you are my eyewitness.
- One moment.

I have to leave for London
for his company.

Drop everything and come!

- I leave it to my best substitute.
- Substitute?

It is as if I am personally in charge of it.

- Miss?
- Yes?

Lawyer Dal Pino here to me.

- He just left for Milan.
- Milan?

- In Scorza's place.
- So?

- May I have a minute?
- All right, but be quick!

Peel.

He again transgressed one of my orders.

This is the tenth time he has sent
Dal Pino to Milan in his place.

He asked.

I have to remind you
that if you are in this study...

- Do you want Io to write?
- Don't make him funny!

- No.
- He is here for his mother's prayers.

- Mother
- Widowed and infirm.

In memory of the place
his father occupied here.

- II knot is tight.
- I caution you against taking action.

- Berchielli!
- Ma'am.

- I have no time to lose.
- You won't waste it, ma'am.

I entrust it to my best substitute,
attorney Scorza.

- Ah! I feel sick!
- Madam!

- Miss.
- Bring me something to drink.

- A cordial!
- I'll go.

- But where do you go?
- I'm going down to the bar.

Quick! Ma'am, what's wrong with you?

- Elevator no, right?
- Elevator?

Rest assured,
we will assist you as always.

But time passes and goodbye surprise.

- Where is this Scorza?
- The bag!

I lead the way. She is here!

- Could it have taken him so long?
- No! No!

The elevator is not!

I'll take the car.

- Do I accompany her?
- No need.

Counselor.

[lawyer Berchielli] Lawyer, in short!

He has to leave with Mrs. Nardi.

- But I don't even know what to do.
- I don't really know that either.

The important thing is that it goes along with
Nardi in everything. Clear?

Clear.

- I'll give you one more chance.
- The ear!

I entrust Nardi to you, but watch out!

The lady is a labor knight,
president of Edilconsorti

And she is our best customer.

We owe her 75%
of our firm's turnover.

- Of his study.
- Ergo.

Indulge her in everything,
obey her, otherwise I will kick her out

And he will no longer even enter
as an usher in a law firm.

- Clear?
- Me write it down?

- Full disposal!
- Counselor, hurry up.

At your command.

Counselor, hurry! The Yankee is waiting for us!

- The Yankee?
- [Mrs. Nardi] Lamberto!

- Is everything all right?
- Yes, ma'am. You can leave whenever you want.

The plane? Well...

Counselor, shall we go?
Get out of the car!

- Is it a single-engine engine?
- [Mrs. Nardi] Of course!

Well, it is safer.

- But have you ever flown?
- I - yes.

- Won't he be afraid of the plane?
- No, no...

- What do you do?
- I had to make a phone call.

- I would catch up with her later.
- Don't talk bullshit!

Tango beta 23 to control tower.
Takeoff.

- Who takes off?
- We do!

Good.

- Destination Palmarossa.
- Palmarossa?

- You know Palmarossa, don't you?
- The well-known feminist... The president...

I don't know who he is.

- But what does that have to do with me?
- Didn't Berchielli say anything to you?

Of the plane, no.

- No, about what he has to do!
- He told me everything.

He knows what he has to do, doesn't he?

- Yes. Do you want me to jump?
- Why?

Out of servility.

Palmarossa control tower
in Tango beta 23.

Tango beta 23.

- We hear you loud and clear.
- This is control tower.

ZAB 41 flight plans,
you can begin Ia crossing.

- Copy.
- Crossing?

- Of course.
- Atlantica? Like Lindbergh?

What does it say. Palmarossa is in Sardinia.

Well, it's off to Sardinia! Sardinia?

- How high will we be?
- Two thousand feet.

Couldn't one fly a little lower?

What he says. I am a very good pilot.
I have 1,600 hours of flying time.

Again?

At the Barcelona-Ajaccio raid.
my husband and I finished second.

[crying] How happy we were!
He called me "his flying angel."

He said, "Jade, you for me
you are the most beautiful woman in the world!"

But... was he almost blind?

Then he would hug me and tear
my clothes wherever we were!

[Mrs. Nardi cries]

Ma'am, sorry,

assure me that this
down here is the Mediterranean?

- [crying] Of course.
- Thank goodness...

We once made love
On the train tracks. Fantastic!

Have you ever made love
On the train tracks?

Yeah, yeah. I mean, never.

You have to try!
The idea that the direttissimo is coming...

hundredfold the pleasure!

I leave Ia coast and begin Ia crossing.

- I anticipate arrival in 50 minutes.
- Copy.

- Counsel. Lawyer.
- Yes?

Tell me honestly.

My husband's mistress
Will she be more beautiful than me?

- Pig!
- But what did I do wrong to her?

Porco is Lorenzo!

I loved him madly.
For him I fought with my family.

[roars]

They would say to me:
"He is a good-for-nothing, a playboy."

But I loved him and married him.
My father was so pissed off!

I even made him CEO advisor,
at five million a month!

And because I loved you,
I filled you with watches, mansions and boats.

And you went to my mansion
And with my boat, with your whore!

Ma'am, don't let go of the steering wheel!

I hate this plane!
I hate everything I have!

Are we plummeting
or is it just my feeling?

You'll cry on my grave, you pig!
I want to die!

Wouldn't it be appropriate
to deny him this opportunity?

No I'm not going to kill myself!

Although this is not my concern,
I am pleased about it.

If I die,
he celebrates with his whore.

No, dear!
I will be the one to celebrate your downfall!

[Nardi makes a sound and Scorza repeats].

Doesn't he know what passionate letters
That rascal wrote to me!

- In fact, I'll show you one.
- Madam, this is not the time!

- We are turning upside down!
- If you are so afraid, come down.

I prefer to stay on board.

- Why?
- For education.

- Look at what's there.
- I saw.

- Do you know what it is?
- A mountain.

But no, take a good look!

- Do you see it?
- A camera.

- Can you use it?
- Very well.

Then watch out.

When we arrive
On my mansion, be ready.

- Photographic evidence is important.
- Control tower here.

- Fly off course and too low.
- That's my business! Over and out.

Did you hear that? Even the admiral
thinks he should...

Advocate, be prepared.
We will fly lower and lower.

Lower? [prays aloud].

Put on the belt!
Oh, yeah, she's not afraid.

I like brave men.

- The mansion is around here, get ready.
- To die?

But no, to take pictures! I want them perfect.

- Good!
- I'll punish him, the pig!

- Lorenzo, are you going to answer me?
- Micetta, I answered you.

I'm tired of always seeing you on the sly.

Now I'm going back to Rome
and fix everything with my wife.

- I have heard this story before.
- Honey, things have to mature.

Antonio, must we die of thirst?

- Right away, sir.
- Come on!

This is the area.

Here is the mansion!
Ready with the camera?

- Lean out!
- How?

Lean in, don't be afraid!

- And who is afraid?
- Stand by. Do you see them?

- Yes.
- Photographers, up!

Why does he fly so low? Is he crazy?

I saw them!
I knew he was with the whore!

- Did he photograph them? Did he center them?
- Yes, in full.

- Make another one just in case.
- No, no...

- I'm going back to the place, I'm going.
- Go.

- It's my wife's plane!
- Your wife's?

(Yes!) Let's pretend that nothing happened.

Oh my God. Let's hide.

In the water!

He said for business, huh? Did he snap?

- Yes, I snapped.
- I'm going further down!

If I catch it...

Hide!

Darling- Ow!

Ah! I saw them! They were both there!

I saw them! Ah!

Ma'am! She has fainted!

No!

But what does he do?

But he kills himself!

- But then you care about your wife!
- Of course, the company is my father-in-law's.

I of mine don't have a penny!

Where are you going?

At the airport control tower,
doing something.

Radio.

Mom! Help! I'm a lawyer!

I'm in trouble!
Come and get me, I want to get off!

Try tuning to 42.

Palmarossa control tower here.

What's going on?
What failure do you have? Qualify.

I graduated
from the University of Perugia in 1964,

With a thesis on international law.
Do I have a chance?

Palmarossa here.
Tango beta, get me the lady.

Ma'am. Would you like me to make you a coffee Hag?

- What breakdowns do you have?
- All of them! Nardi fainted.

I am a lawyer
And I crapped my pants!

Give the emergency!

Don't worry!
Do what we tell you to do.

- Pull the stick in front of you.
- I don't have my overshoes on!

But no. The crescent
In front of the driver's seat.

- You grab her and pull her toward you.
- Which one?

You pull it all toward her!

Tango beta can't hear you anymore!

Tango beta, did it stabilize the plane?

What do you mean by stabilized?

Tango beta, can you hear me?

Tango beta, something must have happened
something to your microphone!

We have lost contact!

Don't you want to help me?

Reinstate the microphone!

- Get me the control tower, ma'am.
- What had happened to you?

Tango beta, can you hear me?

Now put it on autopilot.

Look there is no one here.

The pilot is one of the buttons
in front of her.

This?

It is near the control
of the automatic tipper, in the center.

- Found.
- How is the plane doing?

It goes, it goes! Yes -- but where does it go?

[ambulance siren]

- What's happening to my wife's plane?
- Your wife has fainted.

There is a gentleman with her,
But he can't pilot.

- Who is he?
- An imbecile!

- We are in contact.
- Let's see!

Is it my wife's plane?

Emergency teams on standby!

[control tower operator] It is in sight!

Move over!
Tango beta, this is it. Take it easy!

Proceed in this direction
By lowering yourself. Now straighten up.

Very good, counselor. Now stay calm.

You pull it up, though! You pull it up!

It's coming at us!

Pull the stick!

- I'll talk to him. What is he, a lawyer?
- I think so.

Take it easy, I am Mr. Nardi.

I know--I'm--I'm very calm.

- Observe my wife.
- Yes, just a moment.

- Nardi] Is it stiff and cold?
- Yes.

- Nardi] Foaming at the mouth?
- Yes.

- It's a little fainting, isn't it?
- Nardi] Catatonic hysterical attack.

Well, I'm lucky!

- There is only one way to get it back.
- Peel] Is this a radio riddle?

Must have sexual solicitations.

Excuse me, engineer ... doctor ...

With a turn of phrase
he wants me to understand that I should ...

He understood very well.

In order to revive my wife
she must have sexual intercourse.

- Complete with everything?
- Of everything.

- But with whom, sorry?
- With her!

Excuse me, surveyor.
Are you physically aware of the lady?

Yes, but it doesn't matter.
Close your eyes, concentrate.

- Think about Laura Antonelli.
- Yes.

I concentrate, close my eyes
And I think about Antonelli.

So?

I can think of
only the Honorable La Malfa!

What does it say?
Look there is no choice!

"Eat this soup,
or jump out the window!"

Make up your mind!

I, almost, would do the window!

I make my own soup!

Here, bravo.

Follow my instructions.
With a surprise attack

Solicit all her erogenous zones.

From the boobs

Get down on your thighs
And stand by for instructions.

Is he performing?

Hello, Mr. Doctor?
I'm in trouble.

- How, in difficulty?
- Troubled in the sense of.

I can no longer find him.

- What don't you find?
- I can't find "the deal" anymore....

- But what does it say?
- It's not there.

It will be the pressurization of the cabin
and also the lady.

Sorry.

Nothing. You know a doll? Flat!

Start undressing it
and you will see that the rest comes by itself.

- Do you guarantee it?
- Sure. Don't underestimate yourself.

Rivado.

[he clears his throat
and she cries out in joy]

Tango beta 23!

Congratulations!!! We have heard
Madam's voice.

- We give you instructions to land.
- They call.

- Can you hear me, ma'am?
- [Mrs. Nardi turns off the on-board radio].

- But.
- [roars].

Excuse me, what are you doing? Aren't we landing?

- Do you like the Balearic Islands?
- The Balearic Islands? Why?

It is a delightful place.
A dreamy week.

- You and me alone.
- Alone?

Look there is a big misunderstanding.

The task of our study is finished,
so we land.

- I feel sick!
- She fainted!

Window or soup?

Window.

Banzai!

Counselor.

But where is he? Fatty.

Counselor, I am your Jade!

Where is he? Fatty.

Fatty.

Among poppies is better than on rails!

[Mrs. Nardi] But where will he be?

[makes a C in the chest].

[makes another C in the chest].

[sings]