All language subtitles for Bad.News.Bears.2005.WEB-DL.TUBI

[ Dog Barking ]

Nice!

Sorry!
Good catch!

Boys,
lunch is ready.

In you go.

[ Squeaking ]

[ Screaming ]

Ain’t no doubt about it, lady--
you got a lot of rats
down there.

[ Squealing ]

Damn.
Is it 3:00?

I gotta
get out of here.
But wait.

What about
my basement?

Just call and make
a follow-up appointment.
It’s no problem.

But-- You--
[ Stammering ]

Hey, throw it to first!
Throw it to first!

Up higher! Higher!

Make two outs.

There you go!

Fantastic!

Here we go!

[ Boy ]
Hit it to me!

[ Man ]
Nice try!
[ Engine Off ]

Cover the bag!
Cover the bag!

[ Man ]
Bring it in!
Here you go!

[ On-field Chattering
Continues ]

[ Man ]
Do it again!
Here we go, guys!

[ Motorcycle Engine
Revving ]

[ Sighs ]

Got one of those for me?
Nice try,
you little creep.

Mr. Buttermaker.

Mr. Buttermaker!
You’re late.

I got held up.
Sorry about that.

Are you drinking?

Oh, hell no.
That’s, uh, nonalcoholic.
I’m driving, you know.

Oh. [ Chuckles ]
I’m so sorry.

You hear that, Toby?
Drinking and driving
don’t mix.

And stay away
from crack too.

One hit of that stuff,
you’ll wake up in prison married
to some guy named Big Blue,

and he’s branding
his initials in your ass
with a hot coat hanger.

I knew a guy--

Uh... yes.
Crack is bad too.

Yeah, I know.

Well, we are really excited
to have you do this.

And Toby’s really excited
to play. Aren’t you, honey? Uh-huh.

Between his trumpet lessons,
photo club, Boy Scouts and
swimming, this is his favorite.

Isn’t it, honey? Can you believe
they tried to keep these kids
out of the league?

All kids should be able
to play baseball,
no matter what their skills.

Well, I think they heard me
loud and clear.

All that aside--
Forget I filed the injunction--
just go out there and have fun.

Don’t let the legalese
crimp your enthusiasm
in any way.

Yeah, I got enthusiasm
flyin’ out my ass.

- [ Man ]
Come on, Yankees! Let’s go!
- You got the check?

It’s a shame
none of the fathers
could be here.

Is that thing
glued to your fingers?

Oh!
[ Giggles ]

I almost forgot.
There.

I think
it’s really important...

what we’re doing
for the kids.

- I feel really good about it.
Don’t you?
- Yeah.

[ Man ]
There you are.
Good throw!

Oh, Toby!

Have fun.
[ Man ]
Go, go, go, go!

[ On-field Chattering
Continues ]

Mr. Buttermaker?
Yeah.

Is it true you were
on the Mariners?

Long ago and far away.

Here, carry that.

Where do we get
the equipment?

Over there.

Sorry the stuff’s
so ratty, but this is
a six-team league...

and I’m afraid your boys
are getting the S-P-I-T end
of the stick.

Yeah, I can spell it,
all right.

What does she think,
I’m 11?

[ Spectators Cheering ]

[ Woman On P.A.,
Indistinct ]

[ Announcer ]
Number nine, Sarah Green!

Girl softball players.

We all know
what that means,
right?

How you doin’?
Ray Bullock.
Hey. Morris Buttermaker.

No, no, no.
No introduction necessary.

Morris
"The Blade" Buttermaker.

Carving up batters
one by one?
Huh? Sound familiar?

I used to watch you
over at Regis Field
in high school.

You were amazing, man.

I was just a kid, but...
you owned it.

It’s great you’re doing this,
Morris. Really.

A pro. Finally,
somebody who gets it.

I gotta tell you,
a lot of these dads,
they don’t--

they don’t understand
the dedication that it takes
to run a serious program.

No offense, but that
"Ms." Whitewood friend of yours,
she’s not helping things.

I mean, yeah, I get it.

We were a little selective.

Kept some of
the lesser players out.

But stopping the season
till we complied?

Come on!

This is
a serious program.

Not because I want it
that way either.
It’s for the kids. You know?

Well, listen to me
going on and on.
You know what it takes.

Anyway, I think we’re
gonna have a lot of fun.
Learn a lot from each other.

Huh?

You know, I never thought
I’d hear myself say,

"Look at the ass
on that second baseman."

But look at the ass
on that second baseman.

A lot of brisket, babe.

[ Bat Hits Ball ]
[ Cheering Continues ]

All right.

Listen, I--
I’ll see you around.

Uh, or stop by
and see me sometime.

I’m over at
Chevy Valley Subaru.

Quality you can drive.
[ Chuckles ]

All you need
is a jar of honey
and a glass coffee table.

It’s more fun
than a taffy pull.
Buttermaker!

[ Laughing ]

Buttermaker!
They’re here!

[ Woman ]
See ya later,
Buttermaker.

Come on.
Kid, let me explain
something to you.

[ Clears Throat ]
All right, listen up.

- Tanner Boyle.
- Yeah, here.

- Mike Engelberg.
- Here.

Timmy Lupus.

Timmy Lupus?

Raise your hand, Lupus.
He can’t see you
sitting behind Planet Fat-ass.

Up your cornhole, Tanner!

[ Grunting ]

Come on, come on! Play nice.
Hey, hey, hey. Let go of him!

- Prem Lahiri.
- Present.

But you don’t have to use me.
I’m just doing this for
my transcript, for college.

Okay.

[ Clears Throat ]

Let’s see, Toby White--
Oh, Whitewood,
I know you’re here.

Uh, Matthew Hooper?

Matthew Hooper?

Okay, no Hooper.

What the hell?

Garo Dara-gaga-braga-dagian.
What the hell is that,
Aztec or something?

Armenian.

Ah, same.
They both built pyramids.

All right.
Uh, Ahmad Abdul Rahim.

- Here.
- Yo, bro, what up?

Nothing much. Just ready
to play some baseball.

Twenty-five, huh?

Ken Griffey, right? No.

Satchel Paige?
No.

No?
Willie Mays?

No, it’s Mark McGwire.

Mark McGwire?
But he’s a white.

Yes. He’s from Claremont.
He’s my favorite player.

Huh.
[ Chuckles ] Okay.

Agilar.
Miguel and José.

You guys twins?

[ Speaking Spanish ]

[ Spanish Continues ]

You can save it, son.
I don’t understand a damn thing
you’re saying, okay?

All right.

Got the damn
League of Nations here.

Their dad’s our gardener.
Mom said we need ’em
to fill out the team.

Okay, let’s hit the field.

Come on.
Geez.

Could this team
be any lamer?

So there’s no Hooper?
You guys don’t know
a Matthew Hooper?

Right here.

You gotta be kidding me.

That’s right,
I’m in a wheelchair.

Okay.

[ Buttermaker ]
Charge it.

Oh, yeah, that’s charging it,
all right.

Good hustle.

There you go, bro.
Another good one.

What’s the--
What’s the crippled kid’s name?

Hooper.
Hooper.
Hooper!

Roll your machine out.

Don’t necessarily
have to catch it, I guess.

Can’t hope for miracles,
can you?

You gotta
get under the ball.

There’s too many gnats
out here!

[ Exhales ]

[ Clicking Tongue ]

[ Buttermaker ]
Give me a ball.

What the hell is that,
a baggie full of bacon?

- I’m on Atkins.
- What?

I have to eat all the time
to keep my metabolism up...

so my body becomes
a fat-burning machine...

so airheads like you
don’t give me spit all the time!

Easy, sport.

All right, get ready.
It’s coming at you.
You might want to back up.

[ Clears Throat ]
Guys, it’s a bunt.

- You seemed to imply you’re
going to hit it out here.
- Yeah.

Engelberg,
that’s a bunt, bud.

You’re supposed to pick it up,
throw the guy out
at first base. Okay?

Here we go again,
picking on the fat kid.

There’s laws against this,
you know. Harassment!

You better shut up
before I tell somebody
you touched my pecker.

Engelberg, will you throw
the damn ball already?

[ Glass Shatters ]

Okay, listen up.

Listen very carefully.

Rule number one:
Don’t mess with the Cadillac.

Calm down. It’s
a piece of crap anyway.

For your information,
it’s a classic.

And I got half a mind to
find your old man and kick him
in the nuts so hard...

he can never foul the earth
with another like you.

So you keep
your trap shut, okay?

Ooh!
We’re gonna
get laughed at.

We only have a week
till the season starts.
Everyone’s gonna laugh at us.

This game is about a lot more
than talent, son, believe me.
I’ll say.

I left more talent floating
this morning than all you
retarded jerk-offs put together.

You got a problem,
dingleberry?

Give me a few minutes,
I’ll squeeze out
a new coach too.

I’ll teach you,
you little short kid!

Jesus.
I’ll teach you
to mess with me.

Does your mama
change your underwear too,
you little girl?

♪♪ [ Horn ]

♪♪ [ Polka ]
[ Chattering, Laughing ]

[ Bullock ]
I’m out there with the kids
for nothing.

And I’m getting very tired
of having to justify myself
to these parents...

who drop the kid off at 4:00,
call me at midnight wondering
why he’s so pissed off.

Ray, you got a minute?
I want to say to them,
I’m not your babysitter.

I’m your coach.
Oh, yeah.

Mr. Bill Deaver.

Hey, just checking in.

Just checking in.

Listen, Ray, I wanted
to see if maybe Jake...

could get a little more
playing time this season.

He’s been working hard.
It would really mean
a lot to him.

Yeah. Sure.

Why not?
Really?
Well, great.

Thanks a lot, Ray.

- [ Chuckling ] Guys.
- You know, I spoke to your boy.

You know
what he said to me?
What?

He said all that matters to him
is that we win,

even if it means giving up
a little game time.

Really?
Yeah.

I was really touched by this.
He’s a hell of a team player.

Thanks, Ray.

I appreciate it.

That’s the kind of horse crap
I’m talking about right there.
Unbelievable.

♪♪ [ Continues ]

Oh!

Hey, Buttermaker,
you made it.

And you brought--
This is my friend
Paradise.

Hi.
Nice to meet you.

Hey, Buttermaker, you gotta
get your uniform orders in.

Uniforms?
Yeah.

All the good colors
are taken:

Black and white, red and white,
blue and white, white and blue,
white and black, white and red.

- They’re all gone.
- What uniforms?

Mochte ich nicht
sweet and sour, okay?

No sweet and sour.

Just Cointreau,
Patron, lime juice
and superfine salt.

Yes, ma’am.

Listen, Whitewood,
what’s the deal
with the uniforms?

What about them?
What’s-her-name said
I gotta have uniforms.

Hey, buddy,
give me a beer and a C&C.

Buttermaker,
you don’t actually buy them.
You just need a sponsor.

You’re the coach.
It’s your job.

Okay, so not only do I have
to coach the bronze medalists
for the Special Olympics,

but I gotta be
an Amway salesman too,
is that it?

Buttermaker, don’t turn this
into high drama.

Do what other coaches do:
Restaurants, sporting goods
stores, you know.

You know, I got a job.

I got houses to spray.
It’s ant season, you know?

What is it about being a man
that makes everything so hard?

I own my own law firm.

I’m a single mother,
and I still have time
for extension courses,

Pilates,
the flower-seed business,
pottery--

You know what?
I’m busy too. Okay?
I got important crap to do.

I got stuff stacked up
all over the place.

Okay?

Come on, Buttermaker,
let’s go.

♪♪ [ Hand Claps ]

♪♪ [ Guitar ]

♪♪ [ Guitar, Band: Rock ]

♪ Well, I beat the drum
and hold the phone ♪

♪♪ [ Continues ]
Uh, Mr. Buttermaker?

Yeah.
Where are we going?

I already told you--
to the batting cages.

You guys swing like Helen Keller
at a piñata party.
I’m gonna do something about it.

Tell us about the majors,
coach.

You were in the majors?
For a little while.

Hey, Lupus, don’t lean
against that door, bud.
All right?

Yes, I was recently
perusing baseballstats.org,

and it said Mr. Buttermaker
played pitcher for
the Seattle Mariners...

for two-thirds
of an inning in 1984.

Two-thirds?
That’s it?

Well, it was the end
of the season, you know.
September call-ups.

Yes, his lifetime ERA
was 36.

[ Laughs ] That’s lame.
Yeah, well,
I closed the inning out.

There’s only a few thousand guys
ever set foot on a major-league
mound, and I’m one of ’em.

What have you done
with your life, smart-ass?

Why didn’t you stay?

Well, I was gonna come back,
but I had a little incident.
I punched an ump.

Really just a bitch-slap.
How the hell was I supposed
to know he was a bleeder?

Fourteen stitches.
Like that means something.

They used to stitch
everything up.

It was like
the Dark Ages.

I got stitches on my foot.

Oh, yeah?

Well, I’m in
a damn wheelchair.

♪ Put me in, coach ♪

♪ I’m ready to play ♪

Anyway, after that
I blew off a few offers--
Japan, stuff like that.

♪ Gotta be center field ♪♪

[ Door Opens ]

Crap.

[ Laughing ]
What the hell?

Is he okay?
iEsta muerto!

Lupus.

Lupus?

Lupus?

Lupus.

What the hell
are you grinning at?

You scared the hell out of me.
Don’t be leaning on the door.
[ Laughing Continues ]

[ Rats Squeaking ]

[ Buttermaker ]
How many are in there?

The infestation’s
quite advanced.

All right, pull the pin.
Throw it.

[ Coughing ]

There you go.
Good job, buddy.
Good job, man.

You’re a natural.

Thanks.

Die! Die!

How do you like that, huh?

Hey!
You sprayed my foot,
dumb-ass!

Oh, yeah?
Hey!

Hey!
Hey, hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey!

Stop it!

That’s expensive.
All right?

Hey, coach,
what’s "carcinogen" mean?

Liberal propaganda.
Don’t worry about it.
It’s bull.

Buttermaker, I got these
behind the garage.

Throw them in the garbage.
In the house.

Hey, save the traps,
will you?

Thanks for
holding the fort down,
buddy.

I got something for you.
You’re gonna dig this.
Hey, guys, come here a minute.

Got something for you.

Now you can quit your bitchin’
about the whole uniform thing.

Here you go.
[ Excited Shouting ]

Hey, Hopper!
Heads up, buddy!
It’s Hooper!

There you go.

No, you’re permanent--
Where’s the--
Hey, lookit!

[ Shouting, Chattering ]

Cannonball!

Okay--
[ Groans ]
Hey, Engelberg!

If you do that again,
you’re gonna learn
how to surf.

[ Toby ] Mr. Buttermaker,
we have a game tomorrow.
Shouldn’t we be practicing?

[ Buttermaker ]
Uh-huh.

Lupus. Alcohol.

Excellent.

God bless you.

You got a future, Lupus.

You ever play
with anyone famous?

Hell, yeah,
I played with people
that are famous.

I was in the game,
you know.

Oh, I know one.

One time
I struck out Mike Schmidt
in an exhibition game.

Struck his ass right out.

It was 1980.

It was two outs,
bottom of the seventh inning.

Think it was
the bottom of the seventh--
Top of the seventh.

It was top of the seventh.

And when I put my foot
on that rubber,
I was zoned in, man.

It was just one
of those times when...

you just know
you got it working,
you know?

All right, tubby,
I’m gonna throw you something
called a screwball.

It’s an old-school thing.

It’s gonna look like it’s
coming right at you, but it’s
gonna drop right off the table.

So you don’t bail out.
You gotta stick in there.
You see what I’m saying?

Oww!
Son of a bitch!

Shake it off.
Next.

[ Groans ]
Damn it!

I know it stings a little bit,
but it’s worth it.

Okay, here it comes.

[ Groans ]
It’s all right, kid.
You had a helmet on.

Imagine if you didn’t.
You know what I’m saying?

Oww! [ Groaning ]
What are you doing, Buttermaker?

[ Groans ]

Okay, comin’ at ya.

Whoa! Back up!

Mr. Buttermaker?

Is he dead?
Hell no.
He’s drunk.

The season
starts tomorrow.

We don’t got our positions,
batting order, nothing.
What are we gonna do?

We ain’t ready to play.
We got nothing
but a boozer for a coach.

- We can wait till he sobers up.
- Yeah, right.

Nothing else we can do.

Screw this.
I’m taking his wallet.

[ Speaking Spanish ]

Gimme!
Hey, watch it!

Leave me alone!
Give me that!

♪♪ [ Marching Band ]

[ Grunting ]

♪♪ [ Continues ]

[ Chattering ]

Think they can win?

Right this way.
Good.

[ Shutter Clicking ]

[ Announcer ]
Because in this time of terror,
there is one thing we all need:

the grace of our Lord,

our heroes overseas...

and baseball.

[ Smattering
Of Applause ]

"Casey at the Bat"
by Ernest Thayer.

The outlook wasn’t brilliant
for the Mudville nine that day.

[ Announcer Continues,
Indistinct ]

♪♪ [ Marching Band:
"Star-spangled Banner" ]

[ Car Door Closes ]

Buttermaker,
where have you been?

You missed
the team photo.

I was just getting Gatorade
for the guys, you know.

Oh. Well, we need to
talk about this.

My son can’t wear this.

We’ll get him
another size.
No big deal.

That’s not
what I’m talking about.

Mm-hmm.

Look, it’s a legitimate
business, honey.

You know, they pay taxes
like everybody else.

♪♪ [ Continues ]

All right, can you believe it?
It’s here-- opening day.

[ Applause,
Cheering Dies Down ]

Well, we got a lot
of great athletes this year,

and I’m looking forward
to a great season.

[ Motorcycle Engine
Revving ]
Before we get started,

I do want to remind you that
it is Summer Discount Days
at Valley Chevy Subaru.

So come on down.
Meanwhile, so many volunteers--
[ Motorcycle Engine, Louder ]

- [ Onlookers Gasping ]
- And people I want to thank--

Hey, hey, hey!
What is he-- What’s his--

Hey, get--
get the hell off my field!

I’ll deal with you later,
you little punk!

[ Onlookers Shouting,
Chattering ]

Hurry up!
Let’s go!

Okay, let’s welcome
all our, uh, teams.

[ Feedback ]

Uh, we got...

Ray Bullock and our returning
champs, the Yankees.

Lenny Hendricks
and the Giants.

Ex-Mariner Morris Buttermaker
and the Bears.

[ Smattering Of Applause ]
[ Man ]
Who?

Go, Bears!
You’re great!
[ All Squealing ]

-Bob Jones
and the White Sox.
- Play ball!

All right, let’s go!
Come on, Yankees!
All right!

[ Crowd Cheers ]

There you go, Mitch!
There you go!

[ Bullock ]
Round it, round it, round it!

[ Bullock ]
There you go!
All righty!

That’s it!

[ Announcer ]
Number nine, Joey Bullock.

-[ Crowd Cheers ]
- That’s it, that’s it,
that’s it.

Go!

Joey! Joey!
[ Announcer ] And that’s a
two-run homer for Joey Bullock!

That’s my boy.
We worked on that.

[ Announcer ]
The Yankees lead 3-nothing.

Way to go,
sweetie.

That’s your boy.

Next batter, number three,
Danny Patello.
Let’s go, Danny!

[ Cheering, Applauding ]

Go two!
Go two! Go two!

[ Boy ]
You’re in!

Come on! Come on!

[ Groans ]

[ Grunting ]
Get off me!

Let him go!

[ Grunts ]

[ Boy ]
All the way!
All the way!

[ Grunts ]

I got it! I got it!

[ Grunts ]

What do you think,
Lupus?

Sometimes bird poop
tastes like candy.

Aren’t you supposed
to be in left field?

Where you going, coach?
Keep your drawers on, officer.
I’ll get back to you.

Hey, Bullock.

[ Announcer ]
Up next, number 80,
Ryan Klause.

Morris the Blade.

I’m calling it.
What?
What are you talking about?

I’m calling the game.
The kids are getting
creamed out there.

You know?
Yeah, it’s a bloodbath.

Yeah.
You don’t wanna make quitters
out of them, though, do ya?

They don’t have to quit.
They’re losing. Can’t you see?

The 10-run rule
kicks in after three.
You should hang on.

Yeah?
Yeah.

Then after that,
maybe think about--

What?
You know, dropping out.

Yeah?
What did you say?

Dropping out
of the league.

Morris, this isn’t
going to work.

They don’t know
the fundamentals
of the game out here.

Save them
the humiliation.

I’m calling the game.

Hey, I’m just trying to help.

Where’s the honor
and respect for the game
from the former pro?

Who the hell are you,
Shoeless Joe walking out
of the holy cornfield?

I don’t buy that.
I’m calling the game.

All right, call it. Quit.
Quit the whole league.

What I just said.

Forfeit.
Time!

It’s over.
Bears forfeit!

Game over!

Hey!
One, two, three, Bears!

You guys look like
the last crap I took.

It’s not that bad.

Shut the hell up,
drunk bastard!

Okay.

Hey, Bears,
thanks for batting practice.

Yeah. You guys suck.
[ Laughing ]

I’ll give you batting practice!
Hey, come here! Come here!
Get down off of there!

Get your hands off of me!

Thanks.

I really needed another reason
for people to laugh at me.

Need a ride?
Go away.

- Come on. Hop in.
I’ll take you home.
- I’m not going home.

[ Engine Off ]

[ Sighs ]
All right, what’s wrong?

My dad’s not from here.

He thinks
baseball’s stupid.

He says I should just worry
about school and work.

But I want to do
the things my friends do.

You know--
American things.

He said if I played,
I’d just embarrass myself.
I guess he was right.

I’m just gonna run away.

Where you gonna go?

Salt Lake City.

Why the hell
would you want to go there?

I hear it looks
like Washington D.C.

Listen, kid, you don’t want to
go to Salt Lake. Trust me.

They don’t even
like Africans up there.

Armenian.
Yeah, right.
Right.

Anyway, I think
I can help you.

Yeah?
Yep.

How?
Here’s what you do.

You go home, you look your
old man straight in the eye,
and you say,

"Guess what, Dad,
we won today."

You know?
But we didn’t win.

Well, I know that.

You lie your ass off.
It’s the only way.

Look, this is America.

Besides, he’s not gonna know.
He’s from Riki Tiki Tavi
or wherever the hell it is.

I used to do it
with my pop all the time.
Really?

Yeah. You just tell them
what they want to hear.

"I didn’t take the stereo.

I don’t smoke.
She said she was 18."

You know,
stuff like that.

It’s all part of growing up.
The important thing is that
you’re right and they’re wrong.

Maybe I’ll just tell him
we tied.

You could do that.
That’ll work.

Now, come on.
I’ll take you home.

Let’s go.

[ Woman ]
A hundred
and eighty bucks?

That’s Norma Kamali.
It’s vintage.

They can’t even make rayon
like that anymore.
Really?

Hey, does your mother know
you’re selling that crap?

- What are you doing here?
- Just passing by.

- After three years?
- Three years?

It’s been three years?

Well, you sure are
growing up fast,
that’s for sure.

Not fast enough,
if you ask me.

There’s plenty of time
for that, honey.

Just like that story
about the caterpillar who’s
crawling along like a worm,

then the next thing you know,
he’s in that cocoon and...

Bam! "Look at me now.
I’m a... moth."

Or whatever the hell
they turn into.

I don’t want wings.
I want nice hips and "C" cups.

Hey, don’t talk like that.
What’s wrong with you?

Come on.

So, how’s your mom?

She’s fine.
What do you care?

Amanda, just ’cause we didn’t
get along all the time doesn’t
mean I don’t care about her.

You know, adults, they--

Sometimes,
I don’t know, it’s just--

It’s like that story
I was telling you about--
the caterpillar and the worm.

You just walked out, you jerk.
You could have said good-bye.

Well, I’m sorry.

So, what do you want?
Why are you here?

I’m coaching a team
out in the Valley,

and I was just thinking,
you know, maybe you might
want to come play with us.

No way. I’m a woman now,
and we don’t do
that kind of thing.

Well, sure you do.
Girls play baseball
all the time.

Besides that,
you owe me.

- I was like a dad to you.
- A drunk, lazy dad.

You made me climb under houses
looking for rats.

That’s what my dad did.
Builds character.

- This guy bothering you,
Amanda?
- No, it’s okay.

He was just going.
Go away, Boilermaker.

You’re scaring off
the clientele.

Designer jeans.
Calvins. Jordache.

Certified vintage.

What do you say there,
Hooper?

Feelin’ ready today?
Gonna go get ’em?

What’s with
the eye patch?

You gonna swab
the on-deck circle
for us, matey?

Playing pirate?

Mom says I have
cancer of the eye.

What the hell’s
wrong with you guys?

We don’t want to play
no more.

We took a vote.
We’re disbanding
the team.

So, one game
and you want to quit?

We’ve been taking
a lot of crap
in school.

By "crap,"
he means ridicule.

And de-pantsing.
[ Sighs ]

It’s been tough.

Really?
Tough, huh?

What the hell happened to you,
Tanner?

Got in a fight.

With who?

The sixth grade.

[ Buttermaker ]
The sixth grade.

So I guess you want
to quit too, huh?

Okay.

[ Sighs ]
Look, guys,
I know I’ve been lazy...

and, uh, irresponsible
and a few other things
I could mention.

And I’ve let you down.

I mean, you know,
I’ve been a dumb.

Go ahead and say it I’m just a--

[ All ]
You’re a dumb.

I mean, you know,
just figurative speach.

Baseball’s hard, guys.
I mean, it really is.

You can love it,
but believe me, it don’t
always love you back.

It’s kind of like dating
a German chick, you know?

But what I do know is
that once you start quitting,
it’s a hard thing to stop.

I’ve quit just about everything
I ever tried in my life.

[ Sighs ]
And as far as I can tell,

my life hasn’t added up
to much more than a bag
full of empty promises.

And I’m not gonna
put that on you guys.

I haven’t been
as good a coach as I can be.

I know I can do it ’cause I--
I know this game. You know?

And... we can do better,

and a lot of that’s
my responsibility, so,

um...

I know you’re down,

but let’s get our stuff together
and go hit the field.

Okay?

You with me?

Like I said,
we took a vote.

This is not a democracy!

It is a dictatorship,
and I’m Hitler!

You understand me?

So get your stuff
and get your asses on the field!

This Saturday
we play the Athletics.

You know what that means
for the Athletics?

Bad news for the Athletics!
That’s what it means.

All right, guys.
Keep the ball in front of you.

Keep your knees bent,
your butt down.

That way if it hops
either way-- See?
You use your legs. All right?

You wanna run this way.
Catch the ball like that.

Ohh!

[ Boys ]
Yeah!

Yeah!
Nice!

Okay.

See?

Swivel on the back foot,
throw your hips,
and keep your eye on the ball.

You follow the ball
right into here.
You see that?

Okay?
Try it, spark plug.

Swing out a little bit
when you run around the base.

Point in this direction.
Left foot, inside of the bag.
Push off that left foot.

What’s with the patch?

Nothing.
Cat scratched me.

But don’t tell Buttermaker.

[ Engelberg ]
Dying.

Dying.

You know, there’s
a Mennonite anecdote...

about
a simple farm hand...

who lifted a calf
every morning...

until one day
he found himself
able to lift a cow.

What the hell
does that mean?

If we stay focused,
eventually our strength
will build.

That’s the dorkiest stuff
I ever heard.

Come on, guys!
Two more laps!
You’re dragging ass!

Nice tits, Engelberg.

Buttermaker.

Glad I caught you.

Feel like we got off
on the wrong foot last week.

Said some things
we didn’t mean, you know.

Let’s forget about it,
huh?

Sorry.

All right.

"All right"
you’re sorry too,
or--

I said all right.
Okay?

Uh-huh.

How’s that?

How’s what?

You feel that?

Feel what?
Hmm?

Your face is turning
a little red, Ray.

So, you know,
what it might be...

is those gym shorts might be
a little tight for you.

Looks like you’re
smuggling grapes down there.

Smells like somebody
ate a fifth of Scotch
for lunch again.

Not that it’s any of
your business, you know.

Really?
But maybe.

So--

All right. You know what?
You keep stinking up
the ballpark, Buttermaker.

Yeah, okay.

You play your game,
we’ll play ours, Ray.
How’s that?

Well, good luck
with that.

The championship game’s
gonna be a lot of fun.

It would be more fun
if you guys were there, huh?

Oh, we’ll be there, Morris.
Don’t worry about that.

Hey, I know all about you.

Minor league junkballer.

What did you have,
five seconds in the majors?

May work with the ladies,
but that crap
doesn’t work out here.

These kids
need role models,

and you’re not it.

Have a nice night, Ray.

Strike three!

[ Applause, Cheering ]

Engelberg, I got
something special for you.

- It’s for power hitters.
- Thanks, coach.

[ Announcer ]
Now batting for the Bears,
number 20, Mike Engelberg.

[ Spectators Gasping,
Shouting, Laughing ]

What the hell
is this?
I don’t know.

Buttermaker, what the hell
are you trying to pull?

- Hey, it’s a league bat. Okay?
- You’re on thin ice, pal.

Try one more stunt like this,
I’m gonna bounce you
out of the league.

Kevin, I don’t think
it’s gonna work out.

I still get paid though,
right?

Well, yeah.
What do you think I am?

Here.

"Mombai"?

Ooh, you really went all out
for this one.

What’d you want,
a diamond ring?

Now get outta here.
You’re creeping
the kids out.

Drop dead, butthead.

[ Announcer ]
And the final score:
Athletics, 9, Bears, nothing.

Good job.
[ Hands Slapping ]

Good job.
[ Tanner ]
Kiss my ass!

Kiss my ass, bitch.
Good job.

Suck it.

What are you smiling at,
Henry?

Up the alley, down the street,
who’s the toughest team to beat?

Bears! Bears!

Yea, Bears!

Hey, come on,
guys.

Sit up straight.
You look like
a bunch of hound dogs.

You got nothing
to be ashamed of.

You got a few hits today.
You played all six innings.

You ought to be
proud of yourselves.
Proud of what?

These things take time,
guys.

So does heart disease.

And torture.

And physical therapy.

I did do some simple
flowcharting and data analysis.

And if you graph out our errors
and other parameters,

compared to the last game,
we’ve actually improved by
a considerable percentage.

Great.

We went from "suck"
to "stink."

See, that’s the spirit.
We’re gettin’ better.

Now, Friday
we play the Angels.

What does that
mean for the Angels?

Bad news for the Angels!
[ Muttering ]

You’re damn right
it does.

Now come on.
Get off your asses.

Let’s go get some hot dogs
and some Sunny D or whatever the
hell you guys drink these days.

♪♪ [ Whistling ]

Just leave me alone,
will you, Buttermaker.

I’m too young
to have a stalker.

Come on, Amanda.
Just a few games, please?

I need to make money.

I need to buy clothes, makeup.
I’m saving up for a car.

You wear makeup?

What happened
to the-- the Barbie oven...

with the muffin light?

That was, like,
20 years ago.

I’m all grown up now.

Yeah, you’re probably right.

I’m sure your arm sucks now,
anyhow.

God, that is so lame.

Reverse psychology?

You’re such a loser.

Man, you must have a big one,
because I don’t know what else
my mom saw in you.

You’re not supposed to be
talking about my-- my "one."

You’re 12 years old.
As far as you know,
I’m like G.I. Joe down there.

I have the Internet, you know.
I’m not stupid.

Just come play with us,
will you?

It’ll be fun.

I’ll pay
for the clothes, okay?

And I’ll help you out
with the car
when it gets to that time.

- But you know, you just--
- No.

Don’t you get it?
Just no.

All right.
I’ve been disappointed before.

[ Bats Clinking ]

All right, guys, listen up.

This is Amanda Whurlitzer.
She’s your new pitcher.

[ Tanner ]
A girl?

What’s next, a cripple?

Oh. I forgot.

[ Chuckles ]

Dick!

Hey, ain’t you ever heard of
"throws like a girl"?

No, I never heard that.
Get a mitt, fat-ass.

I think
I just entered puberty.

[ Boy ]
Come on, Amanda!

- Strike three!
-[ Applause, Cheering ]

[ Announcer ]
Up next, number 18,
Justin Cahill.

[ Woman ]
Watch her!

[ Boy ]
Go!
Beat it out now!

He’s out!

Now batting for
the Angels, second baseman
Yanek Villanueva.

Hey, Hooper,
check this out.

She’s gonna come
with a changeup. I can tell.
She’s psyching him out.

A changeup
is when it looks like
it’s gonna be a fastball,

but she takes
a little off it.

Strike three!
You’re out!

[ Applause, Shouting ]

Ball four!
Take your base.

Come on.
Somebody hit something.

[ Announcer ]
Next batter,
Ahmad Abdul Rahim.

[ Crowd Cheers ]

Go!

[ Umpire ]
Safe!

Ahmad!

[ Man ]
Come on, now!

Garo.

Next up for the Bears,
Toby Whitewood.

Toby.

[ Man ]
What say we shut ’em down, huh?

Ball!

[ Buttermaker ]
Watch this, Hooper.

The catcher’s good,
just good enough
to get in trouble.

Strike one!

Run, run, run!

- Safe!
- Yes!

[ Buttermaker ]
All right, way to go, guys!
Way to go! Good hustle!

We’re playing ball now, man.
We’re playing ball.

[ Shouting, Laughing ]

Ball four!
Take your base.

Come on, guys!
Let’s hold ’em!

Number 28, Tyler Cohen.
[ Buttermaker ] Can’t win
if they don’t score.

[ Spectators Shouting,
Murmuring ]

Way to go, Miguel!
Good catch, buddy!

Way to go!
We need two more, guys.
Two more.

- Strike three!
-[ Buttermaker ]
Come on, guys! Two out.

We need one more, Amanda.
Shut ’em down, honey.

[ Announcer ]
Number 15, Jack Kruger.

[ Shouting, Cheering ]

Get under it!
Get under it! Get under it!

-Throw it! Throw the ball!
- [ Shouting Continues ]

Hurry! Come on!

Safe!

[ Crowd Cheers ]

What the hell
is wrong with you?

[ Announcer ]
And the Angels win 2-1.

[ Buttermaker ]
Come on, guys, gather in.

[ Sighs ]

Garo, that was nice hustle
out there today.

And, José,muy bueno, buddy.

Engelberg, you caught
a hell of a game.
You all did good today.

Everyone except you,
you booger-eating moron.

Can’t you catch
one damn ball?

Come on, Tanner.

Even I could have caught that,
and look at me.

Can’t even move.

Hey, guys, come on.
It’s like I told you before--
there’s no "I" in team.

Yeah, but there’s
an "M" and an "E."

- There should be
an "F" and a "U."
-Hey, hey, hey.

Don’t fall apart
at the seams on me now.
Come on, guys.

Remember how bad we sucked
two weeks ago?
They smelled that up in Fresno.

You almost won today.
Hold your heads up high.

Everybody in.
Let’s go.

Ready.
One, two, three.

-Bears!
- Good hit. That was a good
one.

Choke up on your bat
about that far. Okay?

Put it back on your shoulder.
Back here.

There you go.
All right?

Excellent!
There you go.

Yes, sir.
Good cut, honey.

Last pitch, guys!

All right, guys,
let’s bring it in!

Sister Sledge,
that kid’s got an arm on him.
Who is that?

That’s Kelly Leak.

Yep.
He’s a real badass.

[ Speaking Spanish ]

I heard he spent
two years in juvie.

[ Buttermaker ]
You don’t know
how old he is, do you?

[ Hooper ]
He’s in our grade,
but he dates an eighth-grader.

Someone told me
he got a teacher pregnant.

[ Engelberg ]
I heard he broke some kid’s arm
who owed him money.

I heard he broke
both of his arms.

I heard he puts money
under your pillow
when you lose a tooth.

That’s the tooth fairy,
you freak.

Actually,
he only broke one arm.

The other
was just a minor fracture
at the base of the humerus.

Who cares about that crap?
Can he play?

You kidding?
You saw that arm.

I don’t know, honey.

I’ll be fine.

I don’t like
the looks of the place.
Look at those creeps.

I’ll be fine.
I’m cool.
You sure?

Yeah.

You don’t want me
to go with you?
No, I’m good.

Don’t talk to anybody
but what’s-his-ass.
I’ll be fine.

Amanda?
Okay?
Shut up.

♪♪ [ Rock ]

I bet I could do
what you just did.
It’s easy.

- How much?
- I pull it off,
you come play for the Bears.

- And if you don’t?
- Whatever you want.

Deal.

♪♪ [ Humming ]

Well, what happened?
No deal.

No deal?

I thought you said
you were good at this.

I am.
He’s better.

See you later.

What does that mean,
"I’ll see you later"?

I thought you said
he was out.

He is. I just lost the bet,
and now I have to
go out with him.

You have to go out
with him?

You mean out, like "out"?
Huh?

You’re 12. There ain’t
no out when you’re 12.

Calm down, Boilermaker.
It’s just a show
with some stupid band.

I’m not a little girl anymore.
I had my period. All right?

Do you want me to
have a stroke or something?
Shut up. I’ll be fine.

Well, I’m going to
the concert with you.
Whatever.

It’s just some dumb skate band.

What the hell
is a skate band?
You know, a skate band.

The Bloodfarts.
Bloodfarts.

The Bloodfarts?
Oh, I’m going with you.

Bet your ass on that.
No doubt.

I’m going with you.

[ Umpire ]
Strike three.

[ Crowd Chattering ]

Strike three!

Strike three! Come on!

Way to go, Amanda.
Good game.

[ Buttermaker ] You pitched
a good game, Amanda.
No duh.

Too bad we couldn’t even score
one run.

Well, it’s okay.
We’re doin’ better.

We tied, guys.

I know a tie’s a lot
like kissin’ your sister,
as my old coach used to say.

But the way
we’ve been comin’ along,
it’s more like kissin’...

a really hot stepsister
or something like that,
you know,

that you don’t have
so much, uh, tied up in.

But, uh--
[ Clears Throat ]
Anyway, uh, I think, uh--

I’m just saying...
pat yourselves on the back.

[ Chattering ]

Stay focused.

I’ll catch up
with you guys.

Kelly, how you doing?
Hey, coach.

I haven’t seen you around.
What have you been up to?
Nothing.

Wait. I have
seen you around.

We haven’t talked since you
pulled that little Evel Knievel
stunt the other day out there.

What’s an Evel Knievel?

Don’t be a smart-ass.
I could have called the cops
on you for that.

Thanks.
I’m real scared.
No, I’m serious.

Vandalizing public property,
disturbing the peace.

You’re too young to be
riding that thing,
you know.

You’re just a kid.

Kelly, this field,
it’s for ballplayers.
It’s not for quitters.

If it was for quitters,
it’d be your field.

But it’s not.

I’d call your dad if anybody
knew where he was.
Listen, old man--

Hey, now you listen to me.

Nobody wants you
around here, all right?
You understand?

You think people like
seeing your nuts?

[ Zips Up Pants ]

Hey, look who it is.

Yeah, it’s the Bears
best player.
[ Laughs ]

Get it. Push.

We got him. Hope
you’re not getting wet.

Whoa-ho!
[ Tanner ]
Hey!

Nobody picks on him but me!

[ Boy ]
Let’s go! Come on!
[ Tanner ] Get off!

No!

[ Groans ]

[ Laughs ]
Yeah, that’s right.
Run away, bitches!

[ Laughs ]

Nobody ever stood up
for me before.Yeah?

Maybe if you weren’t
such a spaz all the time,
I wouldn’t have to.

[ Buttermaker ]
All right, guys,
inside corner of the bag.

Hey, guys, let’s bring it in.

Come on, to the dugout.
Everybody to the dugout.

Hey, Buttermaker.
Yeah?

Remember that time I played
sick, and Mom went to work
and then you busted me?

Mm-hmm.
You guys, sit down!

And then we went to Zuma
and went bodysurfing?
Uh-huh.

We should do that again.
Sit down. I got something
to talk to you about.

Mr. Buttermaker.
Mr. Buttermaker.
Don’t-- Tanner.

What?
I gotta leave early today.

We’re doing leather tanning
in art club.
Oh, another class. Great.

All right, guys, listen up.

"To Coach Buttermaker,
from League Headquarters.

"Regarding player safety
and league liability.

"A reminder that according
to regulation 236,

all players must wear
a comprehensive genital
defense apparatus."

Now, basically, what that
translates to is that if
any of you guys get hurt,

then they’re gonna sue
my ass so hard, they’re
gonna garnish my turds.

So wear these things.
Pass ’em down, sweetie.

Also, you’ll wanna write
your names on ’em, because
that’s how you get crabs.

And trust me, you don’t want to
spend your Sunday afternoon...

picking through your pumpkin
patch with a little comb.

Give me one.
Gotta protect the family jewels.

Who you kidding?
When’s the last time
you even saw ’em?

[ Spanish ]
Does that make any sense?

Yeah.
Do you speak Latin?

I’m much better at Latin.
[ Scoffs ]
I don’t need these.

[ Buttermaker ]
Really?
I’ll take it.

[ Engelberg ]
All right.

He can throw all right,
but you think he can hit?

Let’s find out.
Here.

Is that all you got?

Okay.
Got a smart-ass here.
Burn it up.

Don’t hold back.

[ Boys Gasping, Shouting ]

[ Crowd Cheering ]

[ Chattering ]

[ Cheering, Shouting ]

♪♪ [ Rock ]

Hey, what time you get off?

Engelberg, what kind of diet
lets you eat seven hot dogs?

No buns. I can have
as many as I want, idiot!

My dad says the only people
who put ketchup on hot dogs...

are mental patients and Texans.

Chinese people count
with beads.

Could you please remove
your hand from my space?

I think it’s clearly
defined by the perimeter
of my plate.

Hey, cut it out,
poop face!
Poop face?

Are you kidding me?
Elmo flips better hoop
than you.

Well, perhaps you can help me
to broaden my lexicon.

Perhaps.

[ All ]
Go!

♪ She don’t lie, she don’t lie
She don’t lie ♪

♪ Cocaine ♪♪

[ Cheering ]
Whoo-hoo!

Hey, coach.

♪♪ [ Surf ]

[ Cheering, Shouting ]

Out!

He’s out!

All right, Bears!

[ Boy ]
♪ Go ♪

♪ Let’s go ♪

♪ All right ♪

♪ All right ♪

♪ Go, go ♪

[ Crowd Cheers ]
♪ Let’s go, let’s go
let’s go, let’s go ♪

Whoo!

♪♪ [ Surf Continues ]

Three feet!
He missed it by three feet!

Three feet! Three feet!
Oh, you want to see spit?

Yeah! Oh, that’s nice.
There’s spit.
There’s spit, okay?

And what are you on?
’Cause I want some.

[ Crowd Cheers ]

Out!

One, two, three! Angels!

[ Boy ]
♪ Let’s go
All right ♪

♪ All right ♪

♪ Go, go ♪

♪ Let’s go, let’s go
let’s go, let’s go ♪

[ No Audible Dialogue ]

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Let’s go ♪

♪ All right ♪

♪ All right ♪
[ Umpire ]
You’re out!

♪ Go, go ♪

♪ Let’s go, let’s go
let’s go, let’s go ♪

[ Crowd Cheers ]
♪ All right ♪

♪ All right ♪

Safe!

[ Cheering ]

♪ Let’s go, let’s go
let’s go, let’s go ♪

Come on.
Get outta the way.

Damn it!
Let go of me! Let go of me!

Come on!
I said watch it!

Let go of me!
Let me tell you something--

Hey! Put me down!
Put me down!

Put me down! Damn it.

Thank you.
God bless you, Francois.

Sorry I’m late,
but I’ve been up to my ears
in rat pellets all day.

Oh. That’s okay.
Thank you for coming.

No sweat.
Oh. I got you something.

Ta-da. Infused vinegars.

Don’t ask me
where I find the time,
but I made them myself.

Basil and tarragon,
red pepper and oregano.

Shiso and rice vinegar.

It’s... great on chicken.

Yeah, well,
I, uh, got a spastic colon,
but I’ll give it a shot.

Buttermaker,
you deserve a celebration.

What you have done for Toby
and those children, it is
nothing short of miraculous.

I mean, we are
one game away from
the championships.

It’s... unbelievable.

It’s--
Congratulations.

Thank you.
Well, the kids are great.
They really are.

So, it’s, you know,
kind of their deal.

You know, I have to admit
that while growing up,

I-- I was never
much for sports,
or the sports type really.

But since I’ve been watching
you turn the team around,

I have been thinking
a lot about you.

I have that effect on women.

Really?
Yeah.

Well, I haven’t paid
for sex in years.

I think a lot of it has
to do with, uh, getting older...

and, you know,
being more distinguished.

- That’s it.
- I was thinking more
along the lines...

of the dangerous type.

What you hear
about the... bad boy,

the sexy scumbag,

the serial killer
who gets married in prison.

I have never
felt like that...

until I met you.

Well, thanks.

[ Toilet Flushing ]

[ Door Opens ]

Mr. Buttermaker.

What do you say,
Whitewood?

What-- What are doing here?

Um--

Listen, kid. I, uh--

There’s something, um,

that you need to do,
and that’s oil your mitt
all the time.

So I came by
to check and make sure
you oil your mitt.

- Really?
- Mm-hmm.

Oh, yeah,
I’m always watching.
Yeah.

Okay, I’ll go get it.

Be right back.
Good deal.

[ Woman ]
Whoo-whoo! Look at you.
[ Laughs ]

Gorgeous.
Gorgeous.

- I don’t know.
It’s a little--
- Looking good.

- Hey.
- What, you joined the circus?

- Tanner!
- Where’s the toilet?
I gotta pinch a mean one.

Engelberg!
These are my friends!
It’s all right, sweetie.

I got a little butterball
just like him at home.

Down the hall and
to the left, fatty.

What are you jerk-offs
doing here?

The Giants beat
the White Sox.

If we beat the Giants,
we’re in the championship.

- Really?
- Yeah, we’re celebrating.

So take off the hooker suit
and let’s go.

Come on.

[ Buttermaker ] I don’t have
to tell you guys who we’ll
be playing for the pennant...

when we blow past
these Giants today.

Right now, we’re the hottest
team in the league.

What does that mean
for the Giants?
Bad news for the Giants!

Exactly! Here we go.
One, two, three!

[ Bears ]
Break!
Hey, Kelly, hang on.

I want you to be
like a vacuum cleaner
out there today, all right?

Anything even close to you,
you suck it up.
These boys are a little weak.

I don’t want to blow it.
We’re knocking on the door,
understand? Come on. Let’s go!

- All right, guys, let’s go.
- [ Bears Chattering ]

[ Crowd Cheers ]

[ Buttermaker ]
Way to go, Kelly!
Way to go, buddy!

Way to hustle. Way to hustle.

Strike three!

[ Announcer ]
Shortstop Diego Gonzalez.

[ Crowd Cheers ]

I got it! I got it!

Hey, I told you I got it.

Yeah, sorry.

Way to go!
Way to go, Tanner.

Good job, buddy.
Good job.
I ain’t doing it no more.

Hey, hey, hey. Now’s not
the time to punk out, okay?
You understand me?

You do what I told you.
Did you hear me?
Do what I told you.

You’re not gonna screw
this up for me. Understand?
Understand?

Go get your bat.
You’re up.

Otherwise, why are you here?

[ Announcer ]
Leading off for the Bears,
Kelly Leak.

[ Crowd Cheers ]

[ Woman ]
Come on!
Knock it out of the park!

[ Boy ]
Yeah!
Strike one!

[ Tanner ]
Come on, Kelly!

- Strike two!
- He could have hit that.

- Time! Time-out.
- Time!

Kelly, come here.
Come here!

Come here. What, are you playing
mind games with me now?

We’re that close to the
championship. You got daddy
issues or something?

Hit the damn ball.
Now get in there. Come on.

[ Boy ]
He don’t wanna swing.

Yeah!
[ Crowd Cheers ]

- [ All Shouting ]
- Yeah!

[ Gasping ]

[ Announcer ]
It’s a walk-off home run
for Kelly Leak.

The Bears win, 2-1.

The Bears advance
to the finals this Saturday
against the Yankees.

[ Cheering,
Shouting Continues ]

Way to go, Kelly!
We’re going to the championship!

Good job. Way to go.
Good job.

See you there.

It’s cold.
It’s supposed to be cold.

Just keep your arm in it.

Hey, Buttermaker, Mom’s
gonna be here tomorrow.
Well, perfect.

You know, I was thinking,
maybe afterwards,

we can go to Tony Roma’s
for the Carolina Honeys,
right?

Right, like I’m gonna take you
to one of those fancy places.
Tony Roma’s?

What do you think,
I’m Mr. Moneybags?

Fine. Just us then.

[ Sighs ]
Amanda, you-- you really--

You gotta quit trying
to make me daddy, ’cause--

I didn’t say that.
Just friends.

You know, we can hang out.
We can go to Zuma.

Go bodysurfing.

Why are you talking
about bodysurfing?

Remember when I played sick
and we went to Zuma?

Don’t you remember?

No, I don’t remember that.

I don’t know what
you’re talking about.

But, you know, I was always
drunk in those days,
so I forgot a lot.

Look, the fact
of the matter is--

[ Sighs ]

you don’t have any business
hanging out with me.

- I’m a damn loser,
and you know it.
- No, you’re not. Not to me.

Come on, Amanda.

I’m a drunk.
You said it yourself.

I make a living killing rats
to pay rent on a trailer.

In Sun Valley.

I’m a washout.

Come on, Buttermaker--
Just stop it!

Don’t you think if I wanted
to play house with you,

I might have called you sometime
in the last three years?
But I didn’t, did I?

You know what--
Just stop it!
You’re here for one reason,

and that reason is
sitting in that ice right now.

Just leave it at that,
will ya?

I know why I’m here.

Just felt sorry for you,
that’s all.

[ Sniffles ]

I’m just saying,
keep your glove oiled.

I mean, he came over
to check mine.

Really?
Yeah.

Hey.
Don’t talk to me.
I’m only here for them.

Toby.

Yo, what the hell?
What?

Something wrong?
You would know, dick weed.

What’d you say?
You heard me.

Hey. Hey, what’s up
with you guys?

He’s a ball hog!
Yeah? Well, that ball hog
won your last game.

- So calm your ass down.
- Stay out of it, Engelberg!

Speak for yourself, shorty.
Taking sides, Slim-Fast?

You got a problem, Tanner?
No, you do. It’s called me
putting a foot up your ass.

Guys, come on!
Break it up!

[ All Shouting ]

Hey! Hey!

Break it up!
Break it up!

Come on, come on, come on.
Get up, get up. Get up!

Now, stand still and listen
to me. I said stop it. Okay?

- What the hell’s going on?
- He’s a dick. He thinks
he’s better than us.

- Who?
- Him.

He is! How do you think
we got this far?

It wasn’t your playing,
that’s for sure.

I don’t need this crap.
I’m outta here.
Come here. Come here.

You stand still. Stop it!
Stop it!

I said stop it!

Now, I told him to cover for
you. So if you’re gonna yell
at somebody, you yell at me.

- You did?
- Yeah, I did.

You wanna win, right?
Isn’t that what you
guys wanna do, win?

Now, quit acting like
a bunch of damn babies.

’Cause we got a chance.

Pick your gloves up.

We got a championship
to win.

[ Bullock ]
The entire season and
everything we’ve worked for...

comes down to the next
six innings that you play.

How you do, and
the result of that effort,

is gonna have a big bearing...

on how you feel about
yourself in the next year.

You gonna go through
the world seeing yourself
as a winner or a loser?

Because believe me,
being a winner is just--

It’s just-- I don’t know,
it’s just better.

The way I see it, that trophy up
there has got your name on it.

And those guys
over there are trying
to steal it from you.

Whose trophy is it, Danny?
Ours, coach.

Whose name is on
that trophy, Sanchez?
Yankees?

Take a good, long look
at your opponents
over there.

Do they look like champions?
Huh? Not for me to say.

But no, they don’t.

You’re a great team,
it’s been a great season,

but it’s not over yet.

Let’s go. Finish it, huh?
One, two, three!

[ Yankees ]
Yankees!

[ Buttermaker ]
All right, let’s go, guys.
One, two, three!

[ Bears ]
Bears!

All right, let’s go.
Hustle up, guys.
Let’s go get ’em.

[ Crowd Cheers ]
[ Man ]
Let’s go, Bears!

Yeah! Yeah!
The Bears!

B-E-A-R-S!
Go, Bears! Go, Bears!

[ Cheering ]

Go, Toby!
[ Air Horn Blares ]

[ Announcer ]
Now batting for the Yankees,
number 10, Jimmy Wilkins.

Strike one!

All right!
All right, Amanda!

Way to go, honey.

[ Crowd Cheers ]

- Safe!
- Way to go, Jimmy!
Good hustle.

That’s pretty good, guys.
Did you see that?
Damn near got him.

Way to get down the line.

If it wasn’t for Kelly
and that chick, you guys
wouldn’t even be here.

Excuse me?
You heard me.

None of you can
play worth crap.
Oh, yeah?

Yeah. What are you gonna
do about it, Oreo?

[ Announcer ]
Now batting, number nine,
Joey Bullock.

-[ Bullock ]
There it is!
-[ Crowd Cheers ]

Let’s go, let’s go!
Take third! Take third!

Safe!

Hey, Amanda,
your training bra’s too tight.

[ Yankees Chattering ]

Strike three!

[ Tanner ]
We got one, we got two.
Pitch this punk out! Easy out.

[ Announcer ]
Right fielder,
Richard Carlin.

- Ball.
- [ Boy ]
Go, go, go!

- [ Grunts ]
-[ Umpire ]
Safe!

[ Engelberg ]
You okay? Come on. Get up.
Come on.

All right!

You okay, sweetie?

Here’s what I’m gonna do,
cracker.

[ Bullock ]
Hey, hey, hey,
get back in the dugout. Hey.

[ Boys Shouting ]

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

Break it up!
Break it up, guys.
Come on!

See you!

[ Buttermaker ]
Hey, break it up.
Come on. Come on!

Damn right, loser!

Engelberg, get off him!
Get behind the plate.

Get back. Get back.
Get back. Come on.
Come on. Come on.

Back on the field!
I said back on the field!

- Get out there!
- [ Boy ] You guys are lucky
we don’t kick your butt.

Is this what you teach ’em?
You bowl over
little girls like that?

Is that what you do?
It’s called baseball,
or maybe you forgot.

Don’t talk to me about
fair play when your kids
are throwing punches.

So you watch ’em, okay?
You ought to take a good look
at yourself, you has-been.

Traded it all in for booze
and broads. You’re disgusting.
What did you say?

You can’t hear me?
Say it again!
Say it again!

Get back to your dugout,
you crybaby!
Listen to you, crybaby.

- Get to your "drug-out."
- Buttermaker, dugout!

Sorry, chief. Sorry.

Hey, you wanna play ball,
Grape-Nuts? Let’s play!
All right?

Piece of crap.

- Play ball!
- Cream it, Whitewood!

- [ Cheering ]
- Come on, Whitewood.
Come on, buddy.

Get a piece of it.

[ Boy ]
Come on. Get it in!

Come on, Joe.
You’re better than that, Son.

Good job, Toby.
Thanks.

I would’ve tagged you out,
but I was afraid your mom
would have sued the ball.

Let’s go, Abdul.
Let’s go, buddy.
Keep it going.

Ahmad-- Is it Abdul
or Ahmad?

- Ahmad.
- Whatever it is. Ahmad,
let’s keep it going, buddy!

Way to go!

[ Boy ]
Get the ball!

Joey! Hey, that was your play!
That was your play.
Get your ass over there.

Pull your head out, Son.

Hey, Garo, come here.

Listen, you hit lefty,
so he’s gonna pitch you
in tight, all right?

So I want you to lean
into it and take the hit.
I-I can’t.

See, here’s the thing.
If you get on, we’re loaded,
and Kelly’s up next.

So, come on. Let’s do it.
I just wanna
hit the ball.

Well, sometimes it’s better if
the ball hits you. It’s called
taking one for the team.

Now, let’s go. Come on, Garo!
Let’s go, buddy!

Move over.
Be alert, guys!

Now batting from the left side
of the plate, number 10,
Garo Daragabrigadien.

[ Crowd Chattering ]

[ Grunts ]
Time! Take your base.

That’s the way, buddy!
That’s what I’m talking
about, right there.

That’s what I’m talking about.
Way to take it, buddy.

-Next batter for the Bears,
number five, Kelly Leak.
-[ Tanner ] Come on, Kelly!

Kick some ass!

Hey, Buttocks!

- Watch this.
- Yeah.

[ Boys Chattering ]

[ Crowd Cheers ]

[ Groans ]

[ Tanner ]
Run, Kelly!

[ Man ]
What are you guys doing?
[ Mutters ]

- Strike two!
- That’s okay, Joey.

It’s all right. Focus.
Just relax. Relax!

Your old man help you pee too?

"Shake it a little more, Joey.
Don’t want to get any stains
on your underwear."

- Keep talking, fatty.
- Whatever.

- God!
- See you later, Joey.
Have a nice time on the bench.

Now batting, number three,
Danny Patella.

[ Yankees Cheering ]
Go, baby!
Go, baby! Go, baby!

Watch it, watch it.
Go! Yes!

Yes! Yes!
[ Crowd Cheers ]

Get out there!
How you doin’?

Hey, Buttermaker!

Time!

What the hell is wrong with you?
Why don’t you just
put a bow on it, huh?

It’s my arm.
It’s killing me.
I don’t wanna hear it.

You want Toby in?
No, I don’t.

Yeah, you want to win?
Yeah, I do.

Yeah?
Then get it together.
Number 12, Mike Van Horn.

[ Crowd Cheers ]

- Safe!
- Good hustle, Van Horn!
Way to beat it out!

What in the hell are you doing?
This is not T-ball!

You guys watching that?
Let’s go, let’s go. Good job.

What are these kids doing?

[ Announcer ]
Number 14,
left fielder, Jeff Wong.

[ Umpire ]
Fair ball! That’s a fair ball!
[ Crowd Cheers ]

Safe!
Wait. Whoa.
Hey, hey, hey, ump.

What are you talking about?
He got him.

The throw was here on time.
That was stupid!
What, are you Helen Keller?

He was under the tag, coach.
Are you kidding me?

Butterballs,
stay in your dugout!

Keep your eyes peeled, man.
It’s your job.

Stop embarrassing yourself,
crybaby.

It’s a good call, ump.
Very good call.

Garo, that was perfect
last time. Do the same thing.
Lean in. Just get on base.

Kelly’s up next.
Why can’t I just hit the ball
like everyone else?

Because that’s selfish.
You gotta think
about the team.

I know it stings a little,
but it’s gonna be worth it.
Get in there. Come on.

Next up for the Bears,
Garo Daragabrigadien.
Let’s go, Garo!

Let’s go, buddy.
[ Crowd Cheers ]

[ Boy ]
You got this guy, Joey!

-[ Umpire ] Out!
- What in hell
are you doing out there?

Get in here!
Ump, time! Time.

What the hell’s the matter
with you, kid? What’s the matter
with all of you?

"My arm hurts."
"Why can’t I hit away
like the other kids?"

Do you remember
what it was like?

Remember the first game?
They were laughing at us.

Now we got their backs up
against the wall, they’re
scared, and you wanna give up.

Is that the deal?

I thought you wanted to win.
I thought you wanted
to be champions. Well, do ya?

[ Shouts ]
Do ya?

Look.

[ Sighs ]
You’re up next, Kelly.
Come on. Let’s go.

Let’s play ball.
Now batting, number five,
Kelly Leak.

Let’s go, Joey.

[ Man ]
Come on, Joey. Get him!

[ Crowd Cheers ]

-Catcher Mike Engelberg.
- Hi, Joey.

Kiss my ass.

[ Umpire ]
Time.

Uh-oh.
Here comes Daddy.

How you doing?
I’m fine.

The way this guy is hitting, and
the way you’re pitching today,
I think we ought to walk him.

Next batter’s an easy out.
But I can take him.

I know you can.

Come on, Dad.
Hey. Do as you’re told.
Come on.

Let’s get ’em. Let’s go!

[ Boy ]
Let’s get this guy.
[ Boy #2 ] Get him, Joey!

Hey, hey!
What was that?

You tried to hit him.
Did you try to hit him?

No, it just got away from me.
That’s nonsense, Joey!

Don’t you ever throw at
a batter! Never ever throw at
a batter! You understand me?

- You never do that!
Never do that.
- [ Crowd Gasps ]

Get up.

You could have hurt him.

Shari--
You son of a bitch.

He could have hurt him.
Don’t overreact.

I’m taking him home. Now.
Are you kidding me? We’re
in the middle of the game.

He finishes the game.
After that, you can take
him wherever you want.

Don’t do the arm cross.
Do not do the arm cross.

Hey, Engelberg.

[ Crowd Cheers ]

[ Gasps ]

[ Engelberg ]
Yes, go.

Engelberg! Engelberg!
Engelberg!
Engelberg! Engelberg!

Engelberg! Engelberg!

Justin, you’re on the mound.

Strike two!

[ Ball Strikes Glove ]
Strike three!

[ Crowd Cheers ]

Going into the sixth
and final inning,
the Bears lead 5 to 4.

Okay, José, you and Tanner
sit this one out.
What?

What the hell!
Lupus, you go
to second base.

Hooper, go to right field.
Prem-- Where’s Prem?
Go to left.

- Are you sure?
- Yeah, I’m sure.

- What?
- You heard me. Right field.

Are you crazy?
I can’t go out there.
I’m in a wheelchair.

I thought you wanted
to play baseball.
Hell no.

Why the hell would
I want to play baseball?
I’m a damn paraplegic.

So you just wanna sit here
and get splinters in your ass
the whole season?

If you won’t play ball,
why are you here?

Last time I checked,
this is a baseball team.

And you’re all on the team.
Every one of you.

So do what I said.

You guys go out there
and play baseball, okay?

- Whurlitzer,
where you going?
- To finish the game.

- Not with that arm, honey.
- What?

You go and put it on ice.
Come on. Sit down.

Toby, hit the mound.
[ Toby ]
Really?

Yes, I’m serious.

I know you’re not used
to listening to me,
but, um, for a change,

why don’t you just sit here
and enjoy the game with me,
all right?

Just try to forgive me,
will you?

All right, guys. Let’s show
the Yankees what bad news
is all about.

Look at Hooper out there.
[ Chuckles ]

I bet it’s just blowing
their minds.

You pitched
a great game, honey.
Come here.

And Hooper, the kid
in the wheelchair, he goes
to right for Whitewood.

What does that do
to your batting order?

Well, one goes to four,
four goes to five,

two goes to three,
three goes to two,
six goes to one,

and seven, eight,
nine are cool.

I guess you know what
you’re doing, Buttermaker.
Yeah, I do.

[ Crowd Cheers ]

It’s batting practice.

Hey, let’s keep the rally
going, guys. Come on.

Hey, Toby, you need
to scoot up a little bit?

Batting for the Yankees,
Danny Patello.

[ Crowd Cheers ]

You’re out!

[ Bat Hits Ball ]

[ Crowd Cheers ]

Now batting, number five,
Richard Naparo.

Here we go, Richie!
Keep it going.

[ Bat Hits Ball ]
[ Crowd Cheers ]

- You’re out!
- Yes, sir. Way to go, Kelly!

Good throw, buddy.
Good throw. Two outs.

We need one more out, guys.
Come on. One more out.

Come on!
Next for the Yankees,
Mike Van Horn.

[ Boy ]
Come on. Kill it!

[ Crowd Cheers ]

Oh!

Did you see that?
Unbelievable!
Way to go, Hooper!

The little crippled boy
did it!

And at the bottom
of the sixth,
Yankees lead 8 to 5.

[ Cheering, Shouting ]

Pretty impressive, guys.
Way to go, Lupus.
Way to go, man.

That’s a hero right there.
All right.

Hooper! Come on, man.

[ Tanner ] Yeah, Hooper!
Get in here.
Put that thing in fourth gear.

Good going, man.
Nice catch.
All right, Hooper.

Hey, guys, four more runs,
we win the game.

How ’bout that?
Prem. Where’s Prem?
You’re up, buddy.

I have to remind you,
Mr. Buttermaker, that my batting
average is well below the norm.

- And what’s that?
- Zero for a lifetime.

Well, you’re due one, man.

So, get out there.

- Really?
- Absolutely, buddy.

Let’s go, guys.
All right.
Buttermaker, come here.

Excellent.

This should be fun.
Listen, I’m a little
busy right now.

What the hell are you doing?

We had the lead, and now
you’re putting wheelchairs
in the outfield?

I mean,
you’re letting Toby pitch?
What are you thinking?

You know, he’s your son.
Yes, and he wants to win
just like everyone else.

Really? How would you
know what he wants?

When do you see him,
between basket weaving
and ballet?

You have some damn nerve.
Are you actually telling me
how to raise my child?

No, I’m not telling you
how to raise your child.

But maybe somebody should.
I got a game to coach.

Leading off for the Bears,
number 19, Prem Lahiri.

Let’s go, Prem. Let’s go.

Keep your eye on it.

I’ll be damned. Way to go!
Way to go, Prem. Way to go!

- Safe!
- Did you see that?

Way to go, buddy! Way to go!
Now batting, number four,
Timmy Lupus.

- Strike one!
- Come on, Lupus.

- Strike two!
- Come on, Lupus!

If you want to hit the ball,
you gotta swing the bat!

[ Girl ]
Come on, Lupus!

Look at that!
Lupus hit the ball!

He hit it!
[ Crowd Cheers ]

Run! Run!
Run! Run!

Go, go, go!

-[ Umpire ]
Safe!
- Lu-u-u-pus!

Lu-u-u-pus!
Lu-u-u-pus!
Lu-u-u-pus!

[ Buttermaker ]
All right, guys.
Hey, Miguel.

Miguel, you know what to do.
All right?

-Next up, number 14,
Miguel Agilar.
-Let’s go, guys!

- You’re out!
- Dad-gum it!

It’s okay, Prem.
It’s all right, buddy.
Way to hustle. Way to hustle.

Good hit, Miguel.

Lucky hit.

[ Speaking Spanish ]

[ Answers In Spanish ]

It means you’re a bag of shit.
Crap-head.

All right, Kelly,
let’s tie the game, buddy.
Let’s go. Come on.

Now batting, number five,
Kelly Leak.
Let’s go, buddy. Let’s go.

-[ Crowd Cheers ]
-[ Boy ]
Kelly!

Collins.

Ball one!

[ Boy ]
Chicken!

- Ball two!
- Kelly.

Kelly.

[ Crowd Cheers ]

[ All Groan ]

[ Boy ]
Two outs. Come on. One more.

Hey, Garo.
Garo, come here.

[ Whispering ]
Hit the ball, buddy.

[ Boy ]
Come on, Garo!

Number 10,
Garo Daragabrigadien.
No pressure, guys!

Let’s get that out!
Come on, Justin!

Right to him!

Strike one!

[ Bullock ]
Come on, guys!
Justin!

Strike two!

[ Boy ]
One more, baby.
One more!

[ Boy #2 ]
Come on, Justin!

[ Crowd Cheers ]

[ Shouting ]

Oh. Oh!

- Go, go, go!
- Come on! Come on!

Go!

Slide! Slide! Slide!

You’re out!

- [ Gasps ]
-[ Crowd Cheers ]

- We won!
- Yes! Yes!

[ Shouting Indistinctly ]

Yeah!

[ Air Horn Squeaks ]

It was a hell of a hit, son.
I’m proud of you, man.
I’m really proud of you.

Hey, who wants a beer?

What are you doing?
We’re celebrating.

You deserve it.

Wait. Nonalcoholic.
What’s the damn point?

Just drink it, man.

There you go.

All right, guys,
I want you to listen up.

I wanna tell you something.

In all my years
of bein’ associated
with baseball teams,

being around ’em,
seeing ’em, whatever,

I gotta tell you,
this is my favorite team.

I’m real proud
of you guys.

You played your
asses off against--

well, pretty--
pretty big odds.

That’s--

But, uh--
[ Yankees Cheering ]

Look at those little bastards
over there.

Well, let’s go get
this over with, okay?
[ Chuckles ]

On a game like this, kids,
I just want you all to know...

that there’s no losers,
and there’s no winners.

I mean, technically, yeah.

But these things,
they don’t mean anything.

Wow.
That’s some good weight.

Jimmy, you wanted
to say a few words?

Uh, you guys had
a good season.

You started off pretty lame,
but then you got better.

We just wanted you to know
that you got our respect.

-[ Bullock ]
Respect.
- Right on.

And to the Bears,
your second-place trophy.

Gee, thanks, mister.

[ Bullock ]
Hey, let’s bring it in
and give ’em a cheer, huh?

Bring it in here.

One, two, three!
[ Yankees ]
Bears!

[ Crowd Cheers ]

[ Prem ]
Hey, Yankees!

You can take your crappy
trophies and shove ’em
right up your asses.

Nice. See you
next year, bitches!

[ Bears Shouting ]
♪♪ [ Rock ]

[ Shouting Continues ]

Hooper, I told you I was gonna
make you into a ballplayer,
didn’t I, buddy?

Good game, Buttermaker.
You too, sweetie. You too.

Oh, and by the way,
I meant to tell you this.
It was Redondo Beach.

What?
When we went out to the beach,
surfing and all that stuff.

It wasn’t Zuma. It was
Redondo Beach. You were wearing
that stupid yellow bathing suit.

You remember.
Of course I remember.

Next time, we’ll go to Zuma.
How’s that?
Okay.

Great game. I’m proud of you.

Good game.
Way to go, Lupus.

This is what’s called
a moral victory, Toby.

Now, it’s not quite as good
as the real thing,
but it’s very nice.

Way to go, Garo.
Good game, brother.

I told him we won.
Excellent.
See what I’m talking about?

♪♪ [ Rock Continues ]

[ Man ]
♪ I promise ♪

♪ I won’t let you down
You down ♪

♪ If you take
my hand tonight ♪♪

♪♪ [ Rock ]

♪ I’m a soldier
on the battlefield ♪

♪ Got an army
on the battlefield ♪

♪ Outnumbered like the Alamo
I don’t even wanna go ♪

♪ This is war ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah
This is war ♪

♪ This is war ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah
This is war ♪

♪ I’m always stuck up
in a daydream ♪

♪ I can’t focus
on the other team ♪

♪ I hunted you all day
and night
Now I’m ready for a fight ♪

♪ This is war ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah
This is war ♪

♪ This is war ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah
This is war ♪

♪ I can’t be your friend ♪♪

♪Cause I gotta knock you out♪

♪Are you ready
For a surprise♪

♪I don’t think
You even realise♪

♪They say that
You’re the best♪

♪You gonna fall with the rest♪

♪ This is war ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah
This is war ♪

♪ This is war ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah
This is war ♪

♪ This is war ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah
This is war ♪

♪ This is war ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah
This is war ♪

♪ This is war ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah
This is war ♪

♪ Oh, This is war ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah
This is war ♪

♪I can’t be your friend♪

♪Cause I got to knock you out♪

♪ So I can win ♪

♪♪ [ Rock ]

♪I don’t give a damn
About my reputation♪

♪You’re living in the past
It’s a new generation♪

♪Hey, a girl can do
What she wants to do
And that’s what I’m gonna do ♪

♪And I don’t give a damn
About my bad reputation♪

♪Oh no
No, no, no, no, no, no, no♪

♪Not me
Me, me, me, me, me, me ♪

♪And I don’t give a damn
About my reputation♪

♪I never said I wanted
To improve my station ♪

♪And I’m only feeling good
When I’m having fun♪

♪And I don’t have
To please no one♪

♪And I don’t give a damn
About my bad reputation♪

♪Oh no
No, no, no, no, no, no, no♪

♪Not me
Me, me, me, me, me, me ♪

♪Oh no
No, no, no, no, no, no, no♪

♪I don’t give a damn
About my reputation♪

♪ I’ve never been afraid
Of any deviation♪

♪And I don’t really care
If I’m strange♪

♪I ain’t gonna change♪

♪And I’m never gonna care
About my bad reputation♪

♪Oh no
No, no, no, no, no, no, no♪

♪Not me
Me, me, me, me, me, me ♪

♪Oh no
No, no, no, no, no, no, no♪

♪Not me ♪

♪I don’t give a damn
About my reputation♪

♪The world’s in trouble
There’s no communication♪

♪And everyone can say
What they want to say♪

♪ It never gets better anyway ♪

♪So why should I care
About a bad reputation♪

♪Anyway, oh no
No, no, no, no, no, no, no♪

♪Not me
Me, me, me, me, me, me ♪

♪Oh no
No, no, no, no, no, no, no♪

♪I don’t give a damn
About my reputation♪

♪You’re living in the past
It’s a new generation♪

♪And I’m only feeling good
When I got no plans♪

♪Can’t you understand?♪

♪I don’t give a damn
About my bad reputation♪

♪Anyway, oh no
No, no, no, no, no, no, no♪

♪Not me
Me, me, me, me, me, me ♪

♪Oh no
No, no, no, no, no, no, no♪

♪Not me
Me, me, me, me, me, me ♪

♪Oh no
No, no, no, no, no, no, no♪

♪Not me
Me, me, me, me, me, me
Not me ♪