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1
00:00:02,367 --> 00:00:05,303
Cheers is filmedbefore a live studio audience.
2
00:00:06,939 --> 00:00:08,206
Yeah, it's just
a hop, skip
3
00:00:08,241 --> 00:00:10,442
and a jump
from the office
to the Ginza.
4
00:00:10,476 --> 00:00:12,527
Look who just
slithered in.
5
00:00:12,561 --> 00:00:14,362
The carpet cobras,
6
00:00:14,396 --> 00:00:17,699
featuring Evan
"The Snake" Drake.
7
00:00:17,733 --> 00:00:20,268
SAM:
I'm all right.
How are you?
8
00:00:20,303 --> 00:00:22,170
Rebecca, I've got
to use the phone here.
9
00:00:22,205 --> 00:00:24,139
Oh, you're
a phone person, too?
10
00:00:24,173 --> 00:00:25,240
So am I.
11
00:00:25,274 --> 00:00:27,775
Isn't it amazing how much
we have in common?
12
00:00:27,810 --> 00:00:28,977
Thanks.
13
00:00:30,079 --> 00:00:31,712
You know that Drake guy?
14
00:00:31,747 --> 00:00:33,981
He's probably
the kind of bloke
15
00:00:34,016 --> 00:00:37,919
that has his knuckle hair
removed with electrolysis.
16
00:00:37,953 --> 00:00:39,820
Yeah, he's probably got one
of those electronic zappers
17
00:00:39,855 --> 00:00:43,324
that he uses to forestall
his receding hairline.
18
00:00:43,359 --> 00:00:44,859
And I bet ya,
I bet ya a dime to a donut
19
00:00:44,893 --> 00:00:46,327
that he has his loofa
20
00:00:46,362 --> 00:00:49,997
and he rubs himself raw
to get rid of his cellulite.
21
00:00:53,269 --> 00:00:54,402
Well, it was in
22
00:00:54,436 --> 00:00:57,638
last month's Soldierof Fortune, okay?
23
00:00:59,025 --> 00:01:02,861
( piano plays )
24
00:01:02,895 --> 00:01:05,046
� Making your way
in the world today �
25
00:01:05,080 --> 00:01:08,683
� Takes everything you've got
26
00:01:08,717 --> 00:01:11,318
� Taking a break
from all your worries �
27
00:01:11,353 --> 00:01:14,889
� Sure would help a lot
28
00:01:14,924 --> 00:01:20,761
� Wouldn't you like
to get away? �
29
00:01:20,796 --> 00:01:22,663
� Sometimes you want to go
30
00:01:22,698 --> 00:01:28,036
� Where everybody
knows your name �
31
00:01:28,070 --> 00:01:32,640
� And they're always glad
you came �
32
00:01:32,675 --> 00:01:35,076
� You want to be
where you can see �
33
00:01:35,110 --> 00:01:37,679
� Our troubles
are all the same �
34
00:01:37,713 --> 00:01:43,084
� You want to be where everybody
knows your name �
35
00:01:43,118 --> 00:01:45,419
� You want to go
where people know �
36
00:01:45,454 --> 00:01:48,022
� People are all the same
37
00:01:48,057 --> 00:01:52,526
� You want to go where
everybody knows your name. �
38
00:02:13,466 --> 00:02:14,432
Oh.
Oh!
39
00:02:14,467 --> 00:02:15,467
Sam, listen.
40
00:02:15,501 --> 00:02:16,901
Don't you find it
interesting
41
00:02:16,935 --> 00:02:18,503
that of all the fine
restaurants
42
00:02:18,537 --> 00:02:19,504
in Boston to dine,
43
00:02:19,538 --> 00:02:21,706
that Evans should repeatedly
dine at Melville's
44
00:02:21,741 --> 00:02:23,174
right upstairs
from where I can
45
00:02:23,208 --> 00:02:24,376
be found every day
of the week?
46
00:02:24,410 --> 00:02:25,377
No, no.
47
00:02:25,411 --> 00:02:26,678
But I do find it
interesting
48
00:02:26,712 --> 00:02:28,580
that your button's
undone there,
49
00:02:28,614 --> 00:02:31,416
and your bra has
a little bow in
the middle.
50
00:02:34,820 --> 00:02:35,820
So, uh, what,
51
00:02:35,855 --> 00:02:38,423
you think the big guy's
finally coming around, huh?
52
00:02:38,457 --> 00:02:42,059
No, he's in there
using my phone.
53
00:02:42,094 --> 00:02:43,060
Can't you see?
54
00:02:43,095 --> 00:02:44,896
Since his divorce
became final,
55
00:02:44,930 --> 00:02:47,231
he uses all
of his spare time
to be around me.
56
00:02:47,266 --> 00:02:48,833
He is in my office
right now
57
00:02:48,868 --> 00:02:50,435
sitting in my chair,
58
00:02:50,469 --> 00:02:53,571
his lips just inches
from the mouthpiece
59
00:02:53,606 --> 00:02:56,107
that I use every day.
60
00:02:56,141 --> 00:02:57,842
You're right.
61
00:02:57,877 --> 00:02:59,778
I'm an idiot.
62
00:02:59,812 --> 00:03:02,680
Excuse me.
Rebecca, can we talk?
63
00:03:02,715 --> 00:03:04,365
Excuse me, Sam.
I'm being beckoned.
64
00:03:04,400 --> 00:03:07,468
Listen, if-if this is
what you think it is,
65
00:03:07,503 --> 00:03:08,570
can I give you
some advice?
66
00:03:08,604 --> 00:03:09,437
What?
67
00:03:09,471 --> 00:03:10,438
If you're going
68
00:03:10,472 --> 00:03:11,406
to make an ass
of yourself,
69
00:03:11,440 --> 00:03:12,407
take it outside.
70
00:03:12,441 --> 00:03:14,342
I'm not going to
make an ass of myself.
71
00:03:14,376 --> 00:03:15,410
All right.
72
00:03:18,547 --> 00:03:21,349
I was just getting it
out of my system.
73
00:03:24,119 --> 00:03:25,402
You wanted to talk to me,
Mr. Drake?
74
00:03:25,437 --> 00:03:27,238
Yes, yes, yes, I do,
Rebecca.
75
00:03:27,272 --> 00:03:29,807
Let's sit down
here, okay?
76
00:03:29,842 --> 00:03:31,676
Thank you.
77
00:03:33,245 --> 00:03:35,446
Well, this conversation
is long overdue.
78
00:03:35,480 --> 00:03:39,050
I couldn't agree more,
with all my heart.
79
00:03:39,085 --> 00:03:41,735
You don't know what
I'm going to say.
80
00:03:41,770 --> 00:03:44,422
Oh... well,
I agree again.
81
00:03:44,456 --> 00:03:48,726
Something... something very
exciting is happening to me.
82
00:03:48,761 --> 00:03:50,361
It's going to change
my whole life.
83
00:03:50,396 --> 00:03:51,596
It's a huge risk.
84
00:03:51,630 --> 00:03:53,881
Take it! Take it!
85
00:03:53,915 --> 00:03:54,699
I'm moving to Tokyo.
86
00:03:54,733 --> 00:03:56,650
I'm going to take over
the Japanese division.
87
00:03:56,685 --> 00:03:57,651
I leave tonight.
88
00:03:57,686 --> 00:04:00,588
Yes, darling, yes!
89
00:04:00,622 --> 00:04:02,523
( groans )
90
00:04:06,061 --> 00:04:08,663
I told her
to take that outside.
91
00:04:15,003 --> 00:04:17,905
I don't believe it.
92
00:04:17,940 --> 00:04:19,740
Everything was going
so well.
93
00:04:19,775 --> 00:04:24,646
Then everything
went so black.
94
00:04:24,680 --> 00:04:25,980
Oh, don't worry
about it.
95
00:04:26,014 --> 00:04:28,215
Women faint
all the time.
96
00:04:28,250 --> 00:04:30,752
Well, in cartoons,
they do.
97
00:04:32,254 --> 00:04:35,022
Do you think
he noticed?
98
00:04:37,076 --> 00:04:39,126
Yes, yes,
I-I think he did.
99
00:04:39,161 --> 00:04:42,430
He, uh, he said
that every time
he sees you,
100
00:04:42,464 --> 00:04:45,900
you do something
more bizarre than
the time before.
101
00:04:45,934 --> 00:04:47,601
What did you say?
102
00:04:47,636 --> 00:04:49,637
Well, honey, I had to agree.
103
00:04:52,825 --> 00:04:56,076
He is leaving for Japan
tonight forever,
104
00:04:56,111 --> 00:04:59,380
and I never got to
tell him how I feel.
105
00:04:59,415 --> 00:05:00,498
Well, hey...
106
00:05:00,532 --> 00:05:02,667
No, wait. You know,
listen, why don't
you tell him
107
00:05:02,701 --> 00:05:03,701
at the good-bye party?
108
00:05:03,736 --> 00:05:05,687
What good-bye party?
109
00:05:05,721 --> 00:05:07,454
The one you're gonna
throw for him tonight.
110
00:05:07,489 --> 00:05:09,056
Listen, it's
a great idea.
111
00:05:09,091 --> 00:05:11,892
I'll make it a...
a Japanese theme.
112
00:05:11,927 --> 00:05:14,596
Yeah, yeah, we'll
have chips and cheese.
113
00:05:17,533 --> 00:05:19,033
Sam,
114
00:05:19,067 --> 00:05:20,868
I will never
have Mr. Drake.
115
00:05:20,902 --> 00:05:22,136
I will never have any man.
116
00:05:22,170 --> 00:05:23,338
I will just dry up,
117
00:05:23,372 --> 00:05:27,458
crumble into dust and blow away.
118
00:05:27,492 --> 00:05:28,242
Oh, come on.
119
00:05:28,276 --> 00:05:29,594
That doesn't sound like you.
120
00:05:29,628 --> 00:05:34,399
That sounds like some lovesick
self-pitying, whiny...
121
00:05:34,433 --> 00:05:35,983
No, that's you all right.
122
00:05:38,270 --> 00:05:40,254
But I'm not gonna
let you give up.
123
00:05:40,288 --> 00:05:41,389
What do you care?
124
00:05:41,423 --> 00:05:43,558
What does anybody care?
125
00:05:43,592 --> 00:05:46,193
Listen, I pride myself
in being a connoisseur
126
00:05:46,228 --> 00:05:47,562
of beautiful babes,
127
00:05:47,596 --> 00:05:48,613
and I'll tell you.
128
00:05:48,647 --> 00:05:50,081
I'm not gonna sit by
129
00:05:50,115 --> 00:05:52,249
and watch a great woman
like you
130
00:05:52,284 --> 00:05:52,900
going to waste.
131
00:05:52,934 --> 00:05:53,885
It's like, a...
132
00:05:53,919 --> 00:05:56,788
a thoroughbred pulling
a milk wagon.
133
00:05:56,822 --> 00:05:59,874
It's like a rare wine...
134
00:05:59,908 --> 00:06:02,393
pulling a milk wagon.
135
00:06:04,346 --> 00:06:06,313
Sam, I can't tell him.
136
00:06:06,348 --> 00:06:08,933
Oh, please, please, do
this for me, will you?
137
00:06:08,967 --> 00:06:10,435
I've been watching
this sappy movie
138
00:06:10,469 --> 00:06:11,936
for God knows how long.
139
00:06:11,970 --> 00:06:14,572
I want to see if the
girl gets the guy.
140
00:06:14,606 --> 00:06:17,141
If only once I'd ever had
141
00:06:17,175 --> 00:06:19,777
any little bit of
encouragement from him.
142
00:06:19,812 --> 00:06:22,079
Some teeny, tiny
shred of evidence
143
00:06:22,113 --> 00:06:23,981
that he even knew I existed.
144
00:06:24,015 --> 00:06:26,083
Well, now, he-he did
express some concern
145
00:06:26,117 --> 00:06:27,752
while you were out cold there.
146
00:06:27,786 --> 00:06:29,136
Oh, yeah, I bet.
147
00:06:29,170 --> 00:06:30,605
What'd he say?
148
00:06:30,639 --> 00:06:33,140
Gee, I-I hope she's not dead.
149
00:06:35,060 --> 00:06:36,877
He did?
150
00:06:37,429 --> 00:06:38,762
Oh, God.
151
00:06:38,797 --> 00:06:42,200
And all this time I thought
maybe I was kidding myself.
152
00:06:49,574 --> 00:06:52,410
� ...for he's a jolly
good fellow �
153
00:06:52,444 --> 00:06:54,578
� That nobody can deny.
154
00:06:54,613 --> 00:06:56,214
( applause )
155
00:06:57,900 --> 00:07:00,585
That's a perfect illustration
of life's bitter irony,
156
00:07:00,619 --> 00:07:01,719
isn't it?
157
00:07:01,753 --> 00:07:03,053
Oh, how's that, Cliff?
158
00:07:03,088 --> 00:07:05,155
I mean, would you
pass the beer nuts?
159
00:07:06,859 --> 00:07:08,225
There's a guy like Drake...
160
00:07:08,259 --> 00:07:10,712
It's a
fabulous job...
161
00:07:10,746 --> 00:07:13,081
Hey, it's time to
make your move.
162
00:07:14,449 --> 00:07:16,317
Come on, he's had
a couple of drinks.
163
00:07:16,351 --> 00:07:18,319
His resistance
is down.
164
00:07:19,621 --> 00:07:22,389
He's feeling all
warm, sentimental.
165
00:07:22,424 --> 00:07:24,391
Hell, I think I'll
tell him I love him.
166
00:07:24,426 --> 00:07:26,728
All right, all right.
167
00:07:26,762 --> 00:07:28,796
( low crowd chatter )
168
00:07:31,600 --> 00:07:33,167
Mr. Drake?
169
00:07:33,201 --> 00:07:34,836
Hello, Rebecca.
170
00:07:34,870 --> 00:07:37,171
Hi.
171
00:07:37,205 --> 00:07:38,973
You're not gonna faint,
are you?
172
00:07:39,008 --> 00:07:40,841
Oh, no. No, I'm fine.
173
00:07:40,875 --> 00:07:42,710
I just thought
that this might be
174
00:07:42,744 --> 00:07:44,678
a good opportunity to tell
you something that I've
175
00:07:44,713 --> 00:07:46,013
wanted to tell you
for a long time.
176
00:07:46,047 --> 00:07:48,048
Miss Howe, may I
speak with you for
a moment, please?
177
00:07:48,083 --> 00:07:49,049
Carla, can't it wait?
178
00:07:49,084 --> 00:07:50,251
I don't think so.
179
00:07:50,285 --> 00:07:51,986
It's kind of a
woman's problem.
180
00:07:52,020 --> 00:07:53,354
Ah, leave those
to the experts.
181
00:07:53,388 --> 00:07:55,256
But I...
182
00:07:55,290 --> 00:07:56,424
What? What? What?
183
00:07:56,458 --> 00:07:58,292
Look, look, look, I
wouldn't have butted in,
184
00:07:58,327 --> 00:08:00,595
but I know that
tonight is your
last chance
185
00:08:00,629 --> 00:08:02,296
to tell the boss
you got a case
186
00:08:02,331 --> 00:08:04,432
of the screaming
thigh sweats for him.
187
00:08:06,968 --> 00:08:08,603
How did you know that?
188
00:08:08,637 --> 00:08:11,272
Woody put out a
special edition
of the newsletter.
189
00:08:11,306 --> 00:08:13,541
Why didn't I just write it
on the bathroom wall?
190
00:08:13,575 --> 00:08:15,143
I'm way ahead of you.
191
00:08:15,177 --> 00:08:17,311
Anyway, look,
192
00:08:17,346 --> 00:08:19,514
I've been down this
road a few times myself,
193
00:08:19,548 --> 00:08:20,681
and take it from a pro,
194
00:08:20,715 --> 00:08:22,683
there is one thing
you always have to do
195
00:08:22,717 --> 00:08:24,452
before you tell a
guy you love him.
196
00:08:24,486 --> 00:08:25,119
What's that?
197
00:08:25,154 --> 00:08:27,188
Lose the mustache.
198
00:08:36,215 --> 00:08:39,150
Uh, Mr. Drake,
there's something that I...
199
00:08:39,184 --> 00:08:40,718
Evan.
Yes?
200
00:08:40,752 --> 00:08:42,220
We're really gonna
miss your carpet.
201
00:08:42,254 --> 00:08:43,221
Yeah, you take care.
202
00:08:43,255 --> 00:08:45,356
Anyway, Mr. Drake,
there's something I've wanted
203
00:08:45,390 --> 00:08:47,391
to tell you
a long time... There you go,
Mr. Drake.
204
00:08:47,426 --> 00:08:49,393
Hmm? Oh, thank you,
thank you, Woody.
205
00:08:49,428 --> 00:08:51,045
( laughs )
DRAKE:
Damn.
206
00:08:51,079 --> 00:08:52,680
I changed all my
American money into yen.
207
00:08:52,714 --> 00:08:53,781
I don't have
a tip for you.
208
00:08:53,815 --> 00:08:54,882
I'm sorry, Woody.
209
00:08:54,917 --> 00:08:55,916
Oh, that's okay, Mr. Drake.
210
00:08:55,950 --> 00:08:57,217
I don't need a tip from you.
211
00:08:57,252 --> 00:08:58,035
Okay.
212
00:08:58,069 --> 00:09:00,287
Cheap, cheap, cheap.
213
00:09:01,556 --> 00:09:02,857
Mr. Drake, as I was
about to tell you...
214
00:09:02,891 --> 00:09:03,858
Hey, hold on,
hold on...
215
00:09:03,892 --> 00:09:05,026
Woody, Woody,
come here a second.
216
00:09:05,060 --> 00:09:06,260
I've got these
217
00:09:06,294 --> 00:09:07,512
company courtside tickets
218
00:09:07,546 --> 00:09:08,529
to the Celtics-Lakers game.
219
00:09:08,647 --> 00:09:10,281
Will you take those
in lieu of a tip?
220
00:09:10,315 --> 00:09:11,682
Huh?
Yes, sir.
221
00:09:11,716 --> 00:09:14,051
I-I hope you'll forget
about that cheap crack.
222
00:09:15,053 --> 00:09:17,388
What cheap crack?
223
00:09:17,422 --> 00:09:19,740
You're a prince.
224
00:09:23,278 --> 00:09:24,445
( Drake mutters )
225
00:09:24,479 --> 00:09:25,846
Anyway, Mr. Drake,
um, I've wanted
226
00:09:25,881 --> 00:09:27,748
to tell you something
for a really long time.
227
00:09:27,783 --> 00:09:29,082
Mm-hmm.
Hold on there, you two.
228
00:09:29,117 --> 00:09:30,718
Let's, let's get
a picture. Smile.
229
00:09:30,752 --> 00:09:32,019
Ah!
Hmm. Mm-hmm.
230
00:09:32,053 --> 00:09:35,523
I just hate those flashbulbs,
don't you, Mr. Drake?
231
00:09:37,058 --> 00:09:40,193
Mr. Drake?
232
00:09:40,228 --> 00:09:41,745
These are some USDA, uh,
233
00:09:41,780 --> 00:09:43,514
prime tickets here.
234
00:09:43,549 --> 00:09:45,499
So, uh, who's going with you?
235
00:09:45,533 --> 00:09:47,134
Oh, gee, I don't know.
236
00:09:47,168 --> 00:09:48,803
NORM:
Well, I think
237
00:09:48,837 --> 00:09:50,487
the obvious choice
would be me, Woody.
238
00:09:50,522 --> 00:09:52,523
I mean, Cliff here
is always making fun
239
00:09:52,557 --> 00:09:53,791
that, uh,
you're a yokel.
240
00:09:53,825 --> 00:09:55,726
Whereas, I completely
ignore the fact
241
00:09:55,761 --> 00:09:56,961
that you're a yokel.
242
00:09:58,447 --> 00:10:00,781
Mr. Drake, I...
243
00:10:00,816 --> 00:10:02,115
No. Evan.
244
00:10:02,150 --> 00:10:03,784
I'll call him Evan.
245
00:10:03,819 --> 00:10:05,302
Evan...
246
00:10:05,337 --> 00:10:07,304
I'm a man, you're a woman. I...
247
00:10:07,339 --> 00:10:09,106
No, no.
248
00:10:11,943 --> 00:10:12,910
You get lucky?
249
00:10:12,944 --> 00:10:14,779
Oh!
250
00:10:14,813 --> 00:10:16,848
I'm sorry. I...
251
00:10:17,883 --> 00:10:18,999
The important thing,
Mr. Drake, is that
252
00:10:19,033 --> 00:10:20,568
( man clearing throat )
I finally have you alone
253
00:10:20,602 --> 00:10:21,669
so I can tell you
what I've wanted
254
00:10:21,703 --> 00:10:22,803
to tell you.
Pardon me, Mr. Drake.
255
00:10:22,837 --> 00:10:23,604
Excuse me.
256
00:10:23,639 --> 00:10:24,805
But we're gonna have
to leave now
257
00:10:24,839 --> 00:10:26,106
if you're gonna
make your plane.
258
00:10:26,141 --> 00:10:27,124
Oh, yeah.
Thanks, bud.
259
00:10:27,159 --> 00:10:28,225
But Mr. Drake,
I've really got
260
00:10:28,260 --> 00:10:29,427
to tell you
something important.
261
00:10:29,461 --> 00:10:30,627
Uh, Rebecca, hold the thought.
262
00:10:30,662 --> 00:10:32,629
Better yet, telex it, okay?
263
00:10:32,664 --> 00:10:34,031
Bye, Rebecca.
264
00:10:35,633 --> 00:10:37,768
( sighs )
265
00:10:39,871 --> 00:10:42,106
Hold that drink
for me, babe.
266
00:10:54,402 --> 00:10:56,120
Sweetheart,
sweetheart, he...
267
00:10:56,154 --> 00:10:59,156
He's gone, and you
got to go on with
your life now.
268
00:10:59,191 --> 00:11:01,458
I mean, you got to
pick up the pieces
269
00:11:01,492 --> 00:11:03,728
and-and start
behaving like a
270
00:11:03,762 --> 00:11:04,962
mature person.
271
00:11:04,996 --> 00:11:07,865
( glass shattering )
272
00:11:07,899 --> 00:11:10,067
Well, now you're cookin'.
All right.
273
00:11:10,102 --> 00:11:11,035
Excuse me.
274
00:11:11,069 --> 00:11:11,902
Mr. Drake seems
275
00:11:11,936 --> 00:11:13,454
to have forgotten his topcoat.
276
00:11:13,488 --> 00:11:16,190
Tell him it's hanging
on the coat rack.
277
00:11:16,224 --> 00:11:18,258
Uh, I believe
278
00:11:18,293 --> 00:11:21,596
Mr. Drake's, uh... topcoat
279
00:11:21,630 --> 00:11:23,631
is in the...
280
00:11:23,665 --> 00:11:24,816
topcoat closet.
281
00:11:24,850 --> 00:11:25,983
Sam,
282
00:11:26,017 --> 00:11:27,151
I said to tell him...
283
00:11:27,185 --> 00:11:29,520
No, no. Uh, yes,
we keep all of our
284
00:11:29,555 --> 00:11:32,056
executive topcoats
in this closet right here.
285
00:11:33,358 --> 00:11:35,359
It's, uh, way in
the back there.
286
00:11:35,394 --> 00:11:37,428
Way, way in the back.
287
00:11:37,462 --> 00:11:39,997
Watch the hat there.
Watch the hat.
288
00:11:40,032 --> 00:11:41,999
MAN:
There do not appear
to be any topcoats in here.
289
00:11:42,034 --> 00:11:43,000
Oops.
290
00:11:43,035 --> 00:11:44,501
My mistake.
Ooh!
291
00:11:44,536 --> 00:11:46,270
( thudding )
CHAUFFEUR:
Is there a light switch?
292
00:11:46,305 --> 00:11:47,438
Whoa, oh!
293
00:11:47,472 --> 00:11:49,407
Does anyone have a key here
for this closet?
294
00:11:49,441 --> 00:11:51,342
I'm-I'm afraid we're gonna
have to make a key there.
295
00:11:51,376 --> 00:11:53,144
Can you hold on?
Yeah, but be quick.
296
00:11:53,178 --> 00:11:54,612
Oh, dear.
297
00:11:54,646 --> 00:11:56,714
Martin seems to be locked
in the closet there.
298
00:11:56,748 --> 00:11:59,016
Does anyone know
how to drive a limo around here?
299
00:11:59,050 --> 00:12:00,384
Well, I've driven a tractor.
300
00:12:00,419 --> 00:12:01,752
It can't be that different.
301
00:12:04,490 --> 00:12:07,325
No, Woody, when I said anyone,
I meant Rebecca.
302
00:12:07,359 --> 00:12:09,627
Well, in the future, Sam,
303
00:12:09,661 --> 00:12:11,129
you might try using
a little something
304
00:12:11,163 --> 00:12:12,630
that's popular
back in Indiana
305
00:12:12,664 --> 00:12:14,165
called "direct address."
306
00:12:16,668 --> 00:12:18,669
I'm... I'm sorry.
307
00:12:18,703 --> 00:12:21,372
Sam, forget it. I'm going
to let that man out of there.
308
00:12:21,406 --> 00:12:23,073
Hey, don't give up.
Don't give up.
309
00:12:23,108 --> 00:12:24,342
What do you
want me to do?
310
00:12:24,376 --> 00:12:26,710
You want me to
masquerade as a chauffeur,
311
00:12:26,745 --> 00:12:28,412
get him alone
on the highway,
312
00:12:28,447 --> 00:12:30,981
and tell the man
I want to have his babies?
313
00:12:32,151 --> 00:12:35,853
Martin, I'll be
getting that key now.
314
00:12:50,369 --> 00:12:52,670
I love you, Mr. Drake.
315
00:12:52,704 --> 00:12:53,971
There. I said it.
316
00:12:55,207 --> 00:12:57,508
I love you.
317
00:12:57,543 --> 00:12:59,009
I love you more than anyone
318
00:12:59,044 --> 00:13:01,779
I've ever loved
in my whole life.
319
00:13:01,813 --> 00:13:06,083
I love you more than
any woman's ever loved a man.
320
00:13:06,117 --> 00:13:09,053
Mr. Drake?
321
00:13:09,087 --> 00:13:11,055
Hello?
322
00:13:11,089 --> 00:13:12,557
Ow!
323
00:13:12,591 --> 00:13:14,825
Oh, God.
324
00:13:16,995 --> 00:13:18,462
Rebecca?
325
00:13:18,497 --> 00:13:21,131
What are you doing
up there? Where's Martin?
326
00:13:21,166 --> 00:13:23,133
Uh... Martin got sick
327
00:13:23,168 --> 00:13:25,102
looking for your
topcoat, sir,
328
00:13:25,136 --> 00:13:27,638
so I'll be driving
you to the airport.
329
00:13:27,673 --> 00:13:30,508
I appreciate that,
if it's not too much trouble.
330
00:13:32,844 --> 00:13:36,314
Uh... anyway,
now that I've got
331
00:13:36,348 --> 00:13:37,981
you alone here,
Mr. Drake,
332
00:13:38,016 --> 00:13:40,817
the real reason
I'm filling in for Martin
333
00:13:40,852 --> 00:13:44,155
is so that I could tell you what
I wanted to tell you all night.
334
00:13:45,723 --> 00:13:47,491
What I've been
trying to tell you
335
00:13:47,526 --> 00:13:49,293
since the first time I met you.
336
00:13:49,327 --> 00:13:50,627
( horn honking )
337
00:13:50,662 --> 00:13:53,197
Get off my tail,
scuzzball!
338
00:13:54,533 --> 00:13:56,467
Mr. Drake,
339
00:13:56,501 --> 00:13:58,335
with all my heart...
340
00:13:58,370 --> 00:14:00,871
Could you turn right at the next
corner here, Rebecca?
341
00:14:00,905 --> 00:14:02,173
We have to pick up Christy.
342
00:14:02,207 --> 00:14:03,674
Oh, yes, sir.
343
00:14:03,708 --> 00:14:06,627
Mr. Drake, with all my heart...
344
00:14:06,661 --> 00:14:08,128
Christy?
345
00:14:08,162 --> 00:14:09,680
Yes. She's
the young lady
346
00:14:09,714 --> 00:14:11,749
who is accompanying
me to Japan.
347
00:14:13,485 --> 00:14:17,054
"Accompanying" in the modern
sense of the word?
348
00:14:17,089 --> 00:14:18,388
Yeah, you might say so.
349
00:14:18,423 --> 00:14:20,024
She's a very special woman.
350
00:14:20,058 --> 00:14:21,592
Very up front.
351
00:14:21,594 --> 00:14:23,461
Aggressive, even.
352
00:14:23,495 --> 00:14:24,828
( chuckles )
353
00:14:24,862 --> 00:14:27,781
You know, the first time we met
a few months ago,
354
00:14:27,815 --> 00:14:30,351
she was the one
who actually asked me out.
355
00:14:31,386 --> 00:14:33,254
God, that's refreshing.
356
00:14:33,288 --> 00:14:34,972
Mm-hmm. Ah.
357
00:14:35,006 --> 00:14:36,974
Anyway...
358
00:14:38,042 --> 00:14:40,678
you wanted
to ask me something?
359
00:14:40,712 --> 00:14:41,829
Oh, yes, sir.
360
00:14:41,863 --> 00:14:44,815
I just wanted
to tell you that...
361
00:14:47,235 --> 00:14:50,437
...that this is really
a lot of car to handle.
362
00:14:52,941 --> 00:14:54,842
I can't believe
I have the strength
363
00:14:54,876 --> 00:14:57,511
to keep from swerving
into the oncoming traffic
364
00:14:57,546 --> 00:14:59,263
and killing us both.
365
00:15:07,071 --> 00:15:08,472
Sammy?
Yeah?
366
00:15:08,506 --> 00:15:09,974
You mind if I ask you
a question?
367
00:15:10,008 --> 00:15:11,042
No, go ahead.
368
00:15:11,076 --> 00:15:12,910
I've been trying
to figure out your strategy.
369
00:15:12,944 --> 00:15:14,045
Hmm.
You know,
370
00:15:14,079 --> 00:15:15,579
I've always admired you
371
00:15:15,613 --> 00:15:18,582
for being sort of
a selfish, egotistical pig.
372
00:15:18,616 --> 00:15:20,151
Why, thank you, Carla.
373
00:15:20,185 --> 00:15:21,218
But suddenly,
374
00:15:21,252 --> 00:15:23,654
you're locking chauffeurs
in closets,
375
00:15:23,689 --> 00:15:25,622
and giving going-
away parties.
376
00:15:25,657 --> 00:15:27,725
It's like you're
bending over backwards
377
00:15:27,759 --> 00:15:29,126
to help Boss Howe
378
00:15:29,161 --> 00:15:31,295
score with
Mega-Boss Drake.
379
00:15:31,329 --> 00:15:32,596
Mm-hmm.
380
00:15:33,665 --> 00:15:35,265
This kind of
self-sacrifice
381
00:15:35,300 --> 00:15:37,501
isn't like you,
and it's scaring me.
382
00:15:37,535 --> 00:15:38,969
Please, please, tell me
383
00:15:39,004 --> 00:15:41,438
you have some sleazy
ulterior motive.
384
00:15:41,472 --> 00:15:43,824
Fear not, little one.
385
00:15:43,858 --> 00:15:45,659
Aha.
( laughs )
386
00:15:45,693 --> 00:15:46,894
So you don't think
they're gonna make it.
387
00:15:46,928 --> 00:15:48,295
I just wanted to bring
388
00:15:48,329 --> 00:15:49,996
this whole thing to a boil,
389
00:15:50,031 --> 00:15:52,098
so when it blows up, I can...
390
00:15:52,133 --> 00:15:54,634
swoop in and gather up
the pieces.
391
00:15:54,669 --> 00:15:58,439
I call it my, uh,
vulture position.
392
00:15:58,473 --> 00:16:00,541
Sammy?
Mm-hmm.
393
00:16:00,575 --> 00:16:01,842
You've got Wessonality.
394
00:16:01,876 --> 00:16:03,777
( laughs ) Thank you.
395
00:16:03,811 --> 00:16:04,811
( phone rings )
396
00:16:04,846 --> 00:16:05,912
Hey, hey, hey, huh?
397
00:16:05,947 --> 00:16:07,080
How about that?
398
00:16:07,115 --> 00:16:08,282
According to vulture time,
399
00:16:08,316 --> 00:16:09,450
I bet that's my, uh,
400
00:16:09,484 --> 00:16:11,418
wounded little sparrow
401
00:16:11,453 --> 00:16:12,636
right now.
402
00:16:12,670 --> 00:16:14,271
Hello?
403
00:16:14,305 --> 00:16:15,839
Hi, Rebecca.
404
00:16:17,008 --> 00:16:18,475
O-Okay.
405
00:16:18,510 --> 00:16:20,110
Uh, can you hold
one second, please?
406
00:16:20,144 --> 00:16:22,479
Quote:
"Sam, I need your help."
407
00:16:22,514 --> 00:16:23,847
Unquote.
408
00:16:23,882 --> 00:16:25,282
Yeah.
409
00:16:25,316 --> 00:16:27,150
I'm-I'm taking off right now.
410
00:16:33,475 --> 00:16:34,842
Here we go.
411
00:16:34,876 --> 00:16:35,909
Here we go.
412
00:16:35,944 --> 00:16:37,645
Why don't you go in
and sit down there?
413
00:16:37,679 --> 00:16:39,212
Here you go.
414
00:16:39,247 --> 00:16:42,415
There you go.
415
00:16:45,453 --> 00:16:47,621
( groans )
416
00:16:53,194 --> 00:16:53,994
Do you feel like
417
00:16:54,028 --> 00:16:55,696
you can talk about it yet?
418
00:17:00,585 --> 00:17:03,070
Thank you for bailing
me out of jail.
419
00:17:05,073 --> 00:17:06,774
Anytime.
420
00:17:06,808 --> 00:17:07,975
Oh, God.
421
00:17:08,009 --> 00:17:09,076
This has been
422
00:17:09,110 --> 00:17:11,261
the worst night
of my life.
Oh.
423
00:17:11,295 --> 00:17:13,864
Of anybody's life.
424
00:17:13,898 --> 00:17:18,469
I pour out my heart and
soul to the man I love,
425
00:17:18,503 --> 00:17:19,736
then he tells
me he's taking
426
00:17:19,771 --> 00:17:21,471
someone else
across the globe.
427
00:17:21,506 --> 00:17:25,209
I hate guys like that.
428
00:17:26,244 --> 00:17:29,146
And she's really cute, Sam.
429
00:17:29,181 --> 00:17:30,030
Oh.
430
00:17:30,065 --> 00:17:31,298
And they made out
431
00:17:31,333 --> 00:17:32,499
in the back seat.
432
00:17:33,885 --> 00:17:37,137
And he didn't even
roll up the window.
433
00:17:37,171 --> 00:17:39,406
The man is a pig.
434
00:17:44,412 --> 00:17:45,745
I tried not to look,
435
00:17:45,780 --> 00:17:47,714
but the rearview mirror
was just huge,
436
00:17:47,749 --> 00:17:49,016
and I couldn't help it.
437
00:17:50,451 --> 00:17:51,902
And then I got so upset,
438
00:17:51,936 --> 00:17:55,439
I just wrapped the company limo
around a 7-Eleven.
439
00:17:56,508 --> 00:17:59,276
Well, that is dreadful.
440
00:17:59,311 --> 00:18:00,944
Very, very, very sad.
441
00:18:00,978 --> 00:18:02,680
( sighs )
442
00:18:02,682 --> 00:18:03,730
And then Evan
443
00:18:03,764 --> 00:18:06,800
and his cheap imitation
Geisha bimbo whore
444
00:18:06,834 --> 00:18:07,968
grabbed a taxi.
445
00:18:09,937 --> 00:18:11,388
While I had to stand there
446
00:18:11,422 --> 00:18:12,923
and wait for a tow truck.
447
00:18:14,125 --> 00:18:16,359
Oh, and then this
cop came along,
448
00:18:16,394 --> 00:18:17,928
and he asked me to see
449
00:18:17,962 --> 00:18:19,697
my chauffeur's license.
450
00:18:19,731 --> 00:18:22,198
God, if only I'd had one.
451
00:18:22,233 --> 00:18:23,867
Or if only
I'd remembered
452
00:18:23,902 --> 00:18:27,321
to bring my purse with
my own driver's license.
453
00:18:27,355 --> 00:18:29,939
Or if only I'd resisted arrest
454
00:18:29,974 --> 00:18:32,176
and he just shot me dead.
455
00:18:33,127 --> 00:18:35,595
( jazzy music blasts )
456
00:18:35,630 --> 00:18:36,796
( lowers volume )
457
00:18:43,138 --> 00:18:44,671
Well...
458
00:18:44,705 --> 00:18:47,624
maybe I ought to
leave you alone now.
459
00:18:49,110 --> 00:18:50,761
By yourself...
460
00:18:50,795 --> 00:18:53,046
with some music...
461
00:18:53,081 --> 00:18:55,248
with your depression...
462
00:18:55,282 --> 00:18:56,817
alone.
463
00:18:58,419 --> 00:19:01,088
Sam, can I offer you
a cup of coffee or...
464
00:19:01,122 --> 00:19:03,640
olives?
465
00:19:05,493 --> 00:19:08,145
I didn't have a chance
to go to the grocery store.
466
00:19:08,179 --> 00:19:10,580
I, um...
467
00:19:10,615 --> 00:19:13,384
just kind of don't want
to be alone right now.
468
00:19:13,418 --> 00:19:14,568
Then you shouldn't be.
469
00:19:14,602 --> 00:19:16,769
You need
consolation now.
470
00:19:17,838 --> 00:19:19,439
And warmth.
471
00:19:19,474 --> 00:19:22,709
Lots and lots of warmth.
472
00:19:30,551 --> 00:19:32,085
You know, Sam,
473
00:19:32,120 --> 00:19:34,921
I don't have anything
sexual in mind.
474
00:19:34,955 --> 00:19:36,723
I just need
a shoulder to cry on.
475
00:19:36,757 --> 00:19:40,394
Oh, honey, you cry
on anything you want.
476
00:19:42,830 --> 00:19:45,198
( sighs )
477
00:19:45,233 --> 00:19:47,634
Gee, Sam...
478
00:19:47,668 --> 00:19:49,702
what I needed right
now was a friend.
479
00:19:49,737 --> 00:19:50,970
Mmm.
480
00:19:51,005 --> 00:19:53,840
And you're the best friend
I have in the whole world.
481
00:19:53,874 --> 00:19:55,509
( chuckling ):
No, no.
482
00:19:55,543 --> 00:19:57,244
No, you got
plenty of friends.
483
00:19:57,278 --> 00:19:59,529
What, girlfriends, maybe?
484
00:19:59,564 --> 00:20:01,498
Old college friends?
485
00:20:01,532 --> 00:20:02,749
No... I've kind of
486
00:20:02,783 --> 00:20:05,035
grown apart from
my old friends,
487
00:20:05,070 --> 00:20:08,121
and I haven't had a
chance to make new ones
488
00:20:08,155 --> 00:20:10,123
with work and everything.
489
00:20:11,109 --> 00:20:13,043
Well, that...
490
00:20:13,077 --> 00:20:14,094
that just leaves...
491
00:20:14,128 --> 00:20:18,081
Yeah, you.
492
00:20:18,115 --> 00:20:19,266
I'm your best friend?
493
00:20:19,300 --> 00:20:20,450
( clicksthrough teeth )
494
00:20:20,485 --> 00:20:22,452
Crazy, huh?
495
00:20:25,172 --> 00:20:28,174
I really think I ought to go.
496
00:20:28,209 --> 00:20:30,277
Sam, why?
497
00:20:30,311 --> 00:20:32,946
Hey, I like you.
498
00:20:32,980 --> 00:20:34,248
I mean,
there's not anything
499
00:20:34,282 --> 00:20:35,865
I wouldn't do for you
in the world,
500
00:20:35,900 --> 00:20:38,034
but I-I know what's gonna happen
if I stay here.
501
00:20:38,068 --> 00:20:39,536
You're going to cry some more,
502
00:20:39,570 --> 00:20:41,104
and I'll comfort you some more,
503
00:20:41,138 --> 00:20:42,739
and the next thing you know, uh,
504
00:20:42,774 --> 00:20:45,175
your pantyhose will be
hanging from the lamp.
505
00:20:48,179 --> 00:20:50,430
Sam, please, don't go.
506
00:20:50,465 --> 00:20:53,300
Hey, I can't be trusted.
507
00:20:53,334 --> 00:20:54,852
Trust me.
508
00:20:57,138 --> 00:20:59,523
Le-Let me just leave here now
509
00:20:59,557 --> 00:21:00,824
as a friend, please?
510
00:21:02,810 --> 00:21:05,312
Oh, I'm sorry, I...
511
00:21:11,369 --> 00:21:13,536
Listen.
512
00:21:13,571 --> 00:21:14,938
I want to try this.
513
00:21:16,157 --> 00:21:17,458
For the sake
514
00:21:17,492 --> 00:21:18,592
of our friendship,
515
00:21:18,626 --> 00:21:19,660
I am just gonna resist
516
00:21:19,694 --> 00:21:20,761
my sexual urges,
517
00:21:20,795 --> 00:21:22,028
and that's all there is to it.
518
00:21:22,063 --> 00:21:24,565
Now, come here.
519
00:21:24,599 --> 00:21:26,066
There.
520
00:21:26,100 --> 00:21:27,801
( clears throat )
All right.
521
00:21:27,836 --> 00:21:29,970
All right, now...
522
00:21:30,004 --> 00:21:32,339
( weepy ):
You know that I
loved Evan Drake
523
00:21:32,373 --> 00:21:35,041
since the first
time I met him.
524
00:21:35,076 --> 00:21:36,376
I'm sorry, this is not working.
525
00:21:36,410 --> 00:21:38,011
Hot fire below.
526
00:22:01,002 --> 00:22:03,136
( sighs )
527
00:22:19,520 --> 00:22:23,974
( phone ringing )
528
00:22:25,209 --> 00:22:26,076
Hello.
529
00:22:26,110 --> 00:22:26,977
Hi.
530
00:22:27,011 --> 00:22:28,178
Listen, if this
531
00:22:28,212 --> 00:22:29,479
is what it takes
to be a friend,
532
00:22:29,513 --> 00:22:31,314
then I really want
to give it a shot, okay?
533
00:22:31,348 --> 00:22:32,699
So...
534
00:22:32,733 --> 00:22:34,118
we've got all evening here.
535
00:22:34,152 --> 00:22:35,152
Pour your heart out.
536
00:22:35,186 --> 00:22:36,086
Where are you?
537
00:22:36,121 --> 00:22:37,087
I'm downstairs
538
00:22:37,122 --> 00:22:38,321
at a pay phone.
539
00:22:38,356 --> 00:22:39,857
( clears throat )
540
00:22:39,891 --> 00:22:41,475
But just, uh, pretend like
541
00:22:41,509 --> 00:22:43,910
I'm right there beside you,
all right?
542
00:22:43,944 --> 00:22:45,762
Thanks, Sam.
543
00:22:45,797 --> 00:22:47,114
Yeah. Yeah, you're welcome.
544
00:22:48,282 --> 00:22:49,949
Well...
545
00:22:49,984 --> 00:22:52,119
( weepy ):
as you know,
546
00:22:52,153 --> 00:22:54,354
I have loved Evan Drake
547
00:22:54,389 --> 00:22:57,024
since the first time I saw him.
548
00:22:57,058 --> 00:22:58,525
I know.
549
00:22:58,559 --> 00:23:00,927
Sam, this is silly.
550
00:23:00,961 --> 00:23:02,129
Get up here.
551
00:23:02,163 --> 00:23:03,596
No...
Sam, you know
552
00:23:03,631 --> 00:23:04,731
what I've been through.
553
00:23:04,765 --> 00:23:06,466
You're not going
to take advantage of me.
554
00:23:06,501 --> 00:23:08,301
Oh, yeah?
555
00:23:10,304 --> 00:23:11,971
Do me a favor, will you?
556
00:23:12,006 --> 00:23:13,606
Check your bra.
557
00:23:18,246 --> 00:23:20,280
How did you do that?
49713
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