Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:16,667 --> 00:00:19,083
( tone playing )
2
00:00:21,542 --> 00:00:23,041
Man: Now.
3
00:00:23,125 --> 00:00:26,083
This is my comeback.
4
00:00:26,166 --> 00:00:28,458
All right, I'm good.
Let me take that again. Okay.
5
00:00:28,542 --> 00:00:31,583
This is my comeback.
Valerie: Guys?
6
00:00:31,667 --> 00:00:34,166
I've got to have a camera
on me. Okay?
7
00:00:34,250 --> 00:00:36,625
No, not that one. No.
8
00:00:36,709 --> 00:00:39,250
Got to have the one
with the... Yeah, but...
9
00:00:39,333 --> 00:00:40,750
You know, why don't
you two switch? Okay?
10
00:00:40,834 --> 00:00:43,250
Tyler, you take
the one with the... Just switch.
11
00:00:43,333 --> 00:00:44,625
Yeah.
Tyler: Dude, she--
12
00:00:44,709 --> 00:00:46,500
Man #2: Back off.
She-- Just give it to me.
13
00:00:46,583 --> 00:00:48,709
Valerie: Yeah.
Take the camera, take the camera.
14
00:00:48,792 --> 00:00:50,250
Okay, Jesus.
Okay?
15
00:00:50,333 --> 00:00:52,208
'Cause, you know...
Take this camera.
16
00:00:52,291 --> 00:00:55,583
...can't make a pilot
presentation if I'm not on camera presenting it. Right?
17
00:00:55,667 --> 00:00:57,583
( chuckles )
That's okay. It's the first day.
18
00:00:57,667 --> 00:01:00,709
You'll get it.
I'm not worried about you.
19
00:01:00,792 --> 00:01:03,125
All right. See that, Mickey?
See the difference?
20
00:01:03,208 --> 00:01:04,417
Oh.
Feel that?
21
00:01:04,500 --> 00:01:06,834
Mm. Gorgeous, Red.
Yeah, yeah.
22
00:01:06,917 --> 00:01:09,458
Okay. Good.
So, um, yeah.
23
00:01:09,542 --> 00:01:12,500
I can use that part.
"And this is my comeback." You know?
24
00:01:12,583 --> 00:01:16,750
But I don't want to use the part
where I'm looking off camera, talking to someone.
25
00:01:16,834 --> 00:01:19,625
I don't know why I did that.
You know, lesson learned.
26
00:01:19,709 --> 00:01:23,500
And can you also lose
that piercing sound?
27
00:01:23,583 --> 00:01:25,667
They don't even use
that sound anymore. Okay.
28
00:01:25,750 --> 00:01:28,792
When is this from?
Uh, about 10 years ago.
29
00:01:28,875 --> 00:01:31,375
Jesus.
Well, it's not that long.
30
00:01:31,458 --> 00:01:34,083
It's just technology
moves so fast.
31
00:01:34,166 --> 00:01:35,875
I was nine.
32
00:01:35,959 --> 00:01:38,166
Okay.
Guys, no talking.
33
00:01:38,250 --> 00:01:40,333
That's the bummer.
34
00:01:40,417 --> 00:01:42,834
Okay.
So, let's pick us some clips.
35
00:01:42,917 --> 00:01:45,375
Show the people
what I've been up to. Huh?
36
00:01:45,458 --> 00:01:46,333
Here's this.
37
00:01:46,417 --> 00:01:48,875
( birds chirping )
38
00:01:48,959 --> 00:01:50,917
Mickey:
What is this, Red? A home movie?
39
00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:53,125
( eerie music playing )
40
00:01:53,208 --> 00:01:56,667
( screaming )
41
00:02:00,583 --> 00:02:03,792
Oh, no. That's that, uh,
independent film I did.
42
00:02:04,667 --> 00:02:06,291
Oh, right.
Yeah.
43
00:02:06,375 --> 00:02:08,000
With those cute
college kids.
44
00:02:08,083 --> 00:02:10,291
Well, they were
in film school.
45
00:02:10,375 --> 00:02:13,208
You know?
So it's an independent film.
46
00:02:13,291 --> 00:02:14,959
In film school, Mickey.
You know,
47
00:02:15,041 --> 00:02:17,000
like our crew here.
Got to start somewhere.
48
00:02:17,083 --> 00:02:18,792
Here.
This is too high. Here.
49
00:02:18,875 --> 00:02:20,834
Mickey:
Well, you were so good, Red.
50
00:02:20,917 --> 00:02:22,208
Valerie: Hmm?
Mickey: Scary.
51
00:02:22,291 --> 00:02:25,166
( sobbing )
Well, half the blood was in my eye.
52
00:02:25,250 --> 00:02:27,500
So I was screaming
in pain there. ( laughs )
53
00:02:27,583 --> 00:02:29,333
Editor:
Here's this one.
54
00:02:29,417 --> 00:02:32,500
Oh, yeah.
Oh, this is a good one.
55
00:02:32,583 --> 00:02:34,166
Yeah.
Mickey: Oh.
56
00:02:36,041 --> 00:02:37,834
What are you saying?
57
00:02:39,917 --> 00:02:42,000
I'm saying...
58
00:02:42,917 --> 00:02:44,834
it's not a suicide, pal-y.
59
00:02:44,917 --> 00:02:47,333
Yeah, yeah, that was fun.
60
00:02:47,417 --> 00:02:49,792
I liked that.
I liked doing that show.
61
00:02:49,875 --> 00:02:52,291
The writers let me play.
I added "pal-y."
62
00:02:52,375 --> 00:02:54,000
Detective:
What are we going to do with you?
63
00:02:54,083 --> 00:02:57,709
Looks like you've got
to cancel your plans for tonight, huh?
64
00:02:57,792 --> 00:03:00,709
Yeah.
Mickey: I'm surprised we didn't get a re-occur.
65
00:03:00,792 --> 00:03:02,375
Yeah, me too.
Yeah.
66
00:03:02,458 --> 00:03:04,792
And she's here
to talk to us about... Mickey: Good craft service.
67
00:03:04,875 --> 00:03:06,417
Valerie: Was it?
Mickey: Great chili.
68
00:03:06,500 --> 00:03:11,000
Mickey, we've moved on.
Oh, yes, we have, and it's a goodie.
69
00:03:11,083 --> 00:03:12,583
Yeah.
Our infomercial.
70
00:03:12,667 --> 00:03:15,000
That's right.
I'm here with Valerie Cherish,
71
00:03:15,083 --> 00:03:18,041
who has developed
a brand-new hair-care line just for redheads.
72
00:03:18,125 --> 00:03:20,667
So, Valerie, can you please
tell us a little bit about that?
73
00:03:20,750 --> 00:03:22,500
"Cherish Your Hair"
is a product
74
00:03:22,583 --> 00:03:25,041
I've wanted to make
for a very, very long time.
75
00:03:25,125 --> 00:03:26,125
Valerie: Hmm.
76
00:03:26,208 --> 00:03:27,417
Female Host:
Well, as a television star
77
00:03:27,500 --> 00:03:29,709
and an actress,
your hair goes through a lot.
78
00:03:29,792 --> 00:03:32,375
It sure does.
And it needs a lot of protection.
79
00:03:32,458 --> 00:03:35,834
That's why we
developed "Cherish Your Hair," hair care for redheads.
80
00:03:35,917 --> 00:03:38,709
Because why should blondes
and brunettes get all the attention?
81
00:03:38,792 --> 00:03:41,041
( host laughs)
And red can be a very harsh
82
00:03:41,125 --> 00:03:43,208
color treatment
for your hair, am I right?
83
00:03:43,291 --> 00:03:44,792
Valerie:
You sure are. Yeah.
84
00:03:44,875 --> 00:03:46,667
I'm going to let
my hairdresser, Mickey Deane,
85
00:03:46,750 --> 00:03:48,834
tell you a little more
about that. Can you?
86
00:03:48,917 --> 00:03:50,917
Mickey on recording:
I certainly can.
87
00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:54,250
Redheads always need
a little extra "T.L.C."
88
00:03:54,333 --> 00:03:56,834
That's "Tender Loving Cherish."
89
00:03:56,917 --> 00:03:58,875
( host laughs )
And this product can actually
90
00:03:58,959 --> 00:04:01,750
improve the texture
of your hair. That's right, Joan.
91
00:04:01,834 --> 00:04:05,041
And it's because
of a special ingredient in "Cherish Your Hair."
92
00:04:05,125 --> 00:04:06,458
Can you tell us about that?
93
00:04:06,542 --> 00:04:08,166
Yes, I can, Jean.
94
00:04:08,250 --> 00:04:11,291
It's all about
a special cantaloupe in France
95
00:04:11,375 --> 00:04:14,709
that holds the moisture in
due to something in the seed.
96
00:04:14,792 --> 00:04:15,750
Very nice.
97
00:04:15,834 --> 00:04:17,375
You know what?
This is all good.
98
00:04:17,458 --> 00:04:19,917
It's all good.
I like it because it shows me as an entrepreneur.
99
00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:23,208
You know?
Like that Bethenny Frankel.
100
00:04:23,291 --> 00:04:26,625
Right?
The, uh, margarita gal. Skinny margarita gal.
101
00:04:26,709 --> 00:04:28,208
That's what it's called.
102
00:04:28,291 --> 00:04:31,959
Narrator:
To join the "Cherish Your Hair" hair care family,
103
00:04:32,041 --> 00:04:35,083
call 1-800-cherish right now.
Yeah. If this goes,
104
00:04:35,166 --> 00:04:37,041
that product will move.
You know?
105
00:04:37,125 --> 00:04:38,917
We still have more
of the color, right?
106
00:04:39,000 --> 00:04:41,917
Oh, we've got
a whole warehouse full. Can't give it away.
107
00:04:42,000 --> 00:04:44,166
Narrator:
We'll send you this free cantaloupe scoop.
108
00:04:44,250 --> 00:04:46,250
We're ready to fill orders.
109
00:04:46,333 --> 00:04:48,875
Valerie:
What else have we got? Editor: Here's another.
110
00:04:48,959 --> 00:04:50,750
Valerie:
Oh, this is "The Comeback."
111
00:04:50,834 --> 00:04:53,917
"All right, all right,
all right!" ( Mickey laughs )
112
00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:56,041
( laughs )
That's my Matthew McConaughey.
113
00:04:56,125 --> 00:04:57,709
Editor: Aw.
Right?
114
00:04:57,792 --> 00:04:59,083
He likes it.
115
00:04:59,166 --> 00:05:02,291
Actor: Just open my shirt.
( audience laughs)
116
00:05:02,375 --> 00:05:04,375
Audience: Ooh!
117
00:05:04,458 --> 00:05:06,792
Note to self:
118
00:05:06,875 --> 00:05:09,041
I don't need to see that.
119
00:05:09,125 --> 00:05:10,625
( laughing )
120
00:05:10,709 --> 00:05:13,083
"Room and Bored"
is still funny.
121
00:05:13,166 --> 00:05:14,709
Mm.
Even in that track suit.
122
00:05:14,792 --> 00:05:17,417
Yeah, well, you know what?
That's the work, okay?
123
00:05:17,500 --> 00:05:20,166
Doesn't always go your way,
but you have to make the best of it.
124
00:05:20,250 --> 00:05:21,709
Audience: Ooh!
Right?
125
00:05:21,792 --> 00:05:25,000
You guys are so cute,
but I'm going to have to hide you.
126
00:05:25,083 --> 00:05:27,125
Oh, you know what?
You should back it up,
127
00:05:27,208 --> 00:05:29,959
because the front of the scene
we have Juna and Chris,
128
00:05:30,041 --> 00:05:32,750
and Andy should see that,
because they're such big stars now.
129
00:05:32,834 --> 00:05:34,542
That will be good.
Audience: Ooh!
130
00:05:34,625 --> 00:05:36,333
Valerie:
Oh, there he is. Stop. Yeah.
131
00:05:36,417 --> 00:05:38,500
Mickey:
Who would have imagined it?
132
00:05:38,583 --> 00:05:40,625
What? Well, I did.
133
00:05:40,709 --> 00:05:44,083
I always saw Juna
had something really special.
134
00:05:44,166 --> 00:05:46,458
So, you know.
And Chris? He had that--
135
00:05:46,542 --> 00:05:48,291
What? Steroids?
136
00:05:48,375 --> 00:05:50,834
Well, might not want
to accuse people
137
00:05:50,917 --> 00:05:53,083
of illegal drugs
on tape, Mickey.
138
00:05:53,166 --> 00:05:55,667
You know what?
That's all right. My show, I can cut it.
139
00:05:55,750 --> 00:05:57,917
Mark: Val.
Yeah?
140
00:05:58,000 --> 00:06:01,500
Mark:
My flight got in early. Okay. I'm in here.
141
00:06:02,542 --> 00:06:04,125
Oh. Hello.
142
00:06:04,208 --> 00:06:07,125
( laughs )
Hey, Mick. What's all this? You doing another student film?
143
00:06:07,208 --> 00:06:08,625
Oh no, Mark, I told you;
144
00:06:08,709 --> 00:06:10,583
never again after
the last seven. Right?
145
00:06:10,667 --> 00:06:12,709
Oh. ( laughs )
You didn't get him when he came in.
146
00:06:12,792 --> 00:06:15,834
You know? That's important.
Missed an opportunity. That's all.
147
00:06:15,917 --> 00:06:19,083
Tyler: I'll do it, dude.
I don't know. Tyler, no, you stay on me.
148
00:06:19,166 --> 00:06:20,750
Yeah.
Mark: Oh, is that
149
00:06:20,834 --> 00:06:23,375
Yeah.
God, I can't see anything with that bright light.
150
00:06:23,458 --> 00:06:24,959
Yeah.
I don't know how you do it, Val.
151
00:06:25,041 --> 00:06:26,208
Well...
Tyler: Hey, Uncle Mark.
152
00:06:26,291 --> 00:06:28,667
Hey.
Hey, you know, uh, call your mother.
153
00:06:28,750 --> 00:06:30,375
She hasn't heard
from you in over a week.
154
00:06:30,458 --> 00:06:33,583
Valerie: Okay. Mark,
don't do that. Well, she calls me crying.
155
00:06:33,667 --> 00:06:37,375
I know, but, um,
don't embarrass him in front of the rest of the crew.
156
00:06:37,458 --> 00:06:40,208
Right? Because we're
trying to be professional. He's in film school.
157
00:06:40,291 --> 00:06:42,166
Tyler:
I'm not in film school.
158
00:06:42,250 --> 00:06:45,208
No? I thought--
but don't you go to USC, right?
159
00:06:45,291 --> 00:06:48,542
You're a film major?
No. Urban Planning.
160
00:06:48,625 --> 00:06:50,500
Okay.
161
00:06:52,041 --> 00:06:54,667
Didn't Delia say--
I thought your sister said that he
162
00:06:54,750 --> 00:06:56,208
wanted a career
in show business though. Yeah, I...
163
00:06:56,291 --> 00:06:59,333
Well.
Tyler: Okay.
164
00:06:59,417 --> 00:07:01,917
Okay?
( sputters )
165
00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:03,917
All right.
Well, I'm going to go to the gym.
166
00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:07,083
Wish I could join you.
( laughs ) Right.
167
00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:10,291
Oh, Mark? Marky?
Mark: Yeah?
168
00:07:10,375 --> 00:07:11,792
What do you want for dinner?
Tyler: Dude, watch out.
169
00:07:11,875 --> 00:07:13,125
Ooh.
170
00:07:13,208 --> 00:07:15,291
Are any of you in film school?
( laughs )
171
00:07:15,375 --> 00:07:16,750
Oh, come on, Val.
At all?
172
00:07:16,834 --> 00:07:18,917
What does it matter?
Anybody can use a camera now. Well...
173
00:07:19,000 --> 00:07:20,458
All right, well...
Can they?
174
00:07:20,542 --> 00:07:23,542
I just really want it
to look professional. You know?
175
00:07:23,625 --> 00:07:25,583
Because I'm going to give
this to Andy Cohen.
176
00:07:25,667 --> 00:07:28,208
Oh. Is that what this is for?
Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah.
177
00:07:28,291 --> 00:07:29,709
We've been communicating.
You know? So...
178
00:07:29,792 --> 00:07:32,083
Wait, wait.
Who is... who is Andy Cohen again?
179
00:07:32,166 --> 00:07:34,333
Uh... okay.
180
00:07:34,417 --> 00:07:36,166
( laughs )
Who is Andy Cohen?
181
00:07:36,250 --> 00:07:38,083
Um, he's the Bravo guy.
182
00:07:38,166 --> 00:07:40,208
You know, the one who--
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
183
00:07:40,291 --> 00:07:41,792
The, um, the "Housewives" guy.
That's right.
184
00:07:41,875 --> 00:07:43,625
Yeah. Wow.
Mm-hmm. Yeah. Very good. ( laughs )
185
00:07:43,709 --> 00:07:45,709
Yeah. So, we've been
communicating
186
00:07:45,792 --> 00:07:47,250
because I wrote...
187
00:07:47,333 --> 00:07:51,041
We've been communicating
because I wrote, um, "Funny tweet, Andy."
188
00:07:51,125 --> 00:07:53,834
And he wrote back,
"Thanks, Val."
189
00:07:53,917 --> 00:07:55,959
So, yeah.
190
00:07:56,041 --> 00:07:58,291
And then...
and then I wrote, um...
191
00:07:58,375 --> 00:08:00,792
"Wait till you see
what I'm up to."
192
00:08:00,875 --> 00:08:04,583
So this is what I'm up to.
Okay? Except no one's going to see it
193
00:08:04,667 --> 00:08:08,542
if you don't get people
when they're entering a room. You know?
194
00:08:08,625 --> 00:08:10,417
It's important.
But that's... You know what?
195
00:08:10,500 --> 00:08:12,333
That's why
we're practicing today.
196
00:08:12,417 --> 00:08:14,792
All right, well, have fun.
All right?
197
00:08:14,875 --> 00:08:16,667
Okay.
Oh, Tyler,
198
00:08:16,750 --> 00:08:19,250
call, um, you know who.
199
00:08:20,250 --> 00:08:21,667
Sorry.
200
00:08:21,750 --> 00:08:24,333
But you know what?
Keeps me grounded.
201
00:08:24,417 --> 00:08:27,667
You know?
Okay. What's next on the agenda?
202
00:08:27,750 --> 00:08:29,291
Editor: I've got to go
to the bathroom.
203
00:08:29,375 --> 00:08:32,834
Okay. So...
well, really?
204
00:08:32,917 --> 00:08:35,333
Okay.
Valerie on recording: Sorry I'm late, doll.
205
00:08:35,417 --> 00:08:38,667
Oh, I-- I can't show this.
I'm not supposed to have this footage.
206
00:08:38,750 --> 00:08:40,083
So.
207
00:08:41,041 --> 00:08:42,625
Oh, well, I've already
got you a glass of wine.
208
00:08:42,709 --> 00:08:44,834
Ah, well, I'm not
going to drink.
209
00:08:44,917 --> 00:08:46,917
It's the middle
of the day. ( laughs )
210
00:08:48,417 --> 00:08:49,625
Waiter?
211
00:08:49,709 --> 00:08:51,458
I should...
I can't-- I can't show this.
212
00:08:51,542 --> 00:08:55,250
I can't show it.
Um, how do I turn it off?
213
00:08:55,333 --> 00:08:57,000
Do you know what-- ( sighs )
I'm afraid to push a button.
214
00:08:57,083 --> 00:08:58,959
I don't want to delete anything.
Do you guys know?
215
00:08:59,041 --> 00:09:02,166
Do you know what. to do?
You don't. Okay.
216
00:09:02,250 --> 00:09:04,375
Woman: Waiter.
217
00:09:04,458 --> 00:09:06,667
Can you take that?
I don't want to...
218
00:09:06,750 --> 00:09:08,208
Lisa:
So, talk to me.
219
00:09:08,291 --> 00:09:11,542
Maybe we can work
this whole tabloid thing out. Just wait.
220
00:09:11,625 --> 00:09:14,667
Um, well, I don't know
what there is to work out,
221
00:09:14,750 --> 00:09:18,709
because I don't put stories
about you and your family in the tabloids.
222
00:09:18,792 --> 00:09:22,166
You know?
You know I didn't. So...
223
00:09:22,250 --> 00:09:24,875
Well, mostly, I was hurt.
I mean, you really hurt me.
224
00:09:24,959 --> 00:09:27,333
I've always been very kind
and supportive to you
225
00:09:27,417 --> 00:09:29,000
with all your marriage problems.
Let's be honest.
226
00:09:29,083 --> 00:09:31,208
Valerie:
Okay, well, you know... Oh.
227
00:09:31,291 --> 00:09:32,959
I'm...
( Lisa laughs )
228
00:09:33,041 --> 00:09:35,333
Let's not...
229
00:09:35,417 --> 00:09:38,208
You heard me say that
I didn't do it, right?
230
00:09:38,291 --> 00:09:40,917
Okay, so it's
got to be someone. It was either you or Kyle.
231
00:09:41,000 --> 00:09:43,500
Was it Kyle?
Well, I don't... I don't... You know?
232
00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:45,834
Okay. You know, I see
what's happening here. Okay?
233
00:09:45,917 --> 00:09:47,875
You're trying to...
You've got an agenda.
234
00:09:47,959 --> 00:09:50,792
I get it. You've got
an agenda and you're trying to make me the bad guy.
235
00:09:50,875 --> 00:09:53,417
But I'm just not going
to let you do it. Okay?
236
00:09:53,500 --> 00:09:55,875
( laughs )
Okay, so how are we going to do this
237
00:09:55,959 --> 00:09:57,458
if she keeps talking to you?
Huh? Well...
238
00:09:57,542 --> 00:09:58,875
Producer:
Valerie, again... Yeah.
239
00:09:58,959 --> 00:10:00,834
...please don't reference
the camera or me.
240
00:10:00,917 --> 00:10:03,458
This is a waste of time.
I'm going to see if-- you know.
241
00:10:03,542 --> 00:10:06,542
Lisa: Oh for god's sake.
Okay, now will you call Camille Grammer?
242
00:10:06,625 --> 00:10:08,083
I mean, she would never...
( knocks ) Shit.
243
00:10:08,166 --> 00:10:09,583
What's his name?
What's his name?
244
00:10:09,667 --> 00:10:11,125
Mickey:
Um, um, um, um... I forgot.
245
00:10:11,208 --> 00:10:13,875
Mickey: Ivan.
I-Ivan. Ivan? Is it?
246
00:10:13,959 --> 00:10:15,917
I think. I think.
I think it's Ivan. Iger?
247
00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:17,625
Ivan. Okay.
It's Russian.
248
00:10:17,709 --> 00:10:19,959
( knocks )
Um... Ivan?
249
00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:23,625
Ivan: Yeah?
Yeah. So, um, how do I stop that?
250
00:10:23,709 --> 00:10:25,500
How do I-- to stop it?
What?
251
00:10:25,583 --> 00:10:27,291
The picture--
I want to stop it.
252
00:10:27,375 --> 00:10:30,291
( water flowing )
Okay, he's coming out. That's okay.
253
00:10:30,375 --> 00:10:32,709
So, you know what?
Careful. He's coming out.
254
00:10:32,792 --> 00:10:34,166
So, he'll stop it.
255
00:10:34,250 --> 00:10:35,959
Valerie on recording:
I-- you know what? I can't do it.
256
00:10:36,041 --> 00:10:37,375
I'm sorry. I don't know.
We'll be done, right?
257
00:10:37,458 --> 00:10:39,667
Well.
Because he's-- He'll come out.
258
00:10:39,750 --> 00:10:41,917
Oh, this is rough.
This was so rough.
259
00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:45,083
Well, let's not-- If we don't
make it more interesting.
260
00:10:45,166 --> 00:10:47,083
Valerie on recording:
And you know what else? I don't talk about people...
261
00:10:47,166 --> 00:10:48,959
I'm going to cut all...
It's up to me.
262
00:10:49,041 --> 00:10:50,417
Okay?
I'm a good person.
263
00:10:50,500 --> 00:10:52,500
I'm not going to show it.
( Lisa and Valerie arguing )
264
00:10:52,583 --> 00:10:54,083
Lisa:
Nobody is trying to make you the villain here.
265
00:10:54,166 --> 00:10:56,709
Okay?
Yeah. Trying to make me talk about people,
266
00:10:56,792 --> 00:10:58,125
and I don't know things.
No.
267
00:10:58,208 --> 00:11:00,792
I can't say things
that I don't know! I can't do it!
268
00:11:00,875 --> 00:11:02,959
Oh, for god's sake.
Well, I can't, okay?
269
00:11:03,041 --> 00:11:06,125
I've done this before.
They are trying to make me the villain.
270
00:11:06,208 --> 00:11:08,417
Mm-mm.
All right? Well, they say they're not.
271
00:11:08,500 --> 00:11:09,917
Right.
They say they're not. And then...
272
00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:13,208
They're not!
You don't know what's coming later.
273
00:11:13,291 --> 00:11:16,166
All right? Because I've
done this before, and this should be a warning to you.
274
00:11:16,250 --> 00:11:19,542
All right?
I'm not putting myself through this again.
275
00:11:19,625 --> 00:11:22,125
Not for this show, anyway.
Okay? Because it's real...
276
00:11:22,208 --> 00:11:25,375
To be frank, it's not
"Housewives of New York." All right?
277
00:11:25,458 --> 00:11:27,750
This isn't going
to last. I'm sorry. Oh, really?
278
00:11:27,834 --> 00:11:29,583
But it's not.
"Housewives of Beverly Hills"?
279
00:11:29,667 --> 00:11:32,166
Not one of us even lives
in Beverly Hills. Oh yeah, I... I do.
280
00:11:32,250 --> 00:11:35,000
I do. Okay.
Okay. One person lives in Beverly Hills.
281
00:11:35,083 --> 00:11:37,041
Oh, for god's sake.
You've got a show. Great.
282
00:11:37,125 --> 00:11:40,250
You know what?
I can't. I-- I-- Andy, I'm sorry, but I quit.
283
00:11:40,333 --> 00:11:42,583
Oh, thank god for that. Yeah.
Yeah, I quit. Wait.
284
00:11:42,667 --> 00:11:44,750
Just for the record
though, Andy, for the record,
285
00:11:44,834 --> 00:11:46,875
I'm not storming off.
All right?
286
00:11:46,959 --> 00:11:49,625
It's just that I've, you know,
done a reality show before.
287
00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:52,542
So, I know how it goes.
I know how it works.
288
00:11:52,625 --> 00:11:55,000
So, thought I was up for it.
But I'm not.
289
00:11:55,083 --> 00:11:58,875
So, I'm sorry.
But goodbye. Good luck, okay?
290
00:11:58,959 --> 00:12:00,625
Good luck.
Yeah, fine. Okay.
291
00:12:00,709 --> 00:12:02,166
If this is what
you wanna do, then I'm happy for you.
292
00:12:02,250 --> 00:12:03,375
I'm happy
for all of you. Okay.
293
00:12:03,458 --> 00:12:06,375
Well...
Yeah. Okay. Good luck.
294
00:12:06,458 --> 00:12:08,208
Lisa:
Call Camille.
295
00:12:08,291 --> 00:12:11,750
Yeah. Andy doesn't
need to see that. ( laughs )
296
00:12:11,834 --> 00:12:14,500
No, he doesn't.
No.
297
00:12:15,500 --> 00:12:18,542
Well, reality TV has
had quite the evolution.
298
00:12:18,625 --> 00:12:20,792
It's a different reality.
( laughs )
299
00:12:20,875 --> 00:12:23,417
And I should know,
because I was there at the beginning,
300
00:12:23,500 --> 00:12:25,250
with "The Comeback."
301
00:12:25,333 --> 00:12:29,125
Back then, it was just me
and people eating bugs on "Survivor."
302
00:12:29,208 --> 00:12:32,083
"Uh, what's this?
This is entertainment?"
303
00:12:32,166 --> 00:12:35,166
Well, as it turns out, yes.
Yes, it is.
304
00:12:35,250 --> 00:12:36,917
I was right.
305
00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:39,083
And now, people can't
get enough.
306
00:12:39,166 --> 00:12:42,291
You've got dancers,
and duck hunters,
307
00:12:42,375 --> 00:12:44,417
and designers, and...
308
00:12:44,500 --> 00:12:47,917
Oh, just the other night
I saw a show where it was just real people
309
00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:50,250
sitting on a couch
watching a show.
310
00:12:50,333 --> 00:12:53,291
And I thought,
"Well, it's official, they've run out of ideas.
311
00:12:53,375 --> 00:12:56,875
"So, looks like it's time
for me to come back."
312
00:12:59,500 --> 00:13:01,625
I'm not just
a real person either.
313
00:13:01,709 --> 00:13:03,917
I'm an actress.
( melody playing softly )
314
00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:06,250
And a wife.
315
00:13:06,333 --> 00:13:08,542
And a stepmom.
Can you hear that?
316
00:13:08,625 --> 00:13:10,959
That's you.
Oh. Sorry, Red!
317
00:13:11,041 --> 00:13:14,041
Mm-hmm.
I thought I had it on vibrate. Mea culpa.
318
00:13:14,125 --> 00:13:16,792
That's okay.
Oh, I should take this.
319
00:13:16,875 --> 00:13:19,500
It's Dr. "Hard
To Get A Hold Of." Okay, yeah, you do that.
320
00:13:19,583 --> 00:13:23,333
We'll continue.
( Mickey clears throat) Gave them four times to call,
321
00:13:23,417 --> 00:13:26,500
and this afternoon
wasn't one of them. Jesus criminy.
322
00:13:26,583 --> 00:13:29,041
Well, you're going
to miss your call. Mm. Well...
323
00:13:29,125 --> 00:13:31,458
Okay.
Hello?
324
00:13:33,208 --> 00:13:36,000
In five--
I'm cueing you. Okay?
325
00:13:36,083 --> 00:13:38,333
In five, four, three...
326
00:13:38,417 --> 00:13:40,667
Mickey:
Yes, it is, but I can't talk now.
327
00:13:40,750 --> 00:13:43,125
Mickey, we can hear you.
328
00:13:43,208 --> 00:13:46,291
Okay. In five,
four, three, two...
329
00:13:46,375 --> 00:13:48,625
What's--
Mickey: I'm working, Doctor.
330
00:13:48,709 --> 00:13:51,500
I gave your office
four times to call me,
331
00:13:51,583 --> 00:13:53,875
and this wasn't one of them.
Can you hear that?
332
00:13:53,959 --> 00:13:56,166
Because I can.
Mickey, we can still hear you.
333
00:13:56,250 --> 00:13:58,500
Got it.
Okay. ( Valerie laughs )
334
00:13:58,583 --> 00:14:00,542
Let me guess, Doctor.
Okay.
335
00:14:00,625 --> 00:14:03,709
In five, four,
three, two...
336
00:14:03,792 --> 00:14:06,625
( phone chiming )
Okay. Phones off, everybody!
337
00:14:06,709 --> 00:14:08,834
Okay? Because we can't--
338
00:14:08,917 --> 00:14:11,792
Oh, that's my phone.
All right. We should stop.
339
00:14:11,875 --> 00:14:14,000
Oh, okay.
That's Billy.
340
00:14:14,083 --> 00:14:16,500
Tyler, you go outside
and shoot me.
341
00:14:16,583 --> 00:14:19,667
Don't get this camera though.
Okay, that's good. You got it? Okay.
342
00:14:19,750 --> 00:14:22,083
Valerie:
Hi, Billy. Publicist.
343
00:14:22,166 --> 00:14:24,417
Oh, wait, that sounded
like his last name. Let's do it again.
344
00:14:24,500 --> 00:14:27,291
Hi, Billy. My publicist.
Oh, is this the Andy Cohen pitch?
345
00:14:27,375 --> 00:14:29,166
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
We've been communicating.
346
00:14:29,250 --> 00:14:30,500
( Billy whispers )
Oh, good.
347
00:14:30,583 --> 00:14:32,041
Yeah. Mickey,
say hi to Billy.
348
00:14:32,125 --> 00:14:35,041
Hot enough for you?
( Valerie laughing )
349
00:14:35,125 --> 00:14:36,875
Mm-hmm.
350
00:14:36,959 --> 00:14:39,959
You want to come inside, doll?
I've got a great lighting set-up.
351
00:14:40,041 --> 00:14:42,417
I can't stay.
Oh, uh, say hi to Carla.
352
00:14:42,500 --> 00:14:44,125
Carla.
353
00:14:44,208 --> 00:14:46,250
Hootie-hoo!
Valerie: Hi, doll.
354
00:14:46,333 --> 00:14:48,000
That sounds familiar.
Who is that?
355
00:14:48,083 --> 00:14:49,750
Carla from "Top Chef."
I represent her now. ( Valerie gasps ) Hey.
356
00:14:49,834 --> 00:14:52,166
Oh, you do.
Yeah. She's in town for the "Top Chef:
357
00:14:52,250 --> 00:14:53,750
Super Chef All-Star"
reunion show.
358
00:14:53,834 --> 00:14:56,166
Wow.
Oh, you know what? If this goes...
359
00:14:56,250 --> 00:14:58,875
Uh-huh.
...she could cook you dinner. Bravo to Bravo?
360
00:14:58,959 --> 00:15:00,500
Little cross-promotion?
Uh-huh. Yeah.
361
00:15:00,583 --> 00:15:03,166
Good night, Mr. Mickey.
Good night, Ms. Valerie.
362
00:15:03,250 --> 00:15:04,875
Good night, dear.
See you tomorrow.
363
00:15:04,959 --> 00:15:07,208
Billy: Goodbye.
Thank you for all you do.
364
00:15:07,291 --> 00:15:10,250
Um, is that why
you came all the way out here, though?
365
00:15:10,333 --> 00:15:11,875
Just so I could say
hi to the chef? No. No, no.
366
00:15:11,959 --> 00:15:14,709
Okay.
Did you see this about Paulie G. and you?
367
00:15:14,792 --> 00:15:17,917
What?
Look. "HBO is making a series
368
00:15:18,041 --> 00:15:20,792
with Paulie G. about
a self-destructive sitcom writer..."
369
00:15:20,875 --> 00:15:22,333
Oh. Sounds right so far.
370
00:15:22,417 --> 00:15:26,542
"...and his relationship
with a neurotic older sitcom actress."
371
00:15:26,625 --> 00:15:30,375
Well, okay.
Wish him-- That's fine. You know, wish him well.
372
00:15:30,458 --> 00:15:32,458
She has red hair.
373
00:15:32,542 --> 00:15:34,583
Still. Wish him well.
374
00:15:34,667 --> 00:15:37,917
The character's
name is Mallory. Your name is Valerie.
375
00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:39,834
Uh-huh.
Sounds the same. Might be me.
376
00:15:39,917 --> 00:15:41,375
What do you want me
to do about it?
377
00:15:41,458 --> 00:15:42,750
I'm just trying
to give you a heads-up.
378
00:15:42,834 --> 00:15:45,083
Okay, my head's up.
( Billy sighs)
379
00:15:45,166 --> 00:15:47,166
Oh, I've got to go.
I've got to run.
380
00:15:47,250 --> 00:15:49,834
But, you know,
call your agent, try to get a copy of the script.
381
00:15:49,917 --> 00:15:51,333
We've got to see
what this damage is.
382
00:15:51,417 --> 00:15:53,792
Okay, Billy, I appreciate you
coming all the way out here.
383
00:15:53,875 --> 00:15:56,250
I really do.
But I've moved on.
384
00:15:56,333 --> 00:16:00,166
Paulie's in the past.
He's free to write whatever he wants to write,
385
00:16:00,250 --> 00:16:02,875
and I'm free to not react.
386
00:16:02,959 --> 00:16:03,917
Okay.
You know?
387
00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:06,166
Yeah.
It's okay. All right.
388
00:16:06,250 --> 00:16:08,709
( sighs )
Valerie: Nice to see you, Carla!
389
00:16:08,792 --> 00:16:11,792
Looking forward to--
390
00:16:11,875 --> 00:16:14,500
She's busy.
Okay, come on in.
391
00:16:14,583 --> 00:16:16,875
Ethan Biggs, please.
392
00:16:16,959 --> 00:16:20,125
Well, you have
to have an Ethan Biggs. That's my agent.
393
00:16:20,208 --> 00:16:22,417
( laughs )
Oh no, you-- my bad.
394
00:16:22,500 --> 00:16:24,792
You're right.
Uh, he's not there anymore. Okay.
395
00:16:24,875 --> 00:16:28,333
Um, what was
his assistant's name? Because she'd be my agent now.
396
00:16:28,417 --> 00:16:30,709
Sasha. Do you have
a Sasha someone?
397
00:16:30,792 --> 00:16:34,458
You have three Sashas.
Okay, let's try it this way.
398
00:16:34,542 --> 00:16:36,792
I'm Valerie Cherish.
Who's my agent?
399
00:16:36,875 --> 00:16:38,625
Big agencies.
Ivan: I can find it.
400
00:16:38,709 --> 00:16:41,083
My agent?
The script.
401
00:16:41,166 --> 00:16:43,834
Oh, better.
Okay. How are you going to do that?
402
00:16:43,917 --> 00:16:46,333
Everything's online.
That's right.
403
00:16:46,417 --> 00:16:47,875
Privacy is gone. Yeah.
404
00:16:47,959 --> 00:16:50,166
Valerie:
Okay. You know what? I've found what I need.
405
00:16:50,250 --> 00:16:52,709
So, uh, can you just
have my agent call me?
406
00:16:52,792 --> 00:16:54,500
Well, whatever his name is.
You know what?
407
00:16:54,583 --> 00:16:57,333
Why don't we wait five minutes,
maybe you'll be my agent?
408
00:16:57,417 --> 00:17:00,083
Ah. You're welcome.
409
00:17:00,166 --> 00:17:02,041
Mickey:
Will you look at this, Red? Huh?
410
00:17:02,125 --> 00:17:05,500
Paulie G... rehab.
Click on that.
411
00:17:05,583 --> 00:17:06,834
Yeah. Let's...
412
00:17:06,917 --> 00:17:09,417
"Twice in rehab for heroin."
( gasps )
413
00:17:09,500 --> 00:17:14,000
Oh my. The pot I knew.
I had no idea about the horse.
414
00:17:14,083 --> 00:17:16,417
( laughing )
Valerie: Guys.
415
00:17:16,500 --> 00:17:19,333
Guys, addiction,
it's not funny.
416
00:17:19,417 --> 00:17:22,333
Okay. So, is that the...
Can you get the script then?
417
00:17:22,417 --> 00:17:23,709
Oh, is that it?
418
00:17:23,792 --> 00:17:26,709
Mickey:
"Seeing Red"? How dare he!
419
00:17:26,792 --> 00:17:28,959
Valerie:
All right, let's just print it out.
420
00:17:30,917 --> 00:17:33,166
It's me. This is me.
421
00:17:34,792 --> 00:17:37,834
( sighs )
Is this the apartment we decided on for Franchesca?
422
00:17:39,041 --> 00:17:40,917
Val?
Huh? What?
423
00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:43,208
Um, what are the HOAs?
424
00:17:43,291 --> 00:17:45,709
I mean, it's...
Oh. Yeah, that's the...
425
00:17:45,792 --> 00:17:49,500
Yeah.
Jesus. 1.3?
426
00:17:49,583 --> 00:17:51,208
New York.
427
00:17:51,291 --> 00:17:54,125
Why couldn't she study
fashion in California?
428
00:17:54,208 --> 00:17:56,041
Okay. This is me, Mark.
It's me.
429
00:17:56,125 --> 00:17:58,458
It's a horrible version
of me, but it's me.
430
00:17:58,542 --> 00:18:01,166
( sighs )
You said you weren't going to let this bother you.
431
00:18:01,250 --> 00:18:03,375
Yeah, but now I'm reading it
and it's me. Okay?
432
00:18:03,458 --> 00:18:05,291
And he's written me
as a monster.
433
00:18:05,375 --> 00:18:08,458
What did you expect?
He's a cocksucker. He is a cocksucker!
434
00:18:10,583 --> 00:18:15,375
Mark.
We can't say "cocksucker" because I had Tyler
435
00:18:15,458 --> 00:18:18,083
put back the ceiling cam.
436
00:18:18,166 --> 00:18:20,333
Val.
What?
437
00:18:20,417 --> 00:18:22,208
You know what?
Don't... don't worry.
438
00:18:22,291 --> 00:18:26,333
My show. My decision.
Okay. Don't use this.
439
00:18:30,500 --> 00:18:32,750
God.
440
00:18:32,834 --> 00:18:35,291
He must have been
on heroin the entire time
441
00:18:35,375 --> 00:18:37,959
we were shooting
"Room and Bored." Well, no wonder it sucked.
442
00:18:38,041 --> 00:18:40,208
Yes, it sucked,
and that's why it didn't get picked up.
443
00:18:40,291 --> 00:18:43,291
So then, it doesn't get
picked up and "The Comeback" doesn't get picked up.
444
00:18:43,375 --> 00:18:46,041
So thank you for that,
Paulie G.
445
00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:47,750
God. And now this?
446
00:18:47,834 --> 00:18:51,291
That's not... No. No.
Not going to have it.
447
00:18:51,375 --> 00:18:53,083
I'm just not.
What can we do?
448
00:18:53,166 --> 00:18:55,417
Well, how bad is it?
Does he... does he use your name?
449
00:18:55,500 --> 00:18:58,291
Well, okay.
Her name's Mallory, Mallory Church.
450
00:18:58,375 --> 00:19:00,875
And my name's Valerie.
Valerie Cherish.
451
00:19:00,959 --> 00:19:03,417
All right. Well, that is
too close. You know what?
452
00:19:03,500 --> 00:19:05,083
I'm going to call
the lawyers in the morning.
453
00:19:05,166 --> 00:19:07,166
Okay. Oh, good.
Yeah. Call the lawyers.
454
00:19:07,250 --> 00:19:10,333
That's right.
Let them handle it. I'm not going to lose sleep over this.
455
00:19:10,417 --> 00:19:13,875
Nuh-uh.
Because that's not me.
456
00:19:13,959 --> 00:19:16,875
You know? Not me.
457
00:19:21,500 --> 00:19:24,375
My hero. Marky Mark.
458
00:19:24,458 --> 00:19:26,625
Love ball.
Mm.
459
00:19:27,583 --> 00:19:30,041
Mm, Mark, the camera.
460
00:19:30,125 --> 00:19:32,000
We probably don't want to...
461
00:19:32,083 --> 00:19:33,792
Oh, all right.
I'll take care of it.
462
00:19:33,875 --> 00:19:35,458
Hmm? Oh.
463
00:19:35,542 --> 00:19:38,875
No. Not this.
Oh. ( laughs )
464
00:19:38,959 --> 00:19:41,291
Ivan: I like this place.
Tyler: Yeah, this place is awesome.
465
00:19:41,375 --> 00:19:43,375
Mickey:
This is all about "Room and Bored,"
466
00:19:43,458 --> 00:19:45,166
but he's made you
the bad guy.
467
00:19:45,250 --> 00:19:49,000
The aforementioned "Red"
he's talking about is you. You're the bad guy.
468
00:19:49,083 --> 00:19:52,000
Yeah, no, I know.
Waiting for a call from the lawyers.
469
00:19:52,083 --> 00:19:54,166
Let them handle it.
Yeah.
470
00:19:54,250 --> 00:19:55,750
Welcome
to Sam's Burgers.
471
00:19:55,834 --> 00:19:58,667
Yeah. Okay, yeah.
Tyler, what are you... what are you going to...
472
00:19:58,750 --> 00:20:00,375
I want
the pork cutlet curry.
473
00:20:00,458 --> 00:20:02,875
Curry?
We're at a drive-thru burger place.
474
00:20:02,959 --> 00:20:04,834
One pork cutlet curry.
475
00:20:04,917 --> 00:20:09,166
Okay. So they do have that.
Ivan: I'll have the Bento box and fries.
476
00:20:09,250 --> 00:20:12,709
Really?
"Small World" after all, huh? ( laughs )
477
00:20:12,792 --> 00:20:16,792
And a Philly cheesesteak?
You don't want any foie gras with that, or...
478
00:20:16,875 --> 00:20:19,208
It's a joke.
Mickey: So his character's
479
00:20:19,291 --> 00:20:22,208
hooked on heroin,
but you're the problem with his career.
480
00:20:22,291 --> 00:20:24,875
Is this supposed
to be funny?
481
00:20:24,959 --> 00:20:26,542
Well, it's a...
it's a dramedy.
482
00:20:26,625 --> 00:20:29,750
You know, and that's a...
that's a comedy without the laughs.
483
00:20:29,834 --> 00:20:32,083
Sam's Employee:
Is the cheesesteak a combo?
484
00:20:32,166 --> 00:20:34,083
Um, I guess.
I don't know. I...
485
00:20:34,166 --> 00:20:37,083
Don't ask me.
I get delivered meals. ( phone chiming )
486
00:20:37,166 --> 00:20:41,166
They should have
to pay me for the title. I call you "Red."
487
00:20:41,250 --> 00:20:43,750
He stole that from me.
488
00:20:43,834 --> 00:20:46,959
Okay. Oh, look. Okay.
Andy Cohen just tweeted,
489
00:20:47,041 --> 00:20:48,750
"Having lunch
at the Chateau."
490
00:20:48,834 --> 00:20:53,333
Okay. So... Oh, you know,
I bet he's here for that
491
00:20:53,417 --> 00:20:56,458
"Top Shelf Super Chef"...
492
00:20:56,542 --> 00:20:58,834
reunion chef thing. Oh.
493
00:20:58,917 --> 00:21:01,500
Sam's Employee: $27.46.
Okay, yeah, thanks.
494
00:21:01,583 --> 00:21:04,000
I think...
I think we should
495
00:21:04,083 --> 00:21:06,250
maybe go to the Chateau
for lunch. Huh, Mickey?
496
00:21:06,333 --> 00:21:08,458
Smart. Smart.
We're going to--
497
00:21:08,542 --> 00:21:11,375
Sir? I can't find...
Oh, there he is. Yes?
498
00:21:11,458 --> 00:21:14,250
Hi. Yeah, we can't stay.
Got to go. Sorry.
499
00:21:14,333 --> 00:21:15,792
I already
put in the order.
500
00:21:15,875 --> 00:21:18,625
Well, tell them
to cancel it maybe. You know?
501
00:21:18,709 --> 00:21:21,750
Or I don't know.
Maybe the car behind us maybe wants
502
00:21:21,834 --> 00:21:24,583
a Bento box
and a Philly cheese curry.
503
00:21:24,667 --> 00:21:26,542
I don't know.
But, you know...
504
00:21:26,625 --> 00:21:28,166
How about you
figure it out? All right?
505
00:21:28,250 --> 00:21:30,250
Why am I running
Sam's Burgers?
506
00:21:30,333 --> 00:21:32,917
It doesn't make sense.
Harry, get in the car.
507
00:21:33,041 --> 00:21:35,417
Sorry.
Got to go.
508
00:21:35,500 --> 00:21:36,917
Valerie:
All right.
509
00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:38,709
Oh, got to wait.
Be safe.
510
00:21:38,792 --> 00:21:41,625
Wait for Harry to get in.
( knocking )
511
00:21:41,709 --> 00:21:45,041
Valerie: Why can't he get in?
Mickey: Because somebody locked the door.
512
00:21:45,125 --> 00:21:46,125
Valerie: Oh, Ivan.
513
00:21:46,208 --> 00:21:48,125
That. That's not.
Why are you smiling?
514
00:21:48,208 --> 00:21:50,083
Like it's funny.
This isn't fun time.
515
00:21:50,166 --> 00:21:54,041
This is work. You can't do this,
you know, on a real show.
516
00:21:57,917 --> 00:21:59,000
Mickey, how do I look?
517
00:21:59,083 --> 00:22:01,000
Perfection.
Okay.
518
00:22:01,083 --> 00:22:02,000
Thank you.
519
00:22:02,083 --> 00:22:04,083
( laughs )
Oh, watch out.
520
00:22:04,166 --> 00:22:05,625
Oh.
( laughs ) Hi.
521
00:22:05,709 --> 00:22:07,625
( chuckles ) Wow.
Table for three, please.
522
00:22:07,709 --> 00:22:08,959
Um, do you have
a reservation?
523
00:22:09,041 --> 00:22:10,583
Uh, no.
Just passing through, so.
524
00:22:10,667 --> 00:22:13,291
Host:
Uh-huh. Um... We are all booked right now.
525
00:22:13,375 --> 00:22:15,083
Okay. Well, we'll wait.
That's all right.
526
00:22:15,166 --> 00:22:16,709
Host:
And no cameras allowed.
527
00:22:16,792 --> 00:22:19,000
Okay. Oh, I see
someone I know.
528
00:22:19,083 --> 00:22:20,375
Yeah, I can't
have the cameras.
529
00:22:20,458 --> 00:22:22,500
Well, I know Andy Cohen
so I'm just gonna go say hi.
530
00:22:22,583 --> 00:22:23,750
Ma'am--
( gasps )
531
00:22:25,333 --> 00:22:26,500
I'm so sorry.
532
00:22:26,583 --> 00:22:28,500
I was just trying
to stop you.
533
00:22:28,583 --> 00:22:30,750
With your fist?
534
00:22:30,834 --> 00:22:32,542
I'm so sorry.
535
00:22:34,375 --> 00:22:36,458
Call it even.
I'm gonna go say hi to Andy.
536
00:22:36,542 --> 00:22:38,458
Sorry, we can't
have the cameras.
537
00:22:38,542 --> 00:22:40,000
Aunt Val,
look.
538
00:22:40,083 --> 00:22:41,834
( phone ringing )
539
00:22:41,917 --> 00:22:44,500
Okay. Well, boys,
you heard the man.
540
00:22:44,583 --> 00:22:46,208
Give the cameras
to Mickey.
541
00:22:47,750 --> 00:22:49,834
Tyler:
Yeah, dude, get your phone out.
542
00:22:49,917 --> 00:22:52,208
I forgot everything's
a camera. Yeah.
543
00:22:53,250 --> 00:22:54,625
All right.
544
00:22:54,709 --> 00:22:55,917
Valerie:
Okay, go ahead.
545
00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:58,250
I'm gonna take
these boys with me.
546
00:22:58,333 --> 00:23:00,750
( sighs )
You owe me. ( chuckles )
547
00:23:00,834 --> 00:23:02,375
Man:
I rescued him.
548
00:23:02,458 --> 00:23:05,166
He's so sweet.
I mean, he's a good dog,
549
00:23:05,250 --> 00:23:06,834
and I love bringing
him to my show.
550
00:23:06,917 --> 00:23:08,709
Andy, hi.
551
00:23:08,792 --> 00:23:10,375
Hey.
It's Val. Valerie Cherish.
552
00:23:10,458 --> 00:23:12,083
Hey, of course.
I know, Val.
553
00:23:12,166 --> 00:23:13,959
Hi.
Oh, good. Hi.
554
00:23:14,041 --> 00:23:15,834
Andy: Sun was in my eye,
you look great. Valerie: Oh.
555
00:23:15,917 --> 00:23:17,458
Valerie:
Oh, well so do you, as always.
556
00:23:17,542 --> 00:23:18,875
Thank you.
Do you know RuPaul?
557
00:23:18,959 --> 00:23:21,166
Yes I do.
You've got that show.
558
00:23:21,250 --> 00:23:22,291
Yes.
Hi.
559
00:23:22,375 --> 00:23:24,208
I'm Valerie Cherish.
I... I heard.
560
00:23:24,291 --> 00:23:27,750
I loved Valerie's first sitcom,
"I'm It."
561
00:23:27,834 --> 00:23:30,542
We used to watch it
in my dorm room and smoke dope.
562
00:23:30,625 --> 00:23:32,166
So fun.
Valerie: Oh. ( laughs )
563
00:23:32,250 --> 00:23:33,417
Val is legendary.
564
00:23:33,500 --> 00:23:34,750
Aw.
565
00:23:34,834 --> 00:23:35,959
We tried to work together
a few years ago.
566
00:23:36,041 --> 00:23:37,458
Valerie: Yes, we did.
Yeah. We did.
567
00:23:37,542 --> 00:23:38,875
What are you
up to now?
568
00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:41,458
Um, well, just working
on a little something right now.
569
00:23:41,542 --> 00:23:42,625
Oh, wow.
570
00:23:42,709 --> 00:23:44,125
Yeah.
Hey.
571
00:23:44,208 --> 00:23:46,250
Are you-- I thought
you were texting. Are you shooting?
572
00:23:46,333 --> 00:23:47,709
Well, it's not
for broadcast. Don't worry.
573
00:23:47,792 --> 00:23:50,041
Yeah. Just doing
a little pilot presentation.
574
00:23:50,125 --> 00:23:53,583
A little something.
The host wouldn't let us bring in the actual cameras.
575
00:23:53,667 --> 00:23:55,709
You know.
Actually, punched me in the stomach.
576
00:23:55,792 --> 00:23:57,375
Andy: No way.
Way!
577
00:23:57,458 --> 00:23:59,458
You're kidding.
That's hilarious.
578
00:23:59,542 --> 00:24:01,417
Valerie: I know!
Did you make a scene?
579
00:24:01,500 --> 00:24:03,625
Right, yeah.
Well, should have.
580
00:24:03,709 --> 00:24:06,208
But cameras caught it.
So, you know.
581
00:24:06,291 --> 00:24:08,917
You'll see.
I think this might be right for you.
582
00:24:09,000 --> 00:24:10,125
You know, want
to show it to you.
583
00:24:10,208 --> 00:24:11,208
Great.
Yeah.
584
00:24:11,291 --> 00:24:12,291
I'm looking forward
to seeing it.
585
00:24:12,375 --> 00:24:13,750
Oh.
Send it to me.
586
00:24:13,834 --> 00:24:15,917
Great, okay.
I'm gonna let you get back to it.
587
00:24:16,000 --> 00:24:17,041
Before the host
comes over
588
00:24:17,125 --> 00:24:18,250
and breaks a chair
on my head.
589
00:24:18,333 --> 00:24:20,291
( laughing )
That's great. Right?
590
00:24:20,375 --> 00:24:21,917
Great to see you, Val.
Good to see you.
591
00:24:22,000 --> 00:24:23,333
Yeah.
And, oh...
592
00:24:23,417 --> 00:24:24,792
I get it now.
593
00:24:24,875 --> 00:24:26,500
Okay?
Didn't get it before,
594
00:24:26,583 --> 00:24:28,291
that, you know,
I was...
595
00:24:28,375 --> 00:24:29,917
( whispers )
Took myself too seriously.
596
00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:31,291
You know, didn't know
I was playing a character,
597
00:24:31,375 --> 00:24:33,625
thought it was me.
But I get it now.
598
00:24:33,709 --> 00:24:35,208
Okay. Okay.
Okay? Good.
599
00:24:35,291 --> 00:24:36,959
Enjoy your lunch.
So nice to meet you.
600
00:24:37,041 --> 00:24:38,333
RuPaul: Thank you.
Okay, bye-bye.
601
00:24:38,417 --> 00:24:39,583
Come on, boys.
Andy: Great. See you, Val.
602
00:24:41,750 --> 00:24:43,625
Uh-huh.
Thank you.
603
00:24:50,542 --> 00:24:52,583
Don't hit people.
604
00:24:52,667 --> 00:24:53,709
( laughs )
605
00:24:56,750 --> 00:24:57,875
Okay.
606
00:24:59,041 --> 00:25:01,000
Well, I think
that went well.
607
00:25:01,083 --> 00:25:02,000
Yeah.
Well...
608
00:25:02,083 --> 00:25:03,375
Should have made
more of a scene
609
00:25:03,458 --> 00:25:04,625
with the host, though.
You know?
610
00:25:04,709 --> 00:25:06,500
Andy asked me
what I did, and I didn't.
611
00:25:06,583 --> 00:25:08,417
You know,
I was too nice.
612
00:25:08,500 --> 00:25:09,500
That's not TV.
613
00:25:09,583 --> 00:25:11,041
You should have
flipped the host stand.
614
00:25:11,125 --> 00:25:12,375
Very Teresa Giudice.
615
00:25:12,458 --> 00:25:14,792
Yeah, "Giu-dice."
Gotta find my own thing, though.
616
00:25:14,875 --> 00:25:16,625
I can't just do that.
What's the matter?
617
00:25:16,709 --> 00:25:18,709
Look alive, Red
Oh, yeah. I see them.
618
00:25:18,792 --> 00:25:20,125
I'm off
like a prom dress.
619
00:25:20,208 --> 00:25:21,083
Okay.
620
00:25:21,166 --> 00:25:22,542
( shouting )
Hello, hello, hello.
621
00:25:22,625 --> 00:25:25,291
What's happening?
( overlapping shouting )
622
00:25:25,375 --> 00:25:26,333
Paparazzo:
Hey, Juna! Juna! Juna!
623
00:25:26,417 --> 00:25:27,667
Valerie:
Can we see who it is?
624
00:25:27,750 --> 00:25:28,667
Paparazzo #2:
Right this way, over here.
625
00:25:28,750 --> 00:25:29,792
Oh, Juna!
626
00:25:29,875 --> 00:25:31,333
It's Juna.
It's Juna.
627
00:25:31,417 --> 00:25:33,000
Mickey, it's Juna.
( shouting continues )
628
00:25:33,083 --> 00:25:35,458
Juna!
You're on my foot.
629
00:25:35,542 --> 00:25:37,834
Juna! Juna!
Paparazzo: Juna!
630
00:25:37,917 --> 00:25:38,959
Oh.
Juna!
631
00:25:39,041 --> 00:25:40,542
Valerie: Juna!
( shouting continues )
632
00:25:40,625 --> 00:25:43,000
Valerie: Juna! Juna!
633
00:25:43,083 --> 00:25:44,583
Move.
Juna!
634
00:25:44,667 --> 00:25:45,875
Baby girl!
635
00:25:45,959 --> 00:25:48,542
Valerie: Juna!
Paparazzo #3: Juna!
636
00:25:48,625 --> 00:25:49,542
( shouting ceases )
637
00:25:49,625 --> 00:25:50,917
Paparazzo:
Over here, Juna!
638
00:25:51,000 --> 00:25:52,625
No, she's gone.
639
00:25:54,333 --> 00:25:56,000
Okay.
640
00:25:56,083 --> 00:25:57,417
Missed her.
Paparazzo: Juna!
641
00:25:57,500 --> 00:25:58,709
Paparazzo #4: Over here!
Val!
642
00:25:58,792 --> 00:26:00,583
Oh my god.
Ah, there you are!
643
00:26:00,667 --> 00:26:02,083
I didn't even
see you there.
644
00:26:02,166 --> 00:26:03,583
Hi.
Hi, baby girl.
645
00:26:03,667 --> 00:26:05,000
Oh...
Oh...
646
00:26:05,083 --> 00:26:06,834
Good to see you.
Good to see you too.
647
00:26:06,917 --> 00:26:08,458
What is going on?
648
00:26:08,542 --> 00:26:10,542
Well, you know...
everything's going.
649
00:26:10,625 --> 00:26:12,583
Got too many irons
on the fire, so.
650
00:26:12,667 --> 00:26:14,208
Well, why am I
not surprised. Right?
651
00:26:14,291 --> 00:26:15,333
We need to see
each other.
652
00:26:15,417 --> 00:26:16,667
Tomorrow?
653
00:26:16,750 --> 00:26:18,625
I wish. I'm actually going
to Bali to shoot a movie.
654
00:26:18,709 --> 00:26:20,917
I'm in love
with a robot in this one.
655
00:26:21,000 --> 00:26:22,250
Yeah, I know.
Okay.
656
00:26:22,333 --> 00:26:23,875
But I'll be back
in like three months.
657
00:26:23,959 --> 00:26:25,125
Three months,
it's a date.
658
00:26:25,208 --> 00:26:26,083
Great.
Okay.
659
00:26:26,166 --> 00:26:27,417
Oh, no, I'm sorry.
660
00:26:27,500 --> 00:26:28,959
Actually, four months.
I'm an asshole.
661
00:26:29,041 --> 00:26:30,792
I'm going to Madrid
to shoot for Vogue.
662
00:26:30,875 --> 00:26:32,417
Oh, okay.
Four months.
663
00:26:32,500 --> 00:26:33,917
Okay, great!
Oh, I can't wait.
664
00:26:34,000 --> 00:26:35,875
Where's Mickey?
Oh, Mickey!
665
00:26:35,959 --> 00:26:37,417
There he is.
Look at that.
666
00:26:37,500 --> 00:26:39,375
Hi! Look at you.
Yeah.
667
00:26:39,458 --> 00:26:41,542
Mickey: Oh my goodness.
Oh my.
668
00:26:41,625 --> 00:26:44,083
Good to see you.
Oh, you look better than ever.
669
00:26:44,166 --> 00:26:45,583
Goodness, you look great.
670
00:26:45,667 --> 00:26:46,750
All the jewels,
I see.
671
00:26:46,834 --> 00:26:48,041
( laughing )
672
00:26:48,125 --> 00:26:49,750
All right.
Well, listen, I really gotta go.
673
00:26:49,834 --> 00:26:51,083
But, I'll see you soon.
Valerie: Okay.
674
00:26:51,166 --> 00:26:52,750
Bye.
Paparazzo: Juna, look this way.
675
00:26:52,834 --> 00:26:55,333
Okay.
Still on my foot. Paparazzo: Juna!
676
00:26:55,417 --> 00:26:56,750
You gotta get
off my foot.
677
00:26:56,834 --> 00:26:59,750
Valerie: Oh!
Okay, that's not nice.
678
00:26:59,834 --> 00:27:01,291
Valerie:
Look what your guys did.
679
00:27:01,375 --> 00:27:02,917
And you've gotta
get off my foot.
680
00:27:03,000 --> 00:27:05,667
All right?
My new best friend.
681
00:27:09,333 --> 00:27:11,083
Okay.
682
00:27:11,917 --> 00:27:13,709
Well, how about that?
Huh?
683
00:27:13,792 --> 00:27:16,917
You never know what filming
opportunities life will present you with.
684
00:27:17,000 --> 00:27:18,417
Baby girl.
685
00:27:18,500 --> 00:27:19,709
Mickey:
One of the best.
686
00:27:19,792 --> 00:27:22,125
Still smells like
patchouli and peppermint.
687
00:27:22,208 --> 00:27:23,375
Can you help me
with this?
688
00:27:24,875 --> 00:27:27,500
Valerie:
Okay. All right. From my lawyers.
689
00:27:27,583 --> 00:27:29,792
See that, Mickey?
It's handled.
690
00:27:29,875 --> 00:27:31,834
Going to send HBO
a cease and desist.
691
00:27:31,917 --> 00:27:32,959
Mickey: Good.
Yeah.
692
00:27:33,041 --> 00:27:34,375
They should cease
and desist.
693
00:27:34,458 --> 00:27:36,625
And better you
stay out of it, Red.
694
00:27:36,709 --> 00:27:37,834
That could get messy.
695
00:27:37,917 --> 00:27:39,208
Yeah.
696
00:27:42,417 --> 00:27:44,375
Mm-hmm.
Could get messy.
697
00:27:46,458 --> 00:27:48,041
( elevator dings )
698
00:27:50,333 --> 00:27:53,583
Well, I'm mad,
and this is about to get messy.
699
00:27:55,917 --> 00:27:57,417
Valerie:
Okay, let me just--
700
00:27:57,500 --> 00:27:59,500
So was the timing
with the doors opening better that time?
701
00:27:59,583 --> 00:28:00,959
Yeah.
Yeah? Good. Okay.
702
00:28:01,041 --> 00:28:02,166
So, let's go.
703
00:28:02,250 --> 00:28:03,500
And you just
follow me, okay?
704
00:28:03,583 --> 00:28:05,750
Whatever happens,
just don't stop filming.
705
00:28:05,834 --> 00:28:08,375
I might flip
a conference table or two.
706
00:28:13,417 --> 00:28:14,667
Woman:
Hello, how can I help you?
707
00:28:14,750 --> 00:28:17,625
Uh, I'm Valerie Cherish
and I need to see
708
00:28:17,709 --> 00:28:19,709
someone in charge
of "Seeing Red."
709
00:28:19,792 --> 00:28:21,000
The sign-in sheet's here.
710
00:28:21,083 --> 00:28:23,792
Well, I'm not
here for that.
711
00:28:23,875 --> 00:28:26,000
Um...
( idle chatter )
712
00:28:29,250 --> 00:28:32,041
Oh god, they've already
started auditioning, Mickey.
713
00:28:32,125 --> 00:28:34,041
Mickey: Oh dear.
714
00:28:34,125 --> 00:28:35,500
Valerie: Okay.
715
00:28:35,583 --> 00:28:37,709
You know what?
This is perfect.
716
00:28:37,792 --> 00:28:39,709
This is perf--
This is my proof to HBO.
717
00:28:39,792 --> 00:28:41,375
I just need to point
to them and say,
718
00:28:41,458 --> 00:28:42,875
"You did not
ask my permission,
719
00:28:42,959 --> 00:28:44,417
and you need to stop."
720
00:28:44,500 --> 00:28:45,667
Okay.
721
00:28:47,417 --> 00:28:48,709
Kathryn Hahn?
722
00:28:48,792 --> 00:28:50,417
Is she here?
723
00:28:50,500 --> 00:28:51,917
Val?
724
00:28:52,000 --> 00:28:53,667
Oh.
725
00:28:53,750 --> 00:28:55,291
Sharon.
726
00:28:56,375 --> 00:28:58,041
Valerie:
Good to see you, darling.
727
00:28:58,125 --> 00:29:00,333
It's good to see
you too.
728
00:29:00,417 --> 00:29:02,208
Okay, you can't
do that. Um...
729
00:29:02,291 --> 00:29:04,458
Do you have
an appointment today?
730
00:29:04,542 --> 00:29:06,500
Uh, did I need one?
731
00:29:06,583 --> 00:29:07,709
That's me.
732
00:29:07,792 --> 00:29:09,208
They're all doing me.
Okay.
733
00:29:09,291 --> 00:29:11,750
You call her Aunt Patsy,
but it's Aunt Sassy and you know it,
734
00:29:11,834 --> 00:29:13,250
because you cast me in it.
735
00:29:13,333 --> 00:29:15,750
Okay.
Um...
736
00:29:15,834 --> 00:29:17,250
Let me tell them
you're here... Mm-hmm.
737
00:29:17,333 --> 00:29:20,250
and we'll see
what they can...
738
00:29:20,333 --> 00:29:21,417
Yeah.
I'll be right back.
739
00:29:21,500 --> 00:29:23,083
Okay. Yeah.
See what they say.
740
00:29:23,166 --> 00:29:25,041
Valerie:
Okay. But I'm gonna go in anyway.
741
00:29:25,125 --> 00:29:26,333
You know.
742
00:29:26,417 --> 00:29:27,750
I'll go in.
743
00:29:27,834 --> 00:29:29,542
( emphatically )
I'll go in.
744
00:29:29,625 --> 00:29:31,083
Yeah.
745
00:29:31,166 --> 00:29:32,709
Okay.
746
00:29:33,750 --> 00:29:34,917
Hmm?
Are you... ?
747
00:29:35,000 --> 00:29:36,625
Oh, right now?
Okay, yeah.
748
00:29:36,709 --> 00:29:37,750
Sharon: Sure.
Yeah.
749
00:29:37,834 --> 00:29:39,542
Oh, are the cameras okay?
750
00:29:39,625 --> 00:29:41,291
Sure, if you're
okay with it, okay?
751
00:29:41,375 --> 00:29:42,542
Well, I'm--
Well, they're mine.
752
00:29:42,625 --> 00:29:44,458
So I'm okay.
Do you want me to come in too?
753
00:29:44,542 --> 00:29:46,875
Sure, yeah.
I don't care who sees this.
754
00:29:46,959 --> 00:29:49,125
You know,
because I'm mad.
755
00:29:50,834 --> 00:29:51,792
( woman speaking on screen )
756
00:29:51,875 --> 00:29:54,000
What is this?
757
00:29:54,083 --> 00:29:56,375
I have Valerie Cherish.
758
00:29:58,208 --> 00:29:59,709
Nice to meet you,
Valerie.
759
00:29:59,792 --> 00:30:03,375
Um, thank you.
I wish it was under better circumstances.
760
00:30:04,625 --> 00:30:06,125
Paulie, hi.
Hi.
761
00:30:06,208 --> 00:30:07,959
Paulie:
Nice to see you. Yeah.
762
00:30:09,917 --> 00:30:11,458
Okay. Yeah.
Yeah?
763
00:30:12,667 --> 00:30:13,792
Hey, you look great.
764
00:30:13,875 --> 00:30:15,792
The exact same.
Oh.
765
00:30:15,875 --> 00:30:17,417
Thank you.
You too.
766
00:30:17,500 --> 00:30:20,583
Just, I didn't...
I didn't know about the...
767
00:30:20,667 --> 00:30:22,208
You know,
that you were...
768
00:30:22,291 --> 00:30:24,041
Glad to see that you're
okay now.
769
00:30:24,125 --> 00:30:25,333
Thank you.
Okay.
770
00:30:25,417 --> 00:30:26,333
Yeah.
Yeah.
771
00:30:26,417 --> 00:30:28,166
Hey, Mickey.
My man!
772
00:30:30,375 --> 00:30:31,792
( Woman on television ):
Do you mind if I just don't do
773
00:30:31,875 --> 00:30:34,250
the whole Southern accent thing?
It just feels like...
774
00:30:34,333 --> 00:30:35,792
Woman #2: Uh, okay.
775
00:30:35,875 --> 00:30:37,625
Woman #2:
Chelsea Handler, Aunt Patsy.
776
00:30:37,709 --> 00:30:39,041
I'll turn that off.
777
00:30:39,125 --> 00:30:41,667
We were just watching
this when you came.
778
00:30:41,750 --> 00:30:44,041
Woman #2:
Oh, Aunt Patsy, not now.
779
00:30:44,125 --> 00:30:47,792
Note to self:
I don't need to see that.
780
00:30:47,875 --> 00:30:49,291
Hm.
781
00:30:49,375 --> 00:30:51,458
Well, as long as we're ordering,
I'd like a side
782
00:30:51,542 --> 00:30:54,417
of Big Dick Perkins...
hold the Perkins.
783
00:30:56,417 --> 00:30:58,834
Well... okay.
That's not right.
784
00:30:58,917 --> 00:31:00,917
You know.
I'm not happy with you.
785
00:31:01,000 --> 00:31:03,583
Or you, okay?
786
00:31:03,667 --> 00:31:06,166
You need to "ceast"
and desist.
787
00:31:06,250 --> 00:31:08,000
We did reach out
to your agent.
788
00:31:08,083 --> 00:31:09,333
We never heard back.
789
00:31:09,417 --> 00:31:12,500
You reached out for--
to get my permission to...
790
00:31:12,583 --> 00:31:14,834
No, no.
We wanted to see if you were interested
791
00:31:14,917 --> 00:31:16,250
in coming in for it.
792
00:31:18,166 --> 00:31:20,000
Oh, you w-wanted
to see if I--
793
00:31:20,083 --> 00:31:22,625
Oh. Oh, and you didn't
hear back?
794
00:31:22,709 --> 00:31:24,208
Okay, well...
795
00:31:24,291 --> 00:31:26,500
You know, they just keep
promoting assistants over there.
796
00:31:26,583 --> 00:31:29,041
Next time check
the assistant's directory maybe.
797
00:31:29,125 --> 00:31:31,375
Right. Well, it was
my understanding
798
00:31:31,458 --> 00:31:33,709
that we don't need
your permission for...
799
00:31:33,792 --> 00:31:37,250
a character Paulie G. created,
called Mallory Church.
800
00:31:37,333 --> 00:31:38,709
It's fiction.
801
00:31:38,792 --> 00:31:41,000
( laughs )
It sounds like a little miscommunication problem.
802
00:31:41,083 --> 00:31:42,792
Yeah, uh-huh.
But you read the script,
803
00:31:42,875 --> 00:31:44,333
and here you are.
804
00:31:44,417 --> 00:31:46,083
It'd be great
to hear you read it.
805
00:31:50,291 --> 00:31:53,250
Well, I haven't prepared.
So...
806
00:31:53,333 --> 00:31:55,542
Do you need to prepare?
It's pretty close to you.
807
00:31:55,625 --> 00:31:57,542
Without actually being you.
808
00:31:57,625 --> 00:32:00,583
Uh-huh. Yeah.
But we'd love to hear what you'd do with it.
809
00:32:01,750 --> 00:32:03,583
Valerie: Okay, sure.
Why not? Yeah.
810
00:32:03,667 --> 00:32:06,500
Woman: Take a few minutes.
We'll wait. Thank you. Yeah.
811
00:32:06,583 --> 00:32:09,333
Come with me Valerie,
and I'll get you the rest of Aunt Patsy's scenes.
812
00:32:09,417 --> 00:32:10,417
Okay.
Ooh! Oh!
813
00:32:10,500 --> 00:32:11,542
Are you all right, doll?
814
00:32:11,625 --> 00:32:13,625
Be careful.
815
00:32:13,709 --> 00:32:15,125
Paulie:
You know what?
816
00:32:15,208 --> 00:32:18,417
Hey, guys,
we don't need to hear Valerie read
817
00:32:18,500 --> 00:32:19,959
the show within a show stuff.
818
00:32:20,041 --> 00:32:21,083
You know what I mean?
819
00:32:21,166 --> 00:32:22,875
We know she's great
at bad sitcom.
820
00:32:22,959 --> 00:32:26,125
Which I wrote.
That's my bad.
821
00:32:26,208 --> 00:32:28,250
Yeah. Right.
I didn't say anything. ( laughing )
822
00:32:28,333 --> 00:32:30,041
We just-- Let's get
to the meat of it, you know?
823
00:32:30,125 --> 00:32:31,667
Uh-huh.
To the drama stuff.
824
00:32:31,750 --> 00:32:33,917
All right?
Sharon, do we have the monologue?
825
00:32:34,000 --> 00:32:35,625
Sharon: Sure,
that's a great idea.
826
00:32:37,000 --> 00:32:38,500
Okay.
Paulie: Yeah?
827
00:32:38,583 --> 00:32:40,542
Yeah--
Paulie: Obviously we're not asking everyone to read that.
828
00:32:40,625 --> 00:32:42,208
Oh, okay.
Thank you.
829
00:32:42,291 --> 00:32:43,792
Thanks for that.
I guess I could--
830
00:32:43,875 --> 00:32:45,917
yeah, I could take
a few minutes out there, try to memorize it.
831
00:32:46,000 --> 00:32:48,458
You don't need
to memorize it. No one's expecting that.
832
00:32:48,542 --> 00:32:49,959
You know, we just want
to see it.
833
00:32:50,041 --> 00:32:52,166
Right.
Yeah, okay. Well, look,
834
00:32:52,250 --> 00:32:53,792
the truth is I didn't...
835
00:32:53,875 --> 00:32:55,125
I didn't read
the whole script.
836
00:32:55,208 --> 00:32:57,250
So, busted.
( producers laugh )
837
00:32:57,333 --> 00:32:59,291
So, you know, then it's
a cold reading,
838
00:32:59,375 --> 00:33:01,458
and I don't do
cold reads well.
839
00:33:01,542 --> 00:33:02,834
And I could
argue otherwise.
840
00:33:02,917 --> 00:33:04,417
I've given you
stuff cold before.
841
00:33:04,500 --> 00:33:07,083
Right?
I had you change lines right on the spot.
842
00:33:07,166 --> 00:33:10,458
Yeah. Uh-huh.
Paulie: You always nailed it.
843
00:33:10,542 --> 00:33:12,125
If you'd like
to take your time,
844
00:33:12,208 --> 00:33:15,000
and prepare,
and then come back. Mm-hmm. Yeah.
845
00:33:15,083 --> 00:33:16,583
Are we casting tomorrow?
846
00:33:16,667 --> 00:33:19,041
Uh, this is
the last day scheduled so far.
847
00:33:19,125 --> 00:33:21,917
Well...
Man: Right, right. I'm in Ireland tomorrow.
848
00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:23,041
Oh.
849
00:33:23,125 --> 00:33:26,166
Valerie: Right.
Well, it's up to you.
850
00:33:26,250 --> 00:33:28,000
We all know
it's a cold reading.
851
00:33:28,083 --> 00:33:29,125
Valerie:
Uh-huh.
852
00:33:29,208 --> 00:33:30,917
Okay.
853
00:33:31,000 --> 00:33:32,041
Yeah. Sure.
854
00:33:32,125 --> 00:33:33,041
Okay.
855
00:33:33,125 --> 00:33:34,166
And down there?
Man: Yeah.
856
00:33:34,250 --> 00:33:35,709
Is that where we go?
Man: Right there.
857
00:33:35,792 --> 00:33:38,417
Okay, off we go then.
858
00:33:38,500 --> 00:33:39,750
Valerie:
I'm gonna--
859
00:33:41,917 --> 00:33:44,083
Oh, Mickey,
I'm gonna need my glasses.
860
00:33:44,166 --> 00:33:45,875
Valerie: Sorry.
861
00:33:47,792 --> 00:33:49,625
Have to see it
if I'm gonna read it.
862
00:33:49,709 --> 00:33:51,041
( all chuckling )
863
00:33:51,125 --> 00:33:52,250
Right?
864
00:33:54,041 --> 00:33:56,750
If I could memorize it,
you could see it without--
865
00:33:56,834 --> 00:33:59,208
Okay.
That's fine.
866
00:34:01,417 --> 00:34:03,166
Okay.
She won't look like this.
867
00:34:03,250 --> 00:34:04,834
( producers laughing )
868
00:34:04,917 --> 00:34:07,291
Valerie:
Just look it over for one second.
869
00:34:15,959 --> 00:34:17,291
Paulie:
Whenever you're ready, Val.
870
00:34:17,375 --> 00:34:19,166
Take your time.
871
00:34:21,750 --> 00:34:22,959
Mm-hmm.
872
00:34:29,625 --> 00:34:31,375
Okay.
873
00:34:31,458 --> 00:34:33,041
Paulie: Great.
874
00:34:33,125 --> 00:34:34,625
Okay.
875
00:34:35,542 --> 00:34:36,959
( clears throat )
876
00:34:39,709 --> 00:34:42,875
"You think I'm
this dried up, middle-aged woman.
877
00:34:42,959 --> 00:34:44,125
"Look at the jokes
you write,
878
00:34:44,208 --> 00:34:46,375
"look at this tracksuit
you make me wear.
879
00:34:46,458 --> 00:34:48,083
"All saying the same thing;
880
00:34:48,166 --> 00:34:52,208
"I'm old, I'm annoying,
I'm unfuckable.
881
00:34:53,166 --> 00:34:54,667
Valerie:
"Well, I'm not the joke, okay?
882
00:34:54,750 --> 00:34:56,625
"You are, Mitch.
883
00:34:56,709 --> 00:34:59,667
"And instead of spending
all your time trying to make me the joke,
884
00:34:59,750 --> 00:35:02,375
"why don't you do your job
and write me one, huh?
885
00:35:02,458 --> 00:35:04,500
"A real joke, Mitch.
Not you and your boys
886
00:35:04,583 --> 00:35:07,500
"off in a room making fun
of an old woman's pussy.
887
00:35:07,583 --> 00:35:10,583
"Yeah, I heard you.
I heard what you think of me.
888
00:35:10,667 --> 00:35:12,417
"I heard it.
889
00:35:12,500 --> 00:35:15,125
"Well, maybe you
and everyone in television
890
00:35:15,208 --> 00:35:16,959
"could--"
Oh, I said it wrong.
891
00:35:17,041 --> 00:35:19,417
Just let me go back.
892
00:35:19,500 --> 00:35:21,417
Okay.
893
00:35:21,500 --> 00:35:24,417
"Well, maybe you and everyone
in the television business
894
00:35:24,500 --> 00:35:26,375
"can't see me
as desirable,
895
00:35:26,458 --> 00:35:29,333
"but there are plenty
of men out there who--"
896
00:35:29,417 --> 00:35:31,667
"but there are plenty
of men out there...
897
00:35:31,750 --> 00:35:34,709
"who would still want
to fuck an old lady like me.
898
00:35:34,792 --> 00:35:39,500
"So fuck you, Mitch.
Just fuck you. And fuck you."
899
00:35:42,458 --> 00:35:43,750
Valerie:
Okay.
900
00:35:45,542 --> 00:35:48,834
Valerie:
Well, that was cold and, um...
901
00:35:48,917 --> 00:35:51,125
It was a little too...
just, up there.
902
00:35:51,208 --> 00:35:55,583
I'm gonna get my crew
and gonna get out of here.
903
00:35:55,667 --> 00:35:56,542
Okay.
904
00:35:56,625 --> 00:35:59,125
So thank you,
very much.
905
00:35:59,208 --> 00:36:00,417
Ooh.
906
00:36:02,041 --> 00:36:04,458
Need to get
my purse, Mickey.
907
00:36:04,542 --> 00:36:06,208
Just get it.
908
00:36:07,709 --> 00:36:09,250
Okay, everyone coming?
909
00:36:17,417 --> 00:36:18,542
Okay.
910
00:36:20,458 --> 00:36:22,000
Why, why did I do that?
911
00:36:22,083 --> 00:36:23,166
It was so stupid.
912
00:36:23,250 --> 00:36:25,667
Do a cold reading?
It was so stupid.
913
00:36:25,750 --> 00:36:26,667
Ooh.
( gasps )
914
00:36:26,750 --> 00:36:28,208
Ivan:
You dropped your mic.
915
00:36:28,291 --> 00:36:29,875
( Man via headphones ):
...gonna have a problem with this.
916
00:36:29,959 --> 00:36:31,291
I can hear them.
917
00:36:31,375 --> 00:36:32,792
( Woman via headphones ):
I don't know what that was,
918
00:36:32,875 --> 00:36:34,792
but I've got to have
more of it. Is that weird?
919
00:36:34,875 --> 00:36:37,000
It's stuck.
Leave it. Leave it. Leave it.
920
00:36:37,083 --> 00:36:39,000
( Paulie via headphones ):
We're not casting her though, right?
921
00:36:39,083 --> 00:36:40,667
Man #2:
That's who you wrote, Paulie.
922
00:36:40,750 --> 00:36:42,458
Man #2: She even had
the cameras. ( Paulie laughing )
923
00:36:42,542 --> 00:36:44,291
What's it stuck on?
I don't understand.
924
00:36:44,375 --> 00:36:46,417
( gasps )
925
00:36:47,291 --> 00:36:48,417
It's broken.
926
00:36:48,500 --> 00:36:50,041
Valerie: It's a rental.
Now what do I do?
927
00:36:51,583 --> 00:36:53,834
Ooh.
Oh.
928
00:36:53,917 --> 00:36:55,333
I, um...
929
00:36:55,417 --> 00:36:56,709
dropped this, so--
and I didn't want to,
930
00:36:56,792 --> 00:36:58,458
you know, I wasn't
listening. So...
931
00:36:58,542 --> 00:37:00,083
Okay, we're good.
932
00:37:00,166 --> 00:37:01,875
Got it.
Thank you.
933
00:37:01,959 --> 00:37:04,709
Sharon:
Thank you. Yeah. Bye. Bye, Shannon.
934
00:37:04,792 --> 00:37:05,917
Valerie:
Sharon!
935
00:37:08,000 --> 00:37:10,375
Mickey:
I thought you were wonderful, Red.
936
00:37:10,458 --> 00:37:12,208
Wasn't.
Cold read.
937
00:37:12,291 --> 00:37:14,291
Sometimes it's
not possible to win.
938
00:37:14,375 --> 00:37:16,542
You know, just got...
939
00:37:16,625 --> 00:37:18,375
That's supposed
to go up though.
940
00:37:18,458 --> 00:37:19,834
Why isn't
it going up?
941
00:37:19,917 --> 00:37:21,208
Okay.
942
00:37:21,291 --> 00:37:23,041
Can't get out.
943
00:37:23,125 --> 00:37:24,875
Man over PA:
( unintelligible )
944
00:37:24,959 --> 00:37:26,375
What?
945
00:37:26,458 --> 00:37:28,166
Man over PA:
( unintelligible )
946
00:37:28,250 --> 00:37:30,458
I can't understand.
Mickey, could you understand?
947
00:37:30,542 --> 00:37:31,917
Mickey: No.
( car honks )
948
00:37:32,000 --> 00:37:33,417
Tyler:
They want you to go.
949
00:37:33,500 --> 00:37:35,250
Yeah, well no one wants
to get out of here more than I do.
950
00:37:35,333 --> 00:37:36,959
So thanks for that,
Tyler.
951
00:37:37,041 --> 00:37:39,792
Hey, you--
someone has to help me.
952
00:37:39,875 --> 00:37:41,291
Man over PA:
( unintelligible )
953
00:37:41,375 --> 00:37:44,166
Oh, it said you put in
the wrong ticket.
954
00:37:44,250 --> 00:37:46,542
Oh.
Well...
955
00:37:46,625 --> 00:37:48,166
I don't...
956
00:37:48,250 --> 00:37:49,709
That's right,
I had two tickets.
957
00:37:49,792 --> 00:37:50,834
But who--
958
00:37:50,917 --> 00:37:53,625
Who gives you
two valet tickets, anyway?
959
00:37:53,709 --> 00:37:55,000
Fucking HBO.
960
00:37:55,083 --> 00:37:56,583
Man over PA:
You put in the wrong... ( unintelligible )
961
00:37:56,667 --> 00:37:58,750
I know. I know.
I did a stupid thing!
962
00:37:58,834 --> 00:38:00,250
Okay.
( horn blaring )
963
00:38:00,333 --> 00:38:01,208
Oh, you know what?
All right.
964
00:38:01,291 --> 00:38:03,417
Shut up, sir!
I can't go!
965
00:38:03,500 --> 00:38:05,417
All right?
No, you!
966
00:38:05,500 --> 00:38:07,041
Just turn them off.
Off.
967
00:38:07,125 --> 00:38:08,417
Cameras off, okay?
Man over PA: (unintelligible )
968
00:38:08,500 --> 00:38:09,959
Okay, you don't
have to shoot everything.
969
00:38:10,041 --> 00:38:11,625
You just keep blabbering
and I--
970
00:38:11,709 --> 00:38:14,709
You know?
'Cause, listen--
971
00:38:14,792 --> 00:38:18,125
Turn the cameras off,
so you missed the call from my agent.
972
00:38:18,208 --> 00:38:20,458
Okay.
Never turn the cameras off.
973
00:38:20,542 --> 00:38:22,500
Tyler:
You told us to.
974
00:38:22,583 --> 00:38:24,625
Well, Tyler, not now.
Okay?
975
00:38:24,709 --> 00:38:26,542
You're gonna
harsh my mellow.
976
00:38:26,625 --> 00:38:29,125
You know what?
Why don't I just do the call again?
977
00:38:29,208 --> 00:38:31,333
Right? I can fake it,
I'm an actress.
978
00:38:31,417 --> 00:38:34,458
Yeah. According to HBO
I'm an "amazing" dramatic actress.
979
00:38:34,542 --> 00:38:35,750
So, who knew.
( laughs )
980
00:38:35,834 --> 00:38:37,041
Mickey:
Good for you, Red.
981
00:38:37,125 --> 00:38:38,583
We're back on TV.
982
00:38:38,667 --> 00:38:40,458
Well, no.
"It's not TV. It's--"
983
00:38:40,542 --> 00:38:41,834
They don't do that
anymore, do they?
984
00:38:41,917 --> 00:38:44,583
Okay, in five, four,
three--
985
00:38:47,709 --> 00:38:48,875
Someone say "ring."
986
00:38:48,959 --> 00:38:50,208
Mickey:
Oh. Ring!
987
00:38:50,291 --> 00:38:53,333
Oh.
It's my agent.
988
00:38:53,417 --> 00:38:55,625
This is Valerie Cherish.
989
00:38:55,709 --> 00:38:57,125
No, you know what?
Let's do that again.
990
00:38:57,208 --> 00:38:58,834
( door opens )
Mark: Val?
991
00:38:58,917 --> 00:39:00,375
Ooh.
This is better.
992
00:39:00,458 --> 00:39:02,834
Okay, you guys.
You're gonna get me telling Mark.
993
00:39:02,917 --> 00:39:05,000
Valerie:
And get his reaction when I'm telling him.
994
00:39:05,083 --> 00:39:06,792
Hey guys.
Hi.
995
00:39:06,875 --> 00:39:08,250
Still working?
( chuckles )
996
00:39:08,333 --> 00:39:09,333
Valerie: Yeah.
997
00:39:09,417 --> 00:39:11,500
Valerie:
Um, got something to tell you.
998
00:39:11,583 --> 00:39:12,709
Tell me what?
999
00:39:12,792 --> 00:39:14,458
Valerie:
Well, Marky Mark,
1000
00:39:14,542 --> 00:39:17,834
just got a call
from my agent, Sean something.
1001
00:39:17,917 --> 00:39:21,917
HBO and Mr. Paulie G.
loved me
1002
00:39:22,000 --> 00:39:25,000
and offered me a part
in "Seeing Red." How do you like that?
1003
00:39:25,083 --> 00:39:27,333
( laughs )
Mark: Well, how'd that happen?
1004
00:39:27,417 --> 00:39:29,333
Aren't we suing them?
1005
00:39:29,417 --> 00:39:30,500
Well, okay.
That was a mistake.
1006
00:39:30,583 --> 00:39:32,041
You know.
Lesson learned.
1007
00:39:32,125 --> 00:39:36,291
Took myself too seriously.
You know, it's a part in a show.
1008
00:39:36,375 --> 00:39:38,333
Well, last night
you said it was you.
1009
00:39:38,417 --> 00:39:40,041
Yeah, and somebody's
gonna play me.
1010
00:39:40,125 --> 00:39:42,125
You know?
And not as good.
1011
00:39:43,166 --> 00:39:44,709
Now it's me
playing me.
1012
00:39:44,792 --> 00:39:46,875
Valerie:
Well, I don't think so--
1013
00:39:46,959 --> 00:39:48,875
No way, Val.
1014
00:39:48,959 --> 00:39:50,500
I mean, no fucking way.
1015
00:39:50,583 --> 00:39:51,750
Valerie: Well...
1016
00:39:53,917 --> 00:39:55,792
To be continued.
1017
00:39:56,792 --> 00:39:58,917
( '80s music playing )
1018
00:39:59,834 --> 00:40:01,000
Mickey, are you coming--
1019
00:40:04,250 --> 00:40:06,750
? ?
1020
00:40:08,291 --> 00:40:10,542
Harry:
When do we get paid?
1021
00:40:10,625 --> 00:40:13,125
Ivan:
I think it's like every week.
1022
00:40:15,250 --> 00:40:17,291
? ?
1023
00:40:18,792 --> 00:40:20,709
? When I'm with you baby ?
1024
00:40:20,792 --> 00:40:22,583
? I go out of my head ?
1025
00:40:22,667 --> 00:40:24,333
? And I just can't get enough ?
1026
00:40:24,417 --> 00:40:26,417
? And I just can't get enough ?
1027
00:40:26,500 --> 00:40:28,250
? All the things
you do to me ?
1028
00:40:28,333 --> 00:40:30,083
? And everything you said ?
1029
00:40:30,166 --> 00:40:31,834
? I just can't get enough ?
1030
00:40:31,917 --> 00:40:33,709
? I just can't get enough ?
1031
00:40:33,792 --> 00:40:37,000
? We slip and slide
as we fall in love ?
1032
00:40:37,083 --> 00:40:41,750
? And I just can't seem
to get enough of ?
1033
00:40:41,834 --> 00:40:43,959
? ?
1034
00:40:56,792 --> 00:40:59,709
? It's getting hotter
it's a burning love ?
1035
00:40:59,792 --> 00:41:04,667
? And I just can't seem
to get enough of ?
1036
00:41:04,750 --> 00:41:06,875
? ?
1037
00:41:06,925 --> 00:41:11,475
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
77698
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof