All language subtitles for The Comeback s01e06 Valerie Saves the Show

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:19,834 --> 00:00:21,333 Man: I'M READY, JANE. 2 00:00:21,400 --> 00:00:23,700 Jane: MICKEY, COULD YOU CLEAR OR ARE YOU ALMOST-- 3 00:00:23,767 --> 00:00:26,600 FINITO! I'M OFF LIKE A PROM DRESS. 4 00:00:26,667 --> 00:00:28,533 ( chuckles ) 5 00:00:28,600 --> 00:00:30,400 I'VE NEVER HEARD THAT BEFORE. 6 00:00:30,467 --> 00:00:33,033 Jane: SO TONIGHT IS THE PREMIERE OF "ROOM AND BORED." 7 00:00:33,100 --> 00:00:36,166 - YEAH. - NO, I NEED YOU TO SAY THAT. 8 00:00:36,233 --> 00:00:38,266 OH, SURE. OF COURSE YOU DO. 9 00:00:38,333 --> 00:00:41,400 SO TONIGHT IS THE PREMIERE OF "ROOM AND BORED." 10 00:00:41,467 --> 00:00:43,800 AND CAN YOU TELL ME HOW THE REVIEWS HAVE BEEN? 11 00:00:43,867 --> 00:00:45,767 WELL, I DON'T LIKE TO READ REVIEWS 12 00:00:45,834 --> 00:00:47,400 'CAUSE I DON'T WANT TO GET CAUGHT UP 13 00:00:47,467 --> 00:00:49,066 IN WHAT THE CRITICS THINK, YOU KNOW. 14 00:00:49,133 --> 00:00:51,767 'CAUSE ON THE ONE HAND YOU HAVE MATT ROUCH FROM "TV GUIDE" 15 00:00:51,834 --> 00:00:54,400 WHO SAYS, "KITSCHY FUN TO SEE VALERIE CHERISH 16 00:00:54,467 --> 00:00:56,367 WHO SHINES AT THE END OF THE EPISODE 17 00:00:56,433 --> 00:00:58,667 IN A VERY FUNNY TAG." 18 00:00:58,734 --> 00:01:00,967 AND THEN YOU HAVE "PEOPLE" MAGAZINE WHO SAYS, 19 00:01:01,033 --> 00:01:02,834 "BOTTOM LINE ON 'ROOM AND BORED'-- 20 00:01:02,900 --> 00:01:05,700 WAS NEVER BORED, BUT THERE'S ROOM FOR IMPROVEMENT." 21 00:01:05,767 --> 00:01:07,633 SO... 22 00:01:07,700 --> 00:01:11,200 I'M SORRY, THAT'S NOT RIGHT. WAIT A SECOND. 23 00:01:11,266 --> 00:01:14,233 THAT'S NOT-- I DON'T THINK THAT-- MICKEY, DO YOU HAVE THE... 24 00:01:14,300 --> 00:01:17,000 REVIEWS? YEAH, GOOD. ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU. 25 00:01:17,066 --> 00:01:19,433 UM... YEAH. 26 00:01:19,500 --> 00:01:21,700 OH NO, THAT'S "ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY." 27 00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:24,467 "VARIETY." THEY DIDN'T LIKE IT. 28 00:01:24,533 --> 00:01:26,934 HERE IT IS, YEAH, "BOTTOM LINE ON 'ROOM AND BORED'-- 29 00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:29,367 ROOM FOR IMPROVEMENT, BUT I WAS NEVER BORED." 30 00:01:29,433 --> 00:01:31,433 YOU KNOW. 31 00:01:31,500 --> 00:01:34,800 LEGALLY I HAVE TO SAY EXACTLY WHAT THEY WROTE 32 00:01:34,867 --> 00:01:37,567 OTHERWISE, YOU KNOW, WE'LL BE SCREWED. 33 00:01:37,633 --> 00:01:40,400 All right. If you guys are gonna be living here, 34 00:01:40,467 --> 00:01:42,967 there have to be some ground rules. 35 00:01:43,033 --> 00:01:45,200 Rule #1, no sex. 36 00:01:45,266 --> 00:01:47,133 - Oh. - ( audience laughs ) 37 00:01:47,200 --> 00:01:50,200 Dylan: Rule #2, if either of us is horny, 38 00:01:50,266 --> 00:01:53,000 - disregard Rule #1. - ( audience laughing ) 39 00:01:54,433 --> 00:01:57,734 FRANCHESCA, HONEY, YOU'RE IN JUNA'S SPACE, DEAR. 40 00:01:57,800 --> 00:02:00,567 OH, NO. THAT'S OKAY. I DON'T MIND AT ALL. 41 00:02:00,633 --> 00:02:03,467 - Cassie: Rule #3, our panty drawers... - OH, YOU'RE SWEET. 42 00:02:03,533 --> 00:02:05,900 are strictly off limits. This means you, Mooner. 43 00:02:05,967 --> 00:02:09,467 Yo, hold up! That was one time. I was cold. 44 00:02:09,533 --> 00:02:12,600 - Oh, and my thong warmed you up? - DAMN STRAIGHT IT DID! 45 00:02:12,667 --> 00:02:14,867 - ( laughing ) - ( audience laughing ) 46 00:02:16,333 --> 00:02:18,600 Cassie: Okay, Rule #4, you guys are responsible-- 47 00:02:18,667 --> 00:02:21,166 - WHERE DID YOU GET THESE? - ( crinkling loudly ) 48 00:02:21,233 --> 00:02:24,166 UM... MY AGENT SENT THEM. 49 00:02:24,233 --> 00:02:26,367 OPENING NIGHT GIFT BASKET. 50 00:02:28,233 --> 00:02:30,166 MARK, YOU'RE MAKING A LOT OF NOISE. 51 00:02:30,233 --> 00:02:32,367 OH, SORRY. SORRY. 52 00:02:34,667 --> 00:02:36,500 Hey, Dylan, still bored? 53 00:02:36,567 --> 00:02:40,767 - Um, no. - ( laughing ) 54 00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:45,967 OH, MY GOD, YOU GUYS. I WAS SO BAD. 55 00:02:46,033 --> 00:02:49,500 YOU WERE NOT. OH, JUNA DEAR, YOU WERE WONDERFUL. 56 00:02:49,567 --> 00:02:52,433 YOU WERE JUST ADORABLE AND CHARMING. 57 00:02:52,500 --> 00:02:55,867 EVERYTHING GOOD. ALL RIGHT, QUIET, EVERYONE. HERE'S MY TAG. 58 00:02:57,867 --> 00:03:00,834 Girls, I'm gonna unpack your groceries. 59 00:03:05,734 --> 00:03:08,066 ( audience laughing ) 60 00:03:10,266 --> 00:03:12,033 CONDOMS. 61 00:03:26,400 --> 00:03:28,533 Valerie: OH, I HATE WHEN THEY DO THAT. 62 00:03:28,600 --> 00:03:31,367 THAT IS SO DISRESPECTFUL. 63 00:03:34,867 --> 00:03:36,867 - ( buzzes ) - OH! 64 00:03:38,333 --> 00:03:40,400 - ( engine revving ) - Valerie: WHAT'S THAT NOW? 65 00:03:40,467 --> 00:03:43,233 - ( tires screeching ) - WHAT'S THAT ROBOT DOING... 66 00:03:43,300 --> 00:03:46,266 - Mark: I-I DON'T KNOW. - Valerie: IN MY TAG? 67 00:03:46,333 --> 00:03:48,600 ( theme music playing ) 68 00:03:48,667 --> 00:03:50,433 WELL, ALL RIGHT, NO ONE SAW THE TAG, 69 00:03:50,500 --> 00:03:52,367 BUT EVERYONE KNOWS WHEN THE PEPSI 400 IS! 70 00:03:52,433 --> 00:03:54,567 - SO... - ( Juna giggles ) 71 00:03:54,633 --> 00:03:55,633 UNBELIEVABLE. 72 00:03:55,700 --> 00:03:57,133 ( stammers ) WELL, IT RUINED IT. 73 00:03:57,200 --> 00:03:59,600 NOW YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED. CAN'T EVEN TELL. 74 00:03:59,667 --> 00:04:02,467 - COULD YOU TELL WHAT WAS IN THE BAG? - YEAH, THERE WAS... 75 00:04:02,533 --> 00:04:05,033 - SEX STUFF IN THE BAG. - YEAH, AT THE END THOUGH. 76 00:04:05,100 --> 00:04:06,967 WHAT WAS IN IT AT THE END? WHAT WAS THAT? 77 00:04:07,033 --> 00:04:08,633 YOU CAN'T TELL, CAN YOU? 78 00:04:08,700 --> 00:04:10,467 WELL YOU WERE THERE AT THE TAPING. 79 00:04:10,533 --> 00:04:12,567 YOU WERE ALL THERE AT THE TAPING, SO YOU KNOW. 80 00:04:12,633 --> 00:04:14,333 BUT WHAT ABOUT THE REST OF THE WORLD? 81 00:04:14,400 --> 00:04:16,000 FRANCHESCA, YOU WEREN'T THERE. 82 00:04:16,066 --> 00:04:19,266 COULD YOU TELL WHAT WAS IN THE BAG AT THE VERY END, HMM? 83 00:04:20,934 --> 00:04:23,734 IT WAS A VIBRATOR. THAT'S WHY IT WAS VIBRATING. 84 00:04:25,200 --> 00:04:27,000 JANE? 85 00:04:27,066 --> 00:04:30,800 PROBABLY SHOULDN'T SAY VIBRATOR IN FRONT OF A CHILD, RIGHT? YEAH. 86 00:04:32,867 --> 00:04:34,867 ( Mark whispering ) WHY ARE YOU SO UPSET? 87 00:04:34,934 --> 00:04:36,967 MARK, IT WAS THE PREMIERE, ALL RIGHT. 88 00:04:37,033 --> 00:04:39,133 AND THERE'S A LOT RIDING ON IT. 89 00:04:39,200 --> 00:04:41,533 THE FACT IS NO ONE IN AMERICA SAW THAT TAG, OKAY, 90 00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:44,900 WHICH MATT ROUCH WOULD HAVE HAD TO EXPLAIN-- TO MENTION IN HIS REVIEW. 91 00:04:44,967 --> 00:04:47,433 - NO ONE SAW IT. - HONEY, HONEY, THE SHOW IS GOOD. 92 00:04:47,500 --> 00:04:49,734 - AND YOU ARE GOOD. - OH, THANK YOU. 93 00:04:49,800 --> 00:04:52,233 COME ON. OH, COME ON, COME ON, COME ON. 94 00:04:52,300 --> 00:04:53,967 OKAY. 95 00:04:54,033 --> 00:04:56,700 - ALL RIGHT? COME ON. ( chuckles ) - YES. 96 00:04:58,400 --> 00:05:01,734 - I'M JUST GONNA FRESHEN UP A BIT. - ALL RIGHT. 97 00:05:03,633 --> 00:05:05,400 - THERE YOU GO. - THANK YOU. 98 00:05:05,467 --> 00:05:08,133 - SURE. - OH, MICKEY, I ALMOST FORGOT. 99 00:05:08,200 --> 00:05:11,667 - WHAT IS IT, DEAR? - I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'RE SEEING ANYONE, 100 00:05:11,734 --> 00:05:13,734 BUT THERE'S THIS GUY IN MY BUILDING, 101 00:05:13,800 --> 00:05:15,834 HE'S LIKE 55 AND SO NICE 102 00:05:15,900 --> 00:05:18,266 AND HIS LOVER JUST DIED. 103 00:05:18,333 --> 00:05:20,600 ANYWAY, I THINK YOU GUYS WOULD TOTALLY HIT IT OFF. 104 00:05:20,667 --> 00:05:24,133 SO IF YOU WANT HIS NUMBER OR SOMETHING JUST LET ME KNOW, 105 00:05:24,200 --> 00:05:26,667 OKAY? ( giggling ) 106 00:05:26,734 --> 00:05:28,433 I'LL SEE YOU SOON. 107 00:05:28,500 --> 00:05:30,133 - HEY. - THERE YOU ARE. YOU ALL SET? 108 00:05:30,200 --> 00:05:32,233 - YUP, I GOT EVERYTHING. - GOOD. THERE YOU ARE. 109 00:05:32,300 --> 00:05:34,834 THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR TONIGHT, VAL. IT WAS GREAT. 110 00:05:34,900 --> 00:05:36,500 JUNA, DEAR, IT WAS MY PLEASURE. 111 00:05:36,567 --> 00:05:38,000 IT REALLY WAS. 112 00:05:38,066 --> 00:05:40,734 - AND YOU WERE SO GREAT, JUST PHENOMENAL. - OH, THANK YOU. 113 00:05:40,800 --> 00:05:43,000 - AW. - THANK YOU. 114 00:05:44,400 --> 00:05:46,266 AND YOUR TAG WAS REALLY FUNNY. 115 00:05:46,333 --> 00:05:48,200 - AW, THANK YOU. THANK YOU. - IT WAS-- 116 00:05:48,266 --> 00:05:50,400 WISH I WEREN'T THE INCREDIBLE SHRINKING WOMAN 117 00:05:50,467 --> 00:05:53,367 - TRYING TO FIGHT OFF THE TERMINATOR, RIGHT? - ( Mark laughs ) 118 00:05:53,433 --> 00:05:55,367 - WE HAD FUN THOUGH. - YES. 119 00:05:55,433 --> 00:05:59,133 - THAT'S THE IMPORTANT THING. - IT WAS GREAT. THANK YOU SO MUCH, YOU GUYS. 120 00:05:59,200 --> 00:06:01,033 - I'LL SEE YOU SOON. - BYE-BYE. 121 00:06:01,100 --> 00:06:03,567 - SO CUTE. CUTE GIRL. - YEAH. 122 00:06:03,633 --> 00:06:07,166 I DON'T KNOW. HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE THERE GONNA BE? 123 00:06:07,233 --> 00:06:09,567 IT'S TWO CAMERAS, ONE SOUND GUY AND ME. 124 00:06:09,633 --> 00:06:11,633 UM, LET ME JUST ASK MY MANAGER. 125 00:06:11,700 --> 00:06:13,066 OKAY. 126 00:06:13,133 --> 00:06:15,000 - ( phone rings ) - Woman: CAFE MONTANA? 127 00:06:15,066 --> 00:06:17,233 ( whispers ) GET THEM. 128 00:06:18,967 --> 00:06:20,800 I ALWAYS FORGET WE HAVE TO ASK PERMISSION 129 00:06:20,867 --> 00:06:22,967 - BEFORE WE GO INTO ONE OF THESE PLACES. - VAL, 130 00:06:23,033 --> 00:06:25,367 - I HAVE TO ASK YOU A QUESTION. - YEAH. 131 00:06:25,433 --> 00:06:28,633 DID YOU TELL JUNA I WAS GAY? 132 00:06:31,300 --> 00:06:33,300 DID I-- NO, I DIDN'T. 133 00:06:33,367 --> 00:06:36,300 LAST NIGHT SHE TRIED TO FIX ME UP WITH A MAN. 134 00:06:36,367 --> 00:06:38,467 AND IF YOU DIDN'T TELL HER, I DON'T KNOW WHY 135 00:06:38,533 --> 00:06:40,667 SHE WOULD ASSUME I'M GAY. 136 00:06:44,233 --> 00:06:46,367 WELL... 137 00:06:47,333 --> 00:06:49,033 I'VE GOT TO CHECK INSIDE. 138 00:06:49,100 --> 00:06:51,467 ALL I'M SAYING IS MY PERSONAL LIFE IS PERSONAL. 139 00:06:51,533 --> 00:06:54,500 I JUST DON'T WANT PEOPLE WONDERING BEHIND MY BACK IF I'M GAY. 140 00:06:54,567 --> 00:06:56,633 RIGHT, YEAH, NO. I KNOW. 141 00:06:56,700 --> 00:06:59,000 UH, JANE, WE'RE READY. 142 00:06:59,066 --> 00:07:01,433 THEY DON'T WANT US TO SHOOT IN HERE. 143 00:07:01,500 --> 00:07:04,633 REALLY? I USED TO COME IN HERE ALL THE TIME. 144 00:07:04,700 --> 00:07:06,700 I'M A VALUED CUSTOMER. 145 00:07:06,767 --> 00:07:08,233 ARE YOU IN CHARGE? 146 00:07:08,300 --> 00:07:11,500 - HI, I'M VALERIE CHERISH. - HI. OH, HI. 147 00:07:11,567 --> 00:07:14,233 LISTEN, WE'RE JUST NOT SURE WE WANT A REALITY CREW 148 00:07:14,300 --> 00:07:16,834 - IN HERE DURING THE BREAKFAST RUSH. - UH-HUH, YEAH. 149 00:07:16,900 --> 00:07:19,266 WELL, ALL RIGHT, HERE'S THE DEALLY, OKAY? 150 00:07:19,333 --> 00:07:21,533 I USED TO BE ON A SHOW CALLED, "I'M IT!" 151 00:07:21,600 --> 00:07:23,800 AND MY FRIEND... 152 00:07:23,867 --> 00:07:26,667 MICKEY AND I USED TO HAVE THIS LITTLE TRADITION, YOU KNOW, 153 00:07:26,734 --> 00:07:28,667 AFTER EVERY SHOW, WE'D COME HERE, 154 00:07:28,734 --> 00:07:31,133 DIAL A NUMBER TO CHECK OUT THE RATINGS. 155 00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:33,433 SO NOW I'M ON THIS NEW SHOW "ROOM AND BORED." 156 00:07:33,500 --> 00:07:35,567 AND, UH... 157 00:07:35,633 --> 00:07:38,934 YEAH, SO, YOU KNOW, WE JUST THOUGHT IT MIGHT BE KIND OF NEAT TO... 158 00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:41,900 COME HERE, AND... CALL THAT NUMBER 159 00:07:41,967 --> 00:07:43,800 AND CHECK THE RATINGS LIKE WE USED TO. 160 00:07:43,867 --> 00:07:47,500 - Woman: CAFE MONTANA. - AND IT'S FOR, YOU KNOW, THIS REALITY SHOW TOO. 161 00:07:47,567 --> 00:07:50,967 SO WE'RE GOING TO BE SAYING, "CAFE MONTANA, CAFE MONTANA" 162 00:07:51,033 --> 00:07:54,300 - ALL THE TIME. - J'ADORE CAFE MONTANA. 163 00:07:54,367 --> 00:07:56,000 ( woman chuckles ) 164 00:07:56,066 --> 00:07:57,700 YEAH. 165 00:08:00,734 --> 00:08:03,500 SWEETIE, COULD I HAVE A CUP OF DECAF 166 00:08:03,567 --> 00:08:06,000 AND A CINNAMON BUN, PLEASE? 167 00:08:06,066 --> 00:08:09,367 - OH WHAT THE HELL, SPECIAL OCCASION. - THAT'S RIGHT. 168 00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:15,300 - WANNA CHECK YOUR RATINGS? - YEAH, LET'S DO THAT. 169 00:08:16,834 --> 00:08:19,567 SO FOR "I'M IT!" WE STARTED AT A NINE 170 00:08:19,633 --> 00:08:22,900 - AND THEN SPENT THAT YEAR BUILDING UP TO A 13. - ( phone ringing ) 171 00:08:22,967 --> 00:08:24,767 SO ANYTHING CLOSE TO THAT. 172 00:08:24,834 --> 00:08:27,033 Man: Fast National Ratings for Tuesday. 173 00:08:27,100 --> 00:08:29,867 "Hard Knocks," 6.1, 10 share. 174 00:08:29,934 --> 00:08:32,867 "Pray for Wayne," 5.4, nine share. 175 00:08:32,934 --> 00:08:36,567 "Room and Bored," 3.5, six share. 176 00:08:36,633 --> 00:08:39,000 For shows on competing networks, press four. 177 00:08:39,066 --> 00:08:41,300 - ( phone beeps ) - WHAT DID HE SAY? 178 00:08:41,367 --> 00:08:43,300 3.5? 179 00:08:43,367 --> 00:08:45,900 THAT'S NOT GOOD. 180 00:08:45,967 --> 00:08:48,667 HOW MANY EPISODES DO YOU THINK THEY'LL GIVE US? 181 00:08:49,967 --> 00:08:52,100 WE SHOULD PROBABLY GO, HUH? 182 00:09:09,033 --> 00:09:12,767 MICKEY... START SMALL, END BIG. 183 00:09:12,834 --> 00:09:14,934 RIGHT? ( chuckles ) 184 00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:17,300 MISS? HI, CAN I GET ONE OF THOSE TOO? 185 00:09:17,367 --> 00:09:19,133 - SURE. - THANK YOU. 186 00:09:19,200 --> 00:09:21,300 COMFORT FOOD. 187 00:09:23,000 --> 00:09:25,133 - THEY MAKE IT LOOK SO GOOD. - ( both chuckle ) 188 00:09:25,200 --> 00:09:27,233 - IS IT HOT? - NO. 189 00:09:27,300 --> 00:09:29,233 OH. 190 00:09:29,300 --> 00:09:31,433 DO YOU WANT ME TO HAVE HER HEAT IT UP? 191 00:09:31,500 --> 00:09:33,633 NO. 192 00:09:35,533 --> 00:09:37,767 - HI, EVERYONE. - All: HEY. 193 00:09:37,834 --> 00:09:40,100 Valerie: AW, RATINGS BLUES? 194 00:09:40,166 --> 00:09:42,066 - HUH? GOT THAT? - Jesse: MM-HMM. 195 00:09:42,133 --> 00:09:45,300 YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I WAS AFRAID OF. I WAS AFRAID OF THAT. 196 00:09:45,367 --> 00:09:47,500 LISTEN... AHEM, 197 00:09:49,033 --> 00:09:51,900 THE WRITERS ARE GOING TO COME DOWN, OKAY, TO TALK TO US. 198 00:09:51,967 --> 00:09:53,734 AND HERE'S WHAT THEY'RE GOING TO SAY. 199 00:09:53,800 --> 00:09:56,200 THEY'RE JUST GOING TO SAY, "LOOK, THE RATINGS-- 200 00:09:56,266 --> 00:09:58,367 YEAH, NOT THE SUPER BOWL-- NOT YET!" 201 00:09:58,433 --> 00:09:59,734 RIGHT? UM... 202 00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:02,834 BUT LOOK, THE THING IS IS THAT 203 00:10:02,900 --> 00:10:06,333 IT'S IMPORTANT THAT WE STAY POSITIVE, YOU KNOW. 204 00:10:06,400 --> 00:10:08,100 AND WE'RE A TEAM. 205 00:10:08,166 --> 00:10:10,100 SO WE'VE REALLY GOT TO STAY TOGETHER, 206 00:10:10,166 --> 00:10:12,066 BE POSITIVE, KEEP OUR SPIRITS UP 207 00:10:12,133 --> 00:10:15,667 - 'CAUSE WE STILL HAVE A SHOW TO DO. - ATTENTION, EVERYONE! 208 00:10:15,734 --> 00:10:18,133 - WE SUCK. - ( men laugh ) 209 00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:21,800 HEY, 3.5-- IT'S SIMPLE MATH, PEOPLE. WE SUCK. 210 00:10:21,867 --> 00:10:24,767 - YOU SUCK AND YOU SUCK AND YOU SUCK... - ( all groaning ) 211 00:10:24,834 --> 00:10:26,433 - AND YOU, HEY! - WHAT ABOUT ME? 212 00:10:26,500 --> 00:10:28,800 - YOU SUCK BALLS. - Jesse: OOH-OOH-OOH! 213 00:10:28,867 --> 00:10:32,200 GUYS, GUYS, EVERYBODY IGNORE HIM! 214 00:10:32,266 --> 00:10:35,133 - IT WASN'T ME. - THIS GUY YELLED "YOU SUCK" AT MY WEDDING. 215 00:10:35,200 --> 00:10:36,800 - AGH! - SO YOU KNOW... 216 00:10:36,867 --> 00:10:41,700 LISTEN, I JUST WANTED TO SAY THE NETWORK IS OKAY WITH THE NUMBERS. 217 00:10:41,767 --> 00:10:43,734 THIS WAS TOTALLY EXPECTED. IT'S FINE. 218 00:10:43,800 --> 00:10:46,166 - IT'S-- IT'S PERFECTLY FINE. - Valerie: OKAY. 219 00:10:46,233 --> 00:10:49,166 I JUST WANTED TO GIVE YOU GUYS A SHOUT OUT. 220 00:10:49,233 --> 00:10:51,066 ISN'T THAT WHAT THE KIDS ARE SAYING? 221 00:10:51,133 --> 00:10:53,300 KIDS ARE SAYING WE SUCK BALLS. 222 00:10:53,367 --> 00:10:57,800 NO NO, ACTUALLY WE DO NOT SUCK BALLS, ALL RIGHT? 223 00:10:57,867 --> 00:11:00,233 BUT YOU KNOW, WHAT DOES SUCK BALLS IS OUR TIME SLOT. 224 00:11:00,300 --> 00:11:02,934 ( laughing ) THAT SUCKS BALLS. KIDDING. 225 00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:04,900 AND ALSO, YOU KNOW, ANOTHER THING IS THAT 226 00:11:04,967 --> 00:11:08,700 YOU HAD THIS BRILLIANTLY FUNNY TAG THAT YOU WROTE 227 00:11:08,767 --> 00:11:12,367 THAT I WAS LUCKY ENOUGH TO PERFORM AND THE CRITICS LOVED 228 00:11:12,433 --> 00:11:15,367 AND WHAT DO THEY DO? THEY SHOVE IT OVER TO THE SIDE 229 00:11:15,433 --> 00:11:16,800 AND THEN THROW A ROBOT IN THERE 230 00:11:16,867 --> 00:11:20,333 WHO'S GOING, "BIP-BOP-BOOP, MUST DESTROY COMEDY." 231 00:11:20,400 --> 00:11:22,467 UGH, YOU KNOW? 232 00:11:22,533 --> 00:11:25,000 YOU KNOW, IF ANYTHING, IF YOU WANNA BE PROACTIVE, 233 00:11:25,066 --> 00:11:27,000 THE ONE THING YOU CAN DO IS, YOU KNOW, 234 00:11:27,066 --> 00:11:29,433 YOU HAVE THOSE VERY FUNNY MOMENTS AT THE END, 235 00:11:29,500 --> 00:11:33,533 YOU PUT 'EM IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SHOW, WHERE SOMEONE CAN SEE 'EM, 236 00:11:33,600 --> 00:11:35,000 YOU KNOW... 237 00:11:35,066 --> 00:11:37,266 Paulie G: YEAH, MAYBE WE'LL TRY THAT TONIGHT 238 00:11:37,333 --> 00:11:40,233 WHEN WE'RE HERE DOING REWRITES TILL 4:00 IN THE MORNING. 239 00:11:40,300 --> 00:11:43,834 ARE YOU HERE THAT LATE? OH REALLY? WOW! 240 00:11:43,900 --> 00:11:48,066 JUST HATS OFF, YOU GUYS, KILLING YOURSELVES FOR THIS SHOW. 241 00:11:48,133 --> 00:11:50,834 ON BEHALF OF ALL THE ACTORS, YOU KNOW WHAT? THANK YOU. 242 00:11:50,900 --> 00:11:54,600 THANK YOU, TOM, PAULIE G. THANK YOU, GIGI. 243 00:11:54,667 --> 00:11:57,467 AND THANK YOU... 244 00:11:58,600 --> 00:12:00,533 - I WANT TO SAY BARRY. - MILO. 245 00:12:00,600 --> 00:12:02,567 THAT'S RIGHT, MILO. THAT'S RIGHT, YEAH... 246 00:12:02,633 --> 00:12:04,867 AND YOU KNOW, ALL THE OTHERS. 247 00:12:04,934 --> 00:12:07,867 LEAVE NO ONE OUT, THANK YOU. 248 00:12:07,934 --> 00:12:10,767 - ALL RIGHT, WE'RE GONNA HEAD OUT. - COME ON, "BARRY... 249 00:12:10,834 --> 00:12:13,000 - ALL THE OTHERS..." - VERY DISAPPOINTED. 250 00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:16,300 "VERY DISAPPOINTED--" ( laughs sarcastically ) 251 00:12:16,367 --> 00:12:18,567 THAT'S SHORT FOR WHAT? 252 00:12:18,633 --> 00:12:22,033 ( Valerie sniffing ) DOESN'T THAT SMELL GOOD? 253 00:12:22,100 --> 00:12:24,934 YOU SHOULD GET THAT ONE. THAT ONE'S REAL GOOD. 254 00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:27,567 AHEM, I SHOULD SAY WHAT WE'RE DOING. 255 00:12:27,633 --> 00:12:29,934 IT'S ABOUT 1:00 IN THE MORNING 256 00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:33,700 AND MICKEY AND I DECIDED TO MAKE COOKIES FOR THE WRITERS. 257 00:12:33,767 --> 00:12:36,300 UH... SUGAR CRASH. 258 00:12:36,367 --> 00:12:38,367 HE HAD ABOUT 10 OF THESE. 259 00:12:38,433 --> 00:12:40,266 ANYWAY, I JUST THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUN 260 00:12:40,333 --> 00:12:43,467 TO DO A SURPRISE LATE-NIGHT COOKIE RUN 261 00:12:43,533 --> 00:12:46,934 JUST AS A THANK YOU TO THE WRITERS FOR ALL THEIR HARD WORK. 262 00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:48,867 'CAUSE ANYONE CAN SEND A BASKET NOW, 263 00:12:48,934 --> 00:12:51,800 BUT THESE ARE HOMEMADE WITH LOVE. 264 00:12:51,867 --> 00:12:53,834 SO... ( giggles ) 265 00:12:53,900 --> 00:12:56,600 NOW, I THINK THE KEY TO BAKING 266 00:12:56,667 --> 00:12:59,667 IS YOU CUT THEM REAL THICK. 267 00:12:59,734 --> 00:13:01,700 MM... 268 00:13:01,767 --> 00:13:04,367 - INTO GLOBS... LIKE THAT... - ( static ) 269 00:13:05,667 --> 00:13:08,033 Jane: HANG ON, HANG ON ONE SECOND. 270 00:13:08,100 --> 00:13:10,166 - YEAH? - IT'S JUST AN AUDIO PROBLEM. 271 00:13:10,233 --> 00:13:12,367 - Valerie: UH-HUH. - CAN YOU FIX HER MIC? 272 00:13:12,433 --> 00:13:14,100 OKAY. 273 00:13:15,233 --> 00:13:16,700 THAT WAS GOOD TOO. 274 00:13:16,767 --> 00:13:19,734 DID YOU MISS THE-- 275 00:13:22,767 --> 00:13:24,667 WHO'S THIS? 276 00:13:24,734 --> 00:13:27,033 - I'M SEAN. - UH-HUH, HI, SEAN. 277 00:13:27,100 --> 00:13:28,934 ( whispers ) HEY. 278 00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:32,233 - SWEAT KILLS THESE THINGS. - OH... 279 00:13:32,300 --> 00:13:34,166 YOU TEND TO SWEAT A LOT. 280 00:13:34,233 --> 00:13:37,100 I DON'T THINK I DO. NO, I DON'T, NOT REALLY. 281 00:13:37,166 --> 00:13:40,333 I THINK YOU PROBABLY SWEAT TOO MUCH. 282 00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:43,734 - I'M GONNA HAVE TO REPLACE IT. - ALL RIGHT. 283 00:13:43,800 --> 00:13:47,100 AHEM, YOU KNOW WHAT, I'M SORRY, THAT'S-- 284 00:13:47,166 --> 00:13:50,600 ACTUALLY, I THINK THAT'S A UNION THING, A RULE-- 285 00:13:50,667 --> 00:13:53,467 IT HAS TO BE A WOMAN, YOU KNOW 'CAUSE I'M A WOMAN. 286 00:13:53,533 --> 00:13:55,934 THIS ISN'T A UNION CREW. 287 00:13:57,400 --> 00:13:59,700 YEAH, NO-- NO, THAT'S RIGHT, 288 00:13:59,767 --> 00:14:01,967 JANE, COULD YOU CHANGE THIS OUT FOR ME? 289 00:14:02,033 --> 00:14:04,100 JANE, WE'LL-- WE'RE JUST GONNA GO IN THERE, 290 00:14:04,166 --> 00:14:05,867 THANK YOU FOR UNDERSTANDING. 291 00:14:11,767 --> 00:14:14,333 - UH, JANE-- - WHAT? YEAH. 292 00:14:14,400 --> 00:14:17,233 WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR REGULAR SOUND GUY? WHAT'S HIS NAME? 293 00:14:17,300 --> 00:14:18,700 - AL. - AL, YEAH... 294 00:14:18,767 --> 00:14:21,333 HE WORKED ALL DAY. WE HAD TO GET A WHOLE NEW CREW FOR THIS. 295 00:14:21,400 --> 00:14:22,767 UH-HUH, YEAH... 296 00:14:22,834 --> 00:14:25,000 I'M NOT SO SURE ABOUT MY NEW FRIEND, SEAN. 297 00:14:25,066 --> 00:14:28,066 KIND OF CREEPING ME OUT A LITTLE BIT. 298 00:14:28,133 --> 00:14:31,400 WHAT ARE THOSE-- WHAT ARE THOSE SCRATCHES ON HIS FOREHEAD? 299 00:14:31,467 --> 00:14:34,533 IT LOOKS LIKE-- LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE WAS TRYING TO FIGHT HIM OFF. 300 00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:36,467 YOU KNOW... 301 00:14:36,533 --> 00:14:38,567 THANKS FOR DOING THIS. 302 00:14:38,633 --> 00:14:41,867 I'D DO IT MYSELF, BUT I HAVE COOKIE DOUGH ON MY HANDS. 303 00:14:41,934 --> 00:14:44,934 JUST... YEAH. 304 00:14:50,767 --> 00:14:54,000 - OKAY. - IT'S ON. 305 00:14:58,533 --> 00:15:00,767 THAT'S GOOD. 306 00:15:00,834 --> 00:15:03,600 - OH, RIGHT... - OKAY. 307 00:15:03,667 --> 00:15:07,500 WELL, I'M SORRY, YOU HAVE TO-- 308 00:15:09,400 --> 00:15:12,200 THAT'S GOOD. YEAH, THAT'S FINE. 309 00:15:12,266 --> 00:15:14,400 THANK YOU, YEAH, GOOD. 310 00:15:15,700 --> 00:15:18,300 ISN'T THIS FUN? LIKE A SECRET MISSION. 311 00:15:18,367 --> 00:15:19,867 I KNOW. ( laughing ) 312 00:15:19,934 --> 00:15:22,367 IT'S ALWAYS FUN TO REWARD PEOPLE FOR THEIR HARD WORK. 313 00:15:22,433 --> 00:15:25,667 SHOW THEM YOU APPRECIATE THEM AND THEN THEY IN TURN APPRECIATE YOU, 314 00:15:25,734 --> 00:15:28,200 AND THE WHEEL GOES AROUND-- KARMA. 315 00:15:28,266 --> 00:15:31,066 OH, THIS IS IT, JANE. IT'S THIS ROOM WITH THE LIGHTS ON. 316 00:15:31,133 --> 00:15:33,166 YEAH... ( laughs ) 317 00:15:33,233 --> 00:15:36,066 OH, YOU SHOULD GET THIS. WHAT ARE THEY UP TO? 318 00:15:36,133 --> 00:15:38,467 ( all laughing ) 319 00:15:41,133 --> 00:15:44,467 OH YEAH! AH! OH MY GOD! 320 00:15:44,533 --> 00:15:46,700 OH DEAR... 321 00:15:46,767 --> 00:15:49,400 - THAT SUPPOSED TO BE YOU? - Tom: YEAH YEAH! 322 00:15:52,633 --> 00:15:53,967 - I GOT IT. - OKAY. 323 00:15:54,033 --> 00:15:55,567 Sean: WOW, LOOK AT THEM GO. 324 00:15:55,633 --> 00:15:58,233 I DO WANNA FEEL IT! 325 00:15:58,300 --> 00:16:00,734 OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! 326 00:16:00,800 --> 00:16:02,867 DUDE, THEY'RE AT THE DOOR. THEY'RE AT THE DOOR. 327 00:16:02,934 --> 00:16:05,233 - WHAT? - SHIT! SHIT! 328 00:16:05,300 --> 00:16:07,767 ALL RIGHT, GUYS, GUYS, GUYS... 329 00:16:07,834 --> 00:16:10,967 ( feigning laughter ) WE'VE GOT A MISSION. 330 00:16:16,767 --> 00:16:18,767 - HELLO HELLO HELLO! - WOW! 331 00:16:18,834 --> 00:16:21,467 - HI, FRESH COOKIES, HOMEMADE. - HEY... 332 00:16:21,533 --> 00:16:24,934 - A LITTLE LATE-NIGHT TREAT. - THANK YOU. 333 00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:28,734 OH, YOU'RE WELCOME, NO, THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR HARD WORK. 334 00:16:30,900 --> 00:16:32,567 YEAH... 335 00:16:32,633 --> 00:16:35,767 TOM AND MILO, PAULIE... 336 00:16:35,834 --> 00:16:38,700 ZACK, GIGI, ARTHUR... 337 00:16:41,567 --> 00:16:44,033 ALL RIGHT, I'M GONNA SNEAK OUT, OKAY? 338 00:16:44,100 --> 00:16:46,567 LET YOU... GET BACK TO YOUR WORK. 339 00:16:46,633 --> 00:16:48,100 - YEAH, OH... - PLUGGING AWAY. 340 00:16:48,166 --> 00:16:50,333 ALL RIGHT. 341 00:16:52,767 --> 00:16:54,300 THANK YOU. 342 00:16:54,367 --> 00:16:55,967 AW... 343 00:16:56,033 --> 00:16:58,700 Jane: DO YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT WHAT YOU JUST SAW... 344 00:16:58,767 --> 00:17:00,667 - ( stutters ) - IN THE WRITERS' ROOM? 345 00:17:00,734 --> 00:17:04,100 YEAH, UH... JANE, THAT WAS NOTHING. IT REALLY WAS JUST, 346 00:17:04,166 --> 00:17:07,200 YOU KNOW, WRITERS BLOWING OFF STEAM, YOU KNOW. 347 00:17:07,266 --> 00:17:09,500 Jane: SO YOU DON'T TAKE THAT PERSONALLY? 348 00:17:09,567 --> 00:17:11,500 OH, PLEASE, NO. 349 00:17:11,567 --> 00:17:14,066 NO, IT'S A COMEDY SHOW, YOU KNOW. 350 00:17:14,133 --> 00:17:17,467 THAT'S PART OF THE CREATIVE PROCESS. 351 00:17:17,533 --> 00:17:19,767 - SO YEAH, OKAY... - OKAY. 352 00:17:21,467 --> 00:17:23,834 Jane: SO YOU DON'T SEE THAT AS A PERSONAL ATTACK? 353 00:17:23,900 --> 00:17:28,333 ( laughing ) JANE, YOU REALLY HAVE TO LIGHTEN UP, OKAY? 354 00:17:28,400 --> 00:17:30,333 ATTACK OF WHAT? ATTACK OF THE GIGGLES? 355 00:17:30,400 --> 00:17:32,734 GOT ME-- NO NO NO. 356 00:17:32,800 --> 00:17:34,867 IT'S LATE. WE SHOULD ALL GO HOME, I THINK. 357 00:17:34,934 --> 00:17:38,633 OKAY? EVERYONE DRIVE-- DRIVE SAFE. 358 00:17:43,467 --> 00:17:46,333 WE'RE ALL GOING HOME, SO GO BACK TO YOUR... 359 00:17:46,400 --> 00:17:48,834 HOME. 360 00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:55,333 HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE FUCKING HER, RIGHT? 361 00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:58,100 - Mickey: YOU'RE OKAY? - Valerie: YEAH. 362 00:17:58,166 --> 00:18:02,600 - UM, DO YOU WANT BREAKFAST? I'M TAKING ORDERS. - SURE, YEAH. 363 00:18:02,667 --> 00:18:05,700 SORRY, AHEM. HEY, VAL. 364 00:18:05,767 --> 00:18:08,433 - HEY. - UM, ARE YOU OKAY? 365 00:18:08,500 --> 00:18:09,834 YEAH, I'M FINE, I'M FINE. 366 00:18:09,900 --> 00:18:12,367 STILL ONLY IN THE TAG THOUGH-- 367 00:18:12,433 --> 00:18:15,667 OH NO, I MEANT-- I MEANT ABOUT LAST NIGHT. 368 00:18:16,934 --> 00:18:19,100 YOU AND THE WRITERS... 369 00:18:19,166 --> 00:18:21,000 OH, THE WRITERS! 370 00:18:21,066 --> 00:18:23,400 OH, THEY WERE JUST HORSING AROUND. 371 00:18:23,467 --> 00:18:25,433 THAT'S, YOU KNOW, THAT'S WHAT THEY DO. 372 00:18:25,500 --> 00:18:27,066 THAT'S-- WHO TOLD YOU? 373 00:18:27,133 --> 00:18:29,900 - MICKEY TOLD ME. - TOLD YOU WHAT? WHAT HAPPENED? 374 00:18:29,967 --> 00:18:33,400 NOTHING, IT'S NOT EVEN WORTH TALKING ABOUT, IT'S NO BIG DEAL-- 375 00:18:33,467 --> 00:18:35,600 VAL, YES IT IS. IT'S A HUGE-- 376 00:18:35,667 --> 00:18:37,700 VALERIE WENT LAST NIGHT TO THE WRITERS' ROOM 377 00:18:37,767 --> 00:18:40,233 AT LIKE 2:00 IN THE MORNING TO BRING THEM COOKIES. 378 00:18:40,300 --> 00:18:43,367 AND WHEN SHE SHOWED UP, PAULIE HAD MILO BENT OVER THE TABLE 379 00:18:43,433 --> 00:18:45,433 AND MILO WAS PRETENDING TO BE VALERIE 380 00:18:45,500 --> 00:18:49,166 AND PAULIE WAS PRETENDING TO FUCK VALERIE UP THE BUTT. 381 00:18:49,233 --> 00:18:51,500 WELL, IT'S JUST... 382 00:18:51,567 --> 00:18:53,166 OKAY, WHAT DO I WANT FOR BREAKFAST? 383 00:18:53,233 --> 00:18:56,767 - I DON'T WANNA HEAR ABOUT THIS. - I KNOW, ISN'T IT AWFUL? 384 00:18:56,834 --> 00:19:00,133 WHAT DO I WANT? YOU KNOW WHAT I WANT? THE FRUIT. 385 00:19:00,200 --> 00:19:02,900 - UH, THE SEASONAL BERRIES? - YEAH. 386 00:19:02,967 --> 00:19:06,700 - OR THE MELON SALAD? - YEAH, ALL THE FRUIT. THAT'S GOOD. 387 00:19:06,767 --> 00:19:10,066 VAL, YOU KNOW, IT'S AWFUL. THEY SHOULDN'T DO THAT TO YOU. 388 00:19:10,133 --> 00:19:13,233 WELL, OKAY, HERE IS THE THING ABOUT WRITERS, ALL RIGHT. 389 00:19:13,300 --> 00:19:17,266 THEY HAVE TO SIMULATE SEX 'CAUSE THEY DON'T GET ANY REAL SEX. 390 00:19:19,100 --> 00:19:20,467 JANE, 391 00:19:20,533 --> 00:19:22,633 JANE, THAT'S NOT TRUE. 392 00:19:22,700 --> 00:19:25,266 THAT'S NOT TRUE. WRITERS GET A LOT OF REAL SEX. 393 00:19:25,333 --> 00:19:28,900 OKAY, THAT'S ENOUGH, I DON'T HAVE TO LISTEN TO THIS. I'M A CHRISTIAN. 394 00:19:28,967 --> 00:19:32,066 OH, SH-- OH, GOD! 395 00:19:32,133 --> 00:19:34,533 - IS THAT FOR REAL? - YEAH. 396 00:19:34,600 --> 00:19:36,633 I TOTALLY FORGOT THAT SHE'S A CHRISTIAN. 397 00:19:36,700 --> 00:19:40,266 I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW. I DIDN'T KNOW. I HAD-- 398 00:19:40,333 --> 00:19:44,467 WHEW, IT IS A SCORCHER! 399 00:19:46,200 --> 00:19:49,266 Valerie: NICE FAN, MICKEY. 400 00:19:49,333 --> 00:19:52,200 OH, THANKS. $2, CHINATOWN. I HAVE A WHOLE DRAWER FULL. 401 00:19:53,967 --> 00:19:56,433 - ( cell phone rings ) - HELLO? 402 00:19:56,500 --> 00:19:58,734 Woman: Please hold for Jason Silver. 403 00:19:58,800 --> 00:20:00,734 OH, SURE, YEAH, JASON SILVER. 404 00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:02,834 THAT'S THE BIG PRODUCER OF "THE COMEBACK." 405 00:20:02,900 --> 00:20:04,700 SO... JANE'S BOSS, THE BIG CHEESE. 406 00:20:04,767 --> 00:20:07,433 - Valerie, Jason Silver. - HI, STRANGER. 407 00:20:07,500 --> 00:20:10,667 Val, I'm getting on a plane in a second, so we gotta to make this quick. 408 00:20:10,734 --> 00:20:13,734 We have a problem with the black Jesus freak. 409 00:20:13,800 --> 00:20:17,166 YOU MEAN SHAYNE? YEAH, SHE'S LOVELY. LOVELY GIRL. 410 00:20:17,233 --> 00:20:20,133 UH... WE'RE ROLLING, RIGHT, JANE? 411 00:20:20,200 --> 00:20:21,767 I'll go again. 412 00:20:21,834 --> 00:20:24,500 We have a problem with the African-American Christian. 413 00:20:24,567 --> 00:20:27,367 - Jane, is that enough time for an edit? - YEAH, WE'RE GOOD. 414 00:20:27,433 --> 00:20:29,333 Her lawyer faxed us a letter. 415 00:20:29,400 --> 00:20:32,633 Okay, she's a Christian. There's too much talk about sex. 416 00:20:32,700 --> 00:20:35,133 She will not appear on "The Comeback" anymore. 417 00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:36,734 ( car honks ) 418 00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:40,567 WELL, YOU KNOW, SHE'S A MINOR CHARACTER, SO WE DON'T NEED HER. 419 00:20:40,633 --> 00:20:42,233 Val, we don't know what we need, 420 00:20:42,300 --> 00:20:44,767 plus she's one of the hot kids on "Room and Bored." 421 00:20:44,834 --> 00:20:47,533 How can we explain that she's not on "The Comeback"? 422 00:20:47,600 --> 00:20:49,567 RIGHT, YEAH. YOU KNOW, WE COULD-- 423 00:20:49,633 --> 00:20:51,533 MAYBE LIKE THOSE OTHER REALITY SHOWS, 424 00:20:51,600 --> 00:20:53,633 SAY SHE GOT FIRED, OR VOTED OFF OR... 425 00:20:53,700 --> 00:20:58,033 Look, frankly, Val, the Christians, that's like 40% of the viewing audience. 426 00:20:58,100 --> 00:21:01,800 ARE THEY THAT MUCH? WOW! GOD LOVE 'EM. 427 00:21:01,867 --> 00:21:04,834 Okay, I'm getting on a plane. You've gotta fix this. 428 00:21:04,900 --> 00:21:08,200 ALL RIGHT, YEAH-- NO, I'LL FIX IT, I'LL FIX IT. 429 00:21:08,266 --> 00:21:10,066 AHEM. 430 00:21:10,133 --> 00:21:12,000 SHAYNE, IT'S VALERIE. 431 00:21:12,066 --> 00:21:14,400 CAN I COME IN? I HAVE CAMERAS. 432 00:21:17,066 --> 00:21:20,567 - HI. - BUT WE'LL SHOOT OVER YOUR SHOULDER. 433 00:21:20,633 --> 00:21:23,734 YOU KNOW, TO PROTECT YOUR RELIGION AND PRIVACY. 434 00:21:23,800 --> 00:21:25,700 - Shayne: OKAY. - OKAY, SHE SAID OKAY. 435 00:21:25,767 --> 00:21:28,000 - OKAY. - LET'S GET ON THE OTHER SIDE. 436 00:21:32,400 --> 00:21:34,066 Jane: THROUGH THERE. 437 00:21:36,533 --> 00:21:39,100 - JUST HERE AND HERE? - YEAH. 438 00:21:40,900 --> 00:21:43,233 READY? OKAY. 439 00:21:43,300 --> 00:21:48,000 THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR MEETING WITH ME. 440 00:21:48,066 --> 00:21:51,066 I JUST THOUGHT MAYBE IF YOU COULD TELL ME WHAT THE PROBLEM IS, 441 00:21:51,133 --> 00:21:53,100 MAYBE WE COULD WORK IT OUT. 442 00:21:53,166 --> 00:21:54,967 ( sighs ) 443 00:21:55,033 --> 00:21:59,333 I DO NOT WANT TO BE ASSOCIATED WITH A SHOW THAT DOES NOT PROMOTE CHRISTIAN VALUES. 444 00:21:59,400 --> 00:22:02,533 UH-HUH, NOT TO BE DIFFICULT, BUT "ROOM AND BORED--" 445 00:22:02,600 --> 00:22:05,967 THAT'S A SITCOM. MY CHARACTER ON "ROOM AND BORED" ISN'T A CHRISTIAN, 446 00:22:06,033 --> 00:22:07,934 BUT ON "THE COMEBACK," I'M ME. 447 00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:11,767 I SEE... THAT'S THE DIFFERENCE, YEAH. 448 00:22:11,834 --> 00:22:13,567 I SEE, YEAH... 449 00:22:13,633 --> 00:22:16,734 BUT YOU KNOW, I THINK, YOU MIGHT HAVE THE WRONG IMPRESSION OF ME. 450 00:22:16,800 --> 00:22:20,400 I AM A... VERY SPIRITUAL BEING. 451 00:22:20,467 --> 00:22:22,367 ARE YOU A CHRISTIAN? 452 00:22:22,433 --> 00:22:26,066 WELL, NO, I RESPECT ALL RELIGIONS, YOU KNOW, 453 00:22:26,133 --> 00:22:29,066 AS BEING... IMPORTANT 454 00:22:29,133 --> 00:22:32,734 AND VALID... HOLY, YOU KNOW... 455 00:22:32,800 --> 00:22:35,333 AND AS A CELEBRITY I DON'T THINK IT'S RIGHT 456 00:22:35,400 --> 00:22:38,433 TO ENDORSE ANY SPECIFIC RELIGION. 457 00:22:38,500 --> 00:22:40,900 THAT'S A VERY PRIVATE THING AND EACH INDIVIDUAL HAS-- 458 00:22:40,967 --> 00:22:44,567 WELL, I'M A CHRISTIAN AND I DON'T THINK JESUS WOULD APPROVE OF REALITY SHOWS. 459 00:22:44,633 --> 00:22:47,467 MM-HMM, YEAH, WELL, I THINK HE MIGHT. 460 00:22:47,533 --> 00:22:49,667 I THINK HE MIGHT BECAUSE YOU KNOW-- 461 00:22:49,734 --> 00:22:54,000 FIRST OF ALL, HE ALLOWS THEM TO HAPPEN. 462 00:22:54,066 --> 00:22:55,367 YOU KNOW... 463 00:22:55,433 --> 00:22:58,367 AND IN-- SECOND OF ALL, 464 00:22:58,433 --> 00:23:02,934 HE'S PUT THIS ONE IN YOUR PATH, DIDN'T HE? 465 00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:08,867 I MEAN, YOU KNOW, MAYBE YOU COULD USE MY REALITY SHOW 466 00:23:08,934 --> 00:23:13,500 TO SHOW THE REALITY OF CHRISTIAN LIFE. 467 00:23:13,567 --> 00:23:15,300 WELL... 468 00:23:15,367 --> 00:23:17,867 LET ME CLOSE MY EYES AND PRAY ON IT. 469 00:23:17,934 --> 00:23:22,000 ( whispering ) 470 00:23:22,066 --> 00:23:25,033 OKAY, I SEE IT. YEAH, I SEE WHAT YOU MEAN. 471 00:23:25,100 --> 00:23:27,100 - OH, ARE YOU BACK IN? - YEAH, I'M IN. 472 00:23:27,166 --> 00:23:29,000 - OH, GOOD, OH! - ( laughing ) 473 00:23:29,066 --> 00:23:31,133 OH, GOOD. OH, I'M SO PLEASED. 474 00:23:31,200 --> 00:23:34,967 OH, I'M SO PLEASED THAT YOU'RE GONNA PARTAKE OF MY SHOW. 475 00:23:35,033 --> 00:23:36,667 I REALLY AM. THAT'S GOOD. 476 00:23:36,734 --> 00:23:39,734 UH, CAN WE SHOOT YOUR SIDE OF THE CONVERSATION NOW 477 00:23:39,800 --> 00:23:41,066 SO WE CAN EDIT IT ALL TOGETHER? 478 00:23:41,133 --> 00:23:43,633 - OH SURE, SURE. - OKAY, YOU REMEMBER WHAT YOU SAID? 479 00:23:43,700 --> 00:23:47,734 - YEAH, I JUST GONNA PUT A LITTLE POWDER. - POWDER, YEAH, SURE. 480 00:23:49,867 --> 00:23:51,533 Man: HEY PAULIE, YOU NEED A RIDE? 481 00:23:51,600 --> 00:23:53,100 NO, I'M ALL SET, THANKS. 482 00:23:53,166 --> 00:23:55,934 - OKAY, I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW. - Paulie G: BYE. 483 00:24:00,667 --> 00:24:02,533 - HEY, VAL, VAL! - TOM, HI. 484 00:24:02,600 --> 00:24:04,400 - HEY. - HI. 485 00:24:04,467 --> 00:24:07,400 - THAT WAS SUCH A GOOD SHOW TONIGHT. - WASN'T IT FUN? YEAH. 486 00:24:07,467 --> 00:24:09,400 THAT TAG WAS SO FUNNY. IT-IT-- 487 00:24:09,467 --> 00:24:11,166 - OH, THANK YOU, THANK YOU. - IT-- OH... 488 00:24:11,233 --> 00:24:14,467 WELL, HOPEFULLY A BIG MONSTER TRUCK WON'T ROLL THROUGH THE SCREEN. 489 00:24:14,533 --> 00:24:17,367 - ( laughs loudly ) - YOU KNOW... 490 00:24:17,433 --> 00:24:21,133 - "THROUGH THE SCREEN..." - YEAH. 491 00:24:21,200 --> 00:24:24,800 - OH MAN, SERIOUSLY. - ( car engine starts ) 492 00:24:24,867 --> 00:24:28,333 LISTEN, I-I JUST WANTED TO APOLOGIZE TO YOU ABOUT THE OTHER NIGHT. 493 00:24:28,400 --> 00:24:30,967 - OH. - SOMETIMES IN THE WRITERS' ROOM... 494 00:24:31,033 --> 00:24:33,266 THINGS KIND OF GET A LITTLE BIT OUT OF CONTROL. 495 00:24:33,333 --> 00:24:34,867 - YEAH, NO-- - YOU KNOW? 496 00:24:34,934 --> 00:24:36,633 YEAH, NO APOLOGY NECESSARY. 497 00:24:36,700 --> 00:24:39,400 I'M NOT ONE OF THOSE ACTORS WHO HAS NO SENSE OF HUMOR, 498 00:24:39,467 --> 00:24:42,333 RUNS OFF TO CALL A LAWYER. 499 00:24:43,166 --> 00:24:45,800 - YEAH. - YEAH... 500 00:24:45,867 --> 00:24:48,600 YOU KNOW, I MEAN, WE WERE JUST BLOWING OFF SOME STEAM. 501 00:24:48,667 --> 00:24:52,834 "BLOWING OFF STEAM," THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TELLING ANYONE WHO'LL LISTEN, YEAH. 502 00:24:52,900 --> 00:24:56,567 - SURE. - YEAH, BUT IT WAS JUST STUPID. 503 00:24:56,633 --> 00:24:59,066 IT WAS... JUST REALLY IMMATURE. 504 00:24:59,133 --> 00:25:01,033 - NO, IT'S REALLY OKAY. - SO I-- YOU KNOW-- 505 00:25:01,100 --> 00:25:03,333 IT'S REALLY OKAY. YOU KNOW, I GET IT. 506 00:25:03,400 --> 00:25:06,900 WHEN I WAS ON "I'M IT!" I DIDN'T CARE WHAT THE WRITERS DID AT NIGHT, 507 00:25:06,967 --> 00:25:10,500 AS LONG AS THERE WAS A GREAT SCRIPT WAITING FOR ME IN THE MORNING. 508 00:25:10,567 --> 00:25:12,633 THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS. 509 00:25:12,700 --> 00:25:15,133 - ALL RIGHT. - RIGHT. 510 00:25:15,200 --> 00:25:17,567 OKAY, ALL RIGHT, SO I'LL SEE YOU. 511 00:25:17,633 --> 00:25:21,300 THANKS FOR CHASING ME DOWN FOR-- YEAH. 512 00:25:23,867 --> 00:25:25,333 NICE. 513 00:25:27,300 --> 00:25:30,467 JANE, CAN YOU GET THIS? YOU WANNA ZOOM IN ON THAT, HUH? 514 00:25:30,533 --> 00:25:32,000 CAN YOU SEE IT? 515 00:25:32,066 --> 00:25:34,266 "AUNT SASSY GETS A BOYFRIEND." 516 00:25:34,333 --> 00:25:37,300 LOOKS LIKE I GOT MYSELF AN EPISODE. 517 00:25:38,333 --> 00:25:39,767 DID YOU SEE THAT, JANE, THOUGH? 518 00:25:39,834 --> 00:25:41,533 DO YOU SEE WHEN YOU'RE NICE TO SOMEONE, 519 00:25:41,600 --> 00:25:43,834 YOU BAKE THEM COOKIES AND YOU SHOW THEM HOW MUCH YOU CARE, 520 00:25:43,900 --> 00:25:46,500 THEN YOU GET REWARDED? IT'S KARMA. 521 00:25:46,567 --> 00:25:49,700 VAL, THIS IS SO GREAT! I'M SO EXCITED! 522 00:25:49,767 --> 00:25:52,300 OKAY, DOES EVERYBODY HAVE A SCRIPT? 523 00:25:52,367 --> 00:25:55,133 IT'S GOOD? OKAY, ALL RIGHT, LET'S GET STARTED. 524 00:25:55,200 --> 00:26:00,000 TOM, I ACTUALLY-- SORRY, I JUST-- I JUST WANT TO SAY THANK YOU, 525 00:26:00,066 --> 00:26:02,834 THANK YOU TO THE WRITERS FOR THIS... 526 00:26:02,900 --> 00:26:05,834 FUNNY, WONDERFUL, GREAT SCRIPT. 527 00:26:05,900 --> 00:26:10,533 THANK YOU SO MUCH, TOM, PAULIE, MILO, GIGI, 528 00:26:10,600 --> 00:26:13,700 ZACK, ARTHUR AND ANDREW. 529 00:26:13,767 --> 00:26:16,600 THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR TALENT, THANK YOU. 530 00:26:16,667 --> 00:26:19,467 OH AND ALSO, HOW ABOUT-- 531 00:26:19,533 --> 00:26:21,300 OUR AMAZING P.A.s? 532 00:26:21,367 --> 00:26:24,200 - LET'S SAY THANK YOU FOR ALL THEIR HARD WORK TOO. - THANKS. 533 00:26:24,266 --> 00:26:27,100 - TERRY AND LAUREN. - THANKS. 534 00:26:28,433 --> 00:26:30,700 AND NOW I KNOW ALL OF YOU. YOU'RE ALL FANTASTIC. 535 00:26:30,767 --> 00:26:32,800 THANK YOU ANYWAY, YEAH. 536 00:26:32,867 --> 00:26:35,433 CAN I SAY SOMETHING AS WELL? 537 00:26:35,500 --> 00:26:38,767 I'D LIKE TO SAY A QUICK PRAYER BEFORE WE START. 538 00:26:38,834 --> 00:26:40,066 ( breathes deeply ) 539 00:26:40,133 --> 00:26:44,166 LORD, BLESS THIS READING AND BLESS OUR SHOW. 540 00:26:44,233 --> 00:26:46,734 I KNOW THE RATINGS ARE GONNA PICK UP. 541 00:26:46,800 --> 00:26:50,633 JESUS HAS US IN HIS POCKET. AMEN. 542 00:26:50,700 --> 00:26:53,000 AMEN. 543 00:26:54,700 --> 00:26:56,800 Tom: OKAY... 544 00:26:56,867 --> 00:27:00,133 "AUNT SASSY GETS A BOYFRIEND." 545 00:27:00,200 --> 00:27:01,533 ( all cheer ) 546 00:27:01,600 --> 00:27:04,700 WRITTEN BY TOM PETERMAN AND PAULIE G. 547 00:27:04,767 --> 00:27:07,467 ( all cheering, applauding ) 548 00:27:10,233 --> 00:27:12,633 Tom: "ACT ONE, JUNA AND SHAYNE SIT ON THE COUCH." 549 00:27:12,700 --> 00:27:14,667 ( sighs ) I'M BORED. 550 00:27:14,734 --> 00:27:17,633 LET'S SET AUNT SASSY UP ON A DATE. 551 00:27:17,700 --> 00:27:21,000 SURE, LET ME GET THAT LIST OF 60-YEAR-OLD BACHELORS 552 00:27:21,066 --> 00:27:23,500 - I KEEP IN MY HOPE CHEST. - ( all chuckle ) 553 00:27:23,567 --> 00:27:26,033 I WAS THINKING, MAYBE SHE'D LIKE THAT SOUTHERN GUY 554 00:27:26,100 --> 00:27:28,934 FROM THE RESTAURANT DOWN THE STREET-- BIG DICK PERKINS. 555 00:27:29,000 --> 00:27:31,700 - ( laugh ) - Tom: AND SASSY HAS ENTERED, 556 00:27:31,767 --> 00:27:34,100 LOOKING A LITTLE MORE DRESSY THAN USUAL. 557 00:27:34,166 --> 00:27:37,333 SOUNDS GOOD. I'LL HAVE ONE ORDER OF BIG DICK PERKINS, 558 00:27:37,400 --> 00:27:40,700 - HOLD THE PERKINS. - ( all laugh ) 559 00:27:40,767 --> 00:27:43,500 Tom: MOONER AND STITCH ARE WAXING THEIR SURFBOARDS. 560 00:27:43,567 --> 00:27:45,800 AUNT SASSY LOOKS AT THEM LONGINGLY... 561 00:27:45,867 --> 00:27:49,333 Valerie: "WOW, YOU BOYS REALLY KNOW HOW TO WAX YOUR BOARDS." 562 00:27:49,400 --> 00:27:51,300 ( laughing continues ) 563 00:27:51,367 --> 00:27:54,600 - Woman: FUNNY. - Valerie: SO FUNNY... 564 00:27:54,650 --> 00:27:59,200 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 43611

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