All language subtitles for The Comeback s01e04 Valerie Stands Up for Aunt Sassy

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:18,700 --> 00:00:21,600 OKAY, ARE YOU GUYS READY TO MEET THE CAST OF "ROOM AND BORED"? 2 00:00:21,667 --> 00:00:23,100 ( crowd cheering ) 3 00:00:23,166 --> 00:00:25,767 OH, COME ON. YOU CAN DO A BETTER JOB THAN THAT. 4 00:00:25,834 --> 00:00:27,767 ARE YOU READY TO MEET THE CAST 5 00:00:27,834 --> 00:00:30,000 OF "ROOM AND BORED"? 6 00:00:30,066 --> 00:00:33,166 - ( audience cheering ) - ( jazz playing ) 7 00:00:34,400 --> 00:00:36,266 Jane: VALERIE, HOW YOU FEELING? 8 00:00:36,333 --> 00:00:37,700 OH, SO EXCITED. 9 00:00:37,767 --> 00:00:40,433 SHOW NIGHT'S ALWAYS SO EXCITING, YOU KNOW. 10 00:00:40,500 --> 00:00:43,000 JUST CAN'T WAIT TO GET OUT THERE IN FRONT OF THE PEOPLE 11 00:00:43,066 --> 00:00:44,900 AND JUST DO OUR VERY VERY BEST. 12 00:00:44,967 --> 00:00:48,266 - Warmup man: HERE HE IS, CHRIS MACNESS. - IT'S MAGICAL. 13 00:00:50,500 --> 00:00:54,033 - CHRIS JUST DID A BACKFLIP. - Announcer: A BACKFLIP! 14 00:00:54,100 --> 00:00:56,533 MY GOD, THEY LOVE HIM OUT THERE. 15 00:00:56,600 --> 00:00:58,533 JESSE, ON "I'M IT," 16 00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:00,934 THE LAST TWO OF US OUT ALWAYS USED TO DO THE ROBOT. 17 00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:03,433 YOU KNOW, THAT ROBOT DANCE? YOU KNOW? 18 00:01:03,500 --> 00:01:06,734 THE AUDIENCE LOVED IT. YOU WANNA-- MAYBE THAT WOULD BE CUTE. 19 00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:10,066 NO, I'M NOT GONNA DO THE ROBOT. THAT'S LIKE 100 YEARS OLD. 20 00:01:10,133 --> 00:01:11,967 YEAH, THAT'S WHY IT WAS FUNNY. 21 00:01:12,033 --> 00:01:14,266 - Juna: HAVE A GREAT SHOW, GUYS. - YOU TOO. 22 00:01:16,734 --> 00:01:18,600 WHEN I GO OUT, I'LL BOW, 23 00:01:18,667 --> 00:01:20,667 AND THEN I COULD SMACK YOU ON THE BUTT. 24 00:01:20,734 --> 00:01:23,233 - MAYBE GIVE YOU A SWAT? - YEAH, COOL. 25 00:01:23,300 --> 00:01:26,500 - AND I'LL SWAT YOU BACK? - WELL, NO, I DON'T THINK SO. 26 00:01:26,567 --> 00:01:28,266 AND WE'LL JUST BOW. LET'S JUST BOW. 27 00:01:28,333 --> 00:01:30,200 - IT'D BE COOL. - WELL, THAT'S ALL RIGHT. 28 00:01:30,266 --> 00:01:33,467 WE'LL JUST BOW. OH, THERE YOU GO. 29 00:01:33,533 --> 00:01:36,834 Warmup man: OH, THERE HE IS. MAN. 30 00:01:37,734 --> 00:01:39,567 HE'S JUST A KID, YOU KNOW? 31 00:01:39,633 --> 00:01:42,467 HE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND THAT, YOU KNOW, WITH COMEDY, 32 00:01:42,533 --> 00:01:45,567 YOU KNOW, IT REQUIRES A VERY DELICATE TOUCH, YOU KNOW? 33 00:01:45,633 --> 00:01:47,567 AND PEOPLE LIKE VALERIE CHERISH 34 00:01:47,633 --> 00:01:49,800 AND THEY DON'T WANT TO SEE HER BRUTALIZED. 35 00:01:49,867 --> 00:01:53,166 - Warmup man: ...LAST BUT CERTAINLY NOT LEAST. - TAKEN CARE OF IT. 36 00:01:53,233 --> 00:01:55,133 YOU LOVED HER AS THE STAR OF "I'M IT," 37 00:01:55,200 --> 00:01:57,000 HERE SHE IS... 38 00:01:57,066 --> 00:01:59,033 VALERIE CHERISH! 39 00:01:59,100 --> 00:02:01,166 ( audience cheering loudly ) 40 00:02:01,233 --> 00:02:03,800 YES YES. 41 00:02:03,867 --> 00:02:05,834 YES. 42 00:02:05,900 --> 00:02:07,533 YOU ARE CORRECT. 43 00:02:07,600 --> 00:02:09,800 YOU ARE RIGHT. 44 00:02:09,867 --> 00:02:12,400 A-- WHOA! 45 00:02:12,467 --> 00:02:14,533 - WOO-HOO! - I GOT YOU! 46 00:02:14,600 --> 00:02:16,500 HEY! 47 00:02:16,567 --> 00:02:19,633 THAT'S WHAT WE CALL FORBIDDEN LOVE. 48 00:02:19,700 --> 00:02:23,266 HOW DO I GET THAT JOB, HUH? OKAY. 49 00:02:23,333 --> 00:02:26,567 PLACES, EVERYONE! PLACES FOR THE "A" SCENE! 50 00:02:26,633 --> 00:02:28,033 HAIR AND MAKEUP. LAST LOOKS. 51 00:02:28,100 --> 00:02:30,600 Warmup man: GUESS WHO JUST WON THEIR WAY INTO MY HEART? 52 00:02:30,667 --> 00:02:32,633 - Valerie: HERE WE GO. - YOU GUYS! 53 00:02:32,700 --> 00:02:34,667 IF I KNEW I WAS GONNA HAVE TO RUN, 54 00:02:34,734 --> 00:02:36,400 I WOULDN'T HAVE WORN MY CLOGS. 55 00:02:36,467 --> 00:02:38,934 Warmup man: THAT WAS SOME AMAZING WORK. YEAH. 56 00:02:39,000 --> 00:02:42,066 AND THIS IS OUR SET, HUH? LOOK AT THIS BEAUTIFUL SET! 57 00:02:42,133 --> 00:02:44,467 YOU LIKE THAT? 58 00:02:44,533 --> 00:02:46,300 LET'S ALL REPEAT AFTER ME. 59 00:02:46,367 --> 00:02:48,467 - THANK YOU, IKEA! - ET VOILA. 60 00:02:48,533 --> 00:02:51,133 AUNT SASSY'S IN THE HOUSE. 61 00:02:51,200 --> 00:02:53,233 ( laughs ) I'LL SEE YOU LATER. 62 00:02:53,300 --> 00:02:55,734 GOT TO MAKE AN ENTRANCE. 63 00:02:55,800 --> 00:02:59,100 - HAVE A GREAT SHOW, GUYS! - Juna: THANKS! YOU TOO! 64 00:03:01,000 --> 00:03:02,734 - YOU WERE GREAT. - OH, THANKS. 65 00:03:02,800 --> 00:03:04,333 - HONEY, YOU WERE GREAT. - REALLY? 66 00:03:04,400 --> 00:03:06,000 - YEAH. - THANK YOU. GOOD GOOD. 67 00:03:06,066 --> 00:03:08,200 - WHAT ARE YOU EATING? WHAT IS IT? - NUTS. 68 00:03:08,266 --> 00:03:10,066 - FROM THERE? - FROM THE BOWL. 69 00:03:10,133 --> 00:03:12,300 - OH NO, MARK. DON'T EAT THOSE. - I'M HUNGRY. 70 00:03:12,367 --> 00:03:13,800 OH, NO. MARK, NO. 71 00:03:13,867 --> 00:03:16,700 WE HAVE A GRIP HERE WHOSE MISSING HIS NOSE. 72 00:03:16,767 --> 00:03:18,867 GOD BLESS HIM. JUST A PRINCE OF A GUY. 73 00:03:18,934 --> 00:03:21,900 BUT HE STANDS OVER THAT BOWL ALL DAY LONG 74 00:03:21,967 --> 00:03:24,433 - AND THINGS... - WHAT? 75 00:03:24,500 --> 00:03:26,500 THINGS FALL OUT, ALL RIGHT. 76 00:03:26,567 --> 00:03:29,433 THERE, I DREW YOU A PICTURE, SO... 77 00:03:29,500 --> 00:03:32,667 - WHERE ARE YOU PARKED? - THE GUEST LOT. 78 00:03:32,734 --> 00:03:36,000 I'M OUT THAT WAY, SO I'LL SEE YOU AT HOME. 79 00:03:36,066 --> 00:03:37,934 YEAH, I'LL SEE YOU. 80 00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:39,900 - WHAT DO I DO WITH THE NUTS? - PUT THEM DOWN. 81 00:03:39,967 --> 00:03:42,600 - NOT IN THE BOWL. I MEANT ON THE TABLE. - ALL RIGHT, I-- 82 00:03:42,667 --> 00:03:44,066 LET'S JUST GO. 83 00:03:44,133 --> 00:03:46,233 - OKAY, I'LL SEE YOU AT HOME. - OKAY, BYE BYE. 84 00:03:46,300 --> 00:03:49,300 - HERE'S NEXT WEEK'S SCRIPT. - AH, THANKS. GOOD JOB. 85 00:03:50,367 --> 00:03:52,567 Valerie: GREAT SHOW, MIKE. 86 00:03:55,300 --> 00:03:57,400 ( engine starts ) 87 00:04:09,900 --> 00:04:11,967 OKAY. 88 00:04:13,367 --> 00:04:15,233 OH NO NO. THAT'S NOT-- 89 00:04:15,300 --> 00:04:16,800 Jane: WHAT'S THE MATTER? 90 00:04:16,867 --> 00:04:19,734 - IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH THE SCRIPT? - NO NO, NOTHING. 91 00:04:19,800 --> 00:04:22,467 NOTHING'S WRONG WITH THE SCRIPT. IT'S JUST ONE LITTLE LINE 92 00:04:22,533 --> 00:04:24,033 NEEDS TO BE WORKED OUT, YOU KNOW? 93 00:04:24,100 --> 00:04:25,734 JUST A LITTLE TWEAK, THAT'S ALL. 94 00:04:25,800 --> 00:04:29,400 - GREAT SHOW, BOB. SEE YOU NEXT WEEK. - GOOD NIGHT, VALERIE. 95 00:04:29,467 --> 00:04:32,000 HE'S THE ONE WITH NO NOSE, JANE. 96 00:04:33,567 --> 00:04:35,700 GREAT GUY. REALLY IS. 97 00:04:35,767 --> 00:04:37,700 Jane: WHAT'S THE LINE? 98 00:04:37,767 --> 00:04:40,066 UH, WELL, CASSIE'S FOUND A BOX OF PUPPIES, 99 00:04:40,133 --> 00:04:42,433 SHE WANTS TO KEEP THEM AND SASSY SAYS, 100 00:04:42,500 --> 00:04:44,967 "WELL, YOU SEE A BOX OF PUPPIES, 101 00:04:45,033 --> 00:04:47,500 I SEE KOREAN BARBEQUE." 102 00:04:48,700 --> 00:04:50,166 YEAH YEAH YEAH. 103 00:04:50,233 --> 00:04:52,567 Jane: HOW OFTEN DO YOU HAVE PROBLEMS WITH A JOKE? 104 00:04:52,633 --> 00:04:54,333 ME? NEVER. 105 00:04:54,400 --> 00:04:57,667 NEVER. HELLO? HAVE YOU SEEN MY COSTUME? ( chuckles ) 106 00:04:57,734 --> 00:05:00,233 NO, I ALWAYS GIVE EVERY JOKE MY BEST SHOT. 107 00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:02,533 AND THEN I JUST TRUST THAT THE WRITERS ARE SMART. 108 00:05:02,600 --> 00:05:05,800 THEY'LL SEE IT DOESN'T WORK AND THEY'LL CHANGE IT. 109 00:05:05,867 --> 00:05:07,567 WHAT IF THEY DON'T? 110 00:05:07,633 --> 00:05:10,300 WHAT IF THEY DON'T CHANGE IT? 111 00:05:10,367 --> 00:05:12,300 WELL THEN IT'S-- THEN IT'S BIG TROUBLE. 112 00:05:12,367 --> 00:05:14,066 YOU KNOW? 113 00:05:14,133 --> 00:05:16,400 WE HAD A SITUATION ON-- ON "IT." 114 00:05:16,467 --> 00:05:19,567 WE HAD A RODNEY KING JOKE IN A COURTROOM SCENE 115 00:05:19,633 --> 00:05:21,800 TOO SOON AFTER THE L.A. RIOTS 116 00:05:21,867 --> 00:05:23,734 AND, UH, YOU KNOW, 117 00:05:23,800 --> 00:05:26,033 IT KILLED THE SERIES, YOU KNOW? 118 00:05:26,100 --> 00:05:28,100 YOU HAVE TO BE VERY CAREFUL WITH COMEDY. 119 00:05:28,166 --> 00:05:30,867 EDGY'S FUNNY. TOO EDGY IS CANCELATION. 120 00:05:30,934 --> 00:05:33,467 YOU KNOW, AND I FOR ONE WOULD HATE TO SEE THAT HAPPEN 121 00:05:33,533 --> 00:05:36,600 BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE A SHAME. 122 00:05:37,467 --> 00:05:39,667 REALLY WOULD. SO... 123 00:05:40,700 --> 00:05:42,834 THIS ISN'T MY CAR. 124 00:05:44,700 --> 00:05:46,834 BOTH SILVER. 125 00:05:49,667 --> 00:05:52,667 - OKAY, EVERYBODY. - ( car beeping ) 126 00:05:58,633 --> 00:06:01,333 VALERIE! LOOK AT THESE LITTLE SWEETIES! 127 00:06:01,400 --> 00:06:03,800 - AREN'T THEY CUTE? - UH-HUH. AW. 128 00:06:03,867 --> 00:06:07,100 REMINDS ME OF WHEN NIJINSKY WAS THIS SIZE. 129 00:06:07,166 --> 00:06:09,633 NOW HE'S JUST A SMELLY OLD PEE MACHINE. 130 00:06:09,700 --> 00:06:12,367 - BUT I LOVE HIM. - UH-HUH. 131 00:06:12,433 --> 00:06:15,433 EDDIE, ARE TOM AND PAULIE G HERE? 132 00:06:15,500 --> 00:06:17,667 I DON'T THINK THEY'RE IN YET. WATCH OUT FOR THAT ONE. 133 00:06:17,734 --> 00:06:19,700 - HE'S GOT THE JAWS OF LIFE - YEAH, ALL RIGHT. 134 00:06:19,767 --> 00:06:21,367 - VALERIE. HI. - YEAH? 135 00:06:21,433 --> 00:06:23,867 - WE HAVEN'T OFFICIALLY MET, I'M GIGI. - HI, GIGI. 136 00:06:23,934 --> 00:06:25,767 I'M THE NEW WRITER. 137 00:06:25,834 --> 00:06:28,233 - WELCOME! OH, TRULY! - THANK YOU. 138 00:06:28,300 --> 00:06:31,200 OH, HOW GREAT TO HAVE A WOMAN'S VOICE IN THE WRITING. 139 00:06:31,266 --> 00:06:34,633 SO SMART OF TOM AND PAULIE G. HAVE YOU WORKED WITH THEM BEFORE? 140 00:06:34,700 --> 00:06:37,633 - ACTUALLY I'VE NEVER WORKED IN TELEVISION BEFORE. - UH-HUH. 141 00:06:37,700 --> 00:06:39,967 I'M A PLAYWRIGHT FROM NEW YORK. WHERE ELSE? 142 00:06:40,033 --> 00:06:42,934 - Mickey: THE BIG APPLE. I SPENT SOME TIME THERE. - YEAH. 143 00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:45,567 OH REALLY? I JUST WANTED TO SAY HOW EXCITED I AM-- 144 00:06:45,633 --> 00:06:47,800 OH, ME TOO, DOLL. YEAH, NO, ME TOO. 145 00:06:47,867 --> 00:06:50,333 - I'M GONNA-- I HAVE TO TALK TO-- - OH, OKAY. SORRY. 146 00:06:50,400 --> 00:06:53,200 CATCH UP WITH YOU LATER. TOM. PAULIE. 147 00:06:53,266 --> 00:06:55,800 CAN I-- ONE SECOND. I-- 148 00:06:55,867 --> 00:06:57,734 OOOH. 149 00:06:57,800 --> 00:06:58,900 OOPS. ( chuckles ) 150 00:06:58,967 --> 00:07:01,333 THAT'S A MISS. THAT'S NOT-- 151 00:07:03,400 --> 00:07:05,033 THIS ONE'S KIND OF CLEAN. 152 00:07:05,100 --> 00:07:07,800 UM, ANYWAY, GREAT SCRIPT. 153 00:07:07,867 --> 00:07:10,300 AGAIN. YOU GUYS ARE PROBABLY GETTING TIRED 154 00:07:10,367 --> 00:07:12,233 OF HEARING THAT, HUH? ( chuckles ) 155 00:07:12,300 --> 00:07:14,333 ( stammering ) JUST UM... 156 00:07:14,400 --> 00:07:16,333 JUST ONE-- 157 00:07:16,400 --> 00:07:18,266 JUST A TEENY BIT CONCERNED 158 00:07:18,333 --> 00:07:20,467 ABOUT MY LINE AT THE END OF SCENE J. 159 00:07:20,533 --> 00:07:22,934 - WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT? - NO BIG DEAL. IT'S GOOD. 160 00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:26,100 JUST, I'M NOT SURE IT'S GONNA PLAY, YOU KNOW? 161 00:07:26,166 --> 00:07:27,433 BUT YOU'LL SEE IT. 162 00:07:27,500 --> 00:07:29,233 WE'LL RUN IT, YOU KNOW? 163 00:07:29,300 --> 00:07:32,200 AND THEN YOU'LL... CHANGE IT OR WHATEVER, YOU KNOW? 164 00:07:32,266 --> 00:07:34,433 LIKE YOU-- LIKE USUAL. 165 00:07:34,500 --> 00:07:36,667 YOU MISSED A SPOT. 166 00:07:36,734 --> 00:07:40,000 - BIG-- THANK YOU. BIG SPOT. - OKAY. 167 00:07:40,066 --> 00:07:42,333 OH DEAR. WOW. GOT YOU GOOD. 168 00:07:43,967 --> 00:07:45,633 YEAH. 169 00:07:46,700 --> 00:07:49,133 JUST KIND OF SMEARING IT AROUND. 170 00:07:49,200 --> 00:07:50,900 YOU ALMOST GOT ME. 171 00:07:50,967 --> 00:07:53,500 - ( giggles ) - ( puppies barking ) 172 00:07:53,567 --> 00:07:55,500 Chris: DAMN, LOOK AT HER PUPPIES. 173 00:07:55,567 --> 00:07:57,300 ( crew laughs ) 174 00:07:58,567 --> 00:08:01,300 I'VE GOT BARTLES & JAYMES AND GOUDA UPSTAIRS-- 175 00:08:03,133 --> 00:08:05,900 - CASSIE. - AUNT SASSY, 176 00:08:05,967 --> 00:08:08,133 I KNOW WE'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO HAVE PETS, BUT... 177 00:08:08,200 --> 00:08:10,700 HOW CAN YOU SAY NO TO A BOX OF PUPPIES? 178 00:08:10,767 --> 00:08:13,734 YOU SEE A BOX OF PUPPIES, I SEE KOREAN BARBEQUE. 179 00:08:13,800 --> 00:08:16,033 ( crew laughs ) 180 00:08:16,100 --> 00:08:18,734 - OKAY, BANG BANG! LET'S MOVE IT! - Eddie: MOVIN' ON! 181 00:08:18,800 --> 00:08:20,867 SORRY, DEAR, I GOTTA-- JIMMY! 182 00:08:20,934 --> 00:08:23,066 GUYS AND GAL. ( laughs ) 183 00:08:23,133 --> 00:08:26,033 LISTEN, CAN WE JUST TALK ABOUT THAT LAST LINE FOR ONE SECOND? 184 00:08:26,100 --> 00:08:27,834 - YEAH YEAH. - UH, NO. 185 00:08:27,900 --> 00:08:30,066 ALL RIGHT, SERIOUSLY. 186 00:08:30,133 --> 00:08:32,166 ( stammering ) LISTEN, IT JUST-- IT, UM... 187 00:08:32,233 --> 00:08:34,333 I'M NOT SURE ABOUT THAT PUPPY LINE, YOU KNOW? 188 00:08:34,400 --> 00:08:36,667 'CAUSE IT JUST SEEMS LIKE EVERYONE LOVES PUPPIES. 189 00:08:36,734 --> 00:08:38,834 - IT'S SO FUN, IT'S GREAT. - UM-HMM, YEAH YEAH. 190 00:08:38,900 --> 00:08:41,033 AND THEN AUNT SASSY WANTS TO EAT ONE. 191 00:08:42,233 --> 00:08:45,400 - YEAH, YOU KNOW? - NO, I THINK IT PLAYED. 192 00:08:45,467 --> 00:08:48,100 WELL, YOU KNOW, I ALWAYS TRY TO HONOR THE WORK, TOM. 193 00:08:48,166 --> 00:08:50,300 - SO THANK YOU. THANK YOU FOR THAT. - OH. 194 00:08:50,367 --> 00:08:52,266 BUT IT FEELS LIKE, 195 00:08:52,333 --> 00:08:53,767 YOU KNOW... 196 00:08:53,834 --> 00:08:56,800 WITH THAT LINE, AUNT SASSY IS JUST UNLIKABLE, YOU KNOW? 197 00:08:56,867 --> 00:08:59,333 THE AUDIENCE IS GOING TO HATE HER. IS THAT WHAT WE WANT? 198 00:08:59,400 --> 00:09:02,533 - NAH, IT'S JUST A JOKE. - WELL, NO, IT IS JUST A JOKE, 199 00:09:02,600 --> 00:09:05,033 BUT WE NEED TO STOP AND THINK, YOU KNOW? 200 00:09:05,100 --> 00:09:06,967 IS THIS THE DIRECTION WE WANT TO GO IN? 201 00:09:07,033 --> 00:09:09,500 I'M GOING IN THAT DIRECTION. 202 00:09:11,300 --> 00:09:13,233 OKAY. ( chuckles ) 203 00:09:14,734 --> 00:09:16,700 - WHAT? - WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 204 00:09:16,767 --> 00:09:19,867 YOU CAN'T TELL TWO 30-YEAR-OLD HOTSHOTS HOW TO WRITE. 205 00:09:19,934 --> 00:09:23,633 - YOU WANT TO START THE "HATE SHOW"? - OH GOD, NO. 206 00:09:23,700 --> 00:09:26,233 RIGHT, YEAH. LISTEN, OKAY. 207 00:09:26,300 --> 00:09:28,333 I DIDN'T WANT TO SCARE THEM, ALL RIGHT? 208 00:09:28,400 --> 00:09:30,333 BUT ON "I'M IT," MY CHARACTER BECKY 209 00:09:30,400 --> 00:09:32,300 HAD A RODNEY KING JOKE IN A COURTROOM SCENE. 210 00:09:32,367 --> 00:09:34,467 - IT ENDED US, ALL RIGHT? - MM-HMM. 211 00:09:34,533 --> 00:09:36,767 IT WAS RIGHT AFTER THE RIOTS. AND IT WAS, 212 00:09:36,834 --> 00:09:39,000 "CAN'T WE ALL JUST LIKE EACH OTHER MORE?" 213 00:09:39,066 --> 00:09:41,166 YOU MEAN, "CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG?" 214 00:09:41,233 --> 00:09:43,333 THAT WAS IT. VERY GOOD. YEAH. 215 00:09:43,400 --> 00:09:46,300 YOU THINK THAT'S WHY YOUR SHOW WAS CANCELED? 216 00:09:46,367 --> 00:09:48,834 - WELL, YEAH. - YOUR SHOW WAS CANCELED 217 00:09:48,900 --> 00:09:52,367 BECAUSE ON THE LAST SEASON YOU HAD A CHIMP WORKING AT THE LAW FIRM. 218 00:09:53,500 --> 00:09:56,367 NOW, YOU KNOW THE JOKE DOESN'T WORK 219 00:09:56,433 --> 00:09:58,867 AND I KNOW THE JOKE DOESN'T WORK. 220 00:09:58,934 --> 00:10:02,233 LET THE AUDIENCE TELL THEM THE JOKE DOESN'T WORK. 221 00:10:02,300 --> 00:10:04,433 - HONEY, STAY OUT OF IT. - MM-HMM? 222 00:10:05,300 --> 00:10:07,834 MM-HMM. MM-HMM. 223 00:10:09,033 --> 00:10:11,567 YEAH. 224 00:10:11,633 --> 00:10:14,734 BY THE WAY, EVERYONE LOVED THAT CHIMP. 225 00:10:14,800 --> 00:10:16,767 Jimmy: NO THEY DIDN'T. 226 00:10:17,767 --> 00:10:20,166 Jane: DO YOU FEEL BETTER? 227 00:10:20,233 --> 00:10:22,567 WELL, IT'S ALWAYS GOOD TO TALK TO JIMMY, YOU KNOW? 228 00:10:22,633 --> 00:10:24,800 AND IF THEY CHANGE THAT LINE, THEN GREAT. 229 00:10:24,867 --> 00:10:27,300 AND IF THEY DON'T... 230 00:10:27,367 --> 00:10:28,967 ( clears throat ) YOU KNOW. 231 00:10:29,033 --> 00:10:32,333 - OH, THERE'S THAT GIRL WRITER. - ( puppies barking ) 232 00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:35,934 HELLO THERE, LADY WRITER. 233 00:10:36,000 --> 00:10:37,867 - HI. - HI. 234 00:10:37,934 --> 00:10:40,667 I WANTED TO TELL YOU HOW MUCH I APPRECIATED YOUR SUPPORT 235 00:10:40,734 --> 00:10:42,200 TODAY AT THE RUN-THROUGH. 236 00:10:42,266 --> 00:10:44,100 - THE PUPPY LINE? - OH. 237 00:10:44,166 --> 00:10:46,200 SAW YOU NODDING. YOU AND I, SAME PAGE. 238 00:10:46,266 --> 00:10:48,300 - OH, RIGHT. YEAH. - YES. 239 00:10:48,367 --> 00:10:49,867 YOU KNOW. 240 00:10:49,934 --> 00:10:53,433 LOOK AT THAT FACE, HUH? AW. SO CUTE, YEAH. 241 00:10:53,500 --> 00:10:56,333 AUNT SASSY MIGHT HATE PUPPIES, BUT VALERIE CHERISH DOES NOT. 242 00:10:56,400 --> 00:10:58,400 - OKAY? - ( both laughing ) 243 00:10:58,467 --> 00:11:02,333 M-M-M-M-M. EAT YOU UP. ( chuckles ) 244 00:11:02,400 --> 00:11:04,467 NOT REALLY. 245 00:11:04,533 --> 00:11:07,133 I HAD TO LEAVE MY DOG WITH MY PARENTS WHEN I CAME OUT HERE 246 00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:09,467 - AND I MISS HIM SO MUCH. - YEAH, SURE. 247 00:11:09,533 --> 00:11:11,900 AAAAW. YEAH. 248 00:11:11,967 --> 00:11:14,400 LOOK AT THAT. LOOK AT THIS GUY. 249 00:11:14,467 --> 00:11:16,900 HOW CUTE. LOOK AT THAT. 250 00:11:16,967 --> 00:11:18,800 NOTHING LIKE 'EM. NOTHING LIKE 'EM. 251 00:11:18,867 --> 00:11:20,934 MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE BEEN TALKING ABOUT 252 00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:22,800 ADOPTING A LITTLE DOGGIE FOR OURSELVES. 253 00:11:22,867 --> 00:11:25,500 YOU COULD TAKE ONE OF THESE. THEY'RE UP FOR ADOPTION. 254 00:11:26,734 --> 00:11:29,066 CAN I? REALLY? 255 00:11:29,133 --> 00:11:31,433 TODAY'S MY LUCKY DAY, HUH? 256 00:11:31,500 --> 00:11:34,100 OKAY. OKAY, I'M GONNA TAKE THIS ONE. 257 00:11:34,166 --> 00:11:37,233 ALL RIGHT? 'CAUSE I LOVE IT SO MUCH. LOVE THIS PUPPY. 258 00:11:37,300 --> 00:11:38,800 YES, I DO. I LOVE YOU. 259 00:11:38,867 --> 00:11:41,433 I LOVE... LUCY! 260 00:11:41,500 --> 00:11:44,500 NAME HER LUCY, HUH? ( chuckles ) 261 00:11:44,567 --> 00:11:46,500 LUCILLE BALL IS A PERSONAL HERO OF MINE. 262 00:11:46,567 --> 00:11:47,767 A TRUE LEGEND. 263 00:11:47,834 --> 00:11:49,834 OH, YEAH. OH, YEAH. 264 00:11:49,900 --> 00:11:52,533 EVERYONE LOVED LUCY. YOU KNOW, SO FUNNY. 265 00:11:52,600 --> 00:11:55,100 NEVER KILLED A PUPPY. I'LL TELL YOU THAT MUCH, RIGHT? 266 00:11:55,166 --> 00:11:57,333 ( chuckles ) DO YOU WANT TO GET TOGETHER 267 00:11:57,400 --> 00:12:00,333 - AND TALK ABOUT THAT JOKE OR-- - YEAH. 268 00:12:00,400 --> 00:12:04,000 - SHE'S GOING TO NEED HER SHOTS. - SURE. OH YEAH, OF COURSE. 269 00:12:04,066 --> 00:12:05,867 UM, YOU KNOW, MAYBE-- 270 00:12:05,934 --> 00:12:08,734 I DON'T KNOW, SOMETIME THIS WEEK WE COULD GRAB A BITE. 271 00:12:08,800 --> 00:12:10,900 - SURE. - AND ALSO, CRATE HER AT NIGHT. 272 00:12:10,967 --> 00:12:13,100 - UH-HUH, SURE. - I WOULD LOVE THAT. 273 00:12:13,166 --> 00:12:15,000 OH GREAT, GREAT. ALL RIGHT. 274 00:12:15,066 --> 00:12:17,667 - I SHOULD PROBABLY GET GOING NOW, BUT UH... - OKAY. 275 00:12:17,734 --> 00:12:20,166 THAT'S GREAT. WH-- TO-- YOU KNOW, WE'LL MAKE A PLAN 276 00:12:20,233 --> 00:12:22,266 - FOR MAYBE TOMORROW? - OKAY. 277 00:12:22,333 --> 00:12:25,233 AND DON'T PUT HER IN BED WITH YOU 'CAUSE YOU'LL NEVER GET HER OUT. 278 00:12:25,300 --> 00:12:28,100 ALL RIGHT, NOT IN BED. THAT'S A WHOLE LOT OF INFORMATION. 279 00:12:28,166 --> 00:12:30,734 AND I'LL NEED YOU TO SIGN SOME PAPERS, FILL OUT SOME FORMS. 280 00:12:30,800 --> 00:12:33,367 I'M AROUND ALL WEEK SO YOU CAN CATCH ME SOME OTHER TIME. 281 00:12:33,433 --> 00:12:35,834 OKAY? SO, GREAT. OKAY, LET'S-- 282 00:12:36,934 --> 00:12:39,533 OOPS. HOW DO YOU GET IT TO GO? 283 00:12:39,600 --> 00:12:41,600 WELL, SHE'S GONNA HAVE TO BE LEASH TRAINED. 284 00:12:41,667 --> 00:12:44,133 THE BEST THING TO DO IS TO HOLD THE LEASH TIGHT IN YOUR HAND... 285 00:12:44,200 --> 00:12:46,233 - WELL. IT IS. - ...AND HOLD THE LEASH SLACK. 286 00:12:46,300 --> 00:12:48,734 THAT'S ALL RIGHT. I'M JUST GONNA-- I'LL CARRY IT. 287 00:12:48,800 --> 00:12:51,467 IT'S FINE. OKAY, SEE YOU TOMORROW. 288 00:12:51,533 --> 00:12:53,867 OKAY. OH THANKS, MICKEY. 289 00:12:53,934 --> 00:12:56,066 WELL, LOOK WHAT I GOT, HUH? 290 00:12:58,166 --> 00:13:00,467 - Jane: WE'RE UP AGAIN. - OKAY. 291 00:13:00,533 --> 00:13:03,500 SO YOU WANT TO GIVE ME THAT CUE AGAIN FOR THAT NEW JOKE? 292 00:13:03,567 --> 00:13:05,000 - ( mumbles ) - OH, I'M SORRY. 293 00:13:05,066 --> 00:13:07,000 ALL RIGHT, CHEW THEN CUE. ALL RIGHT? 294 00:13:07,066 --> 00:13:09,467 I'M SUCH A SLAVE-DRIVER. HUH, MICKEY? 295 00:13:09,533 --> 00:13:12,233 - Mickey: I'M SORRY. - NEVER MIND. 296 00:13:12,300 --> 00:13:14,266 - Gigi: SO, CASSIE SAYS, - YEAH. 297 00:13:14,333 --> 00:13:16,100 "HOW CAN YOU SAY NO TO A BOX OF PUPPIES?" 298 00:13:16,166 --> 00:13:18,567 - AND AUNT SASSY SAYS... - IT'S AGAINST THE RULES. 299 00:13:18,633 --> 00:13:20,133 IF I LET YOU HAVE A BOX OF PUPPIES, 300 00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:23,066 I HAVE TO LET OLD MR. SCHMIDT HANG HIS SATAN FLAG IN THE WINDOW. 301 00:13:23,133 --> 00:13:24,700 - ( Mickey laughs ) - Gigi: YEAH. 302 00:13:24,767 --> 00:13:26,567 OH, YEAH. PAULIE G'S GOING TO LIKE THAT ONE. 303 00:13:26,633 --> 00:13:28,900 - WATCH, THAT'LL BE THE ONE THAT FLIES. - COOL. 304 00:13:28,967 --> 00:13:31,967 - AND IT WORKS FOR ME BECAUSE EVERYONE HATES SATAN. - ( laughs ) 305 00:13:32,033 --> 00:13:36,967 - JUST-- NOW WHO'S MR. SCHMIDT? - JUST ANOTHER TENANT. 306 00:13:37,033 --> 00:13:39,700 OH RIGHT. WHO CARES? AS LONG AS IT'S NOT AUNT SASSY. 307 00:13:39,767 --> 00:13:41,667 IT'S GOOD. THIS IS GOOD. 308 00:13:41,734 --> 00:13:45,233 YOU KNOW, THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I'VE FELT NORMAL SINCE I'VE BEEN OUT HERE. 309 00:13:45,300 --> 00:13:47,133 AT YALE, WHEN I DID A PLAY, 310 00:13:47,200 --> 00:13:50,533 - THE ACTRESSES AND I WOULD ALWAYS COLLABORATE-- - NOTHING BETTER. 311 00:13:50,600 --> 00:13:53,400 - PUPPY'S IN MY PURSE. - OH, YOU LITTLE SCAMP. 312 00:13:53,467 --> 00:13:55,867 - HOW'D YOU GET YOUR SNIFTER IN THERE? - YOU LET HER. 313 00:13:55,934 --> 00:13:57,867 ALL RIGHT, TIME FOR A NAP. 314 00:13:57,934 --> 00:14:00,400 - AFTER ALL, STILL A PUPPY. - Gigi: ALL RIGHT, 315 00:14:00,467 --> 00:14:02,433 I'M GOING TO GO PITCH THESE JOKES TO THE GUYS. 316 00:14:02,500 --> 00:14:05,667 LISTEN, WHEN IN DOUBT, ALWAYS GO TO SOMETHING PHYSICAL. I CAN DO THAT. 317 00:14:05,734 --> 00:14:08,734 - IN FACT, HERE, I BROUGHT IN THIS EPISODE OF "I'M IT." - OH. 318 00:14:08,800 --> 00:14:10,934 - AND IT'S ALL CUED TO THE KISS SCENE. - OKAY. 319 00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:12,867 WITH MIKE, HE PLAYED MY LOVE INTEREST. 320 00:14:12,934 --> 00:14:16,100 - Mickey: OH, I LOVE THIS SCENE. - YEAH, IT WAS A BIG MOMENT 321 00:14:16,166 --> 00:14:18,834 'CAUSE WE HAD BEEN FIGHTING OUR ATTRACTION FOR EACH OTHER 322 00:14:18,900 --> 00:14:21,000 - SINCE THE SERIES STARTED. - Gigi: OKAY. 323 00:14:21,066 --> 00:14:23,100 - AND IT'S PHYSICAL. - OH. 324 00:14:23,166 --> 00:14:25,834 OKAY, JANE, ARE YOU GOING TO BE ABLE TO SEE THIS? 325 00:14:25,900 --> 00:14:29,166 - YEAH, WE'LL GET IT. - OKAY, ALL RIGHT. GOOD. 326 00:14:34,967 --> 00:14:37,500 We believe in the Franklin vs. Evans case 327 00:14:37,567 --> 00:14:39,767 that the judge will rule that you're too close! 328 00:14:39,834 --> 00:14:41,767 ( audience laughs ) 329 00:14:41,834 --> 00:14:45,734 Becky, can you honestly tell me you don't feel anything for me? 330 00:14:45,800 --> 00:14:48,767 Mike, I'm... very fond of you. 331 00:14:48,834 --> 00:14:50,700 ( audience laughs ) 332 00:14:50,767 --> 00:14:52,967 - I HAVE A JOKE. - ( Mickey mumbles ) 333 00:14:53,033 --> 00:14:55,967 - SHH. - Becky: But we have a professional relationship 334 00:14:56,033 --> 00:14:59,133 and I think it's best that we keep it that way. 335 00:14:59,200 --> 00:15:01,133 Okay. 336 00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:04,400 Okay, now if you don't mind, I need to get a look at your briefs. 337 00:15:04,467 --> 00:15:06,600 - For the Lawson case! - ( audience laughs ) 338 00:15:06,667 --> 00:15:08,734 Becky: Oh God. 339 00:15:08,800 --> 00:15:10,600 Mike: What are you doing? 340 00:15:10,667 --> 00:15:14,033 - Are you talking to me? - ( audience laughs ) 341 00:15:14,100 --> 00:15:16,767 Becky, come on. This is ridiculous. 342 00:15:16,834 --> 00:15:19,166 I know. Normally, my secretary does the filing. 343 00:15:19,233 --> 00:15:21,500 - ( all laugh ) - ( audience laughs ) 344 00:15:21,567 --> 00:15:24,567 Mike: Becky, look at me. 345 00:15:27,166 --> 00:15:29,066 Oh God. 346 00:15:29,133 --> 00:15:31,600 ( audience laughs ) 347 00:15:31,667 --> 00:15:33,967 Mike: Becky, you can't leave me here like this. 348 00:15:34,033 --> 00:15:37,033 Becky: Don't worry, i'll send food and water. 349 00:15:37,100 --> 00:15:39,266 ( audience laughing ) 350 00:15:43,900 --> 00:15:46,000 Oh, what the hell. 351 00:15:47,166 --> 00:15:49,500 - ( crowd cheering ) - MM-HMM. 352 00:15:55,433 --> 00:15:58,133 - Wow. - Wow. 353 00:15:58,200 --> 00:16:00,300 - Becky: Excuse me. - Mike: Yeah. 354 00:16:00,367 --> 00:16:02,233 - SO, SEE THAT? - YEAH, IT WAS LIKE A-- 355 00:16:02,300 --> 00:16:04,400 - YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. - YEAH. 356 00:16:04,467 --> 00:16:08,467 SHE'S A TOUGH D.A., BUT-- MICKEY, CAN YOU PAUSE IT, PLEASE? 357 00:16:08,533 --> 00:16:10,700 - EVEN THOUGH SHE'S-- - Becky: Thanks, Sally. 358 00:16:10,767 --> 00:16:12,967 JUST HIT-- PAUSE IT. CAN YOU PAUSE IT? 359 00:16:13,033 --> 00:16:15,633 JUST HIT THE BUTTON, MICKEY! YEAH, GOOD. 360 00:16:15,700 --> 00:16:18,700 - ALL RIGHT, EVEN THOUGH SHE'S A TOUGH D.A., - ( yelping ) 361 00:16:18,767 --> 00:16:21,033 I WAS STILL ABLE TO MAKE HER LIKABLE. 362 00:16:21,100 --> 00:16:24,033 - YEAH. - YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE THAT'S WHAT I DO, YOU KNOW. 363 00:16:24,100 --> 00:16:27,000 - IF I HAVE THE RIGHT WORDS. - YEAH, WELL. 364 00:16:27,066 --> 00:16:28,600 UH-OH. 365 00:16:28,667 --> 00:16:33,867 - Girls: EW. - Mickey: I THINK LUCY HAS SOME 'SPLAINING TO DO. 366 00:16:33,934 --> 00:16:36,033 TAKE HER. 367 00:16:36,900 --> 00:16:39,200 I DIDN'T SMELL THAT. 368 00:16:39,266 --> 00:16:41,100 PUPPY POOED ON MY PASHMINA. 369 00:16:41,166 --> 00:16:44,233 Gigi: OH, I THINK IT'S IN YOUR HAIR TOO, VALERIE. 370 00:16:44,300 --> 00:16:46,567 - RIGHT WHERE? - RIGHT THERE. 371 00:16:46,633 --> 00:16:49,000 - OKAY, MICKEY? - Mickey: HERE, PAPER TOWEL. 372 00:16:49,066 --> 00:16:52,000 - UH-HUH. - PAPER TOWEL. DON'T RUB IT. 373 00:16:52,066 --> 00:16:54,166 - PAT IT. - ( knocking ) 374 00:16:54,233 --> 00:16:56,433 YEAH YEAH. 375 00:16:56,500 --> 00:16:58,367 YES! COME IN! 376 00:16:58,433 --> 00:17:01,033 - HEY, VALERIE? SORRY TO INTERRUPT. - YEAH? 377 00:17:01,100 --> 00:17:04,133 HEY, GIGI, TOM AND PAULIE G ARE LOOKING ALL OVER FOR YOU. 378 00:17:04,200 --> 00:17:06,166 OH MY GOD, I HAD NO IDEA IT WAS SO LATE. 379 00:17:06,233 --> 00:17:09,200 - IS THAT A SHIT SMELL? - I HAVE TO GO. 380 00:17:09,266 --> 00:17:11,100 YEAH, NO WORRIES, DEAR. THAT'S OKAY. 381 00:17:11,166 --> 00:17:13,667 IF YOU DON'T MIND, COULD YOU JUST TELL TOM AND PAULIE G 382 00:17:13,734 --> 00:17:16,867 THAT IS WAS MY FAULT THAT WE WERE SPITBALLING. 383 00:17:16,934 --> 00:17:19,567 SPITBALLING'S WHEN YOU'RE THROWING IDEAS AROUND. 384 00:17:19,633 --> 00:17:22,033 JUST TELL THEM GIGI WAS WITH ME. 385 00:17:22,100 --> 00:17:23,934 YEAH, I WILL. 386 00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:26,433 - OH GOSH, LOOK AT THIS, MICKEY. - ( door shuts ) 387 00:17:26,500 --> 00:17:29,066 - IT'S NOT COMING OUT. - KEEP PATTING, IT'LL COME OUT. 388 00:17:29,133 --> 00:17:31,066 - WHY CAN'T I PULL IT OUT? - NO NO. 389 00:17:31,133 --> 00:17:33,934 - BECAUSE IT'LL GO ALL THROUGH IT. - WE HAVE TO SHAMPOO MY HAIR. 390 00:17:34,000 --> 00:17:38,333 - OKAY, WE CAN DO THAT. IT CAME OUT, IT'LL COME OUT. - ALL RIGHT. 391 00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:40,433 ( Lucy yelping ) 392 00:17:42,433 --> 00:17:45,567 OH GOD. IT'S 3:00 IN THE MORNING. 393 00:17:45,633 --> 00:17:49,133 I TOLD YOU THE PUPPY DOES NOT LIKE BEING IN THAT CRATE. 394 00:17:49,200 --> 00:17:51,133 - WELL. - THE BOOK SAID IT COULD TAKE 395 00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:53,233 - UP TO TWO WEEKS FOR THEM TO ACCLIMATE. - OH. 396 00:17:53,300 --> 00:17:55,734 - THEY MISS THEIR MOTHERS. - WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO? 397 00:17:55,800 --> 00:17:57,633 CRAWL IN THERE AND NURSE IT MYSELF? 398 00:17:57,700 --> 00:18:01,266 I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU GOT A PUPPY ANYWAY, THEY'RE A LOT OF WORK. 399 00:18:01,333 --> 00:18:04,800 YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT. EVERYTHING WORTHWHILE IS A LOT OF WORK. 400 00:18:04,867 --> 00:18:08,166 - WHAT ARE YOU DOING? - I'M GOING TO BRING THE PUPPY INTO BED WITH US. 401 00:18:08,233 --> 00:18:10,467 NO, WE'RE NOT ALLOWED. 402 00:18:10,533 --> 00:18:12,667 WE CAN DO WHATEVER WE WANT. 403 00:18:13,900 --> 00:18:16,400 - ALL RIGHT, WELL. - COME HERE. 404 00:18:16,467 --> 00:18:18,900 - CALM DOWN. - YOU'RE BEING TRAINED TOMORROW. 405 00:18:18,967 --> 00:18:20,834 ALL RIGHT, GOOD NIGHT, MARKY-MARK. 406 00:18:20,900 --> 00:18:22,700 - GOOD NIGHT. - GOOD NIGHT, PUPPY. 407 00:18:22,767 --> 00:18:25,200 - YEAH. OH! IT HAPPENED. - WHAT? 408 00:18:25,266 --> 00:18:27,200 - IT BIT IT. IT SCRATCHED MY FACE. - WHERE? 409 00:18:27,266 --> 00:18:29,233 - OH GOD, UNDER MY NOSE. IS IT BLEEDING? - NO. 410 00:18:29,300 --> 00:18:33,433 - WELL IT'S WET. I FEEL BLOOD. - YOU'RE NOT BLEEDING. 411 00:18:33,500 --> 00:18:35,567 YOU KNOW WHAT? I CAN'T-- I CAN'T RISK IT. 412 00:18:35,633 --> 00:18:37,600 - WHERE ARE YOU GOING? - I CAN'T, MARK. 413 00:18:37,667 --> 00:18:40,600 I GOTTA GO SOMEWHERE ELSE 'CAUSE I'M SHOOTING TOMORROW. 414 00:18:40,667 --> 00:18:42,600 IF I STAY IN HERE, I'M GONNA GET MAULED. 415 00:18:42,667 --> 00:18:45,800 - I'LL SLEEP IN ANOTHER ROOM. - WHAT? 416 00:18:45,867 --> 00:18:49,133 DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY, OKAY? 417 00:18:54,333 --> 00:18:57,500 - DO YOU WANT A SECTION? - OH, NO THANK YOU. 418 00:19:00,734 --> 00:19:05,000 - SHE'S USUALLY DOWN BY NOW. - ( footsteps approaching ) 419 00:19:07,967 --> 00:19:10,200 GOOD MORNING. GOOD MORNING. 420 00:19:10,266 --> 00:19:12,133 OKAY, ALL RIGHT. 421 00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:13,734 COME ON. 422 00:19:13,800 --> 00:19:16,200 PUPPY DOESN'T LIKE THE LEASH. 423 00:19:16,266 --> 00:19:20,333 - Mark: YOUR SCRIPT CAME. - OH, OKAY. HERE WE GO. 424 00:19:20,400 --> 00:19:22,233 - CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION? - MM-HMM. 425 00:19:22,300 --> 00:19:24,500 WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT LAST NIGHT? 426 00:19:24,567 --> 00:19:26,633 ALL RIGHT, LET ME JUST... 427 00:19:26,700 --> 00:19:28,800 SEE WHAT'S GOING ON IN HERE, OKAY? 428 00:19:32,166 --> 00:19:34,300 OKAY, OKAY. 429 00:19:37,600 --> 00:19:40,166 PFFT. THEY STILL HAVEN'T CHANGED THAT LINE. 430 00:19:40,233 --> 00:19:42,633 I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU LIKE THIS. 431 00:19:42,700 --> 00:19:46,100 WELL, WE HAVEN'T BEEN TOGETHER WHEN I'VE BEEN WORKING. 432 00:19:46,166 --> 00:19:48,600 VAL, I DON'T KNOW. I JUST-- 433 00:19:48,667 --> 00:19:51,200 IT SEEMS A LOT TO GO THROUGH FOR ONE JOKE. 434 00:19:51,266 --> 00:19:53,867 IT'S NOT JUST ONE JOKE, MARK, OKAY? 435 00:19:53,934 --> 00:19:56,333 THIS IS A CHARACTER-DEFINING LINE. 436 00:19:56,400 --> 00:19:59,367 AND IT'S NOT LIKABLE, AND IF PEOPLE DON'T LIKE THE CHARACTER, 437 00:19:59,433 --> 00:20:01,033 THEN SHE GETS LESS AND LESS LINES 438 00:20:01,100 --> 00:20:02,834 UNTIL SHE FADES OUT OF THE SHOW 439 00:20:02,900 --> 00:20:06,600 AND THEN "THE COMEBACK" HAS NOTHING TO SHOOT AND I HAVE NOTHING. 440 00:20:06,667 --> 00:20:09,033 THE LITTLE TRICKLE BECOMES THE GRAND CANYON. 441 00:20:09,100 --> 00:20:10,767 YOU KNOW. 442 00:20:10,834 --> 00:20:13,166 IT'S NOT A TOUGH BUSINESS FOR NOTHING. 443 00:20:14,066 --> 00:20:16,233 RIGHT? ISN'T THAT RIGHT? 444 00:20:17,633 --> 00:20:19,166 ANYWAY, YOU KNOW. 445 00:20:19,233 --> 00:20:22,333 I JUST NEED TO FIX THIS AND THEN IT'S ALL GONNA GO BACK TO NORMAL. 446 00:20:22,400 --> 00:20:24,233 IT WILL. 447 00:20:24,300 --> 00:20:26,233 - SO, EGGS? - SURE. 448 00:20:26,300 --> 00:20:28,700 - WHEAT TOAST? - WHITE. 449 00:20:28,767 --> 00:20:30,734 WHITE, OKAY. OOPS. 450 00:20:30,800 --> 00:20:32,400 DON'T KNOW WHERE I'M GOING. 451 00:20:32,467 --> 00:20:34,433 COOKING WITH A PUPPY. ( laughs ) 452 00:20:34,500 --> 00:20:38,000 OH, COME HERE. COME HERE, COME HERE, COME HERE. 453 00:20:38,066 --> 00:20:41,200 IT'S NOT SANITARY. 454 00:20:46,600 --> 00:20:49,333 OH, ACTUALLY, THERE'S GIGI. JANE? 455 00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:51,333 IT'S GIGI. HI, STRANGER. 456 00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:53,000 WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN HIDING, HMM? 457 00:20:53,066 --> 00:20:54,533 - HI. - HI. 458 00:20:54,600 --> 00:20:57,500 SO, I SAW THAT PUPPY LINE IS STILL IN THE SCRIPT. WHAT HAPPENED? 459 00:20:57,567 --> 00:20:59,433 THEY DIDN'T LIKE ANY OF THE PITCHES, 460 00:20:59,500 --> 00:21:02,834 AND I GOT INTO TROUBLE FOR GOING UP TO YOUR DRESSING ROOM, SO... 461 00:21:02,900 --> 00:21:05,300 IF YOU WOULDN'T MIND, 462 00:21:05,367 --> 00:21:07,867 I REALLY RATHER YOU DIDN'T EVEN BRING IT UP BECAUSE-- 463 00:21:07,934 --> 00:21:09,433 YEAH, I GOT IT. THAT'S ALL RIGHT. 464 00:21:09,500 --> 00:21:12,233 THEY DON'T WANT YOU CONNECTING WITH THE ACTORS. NO, I GET IT. 465 00:21:12,300 --> 00:21:14,433 TAKE CARE, DOLL. 466 00:21:17,700 --> 00:21:19,600 Announcer: JESSE WOOD! 467 00:21:19,667 --> 00:21:22,100 - I'LL SEE YOU OUT THERE. - OKAY. 468 00:21:22,166 --> 00:21:26,100 Jane: HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE JOKE NOT CHANGING IN THE SCRIPT? 469 00:21:26,166 --> 00:21:29,467 I'M TRYING TO PREPARE, SO REALLY CAN'T. 470 00:21:29,533 --> 00:21:31,600 Warmup man: AND LAST, BUT CERTAINLY NOT LEAST, 471 00:21:31,667 --> 00:21:33,867 YOU LOVED HER ON THE SHOW "I'M IT," 472 00:21:33,934 --> 00:21:38,133 HERE SHE IS, VALERIE CHERISH! 473 00:21:45,700 --> 00:21:47,867 Audience: OOH! 474 00:21:49,867 --> 00:21:52,033 ( audience laughing ) 475 00:21:55,567 --> 00:21:59,467 Eddie: OKAY! PLACES EVERYONE! SCENE A, APPLE. 476 00:21:59,533 --> 00:22:01,400 OKAY, THAT WAS FUNNY. 477 00:22:01,467 --> 00:22:04,266 OH, 'CAUSE I SAVED IT WITH "THE ROBOT," YOU KNOW. 478 00:22:04,333 --> 00:22:07,433 Warmup man: YOU GUYS ARE GREAT. THIS IS A NICE, PUMPED AUDIENCE. 479 00:22:07,500 --> 00:22:09,467 Mooner: DAMN, LOOK AT HER PUPPIES. 480 00:22:09,533 --> 00:22:11,000 ( audience laughs ) 481 00:22:11,066 --> 00:22:15,600 YOU GUYS ARE SO CUTE, BUT I'M GONNA HAVE TO HIDE YOU. 482 00:22:15,667 --> 00:22:18,834 I'VE GOT BARTLES & JAYMES AND GOUDA UP-- 483 00:22:19,834 --> 00:22:22,300 - CASSIE? - AUNT SASSY. 484 00:22:22,367 --> 00:22:24,066 I KNOW WE'RE NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE PETS, 485 00:22:24,133 --> 00:22:26,900 BUT HOW CAN YOU SAY NO TO A BOX OF PUPPIES? 486 00:22:26,967 --> 00:22:29,900 YOU SEE A BOX OF PUPPIES, I SEE KOREAN BARBEQUE. 487 00:22:29,967 --> 00:22:32,200 - ( guy laughs ) - ( crowd aws ) 488 00:22:32,266 --> 00:22:34,567 - AND CUT. - ( bell rings ) 489 00:22:34,633 --> 00:22:37,066 Warmup man: OKAY. NOW, THIS IS WHAT'S HAPPENING. 490 00:22:37,133 --> 00:22:39,667 WELCOME ABOARD NOSEDIVE AIRLINES. 491 00:22:40,767 --> 00:22:42,600 NO, THAT'S ALL RIGHT. THEY SAW IT. 492 00:22:42,667 --> 00:22:45,467 THEY'RE GONNA-- THEY'RE GONNA DO SOMETHING. 493 00:22:45,533 --> 00:22:47,533 I WANT TO MAKE SURE THEY CHANGE IT, THAT'S ALL. 494 00:22:47,600 --> 00:22:50,600 Warmup man: ANYWAY, BELIEVE ME, IT'S ALL RIGHT. 495 00:22:50,667 --> 00:22:53,600 ( crew chatting ) 496 00:22:53,667 --> 00:22:56,500 - SO, YEAH, THAT DIDN'T GET... - I THINK YOU HAVE A BETTER-- 497 00:22:56,567 --> 00:22:58,367 THE RESPONSE I THINK WE WERE ALL HOPING FOR. 498 00:22:58,433 --> 00:23:01,266 WE'RE WORKING ON A NEW JOKE. WHY DON'T YOU WAIT OVER ON THE SET? 499 00:23:01,333 --> 00:23:03,033 - YEAH, OKAY. - SO CASSIE SAYS, 500 00:23:03,100 --> 00:23:04,967 "HOW CAN YOU SAY NO TO A BOX OF PUPPIES?" 501 00:23:05,033 --> 00:23:07,300 AND AUNT SASSY SAYS, "I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR PUPPIES, 502 00:23:07,367 --> 00:23:10,834 - I GOTTA GO CLUB SOME BABY SEALS." - ( crew laughs ) 503 00:23:10,900 --> 00:23:14,767 - ( overlapping dialog ) - YEAH, YOU KNOW, THERE'S ANOTHER ONE THAT MIGHT WORK. 504 00:23:14,834 --> 00:23:17,133 GIGI CAME UP WITH ONE, MIGHT BE CUTE, WE COULD USE. 505 00:23:17,200 --> 00:23:19,367 YEAH, WHAT WAS IT? 506 00:23:19,433 --> 00:23:21,133 "IF I LET YOU HAVE PUPPIES, 507 00:23:21,200 --> 00:23:24,700 THEN I HAVE TO LET OLD MR. SCHMIDT HANG HIS SATAN FLAG." 508 00:23:24,767 --> 00:23:27,734 - WHAT THE FUCK IS A SATAN FLAG? - WHAT? 509 00:23:27,800 --> 00:23:29,667 - ( crew stammers ) - WELL... 510 00:23:29,734 --> 00:23:31,800 - Gigi: IT'S A CONVENTION. - YOU KNOW WHAT? 511 00:23:31,867 --> 00:23:33,900 GO WAIT WITH THE KIDS ON THE SET. 512 00:23:33,967 --> 00:23:35,800 - OKAY, YEAH. - THANKS. 513 00:23:35,867 --> 00:23:37,700 THAT'S THE FLAG YOU HAVE IN YOUR BED, MILO. 514 00:23:37,767 --> 00:23:42,133 - Paulie G: IS THAT THE ONE? - Man: IF WE CAN'T COME UP WITH SOMETHING... 515 00:23:42,200 --> 00:23:46,467 CHRISTINE, I'M SO SORRY IF THAT JOKE OFFENDED YOU. 516 00:23:46,533 --> 00:23:50,166 WHY WOULD I BE OFFENDED? I'M NOT KOREAN, I'M JAPANESE. 517 00:23:50,233 --> 00:23:52,333 SURE, NO. YEAH, NO. I KNEW THAT. 518 00:23:52,400 --> 00:23:54,333 I MEANT, YOU KNOW, 519 00:23:54,400 --> 00:23:57,033 JUST DIDN'T WANT TO OFFEND ANY OF YOUR KOREAN FRIENDS. 520 00:23:57,100 --> 00:23:59,967 WHY DO YOU ASSUME I HAVE KOREAN FRIENDS? 521 00:24:01,200 --> 00:24:02,700 DO I NEED POWDER? 522 00:24:02,767 --> 00:24:05,000 - YOU'RE FINE. - OKAY. 523 00:24:06,567 --> 00:24:08,600 ALWAYS FINE. 524 00:24:08,667 --> 00:24:11,266 - GIGI, YOU GOT SOMETHING? - YES. 525 00:24:11,333 --> 00:24:13,367 HERE'S THE NEW LINE. AND THEY WANT YOU TO SAY IT 526 00:24:13,433 --> 00:24:15,367 EXACTLY LIKE THIS. 527 00:24:15,433 --> 00:24:17,266 HERE COMES "THE HATE SHOW." 528 00:24:17,333 --> 00:24:20,400 YOU WALK IN AND YOU SEE THE PUPPIES LICKING CASSIE. 529 00:24:20,467 --> 00:24:23,233 - UM-HMM. - AND YOU SAY, "I HAVEN'T BEEN LICKED LIKE THAT 530 00:24:23,300 --> 00:24:26,367 SINCE 1943." 531 00:24:26,433 --> 00:24:29,567 THE MATH'S A LITTLE OFF. THAT WOULD MAKE ME A HUNDRED. 532 00:24:29,633 --> 00:24:33,867 UM, AND THEN THEY WANT YOU TO MAKE A TIGER SOUND. CAN YOU DO THAT? 533 00:24:35,367 --> 00:24:37,100 YES, I CAN. 534 00:24:37,166 --> 00:24:39,100 YES, I CAN. OKAY. 535 00:24:39,166 --> 00:24:41,767 OKAY, WE'RE GONNA PICK IT UP FROM VAL'S ENTRANCE. 536 00:24:41,834 --> 00:24:44,800 Man: OKAY, GOING FOR A PICK-UP FROM SASSY'S ENTRANCE. 537 00:24:44,867 --> 00:24:46,667 - ON A BELL! - ( bell ringing ) 538 00:24:46,734 --> 00:24:49,200 Warmup man: SO REMEMBER, CASSIE HAS FOUND A BOX OF PUPPIES... 539 00:24:49,266 --> 00:24:52,633 Man: SCENE J, APPLE. A, B, C CAMERA MARK. 540 00:24:52,700 --> 00:24:55,133 STAND BY! 541 00:24:55,200 --> 00:24:57,600 ACTION! 542 00:24:57,667 --> 00:25:00,500 I'VE GOT BARTLES & JAYMES AND GOUDA UPSTAIRS. 543 00:25:00,567 --> 00:25:02,934 - ( audience laughs ) - CASSIE! 544 00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:05,333 AUNT SASSY, I KNOW WE'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO HAVE PETS, 545 00:25:05,400 --> 00:25:08,133 BUT HOW CAN YOU SAY NO TO A BOX OF PUPPIES? 546 00:25:09,400 --> 00:25:12,033 I HAVEN'T BEEN LICKED LIKE THAT SINCE 1943. 547 00:25:12,100 --> 00:25:14,567 - ( audience chuckles ) - ( growls ) 548 00:25:14,633 --> 00:25:16,567 ( audience laughs ) 549 00:25:16,633 --> 00:25:18,533 CUT IT! BANG BANG, WE'RE MOVING ON! 550 00:25:18,600 --> 00:25:20,767 - Eddie: MOVIN' ON! - ( bell rings ) 551 00:25:20,834 --> 00:25:24,300 - ( audience applauding ) - Warmup man: WE'RE MOVING ON, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. 552 00:25:24,367 --> 00:25:26,967 THAT'S RIGHT. WE ONLY GOT A COUPLE MORE SCENES TO DO. 553 00:25:27,033 --> 00:25:30,734 AND IN BASEBALL WE CALL THIS THE SEVENTH-INNING STRETCH. 554 00:25:30,800 --> 00:25:32,967 AND IF YOU DON'T KNOW BASEBALL, THEN IT'S A... 555 00:25:33,033 --> 00:25:36,233 - SIT-DOWN PILATES CLASS. - ( audience laughs ) 556 00:25:36,300 --> 00:25:38,467 ( door opens ) 557 00:25:45,233 --> 00:25:46,867 IS THAT PAULIE? 558 00:25:46,934 --> 00:25:48,600 JANE, THAT'S PAULIE G. 559 00:25:48,667 --> 00:25:52,700 THAT'S PAULIE G. PAULIE, PAULIE! HI. 560 00:25:52,767 --> 00:25:56,433 LISTEN, JUST WANT TO SAY THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR CHANGING THAT LINE. 561 00:25:56,500 --> 00:26:00,033 YOU KNOW, AND THINKING ON YOUR FEET LIKE THAT, THAT WAS, YOU KNOW. 562 00:26:00,100 --> 00:26:02,433 AND "GRRRRR"-- VERY FUN TO DO, SO... 563 00:26:02,500 --> 00:26:05,367 JUST THANK YOU SO MUCH, I REALLY REALLY ENJOYED IT. 564 00:26:05,433 --> 00:26:08,500 AHEM, YOU KNOW. DON'T HATE ME. 565 00:26:08,567 --> 00:26:10,734 OKAY? YOU CAN'T HATE ME. 566 00:26:10,800 --> 00:26:13,667 IT'S ONE JOKE. THAT'S NOT FAIR, YOU KNOW. 567 00:26:13,734 --> 00:26:15,900 IT'S NOT WHO I AM. THAT'S NOT WHO I AM, YOU KNOW. 568 00:26:15,967 --> 00:26:18,600 I'M A TEAM PLAYER AND I'M A HARD WORKER. 569 00:26:18,667 --> 00:26:21,233 I'M THE ONE WHO BUYS GIFTS FOR ALL THE CREW, YOU KNOW. 570 00:26:21,300 --> 00:26:23,900 THAT'S WHO I AM, THAT'S WHO I AM, SO-- 571 00:26:23,967 --> 00:26:27,934 ALL RIGHT, HAVE A GOOD-- HAVE A GOOD NIGHT. 572 00:26:29,066 --> 00:26:32,767 OKAY. I JUST WANTED TO THANK HIM, 573 00:26:32,834 --> 00:26:34,734 AHEM, YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE HE REALLY-- 574 00:26:34,800 --> 00:26:37,467 HE LOVED THAT PUPPY KILLER LINE SO MUCH. 575 00:26:37,533 --> 00:26:39,567 SO, YOU KNOW... 576 00:26:39,633 --> 00:26:43,166 SOMEONE WORKS REAL HARD, THEN IT'S IMPORTANT TO ACKNOWLEDGE IT, 577 00:26:43,233 --> 00:26:45,600 YOU KNOW? IT'S JUST IMPORTANT. 578 00:26:45,667 --> 00:26:48,266 ALL RIGHT, I'LL SEE YOU ALL BACK AT THE RANCH. 579 00:26:48,333 --> 00:26:50,433 ( door dings ) 580 00:26:53,967 --> 00:26:57,033 ? I WANNA BE LOVED BY YOU ? 581 00:26:57,100 --> 00:27:01,333 ? JUST YOU, NOBODY ELSE BUT YOU ? 582 00:27:01,400 --> 00:27:04,200 ? I WANNA BE LOVED BY YOU... ? 583 00:27:04,266 --> 00:27:06,900 - ( tires screech ) - ? ALONE ? 584 00:27:06,967 --> 00:27:08,967 ? POOPOOBEE DOO... ? 585 00:27:09,033 --> 00:27:12,200 I DON'T HAVE THE PUPPY. DID YOU SEE THE PUPPY? 586 00:27:12,266 --> 00:27:14,700 PUPPY! OKAY OKAY OKAY. 587 00:27:14,767 --> 00:27:16,934 - IT'S OKAY, IT'S OKAY - I DIDN'T EVEN SEE HER. 588 00:27:17,000 --> 00:27:19,100 OOH, I THOUGHT SOMEONE HAD PUT HER IN THE CAR. 589 00:27:19,166 --> 00:27:20,734 - THAT IS WAY TOO CLOSE. - YEAH. 590 00:27:20,800 --> 00:27:23,333 - YOU GUYS HAVE TO BE MORE CAREFUL. - YEAH, JUST MORE CAREFUL, 591 00:27:23,400 --> 00:27:25,734 'CAUSE I THOUGHT I'D LOST YOU, YEAH. 592 00:27:25,800 --> 00:27:29,567 YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE THAT WAS CLOSE, IT WAS TOO CLOSE. 593 00:27:29,633 --> 00:27:31,734 IT REALLY WAS. 594 00:27:31,800 --> 00:27:35,133 JANE, DO YOU WANT TO TAKE THE-- TAKE THE PUPPY? 595 00:27:35,200 --> 00:27:37,967 - ME? - YEAH, YOU LOVE DOGS, YOU KNOW. 596 00:27:38,033 --> 00:27:40,433 PLEASE, TAKE ME HOME. 597 00:27:40,500 --> 00:27:43,700 - ? I WANNA BE LOVED BY YOU...? - YOU SHOULD JUST TAKE IT. 598 00:27:43,767 --> 00:27:45,300 HE PEED ON ME. OKAY, HERE WE GO. 599 00:27:45,367 --> 00:27:49,033 DOES ANYONE HAVE A PAPER TOWEL OR NAPKIN SOMETHING? 600 00:27:49,100 --> 00:27:50,767 - ? I WANNA BE LOVED BY YOU...? 601 00:27:50,834 --> 00:27:53,300 THANKS. IT'S JUST A LITTLE BIT, YOU KNOW-- 602 00:27:53,367 --> 00:27:55,467 ALL RIGHT, I'LL TAKE HER, I'LL TAKE HER. 603 00:27:55,533 --> 00:27:58,033 - YOU WILL TAKE HER? OH, THAT'S GREAT NEWS. - YEAH. 604 00:27:58,100 --> 00:28:01,266 OKAY, GOOD. BIG LOAD OFF MY MIND, REALLY IS. 605 00:28:01,333 --> 00:28:04,266 GOOD, 'CAUSE YOU KNOW IF I BRING THIS PUPPY DOG HOME AGAIN TOMORROW 606 00:28:04,333 --> 00:28:07,400 IT REALLY WILL BE KOREAN BARBEQUE. YOU KNOW? 607 00:28:07,467 --> 00:28:10,967 OKAY. BYE, PUPPY, ENJOY YOUR NEW HOME. 608 00:28:11,033 --> 00:28:13,333 ALL RIGHT, GANG, I'LL HAVE THIS DRY-CLEANED FOR YOU. 609 00:28:13,400 --> 00:28:16,533 - ? TO ANYTHING HIGHER...? - ALL RIGHT. 610 00:28:16,600 --> 00:28:19,567 ? THEN TO FEEL THE DESIRE...? 611 00:28:19,633 --> 00:28:22,834 THAT'S IT, THAT MAKES-- I FEEL BETTER ABOUT THAT. 612 00:28:22,900 --> 00:28:25,700 - ? PADUMM, PADUMM...? - BYE, PUPPY. 613 00:28:25,767 --> 00:28:28,934 ? I WANNA BE LOVED BY YOU ? 614 00:28:29,000 --> 00:28:33,667 ? JUST YOU, NOBODY ELSE BUT YOU ? 615 00:28:33,734 --> 00:28:36,700 ? I WANNA BE LOVED BY YOU ? 616 00:28:36,767 --> 00:28:38,867 ? DEEDELEE DEEDELEE DAM ? 617 00:28:38,934 --> 00:28:41,934 ? POOPOOBEE DOO. ? 618 00:28:41,984 --> 00:28:46,534 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 47937

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