Original subtitles

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Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org

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Subtitles downloaded from Podnapisi.NET

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I am not a bum.

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I'm a jerk.

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I once had wealth...

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...power...

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...and the love of a beautiful woman.

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Now l only have two things...

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...my friends...

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...and...

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...my thermos.

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My story?

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Okay.

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It was never easy for me.

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I was born a poor black child.

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I remember the days...

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...sitting on the porch with my family...

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...singing and dancing...

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...down in Mississippi.

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-"Oh, lordy -"Pick a bale of cotton

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-"Oh, lordy -"Pick a bale a day

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-"Oh, lordy -"Pick a bale of cotton

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-"Oh, lordy -"Pick a bale a day

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-"Gonna jump down, turn around -"Pick a bale of cotton

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-"Gonna jump down, turn around -"Pick a bale a day

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-"Jump down, turn around -"Pick a bale of cotton

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-"Jump down, turn around -"Pick a bale a day

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-"Me and my buddy gonna -"Pick a bale of cotton

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-"Me and my buddy gonna -"Pick a bale a day

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-"Me and my buddy gonna -"Pick a bale of cotton

31

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-"Me and my buddy gonna -"Pick a bale a day

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-"Oh, lordy -"Pick a bale of cotton

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-"Oh, lordy -"Pick a bale a day

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-"Oh, lordy -"Pick a bale of cotton

35

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-"Oh, lordy -"Pick a bale a day

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-"Gonna get on my knees -"Pick a bale of cotton

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-"Gonna get on my knees -"Pick a bale a day

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-"Gonna move all around -"Pick a bale of cotton

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-"Gonna move all around -"Pick a bale a day

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-"You want a barebacked man -"Pick a bale of cotton

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-"You want a barebacked man -"Pick a bale a day

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-"Jump down, turn around -"Pick a bale of cotton

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-"Jump down, turn around -"Pick a bale a day"

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Boy, l hope everybody's good and hungry.

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-I know l am. -And l'm ready for that.

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Here's corn bread.

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Collard greens. And l cooked up those hog maws you like.

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Mother, dear, ain't we forgetting something?

49

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No, l'm not. Today is Navin's birthday.

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Happy birthday!.

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It's Navin's birthday!.

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And l cooked you up your favorite meal.

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Tuna fish salad on white bread with mayonnaise...

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...a Tab and a couple of Twinkies.

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-Here, darling. -Mom, thanks.

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You're gonna like that shit, man.

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I got you a present.

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-Gee, Elvira. -I made it myself.

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We got you something, too. A half bottle of lilac vegetal. It's from both of us.

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I drew you this picture.

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-Here. -Thank you.

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I want you to have my Zippo.

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Dad, you had this since the war.

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Thanks.

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Thanks, everybody.

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God bless us...

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...everyone.

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Navin!.

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Will you pass me the potatoes and the collard greens?

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-Navin, darling. -I'm sorry l spoiled the party, Mom.

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You didn't spoil the party.

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I brought you a Twinkie.

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I'm not hungry right now.

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Feeling different again?

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It's like l don't fit in. It's like l don't belong here.

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It's your birthday, and it's time you knew.

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You're not our natural-born child.

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I'm not?

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You were left on our doorstep...

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...but we raised you like you were one of us.

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You mean l'm going to stay this color?

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I'd love you if you were the color of a baboon's ass. Come here.

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Navin, l wrapped your sandwich in cellophane, just like you like it.

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You want to come in and sing some blues?

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No, thanks, Taj.

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There's something about those songs.

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They depress me.

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Come here, darling.

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That's it, darling.

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You're getting the rhythm. See?

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And that concludes this Sunday night Gospel Hour...

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...live from the Four Square Gospel Church...

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...at the Divine Salvation in St. Louis, Missouri.

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The Reverend Willard Willman, Pastor.

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And now, music throughout the night.

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Music in a mellow mood.

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-Grandma!. -What happened?

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-Look!. -What happened?

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Don't touch that radio!. Don't touch it!.

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Turn it up!. Turn it up!.

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I've never heard music like this before!.

102

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It speaks to me!. Taj!. Dad!.

103

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This is unbelievable. Now watch.

104

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Yeah?

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Well, if this is out there, think how much more is out there!.

106

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This is the kind of music that tells me to go out there and be somebody!.

107

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-But Navin-- -Let him go.

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Now that you're going out into the world...

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...there's something you should know.

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-You see that? -Yeah.

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That's shit.

112

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And this is Shinola.

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Shit.

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Shinola.

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Son, you're gonna be all right.

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Now, what town are you gonna try for first?

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I thought l'd go to St. Louis 'cause that's where that radio show was from.

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And remember, the Lord loves a working man.

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-"Lord loves a working man." -And son...

120

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...don't never, ever trust Whitey.

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"Don't trust Whitey. Lord loves a working man, don't trust Whitey."

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Baby.

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Daddy.

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Pierre. Come here.

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Don't you forget to grow up now.

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-Good luck, brother. -Send me a picture postcard.

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Okay, let the boy go.

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-Bye. -We got work to do.

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And l hope you find whatever it is you're looking for.

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I will, Ma. I know it's out there.

131

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It's out there, all right. If you catch it, see a doctor and get rid of it.

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-"See a doctor and get rid of it." -Good luck.

133

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"Lord loves a working man. Don't trust Whitey.

134

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"See a doctor and get rid of it."

135

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Bye, Grandma!.

136

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I sure do miss Navin.

137

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Is he ever coming back?

138

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Take away his place setting. It's making us too goddamn sad.

139

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I wonder if he's doing all right?

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Navin!. How you doing?

141

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Don't worry about me. I think l see a car coming.

142

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No, wait. It's a truck!.

143

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Lord...

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...take care of our little boy.

145

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-I'm hitchhiking. -How far you going?

146

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St. Louis. How far are you going?

147

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To the end of this fence.

148

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Okay.

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I'm Navin Johnson. What's your name, sir?

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-Here we are. -Okay.

151

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Thanks for the company.

152

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I hope l can repay you someday.

153

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Well, what is it, boy? Are you lost?

154

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Do you want to play? ls it trouble?

155

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Trouble?

156

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Is it an accident?

157

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A drowning?

158

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A fire?

159

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Fire!.

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We've got to warn everybody!.

161

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I've heard about dogs like you. You're going to be famous!.

162

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You're going to get your picture taken, and they'll put it in the paper!.

163

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This is exciting!.

164

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You saved my life!. Come on, let's warn everybody!.

165

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Fire!. It's a fire!. Fire!. There's a fire!.

166

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Everybody!. Up!. Wake up!. It's a fire!.

167

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It's a fire!. This dog, he's saving everybody's life!.

168

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He's unbelievable!. He's some dog!. He's a lifesaver!.

169

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That's what l'll call him, too!. Ol' Lifesaver!. That will be your name!.

170

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Folks!. False alarm. There's no fire.

171

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Mister, don't call that dog "Lifesaver."

172

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-No? -Call him "Shithead."

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Good. "Shithead."

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It's exciting.

175

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It's just exciting to have this kind of life on the road.

176

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A guy and his dog.

177

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St. Louis?

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No. Navin Johnson.

179

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No, do you want a lift to St. Louis?

180

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-Okay, thanks. -Hop in.

181

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This'll be fine right here.

182

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Thank you.

183

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-Where you going? -To the bathroom.

184

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-Got to have a key. -Can l get one?

185

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My key is for customers who buy gas.

186

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I'm buying gas.

187

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I don't see no car.

188

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I just need enough for my lighter.

189

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Look at this!.

190

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And my wife wanted me to stay home. Look what l would've missed.

191

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A complete fill-up for a whole lighter?

192

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-It's on that wall. -Thank you.

193

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-And don't walk away with it. -I won't.

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Pop-top.

195

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Silver Bird, l'm talking to you!.

196

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Listen, you want to be president of Texaco Oil?

197

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-Sure!. -Then clean up the sink in there.

198

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Then l'll be president of Texaco Oil?

199

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Whatever happened to working your way up?

200

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Working for me 10 minutes, and already he wants to be president. The nerve.

201

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Get to work in there!.

202

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But, sir, l don't work here.

203

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Not even for $1 .10 an hour?

204

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"Dear Folks, l got this greatjob in a gas station.

205

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"l don't want to say how much l'm getting...

206

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"...but let'sjust say it's a lot!

207

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"l'm enclosing $2!"

208

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That's a good boy!.

209

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"lt's a lot of fun working, and Mr. Hartounian is really nice.

210

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"He's teaching me how to be impatient.

211

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"Well, l've got to go now. What do you think l do, write letters all day?"

212

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-You actually sleep here? -Yes. Is that okay?

213

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Come with me. I got a beautiful little place for you.

214

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Put the light on. You're going to like it here.

215

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Like it? l love it!. This is fabulous!.

216

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You got the toilet here!.

217

00:16:12,447 --> 00:16:15,007

This must be the kitchen. No.

218

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You know what l could do...

219

00:16:18,7 --> 00:16:20,396

...is take this wall and just turn it this way...

220

00:16:20,487 --> 00:16:22,523

...so l've got a larger living space...

221

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...plus it'll create a flow into the main living area. It'll be incredible.

222

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No, l'll just elevate this about six inches...

223

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...create the illusion of two rooms, and yet still have that flow.

224

00:16:32,527 --> 00:16:35,121

Then l can take bookshelves and put it here.

225

00:16:35,647 --> 00:16:39,401

No, l'll put the books right over here. That way l can be relaxing over here...

226

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...the customers can use the urinal. I won't disturb them, they won't disturb me.

227

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Take it easy. It's not here. It's in here.

228

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I couldn't afford this anyway.

229

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Well, this is it.

230

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It's perfect!.

231

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I won't have to change this at all!.

232

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Take a look.

233

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No kitchen, no windows, no chairs, no tables.

234

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It's a masterpiece of understatement.

235

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I'll put a bed down here, get a bigger bulb. I'll bring some sheets from the house.

236

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You'll be set for life.

237

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How much is this gonna cost me?

238

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Nothing. When you're rich and famous, you'll send me a postcard.

239

00:17:20,407 --> 00:17:21,965

A postcard?

240

00:17:27,967 --> 00:17:30,322

Okay!. It's a deal.

241

00:17:31,167 --> 00:17:32,395

It's a deal.

242

00:17:34,327 --> 00:17:35,601

What are those?

243

00:17:35,687 --> 00:17:37,723

Step outside for a second, darling.

244

00:17:38,47 --> 00:17:40,845

Navin, this is my wife Lenore. Lenore, this is Navin.

245

00:17:41,327 --> 00:17:42,521

Pleased to meet you.

246

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Do you know why a woman of such pulchritude is married to me?

247

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'Cause l make a comfortable living.

248

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This is the first time l'm leaving you alone on a Sunday.

249

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If anything should happen to this station, this woman would leave me like a--

250

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In other words, there would be no more....

251

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-Do you know what l'm talking about? -Yes, sir. No more....

252

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So remember, guard this station with your life...

253

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...because my sex life is in your hands.

254

00:18:21,167 --> 00:18:22,885

I can fix those shocks.

255

00:18:22,967 --> 00:18:26,357

No. We just want some gas, muchacho.

256

00:18:26,447 --> 00:18:29,405

Okay. But it's Sunday. We've got to have a credit card.

257

00:18:30,327 --> 00:18:32,238

And all the cash is locked up?

258

00:18:32,327 --> 00:18:36,286

No, not locked up. We got a lot of cash. Just that the banks are closed...

259

00:18:36,367 --> 00:18:38,961

...and l'm not allowed to have cash coming in or out.

260

00:18:39,47 --> 00:18:41,925

I'm alone for the first time. I don't want anything to happen.

261

00:18:42,7 --> 00:18:45,920

You flash this kind of wad in front of some people, they'll kill you for it.

262

00:18:46,7 --> 00:18:47,804

So, we've got to have a credit card.

263

00:18:48,527 --> 00:18:51,166

Have we got a credit card in there?

264

00:18:51,327 --> 00:18:53,158

Credit card.

265

00:18:59,647 --> 00:19:01,285

No, thanks. I don't smoke.

266

00:19:01,447 --> 00:19:03,881

-What kind of cigarette is that? -Joint.

267

00:19:04,47 --> 00:19:05,036

Joint?

268

00:19:05,487 --> 00:19:06,886

They don't make 'em very good.

269

00:19:06,967 --> 00:19:10,277

-MasterCharge do? -That's fine. We take MasterCharge.

270

00:19:10,527 --> 00:19:14,042

You want a fill-up, Mrs. Nussbaum?

271

00:19:15,887 --> 00:19:17,684

I'm Mr. Nussbaum.

272

00:19:17,967 --> 00:19:20,276

Yeah, that's his wife's card.

273

00:19:20,407 --> 00:19:23,444

-His wife's card? -Yeah, l'll vouch for him.

274

00:19:23,527 --> 00:19:25,722

Okay, as long as we got a voucher.

275

00:19:36,927 --> 00:19:38,406

Stolen!.

276

00:19:58,767 --> 00:20:01,361

I got it!. Just send a police car over.

277

00:20:02,47 --> 00:20:05,722

Mrs. Nussbaum's credit card!. I got the guys who stole it.

278

00:20:07,567 --> 00:20:09,876

Hold on, they're calling me!. I'll be right back!.

279

00:20:14,687 --> 00:20:17,918

-Yes? -Yeah, throw a couple of tires in the trunk.

280

00:20:18,887 --> 00:20:20,479

Put it on the card. Radials.

281

00:20:20,567 --> 00:20:24,196

-Make them whitewalls. -Yes, sir, Mr. Nussbaum.

282

00:20:30,807 --> 00:20:32,877

I'm back, only it's worse than l thought.

283

00:20:32,967 --> 00:20:36,755

They're not only sticking us for gas, but grabbing tires and everything.

284

00:20:36,847 --> 00:20:38,485

They're really socking it to us.

285

00:20:38,567 --> 00:20:41,286

Yeah, it's Hartounian's Gas Station at the corner--

286

00:20:41,367 --> 00:20:43,961

Hang on a second. I don't want to get 'em suspicious.

287

00:20:45,927 --> 00:20:49,203

Don't worry, l can keep 'em here. I saw this trick in a movie.

288

00:20:53,167 --> 00:20:55,727

-Got your tires!. -Yeah, good.

289

00:21:37,887 --> 00:21:39,559

-Anything else? -Yeah.

290

00:21:39,647 --> 00:21:42,639

We'll take that money you got in your pocket.

291

00:21:43,647 --> 00:21:45,877

Sure. I'll just put it on the card.

292

00:21:47,807 --> 00:21:50,765

Guess what!. You're our eighth customer today!.

293

00:21:50,887 --> 00:21:53,606

You won a free oven mitt!.

294

00:21:53,887 --> 00:21:55,957

I'll go get it for you.

295

00:22:09,847 --> 00:22:11,519

Yeah, l'm back.

296

00:22:13,247 --> 00:22:16,683

Yeah, they're gonna be here for a while. Don't worry. I've rigged it.

297

00:22:17,327 --> 00:22:20,239

You guys want to stick around for an oven mitt?

298

00:22:26,87 --> 00:22:27,566

Hang on just a second.

299

00:22:53,127 --> 00:22:57,006

They might not be here exactly when you get back but...

300

00:22:57,727 --> 00:23:00,878

...it's a blue Chevy two-door.

301

00:23:01,287 --> 00:23:04,836

And it'd be going south on Hertado Street.

302

00:23:05,127 --> 00:23:08,039

No, l can't make out the license number, but...

303

00:23:08,887 --> 00:23:11,037

...it'd be pulling a small church.

304

00:23:11,647 --> 00:23:16,323

Any blue Chevy pulling a small church l figure that'd be the one, yeah.

305

00:23:17,247 --> 00:23:19,602

Believe me, l'm not mad at you.

306

00:23:19,887 --> 00:23:22,845

What's the matter with you? What did l lose, a couple of tires?

307

00:23:25,367 --> 00:23:28,120

Look at the bright side. We also lost a church.

308

00:23:28,727 --> 00:23:30,683

Mr. Hartounian.

309

00:23:36,7 --> 00:23:37,963

Oh, my God!.

310

00:23:39,847 --> 00:23:41,200

Thank you.

311

00:23:49,607 --> 00:23:52,280

The new phone book's here!.

312

00:23:52,367 --> 00:23:54,562

I wish l could get that excited about nothing.

313

00:23:54,647 --> 00:23:57,320

Nothing? Are you kidding? Page 73!.

314

00:23:57,487 --> 00:24:00,399

"Johnson, Navin R."

315

00:24:00,967 --> 00:24:05,119

I'm somebody now!. Millions of people look at this book every day!.

316

00:24:05,247 --> 00:24:07,522

This is the kind of spontaneous publicity...

317

00:24:07,607 --> 00:24:10,758

...your name in print, that makes people!.

318

00:24:11,727 --> 00:24:13,399

I'm in print!.

319

00:24:14,767 --> 00:24:18,123

Things are going to start happening to me now.

320

00:24:21,407 --> 00:24:23,398

"Johnson, Navin R."

321

00:24:23,487 --> 00:24:25,557

Sounds like a typical bastard.

322

00:24:29,327 --> 00:24:31,966

Die, Navin R. Johnson.

323

00:24:35,247 --> 00:24:36,316

Bastard!.

324

00:24:36,407 --> 00:24:39,717

Random son of a bitch, typical run-of-the-mill bastard.

325

00:24:40,447 --> 00:24:42,881

-Fill 'er up? -Fill 'er up and a little bit extra.

326

00:24:42,967 --> 00:24:46,357

-Stan Fox, buying gas. -Navin R. Johnson selling it, sir!.

327

00:24:46,767 --> 00:24:49,042

Gotcha, you average...

328

00:24:49,207 --> 00:24:53,485

...typical blocking-the-view- of-a-goddamn-average-victim bastard!.

329

00:24:53,847 --> 00:24:56,680

-Check your oil? -Check away, Navin R. Johnson.

330

00:24:56,767 --> 00:24:58,200

Oil rag at the ready, sir!.

331

00:24:58,287 --> 00:25:00,562

-Let's check the oil together. -Yes, sir.

332

00:25:01,367 --> 00:25:02,197

Thank you.

333

00:25:05,167 --> 00:25:06,486

Son-of-a-blocking bastard!.

334

00:25:07,447 --> 00:25:10,041

Looks good to me, sir, but l'd like your opinion.

335

00:25:10,247 --> 00:25:11,680

Damn these glasses.

336

00:25:11,807 --> 00:25:14,480

It looks good to me, too. Hurry up. Time's a wasting.

337

00:25:14,567 --> 00:25:18,480

I'm going to the john. Don't forget to check those tires. Damn these glasses.

338

00:25:18,567 --> 00:25:21,161

Yes, sir!. I damn thee!.

339

00:25:22,247 --> 00:25:23,600

Damn!.

340

00:25:27,767 --> 00:25:29,917

Damn these glasses!.

341

00:25:31,87 --> 00:25:33,282

-I can fix those glasses. -You can?

342

00:25:33,407 --> 00:25:35,443

Well, here, fix those suckers!.

343

00:25:46,287 --> 00:25:47,322

Shit!.

344

00:26:06,207 --> 00:26:08,562

Guess what? l fixed 'em.

345

00:26:10,47 --> 00:26:11,560

I was back there thinking...

346

00:26:11,647 --> 00:26:14,684

..."What causes glasses to slip on and off?. "

347

00:26:14,767 --> 00:26:17,201

And it's because when you take them on and off...

348

00:26:17,327 --> 00:26:19,397

...you're putting pressure on the frames.

349

00:26:19,487 --> 00:26:21,000

It causes them to spread.

350

00:26:21,127 --> 00:26:24,244

So l put a little handle right here in the center...

351

00:26:24,367 --> 00:26:26,642

...that puts the pressure on the bridge.

352

00:26:26,727 --> 00:26:28,797

Just like the tie rods on a '72 Buick.

353

00:26:28,967 --> 00:26:32,801

Plus, l put a little nose brake on here to prevent slippage. Try it.

354

00:26:33,447 --> 00:26:34,846

Use the handle.

355

00:26:38,127 --> 00:26:39,196

Well, l'll be.

356

00:26:40,767 --> 00:26:41,643

It works.

357

00:26:43,607 --> 00:26:47,236

I make a pretty good living selling shit like this. I'll tell you what.

358

00:26:47,327 --> 00:26:50,683

If l can develop this gizmo, l'll split it with you fifty-fifty.

359

00:26:51,127 --> 00:26:53,482

How much for the gas? l got a load of shit to sell.

360

00:26:53,567 --> 00:26:56,320

-$26.41 . -Here's a triple dix. Keep the change.

361

00:26:56,807 --> 00:26:58,206

Thanks!.

362

00:27:01,407 --> 00:27:04,717

Dead center!. Say your prayers, half-breed!.

363

00:27:13,967 --> 00:27:16,481

Harry!. Look at this!.

364

00:27:17,87 --> 00:27:19,555

What's the matter with these cans?

365

00:27:20,287 --> 00:27:22,118

Die, milk-face!.

366

00:27:25,327 --> 00:27:28,239

These cans are defective. They're springing leaks.

367

00:27:28,367 --> 00:27:29,766

Come and look at this.

368

00:27:31,7 --> 00:27:33,726

You better run for cover or you'll spring a leak.

369

00:27:34,87 --> 00:27:36,760

We don't have defective cans. We have a defective person!.

370

00:27:39,887 --> 00:27:41,798

He hates these cans.

371

00:27:43,167 --> 00:27:44,964

Stay away from the cans!.

372

00:27:45,167 --> 00:27:46,964

Die, gas pumper!.

373

00:27:47,967 --> 00:27:50,356

I've got to get away from those cans!.

374

00:27:50,527 --> 00:27:52,404

There's cans in there, too!.

375

00:27:52,487 --> 00:27:53,761

Run!. Run!.

376

00:27:56,567 --> 00:27:57,966

More cans!.

377

00:27:58,767 --> 00:28:00,325

Die, you bastard!.

378

00:28:02,847 --> 00:28:06,157

He doesn't want to put holes in cans. He wants to put holes in you.

379

00:28:06,247 --> 00:28:07,646

What?

380

00:28:10,487 --> 00:28:12,364

Milk-faced bastard!.

381

00:28:13,647 --> 00:28:15,797

Oh, my God!. I'm endangering your life!.

382

00:28:15,887 --> 00:28:17,639

-Cover me!. -You're covered.

383

00:28:18,367 --> 00:28:20,039

Suck my toes!.

384

00:28:24,687 --> 00:28:27,076

You stay here!. I'll distract him!.

385

00:28:41,647 --> 00:28:43,842

Shithead!. Come on!.

386

00:28:45,847 --> 00:28:48,156

Come on, boy!. Good boy!.

387

00:29:16,767 --> 00:29:19,645

"Carnival personnel only." Damn!.

388

00:29:24,127 --> 00:29:25,526

Shithead, come on!.

389

00:29:26,167 --> 00:29:28,123

You're not carnival personnel!.

390

00:29:32,847 --> 00:29:35,441

He's not carnival personnel!.

391

00:29:37,167 --> 00:29:38,919

Okay, move it out!.

392

00:29:44,687 --> 00:29:48,043

"So, Mom, when l told Mr. Hartounian l'd come back, he said:

393

00:29:48,207 --> 00:29:49,560

"'Don't be a putz.

394

00:29:49,727 --> 00:29:52,082

"'See the world. Me you've seen already.'

395

00:29:52,207 --> 00:29:56,564

"l took his advice and got a job with SJM Fiesta Shows as a weight guesser.

396

00:29:56,727 --> 00:30:00,197

"Frosty, my boss, told me there's a big future in weight guessing.

397

00:30:00,447 --> 00:30:04,281

"Enclosed is $4.75 for my loving family.

398

00:30:04,887 --> 00:30:07,560

"P.S. Is grandma still farting?"

399

00:30:07,767 --> 00:30:12,204

For $1, l'll guess your weight, your height or your sex.

400

00:30:12,487 --> 00:30:15,001

The most exciting thing on the midway.

401

00:30:15,87 --> 00:30:19,319

Imagine the thrill of getting your weight guessed by a professional.

402

00:30:19,647 --> 00:30:22,445

You can blow up your cheeks, you can stick out your chest...

403

00:30:22,527 --> 00:30:24,995

...but you're not going to fool the guesser!.

404

00:30:25,87 --> 00:30:27,203

How 'bout you, sir? Step right up!.

405

00:30:27,287 --> 00:30:30,882

Honey, let's see how good this guy is. Now, what do l win?

406

00:30:31,967 --> 00:30:35,596

Anything in this general area right in here.

407

00:30:35,687 --> 00:30:39,760

Anything below the stereo and on this side of the bicentennial glasses.

408

00:30:39,847 --> 00:30:43,601

Anything between the ashtrays and the thimble.

409

00:30:43,967 --> 00:30:47,926

Anything in this three inches right in here, in this area.

410

00:30:48,7 --> 00:30:50,646

That includes the Chiclets, but not the erasers.

411

00:30:50,727 --> 00:30:52,479

No, sir!. Come on, honey.

412

00:30:52,567 --> 00:30:54,762

He thought he had himself a rube.

413

00:30:57,447 --> 00:30:59,756

Frosty, l'm no good at this.

414

00:30:59,847 --> 00:31:01,678

Come on. You're doing fine.

415

00:31:01,807 --> 00:31:05,595

I've already given away eight pencils, two hula dolls and an ashtray...

416

00:31:05,687 --> 00:31:07,723

...and l've only taken in $15.

417

00:31:08,87 --> 00:31:10,726

Navin, you have taken in $15...

418

00:31:10,847 --> 00:31:13,441

...and given away 50 cents worth of crap!.

419

00:31:14,47 --> 00:31:17,198

Which gives us a net profit of $14.50.

420

00:31:22,727 --> 00:31:25,036

It's a profit deal.

421

00:31:27,727 --> 00:31:29,877

Takes the pressure off.

422

00:31:30,687 --> 00:31:33,565

Get your weight guessed right here!. Only a buck!.

423

00:31:33,647 --> 00:31:38,038

Actual weight guessing!. Take a chance, win some crap. Step right up--

424

00:31:38,127 --> 00:31:40,595

Ladies and gentlemen...

425

00:31:40,807 --> 00:31:45,278

...l draw your attention now to the left side ofthe midway.

426

00:31:45,607 --> 00:31:49,964

Presenting the amazing Patti Bernstein...

427

00:31:50,887 --> 00:31:53,242

...doing her special ride...

428

00:31:53,367 --> 00:31:56,359

...through the Flaming Wall of Death!

429

00:32:58,927 --> 00:33:00,918

Want to guess my weight, Greenie?

430

00:33:01,207 --> 00:33:03,767

I saw you last night. You were great.

431

00:33:03,927 --> 00:33:06,157

Yeah, right. Turn around.

432

00:33:06,927 --> 00:33:08,076

What?

433

00:33:08,247 --> 00:33:09,805

Turn around.

434

00:33:11,927 --> 00:33:13,246

Go like this.

435

00:33:17,87 --> 00:33:20,284

You're okay. Give me a bite of that corn dog.

436

00:33:20,687 --> 00:33:22,564

What about germs?

437

00:33:23,407 --> 00:33:25,238

Put a rubber on it.

438

00:33:27,807 --> 00:33:29,126

Get on.

439

00:33:35,647 --> 00:33:37,877

Don't you wear him out!. He's got to work tonight.

440

00:33:44,447 --> 00:33:46,005

What a great place!.

441

00:33:49,367 --> 00:33:52,803

You know, you can tell so much about a person from the way they live.

442

00:33:52,887 --> 00:33:54,878

Just looking around here, l can tell...

443

00:33:54,967 --> 00:33:57,606

...you're a genuinely dirty person.

444

00:34:01,407 --> 00:34:02,726

What do l do with this?

445

00:34:06,87 --> 00:34:07,805

You keep it there.

446

00:34:11,807 --> 00:34:13,286

Where's your garbage?

447

00:34:16,727 --> 00:34:17,796

There.

448

00:34:21,767 --> 00:34:24,281

-Do you know what l'd like to do? -What?

449

00:34:25,567 --> 00:34:27,046

Guess your weight.

450

00:34:27,127 --> 00:34:28,765

That would be interesting for me.

451

00:34:28,847 --> 00:34:31,042

No one has tried to guess my weight.

452

00:34:31,127 --> 00:34:34,119

-I guess their weight so it would be sort-- -Put your arms up.

453

00:34:36,607 --> 00:34:39,326

This will give me a whole different perspective on this.

454

00:34:44,127 --> 00:34:46,561

You're really trying to be accurate.

455

00:34:52,167 --> 00:34:54,078

Is it getting hot in here?

456

00:34:55,127 --> 00:34:56,924

Wait a minute!.

457

00:34:57,167 --> 00:34:59,556

What's happening to my special purpose?

458

00:34:59,647 --> 00:35:01,126

What's your special purpose?

459

00:35:01,207 --> 00:35:04,279

When l was a kid, my mom told me that was my special purpose...

460

00:35:04,367 --> 00:35:07,200

...and someday l'd find out what that special purpose was!.

461

00:35:07,287 --> 00:35:09,039

Today's the day!.

462

00:35:14,527 --> 00:35:16,404

This is like a ride!.

463

00:35:18,7 --> 00:35:21,556

"My dear family, guess what?

464

00:35:22,207 --> 00:35:27,406

"Today l found out what my special purpose is for.

465

00:35:28,687 --> 00:35:31,599

"Gosh, what a great time l had.

466

00:35:31,927 --> 00:35:35,715

"l wish the whole family could have been here with me.

467

00:35:36,287 --> 00:35:38,755

"Maybe some other time...

468

00:35:39,207 --> 00:35:42,244

"...as l intend to do this a lot...

469

00:35:42,967 --> 00:35:45,242

"...every chance l get.

470

00:35:45,847 --> 00:35:49,123

"l think next week l'll be able to send more money...

471

00:35:49,247 --> 00:35:51,761

"...as l may have extra work.

472

00:35:52,7 --> 00:35:55,124

"My friend Patti promised me a blow job.

473

00:35:55,207 --> 00:35:57,198

"Your loving son, Navin."

474

00:35:57,527 --> 00:35:59,961

And he's got the kisses here.

475

00:36:01,927 --> 00:36:05,806

-That Patti must be a sweet girl. -God bless her.

476

00:36:31,887 --> 00:36:36,039

Do you think we'll get to know each other well enough to kiss?

477

00:36:36,127 --> 00:36:38,516

We don't have to. You're my man.

478

00:36:38,687 --> 00:36:41,485

It's like we're married. Look at my ass.

479

00:36:43,807 --> 00:36:47,322

You have my last name tattooed right there under the J's.

480

00:36:48,207 --> 00:36:52,166

First l get my name in the phone book, and now l'm on your ass.

481

00:36:52,487 --> 00:36:56,366

You know, l'll bet more people see that than the phone book.

482

00:37:08,967 --> 00:37:10,241

End of the line.

483

00:37:10,327 --> 00:37:13,717

This is Engineer Fred. Come back and visit me again.

484

00:37:17,687 --> 00:37:19,006

Billy!.

485

00:37:25,367 --> 00:37:29,838

Have you seen a 5-year-old boy, blond hair, wearing a T-shirt that says "bullshit" on it?

486

00:37:29,967 --> 00:37:34,199

No, there was just one kid had a T-shirt that said "life sucks" on it.

487

00:37:34,487 --> 00:37:37,843

We got off the Round-Up, and he said he wanted to go on the train.

488

00:37:37,927 --> 00:37:39,599

There he is!. Billy!.

489

00:37:39,687 --> 00:37:41,439

-Come back here!. -Get off the train.

490

00:37:41,927 --> 00:37:43,963

Pull that lever!. Pull the lever!.

491

00:37:44,47 --> 00:37:46,641

Here, hold that!. And these!.

492

00:37:47,887 --> 00:37:51,960

Take my keys. And hold my wallet. Okay.

493

00:37:52,647 --> 00:37:55,480

Don't touch the Johnson bar, you'll explode the fuel casing!.

494

00:37:55,567 --> 00:37:58,559

And if the Wolfe and Smith indicator gets above 160...

495

00:37:58,647 --> 00:38:01,400

-...turn that off there. -I can't take you here anymore.

496

00:38:01,487 --> 00:38:04,479

There's a screwdriver. Put it in, turn it one quarter.

497

00:38:04,727 --> 00:38:06,524

Listen, we're going into a tunnel.

498

00:38:06,607 --> 00:38:09,167

Don't stand up. The clearance is only 4 foot--

499

00:38:09,807 --> 00:38:11,479

-No. -I'm okay.

500

00:38:11,567 --> 00:38:14,365

I was protected by the bill of my Engineer Fred cap.

501

00:38:29,607 --> 00:38:31,882

Thanks for pulling my cap down.

502

00:38:35,687 --> 00:38:38,838

You scared me half to death. Thank you so much.

503

00:38:39,7 --> 00:38:41,760

It would've been so embarrassing to go home without Billy.

504

00:38:41,887 --> 00:38:47,086

Here's your gloves and your oil can and your wallet.

505

00:38:47,767 --> 00:38:49,280

And this fell out.

506

00:38:52,167 --> 00:38:53,725

Those guys!.

507

00:38:53,967 --> 00:38:57,960

Listen, what you did just now was very brave.

508

00:38:58,247 --> 00:39:00,442

Is there some way l could repay you?

509

00:39:00,727 --> 00:39:02,001

Repay me?

510

00:39:02,87 --> 00:39:05,204

I could never accept anything from you for saving your child.

511

00:39:05,287 --> 00:39:09,519

He's not my child. I'm just baby-sitting for a friend.

512

00:39:10,47 --> 00:39:13,926

-Would it be too much if l asked for a kiss? -No.

513

00:39:16,647 --> 00:39:18,399

He's a real little dickens.

514

00:39:26,967 --> 00:39:28,286

Thank you.

515

00:39:32,687 --> 00:39:33,836

Miss?

516

00:39:35,47 --> 00:39:38,005

I was just standing here right now, and l was...

517

00:39:38,207 --> 00:39:41,199

...wondering, if you weren't doing anything tomorrow...

518

00:39:43,567 --> 00:39:47,640

...maybe you might want to go out with....

519

00:39:48,207 --> 00:39:49,401

What?

520

00:39:50,727 --> 00:39:55,278

I thought maybe you might want to go out with me.

521

00:39:55,767 --> 00:39:57,997

Are you trying to ask me for a date?

522

00:40:01,7 --> 00:40:04,477

Once for no, twice for yes.

523

00:40:07,367 --> 00:40:08,686

Okay.

524

00:40:10,567 --> 00:40:12,125

You're so cute.

525

00:40:12,247 --> 00:40:15,637

How about 3:30 tomorrow at the Round-Up?

526

00:40:15,727 --> 00:40:17,285

Okay.

527

00:40:19,847 --> 00:40:21,838

Do you have any boyfriends?

528

00:40:23,527 --> 00:40:24,676

Not really.

529

00:40:24,767 --> 00:40:28,476

Are they crazy? lf l was a fella, l'd be around all the time.

530

00:40:28,567 --> 00:40:31,161

Well, see if you can work it out.

531

00:40:31,367 --> 00:40:33,198

We have a date tomorrow.

532

00:40:34,687 --> 00:40:36,564

What's your name?

533

00:40:37,127 --> 00:40:38,162

Marie.

534

00:40:39,647 --> 00:40:41,126

What's yours?

535

00:40:41,207 --> 00:40:45,405

I'll tell you tomorrow. It'll give us something interesting to talk about.

536

00:41:02,127 --> 00:41:03,196

Hi!.

537

00:41:03,327 --> 00:41:05,318

What's up, hubby?

538

00:41:07,7 --> 00:41:08,520

I got these for you.

539

00:41:11,727 --> 00:41:12,842

Thanks.

540

00:41:13,247 --> 00:41:16,364

Navin, you know the other day when l showed you the tattoo?

541

00:41:16,447 --> 00:41:17,675

Yeah.

542

00:41:18,647 --> 00:41:20,638

Well, l forgot to tell you something.

543

00:41:20,727 --> 00:41:23,036

-Really? What? -This.

544

00:41:28,527 --> 00:41:33,601

That's what's going to happen to you if l ever catch you looking at another broad.

545

00:41:33,967 --> 00:41:35,400

I'm glad you told me.

546

00:41:35,487 --> 00:41:39,082

And remember, l did this without anger.

547

00:41:39,767 --> 00:41:42,486

And l stayed away from your crotch.

548

00:41:43,647 --> 00:41:45,285

Bye, sweetie.

549

00:41:47,487 --> 00:41:50,160

-Hi!. -What happened?

550

00:41:50,447 --> 00:41:53,564

It was unbelievable. These guys jumped me.

551

00:41:53,647 --> 00:41:56,525

They tried to get these flowers. I got 'em for you.

552

00:41:56,607 --> 00:41:59,246

It's kind of a traditional date deal.

553

00:41:59,367 --> 00:42:02,484

Yeah, l've heard of that. What were they?

554

00:42:03,807 --> 00:42:05,638

Couple of dozen roses.

555

00:42:06,447 --> 00:42:08,165

Look like daisy stems.

556

00:42:08,287 --> 00:42:11,199

What? That guy gypped me.

557

00:42:11,287 --> 00:42:14,165

Put daisy stems on my roses.

558

00:42:14,967 --> 00:42:17,197

Look, these hoodlums are dangerous.

559

00:42:17,287 --> 00:42:19,926

I think we ought to get out of here before she sees us.

560

00:42:20,367 --> 00:42:22,403

-"She"? -What?

561

00:42:22,527 --> 00:42:25,200

-You said "she." -No!.

562

00:42:25,287 --> 00:42:27,084

I always call a gang "she."

563

00:42:27,167 --> 00:42:30,557

It's like when you call a boat "she" or a hurricane "she."

564

00:42:30,647 --> 00:42:31,796

Or a girl?

565

00:42:32,287 --> 00:42:36,439

You can call a girl "she." That's just one of the many things you can call "she."

566

00:42:39,167 --> 00:42:40,964

Why are you smiling?

567

00:42:41,687 --> 00:42:44,121

You're the fiirst person l've ever had at my place.

568

00:42:44,607 --> 00:42:45,722

Do you live here?

569

00:42:46,287 --> 00:42:47,720

It's nice.

570

00:42:47,847 --> 00:42:49,075

Did you decorate it?

571

00:42:49,167 --> 00:42:52,796

I got this from the old Cup O' Pizza place before they tore it down.

572

00:42:56,567 --> 00:42:58,125

That was really good pizza.

573

00:42:58,247 --> 00:43:00,238

This is the best pizza in a cup ever.

574

00:43:00,327 --> 00:43:03,956

This guy's unbelievable. He ran the old Cup O' Pizza guy out of business.

575

00:43:04,47 --> 00:43:06,481

People come from all over to get this.

576

00:43:19,767 --> 00:43:22,804

You know, you have beautiful skin.

577

00:43:25,727 --> 00:43:26,921

May l?

578

00:43:33,47 --> 00:43:35,607

So smooth and flexible.

579

00:43:36,407 --> 00:43:39,001

I take after my mother's side of the family.

580

00:43:39,287 --> 00:43:42,996

It's amazing the way it just snaps back like that. Amazing.

581

00:43:44,727 --> 00:43:46,763

-Are you a model? -No.

582

00:43:49,47 --> 00:43:51,038

I'm a cosmetologist.

583

00:43:51,407 --> 00:43:54,046

Really? A cosmetologist?

584

00:43:54,887 --> 00:43:56,718

That's unbelievable.

585

00:43:57,207 --> 00:43:58,879

That's impressive.

586

00:43:59,207 --> 00:44:01,960

It must be tough to handle the weightlessness.

587

00:44:03,727 --> 00:44:05,797

Can l ask you a personal question?

588

00:44:07,167 --> 00:44:08,600

What is it?

589

00:44:10,287 --> 00:44:12,005

Now be totally honest.

590

00:44:13,487 --> 00:44:15,603

You do have a boyfriend, don't you?

591

00:44:16,247 --> 00:44:17,441

Kind of.

592

00:44:19,127 --> 00:44:21,357

I know this is our first date, but...

593

00:44:23,567 --> 00:44:27,401

...do you think the next time you make love to your boyfriend...

594

00:44:29,167 --> 00:44:30,759

...you could think of me?

595

00:44:30,847 --> 00:44:34,396

-I haven't made love to him yet. -That's too bad.

596

00:44:35,487 --> 00:44:37,318

Do you think it's possible that...

597

00:44:37,767 --> 00:44:38,995

...someday...

598

00:44:40,167 --> 00:44:42,681

...you could make love with me and think of him?

599

00:44:42,887 --> 00:44:44,115

Who knows?

600

00:44:44,327 --> 00:44:47,364

Maybe you and he can make love and you could think of me.

601

00:44:49,87 --> 00:44:51,442

I'd just be happy to be in there somewhere.

602

00:45:07,567 --> 00:45:09,080

Do you have a girlfriend?

603

00:45:09,207 --> 00:45:12,916

-Does it matter? -I'd like to think you were available.

604

00:45:13,87 --> 00:45:14,884

I'm available.

605

00:45:26,7 --> 00:45:27,326

Did you forget about my ass?

606

00:45:27,407 --> 00:45:29,602

No, l've been thinking about it.

607

00:45:29,927 --> 00:45:31,918

She tattooed my name on her ass.

608

00:45:32,87 --> 00:45:34,078

Not just my name. A lot of names!.

609

00:45:34,247 --> 00:45:37,922

And funny things, too. She's got one up here that says "Slippery when wet."

610

00:45:38,87 --> 00:45:41,124

-How do you know that? -What is she, some great piece of ass?

611

00:45:41,207 --> 00:45:43,323

She's no great piece of ass!.

612

00:45:44,127 --> 00:45:47,005

I mean, wait a minute.

613

00:45:47,407 --> 00:45:50,319

We're all adults here. Let's reason this out.

614

00:45:50,407 --> 00:45:52,762

Marie's the type of person that if you got--

615

00:45:52,847 --> 00:45:54,963

If this gash doesn't get out of here...

616

00:45:55,47 --> 00:45:57,402

...l am gonna drive this bike up her butt!.

617

00:45:57,487 --> 00:45:59,239

While Patti tends to be more direct.

618

00:45:59,327 --> 00:46:01,318

As for you, farm boy....

619

00:46:02,87 --> 00:46:03,600

We're married!.

620

00:46:03,687 --> 00:46:06,042

And as for you, kewpie doll--

621

00:46:08,807 --> 00:46:11,446

You protected me. You must really like me.

622

00:46:17,327 --> 00:46:19,795

"l know, l know

623

00:46:19,967 --> 00:46:21,878

"You belong

624

00:46:22,367 --> 00:46:26,360

"To somebody new

625

00:46:27,367 --> 00:46:29,801

"But tonight

626

00:46:30,87 --> 00:46:34,000

"You belong to me

627

00:46:37,807 --> 00:46:40,162

"Although, although

628

00:46:40,247 --> 00:46:42,681

"We're apart

629

00:46:42,807 --> 00:46:44,957

"You're part

630

00:46:45,167 --> 00:46:47,635

"Of my heart

631

00:46:47,847 --> 00:46:50,122

"And tonight

632

00:46:50,327 --> 00:46:54,366

"You belong to me

633

00:46:58,167 --> 00:47:00,317

"Way down

634

00:47:00,647 --> 00:47:02,763

"By the stream

635

00:47:03,127 --> 00:47:05,163

"How sweet

636

00:47:05,727 --> 00:47:07,763

"lt would seem

637

00:47:08,247 --> 00:47:10,078

"Once more

638

00:47:10,247 --> 00:47:12,807

"Just to dream

639

00:47:13,127 --> 00:47:16,085

"ln the moonlight

640

00:47:17,167 --> 00:47:21,001

"My honey, l know, l know

641

00:47:21,87 --> 00:47:23,282

"With the dawn

642

00:47:23,447 --> 00:47:25,244

"That you

643

00:47:25,927 --> 00:47:28,361

"Will be gone

644

00:47:28,567 --> 00:47:30,603

"But tonight

645

00:47:31,167 --> 00:47:33,237

"You belong

646

00:47:33,887 --> 00:47:37,675

"To me, just to little old me"

647

00:48:07,887 --> 00:48:09,445

You know...

648

00:48:10,327 --> 00:48:12,761

...while you were playing that just now...

649

00:48:13,847 --> 00:48:16,759

...l had the craziest fantasy that l could...

650

00:48:17,607 --> 00:48:18,926

...rise up...

651

00:48:19,407 --> 00:48:23,116

...float right down the end of this cornet...

652

00:48:23,647 --> 00:48:25,558

...right through here...

653

00:48:25,687 --> 00:48:27,757

...through these valves...

654

00:48:27,887 --> 00:48:30,242

...right along this tube...

655

00:48:30,647 --> 00:48:32,956

...come right up against your lips...

656

00:48:33,807 --> 00:48:35,718

...and give you a kiss.

657

00:48:38,327 --> 00:48:39,919

Why didn't you?

658

00:48:40,447 --> 00:48:42,597

I didn't want to get spit on me.

659

00:49:33,87 --> 00:49:35,157

Was it good for you, too?

660

00:49:38,687 --> 00:49:40,917

I really do want to kiss you...

661

00:49:42,887 --> 00:49:44,525

...but l'm afraid.

662

00:49:45,127 --> 00:49:48,164

-I would have kept my tongue in. -No, l mean...

663

00:49:50,687 --> 00:49:52,996

...l'm afraid if l kiss you...

664

00:49:54,847 --> 00:49:56,803

...l'll fall in love with you.

665

00:49:57,767 --> 00:49:59,166

You will?

666

00:49:59,767 --> 00:50:01,678

And l don't want to.

667

00:50:02,967 --> 00:50:04,446

You don't?

668

00:50:05,767 --> 00:50:09,919

My mother sacrificed everything to send me through cosmetology school.

669

00:50:10,167 --> 00:50:11,566

She did?

670

00:50:12,807 --> 00:50:15,640

She has this dream for me to be something.

671

00:50:16,247 --> 00:50:17,646

She does?

672

00:50:18,727 --> 00:50:21,878

To marry someone with power...

673

00:50:22,687 --> 00:50:24,803

...money, vision.

674

00:50:26,127 --> 00:50:28,595

Someone with a special purpose.

675

00:50:31,767 --> 00:50:33,439

I've got one!.

676

00:50:34,7 --> 00:50:37,238

-I've got a special purpose!. -You do?

677

00:50:37,327 --> 00:50:39,283

Yes!. It's fantastic!.

678

00:50:39,367 --> 00:50:42,439

It's great!. It's unbelievable!.

679

00:50:42,607 --> 00:50:46,520

And l was afraid to tell you about it. Your mother's gonna love me!.

680

00:50:49,207 --> 00:50:51,437

Marie, are you awake?

681

00:50:53,407 --> 00:50:54,522

Good.

682

00:50:56,367 --> 00:50:58,483

You look so beautiful and peaceful...

683

00:50:58,727 --> 00:51:00,365

...you almost look dead.

684

00:51:03,247 --> 00:51:04,726

I'm glad because...

685

00:51:05,7 --> 00:51:08,841

...there's something l want to say that's always been difficult for me to say.

686

00:51:10,767 --> 00:51:14,203

I slit the sheet, the sheet l slit and on the slitted sheet l sit.

687

00:51:16,767 --> 00:51:20,362

I've never been relaxed enough around anyone to be able to say that.

688

00:51:21,327 --> 00:51:23,557

You give me confidence in myself.

689

00:51:24,967 --> 00:51:28,801

I know we've only known each other for four weeks and three days...

690

00:51:29,167 --> 00:51:33,080

...but to me, it seems like nine weeks and five days.

691

00:51:34,847 --> 00:51:37,441

The first day seemed like a week.

692

00:51:38,87 --> 00:51:41,477

And the second day seemed like five days.

693

00:51:41,847 --> 00:51:44,361

And the third day seemed like a week again.

694

00:51:44,687 --> 00:51:47,918

And the fourth day seemed like eight days.

695

00:51:48,407 --> 00:51:51,558

But the fifth day you went to see your mother...

696

00:51:51,847 --> 00:51:54,202

...and that seemed just like a day.

697

00:51:54,567 --> 00:51:57,604

But then you came back, and later...

698

00:51:58,127 --> 00:52:01,119

...on the sixth day, in the evening, when we saw each other...

699

00:52:01,247 --> 00:52:04,922

...that started seeming like two days.

700

00:52:05,407 --> 00:52:08,877

So in the evening, it seemed like two days spilling into the next day...

701

00:52:08,967 --> 00:52:13,438

...and that started seeming like four days. So, at the end of the sixth day...

702

00:52:13,527 --> 00:52:17,202

...on into the seventh day, it seemed like a total of five days.

703

00:52:17,927 --> 00:52:23,047

And the sixth day seemed like a week and a half.

704

00:52:24,607 --> 00:52:29,044

I have it written down, but l can show it to you tomorrow if you want to see it.

705

00:52:29,727 --> 00:52:33,561

Anyway, l've decided that tomorrow...

706

00:52:34,287 --> 00:52:39,156

...when the time is right, l'm going to ask you to marry me.

707

00:52:41,287 --> 00:52:45,075

If that's okay with you, just don't say anything.

708

00:52:49,647 --> 00:52:51,638

You've made me very happy.

709

00:52:58,887 --> 00:53:03,836

"Oh, l'll see you again

710

00:53:04,47 --> 00:53:08,598

"Whenever spring breaks through again"

711

00:53:09,47 --> 00:53:10,480

Honey, sing!.

712

00:53:12,767 --> 00:53:15,839

"Time may lie heavy between

713

00:53:16,167 --> 00:53:18,123

"But what has been

714

00:53:18,207 --> 00:53:21,677

"ls past forgetting

715

00:53:22,167 --> 00:53:26,206

"This sweet memory

716

00:53:26,287 --> 00:53:31,805

"Across the years will come to me

717

00:53:32,527 --> 00:53:36,600

"Though my world may go awry

718

00:53:37,327 --> 00:53:41,878

"ln my heart will ever lie

719

00:53:42,727 --> 00:53:47,198

"Just the echo of a sigh

720

00:53:50,847 --> 00:53:52,360

"Good-bye"

721

00:53:53,207 --> 00:53:56,836

Honey, who's the happiest guy in the world?

722

00:53:58,7 --> 00:53:59,042

You are!.

723

00:53:59,647 --> 00:54:03,606

That's right!. And who's the happiest gal?

724

00:54:05,847 --> 00:54:07,565

That's right.

725

00:54:07,647 --> 00:54:11,117

Honey, guess what? l wrote a song for you this morning:

726

00:54:11,247 --> 00:54:15,638

"Oh, l'm picking out a thermos for you

727

00:54:15,727 --> 00:54:19,322

"Not an ordinary thermos for you

728

00:54:19,527 --> 00:54:23,156

"But the extra best thermos you can buy

729

00:54:23,287 --> 00:54:26,677

"With vinyl and stripes and a cup built right in

730

00:54:26,767 --> 00:54:30,555

"l'm picking out a thermos for you

731

00:54:30,647 --> 00:54:33,798

"And maybe a barometer too

732

00:54:33,887 --> 00:54:37,675

"And what else can l buy so on me you'll rely

733

00:54:37,767 --> 00:54:40,327

"A rear-end thermometer too"

734

00:54:40,407 --> 00:54:44,320

Honey!. There's a question l've been wanting to pop but...

735

00:54:44,447 --> 00:54:46,563

...l've been afraid you'd say no.

736

00:54:46,887 --> 00:54:51,165

But this seems like the right time and place, so here goes.

737

00:54:52,167 --> 00:54:54,920

Honey, will you marry me?

738

00:54:58,407 --> 00:55:02,878

Come on, let's seal it with a kiss!. Get in the tub with me!.

739

00:55:03,967 --> 00:55:06,686

Not you, Shithead. Where's Marie?

740

00:55:07,847 --> 00:55:09,166

What letter?

741

00:55:16,727 --> 00:55:18,319

"Dear...."

742

00:55:34,567 --> 00:55:36,159

Marie!.

743

00:55:36,807 --> 00:55:40,083

Shithead!. Come here!. Good idea!.

744

00:55:42,47 --> 00:55:43,241

Why did you leave me?

745

00:55:43,327 --> 00:55:45,966

I couldn't read the letter!. It was too blurry!.

746

00:55:48,527 --> 00:55:49,755

Here, boy.

747

00:55:56,87 --> 00:55:57,998

Where are you?

748

00:56:13,967 --> 00:56:16,003

This is not going to be easy, Shithead.

749

00:56:17,247 --> 00:56:19,317

We've been together a long time.

750

00:56:19,927 --> 00:56:22,316

But l've got to head down that road.

751

00:56:23,607 --> 00:56:27,600

There'll be times out there when there won't be enough food for two.

752

00:56:27,887 --> 00:56:29,286

And l won't be able to--

753

00:56:29,927 --> 00:56:31,326

Wait a minute.

754

00:56:31,407 --> 00:56:32,760

I'm not done yet.

755

00:56:32,847 --> 00:56:34,758

Come back, l'm not finished.

756

00:56:34,847 --> 00:56:36,678

I have some more to tell ya.

757

00:56:39,247 --> 00:56:41,841

You'll find a family who can give you a real home...

758

00:56:41,927 --> 00:56:44,964

...with loving kids and a warm fireplace.

759

00:56:45,367 --> 00:56:47,278

I never liked you, anyway.

760

00:56:47,447 --> 00:56:49,483

Now get out of here!.

761

00:56:50,207 --> 00:56:53,244

Okay, okay!. You win!. You can go with me.

762

00:56:57,167 --> 00:57:00,477

"And so, Mom, with my faithful dog leading the way...

763

00:57:00,887 --> 00:57:03,526

"...l'm out to win the hand ofMarie.

764

00:57:03,647 --> 00:57:08,641

"You'd love her, Mom. She looksjust like you, except she's white and blonde.

765

00:57:09,127 --> 00:57:12,483

"So, to win her back, l've vowed to make something of myself.

766

00:57:12,567 --> 00:57:16,958

"l settled in Los Angeles, took the money l saved and rented my fiirst apartment.

767

00:57:17,607 --> 00:57:19,404

"l haven't heard from Marie.

768

00:57:20,367 --> 00:57:24,121

"Things couldn't be worse. I can only send you 49 cents this week..."

769

00:57:24,207 --> 00:57:26,880

-Bless his heart. -That's a good boy.

770

00:57:26,967 --> 00:57:29,527

"...as l've lost all my jobs.

771

00:57:29,967 --> 00:57:33,880

"l've been eating well. The hospital gives out free orange juice and cookies...

772

00:57:33,967 --> 00:57:36,765

"...and all l have to do is give them a pint of blood.

773

00:57:37,287 --> 00:57:40,563

"l ate there all week, three times a day."

774

00:57:40,687 --> 00:57:41,563

Pint of blood?

775

00:57:41,647 --> 00:57:46,198

"l quit when l cut myself shaving and nothing came out but air.

776

00:57:47,647 --> 00:57:51,925

"l have to go now as someone is staring at me through binoculars.

777

00:57:52,7 --> 00:57:53,838

"Your loving son, Navin."

778

00:57:57,207 --> 00:57:58,879

It's him.

779

00:58:05,567 --> 00:58:06,716

Him.

780

00:58:11,367 --> 00:58:14,882

What's him doing here? Shithead!. Shithead!.

781

00:58:16,127 --> 00:58:18,083

Attack!. Attack!.

782

00:58:19,327 --> 00:58:21,079

Not me!.

783

00:58:22,567 --> 00:58:24,398

Get off, Shithead!.

784

00:59:20,567 --> 00:59:22,797

You're going to have to sign for this.

785

00:59:25,207 --> 00:59:27,402

I have to sign before you shoot me?

786

00:59:27,567 --> 00:59:29,558

I'm not gonna shoot ya!.

787

00:59:30,727 --> 00:59:33,241

-Why not? -That was the old me.

788

00:59:33,327 --> 00:59:35,602

I was a little mixed up at that time.

789

00:59:35,727 --> 00:59:39,197

Had a bad marriage, and l just gave up smoking.

790

00:59:39,447 --> 00:59:41,119

I'm okay now.

791

00:59:42,167 --> 00:59:44,044

I'm a private detective.

792

00:59:51,7 --> 00:59:53,316

-So long. -Thank you.

793

01:00:01,127 --> 01:00:03,243

"Dear Mr. Johnson...

794

01:00:04,127 --> 01:00:06,436

"...please call on me, in Suite...

795

01:00:07,647 --> 01:00:11,242

"...2655 at the Century Plaza Tower...

796

01:00:11,727 --> 01:00:13,126

"...in Los Angeles.

797

01:00:14,127 --> 01:00:18,917

"l have something ofgreat importance to impart to you."

798

01:00:19,687 --> 01:00:22,121

Navin!. Remember me?

799

01:00:23,127 --> 01:00:25,641

-No, but don't feel bad. -Fox.

800

01:00:27,47 --> 01:00:28,685

Stan Fox!.

801

01:00:28,767 --> 01:00:30,883

Remember the gas station?

802

01:00:31,87 --> 01:00:35,285

Boy, you are one hard guy to find!.

803

01:00:38,47 --> 01:00:39,605

You don't remember me.

804

01:00:41,327 --> 01:00:43,557

The glasses handle!. Look!.

805

01:00:45,647 --> 01:00:46,921

Yeah.

806

01:00:47,407 --> 01:00:50,001

-My glasses handle. -Use the Opti-Grab.

807

01:00:50,487 --> 01:00:53,285

-"Opti-Grab"? -Yeah, we call it Opti-Grab.

808

01:00:53,367 --> 01:00:55,961

-Opti-Grab. -"Opti," from the eye...

809

01:00:56,87 --> 01:00:58,681

...and "grab," from where you grab it!.

810

01:00:59,7 --> 01:01:00,804

Opti-grabbing it!.

811

01:01:00,887 --> 01:01:02,764

Navin, my boy, we're in business!.

812

01:01:03,7 --> 01:01:05,680

Fifty-fifty, just like we said.

813

01:01:05,847 --> 01:01:08,759

Right in here l have your first check...

814

01:01:09,207 --> 01:01:12,040

...for two hundred and fifty big ones.

815

01:01:12,607 --> 01:01:14,120

Two-fifty?

816

01:01:14,567 --> 01:01:17,525

That's just the beginning. There's gonna be more. Lots more!.

817

01:01:17,887 --> 01:01:19,400

Can l cash this?

818

01:01:19,527 --> 01:01:23,486

You can do whatever you like. It's your money. It's a cashier's check.

819

01:01:23,887 --> 01:01:25,286

I can use money!.

820

01:01:25,687 --> 01:01:30,556

Yes, l have a cashier's check, and l'd like to cash it.

821

01:01:30,687 --> 01:01:32,405

How much is it for?

822

01:01:32,567 --> 01:01:36,765

Two hundred and fifty big ones.

823

01:01:40,767 --> 01:01:43,839

Two hundred and fifty dollareenies.

824

01:01:46,207 --> 01:01:49,836

That's two hundred and fifty doughnuts.

825

01:01:52,527 --> 01:01:54,085

You want to cash this?

826

01:01:54,287 --> 01:01:56,596

Well, l could take fifty of the doughnuts...

827

01:01:56,687 --> 01:01:59,599

...and deposit the other two-hundred beauties.

828

01:01:59,727 --> 01:02:03,402

-Have a seat, Mr. Johnson. -Thank you.

829

01:02:04,607 --> 01:02:06,757

I will need two pieces of identification.

830

01:02:06,847 --> 01:02:11,602

Yes. I have my temporary driver's license...

831

01:02:12,807 --> 01:02:16,766

...and my astronaut application form.

832

01:02:17,927 --> 01:02:21,636

I didn't pass that, though. I failed everything but the date of birth.

833

01:02:21,767 --> 01:02:23,325

Didn't get the job.

834

01:02:23,527 --> 01:02:27,918

Everything's in order. If you'll just endorse this there.

835

01:02:28,527 --> 01:02:30,119

-I need a pen. -Pen. Okay.

836

01:02:30,207 --> 01:02:32,198

-Right here. -Thank you.

837

01:02:33,527 --> 01:02:36,644

Fill out this deposit slip right there.

838

01:02:37,207 --> 01:02:40,995

The endorsing and filling out of the deposit slip.

839

01:02:41,287 --> 01:02:45,200

Two-hundred and fifty...

840

01:02:45,567 --> 01:02:47,478

...thousand--

841

01:02:58,927 --> 01:03:01,646

"Dear Harry, guess what?

842

01:03:01,767 --> 01:03:03,803

"l'm rich beyond my wildest dreams.

843

01:03:04,47 --> 01:03:07,676

"But l haven't forgotten our deal. Here's that postcard l promised you.

844

01:03:07,767 --> 01:03:10,281

"l bet you thought you'd never get it.

845

01:03:10,447 --> 01:03:12,563

"Your friend forever, Navin."

846

01:03:12,807 --> 01:03:14,320

How do you like that?

847

01:03:14,647 --> 01:03:17,445

He promised me a postcard, and he sent me a postcard.

848

01:03:18,167 --> 01:03:19,646

Kid has integrity.

849

01:03:37,87 --> 01:03:39,123

Shithead, come on.

850

01:03:53,127 --> 01:03:55,721

Hello? Yes?

851

01:03:56,367 --> 01:03:59,086

Who? Mrs. Kimball?

852

01:04:00,807 --> 01:04:02,445

You're Marie's mom!.

853

01:04:03,247 --> 01:04:05,283

You read about me in the paper?

854

01:04:05,367 --> 01:04:07,961

I've been trying to reach her, l don't know where she is.

855

01:04:08,47 --> 01:04:10,083

I'd give anything to find out.

856

01:04:11,87 --> 01:04:12,884

Well, that sounds a little high.

857

01:04:13,287 --> 01:04:15,039

How about $75?

858

01:04:16,7 --> 01:04:18,567

Okay, what is it?

859

01:04:19,47 --> 01:04:21,481

The May Company in Los Angeles.

860

01:04:21,567 --> 01:04:24,718

Shithead!. I know where she is!. I know where she is!.

861

01:04:24,927 --> 01:04:26,997

Now, doesn't that feel good?

862

01:04:30,7 --> 01:04:32,362

There now, we are complete.

863

01:04:34,487 --> 01:04:36,876

Putting on Mask-O-Derm just took a few minutes...

864

01:04:36,967 --> 01:04:39,527

...and when we peel it off he'll look 20 years younger.

865

01:04:39,607 --> 01:04:41,040

Alevai.

866

01:04:41,127 --> 01:04:42,765

Yes, exactly.

867

01:04:42,847 --> 01:04:48,046

Now, we'll let this dry. In the meantime, we can pick out an eye shadow and lip tint.

868

01:04:48,127 --> 01:04:50,083

Everyone follow me this way...

869

01:04:50,167 --> 01:04:53,682

...because this is a very interesting line. I think you'll enjoy this.

870

01:04:53,767 --> 01:04:58,283

With your husband's coloring, a deep tone would bring out his lips.

871

01:04:58,367 --> 01:05:02,519

This Nature Beige will feature his eyes just wonderfully.

872

01:05:02,607 --> 01:05:04,438

Let's try everything.

873

01:05:07,327 --> 01:05:08,555

What?

874

01:05:10,367 --> 01:05:14,280

Let's go unmask lrving. Everyone, back this way.

875

01:05:14,527 --> 01:05:17,678

We are now going to peel off our Mask-O-Derm.

876

01:05:17,767 --> 01:05:22,045

Irving's skin will be tighter, firmer and he'll look like a different man.

877

01:05:22,127 --> 01:05:23,924

You'll be amazed.

878

01:05:24,367 --> 01:05:26,323

Get ready, lrving!.

879

01:05:40,247 --> 01:05:43,159

This shit really worked.

880

01:05:49,727 --> 01:05:51,683

My sweetheart.

881

01:05:52,167 --> 01:05:55,000

What are you doing to my husband, you Miss Blondie?

882

01:05:55,87 --> 01:05:57,317

Irving, are you crazy?

883

01:05:57,407 --> 01:06:00,558

"Dear Mom, the big news is: Marie and l were married.

884

01:06:00,647 --> 01:06:02,080

"We couldn't wait.

885

01:06:02,167 --> 01:06:07,366

"We found someone at the Hollywood View Apartments who could do it immediately.

886

01:06:07,447 --> 01:06:09,563

"He was a certifiiedpriest.

887

01:06:12,167 --> 01:06:14,522

"We were both glad we had a religious wedding.

888

01:06:15,47 --> 01:06:17,402

"Money hasn't changed our lives that much.

889

01:06:17,687 --> 01:06:21,236

"Our one little extravagance is a live-in butler and housekeeper."

890

01:06:21,367 --> 01:06:25,280

-Another check!. -Just as l thought.

891

01:06:25,367 --> 01:06:28,564

Look at that. Nearly $750,000.

892

01:06:28,687 --> 01:06:33,078

With this kind of income, you could buy a larger house with servants' quarters.

893

01:06:33,407 --> 01:06:37,320

"Well, Mom, remember my dream of owning a big house on a hill...

894

01:06:37,447 --> 01:06:42,202

"...and how l used to wish for a living room with a plaster lion in it from Mexico?

895

01:06:42,287 --> 01:06:45,836

"And how l always wanted a large 24-seat dining table...

896

01:06:45,927 --> 01:06:51,160

"...in a dining room with original paintings by Michelangelo and Rembrandt?

897

01:06:51,487 --> 01:06:53,921

"And remember how l always wanted a rotating bed...

898

01:06:54,7 --> 01:06:56,919

"...with pink chiffon and zebra stripes?

899

01:06:57,7 --> 01:06:59,680

"And remember how l used to chitchat with dad about...

900

01:06:59,807 --> 01:07:02,879

"...always wanting a bathtub shaped like a clam...

901

01:07:03,7 --> 01:07:05,760

"...and an offiice with orange and white stripes?

902

01:07:05,847 --> 01:07:10,523

"Remember how much l wanted an all red billiard room with a giant stuffed camel...

903

01:07:10,687 --> 01:07:14,362

"...and how l wanted a disco room with my own disco dancers...

904

01:07:14,447 --> 01:07:17,245

"...and a party room with fancy friends?

905

01:07:17,887 --> 01:07:21,436

"And remember how much l wanted a big backyard with Grecian statues...

906

01:07:21,527 --> 01:07:24,121

"...S-shaped hedges, and three swimming pools?

907

01:07:24,207 --> 01:07:26,198

"Well, l got that too.

908

01:07:28,607 --> 01:07:30,996

"Marie and l are getting along swell...

909

01:07:31,327 --> 01:07:34,876

"...but l've got a lot to learn about handling my money and banks.

910

01:07:35,207 --> 01:07:36,925

"You have to be careful.

911

01:07:38,567 --> 01:07:40,205

"Poor Hobart.

912

01:07:40,367 --> 01:07:43,325

"His dear wife Hester took money out of her savings account...

913

01:07:43,407 --> 01:07:46,604

"...and had to pay a substantial penalty for early withdrawal.

914

01:07:51,127 --> 01:07:54,278

"Enclosed is this week's check. Love, Navin."

915

01:07:55,47 --> 01:07:57,083

Sorry about your wife, Hobart.

916

01:07:57,167 --> 01:07:59,362

Federal regulations, sir.

917

01:08:00,7 --> 01:08:01,281

Dear me.

918

01:08:01,527 --> 01:08:05,600

Your wife has given you another gold chain.

919

01:08:06,447 --> 01:08:08,165

I'd nearly forgotten.

920

01:08:08,527 --> 01:08:11,917

I suppose l'm still not quite over Hester's death.

921

01:08:12,7 --> 01:08:13,838

Well, these things take time.

922

01:08:13,927 --> 01:08:15,963

Yes, so l'm told.

923

01:08:16,47 --> 01:08:19,835

Here's your drink, sir. Like the one you saw in the magazine.

924

01:08:19,927 --> 01:08:22,316

You got the bamboo umbrella and everything.

925

01:08:25,607 --> 01:08:28,679

See that? "Be somebody."

926

01:08:31,327 --> 01:08:33,761

Very good, sir. Very good.

927

01:08:36,407 --> 01:08:39,080

There are some charity people here to see you, sir.

928

01:08:39,167 --> 01:08:41,806

No!. Send them away!.

929

01:08:41,887 --> 01:08:44,276

There's a lot of people more deserving than me!.

930

01:08:44,367 --> 01:08:47,200

But these people want you to give.

931

01:08:51,767 --> 01:08:52,802

Okay.

932

01:08:52,927 --> 01:08:56,317

My name is Father Carlos Las Vegas De Cordoba.

933

01:08:56,967 --> 01:08:59,401

Father, you seem like a religious man.

934

01:08:59,887 --> 01:09:01,240

How can l help you?

935

01:09:01,327 --> 01:09:05,002

By giving me three minutes of your time so that you can see some film...

936

01:09:05,87 --> 01:09:08,477

...of a great ugliness that is spreading in my country.

937

01:09:09,367 --> 01:09:12,086

God. I'll bet it's disgusting.

938

01:09:12,967 --> 01:09:14,798

-Hobart? -Yes, sir?

939

01:09:14,887 --> 01:09:17,242

Are you over your grief enough to dim the lights?

940

01:09:17,327 --> 01:09:20,876

Of course, sir. One can't mourn forever.

941

01:09:21,87 --> 01:09:23,999

You will not believe what you are about to see...

942

01:09:24,567 --> 01:09:27,161

...that human beings could have sunk so low...

943

01:09:27,247 --> 01:09:31,035

...that they can take pleasure to do this to another of God's creatures.

944

01:09:31,167 --> 01:09:33,601

I hope you have a strong stomach, senor.

945

01:09:33,767 --> 01:09:35,166

Roll the ugliness.

946

01:10:12,727 --> 01:10:16,800

Good Lord. I've heard about this. Cat juggling.

947

01:10:35,647 --> 01:10:38,605

Stop it, stop it, stop it!.

948

01:10:39,527 --> 01:10:40,642

Good.

949

01:10:41,567 --> 01:10:45,765

Father, could there be a God that would let this happen?

950

01:10:46,847 --> 01:10:48,644

How much do you want?

951

01:10:48,807 --> 01:10:52,402

If your initial investment is $500,000...

952

01:10:52,567 --> 01:10:55,161

...and your apartments are up in March...

953

01:10:55,287 --> 01:10:59,439

...you should have "x" amount of dollars rolling in by the end of this year.

954

01:10:59,967 --> 01:11:02,527

"x" amount. That's very good, isn't it?

955

01:11:02,607 --> 01:11:05,838

You can depreciate the entire building for the full amount.

956

01:11:05,967 --> 01:11:08,686

Depreciate!. Very good. I like that.

957

01:11:08,767 --> 01:11:11,645

And we've found a way to get around this fair housing crap.

958

01:11:11,887 --> 01:11:14,526

Good!. Getting around the crap. That's good.

959

01:11:15,327 --> 01:11:18,717

By keeping the rents high, we'll appeal to a select class of people.

960

01:11:18,807 --> 01:11:20,684

Select class. Very good.

961

01:11:21,967 --> 01:11:23,764

We'll keep the eggplants out.

962

01:11:23,847 --> 01:11:26,236

Good. We don't want any vegetables.

963

01:11:26,327 --> 01:11:28,397

No. The jungle bunnies!.

964

01:11:28,607 --> 01:11:30,962

Of course. They'll eat the vegetables.

965

01:11:31,527 --> 01:11:33,722

Boss, could l talk to him?

966

01:11:34,287 --> 01:11:36,357

We're gonna keep out the niggers.

967

01:11:37,7 --> 01:11:37,996

The what?

968

01:11:38,87 --> 01:11:40,157

The niggers. We'll keep 'em out.

969

01:11:40,727 --> 01:11:41,955

-Yes. -Sir...

970

01:11:42,687 --> 01:11:45,076

...you are talking to a nigger!.

971

01:12:30,447 --> 01:12:32,517

Don't be so hard on yourself.

972

01:12:32,607 --> 01:12:35,519

How could you know that was "lron Balls" McGinty?

973

01:12:36,287 --> 01:12:38,084

Escargot. Salad.

974

01:12:39,447 --> 01:12:42,359

Would Monsieur care for another bottle of the Château Latour.

975

01:12:42,447 --> 01:12:44,677

Yes, but no more 1966.

976

01:12:44,767 --> 01:12:47,645

Let's splurge. Bring us some fresh wine.

977

01:12:47,727 --> 01:12:49,126

The freshest you've got.

978

01:12:49,207 --> 01:12:51,641

This year's. No more of this old stuff.

979

01:12:52,807 --> 01:12:54,206

Oui, Monsieur.

980

01:12:54,687 --> 01:12:58,123

He doesn't realize he's dealing with sophisticated people here.

981

01:12:58,647 --> 01:13:00,285

Marie, just stay calm.

982

01:13:00,687 --> 01:13:01,836

Don't look down.

983

01:13:01,927 --> 01:13:05,636

Don't look down. Look up. Keep your eyes up and keep 'em that way.

984

01:13:05,807 --> 01:13:06,762

Waiter.

985

01:13:09,207 --> 01:13:11,675

There are snails on her plate.

986

01:13:14,127 --> 01:13:16,721

Now get them out of here before she sees them!.

987

01:13:16,967 --> 01:13:19,037

Look away!. Keep your eyes that way!.

988

01:13:19,767 --> 01:13:23,806

You'd think at a fancy restaurant like this you'd be able to keep the snails...

989

01:13:23,887 --> 01:13:25,605

...off the food!.

990

01:13:25,687 --> 01:13:28,520

There are so many snails in there you can't see the food.

991

01:13:28,607 --> 01:13:32,236

Remove them!. Bring me the cheese sandwich appetizers you talked me out of.

992

01:13:32,327 --> 01:13:33,760

Oui, Monsieur.

993

01:13:34,967 --> 01:13:36,320

Can you believe this?

994

01:13:36,407 --> 01:13:40,116

First they didn't have umbrellas for the wine, now snails on the food.

995

01:13:40,207 --> 01:13:42,960

Two boobs. That's what he takes us for.

996

01:13:54,207 --> 01:13:56,323

-Hi, honey. -Hi, doll face.

997

01:13:56,407 --> 01:13:57,635

Everything okay?

998

01:13:57,767 --> 01:14:01,646

Remember how you told me to take unnecessary lessons?

999

01:14:01,807 --> 01:14:03,843

Well, l just took a lesson.

1000

01:14:04,7 --> 01:14:06,475

And a very good student too. Adios, senora.

1001

01:14:07,207 --> 01:14:08,925

You took bullfighting?

1002

01:14:09,7 --> 01:14:11,077

No. Knife-throwing.

1003

01:14:12,367 --> 01:14:13,846

Knife-throwing's great!.

1004

01:14:13,927 --> 01:14:17,203

-I can almost do it. -Well, let me see your stuff!.

1005

01:14:17,367 --> 01:14:18,561

Okay.

1006

01:14:19,767 --> 01:14:21,962

This is very good for a beginner.

1007

01:14:24,167 --> 01:14:26,522

This is exciting. I love this!.

1008

01:14:27,207 --> 01:14:28,560

Come on!.

1009

01:14:29,807 --> 01:14:31,877

-Turn sideways... -Okay.

1010

01:14:32,127 --> 01:14:34,243

...and put a balloon in your mouth.

1011

01:14:34,847 --> 01:14:36,405

Do you have a balloon?

1012

01:14:37,127 --> 01:14:39,800

No. Wait. Yes!.

1013

01:14:41,247 --> 01:14:42,123

Okay.

1014

01:14:43,247 --> 01:14:44,726

Is it in your mouth?

1015

01:14:44,847 --> 01:14:47,600

Throw 'em good and hard, so they'll stick.

1016

01:14:48,847 --> 01:14:50,041

Okay.

1017

01:14:53,207 --> 01:14:54,322

One...

1018

01:14:55,127 --> 01:14:56,401

...two...

1019

01:14:57,567 --> 01:14:58,682

...three!.

1020

01:14:59,567 --> 01:15:00,841

Four, five, six!.

1021

01:15:05,487 --> 01:15:06,840

I missed.

1022

01:15:07,127 --> 01:15:08,719

Honey, you did good.

1023

01:15:09,287 --> 01:15:11,517

I can't do anything right.

1024

01:15:12,367 --> 01:15:15,006

Honey, you worry too much.

1025

01:15:16,167 --> 01:15:19,762

Come on. Let's flop this over and look at it another way.

1026

01:15:19,847 --> 01:15:22,680

Do you realize that in the past two short months...

1027

01:15:22,767 --> 01:15:28,000

...we have acquired the sophistication it takes some people a lifetime to acquire?

1028

01:15:28,287 --> 01:15:29,720

Come on!.

1029

01:15:30,167 --> 01:15:31,680

Let's toast!.

1030

01:16:26,887 --> 01:16:30,402

Everybody, Navin's on TV. Marie, it's Navin!.

1031

01:16:30,647 --> 01:16:33,400

Look, honey, here's that interview you did on TV.

1032

01:16:33,687 --> 01:16:35,245

Shut off the music!.

1033

01:16:36,407 --> 01:16:39,046

Everyone, we're going to watch Navin on the TV.

1034

01:16:39,127 --> 01:16:42,324

Sit down, sit down. On the floor. Sit around.

1035

01:16:42,807 --> 01:16:45,526

American Time news magazine turns its probing eye...

1036

01:16:45,607 --> 01:16:48,565

...on Navin Johnson, the inventor ofthe Opti-Grab...

1037

01:16:48,807 --> 01:16:53,119

...that little glasses handle that sold 10 million units in a few short months.

1038

01:16:53,927 --> 01:16:58,000

Mr. Johnson, you've become a millionaire overnight. Who are you?

1039

01:16:59,687 --> 01:17:01,678

Who is Navin Johnson?

1040

01:17:02,727 --> 01:17:05,924

Navin is a complex personality, as are most ofthe...

1041

01:17:06,7 --> 01:17:09,522

...small breed of modern-day renaissance millionaires.

1042

01:17:10,127 --> 01:17:13,278

We hadplanned to show you the entire Johnson interview.

1043

01:17:13,447 --> 01:17:17,076

However, when we returned to our studio, our news department informed us...

1044

01:17:17,167 --> 01:17:20,398

...ofa sensational development in the Johnson story.

1045

01:17:20,647 --> 01:17:23,002

It seems that an irate group of citizens...

1046

01:17:23,87 --> 01:17:25,760

...led by the celebrity, Mr. Carl Reiner...

1047

01:17:25,847 --> 01:17:29,840

...has fiiled a class action suit against Mr. Johnson and his Opti-Grab.

1048

01:17:30,247 --> 01:17:33,239

Here's what Mr. Reiner had to say at a press conference:

1049

01:17:33,327 --> 01:17:36,524

When Opti-Grab came out l thought it was the greatest thing ever.

1050

01:17:36,607 --> 01:17:40,077

And l bought a pair. And this is the result.

1051

01:17:41,527 --> 01:17:45,236

This little handle is like a magnet. Your eyes are drawn to it...

1052

01:17:45,447 --> 01:17:47,403

...and you end up cockeyed.

1053

01:17:47,847 --> 01:17:50,998

Now, as a director, l am constantly using my eyes...

1054

01:17:51,127 --> 01:17:55,166

...and this Opti-Grab device has caused irreparable harm to my career.

1055

01:17:55,287 --> 01:17:57,562

Let me show you a clip from my latest fiilm...

1056

01:17:57,647 --> 01:18:02,084

...where my faulty depth perception kept me from yelling "cut" at the right time.

1057

01:18:05,327 --> 01:18:06,237

Cut!

1058

01:18:14,727 --> 01:18:19,164

Ifl had yelled "cut" on time, those actors would be alive today.

1059

01:18:19,887 --> 01:18:24,119

That's why l am spearheading the $10 million class action suit...

1060

01:18:24,207 --> 01:18:27,882

...against Mr. Johnson, and his irresponsible selling ofa product...

1061

01:18:27,967 --> 01:18:30,481

...he didn't even test on prisoners!

1062

01:18:31,407 --> 01:18:33,841

-Thank you. -Party's over!.

1063

01:18:36,807 --> 01:18:38,798

Wait a second. Where you going?

1064

01:18:39,927 --> 01:18:42,521

I'm gonna get in touch with that Reiner guy.

1065

01:18:43,727 --> 01:18:45,843

I got some change upstairs.

1066

01:18:45,927 --> 01:18:48,805

We'll get some potato chips and there's some beer up there.

1067

01:18:48,887 --> 01:18:50,957

We'll make it a less formal thing.

1068

01:18:52,527 --> 01:18:54,518

Let's find another party.

1069

01:18:57,407 --> 01:19:00,365

Honey!. Why the gloom?

1070

01:19:00,527 --> 01:19:02,643

This is not the end of the rainbow.

1071

01:19:04,87 --> 01:19:06,157

I'm Navin Johnson, inventor!.

1072

01:19:06,287 --> 01:19:09,199

This is no big deal. This is a parking ticket to me.

1073

01:19:09,567 --> 01:19:12,286

Only instead of $5, it's $10 million.

1074

01:19:13,607 --> 01:19:16,565

I don't care about losing all the money.

1075

01:19:16,887 --> 01:19:19,447

It's losing all the stuff.

1076

01:19:20,607 --> 01:19:22,723

We're not gonna lose the stuff.

1077

01:19:24,47 --> 01:19:25,765

This is America!.

1078

01:19:25,847 --> 01:19:29,601

We're going to receive a fair trial from an impartial jury!.

1079

01:19:31,47 --> 01:19:34,323

Your honor, we, the jury, find for the plaintiff.

1080

01:19:39,487 --> 01:19:42,047

I award to Mr. Reiner...

1081

01:19:42,607 --> 01:19:44,484

...and the other 9 million...

1082

01:19:44,687 --> 01:19:47,281

...987 thousand...

1083

01:19:47,367 --> 01:19:49,756

...652 plaintiffs...

1084

01:19:50,367 --> 01:19:52,358

...the full amount of the suit.

1085

01:19:54,247 --> 01:19:55,999

Court is adjourned.

1086

01:20:02,47 --> 01:20:04,880

-Navin. -Honey, can't you see l'm drinking?

1087

01:20:11,767 --> 01:20:13,997

Pay to the order of...

1088

01:20:14,927 --> 01:20:17,122

...Mrs. Wilbur Stark...

1089

01:20:18,447 --> 01:20:20,836

...one dollar and nine cents.

1090

01:20:36,727 --> 01:20:38,524

Pay to the order of...

1091

01:20:39,607 --> 01:20:42,360

..."lron Balls" McGinty...

1092

01:20:43,767 --> 01:20:46,156

...one dollar and nine cents.

1093

01:20:48,47 --> 01:20:51,244

Why are you crying? And why are you wearing that old dress?

1094

01:20:51,367 --> 01:20:55,519

Because l just heard a song on the radio that reminded me of the way we were.

1095

01:20:55,807 --> 01:20:58,446

-What was it? -The Way We Were.

1096

01:20:59,7 --> 01:21:01,521

Look at us. We've hit bottom.

1097

01:21:01,607 --> 01:21:05,566

No!. Maybe you've hit bottom, but l haven't hit bottom yet!.

1098

01:21:05,967 --> 01:21:07,366

I got a ways to go!.

1099

01:21:08,647 --> 01:21:11,559

I'm gonna bounce back, and when l do...

1100

01:21:12,7 --> 01:21:15,283

...l'm gonna buy you a diamond so big...

1101

01:21:15,367 --> 01:21:17,642

...it's gonna make you puke!.

1102

01:21:18,287 --> 01:21:22,075

I don't want to puke!. I don't want wealth!.

1103

01:21:22,487 --> 01:21:25,524

I just want you like you used to be.

1104

01:21:25,767 --> 01:21:27,644

What happened to that man?

1105

01:21:27,887 --> 01:21:29,081

Me?

1106

01:21:29,607 --> 01:21:32,041

What happened to the girl l believed in?

1107

01:21:32,687 --> 01:21:34,564

The girl l fell in love with?

1108

01:21:34,647 --> 01:21:36,524

The girl that believed in me?

1109

01:21:38,167 --> 01:21:40,397

There's plenty of places l can go...

1110

01:21:40,527 --> 01:21:42,199

...where people believe in me.

1111

01:21:42,287 --> 01:21:45,199

So go. The sooner you're out of my life...

1112

01:21:45,287 --> 01:21:49,200

...the sooner l can go back to being the girl in this little flowered dress...

1113

01:21:49,287 --> 01:21:53,280

...that you sang the "Thermos Song" to.

1114

01:21:53,727 --> 01:21:55,843

Well, l'm gonna go, then.

1115

01:21:56,487 --> 01:22:00,082

I don't need any of this!. I don't need this stuff!.

1116

01:22:00,167 --> 01:22:03,159

And l don't need you!. I don't need anything!.

1117

01:22:04,327 --> 01:22:05,760

Except this.

1118

01:22:06,127 --> 01:22:09,199

This ashtray. That's the only thing l need is this!.

1119

01:22:10,727 --> 01:22:12,445

I don't need this or this!.

1120

01:22:12,607 --> 01:22:14,199

Just this ashtray!.

1121

01:22:15,527 --> 01:22:17,324

And this paddle game.

1122

01:22:18,287 --> 01:22:21,279

The ashtray and the paddle game and that's all l need.

1123

01:22:21,607 --> 01:22:24,485

And this remote control.

1124

01:22:24,807 --> 01:22:28,686

The ashtray, the paddle game and the remote control. That's all l need.

1125

01:22:30,767 --> 01:22:32,598

And these matches.

1126

01:22:33,607 --> 01:22:38,397

The ashtray, these matches the remote control and the paddle ball.

1127

01:22:40,487 --> 01:22:41,761

And this lamp.

1128

01:22:43,807 --> 01:22:45,035

The ashtray...

1129

01:22:46,207 --> 01:22:49,802

...this paddle game, the remote control...

1130

01:22:51,47 --> 01:22:53,356

...and the lamp, and that's all l need.

1131

01:22:56,7 --> 01:22:57,838

And that's all l need, too!.

1132

01:22:58,687 --> 01:23:00,996

I don't need one other thing!.

1133

01:23:01,367 --> 01:23:03,278

Not one. I need this.

1134

01:23:05,287 --> 01:23:07,323

The paddle game, the chair...

1135

01:23:07,727 --> 01:23:11,686

...the remote control and the matches, for sure.

1136

01:23:13,447 --> 01:23:15,483

What are you looking at?

1137

01:23:16,367 --> 01:23:19,962

What do you think l am, some kind of a jerk or something?

1138

01:23:26,167 --> 01:23:27,156

And this.

1139

01:23:29,207 --> 01:23:30,799

That's all l need.

1140

01:23:31,687 --> 01:23:36,442

Except the ashtray, the remote control, the paddle game...

1141

01:23:36,527 --> 01:23:39,166

...this magazine and the chair.

1142

01:23:45,207 --> 01:23:48,916

I don't need one other thing. Except my dog.

1143

01:23:51,847 --> 01:23:53,644

Well, l don't need my dog.

1144

01:24:59,287 --> 01:25:01,323

So, that's it.

1145

01:25:02,447 --> 01:25:06,360

It's an old story, one you've probably heard before.

1146

01:25:08,727 --> 01:25:11,161

But l never thought it would happen to me.

1147

01:25:24,447 --> 01:25:27,564

Any of you bums ever heard of Navin R. Johnson?

1148

01:25:30,7 --> 01:25:31,406

I've heard of him.

1149

01:25:31,607 --> 01:25:33,086

Born in Mississippi?

1150

01:25:35,167 --> 01:25:37,078

The inventor of the Opti-Grab?

1151

01:25:37,327 --> 01:25:39,636

I was just telling these guys!.

1152

01:25:41,327 --> 01:25:42,646

Son!.

1153

01:25:44,7 --> 01:25:45,201

Daddy!.

1154

01:25:46,887 --> 01:25:47,797

Navin.

1155

01:25:48,7 --> 01:25:49,520

-Mama!. -My baby!.

1156

01:25:51,607 --> 01:25:53,802

I knew we'd find you!.

1157

01:25:55,487 --> 01:25:57,239

-Taj!. -Don't kiss me!.

1158

01:26:02,807 --> 01:26:04,877

I called them the night you left.

1159

01:26:05,567 --> 01:26:06,920

How'd you find me?

1160

01:26:07,7 --> 01:26:09,396

I don't know. This is the first place we looked.

1161

01:26:09,487 --> 01:26:11,876

We're taking you home and you're living with us.

1162

01:26:11,967 --> 01:26:14,242

Turns out dad's a financial genius.

1163

01:26:14,367 --> 01:26:17,325

All l did was take the money you sent home...

1164

01:26:17,487 --> 01:26:21,639

...and embarked on a periodic investment in a no-load mutual fund.

1165

01:26:21,727 --> 01:26:25,481

He leveraged his ass deep into soy beans and cocoa futures.

1166

01:26:25,807 --> 01:26:27,081

Right on.

1167

01:26:28,127 --> 01:26:30,516

I picked out this thermos for you.

1168

01:26:34,927 --> 01:26:38,283

-I'd kiss you, but l'm so dirty. -Dirt doesn't bother me.

1169

01:26:39,767 --> 01:26:42,361

But the smell does.

1170

01:26:44,487 --> 01:26:48,196

Son, you'd better get in the back with the dog...

1171

01:26:48,287 --> 01:26:51,199

...until we can get you hosed down.

1172

01:26:59,407 --> 01:27:03,116

-I love you, Navin!. -I love you, too!.

1173

01:27:04,407 --> 01:27:06,045

Somebody open a window!.

1174

01:27:06,327 --> 01:27:08,204

Open all the windows.

1175

01:27:10,527 --> 01:27:12,597

I was so glad to be going home.

1176

01:27:12,767 --> 01:27:15,122

I remembered the days when l sang and danced...

1177

01:27:15,207 --> 01:27:17,721

...with my family on the porch ofthe old house.

1178

01:27:17,807 --> 01:27:21,516

But things change, and with all the additions to the family...

1179

01:27:21,767 --> 01:27:25,123

...we had to tear down the old house, even though we loved it.

1180

01:27:25,207 --> 01:27:27,084

But we built us a bigger one.

1181

01:27:27,887 --> 01:27:30,003

-"Lordy -"Pick a bale of cotton

1182

01:27:30,87 --> 01:27:31,964

-"Lordy -"Pick a bale a day

1183

01:27:32,47 --> 01:27:34,641

-"Gonna jump down turn around -"Pick a bale of cotton

1184

01:27:34,727 --> 01:27:37,480

-"Gonna jump down turn around -"Pick a bale a day

1185

01:27:50,487 --> 01:27:52,955

-"Me and my buddy -"Gonna pick a bale of cotton

1186

01:27:53,47 --> 01:27:55,641

-"Well, me and my buddy -"Gonna pick a bale a day

1187

01:28:00,47 --> 01:28:02,277

-"Lordy -"Pick a bale of cotton

1188

01:28:02,367 --> 01:28:04,722

-"Lordy -"Pick a bale a day

1189

01:28:08,887 --> 01:28:11,321

-"Gonna get on your knees -"And pick a bale of cotton

1190

01:28:11,407 --> 01:28:13,602

-"Gonna get on your knees -"And pick a bale a day

1191

01:28:13,687 --> 01:28:16,121

-"Gonna move all around -"And pick a bale of cotton

1192

01:28:16,207 --> 01:28:18,198

-"Gonna move all around -"Pick a bale a day

1193

01:28:18,287 --> 01:28:20,755

-"Want a barebacked man to -"Pick a bale of cotton

1194

01:28:20,847 --> 01:28:22,644

-"Want a barebacked man to -"Pick a bale a day

1195

01:28:22,727 --> 01:28:25,161

-"Jump down turn around -"Pick a bale of cotton

1196

01:28:25,247 --> 01:28:27,442

-"Jump down turn around -"Pick a bale a day

1197

01:28:33,247 --> 01:28:34,726

-"Lordy -"Pick a bale of cotton

1198

01:28:34,807 --> 01:28:37,037

-"Lordy -"Pick a bale a day

1199

01:28:50,607 --> 01:28:53,565

-"You're gonna jump down turn around -"Pick a bale of cotton

1200

01:28:53,647 --> 01:28:56,320

-"You're gonna jump down turn around -"Pick a bale a day

1201

01:28:59,727 --> 01:29:02,002

"Lordy pick a bale of cotton

1202

01:29:02,87 --> 01:29:04,396

"Lordy pick a bale a day

1203

01:29:04,487 --> 01:29:06,842

-"Well, me and my wife -"Gonna pick a bale of cotton

1204

01:29:06,927 --> 01:29:09,236

-"Well, me and my wife -"Gonna pick a bale a day

1205

01:29:22,927 --> 01:29:25,157

-"Take it!. -"Pick a bale of cotton

1206

01:29:25,327 --> 01:29:27,636

"Pick a bale a day"

1207

01:29:41,87 --> 01:29:43,078

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1208

00:00:00,500 --> 00:00:02,000

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1209

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