Original subtitles

Hey, Dana.

Hi, Cody.

[chuckles] You know, I just had a really interesting thought.

What was it?

What was what?

You just said you had a really interesting thought.

Whoa, I did?

[chuckles] I wonder what it was.

Cody, you sleep in your van, right?

Yeah.

Ever check for an exhaust leak?

You know you're like the third person to ask me that this week?

[scoffs] Weird. Man.

Oh, there's that thought again. No, got away.

[sighs] You know, I gotta start wearin' a hat.

[theme song]

[all screaming]

♪ The dream got broken seemed like all was lost ♪

♪ What would be the future? Could you pay the cost? ♪

♪ You wonder will there ever be a second time around ♪

♪ Whoa when the tears are over and the moment has come ♪

♪ Say my Lord I think I found someone ♪

♪ You know it will be better ♪

♪ 'Cause you're putting it together ♪

♪ For the second time around ♪

♪ Step by step ♪

♪ Day by day ♪♪ Day by day ♪

♪ A fresh start over a different hand to play ♪

♪ The deeper we fall the stronger we stay ♪

♪ And we'll be better ♪

♪ The second time around ♪

♪ Step by step day by day ♪

♪ We'll make it better ♪

♪ The second time around ♪♪

[sighs] Frank, I just returned from Dave's video store

and we have to talk about something.

Dave is lyin', honey.

I swear I never even go back into that section.

That's not what I wanna talk about right now.

I just returned the videos the kids rented this week

and you know what the bill was? $84.

- Eighty four dollars? - Yeah.

They rented eight videos, most of which they never watched

and I had to buy this one because it was lost

under Brendan's bed for two months.

"Ninja Turtles, Secret Of The Ooze."

Oh, man, I wanted to see that.

Frank, the kids have got to cut this out.

We are in a recession.

Nobody can afford to waste money like this.

Y-you're right, Carol, and tonight at dinner

I'll lay down the law. Two videos per weekend, period.

Yeah, but it's not just about videos.

It's their whole attitude about spending money, you know.

It's like our kids think that you just charge things

and then nobody has to pay for them.

Carol, that is what they think.

Yeah, well, I'm gonna call a family meeting.

Well, honey, um, now I know

that you like having these little family meetings

but I have a slightly different point of view.

- Yeah. What's that? - I hate them.

Well, Frank, we can't just arbitrarily tell the kids

what luxuries they have to give up.

Why not? We're the parents.

We sit 'em down at the table.

We say two videos per weekend, period.

Pass the rolls and shut up.

Oh, Frank, a family should be a democracy, not a dictatorship.

And children are people too. We don't have to browbeat them.

You know, if you give children the opportunity

to participate in the problem-solving process

they'll correct the mistakes all by themselves.

That's a great theory, honey.

Did you come up with that before or after you spotted Elvis?

No, no, not a family meeting!

- Come on! - Anything but a family meeting!

Come on, sit down. It's not gonna kill ya.

May I ask what this meeting's about?

Well, we should wait till your mother gets here

but basically, it's because you kids

are spending too much money.

Then what do we need a meeting for?

You're the dad. Just tell us what to do.

Well, that would be one approach.

[sighs] But, Al, a family is a democracy

and so we're going to have a nice open discussion.

Carol's makin' you do this, isn't she?

Yes, she is.

Oh, good, everybody's here.

Okay, we all ready to have some fun?

I thought we were gonna have a family meeting.

Well, we are. That's why we're gonna have so much fun.

We're going to talk and share our feelings

and work together to find

a creative solution to our problems.

Mom, is there any chance we could speed this up?

I didn't bring a change of clothes for this meeting.

Okay. Okay.

Now as we all know, we are in a recession..

[chuckles] ...and I think that we have all

been a little reckless with our spending.

Therefore, I think we all have to think about what luxuries

we would be willing to give up.

Wait a minute, mom. Are you gonna take stuff away from us?

No, no, no. I am not gonna take away anything.

You are each going to choose something

that you would be willing to do without.

Now I have prepared a list of choices here.

- Uh, "movies?" - No.

- "Videos?" - No.

- "Party clothes?" - No.

"Fast food, CDs, comic books, candy bars, video games?"

- No. - No.

- No. - And no.

Carol, your democracy is dying.

No, the kids just don't understand

how wasteful they've been.

Now do you realize that we just spent $84

to rent eight videos and buy one that Brendan lost?

Oh, I get it. This is all Brendan's fault.

All in favor of getting rid of Brendan, say aye.

[all] Aye.

- Hey! - 'Now hold on.'

This is not just about Brendan.

It's about all of you. Now come on, you guys.

You must be willing to give up some luxuries, huh?

- Nope. - No.

- No. - No.

You know, I don't believe you people.

I am coming to you looking for help with a family problem

and what do I get? Nothing.

Okay, okay, alright.

If that's what you want, you get nothing, alright?

No movies, no allowance, no shopping, no nothing.

We are going back to basics.

That means food and shelter, period.

Any questions? I didn't think so.

Meeting adjourned. Now get out of my sight.

That was a great little meeting, honey.

Mussolini couldn't have done it any better.

Well, according to this article

people are so stressed out during a recession

that sexual activity drops all over the country.

Well, let's see if I can get this economy moving.

[knocks]

Don't answer.

[moans]

- Can I come in? - Ah!

Honey, uh, you're supposed to ask that question

from the other side of the door.

I know.

But lots of times I knock and you don't answer.

Wha-what can we do for you, pal?

Is this money thing all my fault?

Oh, why would you think that?

'Cause I lost a video under my bed.

Well, Brendan, it's not just your fault

it's the whole family's problem.

We all have to watch what we spend.

Are you sure, daddy?

I'm sure. Now come here and give me a big hug.

Alright, now why don't you get on back to bed?

You're gonna feel a lot better and I know I will.

Okay, goodnight, daddy. Goodnight, Carol.

Goodnight, honey.

Okey-dokey, where were we?

Well, I think you were stimulating the economy.

[laughs]

Ah, right.

[knock on door]

[Dana] 'It's Dana. Can I come in?'

- Yes! - No.

Uh, come on in, Dana.

Hi, Frank.

- Am I interrupting anything? - Yes.

Good.

I just wanted to say what a great lesson

in fiscal responsibility you're teaching the kids.

And I think it was a stroke of genius to include me

in the discussion for appearance sake.

But now that it's just us three adults

can I have my allowance?

Well, you know, Dana, you are right.

You are an adult and as we all know

adults don't get an allowance.

Boy, I'm counting the days till I can move out of this hellhole.

[clicks tongue] That makes two of us.

And now we rejoin the program already in progress.

[knock on door] What?

Uh, I just wanted to say goodnight.

- Oh, goodnight, Mark. - Yeah, goodnight.

Goodnight, sleep tight. Don't let the bedbugs bite.

Now, go, go, go, go, go, go!

Alright, everybody, listen up now.

Carol and I are going to bed.

We're two very old people and we need our sleep

and so don't come knocking, 'cause we'll be sleeping.

[J.T.] 'Yeah, right.'

I can't stand this. There's a Truffaut film festival

downtown tonight and I'm gonna miss it

because of mom's stupid back-to-basics thing.

Tell me about it. I have to make my winter nail polish colors

by mixing late fall with early spring.

You're a real survivor, Karen.

Whoa! The Dane-meister and the Kare-bear.

Yeah. How's it goin'?

Well, we're broke, bored and miserable.

But other than that, we're fine.

Whoa, major dichotomy.

Hey, Dana, how'd you like to join me

for a burger and a flick this evening?

I mean, uh, I mean, I know we're never gonna have a relationship

but surely, it wouldn't be unpleasant to join the Codeman

for a movie this evening.

Nothing personal, Cody

but I'd rather shave my legs with a wood planer.

Hey, to each his own.

Looks like I'll be checking out that Truffaut festival solo.

[chuckles]

Wait a second.

- You like Truffaut? - Sure.

Well, his early works might be a bit prosaic

but once he matured as an artist

and mastered the technique of montage

his films became totally bitchin'.

[laughs] Well, au revoir,dudettes.

Wow, I am so desperate for entertainment

I almost went to a movie with Cody.

Can you believe that?

Does this need more spring?

I hate these severe cutbacks.

Without an allowance, how am I supposed to pay off the big kids

so they won't beat up on me?

Alright, alright, clear the deck.

The Bulls and Pistons are on ESPN.

Sorry, but you guys can't watch the game.

Yeah, right, barky. Go bury your bone.

Hey, there is something wrong with the TV.

That's what I was trying to tell you.

Mom shut off the cable.

No cable? That's barbaric.

What does your mom want us to do?

Watch five channels like they did in World War II?

Hey, it's not her fault we have to cut back.

We might actually have some money if you Lamberts

would quit sucking down the Ding Dongs.

That is not the problem, the problem is you nerds

spend a billion dollars a week on geek supplies

like pocket protectors and lip gloss.

At least we don't lose videos like Bob's Big Boy over there.

Hey, it's not my fault. Carol and daddy said so.

They just said that to make you feel better.

Yeah, it's all the shrimp's fault for losing that video.

Yeah, what a bonehead move.

Hey, you can't call my brother a bonehead.

[Dana scoffs] 'Why not? We're all suffering 'cause of him.'

[J.T.] 'Okay, so he screwed up big time.'

'He's a jerk, he's a moron.'

'That's no reason to call him a bonehead.'

[Dana] 'Fine, call him whatever you want.'

'The bottom line is he ruined our lives.'

Brendan! Brendan!

Hey, Uncle Frank.

Oh, Cody, listen, it's almost dinnertime.

I've been looking all over for Brendan. Have you seen him?

No, I'm sorry. I was at my assertiveness training class.

- Oh, how's that goin'? - None of your business, pal.

Sorry. Did I hurt your feelings, Uncle Frank?

No, no, that's okay.

Uh, dinner's in five minutes if you wanna join us.

Yeah, well, maybe I will and maybe I won't.

[chuckles] Too tough?

Cody, let me ask you something.

Why exactly did you take this assertiveness class?

Well, I wanted to sign up for this class

called Improving Your Memory

but I forgot to register on time.

So you took assertiveness training instead?

Yeah. Tell you the truth, Uncle Frank

I'm not too crazy about it. The teacher's kind of bossy.

Whoa. Hey, little cuz.

Uncle Frank was just looking for you.

Well, don't tell him I'm here.

- What are you doing? - Borrowin' your backpack.

What for?

Well, I'm costing the family too much money

so I'm running away.

[scoffs] Sounds like a pretty drastic move

for a guy who still sleeps with a nightlight.

Listen, you can't run away. I'll miss you.

And Uncle Frank and Carol love you.

They'll really miss you too.

It doesn't matter. I cost too much money.

I gotta go away someplace.

Yeah. Where?

I don't know. Someplace cheap.

I don't think running away is a very good idea.

I have to. And you can't tell anybody.

Alright, bro, but why don't you let me scam you some dinner?

That way, you ain't gotta hit the road on an empty stomach.

Fine, but you gotta swear not to say a word about what I'm doing.

Alright, okay.

- Not a word. I swear. - Cross your heart?

Cross my heart and hope to die.

Stick a needle in my eye, take a scalpel

and cut out my spleen if I don't say what I really mean.

Ew!

I trust you, Codeman.

Carol, I've checked with all the neighbors

and nobody has seen Brendan.

Well, I'm starting to get worried.

- Hey, Uncle Frank. - Hey.

Carol.

I have something important to, uh, not say to you.

Okay.

Well, I'd rather not say it to you in private.

Well, Cody, anything you have to not say to us

you could not say in front of everybody.

Yeah, I know. It's, I'm sorry.

I'd, I'd just be more comfortable

not saying this to you in the living room.

Carol, let's go in the living room

and not talk to Cody.

I-it's Cody. Just go with it.

Alright, Cody. Are you gonna tell us what's goin' on?

Well, I'd really like to, Uncle Frank

but I promised someone that I wouldn't say a word.

Whoa, existential crisis, Yin and Yang, tug of war.

[gasps]

I know, there's always the ancient art of pantomime.

Okay.

[Carol] 'Cody.'

We don't have time for games. Brendan is missing.

Oh! Ooh, ah, whoa.

Uh, uh, Cody, you're very good at this

but we can't do it because we're looking for Brendan.

[grunts]

Okay, Cody, alright, we can play charades on Saturday night.

But come on, Frank, let's just drive around the neighborhood--

Yeah, okay, come on, honey.

You guys are totally lame!

Do you think I'm doing this pantomime thing for my health?

No way. I'm sworn to secrecy.

That's why I can't tell you that Brendan's hiding in my van

because he wants to run away from home.

I took an oath. God!

Jeez.

Oh, I see, that's why you can't say a word to us.

Yeah.

Yeah, but, uh, listen, Cody, um

uh, uh, try that, uh, pantomime thing again.

Good idea, Uncle Frank, yeah.

Okay.

Brendan is hiding in your van

because he's running away from home.

Exactly.

[blows raspberry] Oh.

Now once they get rollin', they're pretty good.

[softly] Frank.

Frank, you can't just go in there

like you know where Brendan is.

Why not? I know where Brendan is.

Yeah, but then Brendan will think that Cody betrayed him.

Well, what do you want me to do, honey?

Lob in tear gas and smoke him out?

I have an idea.

[loudly] Gee, I wonder where Brendan is!

'I made his favorite dinner. Spaghetti and meatballs.'

Oh, yeah, and we have a big bowl of it.

I-I'll tell you what, Carol

let's leave some by the backdoor.

Maybe he'll smell it and come home.

Oh, good idea, Frank, we'll just leave it out here

while you and I go inside the house.

Yeah, here we go.

Oops, I'm busted.

It's okay, pal, you're not in trouble.

But I do wanna talk to you, so come here.

- Did Cody tell? - No, Cody did not say a word.

Good, I'd hate to see him walkin' around without a spleen.

Brendan, why were you hiding in there?

- I was running away from home. - Why?

'Cause we don't have any money

and it's all my fault for losing that video.

Listen, champ, I-I think we scared you here

and we didn't mean to.

Carol and daddy were just trying to teach the family

a-a lesson about the value of money.

Although daddy had a way of doing it

that was a whole lot simpler.

Well, your dad's right. I-I guess I just went

a little overboard with this family meeting stuff

but I just feel terrible that I would have done something

that would make you wanna run away from home.

Are you sure I don't cost too much money?

I could cut back on the Ding Dongs.

There's no amount of money that's worth as much as you are.

You're a very important part of this family, pal.

Whether we have one dollar or-or a million dollars

we love you very much.

- No matter what? - No matter what.

Don't throw crumbs at me or I'll throw crumbs at you.

Like I care.

Okay, before we start dinner

um, I would like to have a little family meeting.

Another one?

What now? We can only eat every other day?

No, no, no, no, no.

What-what I wanna say is this, um

back-to-basics thing is over.

[cheering]

But, but we do have to be careful about our spending.

So, uh, with that in mind

I'd like to start a family dialogue

where as a group, we can arrive at a consensus--

Uh, Carol, Carol, may-may I say something?

- Oh, sure, Frank. - Oh, okay.

[clears throat] Here's your consensus.

Alright, from now on, two videos per weekend, period.

Pass the rolls and shut up.

[whirring]

There, ha-ha, that ought to do it.

Let's see the little weasels get past this, huh?

- Good evening. - Ah!

Mark, what are you doing in here?

Just using your shower. The other bathroom was ocupado.

Well, I'll be leaving you now.

I know you two wanna get some sleep.

Oh, good, the shower's free.

Hi, guys.