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1
00:00:00,826 --> 00:00:03,090
[instrumental music]
2
00:00:04,874 --> 00:00:06,789
Okay. How many dogs?
3
00:00:06,876 --> 00:00:09,009
Let's see. Dana, Karen.
4
00:00:09,096 --> 00:00:11,054
- I count two, dad.
- 'Oh, yes.'
5
00:00:11,141 --> 00:00:14,710
Another example
of that scathing Lambert wit.
6
00:00:14,797 --> 00:00:18,192
Uh, none for me, Frank.
I couldn't keep it down.
7
00:00:18,279 --> 00:00:20,411
I mean, my science fair partner
is coming for the weekend
8
00:00:20,498 --> 00:00:22,326
and I'm really anxious
to meet him.
9
00:00:22,413 --> 00:00:24,807
You've been working
with this dork for three months
10
00:00:24,894 --> 00:00:26,330
and you've never even met him?
11
00:00:26,417 --> 00:00:28,898
Well, we've met, but only
through my computer modem
12
00:00:28,985 --> 00:00:30,856
and the occasional fax.
13
00:00:30,943 --> 00:00:33,250
Okay, here's the potato salad.
14
00:00:33,337 --> 00:00:35,165
Everybody dig in.
15
00:00:35,252 --> 00:00:36,949
[whirring]
16
00:00:37,037 --> 00:00:38,951
[all screaming]
17
00:00:40,214 --> 00:00:42,520
[crash]
18
00:00:47,873 --> 00:00:50,137
Uh, did I do that?
19
00:00:52,922 --> 00:00:55,838
[theme song]
20
00:01:06,979 --> 00:01:09,895
[all screaming]
21
00:01:11,854 --> 00:01:13,377
♪ The dream wide broken ♪
22
00:01:13,464 --> 00:01:15,379
♪ Seemed like all was lost ♪
23
00:01:15,466 --> 00:01:17,207
♪ What would be the future? ♪
24
00:01:17,294 --> 00:01:18,817
♪ Could you pay the cost? ♪
25
00:01:18,904 --> 00:01:19,949
♪ You wonder ♪
26
00:01:20,036 --> 00:01:21,820
♪ Will there ever be ♪
27
00:01:21,907 --> 00:01:24,127
♪ A second time around? ♪
28
00:01:25,607 --> 00:01:26,651
♪ Woah-a woah-a ♪
29
00:01:26,738 --> 00:01:28,610
♪ When the tears are over ♪
30
00:01:28,697 --> 00:01:30,829
♪ And the moment has come ♪
31
00:01:30,916 --> 00:01:34,572
♪ Say My Lord
I think I found someone ♪
32
00:01:34,659 --> 00:01:36,487
♪ And no one would be better ♪
33
00:01:36,574 --> 00:01:38,141
♪ To be puttin' it together ♪
34
00:01:38,228 --> 00:01:41,101
♪ For the second time around ♪
35
00:01:43,668 --> 00:01:47,542
♪ We got the woman and man ♪♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh ♪
36
00:01:47,629 --> 00:01:51,415
♪ We got the kids in a clan ♪♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh ♪
37
00:01:51,502 --> 00:01:53,591
♪ Only time will tell ♪
38
00:01:53,678 --> 00:01:57,552
♪ If all these dreams
fit under one umbrella ♪
39
00:02:02,165 --> 00:02:04,124
♪ Step by step ♪
40
00:02:04,211 --> 00:02:05,864
♪ Day by day ♪
41
00:02:05,951 --> 00:02:07,866
♪ A fresh start over ♪
42
00:02:07,953 --> 00:02:09,912
♪ A different hand to play ♪
43
00:02:09,999 --> 00:02:11,566
♪ The deeper we fall ♪
44
00:02:11,653 --> 00:02:13,785
♪ The stronger we stay ♪
45
00:02:13,872 --> 00:02:15,961
♪ And we'll be better ♪
46
00:02:16,048 --> 00:02:17,441
♪ The second time around ♪
47
00:02:17,528 --> 00:02:19,356
♪ Step by step ♪
48
00:02:19,443 --> 00:02:21,010
♪ Day by day ♪♪ Day by day ♪
49
00:02:21,097 --> 00:02:23,099
♪ A fresh start over ♪
50
00:02:23,186 --> 00:02:24,622
♪ A different hand to play ♪
51
00:02:24,709 --> 00:02:26,494
♪ Only time will tell ♪
52
00:02:26,581 --> 00:02:29,018
♪ But you know what they say ♪
53
00:02:29,105 --> 00:02:31,063
♪ We'll make it better ♪
54
00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:34,980
♪ The second time around ♪♪
55
00:02:46,601 --> 00:02:47,776
[instrumental music]
56
00:02:49,647 --> 00:02:51,823
Maybe it would've been easier
if we built a cyclotron.
57
00:02:51,910 --> 00:02:53,521
No, no, no.
58
00:02:53,608 --> 00:02:56,393
Any dummy can build a cyclotron.
59
00:02:56,480 --> 00:02:57,916
If we wanna take first place
60
00:02:58,003 --> 00:03:01,442
we've got to build
a linear accelerator. Hmm?
61
00:03:03,618 --> 00:03:06,708
Do you have any idea
what they're talking about?
62
00:03:06,795 --> 00:03:09,232
Not really,
my junior high science project
63
00:03:09,319 --> 00:03:11,626
was two cups and a string.
64
00:03:17,806 --> 00:03:19,373
Oh.
65
00:03:19,460 --> 00:03:21,288
Honey,
you know what would be fun?
66
00:03:21,375 --> 00:03:24,204
Yeah, but the kids
are still up.
67
00:03:24,291 --> 00:03:25,553
Yeah, well, yeah, that too.
68
00:03:25,640 --> 00:03:27,685
But I was talkin' about
an evening out.
69
00:03:27,772 --> 00:03:31,863
Just the two of us at the most
romantic restaurant in town.
70
00:03:31,950 --> 00:03:33,648
I got it all planned.
71
00:03:33,735 --> 00:03:37,304
Quiet little booth
in the corner, champagne.
72
00:03:37,391 --> 00:03:39,871
I'll even pay
the strolling accordion player
73
00:03:39,958 --> 00:03:42,787
not to come near us.
74
00:03:42,874 --> 00:03:44,267
You say all the right things.
75
00:03:44,354 --> 00:03:46,313
Okay, eight o'clock,
Saturday night.
76
00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:49,664
Ooh. Oh, I can't make it.
77
00:03:49,751 --> 00:03:51,448
Well, what do you mean
you can't make it?
78
00:03:51,535 --> 00:03:53,058
Honey, they were booked solid.
79
00:03:53,145 --> 00:03:55,191
I only got that table
'cause I promised Carmine
80
00:03:55,278 --> 00:03:56,758
I'd re-pave his driveway.
81
00:03:56,845 --> 00:03:59,804
And I don't wanna become
a speed bump.
82
00:03:59,891 --> 00:04:01,980
I'm sorry, Frank,
it's just that Saturday night
83
00:04:02,067 --> 00:04:03,852
is the backwards dance
at Al's school.
84
00:04:03,939 --> 00:04:06,333
You know, that's where
the girls ask the boys and..
85
00:04:06,420 --> 00:04:07,769
I thought if I was
on the dance committee
86
00:04:07,856 --> 00:04:10,075
it would be a good way
for Al and me to get close.
87
00:04:10,162 --> 00:04:12,164
Well, that's great, Carol.
88
00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:13,992
Couldn't you get close
to her next week
89
00:04:14,079 --> 00:04:16,256
and get close to me
Saturday night?
90
00:04:16,343 --> 00:04:19,215
Mm. How close
do you want to get?
91
00:04:21,304 --> 00:04:24,220
[moaning]
92
00:04:26,483 --> 00:04:28,920
Don't you two ever
give your lips a rest?
93
00:04:30,835 --> 00:04:34,099
Wait a minute. You two aren't
gonna reproduce, are you?
94
00:04:36,711 --> 00:04:39,453
Not if you keep
coming through the door.
95
00:04:39,540 --> 00:04:41,106
Come on, get your stuff
together. We got a game to play.
96
00:04:41,193 --> 00:04:42,934
Let's go. Go.
97
00:04:43,021 --> 00:04:44,284
Oh, Al, guess what?
98
00:04:44,371 --> 00:04:46,634
I'm on the committee
for the backwards dance.
99
00:04:46,721 --> 00:04:48,636
Great. Have a good time.
100
00:04:48,723 --> 00:04:50,855
Uh, n-no, y-you're,
you're going, aren't you?
101
00:04:50,942 --> 00:04:52,422
Of course not.
102
00:04:52,509 --> 00:04:54,250
You mean you just
haven't asked anybody yet?
103
00:04:54,337 --> 00:04:56,687
No, I mean I'm not going.
104
00:04:56,774 --> 00:04:57,862
I know your problem.
105
00:04:57,949 --> 00:04:59,821
You're afraid
no one will say yes.
106
00:04:59,908 --> 00:05:02,911
Don't worry, all you have to do
is disguise yourself as a girl.
107
00:05:04,521 --> 00:05:06,523
Dana, I could use you
in the other room.
108
00:05:06,610 --> 00:05:08,264
For what?
109
00:05:08,351 --> 00:05:10,527
Right now, the only thing
I can think of is a pinata.
110
00:05:13,791 --> 00:05:16,403
Al, why aren't you goin'
to the dance?
111
00:05:16,490 --> 00:05:18,666
I-it sounds like
it's gonna be fun.
112
00:05:18,753 --> 00:05:21,321
I don't know.
There's no one I wanna go with.
113
00:05:21,408 --> 00:05:24,106
Well, what about Roger? I just
thought you kinda liked him.
114
00:05:24,193 --> 00:05:27,239
Dad, he's a pitcher.
I'm a catcher.
115
00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:29,329
It's strictly
a business relationship.
116
00:05:30,808 --> 00:05:33,507
You're not afraid of askin',
are you?
117
00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:37,554
Why would I be afraid?
118
00:05:37,641 --> 00:05:42,080
Well, for one reason, uh,
he could say no.
119
00:05:42,167 --> 00:05:44,344
Dad, if he said no,
I'd deck him.
120
00:05:46,084 --> 00:05:49,784
Listen, Al. If you want
somethin', you gotta ask for it.
121
00:05:49,871 --> 00:05:52,917
I mean, look at me, I was afraid
to ask Carol to marry me.
122
00:05:53,004 --> 00:05:56,312
And then finally, I asked her
and see what happened?
123
00:05:56,399 --> 00:05:58,009
Yeah, you married her
124
00:05:58,096 --> 00:06:00,185
and now, I've got
two jerky stepsisters
125
00:06:00,272 --> 00:06:03,319
and a stepbrother who's building
a bomb in the basement.
126
00:06:03,406 --> 00:06:06,322
[instrumental music]
127
00:06:08,498 --> 00:06:10,587
So lemme get this straight.
128
00:06:11,632 --> 00:06:13,808
Your mom and Frank
129
00:06:13,895 --> 00:06:16,767
ran off to Jamaica,
got married
130
00:06:16,854 --> 00:06:19,030
and didn't tell anyone?
131
00:06:19,117 --> 00:06:21,337
Pretty weird, huh?
132
00:06:21,424 --> 00:06:23,165
I think your family's great.
133
00:06:23,252 --> 00:06:26,429
Why, I crashed your picnic
table, sat in your potato salad
134
00:06:26,516 --> 00:06:30,694
and they just hosed me down
and told me to pull up a chair.
135
00:06:30,781 --> 00:06:33,480
That's true.
Not many families would do that.
136
00:06:33,567 --> 00:06:35,569
Well, certainly not mine.
137
00:06:35,656 --> 00:06:38,920
Of course, they do hose
me down occasionally.
138
00:06:39,007 --> 00:06:41,270
Let's have the old Beaver cheer
one more time.
139
00:06:41,357 --> 00:06:42,750
[imitating beaver]
140
00:06:42,837 --> 00:06:44,839
Alright!
141
00:06:44,926 --> 00:06:46,536
Hey, you guys, aren't you
supposed to be upstairs
142
00:06:46,623 --> 00:06:48,930
workin' on your
science fair project?
143
00:06:49,017 --> 00:06:52,629
Oh, yeah. We almost forgot.
We were too busy schmoozing.
144
00:06:52,716 --> 00:06:54,370
[chuckles]
145
00:06:54,457 --> 00:06:58,113
Oh! Oh! Oh, oh..
146
00:06:58,200 --> 00:06:59,723
Excuse me.
147
00:07:05,903 --> 00:07:07,731
What's "schmoozing?"
148
00:07:07,818 --> 00:07:12,170
I don't know, I think it's one
of those Chicago expressions.
149
00:07:12,257 --> 00:07:14,956
Hey, uh, what were you
and Roger talkin' about
150
00:07:15,043 --> 00:07:17,219
when you called that conference
out on the mound, huh?
151
00:07:17,306 --> 00:07:19,787
Oh, I told him
just to throw strikes
152
00:07:19,874 --> 00:07:21,266
nothing fancy
153
00:07:21,353 --> 00:07:22,920
and I asked him to the dance.
154
00:07:23,007 --> 00:07:25,009
Alright! What'd he say?
155
00:07:25,096 --> 00:07:28,404
He said he was trying
to throw strikes.
156
00:07:28,491 --> 00:07:32,016
- I mean, about the dance.
- Oh, he said yes.
157
00:07:32,103 --> 00:07:33,235
Thanks, coach.
158
00:07:34,715 --> 00:07:37,544
Boy, I got this
father stuff down.
159
00:07:42,418 --> 00:07:45,160
Well, do you have any seats
left in the balcony?
160
00:07:45,247 --> 00:07:47,118
How 'bout standing room?
161
00:07:47,205 --> 00:07:49,033
Nothing?
162
00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:50,992
Okay. Thanks for trying.
163
00:07:52,297 --> 00:07:55,431
Oh, man. I blew it.
164
00:07:55,518 --> 00:07:58,086
- Problem?
- Yes, Frank.
165
00:07:58,173 --> 00:08:01,481
"Oh, man, I blew it"
usually indicates problem.
166
00:08:05,006 --> 00:08:07,269
I'm sorry, Frank.
I didn't mean to be rude.
167
00:08:07,356 --> 00:08:09,837
It's just that
I'm having a bad life.
168
00:08:11,534 --> 00:08:15,799
Well, maybe I can help.
Heh! I'm hot today.
169
00:08:15,886 --> 00:08:17,714
Well, I promised my music
teacher I was gonna take her
170
00:08:17,801 --> 00:08:19,760
to see the musical "Cats"
for her birthday.
171
00:08:19,847 --> 00:08:23,154
- But it's all sold out.
- Maybe you should speak to J.T.
172
00:08:24,808 --> 00:08:26,767
Frank, I mean no disrespect
to your children
173
00:08:26,854 --> 00:08:29,291
but J.T. is a pea-brained moron.
174
00:08:30,422 --> 00:08:32,424
How could he possibly help?
175
00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:34,992
Well, you see, his best friend's
father is a ticket broker.
176
00:08:35,079 --> 00:08:36,907
He can get seats to anything.
177
00:08:36,994 --> 00:08:39,344
He once got me a ticket
to Bucks-Bulls game.
178
00:08:39,431 --> 00:08:42,086
I sat so close
I could smell the sweat.
179
00:08:43,218 --> 00:08:45,829
What a treat for you, Frank.
180
00:08:45,916 --> 00:08:49,572
I'm tellin' you. If you need
tickets, J.T.'s your man.
181
00:08:49,659 --> 00:08:52,053
I can't believe
I'm this desperate.
182
00:08:52,140 --> 00:08:53,271
Thanks, Frank.
183
00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:56,274
Two for two.
184
00:09:00,365 --> 00:09:03,281
Frank. Frank.
185
00:09:03,368 --> 00:09:05,457
- You wanna help me?
- Oh, honey!
186
00:09:07,068 --> 00:09:09,549
- Hurry up, hon, here.
- Oh, one second, hon.
187
00:09:11,159 --> 00:09:13,248
- Take my right hand.
- Hang on.
188
00:09:15,119 --> 00:09:17,208
Oh, wow! Animal crackers!
189
00:09:18,383 --> 00:09:19,689
Ooh.
190
00:09:23,258 --> 00:09:24,781
[grunting]
191
00:09:33,877 --> 00:09:35,531
[sighs]
Thanks, Frank.
192
00:09:35,618 --> 00:09:36,880
Anytime, honey.
193
00:09:37,664 --> 00:09:39,230
Well, good news.
194
00:09:39,317 --> 00:09:42,016
- We're back on for Carmine's.
- We are?
195
00:09:42,103 --> 00:09:43,757
I thought you're
on the committee for Al's dance.
196
00:09:43,844 --> 00:09:45,193
Well, I got out of that.
197
00:09:45,280 --> 00:09:47,108
Well, hey,
this is workin' out great.
198
00:09:47,195 --> 00:09:49,806
We're goin' to dinner
and Al's goin' to the dance.
199
00:09:49,893 --> 00:09:52,374
- She is going to the dance?
- Yeah.
200
00:09:52,461 --> 00:09:53,636
Then we're not going
out for dinner.
201
00:09:53,723 --> 00:09:55,420
I gotta get back
on that dance committee.
202
00:09:55,507 --> 00:09:57,205
Now, wait a minute, Carol.
203
00:09:57,292 --> 00:10:00,817
I am the man in this family.
I wear the pants in this house.
204
00:10:00,904 --> 00:10:03,646
Don't have any say as to what
we're doing on a Saturday night?
205
00:10:03,733 --> 00:10:05,822
Shh. Frank, I'm on the phone.
206
00:10:08,085 --> 00:10:09,391
It was just a question.
207
00:10:12,524 --> 00:10:15,223
[instrumental music]
208
00:10:16,920 --> 00:10:19,401
Al, you're gonna look
so pretty at the dance.
209
00:10:19,488 --> 00:10:22,970
Thanks, but I'm kinda nervous.
210
00:10:23,057 --> 00:10:24,798
What am I supposed
to do on a date?
211
00:10:24,885 --> 00:10:26,930
Al, don't you think
you should ask someone
212
00:10:27,017 --> 00:10:29,541
who doesn't date men
who are on parole?
213
00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:34,111
[sighs]
He was not on parole.
214
00:10:34,198 --> 00:10:35,678
He escaped.
215
00:10:38,289 --> 00:10:39,769
Thanks for picking' us up
at the science fair.
216
00:10:39,856 --> 00:10:40,901
Well, you're welcome.
217
00:10:40,988 --> 00:10:43,512
[gasps]
Oh, Al!
218
00:10:43,599 --> 00:10:46,036
Oh, you look beautiful!
219
00:10:46,123 --> 00:10:49,823
Wow, what a fox! Hubba-hubba.
220
00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:54,044
Come on, Steve,
we still gotta complete
221
00:10:54,131 --> 00:10:56,133
the nuclear fission part
of our project.
222
00:10:56,220 --> 00:10:58,788
Right, and if anyone asks us
where we've gone
223
00:10:58,875 --> 00:11:01,182
we'll tell 'em
we've gone "fission."
224
00:11:04,228 --> 00:11:06,709
Well, I killed them
at the science fair.
225
00:11:08,145 --> 00:11:09,799
[telephone ringing]
Ah!
226
00:11:09,886 --> 00:11:11,888
Hello. Oh.
227
00:11:11,975 --> 00:11:14,369
[chuckles]
How you doin', Roger?
228
00:11:14,456 --> 00:11:16,327
How's that old
pitchin' arm, huh?
229
00:11:16,414 --> 00:11:18,155
Well, yeah, yeah,
she's right here. Hang on.
230
00:11:18,242 --> 00:11:20,549
I-it's for you, honey.
It's your date.
231
00:11:21,855 --> 00:11:23,595
Hi, Roger.
232
00:11:25,510 --> 00:11:28,252
No. Sure. I understand.
233
00:11:29,340 --> 00:11:30,428
'No problem.'
234
00:11:31,473 --> 00:11:32,604
Bye.
235
00:11:34,563 --> 00:11:36,870
What was that all about, Al?
236
00:11:36,957 --> 00:11:39,263
Oh, nothin'.
237
00:11:39,350 --> 00:11:42,136
A girl Roger liked better
asked him to the dance.
238
00:11:42,223 --> 00:11:44,704
So he's goin' with her.
239
00:11:47,707 --> 00:11:49,752
Looks like
I won't be needing this.
240
00:11:49,839 --> 00:11:52,712
[instrumental music]
241
00:12:00,502 --> 00:12:01,851
[instrumental music]
242
00:12:04,375 --> 00:12:08,031
Oh, Carol. I got our
reservations back at Carmine's.
243
00:12:08,118 --> 00:12:09,816
I figured since Al wasn't
goin' to the dance
244
00:12:09,903 --> 00:12:10,991
we could still go out to dinner.
245
00:12:11,078 --> 00:12:12,819
Yeah, well,
we have one big problem.
246
00:12:12,906 --> 00:12:14,908
It's just that when I tried
to quit the dance committee
247
00:12:14,995 --> 00:12:18,825
Mrs. Driscoll made me feel
so guilty I volunteered again.
248
00:12:19,826 --> 00:12:21,262
Boy, is she good.
249
00:12:23,438 --> 00:12:26,049
Alright, that does it. I'm not
makin' any more reservations.
250
00:12:26,136 --> 00:12:28,660
From now on, we just go
and take our chances.
251
00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:31,359
Frank, why are you worrying
about dinner reservations
252
00:12:31,446 --> 00:12:33,622
when you should be
worrying about Al?
253
00:12:33,709 --> 00:12:35,232
Honey, Al's alright.
254
00:12:35,319 --> 00:12:37,278
She's already
over this Roger thing.
255
00:12:37,365 --> 00:12:39,193
How do you know?
256
00:12:39,280 --> 00:12:41,325
Because I talked to her.
257
00:12:41,412 --> 00:12:44,198
I said,
"Al, how're you feelin'?"
258
00:12:44,285 --> 00:12:46,591
She said, "Fine."
259
00:12:50,857 --> 00:12:54,338
Gee, Frank, how'd you ever
get her to open up like that?
260
00:12:55,949 --> 00:12:58,734
[sighs]
Frank, she is a 12-year-old girl
261
00:12:58,821 --> 00:13:00,997
who has just
had her heart broken.
262
00:13:01,084 --> 00:13:02,782
I remember one time
I had the biggest crush
263
00:13:02,869 --> 00:13:05,001
on this guy,
his name was Bobby Stone.
264
00:13:05,088 --> 00:13:07,177
I finally get up the nerve
to ask him to a movie
265
00:13:07,264 --> 00:13:09,005
and he nearly laughs
in my face.
266
00:13:09,092 --> 00:13:11,268
I tell you, I was so mad
267
00:13:11,355 --> 00:13:13,444
the more I thought about it,
the angrier I got.
268
00:13:13,531 --> 00:13:15,751
and finally,
I just got so angry
269
00:13:15,838 --> 00:13:18,014
I went over
and toilet papered his house!
270
00:13:22,845 --> 00:13:24,368
Oh, honey.
271
00:13:26,457 --> 00:13:29,591
That must've taken you
a long time to get over.
272
00:13:29,678 --> 00:13:32,899
- Well, when did this happen?
- Right before I met you.
273
00:13:34,988 --> 00:13:37,338
Well, I think I'll go out back
and talk to Al.
274
00:13:37,425 --> 00:13:40,297
Yeah, do what you want.
All men are scum.
275
00:13:44,432 --> 00:13:45,955
Carol, I..
276
00:14:02,015 --> 00:14:04,408
Oilin' the old
catcher's mitt, huh?
277
00:14:04,495 --> 00:14:05,845
Yeah.
278
00:14:05,932 --> 00:14:07,759
Oh, Al..
279
00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:10,545
...I know that Roger shot
you down and you're hurtin'
280
00:14:10,632 --> 00:14:13,591
real bad right now,
but these things happen.
281
00:14:13,678 --> 00:14:16,768
Unfortunately,
it's, it's just a part of life.
282
00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:19,119
It's never been
a part of my life.
283
00:14:19,206 --> 00:14:22,731
I know.
But you're growing up now.
284
00:14:22,818 --> 00:14:25,038
Believe me,
we all go through it.
285
00:14:25,125 --> 00:14:27,170
It happened to me.
286
00:14:27,257 --> 00:14:29,564
I know it happened to Carol.
287
00:14:31,696 --> 00:14:34,047
Listen, it happens
to everybody.
288
00:14:34,134 --> 00:14:36,223
You just gotta learn
to roll with the punches.
289
00:14:36,310 --> 00:14:38,181
You're just saying that
to make me feel better.
290
00:14:38,268 --> 00:14:41,881
No, I'm not.
It happens to everybody.
291
00:14:43,839 --> 00:14:45,449
Watch.
292
00:14:45,536 --> 00:14:47,799
Karen.
293
00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:50,890
Karen, what do you do when a boy
breaks a date with you?
294
00:14:50,977 --> 00:14:53,936
No boy has ever
broken a date with me.
295
00:14:54,023 --> 00:14:57,505
Wow! If that ever happened,
I'd die.
296
00:15:01,813 --> 00:15:03,554
Nice try, dad.
297
00:15:05,774 --> 00:15:08,603
- Thanks a lot, Karen.
- Glad I can help. He-he.
298
00:15:11,998 --> 00:15:14,522
[instrumental music]
299
00:15:16,437 --> 00:15:19,222
[gasps]
You got them! You got my tickets
to see "Cats!"
300
00:15:20,702 --> 00:15:21,964
Well, let's have 'em,
I have to meet
301
00:15:22,051 --> 00:15:23,661
my music teacher
and get to the show.
302
00:15:23,748 --> 00:15:26,447
Not so fast. We had a deal.
303
00:15:26,534 --> 00:15:28,840
Isn't there something
you have for me?
304
00:15:30,059 --> 00:15:31,408
Alright.
305
00:15:31,495 --> 00:15:33,628
Here is Cindy Sherman's
phone number.
306
00:15:33,715 --> 00:15:34,934
But if you tell her
where you got it
307
00:15:35,021 --> 00:15:36,457
I will pull your tongue out
so far
308
00:15:36,544 --> 00:15:38,415
it'll look like
you're wearing a neck tie.
309
00:15:38,502 --> 00:15:40,330
And...here are your tickets.
310
00:15:40,417 --> 00:15:41,810
Pleasure doing business
with ya.
311
00:15:41,897 --> 00:15:44,160
Oh, my music teacher
is gonna be so excited.
312
00:15:44,247 --> 00:15:45,640
She loves..
313
00:15:46,728 --> 00:15:48,599
"The Wisconsin Cat Show?"
314
00:15:50,558 --> 00:15:53,430
What is this, some of your
Lambert hillbilly humor?
315
00:15:55,432 --> 00:15:58,131
Hey, you said
you wanted to see cats.
316
00:15:58,218 --> 00:16:02,178
I wanted to see "Cats,"
the Broadway show!
317
00:16:02,265 --> 00:16:04,964
They have a Broadway show
with cats?
318
00:16:06,226 --> 00:16:07,749
It's a musical.
319
00:16:07,836 --> 00:16:10,578
Cats that sing?
320
00:16:10,665 --> 00:16:13,929
That has got flop
written all over it.
321
00:16:14,016 --> 00:16:17,193
I'm gonna give you
a 30-second head start
322
00:16:17,280 --> 00:16:20,762
and then I'm gonna
hunt you down like a dog.
323
00:16:31,120 --> 00:16:34,254
I am chaperoning
a junior high school dance
324
00:16:34,341 --> 00:16:36,647
instead of having
a romantic dinner with my wife.
325
00:16:36,734 --> 00:16:38,345
Is my deodorant letting me down?
326
00:16:38,432 --> 00:16:40,477
[Carol giggles]
327
00:16:40,564 --> 00:16:42,305
- Mom, guess what?
- What?
328
00:16:42,392 --> 00:16:44,351
Steve and I won first prize!
329
00:16:44,438 --> 00:16:46,396
Oh, I'm so proud of you!
330
00:16:46,483 --> 00:16:49,182
- Oh! And you too!
- Oh!
331
00:16:57,451 --> 00:16:58,800
I'm gonna go upstairs
and put this
332
00:16:58,887 --> 00:17:02,847
next to my working model
of the human intestine.
333
00:17:02,934 --> 00:17:04,936
We better get to the dance.
O-oh, Ste-Steve.
334
00:17:05,024 --> 00:17:06,460
While we're gone, don't, uh..
335
00:17:06,547 --> 00:17:09,724
[stammering]
Well, I mean, uh, just don't.
336
00:17:09,811 --> 00:17:11,900
I know exactly what you mean.
337
00:17:14,816 --> 00:17:17,079
- Hi, Steve.
- 'Oh, hi, Al!'
338
00:17:17,166 --> 00:17:18,950
Listen, I heard
about you and Roger.
339
00:17:19,038 --> 00:17:20,996
You know, you shouldn't
let it bother you.
340
00:17:21,083 --> 00:17:23,346
Here we go again,
I am sick about getting advised
341
00:17:23,433 --> 00:17:26,480
about being dumped from people
who've never been dumped.
342
00:17:36,664 --> 00:17:38,796
Are you kidding?
343
00:17:41,016 --> 00:17:44,585
Why, being dumped is my career.
344
00:17:44,672 --> 00:17:46,326
If there was
a being dumped hall of fame
345
00:17:46,413 --> 00:17:49,111
I'd be elected
on the first ballot.
346
00:17:49,198 --> 00:17:51,070
Well, how do you handle it?
347
00:17:51,157 --> 00:17:54,856
Well, magnificently,
if I do say so myself.
348
00:17:54,943 --> 00:17:57,859
But you see, the secret is
being able to bounce back.
349
00:17:57,946 --> 00:17:59,861
[bursts]
Whoa!
350
00:18:02,298 --> 00:18:04,344
Uh, well, the point is
351
00:18:04,431 --> 00:18:05,997
when you fall off
the bicycle of life
352
00:18:06,085 --> 00:18:08,957
you gotta get back on
and keep ringing your bell.
353
00:18:10,219 --> 00:18:11,960
My dad told me
something like that.
354
00:18:12,047 --> 00:18:13,396
Hey, well, your dad's cool.
355
00:18:13,483 --> 00:18:15,659
He's part of your
entirely cool family.
356
00:18:15,746 --> 00:18:18,053
And by the way,
if you're ever looking to adopt
357
00:18:18,140 --> 00:18:21,012
I'm sure my pop would
entertain a low-ball offer.
358
00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:23,580
But even if I wanted to go
359
00:18:23,667 --> 00:18:26,192
who could I ask a half hour
before the dance?
360
00:18:26,279 --> 00:18:29,151
[clears throat]
361
00:18:35,157 --> 00:18:36,811
You?
362
00:18:36,898 --> 00:18:39,379
Well, let me check my schedule.
363
00:18:40,423 --> 00:18:41,772
Now, let's see here.
364
00:18:41,859 --> 00:18:44,035
Eight o'clock, nothing.
Nine o'clock, nothing
365
00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:46,821
Ten o'clock, nothing.
Yep, I'm free.
366
00:18:47,909 --> 00:18:49,128
Great, I'll change!
367
00:18:50,216 --> 00:18:52,914
Let's see, a girl in Chicago
368
00:18:53,001 --> 00:18:55,264
a girl in Port Washington.
369
00:18:55,351 --> 00:18:57,745
Steve, you are one bad dude.
370
00:19:01,357 --> 00:19:04,230
[upbeat music]
371
00:19:12,803 --> 00:19:14,457
[Frank]
'Al!'
372
00:19:14,544 --> 00:19:16,764
You decided to come.
373
00:19:16,851 --> 00:19:19,506
You gave me good advice, dad.
Steve helped me to see that.
374
00:19:19,593 --> 00:19:21,508
Well, actually,
Al just had the good sense
375
00:19:21,595 --> 00:19:23,466
to listen to my good sense
about your good sense.
376
00:19:23,553 --> 00:19:26,513
Am I makin' any sense?
377
00:19:26,600 --> 00:19:29,690
No, but it doesn't matter.
Al, I'm proud of ya.
378
00:19:29,777 --> 00:19:32,736
And you look so pretty,
I hardly recognized you.
379
00:19:32,823 --> 00:19:34,738
Uh, uh, I mean, it's just that
I-I've never, uh
380
00:19:34,825 --> 00:19:36,349
seen you in a dress before.
381
00:19:36,436 --> 00:19:39,743
I-it's, it's, uh,
good-good look on you. Ha-ha.
382
00:19:39,830 --> 00:19:41,441
Now, come on, Al.
383
00:19:41,528 --> 00:19:43,747
Let's get down,
let's get funky.
384
00:19:43,834 --> 00:19:46,315
Let's boogie
till they call the cops.
385
00:19:48,796 --> 00:19:51,799
Al? Is that you?
386
00:19:51,886 --> 00:19:54,802
Hi, Roger. This is the guy.
387
00:19:54,889 --> 00:19:58,980
Wow! You look really great
without your catcher's mask.
388
00:19:59,067 --> 00:20:01,722
Uh, look,
my date's getting some punch.
389
00:20:01,809 --> 00:20:03,114
You wanna dance?
390
00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:06,074
Why, Roger,
you're asking me to dance?
391
00:20:06,161 --> 00:20:07,641
Well, yeah.
392
00:20:07,728 --> 00:20:09,904
Then there's only one thing
I can say.
393
00:20:09,991 --> 00:20:12,080
Take a hike, moonface.
394
00:20:15,257 --> 00:20:18,042
Wow! You were great!
395
00:20:18,129 --> 00:20:19,957
Well, usually,
when I say something like that
396
00:20:20,044 --> 00:20:21,437
I end up
crawling on the floor
397
00:20:21,524 --> 00:20:24,310
looking for my glasses.
398
00:20:24,397 --> 00:20:26,486
I'm glad you made me come
to the dance tonight, Steve.
399
00:20:26,573 --> 00:20:29,793
- I owe you one.
- Hey, an easy debt to repay.
400
00:20:29,880 --> 00:20:32,927
- May I have the dance?
- You got it.
401
00:20:33,014 --> 00:20:35,756
Hey, buddy, play a molto vivace
402
00:20:35,843 --> 00:20:38,933
with a mezzo allegro
and an up-tempo backbeat.
403
00:20:40,717 --> 00:20:42,806
Play a fast one.
404
00:20:44,286 --> 00:20:47,202
[upbeat music]
405
00:20:53,991 --> 00:20:56,255
♪ Now if you want to do
the Steve Urkel dance ♪
406
00:20:56,342 --> 00:20:58,257
♪ All you have to do
is hitch up your pants ♪
407
00:20:58,344 --> 00:21:00,171
♪ Bend your knees
and stick up your pelvis ♪
408
00:21:00,259 --> 00:21:03,131
♪ I'm tellin you baby
it's better than Elvis ♪
409
00:21:10,573 --> 00:21:12,488
♪ Do it ♪
410
00:21:12,575 --> 00:21:14,577
♪ Do it ♪
411
00:21:14,664 --> 00:21:16,623
♪ Everybody ♪
412
00:21:16,710 --> 00:21:18,538
♪ Do the Urkel dance ♪
413
00:21:18,625 --> 00:21:20,366
♪ Now point your fingers
up to the sky ♪
414
00:21:20,453 --> 00:21:22,629
♪ And talk through your nose
way up high ♪
415
00:21:22,716 --> 00:21:24,587
♪ Spin and dip
and jump and cavort ♪
416
00:21:24,674 --> 00:21:26,894
♪ And finish it off
with a laugh and snort ♪
417
00:21:26,981 --> 00:21:28,896
♪ Heh-heh-heh heh-heh-heh-heh ♪
418
00:21:28,983 --> 00:21:31,464
♪ Heh-heh heh-heh heh-heh
heh ho.. ♪
419
00:21:39,602 --> 00:21:41,082
Ah, this is nice.
420
00:21:41,169 --> 00:21:43,476
We finally have
a private moment together.
421
00:21:43,563 --> 00:21:45,347
Private? It's hardly private.
422
00:21:45,434 --> 00:21:47,175
We're in the middle
of a bunch of kids.
423
00:21:47,262 --> 00:21:50,961
That's what makes it so private.
Nobody's looking at us.
424
00:21:52,354 --> 00:21:54,225
♪ Everybody ♪
425
00:21:54,313 --> 00:21:57,403
♪ Do the Urkel dance ♪
426
00:22:00,667 --> 00:22:02,364
♪ Do the Urkel ♪
427
00:22:02,451 --> 00:22:05,193
♪ Ur-Ur-Ur-Ur-Ur-Ur-Ur-Urkel ♪
428
00:22:06,412 --> 00:22:08,762
♪ Do it ♪
429
00:22:08,849 --> 00:22:10,764
♪ Everybody ♪
430
00:22:10,851 --> 00:22:13,723
♪ Do the Urkel dance ♪
431
00:22:14,811 --> 00:22:16,770
♪ Do it ♪
432
00:22:16,857 --> 00:22:18,772
♪ Everybody ♪
433
00:22:18,859 --> 00:22:21,078
♪ Do the Urkel dance ♪♪
434
00:22:21,165 --> 00:22:24,081
[crowd applauding]
435
00:22:25,126 --> 00:22:27,998
[instrumental music]
436
00:22:33,352 --> 00:22:35,441
[theme music]
31914
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