All language subtitles for King Gary s01e04 The Big Schmooze.eng

Come on, no-neck chavvy,
you've not even broken a sweat yet.

Four bricks...
I need seven out of you, mate.

Let's all push our limits, eh?

Wayne, it ain't going to go
you just staring at it.

Your spanner ain't turning,
you're not earning, my son.

That's it. Teamwork, everyone.

Let's be there for each other
and work as a team.

You've gone too early on this.
It's fine, mate, it's sweet as.

Got your planning permission?
As good as.

We've got an in with
Jill Corn from the council

so it'll all be tickety-boo there.

What, Corncob? You want to watch
her cos she can swivel.

It is going to be very big, yes.
Two floors.

Two floors?!
You didn't tell me about this.

Well, no-one knew apart from those
working on the project.

That was confidential information.

It's like a big glass box.
Again, another surprise ruined.

More working, mate,
less talking, son. Glass?!

It's going to be boiling in there.
What you doing, growing tomatoes?

Dad, it's very of now. It's
self-cleaning glass from Belgium.

What about the neighbours?
You spoke to them?

One objection and you won't
get your planning through.

Someone like Stuart,
he thinks you're a right mug.

No, he doesn't, he really likes me.
He thinks you're a complete plum.

What about the other two, the
pencilnecks? Robin and Anne?

They're fine, they're fine, mate.
You really trust 'em, boy?

That is what tonight's all about.
I'm getting all the big movers

and shakers from the crescent
round to mine.

We've having a little bit of dinner
then I'm making the big

announcement, taking questions
from the floor.

This is my big schmooze. Yeah.

I'm supposed to be coming round to
watch the boxing - remember that?

Still having the boxing,
don't worry yourself, mate.

Still very much looking
forward to the boxing.

Yeah, you've got it all worked out,
haven't you?

I tell you what,
I can't wait to see this,

it's going to be a complete
shambles. Shambles?

No, mate.

This...is going to be
the centrepiece that

Butterchurn Crescent deserves.
This is who we are.

This is what we do. We're the Kings.

We stay. We evolve. We prosper.

King fire!

King fire!

That is a ridiculous
amount of alcohol for one sitting.

It's actually for the pop-up
boutique cocktail bar we're

putting on for this evening, yeah.

It's mine and Mad Kay's new business
adventure, Bartini.

And are you getting any food at all?
Yeah, course, yeah.

I'll get an array of Kettle chips
and some flavoured popcorn.

But for dinner we're getting
a Deliveroo for everyone.

Everyone? It is
very 2000-and-now, Denise.

Very US of A. Honestly, it's the
future. It's like real-life food,

like, restaurant-standard food
delivered straight to your door.

It's a marvel. I don't think you can
rely on a takeout, that's all.

It's fine, we did a run-through
earlier this week.

Ran like clockwork, so, you know.

But what you're having here,
Terri, is a soiree.

Isn't it? It's a soiree.
Yeah, yeah, it's a dinner party.

Yeah, Denise. Well, it's
all about the prep for a soiree

so you can concentrate
on your hosting, Terri.

You have your precooked jacket
potatoes, warm them through

when guests arrive,

quite a mild chilly,
just a little bit of spice,

big vat of Uncle Ben's and then
I mean really push the boat out.

Can I do my big salmon? No.

I don't need your big salmon, OK?
These are new frontiers,

new times, OK, we've got
Deliveroo for the munch

and Mad Kay's doing the cocktails.
OK. Yeah, OK.

Right. Oh, well. Sorry, what'd you
say? Nothing. Felt like you said something under your breath then.

No, no. You do that a lot,
by the way, under your breath.

Can I have me lemons, please?
Thank you. Thank you. No, thank you.

DOORBELL RINGS

How we doing, eh, Gal?
Honestly, what we like?

I says to Crabbie in the car
on the way over here,

I says, whose idea was it to give me
and Terri a cocktail business?

I mean, we'll end up drinking
everything, won't we?

Because we love getting smashed!

I mean, the business
is bound to fail!

SHE LAUGHS

So is Crabbie hanging about or is
he just going to go home? Gary.

Here, we was just
saying in the car on the way over,

whose idea was it for them

two lushes to have their own
cocktail business?

Yeah, Kay was saying exactly
the same thing, actually.

It's bound to fail, mate, innit?
Can't see it working, can you?

Not in a million years.
Place looking nice.

Really proud of you!
Thanks, man, thank you.

Who'd have thought it?
One of us getting an extension.

Well, actually,
that's top secret information

so if you're going to hang about...
Blinding, mate.

Shall I get the Technics set up?
No, no. No to Technics cos, um...

..this isn't going to be that
sort of party.

Oh, well, we'll only end up getting
them out later when it goes west!

Come down from there!
Come down, mate, seriously.

So, guys, listen to me,

this can't go west.
It's a very civilised affair.

What did you invite us
two for, then, eh?

THEY LAUGH

So where am I building
this bar, then?

Building it?
How big's it going to be, then?

Six by eight with the canopy.
I don't think you need a canopy.

No, we need a canopy.
It's got the Bartini sign on it.

I don't think I'll be able
to get it through the door.

No, it's not going to get through
the door. I can dismantle it,

rebuild it in here.
That's a good idea, babe.

No, no, no, that's a lot of work!
The guests are arriving soon!

I can't have banging
and building in here.

I need a nervous poo.

Up top.

Babe, why has Crabbie just rocked up
with his Technics

and a massive great big bar?
What is this he's building?

He's so sweet like that. Do you know
he designed that himself?

All for the new Bartini business.
Mmm.

Yeah.

About it, I was thinking
whether tonight's the right night to

launch Bartini or
whether we just wait for another.

I just don't want anyone
thinking that this is a house party.

What do you mean? We do what we do
when it's a King's do.

Whoa for a second!

That is your going-out face what
you've got on there. Seriously?

Babe, I thought we said we were
going to go for a more

conservative look for the big
schmooze? Did we now?

I'm sorry. That came out wrong.
Yeah, it did, Gary, yeah.

I thought you were supporting me
in me new business.

Babe, babe, babe. I support
all of your new business escapades,

every single last one of them
but, just on second thoughts,

I'm not sure if this is the right
place for people like Kay.

People like Kay?

Whoa, you're getting
wrapped around snobbery, Gal.

We ARE people like Kay.
And Crabbie?!

Crabbie is one of your oldest pals.
One of Teddy's seven godfathers.

But him being here, babe, is giving
me the narrows a little, you know?

I can't have no bedlam here,
not this evening.

He is doing the bar, all right?
At least he's trying to support us.

Teddy's away at the caravan
with fat Auntie Sandra,

we've got the night off.
Living la vida.

Go and have a little livener
or something. Nah...

No, no, no, no, no.

Thou shall not have a drink
until after my big announcement.

Ha. Don't be such a Trevor.

Pardon? Don't be such a Trevor.

Wow. Yeah.
I'm certainly not a Trevor.

I might be a lot of things in life
but I ain't no Trevor.

You are. I'm not. All right, Trev?
How's it going, Trev? No, no, no,

I'm the least Trevorist person
what you know in the whole world.

Tell your face, Trev. How dare you,
in my own bedroom, call me a Trevor.

Do you know what? I ain't having
this row right now, Gal, OK?

You stick to your extension stuff
and I'll do what I do best, yeah?

Host.

Excuse me, Trevor.
Don't Trevor me off.

OK. I'm not Trevor.

You're Gary King.
What does Gary King do?

He schmoozes. You got this.

MUSIC: Return Of The Mack
by Mark Morrison

Ohhh, ohhh

I'm on

Oh, yeah-eh

Well, I tried to tell you so

But I guess you didn't know...

Robin. Anne.

May I say how humbled
I am to have you both at my house?

You both look stunning. I mean,
look at the glow on your skin.

Well... Cancun was everything
we dreamed it would be.

Can you imagine us two there?
You know, spring break!

Oh, thank you so much,

Gary, for putting up our new shed
whilst we were away.

Yeah, so kind. Such a wonderful
thing to come back to.

For me, that's what
neighbourship is all about,

supporting each other's dreams
and our ambitions and I, um...

A twinkle, anyone?
Wow, thank you.

There you go, my darling. You get
that right down your Gregory.

Oh, it's quite strong. You
can't have a cocktail too strong.

That is our philosophy
here at Bartini.

Kay is doing a boutique
cocktail bar which is...

So cheers to me.

Cheers. Thank you.

And, Kay, this is Robin
and Anne Tucket,

two incredible human beings
what live down the road.

Tucket?

SHE LAUGHS

Crabbie, mate,
don't double beer there.

Double? I got three, mate.
One in the holster!

HE LAUGHS

So Crabbie is Kay's better half.

So why don't you keep your grubby
little mittens off him, Anne?

SHE LAUGHS, THEY LAUGH AWKWARDLY

So...
HE LAUGHS AWKWARDLY

..Cancun. Did you get out
and about much? See the sights?

I brought my drone so, yeah, got
a lot of hours of footage with that.

We kind of stayed in the hotel
most of the time.

SHE LAUGHS

Look at his shoes, Gal.

Ooh, they are something else!

Box fresh, Gal!

SHE LAUGHS

Oi, donkey,
got that food ordered yet?

Got the golfing lot with me.
You know Mick, don't you?

Big Ears and Intelligent Phil.

Yeah, sorry, guys,
this is Crescent folk only -

no gate-crashers, Dad, so get rid.
I don't care about that old guff,

we've come to watch the boxing,
haven't we?

Dad, there will be no boxing
till everyone has left.

You're hard. Look, the boy's being
a fanny. No boxing till later on.

Come on. Oh, Gal,
you're running low on space here.

You might want to get
a loft extension.

Oh!

SHE LAUGHS

Oh, and I've got Gary
and the golf lot's order.

They want a mixture of Chinese
and Indian.

And Intelligent Phil wants
a veggie burger. Course he does.

OK, I'll just...

Sorry, Anne, what was
the flavour of pizza you ordered

before you changed your order?

Was it a meat feast? It was a meaty
one. A chicken supreme, I think.

Chicken supreme, OK.

You want to change that to the fish
and chips, is that correct?

I'd actually like a Thai
but I can't have anything too hot.

It's bad for my Crohn's.

Oh, sorry about that, that's
a shame. How about a pad Thai?

You've had that before. Yeah, a pad
Thai but with the nuts on the side.

You want the nuts on the...?

That's right, separate from the rest
of the food, please.

Yeah, I'll do me best.
So it's a pat Thai?

BOTH: Pad Thai.
That's right.

You spell it P-A-D. Pad.
Thai. Thai. And it's from a...?

Thai. Thai. Thai. Yeah.
Great. Clue's in the name.

I'll pop that... Yeah, pad Thai.

This is all very complicated,
isn't it?

No, no, it's fine.
It's perfect, actually,

in fact, so, you know.

Oh.

Oh, no, where's that gone?
Oh, no, what's happened?

Nothing, just... Just disappeared,
the whole order.

I'm sure I'll get that back up.

You gotta go round everyone again,
have you?

Nah, nah, it's fine, actually,
cos my memory's, like, top-notch,

like an elephant. Don't forget
a thing, do you know what I mean?

So just...yeah. Little touch.

I'll just remember. Yours, yours.

Yeha, got it all down so it's fine,
it's...it's...

Awesome, in fact.

Sorry, guys, could I have
a little bit of space?

I just feel a bit urgh.
I'll put some more dips out.

Yes, hey, hey, Stuart, Meg,
how you doing?

Hello, mate, you all right?
Come here, mate. Bring it in.

You well, brother? You good?
Yeah. You smell lovely, mate.

What's that, a drop of citrus?
Uh, yeah, it's just deodorant.

Hey.

Thank you for having us over, Gary,
it's very gracious of you. Yes.

Makes a change to be at yours rather
than you hovering around at ours.

HE LAUGHS

Good one, good one.

So would you like your welcome
drink now or do you want me

to give you the tour of my gaff?

Er...no, I think I can imagine
what the rest of it looks like.

Again, mate. You done me again
there. How do you live with him?

Absolute... Oh, mate,
I can see you're on form today.

Evening, Stuart. Hello. Hey.

Robin Tucket, from round
the crescent there?

What are you drinking?

It's a porn star martini.

Yeah, Gary's got a full cocktail
bar in the garden.

You can have anything.

Would you like a drink, baby love?
Yes, just a craft ale, please.

Thank you, honey. Get whatever
you want. The bar is yours.

That's, uh, a lot of kissing.
That's a bit much, innit?

It's a European thing, isn't it?
She's German. Yeah, I mean...

..you can't just run around town
dishing out kisses to everybody,

can you? She's not just dishing out
kisses to everyone,

it's just how she greets people.
I'm already leathered, Gal.

Properly plastered.
Um...Stuart, meet Sammy Crab.

Crabbie, Sam Crab,
meet Stuart. Um...

Keep this on the DL.

But you two need to get
yourself in that back garden.

There's some foreign sort out there
handing out kisses.

That's actually my wife.

And, um, Stuart here was just
saying, actually, it's a

very normal custom. She'll be out
there now in the garden

kissing everybody.
Won't she, Stuart?

When she's introduced to someone
she will kiss them, yes.

Yeah. So it's just normal,
mate. Yeah.

HE BLOWS MUSICAL NOTES

HE LAUGHS

No upstairs, fella. No.
It's not that sort of party.

Great friends you got, Gary. I'm
going to go out and protect my wife.

Yeah, uh, Stu, um,
get whatever you want.

What's happening with the food?
Everyone's starving! So hungry!

This is a shambles. It's not
a shambles, Dad, please, just relax.

Can we at least watch the boxing
with the sound turned down?

There's some good
fights on the undercard.

Mate, no. Seriously,
no boxing. No boxing.

Go and get yourself another drink.

Oh, blimey. Mate, that is the dog's.

Telling you now, that tastes
expensive and overseas.

It's going to explode
all over their faces.

Seems like a lot of people
are getting a little hungry.

How long is this food going to be?
Er...

Chef says it's preparing it now,
so... Just now?

This soiree is going to rack
and ruin. That's a bit strong.

Why don't you have a lovely
little cocktail? I will.

Thank you. But just so you know,
I have my big salmon prepped

and ready in case of an emergency
such as this catastrophe.

We don't need your big salmon.
All right? People are starving.

Just let me get my big salmon out.

Look, I hate to break it you
but no-one likes your big salmon.

How dare you. Now, please, stop
interfering. Just trying to help.

That's all. I'm not an interferer.

Babe, babe.

I need an executive chat now.
Back garden at once, please.

Do you need me in on this?
No, Mother, dearest.

I will take two of these, in fact.
Thank you. Very moreish. Mm.

I thought you said that you'd
test-driven this whole

catering thing. I did, I swear,
with Teddy and his three judo mates.

Four kids?!

There's 35 covers in there,
baby girl. I know.

35! I know, I know. It was a little
bit more than I was expecting,

if I'm honest.

I'm really sorry, babe.
I feel like I've totally messed up.

People are going to start
leaving in droves soon, babe.

They're going to
want to eat at home.

My dream of glass is rapidly
turning into sand. Oh, no.

Oh, my ticker. I'm having
my palpitations, babe.

Oh... Look at my blinking, babe,
just get a look at the blinking.

Look at me, look at me.
Calm, all right?

OK, listen, listen.

I'm thinking on me trotters here
but I think the only

thing for it is we throw more
alcohol at the situation.

People always stay for booze. No...

Not like that.
I'm not doing it like that.

I'm going to do my speech.
I'm going to do it now.

What is a street?

Is it the houses?

Is it the gardens?

Is it the driveways?

Is it the dustbins? The bins?!

No!

It is the people that make a street

and a crescent.
That is... That's...

..what makes...

..where we live what it is.

DOORBELL RINGS

Oh, that'll be the food.

CHEERING

Gary. I was just passing, mate.
You all right?

Yeah, it's not a great time,
if I'm honest with you, John, mate.

What you having, a bit of a bash?
Right random one, I heard.

No, no, no, no, no.
It's NOT a random one.

Crabbie's here. He text me,

told me there's some German sort
knocking about dishing out kisses.

Crabbie had no right in disclosing
that kind of information.

She's actually one of my guest's
wives and it's very,

very normal in their culture.
Why didn't you invite me, Gal?

I mean, what have I done, mate?
It's nothing personal.

PHONE RINGS

That stuff on the Facebook, it
weren't me. It's fake news, mate.

Shh!

Yep, speaking.

Great. Yeah, no, I have Deliveroo'd.

Safir, where are ya?

OK, mate, I can work with that.
You're not outside me house, mate.

I'm outside my house as I speak.
No, no, no, listen,

what is in your sight of vision
right now?

The school?
I don't live near no school, mate.

No, no, no, I'm positive. I live
on the road. There's no school...

There's no school here, mate.
Listen to me. Listen to me.

You stay where you are.
Remain in radio contact.

Safir, I am going mobile.
I repeat - I am going mo-bile.

OK, listen, right,
a white van has just gone past me.

So you need to go from the opposite
direction from the white van.

Can you see a white van?
I can see you on the map app.

You're nowhere near me, mate!
You come to me, mate.

That's your job.
You bring the food to me.

What are you doing at the flats,
mate?

She's given you
the wrong postcode, mate.

Wait there. Hold fire.
I'm coming for you, baby.

Safir!

Safir!

ECHOING: Safir?

ECHOING: Safir.

ECHOING: Safir.

HORN BEEPS

Excuse me, bruv.

Bruv, Butterchurn Crescent?

Please tell me you're Safir.
Mr King? Gary? Listen, bruv,

why are your directions
so complicated, man?

I've been running about town
looking for a bike.

What, with all this?
Bruv, have you seen this food, bruv?

Listen, I had to borrow my brother's
car. You might have to tip.

You are not getting a tip!
You're an hour and a half late!

Bruv, I went to seven different
restaurants, you know.

Yeah? Never had to order
this amount.

Look...it could be OK.

We can still save the schmooze.

LIVELY CHATTER

Thanks for giving me a hand, Safir,
mate. That's very kind of you.

Are you kidding? You're joking.

INDISTINCT CHATTER

It is live in here, bruv!

You concentrate on the job in hand,
mate, you concentrate on this food.

Get out the way, mate. John? John?

Where you been? Everyone's starving.
You're not even meant to be here!

Food's here, chaps!
CHEERING

All right, Gary, mate? What are you
doing here? He text me.

Hi, Gary. I expect more out of you.

So happy to be here, man.
Where's the burrito?

Not the schmooze.
Not the schmooze.

What you doing?

GARAGE MUSIC PLAYS

BOTH: Have it! Have it!

You're my heart, you're my soul,
can you make me whole?

Round, round, round and catch it!
Reel you in.

I surrender. Boom. Come on.

You dirty, dirty mutt.

Guys. Food's here.

Guys.

Dinner's up. Guys, food is here.

Oh, shut up, Gary.

Bit early for garage music,
wouldn't one think?

It's never too early
for garage, Gal.

Right, Crabbie, mate!

Crabbie, old fella, turn that
music off there, mate, please.

Please, mate. No, Crabbie.
Turn it up.

Going to have to put
a foot down there, mate.

Crabbie, music off now, at once.
Crabbie!

MUSIC STOPS
No!

No, Crabbie, mate. No!

Everyone - men,
as well, with the boxing -

there's a reason I've got you here.

SHE MUMBLES

Stop being a party pooper.
Mum, not supposed to be a party,

so I can't be a party pooper. OK?

Mum? Mum? Mum? Mum? Mum?

Wake up, Mum. I am awake. Brilliant.

Right, everyone,

dwellers of the crescent...

..the reason I have gathered you
here tonight is...

..I'm having an extension built.

Can we have the music
back on, please?

Just let that sink in
for a minute, mate.

Anne, Robin,
I'm having an extension built

and what I need from all of you

is if anyone's got any problem
with that, say "aye" now.

Anyone?

Miss Watson? You OK with it?

Anything for you, Mark.

You're a good girl.
OK, Crabbie, with that,

let's celebrate.
A little bit more music. Yes!

MUSIC RESUMES

Oh. Oh, yes. Oh.

Oi, oi. What you doing,
guzzling all my beer?

I-I-I was just grabbing one.
Is that OK?

I'm joking.

Mi casa...su casa.

Thank you.

Look, I've... I don't know...
What I want to sort of...

You don't want me to object
to your extension.

Yeah, that's what
I was going to get to, yeah.

It is fine with me.

I-I-I don't have a problem with ya.
I-I-I never have.

Why don't we just...

Why don't we just start afresh?
No more petty arguments.

All right? How about that?

Do you mean that, mate?
Yeah. Do you know what? I do.

This moment shall go
do down in Crescent folklore.

Two fine warriors
laying down their swords

and saying this war is over.

These are times of peace,
Stuart Williams.

Bring it in. Lock up.
Oh, right, yeah.

Have a King hug.

You all right? Yeah.

You give really good hugs.
I know. I know, mate.

And I know we belong together

Only love...

Ah. You all right, babe?

There she is.

You all right, pancake?

The old two-day hangover is an
absolute killer, right? Yeah.

Don't think Bartini's going to work,
do you? Nah, nah.

Probably not. Look, babe, um,

Jill from the council
just belled me and, um...

..one person from the crescent has
objected to the extension.

Now, look, don't jump in
at the deep end, all right?

She's got a source there
so hopefully she's going to

wrangle a bit of intel and,
I dunno, get some good news.

Don't jump?
I'm mid-air already, babe!

I'm mid-flight! Cop this.

Gary.

All right, mate? We were just
talking about you. Mate! Ha!

Want to look that word up.

What, now?
We stood there as men and we hugged

in my garage.

Where I keep my lawnmower.

Where my son keeps his toys.

Gary, we had a lovely evening.
You were an exemplary host.

Nah. No, no, no, no, no.
I know it was you, Stuart.

I know it was you what objected
to my extension.

Hold on a second, Gary.
You crushed my dreams.

And I take back all of those
nice things I said.

I think you're nasty, I think you're
mean, I think you're a weasel,

I think you are a schnide, sir.

Face it, pal, you're jealous of me,
you're jealous of my extension.

Gal, babe. Not now, sweetheart.

You dig your trenches, mate,
and you dig them deep.

Cos battle lines are drawn again
and I'm going to destroy you,

Stuart Williams. Gal. What, babe?

It weren't Stuart what objected.

It was you dad.

That's a bit embarrassing,
isn't it, Gary?

You wasn't ready for
an extension, boy.

Especially not a double-storey
glass one.

Well, you know what? Sometimes in
life it feels a little bit like

you're just lining me up to lose
for your own entertainment.

A man does all his learning
from losing, not from winning.

Whatever, Dad.

I remember when I got my first big
contract

at Kings Property Maintenance.

I was buzzing.
Thought I was Charlie Big Potatoes.

I've gone straight down the car lot
and bought a brand-new BMW.

Drive it round Grandad's.
He went garrity.

Me spunking all me money?

He's dragged me back down the car
lot and made me sell it back to 'em.

Point he was making was you never
know what's around the corner.

Sometimes it's best to have a little
bit tucked away rather than

have it all out on show.

Do you know what? He was right.

Year later, recession took hold,
business nearly went under.

Three months later you come along.

They were the worst few
years of my life.

I wouldn't change any of it.

Everything good in my life
grew from that point.

What I'm saying is,

life ain't a race, son.
Slow it down a bit, eh?

Give you a proper slap,
did he, Grandad?

Did he ever.
Nearly had me strides down.

They all come out the top of the
flats, have a look, laughing at me.

He could have a row, Grandad.

God rest his soul.

Do you want to come in?
Get yourself a little whisky?

Yeah, come on, then.

I was thinking, now I'm not going
to get the extension,

what about one of those little golf
pads, you know, in Portugal?

You can get a villa, all glass...

VOICE FADES

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