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1
00:00:02,403 --> 00:00:03,971
**
2
00:00:04,004 --> 00:00:05,406
Magic Kingdom, Epcot,
3
00:00:05,439 --> 00:00:07,208
the Monorail --
where to start?
4
00:00:07,241 --> 00:00:10,411
I can't wait
to feel Gaston's biceps.
5
00:00:10,444 --> 00:00:11,912
I can't believe we've lived
in Orlando for six years
6
00:00:11,945 --> 00:00:13,081
and never been to Disney.
7
00:00:13,114 --> 00:00:15,149
Well, they should've allowed
Orlando residents
8
00:00:15,183 --> 00:00:17,485
a discount before today.
9
00:00:17,518 --> 00:00:18,652
This is the best day ever.
10
00:00:18,686 --> 00:00:20,654
I'm gonna ride Space Mountain
till I puke.
11
00:00:20,688 --> 00:00:22,823
Eddie,
hit us with some tunage
12
00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:24,758
to commemorate the happiest
moment of our lives.
13
00:00:24,792 --> 00:00:26,160
On it.
[ Discman clicks ]
14
00:00:26,194 --> 00:00:29,430
[ "Hakuna Matata" plays ]
All: "Hakuna Matata!"
15
00:00:29,463 --> 00:00:31,031
What a wonderful phrase.
16
00:00:33,067 --> 00:00:34,735
Hakuna Matata!
17
00:00:34,768 --> 00:00:37,705
* Ain't no passing craze
18
00:00:37,738 --> 00:00:44,078
* It means no worries
for the rest of your days *
19
00:00:44,112 --> 00:00:49,683
* It's our problem-free
philosophy *
20
00:00:49,717 --> 00:00:51,752
* Hakuna Matata
21
00:00:51,785 --> 00:00:53,221
[ Engine clunks, sputters ]
22
00:00:53,254 --> 00:00:55,055
All: Nooooooo!
23
00:00:55,089 --> 00:00:57,057
[ Sighs ]
It's our fault.
24
00:00:57,091 --> 00:00:58,926
We were too happy.
25
00:00:58,959 --> 00:01:01,295
-- Captions by VITAC --
26
00:01:01,329 --> 00:01:02,563
* Fresh off the boat
27
00:01:02,596 --> 00:01:04,232
* I'm gettin' mine
everywhere I go *
28
00:01:04,265 --> 00:01:06,534
* If you don't know, homey,
now you know *
29
00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:07,768
* Fresh off the boat
30
00:01:07,801 --> 00:01:10,104
* Homey, you don't know
where I come from *
31
00:01:10,138 --> 00:01:11,439
* But I know where I'm goin'
32
00:01:11,472 --> 00:01:14,408
* I'm fresh off the boat
33
00:01:14,442 --> 00:01:15,809
**
34
00:01:15,843 --> 00:01:18,612
That tow truck driver
did not like you.
35
00:01:18,646 --> 00:01:21,215
We could've had a nice,
silent drive back,
36
00:01:21,249 --> 00:01:24,452
but no, you had to ask that guy
how he got into towing.
37
00:01:24,485 --> 00:01:25,586
I wanted to butter him up
38
00:01:25,619 --> 00:01:27,488
before asking
if he ever towed a celebrity.
39
00:01:27,521 --> 00:01:29,623
Oh, remind me,
who did he tow?
40
00:01:30,658 --> 00:01:31,959
Kathy Griffin.
[ Door opens ]
41
00:01:31,992 --> 00:01:34,128
Hey. Good news --
42
00:01:34,162 --> 00:01:36,464
I finally found the wrench
I needed to fix your van.
43
00:01:36,497 --> 00:01:38,166
Oh, great!
44
00:01:38,199 --> 00:01:41,135
See, Louis,
I told you it's not a big deal.
45
00:01:41,169 --> 00:01:42,836
Ah, I should've told you
the bad news first.
46
00:01:42,870 --> 00:01:44,472
The wrench didn't do so much.
47
00:01:44,505 --> 00:01:45,806
You need to take her
to a mechanic.
48
00:01:45,839 --> 00:01:47,941
This job
is beyond my capability.
49
00:01:47,975 --> 00:01:49,477
It took you six hours
50
00:01:49,510 --> 00:01:51,479
to determine
it's beyond your capability?
51
00:01:51,512 --> 00:01:54,081
You had mice
in your air filter.
52
00:01:54,114 --> 00:01:55,949
I saw a live birth.
53
00:01:55,983 --> 00:01:57,285
20 babies.
54
00:01:57,318 --> 00:01:59,653
Fine, we'll have it towed
to the mechanic tomorrow.
55
00:01:59,687 --> 00:02:02,290
Eddie can use the Cattlecar
to drive the boys around.
56
00:02:02,323 --> 00:02:04,625
Man, I can't believe the van
is so out of shape.
57
00:02:04,658 --> 00:02:06,860
Maybe if you didn't constantly
ride her brakes
58
00:02:06,894 --> 00:02:08,462
and just let
the old gal dance...
59
00:02:08,496 --> 00:02:10,798
Me?! You're the one
who comes to a complete stop
60
00:02:10,831 --> 00:02:12,166
at every intersection.
61
00:02:12,200 --> 00:02:14,468
Why don't you just roll through
like a normal person?
62
00:02:14,502 --> 00:02:17,305
That's why I love the ocean.
No stop signs.
63
00:02:17,338 --> 00:02:20,474
You try to put one up,
it sinks right to the bottom.
64
00:02:20,508 --> 00:02:22,476
Can't you just put it
on a buoy?
65
00:02:22,510 --> 00:02:24,178
Oh, you have
a three-mile-long anchor
66
00:02:24,212 --> 00:02:25,913
to keep that buoy in place,
wise-ass?
67
00:02:27,881 --> 00:02:30,484
We have to clean out the van
before the tow truck arrives.
68
00:02:30,518 --> 00:02:31,485
They steal.
69
00:02:31,519 --> 00:02:35,989
**
70
00:02:37,157 --> 00:02:38,326
Oh, look, a receipt
71
00:02:38,359 --> 00:02:40,828
from that time we got Sheila
washed professionally.
72
00:02:40,861 --> 00:02:43,897
Oh, I saved that in case
I wanted to return the car wash.
73
00:02:43,931 --> 00:02:46,267
Remember? It was right after
you tased me.
74
00:02:48,168 --> 00:02:50,671
Richard Ramirez,
Night Stalker!
[ Electricity buzzing ]
75
00:02:50,704 --> 00:02:51,705
[ Groans ]
76
00:02:51,739 --> 00:02:53,173
What a memory.
77
00:02:53,207 --> 00:02:54,875
Mm. It's trash.
78
00:02:54,908 --> 00:02:56,644
That's fine.
I have another keepsake.
79
00:02:56,677 --> 00:02:58,178
The taser
threw off my heartbeat.
80
00:02:58,212 --> 00:03:00,080
It skips a thump-thump
every now and then.
81
00:03:00,113 --> 00:03:01,482
Keep cleaning.
82
00:03:01,515 --> 00:03:07,154
**
83
00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:08,489
Whoa. A fry.
84
00:03:08,522 --> 00:03:10,358
It's hard as a rock.
Dibs.
85
00:03:11,425 --> 00:03:12,760
Oh! My old earpiece!
Wow.
86
00:03:12,793 --> 00:03:14,862
I lost this
on the trip down here from D.C.
87
00:03:14,895 --> 00:03:17,265
Louis: * I saw the sign
88
00:03:17,298 --> 00:03:20,601
* And it opened up my eyes,
I saw the sign *
89
00:03:20,634 --> 00:03:21,935
* Life is dema--
Ugh, Dad,
turn off the music!
90
00:03:21,969 --> 00:03:23,404
Six years later,
and we're still
91
00:03:23,437 --> 00:03:24,905
a bunch of dorks
singing in a van.
92
00:03:24,938 --> 00:03:26,774
Check it out.
My old swim trunks!
93
00:03:26,807 --> 00:03:29,109
Oh, from when we tried
to take the van for a joyride.
94
00:03:29,142 --> 00:03:30,244
Wait!
95
00:03:30,278 --> 00:03:31,945
We need our bathing suits
for Wet 'n Wild!
96
00:03:31,979 --> 00:03:33,814
My swimmies!
97
00:03:42,155 --> 00:03:43,924
We did not make it far.
98
00:03:43,957 --> 00:03:45,459
What's this map?
99
00:03:45,493 --> 00:03:47,060
Let me see that bad boy.
100
00:03:47,094 --> 00:03:50,964
I drew this map after we buried
that time capsule in D.C.
101
00:03:50,998 --> 00:03:51,899
I wonder if it's still there.
102
00:03:51,932 --> 00:03:53,601
A map?
Possible treasure?
103
00:03:53,634 --> 00:03:56,604
It's like "The Goonies,"
but with three Asian boys!
104
00:03:56,637 --> 00:03:59,407
Three inoffensive
Asian boys.
Hmm.
105
00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:01,775
I can't even remember what we
put in that time capsule.
106
00:04:01,809 --> 00:04:03,644
Hmm. I was 10.
107
00:04:03,677 --> 00:04:05,379
But if I know
young Eddie,
108
00:04:05,413 --> 00:04:07,114
that little scamp probably
put a bag of farts in there.
109
00:04:07,147 --> 00:04:10,284
How you got a 1500 on your SATs,
I'll never know.
110
00:04:10,318 --> 00:04:12,886
Yeah. To be honest, I never
thought you'd get into college.
111
00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:14,288
Yeah, we just assumed
you'd live at home forever.
112
00:04:14,322 --> 00:04:15,289
Me too.
113
00:04:15,323 --> 00:04:17,157
Turns out my brain
had other plans.
114
00:04:17,190 --> 00:04:19,727
It's gonna be weird when it's
not the three of us anymore.
115
00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:21,795
Yeah.
It just won't be the same.
116
00:04:21,829 --> 00:04:24,398
**
117
00:04:24,432 --> 00:04:25,466
Poor Sheila.
118
00:04:25,499 --> 00:04:27,335
We bought this van
on our wedding night.
119
00:04:27,368 --> 00:04:29,136
I taught Eddie
how to drive in it.
120
00:04:29,169 --> 00:04:30,771
I remember things, too,
Louis.
121
00:04:30,804 --> 00:04:33,907
It's just we've been through
so much with this van.
122
00:04:33,941 --> 00:04:35,008
So many memories.
123
00:04:35,042 --> 00:04:37,778
Yes.
Here's a new memory --
124
00:04:37,811 --> 00:04:39,179
I'm taking this car
down to Kareem's.
125
00:04:39,212 --> 00:04:40,180
You stay here.
126
00:04:40,213 --> 00:04:41,615
They always talk you
127
00:04:41,649 --> 00:04:45,018
into buying unnecessary upgrades
and nonsensical trinkets.
128
00:04:45,052 --> 00:04:48,322
I'm sure I have no idea
what you mean.
129
00:04:49,323 --> 00:04:50,123
Oh.
130
00:04:50,157 --> 00:04:51,291
So I always know
131
00:04:51,325 --> 00:04:52,960
where to put my hands
on the steering wheel.
132
00:04:52,993 --> 00:04:57,331
**
133
00:04:57,365 --> 00:04:58,966
Ah.
134
00:04:58,999 --> 00:05:00,468
Is that suit
really necessary?
135
00:05:00,501 --> 00:05:03,003
Hey, I respect
our piano teacher.
136
00:05:03,036 --> 00:05:05,105
The first song he taught us
was "Chopsticks."
137
00:05:05,138 --> 00:05:07,307
Does that not bother you?
Because it bothers me.
138
00:05:07,341 --> 00:05:08,642
Well, I'm glad you guys
139
00:05:08,676 --> 00:05:10,310
have mixed feelings
on this piano teacher
140
00:05:10,344 --> 00:05:12,212
because...
you're not going.
141
00:05:12,245 --> 00:05:13,514
But we're finally
gonna find out
142
00:05:13,547 --> 00:05:14,882
what that middle pedal
does today!
143
00:05:14,915 --> 00:05:16,316
Well,
this pedal hits the gas,
144
00:05:16,350 --> 00:05:17,785
and we're riding it
all the way to D.C.
145
00:05:17,818 --> 00:05:18,986
What?!What?!
146
00:05:19,019 --> 00:05:21,154
We're finally doing
that Huang boys road trip.
147
00:05:21,188 --> 00:05:23,023
And this time,
there's no stopping us.
148
00:05:23,056 --> 00:05:25,459
Oh, we're way below E.
149
00:05:25,493 --> 00:05:27,127
Did you guys bring
your wallet?
150
00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:30,498
Because typically, the driver
doesn't pay for gas, so...
[ Sighs ]
151
00:05:30,531 --> 00:05:32,299
* Yeah
152
00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:34,668
This close call with Sheila's
really got me thinking
153
00:05:34,702 --> 00:05:36,169
how much
I take her for granted.
154
00:05:36,203 --> 00:05:38,839
As soon as we get her back, I'm
gonna change her oil every day.
155
00:05:38,872 --> 00:05:41,308
You know
who burns a lot of oil?
156
00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:42,743
Dale Earnhardt.
157
00:05:42,776 --> 00:05:44,545
What a racist.
158
00:05:44,578 --> 00:05:45,979
You mean, "racer"?
159
00:05:46,013 --> 00:05:47,981
Ma, you gotta go back
to using Mandarin.
160
00:05:48,015 --> 00:05:49,249
You're gonna get in trouble.
161
00:05:49,282 --> 00:05:50,818
[ Door opens ]
162
00:05:50,851 --> 00:05:52,886
Hey!
How's the van doing?
163
00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:53,887
Great.
164
00:05:53,921 --> 00:05:55,355
I sold it.
165
00:06:02,262 --> 00:06:03,931
You sold Sheila?!
166
00:06:03,964 --> 00:06:05,098
It needed too much work
167
00:06:05,132 --> 00:06:07,200
and the mechanic at Kareem's
offered to buy it.
168
00:06:07,234 --> 00:06:08,736
It was
the pragmatic solution.
169
00:06:08,769 --> 00:06:10,738
I can't believe
you made such a big decision
170
00:06:10,771 --> 00:06:12,172
without consulting me!
171
00:06:12,205 --> 00:06:15,943
Says the guy who purchased
multiple vehicles without me --
172
00:06:15,976 --> 00:06:19,279
the Accord, the riding
lawn mower, the 40-foot RV --
173
00:06:19,312 --> 00:06:21,114
It was 35, but point taken.
174
00:06:21,148 --> 00:06:22,450
And this is different.
175
00:06:22,483 --> 00:06:24,217
She was practically
a member of our family.
176
00:06:24,251 --> 00:06:26,053
There are days I wish
she lived in the garage
177
00:06:26,086 --> 00:06:26,854
instead of Grandma.
178
00:06:26,887 --> 00:06:28,756
Every day I wish that.
179
00:06:28,789 --> 00:06:30,758
But Louis,
this is just a hunk of metal.
180
00:06:30,791 --> 00:06:33,126
Get over it.
[ Scoffs ]
181
00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:36,930
Robo-Cop was just a hunk
of metal, and he saved a town!
182
00:06:36,964 --> 00:06:39,633
I assume.
Never saw it.
183
00:06:39,667 --> 00:06:41,735
**
184
00:06:41,769 --> 00:06:44,271
Okay, the Cattlecar's
got a full tank,
185
00:06:44,304 --> 00:06:46,574
and I got the next three meals
taken care of --
186
00:06:46,607 --> 00:06:47,741
bag o' hot dogs.
187
00:06:47,775 --> 00:06:49,376
I'm vegan.
I don't eat hot dogs.
188
00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:50,611
Me neither.
189
00:06:50,644 --> 00:06:52,913
After I read "mechanically
separated" on the label.
190
00:06:52,946 --> 00:06:54,448
[ Groans ]
It doesn't matter.
191
00:06:54,482 --> 00:06:55,949
We're not going
on a road trip to D.C.
192
00:06:55,983 --> 00:06:56,984
Yes, you are!
193
00:06:57,017 --> 00:06:58,486
You guys need to learn
to live a little.
194
00:06:58,519 --> 00:06:59,787
I'm gonna be gone soon.
There's gonna be nobody around
195
00:06:59,820 --> 00:07:01,755
to teach you guys
how to have fun.
196
00:07:01,789 --> 00:07:03,957
Fun? You're about to drive us
1,200 miles
197
00:07:03,991 --> 00:07:06,460
with no plan, no luggage,
198
00:07:06,494 --> 00:07:07,661
and a bagful
of gas station hot dogs.
199
00:07:07,695 --> 00:07:09,763
And I don't even have
my night guard.
200
00:07:09,797 --> 00:07:11,932
Guys, we'll figure that out
as we go.
201
00:07:11,965 --> 00:07:13,133
That's the fun of it!
202
00:07:13,166 --> 00:07:14,768
Oh yeah,
gonna be a real bounce house
203
00:07:14,802 --> 00:07:16,970
when Mom figures out
we've been missing for two days.
204
00:07:17,004 --> 00:07:18,438
I've already
got that covered.
205
00:07:18,472 --> 00:07:20,508
I told Mom we're having
a sleepover at Walter's.
206
00:07:20,541 --> 00:07:22,910
As long as we're back tomorrow
by 8:00 p.m., we're good.
207
00:07:22,943 --> 00:07:24,945
Okay,
what're you hiding?
208
00:07:24,978 --> 00:07:27,347
Most Eddie adventures
are all about Eddie.
209
00:07:27,380 --> 00:07:28,682
Hence the name.
210
00:07:28,716 --> 00:07:31,151
Ed-ventures.
211
00:07:31,184 --> 00:07:32,753
Never mind.
I'll trademark that later.
212
00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:34,454
You guys are right.
I do want something --
213
00:07:34,488 --> 00:07:36,957
I wanna find out
what's inside that time capsule.
214
00:07:36,990 --> 00:07:37,958
Don't you?
215
00:07:37,991 --> 00:07:40,093
I'm a little intrigued.
Yeah.
216
00:07:40,127 --> 00:07:42,262
Baseball cards, stamps,
comic books.
217
00:07:42,295 --> 00:07:44,464
You guys were into a ton
of nerd crap.
218
00:07:44,498 --> 00:07:46,133
Hell of a sales pitch,
Eddie.
219
00:07:46,166 --> 00:07:49,537
Sorry, nerd...stuff.
220
00:07:49,570 --> 00:07:52,139
Point is, real people
are into that junk now.
221
00:07:52,172 --> 00:07:53,306
That's true.
222
00:07:53,340 --> 00:07:54,474
There could be something
in there worth money.
223
00:07:54,508 --> 00:07:57,044
Yes! And depending on
how deep we buried it,
224
00:07:57,077 --> 00:07:58,145
we could hit oil.
225
00:07:58,178 --> 00:08:00,447
**
226
00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:02,115
Okay, we're in.
227
00:08:02,149 --> 00:08:03,617
* Yeah
228
00:08:03,651 --> 00:08:04,885
You packed shovels, right?
229
00:08:04,918 --> 00:08:07,220
Sure.
230
00:08:08,556 --> 00:08:09,857
[ Laughter,
indistinct conversations ]
231
00:08:09,890 --> 00:08:12,793
[ Plates clattering loudly ]
232
00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:14,628
Ho, boss.
Whoa.
233
00:08:14,662 --> 00:08:15,896
What's with the heavy
cattle hands here?
234
00:08:15,929 --> 00:08:18,365
Things okay at home?
It's Jessica.
235
00:08:18,398 --> 00:08:19,633
Ohh. Divorce?
236
00:08:19,667 --> 00:08:21,068
You did it, Lou.
237
00:08:21,101 --> 00:08:23,136
Well, the first time
always feels the best.
238
00:08:23,170 --> 00:08:25,472
Honestly,
we all saw it coming.
239
00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:27,307
Mi futon es su futon.
240
00:08:27,340 --> 00:08:30,143
Hector, it's happening!
What? No!
241
00:08:30,177 --> 00:08:31,478
Our van's dead.
242
00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:32,980
Sheila?!
She was family!
243
00:08:33,013 --> 00:08:34,414
How are you even at work
right now?
244
00:08:34,447 --> 00:08:35,649
See? You get it.
245
00:08:35,683 --> 00:08:36,817
That van's been a part
of so many memories,
246
00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:38,886
and it's like Jessica
doesn't even care.
247
00:08:38,919 --> 00:08:40,187
We bought it
on our wedding night.
248
00:08:40,220 --> 00:08:41,755
Yeah, when I said goodbye
to my Jag,
249
00:08:41,789 --> 00:08:43,356
I didn't leave my house
for a month.
250
00:08:43,390 --> 00:08:44,858
Couldn't even bear the sight
of another car.
251
00:08:44,892 --> 00:08:46,259
Still can't.
252
00:08:46,293 --> 00:08:48,195
She always sweeps her emotions
under the rug,
253
00:08:48,228 --> 00:08:49,930
and that isn't a healthy way
to grieve.
254
00:08:49,963 --> 00:08:51,031
Or clean.
255
00:08:51,064 --> 00:08:53,100
Whoa,
Trent with the quick wit.
256
00:08:53,133 --> 00:08:54,267
Orange lightning.
257
00:08:54,301 --> 00:08:55,936
I've been trying
to pay better attention.
258
00:08:55,969 --> 00:08:58,538
Well, it's working.
I don't know, Lou.
259
00:08:58,572 --> 00:09:00,073
This doesn't make
any sense to me.
260
00:09:00,107 --> 00:09:02,209
Maybe the car doesn't mean
that much to Jessica.
261
00:09:02,242 --> 00:09:03,711
Of course it means
something to her.
262
00:09:03,744 --> 00:09:05,913
I have to help her learn
to process her feelings,
263
00:09:05,946 --> 00:09:07,781
get her to admit
she's sad about the van.
264
00:09:07,815 --> 00:09:10,884
If she doesn't, I'm worried
it'll explode out of her.
265
00:09:10,918 --> 00:09:12,219
Like the alien in "Alien."
266
00:09:12,252 --> 00:09:14,221
Oof, I do not see
scary movies anymore
267
00:09:14,254 --> 00:09:16,724
ever since I did a pee-pee
during "The Exorcist."
268
00:09:16,757 --> 00:09:20,027
**
269
00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:24,097
* And the caravan
is painted red and white *
270
00:09:24,131 --> 00:09:25,699
What are you doing?
271
00:09:25,733 --> 00:09:28,101
Oh, listening
to a little Van Morrison.
272
00:09:28,135 --> 00:09:30,570
Reading about Martin Van Buren.
273
00:09:30,604 --> 00:09:33,073
Eating some van- illa ice cream.
274
00:09:33,106 --> 00:09:34,608
Just another normal day
in Louis-ville.
275
00:09:34,642 --> 00:09:36,977
Louis,
you're not a multitasker.
276
00:09:37,010 --> 00:09:39,446
You're gonna give yourself
a cold.
277
00:09:39,479 --> 00:09:41,649
* ...tells us of her ways *
278
00:09:41,682 --> 00:09:42,816
[ Sighs ]
279
00:09:42,850 --> 00:09:44,484
* La, la, la-la
280
00:09:44,517 --> 00:09:45,552
Hey!
281
00:09:45,585 --> 00:09:46,553
We just passed the sign
282
00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:47,788
for the world's biggest peanut.
283
00:09:47,821 --> 00:09:49,456
You guys always wanted
to see that, right?
284
00:09:49,489 --> 00:09:51,625
Both: Peanut! Peanut!
285
00:09:51,659 --> 00:09:55,128
All: Peanut! Peanut!
Peanut! Peanut!
286
00:09:55,162 --> 00:09:58,966
* Turn up
287
00:09:58,999 --> 00:10:00,634
* Your radio
288
00:10:00,668 --> 00:10:02,670
[ Metal clinks ]
289
00:10:02,703 --> 00:10:05,639
* And let me hear a song
Louis.
290
00:10:06,807 --> 00:10:10,143
Why am I sleeping
on an auto part?
291
00:10:10,177 --> 00:10:12,112
Oh, how'd that get there?
Poor little guy.
292
00:10:12,145 --> 00:10:15,115
Probably misses you and all
the memories you had together.
293
00:10:15,148 --> 00:10:18,819
[ Scoffs ]
* What is really wrong
294
00:10:18,852 --> 00:10:21,288
Eddie: I know
this is a controversial take,
295
00:10:21,321 --> 00:10:23,290
but I'm more of a moon guy.
296
00:10:23,323 --> 00:10:25,625
If this is a set-up
to you mooning us,
297
00:10:25,659 --> 00:10:27,294
I'm not
falling for it again.
[ Chuckles ]
298
00:10:27,327 --> 00:10:29,529
You guys
are getting smarter.
299
00:10:29,562 --> 00:10:32,666
Louis: You know what
we never do anymore?
300
00:10:32,700 --> 00:10:34,935
Walk down memory lane.
301
00:10:34,968 --> 00:10:36,603
You know...
[ Fabric creaks ]
302
00:10:36,636 --> 00:10:39,973
...relive our wedding night,
when we bought the van?
303
00:10:40,007 --> 00:10:41,274
It was magical.
304
00:10:41,308 --> 00:10:43,777
Oh, Louis.
305
00:10:43,811 --> 00:10:45,813
I've been thinking
about the van, too.
306
00:10:45,846 --> 00:10:47,480
You have?
307
00:10:47,514 --> 00:10:49,282
Yes.
308
00:10:49,316 --> 00:10:51,451
We have to get rid of
that poop-mobile.
309
00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:52,820
* La-la, la la
310
00:10:52,853 --> 00:10:54,287
[ Chuckles ]
311
00:10:54,321 --> 00:10:57,157
I think I might've put on
your tuxedo by mistake,
312
00:10:57,190 --> 00:10:58,491
because this is tight.
313
00:10:58,525 --> 00:11:00,293
[ Groans ]
[ Fabric creaks ]
314
00:11:00,327 --> 00:11:02,529
**
315
00:11:02,562 --> 00:11:04,364
Well,
we made it to D.C.
316
00:11:04,397 --> 00:11:05,866
With time to spare.
317
00:11:05,899 --> 00:11:07,634
And that includes
the three hours we wasted
318
00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:09,870
before we realized you were
driving to Washington state.
319
00:11:09,903 --> 00:11:11,805
Hey, I didn't hear
many complaints
320
00:11:11,839 --> 00:11:13,707
when you were dipping your toes
in the Chattahoochee.
321
00:11:13,741 --> 00:11:16,877
Guys, don't hate me, but I've
gotta quote Madonna here --
322
00:11:16,910 --> 00:11:18,879
this used to be
our playground.
323
00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:21,514
I'll allow it.
[ Sighs ]
324
00:11:21,548 --> 00:11:22,582
We used to love
those swings.
325
00:11:22,615 --> 00:11:24,051
Hey,
and the metal slide.
326
00:11:24,084 --> 00:11:26,319
Eddie burned his butt on it
that summer.
Worth it.
327
00:11:26,353 --> 00:11:28,321
I made 2 bucks
off Grandma.
328
00:11:28,355 --> 00:11:30,557
Okay, now let's bust out
this map and get to digging.
329
00:11:32,392 --> 00:11:33,827
[ Stomach grumbles ]
330
00:11:33,861 --> 00:11:36,096
Ugh, those hot dogs
are starting to fight back.
331
00:11:36,129 --> 00:11:38,365
[ Stomach grumbles ]
So, if "X" marks the spot,
332
00:11:38,398 --> 00:11:40,200
why are there so many on here?
333
00:11:40,233 --> 00:11:42,269
To throw people off the scent
in case someone finds our map.
334
00:11:42,302 --> 00:11:44,571
So, you have no idea
which "X" is the right one.
335
00:11:44,604 --> 00:11:45,705
This map is useless.
336
00:11:45,739 --> 00:11:47,775
Hey! Don't be mad
at 10-year-old Eddie.
337
00:11:47,808 --> 00:11:49,042
That dude was the best.
338
00:11:51,078 --> 00:11:53,046
Guys, it's not
the end of the world.
339
00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:54,547
So we have to dig
a few more holes.
340
00:11:54,581 --> 00:11:55,749
We'll do it together.
341
00:11:57,284 --> 00:11:59,019
[ Stomach grumbling ]
342
00:11:59,052 --> 00:12:00,754
[ Sighs ]
343
00:12:00,788 --> 00:12:02,655
Eddie: Try over there
by the tree.
344
00:12:04,324 --> 00:12:07,227
I have an idea --
why don't you help us
find the time capsule?
345
00:12:07,260 --> 00:12:08,929
I can't.
I keep throwing up.
346
00:12:08,962 --> 00:12:11,564
And half of me is shivering,
and half of me is sweating.
347
00:12:11,598 --> 00:12:13,200
I'm not a doctor,
but I think I might've picked up
348
00:12:13,233 --> 00:12:15,102
a waterborne parasite
in the Chattahooch'.
349
00:12:15,135 --> 00:12:16,636
Or maybe it was one of
the two dozen
350
00:12:16,669 --> 00:12:18,138
gas station hot dogs
that you ate.
351
00:12:18,171 --> 00:12:19,439
I hope not.
352
00:12:19,472 --> 00:12:21,441
Last time I was taken down
by a pack of gas dogs,
353
00:12:21,474 --> 00:12:22,910
I was out of commission
for days.
354
00:12:22,943 --> 00:12:24,778
Last time?
Why do you keep eating them?
355
00:12:24,812 --> 00:12:26,579
Why do they keep making them?
356
00:12:26,613 --> 00:12:28,048
If you can't drive us home
in time,
357
00:12:28,081 --> 00:12:29,449
Mom's gonna find out
and kill us.
358
00:12:29,482 --> 00:12:31,084
I-I-I think I can drive.
359
00:12:31,118 --> 00:12:34,587
I just can't sit, think,
or process moving objects.
360
00:12:34,621 --> 00:12:37,290
Of course this is happening.
This is so typical Eddie.
361
00:12:37,324 --> 00:12:39,626
Sorry for trying
to show you guys a fun time.
362
00:12:39,659 --> 00:12:41,161
This is fun to you?!
363
00:12:41,194 --> 00:12:42,629
You're doubled over
in the fetal position,
364
00:12:42,662 --> 00:12:45,298
we're digging holes, stressed
out about how to get home.
365
00:12:45,332 --> 00:12:47,434
And I'm wearing a suit!
366
00:12:47,467 --> 00:12:49,136
You're the best-dressed guy
in this local park.
367
00:12:49,169 --> 00:12:50,403
What are you
complaining about?
368
00:12:50,437 --> 00:12:51,805
You know what?
Who cares.
369
00:12:51,839 --> 00:12:53,941
At least this is the last time
we're gonna have to do this.
370
00:12:53,974 --> 00:12:55,608
What's that
supposed to mean?
371
00:12:55,642 --> 00:12:56,776
It means you'll be gone,
372
00:12:56,810 --> 00:12:58,311
and we won't have to deal
with your nonsense.
373
00:12:58,345 --> 00:13:00,780
Can't come soon enough for me.
374
00:13:00,814 --> 00:13:01,781
Aah.
375
00:13:01,815 --> 00:13:05,585
I'll be in the car.
Windows down.
376
00:13:05,618 --> 00:13:07,487
God,
I can't take Eddie anymore.
377
00:13:07,520 --> 00:13:09,022
He's the worst.
[ Shovel clangs ]
378
00:13:12,893 --> 00:13:16,363
Hey, Louis, look.
Automatic sliding doors.
379
00:13:18,731 --> 00:13:21,468
It's not fast or practical,
but I must have it.
380
00:13:21,501 --> 00:13:23,270
But so expensive.
381
00:13:23,303 --> 00:13:25,873
I wonder if they have
any used ones.
382
00:13:27,340 --> 00:13:29,142
Would ya lookie here!
383
00:13:29,176 --> 00:13:30,810
It's Sheila.
384
00:13:30,844 --> 00:13:32,779
Would you like to say
anything to her?
385
00:13:32,812 --> 00:13:35,048
Louis, that's enough!
It's just a car!
386
00:13:35,082 --> 00:13:36,316
Jessica, it's ridiculous
387
00:13:36,349 --> 00:13:38,551
that our van
doesn't mean anything to you.
388
00:13:38,585 --> 00:13:42,489
We raised our family in this.
It's practically a part of us!
389
00:13:42,522 --> 00:13:44,124
Look at them.
390
00:13:44,157 --> 00:13:46,894
[ Conversing indistinctly ]
391
00:13:46,927 --> 00:13:48,061
Really? Nothing?
392
00:13:48,095 --> 00:13:49,829
[ Sighs ]
Hey, I'm Calvin.
393
00:13:49,863 --> 00:13:51,231
Can I help
put you in a van today?
394
00:13:52,332 --> 00:13:55,235
Wait.
You look familiar.
395
00:13:55,268 --> 00:13:56,569
Didn't you buy a giant RV,
396
00:13:56,603 --> 00:13:59,039
then try to return it with your
wife's picture on the side?
397
00:13:59,072 --> 00:14:01,574
No, that doesn't sound
like us.
398
00:14:01,608 --> 00:14:03,043
[ Engine starts, tires squeal ]
399
00:14:03,076 --> 00:14:05,478
'Cause I could swear
that's her.
400
00:14:05,512 --> 00:14:07,347
Stealing one of our vans.
401
00:14:07,380 --> 00:14:09,983
[ Tires squeal ]
Whoa!
402
00:14:10,017 --> 00:14:11,751
She just blew through
that stop sign.
403
00:14:16,756 --> 00:14:17,557
So, your wife
just drove off the property?
404
00:14:19,626 --> 00:14:21,761
That's pretty bad-ass,
except for the felony part.
405
00:14:21,794 --> 00:14:23,763
Oh, I knew something bad
like this might happen.
406
00:14:23,796 --> 00:14:26,066
She's been repressing her
feelings, and it's not healthy.
407
00:14:26,099 --> 00:14:26,934
Sure.
408
00:14:26,967 --> 00:14:28,401
We have two options here.
409
00:14:28,435 --> 00:14:30,570
We can either
call the police
410
00:14:30,603 --> 00:14:33,706
or we can
buddy-cop this mother ourselves
411
00:14:33,740 --> 00:14:35,042
and chase her down.
412
00:14:35,075 --> 00:14:37,610
Um, the not
call-the-police one.
413
00:14:37,644 --> 00:14:39,246
I was really hoping
you'd say that.
414
00:14:39,279 --> 00:14:41,048
It's been a fantasy of mine
for a while.
415
00:14:41,081 --> 00:14:42,950
Oh, great. We need to hurry.
She's getting away.
416
00:14:42,983 --> 00:14:45,618
[ Chuckles ] That's how
the fantasy always starts.
417
00:14:45,652 --> 00:14:48,555
Unfortunately, I'm only allowed
to take a vehicle off the lot
418
00:14:48,588 --> 00:14:49,756
if it's for a test drive.
419
00:14:49,789 --> 00:14:51,558
Fine!
Whatever it takes, let's go!
420
00:14:51,591 --> 00:14:53,593
Great!
I just need your license
421
00:14:53,626 --> 00:14:55,395
so I can make a few copies,
we have to fill out a few forms,
422
00:14:55,428 --> 00:14:57,230
then we'll be on our way.
423
00:14:57,264 --> 00:14:58,765
Alright.
424
00:14:58,798 --> 00:15:00,600
Um, hey, which car do you wanna
take as the chase van?
425
00:15:00,633 --> 00:15:03,136
Uh, the blue, the gold,
or the red?
426
00:15:03,170 --> 00:15:04,604
Any car is fine.
427
00:15:04,637 --> 00:15:07,707
Heyyy,
Calvin's got one on the hook.
428
00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:10,944
**
429
00:15:10,978 --> 00:15:12,779
I can't believe
we found the time capsule.
430
00:15:12,812 --> 00:15:14,281
I can't believe
how many pet collars we dug up.
431
00:15:14,314 --> 00:15:15,782
So many named "Rover."
432
00:15:15,815 --> 00:15:17,117
Mm.
Take 10 minutes
to brainstorm.
433
00:15:17,150 --> 00:15:18,818
It's a member
of your family.
434
00:15:18,851 --> 00:15:20,253
Let's just hope
there's something
435
00:15:20,287 --> 00:15:22,822
valuable enough in here
to get us plane tickets home.
Yeah.
436
00:15:24,992 --> 00:15:25,825
[ Gasps ]
My rubber ducky!
437
00:15:25,858 --> 00:15:27,227
Ronnie Hardnose!
438
00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:29,096
That's right.
You were in a big bath phase.
439
00:15:29,129 --> 00:15:31,598
I was into self-care
before it got cool.
Mm.
440
00:15:32,665 --> 00:15:34,301
A bag of farts.
441
00:15:34,334 --> 00:15:36,136
Eddie.
At least he's consistent.
442
00:15:38,671 --> 00:15:39,772
A picture of Mom?
443
00:15:39,806 --> 00:15:40,773
That's mine!
444
00:15:40,807 --> 00:15:42,609
[ Sighs ]
She hasn't aged a day.
445
00:15:43,810 --> 00:15:46,179
I remember
why we put this stuff in here.
446
00:15:46,213 --> 00:15:47,780
We were super sad
about moving.
447
00:15:47,814 --> 00:15:49,849
And Eddie said if we buried
our most prized possessions,
448
00:15:49,882 --> 00:15:51,618
we'd always have a reason
to come back here.
449
00:15:53,053 --> 00:15:54,154
He was right.
450
00:15:54,187 --> 00:15:56,456
10-year-old Eddie
really was the best dude.
451
00:15:56,489 --> 00:15:58,358
Present-day Eddie's
not too bad either.
452
00:15:58,391 --> 00:15:59,459
Hmm.
We're lucky to have him.
453
00:15:59,492 --> 00:16:02,129
Mm.
454
00:16:02,162 --> 00:16:03,696
[ Chuckles ]
You're not gonna believe this.
455
00:16:03,730 --> 00:16:05,432
Eddie's at the back
of this photo,
456
00:16:05,465 --> 00:16:06,633
and look what he's holding.
457
00:16:06,666 --> 00:16:08,668
A hot dog?!
458
00:16:08,701 --> 00:16:09,569
I mean, what is his deal?
459
00:16:10,803 --> 00:16:12,805
[ Tires screech ]
460
00:16:12,839 --> 00:16:14,607
[ Engine revs, tires squeal ]
461
00:16:14,641 --> 00:16:15,675
Damn!
462
00:16:15,708 --> 00:16:17,044
Did she just swerve
to make a right turn
463
00:16:17,077 --> 00:16:18,178
all the way
from the left lane?
464
00:16:18,211 --> 00:16:19,279
She trying to lose us?
465
00:16:19,312 --> 00:16:20,680
No.
That's just how she drives.
466
00:16:20,713 --> 00:16:22,215
[ Tires screeching ]
467
00:16:22,249 --> 00:16:25,385
Crap! Where'd she go?
468
00:16:25,418 --> 00:16:26,886
[ Window whirs,
tires screeching ]
469
00:16:26,919 --> 00:16:28,621
[ Pedestrians screaming,
horns honking ]
470
00:16:28,655 --> 00:16:30,157
Oh. She's going west.
471
00:16:30,190 --> 00:16:32,559
Which we know, thanks to the
in-mirror digital compass.
472
00:16:32,592 --> 00:16:35,228
Honestly, I don't know
how much more technology
473
00:16:35,262 --> 00:16:36,996
you could put in a car.
Alright, I get it.
474
00:16:38,565 --> 00:16:39,899
We found the time capsule.
475
00:16:39,932 --> 00:16:42,035
What was in it --
betrayal?
476
00:16:42,069 --> 00:16:43,536
Actually,
it was a rubber duck,
477
00:16:43,570 --> 00:16:45,238
a picture of Mom,
and a bag of farts.
478
00:16:45,272 --> 00:16:46,206
Ew.
479
00:16:46,239 --> 00:16:47,507
A picture of Mom?
480
00:16:47,540 --> 00:16:50,009
Sorry about earlier.
It really was a fun trip.
481
00:16:50,043 --> 00:16:51,911
Yeah,
thanks for kidnapping us.
482
00:16:51,944 --> 00:16:53,813
You were right --
we needed it.
483
00:16:53,846 --> 00:16:54,981
Actually, you were right.
484
00:16:55,014 --> 00:16:56,749
I wasn't doing it for you,
I did it for me.
485
00:16:56,783 --> 00:16:58,185
I wanted more time
with you.
486
00:16:59,452 --> 00:17:00,920
I'm gonna miss you guys.
487
00:17:02,955 --> 00:17:04,091
Alright, let's go.
I'll drive.
488
00:17:04,124 --> 00:17:05,392
Are you sure
you can do it?
489
00:17:05,425 --> 00:17:07,994
Not at all.
But we're gonna try.
490
00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:09,396
One last adventure.
491
00:17:09,429 --> 00:17:11,364
Ed-venture.
492
00:17:12,599 --> 00:17:13,933
[ Engine sputtering ]
493
00:17:13,966 --> 00:17:15,268
Louis:
She's pulling over.
494
00:17:15,302 --> 00:17:17,604
Probably 'cause we only put
a gallon of gas in there.
495
00:17:17,637 --> 00:17:20,107
Remember,
Kareem play defense first.
Ah.
496
00:17:20,140 --> 00:17:22,842
Thanks for letting me borrow the
van for a test-drive, Calvin.
497
00:17:22,875 --> 00:17:24,211
Hey, I got an extra ticket
tomorrow night
498
00:17:24,244 --> 00:17:25,212
to the Orlando Magic.
499
00:17:25,245 --> 00:17:26,279
Wanna come with?
500
00:17:26,313 --> 00:17:28,115
[ Seatbelt clicks ]
501
00:17:28,148 --> 00:17:29,582
[ Door opens ]
502
00:17:30,650 --> 00:17:33,253
[ Voice breaking ]
I always overstep.
503
00:17:36,289 --> 00:17:39,058
Um, Jessica?
You stole a car.
504
00:17:39,092 --> 00:17:40,260
Yeah.
505
00:17:40,293 --> 00:17:41,228
Why?
506
00:17:41,261 --> 00:17:42,595
Because of you.
507
00:17:42,629 --> 00:17:43,630
Me?!
508
00:17:43,663 --> 00:17:44,731
Yes!
509
00:17:44,764 --> 00:17:46,433
You kept pushing me
and pushing me,
510
00:17:46,466 --> 00:17:47,600
and I finally snapped.
511
00:17:47,634 --> 00:17:49,436
Well, I pushed you
to confront your feelings
512
00:17:49,469 --> 00:17:52,105
because it's crazy that this van
means nothing to you.
513
00:17:52,139 --> 00:17:54,574
Of course the van
means something to me.
514
00:17:54,607 --> 00:17:56,042
Taking it to the mechanic
515
00:17:56,075 --> 00:17:58,478
was one of the worst days
of my life...
516
00:17:59,779 --> 00:18:01,381
I'm not leaving
without a free oil change.
517
00:18:01,414 --> 00:18:04,717
And I want you to take down that
naked lady calendar behind you.
518
00:18:04,751 --> 00:18:07,053
Unfortunately, the van's gonna
need more than an oil change.
519
00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:08,321
I mean, truth be told,
520
00:18:08,355 --> 00:18:10,089
it's gonna cost so much
to repair,
521
00:18:10,123 --> 00:18:11,324
you might as well sell it.
522
00:18:11,358 --> 00:18:13,092
You mean you can't fix it?
523
00:18:13,126 --> 00:18:14,494
I know, it's tough.
524
00:18:14,527 --> 00:18:16,329
I mean, I see it all the time
with a family minivan --
525
00:18:16,363 --> 00:18:17,397
you know,
you ride it hard,
526
00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:18,598
take it everywhere
with the kids.
527
00:18:18,631 --> 00:18:22,469
It's no wonder
these things break down.
528
00:18:22,502 --> 00:18:24,137
But hey, it's just
a hunk of metal, right?
529
00:18:25,805 --> 00:18:27,674
Right. Uh, I think I left
my purse in the van.
530
00:18:27,707 --> 00:18:28,608
Let me just go get it.
531
00:18:28,641 --> 00:18:29,709
Okay.
532
00:18:32,645 --> 00:18:33,646
[ Grunts ]
533
00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:41,288
**
534
00:18:41,321 --> 00:18:44,957
I hated to give up the van,
but it was the only real choice.
535
00:18:44,991 --> 00:18:47,694
Well, then why were you so quick
to research new cars?
536
00:18:47,727 --> 00:18:49,596
I was coping.
537
00:18:49,629 --> 00:18:51,664
I was trying to tell myself
it would be okay.
538
00:18:51,698 --> 00:18:53,300
But it's not just the van,
Louis.
539
00:18:53,333 --> 00:18:54,701
Our nest is thinning.
540
00:18:54,734 --> 00:18:58,037
The boys are growing up,
and it's all happening so fast.
541
00:18:58,070 --> 00:19:00,006
And when you squeezed
into that tuxedo --
542
00:19:00,039 --> 00:19:04,277
It totally fit.
...and kept showing me pictures
of us and the van,
543
00:19:04,311 --> 00:19:06,513
it just made it hurt more.
544
00:19:06,546 --> 00:19:08,114
I wasn't expecting
to see it again,
545
00:19:08,147 --> 00:19:09,649
and then I did, and...
546
00:19:09,682 --> 00:19:12,185
[ Scoffs ] I don't know,
I snapped.
547
00:19:12,219 --> 00:19:15,121
Jessica, I had no idea.
I'm so sorry for pushing you.
548
00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:17,490
It's okay
that we grieve differently.
549
00:19:17,524 --> 00:19:20,126
I know you like to immediately
talk everything through,
550
00:19:20,159 --> 00:19:21,294
but that's just not me.
551
00:19:21,328 --> 00:19:23,129
I see that now.
552
00:19:23,162 --> 00:19:25,565
So, how did
you even find me?
553
00:19:25,598 --> 00:19:28,067
A good husband
knows how to stalk his wife.
554
00:19:28,100 --> 00:19:30,303
You followed my path
of destruction, didn't you?
555
00:19:30,337 --> 00:19:33,039
I still don't know
how you missed that stroller.
556
00:19:38,678 --> 00:19:40,012
We finally made it
to Disney World.
557
00:19:40,046 --> 00:19:41,381
What a great day.
558
00:19:41,414 --> 00:19:43,082
Grandma:
The part I liked the most
559
00:19:43,115 --> 00:19:47,554
was I accidentally
joined a different family.
560
00:19:47,587 --> 00:19:48,921
You gotta admit,
Jessica,
561
00:19:48,955 --> 00:19:50,590
today was totally worth
the splurge.
562
00:19:50,623 --> 00:19:53,693
And what a splurge it was.
563
00:19:53,726 --> 00:19:55,928
[ Dramatic note plays ]
564
00:19:55,962 --> 00:19:57,564
* Yeah
565
00:19:57,597 --> 00:19:59,699
I can't believe you got Kareem
to throw in a free set of tires
566
00:19:59,732 --> 00:20:01,033
considering
we were negotiating
567
00:20:01,067 --> 00:20:02,769
against a grand theft auto
charge.
568
00:20:02,802 --> 00:20:05,204
I also got him
to throw in these.
569
00:20:06,406 --> 00:20:08,408
One hand up,
one around my lady.
570
00:20:08,441 --> 00:20:11,744
Don't make me regret not going
for the headlight eyelashes.
571
00:20:11,778 --> 00:20:14,747
Today was great,
but not as great
572
00:20:14,781 --> 00:20:16,283
as that sleepover
at Walter's.
573
00:20:16,316 --> 00:20:18,017
Yes,
Walter's was fun.
574
00:20:18,050 --> 00:20:19,252
We slept there overnight
575
00:20:19,286 --> 00:20:22,188
and did not get a speeding
ticket in North Carolina.
576
00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:23,423
Oh, God.
577
00:20:23,456 --> 00:20:26,158
There's so much to teach you
and so little time.
39009
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