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1
00:00:02,403 --> 00:00:05,139
- Boo, boo, boo, boo
2
00:00:05,173 --> 00:00:12,180
3
00:00:30,964 --> 00:00:33,000
[birds chirping]
4
00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:36,036
- [snoring]
5
00:00:39,973 --> 00:00:42,009
The Devil's Ass.
6
00:00:42,042 --> 00:00:44,945
No man has successfully
free soloed it.
7
00:00:44,978 --> 00:00:46,414
- Ah!
Tell my wife I love her.
8
00:00:46,447 --> 00:00:48,182
[grunts]
- Until now.
9
00:00:48,216 --> 00:00:51,185
The mistake everyone made
before me was training.
10
00:00:51,219 --> 00:00:52,620
That's why I didn't.
11
00:00:52,653 --> 00:00:55,856
[groaning]
12
00:00:55,889 --> 00:00:57,191
- [panting]
13
00:00:57,225 --> 00:00:58,559
Hey, Duncan.
I'm Alex Honnold,
14
00:00:58,592 --> 00:01:00,961
star of the Academy
Award-winning film "Free Solo."
15
00:01:00,994 --> 00:01:02,930
- I'm kind of busy.
- Oh, sorry.
16
00:01:02,963 --> 00:01:04,532
I just wanted to say
that you're the best ever
17
00:01:04,565 --> 00:01:06,200
and give you my Oscar.
- About time.
18
00:01:06,234 --> 00:01:08,202
- Nice to meet you--
[moans]
19
00:01:08,236 --> 00:01:11,705
- I did it!
Take that, God!
20
00:01:11,739 --> 00:01:14,108
Bow before your maker.
21
00:01:14,142 --> 00:01:16,310
[screams]
22
00:01:16,344 --> 00:01:17,478
[grunts]
23
00:01:17,511 --> 00:01:19,079
Wonder Woman?
What are you doing here?
24
00:01:19,113 --> 00:01:20,448
- You made me appear.
25
00:01:20,481 --> 00:01:22,950
You have a sexual thought
every seven seconds.
26
00:01:22,983 --> 00:01:25,419
- Whoa, that sounds like a lot.
- It is.
27
00:01:25,453 --> 00:01:28,289
That's why I'm gonna
make you a man, Duncan.
28
00:01:28,322 --> 00:01:29,490
- Nice.
29
00:01:29,523 --> 00:01:31,058
- [moans]
30
00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:34,295
- I'm gonna
make you a man, Duncan.
31
00:01:34,328 --> 00:01:36,063
- [screams]
Dad, what are you doing?
32
00:01:36,096 --> 00:01:38,166
- Your father's gonna
make you a man.
33
00:01:38,199 --> 00:01:39,500
- No!
34
00:01:39,533 --> 00:01:41,169
- By teaching you to drive,
you lucky duck.
35
00:01:41,202 --> 00:01:43,504
- Driving is
every teenage boy's dream.
36
00:01:43,537 --> 00:01:45,072
- Ugh, not mine.
Get out of my room.
37
00:01:45,105 --> 00:01:46,006
[snores and huffs]
38
00:01:46,039 --> 00:01:47,275
- Where were you?
39
00:01:47,308 --> 00:01:49,009
- It doesn't matter.
Make me a man, hurry.
40
00:01:49,042 --> 00:01:51,912
- Duncan, you've had your
learner's permit for a month
41
00:01:51,945 --> 00:01:53,481
and you haven't touched
the car.
42
00:01:53,514 --> 00:01:54,815
- I don't need to drive.
43
00:01:54,848 --> 00:01:56,684
Drones deliver whatever I want,
44
00:01:56,717 --> 00:01:58,519
and self-driving cars are
the future.
45
00:01:58,552 --> 00:02:01,088
Driving is old-fashioned
and boring, like baseball.
46
00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:04,592
- Baseball is awesome.
It's a metaphor for life.
47
00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:07,328
- Metaphors are boring,
like baseball.
48
00:02:07,361 --> 00:02:09,297
- We stand at the plate
of opportunity...
49
00:02:09,330 --> 00:02:11,599
- [groans]
- Swinging for the fences
50
00:02:11,632 --> 00:02:13,667
of success--
up, I've been Roomba'd.
51
00:02:13,701 --> 00:02:15,135
- [snores]
52
00:02:15,169 --> 00:02:20,007
- Your father was trying
to have a moment with you.
53
00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:21,141
- All right, I'll go driving.
God.
54
00:02:21,175 --> 00:02:22,676
- Good boy.
I love you, mwah.
55
00:02:24,878 --> 00:02:26,614
- [snores]
Hey.
56
00:02:26,647 --> 00:02:29,149
- I'm an orphan.
Let me have this.
57
00:02:29,183 --> 00:02:31,685
both: [moaning]
- Aww.
58
00:02:31,719 --> 00:02:34,355
- [grunts]
59
00:02:34,388 --> 00:02:36,123
Good luck driving, Duncan.
60
00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:38,326
You're the handsomest brother
in the world,
61
00:02:38,359 --> 00:02:40,494
and someday, I will marry you.
62
00:02:40,528 --> 00:02:41,962
- I've told you
a thousand times, Jing,
63
00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:43,897
we can't get--
- [whimpers]
64
00:02:43,931 --> 00:02:45,065
- I can't wait
until we're married too.
65
00:02:45,098 --> 00:02:46,367
- [giggles]
66
00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:48,736
- Say good luck
to your brother, Kimberly.
67
00:02:48,769 --> 00:02:50,304
- Good luck.
Don't forget to text and drive.
68
00:02:50,338 --> 00:02:52,306
- Okay, quiet, everybody.
69
00:02:52,340 --> 00:02:54,575
I'm documenting this moment
for Facebook, and I got
70
00:02:54,608 --> 00:02:56,310
to say something profound.
You ready, honey?
71
00:02:56,344 --> 00:02:58,579
- Okay, hang on,
I have it on photo...
72
00:02:58,612 --> 00:03:01,682
Slow-mo, square,
73
00:03:01,715 --> 00:03:05,085
pano, video,
74
00:03:05,118 --> 00:03:06,987
slow-mo again.
Okay, action.
75
00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:10,658
- Son, it seems like yesterday,
I was pushing you in a stroller
76
00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:12,660
and...
Here they come.
77
00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:14,362
- Are you crying?
- Sorry, Dunker,
78
00:03:14,395 --> 00:03:16,029
but the day you teach your kid
to drive
79
00:03:16,063 --> 00:03:18,165
is one of the great moments
in a father's life.
80
00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:19,199
And unlike my dad,
81
00:03:19,233 --> 00:03:20,868
it's not gonna end
with me beating you,
82
00:03:20,901 --> 00:03:23,103
and then taking you to Wendy's,
and then beating you again.
83
00:03:23,136 --> 00:03:24,938
I love you, son.
- I love you too, Dad.
84
00:03:24,972 --> 00:03:26,274
[engine revs]
85
00:03:26,307 --> 00:03:27,441
- That's it.
There you go--
86
00:03:27,475 --> 00:03:29,042
both: [screaming]
87
00:03:29,076 --> 00:03:31,078
- Hey!
We're gonna die!
88
00:03:31,111 --> 00:03:32,212
- Oh, my God.
- Slow down.
89
00:03:32,246 --> 00:03:33,414
Speed up.
- Make up your mind.
90
00:03:33,447 --> 00:03:35,182
- A family of ducks.
- Aww.
91
00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:37,551
- The Pope!
- What is he doing here?
92
00:03:37,585 --> 00:03:39,587
- Mommy, want to see me
do a cartwheel?
93
00:03:39,620 --> 00:03:41,088
Say yes.
- Sorry, honey.
94
00:03:41,121 --> 00:03:43,424
Mommy needs to drop you
at school and get to work.
95
00:03:43,457 --> 00:03:45,259
The good people of this town
are paying me
96
00:03:45,293 --> 00:03:47,761
to ticket their cars.
- I'll go fast.
97
00:03:47,795 --> 00:03:50,798
Oh...
98
00:03:58,238 --> 00:03:59,807
- That's great, honey.
Okay, let's--
99
00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:03,744
- Now back.
Oh...
100
00:04:03,777 --> 00:04:05,946
- [sighs]
Just get her a phone already.
101
00:04:05,979 --> 00:04:07,948
[tires squeal]
- Please stop driving!
102
00:04:07,981 --> 00:04:09,650
- [giggles]
103
00:04:09,683 --> 00:04:11,485
- How can I learn
with you freaking out?
104
00:04:11,519 --> 00:04:13,921
Why can't you be chill
like that Sully dude?
105
00:04:13,954 --> 00:04:15,222
He landed a plane on the ocean
106
00:04:15,255 --> 00:04:16,724
without screaming
like an idiot.
107
00:04:16,757 --> 00:04:18,626
- Well, maybe Sully should be
your father.
108
00:04:18,659 --> 00:04:20,994
- I wish he was.
109
00:04:21,028 --> 00:04:22,996
- Want me
to braid your hair, Dad?
110
00:04:23,030 --> 00:04:25,065
- Mm-hmm.
111
00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:28,168
[low tempo music]
112
00:04:28,201 --> 00:04:29,337
- Okay, okay.
113
00:04:29,370 --> 00:04:32,506
Two bottles
in my mouth sideways.
114
00:04:32,540 --> 00:04:33,774
Huh-uh.
115
00:04:33,807 --> 00:04:35,643
Tah-dah--
Ow!
116
00:04:35,676 --> 00:04:39,246
[groans]
Why do I crave attention?
117
00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:40,280
- [grunts]
118
00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:44,818
- [gags]
This is near beer.
119
00:04:44,852 --> 00:04:47,120
It's the beer
pregnant chicks drink.
120
00:04:47,154 --> 00:04:48,822
- It was all I could grab
in the store.
121
00:04:48,856 --> 00:04:50,190
The guy was shooting at me.
122
00:04:50,223 --> 00:04:53,160
- Why does everybody make
such a big deal out of driving?
123
00:04:53,193 --> 00:04:55,796
It's not like this boring town
has any fun places to go.
124
00:04:55,829 --> 00:04:58,098
[crowd cheering and screaming]
125
00:04:58,131 --> 00:04:59,266
- You need to chill, Dunk,
126
00:04:59,299 --> 00:05:01,201
and your boy has
just the thing.
127
00:05:01,234 --> 00:05:03,003
The company sent me
a free samp.
128
00:05:03,036 --> 00:05:05,539
- Why are people
always sending you cool stuff?
129
00:05:05,573 --> 00:05:08,809
All I get are Groupons
for cemetery plots.
130
00:05:08,842 --> 00:05:10,611
- It is all
about your Twitter game.
131
00:05:10,644 --> 00:05:13,013
I follow businesses,
talk up their products,
132
00:05:13,046 --> 00:05:14,181
and then they hook me up.
133
00:05:14,214 --> 00:05:16,784
I wrote Twizzlers are woke,
and bam.
134
00:05:16,817 --> 00:05:18,619
both: [awed sound]
- Whoa, Twizzlers.
135
00:05:18,652 --> 00:05:19,620
[knocking]
136
00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:21,021
- Ah, that'd be Papa Mom's.
137
00:05:21,054 --> 00:05:24,558
- Free pizza,
compliments of Papa Mom's.
138
00:05:24,592 --> 00:05:26,059
- Bon appétit.
139
00:05:26,093 --> 00:05:27,961
- Duncan?
It's me, Mia.
140
00:05:27,995 --> 00:05:30,998
[choir music]
141
00:05:31,865 --> 00:05:34,368
- Mm-hmm.
- Well, my parents made me
142
00:05:34,402 --> 00:05:36,036
get a job to save money
for college,
143
00:05:36,069 --> 00:05:39,339
but then I found out Papa Mom's
supports anti-LGBTQ causes,
144
00:05:39,373 --> 00:05:41,141
so I'm taking the company down
from the inside
145
00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:43,010
by sticking my finger
in every pie.
146
00:05:43,043 --> 00:05:45,178
I didn't do yours, though.
Actually, I did.
147
00:05:45,212 --> 00:05:47,415
It's right there.
You could just eat around it.
148
00:05:47,448 --> 00:05:49,650
So, I saw you driving
with your dad.
149
00:05:49,683 --> 00:05:51,419
- [grunts]
- No, I think you look cool
150
00:05:51,452 --> 00:05:52,653
behind the wheel.
- Hmm?
151
00:05:52,686 --> 00:05:54,054
- I can't wait to drive.
152
00:05:54,087 --> 00:05:56,156
By the time I'm done riding
my bike to protests,
153
00:05:56,189 --> 00:05:57,825
I am too tired to march.
[giggles]
154
00:05:57,858 --> 00:06:00,861
- [laughing hysterically]
155
00:06:03,096 --> 00:06:04,832
- Dial it down, dude.
- I got this.
156
00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:07,234
[laughs]
- Who knows.
157
00:06:07,267 --> 00:06:09,703
Maybe someday, you'll be able
to give me a ride somewhere.
158
00:06:09,737 --> 00:06:10,704
[harp music]
159
00:06:10,738 --> 00:06:11,772
Ah!
160
00:06:11,805 --> 00:06:13,006
- Wuh-pah!
Smash!
161
00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:15,375
I've come to ask for your
daughter's hand in marriage.
162
00:06:15,409 --> 00:06:17,244
- Well, that sounds wonder--
[huffs]
163
00:06:17,277 --> 00:06:19,613
- [grunts]
- Why?
164
00:06:19,647 --> 00:06:21,114
- He was going to say yes.
165
00:06:21,148 --> 00:06:22,450
- I couldn't take that chance.
166
00:06:22,483 --> 00:06:24,084
- You're so cool.
Feel me up.
167
00:06:24,117 --> 00:06:25,786
- With pleazh.
168
00:06:25,819 --> 00:06:27,521
- Boner alert.
all: [laughing]
169
00:06:27,555 --> 00:06:30,424
- Don't just stand there.
Introduce me.
170
00:06:30,458 --> 00:06:33,093
- [whines]
171
00:06:33,126 --> 00:06:35,629
- And the masked singer is...
172
00:06:35,663 --> 00:06:37,230
- You two are glad
I'm your father, right?
173
00:06:37,264 --> 00:06:38,699
both: Dad.
174
00:06:38,732 --> 00:06:41,134
- They're about to unmask
a celebrity we don't know.
175
00:06:41,168 --> 00:06:43,236
- Kyle Bornheimer!
[cheering]
176
00:06:43,270 --> 00:06:45,105
both: [cheer]
177
00:06:45,138 --> 00:06:46,440
- Still upset about Duncan?
178
00:06:46,474 --> 00:06:49,042
Here, clean your records.
It always cheers you up.
179
00:06:49,076 --> 00:06:51,211
- Yup.
I love "Dust in the Wind,"
180
00:06:51,244 --> 00:06:53,581
but hate dust
in my Kansas albums.
181
00:06:53,614 --> 00:06:55,048
both: [laugh]
182
00:06:55,082 --> 00:06:57,284
- There's the simple man
I married.
183
00:06:57,317 --> 00:06:58,285
[door slams]
184
00:06:58,318 --> 00:06:59,720
- I need to learn to drive now.
185
00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:01,589
- It's all I ever wanted.
My beautiful boy--
186
00:07:01,622 --> 00:07:02,923
- Not you.
You.
187
00:07:02,956 --> 00:07:06,326
- [gasping]
Ow!
188
00:07:06,359 --> 00:07:09,229
- No!
[whimpers]
189
00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:12,165
- [sings]
Dust in the wind
190
00:07:12,199 --> 00:07:17,304
All we are is
dust in the wind
191
00:07:17,337 --> 00:07:23,544
Ah, ah
192
00:07:28,181 --> 00:07:29,583
- So why the sudden interest
in driving?
193
00:07:29,617 --> 00:07:30,951
Are you like me?
194
00:07:30,984 --> 00:07:33,153
Fed up with all those doping
scandals in the biking world?
195
00:07:33,186 --> 00:07:35,022
- I don't know.
I just figured I could probably
196
00:07:35,055 --> 00:07:38,526
be a better son,
you know, and help you and Dad.
197
00:07:38,559 --> 00:07:42,129
You know, let me drive Grandma
to her stretching class,
198
00:07:42,162 --> 00:07:45,165
and let me go get that protein
yogurt that helps you poop.
199
00:07:45,198 --> 00:07:47,267
- Dunkie, I think the word
"awesome" gets thrown around
200
00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:49,970
too much these days,
but that's what you are.
201
00:07:50,003 --> 00:07:51,038
Awesome.
202
00:07:51,071 --> 00:07:52,606
- Aw, hey, Duncan.
203
00:07:52,640 --> 00:07:55,042
You learning how to drive
to impress Mia?
204
00:07:55,075 --> 00:07:56,476
- Yeah, that Mia was banging.
205
00:07:56,510 --> 00:07:58,979
- Mia's hot.
You were right to have a boner.
206
00:07:59,012 --> 00:08:00,948
Oh, hi, Mrs. Harris.
207
00:08:00,981 --> 00:08:02,816
New yoga pants?
Nice.
208
00:08:02,850 --> 00:08:04,117
- Wait a minute.
209
00:08:04,151 --> 00:08:06,386
Do you have a thing
for a girl named Mia?
210
00:08:06,419 --> 00:08:08,021
- What?
No.
211
00:08:08,055 --> 00:08:12,826
- Dunkie, 96% of bad choices
made by teens happen in a car,
212
00:08:12,860 --> 00:08:15,062
so I'm going to make sure
you don't ruin your life
213
00:08:15,095 --> 00:08:16,463
by doing a little role play.
214
00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:18,031
- God no.
- God yes.
215
00:08:18,065 --> 00:08:20,333
You be you,
and I'll be this Mia girl.
216
00:08:20,367 --> 00:08:22,836
[as Mia]
Oh, no, I had too much to drink
217
00:08:22,870 --> 00:08:26,039
and I'm not capable
of giving verbal consent.
218
00:08:26,073 --> 00:08:28,842
And one of my shirt buttons
may not hold, so...
219
00:08:28,876 --> 00:08:30,043
- No, gross.
Stop, ugh.
220
00:08:30,077 --> 00:08:33,046
- What do you do, Duncan?
What do you do?
221
00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:34,381
- Go for it?
- No.
222
00:08:34,414 --> 00:08:36,216
You treat her with respect.
223
00:08:36,249 --> 00:08:38,518
- Okay.
- Good, now let's drive.
224
00:08:38,552 --> 00:08:41,154
Check your side mirror,
check your rearview mirror,
225
00:08:41,188 --> 00:08:42,890
check the backseat
for murderers.
226
00:08:42,923 --> 00:08:45,492
- Fine, I'll go.
227
00:08:45,525 --> 00:08:47,895
Good luck, Duncan.
228
00:08:47,928 --> 00:08:49,262
Bye-bye.
229
00:08:49,296 --> 00:08:50,764
- Oh, that's the house
230
00:08:50,798 --> 00:08:53,200
where the guy had a python
that swallowed him whole.
231
00:08:53,233 --> 00:08:55,202
- [laughs]
Driving with you is fun, Mom.
232
00:08:55,235 --> 00:08:56,604
It's not like dad.
233
00:08:56,637 --> 00:08:58,238
- I don't want to die
with this rift between us.
234
00:08:58,271 --> 00:09:00,240
Like Springsteen, I had
a complicated relationship
235
00:09:00,273 --> 00:09:02,275
with my father, and
I don't want that for you...
236
00:09:02,309 --> 00:09:04,945
- Oh, your father means well.
He's just emotional,
237
00:09:04,978 --> 00:09:06,747
probably because he only has
one testicle.
238
00:09:06,780 --> 00:09:08,782
- Hmm?
- Take a left up here.
239
00:09:11,384 --> 00:09:14,387
[choir music]
240
00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:17,124
- [sighs]
- Duncan!
241
00:09:17,157 --> 00:09:19,459
both: [scream]
242
00:09:19,492 --> 00:09:22,963
- You almost hit Ol' Oakie.
- It's just a stupid tree.
243
00:09:22,996 --> 00:09:25,599
- A stupid tree?
It's the beloved symbol
244
00:09:25,633 --> 00:09:27,935
of our town, and where
we hung all those witches.
245
00:09:27,968 --> 00:09:31,038
We aren't proud,
but we are safe.
246
00:09:31,071 --> 00:09:33,406
- Sorry, Mom.
- That's okay.
247
00:09:33,440 --> 00:09:35,909
You know what, Dunkie?
I think you're ready
248
00:09:35,943 --> 00:09:37,778
to be designated driver
for my book club.
249
00:09:37,811 --> 00:09:40,247
- Why would a book club need
a designated driver?
250
00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:42,482
all: [singing]
When I think about you
251
00:09:42,515 --> 00:09:44,952
I touch myself, whoa, oh
252
00:09:44,985 --> 00:09:47,721
- I touch my
[coughing]
253
00:09:47,755 --> 00:09:50,123
Self.
I touch myself.
254
00:09:50,157 --> 00:09:52,259
Has anybody ever told you
255
00:09:52,292 --> 00:09:55,562
you look like
a young James Patterson?
256
00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:58,065
Because you do.
- [gags]
257
00:09:58,098 --> 00:10:00,333
- Helen has been going through
some stuff since the divorce,
258
00:10:00,367 --> 00:10:01,735
so do not be alone with her.
259
00:10:01,769 --> 00:10:03,503
[bell rings]
260
00:10:03,536 --> 00:10:07,307
- Salisbury steak and pizza
on the same day?
261
00:10:07,340 --> 00:10:09,242
Can I take one home
to my grandma?
262
00:10:09,276 --> 00:10:10,610
It's her birthday.
263
00:10:10,644 --> 00:10:13,080
- One entrée per student.
You know the rule, Bex.
264
00:10:13,113 --> 00:10:17,184
- Aw, don't be a dick, Justin.
You just graduated last year.
265
00:10:17,217 --> 00:10:19,987
- Plate me, Justin.
266
00:10:20,020 --> 00:10:22,089
all: Mr. Mitch.
267
00:10:22,122 --> 00:10:23,991
- Why aren't you eating
in the faculty lounge?
268
00:10:24,024 --> 00:10:26,026
- I like the food
out here better.
269
00:10:26,059 --> 00:10:28,328
I know it's just tomato sauce
on an English muffin,
270
00:10:28,361 --> 00:10:31,198
but cafeteria pizza is dope.
271
00:10:31,231 --> 00:10:33,200
- Mr. Mitch, Jimmy's choking.
272
00:10:33,233 --> 00:10:35,102
- [gagging]
Damn.
273
00:10:35,135 --> 00:10:37,938
Jimmy, stop choking.
- [belches]
274
00:10:37,971 --> 00:10:40,974
[cheering]
275
00:10:44,712 --> 00:10:46,513
- [stutters]
Free stuff.
276
00:10:46,546 --> 00:10:50,650
Your boy just copped all-access
passes to the EDM Fest tonight.
277
00:10:50,684 --> 00:10:52,786
Bombas Socks is trying
to crash the youth market,
278
00:10:52,820 --> 00:10:56,123
so they hooked me up 'cause
I favorited their new mid-calf.
279
00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:58,291
both: Oh.
- The perfect height.
280
00:10:58,325 --> 00:11:00,060
- You're going to EDM Fest?
281
00:11:00,093 --> 00:11:01,661
I've always wanted to go
to one.
282
00:11:01,695 --> 00:11:03,831
- Ow, what?
Oh.
283
00:11:03,864 --> 00:11:06,133
You want to come with us?
Remember when you told me
284
00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:08,902
I looked cool behind the wheel?
I could do that again.
285
00:11:08,936 --> 00:11:10,838
- Okay, see you tonight.
Thanks.
286
00:11:10,871 --> 00:11:12,039
- [coughs]
Boner alert.
287
00:11:12,072 --> 00:11:13,406
[chuckles]
- I don't have one.
288
00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:15,075
- I know.
Made you look at your junk.
289
00:11:15,108 --> 00:11:17,177
all: [laugh]
- Aw, yeah.
290
00:11:17,210 --> 00:11:19,079
- And you don't even have
to talk to my friends.
291
00:11:19,112 --> 00:11:21,048
In fact, it's better
if you don't.
292
00:11:21,081 --> 00:11:24,184
I just need a grown-up to make
it legal for me to drive.
293
00:11:24,217 --> 00:11:27,154
- An electronic music festival?
I don't think so.
294
00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:31,759
I saw this "20/20" once about
club kids, and they took molly,
295
00:11:31,792 --> 00:11:34,494
and they carved each other up
in bathtubs.
296
00:11:34,527 --> 00:11:35,595
- Hmm, whoa.
- Sorry, Dunkie.
297
00:11:35,628 --> 00:11:37,264
- [scoffs]
You're so overprotective.
298
00:11:37,297 --> 00:11:39,032
You always think I'm going
to get hacked to death
299
00:11:39,066 --> 00:11:41,034
or wind up in the middle
of a human centipede.
300
00:11:41,068 --> 00:11:42,936
- That's the worst spot.
301
00:11:42,970 --> 00:11:45,739
- Mia would rather
go face-to-butt than kiss you.
302
00:11:45,773 --> 00:11:48,942
- Face-to-butt, face-to-butt,
face-to-butt, face-to-butt.
303
00:11:48,976 --> 00:11:51,211
- Oh, thank you, Kimberly.
- Hmm.
304
00:11:51,244 --> 00:11:52,846
- Oh, I know.
305
00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:55,015
Why don't you stay home with us
and watch "The Boss Baby?"
306
00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:56,950
- Boss Baby.
Boss Baby.
307
00:11:56,984 --> 00:11:58,618
- I got it from the Redbox.
308
00:11:58,651 --> 00:12:01,621
It's about this baby
who is a boss.
309
00:12:01,654 --> 00:12:04,624
And he's got
a little briefcase,
310
00:12:04,657 --> 00:12:07,427
and a stapler,
the whole shebang.
311
00:12:07,460 --> 00:12:09,629
He even wears a...
[wheezes]
312
00:12:09,662 --> 00:12:11,631
A little suit.
313
00:12:11,664 --> 00:12:13,566
- [laughs]
Leave it to Hollywood.
314
00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:15,969
- [gasps]
Oh.
315
00:12:16,003 --> 00:12:18,138
- He runs so weird.
316
00:12:18,171 --> 00:12:20,040
- [huffs]
317
00:12:20,073 --> 00:12:23,076
This sucks.
I can't take Mia to the show.
318
00:12:23,110 --> 00:12:24,411
- Just take your parents' car
319
00:12:24,444 --> 00:12:26,113
after they get drunk,
argue, and pass out.
320
00:12:26,146 --> 00:12:27,214
- My parents don't do that.
321
00:12:27,247 --> 00:12:28,982
They just watch TV
and fall asleep.
322
00:12:29,016 --> 00:12:30,650
- I get it.
You're better than me.
323
00:12:30,683 --> 00:12:32,085
- Even if I took their car,
324
00:12:32,119 --> 00:12:34,788
we'd still need an adult
for me to legally drive.
325
00:12:34,822 --> 00:12:35,923
- An adult?
326
00:12:35,956 --> 00:12:37,657
I know where to get
one of those.
327
00:12:37,690 --> 00:12:39,092
- Yeah, who's the man?
328
00:12:39,126 --> 00:12:40,093
- [grunts]
Bex is the man.
329
00:12:40,127 --> 00:12:41,594
- Bexman.
330
00:12:41,628 --> 00:12:43,463
- You know I'm a girl, right?
I have freaking boobs.
331
00:12:43,496 --> 00:12:45,198
- [grunting]
332
00:12:48,135 --> 00:12:49,903
Okay, I'll put the car
in neutral,
333
00:12:49,937 --> 00:12:52,272
and you and Wolf push it out
to the street.
334
00:12:52,305 --> 00:12:54,641
Where the hell is Wolf?
- You weren't kidding.
335
00:12:54,674 --> 00:12:56,409
They turned on the TV
and went right to sleep.
336
00:12:56,443 --> 00:12:57,744
both: [snore]
337
00:12:57,777 --> 00:12:59,446
- [whispers]
Quit watching my parents.
338
00:12:59,479 --> 00:13:00,881
- [grunts]
339
00:13:03,316 --> 00:13:05,152
all: [groaning]
340
00:13:05,185 --> 00:13:06,820
- Got our adult.
341
00:13:06,854 --> 00:13:09,156
- Your grandma?
- Don't worry.
342
00:13:09,189 --> 00:13:12,259
She's had all her medications.
She's basically asleep.
343
00:13:12,292 --> 00:13:14,527
[phone chimes]
344
00:13:14,561 --> 00:13:15,762
- She's great.
Let's go.
345
00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:17,865
both: [groan]
346
00:13:17,898 --> 00:13:21,101
- Someone scratch my waddle.
347
00:13:21,134 --> 00:13:23,703
No, my waddle!
348
00:13:23,736 --> 00:13:25,038
- Don't ask.
349
00:13:25,072 --> 00:13:28,041
[lively music]
350
00:13:28,075 --> 00:13:30,177
351
00:13:30,210 --> 00:13:33,046
Grandma, we'll be back
in seven hours.
352
00:13:33,080 --> 00:13:34,447
Want me to crack a window?
353
00:13:34,481 --> 00:13:38,551
- No, I'm gonna
hotbox myself.
354
00:13:38,585 --> 00:13:41,955
- Damn.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
355
00:13:41,989 --> 00:13:46,159
- This is awesome.
356
00:13:46,193 --> 00:13:47,794
[power tools revving]
357
00:13:47,827 --> 00:13:51,831
- Mm-hmm.
- Aw, bury me in this.
358
00:13:51,865 --> 00:13:55,335
DJ S'More.
359
00:13:55,368 --> 00:13:57,804
360
00:13:57,837 --> 00:14:02,209
- [grunting]
361
00:14:02,242 --> 00:14:03,911
- I love that you dance
like you don't care
362
00:14:03,944 --> 00:14:05,845
what anybody thinks
of your dancing.
363
00:14:05,879 --> 00:14:07,147
- Thanks.
364
00:14:07,180 --> 00:14:09,516
The doctor says there's
something wrong with my spine.
365
00:14:09,549 --> 00:14:11,718
My later years
are gonna be a struggle.
366
00:14:14,054 --> 00:14:15,555
- Duncan, rip the robe off.
367
00:14:15,588 --> 00:14:18,158
- I can't.
I'll lose the deposit.
368
00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:20,060
- [groans]
- Save yourself.
369
00:14:20,093 --> 00:14:21,228
- Okay.
- Hmm?
370
00:14:21,261 --> 00:14:22,996
- Oh, crap.
371
00:14:23,030 --> 00:14:24,998
- [groans]
372
00:14:25,032 --> 00:14:29,169
- This area is for certified
pyrotechnic specialists only.
373
00:14:29,202 --> 00:14:31,404
- I'm one of those.
- Okay, help yourself.
374
00:14:32,973 --> 00:14:34,374
- Got to push it.
375
00:14:34,407 --> 00:14:35,875
[button clicks]
376
00:14:35,909 --> 00:14:37,044
[fire crackles]
377
00:14:37,077 --> 00:14:38,845
- Sorry.
378
00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:41,114
I didn't think this is
how the night was gonna end.
379
00:14:41,148 --> 00:14:42,182
- Me either.
380
00:14:42,215 --> 00:14:44,952
[fireworks explode]
381
00:14:44,985 --> 00:14:46,987
It's even better.
382
00:14:51,058 --> 00:14:51,959
[car revs]
383
00:14:51,992 --> 00:14:53,593
[lively music]
384
00:14:53,626 --> 00:14:55,128
all: [grunting]
385
00:14:55,162 --> 00:14:56,463
- [snores]
386
00:14:56,496 --> 00:14:58,966
- That was the greatest night
of my life.
387
00:14:58,999 --> 00:15:01,101
I was naked so much.
388
00:15:01,134 --> 00:15:03,703
- I had a great time.
Thanks, Duncan.
389
00:15:03,736 --> 00:15:04,804
- Hmm?
390
00:15:04,837 --> 00:15:07,774
- Go for it, kid.
I'll take the wheel.
391
00:15:07,807 --> 00:15:08,976
[tires squeal]
392
00:15:09,009 --> 00:15:10,443
- Look out.
393
00:15:10,477 --> 00:15:13,981
all: [screaming]
394
00:15:14,014 --> 00:15:15,048
all: [sigh]
395
00:15:15,082 --> 00:15:17,650
- I didn't wet myself.
Glow stick broke.
396
00:15:17,684 --> 00:15:19,252
- Better see if the car's okay.
397
00:15:19,286 --> 00:15:20,553
[door rattles]
398
00:15:20,587 --> 00:15:22,622
[tree rustles]
399
00:15:22,655 --> 00:15:25,625
[suspenseful music]
400
00:15:25,658 --> 00:15:27,360
401
00:15:31,098 --> 00:15:33,166
Yup, car's okay.
402
00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:42,009
- So, Dunkie,
you still mad at us
403
00:15:42,042 --> 00:15:44,444
for not letting you go
to your electric music tadoo?
404
00:15:44,477 --> 00:15:46,013
- Nah, you know
what's best for me,
405
00:15:46,046 --> 00:15:48,481
and I'm just lucky
to have you in my life
406
00:15:48,515 --> 00:15:51,484
and keep me from making wrong
decisions which I'd never do.
407
00:15:51,518 --> 00:15:53,987
- So what'd you do last night?
Sit in your room and cry?
408
00:15:54,021 --> 00:15:55,788
[as Duncan]
"Mia, I'm sorry I'm so ugly
409
00:15:55,822 --> 00:15:58,025
and have pimples on my back."
[laughs]
410
00:15:58,058 --> 00:15:59,659
- You have pimples too.
411
00:15:59,692 --> 00:16:02,095
- Oh, my God, Mom.
That is so mean.
412
00:16:02,129 --> 00:16:03,997
- Shh, breaking news.
413
00:16:04,031 --> 00:16:06,366
- Oh, that kid loves
her breaking news.
414
00:16:06,399 --> 00:16:08,368
- Tragedy in Oakdale
last night
415
00:16:08,401 --> 00:16:11,271
as Ol' Oakie,
the town's beloved oak tree,
416
00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:14,041
was the victim
of a brutal hit and run.
417
00:16:14,074 --> 00:16:16,676
- Not Ol' Oakie.
We carved our names in him
418
00:16:16,709 --> 00:16:18,445
in high school.
Remember, Jack?
419
00:16:18,478 --> 00:16:20,780
- And I proposed to you
under that tree.
420
00:16:20,813 --> 00:16:23,016
- And my dad said, "He'll
never amount to anything,"
421
00:16:23,050 --> 00:16:24,484
under that tree.
- He did?
422
00:16:24,517 --> 00:16:27,887
- The happiest moments of
our lives were under that tree.
423
00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:29,122
- [gulps]
424
00:16:29,156 --> 00:16:30,490
[dramatic music]
425
00:16:30,523 --> 00:16:32,159
- Why did you
just gulp, Duncan?
426
00:16:32,192 --> 00:16:32,959
- I didn't gulp.
427
00:16:32,992 --> 00:16:34,194
- You made a gulp
in your throat.
428
00:16:34,227 --> 00:16:35,795
I saw it.
It went gulp.
429
00:16:35,828 --> 00:16:36,796
Like this.
[gulps]
430
00:16:36,829 --> 00:16:37,997
- I didn't gulp.
431
00:16:38,031 --> 00:16:39,199
both: Hmm.
432
00:16:39,232 --> 00:16:41,068
- Get him, Mom.
433
00:16:41,101 --> 00:16:42,535
[light clicks]
434
00:16:42,569 --> 00:16:45,805
- Glitter in your hair.
VIP wristband.
435
00:16:45,838 --> 00:16:47,540
Glow stick residue?
436
00:16:47,574 --> 00:16:50,009
- That doesn't prove anything.
Nothing proves anything.
437
00:16:50,043 --> 00:16:52,545
- You went
to that concert last night.
438
00:16:52,579 --> 00:16:54,847
- And there's sap
on the bumper.
439
00:16:54,881 --> 00:16:57,650
[slurps]
Oak tree sap.
440
00:16:57,684 --> 00:16:59,652
- You killed Ol' Oakie.
441
00:16:59,686 --> 00:17:01,721
- All right, all right.
I took the car.
442
00:17:01,754 --> 00:17:04,057
But it was something I wanted,
and you said no.
443
00:17:04,091 --> 00:17:06,893
What was I supposed to do?
Respect your boundaries?
444
00:17:06,926 --> 00:17:09,196
- Kimberly, get me
my yelling stool.
445
00:17:09,229 --> 00:17:11,398
- Gladly.
446
00:17:11,431 --> 00:17:12,565
[shoes clack]
447
00:17:12,599 --> 00:17:14,701
- After everything
I've done for you,
448
00:17:14,734 --> 00:17:16,002
this is how you repay me?
449
00:17:16,035 --> 00:17:19,672
I stopped smoking halfway
through my pregnancy for you.
450
00:17:19,706 --> 00:17:22,842
You were my first.
I tried the hardest with you.
451
00:17:22,875 --> 00:17:25,445
- And I just posted
what a great kid you are.
452
00:17:25,478 --> 00:17:27,514
Now I'm the only idiot
on Facebook.
453
00:17:27,547 --> 00:17:28,915
- Sorry, Dad.
I didn't know.
454
00:17:28,948 --> 00:17:31,284
- Well, if you'd friend me,
maybe you would.
455
00:17:31,318 --> 00:17:32,785
- I'll friend you, Dad.
456
00:17:32,819 --> 00:17:34,254
Not from my real account,
of course.
457
00:17:34,287 --> 00:17:35,755
- I'll take it.
458
00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:40,026
- I can't believe
I used to love you.
459
00:17:40,059 --> 00:17:41,861
[slurps]
460
00:17:41,894 --> 00:17:43,896
- Ugh.
461
00:17:43,930 --> 00:17:46,899
- [strums guitar]
462
00:17:46,933 --> 00:17:48,701
[birds chirping]
463
00:17:48,735 --> 00:17:50,570
- [stammers]
Hey, Mom.
464
00:17:50,603 --> 00:17:52,405
I cleaned my room,
465
00:17:52,439 --> 00:17:55,041
and I sent that thank-you note
to Grandma for the mittens.
466
00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:57,644
- Uh-huh.
467
00:17:57,677 --> 00:18:00,747
- Hey, Dad, I was watching
Springsteen on Broadway,
468
00:18:00,780 --> 00:18:02,149
and you're right.
469
00:18:02,182 --> 00:18:03,816
The stripped-down version
of "Born in the USA"
470
00:18:03,850 --> 00:18:06,052
is like
a much more powerful indictment
471
00:18:06,085 --> 00:18:08,288
of our misguided involvement
in Vietnam.
472
00:18:08,321 --> 00:18:09,722
- Right?
473
00:18:09,756 --> 00:18:11,090
- Don't fall for it, Jack.
- Yup, yup, yup, yup.
474
00:18:11,124 --> 00:18:12,625
[strums guitar]
475
00:18:12,659 --> 00:18:15,495
- Mom, I finally read that
article that you emailed me
476
00:18:15,528 --> 00:18:17,997
on the dangers
of energy drinks.
477
00:18:18,030 --> 00:18:20,933
I had no idea
that hearts could burst.
478
00:18:20,967 --> 00:18:25,104
- Neither did I,
but here we are.
479
00:18:25,138 --> 00:18:28,641
- [sighs]
480
00:18:28,675 --> 00:18:30,743
I've never seen them this mad.
481
00:18:30,777 --> 00:18:33,246
They're giving me a total
"10th Avenue Freeze Out."
482
00:18:33,280 --> 00:18:36,849
- Dude, stop watching
Springsteen on Broadway.
483
00:18:36,883 --> 00:18:38,651
- Whenever I disappoint
my grandma,
484
00:18:38,685 --> 00:18:41,154
I just wait ten minutes,
and then she forgets.
485
00:18:41,188 --> 00:18:43,490
[laughs]
I'm worried.
486
00:18:43,523 --> 00:18:45,858
- You're going to have to do
whatever it takes to restore
487
00:18:45,892 --> 00:18:48,027
their faith in you, Duncan.
There's no quick fix.
488
00:18:48,060 --> 00:18:49,762
- Quick fix.
That's it.
489
00:18:49,796 --> 00:18:52,865
I just need a big way
to apologize for sneaking out.
490
00:18:52,899 --> 00:18:54,667
- I know.
Can you sneak out?
491
00:18:54,701 --> 00:18:55,835
- Yeah, sure.
492
00:18:55,868 --> 00:18:59,306
[grunts and screams]
493
00:18:59,339 --> 00:19:01,441
[cicadas buzzing]
494
00:19:01,474 --> 00:19:03,042
[glass shatters]
495
00:19:03,075 --> 00:19:04,511
- It's the Babadook.
496
00:19:04,544 --> 00:19:06,346
- Jack, that was
five years ago.
497
00:19:06,379 --> 00:19:08,215
- You saw the movie.
He's ageless.
498
00:19:08,248 --> 00:19:11,851
- Parking enforcement.
Prepare to die.
499
00:19:11,884 --> 00:19:13,986
What the?
What?
500
00:19:14,020 --> 00:19:16,055
Duncan?
- Oh, hey, Mrs. Harris.
501
00:19:16,088 --> 00:19:17,990
New robe?
Nice.
502
00:19:18,024 --> 00:19:19,025
- Hmm.
503
00:19:19,058 --> 00:19:20,793
- I know how much this tree
meant to you,
504
00:19:20,827 --> 00:19:24,030
and I'm sorry that I killed it.
So I saved you the best part.
505
00:19:24,063 --> 00:19:27,066
all: [groaning]
506
00:19:30,770 --> 00:19:31,971
all: Aww.
507
00:19:32,004 --> 00:19:35,642
- I'm falling in love with you
all over again.
508
00:19:35,675 --> 00:19:38,177
- Can you, like,
just forgive me now?
509
00:19:38,211 --> 00:19:39,579
- Of course.
510
00:19:39,612 --> 00:19:43,383
I never stopped loving you.
That was your mom.
511
00:19:43,416 --> 00:19:47,754
- You are the greatest son
any mother could ever hope for.
512
00:19:47,787 --> 00:19:50,857
[cicadas buzzing]
513
00:19:50,890 --> 00:19:52,191
- Cicada swarm!
514
00:19:52,225 --> 00:19:54,327
[all scream]
515
00:19:54,361 --> 00:19:55,662
- Ugh, sorry.
516
00:19:55,695 --> 00:19:57,029
I didn't think
they'd be swarming
517
00:19:57,063 --> 00:19:58,398
for at least another week.
518
00:19:58,431 --> 00:20:01,668
- Oh, Dunkie, I'm sorry that
I didn't ride shotgun with you
519
00:20:01,701 --> 00:20:03,002
to your music shebang.
520
00:20:03,035 --> 00:20:06,005
- And I'm sorry I freaked out
on you driving.
521
00:20:06,038 --> 00:20:08,040
I swore I'd never be
a lame dad.
522
00:20:08,074 --> 00:20:10,176
I mean, that's the whole point
of this ponytail.
523
00:20:10,209 --> 00:20:11,711
- Tell you what.
524
00:20:11,744 --> 00:20:13,946
You can drive your girlfriend,
Mia, wherever you want.
525
00:20:13,980 --> 00:20:15,382
- Girlfriend?
526
00:20:15,415 --> 00:20:18,050
Oh, you don't think
I'm your girlfriend, do you?
527
00:20:18,084 --> 00:20:19,286
- What?
No way.
528
00:20:19,319 --> 00:20:21,220
- I really like you, Duncan.
- Of course.
529
00:20:21,254 --> 00:20:23,923
- But I am nobody's property.
- I never thought otherwise.
530
00:20:23,956 --> 00:20:25,692
- So don't even dream
of crushing on me.
531
00:20:25,725 --> 00:20:26,959
- Dreams are stupid.
- However,
532
00:20:26,993 --> 00:20:29,929
if I ever did decide I wanted
someone crushing on me,
533
00:20:29,962 --> 00:20:33,032
it could be someone like you.
- Huh?
534
00:20:33,065 --> 00:20:34,934
- Girls are complicated,
eh, Duncan?
535
00:20:34,967 --> 00:20:36,636
- You got that right, Sully.
536
00:20:36,669 --> 00:20:38,938
- Let's get out of here.
Hop on.
537
00:20:38,971 --> 00:20:41,140
[upbeat music]
538
00:20:41,173 --> 00:20:42,942
- Is this really happening?
539
00:20:42,975 --> 00:20:46,646
- No, that edible your friend
gave you has killer flashbacks.
540
00:20:46,679 --> 00:20:48,047
You're high as hell, Duncan.
541
00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:52,251
Now hold onto my mustache.
We're going to Mars.
542
00:20:52,285 --> 00:20:53,986
- Nice.
543
00:21:03,996 --> 00:21:06,299
- Is our house the circus?
544
00:21:06,333 --> 00:21:08,167
- How much longer do we have
to live in the car?
545
00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:10,069
- Just until the cicadas
stop mating.
546
00:21:10,102 --> 00:21:12,071
- Who wants eggs
with their pancakes?
547
00:21:12,104 --> 00:21:13,072
- Ooh, me.
548
00:21:13,105 --> 00:21:14,941
- Oh, I forgot them
in the house.
549
00:21:14,974 --> 00:21:17,276
- No problem.
I'll get them.
550
00:21:17,310 --> 00:21:20,012
[sings]
Off to feed my family
551
00:21:20,046 --> 00:21:22,181
[inhales]
552
00:21:26,319 --> 00:21:29,522
- Mm, I don't really want eggs.
553
00:21:30,957 --> 00:21:32,058
- [coughs]
554
00:21:39,866 --> 00:21:41,568
-Yaah!
-ANNOUNCER: Welcome to
the world of Duncanville.
39396
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