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1
00:00:07,793 --> 00:00:09,137
Good morning.
2
00:00:09,172 --> 00:00:10,448
Aiyah.
3
00:00:10,482 --> 00:00:12,103
You woke up so late today.
4
00:00:12,137 --> 00:00:13,724
The jook is cold.
5
00:00:15,793 --> 00:00:17,620
Hey, Dad.
6
00:00:17,655 --> 00:00:20,448
Why you gotta smoke weed
at 10 freakin' a.m.?
7
00:00:20,482 --> 00:00:22,137
What are you talking about?
I didn't smoke weed.
8
00:00:22,172 --> 00:00:23,655
[muttering]
9
00:00:23,689 --> 00:00:26,275
Ladies and gentlemen,
my daughter Tommy Chong.
10
00:00:26,310 --> 00:00:27,620
Say hi to Cheech.
11
00:00:27,655 --> 00:00:29,793
Hey, you drink a beer
after work.
12
00:00:29,827 --> 00:00:31,620
That's my puff.
I just take a puff.
13
00:00:31,655 --> 00:00:33,275
That's like your beer.Wait a minute.
14
00:00:33,310 --> 00:00:36,931
Is somebody paying you
to sleep and get high?
15
00:00:36,965 --> 00:00:39,724
Wally, you are you
so grumpy today?
16
00:00:39,758 --> 00:00:40,827
I don't know, Ma.
17
00:00:40,862 --> 00:00:43,034
Maybe it's because
I'm a grown-ass
18
00:00:43,068 --> 00:00:45,344
adult man living
with my mother
19
00:00:45,379 --> 00:00:47,758
and my almost
30-year-old daughter
20
00:00:47,793 --> 00:00:49,275
who doesn't have a clue.
21
00:00:49,310 --> 00:00:51,586
And I'm working my ass off
every day,
22
00:00:51,620 --> 00:00:53,551
and I have been alone
23
00:00:53,586 --> 00:00:56,448
since somebody was
four freakin' years old.
24
00:00:56,482 --> 00:00:58,448
Oh, okay.
25
00:00:58,482 --> 00:01:00,206
So you're doing this
all alone?
26
00:01:00,241 --> 00:01:02,862
Ma?You had it easy... bro.
27
00:01:02,896 --> 00:01:04,034
You had it easy.
28
00:01:04,068 --> 00:01:06,448
I never had
a rebellious phase.
29
00:01:06,482 --> 00:01:08,448
I never had a eyebrow ring.
30
00:01:08,482 --> 00:01:09,896
Okay?
31
00:01:09,931 --> 00:01:12,724
I never brought
the boys home...
32
00:01:12,758 --> 00:01:14,482
to do some heavy grinding.
33
00:01:14,517 --> 00:01:17,172
Yeah. Pff...
34
00:01:17,206 --> 00:01:18,793
I had it easy.
35
00:01:22,068 --> 00:01:24,172
What is his issue, dude?
36
00:01:24,206 --> 00:01:25,551
It's obvious.
37
00:01:25,586 --> 00:01:28,137
He needs to bury
the snake in the bush.
38
00:01:28,172 --> 00:01:29,310
Yeah, exactly.
39
00:01:29,344 --> 00:01:31,137
He needs to take
his baggage
40
00:01:31,172 --> 00:01:33,655
and he needs to just
bury it in his past.
41
00:01:33,689 --> 00:01:37,862
Oh, no, no. I meant
throw a log in the fire.
42
00:01:37,896 --> 00:01:40,379
Park the bus
in tuna town.
43
00:01:40,413 --> 00:01:42,275
Play mattress Macarena.
44
00:01:42,310 --> 00:01:45,103
Okay.Get it?
45
00:01:45,137 --> 00:01:47,793
I have to go, Grandma.
I'm gonna go.
46
00:01:51,344 --> 00:01:53,206
♪ Ay, Macarena
47
00:01:53,241 --> 00:01:56,172
♪♪
48
00:02:07,310 --> 00:02:09,103
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
49
00:02:09,137 --> 00:02:10,724
Does this look like
an airplane bathroom?
50
00:02:10,758 --> 00:02:13,620
Sorry, sorry.
I didn't see you there.
51
00:02:13,655 --> 00:02:17,034
I don't usually smoke.
It's just...
52
00:02:17,068 --> 00:02:19,034
got into a pretty
big fight with my dad.
53
00:02:19,068 --> 00:02:22,551
Ah, I'm sorry to hear that,
but can I say, not surprised
54
00:02:22,586 --> 00:02:24,379
'cause dads are
douchebags, right?
55
00:02:25,896 --> 00:02:27,206
He's a drunk, a hobo?
56
00:02:27,241 --> 00:02:29,034
No, he's--
No, he's not.
57
00:02:29,068 --> 00:02:31,689
He's in IT.Oh, I get it.
58
00:02:31,724 --> 00:02:33,655
That's why, to my dad,
I had to say...
59
00:02:33,689 --> 00:02:35,344
[clicks tongue,
mimics gunshot]
60
00:02:39,103 --> 00:02:41,034
You killed your dad?Nah, we just don't talk.
61
00:02:41,068 --> 00:02:43,965
Okay.So what are you gonna do,
uh, to your hair?
62
00:02:44,000 --> 00:02:46,482
Um, I'm just gonna
get like a light trim.
63
00:02:46,517 --> 00:02:49,551
Maybe a walnut gloss,
do the walnut.
64
00:02:49,586 --> 00:02:53,448
Mm... walnut gloss.Mm-hmm.
65
00:02:53,482 --> 00:02:56,551
Here you are
in this little hellhole.
66
00:02:56,586 --> 00:02:58,793
You're vaping it up
like Tallulah Bankhead.
67
00:02:58,827 --> 00:03:01,827
And you wanna make
a big move, right?
68
00:03:01,862 --> 00:03:03,620
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.But you're scared
69
00:03:03,655 --> 00:03:05,827
'cause you don't
trust the beast.
70
00:03:05,862 --> 00:03:08,758
Trust the beast,
all right?
71
00:03:08,793 --> 00:03:10,103
Why don't you
bleach your hair?
72
00:03:13,068 --> 00:03:16,551
Yeah.Bleach your hair.
73
00:03:16,586 --> 00:03:18,103
Bleach your asshole.
74
00:03:20,517 --> 00:03:21,655
Nora Lin?Yes.
75
00:03:21,689 --> 00:03:22,758
Get in there, kid.
76
00:03:22,793 --> 00:03:23,965
Follow me, ma'am.
77
00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:25,310
Today you'll be paired
with Asha.
78
00:03:25,344 --> 00:03:26,931
[Nora]
Great. Awesome.
79
00:03:26,965 --> 00:03:30,448
I'm a good person.
[clears throat]
80
00:03:30,482 --> 00:03:32,517
Hey, girl,
what are we thinking today?
81
00:03:32,551 --> 00:03:33,862
I wanna bleach it.
82
00:03:33,896 --> 00:03:36,068
I wanna go full blonde.
83
00:03:36,103 --> 00:03:37,310
I'm ready.
84
00:03:37,344 --> 00:03:39,413
You wanna bleach
your hair?
85
00:03:39,448 --> 00:03:42,517
Yeah, yeah. I want--
I wanna bleach it.
86
00:03:42,551 --> 00:03:44,413
Like in its entirety?
87
00:03:44,448 --> 00:03:46,965
Yes, yes, in its entirety.
Yeah.
88
00:03:47,000 --> 00:03:51,068
Listen, your hair
is the color of space.
89
00:03:51,103 --> 00:03:52,241
Okay.
90
00:03:52,275 --> 00:03:55,068
Bleaching virgin Asian hair
this dark
91
00:03:55,103 --> 00:03:59,862
is always unpredictable
and often unfortunate.
92
00:03:59,896 --> 00:04:01,896
It's-- it's not virgin.
93
00:04:01,931 --> 00:04:03,655
I sprinkle a little
Just For Men in there.
94
00:04:03,689 --> 00:04:05,896
Oh.But besides, irrelevant.
95
00:04:05,931 --> 00:04:08,068
I-I need this.
I need to go blonde
96
00:04:08,103 --> 00:04:10,551
because I-I-- I'm sick
of playing it safe
97
00:04:10,586 --> 00:04:12,724
and I've never
gotten to rebel.
98
00:04:12,758 --> 00:04:15,517
And I'm done being
a walnut pussy.
99
00:04:15,551 --> 00:04:18,172
Um, I feel like you're
carrying some baggage--
100
00:04:18,206 --> 00:04:20,206
I don't have baggage! Sorry.
I don't have baggage.
101
00:04:20,241 --> 00:04:23,517
Um, just--
just girl to girl,
102
00:04:23,551 --> 00:04:27,862
bleaching while angsty is
just a very bad situation.
103
00:04:27,896 --> 00:04:29,758
The only thing
that's making me angsty
104
00:04:29,793 --> 00:04:32,241
is this-- is this whisper
conversation
105
00:04:32,275 --> 00:04:33,310
that we're having
right now.
106
00:04:33,344 --> 00:04:34,655
Just get
the goddamn bleach, Asha!
107
00:04:34,689 --> 00:04:36,172
Okay.
108
00:04:36,206 --> 00:04:40,034
♪♪
109
00:04:40,068 --> 00:04:41,793
[Wally]
Hi, Ted.
110
00:04:41,827 --> 00:04:44,275
Once we update
your antivirus software,
111
00:04:44,310 --> 00:04:45,551
you should be good.
112
00:04:45,586 --> 00:04:47,413
[Ted]
I just-- I don't know
what happened.
113
00:04:47,448 --> 00:04:49,793
Like I said, there's a lot
114
00:04:49,827 --> 00:04:52,034
of sketchy stuff
on the Internet.
115
00:04:52,068 --> 00:04:53,448
There was a woman, Wally.
116
00:04:53,482 --> 00:04:55,413
She popped up
in-- in the corner there.
117
00:04:55,448 --> 00:04:57,655
She said she was
in my area.
118
00:04:57,689 --> 00:04:58,862
Like right here.
119
00:04:58,896 --> 00:05:00,517
In my area.
120
00:05:00,551 --> 00:05:02,931
[woman]
And then I said,
"He got what in them goodies?"
121
00:05:02,965 --> 00:05:05,103
So Pam comes running over,
122
00:05:05,137 --> 00:05:07,655
no shoes, just hootin'
and a hollerin',
123
00:05:07,689 --> 00:05:09,275
"Y'all gonna set
my house on fire.
124
00:05:09,310 --> 00:05:11,172
Y'all gonna set my house
on fire."
125
00:05:11,206 --> 00:05:12,655
[message beep] So I had to calm her down,
126
00:05:12,689 --> 00:05:15,137
saying, "Girl, ain't nothin'
gonna happen to your house."
127
00:05:15,172 --> 00:05:16,965
But she wouldn't quit
with all this emotion.
128
00:05:17,000 --> 00:05:18,862
I turn my back and I'm...
129
00:05:18,896 --> 00:05:21,586
[Wally laughing]
130
00:05:21,620 --> 00:05:24,310
[angelic music playing]
131
00:05:24,344 --> 00:05:26,137
"#Cabo."
132
00:05:26,172 --> 00:05:28,344
[angelic music continues]
133
00:05:30,103 --> 00:05:33,241
...set that house on fire.
Can you believe that?
134
00:05:33,275 --> 00:05:35,310
What is your computer issue?
135
00:05:35,344 --> 00:05:37,310
[Asha]
Okay, are you ready?
136
00:05:37,344 --> 00:05:38,724
It's time.Okay.
137
00:05:38,758 --> 00:05:41,275
Three, two...
138
00:05:41,310 --> 00:05:42,758
one!
139
00:05:44,448 --> 00:05:45,586
Uh...
140
00:05:45,620 --> 00:05:47,551
Holy shit.
141
00:05:47,586 --> 00:05:49,103
What--
What the fuck?
142
00:05:49,137 --> 00:05:51,310
What the fuck is going on?
What the fuck is up?
143
00:05:51,344 --> 00:05:53,310
I only feel like 20% bad
because I warned you
144
00:05:53,344 --> 00:05:55,068
about this multiple times.
145
00:05:55,103 --> 00:05:57,379
What, what even color
is this?!
146
00:05:57,413 --> 00:05:59,758
And the texture?
Is that a natural wave?
147
00:05:59,793 --> 00:06:02,172
Because I look like a hot
fuckin' Cheeto right now.
148
00:06:02,206 --> 00:06:04,793
It's sort of
becoming on you.
149
00:06:04,827 --> 00:06:06,724
Oh, yeah?
Would you be coming on this?!
150
00:06:06,758 --> 00:06:09,275
Yep.
See that?!
151
00:06:09,310 --> 00:06:11,000
Oh, dear.[Asha fighting laughter]
152
00:06:11,034 --> 00:06:13,827
It's funny, huh?
You having a little laugh, yeah?
153
00:06:13,862 --> 00:06:16,448
I'm sorry, I just...
154
00:06:16,482 --> 00:06:19,275
You look like Merida...Mm.
155
00:06:19,310 --> 00:06:20,965
...from "Brave."
156
00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:22,310
Asha?Mm-hmm.
157
00:06:22,344 --> 00:06:23,655
I need you to listen to me.
158
00:06:23,689 --> 00:06:25,206
I need you to listen
to me hard, okay?
159
00:06:25,241 --> 00:06:29,172
I need you to get me a hat,
put it on my head,
160
00:06:29,206 --> 00:06:31,206
and then get the hell
away from me, all right?
161
00:06:31,241 --> 00:06:33,413
Can you do that?
162
00:06:33,448 --> 00:06:35,206
I don't think
we sell hats here.
163
00:06:35,241 --> 00:06:36,827
Get me a fucking hat!
164
00:06:36,862 --> 00:06:38,379
I'll find one.
165
00:06:38,413 --> 00:06:39,551
I'll be right back.
166
00:06:41,586 --> 00:06:43,172
It should've been
my asshole.
167
00:06:43,206 --> 00:06:46,241
[grunting]
168
00:06:46,275 --> 00:06:47,620
[message beep]
169
00:06:49,862 --> 00:06:52,034
Oh, Jeff.
170
00:06:52,068 --> 00:06:53,862
You better not be
starting some
171
00:06:53,896 --> 00:06:56,620
intramural basketball
without me.
172
00:07:09,724 --> 00:07:12,655
[rap music playing in car]
173
00:07:14,034 --> 00:07:15,344
[cell phone chimes]
174
00:07:17,965 --> 00:07:20,620
[rap music continues]
175
00:07:21,827 --> 00:07:23,413
Okay, Tokyo Drift.
176
00:07:25,689 --> 00:07:27,172
Edmund?!
177
00:07:27,206 --> 00:07:31,068
Ugh, of all the Rideshare
drivers in New York.
178
00:07:31,103 --> 00:07:33,206
You want a water?Yeah.
179
00:07:33,241 --> 00:07:35,551
Do you have a charger,
actually?
180
00:07:35,586 --> 00:07:38,413
Oh, my God, are you joking
with this hair right now?
181
00:07:38,448 --> 00:07:40,000
[camera clicks]No.
182
00:07:40,034 --> 00:07:41,724
Are you taking a picture?
183
00:07:41,758 --> 00:07:43,586
It's the exact color
and consistency
184
00:07:43,620 --> 00:07:45,758
of Johnny Depp's
reprisal of the Mad Hatter.
185
00:07:45,793 --> 00:07:47,241
I am weak!
186
00:07:47,275 --> 00:07:48,862
What are you doing
in New York?
187
00:07:48,896 --> 00:07:50,551
I live here now.What?
188
00:07:50,586 --> 00:07:51,827
I left Palo Alto.
189
00:07:51,862 --> 00:07:54,620
I'm going solo
like Kelly Rowland.
190
00:07:54,655 --> 00:07:56,206
Going solo, doing what?
191
00:07:56,241 --> 00:07:58,448
I can't tell you that.
192
00:07:58,482 --> 00:08:01,137
Why not?Because...
193
00:08:01,172 --> 00:08:03,655
Well, are your parents happy
at least that you're back?
194
00:08:03,689 --> 00:08:05,275
They don't know I'm here,
and don't tell them, okay?
195
00:08:05,310 --> 00:08:08,793
Why not?Just stop asking
questions, okay? Ugh.
196
00:08:08,827 --> 00:08:10,586
[rap music continues]
197
00:08:10,620 --> 00:08:12,103
[phone chimes]
198
00:08:12,137 --> 00:08:13,827
[computer voice]
You have arrived
at your destination.
199
00:08:13,862 --> 00:08:16,379
You took a Commutez
to go 500 feet?
200
00:08:16,413 --> 00:08:17,724
I'm wearing Ferragamos
201
00:08:17,758 --> 00:08:19,620
and there is urine
all over this city.
202
00:08:19,655 --> 00:08:20,965
And you're living here?
203
00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:23,758
Edmund, a studio
in this apartment costs
204
00:08:23,793 --> 00:08:25,413
like $10,000 a month.
205
00:08:25,448 --> 00:08:27,068
Imagine what I'm paying
for the penthouse.
206
00:08:27,103 --> 00:08:29,206
That what house?!Good-bye, Nora.
207
00:08:31,344 --> 00:08:33,413
What are you up to?!
208
00:08:33,448 --> 00:08:36,000
I-I know
you're up to somethin'.
209
00:08:37,482 --> 00:08:38,931
What is it?!
210
00:08:41,620 --> 00:08:43,275
[birds chirping]
211
00:08:45,620 --> 00:08:48,551
[soft music playing]
212
00:08:56,172 --> 00:08:58,137
Are you looking
for the entrance?
213
00:08:58,172 --> 00:09:00,758
Oh, yeah, I--Yeah, it's around the corner.
214
00:09:00,793 --> 00:09:02,724
I was wondering about that.
215
00:09:07,793 --> 00:09:09,724
[man]
So he's got his little
Mets cap on.
216
00:09:09,758 --> 00:09:11,034
And he just pulls away from me.
217
00:09:11,068 --> 00:09:13,172
Darts across the street,
runs right at me.
218
00:09:13,206 --> 00:09:14,586
Jumps in my arms.
219
00:09:14,620 --> 00:09:16,758
So that was the first time
220
00:09:16,793 --> 00:09:18,448
that Timmy hugged me
after the divorce.
221
00:09:18,482 --> 00:09:19,758
Aww...
222
00:09:19,793 --> 00:09:21,413
Hey, man.Oh.
223
00:09:21,448 --> 00:09:23,724
You wanna share next?Oh, I don't know.
224
00:09:23,758 --> 00:09:24,827
No?No.
225
00:09:24,862 --> 00:09:26,034
No pressure.
226
00:09:26,068 --> 00:09:28,448
It's okay if you
just wanna listen.
227
00:09:28,482 --> 00:09:30,620
I love my kids.
228
00:09:30,655 --> 00:09:33,965
But sometimes
I also hate 'em.
229
00:09:34,000 --> 00:09:35,758
They're so selfish.
230
00:09:35,793 --> 00:09:37,241
Sometimes
I just wanna scream,
231
00:09:37,275 --> 00:09:40,655
"Stop judging me!
I'm doing this alone."
232
00:09:40,689 --> 00:09:43,103
I yelled at my daughter
this morning.
233
00:09:43,137 --> 00:09:44,965
Something just set me off.
234
00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:46,103
I totally get it.
235
00:09:46,137 --> 00:09:49,241
It's like I'm constantly
arguing with Chuck.
236
00:09:49,275 --> 00:09:52,103
My Jasmine said
to me today,
237
00:09:52,137 --> 00:09:55,034
"Daddy, I love you this much."
238
00:09:55,068 --> 00:09:56,172
[woman]
Oh...
239
00:09:56,206 --> 00:09:59,034
You know how much
she loves her nanny?
240
00:09:59,068 --> 00:10:00,827
[woman]
Oh, yikes.
241
00:10:00,862 --> 00:10:02,655
I damn near killed myself.
242
00:10:02,689 --> 00:10:06,344
I went to Hallie's school
last week to hand out lunches.
243
00:10:06,379 --> 00:10:10,034
And every single one
of her friends...
244
00:10:10,068 --> 00:10:12,275
gave me hugs.
245
00:10:12,310 --> 00:10:14,000
[woman]
What's your issue, Ellen?
246
00:10:14,034 --> 00:10:15,862
I don't have one.
I just--
247
00:10:15,896 --> 00:10:18,103
I really wanted to share.
248
00:10:18,137 --> 00:10:20,000
Kids are--
They're so cute at this age.
249
00:10:20,034 --> 00:10:21,896
So how old are your kids?
250
00:10:21,931 --> 00:10:24,172
Three.Five and three quarters.
251
00:10:24,206 --> 00:10:25,241
My little guy's eight.
252
00:10:25,275 --> 00:10:26,724
Hm...
253
00:10:26,758 --> 00:10:28,413
How old's your daughter?
254
00:10:28,448 --> 00:10:30,448
She's twen--
255
00:10:30,482 --> 00:10:33,103
Seven, she's seven.
256
00:10:33,137 --> 00:10:35,000
That's a rough age.
257
00:10:35,034 --> 00:10:38,206
[laughing]
Yes, it is.
258
00:10:43,344 --> 00:10:45,931
Ma'am?
Uh, ma'am.
259
00:10:45,965 --> 00:10:47,000
Hey, lady!
260
00:10:47,034 --> 00:10:49,689
Hey.Hey, what's going on?
261
00:10:49,724 --> 00:10:51,275
Oh, so sorry.
I'm just waiting
262
00:10:51,310 --> 00:10:53,827
for my husband,
Mark Fingers.
263
00:10:53,862 --> 00:10:56,068
Wait, Nora?
264
00:10:56,103 --> 00:10:57,896
Sorry, what?Nora.
265
00:10:57,931 --> 00:10:59,758
Oh, my God, Daniel?Yeah. Yes!
266
00:10:59,793 --> 00:11:01,896
Oh, my God!Oh, my God!
267
00:11:01,931 --> 00:11:04,034
Last time I saw you,
you were like
268
00:11:04,068 --> 00:11:07,275
chain-smoking menthols
and wearing that little
269
00:11:07,310 --> 00:11:08,896
North Face butt pack
thing.
270
00:11:08,931 --> 00:11:10,620
Yeah, junior high
was unfortunate.Yeah.
271
00:11:10,655 --> 00:11:12,896
[both laughing]
272
00:11:12,931 --> 00:11:14,724
Um, I'm here
to see my cousin,
273
00:11:14,758 --> 00:11:15,862
Edmund Lin.
274
00:11:15,896 --> 00:11:17,344
Hold on, Moneybag Mundie?
275
00:11:17,379 --> 00:11:18,655
You call him Moneybags?
276
00:11:18,689 --> 00:11:22,103
He is up in that penthouse
living it up!
277
00:11:22,137 --> 00:11:23,206
He's been living it up
in there?
278
00:11:23,241 --> 00:11:24,448
Yes, bad bitches
in and out,
279
00:11:24,482 --> 00:11:26,000
in and out,
in and out, all the time.
280
00:11:26,034 --> 00:11:28,034
No, he wouldn't--
That's not Edmund.
281
00:11:28,068 --> 00:11:30,655
He's doesn't have--
Women, women going up there?
282
00:11:30,689 --> 00:11:32,931
Women, bad bitches,
male bad bitches.
283
00:11:32,965 --> 00:11:35,172
Oh.Like gender non-specific
bad bitches.
284
00:11:35,206 --> 00:11:36,379
I can't even tell sometimes.
285
00:11:36,413 --> 00:11:38,793
Man, I wonder
what he's up to.
286
00:11:38,827 --> 00:11:41,448
Do you remember when we used
to play GarageBand 2?
287
00:11:41,482 --> 00:11:44,275
"Rock Band 2.""Rock Band 2," yes!
288
00:11:44,310 --> 00:11:45,689
I was doing "expert,"
289
00:11:45,724 --> 00:11:47,586
and you couldn't
even do "medium bass."
290
00:11:47,620 --> 00:11:49,275
[chuckling]
Yeah, that was fun.
291
00:11:49,310 --> 00:11:51,344
You were cute.You're cute now.
292
00:11:51,379 --> 00:11:53,310
Right now?Yeah.
293
00:11:53,344 --> 00:11:54,931
Stop. I'm not even
cute right now.
294
00:11:54,965 --> 00:11:56,000
Yeah, no.I'm not.
295
00:11:56,034 --> 00:11:58,206
I am so fucking
ugly right now.
296
00:11:58,241 --> 00:11:59,448
No, I like this.
297
00:11:59,482 --> 00:12:01,517
This is like kinda
Spooky Spice.Yeah?
298
00:12:01,551 --> 00:12:03,724
Yo, I should check out
what this dude is doing.
299
00:12:03,758 --> 00:12:05,034
But it was good
seeing you.
300
00:12:05,068 --> 00:12:06,172
Yeah, it was so good
seeing you.
301
00:12:06,206 --> 00:12:08,103
Yeah, yeah, um,
hit me up.
302
00:12:08,137 --> 00:12:09,586
I would love
to hit you up.
303
00:12:09,620 --> 00:12:11,034
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
on Facebook Messenger.
304
00:12:11,068 --> 00:12:12,862
Just Facebook Messenger?
305
00:12:12,896 --> 00:12:14,620
Uh, yeah, I don't have
data on my phone right now.
306
00:12:14,655 --> 00:12:16,310
I'm actually
on an iPod Touch.
307
00:12:16,344 --> 00:12:17,413
Oh.Yeah.
308
00:12:17,448 --> 00:12:18,586
I'll see you.
Catch you.
309
00:12:18,620 --> 00:12:20,448
Sir!
310
00:12:20,482 --> 00:12:22,068
Sir, could you
get back here?
311
00:12:24,724 --> 00:12:26,000
[coughs]
312
00:12:27,103 --> 00:12:29,448
I just don't get
Nora sometimes.
313
00:12:29,482 --> 00:12:30,758
She lives in my house,
314
00:12:30,793 --> 00:12:32,344
but it's like
she's a stranger.
315
00:12:32,379 --> 00:12:34,724
I give her a hard time.
Sure.
316
00:12:34,758 --> 00:12:37,344
But she can be so frustrating.
317
00:12:37,379 --> 00:12:39,034
And I know she likes
to get high,
318
00:12:39,068 --> 00:12:40,551
but I just can't bring--
319
00:12:40,586 --> 00:12:42,241
She's getting high?
320
00:12:42,275 --> 00:12:44,586
Climbing,
you know.
321
00:12:44,620 --> 00:12:46,241
Of course.Oh.
322
00:12:46,275 --> 00:12:47,551
Climb.
323
00:12:47,586 --> 00:12:50,793
You know, instead
of getting angry with Nora,
324
00:12:50,827 --> 00:12:52,931
maybe you should try
positive reinforcement.
325
00:12:52,965 --> 00:12:54,275
It's way more effective
326
00:12:54,310 --> 00:12:56,413
than trying to control
behavior.
327
00:12:56,448 --> 00:12:58,758
[man]
Yo! Single dorks!
328
00:12:58,793 --> 00:13:01,448
Wrap it up. Sexaholics Anonymous
starts at 4:00.
329
00:13:03,344 --> 00:13:06,275
♪♪
330
00:13:07,482 --> 00:13:11,310
"Edmund Lin recently raised
$15 million
331
00:13:11,344 --> 00:13:13,310
"for various investors
including Bill Ackman
332
00:13:13,344 --> 00:13:15,448
and BlackRock."
333
00:13:15,482 --> 00:13:18,586
That bitch has $15 million!
334
00:13:18,620 --> 00:13:20,620
Here's my little
fireball.
335
00:13:20,655 --> 00:13:22,241
That's at her cousin's
birthday party.
336
00:13:22,275 --> 00:13:23,517
Oh, look at that.
337
00:13:24,793 --> 00:13:26,137
Adorable.
338
00:13:26,172 --> 00:13:28,448
Here's a dance recital.
339
00:13:28,482 --> 00:13:30,344
You wanna watch this video?
It's only eight minutes long.
340
00:13:30,379 --> 00:13:31,965
I'm good.
341
00:13:32,000 --> 00:13:34,137
Little Feet Dance Academy has
a great afterschool program.
342
00:13:34,172 --> 00:13:36,482
Oh...Where's Nora go to school?
343
00:13:36,517 --> 00:13:39,034
Oh, she goes to SUNY.
344
00:13:39,068 --> 00:13:42,241
SUNY? The State University
of New York?
345
00:13:42,275 --> 00:13:45,758
Pff...
SUNY, kindergarten.
346
00:13:45,793 --> 00:13:48,034
Ah, kindergarten.
347
00:13:48,068 --> 00:13:50,034
I thought you said
she was seven.
348
00:13:50,068 --> 00:13:53,241
Well, she's kinda re--Wally, I-I--
349
00:13:53,275 --> 00:13:55,965
I have the umbrella...Huh?
350
00:13:56,000 --> 00:13:57,517
...that you asked for.
351
00:13:57,551 --> 00:14:01,000
Because it's gonna
rain, yeah.
352
00:14:01,034 --> 00:14:02,517
Oh, no, we're good.
Dark Sky's saying
353
00:14:02,551 --> 00:14:03,758
clear as a whistle today.
354
00:14:03,793 --> 00:14:05,172
I mean, some clouds
around 4:15...
355
00:14:05,206 --> 00:14:07,000
Yeah, Toby,
nice to meet you.
356
00:14:07,034 --> 00:14:09,724
Okay, bye-bye.Yeah, you too.
357
00:14:09,758 --> 00:14:11,862
Hey, we gotta get
that playdate going.
358
00:14:11,896 --> 00:14:14,206
I'm gonna hit you up
on Facebook Messenger.
359
00:14:14,241 --> 00:14:16,758
I'm gonna do that right now
before I forget, actually.
360
00:14:16,793 --> 00:14:18,103
[phone clicking]
361
00:14:19,724 --> 00:14:21,586
[Nora]
Oh, look at these shit bags.
362
00:14:21,620 --> 00:14:23,586
Planning the next
financial crisis, I see.
363
00:14:23,620 --> 00:14:26,034
Yeah, yeah?
Whoa. Oh.
364
00:14:27,379 --> 00:14:29,758
I lost 'em.
Goddamn it, I lost 'em!
365
00:14:32,586 --> 00:14:34,034
[bangs on car door]Are you spying on me?
366
00:14:34,068 --> 00:14:36,137
No!Oh, my God, you psycho.
367
00:14:36,172 --> 00:14:37,551
What the hell is going on?
368
00:14:37,586 --> 00:14:38,931
You tell me what
the hell's going on
369
00:14:38,965 --> 00:14:41,000
palling around town,
$15 million in funds.
370
00:14:41,034 --> 00:14:42,482
Hello! Hello!
371
00:14:42,517 --> 00:14:45,103
Oh, yeah, good job
googling my name, Nora.
372
00:14:45,137 --> 00:14:47,586
You are and look insane.
373
00:14:47,620 --> 00:14:49,551
Can I come to your place?Oh, my God.
374
00:14:51,206 --> 00:14:53,344
That a yes!
375
00:14:56,620 --> 00:14:58,482
So your daughter's
not really seven, huh?
376
00:14:58,517 --> 00:14:59,896
She's 27.
377
00:14:59,931 --> 00:15:01,655
Chuck's 25.
378
00:15:01,689 --> 00:15:04,551
Yeah, he's a--
he's a mediocre DJ
379
00:15:04,586 --> 00:15:07,965
and a tropical house
producer.
380
00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:10,034
He's trying, though.
381
00:15:10,068 --> 00:15:11,862
I'm glad I'm not
the only one.
382
00:15:11,896 --> 00:15:13,827
How do you keep
from making playdates?
383
00:15:13,862 --> 00:15:16,103
I'm tell them I don't
believe in vaccinations.
384
00:15:17,344 --> 00:15:19,551
I'm--
I'm glad I went.
385
00:15:19,586 --> 00:15:20,827
Maybe I'll go to
the next one.
386
00:15:20,862 --> 00:15:22,655
Yeah, they're like
family now.
387
00:15:22,689 --> 00:15:24,551
You know, it's
better than therapy.
388
00:15:24,586 --> 00:15:26,482
It's cheaper.Definitely.
389
00:15:26,517 --> 00:15:29,517
It's just...
It's nice.
390
00:15:29,551 --> 00:15:30,793
Are you okay?
391
00:15:32,275 --> 00:15:34,413
Today was my anniversary.
392
00:15:34,448 --> 00:15:35,827
What?
393
00:15:35,862 --> 00:15:37,482
Today was my anniversary.
394
00:15:37,517 --> 00:15:39,827
And I wish
I was in Cabo.
395
00:15:39,862 --> 00:15:42,517
I'm sorry.
Uh, listen.
396
00:15:42,551 --> 00:15:44,379
If you ever wanna talk
397
00:15:44,413 --> 00:15:46,724
without the pressure
of a playdate,
398
00:15:46,758 --> 00:15:48,344
here, you call me.
399
00:15:50,655 --> 00:15:52,068
Bye.
400
00:15:53,172 --> 00:15:54,620
Bye.
401
00:15:56,586 --> 00:15:59,379
[violin music playing]
402
00:15:59,413 --> 00:16:01,758
Uh, oh...
403
00:16:01,793 --> 00:16:04,586
Oh... my God, Edmund.
404
00:16:04,620 --> 00:16:06,793
Is this real?
This real?
405
00:16:06,827 --> 00:16:09,758
[Nora gasps]
What is that?
406
00:16:09,793 --> 00:16:11,482
[whispers]
It's so beautiful.
407
00:16:11,517 --> 00:16:13,931
It's a Nicole Eisenman.
She's a friend.
408
00:16:13,965 --> 00:16:17,206
It's my life.
It's my life.
409
00:16:17,241 --> 00:16:18,413
It's bronzed poop.
410
00:16:18,448 --> 00:16:20,551
Can I please...?No, stop.
411
00:16:20,586 --> 00:16:21,793
Can I lick...?No.
412
00:16:21,827 --> 00:16:23,068
Can I lick it?Nora!
413
00:16:23,103 --> 00:16:25,000
No, no!
414
00:16:25,034 --> 00:16:28,586
Nora, why are you
stalking me?
415
00:16:28,620 --> 00:16:29,965
Why are you not telling
your parents
416
00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:31,896
that you're living here?I can't tell them anything
417
00:16:31,931 --> 00:16:33,724
until my company
is up and running,
418
00:16:33,758 --> 00:16:36,206
and a huge success, okay?
419
00:16:36,241 --> 00:16:38,758
Why not?Because, ugh...
420
00:16:41,379 --> 00:16:43,551
...my dad had his own
law firm at age 30,
421
00:16:43,586 --> 00:16:46,103
so I'm behind.
422
00:16:46,137 --> 00:16:48,379
You're like the most
successful person I know.
423
00:16:48,413 --> 00:16:51,689
Now I'm the poorest person
from my freshman floor
at Stanford,
424
00:16:51,724 --> 00:16:54,793
which my dad likes
to remind me every day.
425
00:16:54,827 --> 00:16:57,000
You have $15 million.
426
00:16:57,034 --> 00:16:59,310
That's my company's money,
not mine.
427
00:16:59,344 --> 00:17:03,137
Look, my dad puts
a lot of pressure on me.
428
00:17:03,172 --> 00:17:05,344
My dad didn't put
pressure on me.
429
00:17:05,379 --> 00:17:06,896
Exactly, which is
why you are...
430
00:17:06,931 --> 00:17:08,275
the way you are.
431
00:17:08,310 --> 00:17:10,896
You're wearing a bucket hat
from a fashion school.
432
00:17:10,931 --> 00:17:13,034
So you're starting
a new company
433
00:17:13,068 --> 00:17:15,655
and doing all this just
to prove something
to your dad?
434
00:17:15,689 --> 00:17:18,137
Duh, that's why anyone
starts anything.
435
00:17:18,172 --> 00:17:19,551
Like why did you
dye your hair
436
00:17:19,586 --> 00:17:22,000
the color
of Tori Amos's butthole?
437
00:17:22,034 --> 00:17:24,620
Aren't you lonely here?No.
438
00:17:24,655 --> 00:17:26,827
'Cause I could bunk with you
for a couple days.No.
439
00:17:26,862 --> 00:17:29,379
Can I take a shit here?If you can find the toilet.
440
00:17:30,620 --> 00:17:31,827
Just give me a hint.
441
00:17:33,413 --> 00:17:35,689
Hotter or colder?
442
00:17:35,724 --> 00:17:38,172
Hot. Hotter. Hotter.
Colder.
443
00:17:38,206 --> 00:17:41,103
Edmund, I will take a shit
right here, you know me.
444
00:17:41,137 --> 00:17:42,620
I'd like to see you try.
445
00:17:42,655 --> 00:17:45,206
You know what we used to call
bathrooms in my house?
446
00:17:45,241 --> 00:17:46,655
Edmund's bed.
447
00:17:46,689 --> 00:17:49,034
Nora, Nora, Nora!
No, no.
448
00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:52,000
[sad music playing]
449
00:18:04,413 --> 00:18:05,551
Hey.
450
00:18:05,586 --> 00:18:06,931
Hey.
451
00:18:08,620 --> 00:18:11,551
Look, um, I'm sorry
about this morning.
452
00:18:11,586 --> 00:18:12,793
Oh, my God.
Did--
453
00:18:12,827 --> 00:18:16,275
Did Tommy Chong's dad
just apologize?
454
00:18:16,310 --> 00:18:18,103
You should've seen yourself.
You looked like Tommy Chong.
455
00:18:18,137 --> 00:18:20,655
You looked like shit.[sighs]
456
00:18:24,758 --> 00:18:27,310
What's that for?
457
00:18:27,344 --> 00:18:29,620
That's...
458
00:18:29,655 --> 00:18:31,551
for not being
an insane tiger dad
459
00:18:31,586 --> 00:18:34,034
and being constantly
content with mediocrity.
460
00:18:34,068 --> 00:18:36,931
Princess, you are
so not mediocre.
461
00:18:36,965 --> 00:18:38,413
I just...
462
00:18:38,448 --> 00:18:41,068
I just missed her today.
463
00:18:41,103 --> 00:18:44,068
I miss her too, Dad.Yeah?
464
00:18:44,103 --> 00:18:47,344
Hey, you two.
Dinner!
465
00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:54,620
[knocking on door]
466
00:18:57,275 --> 00:18:58,896
Edmund?
467
00:18:58,931 --> 00:19:00,862
What are you doing here?
468
00:19:00,896 --> 00:19:02,517
I got lonely,
okay?
469
00:19:02,551 --> 00:19:03,931
And... just shut up.
470
00:19:03,965 --> 00:19:05,241
Don't say anything
and just let me in.
471
00:19:05,275 --> 00:19:06,655
Also, thank God
your hair is back to black
472
00:19:06,689 --> 00:19:09,275
because you looked like
Irish Kathy,
473
00:19:09,310 --> 00:19:10,517
and it was bad.[Nora scoffs]
474
00:19:10,551 --> 00:19:12,482
Sorry, I didn't mean that.
I didn't mean that.
475
00:19:12,517 --> 00:19:13,965
Okay.
476
00:19:16,586 --> 00:19:19,827
Edmund, what are you
doing in town again?
477
00:19:19,862 --> 00:19:22,172
Oh, uh...
478
00:19:22,206 --> 00:19:23,931
I am...
479
00:19:23,965 --> 00:19:25,862
just here to...
480
00:19:25,896 --> 00:19:27,241
He's getting his taint
bleached...
481
00:19:27,275 --> 00:19:29,137
and styled.
482
00:19:29,172 --> 00:19:31,103
The rim of his asshole,
it's a different color.
483
00:19:31,137 --> 00:19:32,448
And he didn't wanna
tell anybody,
484
00:19:32,482 --> 00:19:35,275
especially his parents
because it's embarrassing.
485
00:19:35,310 --> 00:19:36,517
So...[Wally] Wow.
486
00:19:36,551 --> 00:19:38,103
...don't tell them, okay,
because, you know,
487
00:19:38,137 --> 00:19:40,103
this is between
us and his taint.
488
00:19:40,137 --> 00:19:41,379
Of course.
489
00:19:41,413 --> 00:19:43,689
Well, we support that, Edmund.Thank you very much.
490
00:19:43,724 --> 00:19:45,206
I'm just getting
really into self-care.
491
00:19:45,241 --> 00:19:48,034
So I'm doing the hole
and the rim.Mm...
492
00:19:48,068 --> 00:19:49,655
Self-care,
I heard about that.
493
00:19:49,689 --> 00:19:50,827
[Nora]
Is it one of those things
494
00:19:50,862 --> 00:19:52,827
where you can like
go to work right after?
495
00:19:52,862 --> 00:19:54,413
You can sit down.
You just can't like
496
00:19:54,448 --> 00:19:55,965
change your center
of gravity
497
00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:57,586
to be lower
than your belly button.
498
00:19:57,620 --> 00:19:58,862
[Nora]
So you can't squat?
499
00:19:58,896 --> 00:20:01,000
No.Because it's like
500
00:20:01,034 --> 00:20:03,827
part of your...
situation there, right,
501
00:20:03,862 --> 00:20:06,413
with the-- your tail.
502
00:20:06,448 --> 00:20:09,517
Yeah, the-- the appendage,
Uncle Wally.
503
00:20:09,551 --> 00:20:11,482
Appendage, sorry,
I forgot.
504
00:20:11,517 --> 00:20:13,172
Call it what it is,
you know?
505
00:20:13,206 --> 00:20:14,482
It's an appendage.
It's like--
506
00:20:14,517 --> 00:20:16,275
Yeah, well, you know,
we love the tail.
507
00:20:16,310 --> 00:20:18,275
We love the tail
'cause it's part of you, Edmund.
508
00:20:18,310 --> 00:20:20,482
Okay, fine,
we'll call it a tail.
509
00:20:20,517 --> 00:20:22,172
I remember when,
sometimes, you know,
510
00:20:22,206 --> 00:20:24,068
when you get happy,
you...
511
00:20:24,103 --> 00:20:26,000
Wag it? No, it...It wouldn't wag.
512
00:20:26,034 --> 00:20:28,034
[laughter][Edmund] It was not a wag.
513
00:20:28,068 --> 00:20:30,172
Do you remember when
your tail got stuck
514
00:20:30,206 --> 00:20:32,068
in the San Francisco
trolley?
515
00:20:32,103 --> 00:20:33,172
Do you remember that?
516
00:20:33,206 --> 00:20:34,344
Okay...[Wally] Cable car!
517
00:20:34,379 --> 00:20:35,724
The cable car!
518
00:20:35,758 --> 00:20:37,827
The cable car got me
right in the tenderloin,
519
00:20:37,862 --> 00:20:39,758
and I was like, this was
the worst spot for me...
520
00:20:39,793 --> 00:20:41,689
[overlapping chatter, laughter]
521
00:20:41,724 --> 00:20:43,620
[Edmund]
It's not funny,
but actually funny.
522
00:20:43,655 --> 00:20:44,931
But not funny!
523
00:20:44,965 --> 00:20:48,517
[laughter continues]
524
00:20:48,551 --> 00:20:51,482
♪♪
525
00:21:13,586 --> 00:21:15,448
[man]
Who the [bleep] is Awkwafina?
36132
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