All language subtitles for The League of Gentleman 1960

Heat. Heat.

[bell]

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>> [music]

>> Heat up here.

Heat.

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Heat.

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Heat. Heat.

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Oh, [music]

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Oh,

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heat.

>> [music]

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>> Heat. Heat.

>> [music]

>> Roco, darling,

>> wake up. Darling,

>> what's what's happening?

Are we being raided?

>> No, there's the one thing we've still

got to look forward to.

Come on, baby. Sit down and have some

nice bricky wiki.

>> Did we?

>> No, darling.

>> I wasn't thinking of that for once. What

I was struggling to say was brought me

up, darling.

I know you're not allowed to prompt the

contestants, but

was last night as bad as I remember?

>> Worse.

>> We didn't do very well. Yes. [snorts]

>> Correct. In the first part,

>> cleaned out.

>> You are correct in the second part.

You've just won yourself a fabulous

weekend with no expenses paid in

glamorous Notting Hill gate. Have some

coffee.

>> Never has a house lost so much so

consistently to sell few.

>> Elise is up here, little darling.

>> What now?

>> Meaning me? Don't worry. I'll be all

right.

There's always a spot for me in the

south of France with dear old Bertie

bonjour tree and all that.

I can always close my eyes and think of

England.

>> What about you?

>> I'll take the bottles back and collect

the pennies on the empties. Not to

worry, something always turns up.

>> Like me?

>> No,

not quite like you.

It's a pity this isn't deductible.

We'd make a fortune.

I'll go and run your bath for you.

Heat. [music]

[music]

Heat. [music]

>> [bell and music]

>> Cooperative removals limited.

>> Did you open this?

>> No, no, no. I'm listening.

Well, that's very nice to hear. No, I'm

not promising.

>> No.

[laughter]

Well, you ring me later and find out.

Bye.

>> Want some more hotening for me, will

you?

>> I'm your husband, not your bloody

Batman. You know, there is such a word

as please.

>> Please.

A poor Robert Bear. He's all upset

now. Say you're sorry like a good little

bear.

Huh?

You've had your porridge for this week.

>> Who sent you your lovely book?

>> Why do I have to answer all the

questions, sir? I might ask you who's on

the telephone just now.

>> Well, ask me, darling. I might even tell

you.

>> You want it always, don't you?

>> I just face facts, darling. The war's

been over a long time. Nothing's

rationed anymore. There's plenty to go

round.

>> I had a bloody good war.

>> Yes, perhaps you ought to go off

somewhere and find yourself another one.

You never know, you might get a mention

in my dispatches again.

>> [music]

>> Yes.

>> Oh, you're in.

>> Oh, good evening, Mrs. Bole.

>> I've been waiting for you to come in.

You know, you've had callers this

afternoon. Two gentlemen.

>> Oh, who was it? Did they say?

>> No. Never left no name.

>> Oh, I expect they'll call again.

>> Yes. They said they'd be back.

>> Probably is something in connection with

the magazine.

>> Didn't look like no church magazine to

me. Father looked more like the place,

father.

>> Oh, I expect it will sort itself out.

Most grateful, Mrs. Bole.

Heat.

Heat.

Redcliffe Gardens.

>> Thank you.

>> Don't tip him. I took care of it.

>> You took care of me, too.

>> I'll call you, baby.

Martin. Darling, is that you?

>> Who are you expecting?

>> Where did this come from?

>> I don't know, darling. Haven't opened

it, have I?

>> I must have killed you.

>> I'll get you some breakfast.

>> No, I had breakfast.

Well, don't just stand there. You got

something to say? Say it.

You found the paradise, right? And they

said I'd left.

Well, I went to a party. A very dull

party. Well, I think I'm getting my job

back. So, you better dust off the piano

and I'll start practicing again.

Okay,

that satisfy you.

>> I didn't say anything, did I?

>> No, you're improving.

>> Martin,

darling, don't be too awful to me.

It's only because I love you so much.

I'll be especially nice to you this

afternoon. that you buy me a present.

>> We'll have dinner together.

>> Yeah, we'll have dinner together.

>> It's not from your wife, is it?

>> No.

[music]

>> [music]

[music]

>> Hi. Hi. Nice looking job.

>> Just running her in.

>> Which one?

>> It's not ostentatious, is it?

>> No. No. Not for you. No. What's that

one's gimmick?

>> Oh, the littleer. She sings. She's a

singer. Just made her first recording

>> on extended play, no doubt.

>> Well, what's your other problem, Dad?

>> No problem. Just got a little job for

you.

Same as last time.

>> Well, I don't know. I mean, you know, I

did it once to help you out, but it's

taking quite a risk.

>> Well, I could up the ante a bit. Maybe

another five.

>> Don't rupture yourself, will you? I

might be interested in 25. Do me a

favor. That's a favor.

>> Stop it. [music]

>> It's in the boot.

[music]

[screaming]

How do you want it fixed this time?

>> Just lengthen the odds a bit. Like 110

to1 with a 10% jackpot.

>> You sure that's enough? Don't they ever

tweak it? Uh, they love punishment.

People are greedy. Didn't you know? Have

it ready for tonight. Hey,

I'll uh I'll take that phone number when

you're ready for a trade in. You know,

>> you couldn't even afford a down payment.

Okay, that's it.

Go take a rub down. Huh?

>> Mr. Stevens,

>> I told you not to come here.

>> Yeah, well, the necessity knows no

manners, as they say.

>> I've got nothing for you anyway. I told

you last time that's the lot. Things

have been very slack.

>> Yeah, I I know it's the same for

everybody. One gets through it so

quickly, especially if one has a hobby.

I mean, they say girls are expensive

enough, but well, it takes all sorts to

make a world. When can I expect

something then?

>> I told you I haven't got the money.

>> Yeah, end of next week, should we say?

But don't leave it any later. We want to

keep everything nice and friendly. I'll

look in again, then.

>> I'll send it to you if I get any.

>> No, no. I prefer the personal touch.

I'll call in. You'll get it. Don't

worry. I've got every confidence in you.

>> What's the matter with you? Do you want

to catch a cold? Get on there and get a

blanket on.

>> What's this like then? Any good?

>> No idea. I haven't started it yet.

>> The last one you lent me wasn't much.

Nothing happened, did it? I mean, I

didn't understand half of it. What are

them two BS up to then? I mean, if you

got to read a book like I like them

others, you know, plenty of thrills and

that in them.

>> Well, there are thrills and thrills.

>> It's on the table.

>> Let me see those X-ray plates again.

Nurse. Nurse.

>> I'm sorry, doctor.

>> The plates.

>> Yes.

>> Try and concentrate. Nurse, you're new

here, aren't you?

>> Yes, sir.

>> Well, one thing to learn at St.

Matthews, we never let emotion get the

upper hand. There. There's the patch

there.

Spreading to

>> Frank, you there? Oh, you are. Look at

him lapping it up. What's happening

tonight, Daddy? What's happening on

there? Is the little girl still in the

iron lug? Is she?

>> Yes. And they're all dying.

>> He loves it. Have some gravy. Doctor

came today. Thought daddy was looking

wonderful. Says he can go on for years

the way he's looked after. Of course, he

said he'd never have lasted as long as

he has if you've been put away. You're a

miracle, Mrs. Weaver. A miracle. Oh,

very nice to talk to. The doctor was.

Well, I said Frank wouldn't think about

having daddy put into real after all

he's done for us, giving us the business

and all that. Oh, he looked at my veins

today. Said I'll never get any better

till I get off me feet more. There was

something I wanted to tell you. What was

it? Oh, yes. Mr. Wilson at the gall,

the young one with his name. No, that's

not his name. The other one was married

to, you know, the one that was married

to the girl that used to do my hair. You

remember

Germany?

>> Come on. Never got any time to lose.

Never mind.

Breaking.

>> [music]

>> Cooperative party. This way, please.

[music]

[music]

>> Do I say thank you to anybody?

No hosts. Oh well.

>> Well, the liquor's genuine anyway.

>> I know you, don't I?

>> I don't think so.

>> You're a member of the Paradise Club.

>> So, what up? Paradise?

>> Not to my knowledge.

>> Well, I spelled the name right anyway.

Found yours yet?

>> Yes.

>> May as well swap cards, save intros.

>> No, I think I'll

>> Oh, you're not leaving already. I hope

you'll miss a rather good lunch. Just

the hat and the umbrella, please.

>> Well, good morning, gentlemen. You've

all found out where you're sitting, I

take it. So, uh, shall we? Good.

Over there, Robert.

That's right.

Oh, one absentee, I see. Well, we won't

wait. I chose the menu with rather more

than usual care. It' be a pity to spoil

it for one defaulter. What's it? Oh,

good man. You found some. Excellent.

>> Uh, did you have any trouble parking?

>> I um I didn't come back.

>> Very sensible.

>> This is good. Absolutely at peak. Oh,

don't you agree? I don't drink.

>> Oh, no. Of course not. I forgot.

>> Oh, do start, gentlemen.

Good God Almighty.

This is the right place. The cooperative

whatnot thing.

>> Yes, do come in. We were just about to

begin without you.

>> Oh, I took the wrong turning and not for

the first time. Found myself in a room

full of trade unionists cooking up the

next wage claim. All touries, of course.

Didn't take to me at all.

Ah, that's better. What is it?

[clears throat] Fair enough. The 52 is

all gone, I suppose.

Enjoy your meal, gentlemen. You know the

old saying, if a rich man, eat when you

will. If a poor man

when you can.

>> See not disturbed. Leave it to me, sir.

Well, now gentlemen, I think the first

thing for me to do is to establish my

good faith. You'll find these contain

the missing halves of the£5 notes.

Captain Portill,

Captain Microoft,

Lieutenant Lexi,

Major Rutland Smith,

Captain Weaver,

Captain Stevens,

Major Race.

Don't bother to thank me, gentlemen.

Purely a business transaction.

Be a bit difficult to thank you anyway,

old darling.

Since I don't know your name.

>> Didn't I sign the letters? How very

careful of me? Well, I have no

objections now. I don't think my name's

Hyde. JN Hyde. What's the J stand for?

Jackal. Oh, that's a thought, isn't it,

Mr. Hyde? Corporal Sergeant.

Let's just leave it that I outrank you.

The book, gentlemen, I'd like your

opinions on it. You've all read it, I

take it.

>> I'm afraid I didn't know, darling.

>> Any particular reason why not, Major?

>> I never read books from strange men.

>> Well, then, a very brief prey for the

major's benefit. An American thriller

with a germ of a good almost brilliant

idea about a group of single-minded men

who plan and execute a particularly

daring bank robbery. right now. Any

criticisms as to the way the robbery was

organized?

>> You asking me?

>> Well, I thought it was quite original.

>> That's all.

>> Yes, that's all.

>> Whether uh I think I agree with him. I'd

like to read it again quietly.

I see. Stevens,

>> I I enjoyed it. Bit farfetched, perhaps.

>> You couldn't see it happening in real

life.

Oh, I I wouldn't go as far as that.

Life's always surprising me.

>> But didn't it excite any of you?

Minecraft.

>> I was held by it. Yes.

>> Nothing more. I mean, weren't you

actually excited?

>> I can't say it was.

I prefer more subtle things of any.

But

>> didn't it give any of you any ideas or

gave [snorts] me a headache? I read it

in bed.

Yes, but what about the basic idea? The

way the robbery was conceived like a

textbook military campaign. Didn't that

fire your imaginations?

>> Apparently not, old darling.

>> Well, you disappoint me, gentlemen.

I expected more of you. I felt sure that

at the very least the idea of making

easy money would appeal to all of you.

>> What makes you so sure of that?

>> Oh, come now.

You're all crooks, aren't you? Of one

kind or another.

Wouldn't you agree with that, Padre?

>> Not staying here be insulted.

>> Oh, I would if I were you. After all, we

are all men of the world. So, an officer

who was cashiered for gross indecency in

a public place, the botanical gardens,

Tumbridge Wells, wasn't it? Needn't feel

squeamish.

And then, of course, you took to the old

dog collar racket. What denomination are

you at the moment? Church of England is

Oh, no, no, no. That stopped at Bristol,

didn't it? At the Asises.

I felt the judge went a bit far myself.

Still, you're here and I'm sure you're

going to stay.

You seem amused, Mr. Lexi. Is it a joke

we can all share?

>> Well, you tell me. Well, I can't tell

you the same joke, I'm afraid, but uh

try this one. It has a certain charm.

Berlin 1945.

Lieutenant Edward Lexi, Royal Corps of

Signals, kicked out for giving

information to the Russians.

The joke being that you did it for money

as always, not principles.

Not funny.

Bit near the knuckle perhaps.

Depends whose fingers on the trigger,

doesn't it, Captain Portill? Yours was

in Cyprus when you were cashier for

shooting a suspects.

He's still using those nimble fingers,

though, playing the piano in cheap

nightclubs

and extracting pocket money from

middle-age ladies for services

courageously rendered.

race, [snorts] ex major race,

with his customary foresight in these

matters which did him and at the same

time kept him from justice

resigned his commission just before a

flourishing black market ring was

uncovered in postwar Hamburg.

Decent gesture there.

Sake of the regiment and all that.

Reading will tell you now.

Friend Stevens,

one time fascist backroom boy. Mosley

speaks and all that. Saw the light just

in time and was made an officer and a

gentleman. Unfortunately, he couldn't

quite behave like one. The Sunday

newspapers had a field day. There's

nothing the British public likes better

than catching the odd men out.

Captain Weaver,

a sad case, but not demanding too much

sympathy for the captain. Save your

tears for the men who died as a result

of his gross [clears throat] negligence.

Four, weren't there? members of a bomb

disposal squad acting under Captain

Weaver's orders while he was acting

under the influence.

And of course, gallant major hyphenated

Smith, we mustn't forget you. You always

wanted to die with your boots clean,

didn't you, Robert? But marriage changed

all that. His wife's money bought him

out after she'd settled some

embarrassing mess bills. However,

gratitude, as nurse Cavell omitted to

add, is not enough.

And where do I fit in?

Well, I'm ashamed to say that I have the

advantage over you gentlemen. My

criminal career is just about to

blossom. You'll find nothing on me, not

[clears throat] a blemish. I served my

country well as a regular soldier and

was suitably rewarded after 25 years by

being declared redundant.

Now, don't let's kid ourselves any

longer. This was not intended to be a

book of the month club lunch. I brought

you all together because I have a

certain proposition to make.

Now, what do we all have in common apart

from an urgent need for funds? We were

all trained at great public expense to

do certain things with the utmost

efficiency, such as how to kill a man

with a minimum effort and other minor

arts and crafts which while [snorts]

frowned upon in peace time are acclaimed

in times of war.

Well, I've got a social conscience and I

think it's a crying shame for so much

public money to be wasted. I intend to

put it to some practical peace time use.

Now then, the main character in this

book knew just where to lay his hands on

the various experts to do the jobs he

wanted. Well, you are my experts.

[snorts]

You were all specialists in your own

fields, and with your cooperation,

I intend to rob a bank myself.

And the pay, gentlemen, $100,000

each. That's £280,000.

A million100,000

Deutsch marks. Over a 100 million

Franks. If any of you are thinking of

immigrating, and it could be more.

>> How do you know? Have you counted it

already?

>> How do I know? How did I arrive at all

of you? Because I make sure of all my

facts before I move.

I've put in a good deal of time and

money on this project by giving you the

benefit of both.

>> And which bank have you in mind?

>> That's restricted at the moment.

And this gentleman is as far as I'm

prepared to go for the time being.

Think it over carefully.

I hope no one will try to be clever.

Such a waste of time. I shall deny

everything and a year's work will go for

nothing. It could be a year well spent

for all of us.

>> How do we contact you?

>> I'll do the contacting. I'll let you

know when and where we meet again.

>> Same terms.

>> But of course, Mr. Lexi.

>> Oh, do drink up while it lasts.

Everything's paid for and the room's

yours for. Good afternoon, gentlemen.

It's been a pleasure.

Well,

speaking purely personally, old

darlings,

I thought that was a bloody good lunch.

I do hope he hasn't the national

provincial in mind. They're being

awfully decent to me at the moment.

You want to get those potholes filled

in, old darling? Bloody Romany Springs.

>> I had them dug especially for you. Sorry

if I went around the houses this

afternoon. Very boring for you.

>> Why was it as obvious as all that?

>> I wouldn't say obvious exactly. Well,

I'm not very good at it, you see.

Probably cuz I'm usually the one who's

followed.

>> Never mind. You gave me a certain

academic thrill. It was a 7 to one shot,

but my money was on you from the start.

Uh, you'd like a drink, I'd take it,

before you go back to the YMCA.

>> Thank you very much.

The butler's night of

I live alone.

Bad habit to live alone. Our darling

gives one a complex.

You in the catering core? I see.

>> What's that?

>> Not exactly, Mrs. Beaton, old darling.

>> Oh, one can't be bothered cooking for

oneself.

>> I have a good clean up about once a

month.

>> Yes.

>> The point is it's home.

You mind?

I'm quite good at this. Was the way I

was brought up. Mommy thought the world

of me. Um, so please

don't think you have to. Believe it or

not, this is the one chore I missed in

the army. And what rank they kick you

out with, by the way?

>> I made half colonel.

>> Still, I gather you intend to exactly

fade away.

>> Let me um tell you about me, though.

>> Yes, do. Well, I'm the careful type.

came to the old shooting match without a

scratch. Oh, bloss beside me at Dunkirk.

You are not luck. I just took care. Rule

one, ask first, be a hero later. So, I'm

asking, why should you want to lead me

to the biggest amount of loot I've ever

heard of? Because you're one of the

experts I need to be successful in army

has to be mobile. That means a good

transport officer. You used to be as

good as they come. Oh, this is still got

egg on it.

>> Oh, I'm so sorry. And what about the

others?

>> I'm glad you asked me that. Now, what

did you think of them, by the way?

>> Well, not nature's nobleman, perhaps.

>> No, it was a team all hand selected. I

wasn't exactly idle during my last few

months at the war office. You'd be

surprised what a little research in the

files brought to the surface. No, not

surprised, but the suitc floating up

floating. I got everything I wanted.

Weaver, genius with explosives. Lexi, a

radio king. Moft, absolutely first class

quarter master. and the other three good

trained soldiers, ruthless if need be.

>> And what's your specialtity?

>> I synchronize the watches

>> and go over the top first.

>> I should be there on the day.

>> Well, remember rule two, old darling.

Never get ahead of the mob. They'll

shoot you in the ass. What you need is

someone to protect your interests.

>> Yes, that had occurred to me, too. But

before you suggest yourself for the job,

I ought to mention one thing. Everybody

gets the same share.

>> Well, roughly, anyway. No, I intend to

get away with this. And the one sure way

to disaster is for somebody to get

greedy. So, it's equal shares for all,

including you. Of course. Do you still

want to be considered?

Well, you haven't yet told me how you

hope to get away with it. That comes

later when we've reached an agreement.

As you say, one has to proceed

carefully.

I was a dunker, too.

Yes, but I bet you didn't get away on

the first boat like me. Of course,

there's always the possibility, you're

ugly though it may sound, that um I

might spill the beans if we don't come

to an agreement. And you said you

weren't nasty.

>> Oh, I'm not. It's just the way my mind

works sometimes, you know, in vicious

circles.

>> Yes, but you're not the informer type.

I'm sure that we can find a mutually

acceptable solution. I tell you what,

let's have something to eat and we'll

talk about it.

>> Or two meals in one day.

He was fighting me.

All my men loved me.

Well,

in theory, I like it. It's a certain old

world charm, but it'll never work.

>> Why not?

>> Because you can't pull a stunt like that

in this country. Oh, I know they get

away with it in the States.

>> And the first ones to try it here will

get away with it, too. Think of it as a

full-scale military operation. What

chance has a bunch of ordinary civilians

got against a trained, armed, and

disciplined military unit? You are a

soldier, man. You ought to know.

[laughter]

>> You know, we really are a marvelous

nation, aren't we? In any crisis, we

always produce the right man for the

job, even though it's the wrong job. All

right, I'm sold. I'll sign on for the

duration.

On my terms, equal shares for all.

>> Well, if you insist on this socialistic

nonsense, yes, you're losing a friend by

gaining a second in command.

>> I'll settle for that.

Oh, let's leave the dishes. Uh, do you

want to stay the night?

>> Why not?

>> I'll move in now if it comes to that.

>> Fine, good. Did you bring any gear with

you?

>> Yes. Always prepared. You'd be surprised

when my caravan is rested.

>> Well, I'll just pop out of the car, old,

darling.

>> Look, do you mind not using that

sickening expression?

>> Oh, what's that?

>> Call me hide, Norman, or Colonel if you

like, but for heaven's sake, drop that

old darling stuff.

>> All right, old dear.

>> Sorry, Colonel. One gets into terrible

habits of the YMCA.

>> Is that your wife?

>> Yes.

>> Is she dead?

>> No. No. I regret to say the is

still going strong.

[music]

Very smart.

>> I shall miss the old Rose, though.

>> Yeah, so will I. But she didn't fit the

part. Well, we mustn't keep them

waiting.

>> [music]

[music]

>> Have your royal again?

>> Not this time. We're at war now.

>> It was dancing principal and I was

charming.

>> Can I help you? We've got this room

until 3:00.

>> Isn't this babes in the woods?

>> No. We're rehearsing journeys end.

>> Oh,

>> so sorry. Well, I mean, where do we go?

I have the faintest idea. You better

sort that out with the secretary.

>> I'll be asking some people.

>> Shall we start uh with the second act?

>> I'm sorry about that. Well, now

gentlemen, if you will all look at page

20.

Let me say how delighted I am to see you

all again, gentlemen. Your presence here

restores my basic disbelief in the

goodness of human nature. So, I think

perhaps the time has come to dispel any

further doubts that you may have. The

babes in the wood peritting.

>> Priceless. Absolutely. Fabulous idea.

Fabulous. I don't think it's a great

idea. I have to admit it is

>> a bit that appeals to concept.

>> You think it's got a chance? Bloody

>> marvelous. I can't miss Joe. Yes. Be

like the old days.

>> What do you think?

>> Yeah. Give it a try. Are you ready to

vote on it? How about you, partly?

>> Yes, I feel a certain calling towards

it.

>> Weaver. Me too, Stevens.

>> I'm for it.

>> Splendid. [snorts] Well, thank you for

your support, gentlemen. Now, our

immediate plan is as follows. After

dismissal here, I suggest we disperse

and you take tender farewells of your

nearest and dearest and then report to

this address at 1800 hours tomorrow and

come prepared for a long stay.

Decent accommodation, of course, sir, as

beits officers and uh gentlemen. The

food will be good and the prospects

unlimited.

Of

course, it's not goodbye, darling.

I mean, after all, we've uh only just

been introduced.

It's just that I'm on to a good thing.

It's a big opportunity for me,

which I hope you'll share.

Here,

I have this one on the house.

I'm just passing through myself.

>> [music]

>> Excellent.

Well, it's good to see you all on

parade. Now, if you'll follow me,

gentlemen, I'll show you to your

quarters. And some of you will have to

double up, I'm afraid, but we must all

make sacrifices at times like these. Oh,

by the way, I want to appoint two admin

officers. Uh, Captain Moftraftoft, I

propose making you quarter master.

>> Oh, thank you, sir.

>> And of course, we shall have to have an

agitant. Uh, Major Race is a senior man,

[snorts] I think, will accept race.

>> Whatever you insist.

>> Right, gentlemen. Weaver and Portill in

here. Keep an eye on him, Portill. I'll

let him sneak any liquor. Excuse me.

Moft and Rutland Smith in here.

>> No noise at night now while Christopher

Micro saying his prayers.

>> Mr. Lexi, you're along here. Good. On me

own eh?

>> No, with Stevens.

>> Major race. You're through there.

>> Thank you. I feel at home already.

>> Like being back at school, huh?

>> I sincerely hope not. Can I have you all

out here again, please?

There are just one or two other things.

The usual offices are down there to the

right. I've posted various duty roasters

for fatigues, etc., and I should like

them strictly observed. You will make

your own beds and be responsible for

your own laundry.

>> And no women in the rooms after 10, I

presume,

>> or before.

Now, regards discipline, where they

apply, Queen's regulations will be

enforced. Any minor breaches will be

punished by a fine of £100 to be

deducted from the final payout. major or

repeated offenses by a fine of £500.

Well, I think that's all for the time

being, gentlemen. Dinner is at 2000

hours, followed by our first lecture in

the basement.

>> Could you spare a moment, Major?

>> I hope you got old church.

>> Operation Golden Fleece. I like that.

>> Cook house duties and fatigues. I don't

care for that. I see you and I washing

up tonight.

>> A delightful.

>> Well, I'm cooking lunch tomorrow.

>> Press on. I wonder what time lights are

out in the dorm. I don't know about you,

lot, but uh I'm going to keep my lights

on all night.

>> You may smoke if you wish, gentlemen.

We are g here to discuss phase one of

the operation. Now, I don't have to tell

you that as a general rule, banks take

very good care of people's money. They

are not going to give it to us. [snorts]

Um so, we shall have to take it. Uh but

to take it, we shall need arms.

>> [snorts]

>> Now the salt bombs we need are not sold

over the counter. However, I have every

confidence that whatever we require will

be supplied by our late employer. Do you

mean the army, sir? My first slide,

please, major.

>> Certainly,

[laughter]

>> I'm so sorry. That comes in the second

lecture. How to live off the

countryside.

[laughter]

Ah, that's better.

Gentlemen, you're now looking at our

source of supply, the Army Command

Training Center at Malverton in Dorset,

to which we will shortly be paying a

surprise visit. Oh, by the way, just one

other little detail. When we leave our

card, we shall have to provide the

authorities with a scapegoat. In this

case, I'm relying on the British

character. We British will always give

the Germans, the Russians, the Japanese,

or even the Egyptians the benefit of the

doubt, but never the Irish. So

throughout this exercise, if we use our

accents judiciously, the IRA will get

the credit and the blame.

[music]

>> Have a sir. Don't let the other

ranks see you nervous. Cut it out.

Majin.

No.

51st training.

>> Yeah.

>> Who, sir?

>> Area command? I I've got the G2 on the

line for your commanding officer.

>> Something wrong with your line?

>> Yeah. The old man's out, is he?

>> Yes. He's gone out of town shopping with

his misses. Well, I've got a call for

him. Well, put it through to the aged

plot.

>> Just trying to find him, sir.

>> Well, hurry it up, you big head.

Hello, Captain Saunders. Hello.

>> I've got the G2 on the line, sir.

>> Who, man? Speak up. Uh,

>> the G2, sir.

>> Oh, yeah. All right, I better take it.

>> What are you through, sir?

>> Yeah. Who am I speaking to? Captain

Saunders. Well, I wanted your commanding

officer, my dear.

Not there.

>> Oh, that's most unfortunate.

>> Look, I've got a bit of bad news for

you, I'm afraid.

>> Yes. The the new air commander is on his

way down for a surprise visit. Someone's

been complaining about the food.

>> Complaint about the food?

>> Well, well, now I don't

Well, well, how do you think I ought to

handle it?

>> Well, with kid gloves, you want my tip?

He's a ball of fire.

Well, put on some sort of a show. Yes,

the best I can do, I'm afraid.

Yes. Well, sorry I couldn't give you

longer notice.

>> Thank you, sir. Well, we're very

grateful to you, sir. Thank you.

Goodbye.

Wilkins, get my stuff. Hat, belt,

everything. Then get Mr. Thomas and Mr.

Shotter. No, forget that. I'll do that.

You just get the stuff. Go on. Bless

her.

>> Hello. Get me the orderly room. Get me

the orderly room.

>> Attention. Platoon commander.

Command a slap on sir. The area

commander is on his way here. There's

been a complaint about the food. Now we

got to get things organized.

>> Right. Leave it to me, son. Paul, go

with it, will you?

>> Right. Poor guard turn out. Jimmy, don't

stand there. Come along to the

switchboard. Try and locate the old man.

All what he got for the men's tea.

>> Friday, sir. Fried eggs, baked beans,

chips, toast, and tapioca.

>> Yes. Can you change it?

>> Not now, sir. [laughter] It's all cute.

>> Right. Rust out some soup. Give every

man two eggs. You got me tinned fruit.

>> Some in the officer's mess, sir.

>> Well, grab it. Put that on, too.

>> Corporal. Two eggs looking balloon gone

up for summers. It's a diabolical dead

liberty, I'll tell you.

>> Still tin fruit, eh?

>> Oh, all right. That'll make all the

difference. The bleeding stuff's been

here since the B war. Come.

>> What's the matter with your webbing,

Alpers?

>> You're on a fizzer in the morning.

>> Get me before to eat.

>> Can't sir. What do you mean can't?

>> Can't get a line, sir.

>> We'll get exchange then.

>> Can't get anything, sir.

>> We'll report the accident immediately.

Here, chunky. Come on. All outside. Get

moving.

>> I get stuffed. Get

>> off that bed, bro. Get outside in your

best prison some boots and jump to it,

sir.

Get up.

>> Everything under control, sir.

>> We hope.

>> If I might make a suggestion, sir. Yes.

Anything. What?

>> Perhaps that's an early German to the

mess and get in with the old liberal

hospitality.

>> Don't you worry, s that's top of my

list.

Right, cigarettes out. Just enjoy it

from here on. And don't forget, we carry

the rank.

>> Correction, I carry the rank after me.

[music]

[music]

They're coming. It's all right. Don't go

mad. Not the relief of Lady Smith.

All right, Alpers. Wait for it. As you

were

[music]

turn [music]

[music]

>> [music]

>> Sir.

[music]

>> Good afternoon, Captain

>> Sanders. Sir

>> Christy is my name. Colonel W. Major

Williams.

>> Hello, sir. I I'm very sorry Colonel

Langton isn't here to greet you, sir. He

um he was called away to a civil defense

meeting, sir.

>> Would you would you care to inspect the

guard, sir?

>> Guard present and ready for your

inspection, sir. Thank you.

Yes, pretty fair turnout.

>> Thank you, sir.

>> I suppose you know what this is all

about.

>> No, sir, I don't.

>> You surprised me, Saers. I thought the

grape vine was infallible.

[music]

Nothing stirs up the war of this like a

question in the house. Some bosshi

exercising his divine right. Who is he?

Any idea?

>> I'm afraid I don't quite follow, sir.

>> Some barrack room lawyer wrote to his

MP. Menu wasn't up to his liking or some

such so it fell on my neck.

>> Would you uh would you care for a little

refreshment first, sir? Sure you need it

after that that long drive.

>> No, let's get on with it. Don't watch it

tied up the cook house before I've seen

it.

Heat.

Heat.

Right leader. [screaming]

>> Yeah, they go right in.

You um you haven't got a ladder we can

borrow, have you?

>> Ladder?

>> Yeah. You know, thing you climb up,

there's a fault on one of your lines.

We'll have to check your junction box.

>> Haven't you got a letter of your own?

>> Yeah, we got one of our own in the truck

about half a mile down. Come on, we

won't hurt it.

>> Better ask in the guard room.

>> Sorry to trouble you, Sergeant. Phone

trouble in the area.

>> Oh, have you come about this fault? I

mean, that's a change. You haven't

reported it yet. You got one, too. Yeah,

all the lines are dead.

>> Yeah, that B. They got a fault here,

too. Shoot. That's great. Well, what do

you think? Shall we leave the other one?

>> Well, I have to, shall we? I mean, this

is priority. You haven't got a ladder,

have you?

>> Yes, we've got one out the back. Go and

get it.

>> Probably in them woods over there. All

that rain last night. Mine's down

everywhere.

>> Shall we take a look? May

>> as well. Thanks.

>> I'll keep out of the way then. We got

some top brass visiting.

>> Don't worry us, mate. We done our bit.

Battle

>> on top.

Right, carry on. We um we try to vary

the foods there as much as possible.

>> Staff Hall at ease, let me see your menu

cards for the week. Yes, sir.

cook. Try to get one of those on a

plate.

Philip

fork. Fork fork.

What's this supposed to be?

>> It's um it's a sort of

Well, it's kind of a vegetable soup, I

think. So,

>> your turn, Peter.

Boom. Boom. Boom.

>> [whistles]

>> Nothing.

pass [laughter] on.

>> No, carry on, Eden.

Any um complaints here?

>> How long now? Answer the bigger.

>> No, sir.

>> You're um quite satisfied with the food.

You can speak quite freely.

>> Well, uh, no, sir. Not always, sir.

>> What exactly don't you like about it?

>> Well, they sometimes give you a good

grub, sir. But, uh, I mess it about like

>> How do you mean mess it about?

>> Well, take Sunday, sir. I mean, uh, we

had a fair whack of the old roast and

that and gravy and stuff, but, uh, well,

they messed it about like, you know,

>> specifically.

>> Be a pardon, sir.

>> What did they do to it? Oh. Oh. Well,

I'm not a cook, am I? Uh, I mean, I only

go by what I taste like. And, uh, well,

it didn't taste right. See, it sort of

tasted like they messed it about like.

>> What's this man's name?

>> Grogens. Grogan.

>> That's all, is it?

>> Well, that was only last Sunday, sir.

>> What about today's meal?

>> Oh, well, very fair, sir.

You know, if you like eggs, I mean,

they're not great favorites of mine, but

uh well, you got to eat them to sort of

keep your strength up like

me, didn't he? Oh.

Good afternoon, sir. having trouble.

[screaming]

>> All clear. I'm not sure.

>> Something stuck in the feed pipe, I

reckon.

>> Oh, yes. Well, it's very kind of you to

stop anyway.

>> Not at all, sir. It's a pleasure. Ever

thought of becoming a member, sir? Oh, I

don't think so. Belonging to too many

things already.

>> We've got to get back. Give them another

minute, then do what's necessary. Come

on.

>> I shall have to send in the full report.

Of course.

>> Yes, sir. Would you care to come to the

mess now?

>> Afraid I haven't kind of be social.

>> Thank you very much.

>> All for all of us these things. Give my

regards to Colonel Lenon. Sorry to miss

him.

>> He'll be sorry too, sir.

>> Can you see them?

>> It's just coming up now.

>> Right. Let's go. [music]

>> [music]

>> There sir, ought to be okay now.

>> Oh, well, thank you very much.

>> Not at all.

>> [music]

[bell]

[music]

>> No. Well, we didn't find anything, so

we'll have to report it again when we

get back, and I'll be down first thing.

Thanks for the ladder, anyway. Right,

Bert? My sergeant

Alice, what's his letter doing here?

[music]

[music]

>> [music]

[music]

[music]

>> Right.

Down quick.

[music]

Any

[music]

complaints?

>> No.

>> Right. Carry on smoothly.

[music]

[bell]

[music]

>> Well, you've got to hand it to the dear

colonel. They bought it just like he

said.

>> Yes. Uh [laughter] nothing in those

stock presses.

>> No, just liquor on grave charge. I I

thought you took a long time over the

shopping pad.

>> You know, I think that's really and

rather poor taste.

>> Bloody bloody d.

>> Well, shut up anyway.

>> All a bit touchy tonight, aren't we?

>> Small wonder after the meal you just

cooked when it's your turn to bend over

a hot stove tomorrow. You didn't take

offense, did you, Padre? Something I've

been meaning to ask you. I've always

been interested in this religious uh

aspect. Those sort of uh gettogethers

like Billy Graham. You ever been to one?

>> Yes. As a matter of fact, I have.

>> Really?

Interesting. I mean, you uh you went

forward in that got the call.

>> Oh, yes.

I always went forward.

>> Thank you. I've read it. Any complaints,

gentlemen?

>> No, sir. I must say I take my hat off to

you. Congratulations.

>> Thank you, Robert. No, thank you,

gentlemen. Well, that's the end of phase

one. Now, for phase two,

we are going into the removal business.

I have the premises, [snorts] but not

the vehicles.

But I'm sure the agitant will take care

of that small detail [snorts] before the

night is out.

>> Come on, Martin. mad about the new

fashion.

>> Well, it's time we got the show on the

road, too. There's a lot to be done

tonight.

The night watcher will be out any

moment, h to get a drink before the pub

closes.

What's your game?

>> Sorry, mate. Looking for the same thing

myself.

>> Get lost.

>> [music]

>> Heat.

Heat.

[music]

Don't you believe in lights?

>> I beg your pardon?

>> Lights?

>> Yes. I'm so sorry, officer.

>> Vehicles come out of there, you know.

>> Yes. I'm so sorry. We'll

>> watch it next time.

>> [music]

[music]

>> Heat.

Heat.

>> [music]

[music]

>> Heat.

Heat.

[music]

>> [music]

[music]

>> Heat. Heat.

[music]

This is the view of the bank that you

will see 3 weeks from today. Gentlemen,

just before the armored car arrives, a

commissioner opens the side entrance to

the bank. The armored car always arrives

at 10:55.

As soon as it stops, one guard gets out

of the cabin and goes to the rear of the

vehicle. At a signal from him, the door

is opened from the inside and he's

joined by two other guards. All these

three men are armed. The money you see

being handled so calmly often amounts to

over a million pounds. It doesn't seem

possible, does it? I mean, I would have

thought a million would look much more.

I assure you it is. Each of those boxes

contains £50,000 in used notes.

Take a good look, gentlemen, because

it's all there. Operation Golden Fleece.

This is the battlefield on which we

shall fight. And here, I promise you, we

shall enjoy our finest hour. What price,

Gloria?

£100,000

each tax-free.

You won't have to sign a single form for

it. You won't even have to salute.

The entire operation takes exactly 3

minutes. The money is now being wheeled

into the side entrance of the bank and

the armored car leaves.

We wait until it turns this corner.

At that point, we go into action.

Lights.

The money is now being wheeled down this

corridor to the lift and then to the

vaults.

Question.

>> Yes, sir. I I must be a bit confused.

I'm sorry. But why do we wait till the

money's inside the bank? I mean, surely

>> because to try to take it outside will

be fatal as well as messy. The driver of

the armored car is completely sealed in,

safe from attack, and in constant touch

with both the police and his own

company. What do you do about the alarm

system there?

>> I do nothing. I leave that to you.

Actually, there are two alarm systems in

the bank. One to their security company

and one to the nearest police station.

There are at least a dozen push buttons

in the building. If one of them is

pressed, signals go out. Steel shutters

come down and block every exit. And at

the same time, an alarm starts ringing

on the roof. And what do I do about

that? You will prevent it from

happening. As our explosives expert, you

will manufacture bombs which when

dropped into this manhole here, and this

one here will knock out the telephone

and electricity systems of the entire

area. Meanwhile, Mr. Alexi, our radio

expert, will be jamming all police

broadcasts over a radius, I hope, of at

least 2 mi. At the same time, Major

Rutland Smith will provide us with a

noxious and blinding smoke screen. This

will not affect us because we shall be

wearing gas masks so generously provided

by the army. Thus, when we move in, we

move against a target that is both

surprised and defenseless.

So in that case, you know, no getting

away from it, you'll end up with a

knighthood. [music]

[music]

1 2 3 [music]

[music]

Heat. [music]

[music]

[music]

[music]

Heat.

[music]

>> [music]

>> Come on. Come on. Get a spurt on. I want

this place cleared by 12.

>> Oh, good morning, officer. Can I help

you?

>> Good morning, sir. I didn't know this

place was being used again.

>> Oh, no. I've just taken it on

temporarily until my permanent premises

are ready.

>> Oh, I'll keep an eye on it, sir. Now I

know you're here.

>> I wish you would. That's very kind of

you.

>> His routine, sir. Good day.

>> Good day, officer.

>> Could he have seen anything?

No.

Well, there she is. How's that for

service?

>> Where did you get it?

>> Harros charged your account.

>> Do you mean you stole it in broad

daylight?

>> Well, if you want to put it that

crudely. Yes.

>> You bloody idiot. We had a policeman

here not 2 minutes ago.

>> So,

>> so what if he saw you turn in here and

took the number?

>> Well, no one knows the car has been

stolen yet. So, why bother about the

number?

>> I gave explicit orders. The job was not

to be attempted until after dark.

>> All right. Well, court marshall me, old

darling.

>> Thank you. That'll cost you a 100.

>> Well, make it 500. I'm easy.

>> Now, I'm in charge of transport, right?

Well, I decided it was better to have

this car here today. We may have to do

some work on it.

>> What sort of work?

>> How do I know till I've looked? Or would

you rather find out on the day?

>> I'll accept the fact that your motives

look good, but that's the last time you

disobey orders. We can't afford to waste

all the work we're doing just because

one man wants to be a hero. I have

nothing against heroes except they're

usually crooked for other people.

>> Get in under cover.

>> All right, Stevens, get it in, William.

Opadre, get some number plates made up.

Private car, London area, 1960.

>> Right.

Well done, Padre.

Excellent. Well, gentlemen, that more or

less wraps it up. Oh, I think the

agitant would like one word with you.

>> Yes. I want the drivers to report to me

immediately after this briefing that all

petrol tanks and spare jetty cans are

full and that oil levels and tire

pressures are correct. And then I'll

carry out a final engine inspection.

That's all, Colonel. [clears throat]

>> Sir.

>> Yes, Quer Master.

>> Just about the leave arrangement, sir.

You asked me to mention the suitcases.

Oh, yes. Yes. The quartermaster has

provided an extra suitcase of peace to

allow for your excess baggage after the

operation. I take it you've all read the

movement order for tomorrow night. I've

laid on a little celebration. It'll be

our last get together as I don't

anticipate any future regimental

reunions. And throughout the evening,

all officers, as per the movement order,

will be going off on a well-earned leave

to sunnier climbs.

Wacko.

>> Oh, yes, Robert. Oh, I'm so sorry. I

quite forgot it. Please. [snorts]

>> The latest am weather forecast for

tomorrow, Friday the 18th. Most of

England cloudy with occasional rain or

showers with some bright periods.

[laughter]

>> Further outlook very promising. Thank

you, Robert. You read that very nicely.

Well, gentlemen,

it just remains for me to thank you for

all your hard work, enthusiasm, and

unfailing loyalty. Everything's

prepared. We've left nothing to chance.

Our last reconnaissance photographs

reveal no changes. And I know that we

shall be amply rewarded for all our

efforts.

It's all there waiting for us tomorrow

morning.

So relax, get a good night's sleep,

and good luck.

>> Thanks, master. [music]

>> [music]

>> Yeah.

Yeah.

>> [bell]

>> Well, I'm damned.

>> Come in.

Have a drink.

and pull up a chair.

>> Couldn't sleep.

It was the waiting that always killed me

in the war.

Killed everyone.

>> Always surprises you. It's like love.

Every time you think it's going to be

different,

but it's always the same.

It's the sameness that surprises you.

>> I uh I won't ask you in cuz mother's

waiting up.

Got it straight now, haven't you?

Midnight tomorrow, London airport. Drive

carefully.

Sh.

Mr. Lixie.

Good morning, sir.

>> You realize this is a gross breach of

discipline?

>> Yes, sir. I I was just trying to relax

as per your instructions, sir.

>> Well, I don't know what action I shall

take yet, but at the very least, it'll

be a heavy fine.

>> Yes, sir. Thanks, sir.

Yes, sir.

>> How much would you say she was worth?

>> What's it for the full 500?

[music]

Heat

up

here.

>> [music]

>> Heat [music]

up here.

>> [music]

>> Heat up here.

Heat.

Heat.

Heat.

[music]

[music]

Heat.

[music] Heat.

[music]

Heat.

>> [music]

[music]

>> Heat up

[music]

here.

[bell]

>> [music]

>> Heat. Heat.

Heat.

Heat. [music]

[bell]

[music]

Heat. Heat.

Heat. Heat.

[music]

Heat.

[music]

Heat.

[music]

>> [music]

>> Heat.

Heat.

[music]

>> [music]

[music]

>> Heat. Heat.

Heat.

Heat.

off.

Heat.

Yeah.

Heat.

Heat. Heat.

>> [music]

>> Heat.

[music] Heat.

>> [music]

[music]

>> There you

This is

[music]

[music]

heat.

Heat. Heat.

[music]

Heat.

[music]

Heat.

Heat.

Heat.

>> [music]

>> Heat. Heat.

Excuse me, sir. Can you give me a light?

[music]

[music]

Heat.

Heat.

Do what you're told and no one will get

hurt. over there everyone.

[screaming]

You stay where you are.

[screaming]

All exits will be covered for 5 minutes

after we leave. So I hope you'll all

behave sensibly. But just to impress

upon you the need of caution.

[clears throat]

Yeah.

I can't see.

All right.

Fight.

What happened on the ground already?

>> [laughter]

>> Sorry.

>> Nothing of it. I'm made of money.

>> Here we are. Now come along, darling.

You have over the road.

>> No, don't delay them. We must keep the

schedule.

>> You may never mind where you're going

yet. That information is restricted. Uh,

well,

>> and you too, sir. I won't drop you

lying.

>> No, don't.

>> But I'll be thinking of you,

>> Weaver.

>> Oh, no.

>> Don't do anything too explosive.

>> Definitely not, sir. I'll use a very

slow fuse. [laughter] But goodbye,

everybody. Have a good time. Goodbye.

>> Char, [laughter]

you know, I suddenly feel rather sad.

>> A big Pre.

>> Suddenly, Peter,

>> poor old Padre. He's going to feel a

pinch.

>> Oh, really? Why?

>> Well, now you can afford to sin takes

the edge off it. Your only hope is to

hop gospel it to California and found

your own church.

>> Start a new movement.

>> You're very busy deciding anybody else's

future. Lexi,

>> what do you intend to do?

>> Well, after I've settled all the

outstanding maintenance orders, look,

I'm not kidding. I was a fair operator

without money. Now I'm loaded. I'll have

to beat [laughter] them off with clubs.

>> Well, you don't belong to any.

>> Thank you, buddy. Well, Robert, I'll

burn this.

>> You're going off now.

>> Yes, my time's come.

>> Well, journeys in.

>> I hope the rest of the quotation comes

true. I doubt it. I'm the exception to

the rule. I always make the same mistake

twice. You know, don't bother see me.

I'd say hey goodbyes.

Well, thanks for everything. I can't

tell you how much I

going to spend it, too.

>> Awfully decent type that you know. Oh,

Robert.

>> Oh, one of the best.

>> Solid as a rock.

>> The party seems to be dying a bit. We

can't have that. Martin, put on another

record. Padre, do the honors.

>> Right, sir.

>> Here we are. This one over here.

>> Is um is this all you got, sir?

>> What's wrong? Nothing there.

>> Well, it's not exactly the hip parade.

Still, uh, let's try this one.

[music]

of the queen. Let the [music] queen

the queen

[music]

[music]

at the door.

>> What?

Listen

Norman.

Well, don't say you forgot me, Oscar.

Warren. Bunny. Warren.

>> Bunny.

Of course. [laughter] Yes.

>> I was going to say haven't changed all

that much, have I?

>> Oh, no. No. It was just that I couldn't

see who it was at first.

>> Well, how are you?

>> Oh, can't complain. I can't complain. My

god, you haven't ordered a scrap. Kick

it with a shock to thought he would.

Well, I finally found you in. Now, look

here. Guess what? We're neighbors.

>> Neighbors?

>> Yes. I moved in last week, Weddingington

Avenue. I couldn't believe my luck when

I got your address from the association.

I called a couple of times, but no

reply.

>> No, I've been a bit busy. [laughter]

>> How are things, eh? Everything tickity

stitch?

I uh I thought I heard a bit of a party

going on.

>> Oh, just a few business friends.

Well, come and join us.

>> Oh, well, you know me. Uh, we ought to

buy by now. Never say no to a party. By

golly, those are the days. E.

>> Oh, what about Vienna? Oh,

[laughter]

>> well, come on in.

>> Evening,

>> gentlemen. I'd like you to meet an old

friend of mine, Brigadier Bunny Warren.

>> I had the honor to serve under him in 30

core. What will you drink?

>> Oh, by the scotch.

>> Yes. Donnie was telling me that he's

just become a neighbor of mine.

>> Yeah, you know, it's bloody funny how

the old water throws under the uh under

the the I I I haven't seen Norman for

how long is it, Norman?

>> Oh, it must be 1948.

It must be it it must be all of that.

[laughter]

>> Tell me, what are you ch celebrating?

Eh,

>> well, I don't know how you describe it

really. Um, how would you describe it,

Norman? Oh.

>> Oh, cheers. Oh, thanks so much. Cheers.

Cheers, everybody. Cheers.

>> Describe what? Right. I just wondering

what the party was made on. Mind you,

never needed any excuse myself.

[laughter]

Oh, I say Norman. Do you remember that

Christmas at Hamburg? That was one for

the book. Eh, that'll go down in

history, that one.

>> Yes. Well, if you excuse me, Norman, I

think I better be buzzing.

>> Oh, must you be going?

>> Yes. Must be too late tonight. Well,

very nice to meet you.

>> Yes, you too. See you again, I hope.

>> I hope so. Yes.

>> Thank you once again for a lovely party,

Norman. I enjoyed every moment of it.

>> I'll get your coat.

>> Yes. I'll just say goodbye. Uh, well,

goodbye, Padre. I mean uh well goodbye

everybody. Look after yourselves now. Um

do I have something with me? What was

that?

>> A dog then? Uh no suitcases. Sorry.

>> Yes. Thank you. Good.

>> Well um bye once again. Well, bye.

>> Yes. You know that that party I was

talking about? It was in Hamburg and I

>> Hamburg. Really? Oh, let me chop you.

Oh, it's jolly nice of you. Hello, dead

soldier. Seen plenty of those in my

time. [laughter]

How will you uh get rid of him?

>> Oh, don't worry. I'll find a way. I know

Bunny's capacity to the last ounce. By

tomorrow morning, this will be but a

part of a monumental hangover. Good

luck.

[screaming]

>> Thank you, sir, for changing my way of

life.

>> He was in the sergeant's mess. As a

matter of fact, old Wilson said he was

going to do some conjuring tricks.

>> Was he any good?

>> That was the point. No, he was no bloody

good at all. [laughter]

>> Well, you know, he could do the usual

things, you know, card tricks, all that

sort of stuff. Then then he announced

that he was going to attempt something

very elaborate.

>> How's your drink, Bonnie?

>> All right, at the moment, thanks. I I'll

just tell him about old Wilson.

[laughter]

>> Well, he he got something to get him a

tray and a bottle of Steinhog. You

remember that German gin? [laughter]

More or less yubot fuel.

Well, anyway, he stood in the tray and

he poured his stuff all over him.

[laughter]

>> Oh, sacrilege.

>> Yes. Yes. Well, that was it. That was

it. Then he said light to himself.

[laughter] He went up like a rocket.

Of course, mind you, we all pitched in,

you know, chaps all sort of threw water

and all this sort of stuff, but you

damned inflammable southernstein hoger.

Yes, poor devil. He [laughter] He was a

dead storm for 3 months, you know.

Really, he never turned a hair. Never

turned a hair. All [laughter] he said

was, "Well, at least I know that trick

doesn't work."

Um, thank you,

>> Norman. I think perhaps

>> Yes, Norman mustn't keep the little

darling uh the little woman awaiting.

>> Oh, must you go?

>> We both had rather a full day.

>> Say nothing of a full night coming up.

[laughter] Hello. What's that in need

of?

>> Oh, off for a dirty weekend, eh?

>> No, no, just a well earned rest.

>> You speak for yourself. I'm off for a

dirty year if I live that long. Well,

cheeriohy, Bunny, take [laughter] care

of that lovely redneck. I'm awfully glad

you've moved in around here. Very select

little neighborhood. I know Norman's

pleased, aren't you, Norman?

>> It made my day. [laughter]

>> Oh, so long, H. Goodbye.

>> See you in the headlines.

>> Keep up the good work, Padre.

>> Oh, I will. There are very few of us

left, you know.

>> So long all lovely party, Norman, old

darling. I'll see you out. [laughter]

>> Did I hear you call him Pard? Oh, it's

just a nickname, Bunny. He used to be a

missionary of sorts. Allow me.

>> Oh, thank you.

>> And you better answer that.

>> Yes, I suppose I should have.

Hello,

John. George Norman Hyde.

This is Superintendent Wheatlock here.

Sorry, wrong number.

>> It was the wrong number.

>> Oh, whatever. Oh, I've I've been playing

with that wrong number thing for I never

forget when I was uh in Ali Al

Alexander,

you know, I had one of these machines,

this telev you know, Bunny, you just

help yourself, will you? I'll be back in

a minute.

>> Oh. Oh, thank you very much.

Norman, that was the police.

>> Police on the telephone.

>> What did they want?

>> Well, they asked for you. I run off.

>> Well, let's take a look around. You try

the back. I'll go upstairs.

[music]

>> [music]

[music]

[music]

>> How easy is it? All clear. I'm at the

front.

>> No dice.

Hang on a minute, will you? I'll fetch

him.

>> Oh, there you are, Norman. It wasn't the

wrong number after all. Superintendent

Whit Whitlock is

>> Thank you, buddy.

>> Here you are. What's this for?

>> I don't know. Well, you misunderstood

me. I I mean, it's fair. We

>> If you think I'm going without you,

you're very much mistaken. Now, don't

argue. This way, one of us has still got

a chance. I'll storm them off as long as

I can. At any rate, you'll get a head

start.

>> Oh, come on. This isn't the time to do a

bow chest.

>> I'm not going to tell her anyway.

>> Just a minute.

>> For the last time, Peter, will you get

the hell out of here? That's an order.

>> No, the rules don't apply anymore.

>> Major Race, I said that's an order.

All right, Colonel, if that's the way

you want it.

Give them their money's worth of the

trial, then flog your memoirs to the

Sunday papers.

There's always an angle that way.

[music]

Now, look here, Nor. It's none of my

business. I mean, you got this message

first.

>> Yes. All right, Danny. I'll answer it

now.

Yes. Yes, this is Colonel Hyde speaking.

>> Thank you. I am aware of that.

There's just one thing I'd like to know.

Who betrayed us? No one betrayed you.

>> Just his name. That's all I want to

know. Purely for the record.

>> I'm telling you, nobody did any

betraying.

>> I can't accept that.

>> All right, Colonel. For what it's worth,

the name of the person who led us to you

is Billy Miles.

>> I don't know anybody of that name.

>> Billy Miles is the 8-year-old son of a

caretaker who lives in East Chief

joining the bank. He collects car

numbers and he happened to spot the

number plates on the furniture van. M

OW872

and that's a Southampton registration

for private cars.

>> It's all very interesting.

But what is it supposed to prove

>> on its own? Nothing.

But do you remember a young copper at

your warehouse?

He was pretty green. He didn't know as

much about number plates as the kid.

But he did know enough to make a note of

the van's number

and the number of your own car standing

in the yard.

That's your traitor, Colonel. Your own

car.

>> Now look, sir, I'm afraid if you don't

come down here within 5 minutes, we

shall have to come up to the house.

>> That won't be necessary.

I'll come to you.

Anything wrong, Norman?

Can I Can I help?

Nobody. It's a long story.

And you're going to bore people to death

with it.

Well, if you're ready, I'll

walk you a part of the way home.

>> Well, I I really

just arrived. What? What's up, Norman?

Is the party over?

>> Yes, buddy. The party's over.

The drink

and the luck

ran out.

>> [music]

[music]

[music]

>> It looks bunny as if you'll have to make

a night of it.

[music]

All present and correct, sir.

At ease, gentlemen.

[music]

Going on somewhere, are we?

[music]

>> [music]

[music]

[music]

>> Heat. Heat.

[music]

>> [music]