Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:52,213 --> 00:00:53,708
Fuego del Culo.
2
00:00:53,877 --> 00:00:56,019
Girl, if it itches, it's crabs.
3
00:01:10,499 --> 00:01:12,871
Hey, girl.
You want some brown liquor?
4
00:01:13,040 --> 00:01:14,902
Brown liquor
don't make this pussy pop.
5
00:01:15,071 --> 00:01:17,036
Tequila it is.
6
00:01:17,205 --> 00:01:19,309
Here you go.
Mm.
7
00:01:22,178 --> 00:01:23,980
! Viva la revolución!
8
00:01:24,182 --> 00:01:25,422
Now, that shit right there make
9
00:01:25,547 --> 00:01:27,215
my pussy pop on a handstand!
10
00:01:27,384 --> 00:01:28,952
So, what are you doing here
anyway?
11
00:01:29,154 --> 00:01:31,087
What do you think
I'm doing here?
12
00:01:31,255 --> 00:01:32,748
I'm starring
in the opening scene.
13
00:01:32,917 --> 00:01:35,292
Been there, done that.
14
00:01:35,460 --> 00:01:37,662
Pick up the phone!
Pick up the pho...
15
00:01:37,865 --> 00:01:39,922
Richie?
Teyana. Hi.
16
00:01:40,091 --> 00:01:41,540
I thought it'd be easier
for the audience
17
00:01:41,564 --> 00:01:43,625
if they didn't have to read
more texts.
18
00:01:43,827 --> 00:01:45,974
Yeah, that makes sense.
'Cause you know
these motherfuckers can't read.
19
00:01:45,998 --> 00:01:49,505
I know who goes to see
a Wayans Brothers movie.
20
00:01:49,707 --> 00:01:51,742
Well, it's nice
to phone-meet you
21
00:01:51,911 --> 00:01:53,439
in this super awkward way.
22
00:01:53,607 --> 00:01:55,280
Likewise.
But I got to be honest.
23
00:01:55,449 --> 00:01:57,980
When I seen your profile pic,
a bitch almost swiped left
24
00:01:58,149 --> 00:01:59,584
because you look mad goofy.
25
00:01:59,753 --> 00:02:01,243
But surprisingly,
26
00:02:01,412 --> 00:02:04,021
you know them goofy niggas
got big dicks, so here we are.
27
00:02:04,223 --> 00:02:05,688
I take you for a Jersey girl.
28
00:02:05,890 --> 00:02:06,890
A Jersey girl?
29
00:02:06,993 --> 00:02:09,118
Listen, I love Jersey down.
30
00:02:09,287 --> 00:02:11,663
But I'm a Harlem girl.
Born and motherfucking raised.
31
00:02:11,866 --> 00:02:13,622
Real niggas only. Yeah.
32
00:02:13,791 --> 00:02:15,629
Oh, so you're Black.
33
00:02:17,463 --> 00:02:18,770
No, motherfucker!
34
00:02:18,939 --> 00:02:20,638
I'm BLACK!
35
00:02:20,807 --> 00:02:22,101
All caps.
36
00:02:22,270 --> 00:02:24,774
No cap, but caps.
37
00:02:24,942 --> 00:02:26,475
Fuck all y'all!
38
00:02:27,709 --> 00:02:29,580
Bitch,
spit them pearls back out.
39
00:02:30,741 --> 00:02:32,382
I ain't want your shit.
40
00:02:33,414 --> 00:02:35,152
Hello.
So tell me,
41
00:02:35,321 --> 00:02:37,286
what's your favorite
scary movie?
42
00:02:37,455 --> 00:02:39,517
Mm... I don't really do them,
you know.
43
00:02:39,686 --> 00:02:40,949
All the stupid tropes and shit.
44
00:02:41,118 --> 00:02:42,801
Why is it always
the white bitch at the end?
45
00:02:42,825 --> 00:02:44,759
Because they know
it is too hard
to kill a sista.
46
00:02:44,928 --> 00:02:46,968
Y'know what I'm sayin'?
Cause if the sista can survive
47
00:02:46,992 --> 00:02:49,425
government cheese,
we can survive anything.
48
00:02:51,298 --> 00:02:53,314
You know, it might help
if you met me outside.
49
00:02:53,338 --> 00:02:55,405
Met you outside?
Boy, you is needy!
50
00:02:56,474 --> 00:02:58,139
What's your sign?
You must be a Scorpio.
51
00:02:58,308 --> 00:02:59,373
How'd you know?
52
00:02:59,542 --> 00:03:01,346
Good dick though.
But toxic as hell.
53
00:03:01,515 --> 00:03:03,344
Hey, is the restaurant
near an alley?
54
00:03:03,513 --> 00:03:06,147
Yes, hurry
before they rob your ass.
55
00:03:06,316 --> 00:03:07,885
Roses?
Ah! Not today.
56
00:03:08,087 --> 00:03:09,850
Cheap bitch.
Heard you, ho.
57
00:03:10,019 --> 00:03:12,485
Okay, I'm...
I'm coming down the alley now.
58
00:03:12,654 --> 00:03:14,688
I'm here.
Can you see me? I'm waving.
59
00:03:15,355 --> 00:03:16,886
No.
60
00:03:17,055 --> 00:03:19,096
The person I'm looking at
is not waving.
61
00:03:19,298 --> 00:03:21,095
In fact,
they're just staring at me.
62
00:03:21,298 --> 00:03:23,197
Well, stare at his ass back!
63
00:03:23,366 --> 00:03:24,862
And don't blink. Never blink.
64
00:03:25,031 --> 00:03:26,951
You got to scrunch your lips
and be like, "What?"
65
00:03:27,033 --> 00:03:28,831
No, they're walking
towards me now.
66
00:03:28,999 --> 00:03:31,107
Hold on.
Oh no, they have a knife!
67
00:03:31,309 --> 00:03:33,168
Well, don't lead his ass
over here.
68
00:03:33,336 --> 00:03:34,536
And that's not the worst part.
69
00:03:36,044 --> 00:03:38,676
The worst part
is you know so much
70
00:03:38,845 --> 00:03:41,082
about horror movies
and yet you still
71
00:03:41,285 --> 00:03:44,053
walked into the alley alone.
72
00:03:44,222 --> 00:03:46,289
Yeah, well the worst part is,
73
00:03:46,491 --> 00:03:49,494
you fucking with
a New York bitch. Cuckoo!
74
00:03:49,663 --> 00:03:50,860
Yeah!
75
00:03:53,331 --> 00:03:55,395
Cuckoo, cuckoo!
76
00:03:55,564 --> 00:03:57,060
Cuckoo!
77
00:04:06,346 --> 00:04:08,445
Damn!
She's on some Avengers shit!
78
00:04:22,027 --> 00:04:23,226
Seriously, Larry?
79
00:04:23,394 --> 00:04:24,674
I ain't recognize
your bird call.
80
00:04:24,760 --> 00:04:26,595
Thought you was going
more with a...
81
00:04:26,764 --> 00:04:29,166
That's a pigeon, nigga!
Supposed to be, "Cuckoo!"
82
00:04:29,368 --> 00:04:32,403
Cuckoo!
A hawk swooping in an attack!
83
00:04:33,300 --> 00:04:34,300
My bad.
84
00:04:34,469 --> 00:04:35,769
Are you done?
85
00:04:37,602 --> 00:04:38,602
What the hell?
86
00:04:40,941 --> 00:04:44,208
Bitch, I'm Teyana Taylor.
My abs got abs.
87
00:04:44,377 --> 00:04:45,647
Get him!
88
00:04:45,815 --> 00:04:47,588
Ow! My arm! My arm!
89
00:04:47,612 --> 00:04:48,946
Get in there!
90
00:04:49,115 --> 00:04:50,866
Come on, guys,
we can work this out.
91
00:04:55,051 --> 00:04:56,651
Somebody help me!
92
00:04:56,820 --> 00:04:58,162
Do it, Larry!
93
00:04:58,365 --> 00:04:59,991
No, no, no...
94
00:05:01,066 --> 00:05:02,263
Hi-yah!
95
00:05:02,432 --> 00:05:04,125
Ow! Oh, God!
96
00:05:04,294 --> 00:05:05,974
All right, all right,
all right, all right!
97
00:05:06,031 --> 00:05:07,867
We out.
Get your hardheaded ass on.
98
00:05:08,900 --> 00:05:10,765
Welcome to New York, sucker!
99
00:05:10,934 --> 00:05:12,174
Hey, Teyana.
100
00:05:12,343 --> 00:05:13,738
You might have kicked my ass,
101
00:05:13,907 --> 00:05:16,540
but you still didn't win
that Oscar.
102
00:05:16,743 --> 00:05:18,446
What you say about my Oscar?
103
00:05:18,614 --> 00:05:21,345
Did I stutter? You lost!
104
00:05:21,547 --> 00:05:22,813
You right.
105
00:05:22,982 --> 00:05:24,884
But I won
that Golden Globe, bitch.
106
00:05:25,785 --> 00:05:27,489
Oh, my God! Really?
107
00:05:27,658 --> 00:05:29,203
That's why I never watched
Horror Movie.
108
00:05:29,227 --> 00:05:30,593
It's fucking terrible.
109
00:05:30,761 --> 00:05:33,126
Just a bunch
of celebrity cameos
and fart gags.
110
00:05:34,764 --> 00:05:36,102
So, you don't like parodies?
111
00:05:36,126 --> 00:05:37,825
I'm more into Judd Apatow films.
112
00:05:37,994 --> 00:05:40,534
You know, elevated comedy.
113
00:05:40,702 --> 00:05:42,797
And what is elevated comedy?
114
00:05:42,966 --> 00:05:44,366
Mm.
115
00:05:44,534 --> 00:05:45,817
The kind that doesn't actually
make anyone laugh,
116
00:05:45,841 --> 00:05:47,306
but makes white people
feel smart.
117
00:05:49,647 --> 00:05:50,967
Tuesday, don't answer that!
118
00:05:51,051 --> 00:05:52,476
It could be Ghostface.
119
00:05:52,645 --> 00:05:54,219
Oh, come on, Elle!
120
00:05:54,421 --> 00:05:56,355
Stuff like that
only happens in the movies.
121
00:05:59,124 --> 00:06:00,456
Oh, hey.
122
00:06:00,625 --> 00:06:02,854
I wasn't expecting you
to answer the door.
123
00:06:03,023 --> 00:06:06,028
What the fuck?
Now where is my knife?
124
00:06:06,197 --> 00:06:07,997
Ah, here it is.
125
00:06:08,166 --> 00:06:10,734
Hello, Tuesday.
126
00:06:34,559 --> 00:06:37,594
Hey, miss.
127
00:06:38,657 --> 00:06:39,821
What'd you take?
128
00:06:39,990 --> 00:06:41,690
Just Ritalin for my ADHD.
129
00:06:41,859 --> 00:06:43,266
Adderall for PTSD.
130
00:06:43,468 --> 00:06:45,532
A couple of Xanax
for my anxiety.
131
00:06:45,701 --> 00:06:47,538
And your boner pills.
132
00:06:47,707 --> 00:06:50,934
So good luck getting it up now.
133
00:06:51,137 --> 00:06:53,740
Jesus, Sara,
how many did you take?
134
00:06:53,909 --> 00:06:55,670
I don't know.
How many come in a bottle?
135
00:06:57,579 --> 00:06:59,084
Hey, Jess.
Sara,
136
00:06:59,253 --> 00:07:00,608
Tuesday's in the hospital.
137
00:07:00,777 --> 00:07:04,054
She was stabbed. By a killer...
you know, Ghostface.
138
00:07:04,223 --> 00:07:05,556
Wait. From Wu-Tang?
139
00:07:05,724 --> 00:07:07,853
Why would Ghostface Killah
aka Pretty Toney
140
00:07:08,022 --> 00:07:10,153
aka Starky Love
want to stab my sister?
141
00:07:10,355 --> 00:07:12,429
God, Sara,
it wasn't Ghostface Killah.
142
00:07:12,598 --> 00:07:14,260
It was somebody
in a Ghostface mask.
143
00:07:14,429 --> 00:07:15,461
Oh!
144
00:07:15,664 --> 00:07:17,430
Okay, that makes more sense.
145
00:07:21,203 --> 00:07:22,203
Hah!
146
00:07:23,066 --> 00:07:25,337
I ain't the one!
147
00:07:25,539 --> 00:07:26,975
Oh!
148
00:07:27,178 --> 00:07:28,178
Jesus, Jack!
149
00:07:28,244 --> 00:07:29,579
What?
150
00:07:29,748 --> 00:07:31,711
I was thinking about
wearing this for Halloween.
151
00:07:31,880 --> 00:07:33,320
My estranged
flat-chested half-sister
152
00:07:33,477 --> 00:07:35,381
was nearly killed
by a psycho in a ghost mask.
153
00:07:36,986 --> 00:07:39,718
I got to go see her
and make up for the past.
154
00:07:39,887 --> 00:07:41,519
Whoa... Hey, hey, hey.
155
00:07:41,721 --> 00:07:42,920
I'm going with you.
156
00:07:43,088 --> 00:07:44,527
Not because
I'm the obvious killer
157
00:07:44,729 --> 00:07:46,232
trying to lure you back
to your hometown.
158
00:07:46,256 --> 00:07:47,823
I'm just
the supportive boyfriend.
159
00:07:47,991 --> 00:07:49,263
Yeah.
That's all.
160
00:07:50,700 --> 00:07:52,296
Okay, let's go. Get in the car.
161
00:07:52,465 --> 00:07:55,474
Listen, we just have
to make one stop on the way.
162
00:07:56,339 --> 00:07:58,268
I survived.
163
00:07:58,436 --> 00:08:00,342
All thanks to my lucky penny.
164
00:08:25,803 --> 00:08:29,464
I hate when y'all leave!
Come give me a hug.
165
00:08:29,633 --> 00:08:32,707
Ma, come on, turn off
this ratchet-ass music.
166
00:08:32,910 --> 00:08:35,343
It's embarrassing,
especially for Black women.
167
00:08:35,511 --> 00:08:36,745
It's not embarrassing.
168
00:08:36,947 --> 00:08:38,544
I'm the cool ma everybody wish
they had.
169
00:08:38,746 --> 00:08:40,011
I'm lit!
Don't forget,
170
00:08:40,180 --> 00:08:41,949
I got practice later
so I'll be home late.
171
00:08:42,117 --> 00:08:43,656
You only made the team
because you're Black
172
00:08:43,680 --> 00:08:45,649
and those racist fucks
assumed you could play.
173
00:08:45,818 --> 00:08:47,852
Mm.
It's 2026.
174
00:08:48,021 --> 00:08:49,390
I don't think race is an issue.
175
00:08:49,592 --> 00:08:50,926
Do you read Black Twitter?
176
00:08:51,128 --> 00:08:52,322
No.
177
00:08:52,966 --> 00:08:53,966
Ugh, Brad,
178
00:08:54,026 --> 00:08:55,691
are you still dating that ho?
179
00:08:55,860 --> 00:08:56,695
Okay.
180
00:08:56,864 --> 00:08:58,227
Stop ho-shaming her, heiffa.
181
00:08:58,396 --> 00:08:59,900
Just because Darrel and them
182
00:09:00,069 --> 00:09:01,900
ran a train on her
doesn't make her a ho.
183
00:09:02,103 --> 00:09:04,803
She's not a "ho",
she's "sex positive".
184
00:09:04,972 --> 00:09:06,875
Well, I'm positive she is a ho.
185
00:09:08,006 --> 00:09:09,872
Hey, girl! Look at you!
186
00:09:10,041 --> 00:09:11,416
Early for Halloween, huh?
187
00:09:11,618 --> 00:09:13,378
What you this year?
Slutty schoolgirl?
188
00:09:13,547 --> 00:09:14,348
Ho-ey ho?
189
00:09:14,517 --> 00:09:16,417
Hi, Ms. Meeks.
190
00:09:16,586 --> 00:09:18,319
Love the hair. Very...
191
00:09:18,487 --> 00:09:19,915
Octavia Spencer.
192
00:09:20,117 --> 00:09:21,191
Well, thank you very much.
193
00:09:21,360 --> 00:09:22,726
I got to invite you over
194
00:09:22,894 --> 00:09:25,226
and make you
a little shit pie.
Ooh.
195
00:09:25,395 --> 00:09:28,089
You know what? I got to get to
African American History class.
196
00:09:28,291 --> 00:09:29,451
We're learning about slavery.
197
00:09:29,535 --> 00:09:31,894
Come to find out,
it was a choice.
198
00:09:32,063 --> 00:09:33,099
You see that right there?
199
00:09:34,033 --> 00:09:35,704
That's Kanye?
That's right.
200
00:09:35,873 --> 00:09:38,306
They've been teaching us
wrong all this time.
201
00:09:38,508 --> 00:09:39,508
Mm-hmm. Stay Black!
202
00:09:39,677 --> 00:09:42,443
Bye, Ma.
All right. Bye, baby.
203
00:09:42,645 --> 00:09:43,712
Bye, Ms. Meeks.
Bye.
204
00:09:43,881 --> 00:09:45,878
Son, I put some condoms
in your bag!
205
00:09:46,047 --> 00:09:47,610
You know how they try
to trap y'all.
206
00:09:47,779 --> 00:09:48,884
Ma!
207
00:09:51,052 --> 00:09:52,985
Okay, seriously, "Sheriff Greg",
208
00:09:53,188 --> 00:09:54,934
you don't have to walk me
to class. I'm fine.
209
00:09:54,958 --> 00:09:57,762
Jess, there's a serial killer
on the loose.
210
00:09:57,931 --> 00:10:00,461
I'm not gonna let anything
happen to my baby girl.
211
00:10:00,630 --> 00:10:02,559
Boy! Okay? I'm a baby boy!
212
00:10:02,728 --> 00:10:04,064
I'm sorry!
213
00:10:04,233 --> 00:10:05,969
I'm having a
hard time with this transition.
214
00:10:06,171 --> 00:10:09,434
Okay, it's really simple.
Treat me like one of the guys.
215
00:10:09,603 --> 00:10:10,804
Okay?
216
00:10:10,973 --> 00:10:13,311
All right. I-I can do that.
Yeah.
217
00:10:13,513 --> 00:10:15,673
Slap fight.
Oh.
218
00:10:15,875 --> 00:10:16,875
You call that a slap?
219
00:10:18,414 --> 00:10:19,450
Whew.
220
00:10:19,618 --> 00:10:21,078
What the hell
did you do that for?
221
00:10:21,247 --> 00:10:24,121
Don't act like such a bitch.
222
00:10:24,289 --> 00:10:25,783
Bitch.
223
00:10:28,955 --> 00:10:31,157
Yeah, not bad.
224
00:10:33,963 --> 00:10:35,491
Who the hell lives like this?
225
00:10:47,614 --> 00:10:50,447
Oh, honey,
it is so good to see you!
226
00:10:50,616 --> 00:10:52,340
Come in! Do you want some tea?
227
00:10:52,543 --> 00:10:55,209
Oh, my God, Mother.
You look like shit!
228
00:10:55,411 --> 00:10:56,952
Babe, please.
229
00:10:57,121 --> 00:10:58,725
This is clearly a woman
who's run out of conditioner.
230
00:10:58,749 --> 00:11:00,751
Oh, be careful where you walk.
The whole place
231
00:11:00,920 --> 00:11:02,354
is booby-trapped.
232
00:11:02,523 --> 00:11:04,557
You never know when
that psycho's gonna come back.
233
00:11:04,759 --> 00:11:06,458
Come in.
234
00:11:06,627 --> 00:11:07,798
Okay.
235
00:11:16,937 --> 00:11:19,469
I hate this job.
236
00:11:21,710 --> 00:11:23,044
Mrs. Campbell,
237
00:11:23,846 --> 00:11:25,977
I'm Jack, Sara's boyfriend.
238
00:11:26,146 --> 00:11:27,877
I've heard so much about you...
239
00:11:28,046 --> 00:11:29,215
Uh, none of it good.
240
00:11:30,250 --> 00:11:32,489
I have heard nothing
about you, Jack.
241
00:11:32,658 --> 00:11:34,354
I assume you're a piece of shit.
242
00:11:34,523 --> 00:11:37,492
But how would I know when
I haven't heard
from my daughter
243
00:11:37,660 --> 00:11:39,493
in, what, six months?
244
00:11:39,662 --> 00:11:41,331
Six years, Mother.
245
00:11:41,500 --> 00:11:43,198
And whose fault is that?
246
00:11:43,367 --> 00:11:45,968
"And whose fault is that?"
I don't know, maybe it's yours!
247
00:11:46,602 --> 00:11:47,870
That's fair.
248
00:11:48,039 --> 00:11:50,766
We want to learn
from the horror you survived.
249
00:11:50,968 --> 00:11:51,737
Look...
250
00:11:51,973 --> 00:11:53,743
Scary Movie 3 and 4
251
00:11:53,945 --> 00:11:55,545
paid me
a lot of money for a girl...
252
00:11:55,714 --> 00:11:57,673
There is nothing to learn there.
253
00:11:57,842 --> 00:12:00,448
But if you want to talk
about The House Bunny, shoot.
254
00:12:00,650 --> 00:12:02,215
It's happening again!
255
00:12:02,384 --> 00:12:05,686
Some asshole in a mask.
We have to stop him.
256
00:12:05,855 --> 00:12:07,790
You're not ready, love bug.
257
00:12:07,992 --> 00:12:11,152
I have been preparing
for this for years.
258
00:12:11,321 --> 00:12:12,894
Sacrificed everything.
259
00:12:13,063 --> 00:12:16,026
You were a terrible mother.
Come on, honey
260
00:12:16,195 --> 00:12:17,892
we had some good times.
261
00:12:18,061 --> 00:12:21,932
Like that Christmas I took you
to meet Santa at the mall.
262
00:12:31,448 --> 00:12:32,448
Move!
263
00:12:32,977 --> 00:12:34,375
Hi, Santa.
264
00:12:34,544 --> 00:12:37,716
Sorry if I don't
sit in your lap.
265
00:12:37,885 --> 00:12:39,319
You creep me out.
266
00:12:46,958 --> 00:12:47,958
Mom?
267
00:12:48,700 --> 00:12:50,697
Santa gave me a severed arm!
268
00:12:50,865 --> 00:12:52,595
Be sure to thank him.
269
00:12:59,302 --> 00:13:01,278
Is that a foot?
270
00:13:01,447 --> 00:13:03,007
Ew, that's gross.
271
00:13:04,416 --> 00:13:05,546
What the fuck?
272
00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:09,820
I am sorry
273
00:13:09,989 --> 00:13:12,721
if that's how you found out
Santa doesn't exist.
274
00:13:12,890 --> 00:13:14,816
Ugh, Mother, I need your help!
275
00:13:14,985 --> 00:13:18,153
To heal our emotional wounds
and put the past behind us?
276
00:13:18,321 --> 00:13:19,961
Oh, God, no.
277
00:13:20,130 --> 00:13:22,630
No, to kill Ghostface!
278
00:13:22,798 --> 00:13:24,299
Do you have any guns?
279
00:13:25,671 --> 00:13:28,295
I am Cindy fucking Campbell.
280
00:13:28,464 --> 00:13:30,074
I've got millions of guns!
281
00:13:30,243 --> 00:13:31,243
But, um,
282
00:13:31,270 --> 00:13:32,840
none of them are registered
283
00:13:33,009 --> 00:13:35,111
due to my mental health issues.
284
00:13:35,280 --> 00:13:38,943
So, if you could just keep that
on the low...
285
00:13:39,112 --> 00:13:41,044
- Okay.
- Oh!
286
00:13:41,246 --> 00:13:42,611
Yeah, I'm gonna be fine.
287
00:13:42,780 --> 00:13:44,500
I didn't hurt myself
on any of these spikes.
288
00:13:52,722 --> 00:13:54,531
Oh, hey,
so I spoke to Sara earlier.
289
00:13:54,700 --> 00:13:55,994
Oh, is she coming?
You know,
290
00:13:56,163 --> 00:13:57,533
I did hear a buzzing sound.
291
00:13:57,735 --> 00:13:59,334
So it's possible.
No.
292
00:13:59,503 --> 00:14:02,240
I meant
to Woodsville, dumb-ass.
Oh. Yeah, I forgot to ask.
293
00:14:02,442 --> 00:14:03,970
Hey, Jimbo! Go deep!
294
00:14:04,139 --> 00:14:04,900
Yeah, yeah!
Throw it, throw it!
295
00:14:05,102 --> 00:14:06,871
Oh!
296
00:14:07,073 --> 00:14:08,209
Sweet!
297
00:14:08,977 --> 00:14:10,307
Speaking of going deep...
298
00:14:10,476 --> 00:14:12,343
Uh, I don't know
if it's a good time.
299
00:14:12,512 --> 00:14:14,118
Everyone knows
what happens to teenagers
300
00:14:14,287 --> 00:14:15,896
who try to make love when
there's a killer on the loose.
301
00:14:15,920 --> 00:14:17,414
Brad's right
about one thing, guys.
302
00:14:17,616 --> 00:14:20,016
Okay, Ghostface is back.
We need to arm up.
303
00:14:20,185 --> 00:14:22,616
Pepper spray, check.
304
00:14:22,785 --> 00:14:24,493
Taser, check.
305
00:14:24,662 --> 00:14:26,189
Butt plug,
306
00:14:26,358 --> 00:14:27,726
double check.
307
00:14:27,895 --> 00:14:28,996
Goddamn!
308
00:14:29,164 --> 00:14:30,830
You just carry that thing
around?
309
00:14:30,998 --> 00:14:32,497
It's easy to hide.
310
00:14:35,707 --> 00:14:38,074
In your butt.
311
00:14:38,709 --> 00:14:40,208
I'm impressed.
312
00:14:49,546 --> 00:14:52,915
What's up, y'all? I'm back!
313
00:14:54,558 --> 00:14:55,558
Shit, son!
314
00:14:55,695 --> 00:14:57,619
Hey, what's up, Unc?
"Unc"?
315
00:14:57,821 --> 00:15:00,324
I'm tired of you
little Gen Z Alpha niggas
316
00:15:00,493 --> 00:15:02,524
using terms like "unc"
and "auntie".
317
00:15:02,693 --> 00:15:05,098
Gaslighting and glazing
and glamping,
318
00:15:05,267 --> 00:15:07,131
trying to make my generation
sound old.
319
00:15:07,333 --> 00:15:08,762
I ain't your damn unc, nigga!
320
00:15:08,965 --> 00:15:11,169
Shorty, you're our
mother's brother, so, yeah,
321
00:15:11,338 --> 00:15:12,907
technically, you are our uncle.
322
00:15:13,076 --> 00:15:15,845
Oh.
My bad.
323
00:15:16,014 --> 00:15:18,382
Crazy that they let you
teach here.
324
00:15:18,551 --> 00:15:20,811
Teach? Nah, nigga.
325
00:15:21,013 --> 00:15:22,382
I attend.
326
00:15:22,550 --> 00:15:25,888
You looking at a proud
25th-year senior.
327
00:15:26,057 --> 00:15:27,458
When are you
finally gonna graduate?
328
00:15:27,627 --> 00:15:28,883
By the time we do a sequel
329
00:15:29,052 --> 00:15:29,890
and I got to follow
you little young niggas
330
00:15:30,059 --> 00:15:31,139
to college to get my check.
331
00:15:31,192 --> 00:15:32,863
Wait, guys. Tuesday's awake!
332
00:15:33,032 --> 00:15:35,259
All right! Tuesday!
Who the fuck is Tuesday?
333
00:15:35,428 --> 00:15:36,708
Hey, we gotta go
to the hospital.
334
00:15:36,761 --> 00:15:39,193
You gonna take the bus home?
No. The PJ.
335
00:15:39,362 --> 00:15:40,866
Private jet?
336
00:15:41,035 --> 00:15:42,035
Yeah. Jealous?
337
00:15:42,203 --> 00:15:43,567
Man, you smoke weed all day.
338
00:15:43,736 --> 00:15:46,108
Just play video games,
you live-stream.
339
00:15:46,277 --> 00:15:47,750
You literally got money
doing nothing.
340
00:15:47,774 --> 00:15:50,942
Exactly. I leave the hard work
for the old heads.
341
00:15:51,111 --> 00:15:52,579
Shit, son!
342
00:15:54,086 --> 00:15:56,216
Still the same Shorty.
Aight.
343
00:15:56,385 --> 00:15:57,954
Check my crypto, nigga.
344
00:15:58,123 --> 00:15:59,853
Aw, shit,
I'm up three million dollars!
345
00:16:01,784 --> 00:16:03,923
Damn, now I'm down five million.
346
00:16:04,091 --> 00:16:06,459
This shit crazy, son.
347
00:16:41,257 --> 00:16:42,257
Ray!
348
00:16:42,295 --> 00:16:44,099
Sister Brenda, it's okay.
349
00:16:44,268 --> 00:16:46,395
You heard the call of sin,
yes, you did.
350
00:16:46,597 --> 00:16:47,795
But the Lord has called on us
351
00:16:47,964 --> 00:16:50,432
to show men
such like you the way.
352
00:16:50,601 --> 00:16:53,409
Come on, son! Come with us.
353
00:16:53,612 --> 00:16:54,979
Come on us.
354
00:16:55,148 --> 00:16:57,872
God see you coming.
So don't cheat that come.
355
00:16:58,074 --> 00:17:02,050
We need you to come
like you never came before.
356
00:17:02,219 --> 00:17:04,021
Come for the Father,
come for the Son.
357
00:17:04,190 --> 00:17:06,453
I'ma hold your hand
and we gonna come together.
358
00:17:06,622 --> 00:17:09,056
- God is good, man!
- Yes, sir.
359
00:17:09,225 --> 00:17:10,052
Thank you, Jesus.
360
00:17:10,221 --> 00:17:11,221
Amen.
361
00:17:11,291 --> 00:17:12,057
Hallelujah.
362
00:17:12,226 --> 00:17:13,657
There you go.
363
00:17:13,826 --> 00:17:18,833
In the name of God,
let it go, Ray! Let it go!
364
00:17:19,002 --> 00:17:19,732
Nigga!
365
00:17:19,935 --> 00:17:21,900
Oh, my bad.
366
00:17:22,102 --> 00:17:23,230
Last time.
367
00:17:26,245 --> 00:17:29,913
Let's welcome a new member
to our congre-gay-tion.
368
00:17:30,082 --> 00:17:31,562
Let the people know
369
00:17:31,645 --> 00:17:33,715
how you feel, brother.
There you go.
370
00:17:38,350 --> 00:17:40,547
I'm not gay no more.
371
00:17:40,716 --> 00:17:43,551
Hallelujah!
372
00:17:43,720 --> 00:17:44,561
Yes, sir!
373
00:17:44,730 --> 00:17:46,027
I'm not gay no more!
374
00:17:46,196 --> 00:17:47,396
Praise the lord!
375
00:17:47,557 --> 00:17:48,994
I'm not gay no more!
376
00:17:49,163 --> 00:17:50,425
He not gay no more.
377
00:17:50,627 --> 00:17:52,868
I've been delivered!
378
00:17:53,037 --> 00:17:55,166
I'll no longer date a mans!
379
00:17:55,335 --> 00:17:56,534
Even if he's sexy as hell
380
00:17:56,703 --> 00:17:59,108
with a big old chesteses
and perky areolas!
381
00:17:59,277 --> 00:18:00,703
Oh, yeah,
you still got a secret.
382
00:18:00,872 --> 00:18:04,373
I'll no longer
carry a purse, put on makeup,
383
00:18:04,542 --> 00:18:05,582
walk around in high heels.
384
00:18:05,650 --> 00:18:06,942
What?
385
00:18:07,144 --> 00:18:09,347
Red bottoms. The one with
the cute little buckle
386
00:18:09,516 --> 00:18:11,054
on the side.
Those is my shoes.
387
00:18:11,223 --> 00:18:14,955
I'll no longer go on Grindr
and swipe right
388
00:18:15,124 --> 00:18:16,759
at Black mens...
Hmm?
389
00:18:16,928 --> 00:18:18,920
...white mens, Asian mens.
390
00:18:19,089 --> 00:18:21,394
You been on Grindr?
I'll no longer take trips
391
00:18:21,563 --> 00:18:24,297
to the Philippines
looking for lady boys.
392
00:18:24,499 --> 00:18:27,502
To Phuket. Ko Samui.
Back to Phuket.
393
00:18:27,704 --> 00:18:29,833
Then to Vietnam to see
if I can get them any cheaper.
394
00:18:30,035 --> 00:18:32,107
I thought that was for
our anniversary, Ray.
395
00:18:32,275 --> 00:18:34,112
Oh, this nigga
got a lot of miles.
396
00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:36,409
I'll no longer stand
butt naked in a mirror
397
00:18:36,578 --> 00:18:38,549
with my penis
tucked between my legs...
398
00:18:38,717 --> 00:18:41,375
...dancing like the dude
from Silence of the Lambs.
399
00:18:41,544 --> 00:18:43,692
"It puts the lotion
in the basket, Precious."
400
00:18:43,716 --> 00:18:46,348
I'm a changed man!
I've been delivered!
401
00:18:46,550 --> 00:18:48,185
Shit.
I will!
402
00:18:48,387 --> 00:18:50,092
I said I will!
403
00:18:50,261 --> 00:18:52,726
I will love a woman!
404
00:18:54,265 --> 00:18:55,345
Womans, womans, womans!
405
00:18:55,429 --> 00:18:57,162
You can take that "W-O" off.
406
00:18:57,365 --> 00:18:58,526
Womans, womans, womans!
407
00:18:58,728 --> 00:19:00,836
Mens-es, mens-es, mens-es.
408
00:19:01,004 --> 00:19:03,031
Womans...
409
00:19:06,539 --> 00:19:08,236
No, no. No, no, Ray. No, no.
410
00:19:14,952 --> 00:19:16,311
Gulp, gulp, gulp.
411
00:19:16,480 --> 00:19:18,779
Whoa, nigga.
412
00:19:18,948 --> 00:19:20,657
Hawk tuah, hawk tuah, hawk tuah!
413
00:19:20,826 --> 00:19:22,591
You hocking on it?
414
00:19:22,760 --> 00:19:24,802
I've been delivered!
415
00:19:53,521 --> 00:19:56,216
Tuesday, Tuesday.
416
00:19:57,019 --> 00:19:58,795
Oh, my God.
417
00:19:58,964 --> 00:20:00,864
Her face. All contorted.
418
00:20:01,033 --> 00:20:02,666
Oh, my God, and the moaning.
419
00:20:09,101 --> 00:20:11,203
I've been trying to get that
out for an hour.
420
00:20:11,372 --> 00:20:13,376
How you feeling, Tues?
421
00:20:13,545 --> 00:20:15,904
Hey, what are they giving you
for the pain? Is that...
422
00:20:16,073 --> 00:20:18,078
Is that morphine or...?
423
00:20:18,247 --> 00:20:20,177
Bitch.
Let's see.
424
00:20:22,149 --> 00:20:24,216
Oh, yeah!
425
00:20:24,385 --> 00:20:27,386
Oh, this that good, good.
426
00:20:27,555 --> 00:20:28,883
This that Britney Spears shit.
427
00:20:29,052 --> 00:20:30,332
Makes me want to get half-naked,
428
00:20:30,493 --> 00:20:32,921
dance around
and juggle some knives.
429
00:20:33,090 --> 00:20:35,295
Sara, who's that
Jeffrey Dahmer look-a-like?
430
00:20:35,497 --> 00:20:38,131
Oh. This is my boyfriend, Jack.
431
00:20:38,333 --> 00:20:40,271
Really nice to meet you.
432
00:20:41,304 --> 00:20:42,666
Looks like Ted Bundy to me.
433
00:20:42,834 --> 00:20:45,070
But that ain't
none of my business.
434
00:20:45,239 --> 00:20:47,134
Mm-hmm. Mm!
435
00:20:47,336 --> 00:20:49,307
This little stabbed-up
bitch here needs some rest.
436
00:20:49,509 --> 00:20:51,615
So y'all get the fuck out!
437
00:20:51,784 --> 00:20:52,784
Yes, ma'am.
438
00:20:53,781 --> 00:20:55,348
Oh, not you, Sara.
439
00:20:55,517 --> 00:20:57,684
Why? What did I do?
440
00:20:58,582 --> 00:21:00,617
I'm so scared.
441
00:21:00,819 --> 00:21:04,225
Oh, Tues, you should be.
442
00:21:04,394 --> 00:21:06,954
You've been stabbed nine times.
443
00:21:07,123 --> 00:21:09,333
And the killer knows
where you live.
444
00:21:09,535 --> 00:21:12,095
I would invite you to come
stay at my place, but
445
00:21:12,264 --> 00:21:14,728
I don't really want
that kind of juju in my house.
446
00:21:14,897 --> 00:21:16,106
For all we know,
447
00:21:16,275 --> 00:21:18,342
he's standing
right outside that door.
448
00:21:23,873 --> 00:21:25,981
That's comforting, Sara.
449
00:21:26,183 --> 00:21:27,377
I thought I was gonna die.
450
00:21:27,545 --> 00:21:29,580
I know, me too!
451
00:21:29,749 --> 00:21:32,080
I planned your funeral.
452
00:21:32,249 --> 00:21:34,749
What the hell?
And I wrote your obituary.
453
00:21:34,918 --> 00:21:36,827
More like ChatGPT wrote it.
454
00:21:36,996 --> 00:21:38,161
But you're still here.
455
00:21:38,330 --> 00:21:40,661
And I will never
let anyone hurt you.
456
00:21:42,297 --> 00:21:44,768
Oh, yum! Ice chips!
457
00:21:44,937 --> 00:21:46,335
Oh, God!
458
00:21:46,538 --> 00:21:48,218
Get off me!
459
00:21:50,105 --> 00:21:51,306
Help!
460
00:21:51,475 --> 00:21:53,139
This white girl can't die
on my shift!
461
00:21:53,307 --> 00:21:54,675
I'm a DEI hire!
462
00:21:54,843 --> 00:21:57,445
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
She was fine a second ago.
463
00:21:57,614 --> 00:21:59,684
No! No, I'm good! I'm good!
Clear!
464
00:21:59,886 --> 00:22:01,649
Again!
465
00:22:01,818 --> 00:22:04,152
Come on, white bitch,
I need this job! Clear!
466
00:22:04,321 --> 00:22:06,055
It's not working!
Clear!
467
00:22:06,258 --> 00:22:08,724
We're losing her.
468
00:22:08,927 --> 00:22:10,284
Harder!
469
00:22:13,759 --> 00:22:14,856
Oh, boy.
470
00:22:15,058 --> 00:22:16,960
Look like there ain't
nothing left
471
00:22:17,129 --> 00:22:19,260
but thoughts,
prayers and pork rinds.
472
00:22:20,234 --> 00:22:21,303
Dear Lord.
473
00:22:21,472 --> 00:22:23,373
Nurse Ratchett,
check out the wire!
474
00:22:23,542 --> 00:22:25,733
The Wire was the shit, baby.
That's my show.
475
00:22:25,935 --> 00:22:27,740
Drugs and that Idris Elba
476
00:22:27,942 --> 00:22:30,044
make this coochie
want to pop, pop, pop!
477
00:22:30,246 --> 00:22:32,447
Dear Lord, please
478
00:22:32,616 --> 00:22:34,093
accept this white bitch's...
479
00:22:34,117 --> 00:22:35,812
Oh!
480
00:22:35,980 --> 00:22:38,048
The Lord works
in mysterious ways.
481
00:22:38,991 --> 00:22:40,052
I'm going on break.
482
00:22:40,221 --> 00:22:41,849
Oh, Tues.
483
00:22:42,018 --> 00:22:43,487
I will never let anyone
484
00:22:43,656 --> 00:22:46,160
hurt you again.
Mm-mm.
485
00:22:49,836 --> 00:22:51,362
Ooh! My bad.
486
00:23:03,178 --> 00:23:04,344
Hello?
487
00:23:04,513 --> 00:23:06,816
Hello, Sara.
488
00:23:06,985 --> 00:23:08,419
Who is this?
489
00:23:08,588 --> 00:23:12,080
Someone
who knows your little secret.
490
00:23:12,249 --> 00:23:14,749
No, no, I swear
that wasn't a Nazi salute!
491
00:23:14,951 --> 00:23:16,318
Okay? I won Prom Queen
492
00:23:16,487 --> 00:23:18,447
and I was... I was
throwing my heart to the crowd!
493
00:23:18,620 --> 00:23:23,128
No, I'm talking
about your family secret.
494
00:23:24,734 --> 00:23:27,604
Oh, you're the fuck
who hurt my sister.
495
00:23:27,772 --> 00:23:29,934
Well, I had
to get you to come back here.
496
00:23:30,103 --> 00:23:32,569
Listen, if you want
to fuck with me, asshole,
497
00:23:32,737 --> 00:23:34,175
then come and get me!
498
00:23:34,344 --> 00:23:35,679
With pleasure.
499
00:23:39,249 --> 00:23:41,943
Help!
500
00:23:42,112 --> 00:23:43,987
Somebody help!
501
00:23:44,189 --> 00:23:47,018
Please, somebody help!
502
00:23:47,717 --> 00:23:49,255
Bitch!
503
00:23:49,424 --> 00:23:50,718
This the break room.
504
00:23:50,887 --> 00:23:51,729
Mm-hmm.
505
00:23:51,898 --> 00:23:52,930
We on break.
506
00:23:53,099 --> 00:23:54,555
- Oh, God.
- Preach.
507
00:24:01,038 --> 00:24:02,600
Take that!
508
00:24:02,769 --> 00:24:04,532
Oof!
509
00:24:06,176 --> 00:24:07,540
Please, save me!
510
00:24:07,709 --> 00:24:10,276
I've been saving people all day!
511
00:24:10,445 --> 00:24:12,147
So you handle yours.
512
00:24:12,316 --> 00:24:13,977
I'll be right over here
513
00:24:14,146 --> 00:24:17,077
eating my falafel
and my pork rinds.
514
00:24:17,246 --> 00:24:19,116
I look like your mama?
515
00:24:20,955 --> 00:24:23,824
- Try me now!
- Break's over.
516
00:24:30,333 --> 00:24:31,667
You're welcome.
517
00:24:34,633 --> 00:24:37,798
It really looks like
you got hit with
something hard. Like metal.
518
00:24:37,967 --> 00:24:40,271
I told you, I fell.
519
00:24:40,440 --> 00:24:44,273
Now where exactly
are we going?
To talk to an expert.
520
00:24:56,160 --> 00:24:57,360
Go away!
521
00:24:57,529 --> 00:24:59,155
I'm so sorry to bother you.
We just...
522
00:24:59,324 --> 00:25:00,839
We just want to ask you
a few questions.
523
00:25:00,863 --> 00:25:02,461
Give me one good reason
524
00:25:02,630 --> 00:25:03,932
why I should talk to you.
525
00:25:04,101 --> 00:25:05,201
I'm white.
526
00:25:05,403 --> 00:25:06,970
How white?
Oh, I'm talking
527
00:25:07,139 --> 00:25:08,605
Candace Owens white.
528
00:25:09,735 --> 00:25:11,298
Oh.
Six feet.
529
00:25:11,467 --> 00:25:12,783
When you said expert,
I assumed you meant
530
00:25:12,807 --> 00:25:14,122
more like
Neil deGrasse Tyson or...
531
00:25:14,146 --> 00:25:15,146
Shut up.
532
00:25:15,213 --> 00:25:16,647
I'm Sara Campbell.
533
00:25:16,816 --> 00:25:19,145
I was attacked last night.
I think you should leave.
534
00:25:19,314 --> 00:25:21,813
I don't want to get stabbed.
And I don't want Covid, okay?
535
00:25:21,981 --> 00:25:23,344
Please, come on. Just...
Let's go.
536
00:25:23,513 --> 00:25:24,725
Just two minutes,
that's all I'm asking.
537
00:25:24,749 --> 00:25:25,947
No. No.
538
00:25:26,116 --> 00:25:27,481
I'll give you eight minutes.
539
00:25:29,227 --> 00:25:30,493
And another thing.
540
00:25:30,662 --> 00:25:33,055
I got to test you for Covid.
541
00:25:34,823 --> 00:25:36,129
Ohh!
542
00:25:36,298 --> 00:25:37,330
Ahh...
543
00:25:37,499 --> 00:25:38,966
You guys are good.
544
00:25:39,135 --> 00:25:41,013
When did the work week
become the "woke week"?
545
00:25:41,037 --> 00:25:44,033
We've got Black Friday.
What's next, Mulatto Monday?
546
00:25:44,202 --> 00:25:45,772
I mean, Yellow Thursday?
547
00:25:45,975 --> 00:25:48,340
Tan Tuesday? Come on.
548
00:25:50,846 --> 00:25:52,213
Let me get this out of your way.
549
00:25:52,382 --> 00:25:53,749
Oh!
Sorry.
550
00:25:54,549 --> 00:25:55,549
Oh!
551
00:25:55,715 --> 00:25:57,148
Covid tests are done.
552
00:25:57,948 --> 00:25:59,252
Yup! You're good.
553
00:26:01,427 --> 00:26:02,783
You're Cindy's daughter, right?
554
00:26:02,985 --> 00:26:04,518
Yeah.
Yeah.
555
00:26:04,687 --> 00:26:08,196
I don't know him.
This is Jack.
My love interest.
556
00:26:08,364 --> 00:26:09,733
No! No, no, no.
557
00:26:09,901 --> 00:26:13,061
Rule Number One
of surviving a horror movie is,
558
00:26:13,230 --> 00:26:15,367
"Never trust
the love interest."
559
00:26:15,536 --> 00:26:16,869
Look at him!
560
00:26:17,038 --> 00:26:20,610
He's got that weird lazy eye,
poking one way
561
00:26:20,779 --> 00:26:23,839
and then he's drooling
like a psychopath.
562
00:26:24,008 --> 00:26:25,745
He's got that stump leg.
563
00:26:25,914 --> 00:26:28,243
Makes him all walk weird
and creepy.
564
00:26:28,412 --> 00:26:31,121
I don't have a stump.
Well, that guy does.
565
00:26:31,289 --> 00:26:34,489
Oh I'm looking at me.
566
00:26:34,691 --> 00:26:37,925
Special Officer Doofy. Retired.
567
00:26:38,094 --> 00:26:41,090
Listen, Doofy,
we could really use your help.
568
00:26:41,258 --> 00:26:43,292
No. I can't go back
to that life.
569
00:26:43,494 --> 00:26:45,896
Plus, we're in the middle
of a global pandemic!
570
00:26:46,065 --> 00:26:47,345
Okay, I hate to break it to you,
571
00:26:47,530 --> 00:26:50,073
but Covid has been over
for, like, years.
572
00:26:50,241 --> 00:26:52,132
Hmm.
Really?
573
00:26:52,301 --> 00:26:53,534
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
574
00:26:56,114 --> 00:26:57,571
Damn it!
575
00:26:57,740 --> 00:27:00,442
What am I gonna do
with all this canned meat?
576
00:27:01,985 --> 00:27:04,747
Get out! I don't want
Ghostface to find me.
577
00:27:04,916 --> 00:27:06,184
And don't come back!
578
00:27:18,965 --> 00:27:20,367
It's the sound of the police.
579
00:27:25,711 --> 00:27:29,076
Special Officer Doofy,
reporting for duty.
580
00:27:29,245 --> 00:27:31,840
Okay, just because he showered
doesn't mean that...
581
00:27:32,009 --> 00:27:33,142
No, I didn't shower.
582
00:27:33,311 --> 00:27:35,650
I just take water
from my mouth and...
583
00:27:35,819 --> 00:27:37,685
You want some? Okay.
No, that's okay.
584
00:27:37,853 --> 00:27:40,120
Come on, Doofy.
Yeah, let's do it.
585
00:27:40,288 --> 00:27:41,955
Sara, is your
ghetto-ass mom coming
586
00:27:42,124 --> 00:27:43,601
or can we start talking
about this plot?
587
00:27:43,625 --> 00:27:45,454
Uh...
588
00:27:47,527 --> 00:27:48,723
Hi.
589
00:27:48,925 --> 00:27:50,058
You came.
590
00:27:50,261 --> 00:27:51,994
Not in, like, 15 years, honey.
591
00:27:52,163 --> 00:27:54,629
But I did buy this new rose,
592
00:27:54,797 --> 00:27:56,717
so fingers crossed.
593
00:28:00,068 --> 00:28:01,372
Oh.
594
00:28:01,574 --> 00:28:02,772
Oh!
595
00:28:02,941 --> 00:28:05,040
Oh, my old friend!
596
00:28:05,209 --> 00:28:07,549
You taught me how to dance.
597
00:28:07,718 --> 00:28:10,311
How to make a high N-word pie.
598
00:28:10,480 --> 00:28:12,681
Nigga, I'm right in back of you.
599
00:28:12,850 --> 00:28:13,618
Shorty!
600
00:28:13,787 --> 00:28:15,016
What's up, Cindy?
601
00:28:15,185 --> 00:28:17,218
How you doing? My nigga.
602
00:28:17,420 --> 00:28:19,525
Shit, son!
603
00:28:21,129 --> 00:28:22,830
I can't believe you thought
I was dead.
604
00:28:22,999 --> 00:28:25,601
Well, between cancer
from the weed smoke
605
00:28:25,803 --> 00:28:28,064
your love of the McRib
and racist cops,
606
00:28:28,266 --> 00:28:29,639
I didn't think you had a chance.
607
00:28:29,808 --> 00:28:31,808
Yeah,
that's a terrible combination.
608
00:28:32,610 --> 00:28:34,737
Hi, Cin.
Stop smiling at me!
609
00:28:37,678 --> 00:28:39,105
Shit! WorldStar!
610
00:28:39,307 --> 00:28:41,210
WorldStar! WorldStar!
611
00:28:41,378 --> 00:28:43,686
Hey,
he's intellectually disabled!
612
00:28:43,855 --> 00:28:45,717
That's just how he looks,
you drunk honky.
613
00:28:45,886 --> 00:28:47,051
Hey, hey, hey!
614
00:28:47,220 --> 00:28:48,687
Don't call that white bitch
a honky.
615
00:28:48,856 --> 00:28:50,022
C'mon, have some respect.
616
00:28:50,191 --> 00:28:52,889
I keep seeing people
smiling everywhere.
617
00:28:53,057 --> 00:28:54,421
I'm not very likable,
618
00:28:54,589 --> 00:28:56,600
so it must be
some kind of curse.
619
00:28:56,769 --> 00:28:58,498
Hey, everybody!
She's high.
620
00:28:58,666 --> 00:28:59,863
Look what I got.
621
00:29:00,032 --> 00:29:01,704
Non-branded gelatin shots
622
00:29:01,873 --> 00:29:04,100
made with grain alcohol and GHB.
623
00:29:04,302 --> 00:29:05,542
So ain't nobody sipping nothing
624
00:29:05,667 --> 00:29:07,147
they didn't consent to
like last time,
625
00:29:07,271 --> 00:29:08,302
which I apologize.
Mm-hmm.
626
00:29:08,504 --> 00:29:10,079
Take one.
I love roofying myself.
627
00:29:11,441 --> 00:29:12,147
No, Ma. No, Mama.
You sure, baby?
628
00:29:12,350 --> 00:29:13,574
Hi, Brenda.
629
00:29:13,743 --> 00:29:15,582
Please do not call me
by my government name.
630
00:29:15,751 --> 00:29:17,513
Call me Ma.
631
00:29:18,553 --> 00:29:19,354
Cindy!
632
00:29:19,523 --> 00:29:20,857
Oh, my God!
633
00:29:21,855 --> 00:29:22,855
You dropped the tray.
634
00:29:22,889 --> 00:29:24,090
Oh, my God, Cindy,
635
00:29:24,259 --> 00:29:26,058
I haven't seen you in forever!
636
00:29:26,227 --> 00:29:28,859
My God, look at you!
You look the same!
637
00:29:29,027 --> 00:29:30,399
Minus the crow's feet.
638
00:29:30,568 --> 00:29:32,635
And your hair is so dry.
639
00:29:32,837 --> 00:29:35,638
Oh, and your titties
dropped so far.
640
00:29:35,841 --> 00:29:38,506
Other than that,
you look the exact same.
641
00:29:38,708 --> 00:29:40,401
What have you been up to?
642
00:29:40,570 --> 00:29:42,605
Oh, you know,
neglecting my children
643
00:29:42,774 --> 00:29:45,975
so I can prepare
to kill Ghostface
should he ever return.
644
00:29:46,178 --> 00:29:47,611
What about you?
645
00:29:47,780 --> 00:29:49,940
Well, I been mostly just
getting high school kids drunk
646
00:29:50,019 --> 00:29:51,419
in a desperate attempt
to stay young
647
00:29:51,556 --> 00:29:52,688
and keep my kids at home.
648
00:29:52,890 --> 00:29:54,291
I always knew
you'd be a great mom.
649
00:29:54,459 --> 00:29:55,658
Oh, Cindy!
650
00:29:55,827 --> 00:29:58,026
Should we hug?
Oh, I really want to,
651
00:29:58,228 --> 00:30:01,295
but I'm a Republican now
so I'm supposed to be racist.
652
00:30:01,464 --> 00:30:03,926
Oh, girl, I think all
white people are racist anyway.
653
00:30:04,095 --> 00:30:05,234
Come here.
Okay.
654
00:30:05,403 --> 00:30:07,134
Mm!
Oh!
655
00:30:07,302 --> 00:30:10,135
You want a shot? Yeah? Here.
Oh, yes, yes, please.
656
00:30:10,304 --> 00:30:12,470
You know, Ma,
this place could be so cool
657
00:30:12,639 --> 00:30:15,105
if you had, like,
a-a beer pong table over there,
658
00:30:15,274 --> 00:30:16,571
and maybe, like, a snack wall.
659
00:30:16,740 --> 00:30:18,388
What you know about cool?
When I was your age,
660
00:30:18,412 --> 00:30:20,678
I was popping bottles
with Puffy, Puff Daddy,
661
00:30:20,880 --> 00:30:22,111
P. Diddy, Diddy.
662
00:30:22,280 --> 00:30:23,845
All the Seans.
663
00:30:24,014 --> 00:30:26,520
That didn't age well.
Your momma was the freak
664
00:30:26,689 --> 00:30:27,689
in the freak-offs.
665
00:30:27,791 --> 00:30:29,284
Shit, son!
666
00:30:29,453 --> 00:30:30,694
You want to see something cool?
667
00:30:30,863 --> 00:30:33,428
I'ma show you something cool.
668
00:30:40,263 --> 00:30:41,403
God, that's cool.
669
00:30:41,605 --> 00:30:42,605
What are you doing?
670
00:30:42,769 --> 00:30:43,504
What?
671
00:30:43,673 --> 00:30:44,673
No, not like that.
672
00:30:44,808 --> 00:30:45,808
Like this.
673
00:30:45,942 --> 00:30:47,337
Oh, yeah.
674
00:30:47,506 --> 00:30:49,974
I don't know why
y'all acting so scared.
675
00:30:50,143 --> 00:30:51,215
The gun ain't even loaded.
676
00:30:51,417 --> 00:30:52,645
Shit!
677
00:30:52,814 --> 00:30:54,918
Oh, shit, son!
678
00:30:55,718 --> 00:30:57,252
Uh-oh. I did it again.
679
00:31:00,652 --> 00:31:02,412
I always forget that last one
in the chamber.
680
00:31:02,484 --> 00:31:03,484
Help me move this body.
681
00:31:03,594 --> 00:31:04,594
Yeah, you got it.
682
00:31:04,693 --> 00:31:06,057
That was fun.
683
00:31:06,259 --> 00:31:07,621
Oh, so, what are you doing
684
00:31:07,790 --> 00:31:09,993
- after this?
- I want to go to Cabo.
685
00:31:10,162 --> 00:31:11,696
Oh, I love Cabo!
686
00:31:11,865 --> 00:31:13,667
You know what?
687
00:31:13,836 --> 00:31:16,117
I used to put cocaine
up my hoo-hah
and travel there all the time.
688
00:31:16,141 --> 00:31:18,535
Well, that's because
you're so smart.
Yeah.
689
00:31:24,007 --> 00:31:25,007
Oh.
690
00:31:26,643 --> 00:31:29,411
All right.
Let's get back to the plot.
691
00:31:29,580 --> 00:31:31,247
I'm looking at you,
Ted Bundy eyes.
692
00:31:31,416 --> 00:31:32,616
Looking like a school shooter.
693
00:31:32,757 --> 00:31:33,757
I think you the killer.
694
00:31:33,857 --> 00:31:35,022
- Oh, me?
- Mm-hmm.
695
00:31:35,191 --> 00:31:36,916
Okay, what about
Deputy Doofy over there?
696
00:31:37,118 --> 00:31:40,225
I-I don't have a motive.
You know, what's my motive?
697
00:31:40,394 --> 00:31:42,030
You were the killer
in the first movie.
698
00:31:42,199 --> 00:31:44,628
Shouldn't you be locked up?
No, I got pardoned.
699
00:31:44,831 --> 00:31:47,799
Mostly because of the
storming the Capitol, you know.
700
00:31:48,001 --> 00:31:49,872
Oh.
I got proof.
701
00:31:50,041 --> 00:31:52,441
- This is me. And it's framed.
- Oh.
702
00:31:52,643 --> 00:31:53,739
That's a cool hat.
703
00:31:53,907 --> 00:31:55,572
What about Jess?
704
00:31:56,371 --> 00:31:57,371
What about me?
705
00:31:57,506 --> 00:31:58,705
If anybody here has issues
706
00:31:58,874 --> 00:32:00,088
that could lead to murder...
707
00:32:00,112 --> 00:32:01,618
Okay, I get it!
708
00:32:01,787 --> 00:32:03,652
Trans-shaming is not cool, okay?
709
00:32:03,855 --> 00:32:05,779
They... He's just a dude.
Yeah.
710
00:32:05,981 --> 00:32:08,749
Minus the upper body strength
and the dick part.
711
00:32:08,918 --> 00:32:10,954
Hey, you don't know
what I got down here, okay?
712
00:32:11,156 --> 00:32:12,990
I do.
Hey, hey.
713
00:32:13,193 --> 00:32:14,928
Listen, what we know so far
714
00:32:15,097 --> 00:32:16,590
is everyone who's been attacked
715
00:32:16,759 --> 00:32:19,227
is related to
the original characters.
716
00:32:19,396 --> 00:32:20,527
He wants to kill the kids.
717
00:32:20,696 --> 00:32:24,465
Aha! He's making a rebootequel.
718
00:32:24,667 --> 00:32:26,134
- A what now?
- Yeah. It's like,
719
00:32:26,336 --> 00:32:27,571
a reboot and a sequel.
720
00:32:27,740 --> 00:32:29,846
Mixes legacy characters
with new characters
721
00:32:30,048 --> 00:32:32,816
in an attempt to feed into
bullshit nostalgia
722
00:32:32,985 --> 00:32:34,778
and bring more fans
to the theaters.
723
00:32:34,947 --> 00:32:37,027
Just like last year's
I Know WhatYou Did Last Summer.
724
00:32:38,684 --> 00:32:41,156
That's a movie?
What did I do last summer?
725
00:32:41,358 --> 00:32:43,558
I think you're talking about
The Summer I Turned Pretty.
726
00:32:43,628 --> 00:32:44,959
- Yeah.
- Ray,
727
00:32:45,128 --> 00:32:46,956
when did you get here?
Oh, I been here.
728
00:32:47,125 --> 00:32:49,070
I was just hanging out
by the men's room.
729
00:32:49,094 --> 00:32:50,159
Oh.
My room?
730
00:32:50,328 --> 00:32:52,059
Okay, so that means
731
00:32:52,228 --> 00:32:55,333
that our killer is writing
his own version
of Horror Movie.
732
00:32:55,536 --> 00:32:59,101
Okay, so according to
the re-booty-call rules,
733
00:32:59,270 --> 00:33:00,300
who's the killer?
734
00:33:01,670 --> 00:33:03,541
I think it's pretty obvious.
735
00:33:06,274 --> 00:33:07,417
Who?
736
00:33:07,586 --> 00:33:09,475
You, bitch.
Me?
737
00:33:09,644 --> 00:33:11,483
Guys, I am not the killer.
738
00:33:11,652 --> 00:33:14,617
Ghostface attacked Tues
to lure me back here.
739
00:33:14,786 --> 00:33:17,957
I think he attacked Tuesday
to get you back here
740
00:33:18,126 --> 00:33:19,991
so he could get me back here.
741
00:33:20,160 --> 00:33:22,222
He wants to kill the OGs.
742
00:33:22,424 --> 00:33:23,632
That was a flex.
743
00:33:23,801 --> 00:33:24,863
Yeah, that sounds better.
744
00:33:25,065 --> 00:33:26,495
Aw, fuck this!
745
00:33:26,664 --> 00:33:29,472
And fuck you, Mother!
746
00:33:29,641 --> 00:33:31,004
To your mother?
747
00:33:31,173 --> 00:33:34,575
Hey! Don't be so disrespectful!
748
00:33:34,777 --> 00:33:36,070
And call me Mom!
749
00:33:36,272 --> 00:33:37,373
Or Mommy.
750
00:33:37,542 --> 00:33:39,775
Or whatever's more comfortable.
751
00:33:41,614 --> 00:33:42,894
All units, be advised:
752
00:33:43,018 --> 00:33:44,444
Suspect is still at large.
753
00:33:44,613 --> 00:33:46,020
Black cloak, white mask...
754
00:33:46,188 --> 00:33:47,653
...big-ass knife.
755
00:34:00,435 --> 00:34:03,198
- Talk to me.
- Hello, Sheriff.
756
00:34:03,366 --> 00:34:04,665
Agent Underwood?
757
00:34:04,834 --> 00:34:06,503
I'll give you one hint.
758
00:34:06,672 --> 00:34:09,043
What's your favorite
scary movie?
759
00:34:09,212 --> 00:34:11,071
Well, I'm gonna go
with Saltburn.
760
00:34:11,273 --> 00:34:14,009
I mean, the member on that
English guy was terrifying.
761
00:34:14,178 --> 00:34:17,245
Ken Jeong's junk
in The Hangover
was a much better depiction
762
00:34:17,414 --> 00:34:19,184
of the male anatomy.
763
00:34:19,353 --> 00:34:20,848
Now what do you want, fuckface?
764
00:34:21,017 --> 00:34:22,563
Well,
I'm just calling to tell you
765
00:34:22,587 --> 00:34:24,191
that by the time you get home,
766
00:34:24,360 --> 00:34:26,459
I'll have gutted your baby girl!
767
00:34:27,227 --> 00:34:30,092
Hey, asshole, she's a boy!
768
00:34:39,203 --> 00:34:40,203
Jess!
769
00:34:55,454 --> 00:34:56,951
Looking for this?
770
00:34:58,190 --> 00:34:59,963
Let me help you.
771
00:35:00,132 --> 00:35:04,200
I got your baby dick.
Winky, winky, winky.
772
00:35:13,375 --> 00:35:15,272
All right.
Here we go.
773
00:35:15,441 --> 00:35:17,046
What do you want, fuckface?
774
00:35:17,215 --> 00:35:20,449
Well,
like father, like, uh, son?
775
00:35:20,618 --> 00:35:22,185
Uh...
776
00:35:22,387 --> 00:35:23,891
I understand you're home alone.
777
00:35:23,915 --> 00:35:27,121
Well, Dad's out, but
the pool guy, the gardener
778
00:35:27,290 --> 00:35:30,125
and the plumber
are all here, asshole.
779
00:35:30,294 --> 00:35:31,788
Look out your window.
780
00:35:34,965 --> 00:35:36,563
ICE!
781
00:35:36,732 --> 00:35:39,432
No! But they're the backbone
of the American workforce!
782
00:35:39,601 --> 00:35:41,971
And I'm too white
to do those jobs.
783
00:35:42,140 --> 00:35:43,673
Let's cut to the chase.
784
00:35:43,875 --> 00:35:45,800
I'll ask you one question.
785
00:35:45,969 --> 00:35:48,738
If you answer correctly,
you live.
786
00:35:48,907 --> 00:35:52,478
Who was the killerin Horror Movie?
787
00:35:52,647 --> 00:35:55,710
Oh, that's easy.
It was Bobby and then Gay Ray
788
00:35:55,912 --> 00:35:57,711
the guy who was
totally into dudes,
789
00:35:57,913 --> 00:35:59,163
even though
he claimed he wasn't.
790
00:35:59,187 --> 00:36:01,119
Classic 2000s homophobia.
791
00:36:01,287 --> 00:36:02,720
But I got you, bitch.
792
00:36:02,922 --> 00:36:05,653
Wrong! You forgot
Special Officer Doofy.
793
00:36:05,822 --> 00:36:08,528
Now you die.
794
00:36:16,135 --> 00:36:17,805
Bumbaclot!
795
00:36:19,511 --> 00:36:21,231
You should probably answer that.
796
00:36:21,270 --> 00:36:24,739
I can literally see you
trying to steal my package.
797
00:36:24,941 --> 00:36:27,307
Oh, shit!
798
00:36:28,677 --> 00:36:30,080
Ah, that was easy.
799
00:36:32,851 --> 00:36:34,690
Uh, someone order steaks?
800
00:36:34,859 --> 00:36:36,725
It's GoPuff.
Hmm.
801
00:36:38,789 --> 00:36:40,788
- Wait a sec.
- Careful.
802
00:36:40,957 --> 00:36:42,966
You wouldn't want
to let in a killer.
803
00:36:43,134 --> 00:36:47,501
You are about to identify
as dead.
804
00:36:50,367 --> 00:36:51,533
You...
805
00:36:51,702 --> 00:36:54,170
stab like...
a girl.
806
00:37:01,847 --> 00:37:04,219
Come on, girl,
hit that Ghostface Shuffle.
807
00:37:04,388 --> 00:37:06,749
Try the Ghostface Killah
Collection Bundle.
808
00:37:06,918 --> 00:37:09,322
This is Keke West
for OnlyFans Rapid News.
809
00:37:09,491 --> 00:37:11,026
"Rapid News".
You mean "Vapid News".
810
00:37:11,195 --> 00:37:13,196
You don't even have a cameraman!
811
00:37:13,365 --> 00:37:15,005
My equipment!
812
00:37:15,964 --> 00:37:17,157
Excuse me.
813
00:37:18,968 --> 00:37:19,997
Oh, my. You're...
814
00:37:20,166 --> 00:37:21,430
Yes, yes.
815
00:37:21,632 --> 00:37:23,065
Three-time Emmy nominee
816
00:37:23,234 --> 00:37:25,735
for Outstanding Achievement
in Sensational Reporting.
817
00:37:25,904 --> 00:37:27,801
I was gonna say
the lady from Friends,
818
00:37:28,003 --> 00:37:30,211
but shorter and with less Botox.
819
00:37:30,380 --> 00:37:31,685
Oh. Is that
what you were
820
00:37:31,709 --> 00:37:33,082
"gonna say"?
Yeah.
821
00:37:33,250 --> 00:37:34,645
You seriously don't know
who I am?
822
00:37:34,847 --> 00:37:37,079
- Babygirl, I am Gail...
- Gail swallows!
823
00:37:37,248 --> 00:37:38,248
Hey.
824
00:37:38,384 --> 00:37:39,483
Hailstorm. Gail...
825
00:37:39,685 --> 00:37:41,790
Get the hell out of my way!
Oh.
826
00:37:46,095 --> 00:37:49,458
Doofus.
Hey, Gail.
827
00:37:49,661 --> 00:37:51,896
Wow. You haven't aged a day.
828
00:37:52,065 --> 00:37:55,070
You've aged
like a million days.
That's this many. Five...
829
00:37:55,239 --> 00:37:56,800
Your fingers
smell like genitals.
830
00:37:56,969 --> 00:37:58,971
What are you doing
in that ridiculous uniform?
831
00:37:59,140 --> 00:38:02,611
Uh, I-I'm back on the case.
Yeah, I'm gonna bust Ghostface.
832
00:38:02,780 --> 00:38:04,004
Well, um,
833
00:38:04,207 --> 00:38:06,442
tell me,
Special Needs Officer Doofy...
834
00:38:06,610 --> 00:38:08,346
Um.
835
00:38:08,548 --> 00:38:09,946
Wow.
Are there any suspects
836
00:38:10,115 --> 00:38:12,712
in this tragic yet completely
predictable incident?
837
00:38:12,881 --> 00:38:14,322
I-I'm not allowed to say.
838
00:38:14,525 --> 00:38:16,649
No, no, okay, no.
Yes, you can. Yes, you can.
839
00:38:16,851 --> 00:38:18,455
Not... Yeah...
840
00:38:18,624 --> 00:38:19,624
You can tell me.
841
00:38:19,758 --> 00:38:20,930
Um, ah, oh, my God.
842
00:38:21,099 --> 00:38:22,259
What the f...
843
00:38:22,359 --> 00:38:23,727
Hey!
844
00:38:23,896 --> 00:38:25,627
Remember when
you used to give blowjobs
845
00:38:25,796 --> 00:38:27,602
for sensitive information?
846
00:38:27,771 --> 00:38:31,102
I don't give blowjobs anymore,
okay? Not since MeToo.
847
00:38:31,271 --> 00:38:32,639
Okay. Sorry.
848
00:38:32,807 --> 00:38:35,169
I give hand jobs now,
but the story better be good.
849
00:38:35,337 --> 00:38:38,678
Okay, I'll do a hand job.
Let's do it. Let's do it.
850
00:38:49,585 --> 00:38:50,657
What the...
851
00:39:00,000 --> 00:39:01,411
I'm gonna get you.
Uncle Ray-Ray's gonna get you!
852
00:39:01,435 --> 00:39:02,904
Ray?
You got my outfit,
853
00:39:03,106 --> 00:39:04,231
you little critter.
854
00:39:07,641 --> 00:39:09,676
Maybe weed shouldn't be legal.
855
00:39:12,445 --> 00:39:13,977
Fuck yeah, it should!
856
00:39:24,260 --> 00:39:26,052
Hello, Shorty.
857
00:39:26,255 --> 00:39:29,726
You do know
that smoking is bad for you.
858
00:39:29,894 --> 00:39:31,396
Actually,
weed ain't bad for you.
859
00:39:31,565 --> 00:39:34,495
You got Vitamin T, C and H,
860
00:39:34,664 --> 00:39:36,601
C, B and D.
861
00:39:36,803 --> 00:39:38,243
What's the matter, Shorty?
862
00:39:38,406 --> 00:39:41,233
You look a little antsy.
863
00:39:41,402 --> 00:39:44,804
Maybe because there's
a masked serial killer
864
00:39:44,973 --> 00:39:46,182
sipping tea in my den.
865
00:39:46,350 --> 00:39:48,017
Shorty, you're my nigga.
866
00:39:48,186 --> 00:39:50,686
I mean, friend. Please, sit.
867
00:39:50,855 --> 00:39:52,048
All right.
868
00:39:55,316 --> 00:39:57,083
Do you want to quit smoking?
869
00:39:57,285 --> 00:39:59,419
Well, to be honest,
I tried to quit.
870
00:39:59,621 --> 00:40:02,861
But my mother said,
"I ain't raisin' no quitters."
871
00:40:03,595 --> 00:40:04,794
So I quit quitting.
872
00:40:04,997 --> 00:40:07,096
We could try hypnosis.
873
00:40:07,264 --> 00:40:09,029
Bro, I don't care
how many pocket watches
874
00:40:09,198 --> 00:40:11,031
you try and wave
in front of my face
875
00:40:11,200 --> 00:40:12,770
it ain't gonna work, son.
876
00:40:12,939 --> 00:40:15,542
- You can't magmetize me.
- Sleep.
877
00:40:18,509 --> 00:40:20,376
Shorty.
878
00:40:20,545 --> 00:40:22,411
Hmm?
879
00:40:22,580 --> 00:40:23,879
What's up?
880
00:40:24,048 --> 00:40:26,383
Tell me about your mother.
881
00:40:28,025 --> 00:40:29,259
Damn, nigga.
882
00:40:29,428 --> 00:40:30,950
Let's start
with something light, like:
883
00:40:31,119 --> 00:40:33,060
"Do you lick ass, yes or no?"
884
00:40:33,229 --> 00:40:35,056
The answer's yes.
885
00:40:35,225 --> 00:40:37,766
So what happened to her, Shorty?
886
00:40:40,599 --> 00:40:42,395
She was coming home.
887
00:40:43,431 --> 00:40:45,468
Her car was parked
to the side of the road.
888
00:40:45,637 --> 00:40:47,576
Someone was in it.
889
00:40:48,446 --> 00:40:49,973
And something bad was happening.
890
00:40:54,375 --> 00:40:55,917
Why didn't you call anyone?
891
00:40:56,086 --> 00:40:56,919
I couldn't.
892
00:40:57,088 --> 00:40:58,450
I had warrants.
893
00:40:58,619 --> 00:41:00,089
You were 11.
894
00:41:00,258 --> 00:41:02,085
I started young, nigga.
895
00:41:03,225 --> 00:41:04,225
Oh.
896
00:41:04,721 --> 00:41:06,529
What do you see?
897
00:41:08,063 --> 00:41:09,195
I...
898
00:41:11,393 --> 00:41:14,262
I see a big explosion of water.
899
00:41:16,068 --> 00:41:17,672
It was like a Civil Rights hose.
900
00:41:22,073 --> 00:41:24,173
Police said
it was a murder/suicide.
901
00:41:25,380 --> 00:41:26,914
She killed that man.
902
00:41:27,083 --> 00:41:30,685
When they opened the car door,
his limp body just slid out.
903
00:41:34,020 --> 00:41:36,853
Like the green nigga
in Shape of Water.
904
00:41:37,021 --> 00:41:38,660
I just didn't want it
to be real.
905
00:41:38,828 --> 00:41:40,959
What don't you want to be real?
906
00:41:41,993 --> 00:41:43,992
That my mother was a squirter!
907
00:41:44,160 --> 00:41:46,468
Okay! She was a squirter.
908
00:41:46,637 --> 00:41:48,965
All the floors
in her bedroom was warped.
909
00:41:49,134 --> 00:41:52,172
- I can't move.
- You're paralyzed.
910
00:41:52,341 --> 00:41:54,102
Now...
911
00:41:54,271 --> 00:41:56,342
...sink into the chair.
Wait, no.
912
00:41:56,511 --> 00:41:57,606
- Wait.
- Sink!
913
00:42:03,449 --> 00:42:06,050
Nigga!
914
00:42:14,391 --> 00:42:18,832
I'm in a K-hole, son!
915
00:42:20,263 --> 00:42:23,837
No, you're in a K-pop hole.
916
00:42:37,155 --> 00:42:39,050
Oh, shit, son!
917
00:42:45,052 --> 00:42:46,222
Nigga, I'm numb.
918
00:42:49,995 --> 00:42:51,898
That's what they do in the hood.
919
00:43:00,970 --> 00:43:02,502
Luke Skywalker!
920
00:43:30,034 --> 00:43:31,733
That's some good shit, son.
921
00:43:33,508 --> 00:43:34,969
That dream was wild.
922
00:43:35,172 --> 00:43:37,079
I must've been Elon Musk high.
923
00:43:51,427 --> 00:43:52,629
Tuesday?
924
00:43:53,229 --> 00:43:54,455
Tuesday?
925
00:43:57,629 --> 00:43:58,833
Bobby?
926
00:44:01,063 --> 00:44:02,903
Bobby, what the...?
927
00:44:04,241 --> 00:44:05,998
She's gonna die.
928
00:44:06,200 --> 00:44:07,572
Our daughter, Sara?
929
00:44:07,740 --> 00:44:09,372
You're probably right.
930
00:44:09,575 --> 00:44:11,695
She's tough, but let's see her
get stabbed in the gut.
931
00:44:11,810 --> 00:44:13,172
I'm gonna die.
932
00:44:13,341 --> 00:44:15,484
Bobby, you're already dead.
933
00:44:15,653 --> 00:44:17,278
This hallucination
is a manifestation
934
00:44:17,447 --> 00:44:19,479
of my own guilt
for being an awful mom.
935
00:44:19,648 --> 00:44:22,120
Or it could be the shrooms
I just popped.
936
00:44:23,261 --> 00:44:24,491
You're gonna die.
937
00:44:24,660 --> 00:44:27,763
Bitch, you ain't killing me.
938
00:44:33,403 --> 00:44:34,528
You're gonna die.
939
00:44:35,272 --> 00:44:37,601
Stop smiling!
940
00:44:37,770 --> 00:44:40,142
I can't. Botox.
941
00:44:40,311 --> 00:44:41,644
Hey!
Oh.
942
00:44:41,813 --> 00:44:44,672
This is the mental ward.
Everyone smiles in here.
943
00:44:44,841 --> 00:44:45,880
What?
944
00:44:46,447 --> 00:44:48,508
How... Um...
945
00:44:48,677 --> 00:44:50,649
Could you point me
in the direction of the ICU?
946
00:44:50,818 --> 00:44:52,321
Is it that way or that way?
947
00:44:52,490 --> 00:44:53,985
Uh, visiting hours are over.
948
00:44:54,154 --> 00:44:56,352
Oh, yes, of course.
949
00:44:57,487 --> 00:44:59,136
The network wants me to clarify
950
00:44:59,160 --> 00:45:01,455
that Black Friday
has nothing to do with race.
951
00:45:01,624 --> 00:45:03,563
Well, just tell that
to my Black friend Benita
952
00:45:03,765 --> 00:45:05,031
who's probably clocking someone
953
00:45:05,200 --> 00:45:07,027
over the head
at Target as we speak!
954
00:45:07,195 --> 00:45:08,195
Right, Benita?
955
00:45:23,682 --> 00:45:25,178
Shamone!
956
00:45:25,347 --> 00:45:26,850
Man, you ain't Michael.
957
00:45:27,019 --> 00:45:28,854
Michael got that Jheri curl.
958
00:45:29,022 --> 00:45:30,817
What is that, son?
Is that shellac?
959
00:45:30,986 --> 00:45:33,891
See, people think it's shellac,
but it's actually Sharpie.
960
00:45:34,060 --> 00:45:35,525
Boy, your hair
looks like fondue.
961
00:45:35,694 --> 00:45:36,895
Indoo-dy.
962
00:45:37,064 --> 00:45:38,768
Michael's got a monkey.
I got a llama.
963
00:45:40,667 --> 00:45:42,066
Fuck Michael!
964
00:45:42,235 --> 00:45:44,270
You can't dance, boy.
I've been practicing.
965
00:45:44,439 --> 00:45:46,142
Oh! Whoa!
966
00:45:46,344 --> 00:45:47,570
Jeez.
967
00:45:49,006 --> 00:45:50,213
Yeah!
968
00:45:50,381 --> 00:45:51,908
Bong! Ow!
969
00:45:52,077 --> 00:45:54,807
I can moonwalk.
Ooh, ooh.
970
00:45:55,009 --> 00:45:56,044
Ooh.
971
00:45:56,213 --> 00:45:57,948
Where is this nigga goin'?
972
00:46:00,049 --> 00:46:00,783
Ow!
973
00:46:00,985 --> 00:46:02,951
Whoo!
974
00:46:03,153 --> 00:46:04,723
"Jermaine".
975
00:46:06,831 --> 00:46:10,195
Coming Juneteenth,
only on Tubi.
976
00:46:12,530 --> 00:46:14,469
I'ma bootleg that shit.
977
00:46:16,867 --> 00:46:18,005
Hello?
978
00:46:19,309 --> 00:46:20,309
Fuck this.
979
00:46:25,583 --> 00:46:27,278
I'm gonna miss you all.
980
00:46:32,851 --> 00:46:34,318
Oh, hell no!
981
00:46:34,520 --> 00:46:36,617
Think Black, don't die.
Think Black, don't die.
982
00:46:46,799 --> 00:46:47,831
Oh!
983
00:46:47,999 --> 00:46:50,100
Goddamn it!
Jack?
984
00:46:50,269 --> 00:46:51,934
Did Sara tell you to come?
Um...
985
00:46:52,103 --> 00:46:54,777
Yeah! That's why I'm here.
986
00:46:54,946 --> 00:46:57,977
Not to murder you
or anything like that.
987
00:46:58,146 --> 00:46:59,508
Then why are you wearing gloves?
988
00:47:00,474 --> 00:47:02,348
Would you believe I...
989
00:47:02,551 --> 00:47:05,748
am thinking about dressing up
as O.J. Simpson for Halloween?
990
00:47:05,917 --> 00:47:07,351
But those fit.
991
00:47:08,215 --> 00:47:09,516
Look out!
992
00:47:09,718 --> 00:47:11,623
Not cool, bro,
you almost hit a vein.
993
00:47:11,792 --> 00:47:13,328
I-I mean...
Help!
994
00:47:17,294 --> 00:47:18,362
Oh, yes!
995
00:47:22,339 --> 00:47:23,537
Oh...
996
00:47:27,870 --> 00:47:32,013
Whew.
I'm gonna gut you like a pig!
997
00:47:36,580 --> 00:47:38,387
I'm gonna...
998
00:47:38,589 --> 00:47:40,523
I'm gonna...
999
00:47:40,692 --> 00:47:42,291
What a stupid line.
1000
00:47:44,354 --> 00:47:45,818
That is so true!
1001
00:47:45,986 --> 00:47:48,726
What are you gonna do?
Turn me into bacon?
1002
00:47:53,365 --> 00:47:54,848
I got to get better writers.
1003
00:47:54,872 --> 00:47:57,334
I'm laughing so hard,
my ribs hurt.
1004
00:47:57,503 --> 00:48:00,705
Wait until
I stick my knife in them!
1005
00:48:07,510 --> 00:48:09,681
I'm crying over here.
1006
00:48:09,849 --> 00:48:11,251
I got to go
1007
00:48:11,453 --> 00:48:13,493
before you really kill me.
Here I come.
1008
00:48:13,517 --> 00:48:15,982
Oh, God,
I might die laughing first!
1009
00:48:17,852 --> 00:48:20,930
Oh. Oh, shit.
He's really gonna kill me.
1010
00:48:42,544 --> 00:48:44,679
I want what they're on.
1011
00:48:47,015 --> 00:48:49,554
I'm gonna turn you
into bacon, little piggy.
1012
00:48:55,961 --> 00:48:57,631
No, no.
1013
00:48:57,800 --> 00:48:59,463
No.
1014
00:49:01,631 --> 00:49:03,134
I'm sorry. Excuse me.
Excuse me.
1015
00:49:03,302 --> 00:49:04,432
I'm so sorry.
Out of our way!
1016
00:49:04,601 --> 00:49:06,769
Step aside.
Official police business.
1017
00:49:06,938 --> 00:49:07,940
Doofy!
1018
00:49:08,109 --> 00:49:10,541
I like doing that.
1019
00:49:10,710 --> 00:49:11,710
Ooh!
1020
00:49:12,540 --> 00:49:14,642
Smile, you son of a bitch.
1021
00:49:14,844 --> 00:49:17,881
What the f...?
My psycho mother said
1022
00:49:18,050 --> 00:49:19,956
always keep a strap.
1023
00:49:21,592 --> 00:49:22,824
Go! Go!
Okay.
1024
00:49:22,993 --> 00:49:24,393
I'm gonna go get
your love interest.
1025
00:49:24,558 --> 00:49:26,068
I'll get your love interest.
1026
00:49:26,092 --> 00:49:29,190
Ow, the pain, the agony.
1027
00:49:29,393 --> 00:49:31,460
Sara, if I don't make it...
1028
00:49:31,629 --> 00:49:33,968
Seriously, Tues,
stop trying to win an Oscar.
1029
00:49:34,137 --> 00:49:36,332
It's a horror movie,
it'll never happen.
1030
00:49:36,501 --> 00:49:38,572
Just ask Demi Moore.
1031
00:49:38,740 --> 00:49:41,439
No! No!
1032
00:49:41,607 --> 00:49:43,182
I got him. I got Jack.
1033
00:49:45,445 --> 00:49:47,441
Doofy! What the fuck?
1034
00:49:47,610 --> 00:49:49,447
The fuck?
I can't help myself.
1035
00:49:51,988 --> 00:49:54,222
It's just me and you now,
Ghosty.
1036
00:49:54,424 --> 00:49:55,424
Hm.
1037
00:49:56,751 --> 00:49:58,619
You got to shoot them
in the head.
1038
00:49:58,788 --> 00:50:00,326
Shoot them in the head.
1039
00:50:02,690 --> 00:50:05,133
Oof. Ow.
1040
00:50:08,300 --> 00:50:10,498
Die!
1041
00:50:10,667 --> 00:50:12,340
Die, you little dumb dunce.
1042
00:50:12,509 --> 00:50:13,703
Smell...
1043
00:50:13,906 --> 00:50:14,934
my...
1044
00:50:15,678 --> 00:50:16,804
finger.
1045
00:50:17,681 --> 00:50:18,681
Oh, God!
1046
00:50:18,849 --> 00:50:21,317
What the fuck was that? Ugh.
1047
00:50:21,486 --> 00:50:23,180
My ass.
1048
00:50:23,349 --> 00:50:25,380
Fuck your ass! Pause.
1049
00:50:27,818 --> 00:50:29,378
Oh, God,
that's... that's my ass.
1050
00:50:29,489 --> 00:50:31,987
- Oh, God.
- Any last words?
1051
00:50:32,156 --> 00:50:33,858
I go poopy.
1052
00:50:38,730 --> 00:50:41,293
Oh, hell no.
I ain't cleaning up that shit!
1053
00:50:41,462 --> 00:50:43,031
I'm on break.
1054
00:50:43,200 --> 00:50:46,565
Come on, I do the
killing, not the cleaning. Ugh.
1055
00:50:46,767 --> 00:50:48,743
What you say?
Never mind.
1056
00:50:48,946 --> 00:50:50,337
Yo, what's up, chat?
1057
00:50:50,505 --> 00:50:51,971
This your boy Shorty.
1058
00:50:52,140 --> 00:50:53,754
That's right,
it's another Halloween-a-thon.
1059
00:50:53,778 --> 00:50:56,685
And it's another day
of me getting paid mad money
1060
00:50:56,854 --> 00:50:59,020
for doing absolutely nothing
1061
00:50:59,189 --> 00:51:00,780
while you stupid motherfuckers
watch.
1062
00:51:00,982 --> 00:51:03,455
And they call me dumb!
1063
00:51:03,657 --> 00:51:06,628
I want to give a smooth
shout-out to my sponsor:
1064
00:51:06,830 --> 00:51:09,026
Angry Orchard Hard Cider.
1065
00:51:10,493 --> 00:51:12,893
They got mad apples, son.
1066
00:51:16,197 --> 00:51:19,040
We created a slogan!
I'm a marketing genius!
1067
00:51:19,209 --> 00:51:21,071
Aight. It wouldn't be
a Halloween-a-thon
1068
00:51:21,239 --> 00:51:22,406
without a dope guest.
1069
00:51:22,575 --> 00:51:23,823
He's a legend
in the streaming game.
1070
00:51:23,847 --> 00:51:26,773
Give it up for Kai Cenat!
1071
00:51:26,942 --> 00:51:29,212
We gonna break the internet!
1072
00:51:29,381 --> 00:51:31,278
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
1073
00:51:31,447 --> 00:51:33,049
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
1074
00:51:35,418 --> 00:51:36,450
Let's get serious.
1075
00:51:36,619 --> 00:51:38,487
What brings you to the chat?
1076
00:51:38,690 --> 00:51:40,290
You promised
I was gonna be in the movie.
1077
00:51:40,427 --> 00:51:43,199
I've been calling you.
You ghosted me.
1078
00:51:43,367 --> 00:51:45,964
Bro, I thought that was one
of my crazy-ass baby mamas.
1079
00:51:46,167 --> 00:51:47,462
That's... That's my bad.
1080
00:51:47,664 --> 00:51:49,695
And speaking of ghosted...
1081
00:51:49,864 --> 00:51:51,606
Somebody wants to talk to you.
1082
00:51:51,775 --> 00:51:53,198
Hello?
1083
00:51:53,367 --> 00:51:55,127
What's your favorite
scary movie?
1084
00:51:57,110 --> 00:51:58,812
Nah!
Oh!
1085
00:51:58,981 --> 00:52:01,315
Oh, whoa, whoa!
Ah!
1086
00:52:08,124 --> 00:52:09,855
We breaking the internet, son!
1087
00:52:10,057 --> 00:52:11,124
What's up, my guy?
1088
00:52:11,293 --> 00:52:12,601
You got some Angry Orchard
1089
00:52:12,625 --> 00:52:13,897
Hard Cider in the house?
You damn right.
1090
00:52:13,921 --> 00:52:15,496
They got mad apples.
1091
00:52:15,698 --> 00:52:17,092
Oh!
1092
00:52:17,261 --> 00:52:18,323
Wassup?
1093
00:52:18,526 --> 00:52:19,998
Wassup?
1094
00:52:23,205 --> 00:52:24,773
We about to do
my favorite thing:
1095
00:52:24,942 --> 00:52:28,535
Spin the... wheel!
1096
00:52:28,737 --> 00:52:30,640
Extreme Noodle Game!
1097
00:52:30,809 --> 00:52:32,409
We gonna go back there
with these noodles
1098
00:52:32,508 --> 00:52:33,508
and we gonna smack
1099
00:52:33,610 --> 00:52:34,690
the fuck out you!
1100
00:52:34,777 --> 00:52:36,057
Then you gotta guess who did it.
1101
00:52:36,187 --> 00:52:37,347
That doesn't even make sense.
1102
00:52:38,088 --> 00:52:39,288
This is a dumb game.
1103
00:52:40,651 --> 00:52:41,719
Oh!
1104
00:52:41,922 --> 00:52:42,922
Uh...
1105
00:52:43,653 --> 00:52:44,451
Kai. Kai.
Man, what?
1106
00:52:44,620 --> 00:52:45,620
Yeah.
1107
00:52:51,629 --> 00:52:53,833
Wait... No, no, no...
1108
00:52:56,274 --> 00:53:00,301
You just killed Kai Cenat.
On the chat.
1109
00:53:01,770 --> 00:53:03,205
We making history, son!
1110
00:53:04,477 --> 00:53:05,677
Money, money, money!
1111
00:53:25,165 --> 00:53:26,565
Oh, thank God.
1112
00:53:30,999 --> 00:53:32,519
It's about time
you guys got here!
1113
00:53:33,174 --> 00:53:35,002
Now you're gonna get it.
1114
00:53:35,736 --> 00:53:36,843
Oof!
1115
00:53:38,246 --> 00:53:39,710
Hold still!
1116
00:53:39,878 --> 00:53:41,722
So that's our suspect.
1117
00:53:41,746 --> 00:53:44,244
Goes by the name "Shorthand".
Hmm.
1118
00:53:44,413 --> 00:53:48,323
Was the handyman at a house
reputed to be haunted in 2001.
1119
00:53:49,459 --> 00:53:51,019
Is there anything
you're not telling me?
1120
00:53:51,060 --> 00:53:52,894
That your wife hates you
1121
00:53:53,063 --> 00:53:54,657
you believe the Earth is flat
1122
00:53:54,826 --> 00:53:56,761
and you voted for Trump
three times.
1123
00:53:56,964 --> 00:53:59,159
What, I was supposed
to vote for the woman?
1124
00:53:59,328 --> 00:54:00,664
Huh?
1125
00:54:00,833 --> 00:54:04,138
I believe Shorthand
is the notorious Ghostface.
1126
00:54:05,766 --> 00:54:07,799
What that mouth do?
1127
00:54:08,001 --> 00:54:09,408
Stop resisting!
1128
00:54:09,577 --> 00:54:11,647
He did look pretty sketchy.
1129
00:54:15,385 --> 00:54:17,285
They got the wrong guy.
1130
00:54:17,487 --> 00:54:19,219
And you know that
because you're psychic?
1131
00:54:19,387 --> 00:54:21,356
No, says so
on the arrest warrant.
1132
00:54:23,820 --> 00:54:25,100
I don't know.
1133
00:54:25,219 --> 00:54:27,355
That guy's Black.
Nah, he's kinda...
1134
00:54:27,524 --> 00:54:28,790
not that Black.
1135
00:54:28,992 --> 00:54:30,667
Like gravy brown.
1136
00:54:30,691 --> 00:54:32,094
Ugh!
1137
00:54:32,263 --> 00:54:33,765
Get him!
1138
00:54:33,934 --> 00:54:35,607
Hit him with your strong hand!
1139
00:54:35,631 --> 00:54:37,065
Boom!
1140
00:54:37,234 --> 00:54:39,935
Arrest him anyways.
Probably did something, right?
1141
00:54:40,868 --> 00:54:42,476
Turn off your body cams!
1142
00:54:43,245 --> 00:54:45,238
Miss Hailstorm, welcome back.
1143
00:54:45,407 --> 00:54:48,283
Doc, I'm begging you.
You got to help me
look younger.
1144
00:54:48,452 --> 00:54:50,086
These little bitches
are killing me out there.
1145
00:54:50,110 --> 00:54:51,329
They're wearing nothing but a...
1146
00:54:51,353 --> 00:54:53,279
a sausage casing
and a ring light.
1147
00:54:53,448 --> 00:54:57,749
Trust me with this withered,
decrepit, age-ravaged body,
1148
00:54:57,918 --> 00:54:59,995
and I will make you whole.
1149
00:55:00,197 --> 00:55:01,517
One Middle-Aged
White Lady Special
1150
00:55:01,626 --> 00:55:03,129
coming right up.
Thanks.
1151
00:55:03,298 --> 00:55:04,429
I'm gonna play a quick video
1152
00:55:04,598 --> 00:55:05,940
on the ins and outs
of the procedure,
1153
00:55:05,964 --> 00:55:08,161
and then we'll get started.
1154
00:55:11,905 --> 00:55:14,670
Do you wish
you weren't so old and saggy?
1155
00:55:14,839 --> 00:55:17,339
Do you wish you were younger?
Sexier?
1156
00:55:17,508 --> 00:55:19,038
Fuckable again?
1157
00:55:19,241 --> 00:55:22,510
One single injection
unlocks your DNA,
1158
00:55:22,713 --> 00:55:25,453
creating a new, better you.
1159
00:55:26,154 --> 00:55:28,350
This is The Stuff.
1160
00:55:29,954 --> 00:55:32,084
Doc, this isn't that
Gwyneth Paltrow crap
1161
00:55:32,253 --> 00:55:34,187
that makes you
smell like her vag, is it?
1162
00:55:38,296 --> 00:55:39,296
I like it.
1163
00:55:55,647 --> 00:55:57,551
Wow, that's a lot of Stuff.
1164
00:55:59,319 --> 00:56:00,554
Oh, a mask on a mask.
1165
00:56:01,256 --> 00:56:02,787
Safety first, right, Doc?
1166
00:56:04,852 --> 00:56:06,826
Oh, no!
1167
00:56:08,165 --> 00:56:09,923
I'm having second thoughts!
1168
00:56:10,126 --> 00:56:12,258
I'm gonna love
and accept myself as I am.
1169
00:57:15,758 --> 00:57:17,589
Oops. Wrong movie.
1170
00:57:19,934 --> 00:57:22,262
- You were thinking it.
- But you said it.
1171
00:57:23,471 --> 00:57:25,331
White Chicks 2, my ass.
1172
00:57:33,908 --> 00:57:35,583
Hey, Sara.
1173
00:57:36,713 --> 00:57:38,217
Tuesday, I...
1174
00:57:38,385 --> 00:57:40,252
I tried to visit you.
1175
00:57:40,421 --> 00:57:42,682
I am sorry for everything.
1176
00:57:42,884 --> 00:57:44,655
Especially your name.
1177
00:57:44,824 --> 00:57:47,353
It was Taco Tuesday.
I was super drunk.
1178
00:57:47,555 --> 00:57:51,192
But I promise you,
I will kill this motherfucker!
1179
00:57:51,394 --> 00:57:52,809
- It's fine, really, we're cool.
- I'm gonna...
1180
00:57:52,833 --> 00:57:54,204
I'll pull the car around.
We're good.
1181
00:57:54,228 --> 00:57:55,733
I'm going to take you
to the car!
1182
00:57:55,902 --> 00:57:58,229
I got stabbed.
I'm not deaf, you dumb-ass!
1183
00:57:58,398 --> 00:58:00,938
I'm taking Tues away
from all of this!
1184
00:58:01,904 --> 00:58:03,105
Oh...
Come on, Cindy.
1185
00:58:03,940 --> 00:58:05,979
I tried to run, too, but...
1186
00:58:06,148 --> 00:58:08,507
it follows!
1187
00:58:08,709 --> 00:58:11,312
Now you're probably expecting
a flashback to that movie,
1188
00:58:11,480 --> 00:58:13,819
but it's too obscure.
Yeah, and the plot is weird.
1189
00:58:13,987 --> 00:58:16,181
You have sex with someone,
give them a STD
1190
00:58:16,350 --> 00:58:17,632
and then it haunts them
in the form
1191
00:58:17,656 --> 00:58:18,488
of their naked grandma.
1192
00:58:18,657 --> 00:58:20,789
It's like a STD biopic.
1193
00:58:20,958 --> 00:58:22,198
Ugh, the killer is taunting me.
1194
00:58:22,299 --> 00:58:23,691
Why doesn't he just kill us?
1195
00:58:23,860 --> 00:58:25,233
Uh, speak for yourself.
1196
00:58:25,435 --> 00:58:27,128
Like, what are you waiting for?
1197
00:58:27,297 --> 00:58:30,429
Oh, no, no, no, sweetie,
sweetie. It's like this.
1198
00:58:31,738 --> 00:58:34,933
What are you waiting for, huh?
1199
00:58:35,102 --> 00:58:37,804
What are you waiting for?
1200
00:58:37,973 --> 00:58:40,510
What are you waiting for?
1201
00:58:40,679 --> 00:58:42,241
What are you waiting for?
1202
00:58:42,443 --> 00:58:43,975
God, I wish
you weren't my mother!
1203
00:58:44,144 --> 00:58:46,755
What are you waiting for?
1204
00:58:48,356 --> 00:58:49,356
Candyman.
1205
00:58:50,224 --> 00:58:51,483
Candyman.
1206
00:58:52,325 --> 00:58:53,991
Candyman.
1207
00:58:54,160 --> 00:58:57,192
- You sure about this?
- Yeah, keep saying it.
1208
00:58:58,331 --> 00:58:59,491
Candyman.
1209
00:59:00,700 --> 00:59:02,669
Candyman!
1210
00:59:19,721 --> 00:59:21,854
So what's up?
You got that candy, man?
1211
00:59:22,757 --> 00:59:25,016
- I got weed gummies.
- Yeah.
1212
00:59:25,185 --> 00:59:26,518
- K-nuts.
- Yeah.
1213
00:59:26,686 --> 00:59:28,365
- Shroom chocolates.
- Shit, son!
1214
00:59:28,389 --> 00:59:30,322
And what take you so long
to show up?
1215
00:59:30,491 --> 00:59:33,266
Come on, Clarence.
I called you five times.
1216
00:59:33,468 --> 00:59:34,898
Nigga, show up in three.
1217
00:59:35,067 --> 00:59:36,863
You ain't even call me
on the phone.
1218
00:59:37,032 --> 00:59:38,398
Luckily I was walking by
1219
00:59:38,567 --> 00:59:40,542
and heard y'all
through the hole in this wall.
1220
00:59:40,711 --> 00:59:43,273
And fix that shit.
You shut your ass up.
1221
00:59:43,475 --> 00:59:45,975
You need to go
to a proctologist
and get your skin looked at.
1222
00:59:46,177 --> 00:59:49,310
Having acne over
the age of 40 is wild work.
1223
00:59:49,512 --> 00:59:51,546
I look better than this nigga.
Maybe on this side.
1224
00:59:51,715 --> 00:59:54,148
Hey, ain't no time for beefing.
We about to be high as fuck.
1225
00:59:54,350 --> 00:59:56,423
We gonna party, son!
1226
01:00:02,532 --> 01:00:05,057
- That's right. Drink up!
- Hey!
1227
01:00:05,226 --> 01:00:07,926
Hey! I love it. Look at that.
1228
01:00:08,095 --> 01:00:09,401
You're looking good.
1229
01:00:09,569 --> 01:00:10,902
You seen your sister?
1230
01:00:15,504 --> 01:00:17,470
I-I can't find her since
she went to that protest.
1231
01:00:18,148 --> 01:00:19,846
No.
1232
01:00:21,081 --> 01:00:24,483
Ray, let me guess.
You are Woody from Toy Story!
1233
01:00:24,652 --> 01:00:26,653
Nah, Brenda, that's gay.
Oh.
1234
01:00:26,822 --> 01:00:29,647
Jake Gyllenhaal
from Brokeback Mountain.
1235
01:00:29,816 --> 01:00:32,892
"I wish I knew how to quit you,
but I can't."
1236
01:00:33,758 --> 01:00:35,921
You love that movie!
1237
01:00:36,090 --> 01:00:37,489
Hey, Brenda!
Huh?
1238
01:00:37,691 --> 01:00:39,611
Have you seen
my big old bag of candy?
1239
01:00:39,769 --> 01:00:42,737
It had chocolates,
gummies, lollipops.
1240
01:00:43,405 --> 01:00:44,405
I-It's gone missing.
1241
01:00:44,540 --> 01:00:45,738
No, no, no, it's not missing.
1242
01:00:45,907 --> 01:00:47,673
I passed it out
to the trick-or-treaters.
1243
01:00:47,842 --> 01:00:51,036
Brenda, that's my stash!
1244
01:01:01,987 --> 01:01:05,661
I'm so fucking high!
1245
01:01:08,725 --> 01:01:09,725
Whoo-hoo!
1246
01:01:09,896 --> 01:01:12,624
I can't feel my face!
1247
01:01:14,901 --> 01:01:18,806
I'm on that Naruto shit!
1248
01:01:19,675 --> 01:01:23,369
Six-seven! Six-seven!
1249
01:01:48,701 --> 01:01:50,332
Fuck.
1250
01:01:58,206 --> 01:01:59,581
Why is she looking at me?
1251
01:02:02,484 --> 01:02:04,350
A little disturbing.
1252
01:02:04,518 --> 01:02:05,751
I'm here for it.
1253
01:02:09,621 --> 01:02:10,955
Oh. Okay.
1254
01:02:21,533 --> 01:02:23,037
Hey!
1255
01:02:23,206 --> 01:02:26,599
Do you know how many baby seals
die from micro plastics?
1256
01:02:34,283 --> 01:02:35,283
Shit.
1257
01:02:35,342 --> 01:02:36,909
It's Ghostface!
1258
01:02:41,657 --> 01:02:43,283
Oh, my God! He stabbed her!
1259
01:02:43,485 --> 01:02:46,425
Not "her".
My pronouns are "they/them".
1260
01:02:46,594 --> 01:02:48,227
He stabbed "them"!
1261
01:02:48,396 --> 01:02:50,958
I'm over 40. How am I supposed
to keep up with all of this?
1262
01:02:51,161 --> 01:02:52,241
She's not wrong.
1263
01:02:52,292 --> 01:02:53,926
It's Karens like you
1264
01:02:54,095 --> 01:02:57,428
that keep the patriarchy going,
with their knees on our necks!
1265
01:02:57,597 --> 01:03:00,139
Now you're playing
the race card?
1266
01:03:00,307 --> 01:03:02,910
I've had enough of her shit.
"Their" shit, bitch!
1267
01:03:05,975 --> 01:03:06,977
And to be clear,
1268
01:03:07,180 --> 01:03:09,716
my real name is Karen!
1269
01:03:09,885 --> 01:03:11,747
Oh, shit. This is too good.
1270
01:03:11,916 --> 01:03:13,447
Ignore the insults.
1271
01:03:13,616 --> 01:03:15,652
"They" don't realize
we're here to help "them".
1272
01:03:15,854 --> 01:03:17,383
Toxic masculinity
1273
01:03:17,552 --> 01:03:20,152
and mansplaining
doesn't help anybody!
1274
01:03:20,355 --> 01:03:22,088
How is my masculinity toxic?
1275
01:03:22,257 --> 01:03:23,862
I love women and sports.
1276
01:03:24,064 --> 01:03:26,698
Just not together.
Come here, bitch.
1277
01:03:26,900 --> 01:03:28,494
My turn!
1278
01:03:28,663 --> 01:03:30,208
- Me next!
- They ain't ready for
1279
01:03:30,232 --> 01:03:31,232
this!
1280
01:03:31,334 --> 01:03:32,443
Let me at them!
Me next!
1281
01:03:32,467 --> 01:03:33,264
Fuck your pronouns.
Oh, shit.
1282
01:03:33,433 --> 01:03:34,704
Suck knife.
1283
01:03:38,376 --> 01:03:40,045
I blame the manosphere.
1284
01:03:44,820 --> 01:03:46,651
Uncle Shorty.
What's up, nephew?
1285
01:03:46,820 --> 01:03:48,417
Can I ask you something?
1286
01:03:48,952 --> 01:03:50,188
Yeah, shoot.
1287
01:03:51,253 --> 01:03:53,119
It's about, y-you know
1288
01:03:53,288 --> 01:03:54,852
how to go down on a girl.
1289
01:03:55,655 --> 01:03:56,895
You talking about eating pussy?
1290
01:03:56,930 --> 01:03:59,497
That's so cringe, but yeah.
1291
01:03:59,666 --> 01:04:02,469
Well, maybe if you stop talking
like a 14-year-old white girl
1292
01:04:02,638 --> 01:04:04,130
you could learn something.
1293
01:04:04,299 --> 01:04:05,563
All right, so listen up.
1294
01:04:05,765 --> 01:04:07,283
First thing you got to do,
you got to...
1295
01:04:07,307 --> 01:04:09,018
You got to spread them legs.
You got to open it up.
1296
01:04:09,042 --> 01:04:10,638
Then you want
to use your fingers.
1297
01:04:10,807 --> 01:04:13,609
Sometimes you can use two.
Two fingers, like that there.
1298
01:04:13,778 --> 01:04:14,947
Yeah?
1299
01:04:15,116 --> 01:04:16,808
Now, once you get it
all in there, now...
1300
01:04:17,621 --> 01:04:18,947
you got to use your tongue.
1301
01:04:19,116 --> 01:04:20,354
You can't be afraid of it.
1302
01:04:23,691 --> 01:04:25,188
Yeah, lean into it.
1303
01:04:25,357 --> 01:04:26,797
Nah, nah, nah,
you doing it too fast.
1304
01:04:28,225 --> 01:04:29,490
What are you, a lizard?
1305
01:04:29,659 --> 01:04:31,432
You got to be gentle.
You got to talk to it.
1306
01:04:31,635 --> 01:04:33,000
"Hey there, little guy,
1307
01:04:33,168 --> 01:04:34,968
how you doing?"
Hey there, little guy.
1308
01:04:35,772 --> 01:04:38,198
Boom!
Just like rolling a blunt.
1309
01:04:38,367 --> 01:04:40,238
All you got to do, nephew...
1310
01:04:43,846 --> 01:04:45,375
Is hit that shit.
1311
01:04:46,043 --> 01:04:47,413
Got it?
Mm-hmm.
1312
01:04:47,615 --> 01:04:48,916
All right, now
1313
01:04:49,118 --> 01:04:52,553
if you want to learn
to lick ass, ask your mama.
1314
01:04:54,954 --> 01:04:57,455
You feel so good.
1315
01:04:59,021 --> 01:05:00,095
Oh, yeah.
1316
01:05:00,264 --> 01:05:01,792
Elle.
1317
01:05:01,994 --> 01:05:03,392
I want to try something.
1318
01:05:03,561 --> 01:05:05,630
I-I thought you said
you'd never let me peg you.
1319
01:05:05,832 --> 01:05:07,366
What? No.
1320
01:05:07,535 --> 01:05:08,898
Relax.
1321
01:05:09,067 --> 01:05:10,534
I just want to taste you.
1322
01:05:13,167 --> 01:05:14,375
Okay.
1323
01:05:15,844 --> 01:05:17,401
Dinner time.
1324
01:05:17,570 --> 01:05:20,080
Oh, yeah, come here, baby.
1325
01:05:23,085 --> 01:05:25,244
Careful. My kitty is gangster.
1326
01:05:25,412 --> 01:05:27,114
Oh! Oh...
1327
01:05:27,282 --> 01:05:29,418
It is gangster. Okay.
1328
01:05:29,587 --> 01:05:32,226
Slapped you so hard,
you want some more. Yeah!
1329
01:05:36,123 --> 01:05:37,427
Oh!
1330
01:05:37,596 --> 01:05:40,325
You feel so much better
than Darrel and them.
1331
01:05:40,527 --> 01:05:41,527
Choo-choo!
1332
01:05:41,703 --> 01:05:42,703
Get back in there!
1333
01:05:42,838 --> 01:05:44,066
Yeah! Lick it!
1334
01:05:44,235 --> 01:05:46,471
Yeah! Lick it hard!
1335
01:05:47,743 --> 01:05:48,935
Finish her.
1336
01:05:50,737 --> 01:05:53,876
Oh, my God!
1337
01:05:56,279 --> 01:05:57,879
Just like rolling a blunt.
1338
01:05:59,086 --> 01:06:01,022
Now all I got to do is hit it.
1339
01:06:03,591 --> 01:06:05,151
Oh... Oof!
1340
01:06:05,320 --> 01:06:06,621
Elle!
1341
01:06:08,961 --> 01:06:10,261
What the fuck?
1342
01:06:10,430 --> 01:06:12,924
Hey there. We heard tell
of a Halloween party.
1343
01:06:13,559 --> 01:06:14,765
You did now, did you?
1344
01:06:14,934 --> 01:06:16,069
We're here to drink,
1345
01:06:16,238 --> 01:06:18,435
play bad music,
do some half gay shit.
1346
01:06:19,235 --> 01:06:20,470
Why just half gay?
1347
01:06:21,269 --> 01:06:22,269
Can I help you?
1348
01:06:22,305 --> 01:06:24,402
If you just invite us in.
1349
01:06:24,571 --> 01:06:25,979
Why you need a invitation?
1350
01:06:26,148 --> 01:06:27,742
White folks show up
to parties uninvited
1351
01:06:27,911 --> 01:06:30,217
all the time with their little
nasty-ass casseroles.
1352
01:06:30,419 --> 01:06:32,613
Bland as shit. Y'all better
start using some Lawry's.
1353
01:06:32,782 --> 01:06:35,012
Mm-hmm.
And why she got
them dirty-ass feet?
1354
01:06:35,181 --> 01:06:37,888
Look like you
was walking around
porn sets all day.
1355
01:06:38,091 --> 01:06:39,185
Got them trailer park toes.
1356
01:06:39,354 --> 01:06:40,962
Shit, son!
1357
01:06:41,131 --> 01:06:43,658
I think you're in
the wrong place. Y'all Klan?
1358
01:06:44,766 --> 01:06:45,800
No.
1359
01:06:45,968 --> 01:06:48,668
We believe in music
and equality.
1360
01:06:48,837 --> 01:06:50,036
How about we show y'all?
1361
01:06:50,238 --> 01:06:52,229
It's okay, no.
1362
01:07:04,613 --> 01:07:06,417
They gentrified the Jeffersons?
1363
01:07:06,619 --> 01:07:08,583
Weezy's rolling around
in her grave right now.
1364
01:07:08,785 --> 01:07:11,522
You can't do this
to the Black National Anthem.
1365
01:07:19,032 --> 01:07:20,393
Boo!
1366
01:07:20,596 --> 01:07:22,335
Nigga, you suck!
Boo your ass!
1367
01:07:22,504 --> 01:07:24,624
We worked hard on this!
Take that bullshit
out of here!
1368
01:07:24,667 --> 01:07:26,107
We ain't got time
for that dumb shit!
1369
01:07:26,275 --> 01:07:28,120
Why won't ya just go
to one of those frat parties
1370
01:07:28,144 --> 01:07:29,636
where they drink until
they black out
1371
01:07:29,805 --> 01:07:31,325
and wake up
with their booties hurting,
1372
01:07:31,380 --> 01:07:33,460
not knowing what someone
in a cowboy hat did to them?
1373
01:07:33,649 --> 01:07:34,777
Yeah! What?
1374
01:07:34,980 --> 01:07:36,081
Okay.
1375
01:07:36,250 --> 01:07:38,016
Well, we will leave
you guys alone.
1376
01:07:38,185 --> 01:07:39,385
But we're gonna walk real slow
1377
01:07:39,550 --> 01:07:41,887
just in case
y'all change your minds.
1378
01:07:44,192 --> 01:07:45,923
- Change your minds yet?
- No.
1379
01:07:46,092 --> 01:07:47,092
Not at all.
Hell no.
1380
01:07:47,191 --> 01:07:48,386
How about now?
1381
01:07:48,554 --> 01:07:50,191
Fuck no!
No!
1382
01:07:50,360 --> 01:07:51,360
Yes?
Hell to the nah.
1383
01:07:51,528 --> 01:07:52,691
Definitely not!
Keep walking!
1384
01:07:52,860 --> 01:07:54,033
- Now git!
- Let's go.
1385
01:07:54,202 --> 01:07:55,510
Sara, come on!
White folks
1386
01:07:55,534 --> 01:07:57,369
is getting weird again.
1387
01:07:59,803 --> 01:08:02,103
Guys, I think I saw
an open window over here.
1388
01:08:02,305 --> 01:08:03,367
That window's closed.
1389
01:08:03,536 --> 01:08:05,078
Not for long.
1390
01:08:11,280 --> 01:08:12,312
Wicked.
1391
01:08:12,514 --> 01:08:13,812
Oh, God. Fucking idiots.
1392
01:08:20,996 --> 01:08:24,962
Hey! Tuesday! You came back!
1393
01:08:25,164 --> 01:08:27,096
Yeah, I left my inhaler.
1394
01:08:27,264 --> 01:08:30,144
Honestly, Tuesday,
that inhaler is the worst
plot device in movie history.
1395
01:08:30,270 --> 01:08:31,798
That's true,
should've been a vape.
1396
01:08:32,000 --> 01:08:34,402
But we're here now,
so let's make the most of it.
1397
01:08:34,571 --> 01:08:36,735
Now where them White Claws at?
1398
01:08:41,642 --> 01:08:43,351
Sara?
Hello.
1399
01:08:43,553 --> 01:08:46,821
Get your sister and get out
of there right now. Okay, hon?
1400
01:08:46,990 --> 01:08:49,683
I am a grown-ass woman, Mother.
1401
01:08:49,886 --> 01:08:51,686
I don't have to do
anything you tell me to do.
1402
01:08:51,823 --> 01:08:53,628
That's the house where
your psycho father
1403
01:08:53,797 --> 01:08:54,963
killed those people.
1404
01:08:55,132 --> 01:08:56,452
Someone wanted to get you there.
1405
01:08:56,590 --> 01:08:58,426
Which means...
1406
01:08:58,595 --> 01:09:01,133
someone wants to get me there.
1407
01:09:01,301 --> 01:09:02,835
Oh, my God,
this isn't about you!
1408
01:09:03,004 --> 01:09:04,302
Why are you yelling?
1409
01:09:04,471 --> 01:09:07,305
Because the camera's
so fucking far away!
1410
01:09:07,474 --> 01:09:10,341
Wait, hold on.
Are you tracking my phone?
1411
01:09:10,543 --> 01:09:11,616
You're breaking up.
1412
01:09:11,640 --> 01:09:12,760
Uh... Yeah.
1413
01:09:17,977 --> 01:09:20,616
Happy Birthday!
1414
01:09:20,785 --> 01:09:23,983
Hey, that's my car!
1415
01:09:27,323 --> 01:09:28,792
What the fuck?
1416
01:09:28,961 --> 01:09:30,330
Elle!
1417
01:09:31,260 --> 01:09:32,494
I'm sorry!
1418
01:09:32,663 --> 01:09:34,994
I thought
I was supposed to smoke it.
1419
01:09:35,770 --> 01:09:36,869
Oh, shit.
1420
01:09:40,838 --> 01:09:43,169
Seriously? With the
12 Years a Slave shit?
1421
01:09:43,338 --> 01:09:46,247
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I didn't see that movie, okay?
1422
01:09:46,449 --> 01:09:48,975
I just found this thing
in the shed. Jesus.
1423
01:09:55,351 --> 01:09:56,855
Come on, bro!
1424
01:09:57,024 --> 01:09:58,259
That's even worse.
1425
01:09:59,461 --> 01:10:01,688
I didn't mean it that way.
1426
01:10:01,856 --> 01:10:03,825
Some of my best victims
are Black.
1427
01:10:06,900 --> 01:10:10,063
And another brother
falls victim to gun violence.
1428
01:10:10,966 --> 01:10:13,236
Turns out
race is still an issue.
1429
01:10:13,438 --> 01:10:14,903
That's not fair!
1430
01:10:15,105 --> 01:10:17,305
You know, Black guys usually
die first in horror movies.
1431
01:10:20,511 --> 01:10:21,909
Damn!
1432
01:10:22,111 --> 01:10:24,377
This give whole new meaning
to Dead By Daylight.
1433
01:10:24,546 --> 01:10:26,413
Yeah.
1434
01:10:26,616 --> 01:10:29,416
Oh. Get them, son.
1435
01:10:29,618 --> 01:10:31,888
Goofy ass out of here.
1436
01:10:34,689 --> 01:10:36,324
Hello, Shorty.
1437
01:10:36,493 --> 01:10:38,656
Cuckoo! Get him, niggas!
1438
01:10:40,359 --> 01:10:44,471
Got your silly ass!
You about to be high as fuck.
1439
01:10:47,942 --> 01:10:48,699
Nigga!
1440
01:10:48,868 --> 01:10:53,212
Ah, shit, son!
1441
01:10:53,381 --> 01:10:55,577
Bro, why you running
backwards, son?
1442
01:10:55,746 --> 01:10:57,247
I don't know.
It's not me.
1443
01:10:57,416 --> 01:10:58,536
Something's wrong with this.
1444
01:10:58,618 --> 01:11:00,120
Nigga,
your remote is upside-down!
1445
01:11:00,289 --> 01:11:02,421
You're fucking high, son.
1446
01:11:02,590 --> 01:11:04,100
- Game on, bitches!
- Yeah.
1447
01:11:09,426 --> 01:11:10,761
Oh!
Wrong nigga.
1448
01:11:10,929 --> 01:11:12,536
Black Lives Matter!
1449
01:11:12,560 --> 01:11:13,932
Not you, Shorty!
1450
01:11:14,101 --> 01:11:15,135
Oh, my... I need you.
1451
01:11:15,337 --> 01:11:17,063
Whoa, what is going on?
Oh, Jack!
1452
01:11:17,231 --> 01:11:19,730
Oh, thank God you're here!
Where were you?
1453
01:11:19,899 --> 01:11:21,274
Ghostface was just here!
1454
01:11:21,443 --> 01:11:23,610
I was just outside
getting some fresh air.
1455
01:11:23,779 --> 01:11:24,779
Stop!
1456
01:11:25,740 --> 01:11:28,074
One of you is the killer.
1457
01:11:28,685 --> 01:11:29,713
Elle...
1458
01:11:30,715 --> 01:11:32,210
why do you have blood
on your hands?
1459
01:11:33,717 --> 01:11:36,086
I found Brad outside.
1460
01:11:36,255 --> 01:11:37,550
She's the killer!
1461
01:11:37,719 --> 01:11:39,787
I am not the killer, okay?
1462
01:11:39,956 --> 01:11:42,696
I'm not even sex positive.
I'm a virgin.
1463
01:11:42,898 --> 01:11:44,265
No way.
1464
01:11:44,434 --> 01:11:45,876
You've banged, like,
every dude in Woodsville.
1465
01:11:45,900 --> 01:11:47,628
Fuck you!
1466
01:11:47,797 --> 01:11:49,299
Whoa!
1467
01:11:49,468 --> 01:11:52,169
The butt doesn't count.
1468
01:11:52,338 --> 01:11:54,039
Oh!
1469
01:11:54,241 --> 01:11:55,241
Shit, she shot Ashton!
1470
01:11:55,409 --> 01:11:58,973
Welcome to Act Three, bitches.
1471
01:12:00,475 --> 01:12:01,475
What?
1472
01:12:02,480 --> 01:12:04,110
What does that even mean?
1473
01:12:05,088 --> 01:12:07,016
It's when the shit goes down.
1474
01:12:07,185 --> 01:12:08,486
Oh.
1475
01:12:08,655 --> 01:12:09,927
I still don't really know
what she means,
1476
01:12:09,951 --> 01:12:12,057
but I think we should run!
Run!
1477
01:12:27,909 --> 01:12:28,909
Cindy!
1478
01:12:28,936 --> 01:12:30,506
Brenda.
1479
01:12:30,675 --> 01:12:32,310
Cindy, they in there shooting!
1480
01:12:32,479 --> 01:12:33,941
These kids are wild!
1481
01:12:34,110 --> 01:12:35,779
I blame it on video games,
1482
01:12:35,947 --> 01:12:38,383
not the liquor
or lack of
parental supervision.
1483
01:12:38,585 --> 01:12:39,713
You're gonna need this.
Oh.
1484
01:12:39,915 --> 01:12:41,987
Do you have one bigger in black?
1485
01:12:42,156 --> 01:12:43,820
Oh, wrong bag.
1486
01:12:44,861 --> 01:12:45,585
Here.
Ooh.
1487
01:12:45,787 --> 01:12:47,484
Who are you, Joan Wick?
1488
01:12:47,653 --> 01:12:50,189
I would've said Ballerina,
but nobody saw that shit.
1489
01:12:51,197 --> 01:12:52,197
Let's do this.
1490
01:12:52,231 --> 01:12:53,525
Okay.
1491
01:12:56,401 --> 01:12:58,536
Help! He stabbed me!
1492
01:12:58,705 --> 01:13:01,369
I'm definitely not faking it.
Please, help!
1493
01:13:01,538 --> 01:13:02,608
What do you think?
1494
01:13:03,543 --> 01:13:05,008
I think Drake lost to Kendrick.
1495
01:13:05,177 --> 01:13:08,180
I still like Drake, but
what was up with that lawsuit?
1496
01:13:08,349 --> 01:13:10,049
That's such a bitch-ass move.
1497
01:13:10,217 --> 01:13:12,450
About this situation.
1498
01:13:12,652 --> 01:13:14,278
Oh, that?
That's definitely a trap.
1499
01:13:14,480 --> 01:13:16,280
She don't know
we already been here,
done that.
1500
01:13:17,620 --> 01:13:19,486
Brenda!
1501
01:13:19,655 --> 01:13:20,688
Brenda!
1502
01:13:20,857 --> 01:13:23,255
Cindy! It hurts!
1503
01:13:24,300 --> 01:13:26,593
Am I gonna make it?
I doubt it.
1504
01:13:26,795 --> 01:13:29,497
Oh, God, Cindy. Oh, God.
1505
01:13:29,666 --> 01:13:31,597
Bitch, I'm not dead yet!
1506
01:13:31,799 --> 01:13:33,933
Oh. My bad. I'm sorry.
1507
01:13:34,135 --> 01:13:37,877
Now you go back in there
and finish it.
1508
01:13:38,046 --> 01:13:39,103
For me, Cindy.
1509
01:13:39,305 --> 01:13:41,608
I would do anything for you,
Brenda.
1510
01:13:46,247 --> 01:13:49,049
Oh, yes! She bought it.
1511
01:13:49,218 --> 01:13:51,818
That old ketchup trick,
it don't fail.
1512
01:13:52,020 --> 01:13:53,340
That bitch is crazy
if she thought
1513
01:13:53,430 --> 01:13:55,663
I was taking my Black ass
back in there.
1514
01:13:59,398 --> 01:14:00,732
Attention all killers!
1515
01:14:01,768 --> 01:14:05,000
You have five seconds
to show yourselves.
1516
01:14:17,384 --> 01:14:18,147
Shorty!
1517
01:14:18,349 --> 01:14:19,778
Bitch!
1518
01:14:19,947 --> 01:14:21,979
You shot my favorite bong.
1519
01:14:22,181 --> 01:14:24,285
Go find your own damn closet!
1520
01:14:24,454 --> 01:14:25,592
Sorry.
1521
01:14:34,899 --> 01:14:36,768
Hello, Cindy.
1522
01:14:37,566 --> 01:14:38,768
Hello.
1523
01:14:38,937 --> 01:14:40,217
Looks like you forgot
1524
01:14:40,301 --> 01:14:42,834
the first rule
of surviving a horror movie.
1525
01:14:43,037 --> 01:14:45,569
Never answer the phone!
1526
01:14:46,872 --> 01:14:50,144
I thought the first rule was
never trust the love interest.
1527
01:14:51,484 --> 01:14:52,849
Oh, really?
1528
01:14:53,018 --> 01:14:55,017
Well, I'm changing the rules.
How about that?
1529
01:14:55,852 --> 01:14:59,059
New rule: Go fuck yourself.
1530
01:14:59,261 --> 01:15:00,261
Wait, wait!
1531
01:15:01,862 --> 01:15:04,229
Why do you hate closets so much?
1532
01:15:04,432 --> 01:15:05,893
I told you to come out.
1533
01:15:06,095 --> 01:15:07,968
Yeah, well,
I didn't want to get shot!
1534
01:15:08,137 --> 01:15:09,637
Ironic, isn't it?
1535
01:15:10,640 --> 01:15:12,633
You missed me, bitch.
1536
01:15:12,802 --> 01:15:14,503
Oh, God, it's Ghostface!
1537
01:15:14,672 --> 01:15:15,672
Didn't sound believable.
1538
01:15:17,645 --> 01:15:18,852
You think you're John Wick,
1539
01:15:18,876 --> 01:15:20,145
acting like I killed your dog?
1540
01:15:25,519 --> 01:15:27,319
The dog is just a metaphor.
1541
01:15:27,488 --> 01:15:29,215
It was about losing his wife!
1542
01:15:29,417 --> 01:15:31,377
You sure it's not an allegory?
1543
01:15:42,368 --> 01:15:43,664
Let us begin.
1544
01:15:52,909 --> 01:15:54,274
Oh.
1545
01:16:04,756 --> 01:16:06,957
Oh, that stunt girl is good.
1546
01:16:23,903 --> 01:16:24,903
Whoa.
1547
01:16:29,517 --> 01:16:31,443
Oh, oh...
1548
01:16:47,103 --> 01:16:48,427
Eat a dick.
1549
01:16:58,941 --> 01:17:00,939
Shoot him, Sara. End this.
1550
01:17:01,108 --> 01:17:02,776
Don't tell me what to do!
1551
01:17:02,945 --> 01:17:04,451
This isn't the best time
1552
01:17:04,620 --> 01:17:06,744
to resolve our
mommy-daughter issues,
1553
01:17:06,913 --> 01:17:11,285
but Sara, I am so sorry.
I have been a terrible mother.
1554
01:17:11,453 --> 01:17:13,785
I don't even know
your sister Wednesday...
1555
01:17:13,954 --> 01:17:15,154
Oh, Tuesday.
1556
01:17:15,323 --> 01:17:18,288
Have to clarify that
for legal reasons.
1557
01:17:18,457 --> 01:17:19,700
But I've prepared you for this.
1558
01:17:20,467 --> 01:17:21,861
So go on, baby.
1559
01:17:22,064 --> 01:17:23,665
You kill him.
1560
01:17:23,833 --> 01:17:25,139
Sara?
Jack!
1561
01:17:25,307 --> 01:17:26,603
- Sara!
- Jack!
1562
01:17:26,772 --> 01:17:28,142
- Sara!
- Oh, Jack!
1563
01:17:28,310 --> 01:17:29,310
Sara!
Jack!
1564
01:17:29,443 --> 01:17:30,276
- Sara!
- Jack!
1565
01:17:30,444 --> 01:17:31,444
- Sara!
- Jack!
1566
01:17:31,546 --> 01:17:32,556
Thank God you're okay.
1567
01:17:32,580 --> 01:17:33,690
Because I really wanted to be
1568
01:17:33,714 --> 01:17:34,757
the one to kill you!
1569
01:17:34,781 --> 01:17:36,248
Ooh, take it, baby.
1570
01:17:37,753 --> 01:17:40,285
See, I told you it was about me.
1571
01:17:40,454 --> 01:17:42,184
No, Sara.
1572
01:17:43,624 --> 01:17:45,187
You were just the bait.
1573
01:17:45,788 --> 01:17:47,123
It's about her.
1574
01:17:47,791 --> 01:17:48,825
- Fuck!
- Aw.
1575
01:17:48,993 --> 01:17:51,256
Sorry, honey.
I hate being right.
1576
01:17:51,425 --> 01:17:53,366
You should've listened to Doofy.
1577
01:17:53,569 --> 01:17:55,636
The love interest.
1578
01:17:55,805 --> 01:17:58,065
It just seemed too obvious,
you know?
1579
01:17:58,268 --> 01:18:00,734
Which makes you think
it is not obvious.
1580
01:18:00,936 --> 01:18:01,669
Same page, honey bunch.
1581
01:18:01,838 --> 01:18:02,838
Right.
1582
01:18:02,973 --> 01:18:04,574
Yeah, well, that's the twist!
1583
01:18:04,777 --> 01:18:06,070
Now get in the kitchen. Go!
1584
01:18:06,272 --> 01:18:07,578
Hey!
Move!
1585
01:18:07,780 --> 01:18:10,078
Okay, listen up!
1586
01:18:10,281 --> 01:18:13,351
See, there hasn't been
a great Horror Movie
1587
01:18:13,520 --> 01:18:15,220
since the first one.
1588
01:18:15,389 --> 01:18:18,586
We're gonna save the franchise.
Go get our special guest star.
1589
01:18:20,727 --> 01:18:23,256
Hollywood is out of ideas!
1590
01:18:23,458 --> 01:18:25,922
Why else would there be
a Scary Movie 6?
1591
01:18:26,125 --> 01:18:28,525
But it wouldn't work with just
the new characters, would it?
1592
01:18:28,694 --> 01:18:31,162
We need the legacy characters.
Oh...
1593
01:18:31,331 --> 01:18:32,903
And there wouldn't be a Cindy
1594
01:18:33,105 --> 01:18:36,636
without her
sassy Black sidekick, Brenda.
1595
01:18:36,805 --> 01:18:39,906
You ain't have to say "Black"
with no hard "b" like that.
1596
01:18:40,109 --> 01:18:42,475
Brenda! Didn't you get shot?
1597
01:18:43,284 --> 01:18:44,708
Did I?
1598
01:18:44,877 --> 01:18:48,518
Oh! Wait, I did!
Ooh, look, God done healed me!
1599
01:18:48,686 --> 01:18:50,214
Ooh, what He do?
1600
01:18:50,383 --> 01:18:51,591
Stop dancing!
All the time!
1601
01:18:51,793 --> 01:18:53,233
Stop dancing!
Everybody stop dancing!
1602
01:18:53,295 --> 01:18:54,295
All the time!
1603
01:18:54,354 --> 01:18:55,434
Oh!
1604
01:18:55,528 --> 01:18:57,926
Oh.
Mom! No!
1605
01:18:58,095 --> 01:19:00,427
You called me "Mom".
1606
01:19:01,700 --> 01:19:03,230
You care about me.
1607
01:19:03,399 --> 01:19:05,534
Well, I wouldn't go that far,
but, I mean,
1608
01:19:05,703 --> 01:19:06,437
sure.
Go...
1609
01:19:06,605 --> 01:19:07,605
Go get Tuesday.
1610
01:19:07,705 --> 01:19:09,202
Okay, ladies,
1611
01:19:09,371 --> 01:19:11,468
time to stage the bodies.
1612
01:19:11,670 --> 01:19:13,943
Let's go, let's go, let's go.
Oh!
1613
01:19:14,112 --> 01:19:15,876
Please don't do this!
1614
01:19:16,045 --> 01:19:17,376
What? Who are you people?
1615
01:19:17,545 --> 01:19:18,829
We're the motherfuckers
1616
01:19:18,853 --> 01:19:21,221
that are taking over
this franchise.
1617
01:19:21,390 --> 01:19:22,390
Oh, yeah? You are?
1618
01:19:22,457 --> 01:19:24,550
Okay! Oh, my God.
1619
01:19:24,719 --> 01:19:27,086
That was not part of the plan.
1620
01:19:27,255 --> 01:19:29,386
Oh, God. Shit.
1621
01:19:29,555 --> 01:19:31,593
- Oh.
- Neither was this.
1622
01:19:35,164 --> 01:19:36,468
Wait, Ray got one of those!
1623
01:19:36,671 --> 01:19:38,868
Whoa! Hot damn!
1624
01:19:39,037 --> 01:19:42,240
Anthony Anderson!
1625
01:19:42,409 --> 01:19:43,710
Yeah.
1626
01:19:43,879 --> 01:19:46,277
And I brought my boy
Kevin Hart with me.
1627
01:19:53,520 --> 01:19:55,152
What?
Shaq?
1628
01:19:55,354 --> 01:19:57,950
That's right. On my knees
I'm the same height as Kevin.
1629
01:19:58,119 --> 01:19:59,316
And Kevin said no.
1630
01:19:59,518 --> 01:20:00,828
Kevin Hart said no?
1631
01:20:00,997 --> 01:20:02,868
That little motherfucker
says yes to everything.
1632
01:20:02,892 --> 01:20:03,892
Yeah, he does.
1633
01:20:03,962 --> 01:20:05,357
But wait!
1634
01:20:05,560 --> 01:20:07,925
There's more.
1635
01:20:08,094 --> 01:20:10,037
Ta-dah...
1636
01:20:10,239 --> 01:20:11,303
bitches!
1637
01:20:11,472 --> 01:20:12,998
Ray? Shorty?
1638
01:20:13,167 --> 01:20:14,771
Yeah, that's right.
1639
01:20:14,940 --> 01:20:17,973
Four Black killers.
Yeah.
1640
01:20:18,142 --> 01:20:19,339
We're making history.
1641
01:20:19,508 --> 01:20:22,509
This a new definition
of Black excellence.
1642
01:20:23,310 --> 01:20:24,711
But why would you do this?
1643
01:20:24,914 --> 01:20:26,381
Question is:
1644
01:20:26,583 --> 01:20:28,497
Why would you try to make
a sequel without us, huh?
1645
01:20:28,521 --> 01:20:29,856
Yeah!
1646
01:20:30,025 --> 01:20:31,864
When the studio wanted
to replace these brothers,
1647
01:20:31,888 --> 01:20:33,824
I was there.
1648
01:20:33,993 --> 01:20:35,823
That's facts.
What about me?
1649
01:20:35,991 --> 01:20:36,826
What about you?
1650
01:20:36,995 --> 01:20:38,115
You were in one scene
1651
01:20:38,225 --> 01:20:39,831
in Part 4.
Oh!
1652
01:20:39,999 --> 01:20:40,829
Yes, but I made
that motherfucker
1653
01:20:40,998 --> 01:20:42,430
Dr. Phil cut his foot off.
1654
01:20:42,598 --> 01:20:44,358
- And he crazy now.
- Yeah, he got weird.
1655
01:20:44,440 --> 01:20:45,463
Mm.
But you...
1656
01:20:45,631 --> 01:20:46,972
Y-You see
what they trying to do?
1657
01:20:47,141 --> 01:20:49,021
They trying to pit us all up
against each other.
1658
01:20:49,067 --> 01:20:51,610
They trying to start Black
on... on very Black crime.
1659
01:20:51,779 --> 01:20:52,976
Oh.
That's right!
1660
01:20:53,145 --> 01:20:55,806
Yo, Shaq.
Hey. I'm proud of you, bro.
1661
01:20:55,975 --> 01:20:58,345
You've had an amazing career
as a sports commentator
1662
01:20:58,514 --> 01:21:00,185
since retiring
from basketball.
Mm-hmm.
1663
01:21:00,354 --> 01:21:03,881
And I love The Big Podcast.
Nigga, I love that shit!
1664
01:21:04,050 --> 01:21:06,090
Even though I don't understand
a word you be saying.
1665
01:21:06,224 --> 01:21:07,624
You be on that show
talkin' 'bout...
1666
01:21:11,026 --> 01:21:11,758
"Kobe."
1667
01:21:11,960 --> 01:21:13,162
Enough.
1668
01:21:13,331 --> 01:21:16,871
But my point is, nigga,
I love your shit.
1669
01:21:17,805 --> 01:21:19,903
But I never got over Kazaam.
1670
01:21:20,072 --> 01:21:21,340
Fuck all that shit!
1671
01:21:21,509 --> 01:21:22,900
Kick his ass!
1672
01:21:23,068 --> 01:21:25,538
Get your big ass over here!
I hated that movie, too!
1673
01:21:25,707 --> 01:21:27,122
Why did you leave the Lakers?
1674
01:21:27,146 --> 01:21:29,779
You and Kobe
would've had nine rings!
1675
01:21:29,982 --> 01:21:31,284
That motherfucker traded me!
1676
01:21:31,486 --> 01:21:32,586
Sha-kweel!
1677
01:21:32,755 --> 01:21:35,253
How big is your foot?
1678
01:21:35,455 --> 01:21:36,515
22.
1679
01:21:36,684 --> 01:21:39,054
Then how big is your dick?
1680
01:21:39,223 --> 01:21:40,496
Whoa, whoa, whoa, Ray!
1681
01:21:40,520 --> 01:21:41,929
- Pause.
- What the fuck
1682
01:21:42,131 --> 01:21:43,639
you talking about?
I'm doing it for the culture.
1683
01:21:43,663 --> 01:21:45,029
What culture?
1684
01:21:45,198 --> 01:21:47,062
- The Culture Club. Nigga!
- Bro.
1685
01:21:47,231 --> 01:21:48,471
Come on, Ray,
we killing people.
1686
01:21:48,497 --> 01:21:49,538
Stay focused.
All right, all right.
1687
01:21:49,562 --> 01:21:51,434
All right. We back.
1688
01:21:51,636 --> 01:21:54,441
Hey, Ant, don't, don't you...
don't you worry. We family.
1689
01:21:54,643 --> 01:21:56,537
Ant, mad respect, y'all.
1690
01:21:56,705 --> 01:21:58,675
Hey, Black-ish nominated
1691
01:21:58,843 --> 01:21:59,843
for eight Emmys!
1692
01:21:59,979 --> 01:22:01,074
My nigga!
1693
01:22:01,243 --> 01:22:02,375
Well, actually,
1694
01:22:02,544 --> 01:22:04,110
the show was only nominated
for five.
1695
01:22:04,312 --> 01:22:05,977
I was nominated for eight.
1696
01:22:06,180 --> 01:22:07,180
Ooh.
Wow.
1697
01:22:07,284 --> 01:22:08,081
Oh, thank you.
1698
01:22:08,250 --> 01:22:09,250
A thespian!
1699
01:22:09,418 --> 01:22:11,954
Is that so? Eight nominations.
1700
01:22:12,123 --> 01:22:14,119
Crazy!
Yeah, man.
1701
01:22:16,226 --> 01:22:18,256
But you never won.
What?
1702
01:22:20,030 --> 01:22:21,263
Et tu, Brute?
1703
01:22:21,432 --> 01:22:23,134
Don't speak Spanish to me,
motherfucker.
1704
01:22:23,369 --> 01:22:26,268
This is for doing
Scary Movie 3 and 4!
1705
01:22:26,437 --> 01:22:28,475
I didn't know
they fired the family!
1706
01:22:28,644 --> 01:22:30,273
And this is for copying
1707
01:22:30,442 --> 01:22:33,239
our Good Times episode
on Black-ish!
1708
01:22:33,408 --> 01:22:35,913
But you guys were on The WB!
1709
01:22:36,082 --> 01:22:38,542
Nobody saw that shit!
1710
01:22:40,514 --> 01:22:42,048
Ooh.
No, no, no.
1711
01:22:42,217 --> 01:22:44,157
And you, and you...
1712
01:22:44,360 --> 01:22:47,259
Y'all went and did
Scary Movie 3 and 4 without us!
1713
01:22:47,427 --> 01:22:49,956
Nigga, I'm sorry.
They offered me so much money!
1714
01:22:50,125 --> 01:22:53,728
I-I got a new house, a new car.
I got wigs that don't itch.
1715
01:22:54,933 --> 01:22:56,234
And what about you?
1716
01:22:57,301 --> 01:22:59,398
Well, I had a chance
to work with
1717
01:22:59,567 --> 01:23:01,899
the incomparable Charlie Sheen.
1718
01:23:03,570 --> 01:23:05,171
That's good. He's a legend.
1719
01:23:05,373 --> 01:23:07,506
And his dick game's crazy.
1720
01:23:07,675 --> 01:23:09,706
You know he slept with
47,000 women?
1721
01:23:09,909 --> 01:23:11,946
And a thousand of them women
were dudes.
1722
01:23:12,115 --> 01:23:13,812
Lucky guy.
1723
01:23:14,780 --> 01:23:17,149
Wait,
so y'all gonna kill us now?
1724
01:23:18,850 --> 01:23:20,622
Nah.
1725
01:23:20,791 --> 01:23:23,392
What would Halloween be
without Jamie Lee Curtis?
1726
01:23:23,594 --> 01:23:25,229
Or Scream be
without Neve Campbell?
1727
01:23:25,431 --> 01:23:26,945
That would be Scream VI.
1728
01:23:26,969 --> 01:23:29,400
How did you guys
pull all of this off?
1729
01:23:29,603 --> 01:23:30,827
Cindy!
1730
01:23:30,996 --> 01:23:33,739
You know how many Wayanses
there are?
1731
01:23:33,941 --> 01:23:35,868
Nigga, billions!
Billions!
1732
01:23:36,037 --> 01:23:39,376
I'm just so happy that
the old gang is back together.
1733
01:23:40,146 --> 01:23:41,941
Okay, in the middle, on three:
1734
01:23:42,110 --> 01:23:43,342
Core Four.
1735
01:23:43,511 --> 01:23:45,148
What?
Nah, nah. We... That...
1736
01:23:45,317 --> 01:23:46,665
That... That's corny shit.
That's wack.
1737
01:23:46,689 --> 01:23:48,054
Ooh, uh, w-what about...
1738
01:23:48,256 --> 01:23:50,722
What about,
The Young and The Restless?
1739
01:23:50,924 --> 01:23:52,792
Yeah, or The... or The Old
1740
01:23:52,961 --> 01:23:54,201
and then The Beautiful.
1741
01:23:54,293 --> 01:23:56,192
Or... or The...
The Cute and The Crusty.
1742
01:23:56,361 --> 01:23:59,059
Yeah, or The Sexy
and then The Senile.
1743
01:24:05,339 --> 01:24:07,299
But we were brought in
to take over the franchise!
1744
01:24:07,434 --> 01:24:08,468
That's right. I mean,
1745
01:24:08,636 --> 01:24:10,708
you guys are, like,
70 years old!
1746
01:24:10,876 --> 01:24:12,444
Not in my mouth!
1747
01:24:12,646 --> 01:24:13,646
Aw, fuck!
1748
01:24:15,140 --> 01:24:17,346
I just dragged that one
from the subway.
1749
01:24:17,515 --> 01:24:19,710
Oh, my back hurts.
1750
01:24:19,878 --> 01:24:22,614
Guys, guys!
They're already dead.
1751
01:24:22,816 --> 01:24:25,053
Nah! Little fuckers
always come back.
1752
01:24:25,221 --> 01:24:26,960
Oh, no. Not this time.
1753
01:24:27,163 --> 01:24:29,389
Exactly. Come on,
Ray, let's go.
Let's go.
1754
01:24:29,558 --> 01:24:30,964
Who got a match?
1755
01:24:31,166 --> 01:24:35,228
Got one, got one!
Next generation, my ass!
1756
01:24:35,397 --> 01:24:36,800
Yeah, whoo!
1757
01:24:41,205 --> 01:24:42,267
Sara, tell me what do to.
1758
01:24:42,469 --> 01:24:44,441
Blow, bitch, blow!
1759
01:24:52,488 --> 01:24:53,516
Yeah.
1760
01:24:55,686 --> 01:24:57,954
Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Should we feel bad?
1761
01:24:58,157 --> 01:24:59,549
I mean, those are our kids.
1762
01:24:59,718 --> 01:25:01,355
Fuck those kids!
Yeah!
1763
01:25:01,524 --> 01:25:03,458
This is our franchise.
Yeah!
1764
01:25:03,661 --> 01:25:06,260
Besides, we can do all these
dramatic walkaways
1765
01:25:06,429 --> 01:25:07,732
with the fire in back of us.
1766
01:25:07,901 --> 01:25:09,561
But, damn, it's hot.
1767
01:25:09,730 --> 01:25:12,370
I don't know.
I kind of like it.
1768
01:25:13,306 --> 01:25:14,974
You do, Ray?
We should play firemen.
1769
01:25:15,142 --> 01:25:17,109
You wanna dress up
like a fireman?
1770
01:25:17,278 --> 01:25:19,011
No. I want you to dress up
like a fireman.
1771
01:25:19,213 --> 01:25:21,540
Y'all feel a draft?
1772
01:27:35,044 --> 01:27:37,276
Coming soon
to a theater near you...
1773
01:27:37,445 --> 01:27:39,114
Come to me...
1774
01:27:39,283 --> 01:27:40,584
Count Brolock.
1775
01:27:41,686 --> 01:27:43,047
From the studio that brought you
1776
01:27:43,216 --> 01:27:45,919
every Black version
of a white movie...
1777
01:27:48,428 --> 01:27:52,065
I am but an appetite,
nothing more.
1778
01:27:52,233 --> 01:27:54,297
That's not what you said
last night
1779
01:27:54,499 --> 01:27:56,030
when you were
sucking on my chest.
1780
01:27:58,435 --> 01:27:59,862
The sisters may hear you.
1781
01:28:00,031 --> 01:28:01,698
Too late.
1782
01:28:01,866 --> 01:28:02,932
You trifling sellout.
1783
01:28:03,101 --> 01:28:04,641
I don't know this bitch!
1784
01:28:04,843 --> 01:28:06,388
She's trying to get me!
This is entrapment!
1785
01:28:06,412 --> 01:28:08,609
- Negro ain't shit.
- Mm-hmm.
1786
01:28:08,778 --> 01:28:11,450
Behold the Black vampire.
1787
01:28:12,117 --> 01:28:13,980
Brosferatu.
1788
01:28:15,056 --> 01:28:16,983
Coming this Kwanzaa.
1789
01:29:31,229 --> 01:29:35,001
Cuckoo. Cuckoo.
1790
01:29:35,170 --> 01:29:39,165
Happy Birthday, A.S. Berger.
1791
01:29:39,334 --> 01:29:41,667
- Something isn't right here.
- Happy birthday...
1792
01:29:41,836 --> 01:29:43,509
He's definitely Ghostface.
1793
01:29:44,207 --> 01:29:45,207
Sit.
1794
01:29:46,211 --> 01:29:47,746
I agree, Berger.
1795
01:29:47,915 --> 01:29:50,039
That hand should spend
the rest of its life in prison.
1796
01:29:50,208 --> 01:29:52,113
That little hand, man. I mean...
1797
01:29:52,316 --> 01:29:55,813
Respectfully, that thing would
probably give a nice hand job.
1798
01:29:55,982 --> 01:29:58,153
Off the chain, guaranteed.
1799
01:29:58,322 --> 01:29:59,390
Tight grip.
1800
01:29:59,559 --> 01:30:00,861
Make your meat
look two times bigger.
1801
01:30:00,885 --> 01:30:01,985
Yeah.
1802
01:30:02,154 --> 01:30:03,434
I don't want
a hand job from him.
1803
01:30:03,564 --> 01:30:04,969
Let me tell you that,
first and foremost.
1804
01:30:04,993 --> 01:30:06,993
I do not want a hand job.
Me neither.
1805
01:30:07,162 --> 01:30:09,700
However, when you look at it,
like a shotgun...
1806
01:30:09,869 --> 01:30:11,869
You're done.
1807
01:30:13,366 --> 01:30:14,878
Now, listen,
we're gonna hold him, okay?
1808
01:30:14,902 --> 01:30:16,404
Okay.
It might be a day,
1809
01:30:16,573 --> 01:30:17,738
two weeks, I don't know.
1810
01:30:17,907 --> 01:30:19,148
I don't know how long
this movie is.
1811
01:30:19,172 --> 01:30:21,171
Like a Chris Nolan movie
with farts.
1812
01:30:21,340 --> 01:30:23,577
But what I want you to do
is go in there
1813
01:30:23,746 --> 01:30:25,709
and show him what you got.
1814
01:30:25,878 --> 01:30:26,948
Cock it and rock it.
1815
01:30:30,751 --> 01:30:31,788
Ah.
1816
01:30:33,525 --> 01:30:35,891
Oh!
1817
01:30:36,759 --> 01:30:38,425
There she is.
1818
01:30:38,594 --> 01:30:40,731
The birthday girl.
1819
01:30:43,929 --> 01:30:45,065
I brought a cake.
1820
01:30:46,469 --> 01:30:47,672
Make a wish.
1821
01:30:49,442 --> 01:30:51,304
My germs!
1822
01:30:54,943 --> 01:30:58,080
Finger-licking good.
1823
01:30:58,249 --> 01:31:01,647
Agent Berger, I'm just trying
to give you my strong hand.
1824
01:31:01,849 --> 01:31:03,981
No!
But it's a meme.
1825
01:31:04,183 --> 01:31:07,921
Mr. Shorthand,
are you Ghostface?
1826
01:31:08,090 --> 01:31:10,530
Here we go...
1827
01:31:11,399 --> 01:31:13,263
Whew, that stings.
It's sort of...
1828
01:31:13,431 --> 01:31:14,265
Whoo.
1829
01:31:14,434 --> 01:31:15,960
Okay, that hurts.
Stop.
1830
01:31:16,129 --> 01:31:17,369
Can I talk to you for a second?
1831
01:31:17,401 --> 01:31:18,962
Yeah, o-okay.
1832
01:31:20,935 --> 01:31:22,436
This table needs an airbag.
1833
01:31:22,605 --> 01:31:23,436
It should...
1834
01:31:23,605 --> 01:31:25,140
Goddamn!
1835
01:31:25,309 --> 01:31:26,477
Whoo!
1836
01:31:26,646 --> 01:31:28,046
I didn't think it would
hurt so bad.
1837
01:31:28,178 --> 01:31:30,682
So we got the wrong guy.
Could have told you that.
1838
01:31:31,517 --> 01:31:33,009
Why?
'Cause I'm psychic.
1839
01:31:33,178 --> 01:31:35,021
Oh, yeah!
1840
01:31:35,189 --> 01:31:36,385
You know, it's what...
1841
01:31:36,588 --> 01:31:37,818
Oh, shit!
1842
01:31:37,987 --> 01:31:39,389
Oh, God,
that's how I feel.
1843
01:31:39,592 --> 01:31:40,857
Let me tell you some...
1844
01:31:41,657 --> 01:31:43,395
What do we do now?
1845
01:31:43,598 --> 01:31:45,191
Back out slowly.
1846
01:31:45,359 --> 01:31:47,137
Like my neighbor when
I caught him inside my wife.
1847
01:31:47,161 --> 01:31:48,634
Where are you guys going?
1848
01:31:48,803 --> 01:31:50,005
They're still together?
1849
01:31:50,029 --> 01:31:51,500
Unfortunately.
1850
01:31:51,669 --> 01:31:52,830
Ow!
1851
01:31:52,999 --> 01:31:54,901
Sorry, man.
It's okay.
1852
01:31:55,104 --> 01:31:56,482
We're a throuple now.
126145
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof