All language subtitles for Female Chauvinists

Therefore, in the name of our cause, I
urge you to preach the gospel

of liberation to the oppressed and
uninformed.

Particularly, I want you to concentrate
on the young and those not yet spoiled

by the hogwash of male propaganda.

Recruit the young! The pubescent young!

The pubescent young!

with the size of their brains, but with
the size of their genitals. The bigger

the penis, the greater success, and the
greater our misfortune. Right

on. Down with male chauvinistic pigs.

Down with dirty old men. Down with horny
old windbacks. Down with schmucks. Hey,

why don't you go get laid?

Won't you take a queen?

Oh. Oh.

Are you ready?

done, buddy.

Fuck you, Cecil.

That's easy enough for you to say. Don't
get lost. Will you go jerk off or

something?

I gotta talk to Boopsy.

What about?

About the penetration of a certain body.

Whose body?

He wants you to stick a finger up his
ass.

Wrong. The ass of the woman's livers.

What?

That's right. I want you to become a
woman's liberationist.

Me?

Poopsie, boopsie, and all the rest that
goes with it.

But why?

I want to expose them for the dirty
bunch of lesbians they really are.

I didn't mean to startle you.

Well, that's okay.

My name's Gloria. What's yours?

Oh, looks like Lucy and Pussy are at it
again.

Lucy and who?

Pussy. That's what everyone calls her on
account of Lucy likes pussy.

Oh.

Who's she?

That's Fuller Bull, our president.

What's her name?

That's it.

Pussy's after pussy, not me.

Oh, for goodness sake.

You're in line after her. Go take your
place next to her.

I'm not at all sure that is my place.

You're not sure?

Well, I'm telling you that over there is
your place. I had no idea that this was

a sex-oriented organization.

It isn't. It's a female sex-oriented
organization.

That's what I was afraid of.

You're afraid of the women's lib
movement?

No, I'm afraid of pussy.

I don't believe this. You're among the
pussy here, and you better get used to

it and fast.

It may be a dog-eat-dog world out there,
but it's a pussy-eat-pussy world down

here. Am I right, girls?

Yes!

in your endeavors.

Your orientation to the women's lib
movement begins tomorrow.

And although your classes will include
sexology, please wear clothes to

classes. Attention!

Sweet-looking broads. Crazy.

They had me up a fence.

I damn nearly lost my balls.

Well, you just keep on running.

With pictures like these, you'll be
running straight to the bank.

Oh, I'm not going up there again. Sure
you are.

Come on, Cease, you're forgetting about
Boobsie. She's there to help you, you

know that. You go.

If I go, I go all the way.

Not only am I going to get you your
story, but I'm going to have those girls

hot for my bod.

Boy, are you going to be disappointed.

Oh, come on. See, the trouble with you
is you're giving them too much credit.

I mean, they're just women. They need a
man to straighten them out.

You're dreaming.

I think I have an idea.

What does he want?

Why doesn't he go away?

He's trying to tell us he's hungry.

It's a trick.

Go away or I'll ring the alarm.

Please, he's trying to tell us he can't
eat things.

All right then, he can have my lunch.

That's out.

Good, now I can have my lunch back.

How is he? Oh, wait.

He's just hungry. Let's take him inside
and give him something to eat. No man

allowed.

How can you be so unfeeling? Can't you
see he's... Show me a man who is.

Please, just for a little while. No one
will have to know.

All right then, but let me quit now.

Who's to give me your lunch?

He's stuffed.

What the devil is this?

He's Lucifer from hell.

Like hell he is.

Did my lunch do all that?

She's trying to show us something.

Yeah, he's a strong mother.

He's deaf and dumb.

He'd make a fine workhorse.

Deaf and dumb, you say?

Can't hear a thing. Can't tell me about
it.

Perfect.

Give him a hot meal and send him to work
on the double.

So let's take a look at the female sex
system.

It has depth to it. It is an ocean
overflowing with goodwill.

It consists of two parts.

One,

the vagina, an ingenious protective
system.

With proper muscle control, she can
castrate a male. And two, it has a

penis of its own that clitoris.

In fact, It is by manipulating the
clitoris that the female reaches her

climax. And what a climax it is.

Now, she does not need a male to do
this. She can manage.

Wrong! Wrong!

What are you talking about?

Oh, you know what I mean. You should
have never come here in the first place.

Definitely. Thank God.

I was just trying to keep an eye out for
you, that's all. Oh, sure you were. I

know what you're here after, and it
won't work.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Oh, yeah?

You think those chicks are going to be
mesmerized by your sexy body?

Well, forget it. They won't go for you.
Well, just so long as they don't go for

you, okay?

Oh, I'm just doing this for a joke.

Same with me.

Sure you are.

pointing his gun at you and at you.

Hey, you out there. Oh, well, where was
I?

Oh, back to the gun.

Girl, man has capitalized on his peanuts
for centuries.

He has used that to gain supremacy over
women. He has fired so many with

it, it might as well have been a machine
gun.

And yet, he has not...

succeeded in destroying us.

You may ask why.

I'll tell you why.

Because we are the stronger of the two.
We are superior to the man. We must

stand up to him the same way he stands
up to us.

We must destroy his gun.

He has shoved that into us, pumped that
into us, and drilled that into us.

It's no wonder we're coming up to him.

The male organ is great in combat. But
how is it outside of a battlefield?

It is pulped.

Is it sexually gratifying to women? No,
it is not.

What good is it then? Does it ever come
in handy?

Indeed it does.

It comes into your hand and into mine.
And personally, I find her disgusting.

committee has passed judgment on it,
calling it good for nothing.

It has declared a full-scale war against
the male.

It has ordered his ammunition bags empty
and his gun destroyed.

He is up to his neck in trouble, and now
he's going to lose his head.

He'll probably walk through the door
with his pants down and start to shoot.

What do you want with him anyway?

He's a man.

He's a man, pussy.

He's a half a man.

What is a half a man?

Now I'm your mission guy.

What about his gun?

He has a gun, doesn't he?

Even if he has, he's so stupid, he
doesn't know what it is.

I mean, he's so stupid that even if
someone put it in his hand, he wouldn't

know what to do with it.

No one could be that dumb.

He is.

I tell just by looking at him.

Let's put him to a test.

Tell him to take it off.

Yeah, take it off.

Up.

Take it off, dummy.

Down.

He might not have a lot up here, but,
boy, he sure makes up for that sweat.

He's a man, all right.

Dig the size of those bags.

They're filled with powder.

Does that mean he's hot?

No, it means he's stupid.

In order to shoot, he'd have to get his
gun in a firing position.

And judging from the looks of things, he
ain't never gonna get it up.

Stop shushing. This is the baddest
blind.

He's also an idiot.

He may be an idiot, but he looks
fantastic.

Dig those broad shoulders.

I like them better from the waist down.

Honest to God, let's come over you two.

Well, I meant it strictly in a
geometrical sense.

What has broad shoulders got to do with
geometry?

Well, they're part of the triangle which
embeds weight.

Well, I don't know anything about
geometry.

I sure like those muscles.

Artistically speaking, of course.

Of course.

He's leaving.

Come on, let's follow him.

What for?

For geometry's sake. To observe his
triangle.

The only triangle I'm interested in is
the one between his legs.

I'd like to smash it with my foot.

For science's sake.

Bye-bye. Don't study too hard.

Have you ever made love to a man before?

I did.

How did it feel?

Well, it wasn't too bad, actually.

I'd like to try it just once, just to
know how it feels.

Yeah, I'd like to refresh my memory.

You know, we could seduce the deaf-mute.
He's so dumb, he'd never even know what

happened to him.

What if someone finds out?

Well, keep watch. Don't tell anybody.

What are you doing?

Checking to see if it isn't a dud.

Careful how you handle it. It's a
firearm, you know.

Yeah, I know.

He's up.

All the way up.

Well, come on, Glory. Don't just stand
there. Help me.

What do we do now?

Hey, give me a hand.

What do we do now?

I'll show you.

What's up, dummy?

Boy, Gloria, you were right.

He's dumb.

I knew why, by the way, he kept smiling.
Sure sign of retardation.

Where's Gloria? I haven't seen her all
day.

She's in the bushes, studying geometry.

What? Yeah, she's this flatbag, straight
after the best news.

I love the wood. Can I brush it for you?

Go ahead.

Hey, you're just about something that's
in the bushes, aren't you?

Are you?

Don't be silly.

Well, what is it then?

You know what?

You guys really kill me.

You really do.

All you ever do is talk about the
women's live movement.

And how to fight the male pig.

But when nobody's looking, you kick the
pig's ass, right?

And you know what? You know what I
think?

You're a bunch of friggin' horny
bitches.

And you can't think straight.

The minute then you run around crying
and blaming the man for your own

stupidity. And something else.

You are just female chauvinists.

I really think the only reason that
you're not with the man is because

you're afraid of him.

That's not true.

I hate men.

I despise them.

Why?

Because my own father raped me when I
was seven.

He died a couple of months ago of
cancer.

And he left fortune, but not to me.

Do you know what he did?

Huh?

He said I could have the money, but only
if I gave him a child.

The bastard.

He knows how I am.

He made me into what I am.

But I hate his bloody money even more
than I hate him.

And I'm going to get even with him.

And if it kills me, believe me, I'll do
it.

You can't blame the whole world for
something one man did.

I don't blame the whole world. Only men.

And I'm standing up for my rights as a
woman.

And I suppose that's what Gloria and
Flatback were doing when they were on

top of the dummy?

What?

Well, I suppose you people wouldn't know
about that. But a woman doesn't have to

fight. It's her privilege. All she has
to do is spread her legs and she's got

it. They'll be expelled from the
movement as soon as Fuller Bull hears

about it. Believe me.

Full of bull is full of bull. She can't
wait to get in the sack with me. And the

only reason she's in this lib movement
is because she can't get any from

anybody. Oh, she's doing all right.

And you know, you're doing all right,
too.

In fact, you're very special.

That's why I like you. And very
understanding.

So beautiful.

we propagate ourselves without the help
of the man.

Very easily.

With the use of a do-it-yourself kit
invented by my colleague Fern

Hornishavsky.

Just exactly what is this baby maker?

Well, it is a thermal tube with
spermatozoa already in it.

All you have to do is stick it in your
nowhere and cross your legs.

If you must have your eggs fertilized,
let Fern horny chef skin to your

ovaries. With the use of her ingenious
kit, your eggs will hatch quickly,

painlessly, allowing you to have your
chicken and eat it too.

For this, we do not need man.

We need studs with strong hands jerking
off in the laboratories.

Miss Kakanovich, can you help me?

I need a baby maker.

What do you need it for?

A baby.

You see, I'm paid a million dollars, but
only if I have a baby.

It's my father. He hates me.

Well, I've got some more bad news for
you.

We're completely out of sperm.

Out of sperm? But how?

Well, Fern and me, we've been sort of
experimenting, you know.

No, I don't know.

Let me think.

There's a sperm bank on Lexington and
Phipps. A sperm bank?

Yeah. There's only one person.

You don't qualify.

I don't qualify. Why not?

Well, they don't give sperm to unmarried
lesbians.

Class dismissed.

Oh, God. What am I going to do now?

All right.

Stick him up.

Turn around.

It is a hold-up.

You have

nothing to worry about.

Just hit me once and we'll be on our
way.

What do you want?

Your sperm.

My sperm.

Don't flatter yourself, boy.

I don't care whose sperm it is.

Just as long as I get some.

It's... In there.

You better stay here. He's in company.

You want me to do it over again?

No. I'd like you to hand it over.

Just keep on doing what you're doing and
you won't get hurt.

Foster.

Foster, I'll blow your brains out.

One, two, three, four.

One, two, three.

One, two, three, four. One, two, three,
four. One, two, three, four. One, two,

three, four. One, two, three, four.

Is everyone finished?

Hand it over.

Careful not to drop it, or you'll have
to do it all over again.

Let's go.

Operator, you give me the police.

Officer, there's been a robbery in my
bank.

How much was taken?

Three. Three big ones, officer.

$3,000?

No, no.

Three tubes of sperm.

Three tubes of what?

Sperm. What is this?

It's a robbery, officer.

Are you crazy or something, boy? You
gotta believe me, officer.

They ran off with my sperm.

Who did?

There were five of them with pistols.

Okay. What did they look like?

They were big. Very big, officer.

About how big?

Giant.

Giant.

What were they wearing besides their
rods?

Nothing.

They were completely naked. Are you
saying five naked men, giants,

walked in and robbed you of your sperm?

Yes.

No,

no. They weren't men.

They were women.

You mean five naked women walked in and
robbed you? Angry about it?

Why? Was it a dream?

I wasn't having these wild dreams.

We were all rubbing a sperm bank.

You were in on it too.

Hey, what are you doing here?

Um, I couldn't sleep.

In the middle of the night?

Yeah.

Something bothering you?

Uh oh.

She wants to be a nun.

What's she doing here?

Learning about her trade.

I'll tell you a secret.

This is as close to a nunnery as she'll
ever get.

What light is this thing?

Him.

The dummy?

Why not?

He's got what you need between his legs.

You know, I put something in here.

Don't be silly.

He's an idiot.

He's always smiling.

What should I do?

The best thing would be to rape him. Oh,
no. I couldn't do that.

Why not?

I can't stomach me.

Look it.

Pretend he's a woman. Put a sack over
his head.

You think it would work?

Right.

I've got...

Do it.

Look.

We denounced the serpent and his
venom-secreting glands.

However, what made us fight his apples
was our love of fine art and my love of

ancient sculpture of geometric shapes.

As for Pussy, she did it for one million
bucks.

And as for him, he's just plain dumb.

What Gloria just said is the truth.

You see, we have lusted for knowledge.

And in our search, we accidentally
stumbled on a new field of learning.

Him.

We beg you not to destroy the Death
Mute, but study him in detail, and use

our discoveries to fight the entire male
population.

Study him?

Huh. What do you think, Takanovich?

Oh, man.

Uh, I don't know.

Might be just what we need.

A man is only as good as his erection.

Take that away from him and you've
destroyed the man.

His knife...

Help me.

You still think I'm worthy of you? Show
me how to be strong in the face of

insurmountable obstacles.

Give me your hand.

Lead me out into the light.

Help me.

Who are you?

A servant of God.

Come with me, child.

I'll show you the way to paradise.

Come.

Where are you taking me?

Where is God taking you? To my place of
dwelling.

To heaven?

No, to my apartment.

OOF

Learn to drink it. Wine is what God
drinks.

Bread and wine. What else is there?

God certainly knows how to live.

What I want is to serve God, not to
drink like him.

And so you shall. You shall serve God,
my dear.

Tell me, how old are you?

Sixteen. A fine age to go into
servitude.

Tell me about yourself.

There isn't very much to tell, I'm
afraid. Well, are you a good little girl

or a bad little girl?

I'm bad.

Oh? I'm sorry to hear that.

How bad are you?

Very bad.

Oh? I told a lie once. You told a lie
once?

Well, that's very bad indeed.

Drink up.

What other bad things have you done?

None. Believe me.

Bart. Just call me father.

Believe me, father.

That's as bad as I've ever been.

Well, that's pretty bad.

Tell me what to do.

How can I cleanse my soul?

With this. Just give it a good scrub
with this.

That's better.

How did you ever sin with any of the
girls?

Oh, no, father.

I ran away from girls because they were
evil.

Evil, you said?

They do.

They didn't do it yet, but they were
going to.

What? What? What?

They were going to castrate a deaf mute.

They were going to... What?

I guess it means they were going to kill
him. You betcha, sweet... Soul, that's

what it means.

Oh, that's... that's sad.

That's very sad.

What was it made him so angry?

I'm not sure, except it had something to
do with the devil.

The devil?

He swells up with anger for the God and
gets us all into a whole lot of trouble.

Why doesn't he stay in hell where he's
supposed to?

That's a very good question.

You say you want to serve God.

Well, the greatest service you could do
him would be to put that devil back in

hell where he belongs.

Do exactly as I do. Think of nothing but
the Lord God.

Father, what's that sticking out in
front of you? I've never seen it before.

That's the devil I spoke of.

Praise be the Lord.

And right now he's giving me so much
trouble I can hardly endure him.

Why is it that I don't have such a
devil?

Because you've got something that I have
not.

You've got hell.

So that's why God has brought us
together.

For the salvation of our souls.

You see, by allowing me to put my devil
into your hell, you not only give me a

great deal of comfort and pleasure, but
you serve your God as well.

If I have hell in me, Father, then put
the devil inside where he belongs.

Oh, blessings upon you, daughter.

Here, let's get on the bed where I can
better teach you how to prison this

wretched bastard.

with you.

Shouldn't he have departed from you by
now?

That's the devil for you. You have to
put him in hell.

You stupid moron. Fuck me.

Oh, yeah.

Thank you.

so that he may depart from you once and
for all.

Depart from...

I've been to heaven, Aunt Flora. Of
course you were.

You must be very tired.

I've been looking for a devil. I must
find him.

A devil? What sort of devil?

What will you do with him if you find
him?

I'll put him back in hell.

Hallelujah.

I must find him, Aunt Flora. You haven't
seen him, have you?

It just so happens that I have.