All language subtitles for Curtain Up 1952

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>> In every corner of this land of ours, in

murky industrial city and busy market

town,

where is the center of culture to be

found? [music] Where indeed, if not in

the temple of Thespis, the local

repertory theater?

>> [music]

>> On Monday next, three little words which

to every repertory company spell seven

days of toil and sweat, and sometimes

tears.

The repertory never rests, its gallant

companies striving for the triumphs of

tomorrow while achieving the glories of

today.

Within [music] the span of a single

month, it can scale the heights of

poetic drama, plunge into the lowest

depths of farce, or gaily flirt with

comedy.

A new play every week.

How is it thus possible to achieve the

impossible?

The answer is by a selfless observance

of the team spirit, by perfect

understanding between every individual

concerned.

>> Electrics!

>> Hello!

>> Let's have some lights for rehearsal.

>> Oh, go and boil your head.

>> Morning, Georgie.

>> Morning.

>> What's the matter? Your old leg playing

up again?

>> You leave my leg alone.

>> I wouldn't touch it with a red hot

poker.

Morning, Avis. There's a letter for you

in the rack, darling.

Hello, Maudie.

>> Hello, Jerry. Where is everybody?

>> ALL LATE. HURRY, HURRY. I WANT TO ACT.

TO ACT.

>> I SAY, DO YOU KNOW YOU GAVE ME THE WRONG

CUE for my big scene last night?

>> Lucky I gave you a cue at all, darling.

>> Oh, like that is it, you saucy boy. You

don't deserve to get on.

>> Morning, Miss Barron.

>> Miss Barron? Oh, good morning, George.

>> Nice performance you gave this week.

>> Thank you, thank you, George.

>> I like you in them Duchesses parts.

>> Do you, do you, George?

>> My wife always says, "Put Miss Barron in

one of them there aristocracy parts."

And she do it as if in a manner born.

>> Head of the house, that'll be nice.

Oh, does she, George? Oh, that is nice

of her. Give her my love.

>> It's more than you can say for a lot of

them in this HERE COMPANY.

>> MORNING, GEORGE.

>> MORNING, DADDY.

>> MORNING, MAUDIE.

TERRIBLY SORRY I'M LATE, DARLING.

>> YOU'RE NOT LATE, DARLING. Harry's not

here yet. Better make your entrance

again.

>> How are your poor feet, Maudie? Oh,

they're rather poorly, dear.

>> We're doing the Connie screen the week

after next. That's to cheer him up a

bit.

>> Oh, George, darling, how are you going

upstairs?

>> No.

>> Well, on your way, would you mind

shutting Dumpy in the dressing room?

Thank you, sweetie pie.

Go with Uncle Georgie, and if you ask

Uncle Georgie very nicely,

he might give you a little drinky-winky.

>> Oh, blow me.

Please, may I be sicky-wicky?

>> Darling,

could you lend me £2 10?

I only asked.

>> Morning, Avis.

Morning, morning. Everybody here?

Lady Freeze a Forbes.

>> Yes, dear.

>> The Honorable Reggie.

>> Yes, dear.

>> Maid, butler,

Duke of Carlton.

Where's the Duke?

>> Reclining on the ducal couch in his

digs.

>> Oh, why?

>> His Grace got plastered last night at

the Red Lion with that ghastly Mrs.

Stebbings.

>> Oh, that woman. Poor Sandra. I don't

know why she stands for it.

>> Poor Sandra, my foot. Oh, dust mouth.

The whole Basin company's going to the

dogs.

Look at it. 10:45 and half the company

not here. Not to mention King Win Bag

the First.

>> King Win Bag the what?

>> The first duty of a stage manager, Jaco,

is an unswerving loyalty to his

director.

>> I'll remember that.

>> Morning, Mr. Blacker.

>> Good morning, Mary, dear. Well, now come

along. No work

>> and no play makes Jaco a dull boy. Ah,

good morning, my darling.

>> Mary, dear. Hmm. Everybody here?

>> No.

>> Oh. Why not? I can't have people late

for rehearsal.

You're late.

>> [music]

>> What did I do?

>> Make her cry.

>> Have you told her?

>> I told you.

>> No, no, I told you to tell her.

>> I don't do your dirty work.

>> Daphne, darling, go and fetch Auntie

Lil. Tell her I'm very sorry she was so

late.

>> Harry,

why weren't you here yesterday?

>> Wasn't feeling quite up to scratch,

dear.

>> Didn't you win anything?

>> I didn't do badly.

>> Must you lie there like Nero? This is a

rehearsal.

>> Oh, nobody tell me.

>> Now, come along, come along. Where were

we?

>> Nowhere.

>> Colonel Buller Smythe died last night.

>> As two regular souls go west.

>> Only one. While there's life, there's

hope. She may marry again.

>> Avis!

Avis, oh!

Harry says he's sorry.

>> It doesn't hit me.

>> Now, now, you'll spoil your makeup.

What's up, love?

Come on, tell Granny.

Unless, of course, it's something that

you

>> Daphne, I

I've got to give in my notice.

I had a letter from Auntie this morning.

>> Oh, is she dead? Oh, no, she can't be.

She wrote hasn't she? But why?

>> She's tired of living at the vicarage

and looking after Daddy.

She says I've got to go home.

>> Oh, poor Avis. What a shame.

>> I [snorts] know I'd never be a star.

>> No, I'm here.

>> But when I think of going back to that

dreadful little village.

>> But darling, think of waking up in the

morning to the smell of new-mown hay and

well, birds and things instead of stale

greasepaint.

>> But I love the smell of stale

greasepaint.

>> Well, so do I.

But cheer up, it may never happen.

Something might turn up.

>> It will happen. I know I know what will

turn up.

A curate.

I'd marry a curate.

>> But I wouldn't mind marrying a curate.

Oh, well, come on, honey. Harry will be

champion.

>> But for the fact that the horse was

quite obviously doped, I should have

MADE A FORTUNE.

>> AH!

>> He'd have walked it.

>> He did walk it. That's why he came last.

>> Very funny.

>> Now, look here, Harry. That new girl

arrives on the 15th. This is your last

day for giving Avis notice unless you

want to give her a week's money for

nothing. So, don't bunk it.

>> Are you suggesting that I am a coward?

>> Yes.

>> I have never hesitated to dismiss an

incompetent artist. As Avis is the most

incompetent artist I've ever met, I'm

hardly likely to fail in my duty now.

>> Sit you by the table, please.

>> Do you.

You're very late.

>> No, they're not.

You've got something to say to Avis?

>> Avis, my darling.

I'm sorry I shouted.

>> Coward.

Come on, let's get on with it.

>> I want to get on with it, but first I

have one or two things to say to you

all. Gather round, children.

I am aware there's been a certain amount

of complaint about the play which we are

now going to rehearse, and I should like

to be associated with it. At the same

time, I must point out that I have

absolutely no responsibility for

bringing Tarnished Gold, is it called,

to this or any other stage. It was

forced on me by one of our directors,

who is either a relative of the author

or is being blackmailed by him.

After I read it, I threatened to resign

rather than produce it.

>> Pretty good.

>> Didn't.

>> Did you say something?

>> No.

No.

>> I have one further piece of information

for you. The author himself is coming to

rehearsals today.

>> Oh, no.

>> Oh, yes. Should any of you feel inclined

to shoot him, I beg you to restrain

yourselves. We can safely leave that to

the public on Monday next. Well, now,

come along.

To arms! To arms!

>> All right, first actually there's this.

>> A trim parlor maid enters.

>> Oh.

Good morning.

>> [music]

>> Something hitched, sugar?

>> [music]

>> W. H. Dorwents Blacker.

>> No, no, no, that's uh H. Dorwents

Blacker.

>> I beg your pardon.

I am so sorry to be late, Mr. Blacker,

but please, please continue as if I

weren't here.

>> I think that's going to be a little

difficult, madam. Who are you and why

are you here?

>> I come to sit at your feet while my

child is being born. You are my

director, I'm your humble servant. Oh,

by the way, Jeremy Sinclair.

>> Who is he?

>> Oh, the author.

>> Oh, so he is. What about him?

>> Well, that's me.

>> Why are you dressed as a woman?

>> Oh, no, no, no. No, Jeremy Sinclair is

my pen name. The real name is Catherine

Beckworth.

And I just came along in case for any

naughty points.

>> Naughty points? Oh, yes. Well, how are

you, Jeremy?

A little bit hitting below the belt

coming our second rehearsal. We're still

in rather a rough state, you know. Some

of us don't quite know all our lines.

>> Oh, never mind. I'm sure we shall

manage.

>> I'm sure we shall. It was most nice of

you to come.

>> Oh, no. I've been looking forward to

this for ages.

>> Yes, well, now let's get on, shall we?

Are we ready?

>> We've been ready for half an hour.

>> Well, then we'll start. Daphne, darling,

you open the horror, the little piece,

don't you?

>> Oh, do I, darling? Oh.

>> A trim parlor maid enters.

>> Trim? That must be me.

Where do I come on from?

>> Oh, well.

>> I'm not sure.

>> The dining room, my dear.

I do beg your pardon.

>> Come along, darling. Hurry up.

>> Mr. Blacker, excuse me. Mr. Producer.

>> Oh, not a naughty point already.

>> No, well, she's such a charming girl. So

pretty.

Delightful.

But is she wearing a wig?

>> No, no, I don't think so. No, are you

wearing a wig, dear?

>> Of course not. In the play, I mean. The

maid must have flaming red hair. You

remember her mother in the play.

>> I'm afraid I don't.

>> Well, of course, all that happened long

before the play commenced.

>> Well, then we don't have to bother about

it. Come along, dear. Make your

entrance.

>> Yes, darling, but but but where is the

bathroom?

>> There is no bathroom in the entrance

hall of Belgrave Square. The mansion has

not yet been converted into flats.

Didn't Jacquot explain the set to you

yesterday?

>> No, darling.

>> Why not, Jacquot?

>> Of course I did. I explained the set in

great detail to everybody.

>> Not to me, you didn't.

>> Hm?

>> I was late.

>> That is no excuse. Have I nothing better

to do than waste my time WITH

HALF-WITTED JUVENILES?

>> DID YOU CALL ME, HARRY?

>> NO, I DIDN'T. GO AWAY.

>> I COULD HAVE SWORN HE CALLED ME.

>> NOW, COME HERE, my pinhead, and listen

to me. We are now in the hall of Bel Air

Tower.

>> What?

>> What do you mean, madam? We're not.

>> is not at all the sort of hall I

visualized. It's much too modern.

>> I see. I shall have to start from

scratch. What you are looking at now,

madam, is part of the scenery of the

play which we are performing with

considerable success this week. Next

week, we plan to do an entirely

different play WITH AN ENTIRELY

DIFFERENT SCENE.

>> PLEASE, DO NOT SHOUT, MR. BLACKER. Just

explain to me.

>> If you care to join Miss Ray on a

conducted tour. Over here, madam, we

have a doorway. Oak, rude, massive. On

either side, hang priceless tapestries.

>> Gobelin or Beauvais?

>> Both.

Over here, of course, is our fireplace.

Tudor or possibly Inglenook. In the

grate, a fire is brightly burning. While

over the fireplace, an old master looks

down on all those

>> [music]

>> Come along, madam. We must not tarry.

Over here, we have the great mullioned

window of Bel Air Towers, looking out

across the terrace to the formal rose

garden.

Open the window, Jacquot, and we can

smell the roses.

>> Lovely.

But, where is my shining suit of armor?

>> Jacquot, where is the armor?

>> Oh, it'll be up stage right, Mr.

Blacker.

>> You awake, Jacquot?

>> Barely.

>> Oh, yes.

I see.

>> Jacquot, this lamp shade must be changed

for tonight's show.

>> Why? Kills the set.

>> Oh, Mr. Blacker, why I spit on the back

of your suit

>> moment. This is important. Who chose

this beastly thing?

>> I did.

>> I should have thought you'd have better

taste.

>> You liked it all right when it came from

the shop.

>> Oh, I must say

>> I liked it then, I don't like it now,

that's all.

>> Well, you passed it at the dress

rehearsal.

>> JACKO, I ADORED IT IN THE SHOP. I

DROOLED OVER IT AT THE DRESS REHEARSAL.

I LOATHE EVERY BUBBLE OF IT NOW.

>> GET IT CHANGED, OKAY, DEAR BOY?

>> GOODNESS, these trivial interruptions.

Cut them off and never mention it again.

>> Now, come along, everybody. No more

interruptions. Clear the stage.

>> Mr. BLACKER, I HAVE

>> CLEAR THE STAGE!

>> NOT THERE, MADAM. PLEASE, THAT is our

producer's chair.

>> Thank you, Jacko. Now, come along. Who

opens the play?

>> Daphne.

>> Well, where is she? Why can't people

stand by? Daphne! Daphne!

>> Here I am, darling.

>> Oh, how jolly

They like starting the morning with a

good laugh.

>> Starting the morning?

>> Press on, press on. Curtain up.

>> Mr. Blacker, on a point of order, CAN

>> CURTAIN DOWN! WHAT IS IT NOW, MADAM?

WHO DID THAT?

>> YOU said you wanted it down.

>> If I could be sure you would obey my

every order so meticulously, George, I

should instruct you to go and

raise the curtain.

>> Oh,

my hat!

Bring it down, please. Bring it down.

>> Madam, there can only be one captain on

this ship.

>> No, but my hat, LOOK. BRING IT DOWN!

>> GOOD GRACIOUS, WHY DID YOU HANG IT UP

THERE? GEORGE!

Lower the curtain.

>> Well, blow me, make up your mind.

>> Manners, George, manners. You've pinched

the lady's titfer.

>> Oh, I never.

>> How charming of you, thank you.

>> There, madam. Now, I hope you're

satisfied.

>> Well, Mr. Blacker, I'm afraid not quite.

You see, you've forgotten the staircase.

>> What staircase?

>> Well, a magnificent Adam staircase must

dominate the whole scene.

Sweeping majestically down the entire

length of the back and right walls, made

of marble with a balustrade of highly

polished teak.

>> Let's cut.

>> Cut it, cut it, cut it. It's essential

to the whole the end of the play. Why,

the drama of the whole thing depends on

it.

>> Really?

>> Now, look. You see.

Lady Fraser-Forbes, already heartbroken

at the thought of the passing of the

dukedom, trembling at the revelation of

a bar sinister,

now sees the young milord, her sole

remaining residuary legatee, in the arms

of his personal care.

>> [snorts]

>> Slowly she descends the wide sweep of

the staircase to gather up the threads

of a lost civilization.

But her feelings overcome her while

still on the half landing,

and senseless she falls to her doom.

>> George, this is no laughing matter. Just

a moment. Morty, how do you feel like

throwing ourself down a marble staircase

from the half landing?

>> Tried it in once, dear.

>> No, not this time. I'm afraid Morty is

an actress, not a Japanese acrobat.

>> Yeah, but but you you aren't playing

Lady Fraser-Forbes, are you?

>> Yes.

>> Well, then who's playing the cook?

>> The cook.

What's that got to do with it?

>> Oh, nothing nothing nothing at all.

>> Now, come along everybody. Daphne,

darling, get rid of your entrance.

Right. Curtain up. Just a moment.

George.

>> Yes.

>> Where are those stairs we used last week

in Rebecca?

>> Well, they're kicking about around the

back somewhere.

>> Well, find them, will you? There's a

good chap. All right, break everybody

till we find the stairs.

A little relaxation does one good.

>> Mr. Blackhurst, I do hope you don't

think I'm making a nuisance of myself.

>> My dear madam, your wish is my command.

>> It's so important that it should run the

entire length of the back wall in a

poetic curve. [clears throat]

>> Very effective. Very effective.

>> I'm so glad we agree.

>> That is essential.

>> Essential, my dear madam, it's

imperative.

>> Here are them stairs, your lordship.

>> [music]

>> Ah, the very thing. Happy now, Jeremy?

>> Yes.

Well, where's the rest of it?

>> Oh, come now, we mustn't be greedy.

>> Where do you want it, sir?

>> Put it down anywhere and measure it for

a banister. I'm afraid we can't promise

you teak. Now, come along. Come along,

everybody. We're losing momentum. Speed

and punch, that's what we need. Speed

and punch. Come along, darling. Make

your entrance through the dining room.

That's right.

>> [music]

[music]

[music]

>> Dusty ornaments.

>> Very good.

I was supposed to be humming, too.

>> Oh, yes, of course.

>> Cut the humming.

Humming cut.

I didn't know there was an underwater

ballet in the play.

>> Arranging flowers.

>> [clears throat]

[music]

>> Well, no one can say this little piece

gets off to a roaring start. How long

are you going on doing that?

>> Until the butler comes in.

>> Butler?

Who's the butler?

>> Huh?

Butler!

Why don't people stand by? Butler!

>> Who's playing the butler?

Oh, I'm sorry, it's me.

>> Really, Jacko? You're supposed to set

them an example.

>> Where do I come in?

>> Down the marble staircase, you lucky

boy. Hurry up.

>> Tray.

Ahem. Ahem.

>> Ah.

A biblical play?

>> Well, says here.

>> You're meant to be clearing your throat,

you know.

>> Thank you, madam.

>> Small.

>> Ahem.

>> [clears throat]

>> Oh, love, Mr. Higgins. How you startled

me.

>> No. No. No.

>> And that's it, right?

>> No, dear, it isn't that. But I remember

when I was a little boy, I used to be

taken

by my mother to the local theater. Each

week we would see an entirely different

but equally terrible old melodrama, and

in every one of them, as the curtain

rose, a maid would enter, and after

dusting ornaments on a mantelpiece,

arrange flowers in a boat. Then the

butler would come on, cough, and then as

sure as God made little apples, the maid

would turn AND SAY, "LAW, MR. HIGGINS,

HOW YOU STARTLED ME." That line is cut.

>> Out.

>> Out.

Out.

>> You don't mind, do you, Geraldine Ayres?

Out.

>> Rose,

her grace wants to see you.

>> Her grace can wait.

I'd only one pair of

hands.

>> That's no way to speak of your mistress,

my girl.

>> And how long do you stand on those

stairs?

>> Until the script tells me not to.

>> Well, I play with my back to the

audience.

>> Don't mind Mickey.

Oh, that's better. I like the way you

said that. Remember that.

>> Oh, that wasn't in the script. I was

talking to him.

>> Darling, don't chatter during

rehearsals. It makes it so confusing.

>> That's no way to speak of your mistress,

my girl.

>> And no way to say the line, either, my

boy. Jacko, do try and remember your

Playing a butler, the perfect butler, so

perfect that if you were walking naked

down Regent Street,

people would turn and say,

"That man's a butler."

I've only been butling in the house of

the Duke of Somebody Something so

>> Belgaze.

>> Thank you so much, madam. The Duke of

Something Something for the last 20

years.

>> Oh, but he hasn't.

>> Who hasn't what?

>> Why, the butler. He hasn't been with the

Belgazes for the last 20 years.

>> No?

>> Oh, no, indeed. I'm afraid you've missed

the point.

You see, he isn't a butler at all. He's

the reformed fourth baron who's returned

incognito from Australia.

You have read your third act, haven't

you?

>> Yes, yes, of course. It's most

absorbing. Yes. Jacko, try and remember

that significant point when you're

saying your lines, will you?

>> That's no way to speak of your mistress,

my girl.

>> Much better.

>> Oh, must I come down the stairs?

>> And about time, too.

>> Is that the end of the play?

>> Oh, sorry. Mistress, a fine mistress,

and no better than she should be, if you

ask me.

>> I'm not asking you, my girl.

>> Oh, aren't you?

>> No, I aren't. Ain't, I mean.

And I'll thank you to speak with respect

of your betters, my girl.

>> Oh, betters indeed. We're all human, hm?

>> I don't understand you.

>> But beings, I hope.

>> We all have our stations in life. Now,

you, my girl.

>> Oh, come in.

>> I wonder if I might borrow your script

for a moment. Thank you.

>> Are you looking for something?

>> The plot, madam.

>> Dress, scenery, or lighting plot? I have

them all handy.

>> The plot, madam, of Tarnished Gold. Most

plays have them. Yours seems to be the

exception.

No.

I think I see the beginning of a plot on

page 27. We're now on page one. Jeremy,

you and I must have a talk about a

knotty point.

Relax, everybody. This may take a little

time.

Now, when one of our directors, a Mr.

Bellamy

>> My nephew, Roderick.

>> Aha. That makes it all crystal clear.

When Mr. Bellamy forced me to stage your

farce, madam I said

>> Tragedy, Mr. Blacker.

>> It may well prove so, madam. When he

forced me to stage Tarnished Gold, we

had a little chat. I told him what I

thought about it. He told me what he

thought. Oddly enough, our views

differed. However, he did agree that if

I should find a major fault, I should do

my best to rectify it.

>> Oh, that was a kind thought of his. And

did you find a major fault?

>> So far, madam, only one.

>> Good.

What?

>> The first 27 pages.

>> 27?

But what do you intend to do about it?

>> CUT THEM OUT.

>> OH, NO. WELL,

BUT THERE ARE ONLY 30 pages in the first

act.

>> Splendid.

>> If you cut out 27, that leaves you with

only three.

>> That's right.

>> Oh, but you can't have an act of three

pages, can't you?

>> Then you must write us a new opening.

It's too slow. Make it brisk. Cut out

the trimmings. Stick to the essentials.

>> Yes, but when do you propose I should do

all this?

>> Well, are you busy this morning?

>> Mr. Blacker, it took me seven years to

write that play.

>> I remember once I was at the rehearsal

one of Edgar Wallace's plays. The

producer told him that he was

dissatisfied with the first 30 pages.

What did Edgar do? Without a murmur he

retired to the nearest telephone booth

and in 20 minutes returned with 40 pages

of sparkling dialogue.

>> Did he really? I wonder what made him

choose a telephone booth.

>> I expect he had some calls to make.

Well, you're not going to be beaten by a

mere man, are you?

>> Heaven forbid.

>> Oh, that's better. That looks like a

lampshade. Jaco, come here for a moment.

There. Isn't that better? Admit I'm

right.

Wonderful. Well, now if you've had your

little rest, Jaco, we can carry on.

>> Carry on? What with?

>> Where we left off.

>> But you've just cut the first 27 pages.

>> I know, I know. There's no need to

shout. We'll break for 5 minutes while I

work out the moves for act two.

>> Break. Break. Break.

>> On my cold gray stones, oh sea.

>> And I would that my tongue could utter

the thoughts that arise in me.

>> Very nice, Jaco.

>> Well, don't forget to

>> All right, Iris.

>> I'm looking forward to it. Lovely, my

darling.

Mary, Jaco, this is the same lampshade

with the tassels removed.

>> it all right just now.

>> You know you believe in cutting the

trimmings, Mr. Blackwood.

>> Mary,

in the sitting room of my lodging is a

perfectly plain blue lampshade. Find it

and bring it here, will you?

>> But what will your landlady say, Mr.

Blackwood?

>> She'll be very proud. She's on the free

list, isn't she? I would have expected

better of you, Jaco. Are you a stage

manager or a fifth columnist?

>> Neither. In a fortnight's time

>> Jaco, Jaco, you're not giving us in your

notice again.

>> I'm used to working with producers who

know what they want. Are you presuming

to criticize MY METHODS OF PRODUCTION?

>> I CAN'T. I'VE NEVER SEEN THEM.

>> WE WILL TALK THIS OVER QUIETLY AND WITH

DIGNITY, I HOPE, LATER ON. When you want

to apologize, I shall be in my office.

Ah, the midshipman.

>> How's rehearsal going, Mr. Blackwood?

>> Taking shape, taking shape. Be fine on

the night.

>> Well, goodbye dear lady and thousand

thanks. You really shouldn't bother you

know I can quite easily walk.

>> We can't have our leading man trudging

to rehearsals. Oh no, no.

Oh, you forgotten your sandwiches.

I made them myself.

>> Oh, you spoil me, Sarah.

>> Well, it's a good thing someone does.

Why, I know your wife hasn't the time to

look after she should uh would like.

Oh, by the way, do tell him I quite

enjoyed the performance last week of

Therma's.

>> Oh, you shouldn't travel you know.

>> Travel indeed, silly boy.

Now, keep out of drafts and be in

tip-top form tonight. I shall be in our

box.

>> Oh, well until tonight then.

Good heavens, is that the time they were

waiting for me?

>> I must get back at once. Albert doesn't

know I have the car, he'll be fuming.

>> Well, until tonight then. Goodbye and

thank you.

>> Morning, George.

>> Morning, Mrs. Bibby. Well, where's the

old man?

>> Outside entertaining his fans. How's

rehearsal going?

>> Going? It's almost gone.

>> Have they got up to our intention?

>> Try to make me laugh. They're still on

page one.

>> [music]

>> Why, certainly, madam. It's a pleasure.

If you want a photograph, call round to

the theater tonight after the show.

>> Thank you.

>> Morning, George.

>> [music]

>> Hello, darling.

>> Hello.

Have a lovely drive.

>> Well, it gives Sarah pleasure, doesn't

do me any harm.

>> Is she wearing a hat with the fruit

salad on it?

>> I really didn't notice.

Look, darling, why must you be so catty

about her? I get tired walking, she

gives me a lift. I'm sure she'd do the

same for you anytime.

>> Thank you,

but I'd get more tired of Mrs.

Stebbings.

>> She Why must you go on calling her Mrs.

Stebbings? She's I've you a hundred

times to call her Sarah.

>> I know, but I was brought up to have

respect my elders.

More sandwiches?

>> Well, she made them herself. I I really

don't want the things, but I I haven't

the heart to refuse.

>> What are you going to do with them?

Sleep with them under your pillow?

>> Oh, please, Sandra, please, dear, not

this morning. I've got a hell of a head.

>> Well, I'm not surprised. If Mrs.

Stebbins is so concerned with your

health, then why does she keep you up

drinking till 4:00 every morning when

you should be studying your lines?

What on earth do you find to talk to her

about anyway?

>> Well, if you really must know, we were

talking about London

and the theater.

Among other things, we discussed my

performance in Uncle Vanya.

>> Well, you don't mean to say she saw

that.

>> Why not?

>> Well, she must have been jolly quick off

the mark. It only ran three nights.

>> Yes, you can never forgive me for having

acted in London, can you? Just because

you never did.

>> I might, one day.

>> Yes, well, if ever you do, I hope you

won't be a fool like me and throw your

chance away.

>> How did you throw it away?

>> I got married.

>> You know what? That's just about the

cruelest thing that you've ever said to

me.

>> Please, what happens?

>> [music]

[music]

>> Mr. Beverly, I've been looking for you.

There was a phone call for you from

London.

>> For me?

>> For you or Mrs. Beverly.

>> Why didn't you tell me?

>> WELL, YOU WEREN'T HERE, MR. BEVERLY.

>> HUSH, HUSH. Possibly my agent.

Do you mind, old man? I have an

important call to make.

>> Can't be as important as all that. Still

two hours before the first race. Use the

box outside.

>> You're late for rehearsal.

Hello. Trunks, please.

>> [music]

[music]

[music]

>> Please,

>> [music]

>> please.

>> Ah, the Duke of Bilgewater has arrived.

So nice of you to come, your grace.

>> Oh, don't come that line with me, dear

boy. I know you're only on page one.

>> Oh, [music] please.

>> Oh, where is Harry?

>> Really, I'm

>> fed up.

Work, work, work.

Where's Jacko?

>> I do wish people would stand by.

>> OH, PLEASE.

>> AH, THERE YOU ARE. Stick around or we're

wasting time.

Carry on.

>> Doing what?

>> We're rehearsing a play. Perhaps you

hadn't noticed, but we're just about to

start with act two.

>> All right.

>> Maud, Sandra, stand by.

>> Come along, Jacko. No more

interruptions. Ah, look. The lady with

the lampshade.

Very nice, my darling.

Don't model it, dear. Put it down where

it belongs. That's right. Where are we?

>> Act two.

>> Curtain up. Oh, just a minute. Mary,

darling, will you put my pools in the

post?

I'm trying out a new permutation.

>> I thought you were working out the

second act moves.

>> I had time for that, too. I haven't

filled in my postal order. Could you

lend me a pen?

Ah.

>> The other couch, Mr. Beverly, please.

You're in the middle of the set.

>> For heaven's sake.

Look, I should be at the stage door

telephone if ever I'm wanted. I'm

expecting an important call at 11:30

from Stella Film Productions. The

casting director was out just now when I

called.

>> Sensible fellow.

>> He has been calling me, my friend.

>> Oh, darling, how wonderful. It's not

true, is it?

>> No, no, I've just been making it all up.

Oh, the photograph. No, not madam. After

the show tonight.

>> Oh, you two know one another, do you?

>> Yes, but of course. One of my fans.

>> Oh, very lucky.

>> Why?

>> The lady happens to be the author of our

play.

>> Oh, my dear madam, this is an unexpected

pleasure.

>> How do you do?

>> This must be a very proud day for you.

>> Well, it's proud, but chase me.

>> Now, I'll get you a chair.

>> Thank you.

>> I hope they've been looking after you

properly. Jagger, see that our author

has everything she needs. Perhaps you

would like to join me afterwards in my

dressing room for a glass of wine.

>> Oh, that would be delightful.

>> [laughter]

>> A tout à l'heure.

>> A bientôt.

But Charlie,

is he French?

>> Who is that?

>> The author.

>> Of course. My dear madam, where have you

been? We've missed you.

>> Well, I I've been brisking up the first

27 pages as you suggested. Afraid I

haven't got very far as yet, but if you

think that's at all on the right lines,

I can proceed.

>> Excellent, excellent. Just what we

needed. But now, of course, we're in act

two. Now, come along, everybody. Let's

put in some really hard work, shall we?

Right, curtain up and away we go.

>> Oh.

>> All right, stand by.

Clear the stage, everybody.

>> This is the end.

>> Maude is sitting on the right end of the

settee.

Sandra behind her,

hiding her feelings.

>> Madam, that is the producer's chair.

>> I'm quite aware of that, young man.

Jeffrey's very late tonight, Millicent.

>> Jeffrey's always late, Mother dear.

>> There's nothing wrong, is there,

Millicent?

>> Wrong? Of course not, Mother dear.

>> I'm very glad to hear it, Millicent.

>> No, no, Millicent. Mother dear, Mother

dear, we'll cut some of that out, dear,

for heaven's sake.

>> But they're very fond of each other.

>> I can't imagine why.

>> Couldn't we just say dear instead?

>> Well, you could try. It's a good old

Anglo-Saxon word, dear.

So many different ways of saying it,

too. Dear.

Dear.

Dear? Come along, which one would you

like me to say?

Dear.

>> Why did you ask, Mother dear?

>> No reason, Millicent. I mean, dear. But

I had felt perhaps

Oh, no, I think I must be wrong.

>> What have you felt, Mother dear?

>> Nothing, dear. Only

>> Only what?

>> Only my foolish fancy.

>> What is?

>> Nothing, dear.

>> No, no. Either the wretched woman knows

something's the better or she doesn't If

she does, for heaven's sake, let her say

so. Cut out all that guff and begin,

"Millicent, dear, I have something to

tell you."

>> Yes, but if you cut all that out, you

destroy your suspense. Well, think of

Chekhov.

Think of your audience.

>> The audience, madam, will have left in

the BODY AFTER THE FIRST ACT.

FORGIVE ME, I shouldn't have said that.

I'm overwrought. It's all gabble GABBLE

GABBLE. WHY DO PEOPLE HAVE TO WRITE

PLAYS? WHY DO I HAVE TO DIRECT THEM?

>> THIS IS ALL VERY DISTRESSING.

Does it happen often?

>> I was such a happy little boy.

Come along, we must get this

straightened out. I do hope you don't

think I'm being difficult, madam. All I

need is your cooperation to get it

right. We must work together, hand in

hand.

>> I ask nothing better, Mr. Blacker.

>> Oh, my dear madam, I haven't introduced

you to the company. What must you think

of my manners?

>> What is there left to think?

>> Ladies and gentlemen, this is our author

who's come here today to help us with

her lovely lovely play.

The author, ladies and gentlemen, ladies

and gentlemen, the author.

COME ALONG, ACT TWO. MAUDIE, DARLING,

you're sitting in the foyer gazing at

the settee.

Oh,

the other way around if you like. You,

darling, are standing at the back of the

settee in a beautifully cut black

evening gown which shows off the lines

of your body to perfection, very nice,

too.

>> And where's this coming from?

>> Where's what, dear?

>> This beautifully cut black evening gown

that shows off the line of my body to

perfection, etc. etc. And what about the

pink chiffon negligee in which I sweep

down the marble staircase and the green

>> Darling, you read the rules of

management. Can't provide the clothes.

>> I use that exactly 3 minutes before

dashing upstairs to reappear 1 minute

later in an obviously beautifully

tailored two-piece. I stand at the top

of the stairs for 1 second then the

curtain falls. And that's not all.

>> Isn't it?

>> Gracious, no. Let me consult my dress

chart. I have it handy.

Now, let us see.

Yes.

There must be three negligee, three

evening gowns, two tailored maids, and

the chinchilla coat.

>> No mink?

>> She doesn't like mink.

>> Well, that's the first nice thing I've

heard about Millicent. All right, dear.

We'll get the blue pencil out after

rehearsal.

>> Mr. Blacker, it will not do to economize

on clothes, please. You do realize that

we have to find our own costumes.

>> Find them? Where?

>> You're asking me?

>> All right, dear. I said we'll get out

the blue pencil after rehearsal.

>> Are you proposing to resort to war?

>> It's an idea.

>> Mr. Blacker,

I've reached the limits of my reserve.

I shall telephone my nephew immediately.

>> Ask him if he knows anything for the

2:30, will you, dear?

>> Well, upon my word.

>> Come along, dear. Let's get on.

>> Don't distress yourself.

Mother dear,

>> [snorts]

>> Who did that?

Who did that?

I repeat, who did that?

How dare you?

How dare anybody sleep during one of my

rehearsals?

>> Shall I wake Mr. Blacker?

>> With a kiss. Stay where you are. Who are

we to disturb Mr. Jelliwinkle's slumber?

Irving would not have stood for this. I

repeat, Irving would not have stood for

this.

>> Then why do you

>> Jacko, please.

>> No, I've had enough.

You're enjoying this, aren't you? You're

loving it. Because it's giving you an

opening for another scene, another one

of your acts. Well, what is it this

time? The wounded deer? Do you realize

how much rehearsing we've done this

morning? We haven't even got through one

full page of dialogue. And do you know

what the time is? 11:30.

>> 11:30? What time is the tea break?

>> Do you think we might for once forgo the

tea break?

>> Forgo the tea break? Don't let's have

any of that fascist talk in this

theater. What I won for the workers, I

will hold for the workers.

>> All right, 5 minutes break. George.

>> Hello.

>> Save the lights.

>> SAVE THE LIGHTS.

>> OH, PLEASE, could you tell me the time?

>> Well, half past 11. You can see for

yourself. Come

>> Oh, please, would you mind? I'm

expecting an important telephone

>> And I am making a

>> No, please, I've missed them twice

already. My whole future may depend on

this call.

>> It may depend upon my call, too, young

man. Kindly remove your hands from the

instrument.

>> there's another box outside.

>> Well, then use it. Hello.

Uh

I want Thornycroft 278, please.

>> Yes, but they're phoning me here.

>> They can't wait.

Hello.

Oh, is that you, Roderick?

It's me, Aunt Catherine.

Stella?

What do you mean, Stella?

Oh, no, my dear, not Stella. Catherine.

>> Yes, it's not for me, Stella.

>> OH, BE QUIET.

>> [music]

>> HELLO.

RODERICK.

OH, DO stop saying Stella like that.

Oh.

RODERICK, I HAVE SOMETHING MOST

IMPORTANT TO SAY TO YOU.

>> [music]

>> NO, NOT RODERICK.

Who are you, then?

>> [music]

>> Mad, raving mad.

>> [music]

>> Hello. Hello.

Oh, I asked for Thornycroft 278. Got

another call. What?

>> [music]

>> Out of order? Oh, really? Oh, god.

>> What did what

What did they say?

>> That call has nothing whatsoever to do

with you, young man. The instrument is

now at your disposal.

>> Thank you, madam, for this relief. Much

thanks.

Hello. Hello, operator.

>> Oh, there you are, Margo. Can I come in?

>> Yes, dear, do.

>> [music]

>> Have you heard that I've got to go home?

>> Of course. You're going to marry the

vicar or something, aren't you?

Congratulations, darling. I hope you'll

be very, very happy.

>> No, father needs me. I don't want to go.

>> Oh, trust me to get it all wrong.

Don't cry, darling. There have been

worse tragedies, you know.

>> I so desperately wanted to get to the

top, no matter how long it took.

I would have too.

>> Hard work may make a competent actress,

Avis, but it'll never make a great one.

You've got to have just that spark of

genius.

And

may I be frank, dear?

I don't think you've got it.

So, if your daddy wants you to go back

home, go back home.

Find a nice husband. Forget all about

this acting business.

>> Can't I do both? I mean

act and find a nice husband? You did,

didn't you?

>> Yes, I did.

Dear John.

He was my first leading man.

We spent so much time locked in each

other's arms on the stage, it seemed the

natural thing to do it off, too.

For pinker, you know.

>> But weren't you really in love?

>> Oh, yes, I was.

He was the most wonderful man.

He knew about everything. Didn't matter

what. Literature, politics, history, he

could tell you about them.

Why, the very day that Hitler invaded

Poland in 1939,

he looked at me with his wise old eyes

and said, "Margo, dear,

there's going to be a war."

And do you know, he was right.

He wrote a play for me, too.

>> He must have been very clever.

>> Well, it wasn't a very good play.

But we toured it for 2 years. Then one

day he came to me and said, "Maudie, my

darling, the next stop for you is

London."

>> What happened?

>> Oh, we opened in London, but of course

no one had ever heard of me.

But we kept the play going as long as

the money lasted.

Because the notices were good, at least.

They were wonderful for me.

>> I had no idea you'd been a star.

>> I find it very hard to believe myself

sometimes.

When I'm really down

and thinking, "Oh, Maudie, you're a

flop."

I get out the old press notices and I

read them again.

I've got them here. Would you like to

see them?

>> Yes, I do.

>> Showing old press notices, this is an

unforgivable crime, you know. Worse than

snapshots.

As for reading them oneself, well.

>> Triumph of new actress.

Actress with great heart.

They're marvelous.

You must have had masses of offers when

the play closed.

>> No. Manager said it was difficult to

find the right part for me.

I stuck it for 6 awful months.

John went on tour again.

And of course there were more love

scenes and the old propinquity did its

stuff again.

>> You mean he was unfaithful to you?

>> She was a pretty little thing.

>> It wasn't serious, was it?

>> It seemed so then.

I think he thought he was standing in my

way. I soon knocked that out of his

head.

So I gave up my hopes of stardom in

London

and settled down to domestic bliss in

the provinces. We had our ups, we had

our downs.

But we were always the best of pals

to the very day he died.

>> Poor Maud.

If I were you, I'd feel terribly bitter.

>> Would you, dear? Why?

Isn't that all the more reason why you

should go back to your nice warm [music]

home?

Because there is one thing that always

sticks in my throat.

When I look around at the old combined

at my digs,

I say to myself, Maud, you old girl,

you've worked very hard all your life,

but you've never had a home,

not even a chair you could call your

own.

But I will have one day. You'll see. I

will have.

>> I think it's wonderful how you can still

have hope.

>> Do you, dear? Why?

Well, dash it all, I'm not as old as all

that, you know.

Well, run along, child, run along.

Well, I make a fool of myself.

>> And half of Granny's way the gloomy said

to that's right.

>> Harry, I was looking for

>> Well, you might have that's funny. I was

looking for you. That's quite a

coincidence, isn't it?

>> What about?

>> What about what, dear?

>> What were you looking for me for?

>> Oh, yes.

Yes.

Bad news, dear. It's bad news. One's got

to learn to give and to take it.

>> But it makes one feel so miserable,

Harry.

>> Then you've heard?

>> Of course.

>> You mean Jacko has told you about your

leaving us?

>> Jacko?

No, my father.

>> Your father, dear? What's he got to do

with it?

>> Well, he just made up his mind that I

had to leave, and that's that.

>> Oh, no, dear. No, no, you've got it

wrong. When Jacko was talking about the

old man, he was referring to me.

>> But I haven't told Jacko yet.

>> Darling, you don't have to tell Jacko. I

told Jacko last week.

>> Well, I didn't understand because I only

got the letter this morning.

>> Letter, dear?

You mean you're giving in your notice?

>> Yes.

>> There's no chance of you're being able

to stay?

>> No.

>> And nothing I can say will make you

change your mind?

>> No.

>> Oh.

Then Transatlantic England has lost an

actress of exceptional gifts and deep

emotional insight who might well have

joined the immortals.

>> Oh, Harry. That's the most wonderful

thing that anyone's ever said to me. To

think

>> say any more. I'll be down on my knees

begging my little girl to change her

mind and I must I mustn't because father

knows best.

>> [music]

>> WAIT. LIGHTS.

>> HELLO.

>> DIDN'T YOU HEAR US telling you to save

your lights?

>> OH, GO AND BOIL YOUR OTHER HEAD.

>> Diddly dum. Diddly dum. Diddly dum.

Diddly dum. DIDDLY DUM.

>> OW. HELP. HELP. LIGHTS. LIGHTS. LIGHTS.

WHO DID THAT?

>> Something wrong.

>> Something wrong? Didn't you realize you

very nearly killed me? Who told you to

plunge this actor into darkness?

>> Mr. Jackson.

>> Oh, he did did he? I'll have something

to say to Mr. Jackson.

>> Well, if we don't get started again

soon, Harry will be wanting to break for

lunch.

>> Mr. Jackson, you you better look out.

His niece is looking for you. He's in

awful a state.

>> Murderer.

>> Murderer.

>> Brandy, you up.

>> Brandy, that'll be two and six, Mr.

Blacker.

>> What about it?

>> Well, what's bitten you, Adam?

>> You know perfectly well what's bitten

me. Now that you're two assistants are

together, I should like to make it quite

clear that I will not have the theater

plunged into darkness except by my

express permission.

Thank you, Dell.

Chalk it up. I doubt most actors will

agree with this. I think I can say the

whole thing went with a swing.

Oh.

Madam Dubarry.

>> Ah, Mr. Blacker. You may be relieved to

hear that I couldn't reach my nephew. He

was out of order.

>> Oh, I am sorry. Oh, dear.

>> Oh, no, it's for me to apologize. I

should have made allowances for the

artistic temperament.

Instead of that, I lost my grip.

I'm sorry.

>> No, no, it's I who should apologize.

>> No, no, no, no. Even Reinhardt was known

to be difficult during the first fine

fury of production. But the end

justified the means. I'm still at your

service.

>> And I, madam, am at yours.

>> Have a chocolate biscuit.

>> Yes, I will. Thank you. Oh, by the way,

is there a Miss Beverly here?

>> Mhm, me.

>> Ah, well, there was a telephone call for

you from London, from Stella Film

Productions.

>> For me? Yes?

>> From the casting director's office.

Unfortunately, he's had to go to the

studio for the day, but he'll be ringing

you again tomorrow to discuss the terms

of a contract that they want to offer

you.

>> That was my call, madam, which you so

kindly took for me.

>> Oh, yes, I I I don't think it was for

me. Oh, but I assure you they said Miss

Beverly.

>> At least he was making such a noise that

I could scarcely hear myself speak, let

alone anyone else.

>> They saw you in a play a few weeks ago.

>> Daddy Long Legs?

>> No. No, no. No, what was it?

>> [snorts]

>> Ah, yes, Nine Till Six.

>> I wasn't in Nine Till Six.

>> Oh.

Where were you?

>> Yes.

>> There you are, then. Congratulations.

>> Oh, Harry. Harry, if it's true, would

you let me go?

>> Of course he will.

>> How do you know?

>> Of course I will.

>> Yes, of course he would. Don't consult

me, anybody. Now, come along, we're

losing momentum. On the stage,

everybody.

Jeremy.

>> Yes?

>> You've forgotten your wand.

>> Oh, thank you, Harry.

>> No.

Well,

rather an odd way for a husband to hear

of his wife's success, isn't it?

>> [music]

>> Darling, I couldn't help that, now could

I?

>> Made me look a complete fool.

>> You?

Oh, why?

>> Thinking it was me they wanted all the

time, then having it blurted out all

that mob there.

>> Oh, don't be so ridiculous. Nobody even

noticed.

Norbert,

Norbert, do you think it's true?

>> Well, they'd hardly have bothered to

ring up if it wasn't.

Oh, my darling,

you're picked to be a film star, and

you'll be a fine [music] one. You're

going places.

And I,

well, I suppose I should be just known

as Sandra [music] Beverly's husband for

the future.

>> Darling, you're

you're I'm

you're [snorts] not jealous.

>> For heaven's sake, leave me alone.

>> No, I won't.

spoil anything.

>> [music]

>> I must say I think the gloomy sentry has

a jolly good chance in that race.

All right, all right, I'm ready. What

are WE WAITING FOR? SANDRA, NO WORD.

WHERE DO YOU WANT TO GO FROM? We'll

leave that terrible Millicent Bear's

scene till I feel a bit stronger. What

happens after that?

>> The Duke of Bilgewater and his friend

the Honorable Reggie Bellemare arrive.

>> SOUNDS QUITE A PARTY.

IS IT THE TEA BREAK, HARRY?

HAVE I THE HONOR OF addressing the

Honorable Reggie Bellemare?

>> Yes, sir.

>> Well, stand by for your entrance, you

belted earl.

>> [music]

>> Who are you waving at?

>> Oh, it was his stepping.

>> How are we today?

>> I do hope I'm not interrupting.

>> No, not at all. This is strictly

visitors' day.

>> Hello, Sarah.

Anything I can do for you?

>> I just wondered whether you had seen my

husband.

>> Your husband?

>> Yes, he said he might drop in this

morning.

>> Oh, I do hope he will.

>> It's just that he's a little bit uh

Well, he keeps saying he has a bone to

pick with Mr. Beverly.

I don't know what sort of bone, but if

he does come, you'll you'll smooth him

down, won't you?

>> We'll do our very best.

>> I think it would be wiser if he didn't

see Mr. Beverly at all.

>> Would you like us to make him invisible?

>> Madam,

we are rehearsing a play. I must ask you

in the name of Thespis to withdraw while

we continue our labors.

>> Mr. Blacker, we're wasting time again.

>> But my husband may arrive at any moment.

>> When drama is a foot, madam, mundane

entrances and exits must wait their

turn.

>> Shoo, shoo.

>> Oh, Sarah, I don't think you've met our

author.

>> I don't think I wish to. I dislike being

shooed at.

>> Oh, well, it was very nice of you to

come, Sarah. Excuse me.

Now, don't you worry about Mr.

Stebbings. We'll look after him for you.

>> I'm frightened.

>> Has he threatened you?

>> No, he hasn't threatened me. He's

threatened you.

>> Huh?

Carry on, carry on.

>> Hush, that sounds like Jeffrey now,

dear.

>> What does?

>> What does what, dear?

>> What sounds like Jeffrey

>> now?

>> I don't know.

>> Then why in heaven's name out of the

BLUE DO YOU SUDDENLY SAY, "That sounds

like Jeffrey now?"

>> Well, I only said it because it's in the

script.

>> What sounds like Jeffrey now?

>> JEFFREY COMING.

>> BUT HOW? SHE'S NOT PSYCHIC. SHE CAN'T

HEAR SOUNDS OTHER PEOPLE CAN'T HEAR.

SHE'S NOT A BAT, IS SHE?

>> SURELY YOU HAVE it wrong. Bats make

sounds other people don't hear.

>> IS JEFFREY A BAT?

>> OF COURSE NOT.

>> VERY WELL, THEN.

NOW, would I lie? If you could spare us

one moment from your affairs, on your

entrance, I should like to hear your

voice talking to Jerry. All right,

girls, give him a cue.

>> Oh, that'll be neat.

Don't say anything more, Mother dear. I

can't bear it.

>> Yeah, yeah. Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz.

Don't worry about it now, but if you

could think of something a little more

sparkly on the night. Soda water bottle,

soda water bottle, soda water bottle.

>> Mr. Black, surely he isn't going to say

that on the night.

>> That will depend on how much he takes

with the soda water.

>> I resent that.

>> I'm sorry, boy. I was only joking.

>> Hush, that sounds like Jeffrey now.

>> Soda water bottle, soda water bottle,

soda water bottle later.

>> You're very late tonight, Jeffrey. Isn't

he, Melisande? We were getting quite

anxious, weren't we, Melisande?

>> Yeah.

>> Weren't we, dear?

>> Oh, I met Reggie and we went along to

the club for a wet.

Didn't we, Reggie? Yeah. Oh, I beg your

pardon.

>> Oh, yes, we were there. We did pop our

noses inside a wet.

>> [laughter]

>> What is the joke?

>> Oh, Reggie Reggie laughs at everything.

>> Does he? We'll see about that. Carry on.

>> How are you, my dear Duchess? And you

do, my dear Lady Fancourt Forbes. You

both looking positively whipping.

Really, really, an absolute knockout.

No, I say DO BE QUIET. GOSH, IT'S

IMPOSSIBLE TO ACT UNDER THESE

CONDITIONS.

>> QUIET.

QUIET.

QUIET.

>> I'M SO SORRY, BUT one must sometimes

assert oneself.

>> How true, how true.

>> How nice to see you again, Reggie. And

how is your mother, the dear Lady Dela

Mere?

>> Just a sec, Morty.

I say, Harry, this is supposed to be a

comedy part, isn't it?

>> Ask the author.

>> Um

I thought I might put in a gag just

here.

>> Oh, yes.

>> When Morty says, "How is your mother,

the dear Lady Dela Mere?"

>> Yes.

>> I thought I might say, "The old grey

mare ain't what she used to be."

>> [laughter]

>> Oh, you prefer it as it is?

>> Yes, I do.

>> Yes.

>> Yes, the old girl's in great form.

RATHER.

>> [laughter]

>> DO YOU KNOW, I HAVEN'T seen her since

the Duchess of Harrogate's soirée. It

must have been years.

>> Harry, what am I supposed to be doing

during all this back chat?

>> I don't know. Knitting a jumper, do you

think?

>> Good gracious, no, Mr. Blacker. That

would be highly unsuitable.

>> Really? And what would be suitable?

>> Well, I'm thinking.

You see?

>> [snorts]

>> Ah, yes. The Duke stands stock still,

wrestling with himself. Wondering, you

see, whether or not to reveal all.

>> Indeed.

>> Well, now you know, Norwood. It's up to

you.

>> Oh, yes, the old girl would be if I have

to see you. She's going up to Dowham

next week for the shooting.

>> Isn't that rather extravagant? Why can't

she be shot here?

>> No, no. Gross, you know.

I have that from life. I shoot myself.

>> If only you would.

>> On. On.

>> Little Estelle.

>> Little who?

>> Estelle.

A crippled child. Gold hair, blue eyes.

She never appears.

>> Good.

>> Little Estelle was disappointed you were

not at her birthday party.

>> Oh, I say. Oh, I say. What a water I was

to keep you away from your little

daughter's birthday party. Yes, by dad,

what a water.

>> [laughter]

>> Is there much more of that?

>> Of what?

>> That water water stuff.

>> Oh, yes. It's my big laugh. It goes

right through the play.

>> Better you think.

Carry on.

>> Does Lady Billiam still attend the

Duchess of Poplar's with Strive, Reggie?

>> Oh, rather not. The old girl's giving

the Duchess rather wide birth these days

and spending most of her time at the

Duke of Gossage's.

>> [music]

[music]

>> I've told you about this before.

>> [music]

>> I can afford to ignore such vulgar

interruptions. Strike Lady Ada off the

free list and carry on.

>> Oh, that's me.

And talking of wets, I wouldn't say no

to a thimble now.

>> Stop.

Say that again.

>> I'm talking of wets, I wouldn't say no

to a thimble now.

>> What is a wet? Why is he talking to a

thimble suddenly?

>> I think he wants to put his nose inside

a wet.

>> Inside a what?

>> A wet.

>> Why?

>> He's thirsty. He needs a drink.

>> So do I.

>> [music]

[music]

>> Mr. Beverly, I have a bone to pick with

you.

>> Mr. Stebbings, I hardly think that this

is the time or place to discuss our

personal affairs.

>> Don't you indeed. Well, now listen to

me, young man. I don't mind you

gallivanting about with my wife. She's

old enough to take care of herself, and

you are too, I reckon. She wants to make

herself a laughing stock in the town

chasing a poodle faker, that's her

business. But I won't have her

interfering with my business, see?

I couldn't get out at mill this morning

because you and she had taken car. I

lost an important client, and I reckon

it cost me 500 lb. So,

take off your coat.

>> I beg your pardon.

>> Come on, put up your hands.

>> Now, Mr. Stebbings, be your age. I'll

only knock you out.

>> You can try if you like. Put up your

hands.

>> Now, Mr. Stebbings, I have

I wasn't ready.

>> Oh, weren't you? Well, come on, let's

start again.

>> Oh, stop it. Stop it.

>> That's enough for now.

>> Good day all.

>> Johnny.

Johnny, are you all right?

>> All right, of course I'm not all right.

You saw what happened. He hit me below

the belt.

>> Oh, bad luck, old boy. You must ask for

a turn back sometime. Well, I must. I

never would have cast him for that part.

That just goes to show.

>> Theatrical little fellow.

Well, if there are no bones broken,

shall we get on with things?

>> I feel rather faint. I think we better

break for 10 minutes.

>> Oh, no.

>> Oh, really, Harry. We can't keep

breaking like this.

>> We'll break as often as I say we'll

break.

>> In that case, I hope you'll fall off

that bridge and break your blooming

neck.

>> One day, Jacko, you may regret that

remark.

You see, I'm going over to the George

and Dragon. I want to be alone.

Save the lights.

>> Are you all right?

>> All right, of course I'm not all right.

Never been more humiliated.

>> Poor darling.

>> That's right. Go on, laugh.

>> Oh, Johnny, I'm sorry, but it was so

funny.

Your face and that tiny little man.

>> Well, he caught me unawares.

>> [laughter]

>> He certainly did.

>> Oh, I feel you. Go on, laugh. You're

going up to London.

>> Leave you to mercy of Mrs. Stebbins? No.

I think I better stay and look after

you.

>> No.

I miss your chance. It's your big

chance. You mustn't miss it.

>> Well,

I didn't really want to go on the films

and I

I just refused their offer

with gratitude.

>> But you were very keen just now. What's

made you change your mind?

>> Well, it could be that

I don't want to leave you.

>> Me neither.

Suppose I take another crack at London.

After all, I'm tired of being a big fish

in a little pond.

If I don't go now, I never will.

>> Oh, darling, thank [music] you.

Lord, oh, sorry.

Um Mrs. Stebbins is on the phone and she

says she wants to talk to you urgently.

>> Lord. Well,

tell her I'm engaged.

>> No,

tell her he's mad.

Mrs. Stebbins?

Well, I'm afraid Mr. Beverly is

occupied.

Yes, that's right. Occupied. Oh.

Goodbye, Mrs. Stebbins.

>> Hello, who is this? I say, what's this

about you marrying a Dean behind my

back, huh?

>> I'm not marrying anybody. Just going

back to father.

>> Oh, sorry, ducky. Got it wrong. Little

country mouse going home, eh?

Oh, here, here, here. Don't cry. You're

not a little country mouse.

Or if you are a little mouse, you're a

jolly attractive little mouse.

That's better.

How long have you been in this?

>> Three months.

>> Have you?

Three months? Amazing. I must be losing

my grip.

When do you leave?

>> End of the week.

>> Oh, that's good. I I mean, it's better

than nothing. You'll give me your

address before you go, won't you? I'd

like it. Oh, does your father hate

actors?

>> No, he's the president of the amateur

dramatics.

Now, I shall be vice president.

>> Oh, no, no, no, no, no more of that.

>> [music]

>> Gerry,

why didn't you do this before?

>> I don't know. I never thought of it, I

suppose.

>> [music]

>> Daddy.

>> Good morning, Daddy. Oh, sir.

>> What in the name of are you doing here?

How wonderful to see you.

Oh, Gerry, this is my father, Gerry

Wintringham.

>> How do you do, sir? Oh, come to see what

it's all about?

>> More or less, yes.

>> Oh, well, yes, sir. Well,

uh this is the stage, the part you're

standing on, and then

Oh, oh, yes, the the these are the flies

where they hang the scenery.

Am I boring you, sir?

>> No, no, no. Please, go on.

>> Oh, that's about all except for the

auditorium. That's where the public

sits, what you call the pews.

Only I expect you get better houses than

we do.

How are your houses, sir?

>> Um sparse at times, I'm afraid.

>> Yes, so are ours.

Oh, well, sir, I must be running along.

Goodbye, sir.

>> Goodbye, young man.

>> Anything wrong, Father?

>> Did you get a letter from your aunt this

morning?

>> Yes, Father.

>> She had no business to have written. I

came here to ask you to forget all about

it and tear it up.

But now I'm not so sure.

Are you in love with that young man?

>> I don't think so.

>> Is he in love with you?

>> I don't know.

>> Then all I can say is that perhaps a few

weeks in the country

won't do you any harm.

>> All this delay is most provoking.

Good heavens, Father's the vicar. How do

you do?

>> Yes, Miss Beckwith, what a delightful

surprise.

>> you since you left St. Jude's. What

brings you here?

>> Uh he's my father, Miss Beckwith.

>> Oh, really?

How right that you should have a

daughter on the stage. There's always

such a close bond I feel between the

church and the theater.

>> My father doesn't think so. I'm afraid

he's rather shocked by everything here.

He's going to take me home.

>> Oh, no, surely not.

Well, now that you're here, you must

stay and watch a rehearsal. Come along.

I'll put you in a box.

>> Ducky, I am so sorry. Must be jolly

awkward having a clergyman for a father.

>> Not at all.

In fact, it might be rather handy

if I decide to get married.

>> [music]

>> Hello, Pusskins. What a good Pusskins.

What a good Pusskins. What a good

Pusskins.

>> GEORGE!

>> ELLA!

>> I TOLD YOU TO SAVE THE LIGHTS.

>> ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. ELECTRICIAN.

>> Fix engine jellies. Give me five

shillings in the money.

>> Too late, now we're going to rehearse.

He wants the whole thing lit up like A

CHRISTMAS TREE.

>> GOD, BLOODY.

>> [music]

>> OH, GEORGE.

>> GEORGE, what did you do it purpose?

Want don't you cut off my right hand,

Robert, and

>> [music]

>> This is Beverly.

Miss Barron, you don't think that I am a

How is he?

>> He's still unconscious, poor fellow.

Miss Blackwood requests that you all

return to the stage. She'll let you know

as soon as there is any news.

>> Here, what's he doing in there?

Blimey, must be bad if they sent for

him.

>> Well, I I think we'd better go.

>> Let's go, Flo.

>> How did he hurt himself so badly? After

all, he only fell a few feet.

>> He must have fallen on his head.

>> I shall never forget seeing him carried

up those stairs.

I was standing in the corridor outside

my dressing room.

And I thought they were bringing me the

settee they'd promised for months.

When I saw it was Harry, gave me quite a

turn.

>> What gives?

>> Sinking rapidly, I'm afraid. They've

sent for a parson.

>> They didn't have to send very far. It's

his his father.

>> And they believe the head injury may

have affected his brain.

>> Oh, dear. And it was a bit affected

already, wasn't it?

Oh, poor bruised, bleeding Harry.

>> OW!

IT'S ONLY ME.

>> OH, HARRY. GEORGE, how could you?

>> Uh Emery, 3 weeks time. [snorts]

The show must go on.

>> Jacko's coming down to speak to the

company. He wants everybody on the

stage.

Do you think it'll be all right if I

sound this?

>> [music]

>> I mean, Mr. Blackwood won't hear cuz cuz

he's still unconscious.

>> [snorts]

[music]

>> Is he?

>> Nora, I can't stand this any longer.

>> He's not dead yet, dear.

>> Boys and girls,

you're all, of course aware of the

tragedy that has overtaken our little

band of players.

Our producer,

our friend, Perry,

has met with an accident,

the seriousness of which is not yet

fully known.

In view of the circumstances and having

due regard

Well, we'll hear in a moment, I suppose.

As I was saying, in view of the

circumstances and having due regard to

the nature of the play that we've been

trying to produce,

I think it wiser to abandon rehearsals,

at least temporarily.

>> Do you mean that we are dismissed until

this evening?

>> Well, in view of the whole thing, I

think that

>> Why not say so, boy?

>> Well, I'll telephone Mr. Bellamy

immediately and explain the situation.

>> Here we are.

Here, here, here. What are you doing

that for?

>> I'll explain in a moment, young man.

Please.

Now that we've done what we can for our

unfortunate producer, we can get on.

>> Thank you, madam.

>> Let sleeping dogs lie, by will you?

>> Nothing of the sort.

>> You can't push your old aunt around, you

know. What about the show tonight?

>> Well, you needn't worry. This is water

off a

>> I know, but look here, madam. You can't

>> The lines are essential to my SYSTEM OF

PRODUCTION.

>> OH, IT COSTS MONEY, you know, to cross

here.

>> Darnished gold is announced for next

week.

The show must go on.

>> NO, NO, NO. 278

>> THIS IS JACKSON.

>> Still goes going crackers. She's drawing

white lines all over the stage.

>> [music]

>> You see, putting on a new play, it's

very difficult. Now that we've lost our

producer. You haven't lost a producer?

>> You found a producer.

>> Where?

>> You mean you wish me to carry on?

>> Certainly not.

I telephoned my nephew. The production

of Tarnish Gold is in my hands from now

on. By the way, have you called that

ambulance yet?

>> No.

>> Well then, kindly do so at once.

>> I'm very sorry, madam, but we have our

reputations to consider.

>> Yes, indeed.

>> That whole scheme is quite out of the

question.

>> And why so, pray?

>> Well, you see, we don't think you know

very much about writing a play. So,

there's no reason to suppose you could

produce one.

>> Is there?

>> So, if you'll excuse us, I think we'll

be getting along.

>> Goodbye. Goodbye. Come on, girl.

>> Goodbye. It's been so nice knowing you.

Bye.

>> [music]

[music]

>> Finished with the lighting, man.

>> They aren't going to do it. They aren't

going to do my play.

>> Oh, well, cheer up, mum. They'd only

have murdered it.

>> It's backwards.

Yes, dear. They're coming back.

>> Where would you like us to start?

>> OH, HOW WONDERFUL.

I KNEW you all had it in you.

This is the Meyerhold system, you know.

He perfected it.

Lady FF crosses square three to square

two. Rose enters square one to two.

Rose?

>> Yes, my lady.

>> Leave the room.

>> Oh.

Yes, my lady.

>> Exit two to one.

>> That was short and sweet.

>> Oh, silence, if you please.

The Duchess crosses two to six.

Duke seven to five.

>> thought I was in.

>> Oh, no, no, no. Higgins is nine to six.

>> Then you were never in the employ of

Lord Trentham. All these years you've

been living a life of deceit. Oh,

Higgins, what am I to say? What am I to

think?

>> Higgins one pace forward.

>> Your Grace is mocking me.

>> Wait and see.

>> Uh, I only ask that you do not think too

badly of me, Your Grace.

>> Duke five to six.

>> Higgins, you must leave here tonight.

>> Higgins recoil THREE PACES SHARPLY.

>> OH, YOUR GRACE, FORGIVE ME.

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

>> I'M SORRY.

>> Where am I?

>> Where am I?

>> No, no, I beg Your Grace.

>> Lady FF cross two to six.

>> Lawrence, I can keep your secret no

longer. Not Higgins, but Lord Billamel,

returned after 20 years in Australia.

>> Reggie crosses four to eight.

>> No, he doesn't. It's four to two.

>> Oh, make him.

>> Oh, I am so sorry. Four to six, Reggie.

>> No, no, it can't be.

THEN YOU ARE FATHER.

FATHER.

>> UH, MY DEAR BOY, how often have I longed

to TELL YOU.

>> OH, PARDON ME, THOU BLEEDING PIECE OF

EARTH, THAT I AM MEEK AND GENTLE WITH

THESE BUTCHERS. CAN YOU HEAR ME DOWN

THERE BECAUSE I'M BIGGER THAN I CAN HEAR

YOU UP HERE.

>> OH,

>> [screaming]

>> IT'S HIS GHOST.

>> NO, SIR, THAT'S WHAT I GET HIM ALL

RIGHT.

>> HOLD IT. YOU WANTED TO HAVE AT THE STAGE

LIKE A PEERISH PENGUIN. THIS CHARACTER

YOU'RE PLAYING, THE DUCHESS OF

DUNSTABLE.

>> LADY FRASER FOUR.

>> WHO IS THAT WOMAN?

>> LADY FRASER FOUR.

>> I DON'T CARE WHO YOU ARE. GET OUT. CLEAR

THE STAGE. I WON'T HAVE YOUR TITLED

FRIENDS AT MY REHEARSAL.

>> HE'S OFF HIS CHUMP. Someone should take

care OF HIM.

>> WHO SAID THAT? WHO CALLED ME A CHUMP?

>> I DID, AND I'LL SAY IT AGAIN. CHUMP.

>> MADAM, please go away. Go away.

>> shall do nothing of the kind.

Now, keep absolutely calm. The ambulance

will be here any MINUTE NOW.

>> AMBULANCE? STOP IT, GOVERNOR. IS THERE

AN AMBULANCE IN THIS PLACE?

>> [screaming]

>> NOW, NOW, NONE OF THAT. YOU KNOW MY

RULES. DON'T GET FLORENCE IN MY

HAIR. NOW, STOP THEM BOTH AGAIN. STAND

BY, EVERYBODY. I'LL BE WITH YOU IN A

MINUTE.

>> MISS BECKWITH, Miss Beckwith.

>> Why, Vicar, you've neglected your job.

>> I'm awfully sorry, Miss Beckwith. He

opened his eyes, took one look at me,

and fled.

>> Poor Daddy. Perhaps he thought you'd

come to bury him.

>> Ah, TAKING YOUR SIESTA.

>> [screaming]

>> DON'T LET ME DISTURB YOU, PLEASE.

IS MR. JACKSON DEAD OR JUST ASLEEP?

>> ONE OF THESE DAYS, HARRY, I'm going to

get my hands around that neck of yours,

and squeeze, and squeeze, AND SQUEEZE.

>> WHAT A wonderful actor you are. When

you're not acting.

>> Well, you Mr. JACKSON, MAY I REMIND YOU

THAT YOU ARE IN THIS THEATER, THE TEMPLE

OF THESPIS. DO NOT PROFANE THIS SACRED

EDIFICE WITH CONDUCT MORE FITTING TO THE

SALOON BAR OR THE LOCAL CINEMA.

>> LISTEN TO HIM. DID YOU EVER HEAR SUCH

DRIVEL?

>> NO.

>> He knows it's drivel. The worst of it is

he almost convinces me THAT IT ISN'T.

GET OUT OF HERE, COW.

>> MR. BLACKER, PLEASE GET RID OF THAT

WOMAN OVER THERE. THE DIRECTOR.

The doctor definitely told me he'd be

unconscious for two or three days.

But, I shall speak very sharply to that

doctor when next I see him.

>> Madam,

where do you live?

>> Exeter.

>> Ah, delightful. The cathedral, the

square, the river,

the peace, the quiet.

Why don't you go back there?

>> Well, I would. I shall next week.

>> No, no, no. Go now. While you're still

alive.

Think of your children.

>> But I'm spinster.

>> Well now, come along. We're getting

along very nicely but there's still a

lot to do.

>> Harry, I'm so glad you're all right.

>> Thank you, my darling.

>> I've wonderful news.

>> Have you?

>> Yes, I'm going to stay.

>> What?

>> I'm going to stay. I told father all the

marvelous things you said about me as an

actress.

And he realizes my place is in the

theater.

And not in the vicarage.

>> Does he?

Cancel the new girl. Well now, come

along. No more fooling. The play's the

thing. My dear old friend, you know each

other of course.

>> I should think so.

>> Good. Well now, I've been thinking a lot

about your play during the last half

hour.

>> YOU'VE BEEN

>> WHAT? YOU heard what I said, Jacko. I

don't mumble. I may have been rude about

it. If so, I want to apologize. There's

some bad patches. The second and third

acts have strong dramatic possibilities.

The only trouble is it's a little bit

out of date.

>> In what way?

>> We can get round that. I'm going to turn

it into a costume piece.

>> Impossible. Out of the question. But how

could Millicent be run over by a motor

car?

>> I guessed you'd bring that up. I see no

reason why she shouldn't be run over by

a sedan chair.

>> Oh, I say, Harry, don't you think that

might kill my water water line?

>> Oh, I'm hoping it will.

>> That's okay, Harry. This play's got to

go on on Monday. There's no use mucking

around with it now. IT'S A PHYSICAL

IMPOSSIBILITY.

>> JACKO, THERE IS NO SUCH thing as a

physical impossibility. As I told Edgar

Wallace once, "Edgar," I said,

>> Strike me pink.

>> Who said that?

>> I thought you was dead.

>> Do you SEE WHAT YOU'VE DONE? YOU

BLUNDERING JACKANAPES. YOU INCOMPETENT

AMATEUR. YOU

YOU VERY BAD STAGE CARPENTER. What do

you want?

>> That back cloth. You want it painted for

next week, don't you?

>> Well, WHAT ABOUT IT?

>> WELL, I'VE GOT TO GET IT DOWN.

>> THEN GET IT DOWN.

>> ALL RIGHT THEN, AS LONG AS WE DON'T

CROSS talk the cloth.

>> Harry, if you go ahead with this

crackbrain scheme of yours, I QUIT.

UNDERSTAND THAT? I quit.

>> And that goes for me, too. And my wife.

Do you realize she's got a part longer

than back to Methuselah to learn?

>> Thank you, Mr. Beverley.

>> YOU BLOCKS, YOU STONES, YOU WORSE THAN

SENSELESS THINGS. DON'T YOU REALIZE WHAT

I AM DOING? I AM DOING FOR YOUR GOOD. DO

YOU WANT TO GO ON TO THE STAGE ON MONDAY

NEXT AND BE HOWLED OFF? I HAVE A

REPUTATION AS A PRODUCER.

>> And it stinks.

>> Yeah, yeah. If you're not going to

careful, you'll get a letter from my

solicitors. In the morning, you are

without exception the most disloyal,

incompetent stage director I have ever

known.

>> And just let you hear from my solicitors

in the morning, too.

>> Don't be impertinent. You know perfectly

well this is the worst play we have ever

had.

>> also have a letter FROM MY SOLICITORS.

>> SIR,

>> OAF.

>> LOOK, HARRY, we know the play is no

good.

>> YOU TOO WILL HAVE A LETTER FROM MY

SOLICITORS.

>> SHUT UP.

>> I WON'T.

>> WHY NOT CANCEL IT ALL TOGETHER?

>> NO.

>> ALL RIGHT, I QUIT.

>> VERY WELL THEN, YOU QUIT, BUT THE SHOW

GOES ON AND IN COSTUME.

>> OVER MY DEAD BODY.

>> IF YOU PREFER

>> I TAKE THAT BET, I'M CERTAINLY NOT. COME

ALONG, EVERYBODY.

>> I WILL NOT BE IN THIS PLAY.

>> YOU MAY SHOUT, YOU MAY YELL, BUT AS LONG

AS I AM PRODUCER OF THIS THEATER, MY

WORD IS LAW, ALWAYS, ALWAYS. I AM

CAESAR.

WHO DID THAT?

>> CAN YOU HEAR ME? COME OUT OF THERE.

>> DON'T JUMP. HELLO. DID YOU DO THAT?

>> OF COURSE I DID.

>> MR. BLACKWOOD.

>> DON'T DO THAT.

>> YOU STRUCK ME IN THE PRESENCE OF

WITNESSES.

>> BE QUIET. HOW DARE YOU INTERRUPT WHEN

I'M TAKING A REHEARSAL?

>> YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS.

>> AND YOU, MADAM, WILL PAY FOR THAT.

GEORGE, IF YOU DON'T GET THIS CART OUT

OF THE WAY IN TWO MINUTES, I'LL BREAK

YOUR NECK.

>> OH YEAH, WILL YOU? WELL, YOU'LL GET A

LETTER FROM MY solicitors in the

morning. All six of them.

>> Now, sir, you will listen to me.

>> No, madam, you will listen TO ME. YOU

KNOW PERFECTLY WELL THAT IF YOUR NEPHEW

WASN'T DIRECTOR OF THIS THEATER, YOUR

PLAY WOULD NEVER HAVE SEEN THE LIGHT OF

DAY.

>> I WILL LISTEN.

>> AND I WILL LISTEN TO BEING OVERRULED BY

A LITTLE PIPSQUEAK WHO FALLS ASLEEP 10

MINUTES AFTER HE GETS TO THE THEATER AND

WHEN HE WAKES UP DOESN'T KNOW IF HE'S

SEEN THE MERRY WIVES OF WINDSOR OR ANNIE

GET YOUR GUN.

>> YOU'LL SUFFER FOR THIS. I'LL HAVE YOU

THROWN OUT OF THE THEATER, HOUNDED OUT

OF THIS TOWN. I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW.

>> NO, DON'T DO THAT.

>> I KNOW MY RIGHTS AS AN AUTHOR. I SHALL

STAY UNTIL I'M CARRIED

HARRY, LOOK WHAT YOU'VE LOOK WHAT YOU'VE

DONE.

>> OH, DEAR, THIS IS TOO MUCH. ONE SHOULD

NEVER DO A PLAY WRITTEN by a woman. They

always HELD YOU UP.

>> [music]

>> AH, HERE WE ARE.

COME ON, LADY.

>> HOW'S IT GOING, JEFFREY?

>> GOING?

WONDERFUL. I really wish I could be here

to see it.

>> Now, come along, everybody. We're losing

momentum, speed, and punch.

>> Just a minute.

>> You've forgotten her broomstick.

Where are you going?

>> Back to the Air Force. It's a better

management.

>> we'll be back at two. Lunch, everybody,

and don't worry. Jeremy and I will have

it this out IN THE AMBULANCE.

>> OH, my dear Evie, I do hope you haven't

been bored. You've been rather unlucky,

though. It's a particularly dull

rehearsal. Sometimes tempers get frayed,

and we have the most appalling scenes.

Well, now that you're here, I expect

you'd like to book your seats for Monday

next. We're doing a new play by Jeremy

Sinclair, Tarnished Gold, in costume.

>> No.

No, no.

>> Oh.

I thought the blouse that Mother sent

down from town was absolutely perfect.

>> OH, JEFFREY.

>> OH. WHAT? OH, WHAT?

>> IN THE PATTERN OF OUR LIVES, THERE IS A

THREAD OF GOLD. That thread must never

be unraveled, nor the gold allowed to

tarnish.

>> MOTHER EMILY.

MOTHER EMILY, SPEAK TO ME. SPEAK TO ME.

>> [applause]

>> OH, GOD.

OH, GOD.

>> [applause]

>> OH, GOD.

>> [music]

[music]