All language subtitles for The Bell Jar (1979)

Mad girl's love song, a villanelle.

I shut my eyes and all the world drops
dead.

I lift my lids and all is born again.

I think I made you up inside my head.

I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
and sung me moonstruck, kissed me quite

insane.

I think I made you up inside my head.

I think I made you up inside my head.

Let me introduce myself.

I'm Esther Greenwood.

All-American, Girl Wonder scholarship
student.

I think I made her up inside my head.

Me, a poet? Are you kidding?

I'm a very proper New England girl.

I attend a very proper New England
college.

Where I win prizes.

Except I seem to be coming apart at the
seams.

You know the feeling?

Hey, Esther!

Wait up!

I can't! I'm late for class!

Want to see Eisenhower? He's coming to
Springfield tonight.

Sorry.

Tonight's final rehearsal for the sing.

Hey, listen, good luck tomorrow.

I'm gonna be sick.

Harrison Award is given to that junior
who demonstrates consistent ability in

writing during the year and who submits
a sample of her poetry to our committee.

The winner this year is a student whose
craftsmanship and artistry are

extraordinary.

She submitted a Villanelle.

And I need not comment on the difficulty
of that form to this group.

You got it! You got it!

On the basis of these achievements then,
we of the English department are

delighted to designate Esther Greenwood.

as the Mary Elizabeth Harrison Poet of
the Year.

No, I won't change my mind.

All right.

Bye.

Thank you. Good night.

You'll never guess what I'm going to do
tomorrow.

Off for the weekend?

New Haven and my buddy, Buddy.

My God, is he still in school?

One more year.

He's on obstetrics.

Oh.

How is Eisenhower?

He looked very clean and a bit
fetus-like.

Tell old Buddy hello and have a ball.

I will.

You go.

Let's get married.

You look good as a wife.

A man is the arrow, and a woman is the
place he shoots from.

Oh? Who said that?

My mother.

She's always courting somebody.

live if we got married?

Well, you live in your haven, I guess.

You know, I have to finish med school.

Well, what about me in school?

All right, well, we'll both live in
Hartford and we'll both commute.

I mean, you can even work for a while. I
wouldn't mind.

Yeah, I mean, until I get my practice
going.

May I ask you something personal?

Have you ever had an affair?

Oh.

Um... There was a waitress once.

On the cave.

I mean, uh... She was what you might
call an older woman.

I think she was... 27 at the time.

Yeah, she wasn't much.

I mean, I didn't love her or anything.

But it's different for a guy in terms of

emotional involvement.

I assume you've never gone to bed with
anyone?

Why do you assume that?

No, you're right.

Have you ever seen a man?

What?

You know, I mean, have you ever seen a
man naked?

No.

No?

Would you like to see one? Would you
like to see me...

In the raw, so to speak?

Sure.

Why not?

Would you?

Yes.

Nice and cool, my mother bought them for
me.

Shit.

Can you see? I don't want to embarrass
you by turning on the light or anything.

Would you turn a little bit that way?

That way?

A little bit this way.

Interesting. Well, it's terrific.

Beautiful man. I mean, fantastic.

Wonderful.

Extraordinary. I mean, whatever you say
to a naked man.

Well, it's your turn.

What?

The strip.

I did, now you.

You've already seen a naked woman.

Honey.

Come on, look.

She was just an old bag. I mean, you
know, we didn't do a whole hell of a

lot. You must know.

We just sort of, you know, we did the
essentials. That's all.

I don't think that we should be doing
this. No, you're probably right.

Honey, I don't really think it's just
jumping the gun, you know?

What's wrong?

What is it? What's the matter?

I don't know what's the matter.

I'm not kidding.

He said, have you ever seen a naked man
just like that?

Well, I have. Come on, dozens of them.

And then would you believe he dropped
his pants?

Actually, he didn't drop them. He took
them off very neatly and folded them and

put them over a chair.

And then the light went off.

Didn't even get a look?

A street lamp revealed all.

Care to give an appraisal?

I had the wildest association.

They were like, um... It was like... A
turkey neck and gizzard.

A turkey neck and gizzard.

Alas, how love does trifle with itself.

Here they come.

Parents' Day at the zoo.

I'll be out, Lord.

Oh, here comes Papa Goose. That's him in
the black Jaguar.

Very nice.

Would you and your mama care to join us
for dinner tonight, if you can stand it?

Maybe.

I got some good news yesterday.

Oh, good news.

The poetry prize was very nice.

I won the Ladies' Day student editor job
in New York.

Ah. Why, that is an honor.

What is it exactly?

Well, students are chosen from all over
the country, and we have to write our

own section of Ladies' Day magazine, and
we get free theater tickets and fashion

shows, and we get to meet all the
glamorous, high-powered mag people, and

it's four weeks of living in a lap of
luxury in the Amazon Hotel. Doesn't that

sound wonderful?

My, how much will all of this cost?

I want it. It's free.

Doesn't that sound dreamy?

Well, I hope you take along some cool
dresses.

It can get frightfully hot in New York,
and the streets are filthy.

Well, at least they were 15 years ago
when your father and I were there.

Oh, I only wish your father could have

lived.

He would have been so proud of you.

Nothing but straight A's since you
started school.

Including deportment. I remember in the
third grade, coming home from school

crying because you thought the teacher
was mad at you and might give you a B.

But she didn't, of course.

I only have one regret.

What's that?

That you haven't made more friends here.

I've made plenty of friends.

But you made up for it in scholarships
and prizes.

Did you ever...

Add up the amount of scholarship.

Oh, Esther, come on.

I loathe being a scholarship student.

Why, dear, it's an honor.

It's like eating leftovers.

Leftovers?

Why, Esther, you're the cream.

Surely you must be aware that the other
girls are envious of you. I am aware

that the other girls are all rich.

that the other girls all have 25
cashmere sweaters, that the other girls

have their own checking accounts, that
the other girls have connections, and

half of them bring their own horses to
school.

Well, certainly these girls can't be
blamed because their fathers are rich.

Mother, you're not listening.

Their own horses.

Did I tell you that I joined a folk
dancing class?

We meet in the high school gym.

Once a week, about 20 of us, we have
nice phonograph music.

Oh, I have a pretty Tirolian costume.

I made it myself.

And the dancing is... Oh, it's great
fun.

Well, most of the people are married, of
course, except for a few old ladies like

me. Oh, Mother, you're not old.

Why don't you get married again?

You have been dead for ten years.

I don't know. It's... It's hard to find
someone.

Well, maybe at your dance class some
nice man would come along.

No, it's not so easy, dear.

I'd like to... I'd like to find someone
you'd like, too.

Mother, that's the dumbest excuse I ever
heard. I don't live at home anymore.

Of course you do when you're not in
school.

Why couldn't I go to the funeral?

Why couldn't I go to the funeral?

What?

Daddy's funeral.

You were too young, dear.

Did he suffer a lot?

Before he died, did he suffer a lot?

Not really.

For once, tell me the truth, Mother.

Did he care?

Oh,

it's such a pretty day.

Why do we have to talk about such morbid
things?

Don't I have a right to know?

I don't even know what my father died
from.

Well, I don't think the doctors really
knew.

The doctors didn't really know?

Didn't they do an autopsy?

Esther, I... That was a long time ago.

Now, some things are best forgotten.

Dressed in his bee outfit.

Do you?

His long white smock.

With his bee bonnet, as he called it.

With a long white scarf tied all around
and around.

He looked like the lady of the lake.

Your father could get you to do anything
he wanted.

He was so patient.

You know, you had quite a little temper
as a child.

I know.

But one word from him, one word was all
it took him.

He was strict but fair.

The two of you lived in your own little
world.

I still miss him, Esther. Do you know
that?

Were you there when it happened?

Did you see him die?

Was there any blood?

Were there any details?

Were there any details?

What are you doing?

I'm sorry.

It's been a long year, okay?

Listen. Listen.

John Gilliam suggested that you and I
have dinner with her and her father.

A lot of the parents will be there.

It'll be a lot of fun.

Come on.

Oh, I don't know. It's so expensive.

Oh, he's filthy rich. He'll pay.

Please stay, old girl.

Oh, well, if you're sure you won't be
embarrassed in front of your friends. I

mean, I think I look pretty dowdy. You
look fine.

You might want to try to take off the
hat.

No.

Oh, I feel so good tonight seeing Joanie
and meeting

Esther's mama.

Why, we're just like a little family, if
you don't mind my saying.

Will you have one little drink?

All right, then.

Brandy, waitress, all around.

Daddy, you're talking too loud.

Ah, my Johnny.

He's a hell of a lot like her father,
you know.

A great business head on her.

I hope one day that she'd take over the
business.

I couldn't manage the sun, dammit.

Now, Johnny Small has been under the
weather for years.

What he's trying to say is that my
mother is a drunk.

Yes.

And I had to be both mother and father
to her, if you know what I mean.

Yes, I do.

Esther lost her father many years ago.

It isn't easy.

Like mother, like daughter.

Or is it like father?

I can never remember.

Ladies and gentlemen, I think...

Father's a riot.

Oh, sure he is.

Naturally, he was on his good behavior
tonight. He usually drunks out and

disappears halfway through the main
course.

My mother had a terrific time.

Did she?

Mm-hmm.

Underneath that puritanical exterior was
the heart of the schoolgirl.

Oh, my.

End of the year is always so sad.

Where do you think you'll be ten years
from tonight?

Who, me?

Yes, you.

I'm not sure if I think about that.

Not if I can help it.

Well, make a guess.

In ten years, I'll be dead.

Joan. You asked me, so I told you.

There's nothing so miraculous about
being dead, is there?

I suppose not.

God knows the poets write about it all
the time.

As though it were as normal as... peanut
butter.

Don't you ever think about dying. I
would have thought you might. Why would

you have thought that?

Oh, I don't know. It takes one to know
one, as they say.

It takes one what?

Hey, easy.

I'm sorry.

No, I'm sorry.

It's not your fault.

Just this afternoon, I was trying to
talk about death with my mother.

And she cut me off, just like I did now.

Weird, isn't it?

I read someplace... that we eventually
take on all the characteristics we

loathe in our mothers.

Spare me that.

Sometimes I think I ought to marry a
good old buddy and get it over with.

That we'll be getting it over with, all
right.

Hey, hon, can't you make up your mind
before you leave?

Don't you want to get married, for God's
sake?

Hon, we'll have a nice life.

We'll have lots of kids, right?

I like kids, yes.

But I thought I might be a writer.

Well, you can write.

You can write when the kids are in bed.

I'll even help you wash the dishes.
That's a promise.

Remember the night we drove back from
the Harvard game?

And you asked me if I wanted to live in
the city or in the country.

And I said both.

But I wanted to live in both places at
once.

And you laughed.

And you said that anybody that felt like
that had to be a true neurotic.

Well, you're right.

And I'll always be torn between two
things like living in the country or the

city.

Being a poet or housewife, I know that.

I'm neurotic as hell.

And it fragments me.

It scatters me all over the place.

And I'll probably end up spending the
rest of my life...

Flying back and forth between one
mutually exclusive thing and another

Let

me fly with you then

Summer in New York.

I'm the envy of every girl I know.

La-dee-da.

They're going to electrocute the
Rosenbergs, you know.

Any day now.

They're spies, so they say.

Well, I'm not going to think about them.

I'll keep my mind on this marvelous
opportunity afforded me by Ladies' Day

magazine. Ha!

So this is New York. They said it was
going to be deep, but this is too much.

Wait a minute. Before you take that
trash inside, this is the Amazon where

all the ladies' day girls are supposed
to stay?

Oh, yes. You're all up on the ninth
floor. Now tell me, is it really true,

true this hotel's for women only?

I'm afraid so. Now you Yankees accuse us
of segregation.

Hello.

I couldn't help overhearing you're going
to your ladies' day. Me too.

I'm Esther Greenwood. Hi, I'm Doreen. I
sure am glad to meet you. Let's go check

in. Come on, honey.

Let's go to the park. I've always wanted
to go to the park.

Hi.

Hi, welcome aboard.

I'm Betsy, University of Kansas.

I'm Doreen. I don't believe so, honey.

Okay, see ya.

I do believe we have ourselves one
little energetic combo.

Where is my room?

filling with fruit cases. See you later,
sugar. Let's have a drink and drink.

Okay.

Vicki St. John, follow me.

Ladies.

Ladies, good morning.

Good morning.

I'm Bea Ramsey, your editor-in-chief,
and I don't bite.

Unless, of course, you don't meet your
deadlines and then beware.

Vicki St. John, fashion.

Jane McLeod, art.

J.C., fiction.

I think there's more to J.C.'s name than
initials, but she's been here more than

eight years.

She hasn't told us yet.

Heather Lane, food.

Bonnie LaBouchere, travel.

Welcome.

having you here.

You've been chosen because you're good.

And because you think we are, too.

You will have 20 pages of your very own
to put into print for this September

issue. It's a big job, so dig in.

Ask questions. Don't be afraid to ask
questions.

But above all, meet your deadlines.

And have a glorious time.

We'll probably work you to death, but
you'll end up thanking us vicki

we like to start with the icing

so here are a few treasures remembrances
of the greatest summer of your lives

first this darling makeup kit by mr
richards with some hints

furnished by our own beauty department a
polar roller set by edith Mini hair

dryer by Osiris.

Tickets to the King and I and Wonderful
Town.

A fashion show luncheon at Rockefeller
Center and a welcoming dance at the

Waldorf Astoria for which we furnish
everything, including the men.

How does that sound?

Let's partake.

Hello.

Oh, sorry.

You must be Esther. Esther?

How do you do? Oh, please, no
formalities.

We're colleagues for the next four
weeks.

I read some of your poetry. Oh, you
have?

It's very good.

We're looking to you for a certain kind
of intellectual elevation.

Oh, if you have some time in the next
few minutes, would you mind driving by

my office?

Of course.

Thanks.

Have you read The President's Lady?

I hear it's a stunning movie.

No, I haven't. Did you enjoy it?

There's no time to enjoy anything.

Just keeping up is full time.

Um... Who's your favorite novelist?

Novelist?

I suppose Joyce.

Graham Joyce.

You mean you actually read him?

I plan to do my senior owner's paper on
him.

Really? Wow.

Well, I mean, who else do you like?

Um, well, E.M. Forrester is very...
Forrester?

Forrester?

Passage to India. Passage to India, yes,
yes, yes, I know. It's all ancient.

I'm talking about American novelists.

Bestsellers. Salinger. You must love
Salinger.

I haven't had time to read him.

Really?

Well, we'll have to make time.

I tell you what.

You teach me.

about modern poetry, and I'll cue you in
on current fiction.

Is that a deal?

You got it.

Great. Now, I want you to take this, and
I want you to whip me up a little

review.

Like a book report? Oh, well, not the
way you'd write it in school. I want you

to try to get a little bit of the
ladies' day mentality into it.

Right.

Stimulating.

It'll be good practice for you.

You want to know something?

I don't have the faintest idea what in
God's name I'm doing here. I don't

understand a single word that that old
Vicki St. John says.

Paste this up, get me the galleys of
that. I guess I'm just the original boob

in the woods.

Did you ask questions?

Remember, ladies, ask questions.

Well, I did ask one teeny little
question and she nearly bit my head off.

How you doing?

Okay, I guess.

Do you really want to be a fashion?

Oh, Lordy, no. I want to write novels of
unending, passionate, unrequited

love, like Philemon McGinney writes.
Philemon McGinney? She's my sponsor at

school.

You know her? You mean you really know
her? Tell me what she's like. Well,

she's very tall and very austere, and
she talks very English, although she was

born in Ohio.

But she writes pop rollers, Joanne.

So what? She makes loads of money. You
know, they make movies out of her books.

She travels all over the world.

But that's just a dream. I mean, I'm
going to wind up mad with a bunch of

kids, and that's as far as my old pipe
dream's going to go anyway.

It's not a pipe dream. You can do
anything you want to.

You really could.

You could be a scientist, a doctor. You
could be a lady on the big pro champion.

firecracker

Don't look now, Esther, but there is
this man staring at us.

If we're really lucky... Doreen, you
can't just pick up some meat on the

street. We can do anything we want,
sugar.

Good evening, ladies.

What may I ask of two nice girls like
yourself doing all alone in a taxi cab

on a... Beautiful night like tonight?

We're going to a party.

Oh, a party.

Oh, that sounds so boring.

Why don't you come and have a few drinks
with me?

Real music, down-home conversation.

There's nothing to fear, ladies. My
friend will be our chaperone.

How about it, Doreen?

How about Doreen?

Well, I don't... We just don't know.

Sure you don't. What do you do, sugar?

We both know, don't we?

The name is Lenny Shepard.

The DJ with the grin.

Who makes those platters spin, daddy-o,
mommy-o.

What's a DJ?

It's short for disc jockey.

I'm a record wrangler.

Come on, ladies, now!

Right back.

Get lost.

I don't think we were

properly introduced.

I'm Ellie Higginbotham. I'm from
Chicago.

Chicago? Chicago?

Yeah, that's beef country.

Meet my best little partner, Frankie.
Frankie? Ellie.

I roped you a date, little partner.

I like tall broads.

What do we drink?

Well, I'll have a bourbon old-fashioned.

Kelly?

Vodka. Meat.

Oh, vodka.

Vodka.

That's what I call a real man's drink.

What are you?

Let's see. Bourbon old-fashioned.

Vodka straight up.

Two double sevens beer chasers, all
right?

What's her name?

This little filly?

This little filly's name is Doreen.

Doreen. About the prettiest little girl
I ever had. See?

You sure you don't know me?

I'm kind of famous around these parts.
Lenny Shepard? Come on now, fess up, old

Lenny. Well,

I suppose I have heard your program once
or twice.

Doreen listens to your show all the
time, Mr. Shepard.

I knew it. I knew it. I knew it. I could
tell the way we kind of caught right up

to one another, baby.

He was

looking

at you.

Want to dance, Ellie?

No.

Lenny, you owe me something. You owe me
something, don't you, Lenny?

Shut up and scram, you putz.

Hope your horse kicks you in the balls.

bringing to you from high in the sky the
Eagle's Nest Tops and Pops for Doreen

and Ellie.

Number one on the list, Nicole the
Eagle.

the mystic smile is it only because
you're lonely

they have blamed you for that mona lisa

strangeness in your smile do you smile

to tempt a lover or

is this your wake high

A broken heart.

Hey!

I left some copy on your desk. Will you
clean it up and get it back to me,

please? Sure.

How is my book report?

Oh, comme ci, comme ça.

You're getting there.

Problem

is,

I think, a point of view. I mean, your
college is just a small college. Now,

remember...

remember that also it's a very elite
college and uh you have to learn how to

identify with all what is the matter
well

you have to learn how to identify with
all types

of college students some of whom believe
it or not never even heard of james

joyce it's a little condescending
darling it's a poison

By the way, I've decided to give you a
prize story.

What?

Really?

Yes.

Right up your alley. Oh, my God. What
does it tell me now?

How does half a page on Jackson Rank
strike you?

You don't know Jackson Rank.

out who jackson rank is and i expect you
to put a little zip into the story

Jackson Rank.

She's very bright, very sarcastic.

She's a real bitch.

She really got you.

I want you to write every word as though
it were flowing from a golden pen.

I swear if I do it her way, it sounds
like a gushing 12-year-old.

Zip, zip, zip, darling.

And another thing.

She wears these very severe, mannish
suits.

Do you remember Miss Everett at school,
the one with the short hair, and her

friend Miss Turner?

Well, I swear she's one of those.

I heard they fired Everett and Turner at
the end of the term.

Good.

Good?

Two more, please.

Sometimes I think I'd just shoot myself
and get it over with. Oh, don't do that.

It's too messy.

Messy.

How about poison?

Cyanide, for instance.

Bellyache. Terrible bellyache.

Same with a samurai sword.

Terrible bellyache.

Wait, wait.

Driving off a cliff.

At 80 miles an hour. I think of that
sometimes.

Very flamboyant, my dear.

With a burst of flames at the bottom.

Or swimming.

Swimming, swimming beyond the point of
no return. Your entire life passing in

front of you. Match.

To hell with that.

Trying to forget my life, not review it.

No.

Carbon monoxide, I think.

Passive, but peaceful.

Too conservative, though.

I have an idea.

We could drink ourselves to death.

I'm drunk now.

Except we'd probably fall asleep first.

I have it.

I will tell you the story of my life.

in excruciating detail and bore you to
death.

The story of your life wouldn't bore me
to death.

Joan, why do we always end up talking
about dying?

The ultimate experience deserves some
discussion, I would guess.

I'm at the Sherry Netherlands.

Would you like to come and have dinner?

We could go someplace else if you like.
Papa left me in the car.

I'd love to.

But I haven't signed that to finish.

Hey, this isn't school.

I can't.

Okay.

Friend?

Well.

Where to begin?

What do you think of it?

Will I think of it?

Yes, you.

I was trying to find something that
would... Do you know what it sounds

like?

It sounds like an English major's term
paper.

What's more, you've made Jackson Rank
out to be a fool.

Is that what you think of him? I guess
so.

Well, let me clue you in on something.

Jackson Rank is a very important poet.

He is also liked very much by people
your age.

I should think that you would like a
change from all those old farts you've

been reading like, uh...

Yates and whoever else it is you've been
reading.

Yates is not a fart.

Furthermore, Jackson Rank sells his
poems for lots of money.

He's a terrible poet.

The readers of this magazine do not care
what you think.

His writing stinks.

And any good student in the right mind
would know that he isn't any good.

He's like Cracker Jacks.

I don't understand you.

You're bright.

You're pretty.

You have almost anything anyone could
dream of, and yet you... Oh,

Sue.

I would have given my eye teeth to work
on a magazine like this when I was your

age.

Do you want to know how I got here? No.

I started in Scranton, Pennsylvania on
the society page when I was 17.

Then I wrote public relations copy for a
pipe company.

Then I came to New York where I was a
waitress for two years before I finally

got a job on some crummy house organ
where I spent my time writing about the

shoe salesman of the year. I was 28 when
I came here.

I was a gopher for three years before I
was finally allowed to write one line of

copy. And let me tell you something.

When I wrote that one line of copy, I
knew the style of this magazine cold.

Cold.

Why did you want to come here anyway?

I don't know.

I thought it might be fun.

Oh, I don't think I believe you.

Did you think this would be one of your
cinch courses where you could get a

quick A?

What's wrong with getting A's?

Nothing's wrong with A's except they
don't do you any good here.

Or is it underneath that scholarly
exterior lies a very ambitious young

lady? Am I right?

No, you are not right.

You don't dream about fame and fortune
like everybody else?

I want to be a poet.

Oh.

Poet, poet.

Poets are better than everybody else.
They're above all that.

Well, let me tell you something. Right
now, you're going to be a magazine

writer, and you are going to tear this
up, and we're going to start all over

again.

I have just given you your first F on
your short and illustrious career.

And? You are going to make amends. Do I
make myself very clear?

Yes, you make yourself very clear.

Yes, I'll do it your way.

Of course you're right.

You're here because you're right.

I am a stupid intellectual asshole.

George is a fart.

I am a fart.

And you, you are the queen bee.

Do you need a doctor?

Listen, it's really important, Esther,
if there's something wrong with your

body.

Esther, you have to tell me that.

Now, come on.

Esther, put your arms around me. I think
I can help you. Come on, put your arms

around me. Come on, honey, come on. I
can't lift you by myself.

Leave me alone!

Last night in New York.

I forgot you were dating.

I can loan you a fantastic new dress.

We'll set your hair.

We'll have some tea.

There

he

is. Hey, Marco!

That's him.

Isn't he gorgeous?

Do you remember Doreen?

And this is Esther.

Delighted to meet you.

Come, please have a beautiful table for
us.

We're going to dance.

You are like a painting.

I hope you like champagne.

Yeah.

I think you are from... Let me see.

Massachusetts.

Massachusetts.

And how do you spend your days?

Well, I spend my days in college.

Oh, so you are a schoolgirl then.

Well, to the most beautiful schoolgirl I
ever met.

Now, let me tell you about myself.

I am from Peru, where my father has a
large export business.

But I wish to state that I am
independent of him with my own trust.

There are six in my family, exclusive of
my parents, and I am the youngest.

And there are two sisters married.

And how many teeth do you have in your
mouth on this occasion?

One.

So you are joking, I see.

I believe I have all except one
extraction.

Would you care to dance?

Oh, I couldn't.

I could never learn to rumble.

Come. I will teach you.

Close your eyes.

Pretend that you are drowning and that I
am holding you up.

Bye.

Don't be afraid.

My friend Lenny says that you are very
gifted and come from a famous American

family.

Wrong on both counts.

Lenny does tend to exaggerate.

You are beautifully modest.

I'll be in New York for three weeks.

May I see you often?

I'm sorry.

I'm going home tomorrow.

Then I will come there. And after
Massachusetts, I will take you home to

Peru to meet my family.

You do move right along.

Where?

My mother will approve that I brought
home a blonde.

Oh. She says she gets tired to look at
darker girls all of her life.

Ah, you know, it is such a beautiful
evening.

Let us walk into these woods.

I think we should go back.

No, no, no, no, no.

Come, I want to make love with you.

What would your mother say to that?

Why, she would approve, of course.

We dance very well together. We should
make love equally well.

I'd rather not, if you don't mind.

You're hurting me. You are being
obstinate.

You will make love with me, and that is
that. I am not some Massachusetts...

What you need is to get outside more.

And look after yourself.

You've worn that same dress for two
weeks.

I like this dress.

It becomes me.

How about a nice green salad?

the minimum daily requirement of
riboflavin. Did you know that?

Is that so?

Yes, that's so.

And you can tell that stupid Dr.

Gordon that I'm finished with his
medieval treatments.

Well, that's fine with me. I never
believed him anyway.

Believed what?

That you are mentally disturbed or
whatever it was he said.

Steaks cannot strike if you must know.

I ate steak tartare in New York.

What's that?

It's raw meat with a bloodstain in it.
Oh, it sounds terrible.

Esther, you know, I've been thinking.

Why don't you let me teach you
shorthand?

You never can tell when it will come in
handy.

Because I'm going to take the poetry
seminar at the university.

But you didn't hear from them, did you?
There's plenty of time, Mother. It

doesn't begin until August 15th.

Now, do you know what that says?

It's like worms.

No, it says, look, Dear Sir, in reply to
your letter of June 18th... How do you

know it says that?

Because I teach it.

It's very simple. Now, look.

This is dear, sir.

Dear, she's waiting for you. Esther.

Esther.

Am I a spy?

What do you think?

I spoke with Dr. Gordon today.

He thinks you're doing better.

Yeah, I liked your cutie, the
Rosenbergs.

If I'm happy with spies.

We have to stop at the store and get a
few things for supper.

Now you're trying to electrocute me.

The shock of my life, right, Mother?

I want to go to Boston.

No, no, dear. You'll stay here with me
for a while.

Whatever for?

Daddy Daddy Daddy

Daddy Daddy,

I'll

get back back back to you

We regret to inform you that

we no longer wish to communicate

in any way to anyone

in any shape or form.

What?

I dreamed of one who died in

a strange place near no

accustomed hand.

Dying is an art, like everything else.

I do it exceptionally well.

I do it so it feels like hell.

I do it so it feels real.

I guess you could say I have a call.

Of course, if you botch the job, you get
thrown in the loony bin.

Am I interrupting?

No.

It's a stupid letter anyway.

What's the date?

September 10th.

Did I flunk because I didn't know the
date?

That I don't care who's president?

I've been here.

A month, right?

It's more like two months.

She's not getting any better, is she?

What do you think?

I've been stung by a giant bee.

Right here.

It paralyzed my brain.

I say it.

Say it. I'm scared.

I'm scared, that's all.

Can't you understand that?

Why do you question me?

Asking me what day it is? Over and over
and over

and over and over. Look.

We're going to try a different treatment
tomorrow

Don't you want to know what it is

What what I

promised was that If we had to use it,
it wouldn't be the way it was before Not

be worse you will not have those
terrible reactions

It was done badly before. Try to believe
me.

Esther.

You're listening.

No last wish, no last piece of toast.

Have you plugged the machine in yet?
Warmed it up? When do you plan to ship

the bathing rooms with us? Huh?

What are you going to do with my skin,
Fraulein Doctor?

Sell it for lampshades?

You will not feel anything. You will
sleep for a while, and when you wake up,

you'll be in your own bed.

Will you stay with me?

Yes.

Morgan calling up to me.

Good Morgan, Esther.

And how do you feel now?

Much better, knowing I'm not a
lampshade.

Am I supposed to stay in bed?

If you like.

Hello, Mother.

Oh, dear.

Mother, it is the house rule that before
entering anyone's room, everyone must

knock.

Darling, I'm your mother.

It's such a warm day.

Look at me.

What's so fascinating about that window?

Oh, I thought I'd never get here.

I must have waited an hour for the bus
at home.

And you know I have to transfer twice in
the city in the worst part of town.

Why did you come if it was such a
terrible trip?

You think I wouldn't come today, do you?

I'd come if I had to walk.

What's so special about today?

It's your birthday.

Surely you remember.

I want them.

They're beautiful.

And very expensive.

Save them for my funeral.

You and J.C. and your damn roses.

I wish you could tell me what I've done
wrong.

You or the doctors or somebody.

You are my pride and joy.

I can't help it.

If I disappoint you.

I can't help it if I embarrass you.

I've already spoken to her.

I've asked her not to visit for a while.

You did?

She'll have to understand.

Sick people have their rights too.

Bike and all.

Tell him in the beginning he sent it out
from school.

That would cheer me up.

Crazy.

Come on. Let me show you around the
place.

It's just like Comstock House.

College revisited.

Only their faces have changed to protect
the innocent.

How have you been?

Not so hot. You must know.

It's great of you to visit.

Did you drive down?

Actually, it was not a visit. I had a
few problems. I checked in this morning.

My room is upstairs.

You what?

Yeah. A few things I couldn't handle,
like living in the world.

i'm sorry

well

the old was still in maine

it was in june after our famous talk

in that bar when you and i finally laid
it all out on

the table about

That's suicide, I mean.

I stayed around New York for a while.

I guess you're gone by then.

Seems so hot.

You're stifling.

You know how stifling it can get.

I'm sure you're gone by then.

The old...

Bucker was still in Maine.

Well... Anyhow, I went to his apartment
a couple of times.

It seemed so hot.

I was stifling.

But despite the air conditioning...

Yes, I'm sure you've gone by then.

I called Ladies' Day magazine and spoke
to Daisy,

somebody or other.

My God, she is stupid.

Is Esther there, I said.

Esther Greenwood.

And she kept saying, who?

Who?

Who?

Memory like a flea.

My father is essentially a very gross
man.

He buys his model friends underwear from
those

stores in Times Square.

Swear.

Black lace panties with hearts on the
crotch.

All over the bedroom.

Am I making you nervous?

A little.

I can't hear you. A little!

Would you like to know how I tried to
kill myself?

You what?

How?

How?

You know, I haven't even unpacked yet.

What time is lunch in this Ivy League
loony bin?

Bitch.

She couldn't even remember my name.

Esther who?

Esther who?

Esther who?

Did it ever occur to you that Joan might
be exaggerating? No.

Sounds just like J.C.

Is that what success is all about?

Superciliousness?

Why'd she come here anyway?

We're talking about Joan now, right?

I would guess the main reason is because
she's ill.

Why does it bother you so much?

She keeps following me.

Are you sure that's all?

Well, how'd she try to kill herself?

When I hear you sigh, that means I'm
being a pain in the ass again, doesn't

it?

Why don't you say what you mean?

Ma!

Esther, there's a man here to see you.

Thank you. You're welcome.

Well, buddy.

Hey, hon.

Long time no see.

Yeah, I know. I'm sorry.

Well,

you know, I was sick myself.

Then the last year of med school, that's
always a bitch.

I'll tell you the truth, hon.

These places depress the hell out of me.

Forgive me?

No.

And would you do me a huge favor?

Of course, sure. What?

Would you stop calling me, hon?

Makes me feel like I'm 45 and have bad
legs.

That was a stupid thing you did.

Taking those barbiturates?

You could have killed yourself.

Yes, indeed.

Good to see you.

Hey. What would you say living in New
Jersey?

New Jersey?

That's right.

I got a great chance for an internship
and a residency in surgery there.

I suggest you take it, then.

You're gonna love Jersey.

You could even do volunteer work at the
hospital.

S, I love you.

Doesn't that mean anything?

Then why didn't you come to New York
when I phoned you?

I needed you then.

God knows the kind face we've been.

Welcome.

And listen, I was not stupid for taking
those barbiturates. I was sick.

God damn it, sick.

You're a doctor and you don't even want
to see that.

And I will not volunteer at some New
Jersey hospital.

I will be a poet.

What do you think of that?

I'm not going to be the place the arrow
comes from.

I'm going to be the arrow.

Okay, buddy?

Okay?

I'm going to be the arrow that kills me.

Now Daddy has me here and Mommy in
Denver. Both as girls incarcerated.

Poor dear.

I like you, Father.

Oh, yes?

Everybody does.

I saved your clippings.

What?

About you.

You made the New York papers.

Oh.

Wow.

Look at me.

I'm a mess.

What was it like?

I don't remember.

Like going to sleep?

No.

Like being buried.

You're not gonna tell me, are you?

Tell you what?

What you tried.

What?

You know.

How are you trying to kill yourself?

Oh, I thought I had told you.

Sorry. Botched it, of course. Good old
daddy left nothing but rusty razor

blades and black lace underwear.

Festive? Yes.

Let's go it together.

What?

A suicide pact.

Like lovers.

Why not?

You could choose the way.

Which ever way you say would be all
right with me.

What's wrong with being lovers?

What's wrong with being lovers?

You like me, don't you, Esther?

We had some good times.

Esther.

We had some good times.

We've had some good times. Esther?

Esther?

Esther?

Esther?

May I speak to you for a moment, please?

I'm sorry to disturb you. I'm Joan
Gillings' therapist, Dr. Richards.

I know who you are.

Did you see Joan today?

Why?

Please.

It's important.

To the person in the bell jar, blank and
stopped as a dead baby, the world itself

is the bad dream.

I asked her if I would survive.

She said yes.

And with that, she at once freed me and
condemned me back to life.

If I am the arrow.

I cannot fly through darkness.

Here comes the night.

Here in the heart I still breathe.

Longing a part of me I can't see.

just a man

Samba.