All language subtitles for Malcolm in the Middle S05E14 Malcolm Dates a Family

Oh, no! Mom and Dad
are gonna kill us!

I know what to do.

"Get out of our neighborhood.

We hate your guts."

It's either the Lustigs,
the Andersons, the Coopers

or the Verones.
It's the Hacketts.

Like this is gonna bring
their cat back to life.

Let's see how they like a
taste of their own medicine.

I'll get the car.

♪ Life is unfair. ♪

Every other Thursday night,
we all go to Luigi's Pizza.

They're the only
two nights a month

I don't cry myself to sleep.

All right, all right.

Stop it!

I said I get winner.

Isn't it amazing?

Every 14 days, we magically
turn into a happy family.

And here's why.

♪ ♪

Luigi's pizza is so good,

it not only brings
out the goodwill

that's buried deep
inside of people;

it momentarily creates goodwill
that isn't even there.

How was your day?

I got a
"B" on my math test.

Another exquisite

culinary experience, Alfredo.

Ooh!

Doctor's orders.

Oh, Alfredo, can you break this

for me for the tip, please?

Excuse me. What's this
"SV" at the bottom?

That's the service charge.

Service charge? What
service charge?

We add 15% for the service.

We had a lot of people
stiffing the waiters.

We've been doing it for years.

Forcing people to tip
without telling them?

We've been double-tipping

without realizing
it all this time.

There's a notice right here.

That piddly little sign?
That's what you use

to justify it?

Oh, no. Is this gonna

be "shoe store" bad
or "circus" bad?

I think it's gonna be
"ten-items-or-less aisle" bad.

Is our car on fire? I think I hear sirens.
We better go.

You put up a little sign
that nobody can read,

and that gives you
the right to steal?!

Where is the manager?!

I want to see the manager!

Don't you give me that look.

I probably won't see you
for a while, Manolo.

Lo siento mucho.

And then she stood in the
parking lot for half an hour

waving cars away.

My mom is horrible.

My mom... phoned me drunk...

on my birthday...

wanting money.

I'm sorry, Stevie.

I shouldn't complain.

Your mom walking out on
you was unforgivable,

but you know what?

Your real friends will
never abandon you.

Hey, Angela!

Angela Pozefsky.

She's really cute.

I think I might actually
have a chance with her.

For some reason, no one
ever asks her out.

Maybe she's so promiscuous

she intimidates all
the other guys.

Yeah, I'm going with that.

Hello, Malcolm. Hi, Angela.

I'm glad I caught up to you.
I was thinking...

You want to ask me
out, don't you?

Well, I was planning to
mutter and stumble around

for a few minutes
first, but yes.

You want to go to
the Spring Dance?

Let me save you the trouble.

You don't want to go out with me

because, before you
do go out with me,

my family would have to
approve, which they won't do

without giving you a
gigantic third degree.

So why don't you
just give up now,

and let me get on
with dying alone.

You're worried
about your family?

That's not going to bother me.
Oh, yeah?

My family is unbelievably
intrusive, overbearing,

controlling and humiliating.

You are talking
to the right guy.

Francis,

I want you to meet Jordan,

your new assistant.

My what? Thank you so much
for this opportunity, sir.

Sure. Will you excuse us?

I don't need an assistant.

But the boy needs a job,

and I've filled every
other position here

two times over. Oh, please?

Francis, I'm sure you can
find something for him to do.

Okay, I'll try.

Thank you, Francis.

I know I have a problem
hiring too many people,

but I'm getting help.

I am seeing three
psychiatrists about it.

I'm starting to forget

what Luigi's pizza
even tasted like.

I told you
not to brush your teeth.

Hello.

Yes, it is.

Really? Really?!

Yes! Boys! Boys!

It's the owner of
Luigi's calling

to apologize to your mother.

Get your jackets.

Lois!

The pizza gods have
answered our prayers.

Hello.

Hi. This is Lawrence Camprisi,
the owner of Luigi's.

I heard about what happened,

and I wanted to call
personally to apologize.

Oh? What exactly are
you apologizing for?

About the way that you were
treated last Thursday.

There's no excuse for it,

and I couldn't feel
more terrible about it.

Well, that's very nice to hear.

I am curious why
it took two weeks

to get an apology.

I'm sorry,

but, you see, I just
got in from Europe,

and I haven't even unpacked yet.

The point is that
you and your family

are valuable customers,

and we really want to
get you back in here.

Well, I must say, this
apology has surpassed

my expectations.

So what kind of refund
are you giving us?

What?

I figure we overpaid

at least $300 over the years.

Do you want to send us a check

or some kind of
gift certificate?

Lady, we can't
give you a refund.

We don't have those
kind of margins.

If you can afford to pay
for a trip to Europe,

you can afford 1/20th of that

to make things right with
a customer you cheated.

There is no pizza god.

Well, then I doubt you care,
but we are never, ever

eating a Luigi's pizza again.

At least we have closure.

Okay, you asked for it.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

Look, I'm fine. I...

This is my mom, my dad,

my nana, Aunt Layla, Aunt
Svidmella, Uncle Zach,

Nick, Max and Alexandra.

The rest are in the den.

This is Malcolm.

Welcome. Sit. Sit.

So... you want to
marry my daughter?

What?

I couldn't resist.

I'm sorry to put you
through all this,

but our family is
very protective

of our little Angela.

We need to know

what kind of boy you are.

Well, uh... I'm just normal.

I go to Angela's school.

I get good grades.

Uh, I have a job three days a
week at a drugstore with my mom.

Um... never had a cavity.

Did have all my shots.

Religiously, I guess I
would classify myself

as a hopeful agnostic.

I think the basic
philosophical question is...

Can we stop this?
Look, he's a genius.

He's the smartest kid in our
whole school by, like, a lot.

Really?

Genius?

Say something smart.

Well, um, I'm doing a paper
on cosmological inflation.

It's a theory that says

the reason the universe
is so homogeneous

is that right after
the Big Bang,

there was a short period

of even more rapid
growth than usual.

I hope you mentioned the
importance of scalar fields

to the whole concept
of symmetry breaking.

Not to brag,

but I did some pretty
important work on this.

Oh, please. Until they actually
find a Higgs particle,

it's all just empty speculation.

Yes, dear. Women.

I'm okay with him.
You okay with him?

Nana?

Eh.

She loves you!

Come on! We're going to see how
much a boy your age can eat.

And there'll be singing!

And I have to warn you,

we're big Botticelli
players in this family.

How's your medieval history?

Okay, I guess.

Malcolm's on my team!

One sugar, just
the way you like.

Thank you, Jordan.

Francis? What, honey?

I just got off the
phone with my mother.

She sounded really
upset that you didn't

send a "thank you"
note for Christmas.

I mailed it yesterday, sir.

You sent a tasteful card

with a pressed
wildflower inside.

I think you owe
someone an apology.

He's good.

Allow me, sir.

Hal, boys, dinner!

What's this?

It's Family Fiesta Night!

I went to Mariachi's.

I got four kinds of enchiladas,
steak and chicken tacos,

and a tray of empanadas.

Malcolm!

No, no, are you kidding?
I had a great time.

Wednesday? Yeah, absolutely.

All right, bye.

Who was that? Angela's dad.

What's going on?

Isn't this fun?!

You're right.

We don't need music.

We have chips.

And the important
thing is that we're

all together enjoying
some family time.

So let's talk.

Who's got a good story?

Well, today, my mom
lost her mind.

Reese.

Look, I went to a lot
of trouble here,

and I know you boys
like this stuff, so...

what's the problem?

Mom, any way you dress
it up, it's not Luigi's.

Luigi's pizza wasn't the point.

The food is not what matters.

What matters is that we're

sitting here together enjoying
each other's company.

If you believe that, then why'd
you buy all the Mexican food?

Fine! Mexican food
goes in the trash!

Olé.

No, I am not Copernicus.

Did you isolate

something which
eventually killed you?

No, I am not Madame Curie.

This is so cool.

When we play at my house,

we can only use
cartoon characters.

Cartoon characters
we saw that day.

Okay, do you believe
in life after love?

No, I am not Cher.

We'll never beat him!

You baked brownies?

With walnuts.

Your favorite.

You made this for me?

This is awesome.

This is so much fun.

I love dating Angela.

Where is Angela?

She went over to a girlfriend's
house an hour ago.

Oh.

Okay.

Are the
smaller ones better, sir?

Very much, thank you.

I don't have to open
my mouth as far.

What were you saying, Mom?

They have been tacking on

this 15% service charge
for the last three years.

I mean, I'm doing
the right thing

by boycotting them,
don't you think?

I don't know, it sounds like
you're making everyone else

suffer for something
only you care about.

I don't know why I bother
to talking to you, Francis.

Would it kill you to say
something supportive to me

when I'm obviously right?

You're blaming me?
You know what..

If you were so certain
you were right,

you wouldn't be coming
to me for reassurance.

If you were so certain
you were right,

you wouldn't be coming
to me for reassurance.

I think we got her, sir.

Let's not dwell on our
victories, Jordan.

My ears are feeling hairy again.

I thought I would never
smell that smell again.

Your mother's not coming
home for two hours.

That should give
us plenty of time

to eat it and destroy
all the evidence.

But I want to be clear on this.

What we are doing
here is not okay.

It is morally reprehensible
on every level.

We should be ashamed.

Yeah, yeah, yeah,
we hate ourselves.

Now, remember, boys,
whatever happens,

we are all in this together.

Where's Malcolm?

He's at his other family.

More for us.

I can't believe how much we ate.

I can't believe how
good it tasted.

That was the taste of evil, son.

Gooey, delicious evil.

I know I've got

to cover my breath, but the
thought of even eating

this breath mint just makes
me want to throw up.

We forced ours down.

Hey, everybody!

I got dinner!

It's from the Pizza Connection.

I had to drive

all the way across
town to get it,

but I figured I owe you
boys something nice.

I know how hard it's been
going without Luigi's,

and it means a lot to me
that you're backing me up.

There's cheese

inside the meatballs.

I never saw people get
so passionate about

the Copenhagen interpretation
of quantum theory.

I thought Nana was going
to punch somebody.

We had so much fun last night.

I watched...

Dad torch...

his wedding album.

Hey, Malcolm.

Hey, Sarah.

I just wanted to ask

if you want to go to the
Spring Dance with me.

I know it's kind of late.

Oh wow, I'd love to.

Great, so I'll see you Friday?
See you on Friday.

Isn't it great

when the girl asks the...

Angela.

I totally forgot.

Oh, man, I've got two dates
to the Spring Dance.

It's sort of like that
old episode of...

well, every show.

If you think about it,

it's actually a pretty
interesting challenge.

I mean, Urkel did pretty well

with the identical cousin trick

until he got greedy and
made himself a duke.

And Potsie doesn't count
because one of his turned out

to be a dude.

Stevie, are you even
listening to me?

Two girls...

...two families.

I don't have...

two lungs!

What does that
have to do with...

People with... your luck...

aren't allowed... to be creeps.

Just choose!

Yeah, all right.

Okay, it's 7:35.

It's a five-minute
bike ride to Luigi's.

It'll take you one minute
to order the pizza,

which means they
should hand it to you

at 7:56.

I'll send your mother
to the mall at 7:50

and we'll destroy the evidence
before she gets back.

You know, we're going
to pay for this.

We're going to pay big.

Yeah.

But we're not going
to pay today.

Whatever else it's done to me,

this whole conspiracy has made
me feel so close to my boys.

Except for Malcolm and Jamie.

They're not like us.

Now go!

Hey, honey. What are you doing?

Are those car keys?

I'm going down to Luigi's.

What?

Why would you do that?

I'm giving up.

I've inflicted this thing
on all of you long enough.

I'm going to go down there,

I'm going to walk
up to the counter,

and I'm going to do
right by my family.

Over my dead body.

What?

You can't give up now.

I thought we were
a team on this.

Hal, you've all been
wonderfully supportive,

but maybe enough is enough.

The woman that I love

has never thought that
enough was enough.

The woman that I love
is not going to go

anywhere near that place
in the next hour.

We believe in you, Lois.

You have got to fight this.

Thank you.

You're right.

I will.

Malcolm!

Come in. Come in.

Look who's here!

Angela, your boyfriend is here!

I put the leaf
back in the table.

We can reenact the
battle of Lepanto

with olives and celery!

I can't stay.

On Saturday,

you and Angela must join us.

The Taiwan acrobats are in town.

I don't think I can make it.

Well, you and Angela can
join us for movie night.

And I won't take
"no" for an answer.

I can't.

Why not? What's wrong?

He's breaking up with me.

Which I'm totally okay with.

We haven't even
talked in two weeks.

What were you saying?
Oh, no, it's nothing.

You're breaking up?

Just like that?

Yeah.

This is really hard.

My life is kind of complicated

right now, and I just

need my space.

But I really want
us to stay friends.

"Friends."

It's not you. It's me.

The past few weeks

have been great, but...

Please. Don't.

No, really.

You know how amazing
you guys are?

Look, Angela's going to date

a lot of guys...

that are much better
than me and...

Now you're being patronizing.

Just go.

I'll see you around?

We both know that's
not how it works.

This butter is just sitting
here like a cube on my toast.

It's not...

doing that thing
that Jordan does.

Spreading?

Yeah!

Francis, this has to stop.

I liked the flowers you
had Jordan send me,

and the poem he wrote
was very sweet,

but you're turning into

a helpless infant.

If Jordan hadn't
wandered in on you

in the men's room yesterday,

you'd still be stuck in there.

I would've figured it out.

No, I wouldn't have.

You're right. I'll let him go.

It's for the best.

Jordan, there's something I
have to talk to you about.

The thing is...

You need to let me go.

Well, yeah, and...

You feel terrible about this,
but you can't keep me,

even though I've done
an outstanding job.

Yeah, I'm...

Sorry. Of course you are.
But you've written me

a wonderful letter
of recommendation.

And let me thank you in advance

for the muffin basket
you'll be sending.

It's not too expensive,

but I will appreciate
the thought.

Good-bye, sir.

Good-bye.

It's best to squeeze now, sir.

Come on. Come on. Sit down.

Too bad Malcolm's at the dance.

He's going to miss this.
What is it?

I was ready to give up on my war

with Luigi's, and then
your father inspired me

to take action.

So yesterday, I called
Clyde on Your Side.

Who? You know, that consumer guy

on Channel 5.

They're doing a whole
exposé on Luigi's.

They told me it was going
to be on at 10:23.

Oh, here it is.

This may look like a friendly,

neighborhood pizza parlor,

but thanks to an alert tipster,

we discovered that this hangout

could be hanging you out to dry.

Alert tipster, that's me.

It turns out this eatery

adds a secret 15% service
charge to every tab.

I want to be clear
this does not reflect

on the Italian people,

most of whom are hard-working
decent Americans.

But for the cadre of tricksters

here at Luigi's, we've
got a tip for you:

clean up-a you act.

Who are the victims
in this scam?

Senior citizens on
a fixed income.

Local teens after a dance.

And of course, the
biggest price is paid...

Oh, my God!

That traitor!

How could he betray the
trust of this family?

Especially you, Lois.

Doesn't he know what
you've been fighting for?

Yeah! That betrayer!

Look at him shove that
pizza in his mouth

right there in the restaurant

when we have to sneak
ours in the garage!

What?!

This isn't just the
sad story of...

All right,

I was saving this
until I needed it.

Dad does a five-minute imitation
of you on the toilet.

I'll show you the videotape

if you're willing to deal.

Turns out, breaking up with
Angela was a terrible mistake.

It's sad.

Sometimes you don't
realize what you had

until you throw it away.

Malcolm.

Hey.

What are you doing here?

I was just in the neighborhood
and I was thinking maybe...

You guys look great.

This is really awkward.

Yes... I'm the Earl...

of Sandwich.