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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,890 --> 00:00:08,790 - PREVIOUSLY ON CALIFORNICATION... 2 00:00:08,830 --> 00:00:10,730 - QUITE THE LITERARY SCANDAL WE HAVE HERE. 3 00:00:10,760 --> 00:00:13,700 WHAT IF SHE CAME CLEAN? YOU GET YOUR BOOK BACK. 4 00:00:13,730 --> 00:00:15,530 - THINK ABOUT KAREN. THINK ABOUT BECCA. 5 00:00:15,570 --> 00:00:18,370 THIS IS GONNA HURT THEM. IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT? 6 00:00:18,400 --> 00:00:20,640 - IT'S NOT LIKE I'M GOING TO PRESS CHARGES OR ANYTHING. 7 00:00:20,670 --> 00:00:22,040 - YOU OKAY, BABY? 8 00:00:26,440 --> 00:00:28,550 - THE D.A.'S OFFICE IS WILLING TO DROP THE ASSAULT CHARGES. 9 00:00:28,580 --> 00:00:29,580 - THE BAD NEWS? - YOU'RE BEING CHARGED 10 00:00:29,610 --> 00:00:31,550 WITH STATUTORY RAPE. 11 00:00:31,580 --> 00:00:34,850 - FUCK, THE RABBIT DONE DIED. 12 00:00:34,880 --> 00:00:37,620 WHY DOES HASHEM HATE ME? 13 00:00:37,650 --> 00:00:39,460 - OKAY, SO WHOSE IS IT? - I DON'T KNOW. 14 00:00:39,490 --> 00:00:41,390 - CHARLIE'S? - FUCK NO! 15 00:00:41,430 --> 00:00:44,860 THAT KID'S ALL SNIPPED TO SHREDS--IT CAN'T BE HIM. 16 00:00:44,890 --> 00:00:47,430 - WE COULD ACTUALLY USE A LEAD GUITARIST. 17 00:00:47,460 --> 00:00:48,670 - WHAT DO YOU GUYS CALL YOURSELVES? 18 00:00:48,700 --> 00:00:49,670 - QUEENS OF DOGTOWN. 19 00:00:49,700 --> 00:00:51,140 - THIS IS A GREAT CASE FOR ME. 20 00:00:51,170 --> 00:00:52,270 BUT IF YOU INSIST ON DICKING AROUND 21 00:00:52,300 --> 00:00:54,800 AND WASTING MY TIME, I'M HAPPY TO SEE YOU ROT IN JAIL. 22 00:00:54,840 --> 00:00:55,870 WHAT THE FUCK DO I CARE? 23 00:00:55,910 --> 00:00:57,310 - PROBABLY NOT THE BEST TIME FOR ME 24 00:00:57,340 --> 00:00:59,380 TO BE GETTING INVOLVED WITH THE ACTRESS 25 00:00:59,410 --> 00:01:02,280 WHO'S GONNA PLAY THE GIRL WHO I RAPED, ALLEGEDLY. 26 00:01:02,310 --> 00:01:04,180 - THAT DOESN'T MEAN I DON'T WANT ONE OR MORE 27 00:01:04,210 --> 00:01:06,720 OF YOUR FINGERS IN MY VAGINA RIGHT NOW. 28 00:01:06,750 --> 00:01:08,290 - WHY DO YOU GOTTA TALK TO ME LIKE THAT? 29 00:01:08,320 --> 00:01:11,260 [knocking on door] 30 00:01:14,290 --> 00:01:16,430 MORNIN', SASSAFRAS! 31 00:01:16,460 --> 00:01:19,260 - IF YOU SAY SO. - DON'T BE SUCH A NAYSAYER. 32 00:01:19,300 --> 00:01:20,460 YOU'LL GET FROWN LINES. 33 00:01:20,500 --> 00:01:21,370 AND THEN YOU'LL HAVE TO BOTOX THAT SHIT. 34 00:01:21,400 --> 00:01:23,530 - HANK, WHAT DO YOU WANT? - OH, THAT. 35 00:01:23,570 --> 00:01:25,540 I'D LIKE TO COME IN AND GRAB MY ONE AND ONLY SUIT. 36 00:01:25,570 --> 00:01:26,870 I'VE GOT SOME LEGAL DOINGS THIS A.M. 37 00:01:26,900 --> 00:01:27,970 - TOO LATE. THREW IT OUT. 38 00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:30,840 - BULLSHIT. YOU WOULD NEVER THROW AWAY A MAN'S SUIT. 39 00:01:30,870 --> 00:01:33,180 YOU'D DONATE IT, MAYBE, BUT THAT'S RIDICULOUS. 40 00:01:33,210 --> 00:01:34,710 WHO'S NEEDIER THAN I AM RIGHT NOW? 41 00:01:34,740 --> 00:01:39,180 - I HATE YOU. I...HATE YOU. 42 00:01:39,220 --> 00:01:43,820 - WHAT DO YOU THINK? HOW DO I LOOK? 43 00:01:43,850 --> 00:01:47,160 - LIKE A STATUTORY RAPIST IN A SUIT. 44 00:01:47,190 --> 00:01:49,230 - MAN, YOU ARE ON FIRE THIS MORNING! 45 00:01:49,260 --> 00:01:51,460 THE WIT IS STRONG IN YOU, YOUNG SKYWALKER. 46 00:01:51,500 --> 00:01:53,530 AND DARK TOO. I DIG IT. 47 00:01:53,560 --> 00:01:55,370 SPEAKING OF DARK, HOW'S LENNY KRAVITZ? 48 00:01:55,400 --> 00:01:57,530 - EXCUSE ME? - YOU KNOW, BEN HARPER. 49 00:01:57,570 --> 00:02:00,200 THAT VAN-SIZED, CARAMEL-COLORED MAN 50 00:02:00,240 --> 00:02:01,240 YOU'VE BEEN HANGING AROUND WITH. 51 00:02:01,270 --> 00:02:03,640 - UM, NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. 52 00:02:03,670 --> 00:02:04,770 - I MEAN, SHOULD I BE WORRIED? 53 00:02:04,810 --> 00:02:07,280 HE DOES SEEM DANGEROUSLY COOL. 54 00:02:07,310 --> 00:02:10,210 KIND OF LIKE A YOUNG LANDO CALRISSIAN, WITH A DREAM. 55 00:02:10,250 --> 00:02:12,250 - YOU HAVE NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT, HANK. 56 00:02:12,280 --> 00:02:14,680 BECAUSE WORRYING WOULD BE A WASTE OF YOUR TIME. 57 00:02:14,720 --> 00:02:18,260 THE MAILMAN HAS A BETTER SHOT THAN YOU DO RIGHT NOW. 58 00:02:18,290 --> 00:02:19,620 - HAVE YOU SEEN OUR MAILMAN? HE'S QUITE TOOTHSOME. 59 00:02:19,660 --> 00:02:21,830 ESPECIALLY IN HIS SUMMER SHORTS. NO HOMO. 60 00:02:21,860 --> 00:02:24,730 - WHAT ARE--COME ON. 61 00:02:26,700 --> 00:02:28,670 YOU TRICKED ME. 62 00:02:28,700 --> 00:02:30,970 YOU DID IT ON PURPOSE. - OLD HABITS DIE HARD. 63 00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:32,940 YOU SMELL NICE. - YOU'RE A JERK. 64 00:02:32,970 --> 00:02:36,370 - LIKE LADY SHAMPOO... AND CINNAMON TOOTHPASTE. 65 00:02:36,410 --> 00:02:39,310 A LITTLE BIT OF COFFEE BREATH. A TOUCH OF THE HAL. 66 00:02:39,340 --> 00:02:42,710 NO WORRIES, I'D STILL DO YA. 67 00:02:44,450 --> 00:02:46,380 - HEY, SWEETIE. 68 00:02:49,320 --> 00:02:50,850 - WELL, WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR OLD MAN? 69 00:02:50,890 --> 00:02:53,590 - YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY. - MM. 70 00:02:53,620 --> 00:02:56,360 - YOU CAN'T POLISH A TURD. 71 00:03:00,860 --> 00:03:04,830 [upbeat music] 72 00:03:04,870 --> 00:03:12,780 * 73 00:03:43,970 --> 00:03:47,010 - DID HE HAVE ANY IDEA HOW OLD YOU WERE? 74 00:03:47,040 --> 00:03:48,580 - NO. 75 00:03:48,610 --> 00:03:51,480 HE PROBABLY THOUGHT I WAS IN MY 20s. 76 00:03:51,520 --> 00:03:55,520 - DID HE EVER ASK? - NO. 77 00:03:55,550 --> 00:04:00,290 - DID YOU EVER TELL HIM? - NO. 78 00:04:00,320 --> 00:04:01,930 - IS IT TRUE THAT YOU PUNCHED HIM IN THE FACE 79 00:04:01,960 --> 00:04:03,760 DURING INTERCOURSE? 80 00:04:03,790 --> 00:04:07,730 - YES. TWICE, ACTUALLY. 81 00:04:07,760 --> 00:04:13,300 - WHY? 82 00:04:13,340 --> 00:04:18,380 - I, UH... WANTED HIM TO REMEMBER ME. 83 00:04:22,480 --> 00:04:23,580 - YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS, RIGHT? 84 00:04:23,610 --> 00:04:26,580 - YES. IT'S OBVIOUS. 85 00:04:26,620 --> 00:04:28,050 I'M VERY GOOD IN BED? 86 00:04:28,080 --> 00:04:32,360 - THAT, AND THE PROSECUTION HAS A LAME CASE. 87 00:04:32,390 --> 00:04:36,030 AND THEY KNOW IT TOO. EXPECT A DEAL IMMINENTLY. 88 00:04:36,060 --> 00:04:37,330 - OOH, I LIKE IT WHEN YOU SAY "IMMINENTLY." 89 00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:38,530 IT GETS ME A LITTLE HARD. 90 00:04:38,560 --> 00:04:39,700 - GOOD TO KNOW. 91 00:04:39,730 --> 00:04:40,830 - OKAY, WELL, WE'VE GOT TO CELEBRATE. 92 00:04:40,860 --> 00:04:44,100 - SLOW DOWN. IT'S A LITTLE EARLY FOR CANDLES AND CAKE. 93 00:04:44,130 --> 00:04:45,700 - WELL, I'LL BE HAVING DINNER, YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT. 94 00:04:45,740 --> 00:04:47,900 AS LONG AS IT INVOLVES ALCOHOL AND BAD DECISIONS. 95 00:04:47,940 --> 00:04:50,110 - SORRY, I HAVE A DINNER TONIGHT. 96 00:04:50,140 --> 00:04:51,710 - WHAT'S HIS NAME? 97 00:04:51,740 --> 00:04:53,440 - VANESSA. 98 00:04:53,480 --> 00:04:54,440 - VANESSA? - MM-HMM. 99 00:04:54,480 --> 00:04:55,680 - SOUNDS EFFEMINATE TO ME. 100 00:04:55,710 --> 00:04:57,850 - SHE IS. SHE'S ALSO MY BEST FRIEND. 101 00:04:57,880 --> 00:05:01,720 - OH. WILL YOU TWO BE BRUSHING EACH OTHER'S HAIR 102 00:05:01,750 --> 00:05:03,820 AT ANY POINT DURING THE EVENING? 103 00:05:03,850 --> 00:05:05,790 OR PERHAPS GENTLY MASSAGING EACH OTHER'S SHOULDERS? 104 00:05:05,820 --> 00:05:08,590 - I SEE WHY YOU SLEEP WITH TEENAGERS--YOU ARE ONE. 105 00:05:08,630 --> 00:05:10,560 - IT'S TRUE, I AM KIND OF RETARDED. 106 00:05:10,590 --> 00:05:11,800 BUT I'M ALSO KIND OF AMAZING. 107 00:05:11,830 --> 00:05:15,900 - OKAY, DON'T FORGET YOU HAVE A 12:00 WITH RANDY AND GARY. 108 00:05:15,930 --> 00:05:17,570 AND THEN LOU NEEDS TO SEE YOU IN HIS OFFICE. 109 00:05:17,600 --> 00:05:20,400 - ALL RIGHT. - AND JAKE CALLED. 110 00:05:20,440 --> 00:05:21,410 AND HE NEEDS TO CANCEL DINNER TONIGHT. 111 00:05:21,440 --> 00:05:22,510 BUT HE SENDS HIS LOVE. 112 00:05:22,540 --> 00:05:23,910 - J'ACCUSE! 113 00:05:23,940 --> 00:05:25,680 - THANK YOU, PATTI. 114 00:05:25,710 --> 00:05:26,780 THANK YOU SO MUCH. - THANK YOU, PATTI. 115 00:05:26,810 --> 00:05:28,480 VERY ENLIGHTENING. 116 00:05:28,510 --> 00:05:30,510 NOW YOU HAVE TO HAVE DINNER WITH ME. 117 00:05:30,550 --> 00:05:32,080 - WHY, BECAUSE I ADJUSTED THE TRUTH? 118 00:05:32,120 --> 00:05:33,580 I DON'T OWE YOU ANY SORT OF HONESTY 119 00:05:33,620 --> 00:05:34,620 ABOUT MY PERSONAL LIFE. 120 00:05:34,650 --> 00:05:35,820 - FAIR ENOUGH. BUT YOU TOLD ME 121 00:05:35,850 --> 00:05:36,950 YOU WERE HAVING DINNER WITH A WOMAN, 122 00:05:36,990 --> 00:05:39,120 WHICH LEAD ME TO BELIEVE THAT YOU DIDN'T WANT ME TO KNOW 123 00:05:39,160 --> 00:05:40,490 YOU WERE HAVING DINNER WITH A JAKE. 124 00:05:40,520 --> 00:05:42,860 WHO IS PROBABLY VERY HANDSOME, VERY FIT, 125 00:05:42,890 --> 00:05:44,630 AND VERY FUCKIN' BORING. 126 00:05:44,660 --> 00:05:46,600 FOUR MINUTES OF MISH, FOLLOWED BY A LITTLE ORAL 127 00:05:46,630 --> 00:05:47,860 TO TOP YOU OFF-- AM I RIGHT? 128 00:05:47,900 --> 00:05:49,600 DONE IN TIME FOR LENO. 129 00:05:49,630 --> 00:05:52,440 NO, YOU STRIKE ME AS A LETTERMAN GAL--IS THAT RIGHT? 130 00:05:52,470 --> 00:05:54,470 - AND WHY WOULD I MISLEAD YOU LIKE THAT? 131 00:05:54,500 --> 00:05:57,640 - WELL, THAT'S OBVIOUS. COME ON, YOU'RE SWEET ON ME. 132 00:05:57,670 --> 00:06:00,440 - DOES THIS SHIT REALLY WORK FOR YOU, HANK? 133 00:06:00,480 --> 00:06:02,550 - NOT AT ALL, NOT REALLY. I'M JUST PLAYING. 134 00:06:02,580 --> 00:06:04,680 DON'T BE HATING. I'M IN A GOOD MOOD BECAUSE OF YOU. 135 00:06:04,710 --> 00:06:06,580 I'M JUST TRYING TO SHOW MY MUCHO APPRECIATO 136 00:06:06,620 --> 00:06:07,980 IN MY OWN SPECIAL WAY. 137 00:06:08,020 --> 00:06:11,120 - YES, YOU ARE SPECIAL, ALL RIGHT. 138 00:06:11,150 --> 00:06:15,830 WELL, THERE IS SOMETHING WE COULD DISCUSS OVER DINNER. 139 00:06:15,860 --> 00:06:18,160 - YES, MILADY? ANYTHING. 140 00:06:18,190 --> 00:06:20,430 - THE ISSUE OF YOUR BILL. 141 00:06:23,870 --> 00:06:25,000 - I THINK I NEED SOME MONEY, CHARLIE. 142 00:06:25,030 --> 00:06:27,470 - YOU WANT ME TO GET YOU A QUICKIE 143 00:06:27,500 --> 00:06:29,010 DIALOGUE POLISH OR SOMETHING? 144 00:06:29,040 --> 00:06:30,770 - YOU KNOW, I WAS THINKING ABOUT ONE OF THOSE, UH, 145 00:06:30,810 --> 00:06:32,010 TWILIGHT FILMS. 146 00:06:32,040 --> 00:06:32,940 THEY SEEM VERY POPULAR, 147 00:06:32,980 --> 00:06:34,840 AND DESPERATELY IN NEED OF WORD POLISHING. 148 00:06:34,880 --> 00:06:37,580 - I WILL MAKE SOME CALLS, SEE WHAT I CAN DO. 149 00:06:37,610 --> 00:06:38,550 - YOU BETTER. YOU KNOW WHY? 150 00:06:38,580 --> 00:06:41,790 'CAUSE THIS GANGSTA NEEDS TO GET PAID! 151 00:06:41,820 --> 00:06:45,760 - OKAY, NOW I NEED TO ASK YOU A FAVOR. 152 00:06:45,790 --> 00:06:48,090 - OKAY, CHARLIE, WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU? 153 00:06:48,120 --> 00:06:50,690 - [clears throat] 154 00:06:53,830 --> 00:06:54,830 - WHERE'S YOUR COCK? 155 00:06:54,860 --> 00:06:57,130 - AND THERE'S MY ANSWER. 156 00:06:57,170 --> 00:06:58,600 - OH, I SEE IT. 157 00:06:58,640 --> 00:07:00,870 IT'S RIGHT UNDER YOUR CLIT. 158 00:07:00,900 --> 00:07:04,910 OH, THOSE ARE YOUR BALLS. SHIT. WOW. 159 00:07:04,940 --> 00:07:05,980 - I WANTED TO KNOW IF I SHOULD DO 160 00:07:06,010 --> 00:07:08,850 A LITTLE MAN-SCAPING BEFORE MY DATE TONIGHT. 161 00:07:08,880 --> 00:07:10,750 - WELL, NORMALLY I'D BE AGAINST SUCH A THING. 162 00:07:10,780 --> 00:07:12,750 A MAN IS AT HIS BEST WHEN HE'S AT HIS HAIRIEST. 163 00:07:12,780 --> 00:07:14,150 AT LEAST, THAT'S WHAT MY MOM ALWAYS USED TO SAY. 164 00:07:14,180 --> 00:07:17,190 BUT IN YOUR CASE, I'D SAY SHAVE THAT SHIT. 165 00:07:17,220 --> 00:07:18,760 SEND IT OFF TO THE POOR KIDS IN CHINA OR SOMETHING. 166 00:07:18,790 --> 00:07:20,720 JESUS, I CAN'T LOOK AWAY. 167 00:07:20,760 --> 00:07:23,730 IT'S LIKE A FOREST HAS GROWN UP 168 00:07:23,760 --> 00:07:25,630 ALL AROUND ONE MAGIC MUSHROOM. 169 00:07:25,660 --> 00:07:26,560 IT'S LIKE A BUTTON ON A FUR COAT. 170 00:07:26,600 --> 00:07:28,260 WELL, LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, CHARLIE. 171 00:07:28,300 --> 00:07:29,830 IT MAY BE SHORT, BUT IT'S THIN. 172 00:07:29,870 --> 00:07:33,040 - SO YOU THINK I SHOULD, WHAT, TAKE IT ALL OFF? 173 00:07:33,070 --> 00:07:37,110 - YEAH. IT'LL MAKE YOU LOOK BIG. ER. 174 00:07:37,140 --> 00:07:39,640 LIKE JOHNNY WAD. ISH. 175 00:07:39,680 --> 00:07:41,850 - YOU THINK SHE'LL LIKE IT? - HELL YEAH. 176 00:07:41,880 --> 00:07:43,610 WHO DOESN'T WANT TO NUDE-UP WITH FLIPPER? 177 00:07:43,650 --> 00:07:44,810 - ALL RIGHT. COOL. 178 00:07:44,850 --> 00:07:46,150 - SHOULD I TELL HANK? 179 00:07:46,180 --> 00:07:48,550 - ABOUT YOUR NEWFOUND AFFINITY FOR MILK CHOCOLATE? 180 00:07:48,590 --> 00:07:49,890 ARE YOU CRAZY? 181 00:07:49,920 --> 00:07:52,290 - ABOUT HIS DAUGHTER'S FIRST GIG AT THE WHISKEY, 182 00:07:52,320 --> 00:07:53,560 YOU DUMB SLUT. 183 00:07:53,590 --> 00:07:55,590 - OH, THAT. RIGHT. 184 00:07:55,630 --> 00:07:58,700 YES, YOU SHOULD TELL HIM. HE'D WANT TO BE THERE. 185 00:07:58,730 --> 00:08:00,130 - I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S SUCH A GOOD IDEA 186 00:08:00,160 --> 00:08:01,900 'CAUSE HE'S GONNA GET SO, LIKE, UNH, AND-- 187 00:08:01,930 --> 00:08:03,170 - NO, YOU HAVE-- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 188 00:08:03,200 --> 00:08:05,300 - GOOD EVENING, LADIES! 189 00:08:05,330 --> 00:08:06,570 - HEY, CHARLIE. 190 00:08:06,600 --> 00:08:07,640 - BIG DATE. 191 00:08:07,670 --> 00:08:09,210 COMING THROUGH. MAKE WAY! 192 00:08:09,240 --> 00:08:11,910 BIG DATE. BIG DATE. 193 00:08:11,940 --> 00:08:13,280 - OOH, WHO'S THE LUCKY GAL? 194 00:08:13,310 --> 00:08:15,140 - OH, WOULDN'T YOU JUST LIKE TO KNOW? 195 00:08:15,180 --> 00:08:17,080 - I DON'T REALLY GIVE A FUCK, CHARLIE. 196 00:08:17,110 --> 00:08:19,620 I'M JUST MAKING CONVERSATION. - WHO IS SHE, CHARLIE? 197 00:08:19,650 --> 00:08:22,150 I COULD PRETEND TO BE INTERESTED. 198 00:08:22,190 --> 00:08:25,560 - OH, WELL... SINCE YOU'VE ASKED... 199 00:08:25,590 --> 00:08:27,090 I WAS HEADING INTO A STARBUCKS BATHROOM 200 00:08:27,120 --> 00:08:28,090 WHEN SHE WAS COMING OUT. 201 00:08:28,120 --> 00:08:29,290 WE BONKED HEADS. 202 00:08:29,330 --> 00:08:31,600 - WOW. - LAUGHED ABOUT IT. 203 00:08:31,630 --> 00:08:32,730 TRADED NUMBERS. 204 00:08:32,760 --> 00:08:35,160 SHE IS REALLY VERY PRETTY. 205 00:08:35,200 --> 00:08:37,570 WHICH IS GOOD BECAUSE SHE LEFT SOME SERIOUS STANK 206 00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:38,900 IN THAT BATHROOM, KAREN. 207 00:08:38,940 --> 00:08:40,340 I ALMOST FAINTED. 208 00:08:40,370 --> 00:08:42,910 - WOW, TALK ABOUT A CUTE MEET. 209 00:08:42,940 --> 00:08:44,570 SPEAKING OF WHICH, CAN YOU TELL 210 00:08:44,610 --> 00:08:47,610 THAT FUCKING PRODUCER FRIEND OF YOURS TO STOP CALLING ME? 211 00:08:47,640 --> 00:08:49,180 BIGGS? BIGGSIE? 212 00:08:49,210 --> 00:08:51,350 - BEGGS? STU BEGGS? - YEAH. 213 00:08:51,380 --> 00:08:53,750 WHATEVER THE FUCK. HE KEEPS CALLING AND TEXTING. 214 00:08:53,780 --> 00:08:55,620 HE THINKS WE'RE SOUL MATES OR SOME SHIT. 215 00:08:55,650 --> 00:08:56,620 - YOU'RE NOT INTO HIM? 216 00:08:56,650 --> 00:08:58,820 - FUCK NO! SHOULD I BE? 217 00:08:58,860 --> 00:09:01,020 - WELL, HE IS PRETTY RICH. 218 00:09:01,060 --> 00:09:03,890 - REALLY? HOW RICH WE TALKIN' HERE? 219 00:09:03,930 --> 00:09:06,960 - I DON'T KNOW. RICH. RICH IN COCK TOO. 220 00:09:07,000 --> 00:09:09,030 HE'S SUPPOSED TO HAVE SOME LEGENDARY SCHVANTZ. 221 00:09:09,070 --> 00:09:11,770 MUST BE NICE. 222 00:09:11,800 --> 00:09:13,300 - OKAY. 223 00:09:13,340 --> 00:09:16,370 [rock music] 224 00:09:16,410 --> 00:09:20,040 - I SELL JEWELRY, BUT IT'S FOR MEN. 225 00:09:20,080 --> 00:09:21,340 IT'S CALLED MEWLERY. - AWESOME. 226 00:09:21,380 --> 00:09:23,380 - YEAH, IT'S PRETTY COOL. - WILD. 227 00:09:23,410 --> 00:09:25,820 - THERE'S NO PROFIT. - NICE. 228 00:09:25,850 --> 00:09:27,880 - DOUCHE BAG SAYS WHAT? 229 00:09:27,920 --> 00:09:29,350 - WHAT? - GOT YA. 230 00:09:29,390 --> 00:09:30,650 - [laughing] 231 00:09:30,690 --> 00:09:34,290 - AWAY WITH YOU. BEGONE! 232 00:09:34,320 --> 00:09:38,290 COME HERE. 233 00:09:38,330 --> 00:09:39,700 - YOU SHOULD PROBABLY JUST GO. 234 00:09:39,730 --> 00:09:41,630 IT'S ONLY GONNA GET WORSE. 235 00:09:41,670 --> 00:09:43,900 - [lighthearted growls] 236 00:09:43,930 --> 00:09:44,930 [barks] 237 00:09:44,970 --> 00:09:47,170 - HANKY! - HEY. 238 00:09:47,200 --> 00:09:50,910 - OH, IT'S JUST LIKE OLD TIMES, 239 00:09:50,940 --> 00:09:52,310 YOU RESCUING ME FROM THE CLUTCHES 240 00:09:52,340 --> 00:09:54,380 OF EVIL HIPSTER DOUCHE BAGS. 241 00:09:54,410 --> 00:09:56,280 MAKES ME WISTY FOR THE GOOD OLD DAYS. 242 00:09:56,310 --> 00:09:58,850 - ARE YOU OKAY? YOU SEEM VAGUELY HIGH. 243 00:09:58,880 --> 00:10:00,950 - THERE'S NOTHING VAGUE ABOUT IT--THAT'S THE GOOD NEWS. 244 00:10:00,980 --> 00:10:03,190 SO WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 245 00:10:03,220 --> 00:10:05,050 - I LIVE HERE. WHAT'S YOUR EXCUSE? 246 00:10:05,090 --> 00:10:07,360 - I'M HAVING DRINKS WITH SASHA BINGHAM. 247 00:10:07,390 --> 00:10:09,090 SHE'S GONNA PICK MY BRAIN. 248 00:10:09,130 --> 00:10:10,990 - MM. SURE THERE'S ENOUGH TO GO AROUND? 249 00:10:11,030 --> 00:10:14,030 - HA HA! CLEVER. YOU KNOW HER? 250 00:10:14,060 --> 00:10:17,870 SASHA. - SASHA? UH...WELL, WE'VE MET. 251 00:10:17,900 --> 00:10:21,170 WELL, AS MUCH AS ANYONE CAN KNOW THESE ACTOR PEOPLES. 252 00:10:21,200 --> 00:10:23,040 - YOU FUCKED HER DIDN'T YOU? 253 00:10:23,070 --> 00:10:26,140 - [scoffs] NO. COME ON. 254 00:10:26,180 --> 00:10:30,910 SHE'S AN EMBRYO. A ZYGOTE. SHE'S A TADPOLE. 255 00:10:30,950 --> 00:10:33,220 - SO WHAT WAS IT LIKE FUCKING THE GIRL 256 00:10:33,250 --> 00:10:35,180 WHO'S SUPPOSED TO PLAY ME, HMM? 257 00:10:35,220 --> 00:10:36,790 WHO, BY THE WAY, * YOU ALREADY FU-UUCKED 258 00:10:36,820 --> 00:10:39,090 - SHUT UP WITH THAT ALREADY. WHAT ARE YOU ON? 259 00:10:39,120 --> 00:10:42,360 - SOME WEED, SOME WINE. A LITTLE VICODIN. 260 00:10:42,390 --> 00:10:44,730 I FEEL LIKE I'M UNDER A WET, WARM BLANKET. 261 00:10:44,760 --> 00:10:46,360 - THAT DOES NOT SOUND VERY APPEALING. 262 00:10:46,400 --> 00:10:48,400 - YOU SHOULD STAY AND HAVE A DRINK WITH US. 263 00:10:48,430 --> 00:10:52,400 - YOU SHOULD. LONG TIME NO SEE, HANK MOODY. 264 00:10:52,440 --> 00:10:54,140 - HI, SASHA BINGHAM. HOW ARE YOU? 265 00:10:54,170 --> 00:10:56,470 OH, FUCK. - [laughs] 266 00:10:56,510 --> 00:10:57,940 MISSED YOU. 267 00:10:57,970 --> 00:11:01,880 - A-HA, I KNEW IT! 268 00:11:05,010 --> 00:11:06,820 - HAVE YOU MET MY ATTORNEY? 269 00:11:06,850 --> 00:11:08,850 - HI. 270 00:11:08,890 --> 00:11:12,260 - [humming, scatting] 271 00:11:12,290 --> 00:11:20,230 * 272 00:11:24,530 --> 00:11:25,970 HMM. 273 00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:28,140 EEESH. 274 00:11:44,790 --> 00:11:47,120 HERE WE GO. 275 00:11:49,030 --> 00:11:50,960 NOT SO BAD. 276 00:11:54,330 --> 00:11:56,330 [knock on door] AAH! SHH... 277 00:11:56,370 --> 00:11:59,170 - I NEED TO GET IN THERE, CHARLIE! 278 00:11:59,200 --> 00:12:01,070 - [sighs] 279 00:12:06,910 --> 00:12:10,210 AAH! 280 00:12:10,250 --> 00:12:15,480 WAIT! WAIT! DON'T GO! DON'T GO! 281 00:12:15,520 --> 00:12:17,490 - WHAT THE FUCK, CHARLIE? 282 00:12:17,520 --> 00:12:19,190 - THIS IS WHY I DON'T LIKE TO COME HERE. 283 00:12:19,220 --> 00:12:21,220 - I DON'T BLAME YOU. IT'S DISGUSTING. 284 00:12:21,260 --> 00:12:22,490 - I HURT MYSELF! 285 00:12:22,530 --> 00:12:24,930 - WHAT, YOU GET SHAMPOO IN YOUR PEE HOLE AGAIN? 286 00:12:24,960 --> 00:12:27,460 - NO. I CUT MYSELF... 287 00:12:27,500 --> 00:12:29,330 MAN-SCAPING. 288 00:12:29,370 --> 00:12:31,370 - OF COURSE YOU DID. 289 00:12:31,400 --> 00:12:34,040 WE GOTTA GO. - WAIT, YOU GOTTA LOOK! 290 00:12:34,070 --> 00:12:36,470 - I DON'T GOTTA DO ANYTHING, ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S DISGUSTING. 291 00:12:36,510 --> 00:12:39,080 - KAREN, PLEASE. PLEASE! 292 00:12:39,110 --> 00:12:40,340 - IT WOULD PRETTY MUCH HAVE TO BE 293 00:12:40,380 --> 00:12:42,080 A LIFE OR DEATH SITUATION, CHARLIE. 294 00:12:42,110 --> 00:12:44,080 - YOU'D NEVER RECOVER, TRUST ME. 295 00:12:44,110 --> 00:12:45,950 - LADIES, PLEASE! I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS 296 00:12:45,980 --> 00:12:47,480 AN EMERGENCY ROOM SITUATION. 297 00:12:47,520 --> 00:12:49,250 - HE'S BLEEDING ON THE FLOOR. 298 00:12:49,290 --> 00:12:51,050 - AAH! 299 00:12:51,090 --> 00:12:53,260 - JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, CHARLIE, WE'RE IN ESCROW, 300 00:12:53,290 --> 00:12:55,830 AND YOU'RE BLEEDING ALL OVER MY FUCKING FLOOR? 301 00:12:55,860 --> 00:12:58,090 - YOUR FUCKING FLOOR? THIS IS MY FUCKING FLOOR TOO, 302 00:12:58,130 --> 00:12:59,360 AND I'LL BLEED ON IT IF I WANT TO! 303 00:12:59,400 --> 00:13:03,300 HOLY JESUS, WOMAN, I'M IN DIRE STRAITS HERE! 304 00:13:03,330 --> 00:13:05,570 - I'M--I'M GONNA GO. - OKAY. YES. 305 00:13:05,600 --> 00:13:09,570 BECAUSE THEN I'LL HAVE TO CATCH UP WITH YOU. 306 00:13:09,610 --> 00:13:12,080 ALL RIGHT, LET'S TAKE A LOOK 307 00:13:12,110 --> 00:13:13,510 AT WHAT WE'RE DEALING WITH HERE. 308 00:13:13,540 --> 00:13:16,410 OKAY? 309 00:13:16,450 --> 00:13:21,420 HOLY CHRIST, CHARLIE, YOU TOOK IT ALL OFF! WHY? 310 00:13:21,450 --> 00:13:24,220 - I THOUGHT IT WOULD MAKE ME LOOK BIG. 311 00:13:24,250 --> 00:13:25,550 ER. 312 00:13:25,590 --> 00:13:27,160 LIKE JOHNNY WAD. 313 00:13:27,190 --> 00:13:30,230 - YEAH, WELL, IT KIND OF MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE 314 00:13:30,260 --> 00:13:31,900 JOHNNY-ALL-POTATOES AND NO MEAT. 315 00:13:31,930 --> 00:13:33,200 - [whimpering] - COME ON. 316 00:13:33,230 --> 00:13:36,600 LET'S GO PUT ON SOME FUCKING CLOTHES. 317 00:13:36,630 --> 00:13:39,940 I'LL DROP YOU OFF AT THE E.R., YA DUMB FUCK. 318 00:13:39,970 --> 00:13:41,570 - YOU SHOULD PROBABLY STAY FAR AWAY 319 00:13:41,600 --> 00:13:43,340 FROM THE MIAS AND THE SASHAS OF THE WORLD RIGHT NOW. 320 00:13:43,370 --> 00:13:45,610 - I JUST RAN INTO THEM. THEY RAN INTO ME. 321 00:13:45,640 --> 00:13:47,510 IT WAS NOT PLANNED. IT WAS KISMET. 322 00:13:47,540 --> 00:13:48,640 - YOU JUST RUN INTO A LOT OF THINGS, DON'T YOU? 323 00:13:48,680 --> 00:13:50,210 - YES, I DO. THAT MUCH IS TRUE. 324 00:13:50,250 --> 00:13:51,350 BUT ENOUGH ABOUT ME. 325 00:13:51,380 --> 00:13:53,020 I'D LIKE TO LEARN ABOUT YOU, COUNSELOR. 326 00:13:53,050 --> 00:13:56,550 - OKAY, YOU'LL GET A KICK OUT OF THIS. 327 00:13:56,590 --> 00:13:58,090 I WROTE A NOVEL ONCE. 328 00:13:58,120 --> 00:14:00,560 - THAT'S A SHAME. WHAT WAS IT ABOUT? 329 00:14:00,590 --> 00:14:02,660 - WHAT'S EVERY SHITTY FIRST NOVEL ABOUT? 330 00:14:02,690 --> 00:14:05,230 NOTHING AND EVERYTHING. - AH. 331 00:14:05,260 --> 00:14:07,360 - MINE CONCERNED ITSELF WITH THE EXPLOITS 332 00:14:07,400 --> 00:14:09,130 OF A SMART GIRL IN THE BIG CITY, 333 00:14:09,170 --> 00:14:10,500 LOOKING FOR MR. RIGHT, 334 00:14:10,530 --> 00:14:12,970 FUCKING A LOT OF MR. RIGHT NOWS. - OH... 335 00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:14,440 - ALL THE WHILE PUTTING A TON OF BAD SHIT UP HER NOSE. 336 00:14:14,470 --> 00:14:16,370 - I'D READ THAT BOOK, SISTER. 337 00:14:16,410 --> 00:14:18,640 FUCK, I WROTE THAT BOOK, LIKE, FOUR TIMES 338 00:14:18,670 --> 00:14:20,640 BEFORE I ACTUALLY EVER PUBLISHED ANYTHING. 339 00:14:20,680 --> 00:14:22,310 THAT'S JUST MY METIER. 340 00:14:22,350 --> 00:14:25,050 - WELL, YOUR METIER WAS MY EPIC FAILURE. 341 00:14:25,080 --> 00:14:27,420 I SHOWED IT TO MY BOYFRIEND AT THE TIME--A WRITER. 342 00:14:27,450 --> 00:14:28,950 - INTERESTING. - MM. 343 00:14:28,990 --> 00:14:30,950 - YOU LIKE WRITERS. - NOT ANYMORE. 344 00:14:30,990 --> 00:14:32,090 - YOU DO. - HE CRAPPED ALL OVER IT. 345 00:14:32,120 --> 00:14:35,960 - FUCKING CUNT. - HARDLY. 346 00:14:35,990 --> 00:14:39,260 I SHREDDED THE NOVEL, BROKE UP WITH THE BOYFRIEND, 347 00:14:39,300 --> 00:14:40,930 AND APPLIED TO LAW SCHOOL. 348 00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:43,200 IN THAT ORDER. HAPPILY EVER AFTER. 349 00:14:43,230 --> 00:14:45,100 - HOW IS IT THAT YOUR HAPPILY EVER AFTER 350 00:14:45,130 --> 00:14:47,200 DOESN'T REMOTELY INVOLVE A DUDE? 351 00:14:47,240 --> 00:14:49,110 - THAT'S EASY. 352 00:14:49,140 --> 00:14:51,040 I MEAN, YOU SEE ME AS THIS PIECE OF CANDY. 353 00:14:51,070 --> 00:14:52,440 - I DO NOT. - SURE, YOU DO. 354 00:14:52,480 --> 00:14:55,380 - YES, I DO, ACTUALLY. BUT IN THE BEST WAY POSSIBLE. 355 00:14:55,410 --> 00:14:59,420 YOU'RE LIKE A... SEXY GUMMY BEAR... 356 00:14:59,450 --> 00:15:02,120 WITH CARAMEL ON THE INSIDE. - [chuckles] 357 00:15:02,150 --> 00:15:04,020 - LIKE A GUMMY BEAR WRAPPED 358 00:15:04,050 --> 00:15:05,990 AROUND SOME OTHER KIND OF SWEET GOODNESS. 359 00:15:06,020 --> 00:15:08,360 - THANK YOU. 360 00:15:08,390 --> 00:15:11,960 BUT TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION, DUDES HAVE A VERY HARD TIME 361 00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:13,660 WITH A WOMAN WHO'S ADDICTED TO HER PROFESSION. 362 00:15:13,700 --> 00:15:15,130 - MAYBE YOU JUST HAVEN'T MET THE RIGHT DUDE. 363 00:15:15,160 --> 00:15:16,530 - MAYBE. 364 00:15:16,570 --> 00:15:18,570 BUT WOULD I EVEN RECOGNIZE HIM? 365 00:15:18,600 --> 00:15:21,240 BECAUSE ALL I EVER SEE IS AN IMPEDIMENT 366 00:15:21,270 --> 00:15:22,370 TO GETTING MY WORK DONE. 367 00:15:22,410 --> 00:15:24,310 - THAT MAKES ME SAD. 368 00:15:24,340 --> 00:15:27,010 - WHY, AM I MISSING SOMETHING? 369 00:15:27,040 --> 00:15:29,610 DOESN'T STOP ME FROM HAVING SEX WITH WHO I WANT, 370 00:15:29,650 --> 00:15:31,250 WHEN I WANT. 371 00:15:31,280 --> 00:15:33,020 - OKAY, I'M LESS SAD NOW. 372 00:15:33,050 --> 00:15:35,220 - NOTHING WOULD EVER BECOME OF US, HANK. 373 00:15:35,250 --> 00:15:36,990 - HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT? - LET'S PLAY A LITTLE GAME. 374 00:15:37,020 --> 00:15:38,990 - GAMES ARE FUN. - LET'S PRETEND FOR A MOMENT 375 00:15:39,020 --> 00:15:41,190 THAT FOR US TO EMBARK ON A SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP 376 00:15:41,220 --> 00:15:44,130 ISN'T COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY INAPPROPRIATE. 377 00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:44,990 - YES, LET'S. 378 00:15:45,030 --> 00:15:46,530 - YOU ARE AWARE THAT SAID RELATIONSHIP 379 00:15:46,560 --> 00:15:48,300 WOULD GO HORRIBLY AWRY 380 00:15:48,330 --> 00:15:51,000 ONCE YOU REALIZED I WAS TRULY SINGLE, 381 00:15:51,030 --> 00:15:54,670 UNENCUMBERED, FREE TO LOVE YOU AND BE WITH YOU 382 00:15:54,700 --> 00:15:57,010 FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. 383 00:15:57,040 --> 00:16:01,640 - YOU'RE RIGHT, THAT IS A BONER KILLER. 384 00:16:01,680 --> 00:16:03,210 - WE'RE A LOT ALIKE, YOU AND ME. 385 00:16:03,250 --> 00:16:04,780 - I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT, 386 00:16:04,810 --> 00:16:06,250 BUT I THINK I LIKE WHERE THIS IS GOING. 387 00:16:06,280 --> 00:16:07,420 - NO, I'M SERIOUS. 388 00:16:07,450 --> 00:16:09,520 YOU'RE A SMART, CHARMING GUY... 389 00:16:09,550 --> 00:16:11,120 - I DO LIKE WHERE THIS IS GOING. 390 00:16:11,150 --> 00:16:13,120 - WITH A LOT OF FUCKED-UP, DARK SHIT 391 00:16:13,160 --> 00:16:15,320 RUNNING THROUGH THAT PRETTY LITTLE HEAD OF YOURS. 392 00:16:15,360 --> 00:16:16,730 I CAN RELATE. 393 00:16:16,760 --> 00:16:18,660 I'VE JUST FIGURED OUT A BETTER WAY TO CHANNEL IT. 394 00:16:18,690 --> 00:16:20,330 - THAT'S WHAT THE WRITING'S FOR. 395 00:16:20,360 --> 00:16:22,400 - BUT YOU THINK YOU CAN HAVE IT ALL, RIGHT? 396 00:16:22,430 --> 00:16:24,730 DARK, SWIRLING CHAOS AND THE WHITE PICKET FENCE. 397 00:16:24,770 --> 00:16:26,400 - WHAT IF ONE FEEDS THE OTHER? 398 00:16:26,440 --> 00:16:27,700 - WHAT IF ONE DESTROYS THE OTHER? 399 00:16:27,740 --> 00:16:30,510 [cell phone rings] HOLD ON. 400 00:16:30,540 --> 00:16:33,480 SORRY. FORCE OF HABIT. 401 00:16:33,510 --> 00:16:36,650 - HUH? OH... 402 00:16:36,680 --> 00:16:38,280 MY BALLS WERE JUST VIBRATING. - MM-HMM. 403 00:16:38,310 --> 00:16:40,380 THE WHOLE EVENING. THOUGHT I HAD A CALL. 404 00:16:40,420 --> 00:16:43,490 - FIRST TIME I'VE HEARD THAT. 405 00:16:43,520 --> 00:16:45,390 - OH. 406 00:16:45,420 --> 00:16:48,220 MM. 407 00:16:48,260 --> 00:16:49,660 - LET ME GUESS-- 408 00:16:49,690 --> 00:16:51,260 A MESSAGE FROM BEHIND THE WHITE PICKET FENCE? 409 00:16:51,290 --> 00:16:52,200 - HOW'D YOU KNOW THAT? 410 00:16:52,230 --> 00:16:54,300 - BECAUSE YOU ACTUALLY SMILED FOR ONCE. 411 00:16:54,330 --> 00:16:56,670 NOT A SMIRK, A SMILE. 412 00:16:56,700 --> 00:17:00,640 - UH, CAN WE HAVE THE CHECK? I GOTTA GO. 413 00:17:00,670 --> 00:17:02,810 - OF COURSE YOU DO. GO. 414 00:17:02,840 --> 00:17:06,810 UH, I WILL--I WILL CALL YOU WHEN I KNOW SOMETHING. 415 00:17:06,840 --> 00:17:10,780 AND, HANK, YOU MIGHT CONSIDER SMILING MORE OFTEN. 416 00:17:10,810 --> 00:17:13,350 GOT ME A LITTLE WET. 417 00:17:15,820 --> 00:17:20,220 - * WHEN I'M NEXT TO YOU 418 00:17:20,260 --> 00:17:24,090 - * KNOW ME BROKEN 419 00:17:24,130 --> 00:17:26,260 * BY MY MASTER 420 00:17:26,300 --> 00:17:29,130 * 421 00:17:29,170 --> 00:17:33,640 * TEACH THEE ON CHILD 422 00:17:33,670 --> 00:17:36,310 * OF LOVE HEREAFTER 423 00:17:36,340 --> 00:17:38,270 * 424 00:17:38,310 --> 00:17:41,580 * INTO THE FLOOD AGAIN 425 00:17:41,610 --> 00:17:43,280 * SAME OLD TRIP 426 00:17:43,310 --> 00:17:47,850 * IT WAS BACK THEN 427 00:17:47,880 --> 00:17:51,320 * SO I MADE A BIG MISTAKE 428 00:17:51,350 --> 00:17:56,830 * TRY TO SEE IT ONCE MY WAY 429 00:17:56,860 --> 00:18:05,400 * 430 00:18:16,550 --> 00:18:20,220 * INTO THE FLOOD AGAIN 431 00:18:20,250 --> 00:18:25,520 * SAME OLD TRIP IT WAS BACK THEN * 432 00:18:25,550 --> 00:18:29,390 * SO I MADE A BIG MISTAKE 433 00:18:29,430 --> 00:18:31,190 * TRY TO SEE IT ONCE 434 00:18:31,230 --> 00:18:36,500 * MY WAY 435 00:18:36,530 --> 00:18:39,940 * HAVE I GONE 436 00:18:39,970 --> 00:18:44,610 * AND LEFT YOU HERE ALONE? 437 00:18:44,640 --> 00:18:47,810 * IF...I...WOULD 438 00:18:47,840 --> 00:18:52,480 * COULD YOU? 439 00:18:52,520 --> 00:18:53,680 [cheers and applause] 440 00:18:53,720 --> 00:18:54,750 - WHOO! 441 00:18:54,780 --> 00:18:56,650 - THANK YOU. WE'RE QUEENS OF DOGTOWN. 442 00:18:56,690 --> 00:18:57,820 GOOD NIGHT. 443 00:18:57,850 --> 00:19:00,920 - THAT WAS A RIVETING 23 SECONDS. 444 00:19:00,960 --> 00:19:03,230 THANKS FOR THE HEADS-UP. 445 00:19:03,260 --> 00:19:05,560 - CONSIDER YOURSELF LUCKY THAT I ASKED YOU AT ALL. 446 00:19:05,590 --> 00:19:07,300 - HEY. - HEY. 447 00:19:07,330 --> 00:19:09,300 - THANKS, MAN. CHEERS. - HANK! 448 00:19:09,330 --> 00:19:12,300 YOU'RE SUCH A-- 449 00:19:12,340 --> 00:19:15,970 - THANK YOU. NO, UH--NO INTRODUCTION? 450 00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:19,380 - OH, YEAH, UH, THIS IS BEN, 451 00:19:19,410 --> 00:19:21,240 AND THIS IS HANK, BECCA'S FATHER. 452 00:19:21,280 --> 00:19:22,550 - GOOD TO MEET YOU, HANK. 453 00:19:22,580 --> 00:19:24,950 - "BECCA'S FATHER." THAT'S NICE 454 00:19:24,980 --> 00:19:26,350 HE'S BECCA'S FATHER. 455 00:19:26,380 --> 00:19:28,620 - COME ON, MAN, DON'T BE THAT GUY. 456 00:19:28,650 --> 00:19:30,420 - DON'T BE THAT GUY? 457 00:19:30,450 --> 00:19:31,690 - DON'T BE THE GUY WHO MAKES THIS SHIT 458 00:19:31,720 --> 00:19:33,560 ANY WEIRDER THAN IT HAS TO BE, ALL RIGHT? 459 00:19:33,590 --> 00:19:35,990 WE'RE WATCHING OUR GIRLS PLAY SOME MUSIC. 460 00:19:36,020 --> 00:19:37,660 THERE'S NO NEED FOR AN ATTITUDE. 461 00:19:37,690 --> 00:19:39,660 YOU DISRESPECTED ME WITH THE BEER THING. 462 00:19:39,700 --> 00:19:41,300 BUT YOU KNOW WHAT, I'LL LET YOU HAVE THAT ONE. 463 00:19:41,330 --> 00:19:42,830 - YOU'LL LET ME HAVE THAT ONE? 464 00:19:42,870 --> 00:19:44,700 - YEAH, I WILL. 465 00:19:44,730 --> 00:19:46,570 LONG AS YOU BUY THE NEXT ROUND. HMM? 466 00:19:46,600 --> 00:19:48,570 HOW'S THAT SOUND? - HEY, SWEETIE. 467 00:19:48,600 --> 00:19:50,710 SO GOOD. GOD, YOU WERE GREAT. 468 00:19:50,740 --> 00:19:51,840 - HEY... 469 00:19:51,870 --> 00:19:54,480 - I'M PROUD. VERY, VERY PROUD. 470 00:19:54,510 --> 00:19:57,310 - PROUD OF YOU. YOU WERE FANTASTIC. 471 00:19:57,350 --> 00:19:59,520 - THANK YOU. 472 00:19:59,550 --> 00:20:01,750 - THIS IS MY DAD. 473 00:20:01,780 --> 00:20:03,820 - I THOUGHT YOU SAID HE WAS OUT OF THE PICTURE. 474 00:20:06,290 --> 00:20:10,560 - HEY, HANK, WE'RE GONNA TAKE THESE TWO LITTLE ROCK STARS 475 00:20:10,590 --> 00:20:11,660 OUT TO GET SOMETHING TO EAT. 476 00:20:11,690 --> 00:20:13,860 A LITTLE POST-GIG CELEBRATION. 477 00:20:13,900 --> 00:20:15,300 YOU WANT TO JOIN US? 478 00:20:20,800 --> 00:20:22,570 - UH, I--I KINDA-- I GOT A DEADLINE 479 00:20:22,610 --> 00:20:24,840 THAT I'M WORKING ON. 480 00:20:24,870 --> 00:20:27,440 SWEETIE, YOU WERE JUST-- I'M SO PROUD OF YOU. 481 00:20:27,480 --> 00:20:30,450 I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU. 482 00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:31,380 - I LOVE YOU TOO. 483 00:20:31,410 --> 00:20:35,380 - ALL RIGHT, GO ON. - THANKS FOR COMING. 484 00:20:35,420 --> 00:20:36,420 - COME ON, SWEETIE. 485 00:20:45,390 --> 00:20:48,760 - STOP IT, CHARLIE. YOU'RE FUCKING CLAMMY. 486 00:20:48,800 --> 00:20:50,600 IT'S LIKE HOLDING HANDS WITH A MERMAN. 487 00:20:50,630 --> 00:20:51,800 - WHAT ELSE IS NEW? 488 00:20:51,830 --> 00:20:53,800 I GET NERVOUS, I GET MOIST. YOU KNOW THIS. 489 00:20:53,840 --> 00:20:55,740 - WHAT'S WITH ALL THE SCARRING DOWN HERE, HUH? 490 00:20:55,770 --> 00:20:58,070 YOUR SCROTUM FEELS LIKE A RELIEF MAP. 491 00:20:58,110 --> 00:20:59,980 - OH, I'VE HAD A COUPLE OF VASECTOMIES. 492 00:21:00,010 --> 00:21:02,510 - A COUPLE? WHAT, DID YOU HAVE A REVERSAL? 493 00:21:02,550 --> 00:21:03,750 - NO, THE FIRST SNIP DIDN'T TAKE. 494 00:21:03,780 --> 00:21:04,850 I HAD TO HAVE ANOTHER. 495 00:21:04,880 --> 00:21:06,920 DOCTOR SAID IT HAPPENS SOMETIMES. 496 00:21:06,950 --> 00:21:09,320 - YEAH, SOMETIMES. NOT OFTEN. WHO WAS YOUR GUY? 497 00:21:09,350 --> 00:21:12,860 - I DON'T KNOW, SOME INDIAN FELLA. 498 00:21:12,890 --> 00:21:14,990 UNPRONOUNCEABLE LAST NAME. 499 00:21:15,020 --> 00:21:16,860 OVER IN WEST L.A. BY THE 405. 500 00:21:16,890 --> 00:21:17,930 - [wheezing laughter] 501 00:21:17,960 --> 00:21:19,600 - WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING? 502 00:21:19,630 --> 00:21:21,700 - I'M SORRY. THAT'S PIGGISH, YOU'RE RIGHT. 503 00:21:21,730 --> 00:21:23,670 IT'S JUST THAT I'VE HEARD OF YOU POOR BASTARDS BEFORE. 504 00:21:23,700 --> 00:21:24,770 I'VE JUST NEVER ACTUALLY MET ONE. 505 00:21:24,800 --> 00:21:27,100 - WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 506 00:21:27,140 --> 00:21:28,570 - YOU FOUND HIM IN THE BACK OF THE L.A. WEEKLY, DID YA? 507 00:21:28,600 --> 00:21:30,710 - YEAH, SO? I WAS A YOUNG AGENT ON A BUDGET. 508 00:21:30,740 --> 00:21:31,640 - OW! 509 00:21:31,670 --> 00:21:33,780 - I TOLD YOU NOT TO SKIMP ON THAT SHIT! 510 00:21:33,810 --> 00:21:36,110 - GUY LOST HIS LICENSE LAST YEAR. 511 00:21:36,140 --> 00:21:38,480 MALPRACTICE. - WHY? WHAT HAPPENED? 512 00:21:38,510 --> 00:21:40,080 - KNOW WHAT THE OTHER DICK DOCS CALL HIM? 513 00:21:40,120 --> 00:21:42,420 WEENIE TODD, THE DEMON UROLOGIST OF THE WEST SIDE. 514 00:21:42,450 --> 00:21:43,350 HE WAS A REAL BUTCHER. 515 00:21:43,390 --> 00:21:45,590 FOR WHATEVER REASON, HE REALLY ENJOYED-- 516 00:21:45,620 --> 00:21:46,590 HOW DO I PUT THIS DELICATELY? 517 00:21:46,620 --> 00:21:48,720 OH, YEAH, FUCKING AROUND WITH MEN'S GENITALIA. 518 00:21:48,760 --> 00:21:51,390 WHICH IS FINE, EXCEPT... - I THINK I'M GONNA PASS OUT. 519 00:21:51,430 --> 00:21:52,660 - OH, NO, NO. OH, THERE WE GO. 520 00:21:52,700 --> 00:21:54,130 HEY, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. HE'LL BE FINE. 521 00:21:54,160 --> 00:21:55,760 THIS HAPPENS ALL THE TIME. 522 00:21:55,800 --> 00:21:59,130 - SO WHAT, EXACTLY, ARE YOU SAYING HERE, DOC? 523 00:21:59,170 --> 00:22:01,500 THERE STILL COULD BE SWIMMERS IN HIS JUNK? 524 00:22:01,540 --> 00:22:03,610 - WELL, I BET IF HE GAVE ME A SPERM SAMPLE, 525 00:22:03,640 --> 00:22:04,410 WE'D FIND A COUPLE OF LITTLE DUDES 526 00:22:04,440 --> 00:22:06,110 SWIMMING AROUND IN THERE, SURE. 527 00:22:06,140 --> 00:22:07,840 NOT THAT HE'S GONNA HAVE AN ERECTION ANYTIME SOON. 528 00:22:07,880 --> 00:22:09,380 [whistles] 529 00:22:09,410 --> 00:22:14,820 - * MARRIAGE ON THE SKIDS 530 00:22:14,850 --> 00:22:18,890 * AND THE FOLKS AIN'T DOIN' WELL * 531 00:22:18,920 --> 00:22:21,490 * 532 00:22:21,520 --> 00:22:23,630 * BUT HOLDIN' ON 533 00:22:23,660 --> 00:22:26,830 * 534 00:22:26,860 --> 00:22:30,030 * YEAH, WE'RE HOLDIN' ON 535 00:22:30,070 --> 00:22:32,030 * AW, BUT YOU AND ME, BABY 536 00:22:32,070 --> 00:22:33,470 [knock at door] 537 00:22:33,500 --> 00:22:35,170 - NO, THANK YOU. 538 00:22:35,200 --> 00:22:38,010 [continued knocking] 539 00:22:43,510 --> 00:22:45,610 I'M NOT REALLY IN THE MOOD. 540 00:22:45,650 --> 00:22:48,620 - YEAH, ME NEITHER. IT'S MIA. 541 00:22:48,650 --> 00:22:51,850 - * HOLDIN' ON 542 00:22:51,890 --> 00:22:54,920 - I DIDN'T WANT TO CALL 911 OR ANYTHING 543 00:22:54,960 --> 00:22:56,690 BECAUSE I THOUGHT IT MIGHT MAKE THINGS WORSE. 544 00:22:56,730 --> 00:22:57,990 - GOOD CALL. 545 00:22:58,030 --> 00:23:00,600 - SHE'S REALLY FUCKED UP, HANK. 546 00:23:00,630 --> 00:23:02,500 I CAN'T WAIT TO PLAY HER. 547 00:23:02,530 --> 00:23:05,770 [chuckles] 548 00:23:07,940 --> 00:23:11,870 - HEY, WHAT'S UP, MAMA MIA? 549 00:23:11,910 --> 00:23:14,440 MIND IF I JOIN YOU... 550 00:23:14,480 --> 00:23:16,650 ON THE LEDGE? 551 00:23:16,680 --> 00:23:18,710 - DON'T KNOW WHY YOU'D WANT TO. 552 00:23:18,750 --> 00:23:20,750 I'M NOT VERY GOOD COMPANY TONIGHT. 553 00:23:20,780 --> 00:23:25,150 - OH, COME ON, YOU'RE ALWAYS GOOD FOR A LAUGH OR TWO. 554 00:23:25,190 --> 00:23:30,130 AHH...OOH... 555 00:23:30,160 --> 00:23:32,030 BET YOU DIDN'T KNOW I WAS AFRAID OF HEIGHTS, 556 00:23:32,060 --> 00:23:33,030 DID YOU? 557 00:23:33,060 --> 00:23:36,730 - YOU NEVER STRUCK ME AS SCARED OF ANYTHING. 558 00:23:36,770 --> 00:23:38,700 - NEGRESS, PLEASE! 559 00:23:38,730 --> 00:23:40,970 I'M A BIG OLD FRAIDY CAT. 560 00:23:44,570 --> 00:23:47,880 YOU KNOW WHAT REALLY TERRIFIES THE SHIT OUT OF ME? 561 00:23:47,910 --> 00:23:49,810 - HMM? 562 00:23:49,850 --> 00:23:51,010 - MAPLE SYRUP. 563 00:23:51,050 --> 00:23:52,620 - MAPLE SYRUP? 564 00:23:52,650 --> 00:23:54,880 - YEAH, I CAN'T EAT WAFFLES OR PANCAKES 565 00:23:54,920 --> 00:23:55,880 FOR FEAR OF GETTING THAT NASTY SHIT 566 00:23:55,920 --> 00:23:57,150 ALL OVER MY HANDS. 567 00:23:57,190 --> 00:23:59,150 CROISSANT TOO. [inhales sharply] 568 00:23:59,190 --> 00:24:01,020 IT'S THE TEXTURE, SOMETHING ABOUT THE... 569 00:24:01,060 --> 00:24:02,590 - WOW. 570 00:24:02,630 --> 00:24:04,090 - YOU KNOW? 571 00:24:04,130 --> 00:24:06,630 - I'M SURPRISED THAT YOU LIKE THE LADY PARTS 572 00:24:06,660 --> 00:24:07,660 AS MUCH AS YOU DO. 573 00:24:07,700 --> 00:24:09,060 - I LOVE ME THE LADY PARTS. 574 00:24:09,100 --> 00:24:10,500 MIND YOU, I DON'T THINK I'D EVER GO 575 00:24:10,530 --> 00:24:12,640 FOR A VAGINA-FLAVORED CUPCAKE, 576 00:24:12,670 --> 00:24:14,670 BUT WHEN YOU'RE DOWN THERE IN THE LADYNESS, 577 00:24:14,700 --> 00:24:17,270 YOU DON'T WANT THAT SHIT TO TASTE LIKE ICE CREAM. 578 00:24:17,310 --> 00:24:19,140 IT'S COMPLICATED. - [laughs] 579 00:24:19,170 --> 00:24:21,010 - OH, YOU'RE LAUGHING. THAT'S GOOD. 580 00:24:21,040 --> 00:24:23,950 THAT MEANS YOU'RE NOT PLUMMETING TO YOUR DEATH. 581 00:24:23,980 --> 00:24:25,910 I LIKE THAT IN A GIRL. 582 00:24:25,950 --> 00:24:27,880 - I WAS THINKING ABOUT IT, YOU KNOW. 583 00:24:27,920 --> 00:24:28,950 - MM-HMM. MM-HMM. 584 00:24:28,980 --> 00:24:32,090 - IT'D BE SO EASY TO JUST LEAN FORWARD AND LET GO. 585 00:24:32,120 --> 00:24:34,860 - IT WOULD BE. IT WOULD BE EASY. YEAH. 586 00:24:34,890 --> 00:24:38,030 WE COULD, UH... 587 00:24:38,060 --> 00:24:40,730 WE COULD GO TOGETHER. 588 00:24:40,760 --> 00:24:44,230 - WOW, THAT'D REALLY BE SOMETHING. 589 00:24:44,270 --> 00:24:48,300 - YEAH. LIKE BUTCH AND SUNDANCE. 590 00:24:48,340 --> 00:24:50,240 THELMA AND LOUISE. 591 00:24:50,270 --> 00:24:53,280 TANGO AND CASH. 592 00:24:53,310 --> 00:24:55,280 BUT SOMEHOW I DON'T THINK IT'S THE RIGHT ENDING 593 00:24:55,310 --> 00:24:57,180 FOR EITHER ONE OF US, MIA. 594 00:24:59,750 --> 00:25:01,650 - WELL, SO WHERE DO WE GO FROM HERE, THEN? 595 00:25:01,680 --> 00:25:04,250 - DEPENDS ON WHERE YOU WANT TO GO, MIA. 596 00:25:04,290 --> 00:25:07,020 - [sighs] HONESTLY... 597 00:25:07,060 --> 00:25:10,030 I JUST WANT A DO-OVER. 598 00:25:10,060 --> 00:25:11,760 GO BACK TO BEING A KID. 599 00:25:11,790 --> 00:25:13,900 - ME TOO. 600 00:25:13,930 --> 00:25:15,630 WELL, NOT A KID, EXACTLY, 601 00:25:15,660 --> 00:25:17,030 BUT I WOULD LIKE TO GO BACK TO '94. 602 00:25:17,070 --> 00:25:19,170 THAT WAS A GOOD YEAR. - WHY? 603 00:25:19,200 --> 00:25:23,940 BECAUSE I MET KAREN. THEN BECCA WAS BORN. 604 00:25:23,970 --> 00:25:25,970 IT WAS THE YEAR THAT CHANGED MY LIFE. 605 00:25:26,010 --> 00:25:27,640 - MM. 606 00:25:27,680 --> 00:25:29,680 - PLUS, NO INTERNET, CELL PHONES, TEXTING, 607 00:25:29,710 --> 00:25:31,050 TWEETING, TWATTING, TWITTERING... 608 00:25:31,080 --> 00:25:32,350 - THE FUCKING DARK AGES. - YEAH! 609 00:25:32,380 --> 00:25:35,350 MOVIES WERE A BUCK. GAS WAS TEN CENTS A GALLON. 610 00:25:35,380 --> 00:25:37,350 BLOW JOBS WERE FREE. 611 00:25:37,390 --> 00:25:39,290 SPEAKING OF WHICH, CLINTON WAS IN THE WHITE HOUSE, 612 00:25:39,320 --> 00:25:41,260 NIRVANA WAS ON THE RADIO. 613 00:25:41,290 --> 00:25:43,230 AND I HAD YET TO FUCK UP THE BEST THING 614 00:25:43,260 --> 00:25:45,660 THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME. 615 00:25:51,670 --> 00:25:53,300 YOU KNOW WHAT WE NEED TO DO, MIA... 616 00:25:53,340 --> 00:25:55,040 - WHAT'S THAT? 617 00:25:55,070 --> 00:25:58,870 - WE NEED TO FORGIVE OUR FUCKING SELVES. 618 00:25:58,910 --> 00:26:01,210 YOU UNDERSTAND? 619 00:26:01,240 --> 00:26:05,080 NOBODY'S GONNA DO THAT FOR US. 620 00:26:05,110 --> 00:26:08,950 WHAT DO YOU THINK? 621 00:26:08,980 --> 00:26:10,850 DEAL? 622 00:26:10,890 --> 00:26:14,260 - DEAL. 623 00:26:19,330 --> 00:26:20,330 - IT'S A NICE VIEW, 624 00:26:20,360 --> 00:26:24,000 BUT DO YOU THINK WE MIGHT GO BACK INSIDE NOW? 625 00:26:24,030 --> 00:26:26,640 I'M--I'M SCARED... 626 00:26:26,670 --> 00:26:28,270 - [chuckles] 627 00:26:28,300 --> 00:26:30,040 - AND I DON'T LIKE TO SHIT MYSELF 628 00:26:30,070 --> 00:26:32,040 IN FRONT OF A LADY. 629 00:26:32,070 --> 00:26:34,310 - OKAY. 630 00:26:37,750 --> 00:26:39,720 - HEY. - OH. 631 00:26:39,750 --> 00:26:41,980 [chuckles] 632 00:26:42,020 --> 00:26:43,190 - I'M NOT KIDDING. 633 00:26:45,950 --> 00:26:47,660 NOW I'M FEELING DIZZY. I'M GONNA HEAD BACK TO MY ROOM. 634 00:26:47,690 --> 00:26:51,730 - NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. LET'S GO THIS WAY. 635 00:26:51,760 --> 00:26:53,930 TAKE A NAP. 636 00:26:53,960 --> 00:26:55,360 - UHH! 637 00:26:58,000 --> 00:27:02,440 JESUS. OH... - HEY. 638 00:27:02,470 --> 00:27:05,770 - WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 639 00:27:05,810 --> 00:27:10,380 [girls giggling] 640 00:27:10,410 --> 00:27:13,720 OH... 641 00:27:19,250 --> 00:27:20,260 [camera shutter clicks] 642 00:27:20,290 --> 00:27:24,390 - HEY, CHECK IT OUT. 643 00:27:24,430 --> 00:27:25,460 DUDE, THAT'S AWESOME. 644 00:27:25,490 --> 00:27:27,060 SEND IT TO ME, YEAH. 645 00:27:27,100 --> 00:27:29,460 - PLAYTIME'S OVER, LADIES. - OH, NO. 646 00:27:29,500 --> 00:27:34,200 - NO, NO. GO PLAY AMONGST YOURSELVES. 647 00:27:34,240 --> 00:27:37,340 - * DON'T WAKE ME UP 648 00:27:37,370 --> 00:27:40,810 * DON'T WAKE ME UP 649 00:27:48,020 --> 00:27:50,990 Captioning by CaptionMax www.captionmax.com 650 00:27:51,020 --> 00:27:53,060 * ME UP 651 00:27:53,090 --> 00:27:56,860 * DON'T WAKE ME UP 652 00:27:56,890 --> 00:27:59,730 * SO DON'T WAKE ME UP 653 00:27:59,760 --> 00:28:03,100 * SO DON'T WAKE ME UP 46461

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