All language subtitles for Californication S03E09 Mr. Bad Example

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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:10,030 --> 00:00:11,330 - PREVIOUSLY ON CALIFORNICATION... 2 00:00:11,360 --> 00:00:13,230 - MY DIRTY LITTLE WHORE OF A NOSE 3 00:00:13,260 --> 00:00:15,270 IS SORRY THAT SHE LET YOU DOWN. 4 00:00:15,300 --> 00:00:16,530 I WANNA FIX THIS, CHARLIE. 5 00:00:16,570 --> 00:00:18,270 - [chortling] 6 00:00:18,300 --> 00:00:19,670 COME ON, SAY IT, BABY, SAY IT. 7 00:00:19,700 --> 00:00:21,640 - I'M GETTING FUCKED BY RICK SPRINGFIELD. 8 00:00:21,670 --> 00:00:24,410 - DO YOU WANT TO, UM, GO UP TO MY ROOM 9 00:00:24,440 --> 00:00:25,810 AND LISTEN TO SOME RECORDS? 10 00:00:25,840 --> 00:00:28,550 - ONLY IF THEY'RE MINE. - CHURCH. 11 00:00:28,580 --> 00:00:30,180 - YOU'RE MY STUDENT. 12 00:00:30,210 --> 00:00:32,550 - NOT ANYMORE, I'M NOT. 13 00:00:32,580 --> 00:00:35,350 - I OFFERED MYSELF TO YOU, AND YOU WEREN'T INTERESTED. 14 00:00:35,390 --> 00:00:37,620 IF ONLY I COULD HAVE JUST HAD ONE LITTLE NIBBLE. 15 00:00:37,650 --> 00:00:39,660 OH! 16 00:00:42,290 --> 00:00:45,130 - I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU, HANK MOODY. 17 00:00:45,160 --> 00:00:46,500 - WHOA! 18 00:00:46,530 --> 00:00:47,660 - WERE YOU SLEEPING WITH YOUR T.A. 19 00:00:47,700 --> 00:00:49,570 THE WHOLE TIME YOU WERE SLEEPING WITH ME? 20 00:00:49,600 --> 00:00:52,670 - WHAT? YOUR DAD'S FUCKING MY MOM! 21 00:00:52,700 --> 00:00:54,800 - SO WHAT, YOU'RE SAYING WE JUST PACK UP AND LEAVE L.A.? 22 00:00:54,840 --> 00:00:56,670 THE THREE OF US MOVE BACK TO NEW YORK, TOGETHER? 23 00:00:56,710 --> 00:00:59,710 - YEAH. END OF THE SEMESTER. WHATEVER. 24 00:01:05,750 --> 00:01:10,190 [unflattering squeaky noises] 25 00:01:12,760 --> 00:01:14,560 - OH, HEY! 26 00:01:14,590 --> 00:01:16,660 GO AHEAD. YOU'VE EARNED THE RIGHT. 27 00:01:16,690 --> 00:01:18,700 CAN'T DENY THIS PRIVILEGE. 28 00:01:18,730 --> 00:01:21,330 [chair making squelching noises] FIRE MY ASS. 29 00:01:21,370 --> 00:01:22,830 - OH, I'M NOT PLANNING TO FIRE YOU. 30 00:01:22,870 --> 00:01:23,900 - COME AGAIN? 31 00:01:23,930 --> 00:01:26,200 - UNFORTUNATELY, NOT A SINGLE ONE OF THE LADIES 32 00:01:26,240 --> 00:01:28,170 THAT YOU SO EGREGIOUSLY FOULED 33 00:01:28,210 --> 00:01:30,610 HAS AGREED TO STAND UP AND PRESS FORMAL CHARGES AGAINST YOU. 34 00:01:30,640 --> 00:01:32,180 AND WITHOUT THAT, THE MATTER ENDS HERE. 35 00:01:32,210 --> 00:01:34,710 YOU WIN, HANK MOODY. I ADMIT DEFEAT. 36 00:01:34,740 --> 00:01:37,680 NOT EVEN MY WIFE WILL SAY A BAD WORD ABOUT YOU. 37 00:01:37,710 --> 00:01:39,880 OR SHOULD I SAY EX-WIFE? 38 00:01:39,920 --> 00:01:42,590 JUST THIS MORNING, SHE REQUESTED I VACATE THE PREMISES. 39 00:01:42,620 --> 00:01:45,190 - OH, NO, SHE DIDN'T! - OH, YES, SHE DID. 40 00:01:45,220 --> 00:01:47,820 - NO, YOU CAN'T--YOU CAN'T KICK THE DEAN OUT OF THE DEANERY. 41 00:01:47,860 --> 00:01:48,830 THAT SHIT IS WRONG. 42 00:01:48,860 --> 00:01:50,690 YOU'VE GOTTA GET THAT WOMAN BACK. 43 00:01:50,730 --> 00:01:52,800 I CAN HELP YOU. WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO? 44 00:01:52,830 --> 00:01:54,530 JUST ASK ME. ASK ME--WHAT CAN I DO? 45 00:01:54,560 --> 00:01:55,800 - OKAY, I'VE GOT A QUESTION FOR YOU. 46 00:01:55,830 --> 00:01:57,370 YOU-- - NO, NOT NOW. 47 00:01:57,400 --> 00:02:00,370 HOLD ON, I GOT A CALL. [cell phone ringing] 48 00:02:00,400 --> 00:02:03,670 OH. M. FLOWER. I DON'T RECOGNIZE THAT NUMBER. 49 00:02:03,710 --> 00:02:04,740 - M-- - I DON'T NEED TO TAKE IT. 50 00:02:04,770 --> 00:02:07,280 - MAYFLOWER, MORON. MAYFLOWER SCHOOL FOR GIRLS. 51 00:02:07,310 --> 00:02:09,250 THAT CALL COULD BE IMPORTANT! - OH! 52 00:02:09,280 --> 00:02:14,950 [both cell phones ringing] 53 00:02:14,980 --> 00:02:17,820 - HANK MOODY. - STACY KOONS. 54 00:02:17,850 --> 00:02:20,290 - YES, I'LL, UH--I'LL HOLD FOR PRINCIPAL GREEN 55 00:02:20,320 --> 00:02:21,830 ON A DISCIPLINARY MATTER. 56 00:02:21,860 --> 00:02:25,500 - I WILL ALSO HOLD FOR PRINCIPAL GREEN. 57 00:02:25,530 --> 00:02:27,430 OH, THIS IS PRINCIPAL GREEN. 58 00:02:27,460 --> 00:02:28,930 [whispering] I'M HANDLING IT HERE. 59 00:02:28,970 --> 00:02:30,400 I GOT IT. UH-HUH. 60 00:02:30,430 --> 00:02:31,940 I'M LISTENING. A FIGHT? OH... 61 00:02:31,970 --> 00:02:34,800 A DISAGREEMENT, YOU MEAN, AN ARGUMENT. 62 00:02:34,840 --> 00:02:37,370 OH, THAT KIND OF FIGHT. - [whispers] WHAT KIND OF FIGHT? 63 00:02:37,410 --> 00:02:39,540 - A PHYSICAL CONFRONTATION. HMM. 64 00:02:39,580 --> 00:02:41,710 [laughs] AH, YEAH. THAT'S MY GIRL. 65 00:03:27,790 --> 00:03:31,730 - I ASSURE YOU THAT EXPULSION IS NOT A STEP WE TAKE LIGHTLY. 66 00:03:31,760 --> 00:03:34,600 - EXPULSION? - HEY, SLOW DOWN, DEAN KOONS. 67 00:03:34,630 --> 00:03:35,730 IT'S NOT SO MUCH FUN HERE 68 00:03:35,770 --> 00:03:36,930 ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE DESK, IS IT? 69 00:03:36,970 --> 00:03:38,600 - YES, STACY, LET'S JUST WAIT AND SEE 70 00:03:38,640 --> 00:03:39,840 WHAT PRINCIPAL GREEN HAS TO SAY. 71 00:03:39,870 --> 00:03:40,840 - [whispers] SHE'S SUCH A KISS-ASS! 72 00:03:40,870 --> 00:03:43,640 - AFTER ALL, SHE DIDN'T SAY THAT BOTH GIRLS-- 73 00:03:43,670 --> 00:03:45,480 - OH, NO, THEY'RE BOTH BEING EXPELLED. 74 00:03:45,510 --> 00:03:48,350 WE HAVE A ZERO-TOLERANCE POLICY 75 00:03:48,380 --> 00:03:50,710 ON VIOLENCE HERE AT THE MAYFLOWER SCHOOL. 76 00:03:50,750 --> 00:03:52,980 WE'VE JUST NEVER HAD TO APPLY IT BEFORE, 77 00:03:53,020 --> 00:03:55,890 SINCE MOST OF OUR YOUNG LADIES HAVE BEEN TAUGHT 78 00:03:55,920 --> 00:03:57,590 NOT TO RESORT TO PHYSICAL VIOLENCE 79 00:03:57,620 --> 00:03:59,890 AS A MEANS OF EXPRESSION. 80 00:03:59,920 --> 00:04:04,360 - MM-HMM. SO...HEY, LET'S LOOK AT THE BRIGHT SIDE HERE. 81 00:04:04,390 --> 00:04:07,000 WE'RE MAKING HISTORY. BIG UPS FOR WOMEN'S RIGHTS. 82 00:04:07,030 --> 00:04:08,670 - YOU KNOW WHAT? THIS IS WRONG. 83 00:04:08,700 --> 00:04:11,540 THERE IS JUST NO WAY THAT BECCA WOULD HIT ANYONE. 84 00:04:11,570 --> 00:04:13,400 - RIGHT. NOT WITHOUT BEING PROVOKED. 85 00:04:13,440 --> 00:04:15,440 WE'RE NOT A FAMILY THAT TAKES SHIT LYING DOWN. 86 00:04:15,470 --> 00:04:16,610 - THERE, SEE, HE JUST ADMITTED IT WAS BECCA'S FAULT. 87 00:04:16,640 --> 00:04:17,740 - I DID NOT. - DID TOO. 88 00:04:17,770 --> 00:04:19,440 - I DIDN'T. I DIDN'T. - DID TOO. DID. 89 00:04:19,480 --> 00:04:21,550 - PRINCIPAL GREEN, I'M SURE THAT THERE'S NO NEED 90 00:04:21,580 --> 00:04:22,910 TO TAKE DRASTIC ACTION 91 00:04:22,950 --> 00:04:24,850 THAT MIGHT IMPACT THE GIRLS' ACADEMIC FUTURE. 92 00:04:24,880 --> 00:04:26,850 CHELSEA WAS CLEARLY UPSET YESTERDAY 93 00:04:26,880 --> 00:04:28,450 BECAUSE HER FATHER WAS MOVING OUT. 94 00:04:28,490 --> 00:04:30,720 I TRIED TO EXPLAIN TO HER THAT IT WASN'T HANK'S FAULT. 95 00:04:30,750 --> 00:04:32,960 - WHAT? WHAT'S SHE TALKING ABOUT? 96 00:04:32,990 --> 00:04:34,620 - I DON'T KNOW. SHE HAS THAT ACCENT... 97 00:04:34,660 --> 00:04:37,860 - I'M SO SORRY. - HANK'S FAULT? 98 00:04:37,890 --> 00:04:39,960 - YOU DIDN'T TELL HER. 99 00:04:41,400 --> 00:04:43,570 - TELL ME WHAT? 100 00:04:43,600 --> 00:04:45,940 - BECCA'S FATHER AND I HAD A SLIGHT, WELL, INDISCRETION 101 00:04:45,970 --> 00:04:48,440 THAT MAY HAVE CONTRIBUTED-- INDIRECTLY, THOUGH-- 102 00:04:48,470 --> 00:04:49,570 TO THE GIRLS' LITTLE KAFUFFLE. 103 00:04:49,610 --> 00:04:52,580 - SHE'S KIDDING, RIGHT? YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME. 104 00:04:52,610 --> 00:04:54,010 - HE FUCKS MY WIFE, 105 00:04:54,040 --> 00:04:55,950 I SOMEHOW ENDED UP SLEEPING AT THE FACULTY CLUB. 106 00:04:55,980 --> 00:04:58,350 - OH, STACY, YOU'RE MAKING THIS WORSE THAN IT HAS TO BE. 107 00:04:58,380 --> 00:04:59,620 - I DON'T THINK SO. - KAREN... 108 00:04:59,650 --> 00:05:02,590 - YOU! YOU...[snaps] YOU SAY ONE WORD TO ME, 109 00:05:02,620 --> 00:05:06,060 AND I WILL SHOW YOU WHERE BECCA LEARNED TO THROW DOWN. 110 00:05:07,420 --> 00:05:10,590 - [humming] 111 00:05:10,630 --> 00:05:13,030 HEY, THERE, MINNIE MOUSE. 112 00:05:13,060 --> 00:05:16,630 WHOA! SHOULDN'T YOU BE DRESSED AND READY FOR ACTION? 113 00:05:16,670 --> 00:05:18,970 I MEAN WAXIN'. ACTION WAXIN'. 114 00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:20,470 HA HA. YOU GET IT? IT RHYMES. 115 00:05:20,500 --> 00:05:21,970 ACTION WAXIN'. 116 00:05:22,010 --> 00:05:24,670 - BITE ME. 117 00:05:24,710 --> 00:05:27,940 - [teasing] STILL NO CALL FROM RICK SPRINGFIELD. 118 00:05:27,980 --> 00:05:30,850 - YOU DON'T HAVE TO SOUND SO CHIPPER ABOUT IT. 119 00:05:30,880 --> 00:05:33,980 THE MAN'S BEEN IN TAHOE FOR THE PAST THREE DAYS. 120 00:05:34,020 --> 00:05:36,150 - I KNOW, I KNOW. 121 00:05:36,190 --> 00:05:38,460 - THAT WAS A HUGE SHOW FOR HIM. 122 00:05:38,490 --> 00:05:40,860 HE'S PROBABLY JUST DECOMPRESSING RIGHT NOW. 123 00:05:40,890 --> 00:05:42,130 - SURE, SURE. 124 00:05:42,160 --> 00:05:43,860 OR MAYBE... 125 00:05:43,890 --> 00:05:46,830 HE'S TRYING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING. 126 00:05:46,860 --> 00:05:50,500 YOU KNOW, THIS COULD BE A BLESSING IN DISGUISE, REALLY. 127 00:05:50,530 --> 00:05:52,140 - HE'LL CALL. 128 00:05:52,170 --> 00:05:54,440 - MAYBE. 129 00:05:54,470 --> 00:05:57,140 OR...MAYBE NOT. 130 00:05:57,170 --> 00:05:59,140 YOU KNOW, MAYBE RICK SPRINGFIELD 131 00:05:59,180 --> 00:06:01,480 NOT CALLING YOU FOR THREE DAYS 132 00:06:01,510 --> 00:06:05,010 IS HIS WAY OF SAYING THAT HE DOESN'T SEE THE REAL YOU, 133 00:06:05,050 --> 00:06:08,020 THAT HE DOESN'T, UH, VALUE YOUR ESSENTIAL 134 00:06:08,050 --> 00:06:09,290 WOMAN-NESS AND SO FORTH. 135 00:06:09,320 --> 00:06:12,720 - OH, MY GOD, WOULD YOU PLEASE MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS, RUNKLE? 136 00:06:12,760 --> 00:06:14,620 - HEY, RICK SPRINGFIELD IS MY BUSINESS. 137 00:06:14,660 --> 00:06:15,990 HE'S MY CLIENT, FOR CHRIST SAKES. 138 00:06:16,030 --> 00:06:17,690 YOU KNOW, I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING, MARCE. 139 00:06:17,730 --> 00:06:20,660 I HAVE SEEN SOME THINGS, OKAY, UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL, 140 00:06:20,700 --> 00:06:23,600 SOME STRANGELY FUCKED-UP SHIT, HUH? 141 00:06:23,630 --> 00:06:26,900 THAT GUY...HE'S NOT THE BIGGEST FRIEND TO WOMEN. 142 00:06:26,940 --> 00:06:28,140 - [scoffs] OH... 143 00:06:28,170 --> 00:06:30,910 AND YOU'RE FRIGGING BELLA ABZUG OVER HERE. 144 00:06:30,940 --> 00:06:32,840 - FAR FROM IT. 145 00:06:32,880 --> 00:06:36,780 - NO, I TOTALLY GET IT-- I'M DATING MY DREAM CRUSH... 146 00:06:36,810 --> 00:06:38,750 HITTING MY PEAK SEXUALLY, 147 00:06:38,780 --> 00:06:42,050 THIS CLOSE TO SELLING THIS FRIGID BOX OF A HOUSE, 148 00:06:42,090 --> 00:06:43,920 AND MOVING ON WITH MY LIFE, 149 00:06:43,950 --> 00:06:45,960 AND YOU JUST DON'T WANT ME TO BE HAPPY, CHARLIE. 150 00:06:45,990 --> 00:06:49,060 - OF COURSE I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY, MARCY. 151 00:06:49,090 --> 00:06:51,930 GOD, I MEAN, LOOK, WE'RE TALKING HERE, OKAY? 152 00:06:51,960 --> 00:06:54,600 I MISS THIS. I MISS US. 153 00:06:54,630 --> 00:06:56,200 DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT'S BEEN 154 00:06:56,230 --> 00:06:58,470 SINCE I'VE HEARD YOU SAY THOSE THREE LITTLE WORDS? 155 00:06:58,500 --> 00:07:00,140 - EAT MY CLAM? 156 00:07:00,170 --> 00:07:03,610 - EAT MY CLAM-- NO, NO, NOT EAT MY CLAM. 157 00:07:03,640 --> 00:07:05,210 I LOVE YOU. 158 00:07:05,240 --> 00:07:07,140 I DON'T MEAN TO GET A BEE IN MY BONNET, BABE. 159 00:07:07,180 --> 00:07:09,110 I JUST--I DON'T WANNA SEE YOU WASTE YOUR LIFE 160 00:07:09,150 --> 00:07:11,880 WAITING FOR A PHONE CALL THAT MIGHT NEVER COME. 161 00:07:11,920 --> 00:07:14,620 - OH, IT'S COMING, FOOL. 162 00:07:14,650 --> 00:07:16,620 AND BY THE WAY, MY GAY UNCLE CALLED. 163 00:07:16,650 --> 00:07:18,990 HE WANTS HIS EXPRESSIONS BACK. 164 00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:28,260 - GUESS IT'S HOMESCHOOLING AFTER ALL. 165 00:07:28,300 --> 00:07:31,130 - WELL, YOU BETTER HOPE THAT HE REMEMBERS HIS ALGEBRA, 166 00:07:31,170 --> 00:07:33,240 BECAUSE YOU DEFINITELY WON'T BE GOING 167 00:07:33,270 --> 00:07:35,070 TO A NEW YORK PRIVATE SCHOOL AFTER THIS. 168 00:07:35,100 --> 00:07:37,270 - WELL, OBVIOUSLY, SHE WAS PROVOKED. 169 00:07:37,310 --> 00:07:39,940 - YES. SHE CALLED YOU A HOME WRECKER... 170 00:07:39,980 --> 00:07:41,140 WHICH YOU ARE. 171 00:07:41,180 --> 00:07:42,610 YET SOMEHOW THAT DIDN'T STOP ME 172 00:07:42,650 --> 00:07:44,150 FROM SHOVING HER INTO THE VENDING MACHINE. 173 00:07:44,180 --> 00:07:46,580 THEN THE HITTING BEGAN. 174 00:07:46,620 --> 00:07:48,920 SATISFIED? 175 00:07:50,650 --> 00:07:53,890 - HANK, I ASKED YOU TO DO ONE THING. 176 00:07:53,920 --> 00:07:56,790 LOOK AFTER BECCA. HOW HARD IS THAT? 177 00:07:56,830 --> 00:07:58,600 - HARD. REAL HARD. 178 00:07:58,630 --> 00:08:00,030 I UNDERSTAND THAT NOW. 179 00:08:00,060 --> 00:08:02,030 - WELL, IT COULDN'T HAVE BEEN THAT HARD, COULD IT? 180 00:08:02,070 --> 00:08:03,300 - WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN? 181 00:08:03,330 --> 00:08:05,800 - YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. 182 00:08:05,840 --> 00:08:07,170 - YOU'RE MAD ABOUT FELICIA? 183 00:08:07,200 --> 00:08:08,940 - NO. I WOULD NOT GIVE YOU THE SATISFACTION 184 00:08:08,970 --> 00:08:10,570 OF BEING MAD ABOUT FELICIA. 185 00:08:10,610 --> 00:08:12,310 - I DON'T KNOW HOW SATISFYING THAT WOULD BE. 186 00:08:12,340 --> 00:08:14,780 - YOU KNOW WHAT? WHILE I'M WORKING MY ASS OFF IN NEW YORK, 187 00:08:14,810 --> 00:08:16,650 YOU START SOME KIND OF RELATIONSHIP 188 00:08:16,680 --> 00:08:19,280 WITH THE MOST ANNOYING WOMAN ON THE PLANET, 189 00:08:19,320 --> 00:08:22,650 WHO ALSO HAPPENS TO BE THE MOTHER OF BECCA'S BEST FRIEND 190 00:08:22,690 --> 00:08:24,650 AND YOUR BOSS! WHAT IS--[groans] 191 00:08:24,690 --> 00:08:26,720 - IT'S NOT A RELATIONSHIP, KAREN, FAR FROM IT. 192 00:08:26,760 --> 00:08:27,920 YOU KNOW THAT. 193 00:08:27,960 --> 00:08:29,660 SHE WAS JUST LOOKING TO SLEEP WITH SOMEONE-- 194 00:08:29,690 --> 00:08:31,160 ANYONE-- GET HER GROOVE BACK, 195 00:08:31,190 --> 00:08:33,630 GET BACK AT THE DEAN, AND I-I DIDN'T WANT TO. 196 00:08:33,660 --> 00:08:35,670 I THOUGHT IT WAS A BAD IDEA. YOU KNOW, IT SEEMED WRONG TO ME. 197 00:08:35,700 --> 00:08:38,070 WE DON'T LIKE TO GET INVOLVED IN OTHER PEOPLE'S MARITAL WOES, 198 00:08:38,100 --> 00:08:39,240 'CAUSE WE'VE BEEN THERE. 199 00:08:39,270 --> 00:08:40,700 THAT'S SOME SAD, MESSED-UP SHIT, 200 00:08:40,740 --> 00:08:41,970 AND I WANTED TO KEEP US OUT OF IT. 201 00:08:42,010 --> 00:08:44,640 - OH, YOU DID A REALLY GOOD JOB OF NOT GETTING INVOLVED, HANK. 202 00:08:44,670 --> 00:08:46,610 - WELL, I DID, AT FIRST. I REFUSED. 203 00:08:46,640 --> 00:08:49,110 BUT THEN SHE WAS GONNA CALL IN HER CHIP WITH THIS OTHER DUDE, 204 00:08:49,150 --> 00:08:51,180 THIS MR. ZIPLESS FUCK, A REAL CHEESEBALL-- 205 00:08:51,210 --> 00:08:53,050 - YOU KNOW WHAT? OUT. 206 00:08:53,080 --> 00:08:54,720 - WHAT? WHAT? 207 00:08:54,750 --> 00:08:56,820 - I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT FELICIA AND HER... 208 00:08:56,850 --> 00:08:57,990 MIDLIFE CRISIS, OKAY? - OKAY. 209 00:08:58,020 --> 00:09:00,890 - DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW FUCKING INFURIATING YOU ARE? 210 00:09:00,920 --> 00:09:02,760 - YES. YES, I DO. 211 00:09:02,790 --> 00:09:04,260 I'M JUST TRYING TO FILL YOU IN 212 00:09:04,290 --> 00:09:06,030 ON WHAT HAPPENED WHILE YOU WERE AWAY. 213 00:09:06,060 --> 00:09:09,900 - LEAVE NOW, OKAY? I NEED--I NEED PEACE, HANK. 214 00:09:09,930 --> 00:09:11,700 YOU MUST HAVE SOMETHING TO DO, 215 00:09:11,740 --> 00:09:13,670 I-I MEAN SOME... PAPERS TO GRADE, 216 00:09:13,700 --> 00:09:15,100 SOME FUCKING MARIJUANA TO SMOKE, 217 00:09:15,140 --> 00:09:18,070 HEY, SOME STUDENTS TO FUCK. 218 00:09:18,110 --> 00:09:22,180 - WHAT? SO--SO YOU'D BE TOTALLY FINE IF I, UH... 219 00:09:23,280 --> 00:09:25,250 - UHH! 220 00:09:30,220 --> 00:09:33,890 [Rick Springfield singing] - * MY LIFE HAS JUST BEGUN 221 00:09:33,920 --> 00:09:37,290 * NOW I UNDERSTAND THE GREATER PLAN * 222 00:09:37,330 --> 00:09:41,770 * MY PRECIOUS LITTLE ONE 223 00:09:41,800 --> 00:09:44,730 [end chords] 224 00:09:44,770 --> 00:09:46,000 [click] 225 00:09:46,040 --> 00:09:48,770 - OHH. PIPES OF A FUCKING ANGEL. 226 00:09:48,810 --> 00:09:51,040 YOU KNOW, I GOTTA TAKE THIS DOWN 227 00:09:51,070 --> 00:09:52,310 AND PLAY IT FOR THE GIRLS AT THE ORPHANAGE. 228 00:09:52,340 --> 00:09:53,810 - RIGHT ON. 229 00:09:53,840 --> 00:09:55,850 HEY, I'M DOING A CHILDREN'S CHARITY CONCERT 230 00:09:55,880 --> 00:09:57,210 AT, UH, THE GROVE THURSDAY NIGHT. 231 00:09:57,250 --> 00:10:00,350 YEAH, HALF THE PROCEEDS GO TO, UH, JUVENILE DIABETES. 232 00:10:01,750 --> 00:10:03,390 - WHAT? 233 00:10:03,420 --> 00:10:05,250 - UM, I'M SPEECHLESS. 234 00:10:05,290 --> 00:10:07,860 GIRLS AT THE ORPHANAGE? JUVENILE DIABETES? 235 00:10:07,890 --> 00:10:09,390 WHO ARE YOU TWO, AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE 236 00:10:09,430 --> 00:10:11,130 WITH THE NYMPHOMANIACAL SOCIOPATHS 237 00:10:11,160 --> 00:10:12,860 I'VE GROWN TO LOVE AND LOATHE? 238 00:10:12,900 --> 00:10:14,860 - SORRY TO BURST YOUR BUBBLE, RUNKLE. 239 00:10:14,900 --> 00:10:17,930 I'M A COMPLICATED BEAST. - ME TOO. 240 00:10:17,970 --> 00:10:19,370 PLUS, YOU KNOW, CHARITY EVENTS ARE LIKE GROUND ZERO 241 00:10:19,400 --> 00:10:20,670 FOR SINGLE PUSSY. 242 00:10:20,700 --> 00:10:22,010 - AND HE'S BACK. 243 00:10:22,040 --> 00:10:23,710 - HEY, YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN ME IN TAHOE. 244 00:10:23,740 --> 00:10:25,740 TWO NIGHTS, SIX CHICKS-- NO RUBBERS. 245 00:10:25,780 --> 00:10:28,750 - BRAVO, RICK. BRAVO. 246 00:10:28,780 --> 00:10:31,380 SAFETY FIRST, I ALWAYS SAY, OF COURSE. 247 00:10:31,410 --> 00:10:32,950 BUT [clears throat] THEN AGAIN, 248 00:10:32,980 --> 00:10:34,820 I'M NOT THE ONE WHO'S CURRENTLY HAVING 249 00:10:34,850 --> 00:10:37,420 INTIMATE RELATIONS WITH MY WIFE. 250 00:10:37,450 --> 00:10:40,020 - OH, CAN IT, RUNKLE. LIFE'S MESSY. 251 00:10:40,060 --> 00:10:41,730 - YOU BETTER CLEAN UP YOUR GAME, GONZO-- 252 00:10:41,760 --> 00:10:43,460 THE WOMANIZING, THE BOOZING. 253 00:10:43,490 --> 00:10:46,130 IF YOU WON'T DO IT FOR MARCY, AT LEAST DO IT FOR YOUR CAREER. 254 00:10:46,160 --> 00:10:49,270 WE HAVE LANDED YOU THE COMEBACK VEHICLE OF A LIFETIME. 255 00:10:49,300 --> 00:10:51,370 PLEASE DON'T FUCK IT UP. 256 00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:53,070 - HEY, PLEASE DON'T USE THE "C" WORD, ALL RIGHT? 257 00:10:53,100 --> 00:10:55,000 I'M NOT COMING BACK FROM ANYTHING. 258 00:10:55,040 --> 00:10:57,810 THAT REMINDS ME-- I NEED SOME BLOW. 259 00:10:59,810 --> 00:11:01,340 - SORRY? 260 00:11:01,380 --> 00:11:03,180 - DUDE, YOU HEARD ME. 261 00:11:03,210 --> 00:11:04,910 SOME BLOW, SOME YAY, SOME WHITE GIRL, 262 00:11:04,950 --> 00:11:06,180 SOME POWDER, SOME CAKE. 263 00:11:06,220 --> 00:11:07,750 I START FILMING TOMORROW. 264 00:11:07,780 --> 00:11:09,790 IT'S MY LAST CHANCE TO GET FUCKED OUT OF MY MIND. 265 00:11:09,820 --> 00:11:11,760 - ALL DUE RESPECT, '80s ROCK STAR, 266 00:11:11,790 --> 00:11:14,360 I THINK YOU'D HAVE A BETTER LINE ON COCAINE THAN I WOULD. 267 00:11:14,390 --> 00:11:15,360 - SO? [laughs] 268 00:11:15,390 --> 00:11:16,790 - SO WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME 269 00:11:16,830 --> 00:11:19,100 TO PROCURE YOU DRUGS LIKE I'M YOUR ASSISTANT? 270 00:11:19,130 --> 00:11:22,070 - GEE, UH, LET ME SEE. BECAUSE I FUCKING CAN. 271 00:11:22,100 --> 00:11:24,930 - I DON'T THINK I LIKE YOUR TONE, BUD, 272 00:11:24,970 --> 00:11:26,970 NOT ONE LITTLE BIT. 273 00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:30,470 - 9:00 P.M., MY TRAILER ON SET. 274 00:11:30,510 --> 00:11:33,110 OKAY? 275 00:11:36,410 --> 00:11:39,480 - [scoffs] - AW, CHRIST, RUNKLE. 276 00:11:39,520 --> 00:11:40,780 SACK UP! 277 00:11:40,820 --> 00:11:42,320 IF A CLIENT ASKS YOU 278 00:11:42,350 --> 00:11:45,150 TO DRESS UP LIKE A FRENCH MAID AND RIM HIS SHIT-HOLE, 279 00:11:45,190 --> 00:11:47,820 YOU COMPLY, WITH BELLS ON, HUH? 280 00:11:47,860 --> 00:11:50,330 I WOULD HOOK HIM UP MYSELF, BUT MY GUY'S IN THAILAND-- 281 00:11:50,360 --> 00:11:53,900 JUST SOME SEX TOURISM, SOMETHING LIKE THAT, ANYWAY. 282 00:11:53,930 --> 00:11:55,400 SO THIS ONE'S ON YOU. 283 00:11:55,430 --> 00:11:56,500 OH. ALMOST FORGOT. 284 00:11:56,530 --> 00:11:58,200 HERE. 285 00:11:58,230 --> 00:12:00,340 ANNUAL BONUS. 286 00:12:00,370 --> 00:12:03,070 DON'T SPEND IT ALL IN ONE PLACE, LADYBOY. 287 00:12:09,510 --> 00:12:11,080 - THIS DOES SEEM MIGHTY SMALL. 288 00:12:11,110 --> 00:12:12,820 I THINK I GOT A BIGGER BONUS CHECK 289 00:12:12,850 --> 00:12:14,350 WHEN I WORKED AT BLOCKBUSTER IN '91. 290 00:12:14,380 --> 00:12:16,350 - WAIT, WAIT. BE KIND, REWIND. 291 00:12:16,390 --> 00:12:17,890 HANK MOODY WORKED AT BLOCKBUSTER? 292 00:12:17,920 --> 00:12:20,390 - YEAH. YEAH, I HAD THE KHAKIS, THE TUCKED-IN POLO. 293 00:12:20,420 --> 00:12:21,990 [laughs] THE WHOLE THING. 294 00:12:22,030 --> 00:12:23,930 I USED TO SPLICE PORN INTO THE DISNEY FILMS. 295 00:12:23,960 --> 00:12:25,960 - OF COURSE YOU DID. 296 00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:27,460 - BUT BACK TO YOU. 297 00:12:27,500 --> 00:12:30,270 HOW DOES THIS ALL MAKE YOU FEEL... 298 00:12:30,300 --> 00:12:32,900 EMOTIONALLY? 299 00:12:32,940 --> 00:12:34,070 - WOW. 300 00:12:34,100 --> 00:12:37,070 WELL... [sighs] 301 00:12:37,110 --> 00:12:38,980 BETWEEN MY SAD LITTLE BONUS CHECK 302 00:12:39,010 --> 00:12:41,080 AND MY NEW POSITION AS RICK SPRINGFIELD'S 303 00:12:41,110 --> 00:12:42,510 DRUG DEALER/PIMP, 304 00:12:42,550 --> 00:12:46,950 I WOULD HAVE TO SAY I FEEL LIKE SHIT EMOTIONALLY. 305 00:12:46,980 --> 00:12:49,990 - ENOUGH! I'VE GROWN TIRED OF YOUR JIBBER-JABBER, RUNKLE. 306 00:12:50,020 --> 00:12:51,990 MY TURN. LET'S SWITCH IT UP. 307 00:12:57,260 --> 00:12:58,290 OHH... 308 00:12:58,330 --> 00:13:00,830 BECCA GOT EXPELLED. 309 00:13:00,860 --> 00:13:03,400 SHE WENT ALL LEON SPINKS ON HER BFF. 310 00:13:03,430 --> 00:13:04,400 - REALLY? 311 00:13:04,430 --> 00:13:07,940 IS IT CREEPY THAT I FIND THAT MILDLY AROUSING? 312 00:13:07,970 --> 00:13:10,970 - YES. - CONTINUE. 313 00:13:11,010 --> 00:13:12,980 - KAREN IS LIVID, AS WELL SHE SHOULD BE. 314 00:13:13,010 --> 00:13:15,180 I HONESTLY DON'T KNOW HOW IT ALL GOT SO OUT OF HAND. 315 00:13:15,210 --> 00:13:17,080 CHELSEA AND BECCA WERE THICK AS THIEVES, 316 00:13:17,110 --> 00:13:18,510 ONCE UPON A TIME, LIKE YOU AND ME. 317 00:13:18,550 --> 00:13:20,620 THE DEAN'S BEEN KICKED OUT OF THE DEANERY. 318 00:13:20,650 --> 00:13:22,320 FELICIA DID THAT, AND THAT AIN'T RIGHT. 319 00:13:22,350 --> 00:13:23,450 AND I SHOULD BE HAPPY. 320 00:13:23,490 --> 00:13:24,650 I KNOW I SHOULD, 321 00:13:24,690 --> 00:13:27,960 BECAUSE WE'RE ALL PACKING UP AND MOVING TO NEW YORK SOON. 322 00:13:27,990 --> 00:13:30,330 [Charlie sobbing] 323 00:13:32,200 --> 00:13:33,900 ARE YOU WEEPING? 324 00:13:33,930 --> 00:13:36,000 - [continues sobbing] - [chuckles] 325 00:13:36,030 --> 00:13:38,070 - I NEED COCAINE! 326 00:13:38,100 --> 00:13:40,900 [sobbing] 327 00:13:40,940 --> 00:13:42,970 - AND THIS CONCERNS ME HOW? - I DON'T KNOW! 328 00:13:43,010 --> 00:13:44,040 - MM. 329 00:13:44,070 --> 00:13:46,310 - I JUST--I MIGHT GET FIRED! 330 00:13:46,340 --> 00:13:48,340 COLLINI DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT ME. 331 00:13:48,380 --> 00:13:50,180 MARCY--MARCY, SHE'S A FUCKING STRANGER. 332 00:13:50,210 --> 00:13:53,480 [whining] NO ONE TAKES CARE OF ME! 333 00:13:53,520 --> 00:13:55,220 AND NOW YOU, YOU'RE LEAVING ME TOO. 334 00:13:55,250 --> 00:13:57,390 YOU'RE MOVING BACK TO NEW YORK. 335 00:13:57,420 --> 00:14:02,460 [sobbing] 336 00:14:02,490 --> 00:14:05,060 - COME HERE. 337 00:14:05,090 --> 00:14:08,000 - [continues sobbing] 338 00:14:08,030 --> 00:14:09,930 [knock on door] - BIG BOY. 339 00:14:09,970 --> 00:14:11,500 - UH, SORRY. 340 00:14:11,530 --> 00:14:15,470 AM I INTERRUPTING SOMETHING, PROFESSOR MOODY? 341 00:14:15,500 --> 00:14:17,910 - NAH. JUST A COMPLETE PSYCHOLOGICAL BREAKDOWN. 342 00:14:17,940 --> 00:14:19,310 - I'M JUST PICKING UP MY ESSAY. 343 00:14:19,340 --> 00:14:20,980 JILL SAID SHE GRADED THEM. 344 00:14:21,010 --> 00:14:23,950 - ROCK ON. - OH. 345 00:14:23,980 --> 00:14:26,220 [Charlie gulps, stops crying] 346 00:14:26,250 --> 00:14:28,950 - OH, AND YOU SHOULD HIT UP DAVE EDELSTEIN. 347 00:14:28,990 --> 00:14:30,490 KIND OF A DOUCHE, 348 00:14:30,520 --> 00:14:33,790 BUT HIS COKE IS THE FUCKING TRUTH. 349 00:14:37,660 --> 00:14:40,500 WHAT? IT'S A GREAT STUDY AID. 350 00:14:40,530 --> 00:14:43,070 PLUS, IT SUPPRESSES MY GAG REFLEX. 351 00:14:43,100 --> 00:14:46,100 GOOD FOR...YOU KNOW. 352 00:14:46,140 --> 00:14:50,610 - NOTED. AND DISMISSED. 353 00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:53,310 SHOTGUN? 354 00:14:58,250 --> 00:15:01,180 - THEY'RE NOT GONNA HEAR THAT. 355 00:15:01,220 --> 00:15:03,320 - AN UNRELIABLE DRUG DEALER, THE FUCKING GALL. 356 00:15:03,350 --> 00:15:05,120 - ALL RIGHT, WELL. WE TRIED, RIGHT? 357 00:15:05,150 --> 00:15:06,460 I GAVE IT A SHOT. - THAT'S YOU TRYING? 358 00:15:06,490 --> 00:15:07,590 - WHAT? 359 00:15:07,620 --> 00:15:09,590 - NO WONDER MY LAST BOOK DIDN'T SELL. 360 00:15:09,630 --> 00:15:11,360 - AEEEII! - CHEESE IT, THE COPS. 361 00:15:11,390 --> 00:15:13,060 [Charlie making nonsense sounds] 362 00:15:14,200 --> 00:15:16,270 - OH! UNLOCKED. 363 00:15:16,300 --> 00:15:19,440 GO, GO! 364 00:15:25,610 --> 00:15:28,080 [object clatters] - COME ON. 365 00:15:35,050 --> 00:15:36,120 - HA HA! 366 00:15:36,150 --> 00:15:38,350 [laughs] BLEAH! 367 00:15:38,390 --> 00:15:41,160 - OOH, A FLESHLIGHT-- STEALTHY, SECURE. 368 00:15:41,190 --> 00:15:43,230 I HATE TO SAY IT, BUT IT'S HIGHLY LIKELY. 369 00:15:43,260 --> 00:15:47,030 MAYBE IN THE LABIA. VAS DEFINITELY. 370 00:15:47,060 --> 00:15:49,270 I WOULD, UH, CHECK IT OUT. - OH, SHIT! 371 00:15:49,300 --> 00:15:52,500 - LOOKS A LITTLE LIKE YOU. CHECK IT. 372 00:15:52,540 --> 00:15:54,340 GO DEEP. DIG IN. 373 00:15:54,370 --> 00:15:56,310 GET IN THERE. 374 00:15:56,340 --> 00:15:58,240 [squelching sounds] 375 00:15:58,270 --> 00:16:01,240 OH, CHARLIE. [both laughing] 376 00:16:01,280 --> 00:16:03,580 - AH! GODDAMN IT. IT'S STICKY INSIDE. 377 00:16:03,610 --> 00:16:05,210 WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING AT? 378 00:16:05,250 --> 00:16:07,380 - 'CAUSE I KNOW WHERE IT IS, NUMB NUTS. 379 00:16:07,420 --> 00:16:08,580 GO. 380 00:16:08,620 --> 00:16:10,790 - FUCKING HELL. 381 00:16:10,820 --> 00:16:13,260 OH, YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME. 382 00:16:13,290 --> 00:16:14,590 [snake hissing] 383 00:16:14,620 --> 00:16:16,260 - GO AHEAD. I HAD A FEW WHEN I WAS A KID. 384 00:16:16,290 --> 00:16:18,660 THEY'RE--THEY'RE LIKE SWEETHEARTS WITH SCALES. 385 00:16:20,260 --> 00:16:22,200 JUST DO IT. - [funny voice] WHAT IS DIS? 386 00:16:22,230 --> 00:16:26,340 OKAY. YOU'RE NOT SUCH A BAD BOY, REALLY, ARE YOU? 387 00:16:26,370 --> 00:16:28,470 NO... 388 00:16:28,500 --> 00:16:30,410 YOU'RE A GOOD LITTLE BOY. 389 00:16:30,440 --> 00:16:32,680 THAT'S A GOOD BOY. 390 00:16:32,710 --> 00:16:34,180 - [exhales sharply] 391 00:16:35,610 --> 00:16:37,350 - OW! FUCK! AH! GOD! - RUNKLE, SHIT! 392 00:16:37,380 --> 00:16:38,510 WHAT THE FUCK, RUNKLE? 393 00:16:38,550 --> 00:16:40,180 - THAT FUCKING THING FED UPON ME! 394 00:16:40,220 --> 00:16:42,720 THAT FUCKING GODDAMN MONSTER FUCKING ATE MY FLESH. 395 00:16:42,750 --> 00:16:45,050 OH, SHIT. JESUS CHRIST, WHAT IF IT'S POISONOUS? 396 00:16:45,090 --> 00:16:47,120 I THINK I-I FEEL MY HEART SLOWING DOWN. 397 00:16:47,160 --> 00:16:49,430 - OH, MY GOD, I THINK SOMETHING WEIRD IS HAPPENING. 398 00:16:49,460 --> 00:16:50,590 - IS THERE? 399 00:16:50,630 --> 00:16:52,400 - YOU'RE BECOMING AN EVEN BIGGER PUSSY! 400 00:16:52,430 --> 00:16:54,060 IT'S A GARTER SNAKE. IT'S AN OVERGROWN EARTHWORM. 401 00:16:54,100 --> 00:16:55,060 YOU'RE FINE. 402 00:16:55,100 --> 00:16:56,230 [knocking] - EXCUSE ME. 403 00:16:56,270 --> 00:16:58,070 I.D.s. NOW. 404 00:16:58,100 --> 00:17:00,270 - OH, WELL, ACTUALLY, WE'RE JUST--WE'RE JUST VISITING. 405 00:17:00,300 --> 00:17:03,210 - YEAH? WHO YOU VISITING? - HIS, UH--HIS, UH, COUSIN. 406 00:17:03,240 --> 00:17:04,540 - YEAH. - LOVER. HIS NEPHEW. 407 00:17:04,570 --> 00:17:06,310 DAVID EDELSTEIN. 408 00:17:06,340 --> 00:17:08,580 [laughing] DAVID EDELSTEIN. 409 00:17:08,610 --> 00:17:11,080 RUNKLE. RUNKLE. 410 00:17:14,720 --> 00:17:16,290 RUN, RUNKLE! [guard grunting] 411 00:17:16,320 --> 00:17:18,290 OH, I'M SORRY. 412 00:17:18,320 --> 00:17:20,690 JEEZ. OKAY. SORRY. SORRY. 413 00:17:22,690 --> 00:17:24,430 OH, SORRY, SORRY. 414 00:17:27,700 --> 00:17:30,670 [both grunting] 415 00:17:30,700 --> 00:17:31,670 OH! [thud] 416 00:17:31,700 --> 00:17:32,800 THAT'S MY LEFT BALL! [thud] 417 00:17:32,840 --> 00:17:34,270 THAT'S MY RIGHT BALL. 418 00:17:34,300 --> 00:17:36,270 [thud] NO! NOT THE GLANS! 419 00:17:36,310 --> 00:17:39,280 RUNKLE, SAVE YOURSELF. RUN! 420 00:17:39,310 --> 00:17:41,540 EASY ON THE CUFFS THERE, BAD LIEUTENANT. 421 00:17:41,580 --> 00:17:43,880 YOU'RE MAKING A BIG MISTAKE. - SAVE IT FOR THE COPS. 422 00:17:43,910 --> 00:17:45,680 - YOU KNOW, I'M VERY TIGHT WITH THE DEAN. 423 00:17:45,710 --> 00:17:47,550 HE WILL NOT BE PLEASED WHEN HE HEARS ABOUT THIS. 424 00:17:47,580 --> 00:17:49,550 - YOU'RE FRIENDS WITH THE DEAN? - I FUCKED HIS WIFE. 425 00:17:49,590 --> 00:17:50,590 [grunts] OH! 426 00:17:52,360 --> 00:17:54,560 - WHAT, NO DINNER? 427 00:17:54,590 --> 00:17:57,490 - OH. I DIDN'T THINK YOU'D BE HUNGRY. 428 00:17:57,530 --> 00:17:59,330 - I'M NOT. 429 00:17:59,360 --> 00:18:02,300 - NO, ME NEITHER. 430 00:18:02,330 --> 00:18:04,800 HEY! WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT? 431 00:18:04,830 --> 00:18:06,840 WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON. 432 00:18:06,870 --> 00:18:09,610 - THAT, AND WE'RE BOTH PISSED AT HIM. 433 00:18:09,640 --> 00:18:10,670 - I'M NOT PISSED AT HIM, 434 00:18:10,710 --> 00:18:12,740 BECAUSE IT WOULD NOT BE APPROPRIATE FOR ME TO BE-- 435 00:18:12,780 --> 00:18:14,210 - MOTHER. 436 00:18:14,240 --> 00:18:15,240 - DAUGHTER. 437 00:18:15,280 --> 00:18:17,450 - I JUST WANNA KNOW WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON 438 00:18:17,480 --> 00:18:18,650 WITH MY OWN LIFE. 439 00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:20,850 - YEP. THAT SEEMS REASONABLE. 440 00:18:20,880 --> 00:18:22,820 - BASIC, SIMPLE THINGS. 441 00:18:22,850 --> 00:18:24,650 WHERE AM I GOING TO SCHOOL? 442 00:18:24,690 --> 00:18:28,220 IS HE LIVING WITH US? IS HE NOT LIVING WITH US? 443 00:18:28,260 --> 00:18:30,490 IS SOMEONE IN CHARGE HERE, ANYONE? 444 00:18:30,530 --> 00:18:33,300 OR ARE WE JUST GOING ON IN THIS FUCKED-UP LIMBO 445 00:18:33,330 --> 00:18:34,660 FOREVER AND EVER? 446 00:18:34,700 --> 00:18:37,500 - SWEETIE, I KNOW, I KNOW IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE. 447 00:18:37,530 --> 00:18:40,600 - YOU CAN'T SWEETIE ME. I'M NOT SIX YEARS OLD ANYMORE. 448 00:18:40,640 --> 00:18:43,470 I NEED REAL ANSWERS. - I KNOW. 449 00:18:43,510 --> 00:18:45,340 YOU'RE RIGHT, I'M SORRY. I-- 450 00:18:45,370 --> 00:18:47,580 AND I KNOW THAT'S NOWHERE NEAR ENOUGH. 451 00:18:47,610 --> 00:18:48,880 I... 452 00:18:48,910 --> 00:18:51,410 YOU SEE, I HAD A PLAN. 453 00:18:51,450 --> 00:18:53,920 I DID. 454 00:18:53,950 --> 00:18:56,720 BUT IT JUST DIDN'T WORK OUT THE WAY I THOUGHT IT WOULD. 455 00:18:56,750 --> 00:19:00,660 - OH, YOU THOUGHT HE'D DO A GOOD JOB OF BEING IN CHARGE? 456 00:19:00,690 --> 00:19:02,330 - RIGHT. 457 00:19:04,790 --> 00:19:06,930 I HAVE AN IDEA. LET'S GET OUTTA HERE. 458 00:19:06,960 --> 00:19:08,630 WE'VE BEEN COOPED UP ALL DAY LONG. 459 00:19:08,660 --> 00:19:09,970 WE NEED FRESH AIR. 460 00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:11,730 - WHATEVER. 461 00:19:11,770 --> 00:19:14,570 - THAT WAS KIND OF A YES, WASN'T IT? 462 00:19:14,600 --> 00:19:17,740 COME WITH ME. 463 00:19:17,770 --> 00:19:20,710 [Springfield's Love is All Right Tonight plays, muffled] 464 00:19:20,740 --> 00:19:22,710 [indistinct chatter] 465 00:19:22,750 --> 00:19:30,750 * 466 00:19:53,710 --> 00:19:55,580 - HEY, MAN. 467 00:19:55,610 --> 00:19:58,580 - YOU...YOU'RE REALLY HANGING OUT DOWN THERE, RICK. 468 00:19:58,610 --> 00:20:02,590 - YEAH. I LIKE TO FREE-BALL WITH MY EIGHT BALL. 469 00:20:02,620 --> 00:20:04,720 - EVIDENTLY. 470 00:20:04,750 --> 00:20:07,020 * 471 00:20:07,060 --> 00:20:11,560 JESUS. - * LOVE IS ALL RIGHT 472 00:20:11,590 --> 00:20:13,330 OKAY. LOOK, RICK. 473 00:20:13,360 --> 00:20:15,830 BEFORE I, UH, HAND OVER THE GOODS, 474 00:20:15,860 --> 00:20:17,300 I JUST--I REALLY FEEL LIKE 475 00:20:17,330 --> 00:20:18,830 I NEED TO GET SOMETHING OFF MY CHEST. 476 00:20:18,870 --> 00:20:20,300 - ALL RIGHT, CHARLIE. IT'S OKAY. 477 00:20:20,340 --> 00:20:23,440 I-I WAS OUT OF LINE TODAY. I'M SORRY. 478 00:20:23,470 --> 00:20:25,540 I MEAN, YOU'RE MY AGENT. YOU'RE NOT MY ERRAND BOY. 479 00:20:25,570 --> 00:20:29,350 - WOW! I'M--I'M SURPRISED. 480 00:20:29,380 --> 00:20:31,980 WELL, OKAY. UH, THANK YOU, RICK. 481 00:20:32,010 --> 00:20:33,620 I APPRECIATE THAT. - OKAY. SO? 482 00:20:33,650 --> 00:20:36,650 COCA! - ABSOLUTELY. 483 00:20:36,690 --> 00:20:38,590 I'M JUST--I'M VERY THIRSTY. IT WAS A LONG TRIP. 484 00:20:38,620 --> 00:20:42,490 I SEE YOU GOT A COOLER. I NEED SOME REFRESHMENT. 485 00:20:42,530 --> 00:20:46,660 - * TONIGHT I'M CRAWLING OUT FROM IN IT * 486 00:20:46,700 --> 00:20:49,570 * 487 00:20:49,600 --> 00:20:52,570 - WHERE IS SHE? 488 00:20:52,600 --> 00:20:55,470 MARCY, WHERE ARE YOU? I KNOW YOU'RE IN HERE, MARCY. 489 00:20:56,970 --> 00:21:01,080 - UH-OH. 490 00:21:01,110 --> 00:21:02,880 - I DON'T KNOW WHAT SHOCKS ME MORE... 491 00:21:02,910 --> 00:21:06,010 THE FACT THAT YOU'VE OBVIOUSLY COMPLETELY REPLACED ME 492 00:21:06,050 --> 00:21:09,850 OR THAT YOU JEOPARDIZE YOUR SOBRIETY FOR THIS FUCKWIT! 493 00:21:09,890 --> 00:21:12,790 - OHH! THIS FUCKWIT... 494 00:21:12,820 --> 00:21:14,660 HAPPENS TO BE ONE OF THE KINDEST, 495 00:21:14,690 --> 00:21:17,360 GENTLEST LOVERS I'VE EVER KNOWN. 496 00:21:17,390 --> 00:21:19,860 - HA! YEAH, I KNOW A COUPLE OF STRIPPERS OUT THERE 497 00:21:19,900 --> 00:21:21,930 WHO MIGHT DISPUTE THAT ASSESSMENT. 498 00:21:21,960 --> 00:21:25,630 - HEY, WATCH IT, RUNKLE. GIMME MY FUCKING BLOW! 499 00:21:25,670 --> 00:21:28,070 * LOVE IS WHERE IS IT? 500 00:21:28,100 --> 00:21:31,540 * ALL RIGHT TONIGHT 501 00:21:31,570 --> 00:21:34,810 - HA HA HA HA HA! 502 00:21:34,840 --> 00:21:36,710 - OH, SHIT! 503 00:21:36,750 --> 00:21:38,480 YOU LOOKING TO GET YOUR ASS FIRED? 504 00:21:38,510 --> 00:21:40,480 - THAT'S NOT POSSIBLE. - REALLY? WHY IS THAT? 505 00:21:40,520 --> 00:21:41,850 - BECAUSE I FIRE YOU FIRST! THAT'S RIGHT. 506 00:21:41,880 --> 00:21:44,020 I DON'T CARE HOW MUCH BUSINESS YOU BRING IN. 507 00:21:44,050 --> 00:21:46,860 YOU'RE AN EMOTIONAL FUCKING ALBATROSS, RICK SPRINGFIELD, 508 00:21:46,890 --> 00:21:47,990 AND I'M THROUGH WITH YOU! 509 00:21:48,020 --> 00:21:49,730 - CHARLIE, PERSPECTIVE. 510 00:21:49,760 --> 00:21:53,560 YOU WANNA GO BACK TO SLINGING BEEMERS IN THE VALLEY? 511 00:21:58,730 --> 00:22:00,600 - MAYBE I GOT CARRIED AWAY. 512 00:22:00,640 --> 00:22:02,910 WHAT I MEANT TO SAY IS... - HA HA HA HA. 513 00:22:02,940 --> 00:22:05,970 NO, NO, NO, NO. IT'S TOO LATE, FUCKER. 514 00:22:06,010 --> 00:22:07,410 YOU'RE DEAD TO ME. 515 00:22:07,440 --> 00:22:08,880 AND YOU CAN TELL THAT OLD COOZE COLLINI 516 00:22:08,910 --> 00:22:10,580 THAT THE WHOLE HARRY GREENBERG AGENCY 517 00:22:10,610 --> 00:22:12,110 IS FUCKIN' DEAD TO ME TOO. 518 00:22:12,150 --> 00:22:13,880 FUCK YOU! 519 00:22:13,920 --> 00:22:17,120 AND--AND FUCK YOUR Z3 AND FUCK YOUR DUMB BALD HEAD 520 00:22:17,150 --> 00:22:19,720 AND YOUR SMALL, SHITTY LIFE! 521 00:22:19,760 --> 00:22:22,090 NOW, GIMME MY BLOW AND GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE! 522 00:22:22,120 --> 00:22:23,630 - GLADLY. 523 00:22:23,660 --> 00:22:25,960 - OH! AH! 524 00:22:25,990 --> 00:22:28,060 SHIT! WHAT THE FUCK? 525 00:22:28,100 --> 00:22:30,730 * LOVE IS ALL RIGHT 526 00:22:30,770 --> 00:22:32,740 - LIKE YOUR DREAM CRUSH NOW, MARCY? 527 00:22:32,770 --> 00:22:33,970 - DAMN IT! 528 00:22:34,000 --> 00:22:36,870 - IT'S LIKE WATCHING A FIGURE SKATER FALL. 529 00:22:36,910 --> 00:22:39,740 - COME ON, BABY, LET'S GO. WE'RE GETTING OUT OF HERE. 530 00:22:39,780 --> 00:22:43,610 * 531 00:22:43,650 --> 00:22:45,480 [soundless laughter] 532 00:22:45,510 --> 00:22:48,380 [Rick muttering under breath] 533 00:22:53,590 --> 00:22:56,730 - INCOMING, BOOM, BOOM. 534 00:22:56,760 --> 00:23:00,060 BOOM! AND THE LITTLE BIRD SAID... 535 00:23:00,100 --> 00:23:01,860 - DAD! 536 00:23:01,900 --> 00:23:03,600 - OH! OH, YES. 537 00:23:03,630 --> 00:23:05,600 - I THOUGHT YOU HATED CHELSEA. 538 00:23:05,630 --> 00:23:07,900 - WELL, SINCE WHEN DID YOU CARE WHAT I THINK? 539 00:23:07,940 --> 00:23:11,170 ANYWAY, THE POINT IS TO SAY WHAT YOU WANTED TO SAY. 540 00:23:11,210 --> 00:23:13,740 COME ON. 541 00:23:13,780 --> 00:23:15,740 [knocking] 542 00:23:15,780 --> 00:23:17,210 KNOCK, KNOCK. 543 00:23:17,250 --> 00:23:19,780 DON'T BE AFRAID. WE COME IN PEACE. 544 00:23:19,820 --> 00:23:21,750 - HELLO! CHELSEA! 545 00:23:21,780 --> 00:23:24,620 LOOK WHO'S HERE! COME ON IN. 546 00:23:24,650 --> 00:23:25,890 - I SEE. - THANK YOU. 547 00:23:25,920 --> 00:23:28,020 - I'M JUST NOT SURE I GIVE A SHIT. 548 00:23:28,060 --> 00:23:29,890 - I GUESS THAT'S WHAT PASSES FOR A WELCOME 549 00:23:29,930 --> 00:23:31,660 AROUND HERE THESE DAYS. 550 00:23:31,690 --> 00:23:34,000 - I JUST CAME TO SAY I'M SORRY 551 00:23:34,030 --> 00:23:36,630 FOR PUNCHING YOU IN THE FACE. 552 00:23:36,670 --> 00:23:38,800 AND CALLING YOU A STUPID TWAT. 553 00:23:38,830 --> 00:23:42,610 I WAS HIGHLY EMOTIONAL. - AW, LOOK AT THAT. 554 00:23:42,640 --> 00:23:45,770 RAPPROCHEMENT-- IT'S MY FAVORITE PART OF ANY WAR. 555 00:23:45,810 --> 00:23:48,880 WHY DON'T YOU AND BECCA GO UP TO YOUR ROOM? 556 00:23:48,910 --> 00:23:51,480 - IT'S NOT NECESSARY, OKAY, DAD? 557 00:23:51,510 --> 00:23:53,150 - I'LL FINISH DINNER. - IT'S FINE. 558 00:23:53,180 --> 00:23:55,150 NOW, IF YOU TWO DON'T MIND, 559 00:23:55,180 --> 00:23:58,550 I'M ENJOYING SOME QUALITY TIME WITH MY DAD... 560 00:23:58,590 --> 00:24:01,220 BEFORE HE CHECKS INTO THE HEARTBREAK HOTEL. 561 00:24:01,260 --> 00:24:04,190 - WE KNOW. WE'VE BEEN THERE ALREADY. 562 00:24:04,230 --> 00:24:06,600 - OH, COME ON, NOW, YOU DON'T HAVE TO MAKE IT SOUND SO DOUR. 563 00:24:06,630 --> 00:24:09,200 - WELL, THAT'S A NICE TRY, BUT YOU WANT MY OPINION? 564 00:24:09,230 --> 00:24:11,070 IT'S SO MUCH BETTER NOT TO LIE TO THEM, 565 00:24:11,100 --> 00:24:13,800 BECAUSE THEY KINDA KNOW WHEN THINGS ARE SHITTY. 566 00:24:13,840 --> 00:24:15,900 - I-I DON'T KNOW THAT THINGS ARE ALL THAT-- 567 00:24:15,940 --> 00:24:18,670 - THEY'RE SHITTY, DAD. FACE IT. 568 00:24:18,710 --> 00:24:20,710 ALL THANKS TO YOU KNOW WHO. 569 00:24:20,740 --> 00:24:24,580 - LOOK, IT'D BE NICE IF WE COULD BLAME HANK FOR ALL OF THIS, 570 00:24:24,610 --> 00:24:25,980 BUT THE FACT OF THE MATTER IS, 571 00:24:26,010 --> 00:24:27,750 IT'S JUST-- IT'S MORE COMPLICATED THAN THAT. 572 00:24:27,780 --> 00:24:30,620 - I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT HANK. I'M TALKING ABOUT MOM. 573 00:24:30,650 --> 00:24:33,660 SHE'S MAKING A COMPLETE ASS OF HERSELF. 574 00:24:33,690 --> 00:24:35,520 - WELL, THAT'S TRUE. - [mouthing words] 575 00:24:35,560 --> 00:24:36,630 - I'M GOING TO MY ROOM. 576 00:24:36,660 --> 00:24:38,260 THAT'S WHERE I'LL BE, IN CASE, 577 00:24:38,290 --> 00:24:42,060 I DON'T KNOW, YOU WANT TO APOLOGIZE FURTHER OR SOMETHING. 578 00:24:44,070 --> 00:24:46,070 - [whispering] YOU KNOW, I'M SURE SHE DOESN'T MEAN IT. 579 00:24:46,100 --> 00:24:48,640 GO ON. TAKE A SHOT. 580 00:24:50,110 --> 00:24:52,510 - YOU'LL BE OKAY. 581 00:25:00,150 --> 00:25:02,050 YOU KNOW HOW WE COULD REALLY GET BACK 582 00:25:02,080 --> 00:25:05,790 AT THOSE SIGNIFICANT OTHERS OF OURS, THE TWO OF US? 583 00:25:05,820 --> 00:25:07,620 IF WE MADE LOVE... 584 00:25:07,660 --> 00:25:10,630 THAT WOULD REALLY PISS 'EM OFF. 585 00:25:10,660 --> 00:25:12,290 HUH? - OH, WOW. 586 00:25:12,330 --> 00:25:14,160 BECCA! - TOO SOON? 587 00:25:14,200 --> 00:25:16,330 YOU'RE RIGHT. IT'S TOO SOON. 588 00:25:16,360 --> 00:25:18,030 MY HEART NEEDS TO HEAL. 589 00:25:18,070 --> 00:25:20,800 HELL, I'M NOT EVEN SURE THE LITTLE DEAN IS UP TO IT, 590 00:25:20,840 --> 00:25:22,270 YOU KNOW. 591 00:25:22,300 --> 00:25:25,940 HOW 'BOUT A GLASS OF WINE? - SOLD. 592 00:25:25,970 --> 00:25:28,310 - FREE AT LAST! 593 00:25:28,340 --> 00:25:30,210 YOU KNOW, THE AIR, IT JUST SMELLS BETTER 594 00:25:30,250 --> 00:25:31,780 AFTER YOU'VE BEEN IN THE BIG HOUSE. 595 00:25:31,810 --> 00:25:33,220 THANKS FOR DOING THIS, BY THE WAY. 596 00:25:33,250 --> 00:25:34,650 I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DIDN'T HAVE 597 00:25:34,680 --> 00:25:36,350 ANYTHING BETTER TO DO WITH YOUR EVENING. 598 00:25:36,380 --> 00:25:38,890 - COULDN'T VERY WELL LET YOU ROT IN THERE, COULD I? 599 00:25:38,920 --> 00:25:40,320 - WELL, IT'S BEEN DONE. 600 00:25:40,360 --> 00:25:42,360 - WELL, I'M THE ONE WHO MADE THE BRILLIANT MISTAKE 601 00:25:42,390 --> 00:25:44,260 OF HIRING YOU. - YES, YOU DID. 602 00:25:44,290 --> 00:25:46,160 - AND I NEVER GIVE UP ON MY BRILLIANT MISTAKES. 603 00:25:46,190 --> 00:25:47,900 I SEE THEM THROUGH TO THE BITTER END. 604 00:25:47,930 --> 00:25:49,030 - IS THAT WHERE WE ARE? 605 00:25:49,060 --> 00:25:50,670 BECAUSE I-I KNEW I RECOGNIZED THE PLACE. 606 00:25:50,700 --> 00:25:52,940 - I DON'T REGRET ANY OF IT, YOU KNOW, 607 00:25:52,970 --> 00:25:56,940 DESPITE THE HUMILIATION, GOSSIPING IN THE DEPARTMENT, 608 00:25:56,970 --> 00:25:58,370 OR THE END OF MY MARRIAGE. 609 00:25:58,410 --> 00:26:01,080 - SHIT. YOU GONNA GO THROUGH WITH THIS DIVORCE THING? 610 00:26:01,110 --> 00:26:03,080 - SURE. IT'S A WONDERFUL FEELING, YOU KNOW, 611 00:26:03,110 --> 00:26:04,880 ONCE YOU REALIZE THAT IT'S ALL BEHIND YOU-- 612 00:26:04,910 --> 00:26:08,050 ALL THAT BITTERNESS AND ANGUISH AND TORMENT. 613 00:26:08,080 --> 00:26:09,650 - MM. 614 00:26:09,690 --> 00:26:11,690 I DON'T KNOW, I, UH-- I'VE BEEN THERE. 615 00:26:11,720 --> 00:26:13,720 I HAVE. BUT IT WASN'T LIKE THAT FOR ME. 616 00:26:13,760 --> 00:26:15,190 IT WAS MORE LIKE HAVING 617 00:26:15,220 --> 00:26:18,230 A GIANT HOLE RIPPED IN MY UNIVERSE. 618 00:26:18,260 --> 00:26:20,700 - YEAH, BUT YOU NEVER ACTUALLY LET GO, DID YOU? 619 00:26:20,730 --> 00:26:22,360 IT'S THE PAIN THAT HOLDS PEOPLE TOGETHER, 620 00:26:22,400 --> 00:26:24,300 THE NEED TO HURT ONE ANOTHER. 621 00:26:24,330 --> 00:26:26,030 ONCE THAT'S GONE, THERE'S NOTHING LEFT. 622 00:26:26,070 --> 00:26:27,770 NOTHING WORTH SAVING, ANYWAY. 623 00:26:27,800 --> 00:26:30,040 - I DON'T ACCEPT THAT. WHERE'S THE LOVE, LADY? 624 00:26:30,070 --> 00:26:32,640 - THE LOVE? - YES. WHERE IT BE LOCATED? 625 00:26:32,680 --> 00:26:34,310 TO MISQUOTE A '70s SOUL CLASSIC. 626 00:26:34,340 --> 00:26:36,680 DON'T MAKE ME GO ROBERTA FLACK ON YOUR ASS. 627 00:26:36,710 --> 00:26:38,880 - THAT'S LOVE, TORTURING EACH OTHER? 628 00:26:38,910 --> 00:26:40,220 HALF IN, HALF OUT? 629 00:26:40,250 --> 00:26:42,250 - TORTURE. THAT SOUNDS LIKE LOVE TO ME. 630 00:26:42,280 --> 00:26:44,050 - WELL, YOU GO ON BELIEVING THAT IF YOU LIKE. 631 00:26:44,090 --> 00:26:46,660 - I LIKE. THAT SHIT'S ROMANTIC. 632 00:26:46,690 --> 00:26:48,820 - I'VE HAD QUITE ENOUGH TORTURE FOR ONE LIFETIME. 633 00:26:48,860 --> 00:26:51,330 OHH, ENOUGH WITH DOING THE RIGHT THING. 634 00:26:51,360 --> 00:26:53,930 I NEVER THOUGHT YOU'D BE ONE OF THOSE TYPES, YOU KNOW? 635 00:26:53,960 --> 00:26:55,330 THE ONES WHO SUFFER IN SILENCE. 636 00:26:55,360 --> 00:26:57,930 - NO, I'M NOT. I-I SUFFER VERY LOUDLY. 637 00:26:57,970 --> 00:26:59,770 YOU SHOULD TRY IT SOMETIME. - [laughs] 638 00:26:59,800 --> 00:27:01,040 NO, THANKS. 639 00:27:01,070 --> 00:27:02,940 FROM NOW ON, I'D JUST RATHER BE HAPPY. 640 00:27:02,970 --> 00:27:04,440 - SO THAT'S IT? 641 00:27:04,470 --> 00:27:06,140 YOU DISCOVERED THE KEY TO HAPPINESS 642 00:27:06,170 --> 00:27:07,780 IN ONE SHORT SEMESTER? 643 00:27:07,810 --> 00:27:11,080 - WELL, I DID HAVE A LITTLE HELP. 644 00:27:11,110 --> 00:27:14,280 THANKS, PROFESSOR. 645 00:27:14,320 --> 00:27:15,980 YOU KNOW IF YOU EVER DECIDE 646 00:27:16,020 --> 00:27:18,290 TO RETHINK THAT PHILOSOPHY OF YOURS, 647 00:27:18,320 --> 00:27:19,920 LET ME KNOW. 648 00:27:19,960 --> 00:27:21,920 I'LL BE AROUND. 649 00:27:21,960 --> 00:27:24,830 Captioning by CaptionMax www.captionmax.com 650 00:27:24,860 --> 00:27:26,460 - * CATCH A CANNONBALL 651 00:27:26,490 --> 00:27:30,330 * GONNA TAKE ME DOWN THE LINE 652 00:27:30,370 --> 00:27:32,370 * MY BAG IS SINKIN' LOW 653 00:27:32,400 --> 00:27:35,800 * AND I DO BELIEVE IT'S TIME 654 00:27:35,840 --> 00:27:38,340 * TO GET-A BACK TO MISS ANNIE 655 00:27:38,370 --> 00:27:41,940 * YOU KNOW, SHE IS THE ONLY ONE * 656 00:27:41,980 --> 00:27:43,480 * WHO LEFT ME HERE 657 00:27:43,510 --> 00:27:47,780 * WITH HER REGARDS FOR EVERYONE * 658 00:27:47,820 --> 00:27:50,420 * TAKE A LOAD OFF, ANNIE 659 00:27:50,450 --> 00:27:53,260 * TAKE A LOAD FOR FREE 660 00:27:53,290 --> 00:27:57,460 * TAKE A LOAD OFF, ANNIE, HEY * 661 00:27:57,490 --> 00:27:58,960 * HEY 662 00:27:58,990 --> 00:28:00,360 * AND PUT THE LOAD 663 00:28:00,400 --> 00:28:03,830 * RIGHT ON ME 664 00:28:03,870 --> 00:28:05,870 * YEAH 48252

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