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1
00:00:10,030 --> 00:00:11,330
- PREVIOUSLY
ON CALIFORNICATION...
2
00:00:11,360 --> 00:00:13,230
- MY DIRTY LITTLE WHORE
OF A NOSE
3
00:00:13,260 --> 00:00:15,270
IS SORRY
THAT SHE LET YOU DOWN.
4
00:00:15,300 --> 00:00:16,530
I WANNA FIX THIS, CHARLIE.
5
00:00:16,570 --> 00:00:18,270
- [chortling]
6
00:00:18,300 --> 00:00:19,670
COME ON, SAY IT, BABY,
SAY IT.
7
00:00:19,700 --> 00:00:21,640
- I'M GETTING FUCKED
BY RICK SPRINGFIELD.
8
00:00:21,670 --> 00:00:24,410
- DO YOU WANT TO, UM,
GO UP TO MY ROOM
9
00:00:24,440 --> 00:00:25,810
AND LISTEN TO SOME RECORDS?
10
00:00:25,840 --> 00:00:28,550
- ONLY IF THEY'RE MINE.
- CHURCH.
11
00:00:28,580 --> 00:00:30,180
- YOU'RE MY STUDENT.
12
00:00:30,210 --> 00:00:32,550
- NOT ANYMORE, I'M NOT.
13
00:00:32,580 --> 00:00:35,350
- I OFFERED MYSELF TO YOU,
AND YOU WEREN'T INTERESTED.
14
00:00:35,390 --> 00:00:37,620
IF ONLY I COULD HAVE JUST HAD
ONE LITTLE NIBBLE.
15
00:00:37,650 --> 00:00:39,660
OH!
16
00:00:42,290 --> 00:00:45,130
- I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU,
HANK MOODY.
17
00:00:45,160 --> 00:00:46,500
- WHOA!
18
00:00:46,530 --> 00:00:47,660
- WERE YOU SLEEPING
WITH YOUR T.A.
19
00:00:47,700 --> 00:00:49,570
THE WHOLE TIME
YOU WERE SLEEPING WITH ME?
20
00:00:49,600 --> 00:00:52,670
- WHAT?
YOUR DAD'S FUCKING MY MOM!
21
00:00:52,700 --> 00:00:54,800
- SO WHAT, YOU'RE SAYING
WE JUST PACK UP AND LEAVE L.A.?
22
00:00:54,840 --> 00:00:56,670
THE THREE OF US MOVE BACK
TO NEW YORK, TOGETHER?
23
00:00:56,710 --> 00:00:59,710
- YEAH. END OF THE SEMESTER.
WHATEVER.
24
00:01:05,750 --> 00:01:10,190
[unflattering squeaky noises]
25
00:01:12,760 --> 00:01:14,560
- OH, HEY!
26
00:01:14,590 --> 00:01:16,660
GO AHEAD.
YOU'VE EARNED THE RIGHT.
27
00:01:16,690 --> 00:01:18,700
CAN'T DENY THIS PRIVILEGE.
28
00:01:18,730 --> 00:01:21,330
[chair making squelching noises]
FIRE MY ASS.
29
00:01:21,370 --> 00:01:22,830
- OH, I'M NOT PLANNING
TO FIRE YOU.
30
00:01:22,870 --> 00:01:23,900
- COME AGAIN?
31
00:01:23,930 --> 00:01:26,200
- UNFORTUNATELY, NOT A SINGLE
ONE OF THE LADIES
32
00:01:26,240 --> 00:01:28,170
THAT YOU SO EGREGIOUSLY FOULED
33
00:01:28,210 --> 00:01:30,610
HAS AGREED TO STAND UP AND PRESS
FORMAL CHARGES AGAINST YOU.
34
00:01:30,640 --> 00:01:32,180
AND WITHOUT THAT,
THE MATTER ENDS HERE.
35
00:01:32,210 --> 00:01:34,710
YOU WIN, HANK MOODY.
I ADMIT DEFEAT.
36
00:01:34,740 --> 00:01:37,680
NOT EVEN MY WIFE WILL SAY
A BAD WORD ABOUT YOU.
37
00:01:37,710 --> 00:01:39,880
OR SHOULD I SAY EX-WIFE?
38
00:01:39,920 --> 00:01:42,590
JUST THIS MORNING, SHE REQUESTED
I VACATE THE PREMISES.
39
00:01:42,620 --> 00:01:45,190
- OH, NO, SHE DIDN'T!
- OH, YES, SHE DID.
40
00:01:45,220 --> 00:01:47,820
- NO, YOU CAN'T--YOU CAN'T KICK
THE DEAN OUT OF THE DEANERY.
41
00:01:47,860 --> 00:01:48,830
THAT SHIT IS WRONG.
42
00:01:48,860 --> 00:01:50,690
YOU'VE GOTTA GET
THAT WOMAN BACK.
43
00:01:50,730 --> 00:01:52,800
I CAN HELP YOU.
WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?
44
00:01:52,830 --> 00:01:54,530
JUST ASK ME.
ASK ME--WHAT CAN I DO?
45
00:01:54,560 --> 00:01:55,800
- OKAY, I'VE GOT A QUESTION
FOR YOU.
46
00:01:55,830 --> 00:01:57,370
YOU--
- NO, NOT NOW.
47
00:01:57,400 --> 00:02:00,370
HOLD ON, I GOT A CALL.
[cell phone ringing]
48
00:02:00,400 --> 00:02:03,670
OH. M. FLOWER.
I DON'T RECOGNIZE THAT NUMBER.
49
00:02:03,710 --> 00:02:04,740
- M--
- I DON'T NEED TO TAKE IT.
50
00:02:04,770 --> 00:02:07,280
- MAYFLOWER, MORON.
MAYFLOWER SCHOOL FOR GIRLS.
51
00:02:07,310 --> 00:02:09,250
THAT CALL COULD BE IMPORTANT!
- OH!
52
00:02:09,280 --> 00:02:14,950
[both cell phones ringing]
53
00:02:14,980 --> 00:02:17,820
- HANK MOODY.
- STACY KOONS.
54
00:02:17,850 --> 00:02:20,290
- YES, I'LL, UH--I'LL HOLD
FOR PRINCIPAL GREEN
55
00:02:20,320 --> 00:02:21,830
ON A DISCIPLINARY MATTER.
56
00:02:21,860 --> 00:02:25,500
- I WILL ALSO HOLD
FOR PRINCIPAL GREEN.
57
00:02:25,530 --> 00:02:27,430
OH, THIS IS PRINCIPAL GREEN.
58
00:02:27,460 --> 00:02:28,930
[whispering]
I'M HANDLING IT HERE.
59
00:02:28,970 --> 00:02:30,400
I GOT IT.
UH-HUH.
60
00:02:30,430 --> 00:02:31,940
I'M LISTENING.
A FIGHT? OH...
61
00:02:31,970 --> 00:02:34,800
A DISAGREEMENT, YOU MEAN,
AN ARGUMENT.
62
00:02:34,840 --> 00:02:37,370
OH, THAT KIND OF FIGHT.
- [whispers] WHAT KIND OF FIGHT?
63
00:02:37,410 --> 00:02:39,540
- A PHYSICAL CONFRONTATION.
HMM.
64
00:02:39,580 --> 00:02:41,710
[laughs] AH, YEAH.
THAT'S MY GIRL.
65
00:03:27,790 --> 00:03:31,730
- I ASSURE YOU THAT EXPULSION
IS NOT A STEP WE TAKE LIGHTLY.
66
00:03:31,760 --> 00:03:34,600
- EXPULSION?
- HEY, SLOW DOWN, DEAN KOONS.
67
00:03:34,630 --> 00:03:35,730
IT'S NOT SO MUCH FUN HERE
68
00:03:35,770 --> 00:03:36,930
ON THE OTHER SIDE
OF THE DESK, IS IT?
69
00:03:36,970 --> 00:03:38,600
- YES, STACY,
LET'S JUST WAIT AND SEE
70
00:03:38,640 --> 00:03:39,840
WHAT PRINCIPAL GREEN
HAS TO SAY.
71
00:03:39,870 --> 00:03:40,840
- [whispers]
SHE'S SUCH A KISS-ASS!
72
00:03:40,870 --> 00:03:43,640
- AFTER ALL, SHE DIDN'T
SAY THAT BOTH GIRLS--
73
00:03:43,670 --> 00:03:45,480
- OH, NO, THEY'RE BOTH
BEING EXPELLED.
74
00:03:45,510 --> 00:03:48,350
WE HAVE A ZERO-TOLERANCE POLICY
75
00:03:48,380 --> 00:03:50,710
ON VIOLENCE HERE
AT THE MAYFLOWER SCHOOL.
76
00:03:50,750 --> 00:03:52,980
WE'VE JUST NEVER HAD
TO APPLY IT BEFORE,
77
00:03:53,020 --> 00:03:55,890
SINCE MOST OF OUR YOUNG LADIES
HAVE BEEN TAUGHT
78
00:03:55,920 --> 00:03:57,590
NOT TO RESORT
TO PHYSICAL VIOLENCE
79
00:03:57,620 --> 00:03:59,890
AS A MEANS OF EXPRESSION.
80
00:03:59,920 --> 00:04:04,360
- MM-HMM. SO...HEY, LET'S
LOOK AT THE BRIGHT SIDE HERE.
81
00:04:04,390 --> 00:04:07,000
WE'RE MAKING HISTORY.
BIG UPS FOR WOMEN'S RIGHTS.
82
00:04:07,030 --> 00:04:08,670
- YOU KNOW WHAT?
THIS IS WRONG.
83
00:04:08,700 --> 00:04:11,540
THERE IS JUST NO WAY
THAT BECCA WOULD HIT ANYONE.
84
00:04:11,570 --> 00:04:13,400
- RIGHT. NOT WITHOUT
BEING PROVOKED.
85
00:04:13,440 --> 00:04:15,440
WE'RE NOT A FAMILY
THAT TAKES SHIT LYING DOWN.
86
00:04:15,470 --> 00:04:16,610
- THERE, SEE, HE JUST ADMITTED
IT WAS BECCA'S FAULT.
87
00:04:16,640 --> 00:04:17,740
- I DID NOT.
- DID TOO.
88
00:04:17,770 --> 00:04:19,440
- I DIDN'T. I DIDN'T.
- DID TOO. DID.
89
00:04:19,480 --> 00:04:21,550
- PRINCIPAL GREEN,
I'M SURE THAT THERE'S NO NEED
90
00:04:21,580 --> 00:04:22,910
TO TAKE DRASTIC ACTION
91
00:04:22,950 --> 00:04:24,850
THAT MIGHT IMPACT
THE GIRLS' ACADEMIC FUTURE.
92
00:04:24,880 --> 00:04:26,850
CHELSEA WAS CLEARLY UPSET
YESTERDAY
93
00:04:26,880 --> 00:04:28,450
BECAUSE HER FATHER
WAS MOVING OUT.
94
00:04:28,490 --> 00:04:30,720
I TRIED TO EXPLAIN TO HER
THAT IT WASN'T HANK'S FAULT.
95
00:04:30,750 --> 00:04:32,960
- WHAT?
WHAT'S SHE TALKING ABOUT?
96
00:04:32,990 --> 00:04:34,620
- I DON'T KNOW.
SHE HAS THAT ACCENT...
97
00:04:34,660 --> 00:04:37,860
- I'M SO SORRY.
- HANK'S FAULT?
98
00:04:37,890 --> 00:04:39,960
- YOU DIDN'T TELL HER.
99
00:04:41,400 --> 00:04:43,570
- TELL ME WHAT?
100
00:04:43,600 --> 00:04:45,940
- BECCA'S FATHER AND I HAD
A SLIGHT, WELL, INDISCRETION
101
00:04:45,970 --> 00:04:48,440
THAT MAY HAVE CONTRIBUTED--
INDIRECTLY, THOUGH--
102
00:04:48,470 --> 00:04:49,570
TO THE GIRLS' LITTLE KAFUFFLE.
103
00:04:49,610 --> 00:04:52,580
- SHE'S KIDDING, RIGHT?
YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.
104
00:04:52,610 --> 00:04:54,010
- HE FUCKS MY WIFE,
105
00:04:54,040 --> 00:04:55,950
I SOMEHOW ENDED UP SLEEPING
AT THE FACULTY CLUB.
106
00:04:55,980 --> 00:04:58,350
- OH, STACY, YOU'RE MAKING THIS
WORSE THAN IT HAS TO BE.
107
00:04:58,380 --> 00:04:59,620
- I DON'T THINK SO.
- KAREN...
108
00:04:59,650 --> 00:05:02,590
- YOU! YOU...[snaps]
YOU SAY ONE WORD TO ME,
109
00:05:02,620 --> 00:05:06,060
AND I WILL SHOW YOU WHERE BECCA
LEARNED TO THROW DOWN.
110
00:05:07,420 --> 00:05:10,590
- [humming]
111
00:05:10,630 --> 00:05:13,030
HEY, THERE, MINNIE MOUSE.
112
00:05:13,060 --> 00:05:16,630
WHOA! SHOULDN'T YOU BE
DRESSED AND READY FOR ACTION?
113
00:05:16,670 --> 00:05:18,970
I MEAN WAXIN'.
ACTION WAXIN'.
114
00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:20,470
HA HA. YOU GET IT?
IT RHYMES.
115
00:05:20,500 --> 00:05:21,970
ACTION WAXIN'.
116
00:05:22,010 --> 00:05:24,670
- BITE ME.
117
00:05:24,710 --> 00:05:27,940
- [teasing] STILL NO CALL
FROM RICK SPRINGFIELD.
118
00:05:27,980 --> 00:05:30,850
- YOU DON'T HAVE TO SOUND
SO CHIPPER ABOUT IT.
119
00:05:30,880 --> 00:05:33,980
THE MAN'S BEEN IN TAHOE
FOR THE PAST THREE DAYS.
120
00:05:34,020 --> 00:05:36,150
- I KNOW, I KNOW.
121
00:05:36,190 --> 00:05:38,460
- THAT WAS A HUGE SHOW FOR HIM.
122
00:05:38,490 --> 00:05:40,860
HE'S PROBABLY
JUST DECOMPRESSING RIGHT NOW.
123
00:05:40,890 --> 00:05:42,130
- SURE, SURE.
124
00:05:42,160 --> 00:05:43,860
OR MAYBE...
125
00:05:43,890 --> 00:05:46,830
HE'S TRYING TO TELL YOU
SOMETHING.
126
00:05:46,860 --> 00:05:50,500
YOU KNOW, THIS COULD BE
A BLESSING IN DISGUISE, REALLY.
127
00:05:50,530 --> 00:05:52,140
- HE'LL CALL.
128
00:05:52,170 --> 00:05:54,440
- MAYBE.
129
00:05:54,470 --> 00:05:57,140
OR...MAYBE NOT.
130
00:05:57,170 --> 00:05:59,140
YOU KNOW,
MAYBE RICK SPRINGFIELD
131
00:05:59,180 --> 00:06:01,480
NOT CALLING YOU
FOR THREE DAYS
132
00:06:01,510 --> 00:06:05,010
IS HIS WAY OF SAYING THAT
HE DOESN'T SEE THE REAL YOU,
133
00:06:05,050 --> 00:06:08,020
THAT HE DOESN'T, UH, VALUE
YOUR ESSENTIAL
134
00:06:08,050 --> 00:06:09,290
WOMAN-NESS AND SO FORTH.
135
00:06:09,320 --> 00:06:12,720
- OH, MY GOD, WOULD YOU PLEASE
MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS, RUNKLE?
136
00:06:12,760 --> 00:06:14,620
- HEY, RICK SPRINGFIELD
IS MY BUSINESS.
137
00:06:14,660 --> 00:06:15,990
HE'S MY CLIENT,
FOR CHRIST SAKES.
138
00:06:16,030 --> 00:06:17,690
YOU KNOW, I'LL TELL YOU
SOMETHING, MARCE.
139
00:06:17,730 --> 00:06:20,660
I HAVE SEEN SOME THINGS, OKAY,
UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL,
140
00:06:20,700 --> 00:06:23,600
SOME STRANGELY
FUCKED-UP SHIT, HUH?
141
00:06:23,630 --> 00:06:26,900
THAT GUY...HE'S NOT
THE BIGGEST FRIEND TO WOMEN.
142
00:06:26,940 --> 00:06:28,140
- [scoffs] OH...
143
00:06:28,170 --> 00:06:30,910
AND YOU'RE FRIGGING
BELLA ABZUG OVER HERE.
144
00:06:30,940 --> 00:06:32,840
- FAR FROM IT.
145
00:06:32,880 --> 00:06:36,780
- NO, I TOTALLY GET IT--
I'M DATING MY DREAM CRUSH...
146
00:06:36,810 --> 00:06:38,750
HITTING MY PEAK SEXUALLY,
147
00:06:38,780 --> 00:06:42,050
THIS CLOSE TO SELLING
THIS FRIGID BOX OF A HOUSE,
148
00:06:42,090 --> 00:06:43,920
AND MOVING ON
WITH MY LIFE,
149
00:06:43,950 --> 00:06:45,960
AND YOU JUST DON'T WANT ME
TO BE HAPPY, CHARLIE.
150
00:06:45,990 --> 00:06:49,060
- OF COURSE I WANT YOU
TO BE HAPPY, MARCY.
151
00:06:49,090 --> 00:06:51,930
GOD, I MEAN, LOOK,
WE'RE TALKING HERE, OKAY?
152
00:06:51,960 --> 00:06:54,600
I MISS THIS.
I MISS US.
153
00:06:54,630 --> 00:06:56,200
DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT'S BEEN
154
00:06:56,230 --> 00:06:58,470
SINCE I'VE HEARD YOU SAY
THOSE THREE LITTLE WORDS?
155
00:06:58,500 --> 00:07:00,140
- EAT MY CLAM?
156
00:07:00,170 --> 00:07:03,610
- EAT MY CLAM--
NO, NO, NOT EAT MY CLAM.
157
00:07:03,640 --> 00:07:05,210
I LOVE YOU.
158
00:07:05,240 --> 00:07:07,140
I DON'T MEAN TO GET
A BEE IN MY BONNET, BABE.
159
00:07:07,180 --> 00:07:09,110
I JUST--I DON'T WANNA
SEE YOU WASTE YOUR LIFE
160
00:07:09,150 --> 00:07:11,880
WAITING FOR A PHONE CALL
THAT MIGHT NEVER COME.
161
00:07:11,920 --> 00:07:14,620
- OH, IT'S COMING, FOOL.
162
00:07:14,650 --> 00:07:16,620
AND BY THE WAY,
MY GAY UNCLE CALLED.
163
00:07:16,650 --> 00:07:18,990
HE WANTS HIS EXPRESSIONS BACK.
164
00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:28,260
- GUESS IT'S HOMESCHOOLING
AFTER ALL.
165
00:07:28,300 --> 00:07:31,130
- WELL, YOU BETTER HOPE
THAT HE REMEMBERS HIS ALGEBRA,
166
00:07:31,170 --> 00:07:33,240
BECAUSE YOU DEFINITELY
WON'T BE GOING
167
00:07:33,270 --> 00:07:35,070
TO A NEW YORK PRIVATE SCHOOL
AFTER THIS.
168
00:07:35,100 --> 00:07:37,270
- WELL, OBVIOUSLY,
SHE WAS PROVOKED.
169
00:07:37,310 --> 00:07:39,940
- YES. SHE CALLED YOU
A HOME WRECKER...
170
00:07:39,980 --> 00:07:41,140
WHICH YOU ARE.
171
00:07:41,180 --> 00:07:42,610
YET SOMEHOW THAT DIDN'T STOP ME
172
00:07:42,650 --> 00:07:44,150
FROM SHOVING HER
INTO THE VENDING MACHINE.
173
00:07:44,180 --> 00:07:46,580
THEN THE HITTING BEGAN.
174
00:07:46,620 --> 00:07:48,920
SATISFIED?
175
00:07:50,650 --> 00:07:53,890
- HANK, I ASKED YOU
TO DO ONE THING.
176
00:07:53,920 --> 00:07:56,790
LOOK AFTER BECCA.
HOW HARD IS THAT?
177
00:07:56,830 --> 00:07:58,600
- HARD.
REAL HARD.
178
00:07:58,630 --> 00:08:00,030
I UNDERSTAND THAT NOW.
179
00:08:00,060 --> 00:08:02,030
- WELL, IT COULDN'T HAVE
BEEN THAT HARD, COULD IT?
180
00:08:02,070 --> 00:08:03,300
- WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?
181
00:08:03,330 --> 00:08:05,800
- YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.
182
00:08:05,840 --> 00:08:07,170
- YOU'RE MAD ABOUT FELICIA?
183
00:08:07,200 --> 00:08:08,940
- NO. I WOULD NOT GIVE YOU
THE SATISFACTION
184
00:08:08,970 --> 00:08:10,570
OF BEING MAD ABOUT FELICIA.
185
00:08:10,610 --> 00:08:12,310
- I DON'T KNOW HOW SATISFYING
THAT WOULD BE.
186
00:08:12,340 --> 00:08:14,780
- YOU KNOW WHAT? WHILE I'M
WORKING MY ASS OFF IN NEW YORK,
187
00:08:14,810 --> 00:08:16,650
YOU START
SOME KIND OF RELATIONSHIP
188
00:08:16,680 --> 00:08:19,280
WITH THE MOST ANNOYING
WOMAN ON THE PLANET,
189
00:08:19,320 --> 00:08:22,650
WHO ALSO HAPPENS TO BE THE
MOTHER OF BECCA'S BEST FRIEND
190
00:08:22,690 --> 00:08:24,650
AND YOUR BOSS!
WHAT IS--[groans]
191
00:08:24,690 --> 00:08:26,720
- IT'S NOT A RELATIONSHIP,
KAREN, FAR FROM IT.
192
00:08:26,760 --> 00:08:27,920
YOU KNOW THAT.
193
00:08:27,960 --> 00:08:29,660
SHE WAS JUST LOOKING
TO SLEEP WITH SOMEONE--
194
00:08:29,690 --> 00:08:31,160
ANYONE--
GET HER GROOVE BACK,
195
00:08:31,190 --> 00:08:33,630
GET BACK AT THE DEAN,
AND I-I DIDN'T WANT TO.
196
00:08:33,660 --> 00:08:35,670
I THOUGHT IT WAS A BAD IDEA.
YOU KNOW, IT SEEMED WRONG TO ME.
197
00:08:35,700 --> 00:08:38,070
WE DON'T LIKE TO GET INVOLVED
IN OTHER PEOPLE'S MARITAL WOES,
198
00:08:38,100 --> 00:08:39,240
'CAUSE WE'VE BEEN THERE.
199
00:08:39,270 --> 00:08:40,700
THAT'S SOME SAD,
MESSED-UP SHIT,
200
00:08:40,740 --> 00:08:41,970
AND I WANTED TO KEEP US
OUT OF IT.
201
00:08:42,010 --> 00:08:44,640
- OH, YOU DID A REALLY GOOD JOB
OF NOT GETTING INVOLVED, HANK.
202
00:08:44,670 --> 00:08:46,610
- WELL, I DID, AT FIRST.
I REFUSED.
203
00:08:46,640 --> 00:08:49,110
BUT THEN SHE WAS GONNA CALL IN
HER CHIP WITH THIS OTHER DUDE,
204
00:08:49,150 --> 00:08:51,180
THIS MR. ZIPLESS FUCK,
A REAL CHEESEBALL--
205
00:08:51,210 --> 00:08:53,050
- YOU KNOW WHAT?
OUT.
206
00:08:53,080 --> 00:08:54,720
- WHAT? WHAT?
207
00:08:54,750 --> 00:08:56,820
- I DON'T WANT TO HEAR
ABOUT FELICIA AND HER...
208
00:08:56,850 --> 00:08:57,990
MIDLIFE CRISIS, OKAY?
- OKAY.
209
00:08:58,020 --> 00:09:00,890
- DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW
FUCKING INFURIATING YOU ARE?
210
00:09:00,920 --> 00:09:02,760
- YES. YES, I DO.
211
00:09:02,790 --> 00:09:04,260
I'M JUST TRYING TO FILL YOU IN
212
00:09:04,290 --> 00:09:06,030
ON WHAT HAPPENED
WHILE YOU WERE AWAY.
213
00:09:06,060 --> 00:09:09,900
- LEAVE NOW, OKAY?
I NEED--I NEED PEACE, HANK.
214
00:09:09,930 --> 00:09:11,700
YOU MUST HAVE SOMETHING TO DO,
215
00:09:11,740 --> 00:09:13,670
I-I MEAN SOME...
PAPERS TO GRADE,
216
00:09:13,700 --> 00:09:15,100
SOME FUCKING MARIJUANA
TO SMOKE,
217
00:09:15,140 --> 00:09:18,070
HEY, SOME STUDENTS TO FUCK.
218
00:09:18,110 --> 00:09:22,180
- WHAT? SO--SO YOU'D BE
TOTALLY FINE IF I, UH...
219
00:09:23,280 --> 00:09:25,250
- UHH!
220
00:09:30,220 --> 00:09:33,890
[Rick Springfield singing]
- * MY LIFE HAS JUST BEGUN
221
00:09:33,920 --> 00:09:37,290
* NOW I UNDERSTAND
THE GREATER PLAN *
222
00:09:37,330 --> 00:09:41,770
* MY PRECIOUS LITTLE ONE
223
00:09:41,800 --> 00:09:44,730
[end chords]
224
00:09:44,770 --> 00:09:46,000
[click]
225
00:09:46,040 --> 00:09:48,770
- OHH. PIPES
OF A FUCKING ANGEL.
226
00:09:48,810 --> 00:09:51,040
YOU KNOW,
I GOTTA TAKE THIS DOWN
227
00:09:51,070 --> 00:09:52,310
AND PLAY IT FOR
THE GIRLS AT THE ORPHANAGE.
228
00:09:52,340 --> 00:09:53,810
- RIGHT ON.
229
00:09:53,840 --> 00:09:55,850
HEY, I'M DOING
A CHILDREN'S CHARITY CONCERT
230
00:09:55,880 --> 00:09:57,210
AT, UH, THE GROVE
THURSDAY NIGHT.
231
00:09:57,250 --> 00:10:00,350
YEAH, HALF THE PROCEEDS
GO TO, UH, JUVENILE DIABETES.
232
00:10:01,750 --> 00:10:03,390
- WHAT?
233
00:10:03,420 --> 00:10:05,250
- UM, I'M SPEECHLESS.
234
00:10:05,290 --> 00:10:07,860
GIRLS AT THE ORPHANAGE?
JUVENILE DIABETES?
235
00:10:07,890 --> 00:10:09,390
WHO ARE YOU TWO,
AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
236
00:10:09,430 --> 00:10:11,130
WITH THE NYMPHOMANIACAL
SOCIOPATHS
237
00:10:11,160 --> 00:10:12,860
I'VE GROWN TO LOVE AND LOATHE?
238
00:10:12,900 --> 00:10:14,860
- SORRY TO BURST
YOUR BUBBLE, RUNKLE.
239
00:10:14,900 --> 00:10:17,930
I'M A COMPLICATED BEAST.
- ME TOO.
240
00:10:17,970 --> 00:10:19,370
PLUS, YOU KNOW, CHARITY EVENTS
ARE LIKE GROUND ZERO
241
00:10:19,400 --> 00:10:20,670
FOR SINGLE PUSSY.
242
00:10:20,700 --> 00:10:22,010
- AND HE'S BACK.
243
00:10:22,040 --> 00:10:23,710
- HEY, YOU SHOULD HAVE
SEEN ME IN TAHOE.
244
00:10:23,740 --> 00:10:25,740
TWO NIGHTS, SIX CHICKS--
NO RUBBERS.
245
00:10:25,780 --> 00:10:28,750
- BRAVO, RICK.
BRAVO.
246
00:10:28,780 --> 00:10:31,380
SAFETY FIRST, I ALWAYS SAY,
OF COURSE.
247
00:10:31,410 --> 00:10:32,950
BUT [clears throat]
THEN AGAIN,
248
00:10:32,980 --> 00:10:34,820
I'M NOT THE ONE
WHO'S CURRENTLY HAVING
249
00:10:34,850 --> 00:10:37,420
INTIMATE RELATIONS
WITH MY WIFE.
250
00:10:37,450 --> 00:10:40,020
- OH, CAN IT, RUNKLE.
LIFE'S MESSY.
251
00:10:40,060 --> 00:10:41,730
- YOU BETTER CLEAN UP
YOUR GAME, GONZO--
252
00:10:41,760 --> 00:10:43,460
THE WOMANIZING, THE BOOZING.
253
00:10:43,490 --> 00:10:46,130
IF YOU WON'T DO IT FOR MARCY,
AT LEAST DO IT FOR YOUR CAREER.
254
00:10:46,160 --> 00:10:49,270
WE HAVE LANDED YOU THE COMEBACK
VEHICLE OF A LIFETIME.
255
00:10:49,300 --> 00:10:51,370
PLEASE DON'T FUCK IT UP.
256
00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:53,070
- HEY, PLEASE DON'T USE
THE "C" WORD, ALL RIGHT?
257
00:10:53,100 --> 00:10:55,000
I'M NOT COMING BACK
FROM ANYTHING.
258
00:10:55,040 --> 00:10:57,810
THAT REMINDS ME--
I NEED SOME BLOW.
259
00:10:59,810 --> 00:11:01,340
- SORRY?
260
00:11:01,380 --> 00:11:03,180
- DUDE, YOU HEARD ME.
261
00:11:03,210 --> 00:11:04,910
SOME BLOW, SOME YAY,
SOME WHITE GIRL,
262
00:11:04,950 --> 00:11:06,180
SOME POWDER, SOME CAKE.
263
00:11:06,220 --> 00:11:07,750
I START FILMING TOMORROW.
264
00:11:07,780 --> 00:11:09,790
IT'S MY LAST CHANCE
TO GET FUCKED OUT OF MY MIND.
265
00:11:09,820 --> 00:11:11,760
- ALL DUE RESPECT,
'80s ROCK STAR,
266
00:11:11,790 --> 00:11:14,360
I THINK YOU'D HAVE A BETTER
LINE ON COCAINE THAN I WOULD.
267
00:11:14,390 --> 00:11:15,360
- SO?
[laughs]
268
00:11:15,390 --> 00:11:16,790
- SO WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME
269
00:11:16,830 --> 00:11:19,100
TO PROCURE YOU DRUGS
LIKE I'M YOUR ASSISTANT?
270
00:11:19,130 --> 00:11:22,070
- GEE, UH, LET ME SEE.
BECAUSE I FUCKING CAN.
271
00:11:22,100 --> 00:11:24,930
- I DON'T THINK
I LIKE YOUR TONE, BUD,
272
00:11:24,970 --> 00:11:26,970
NOT ONE LITTLE BIT.
273
00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:30,470
- 9:00 P.M.,
MY TRAILER ON SET.
274
00:11:30,510 --> 00:11:33,110
OKAY?
275
00:11:36,410 --> 00:11:39,480
- [scoffs]
- AW, CHRIST, RUNKLE.
276
00:11:39,520 --> 00:11:40,780
SACK UP!
277
00:11:40,820 --> 00:11:42,320
IF A CLIENT ASKS YOU
278
00:11:42,350 --> 00:11:45,150
TO DRESS UP LIKE A FRENCH MAID
AND RIM HIS SHIT-HOLE,
279
00:11:45,190 --> 00:11:47,820
YOU COMPLY,
WITH BELLS ON, HUH?
280
00:11:47,860 --> 00:11:50,330
I WOULD HOOK HIM UP MYSELF,
BUT MY GUY'S IN THAILAND--
281
00:11:50,360 --> 00:11:53,900
JUST SOME SEX TOURISM,
SOMETHING LIKE THAT, ANYWAY.
282
00:11:53,930 --> 00:11:55,400
SO THIS ONE'S ON YOU.
283
00:11:55,430 --> 00:11:56,500
OH. ALMOST FORGOT.
284
00:11:56,530 --> 00:11:58,200
HERE.
285
00:11:58,230 --> 00:12:00,340
ANNUAL BONUS.
286
00:12:00,370 --> 00:12:03,070
DON'T SPEND IT ALL
IN ONE PLACE, LADYBOY.
287
00:12:09,510 --> 00:12:11,080
- THIS DOES SEEM MIGHTY SMALL.
288
00:12:11,110 --> 00:12:12,820
I THINK I GOT
A BIGGER BONUS CHECK
289
00:12:12,850 --> 00:12:14,350
WHEN I WORKED
AT BLOCKBUSTER IN '91.
290
00:12:14,380 --> 00:12:16,350
- WAIT, WAIT.
BE KIND, REWIND.
291
00:12:16,390 --> 00:12:17,890
HANK MOODY
WORKED AT BLOCKBUSTER?
292
00:12:17,920 --> 00:12:20,390
- YEAH. YEAH, I HAD THE KHAKIS,
THE TUCKED-IN POLO.
293
00:12:20,420 --> 00:12:21,990
[laughs]
THE WHOLE THING.
294
00:12:22,030 --> 00:12:23,930
I USED TO SPLICE PORN
INTO THE DISNEY FILMS.
295
00:12:23,960 --> 00:12:25,960
- OF COURSE YOU DID.
296
00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:27,460
- BUT BACK TO YOU.
297
00:12:27,500 --> 00:12:30,270
HOW DOES THIS ALL
MAKE YOU FEEL...
298
00:12:30,300 --> 00:12:32,900
EMOTIONALLY?
299
00:12:32,940 --> 00:12:34,070
- WOW.
300
00:12:34,100 --> 00:12:37,070
WELL...
[sighs]
301
00:12:37,110 --> 00:12:38,980
BETWEEN MY SAD LITTLE
BONUS CHECK
302
00:12:39,010 --> 00:12:41,080
AND MY NEW POSITION
AS RICK SPRINGFIELD'S
303
00:12:41,110 --> 00:12:42,510
DRUG DEALER/PIMP,
304
00:12:42,550 --> 00:12:46,950
I WOULD HAVE TO SAY
I FEEL LIKE SHIT EMOTIONALLY.
305
00:12:46,980 --> 00:12:49,990
- ENOUGH! I'VE GROWN TIRED
OF YOUR JIBBER-JABBER, RUNKLE.
306
00:12:50,020 --> 00:12:51,990
MY TURN.
LET'S SWITCH IT UP.
307
00:12:57,260 --> 00:12:58,290
OHH...
308
00:12:58,330 --> 00:13:00,830
BECCA GOT EXPELLED.
309
00:13:00,860 --> 00:13:03,400
SHE WENT ALL LEON SPINKS
ON HER BFF.
310
00:13:03,430 --> 00:13:04,400
- REALLY?
311
00:13:04,430 --> 00:13:07,940
IS IT CREEPY THAT I FIND THAT
MILDLY AROUSING?
312
00:13:07,970 --> 00:13:10,970
- YES.
- CONTINUE.
313
00:13:11,010 --> 00:13:12,980
- KAREN IS LIVID,
AS WELL SHE SHOULD BE.
314
00:13:13,010 --> 00:13:15,180
I HONESTLY DON'T KNOW
HOW IT ALL GOT SO OUT OF HAND.
315
00:13:15,210 --> 00:13:17,080
CHELSEA AND BECCA
WERE THICK AS THIEVES,
316
00:13:17,110 --> 00:13:18,510
ONCE UPON A TIME,
LIKE YOU AND ME.
317
00:13:18,550 --> 00:13:20,620
THE DEAN'S BEEN KICKED
OUT OF THE DEANERY.
318
00:13:20,650 --> 00:13:22,320
FELICIA DID THAT,
AND THAT AIN'T RIGHT.
319
00:13:22,350 --> 00:13:23,450
AND I SHOULD BE HAPPY.
320
00:13:23,490 --> 00:13:24,650
I KNOW I SHOULD,
321
00:13:24,690 --> 00:13:27,960
BECAUSE WE'RE ALL PACKING UP
AND MOVING TO NEW YORK SOON.
322
00:13:27,990 --> 00:13:30,330
[Charlie sobbing]
323
00:13:32,200 --> 00:13:33,900
ARE YOU WEEPING?
324
00:13:33,930 --> 00:13:36,000
- [continues sobbing]
- [chuckles]
325
00:13:36,030 --> 00:13:38,070
- I NEED COCAINE!
326
00:13:38,100 --> 00:13:40,900
[sobbing]
327
00:13:40,940 --> 00:13:42,970
- AND THIS CONCERNS ME HOW?
- I DON'T KNOW!
328
00:13:43,010 --> 00:13:44,040
- MM.
329
00:13:44,070 --> 00:13:46,310
- I JUST--I MIGHT GET FIRED!
330
00:13:46,340 --> 00:13:48,340
COLLINI DOESN'T GIVE
A SHIT ABOUT ME.
331
00:13:48,380 --> 00:13:50,180
MARCY--MARCY,
SHE'S A FUCKING STRANGER.
332
00:13:50,210 --> 00:13:53,480
[whining]
NO ONE TAKES CARE OF ME!
333
00:13:53,520 --> 00:13:55,220
AND NOW YOU,
YOU'RE LEAVING ME TOO.
334
00:13:55,250 --> 00:13:57,390
YOU'RE MOVING BACK
TO NEW YORK.
335
00:13:57,420 --> 00:14:02,460
[sobbing]
336
00:14:02,490 --> 00:14:05,060
- COME HERE.
337
00:14:05,090 --> 00:14:08,000
- [continues sobbing]
338
00:14:08,030 --> 00:14:09,930
[knock on door]
- BIG BOY.
339
00:14:09,970 --> 00:14:11,500
- UH, SORRY.
340
00:14:11,530 --> 00:14:15,470
AM I INTERRUPTING SOMETHING,
PROFESSOR MOODY?
341
00:14:15,500 --> 00:14:17,910
- NAH. JUST A COMPLETE
PSYCHOLOGICAL BREAKDOWN.
342
00:14:17,940 --> 00:14:19,310
- I'M JUST PICKING UP
MY ESSAY.
343
00:14:19,340 --> 00:14:20,980
JILL SAID SHE GRADED THEM.
344
00:14:21,010 --> 00:14:23,950
- ROCK ON.
- OH.
345
00:14:23,980 --> 00:14:26,220
[Charlie gulps, stops crying]
346
00:14:26,250 --> 00:14:28,950
- OH, AND YOU SHOULD HIT UP
DAVE EDELSTEIN.
347
00:14:28,990 --> 00:14:30,490
KIND OF A DOUCHE,
348
00:14:30,520 --> 00:14:33,790
BUT HIS COKE
IS THE FUCKING TRUTH.
349
00:14:37,660 --> 00:14:40,500
WHAT?
IT'S A GREAT STUDY AID.
350
00:14:40,530 --> 00:14:43,070
PLUS, IT SUPPRESSES
MY GAG REFLEX.
351
00:14:43,100 --> 00:14:46,100
GOOD FOR...YOU KNOW.
352
00:14:46,140 --> 00:14:50,610
- NOTED.
AND DISMISSED.
353
00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:53,310
SHOTGUN?
354
00:14:58,250 --> 00:15:01,180
- THEY'RE NOT GONNA
HEAR THAT.
355
00:15:01,220 --> 00:15:03,320
- AN UNRELIABLE DRUG DEALER,
THE FUCKING GALL.
356
00:15:03,350 --> 00:15:05,120
- ALL RIGHT, WELL.
WE TRIED, RIGHT?
357
00:15:05,150 --> 00:15:06,460
I GAVE IT A SHOT.
- THAT'S YOU TRYING?
358
00:15:06,490 --> 00:15:07,590
- WHAT?
359
00:15:07,620 --> 00:15:09,590
- NO WONDER MY LAST BOOK
DIDN'T SELL.
360
00:15:09,630 --> 00:15:11,360
- AEEEII!
- CHEESE IT, THE COPS.
361
00:15:11,390 --> 00:15:13,060
[Charlie making nonsense sounds]
362
00:15:14,200 --> 00:15:16,270
- OH! UNLOCKED.
363
00:15:16,300 --> 00:15:19,440
GO, GO!
364
00:15:25,610 --> 00:15:28,080
[object clatters]
- COME ON.
365
00:15:35,050 --> 00:15:36,120
- HA HA!
366
00:15:36,150 --> 00:15:38,350
[laughs] BLEAH!
367
00:15:38,390 --> 00:15:41,160
- OOH, A FLESHLIGHT--
STEALTHY, SECURE.
368
00:15:41,190 --> 00:15:43,230
I HATE TO SAY IT,
BUT IT'S HIGHLY LIKELY.
369
00:15:43,260 --> 00:15:47,030
MAYBE IN THE LABIA.
VAS DEFINITELY.
370
00:15:47,060 --> 00:15:49,270
I WOULD, UH, CHECK IT OUT.
- OH, SHIT!
371
00:15:49,300 --> 00:15:52,500
- LOOKS A LITTLE LIKE YOU.
CHECK IT.
372
00:15:52,540 --> 00:15:54,340
GO DEEP.
DIG IN.
373
00:15:54,370 --> 00:15:56,310
GET IN THERE.
374
00:15:56,340 --> 00:15:58,240
[squelching sounds]
375
00:15:58,270 --> 00:16:01,240
OH, CHARLIE.
[both laughing]
376
00:16:01,280 --> 00:16:03,580
- AH! GODDAMN IT.
IT'S STICKY INSIDE.
377
00:16:03,610 --> 00:16:05,210
WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING AT?
378
00:16:05,250 --> 00:16:07,380
- 'CAUSE I KNOW WHERE IT IS,
NUMB NUTS.
379
00:16:07,420 --> 00:16:08,580
GO.
380
00:16:08,620 --> 00:16:10,790
- FUCKING HELL.
381
00:16:10,820 --> 00:16:13,260
OH, YOU HAVE GOT
TO BE KIDDING ME.
382
00:16:13,290 --> 00:16:14,590
[snake hissing]
383
00:16:14,620 --> 00:16:16,260
- GO AHEAD.
I HAD A FEW WHEN I WAS A KID.
384
00:16:16,290 --> 00:16:18,660
THEY'RE--THEY'RE LIKE
SWEETHEARTS WITH SCALES.
385
00:16:20,260 --> 00:16:22,200
JUST DO IT.
- [funny voice] WHAT IS DIS?
386
00:16:22,230 --> 00:16:26,340
OKAY. YOU'RE NOT SUCH
A BAD BOY, REALLY, ARE YOU?
387
00:16:26,370 --> 00:16:28,470
NO...
388
00:16:28,500 --> 00:16:30,410
YOU'RE A GOOD LITTLE BOY.
389
00:16:30,440 --> 00:16:32,680
THAT'S A GOOD BOY.
390
00:16:32,710 --> 00:16:34,180
- [exhales sharply]
391
00:16:35,610 --> 00:16:37,350
- OW! FUCK! AH! GOD!
- RUNKLE, SHIT!
392
00:16:37,380 --> 00:16:38,510
WHAT THE FUCK, RUNKLE?
393
00:16:38,550 --> 00:16:40,180
- THAT FUCKING THING
FED UPON ME!
394
00:16:40,220 --> 00:16:42,720
THAT FUCKING GODDAMN MONSTER
FUCKING ATE MY FLESH.
395
00:16:42,750 --> 00:16:45,050
OH, SHIT. JESUS CHRIST,
WHAT IF IT'S POISONOUS?
396
00:16:45,090 --> 00:16:47,120
I THINK I-I FEEL
MY HEART SLOWING DOWN.
397
00:16:47,160 --> 00:16:49,430
- OH, MY GOD, I THINK SOMETHING
WEIRD IS HAPPENING.
398
00:16:49,460 --> 00:16:50,590
- IS THERE?
399
00:16:50,630 --> 00:16:52,400
- YOU'RE BECOMING
AN EVEN BIGGER PUSSY!
400
00:16:52,430 --> 00:16:54,060
IT'S A GARTER SNAKE.
IT'S AN OVERGROWN EARTHWORM.
401
00:16:54,100 --> 00:16:55,060
YOU'RE FINE.
402
00:16:55,100 --> 00:16:56,230
[knocking]
- EXCUSE ME.
403
00:16:56,270 --> 00:16:58,070
I.D.s. NOW.
404
00:16:58,100 --> 00:17:00,270
- OH, WELL, ACTUALLY, WE'RE
JUST--WE'RE JUST VISITING.
405
00:17:00,300 --> 00:17:03,210
- YEAH? WHO YOU VISITING?
- HIS, UH--HIS, UH, COUSIN.
406
00:17:03,240 --> 00:17:04,540
- YEAH.
- LOVER. HIS NEPHEW.
407
00:17:04,570 --> 00:17:06,310
DAVID EDELSTEIN.
408
00:17:06,340 --> 00:17:08,580
[laughing]
DAVID EDELSTEIN.
409
00:17:08,610 --> 00:17:11,080
RUNKLE. RUNKLE.
410
00:17:14,720 --> 00:17:16,290
RUN, RUNKLE!
[guard grunting]
411
00:17:16,320 --> 00:17:18,290
OH, I'M SORRY.
412
00:17:18,320 --> 00:17:20,690
JEEZ. OKAY.
SORRY. SORRY.
413
00:17:22,690 --> 00:17:24,430
OH, SORRY, SORRY.
414
00:17:27,700 --> 00:17:30,670
[both grunting]
415
00:17:30,700 --> 00:17:31,670
OH! [thud]
416
00:17:31,700 --> 00:17:32,800
THAT'S MY LEFT BALL!
[thud]
417
00:17:32,840 --> 00:17:34,270
THAT'S MY RIGHT BALL.
418
00:17:34,300 --> 00:17:36,270
[thud]
NO! NOT THE GLANS!
419
00:17:36,310 --> 00:17:39,280
RUNKLE, SAVE YOURSELF.
RUN!
420
00:17:39,310 --> 00:17:41,540
EASY ON THE CUFFS THERE,
BAD LIEUTENANT.
421
00:17:41,580 --> 00:17:43,880
YOU'RE MAKING A BIG MISTAKE.
- SAVE IT FOR THE COPS.
422
00:17:43,910 --> 00:17:45,680
- YOU KNOW,
I'M VERY TIGHT WITH THE DEAN.
423
00:17:45,710 --> 00:17:47,550
HE WILL NOT BE PLEASED
WHEN HE HEARS ABOUT THIS.
424
00:17:47,580 --> 00:17:49,550
- YOU'RE FRIENDS WITH THE DEAN?
- I FUCKED HIS WIFE.
425
00:17:49,590 --> 00:17:50,590
[grunts]
OH!
426
00:17:52,360 --> 00:17:54,560
- WHAT, NO DINNER?
427
00:17:54,590 --> 00:17:57,490
- OH. I DIDN'T THINK
YOU'D BE HUNGRY.
428
00:17:57,530 --> 00:17:59,330
- I'M NOT.
429
00:17:59,360 --> 00:18:02,300
- NO, ME NEITHER.
430
00:18:02,330 --> 00:18:04,800
HEY!
WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT?
431
00:18:04,830 --> 00:18:06,840
WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON.
432
00:18:06,870 --> 00:18:09,610
- THAT, AND WE'RE BOTH
PISSED AT HIM.
433
00:18:09,640 --> 00:18:10,670
- I'M NOT PISSED AT HIM,
434
00:18:10,710 --> 00:18:12,740
BECAUSE IT WOULD NOT BE
APPROPRIATE FOR ME TO BE--
435
00:18:12,780 --> 00:18:14,210
- MOTHER.
436
00:18:14,240 --> 00:18:15,240
- DAUGHTER.
437
00:18:15,280 --> 00:18:17,450
- I JUST WANNA KNOW
WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON
438
00:18:17,480 --> 00:18:18,650
WITH MY OWN LIFE.
439
00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:20,850
- YEP.
THAT SEEMS REASONABLE.
440
00:18:20,880 --> 00:18:22,820
- BASIC, SIMPLE THINGS.
441
00:18:22,850 --> 00:18:24,650
WHERE AM I GOING TO SCHOOL?
442
00:18:24,690 --> 00:18:28,220
IS HE LIVING WITH US?
IS HE NOT LIVING WITH US?
443
00:18:28,260 --> 00:18:30,490
IS SOMEONE
IN CHARGE HERE, ANYONE?
444
00:18:30,530 --> 00:18:33,300
OR ARE WE JUST GOING ON
IN THIS FUCKED-UP LIMBO
445
00:18:33,330 --> 00:18:34,660
FOREVER AND EVER?
446
00:18:34,700 --> 00:18:37,500
- SWEETIE, I KNOW, I KNOW
IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE.
447
00:18:37,530 --> 00:18:40,600
- YOU CAN'T SWEETIE ME.
I'M NOT SIX YEARS OLD ANYMORE.
448
00:18:40,640 --> 00:18:43,470
I NEED REAL ANSWERS.
- I KNOW.
449
00:18:43,510 --> 00:18:45,340
YOU'RE RIGHT, I'M SORRY.
I--
450
00:18:45,370 --> 00:18:47,580
AND I KNOW
THAT'S NOWHERE NEAR ENOUGH.
451
00:18:47,610 --> 00:18:48,880
I...
452
00:18:48,910 --> 00:18:51,410
YOU SEE, I HAD A PLAN.
453
00:18:51,450 --> 00:18:53,920
I DID.
454
00:18:53,950 --> 00:18:56,720
BUT IT JUST DIDN'T WORK OUT
THE WAY I THOUGHT IT WOULD.
455
00:18:56,750 --> 00:19:00,660
- OH, YOU THOUGHT HE'D DO
A GOOD JOB OF BEING IN CHARGE?
456
00:19:00,690 --> 00:19:02,330
- RIGHT.
457
00:19:04,790 --> 00:19:06,930
I HAVE AN IDEA.
LET'S GET OUTTA HERE.
458
00:19:06,960 --> 00:19:08,630
WE'VE BEEN COOPED UP
ALL DAY LONG.
459
00:19:08,660 --> 00:19:09,970
WE NEED FRESH AIR.
460
00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:11,730
- WHATEVER.
461
00:19:11,770 --> 00:19:14,570
- THAT WAS KIND OF A YES,
WASN'T IT?
462
00:19:14,600 --> 00:19:17,740
COME WITH ME.
463
00:19:17,770 --> 00:19:20,710
[Springfield's Love is All Right
Tonight plays, muffled]
464
00:19:20,740 --> 00:19:22,710
[indistinct chatter]
465
00:19:22,750 --> 00:19:30,750
*
466
00:19:53,710 --> 00:19:55,580
- HEY, MAN.
467
00:19:55,610 --> 00:19:58,580
- YOU...YOU'RE REALLY
HANGING OUT DOWN THERE, RICK.
468
00:19:58,610 --> 00:20:02,590
- YEAH. I LIKE TO FREE-BALL
WITH MY EIGHT BALL.
469
00:20:02,620 --> 00:20:04,720
- EVIDENTLY.
470
00:20:04,750 --> 00:20:07,020
*
471
00:20:07,060 --> 00:20:11,560
JESUS.
- * LOVE IS ALL RIGHT
472
00:20:11,590 --> 00:20:13,330
OKAY.
LOOK, RICK.
473
00:20:13,360 --> 00:20:15,830
BEFORE I, UH, HAND OVER
THE GOODS,
474
00:20:15,860 --> 00:20:17,300
I JUST--I REALLY FEEL LIKE
475
00:20:17,330 --> 00:20:18,830
I NEED TO GET SOMETHING
OFF MY CHEST.
476
00:20:18,870 --> 00:20:20,300
- ALL RIGHT, CHARLIE.
IT'S OKAY.
477
00:20:20,340 --> 00:20:23,440
I-I WAS OUT OF LINE TODAY.
I'M SORRY.
478
00:20:23,470 --> 00:20:25,540
I MEAN, YOU'RE MY AGENT.
YOU'RE NOT MY ERRAND BOY.
479
00:20:25,570 --> 00:20:29,350
- WOW!
I'M--I'M SURPRISED.
480
00:20:29,380 --> 00:20:31,980
WELL, OKAY.
UH, THANK YOU, RICK.
481
00:20:32,010 --> 00:20:33,620
I APPRECIATE THAT.
- OKAY. SO?
482
00:20:33,650 --> 00:20:36,650
COCA!
- ABSOLUTELY.
483
00:20:36,690 --> 00:20:38,590
I'M JUST--I'M VERY THIRSTY.
IT WAS A LONG TRIP.
484
00:20:38,620 --> 00:20:42,490
I SEE YOU GOT A COOLER.
I NEED SOME REFRESHMENT.
485
00:20:42,530 --> 00:20:46,660
- * TONIGHT I'M CRAWLING OUT
FROM IN IT *
486
00:20:46,700 --> 00:20:49,570
*
487
00:20:49,600 --> 00:20:52,570
- WHERE IS SHE?
488
00:20:52,600 --> 00:20:55,470
MARCY, WHERE ARE YOU?
I KNOW YOU'RE IN HERE, MARCY.
489
00:20:56,970 --> 00:21:01,080
- UH-OH.
490
00:21:01,110 --> 00:21:02,880
- I DON'T KNOW
WHAT SHOCKS ME MORE...
491
00:21:02,910 --> 00:21:06,010
THE FACT THAT YOU'VE OBVIOUSLY
COMPLETELY REPLACED ME
492
00:21:06,050 --> 00:21:09,850
OR THAT YOU JEOPARDIZE
YOUR SOBRIETY FOR THIS FUCKWIT!
493
00:21:09,890 --> 00:21:12,790
- OHH!
THIS FUCKWIT...
494
00:21:12,820 --> 00:21:14,660
HAPPENS TO BE
ONE OF THE KINDEST,
495
00:21:14,690 --> 00:21:17,360
GENTLEST LOVERS
I'VE EVER KNOWN.
496
00:21:17,390 --> 00:21:19,860
- HA! YEAH, I KNOW A COUPLE
OF STRIPPERS OUT THERE
497
00:21:19,900 --> 00:21:21,930
WHO MIGHT DISPUTE
THAT ASSESSMENT.
498
00:21:21,960 --> 00:21:25,630
- HEY, WATCH IT, RUNKLE.
GIMME MY FUCKING BLOW!
499
00:21:25,670 --> 00:21:28,070
* LOVE IS
WHERE IS IT?
500
00:21:28,100 --> 00:21:31,540
* ALL RIGHT TONIGHT
501
00:21:31,570 --> 00:21:34,810
- HA HA HA HA HA!
502
00:21:34,840 --> 00:21:36,710
- OH, SHIT!
503
00:21:36,750 --> 00:21:38,480
YOU LOOKING
TO GET YOUR ASS FIRED?
504
00:21:38,510 --> 00:21:40,480
- THAT'S NOT POSSIBLE.
- REALLY? WHY IS THAT?
505
00:21:40,520 --> 00:21:41,850
- BECAUSE I FIRE YOU FIRST!
THAT'S RIGHT.
506
00:21:41,880 --> 00:21:44,020
I DON'T CARE HOW MUCH
BUSINESS YOU BRING IN.
507
00:21:44,050 --> 00:21:46,860
YOU'RE AN EMOTIONAL FUCKING
ALBATROSS, RICK SPRINGFIELD,
508
00:21:46,890 --> 00:21:47,990
AND I'M THROUGH WITH YOU!
509
00:21:48,020 --> 00:21:49,730
- CHARLIE, PERSPECTIVE.
510
00:21:49,760 --> 00:21:53,560
YOU WANNA GO BACK TO SLINGING
BEEMERS IN THE VALLEY?
511
00:21:58,730 --> 00:22:00,600
- MAYBE I GOT CARRIED AWAY.
512
00:22:00,640 --> 00:22:02,910
WHAT I MEANT TO SAY IS...
- HA HA HA HA.
513
00:22:02,940 --> 00:22:05,970
NO, NO, NO, NO.
IT'S TOO LATE, FUCKER.
514
00:22:06,010 --> 00:22:07,410
YOU'RE DEAD TO ME.
515
00:22:07,440 --> 00:22:08,880
AND YOU CAN TELL
THAT OLD COOZE COLLINI
516
00:22:08,910 --> 00:22:10,580
THAT THE WHOLE
HARRY GREENBERG AGENCY
517
00:22:10,610 --> 00:22:12,110
IS FUCKIN' DEAD TO ME TOO.
518
00:22:12,150 --> 00:22:13,880
FUCK YOU!
519
00:22:13,920 --> 00:22:17,120
AND--AND FUCK YOUR Z3
AND FUCK YOUR DUMB BALD HEAD
520
00:22:17,150 --> 00:22:19,720
AND YOUR SMALL, SHITTY LIFE!
521
00:22:19,760 --> 00:22:22,090
NOW, GIMME MY BLOW
AND GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!
522
00:22:22,120 --> 00:22:23,630
- GLADLY.
523
00:22:23,660 --> 00:22:25,960
- OH! AH!
524
00:22:25,990 --> 00:22:28,060
SHIT!
WHAT THE FUCK?
525
00:22:28,100 --> 00:22:30,730
* LOVE IS ALL RIGHT
526
00:22:30,770 --> 00:22:32,740
- LIKE YOUR DREAM CRUSH
NOW, MARCY?
527
00:22:32,770 --> 00:22:33,970
- DAMN IT!
528
00:22:34,000 --> 00:22:36,870
- IT'S LIKE WATCHING
A FIGURE SKATER FALL.
529
00:22:36,910 --> 00:22:39,740
- COME ON, BABY, LET'S GO.
WE'RE GETTING OUT OF HERE.
530
00:22:39,780 --> 00:22:43,610
*
531
00:22:43,650 --> 00:22:45,480
[soundless laughter]
532
00:22:45,510 --> 00:22:48,380
[Rick muttering under breath]
533
00:22:53,590 --> 00:22:56,730
- INCOMING, BOOM, BOOM.
534
00:22:56,760 --> 00:23:00,060
BOOM!
AND THE LITTLE BIRD SAID...
535
00:23:00,100 --> 00:23:01,860
- DAD!
536
00:23:01,900 --> 00:23:03,600
- OH! OH, YES.
537
00:23:03,630 --> 00:23:05,600
- I THOUGHT YOU HATED CHELSEA.
538
00:23:05,630 --> 00:23:07,900
- WELL, SINCE WHEN
DID YOU CARE WHAT I THINK?
539
00:23:07,940 --> 00:23:11,170
ANYWAY, THE POINT IS TO SAY
WHAT YOU WANTED TO SAY.
540
00:23:11,210 --> 00:23:13,740
COME ON.
541
00:23:13,780 --> 00:23:15,740
[knocking]
542
00:23:15,780 --> 00:23:17,210
KNOCK, KNOCK.
543
00:23:17,250 --> 00:23:19,780
DON'T BE AFRAID.
WE COME IN PEACE.
544
00:23:19,820 --> 00:23:21,750
- HELLO!
CHELSEA!
545
00:23:21,780 --> 00:23:24,620
LOOK WHO'S HERE!
COME ON IN.
546
00:23:24,650 --> 00:23:25,890
- I SEE.
- THANK YOU.
547
00:23:25,920 --> 00:23:28,020
- I'M JUST NOT SURE
I GIVE A SHIT.
548
00:23:28,060 --> 00:23:29,890
- I GUESS THAT'S WHAT PASSES
FOR A WELCOME
549
00:23:29,930 --> 00:23:31,660
AROUND HERE THESE DAYS.
550
00:23:31,690 --> 00:23:34,000
- I JUST CAME TO SAY
I'M SORRY
551
00:23:34,030 --> 00:23:36,630
FOR PUNCHING YOU IN THE FACE.
552
00:23:36,670 --> 00:23:38,800
AND CALLING YOU
A STUPID TWAT.
553
00:23:38,830 --> 00:23:42,610
I WAS HIGHLY EMOTIONAL.
- AW, LOOK AT THAT.
554
00:23:42,640 --> 00:23:45,770
RAPPROCHEMENT-- IT'S MY
FAVORITE PART OF ANY WAR.
555
00:23:45,810 --> 00:23:48,880
WHY DON'T YOU AND BECCA
GO UP TO YOUR ROOM?
556
00:23:48,910 --> 00:23:51,480
- IT'S NOT NECESSARY,
OKAY, DAD?
557
00:23:51,510 --> 00:23:53,150
- I'LL FINISH DINNER.
- IT'S FINE.
558
00:23:53,180 --> 00:23:55,150
NOW, IF YOU TWO DON'T MIND,
559
00:23:55,180 --> 00:23:58,550
I'M ENJOYING SOME QUALITY TIME
WITH MY DAD...
560
00:23:58,590 --> 00:24:01,220
BEFORE HE CHECKS
INTO THE HEARTBREAK HOTEL.
561
00:24:01,260 --> 00:24:04,190
- WE KNOW.
WE'VE BEEN THERE ALREADY.
562
00:24:04,230 --> 00:24:06,600
- OH, COME ON, NOW, YOU DON'T
HAVE TO MAKE IT SOUND SO DOUR.
563
00:24:06,630 --> 00:24:09,200
- WELL, THAT'S A NICE TRY,
BUT YOU WANT MY OPINION?
564
00:24:09,230 --> 00:24:11,070
IT'S SO MUCH BETTER
NOT TO LIE TO THEM,
565
00:24:11,100 --> 00:24:13,800
BECAUSE THEY KINDA KNOW
WHEN THINGS ARE SHITTY.
566
00:24:13,840 --> 00:24:15,900
- I-I DON'T KNOW
THAT THINGS ARE ALL THAT--
567
00:24:15,940 --> 00:24:18,670
- THEY'RE SHITTY, DAD.
FACE IT.
568
00:24:18,710 --> 00:24:20,710
ALL THANKS TO YOU KNOW WHO.
569
00:24:20,740 --> 00:24:24,580
- LOOK, IT'D BE NICE IF WE COULD
BLAME HANK FOR ALL OF THIS,
570
00:24:24,610 --> 00:24:25,980
BUT THE FACT OF THE MATTER IS,
571
00:24:26,010 --> 00:24:27,750
IT'S JUST--
IT'S MORE COMPLICATED THAN THAT.
572
00:24:27,780 --> 00:24:30,620
- I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT HANK.
I'M TALKING ABOUT MOM.
573
00:24:30,650 --> 00:24:33,660
SHE'S MAKING A COMPLETE ASS
OF HERSELF.
574
00:24:33,690 --> 00:24:35,520
- WELL, THAT'S TRUE.
- [mouthing words]
575
00:24:35,560 --> 00:24:36,630
- I'M GOING TO MY ROOM.
576
00:24:36,660 --> 00:24:38,260
THAT'S WHERE I'LL BE, IN CASE,
577
00:24:38,290 --> 00:24:42,060
I DON'T KNOW, YOU WANT TO
APOLOGIZE FURTHER OR SOMETHING.
578
00:24:44,070 --> 00:24:46,070
- [whispering] YOU KNOW,
I'M SURE SHE DOESN'T MEAN IT.
579
00:24:46,100 --> 00:24:48,640
GO ON.
TAKE A SHOT.
580
00:24:50,110 --> 00:24:52,510
- YOU'LL BE OKAY.
581
00:25:00,150 --> 00:25:02,050
YOU KNOW HOW WE COULD
REALLY GET BACK
582
00:25:02,080 --> 00:25:05,790
AT THOSE SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
OF OURS, THE TWO OF US?
583
00:25:05,820 --> 00:25:07,620
IF WE MADE LOVE...
584
00:25:07,660 --> 00:25:10,630
THAT WOULD REALLY
PISS 'EM OFF.
585
00:25:10,660 --> 00:25:12,290
HUH?
- OH, WOW.
586
00:25:12,330 --> 00:25:14,160
BECCA!
- TOO SOON?
587
00:25:14,200 --> 00:25:16,330
YOU'RE RIGHT.
IT'S TOO SOON.
588
00:25:16,360 --> 00:25:18,030
MY HEART NEEDS TO HEAL.
589
00:25:18,070 --> 00:25:20,800
HELL, I'M NOT EVEN SURE
THE LITTLE DEAN IS UP TO IT,
590
00:25:20,840 --> 00:25:22,270
YOU KNOW.
591
00:25:22,300 --> 00:25:25,940
HOW 'BOUT A GLASS OF WINE?
- SOLD.
592
00:25:25,970 --> 00:25:28,310
- FREE AT LAST!
593
00:25:28,340 --> 00:25:30,210
YOU KNOW, THE AIR,
IT JUST SMELLS BETTER
594
00:25:30,250 --> 00:25:31,780
AFTER YOU'VE BEEN
IN THE BIG HOUSE.
595
00:25:31,810 --> 00:25:33,220
THANKS FOR DOING THIS,
BY THE WAY.
596
00:25:33,250 --> 00:25:34,650
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DIDN'T HAVE
597
00:25:34,680 --> 00:25:36,350
ANYTHING BETTER TO DO
WITH YOUR EVENING.
598
00:25:36,380 --> 00:25:38,890
- COULDN'T VERY WELL LET YOU
ROT IN THERE, COULD I?
599
00:25:38,920 --> 00:25:40,320
- WELL, IT'S BEEN DONE.
600
00:25:40,360 --> 00:25:42,360
- WELL, I'M THE ONE WHO MADE
THE BRILLIANT MISTAKE
601
00:25:42,390 --> 00:25:44,260
OF HIRING YOU.
- YES, YOU DID.
602
00:25:44,290 --> 00:25:46,160
- AND I NEVER GIVE UP
ON MY BRILLIANT MISTAKES.
603
00:25:46,190 --> 00:25:47,900
I SEE THEM THROUGH
TO THE BITTER END.
604
00:25:47,930 --> 00:25:49,030
- IS THAT WHERE WE ARE?
605
00:25:49,060 --> 00:25:50,670
BECAUSE I-I KNEW
I RECOGNIZED THE PLACE.
606
00:25:50,700 --> 00:25:52,940
- I DON'T REGRET ANY OF IT,
YOU KNOW,
607
00:25:52,970 --> 00:25:56,940
DESPITE THE HUMILIATION,
GOSSIPING IN THE DEPARTMENT,
608
00:25:56,970 --> 00:25:58,370
OR THE END OF MY MARRIAGE.
609
00:25:58,410 --> 00:26:01,080
- SHIT. YOU GONNA GO THROUGH
WITH THIS DIVORCE THING?
610
00:26:01,110 --> 00:26:03,080
- SURE. IT'S A WONDERFUL
FEELING, YOU KNOW,
611
00:26:03,110 --> 00:26:04,880
ONCE YOU REALIZE
THAT IT'S ALL BEHIND YOU--
612
00:26:04,910 --> 00:26:08,050
ALL THAT BITTERNESS
AND ANGUISH AND TORMENT.
613
00:26:08,080 --> 00:26:09,650
- MM.
614
00:26:09,690 --> 00:26:11,690
I DON'T KNOW, I, UH--
I'VE BEEN THERE.
615
00:26:11,720 --> 00:26:13,720
I HAVE.
BUT IT WASN'T LIKE THAT FOR ME.
616
00:26:13,760 --> 00:26:15,190
IT WAS MORE LIKE HAVING
617
00:26:15,220 --> 00:26:18,230
A GIANT HOLE
RIPPED IN MY UNIVERSE.
618
00:26:18,260 --> 00:26:20,700
- YEAH, BUT YOU NEVER
ACTUALLY LET GO, DID YOU?
619
00:26:20,730 --> 00:26:22,360
IT'S THE PAIN THAT HOLDS
PEOPLE TOGETHER,
620
00:26:22,400 --> 00:26:24,300
THE NEED TO HURT ONE ANOTHER.
621
00:26:24,330 --> 00:26:26,030
ONCE THAT'S GONE,
THERE'S NOTHING LEFT.
622
00:26:26,070 --> 00:26:27,770
NOTHING WORTH SAVING, ANYWAY.
623
00:26:27,800 --> 00:26:30,040
- I DON'T ACCEPT THAT.
WHERE'S THE LOVE, LADY?
624
00:26:30,070 --> 00:26:32,640
- THE LOVE?
- YES. WHERE IT BE LOCATED?
625
00:26:32,680 --> 00:26:34,310
TO MISQUOTE
A '70s SOUL CLASSIC.
626
00:26:34,340 --> 00:26:36,680
DON'T MAKE ME GO ROBERTA FLACK
ON YOUR ASS.
627
00:26:36,710 --> 00:26:38,880
- THAT'S LOVE,
TORTURING EACH OTHER?
628
00:26:38,910 --> 00:26:40,220
HALF IN, HALF OUT?
629
00:26:40,250 --> 00:26:42,250
- TORTURE.
THAT SOUNDS LIKE LOVE TO ME.
630
00:26:42,280 --> 00:26:44,050
- WELL, YOU GO ON
BELIEVING THAT IF YOU LIKE.
631
00:26:44,090 --> 00:26:46,660
- I LIKE.
THAT SHIT'S ROMANTIC.
632
00:26:46,690 --> 00:26:48,820
- I'VE HAD QUITE ENOUGH TORTURE
FOR ONE LIFETIME.
633
00:26:48,860 --> 00:26:51,330
OHH, ENOUGH
WITH DOING THE RIGHT THING.
634
00:26:51,360 --> 00:26:53,930
I NEVER THOUGHT YOU'D BE
ONE OF THOSE TYPES, YOU KNOW?
635
00:26:53,960 --> 00:26:55,330
THE ONES WHO SUFFER
IN SILENCE.
636
00:26:55,360 --> 00:26:57,930
- NO, I'M NOT.
I-I SUFFER VERY LOUDLY.
637
00:26:57,970 --> 00:26:59,770
YOU SHOULD TRY IT SOMETIME.
- [laughs]
638
00:26:59,800 --> 00:27:01,040
NO, THANKS.
639
00:27:01,070 --> 00:27:02,940
FROM NOW ON,
I'D JUST RATHER BE HAPPY.
640
00:27:02,970 --> 00:27:04,440
- SO THAT'S IT?
641
00:27:04,470 --> 00:27:06,140
YOU DISCOVERED
THE KEY TO HAPPINESS
642
00:27:06,170 --> 00:27:07,780
IN ONE SHORT SEMESTER?
643
00:27:07,810 --> 00:27:11,080
- WELL, I DID HAVE
A LITTLE HELP.
644
00:27:11,110 --> 00:27:14,280
THANKS, PROFESSOR.
645
00:27:14,320 --> 00:27:15,980
YOU KNOW IF YOU EVER DECIDE
646
00:27:16,020 --> 00:27:18,290
TO RETHINK THAT PHILOSOPHY
OF YOURS,
647
00:27:18,320 --> 00:27:19,920
LET ME KNOW.
648
00:27:19,960 --> 00:27:21,920
I'LL BE AROUND.
649
00:27:21,960 --> 00:27:24,830
Captioning by CaptionMax
www.captionmax.com
650
00:27:24,860 --> 00:27:26,460
- * CATCH A CANNONBALL
651
00:27:26,490 --> 00:27:30,330
* GONNA TAKE ME DOWN THE LINE
652
00:27:30,370 --> 00:27:32,370
* MY BAG IS SINKIN' LOW
653
00:27:32,400 --> 00:27:35,800
* AND I DO BELIEVE IT'S TIME
654
00:27:35,840 --> 00:27:38,340
* TO GET-A BACK TO MISS ANNIE
655
00:27:38,370 --> 00:27:41,940
* YOU KNOW,
SHE IS THE ONLY ONE *
656
00:27:41,980 --> 00:27:43,480
* WHO LEFT ME HERE
657
00:27:43,510 --> 00:27:47,780
* WITH HER REGARDS
FOR EVERYONE *
658
00:27:47,820 --> 00:27:50,420
* TAKE A LOAD OFF, ANNIE
659
00:27:50,450 --> 00:27:53,260
* TAKE A LOAD FOR FREE
660
00:27:53,290 --> 00:27:57,460
* TAKE A LOAD OFF,
ANNIE, HEY *
661
00:27:57,490 --> 00:27:58,960
* HEY
662
00:27:58,990 --> 00:28:00,360
* AND PUT THE LOAD
663
00:28:00,400 --> 00:28:03,830
* RIGHT ON ME
664
00:28:03,870 --> 00:28:05,870
* YEAH
48252
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