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00:00:10,260 --> 00:00:11,200
PREVIOUSLY ON
"CALIFORNICATION"...
2
00:00:11,760 --> 00:00:12,960
[ SNORTS ]
OH! MY MAMA!
3
00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:16,100
THAT THIRSTY LITTLE NOSE OF
YOURS IS COSTING US SOME MONEY.
4
00:00:16,130 --> 00:00:18,540
I'M SORRY, DADDY.
YOU'RE GOING
TO YOUR MOTHER'S.
5
00:00:18,570 --> 00:00:22,310
GOING TO MY MOTHER'S
MAKES ME WANT TO DO DRUGS!
6
00:00:22,340 --> 00:00:23,410
Hank:
WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?
7
00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:25,140
JUST GIVING YOU A LITTLE
SOMETHING TO PUT IN YOUR BOOK.
8
00:00:25,180 --> 00:00:26,340
WE DROVE OUT HERE TOGETHER.
9
00:00:26,380 --> 00:00:28,510
I ENDED UP PRODUCING.
SHE ENDED UP ALONE.
10
00:00:28,550 --> 00:00:29,550
HI.
YOU DON'T KNOW ME.
11
00:00:29,580 --> 00:00:31,480
MY NAME IS HANK MOODY.
I'M A WRITER.
12
00:00:31,520 --> 00:00:33,750
I WANT TO ASK YOU A QUESTION
ABOUT LEW -- LEW ASHBY.
13
00:00:33,780 --> 00:00:35,620
DID I SAY
THAT YOU COULD TALK TO HER?
14
00:00:35,650 --> 00:00:38,090
JESUS. YOU'VE GOT A BIT OF
AN OVERPROTECTIVE VIBE.
15
00:00:38,120 --> 00:00:39,690
LOOK, I HAVE MANY VICES,
MY FRIEND,
16
00:00:39,720 --> 00:00:41,390
BUT JAILBAIT
AIN'T ONE OF THEM.
17
00:00:41,430 --> 00:00:43,160
[ LAUGHS ]
18
00:00:43,190 --> 00:00:45,160
EXCUSE ME, GENTS.
19
00:00:45,200 --> 00:00:46,860
ALL RIGHT,
REPEAT AFTER ME.
20
00:00:46,900 --> 00:00:48,700
I WILL NEVER...
"I WILL NEVER..."
21
00:00:48,730 --> 00:00:50,430
...FUCK MIA AGAIN.
22
00:00:50,470 --> 00:00:54,170
OH, NO! YOU DIDN'T!
THIS IS SICK AND WRONG!
23
00:01:00,380 --> 00:01:06,550
Woman:
* YOUR FACE IS THAT PLACE
24
00:01:06,580 --> 00:01:09,120
* YOUR FACE IS THAT PLACE
25
00:01:09,150 --> 00:01:10,120
I'LL MAKE YOU A DEAL.
26
00:01:10,150 --> 00:01:12,690
YOU GUYS STOP PLAYING,
AND I'LL ACCEPT JESUS...
27
00:01:12,720 --> 00:01:14,860
AS MY PERSONAL SAVIOR.
28
00:01:14,890 --> 00:01:16,590
WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?
29
00:01:16,630 --> 00:01:19,860
MY BAD.
YOU GUYS KEEP LIVIN' THE DREAM.
30
00:01:19,900 --> 00:01:26,800
* THERE'S A PLACE FOR US
WHERE LOVE HAS NO SHAME *
31
00:01:26,840 --> 00:01:29,810
* IT'S NOT ABOUT THE YEARS
32
00:01:29,840 --> 00:01:31,910
* IT'S ABOUT THE TEARS
33
00:01:31,940 --> 00:01:36,550
* AND WHEN I LOOK FOR GRACE
34
00:01:36,580 --> 00:01:43,250
* YOUR FACE IS THAT PLACE
35
00:01:43,290 --> 00:01:48,830
* YOUR FACE IS THAT PLACE
36
00:01:48,860 --> 00:01:52,760
* YOUR FACE IS THAT PLACE
37
00:01:52,800 --> 00:01:53,930
WOW.
38
00:01:53,960 --> 00:01:56,800
WOW. FOR ONCE, I BELIEVE
YOU ACTUALLY WROTE SOMETHING.
39
00:01:56,830 --> 00:01:59,540
AND I ALSO BELIEVE THAT YOU
SHOULD HONESTLY CONSIDER
40
00:01:59,570 --> 00:02:01,710
NEVER WRITING ANYTHING
EVER AGAIN.
41
00:02:01,740 --> 00:02:04,640
THANKS, BUT I'M NOT INTERESTED
IN THE OPINION OF SOMEONE
42
00:02:04,670 --> 00:02:07,540
WHOSE CULTURAL SIGNIFICANCE
WENT OUT WITH HAMMER PANTS.
43
00:02:07,580 --> 00:02:10,410
DON'T KNOCK HAMMER PANTS.
THEY LET A MAN MOVE.
44
00:02:10,450 --> 00:02:11,880
OW!
45
00:02:11,920 --> 00:02:14,320
WHAT DID YOU THINK, BABY?
46
00:02:14,350 --> 00:02:15,320
I LOVE IT.
47
00:02:15,350 --> 00:02:18,760
IT'S AS THOUGH, UH, JANIS
AND ALANIS HAD A BABY.
48
00:02:18,790 --> 00:02:20,820
YEAH, AND THEY
PUT IT IN A DUMPSTER
49
00:02:20,860 --> 00:02:24,190
TO HOWL AWAY
ITS PATHETIC LITTLE EXISTENCE.
50
00:02:24,230 --> 00:02:25,160
WOW!
51
00:02:25,200 --> 00:02:27,500
I'M GONNA BE THINKING
ABOUT THAT ALL DAY.
52
00:02:27,530 --> 00:02:30,330
AND YOU
CAN THINK ABOUT THIS.
53
00:02:31,300 --> 00:02:34,270
[ COUGHS,
CLEARS THROAT ]
54
00:02:36,740 --> 00:02:39,710
AND YOU, HANKIE,
CAN THINK ABOUT THIS!
55
00:02:39,740 --> 00:02:40,710
OH!
YEAH.
56
00:02:40,740 --> 00:02:41,710
OW!
57
00:02:41,750 --> 00:02:43,550
[ LAUGHS ]
58
00:02:43,580 --> 00:02:45,980
HEY, ASHBY.
I JUST HAVE ONE THING TO SAY.
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00:02:46,020 --> 00:02:47,980
* YOUR FACE
IS THAT PLACE *
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00:02:48,020 --> 00:02:49,620
* YEAH, YEAH
61
00:02:49,650 --> 00:02:51,620
LOOK, I DON'T WANT TO BREAK
THE GIRL'S HEART,
62
00:02:51,660 --> 00:02:53,460
BUT I CAN'T TAKE
ANY MORE POWER BALLADS.
63
00:02:53,490 --> 00:02:54,490
SUGGESTIONS? PLEASE.
64
00:02:54,520 --> 00:02:57,830
EXTRICATE YOURSELF IMMEDIATELY,
IF NOT SOONER.
65
00:02:57,860 --> 00:03:00,930
BUT, JESUS, SHE FUCKS
LIKE SHE KNOWS THINGS, YOU KNOW?
66
00:03:00,960 --> 00:03:03,400
LIKE SHE'S BEEN PLACES,
SEEN SOME SHIT.
67
00:03:03,430 --> 00:03:04,300
HEY, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!
68
00:03:04,330 --> 00:03:06,340
HOW DID THE INTERVIEW
WITH MY OLD LADY GO?
69
00:03:06,370 --> 00:03:07,340
IT WENT.
70
00:03:07,370 --> 00:03:09,740
YEAH? WHAT DID, UH...
WHAT DID SHE SAY ABOUT ME?
71
00:03:09,770 --> 00:03:11,410
SHE MISSES ME, RIGHT?
72
00:03:11,440 --> 00:03:12,740
I-I MEAN,
AT LEAST IN THE SACK.
73
00:03:12,780 --> 00:03:14,680
WELL, I'LL KNOW MORE
WHEN I SEE HER AGAIN.
74
00:03:14,710 --> 00:03:15,580
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
75
00:03:15,610 --> 00:03:17,650
MOODY, I THOUGHT THIS THING
WAS, UH, OVER.
76
00:03:17,680 --> 00:03:18,780
MNH-MNH.
77
00:03:18,820 --> 00:03:21,020
I'M GOING OVER THERE RIGHT NOW
AFTER I DOUCHE MY EARS.
78
00:03:21,050 --> 00:03:22,990
WELL, GO THEN.
ENJOY.
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00:03:23,020 --> 00:03:27,320
YOU TOUCH HER, I WILL CUT YOUR
CHEEKS WITH A STRAIGHT RAZOR.
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00:03:27,360 --> 00:03:28,560
[ LAUGHS ]
81
00:03:28,590 --> 00:03:29,960
[ LAUGHS ]
82
00:03:29,990 --> 00:03:31,330
PHT! PHT!
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00:04:20,640 --> 00:04:23,610
Janie: [ CHUCKLES ]
THAT IS BULLSHIT.
84
00:04:23,650 --> 00:04:24,780
HE'S JUST BEING DRAMATIC.
85
00:04:24,810 --> 00:04:27,850
I DON'T MEAN AS MUCH TO HIM
AS HE'D HAVE YOU BELIEVE.
86
00:04:27,880 --> 00:04:28,890
I DON'T KNOW, LADY.
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00:04:28,920 --> 00:04:31,320
TO HEAR HIM TELL IT,
YOU'RE THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY.
88
00:04:31,360 --> 00:04:33,420
RAN AWAY SCREAMING
IS MORE LIKE IT.
89
00:04:33,460 --> 00:04:35,330
WHAT WAS HE LIKE
BACK THEN?
90
00:04:35,360 --> 00:04:40,000
MM, I GUESS PROBABLY
THE SAME AS HE IS NOW --
91
00:04:40,030 --> 00:04:41,370
A LOST BOY.
92
00:04:41,400 --> 00:04:44,830
SWEET, WELL-INTENTIONED,
LOVES THE WOMEN...
93
00:04:44,870 --> 00:04:46,100
HMM.
A LITTLE TOO MUCH.
94
00:04:46,140 --> 00:04:49,440
WHAT MAKES HIM SO GOOD, THEN?
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
95
00:04:49,470 --> 00:04:50,810
YOU KNOW WHAT?
HE LISTENS.
96
00:04:50,840 --> 00:04:53,110
HE HEARS THINGS IN A SONG
THAT NO ONE ELSE CAN.
97
00:04:53,140 --> 00:04:54,710
SO, WHAT WAS
THE LAST STRAW?
98
00:04:54,740 --> 00:04:56,580
NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
99
00:04:56,610 --> 00:05:00,120
JANIE JONES, I DO BELIEVE THE
MAN IS STILL IN LOVE WITH YOU.
100
00:05:00,150 --> 00:05:01,990
HIS SUN RISES AND SETS
WITH YOU.
101
00:05:02,020 --> 00:05:04,550
I THINK THAT HE WOULD TOSS
EVERYTHING HE'S GOT
102
00:05:04,590 --> 00:05:06,460
JUST TO GET ANOTHER SHOT
WITH YOU.
103
00:05:06,490 --> 00:05:07,660
THAT'S WHAT I BELIEVE.
104
00:05:09,990 --> 00:05:11,090
YOU KNOW WHAT?
105
00:05:11,130 --> 00:05:13,700
WE WERE IN THE MIDDLE
OF LIVING OUR HAPPILY-EVER-AFTER
106
00:05:13,730 --> 00:05:15,670
WHEN I WALKED IN ON HIM
ONE DAY WRITING A SONG
107
00:05:15,700 --> 00:05:18,470
WITH A SHERYL CROW WANNABE.
108
00:05:18,500 --> 00:05:20,840
AND I DON'T KNOW.
I JUST FREAKED OUT.
109
00:05:20,870 --> 00:05:23,540
I MEAN, IT WAS MORE INTIMATE
THAN FUCKING.
110
00:05:23,570 --> 00:05:24,740
AND I KNOW HE ALWAYS SAID
111
00:05:24,770 --> 00:05:28,080
THAT HE HAD TO FALL IN LOVE
WITH EVERYONE HE WORKED WITH.
112
00:05:28,110 --> 00:05:29,910
HE HAD TO OPEN HIMSELF UP
TO THE MUSIC.
113
00:05:29,950 --> 00:05:33,520
BUT I GUESS I JUST...
114
00:05:33,550 --> 00:05:36,020
GOT SICK OF SHARING HIM.
115
00:05:36,050 --> 00:05:37,450
SO I BAILED.
116
00:05:37,490 --> 00:05:39,020
DOES THAT MAKE ME
SUPERFICIAL?
117
00:05:40,790 --> 00:05:42,860
NO. JUST HUMAN.
118
00:05:42,890 --> 00:05:43,990
WELL, LOOK AT THIS.
119
00:05:44,030 --> 00:05:47,430
IT LOOKS LIKE YOU GOT THE
HAPPILY-EVER-AFTER AFTER ALL.
120
00:05:47,460 --> 00:05:49,470
DAMN STRAIGHT.
121
00:05:49,500 --> 00:05:50,570
DON'T YOU WANT TO TALK
TO HIM?
122
00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:52,870
JUST OUT OF CURIOSITY.
DON'T YOU MISS HIM A LITTLE BIT?
123
00:05:52,900 --> 00:05:54,570
OH, YEAH. SURE.
I MISS HIM.
124
00:05:54,600 --> 00:05:56,540
LIKE YOU'D MISS
A BAD CASE OF THE CRABS
125
00:05:56,570 --> 00:05:57,940
IF YOU GOT THEM FROM
ROBERT PLANT
126
00:05:57,970 --> 00:05:59,540
OR JESUS OR SOMEONE.
127
00:05:59,580 --> 00:06:00,480
OH, YEAH. YEAH.
128
00:06:00,510 --> 00:06:02,510
THIS IS A LITTLE-KNOWN FACT
ABOUT JESUS --
129
00:06:02,550 --> 00:06:03,750
HE WAS WELL KNOWN
FOR HIS V.D.
130
00:06:03,780 --> 00:06:06,550
HE MADE THE LADIES ITCH ALL THE
WAY FROM GALILEE TO NAZARETH.
131
00:06:06,580 --> 00:06:08,650
[ CHUCKLES ]
YOU'RE JUST LIKE HIM.
132
00:06:08,690 --> 00:06:09,650
JESUS?
133
00:06:09,690 --> 00:06:10,990
YOU KNOW,
I GET THAT A LOT.
134
00:06:11,020 --> 00:06:12,190
YOU DO? HUH.
YEAH.
135
00:06:12,220 --> 00:06:13,920
LET'S SEE IF YOU CAN
WALK ON WATER.
HMM?
136
00:06:13,960 --> 00:06:15,660
OH! HEY!
SAVE MY WORDS!
137
00:06:15,690 --> 00:06:18,430
[ LAUGHS ]
138
00:06:19,730 --> 00:06:21,430
OH, WHAT ARE YOU,
A CHILD?
139
00:06:21,470 --> 00:06:22,700
WHAT ARE YOU,
A GROWN-UP?
140
00:06:22,730 --> 00:06:25,840
YOU RUINED A PERFECTLY GOOD
GLASS OF SCOTCH.
141
00:06:25,870 --> 00:06:27,000
GET BACK IN HERE.
THE WATER'S WARM.
142
00:06:27,040 --> 00:06:29,570
AND I BELIEVE WE SHOULD DO
A LITTLE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMING.
143
00:06:29,610 --> 00:06:31,610
NO, I THINK
THAT'S ENOUGH FOR ONE DAY.
144
00:06:31,640 --> 00:06:34,810
I HAVE REVEALED WAY MORE
THAN I THOUGHT I SHOULD.
145
00:06:34,840 --> 00:06:36,750
HMM.
HOW'D YOU'D DO THAT?
146
00:06:36,780 --> 00:06:39,020
IT'S WHAT I DO.
IT'S A GIFT.
147
00:06:39,050 --> 00:06:40,480
Mr. Jones: JANIE!
148
00:06:40,520 --> 00:06:42,490
WHAT IS THAT --
THE BALLS AND CHAIN?
149
00:06:42,520 --> 00:06:44,690
YEAH. THIS DOES NOT LOOK GOOD.
COME HERE.
150
00:06:44,720 --> 00:06:46,160
JANIE, WHERE THE FUCK
ARE YOU?!
151
00:06:46,190 --> 00:06:47,160
COME ON.
COME ON.
152
00:06:47,190 --> 00:06:49,660
HOLD ON.
HOLD ON.
153
00:06:49,690 --> 00:06:51,460
JUST, UH...
154
00:06:51,500 --> 00:06:53,230
JUST WAIT IN HERE
FOR A FEW MINUTES.
155
00:06:53,260 --> 00:06:54,460
I'LL BE BACK.
156
00:06:55,800 --> 00:06:59,070
I WANT YOU TO TAKE HER
DIRECTLY TO THE AIRPORT, OKAY?
157
00:06:59,100 --> 00:07:00,840
WHATEVER'S ON THE METER
WHEN YOU GET THERE,
158
00:07:00,870 --> 00:07:01,970
I WILL TRIPLE IT
159
00:07:02,010 --> 00:07:04,510
IF YOU SEE TO IT SHE MAKES IT
TO THE SECURITY LINE.
160
00:07:04,540 --> 00:07:05,440
[ CHUCKLES ]
161
00:07:05,480 --> 00:07:08,810
DON'T WORRY, DADDY.
I'LL BE A GOOD GIRL.
162
00:07:08,850 --> 00:07:12,780
IT'S REALLY HARD FOR ME
TO TRUST YOU RIGHT NOW, BABY.
163
00:07:12,820 --> 00:07:14,120
I KNOW.
164
00:07:14,150 --> 00:07:15,820
MY DIRTY LITTLE WHORE
OF A NOSE
165
00:07:15,850 --> 00:07:18,520
IS SORRY
THAT SHE LET YOU DOWN.
166
00:07:18,560 --> 00:07:19,520
BUT SHE LOVES YOU SO MUCH
167
00:07:19,560 --> 00:07:21,830
SHE'S WILLING TO GO CHILL OUT
AT HER MOTHER'S.
168
00:07:21,860 --> 00:07:22,660
WOW.
169
00:07:22,690 --> 00:07:24,730
I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU
GO VOLUNTARILY
170
00:07:24,760 --> 00:07:25,900
TO YOUR MOTHER'S BEFORE.
171
00:07:25,930 --> 00:07:27,930
I WANT TO FIX THIS,
CHARLIE.
172
00:07:27,960 --> 00:07:30,830
AND IF IT MEANS SHACKING UP
WITH THAT TROLL,
173
00:07:30,870 --> 00:07:33,770
THAT'S WHAT I'M GONNA DO.
174
00:07:35,640 --> 00:07:37,040
LET'S GO.
175
00:07:37,070 --> 00:07:38,070
WHY?
176
00:07:38,110 --> 00:07:39,140
COME ON.
COME ON.
177
00:07:39,180 --> 00:07:41,010
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I SHOULD DRIVE YOU.
178
00:07:41,040 --> 00:07:42,810
NO. YOU HAVE
YOUR MEETING.
179
00:07:42,850 --> 00:07:44,150
WELL, WE'LL RESCHEDULE.
180
00:07:44,180 --> 00:07:46,150
BABY, I'M A BIG GIRL.
181
00:07:46,180 --> 00:07:50,920
YOU NEED TO STAY HERE
AND TAKE CARE OF YOU AND DAISY.
182
00:07:52,590 --> 00:07:55,960
I PROMISE WE WON'T HAVE ANY FUN
WHILE YOU'RE GONE.
183
00:07:55,990 --> 00:07:59,200
WE'LL BE WISHING WE WERE AT A
RETIREMENT COMMUNITY IN TUCSON.
184
00:07:59,230 --> 00:08:02,630
OH, YEAH. NOTHING LIKE PINOCHLE
AND MENOPAUSE JOKES.
185
00:08:02,670 --> 00:08:04,600
A BLUR OF CANES
AND WALKERS.
186
00:08:04,630 --> 00:08:05,640
BUT LOOK FOR ME.
187
00:08:05,670 --> 00:08:07,670
I'LL BE THE ONE
SOLICITING ALL THE GRAYHAIRS --
188
00:08:07,700 --> 00:08:09,940
"I'LL SUCK YOUR DICK,
OLD MAN."
189
00:08:09,970 --> 00:08:12,080
BYE, BABY.
190
00:08:17,310 --> 00:08:20,180
PUT DOWN
THOSE SHUFFLEBOARD STICKS.
191
00:08:20,220 --> 00:08:23,120
MARCY'S COMING
TO SUCK YOUR DICKS!
192
00:08:35,260 --> 00:08:37,000
[ TELEPHONE RINGS ]
193
00:08:37,030 --> 00:08:38,700
[ BEEP ]
HELLO?
194
00:08:38,740 --> 00:08:40,570
Hank: It's your knight
in shining armor.
195
00:08:40,600 --> 00:08:41,570
HMM.
196
00:08:41,610 --> 00:08:43,140
YOUR LORD?
YOUR PASHA?
197
00:08:43,170 --> 00:08:45,610
WHAT'S MANDARIN
FOR "DREAM LOVER"?
198
00:08:45,640 --> 00:08:46,810
MANG-MANG KIN REN?
199
00:08:46,840 --> 00:08:48,010
PROBABLY THE OPPOSITE
200
00:08:48,040 --> 00:08:50,280
OF WHATEVER THE WORD
FOR "MOUTH RAPIST" IS.
201
00:08:50,310 --> 00:08:51,280
OH.
202
00:08:51,310 --> 00:08:53,120
WELL,
I'M NOT GONNA BE THERE
203
00:08:53,150 --> 00:08:56,020
TO PICK UP BECCA
FROM SCHOOL TODAY, OKAY?
204
00:08:56,050 --> 00:08:57,020
I'll explain later.
205
00:08:57,050 --> 00:08:58,620
OH, I CAN'T WAIT
TO HEAR IT.
206
00:08:58,660 --> 00:09:00,290
No, it's actually
a very good one.
207
00:09:00,320 --> 00:09:02,930
BUT RIGHT NOW, I'VE GOT TO SEE
A MAN ABOUT A HORSE, SO...
208
00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:04,730
[ BEEP ]
209
00:09:12,370 --> 00:09:14,740
[ ZIPPER OPENS ]
210
00:09:14,770 --> 00:09:16,310
[ URINATING ]
211
00:09:20,340 --> 00:09:23,250
[ SIGHS ]
212
00:09:25,680 --> 00:09:27,380
UH...
213
00:09:27,420 --> 00:09:29,250
[ GASPS ]
214
00:09:29,290 --> 00:09:30,650
NO BAÑOS.
215
00:09:30,690 --> 00:09:33,760
SO I USED THE "SINKOS."
216
00:09:33,790 --> 00:09:35,890
[ ZIPPER CLOSES ]
217
00:09:35,930 --> 00:09:38,060
[ BELL RINGS ]
218
00:09:44,070 --> 00:09:46,740
HEY, YOU.
219
00:09:46,770 --> 00:09:49,010
NO FATHER-TYPE FIGURE.
220
00:09:49,040 --> 00:09:50,010
NO.
221
00:09:50,040 --> 00:09:52,780
BUT KNOWING YOUR FATHER,
HE'LL PROBABLY BE HERE
222
00:09:52,810 --> 00:09:54,880
ON SATURDAY OR SUNDAY
TO PICK YOU UP.
223
00:09:54,910 --> 00:09:57,310
I DON'T WANT TO HEAR
ANYTHING BAD ABOUT HIM.
224
00:09:57,350 --> 00:09:58,350
OKAY.
225
00:09:59,880 --> 00:10:01,650
HEY! IT'S MIA.
226
00:10:01,690 --> 00:10:03,190
DON'T BOTHER.
227
00:10:03,220 --> 00:10:05,790
SHE'S NOT DRIVING.
SHE'S GOT OTHER PLANS.
228
00:10:05,820 --> 00:10:09,330
OH, REALLY? WHAT?
LIKE "OLDER BOYFRIEND" PLANS?
229
00:10:09,360 --> 00:10:11,090
SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
230
00:10:16,800 --> 00:10:18,670
Hank: MMM.
231
00:10:20,940 --> 00:10:24,340
I DON'T DO THIS
NEARLY AS MUCH AS YOU THINK.
232
00:10:24,370 --> 00:10:26,780
MAKES ME PARANOID.
233
00:10:26,810 --> 00:10:28,780
PARANOCIO.
234
00:10:28,810 --> 00:10:30,450
YO.
235
00:10:30,480 --> 00:10:32,720
PLUS, THE OLD LADY,
BACK WHEN I HAD ONE,
236
00:10:32,750 --> 00:10:35,120
SHE DIDN'T APPROVE OF ME
INGESTING THE SUBSTANCES.
237
00:10:35,150 --> 00:10:36,990
NOT THAT SHE WAS
ABOVE IT HERSELF.
238
00:10:37,020 --> 00:10:40,020
WHERE DO YOU STAND
ON THE ISSUE?
239
00:10:40,060 --> 00:10:43,190
WELL, THAT WASN'T EXACTLY
A RESPONSE, BUT I'LL TAKE IT.
240
00:10:43,230 --> 00:10:48,330
HEY, UH, HOW DOES, UH,
MRS. JONES SEEM TO YOU?
241
00:10:48,360 --> 00:10:51,770
UH, IS SHE A GOOD JEFA?
242
00:10:51,800 --> 00:10:53,900
IS SHE CONTENTO?
243
00:10:53,940 --> 00:10:56,740
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
A LANGUAGE BARRIER?
244
00:10:56,770 --> 00:11:01,480
MI VIEJA ES...
STICK UP ASSO.
245
00:11:01,510 --> 00:11:04,110
UH, HYPOCRITA.
246
00:11:04,150 --> 00:11:06,780
EL DOBLE STANDARDO.
247
00:11:06,820 --> 00:11:11,020
ELLA FUMAR
SINO SI YO FUMAR,
248
00:11:11,050 --> 00:11:14,760
ELLA CORTAR
LOS CAJONES GRANDES.
249
00:11:14,790 --> 00:11:16,030
[ LAUGHS ]
YES!
250
00:11:16,060 --> 00:11:18,900
YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL WHEN YOU SMILE.
I WISH YOU DID SPEAK ENGLISH.
251
00:11:18,930 --> 00:11:20,230
I HAVE A LOT TO DISCUSS
252
00:11:20,260 --> 00:11:22,870
ON THE SUBJECT
OF ACCIDENTAL CUNNILINGUS.
253
00:11:22,900 --> 00:11:24,970
WHY THE FUCK WOULDN'T
I SPEAK ENGLISH?
254
00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:26,200
OH, HELLO!
255
00:11:26,240 --> 00:11:27,800
GIVE A BROTHER A HEADS-UP
256
00:11:27,840 --> 00:11:30,470
BEFORE HE DIVULGES
HIS ENTIRE HISTORY WITH WOMEN.
257
00:11:30,510 --> 00:11:33,880
I WAS ENJOYING YOUR SPANGLISH
WAY TOO MUCH TO STOP YOU.
258
00:11:33,910 --> 00:11:35,180
MY SPANGLISH
IS MUY BUENO.
UH-HUH.
259
00:11:35,210 --> 00:11:36,210
Mr. Jones:
Rosario!
260
00:11:36,250 --> 00:11:37,080
[ GASPS ]
OH, FUCK! FUCK!
261
00:11:37,110 --> 00:11:39,020
WHAT?
GET OUT OF HERE.
GET OUT OF HERE.
262
00:11:39,050 --> 00:11:40,020
GO! GO! GO!
263
00:11:40,050 --> 00:11:41,890
ROSARIO.
Oh, shit.
264
00:11:41,920 --> 00:11:44,120
[ Singsong voice ]
RO-SARI...O.
265
00:11:44,150 --> 00:11:45,990
MR. JONES.
266
00:11:46,020 --> 00:11:48,120
[ SNIFFS ]
HMM. WELL...
267
00:11:48,160 --> 00:11:51,390
I WAS THINKING THAT NOW
MIGHT BE THE PERFECT TIME
268
00:11:51,430 --> 00:11:54,160
FOR ONE OF OUR
PERFORMANCE REVIEWS.
269
00:11:54,200 --> 00:11:57,300
OH, UM...MAYBE LATER,
WHEN I FINISH MY WORK?
270
00:11:57,330 --> 00:11:59,500
THIS IS PART
OF YOUR WORK.
271
00:12:10,810 --> 00:12:12,920
DIOS MIO.
272
00:12:18,390 --> 00:12:20,260
I'M FAIRLY NEW TO PORN
MYSELF.
273
00:12:20,290 --> 00:12:21,420
STILL, LET ME JUST SAY,
274
00:12:21,460 --> 00:12:24,860
IT'S NICE TO BE IN AN OFFICE
OCCUPIED BY A REAL EXECUTIVE.
275
00:12:24,890 --> 00:12:27,300
ON A COUCH THAT'S
ACTUALLY USED FOR SITTING.
276
00:12:27,330 --> 00:12:29,800
[ LAUGHS ] LOVE IT!
277
00:12:29,830 --> 00:12:31,870
DAISY,
YOU ARE SO FUNNY.
278
00:12:31,900 --> 00:12:33,470
OH, DO THE END
OF "VAGINATOWN."
279
00:12:33,500 --> 00:12:37,910
OH. "SHE'S MY SISTER,
MY DAUGHTER, MY SISTER...
280
00:12:37,940 --> 00:12:40,410
OH, I'LL NEVER FIGURE IT OUT
WITHOUT A COCK IN ME!"
281
00:12:40,440 --> 00:12:42,350
[ LAUGHS ]
282
00:12:42,380 --> 00:12:46,150
I DIDN'T REALIZE
THAT ALSO PLAYED COMEDICALLY.
283
00:12:46,180 --> 00:12:49,050
WE THINK THAT DAISY
HAS WHAT IT TAKES
284
00:12:49,090 --> 00:12:51,450
TO BE AN INTENSE GIRL.
285
00:12:51,490 --> 00:12:53,360
THAT IS GREAT.
JUST GREAT.
286
00:12:53,390 --> 00:12:55,960
BUT WE'RE FIELDING OFFERS
FROM A FEW STUDIOS,
287
00:12:55,990 --> 00:12:58,330
SO CAN YOU TELL US
WHAT SETS INTENSE APART?
288
00:12:58,360 --> 00:12:59,830
WELL, DAISY
WILL HAVE ACCESS
289
00:12:59,860 --> 00:13:02,100
TO OUR MARKETING
AND DISTRIBUTION TEAMS.
290
00:13:02,130 --> 00:13:03,500
AND WITH THAT KIND
OF EXPOSURE,
291
00:13:03,530 --> 00:13:06,470
DAISY CAN NAME HER PRICE
AT STRIP CLUBS,
292
00:13:06,500 --> 00:13:07,870
FAN EVENTS, TOURS.
293
00:13:07,900 --> 00:13:09,570
NOT TO MENTION
MERCHANDISING.
294
00:13:09,610 --> 00:13:14,380
HER FACE WILL BE ON THE PACKAGE
OF THOUSANDS OF RUBBER VAGINAS.
295
00:13:14,410 --> 00:13:16,080
[ WHISTLES ]
GREAT!
296
00:13:16,110 --> 00:13:19,020
OF COURSE, ALL INTENSE GIRLS
ARE ALL AT LEAST DOUBLE D's.
297
00:13:19,050 --> 00:13:21,480
YOU DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM
GETTING IMPLANTS, DO YOU?
298
00:13:21,520 --> 00:13:23,620
WAIT A MINUTE.
299
00:13:23,650 --> 00:13:26,560
I'M NO EXPERT, BUT I CONSIDER
MYSELF QUITE A MASTURBATOR.
300
00:13:26,590 --> 00:13:28,320
I'VE CERTAINLY
RUBBED THEM OUT
301
00:13:28,360 --> 00:13:30,890
TO GIRLS A LOT SMALLER-CHESTED
THAN DAISY HERE.
302
00:13:30,930 --> 00:13:34,230
WELL, THAT PORN DOES EXIST.
BUT IT'S A NICHE.
303
00:13:34,260 --> 00:13:36,230
LIKE SHRIMPING
OR GRANNY-FUCKING.
304
00:13:36,270 --> 00:13:37,970
WHO SAYS SHRIMPING
IS NICHE?
305
00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:41,400
LOOK, DAISY.
WE LOVE WHAT WE SEE.
306
00:13:41,440 --> 00:13:43,640
WE JUST WANT TO SEE
A LITTLE MORE OF IT, RIGHT?
307
00:13:43,670 --> 00:13:46,210
UM. I...
308
00:13:46,240 --> 00:13:48,340
FINE.
FINE, BUT YOU GOT TO KNOW
309
00:13:48,380 --> 00:13:51,350
THAT IF MY CLIENT IS EVEN
GONNA CONSIDER THIS REQUEST,
310
00:13:51,380 --> 00:13:52,520
YOU'D BE BUYING THEM.
311
00:13:52,550 --> 00:13:55,380
WE'RE NOT PAYING
FOR FUN BAGS.
312
00:13:55,420 --> 00:13:58,250
YOU KNOW, I'M ALL FOR
A LITTLE AFFAIR OF THE HEART,
313
00:13:58,290 --> 00:13:59,890
BUT THAT DUDE?
314
00:13:59,920 --> 00:14:03,190
I THINK YOU CAN DO
A LOT BETTER.
315
00:14:03,230 --> 00:14:04,930
IT WASN'T
ALWAYS THAT BAD.
316
00:14:04,960 --> 00:14:06,230
I FELL FOR HIM AT FIRST.
317
00:14:06,260 --> 00:14:08,230
HE WAS GONNA
LEAVE HIS WIFE FOR ME.
318
00:14:08,260 --> 00:14:09,430
YES.
YEAH.
319
00:14:09,470 --> 00:14:12,500
AND HE WAS GONNA PAY SO MY
WHOLE FAMILY COULD GO TO COLLEGE
320
00:14:12,540 --> 00:14:14,240
OR SOME SHIT LIKE THAT.
321
00:14:14,270 --> 00:14:15,470
OH.
322
00:14:15,500 --> 00:14:18,570
"ROSARIO, TE AMO,
MUCHACHA.
323
00:14:18,610 --> 00:14:21,440
LINDA, HERMOSA, BELLA Tú."
324
00:14:21,480 --> 00:14:23,180
NO ME GUSTA.
325
00:14:27,150 --> 00:14:28,180
GIVE ME YOUR JEANS.
326
00:14:28,220 --> 00:14:30,950
OH, NO, I DON'T WANT YOU TO DO
A WHOLE LOAD OF DARK.
327
00:14:30,990 --> 00:14:32,520
I THIN-- I'M GOOD.
THEY'RE DRYING.
328
00:14:32,560 --> 00:14:36,090
NO, PAPI.
DON'T WORRY.
329
00:14:36,130 --> 00:14:38,430
I JUST WANT TO SEE YOU
OUT OF THEM.
330
00:14:48,200 --> 00:14:51,140
THIS IS WRONG
ON SO MANY DIFFERENT LEVELS.
331
00:14:51,170 --> 00:14:52,180
MNH-MNH.
MNH-MNH.
332
00:14:52,210 --> 00:14:56,080
WHEN WE'RE DONE,
CAN YOU AT LEAST LET ME MOP UP?
333
00:14:56,110 --> 00:14:58,410
OH, MY GOD.
334
00:15:01,150 --> 00:15:02,390
[ CELLPHONE BUZZES ]
335
00:15:02,420 --> 00:15:04,050
MM.
MM. MM!
336
00:15:04,090 --> 00:15:05,420
IT'S MY PHONE.
337
00:15:05,450 --> 00:15:06,720
YEAH.
338
00:15:06,760 --> 00:15:08,260
YEAH.
339
00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:15,130
HELLO?
340
00:15:15,160 --> 00:15:17,230
MIA IS DATING LEW ASHBY!
341
00:15:17,270 --> 00:15:20,370
[ GASPS ]
I AM AS SURPRISED AS YOU ARE.
342
00:15:20,400 --> 00:15:21,270
WHAT THE FUCK?
343
00:15:21,300 --> 00:15:23,570
WE ARE MEANT TO BE
TAKING CARE OF HER,
344
00:15:23,610 --> 00:15:25,370
NOT -- NOT LETTING HER
SKIP SCHOOL
345
00:15:25,410 --> 00:15:28,040
SO THAT SHE CAN SIT IN THE LAPS
OF OLD MEN.
346
00:15:28,080 --> 00:15:30,150
HEY, YOU'RE THE ONE
THAT CONDONED IT.
347
00:15:30,180 --> 00:15:31,510
ARE YOU OUT
OF YOUR FUCKING MIND?
348
00:15:31,550 --> 00:15:32,680
Who was the one
that said
349
00:15:32,720 --> 00:15:36,150
DATING AN OLDER MAN WAS A
"VALID LIFE EXPERIENCE"? QUOTE.
350
00:15:36,190 --> 00:15:38,250
FUCK!
351
00:15:39,290 --> 00:15:42,260
NO, NOT -- YOU KNOW,
I-I DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT.
352
00:15:42,290 --> 00:15:45,630
I believe someone is owed an
apology, and his name is Hank.
353
00:15:45,660 --> 00:15:49,130
NO. NO, BECAUSE YOU BROUGHT
THIS MAN INTO OUR LIVES, OKAY?
354
00:15:49,170 --> 00:15:50,270
SO YOU CAN FIX IT.
355
00:15:50,300 --> 00:15:51,170
I TRIED TO STOP IT.
356
00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:53,040
LOOK, ANYWAY,
I HAVE IT ON GOOD AUTHORITY
357
00:15:53,070 --> 00:15:55,100
THAT THAT RELATIONSHIP
IS NOT LONG FOR THIS WORLD,
358
00:15:55,140 --> 00:15:57,140
SO RELAX.
359
00:15:57,170 --> 00:15:59,510
Wait a minute.
Hank.
360
00:15:59,540 --> 00:16:01,710
"HANK"? WHY ARE YOU SAYING
"HANK" LIKE THAT?
361
00:16:01,740 --> 00:16:05,080
LIKE WHAT? LIKE, SINCE WHEN
DID YOU CARE HOW I SAY "HANK"?
362
00:16:05,110 --> 00:16:05,950
WHY ARE YOU SO UP MY ASS
363
00:16:05,980 --> 00:16:07,750
ABOUT THE WAY I THINK
YOU SAY "HANK"?
364
00:16:07,780 --> 00:16:09,690
YOU'RE FUCKING PARANOI--
ARE YOU STONED?
365
00:16:09,720 --> 00:16:11,290
Uh...
Rosario:
La vieja?
366
00:16:11,320 --> 00:16:12,390
Shh! Shh!
Shh! Shh!
367
00:16:12,420 --> 00:16:13,960
FUCK YOU.
[ BEEP ]
368
00:16:17,830 --> 00:16:19,200
LA VIEJA.
369
00:16:19,230 --> 00:16:21,400
MM.
MM.
370
00:16:21,430 --> 00:16:22,700
HMM.
371
00:16:22,730 --> 00:16:24,430
[ SIGHS ]
372
00:16:24,470 --> 00:16:26,540
I THINK
WE SHOULD RECONSIDER.
373
00:16:26,570 --> 00:16:27,800
IT'S A CAREER MOVE.
374
00:16:27,840 --> 00:16:29,710
IT'S WRONG
IS WHAT IT IS.
375
00:16:29,740 --> 00:16:31,740
WE WERE FOOLS
TO AGREE TO SURGERY.
376
00:16:31,770 --> 00:16:34,340
THOUSANDS OF RUBBER VAGINAS,
CHARLIE.
377
00:16:34,380 --> 00:16:36,580
YEAH, TO GET YOUR FACE
ON THOSE VAGINAS,
378
00:16:36,610 --> 00:16:38,750
YOU HAVE TO UNDO
YOUR VERY DAISY-NESS.
379
00:16:38,780 --> 00:16:42,120
EVERYTHING IN MY CAREER
HAS BEEN LEADING UP TO THIS.
380
00:16:42,150 --> 00:16:44,150
I WANT TO BE A STAR,
CHARLIE.
381
00:16:44,190 --> 00:16:45,450
MNH-MNH.
382
00:16:45,490 --> 00:16:48,360
THE REAL STARS
DO NOT GET THEIR BOOBS DONE.
383
00:16:48,390 --> 00:16:50,730
THE JULIAS, THE MERYLS,
THE NICOLES.
384
00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:53,500
NICOLE CLITMAN?
SHE HAS E's.
385
00:16:53,530 --> 00:16:54,630
[ SIGHS ]
386
00:16:54,660 --> 00:16:57,300
SHE NEEDS THEM TO DISTRACT
PEOPLE FROM THE REST OF HER.
387
00:16:57,330 --> 00:16:59,740
YOU DON'T.
COME ON. DAISY.
388
00:16:59,770 --> 00:17:02,810
YOU KNOW, DON'T HIDE
BEHIND SILICONE.
389
00:17:02,840 --> 00:17:05,110
BE BRAVE ENOUGH
TO BE YOURSELF.
390
00:17:05,140 --> 00:17:07,240
YOU'RE A REAL STAR.
391
00:17:19,860 --> 00:17:22,530
HEY. LEW.
392
00:17:23,860 --> 00:17:26,230
HEY. LEW!
393
00:17:26,260 --> 00:17:27,630
YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE!
394
00:17:27,660 --> 00:17:30,530
UH...BUT WE
HAVEN'T EVEN DATED.
395
00:17:30,570 --> 00:17:32,400
NO, I'M A LITTLE
TOO OLD FOR YOU.
396
00:17:32,440 --> 00:17:33,740
YOU DATE CHILDREN.
397
00:17:33,770 --> 00:17:35,170
OH. MIA.
398
00:17:35,200 --> 00:17:36,540
YEAH. MIA.
399
00:17:36,570 --> 00:17:37,740
SHE'S 17.
400
00:17:37,770 --> 00:17:41,710
OKAY, BUT TO BE FAIR, WHEN I MET
HER, I THOUGHT SHE WAS 19.
401
00:17:43,150 --> 00:17:44,280
NOT HELPING, RIGHT?
402
00:17:44,310 --> 00:17:45,380
YOU'RE DISGUSTING.
403
00:17:45,410 --> 00:17:46,420
OKAY. LOOK -- HEY.
404
00:17:46,450 --> 00:17:47,550
HEY, HEY.
HEY, HEY, HEY!
405
00:17:47,580 --> 00:17:49,420
COME ON.
DON'T LEAVE IN A HUFF.
406
00:17:50,450 --> 00:17:52,520
YOU KNOW, I DESIGN HOUSES
FOR A LIVING.
407
00:17:52,560 --> 00:17:55,460
AND USUALLY, WHEN SOMEONE WANTS
A GIANT BEHEMOTH LIKE THIS,
408
00:17:55,490 --> 00:17:57,660
IT'S BECAUSE THEY'RE HIDING
FROM SOMETHING.
409
00:17:57,690 --> 00:17:59,160
WHICH IS A GOOD IDEA
FOR YOU.
410
00:17:59,200 --> 00:18:01,330
IF YOU EVER TOOK THE TIME
TO LOOK IN THE MIRROR,
411
00:18:01,360 --> 00:18:02,670
I MEAN, JUST FOR A SECOND,
412
00:18:02,700 --> 00:18:04,700
YOU'D SEE YOURSELF
AS YOU REALLY ARE.
413
00:18:04,730 --> 00:18:07,600
THERE'S A REASON WHY YOU CAN
ONLY ATTRACT 17-YEAR-OLDS.
414
00:18:07,640 --> 00:18:09,310
IT'S BECAUSE
YOU'RE PATHETIC!
415
00:18:11,170 --> 00:18:12,580
[ GASPS ] AAH!
416
00:18:14,180 --> 00:18:16,450
FUCK.
417
00:18:17,510 --> 00:18:19,620
Hank: THINK WE'LL MAKE IT
OUT OF HERE BY SUNSET?
418
00:18:19,650 --> 00:18:21,350
YEAH. THE COAST IS CLEAR.
COME ON.
419
00:18:23,390 --> 00:18:25,390
DON'T FALL AGAIN.
[ LAUGHS ]
420
00:18:28,560 --> 00:18:29,630
HEY THERE.
421
00:18:29,660 --> 00:18:31,590
WHAT THE FUCK?
HOLA.
422
00:18:31,630 --> 00:18:33,560
WHO THE FUCK IS THIS?
423
00:18:33,600 --> 00:18:35,460
I KNOW YOU
FROM SOMEWHERE.
424
00:18:35,500 --> 00:18:38,370
DON'T YOU WORRY YOUR
PRETTY LITTLE HEAD ABOUT IT.
425
00:18:38,400 --> 00:18:39,640
ROSARIO HERE IS MY AMIGA.
426
00:18:39,670 --> 00:18:42,470
AND SHE TELLS ME WHEN SHE TRIED
CALLED IT QUITS BETWEEN YOU TWO,
427
00:18:42,510 --> 00:18:43,640
YOU DIDN'T WANT TO STOP.
428
00:18:43,670 --> 00:18:45,870
NOW, I'M ALL FOR THE...
[ WHISTLES ]
429
00:18:45,910 --> 00:18:48,210
THAT'S COOL.
I'M NOT ONE TO JUDGE.
430
00:18:48,240 --> 00:18:51,180
BUT YOU -- THE POWER RELATIONS
ARE SKEWED HERE, YOU UNDERSTAND?
431
00:18:51,210 --> 00:18:54,220
YOU GOT TO READ YOUR KARL MARX.
I WANT YOU TO RESPECT HER SHIT.
432
00:18:54,250 --> 00:18:55,450
WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?
433
00:18:55,480 --> 00:18:57,420
AND I DON'T WANT TO HEAR
THAT SHE'S BEEN LET GO.
434
00:18:57,450 --> 00:18:58,750
BECAUSE THE DAY
I HEAR ABOUT THAT,
435
00:18:58,790 --> 00:19:01,390
THAT'S THE DAY THAT YOUR OLD
LADY HEARS ABOUT IT, COMPRENDE?
436
00:19:01,420 --> 00:19:02,660
FUCK YOU.
FUCK ME?
437
00:19:02,690 --> 00:19:04,660
NO, FUCK YOU, RON.
FUCK YOU, RON.
438
00:19:04,690 --> 00:19:06,430
YEAH, FUCK YOU, RON.
439
00:19:06,460 --> 00:19:07,260
FUCK YOU, RON.
440
00:19:07,300 --> 00:19:09,700
YEAH, THIS IS OVER.
IT'S OVER, BUDDY.
441
00:19:09,730 --> 00:19:13,270
IF IT'S ANY CONSOLATION, I THINK
SHE GOT YOU OUT OF HER SYSTEM.
442
00:19:13,300 --> 00:19:14,740
SEVERAL TIMES.
443
00:19:14,770 --> 00:19:16,870
TWICE IN SPANISH,
COUPLE TIMES IN ENGLISH THERE.
DOS.
444
00:19:16,910 --> 00:19:19,480
ONCE IN SPANGLISH. AN
UNDERRATED MOVIE, IN MY OPINION.
445
00:19:19,510 --> 00:19:20,740
UM, WHAT'S
GOING ON HERE?
446
00:19:24,310 --> 00:19:25,780
DID YOU FUCK
MY MAID?
447
00:19:25,810 --> 00:19:27,720
NO HABLO INGLESES.
448
00:19:27,750 --> 00:19:29,790
WOW.
THAT IS UNBELIEVABLE.
449
00:19:29,820 --> 00:19:30,950
[ GATE RATTLES ]
450
00:19:30,990 --> 00:19:33,920
WELL, YOU KNOW, I WAS TRYING TO
MAKE A GRACEFUL EXIT,
451
00:19:33,960 --> 00:19:35,920
BUT APPARENTLY,
RED-FACED ANGRY HOCKEY DAD
452
00:19:35,960 --> 00:19:38,630
LIKES TO KEEP BABY IN A CORNER
AND KEEP HIS GATE LOCKED UP.
453
00:19:38,660 --> 00:19:39,800
WHAT WAS I THINKING
454
00:19:39,830 --> 00:19:42,700
LETTING THE HANK MOODYS
AND THE LEW ASHBYS OF THE WORLD
455
00:19:42,730 --> 00:19:43,770
BACK INTO MY LIFE?
456
00:19:43,800 --> 00:19:46,470
WELL, YOU WERE PROBABLY THINKING
YOU NEEDED A BREAK
457
00:19:46,500 --> 00:19:48,000
FROM RED-FACED ANGRY
HOCKEY DAD.
458
00:19:48,040 --> 00:19:50,370
HEY, UM...
459
00:19:50,410 --> 00:19:52,440
LET ME JUST ASK YOU
ABOUT ROSARIO.
460
00:19:52,480 --> 00:19:55,440
CAN I ASK YOU NOT TO FIRE HER,
IF THAT'S TOO MUCH?
461
00:19:55,480 --> 00:19:57,410
I-I GET THE FEELING
SHE NEEDS THE JOB
462
00:19:57,450 --> 00:19:59,320
AND THERE ARE
MOUTHS TO FEED, SO...
463
00:19:59,350 --> 00:20:01,250
I'M NOT GONNA FIRE
ROSARIO.
464
00:20:01,280 --> 00:20:03,290
IF SHE KEEPS ON KEEPING HOUSE
THE WAY SHE DOES,
465
00:20:03,320 --> 00:20:04,720
SHE CAN KEEP FUCKING
MY HUSBAND.
466
00:20:04,750 --> 00:20:05,620
WOW.
467
00:20:05,650 --> 00:20:08,620
YOU'RE SOME KIND
OF A NEAT-FREAK, HUH?
468
00:20:08,660 --> 00:20:11,290
YEAH. I'M NOT AN IDIOT.
I KNOW ALL ABOUT IT.
469
00:20:11,330 --> 00:20:12,960
I JUST DON'T KNOW
THAT I ACTUALLY CARE.
470
00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:13,760
HMM.
471
00:20:13,800 --> 00:20:16,570
I'M NOT SURE I BUY THAT,
JANIE JONES.
472
00:20:16,600 --> 00:20:19,540
LOOK, I KNOW I'M NOT ON TOP
OF MY GAME HERE,
473
00:20:19,570 --> 00:20:21,300
BUT I DON'T WANT TO LOSE
474
00:20:21,340 --> 00:20:24,270
THE MOST COMPELLING PART
OF MY BOOK, SO...
475
00:20:24,310 --> 00:20:26,710
I'M SURE THAT LEW ASHBY
HAS PLENTY OF COMPELLING PARTS
476
00:20:26,740 --> 00:20:28,510
STASHED AROUND
THIS ENTIRE CITY.
477
00:20:28,540 --> 00:20:29,910
NO, BUT YOU'RE THE KEY.
YEAH.
478
00:20:29,950 --> 00:20:31,780
CAN WE JUST FINISH
THIS INTERVIEW
479
00:20:31,810 --> 00:20:33,850
WITHOUT, YOU KNOW,
THE DIP IN THE POOL
480
00:20:33,880 --> 00:20:36,520
AND THE DIP IN THE MAID?
481
00:20:36,550 --> 00:20:39,660
NO. I'M DONE TALKING ABOUT LEW.
GO.
482
00:20:39,690 --> 00:20:44,390
IF YOU WANT TO SEE ME AGAIN,
YOU JUST HAVE TO ASK ME OUT.
483
00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:55,470
HOLD THAT THOUGHT.
484
00:20:59,340 --> 00:21:01,010
AHH.
485
00:21:01,040 --> 00:21:02,450
OOH. WHAT IS
THIS STUFF?
486
00:21:02,480 --> 00:21:04,310
OKAY.
H-HERE'S THE DEAL.
487
00:21:04,350 --> 00:21:08,680
SEE, MY 57-SECOND PERFORMANCE
IN "VAGINATOWN"
488
00:21:08,720 --> 00:21:10,620
WAS NO ONE-TIME THING.
489
00:21:10,650 --> 00:21:11,750
YOU COME...
490
00:21:11,790 --> 00:21:13,320
RATHER QUICKLY.
491
00:21:13,360 --> 00:21:14,460
YOU POOR BABY!
492
00:21:14,490 --> 00:21:16,460
NO, NO, NO!
I'M LUCKY --
493
00:21:16,490 --> 00:21:17,860
LUCKY TO LIVE IN AN AGE
494
00:21:17,890 --> 00:21:20,400
WHEN THERE ARE
VARIOUS TOOLS AVAILABLE
495
00:21:20,430 --> 00:21:23,070
OF WHICH THOSE OF MY ILK
CAN AVAIL THEMSELVES.
496
00:21:23,100 --> 00:21:26,700
SEE, THERE IS NUMBING CREAM.
THAT'S GOOD STUFF.
497
00:21:26,740 --> 00:21:28,700
UH, EXTRA-THICK CONDOMS...
498
00:21:28,740 --> 00:21:29,840
ANAL BEADS?
499
00:21:29,870 --> 00:21:31,910
OH, NO.
THEY SHOULDN'T BE IN THIS BOX.
500
00:21:31,940 --> 00:21:34,380
THOSE PUPPIES MAKE ME COME
LIKE A FIRE HOSE.
501
00:21:35,440 --> 00:21:38,510
HEY. HEY!
502
00:21:38,550 --> 00:21:39,580
OKAY.
503
00:21:39,620 --> 00:21:42,420
YOU ARE NOT GONNA NEED
ANY OF THAT STUFF WITH ME.
504
00:21:43,490 --> 00:21:45,750
W--
HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
505
00:21:45,790 --> 00:21:48,020
LOOK, I CAN'T
SEE YOU NAKED YET.
506
00:21:48,060 --> 00:21:49,460
OKAY.
507
00:21:49,490 --> 00:21:51,490
I'M GONNA
COACH YOU THROUGH THIS.
508
00:21:51,530 --> 00:21:53,560
COCK CONTROL
IS MAINLY MENTAL.
509
00:21:53,600 --> 00:21:57,030
SO, WHAT IS YOUR
MOST EMBARRASSING TEEN MOMENT?
510
00:21:57,070 --> 00:22:00,000
HIGH SCHOOL.
STATE DEBATE CHAMPIONSHIP.
511
00:22:00,040 --> 00:22:03,440
YEAH, I WAS AHEAD,
AND THEN I POPPED A BONER.
512
00:22:03,470 --> 00:22:05,040
SO JUST THINK ABOUT THAT.
513
00:22:05,070 --> 00:22:07,380
NO GOOD.
I SHAME-JIZZ.
514
00:22:07,410 --> 00:22:08,610
OKAY.
515
00:22:08,640 --> 00:22:10,580
I'LL JUST DO
THE YONIC PRETZEL.
516
00:22:10,610 --> 00:22:12,980
WHAT THE FUCK
IS A YONIC PRETZEL?
517
00:22:13,020 --> 00:22:14,720
IT'S LIKE
A NEGATIVE KEGEL.
518
00:22:14,750 --> 00:22:16,490
A NEGATIVE WHAT?
OKAY.
519
00:22:16,520 --> 00:22:17,890
IT'S JUST COMPLICATED
VAGINA SHIT.
520
00:22:17,920 --> 00:22:20,060
EVERY TIME YOU THINK
YOU'RE GONNA BLOW,
521
00:22:20,090 --> 00:22:21,060
JUST PINCH ME.
522
00:22:21,090 --> 00:22:23,490
AND THEN THAT'LL BE MY CUE
TO PRETZEL, OKAY?
523
00:22:23,530 --> 00:22:24,830
I DON'T KNOW.
524
00:22:24,860 --> 00:22:26,330
TRUST ME.
525
00:22:26,360 --> 00:22:30,930
YOU BELIEVED IN ME,
AND I BELIEVE IN YOU.
526
00:22:30,970 --> 00:22:34,570
I'M GONNA
GET YOU THROUGH THIS.
527
00:22:43,880 --> 00:22:45,010
MM.
528
00:22:45,050 --> 00:22:47,580
HERE.
ME? OKAY. YEAH.
529
00:22:47,620 --> 00:22:50,850
A LITTLE ANAESTHETIC
NEVER HURT.
530
00:22:52,890 --> 00:22:54,920
[ SIGHS ]
AND YOU'RE RIGHT.
531
00:22:54,960 --> 00:22:56,190
I AM AN ASSHOLE.
532
00:22:56,220 --> 00:22:57,360
I KNOW.
533
00:22:57,390 --> 00:23:01,730
I'M NOT GONNA LIE TO YOU
AND SAY THAT MIA IS AN OLD SOUL,
534
00:23:01,760 --> 00:23:02,800
BUT...
535
00:23:02,830 --> 00:23:06,800
SHE IS CHARMING...
536
00:23:06,840 --> 00:23:09,070
WITTY, AND GORGEOUS.
537
00:23:09,100 --> 00:23:12,140
YES, BUT SHE'S LESS
THAN HALF YOUR AGE, LEW.
538
00:23:12,170 --> 00:23:14,740
OKAY, BUT BY THE TIME CHARMING,
WITTY, AND GORGEOUS WOMEN
539
00:23:14,780 --> 00:23:16,910
GET TO BE MY AGE,
THEY WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH ME.
540
00:23:16,950 --> 00:23:19,480
OKAY, SO THAT'S YOUR RATIONALE.
THAT'S OKAY.
541
00:23:19,520 --> 00:23:21,750
NO, IT'S TRUE.
TAKE YOURSELF, FOR EXAMPLE.
542
00:23:21,780 --> 00:23:23,690
I MEAN, YOU'VE HAD YOUR SHARE
OF MAN-CHILDREN.
543
00:23:23,720 --> 00:23:25,220
EXCUSE ME!
WOO-HOO!
544
00:23:25,250 --> 00:23:27,720
UM, YOU'D SEE ME COMING
A MILE AWAY, RIGHT?
545
00:23:27,760 --> 00:23:28,720
MM-HMM.
546
00:23:28,760 --> 00:23:31,560
MAN'S GOT A POINT.
547
00:23:31,590 --> 00:23:34,030
BUT I GUESS I WOULDN'T
HAVE SEEN YOU COMING AT 17,
548
00:23:34,060 --> 00:23:36,060
WHICH IS WHY
WE PROTECT OUR CHILDREN.
549
00:23:36,100 --> 00:23:37,230
OKAY. OKAY.
550
00:23:37,270 --> 00:23:39,030
THE WHOLE AGE THING'S
A REAL STICKING POINT WITH YOU.
551
00:23:39,070 --> 00:23:40,700
NO --
GEEZ.
HEY, FORGIVE A GUY.
552
00:23:40,740 --> 00:23:41,970
CAN YOU JUST FORGIVE A GUY?
553
00:23:42,000 --> 00:23:43,070
I MEAN, SURELY,
554
00:23:43,110 --> 00:23:45,510
THERE'S OTHER OLDER MEN
THAT HAVE DATED MIA, RIGHT?
555
00:23:45,540 --> 00:23:46,980
NO.
NOT AS FAR AS I KNOW.
556
00:23:47,010 --> 00:23:49,480
AND IF YOU DID KNOW?
I DON'T KNOW.
557
00:23:49,510 --> 00:23:50,710
IF THEY WERE LIKE YOU,
558
00:23:50,750 --> 00:23:52,850
I WOULDN'T SPEAK WITH THEM
EVER AGAIN.
559
00:23:52,880 --> 00:23:54,050
INTERESTING.
560
00:23:54,080 --> 00:23:55,880
WHAT'S INTERESTING?
561
00:23:55,920 --> 00:23:59,490
WELL, 'CAUSE WE'RE
TRUTH-TELLING, UM...
562
00:24:01,120 --> 00:24:02,890
WHAT?
563
00:24:02,930 --> 00:24:05,060
NOTHING.
564
00:24:05,090 --> 00:24:06,630
UH, I...
565
00:24:06,660 --> 00:24:08,630
I TAKE WOMEN
AS THEY COME TO ME.
OH, THAT'S --
566
00:24:08,660 --> 00:24:11,870
ANY WOMAN WHO IS KIND ENOUGH
TO HAVE ME, I DON'T QUESTION.
567
00:24:11,900 --> 00:24:14,040
THAT'S BEAUTIFUL. THAT'S --
THAT'S NICE OF YOU, LEW.
568
00:24:14,070 --> 00:24:16,170
I MISSED A LITTLE BIT.
I --
569
00:24:19,070 --> 00:24:20,880
WHAT THE FUCK?!
570
00:24:20,910 --> 00:24:22,110
[ LAUGHS ]
571
00:24:22,140 --> 00:24:24,280
I THOUGHT I SAW
A GREEN LIGHT THERE. I DID.
572
00:24:24,310 --> 00:24:26,180
NO.
NO, ABSOLUTELY.
573
00:24:26,210 --> 00:24:27,880
W-WHAT?
574
00:24:27,920 --> 00:24:30,750
I'VE GOT TO GO.
YOU'RE INSANE.
575
00:24:30,790 --> 00:24:32,020
[ DOOR OPENS ]
576
00:24:32,050 --> 00:24:33,820
CALL ME.
[ DOOR CLOSES ]
577
00:24:33,860 --> 00:24:35,820
[ CHUCKLES ]
578
00:24:35,860 --> 00:24:39,290
[ BREATHING HEAVILY ]
579
00:24:39,330 --> 00:24:40,700
WOW.
580
00:24:40,730 --> 00:24:43,630
YOUR JEDI CLAM TRICKS
REALLY WORK.
581
00:24:43,670 --> 00:24:44,630
YEAH?
582
00:24:44,670 --> 00:24:46,540
YEAH.
I'M REALLY DOING IT.
583
00:24:46,570 --> 00:24:48,040
STAYING IN THE GAME.
584
00:24:48,070 --> 00:24:49,810
MY PENIS IS STILL
IN YOUR VAGINA.
585
00:24:49,840 --> 00:24:52,140
WAY TO GO, CHAMP!
586
00:24:54,340 --> 00:24:56,880
HOLY SHIT!
587
00:24:56,910 --> 00:24:58,750
I'M KING
OF FUCK MOUNTAIN!
588
00:24:58,780 --> 00:24:59,880
I COULD GO FOR DAYS!
589
00:24:59,920 --> 00:25:03,220
OH, WELL, UM, THAT'S NOT
TOTALLY NECESSARY.
590
00:25:03,250 --> 00:25:05,620
OH, IT'S NO PROBLEM.
YOU JUST ENJOY YOURSELF.
591
00:25:05,650 --> 00:25:07,020
I'M ACTUALLY
A LITTLE SORE.
592
00:25:07,060 --> 00:25:10,730
OH. THAT'S COOL.
COMING IS MY FAVORITE PART.
593
00:25:10,760 --> 00:25:12,660
WELL, YOU EARNED IT.
594
00:25:12,700 --> 00:25:14,960
OKAY. GO!
595
00:25:15,000 --> 00:25:16,870
[ TELEPHONE RINGING ]
GO!
596
00:25:16,900 --> 00:25:19,670
OKAY, PLEASE
DON'T PICK THAT UP.
597
00:25:19,700 --> 00:25:20,970
I'M CHAFING.
598
00:25:21,000 --> 00:25:23,940
Charlie, it's Ilene.
Where the hell is my daughter?
599
00:25:23,970 --> 00:25:25,970
She doesn't pick up.
She doesn't call.
600
00:25:26,010 --> 00:25:27,040
What the fuck, Runkle?!
601
00:25:27,080 --> 00:25:29,650
She had manners
before she married you.
602
00:25:29,680 --> 00:25:30,780
[ Receiver clicks ]
603
00:25:30,810 --> 00:25:32,650
SON OF A BITCH!
604
00:25:32,680 --> 00:25:34,320
[ DOOR CLOSES ]
605
00:25:34,350 --> 00:25:36,180
HEY, IT'S THE LITTLEST
OF THE MOODYS.
606
00:25:36,220 --> 00:25:38,990
I GOT SOME SUSHI. PLAY SOME
GUITAR HERO. WHAT DO YOU SAY?
607
00:25:39,020 --> 00:25:40,190
MAYBE SOME
OTHER TIME, DAD.
608
00:25:40,220 --> 00:25:43,130
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. I GOT
THE KIND WITH THE PAPER BOATS.
609
00:25:43,160 --> 00:25:44,790
YOU LOVE YOU
SOME PAPER BOATS.
610
00:25:44,830 --> 00:25:45,930
I'M MEETING DAMIEN.
611
00:25:45,960 --> 00:25:48,100
OH, NO. OH, OHH.
612
00:25:48,130 --> 00:25:50,030
YOU KNOW,
FUCK THAT HARRY CHAPIN.
613
00:25:50,070 --> 00:25:52,370
PROPHETIC BASTARD --
"CAT'S IN THE CRADLE."
614
00:25:52,400 --> 00:25:53,870
MOTHERFUCKER.
615
00:25:53,900 --> 00:25:55,870
I SHOULD HAVE
PICKED HER UP.
616
00:25:55,900 --> 00:25:58,210
RIGHT.
WELL, IT'S NOT HER LOSS.
617
00:25:58,240 --> 00:26:02,240
YOU KNOW, UM, YOU HAD YOUR
CHANCE, AND NOW YOU DON'T, SO...
618
00:26:03,650 --> 00:26:05,150
OH, YEAH.
YOU WANT SUSHI?
619
00:26:05,180 --> 00:26:06,920
NO.
UH, WOULD THAT I COULD.
620
00:26:06,950 --> 00:26:09,920
I-I HAVE TO GO MEET SONJA
AND, UM, YOUR BEST FRIEND
621
00:26:09,950 --> 00:26:11,820
AT THE GALLERY
AT THE BERGAMOT.
622
00:26:11,850 --> 00:26:13,320
OH, THE BEARDED BOZO?
MM-HMM.
623
00:26:13,360 --> 00:26:15,620
WELL, TAKE SOME WITH.
I GOT WAY TOO MUCH. I GOT...
624
00:26:15,660 --> 00:26:17,660
I GOT LIKE 20 POUNDS.
OH, NO. YOU KNOW,
IT DOESN'T TRAVEL SO WELL.
625
00:26:17,690 --> 00:26:18,690
...PAPER BOATS.
THANK YOU.
626
00:26:18,730 --> 00:26:21,860
BUT YOU COULD, YOU KNOW,
JUST MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME
627
00:26:21,900 --> 00:26:23,900
AND -- AND --
AND LOCK UP AFTER.
628
00:26:23,930 --> 00:26:27,940
WELL, YEAH.
THIS USED TO BE MY HOME ONCE.
629
00:26:27,970 --> 00:26:31,910
AND I USED TO BE
YOUR GIRL ONCE.
630
00:26:33,340 --> 00:26:35,940
OKAY.
HEY, ABOUT, UM...
631
00:26:35,980 --> 00:26:38,080
YOU KNOW, THE MIA THING
WITH ASHBY.
632
00:26:38,110 --> 00:26:39,150
OH.
I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT.
633
00:26:39,180 --> 00:26:40,780
I'M GONNA PROTECT HER.
634
00:26:40,820 --> 00:26:43,250
OH. IT'S ALREADY
TAKEN CARE OF.
635
00:26:43,290 --> 00:26:45,920
NO, NO. IT'S UNFORGIVABLE.
SHE'S STILL A KID.
636
00:26:45,950 --> 00:26:46,990
UH-HUH.
I TOOK CARE OF IT.
637
00:26:47,020 --> 00:26:48,220
HOW?
HOW DID YOU DO THAT?
638
00:26:48,260 --> 00:26:50,330
I MEAN, THE GUY'S AN ANIMAL,
A MOVING TRAIN.
639
00:26:50,360 --> 00:26:52,160
HE'S PURE ID.
640
00:26:52,190 --> 00:26:56,000
YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT.
UM...
641
00:26:56,030 --> 00:26:58,230
BUT HE IS A GREAT KISSER,
SO...
642
00:26:58,270 --> 00:26:59,270
WHAT?
643
00:27:00,940 --> 00:27:03,310
WHA--
I THINK YOU HEARD ME.
644
00:27:03,340 --> 00:27:04,670
I --
MM-HMM.
645
00:27:04,710 --> 00:27:10,350
SO, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I HAVE
TO GO SEE A MAN ABOUT A HORSE.
646
00:27:10,380 --> 00:27:16,080
* HOW CAN I BE WRONG IF
THE DECISION'S ALREADY MADE? *
647
00:27:16,120 --> 00:27:24,190
* WOMAN, I FEEL,
I FEEL A MILLION MILES AWAY *
648
00:27:24,230 --> 00:27:29,700
* OH, WOMAN *
649
00:27:30,870 --> 00:27:37,140
* YOUR FACE IS THAT PLACE
650
00:27:37,170 --> 00:27:43,410
* YOUR FACE IS THAT PLACE
651
00:27:48,180 --> 00:27:49,350
* YOUR FACE IS THAT PLACE
* YOUR FACE IS THAT PLACE
652
00:27:52,960 --> 00:27:56,830
* THERE'S A PLACE FOR US
WHERE AGE HAS NO NAME *
653
00:27:56,860 --> 00:27:59,830
-- Captions by VITAC --
www.vitac.com
654
00:27:59,860 --> 00:28:02,900
CLOSED CAPTIONING PROVIDED BY
SHOWTIME NETWORKS
655
00:28:02,930 --> 00:28:05,200
AND BLIND DECKER PRODUCTIONS
46302
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