All language subtitles for Californication S02E05 Vaginatown

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:10,260 --> 00:00:11,200 PREVIOUSLY ON "CALIFORNICATION"... 2 00:00:11,830 --> 00:00:13,060 Charlie: HEY, I KNOW YOU. 3 00:00:13,100 --> 00:00:14,760 CHARLIE RUNKLE. DAISY. 4 00:00:14,800 --> 00:00:16,100 THAT'S ACTUALLY MY RIDE. 5 00:00:16,130 --> 00:00:18,100 YOU GOING TO THE SET? I'LL COME WITH. 6 00:00:18,140 --> 00:00:20,100 DID YOU NEGOTIATE, DAISY? 7 00:00:20,140 --> 00:00:22,340 DID YOU LAY OUT CLEAR RULES FOR WHAT YOU WILL AND WILL NOT DO? 8 00:00:22,370 --> 00:00:24,570 NO. THAT'S IT! BIGS, STOP THE VAN! 9 00:00:24,610 --> 00:00:27,310 GET THE FUCK OUT! YOU'RE GOING TOO, SWEETHEART. 10 00:00:27,340 --> 00:00:29,480 LET'S GO! 11 00:00:31,450 --> 00:00:33,680 JUDAS PRIEST, HANK. 12 00:00:33,720 --> 00:00:34,850 WHAT ARE YOU UP TO? 13 00:00:34,880 --> 00:00:37,820 I WAS HOPING YOU'D FINALLY MAKE AN HONEST WOMAN OF ME. 14 00:00:37,850 --> 00:00:39,190 Destiny: SO YOU'RE PREGNANT, RIGHT? 15 00:00:39,220 --> 00:00:40,190 YEAH. I AM PREGNANT. YES. 16 00:00:40,220 --> 00:00:42,730 I THINK WHAT YOU'RE SAYING, SONJA, 17 00:00:42,760 --> 00:00:46,200 THAT HANK COULD VERY WELL BE THE FATHER OF THE CHILD, RIGHT? 18 00:00:46,230 --> 00:00:47,100 GOD, I'M SORRY. 19 00:00:47,130 --> 00:00:49,330 I DIDN'T WANT IT TO COME OUT LIKE THIS. 20 00:00:49,370 --> 00:00:51,640 I MADE A HUGE MISTAKE. NO. 21 00:00:51,670 --> 00:00:54,440 MARRYING BILL WAS DEFINITELY NOT THE ANSWER. 22 00:00:54,470 --> 00:00:55,770 DON'T. 23 00:00:55,810 --> 00:00:58,510 NEITHER IS MARRYING YOU. 24 00:00:58,540 --> 00:01:00,310 I... 25 00:01:02,180 --> 00:01:04,450 I can't stay. 26 00:01:16,560 --> 00:01:18,700 [ LAUGHS ] 27 00:01:43,850 --> 00:01:46,190 Woman: HEY. 28 00:01:52,300 --> 00:01:55,270 Chloe Metz: THERE YOU GO. THAT'S PROBABLY ENOUGH. 29 00:01:55,300 --> 00:01:57,270 WHOA! GORGEOUS, HUH? 30 00:01:57,300 --> 00:02:00,270 AND NOW LET'S CHECK ON THOSE ONNIES 31 00:02:00,300 --> 00:02:01,940 THAT WE'VE GOT GOING HERE. 32 00:02:01,970 --> 00:02:03,440 WHOA! YUM, YUM... 33 00:02:03,470 --> 00:02:04,440 HELLO! 34 00:02:05,780 --> 00:02:08,180 YOU LOOK LIKE ASS! 35 00:02:08,210 --> 00:02:11,950 THAT'S FUNNY, 'CAUSE I FEEL LIKE ASS! 36 00:02:11,980 --> 00:02:14,680 ASS THAT'S BEEN RID HARD AND PUT AWAY WET. 37 00:02:14,720 --> 00:02:15,890 MM. 38 00:02:15,920 --> 00:02:17,250 DRINK. 39 00:02:20,560 --> 00:02:23,390 RE-E-E-VITALIZE! 40 00:02:25,930 --> 00:02:28,470 AH! GEEZ, THAT'S FULL OF VODKA. 41 00:02:28,500 --> 00:02:29,400 YEAH. 42 00:02:30,900 --> 00:02:34,600 OHH, THESE ONNIES SMELL YUMMY! 43 00:02:34,640 --> 00:02:37,440 ALL RIGHT. LET'S PUT SOME MORE IN THERE. 44 00:02:37,470 --> 00:02:38,540 WHY NOT, RIGHT? 45 00:02:38,580 --> 00:02:40,240 EVERYBODY LOVES ONIONS. 46 00:02:40,280 --> 00:02:41,280 UH-OH! UH-OH! 47 00:02:41,310 --> 00:02:43,350 AHH! TEAR, TEAR. 48 00:02:43,380 --> 00:02:46,350 SOMETIMES THESE ONIONS ARE JUST TOO MUCH FOR THIS LITTLE GAL. 49 00:02:46,380 --> 00:02:48,350 CHLOEKINS HAS A TRICK FOR EVERYTHING. 50 00:02:48,390 --> 00:02:50,420 SPESH, RIGHT? 51 00:02:50,450 --> 00:02:51,920 THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT THAT WOMAN. 52 00:02:51,960 --> 00:02:54,720 I WANT TO FUCK HER, BUT I KIND OF WANT TO PUNCH HER IN THE FACE, TOO. 53 00:02:54,760 --> 00:02:55,530 IT'S WEIRD. 54 00:02:55,560 --> 00:02:58,230 HA-HA! YOU WANT TO HATE-FUCK HER. 55 00:02:58,260 --> 00:03:00,560 NO WORRIES. WE'LL GET HER FOR YOU. 56 00:03:00,600 --> 00:03:02,530 GET WHO FOR ME? CHLOE METZ? 57 00:03:02,570 --> 00:03:03,900 I KNOW PEOPLE. 58 00:03:03,930 --> 00:03:06,270 YEAH, I KNOW PEOPLE, TOO. THEY'RE NOT MAGICIANS. 59 00:03:06,300 --> 00:03:08,710 WELL, YOU DON'T KNOW THE RIGHT PEOPLE. 60 00:03:08,740 --> 00:03:10,670 YOU'RE IN ASHBY'S WORLD NOW. 61 00:03:10,710 --> 00:03:12,480 DRINK THE FUCK UP! 62 00:03:13,480 --> 00:03:15,510 REFRESH YOURSELF. 63 00:03:15,550 --> 00:03:17,910 BAKING'S EASY WHEN YOU'RE COOKING WITH CHLOE! 64 00:04:01,360 --> 00:04:04,030 [ SCHOOL BELL RINGS ] 65 00:04:09,470 --> 00:04:10,530 Hank: YO. 66 00:04:10,570 --> 00:04:12,640 WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 67 00:04:12,670 --> 00:04:13,640 COME ON. 68 00:04:13,670 --> 00:04:16,010 QUIT ACTING LIKE YOU'RE NOT HAPPY TO SEE ME. 69 00:04:16,040 --> 00:04:16,870 HUG BACK. 70 00:04:16,910 --> 00:04:19,410 SHOWER THE PEOPLE YOU LOVE WITH LOVE. 71 00:04:19,440 --> 00:04:21,710 WE DON'T CARE WHAT THE MEAN GIRLS THINK. 72 00:04:21,750 --> 00:04:23,450 IS SOMETHING WRONG? 73 00:04:23,480 --> 00:04:24,580 WHY? IT'S WEDNESDAY, 3:00 P.M., 74 00:04:24,610 --> 00:04:27,620 CLOSE ENOUGH TO THE DOT THAT I DON'T HAVE TO APOLOGIZE 75 00:04:27,650 --> 00:04:28,950 FOR LEAVING YOU STRANDED. 76 00:04:28,990 --> 00:04:31,320 IT'S TUESDAY. MOM PICKS ME UP ON TUESDAYS. 77 00:04:31,360 --> 00:04:33,420 [ IMITATES BUZZER ] IT IS WEDNESDAY. 78 00:04:33,460 --> 00:04:35,730 [ IMITATES BUZZER ] NO, IT'S NOT. 79 00:04:35,760 --> 00:04:36,830 REALLY? 80 00:04:36,860 --> 00:04:39,460 'CAUSE I'VE GOT A SERIOUS HUMP-DAY VIBE HAPPENING. 81 00:04:39,500 --> 00:04:40,830 YOU SURE? 82 00:04:40,860 --> 00:04:42,700 THERE'S MOM. 83 00:04:42,730 --> 00:04:45,030 AW, SHIT. 84 00:04:45,070 --> 00:04:46,070 UH, HI. 85 00:04:46,100 --> 00:04:47,670 "HI" TO YOU ON THIS -- 86 00:04:47,700 --> 00:04:49,810 THIS IS A BEAUTIFUL WEEKDAY, ISN'T IT? 87 00:04:49,840 --> 00:04:52,110 WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? WELL, I WAS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD, 88 00:04:52,140 --> 00:04:53,840 SO I THOUGHT I'D GRAB A FEW MINUTES 89 00:04:53,880 --> 00:04:55,480 OF FATHER/DAUGHTER RAPPROCHEMENT 90 00:04:55,510 --> 00:04:57,710 BEFORE YOU SWOOP BY TO PICK THE LITTLE MONSTER UP. 91 00:04:57,750 --> 00:05:00,050 SO...YOU THINK IT'S WEDNESDAY. 92 00:05:00,080 --> 00:05:01,790 [ Laughing ] COME ON. 93 00:05:01,820 --> 00:05:03,020 I PLEAD THE 5th. 94 00:05:03,050 --> 00:05:05,660 OF VODKA. I CAN SMELL IT ON YOU. 95 00:05:05,690 --> 00:05:08,560 YOU CAN'T SMELL VODKA. THAT'S THE BEAUTY OF IT. 96 00:05:08,590 --> 00:05:10,090 ARE YOU STAYING AT LEW ASHBY'S? 97 00:05:10,130 --> 00:05:11,160 FOR THE TIME BEING, YES. 98 00:05:11,190 --> 00:05:13,730 WE HAVEN'T PRINTED THE FORMAL ANNOUNCEMENTS YET. 99 00:05:13,760 --> 00:05:16,500 OKAY. DO YOU THINK THAT'S SUCH A GREAT IDEA? 100 00:05:16,530 --> 00:05:17,730 THE ROAD TO LEW ASHBY'S HOUSE 101 00:05:17,770 --> 00:05:19,940 IS PAVED WITH GOODISH INTENTIONS. 102 00:05:19,970 --> 00:05:22,440 THANK YOU FOR ASKING. I'LL BE FINE. 103 00:05:22,470 --> 00:05:24,570 HEY, WHY DON'T YOU TAKE BECCA HOME? 104 00:05:24,610 --> 00:05:26,640 YOU GUYS HAVEN'T HUNG OUT IN A WHILE, 105 00:05:26,680 --> 00:05:27,640 AND YOU'RE HERE, SO... 106 00:05:27,680 --> 00:05:28,710 WHAT DO YOU SAY, UZBEKISTAN, 107 00:05:28,750 --> 00:05:30,880 YOU WANT TO WILE AWAY AN HOUR WITH YOUR OLD MAN? 108 00:05:30,910 --> 00:05:32,480 GRAB SOME ICE CREAM? 109 00:05:32,520 --> 00:05:34,620 YOU DOWN FOR SOME 31 FLAVORS? 110 00:05:34,650 --> 00:05:35,820 I'M NOT A CHILD. 111 00:05:35,850 --> 00:05:38,150 WELL, I AM, SO I AM DESPERATELY HOPING 112 00:05:38,190 --> 00:05:40,860 THERE'S SOME "VERY BERRY" SOMETHING OR OTHER 113 00:05:40,890 --> 00:05:42,160 IN MY IMMEDIATE FUTURE. 114 00:05:42,190 --> 00:05:43,560 INTO THE CHARIOT. 115 00:05:43,590 --> 00:05:45,130 Karen: THAT'S GREAT. 116 00:05:45,160 --> 00:05:47,960 HAVE A GOOD TIME, SWEETIE. 117 00:05:48,000 --> 00:05:49,700 SO, DRIVE SAFE -- 118 00:05:49,730 --> 00:05:50,900 THIS SUCKS. 119 00:05:52,940 --> 00:05:54,600 GOODBYE, HANK. 120 00:05:54,640 --> 00:05:55,610 GOODBYE. 121 00:05:55,640 --> 00:05:58,440 WHERE HAVE I HEARD THAT BEFORE? 122 00:05:58,480 --> 00:05:59,440 OH, YEAH. 123 00:05:59,480 --> 00:06:01,710 I REMEMBER. 124 00:06:05,450 --> 00:06:07,080 [ SIGHS ] 125 00:06:07,120 --> 00:06:09,120 THIS SUCKS. 126 00:06:11,220 --> 00:06:13,820 GREAT MINDS THINK ALIKE. 127 00:06:20,230 --> 00:06:22,700 [ TELEPHONE RINGS ] Charlie: HELLO. HOT LIPS. 128 00:06:22,730 --> 00:06:25,000 NO, I'M NOT A DEEP-VOICED WOMAN. 129 00:06:25,030 --> 00:06:27,740 I'M JUST HELPING MY WIFE OUT. 130 00:06:27,770 --> 00:06:30,440 YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT -- THE MASTURBATING AGENT. 131 00:06:30,470 --> 00:06:32,010 CAN I HELP YOU OR WHAT? 132 00:06:33,480 --> 00:06:36,150 WHAT, EXACTLY, MIGHT THAT BE? 133 00:06:36,180 --> 00:06:38,880 [ INHALES ] OUCH. HOLD ON. I'M GONNA HAVE TO ASK. 134 00:06:38,920 --> 00:06:41,850 BABY, DO WE DO BALLS?! 135 00:06:41,890 --> 00:06:44,750 Shh! What the fuck is wrong with you?! 136 00:06:44,790 --> 00:06:46,460 Got ladies present. 137 00:06:46,490 --> 00:06:48,860 AND NO, SIR, WE DON'T DO BALLS. 138 00:06:48,890 --> 00:06:51,730 I'M SORRY. WE DON'T DO BALLS. 139 00:06:54,900 --> 00:06:56,870 HEY! HEY! IT'S DAISY! 140 00:06:56,900 --> 00:06:58,940 DAISY, HOW YOU DOING? 141 00:06:58,970 --> 00:07:01,140 I'VE BEEN BLACKBALLED. 142 00:07:01,170 --> 00:07:02,070 OH. 143 00:07:02,110 --> 00:07:04,170 WHAT IS THAT, LIKE AN INTERRACIAL TEA BAG 144 00:07:04,210 --> 00:07:04,970 KIND OF THING, OR... 145 00:07:05,010 --> 00:07:07,810 IT'S NO ONE WILL FUCKING HIRE ME! 146 00:07:07,840 --> 00:07:09,650 WORD GOT AROUND WHAT YOU DID, 147 00:07:09,680 --> 00:07:12,020 AND NOW EVERYONE THINKS I'M A TROUBLEMAKER. 148 00:07:12,050 --> 00:07:14,120 PORN PEOPLE DON'T LIKE TROUBLEMAKERS. 149 00:07:14,150 --> 00:07:17,150 THEY WANT YOU TO HIT YOUR MARK, SUCK YOUR DICK, THEN GO. 150 00:07:17,190 --> 00:07:20,160 HEY. IT'S GONNA BE OKAY. DON'T CRY. DON'T CRY. 151 00:07:20,190 --> 00:07:21,630 WE'LL -- WE'LL, YOU KNOW... 152 00:07:21,660 --> 00:07:23,930 IT MAY NOT LOOK LIKE MUCH TO YOU, 153 00:07:23,960 --> 00:07:27,030 BUT I'VE WORKED REALLY HARD TO GET WHERE I AM. 154 00:07:27,060 --> 00:07:29,600 YOU DON'T NEED TO TELL ME. I SAW. 155 00:07:29,630 --> 00:07:31,030 [ SCOFFS ] JESUS H., RUNKLE. 156 00:07:31,070 --> 00:07:33,970 YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE HELPING OUT AND SHIT, NOT CAUSING A RUCKUS. 157 00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:35,810 HE RUINED MY CAREER. 158 00:07:35,840 --> 00:07:38,040 OH, WELL, HE'S GOOD AT THAT. USUALLY, HIS OWN. 159 00:07:39,240 --> 00:07:41,680 WHAT?! DON'T BE HATIN' 'CAUSE I SPEAK THE TRUTH. 160 00:07:41,710 --> 00:07:43,510 YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO SUPPORT ME. 161 00:07:43,550 --> 00:07:44,450 AND YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO 162 00:07:44,480 --> 00:07:46,550 MASTURBATE IN THE PRIVACY OF YOUR OWN HOME. 163 00:07:46,580 --> 00:07:47,420 WHAT ARE YOU, 14? 164 00:07:47,450 --> 00:07:49,920 YOU CAN'T KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF YOUR DICK 165 00:07:49,950 --> 00:07:51,150 FOR LIKE TWO MINUTES? 166 00:07:51,190 --> 00:07:53,090 COME HERE, DAISY. 167 00:07:53,120 --> 00:07:54,760 BUCK UP, HM? 168 00:07:54,790 --> 00:07:56,760 IT'S LIKE I TOLD CHARLIE -- 169 00:07:56,790 --> 00:08:01,130 YOU COULD EITHER CRY LIKE A BITCH OR SMACK A BITCH. 170 00:08:01,160 --> 00:08:02,800 SO SMACK A BITCH. 171 00:08:02,830 --> 00:08:05,130 DON'T YOU THINK I'VE BEEN TRYING? 172 00:08:05,170 --> 00:08:06,140 I KNOW, MON. 173 00:08:06,170 --> 00:08:07,800 LOOK -- THIS IS ON YOU. 174 00:08:07,840 --> 00:08:11,040 DAISY'S FAMILY, AND YOU FUCKED HER SHIT UP. 175 00:08:11,070 --> 00:08:14,540 UM, MARCY, IT'S -- IT'S REALLY STARTING TO BURN NOW. 176 00:08:14,580 --> 00:08:16,610 OH, OKAY. ONE SECOND. 177 00:08:16,650 --> 00:08:18,310 THANK YOU. 178 00:08:18,350 --> 00:08:19,320 [ CLEARS THROAT ] 179 00:08:19,350 --> 00:08:20,780 IT'S LIKE I'M DEFORESTING 180 00:08:20,820 --> 00:08:22,850 THE FRIGGIN' RAIN FOREST BACK THERE. 181 00:08:22,890 --> 00:08:25,660 I KEEP EXPECTING TREE MONKEYS TO LEAP OUT OF HER BUSH 182 00:08:25,690 --> 00:08:26,690 AND ATTACK ME. 183 00:08:28,060 --> 00:08:31,160 [ SNAPPING ] FIX THIS. 184 00:08:31,190 --> 00:08:32,160 [ SIGHS ] 185 00:08:32,200 --> 00:08:35,130 Chloe: OKAY, DO YOU SMELL THAT GORGEOUS AROMA? 186 00:08:35,160 --> 00:08:35,930 Lew: MM-HMM. 187 00:08:35,970 --> 00:08:38,030 THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR. 188 00:08:38,070 --> 00:08:39,200 WAIT A MINUTE. 189 00:08:39,240 --> 00:08:42,570 I KNOW YOU. IT'S ON THE TIP OF MY TONGUE. 190 00:08:42,610 --> 00:08:44,870 OHH! AND FUNNY! 191 00:08:44,910 --> 00:08:47,740 YOU DIDN'T TELL ME HE WAS FUNNY. 192 00:08:47,780 --> 00:08:50,180 CHLOE METZ. HOW THE HECK ARE YA? 193 00:08:50,210 --> 00:08:52,180 A HELL OF A LOT MORE IMPRESSED WITH LEW 194 00:08:52,220 --> 00:08:54,180 THAN I WAS A COUPLE OF HOURS AGO. 195 00:08:54,220 --> 00:08:55,080 WHY?! 196 00:08:55,120 --> 00:08:57,850 WELL, A FEW HOURS AGO, YOU WERE THIS BIG. 197 00:08:57,890 --> 00:08:59,760 AND NOW YOU'RE... YOU'RE THIS BIG. 198 00:08:59,790 --> 00:09:01,760 OH, OH, OH. HEY, WATCH IT, PAL! 199 00:09:01,790 --> 00:09:05,030 I DON'T BARF AFTER EVERY SHOW JUST TO MAINTAIN A SIZE FOUR! 200 00:09:05,060 --> 00:09:06,300 [ LAUGHS ] 201 00:09:06,330 --> 00:09:08,730 CHLOE'S ASSISTANT IS PALS WITH KENNY'S COUSIN. 202 00:09:08,770 --> 00:09:10,170 WELL, FUCK BUDDIES. 203 00:09:10,200 --> 00:09:12,000 AHH! WHOO! 204 00:09:12,040 --> 00:09:14,670 LET'S JUST TRY TO TURN THE VOLUME DOWN A LITTLE BIT. 205 00:09:14,700 --> 00:09:15,670 OH, HEY! 206 00:09:15,710 --> 00:09:19,010 OH! IT JUST DOESN'T STOP WITH THIS GUY, DOES IT? 207 00:09:19,040 --> 00:09:21,780 OHH, LEW TOLD ME YOUR SAD STORY. 208 00:09:21,810 --> 00:09:23,910 IT'S LIKE YOU'RE LAUGHING THROUGH THE PAIN. 209 00:09:23,950 --> 00:09:25,920 YOU POOR BABY. COME HERE. 210 00:09:25,950 --> 00:09:29,290 YEAH, YOU TAKE A TASTE OF THIS. 211 00:09:29,320 --> 00:09:31,050 HERE. TRY THIS. 212 00:09:31,090 --> 00:09:32,320 IT'S GORGEOUS! 213 00:09:32,360 --> 00:09:33,720 OH, MY GOD. 214 00:09:33,760 --> 00:09:34,720 AAH! 215 00:09:34,760 --> 00:09:35,730 YEAH! 216 00:09:35,760 --> 00:09:38,160 OH, LOOK. I GOT TO TAKE THIS. 217 00:09:38,190 --> 00:09:40,260 UH...PLAY NICE. 218 00:09:42,030 --> 00:09:43,200 AW, HE'S A SWEETHEART. 219 00:09:43,230 --> 00:09:45,300 HE'S A PRINCE AMONG THE NON-PRINCELY. 220 00:09:45,330 --> 00:09:46,300 HMM. 221 00:09:46,340 --> 00:09:48,300 SO... 222 00:09:48,340 --> 00:09:51,880 WANNA FUCK? YES. 223 00:09:51,910 --> 00:09:54,280 OH! STIR MY GRAVY! 224 00:09:54,310 --> 00:09:55,180 OHH! 225 00:09:55,210 --> 00:09:58,310 YEAH, FUCK ME WITH YOUR HALF-BLACK COCK. 226 00:09:58,350 --> 00:09:59,650 OH, YEAH! 227 00:09:59,680 --> 00:10:00,750 COME ON. 228 00:10:00,780 --> 00:10:01,890 OH, GET THE CHOCOLATE! 229 00:10:01,920 --> 00:10:02,690 HM? 230 00:10:02,720 --> 00:10:04,420 THE CHOCOLATE! GET THE CHOCOLATE! 231 00:10:04,450 --> 00:10:05,860 YEAH, GET THE CHOCOLATE. 232 00:10:05,890 --> 00:10:07,660 NO, ARE YOU DEAF?! GET THE CHOCOLATE! 233 00:10:07,690 --> 00:10:08,660 YEAH. 234 00:10:08,690 --> 00:10:10,830 OH! OH, POUR IT ON ME. 235 00:10:10,860 --> 00:10:13,000 [ PANTING ] COME ON. SLATHER IT ON ME. 236 00:10:13,030 --> 00:10:15,160 MAKE ME YOUR LITTLE CUPCAKE. 237 00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:17,300 [ MOANS ] 238 00:10:17,330 --> 00:10:19,670 WELL, DIG IN! 239 00:10:22,340 --> 00:10:24,310 DAMN! THAT'S DAMN-GOOD CHOCOLATE. 240 00:10:24,340 --> 00:10:26,310 AW, THANKS. I MADE IT MYSELF. 241 00:10:26,340 --> 00:10:29,180 NONE OF THAT HERSHEY'S CRAP FOR CHLOE METZ. 242 00:10:29,210 --> 00:10:30,910 MMM. 243 00:10:30,950 --> 00:10:32,750 WELL, COME ON! 244 00:10:32,780 --> 00:10:34,120 BREED ME! 245 00:10:34,150 --> 00:10:37,190 OH! YEAH, MAKE ME YOUR BITCH! 246 00:10:37,220 --> 00:10:39,420 FUCK ME LIKE I'M AL-QAEDA! 247 00:10:39,460 --> 00:10:40,890 OH, YEAH! 248 00:10:40,920 --> 00:10:41,930 YES! 249 00:10:41,960 --> 00:10:44,060 DECLARING JIHAD ON YOUR PUSSY. 250 00:10:44,090 --> 00:10:47,130 ALL RIGHT. WHAT I CAN DO TO HELP? 251 00:10:47,160 --> 00:10:48,930 YOU CAN BE MY AGENT. 252 00:10:48,970 --> 00:10:50,900 [ Laughing ] YEAH, OKAY. 253 00:10:50,930 --> 00:10:54,200 YOU WANT ME TO FLUFF YOUR CO-STARS WHILE I'M AT IT? 254 00:10:54,240 --> 00:10:55,200 I'M SERIOUS. 255 00:10:55,240 --> 00:10:57,870 IF I HAD A BIG HOLLYWOOD GUY LIKE YOU ON MY TEAM, 256 00:10:57,910 --> 00:10:59,140 THEY WOULD TAKE ME SERIOUSLY. 257 00:10:59,180 --> 00:11:02,250 HEY, I'M THE FUCKTARD WHO GOT YOU KICKED OFF "THE SLAM VAN" 258 00:11:02,280 --> 00:11:03,450 IN THE FIRST PLACE. 259 00:11:03,480 --> 00:11:05,950 I DON'T THINK THOSE GUYS ARE TOO IMPRESSED WITH MY SHIT. 260 00:11:05,980 --> 00:11:07,080 FUCK "THE SLAM VAN." 261 00:11:07,120 --> 00:11:09,090 I'M DONE WITH THAT GONZO SHIT. 262 00:11:09,120 --> 00:11:11,120 I NEED TO MOVE UP IN THE WORLD. 263 00:11:11,150 --> 00:11:14,190 I NEED TO WORK FOR THE VIVIDS, THE DIGITAL PLAYGROUNDS, 264 00:11:14,220 --> 00:11:15,190 ADAM & EVE. 265 00:11:15,220 --> 00:11:17,030 IS IT HARD TO GET THOSE GIGS? 266 00:11:17,060 --> 00:11:18,190 FUCK YEAH, IT'S HARD. 267 00:11:18,230 --> 00:11:20,030 I'VE BEEN BUSTING MY NUTS FOR WEEKS 268 00:11:20,060 --> 00:11:22,770 JUST TRYING TO GET A FRIGGIN' MEETING WITH RONNY PRAEGER. 269 00:11:22,800 --> 00:11:24,270 HE'S LIKE THE SPIELBERG OF PORN. 270 00:11:24,300 --> 00:11:25,740 NEVER HEARD OF HIM. 271 00:11:25,770 --> 00:11:27,970 YOU'D LIKE RONNY'S WORK -- REAL ARTSY. 272 00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:30,240 DOLLY SHOTS AND CROSSCUTTING. 273 00:11:30,270 --> 00:11:32,840 HE'S DOING THIS ADAPTATION OF "CHINATOWN." 274 00:11:32,880 --> 00:11:35,040 ONLY RONNY'S CALLING IT "VAGINATOWN." 275 00:11:35,080 --> 00:11:37,950 'CAUSE IT'S NOT THE WATER THAT RUNS L.A. -- 276 00:11:37,980 --> 00:11:39,850 IT'S THE VAGINA. 277 00:11:39,880 --> 00:11:42,990 AND I WOULD BE PERFECT FOR THE SISTER/DAUGHTER. 278 00:11:43,020 --> 00:11:45,920 AND I'D GET TO ACT. I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO DO THAT. 279 00:11:45,960 --> 00:11:47,420 REALLY? YEAH. 280 00:11:47,460 --> 00:11:50,130 I DON'T SEE WHY EMOTING AND GETTING STUFFED 281 00:11:50,160 --> 00:11:52,130 HAVE TO BE MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE. 282 00:11:52,160 --> 00:11:53,930 SO, WHAT'S HAPPENED SO FAR? 283 00:11:53,960 --> 00:11:56,430 DID YOU EVER GET IN TOUCH WITH THIS RONNY GUY? 284 00:11:56,470 --> 00:11:59,070 FUCKER WON'T RETURN MY PHONE CALLS. 285 00:11:59,100 --> 00:12:00,900 I'LL TELL YOU WHAT. 286 00:12:00,940 --> 00:12:04,440 I'M GONNA CALL RONNY PRAEGER, SEE WHAT I CAN DO. 287 00:12:04,470 --> 00:12:05,940 FOR REAL? 288 00:12:05,980 --> 00:12:06,980 IT'S WHAT I DO. 289 00:12:07,010 --> 00:12:09,180 I GET PEOPLE IMPOSSIBLE MEETINGS. 290 00:12:09,210 --> 00:12:10,950 THAT IS SO AWESOME. 291 00:12:12,150 --> 00:12:15,050 AND DON'T WORRY. I WILL BLOW YOU. 292 00:12:15,080 --> 00:12:17,050 OR DID YOU WANT MY PUSSY? 293 00:12:17,090 --> 00:12:19,920 YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'D WANT MY PUSSY. 294 00:12:19,960 --> 00:12:21,490 THAT WON'T BE NECESSARY. 295 00:12:21,520 --> 00:12:24,390 NO, WE'RE GONNA KEEP THIS STRICTLY BUSINESS. 296 00:12:24,430 --> 00:12:27,130 I DO NOT...WANT... YOUR PUSSY. 297 00:12:30,330 --> 00:12:34,040 I COULD TELL YOU'RE ONE OF THE GOOD ONES. 298 00:12:44,980 --> 00:12:47,080 AM I THE MAGICIAN OR WHAT? 299 00:12:47,120 --> 00:12:49,820 MAN, YOU'RE LIKE FUCKING DOUG HENNING. 300 00:12:49,850 --> 00:12:51,350 ONLY NOT QUITE SO MACHO. 301 00:12:51,390 --> 00:12:53,190 YEAH. [ LAUGHS ] 302 00:12:53,220 --> 00:12:55,220 WHERE WERE YOU WHEN I WAS 12, FUCKER? 303 00:12:55,260 --> 00:12:56,560 IMAGINE THE POSSIBILITIES. 304 00:12:56,590 --> 00:12:58,830 INSTEAD OF WHACKING OFF TO FARRAH FAWCETT, 305 00:12:58,860 --> 00:13:01,060 I COULD HAVE WHACKED OFF ON FARRAH FAWCETT. 306 00:13:01,100 --> 00:13:02,330 [ LAUGHS ] 307 00:13:02,370 --> 00:13:03,200 FEELING BETTER? 308 00:13:03,230 --> 00:13:05,600 YOU GET THE OLD LADY OUT OF YOUR SYSTEM? 309 00:13:05,630 --> 00:13:07,600 I DON'T KNOW IF I GOT IT OUT OF MY SYSTEM, 310 00:13:07,640 --> 00:13:11,070 BUT I DISCHARGED PRECIOUS BODILY FLUIDS ALL OVER YOUR SPARE BEDROOM THERE. 311 00:13:11,110 --> 00:13:12,910 YEAH, A LITTLE BIT OF HATE-FUCKING -- 312 00:13:12,940 --> 00:13:14,210 ALWAYS GOOD FOR THE SOUL. 313 00:13:14,240 --> 00:13:15,950 Chloe: LEW! 314 00:13:15,980 --> 00:13:19,220 OHH! THIS MAN IS GORGEOUS! 315 00:13:19,250 --> 00:13:20,880 OHH! 316 00:13:20,920 --> 00:13:21,950 AND THIS COCK. 317 00:13:21,990 --> 00:13:24,350 [ GRUNTS ] GOD, IT'S GORGEOUS. 318 00:13:24,390 --> 00:13:26,960 YOU COULD WRAP IT UP AND SELL IT AT WHOLE FOODS. 319 00:13:26,990 --> 00:13:28,090 MM-HMM. YEAH. 320 00:13:28,120 --> 00:13:29,630 OKAY, SO, WHAT'S NEXT?! 321 00:13:29,660 --> 00:13:31,130 WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "NEXT"? 322 00:13:31,160 --> 00:13:32,530 WELL, COME ON, FUCKER. 323 00:13:32,560 --> 00:13:35,930 I GOT ALL NIGHT, AND I'M READY FOR A LITTLE F-O-N. 324 00:13:35,970 --> 00:13:37,330 F-O-N? 325 00:13:37,370 --> 00:13:39,440 YEAH, "FUN," BUT LIKE A RETARD SAID IT. 326 00:13:39,470 --> 00:13:41,370 OHH. OH, YOU HAD TO BE THERE. 327 00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:42,870 YET, SADLY, I WASN'T. 328 00:13:42,910 --> 00:13:45,470 LOOK, WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO CATCH YOU ANOTHER TIME, 329 00:13:45,510 --> 00:13:48,180 SWEET CHLOE, 'CAUSE, LIKE, I GOT TO HIT THE TROUBADOUR 330 00:13:48,210 --> 00:13:49,410 AND HANK'S COMING WITH. 331 00:13:49,450 --> 00:13:52,220 OOH, THE TROUBADOUR. I'M DOWN WITH THAT. 332 00:13:52,250 --> 00:13:54,520 NO, IT AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN. NO TAGALONGS. 333 00:13:54,550 --> 00:13:56,020 WHY NOT? 334 00:13:56,050 --> 00:13:57,490 BECAUSE THE WORDS LEFT MY MOUTH. 335 00:13:57,520 --> 00:14:00,220 DO I LOOK LIKE A PERSON WHO SAYS THINGS HE DOESN'T MEAN? 336 00:14:00,260 --> 00:14:02,260 [ Laughing ] OHH. 337 00:14:04,160 --> 00:14:05,160 OH. 338 00:14:05,190 --> 00:14:07,560 YOU KNOW, WE'LL JUST DO IT ANOTHER TIME, OKAY? 339 00:14:07,600 --> 00:14:09,230 WE'LL CATCH YOU ON THE FLIP SIDE. 340 00:14:09,270 --> 00:14:10,230 BUT WE'LL -- WE'LL DO IT. 341 00:14:10,270 --> 00:14:13,200 OKAY. YEAH, GOOD. YOU'VE GOT MY NUMBER, RIGHT? 342 00:14:13,240 --> 00:14:14,940 WELL -- Lew: CHRIS DOES. 343 00:14:14,970 --> 00:14:16,210 CHRIS DOES. KENNY'S COUSIN. 344 00:14:16,240 --> 00:14:18,140 KENNY'S...COUSIN HAS GOT THE NUMBER. 345 00:14:18,170 --> 00:14:19,940 ALL RIGHT. COOL. COOL? 346 00:14:19,980 --> 00:14:20,940 ON THAT NOTE... 347 00:14:20,980 --> 00:14:22,450 WELL, UH, HEY -- [ LAUGHS ] 348 00:14:22,480 --> 00:14:24,480 SO, WHO'S GONNA GIVE ME A RIDE? 349 00:14:24,510 --> 00:14:27,020 'CAUSE MY B.F.F. DROPPED ME OFF. 350 00:14:27,050 --> 00:14:29,990 OH, COME ON. IT'LL BE FUN, GUYS. 351 00:14:39,230 --> 00:14:41,130 HEY, I'M LOOKING FOR RONNY PRAEGER. 352 00:14:41,160 --> 00:14:42,970 [ Australian accent ] YOU FOUND HIM, BUT I'M LATE. 353 00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:45,130 UNLESS YOU'RE A MONEY GUY. ARE YOU A MONEY GUY? 354 00:14:45,170 --> 00:14:48,140 NO, I'M AN AGENT. I'M HER AGENT. 355 00:14:48,170 --> 00:14:49,940 THEN I'M DEFINITELY LATE. 356 00:14:49,970 --> 00:14:52,440 HEY, I CALLED. YOU SAID YOU HAD TIME. 357 00:14:52,480 --> 00:14:53,580 OH, RIGHT, RIGHT. 358 00:14:53,610 --> 00:14:56,150 YOU'VE GOT SOME BIT OF MUFF THAT'S GONNA ROCK MY WORLD. 359 00:14:56,180 --> 00:14:58,310 DAISY. 360 00:15:00,650 --> 00:15:02,620 SHE AIN'T RIGHT. 361 00:15:02,650 --> 00:15:05,220 WELL, HOLD ON. YOU BARELY LOOKED AT HER. 362 00:15:05,250 --> 00:15:06,220 LISTEN. 363 00:15:06,260 --> 00:15:08,390 KATHERINE IS AN INNOCENT. 364 00:15:08,420 --> 00:15:10,390 SHE DOESN'T HAVE DEFENSES. 365 00:15:11,560 --> 00:15:14,530 THIS CHICK LOOKS LIKE SHE JUST BLEW HER LANDLORD FOR RENT. 366 00:15:14,560 --> 00:15:15,660 NO OFFENSE. 367 00:15:15,700 --> 00:15:18,530 NONE TAKEN. I JUST DID. 368 00:15:20,400 --> 00:15:22,610 ANYWAY, I'M OFF TO SEE CASSAVETES. 369 00:15:22,640 --> 00:15:23,640 SORRY. 370 00:15:25,670 --> 00:15:28,110 OH, WELL. WE TRIED. 371 00:15:28,140 --> 00:15:30,580 WHAT, ARE YOU KIDDING ME? 372 00:15:30,610 --> 00:15:33,080 I'M JUST GETTING STARTED. 373 00:15:35,020 --> 00:15:37,590 Chloe: IT'S UP HERE ON THE LEFT. RIGHT THERE. 374 00:15:37,620 --> 00:15:39,460 Hank: WOW, THAT? YEAH. 375 00:15:39,490 --> 00:15:42,530 YOUR ABODE HAS A VERY "JUNE CLEAVER" VIBE TO IT. 376 00:15:42,560 --> 00:15:43,460 AWW. 377 00:15:43,490 --> 00:15:46,360 [ GASPS ] OOH! HEY, YOU WANT TO SAY "HEY" 378 00:15:46,400 --> 00:15:48,260 TO THE BEAVE ONE MORE TIME BEFORE I HAVE TO GO? 379 00:15:48,300 --> 00:15:50,630 ORDINARILY, BUT LEW HERE IS ON A VERY TIGHT SCHEDULE. 380 00:15:50,670 --> 00:15:52,500 WE CAN'T KEEP THE HAIR BANDS WAITING. 381 00:15:52,540 --> 00:15:54,540 THEY'RE VERY EXCITABLE, THE HAIR BANDS. 382 00:15:54,570 --> 00:15:56,410 YOU KNOW, SO... MM. 383 00:15:56,440 --> 00:15:59,010 IT WAS REAL, CHLOE METZ. [ SMOOCHES ] 384 00:15:59,040 --> 00:16:00,180 REAL AS IN REAL. 385 00:16:00,210 --> 00:16:01,240 AW, ALL RIGHT. THANKS. 386 00:16:01,280 --> 00:16:02,510 IT WAS REALLY, REALLY REAL. 387 00:16:02,550 --> 00:16:04,610 HEY! NONE OF THAT, MISTER! 388 00:16:04,650 --> 00:16:06,480 [ LAUGHS ] 389 00:16:06,520 --> 00:16:08,450 ALL RIGHTY! [ GIGGLES ] OKAY. 390 00:16:08,480 --> 00:16:11,390 OH, HEY! WHAT ARE Y'ALL DOING TOMORROW? 391 00:16:11,420 --> 00:16:13,660 OR -- OR FRIDAY. YOU KNOW, EITHER WAY. 392 00:16:13,690 --> 00:16:15,720 WE COULD HANG. WHAT DO YOU THINK? 393 00:16:15,760 --> 00:16:17,430 I KNOW YOU DID IT AGAIN! 394 00:16:17,460 --> 00:16:19,230 Hank: WHO THE FUCK IS THAT? 395 00:16:19,260 --> 00:16:22,030 OH, IT'S MY STUPID HUSBAND. YOU'RE MARRIED?! 396 00:16:22,070 --> 00:16:24,530 YEAH, BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN I CAN'T STILL PARTY! 397 00:16:24,570 --> 00:16:26,040 NO, YES, IT DOES. WHAT? NO! 398 00:16:26,070 --> 00:16:28,400 HEY, COME ON! COME ON! DRIVE, BITCH! LET'S GO! 399 00:16:28,440 --> 00:16:31,310 WHAT -- WHERE ARE YOU GOING?! 400 00:16:31,340 --> 00:16:32,580 [ BABY CRYING ] 401 00:16:32,610 --> 00:16:34,340 WHERE ARE YOU GOING?! COME BACK! 402 00:16:34,380 --> 00:16:35,640 THAT'S MY WIFE! 403 00:16:35,680 --> 00:16:37,010 YOU WHORE! WHORE! 404 00:16:38,550 --> 00:16:40,520 Charlie: WHERE YOU BEEN? 405 00:16:40,550 --> 00:16:43,320 DO I LOOK LIKE I SHOP AT THE FRIGGIN' LIMITED? 406 00:16:43,350 --> 00:16:45,090 I HAD TO BORROW THIS CRAP. 407 00:16:45,120 --> 00:16:47,320 THIS IS NOT CRAP. YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL. 408 00:16:47,360 --> 00:16:48,460 I DO? 409 00:16:48,490 --> 00:16:51,390 YEAH, ACTUALLY, YOU DO. 410 00:16:51,430 --> 00:16:52,800 HEY, HEY, HEY, RONNY. 411 00:16:52,830 --> 00:16:54,660 FANTASTIC. YOU FOLLOWED ME HERE. 412 00:16:54,700 --> 00:16:57,270 YES. YES, I DID, 'CAUSE I'M A MAN ON A MISSION. 413 00:16:57,300 --> 00:16:59,440 YOU NEED TO HAVE ANOTHER LOOK AT DAISY HERE. 414 00:16:59,470 --> 00:17:00,770 HEY, DON'T KILL MY BUZZ. 415 00:17:00,800 --> 00:17:02,640 I JUST TOKED ON A CASSAVETES JOINT. 416 00:17:02,670 --> 00:17:04,640 I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. I LOVE CASSAVETES. 417 00:17:04,670 --> 00:17:05,540 SURE, YOU DO. 418 00:17:05,570 --> 00:17:07,440 IT'S WHY I GOT INTO THE BUSINESS, MAN. 419 00:17:07,480 --> 00:17:09,580 BEN GAZZARA, "KILLING OF A CHINESE BOOKIE." 420 00:17:09,610 --> 00:17:11,450 THAT SCENE IN THE CAR. TOTAL DARKNESS. 421 00:17:11,480 --> 00:17:13,780 IF I HAD TO CHOOSE BETWEEN A BLOW JOB AND CASSAVETES, 422 00:17:13,820 --> 00:17:15,250 I WOULD CHOOSE CASSAVETES. 423 00:17:15,280 --> 00:17:16,650 MM, I'D TAKE THE BLOW JOB. 424 00:17:16,690 --> 00:17:17,720 SO WOULD I. 425 00:17:17,750 --> 00:17:19,660 BUT I'D BE THINKING ABOUT CASSAVETES WHILE I GOT IT. 426 00:17:19,690 --> 00:17:22,730 SEE, THAT'S WHY I LEFT ALL THIS HOLLYWOOD CRAP BEHIND ME. 427 00:17:22,760 --> 00:17:23,730 YOU KNOW? 428 00:17:23,760 --> 00:17:26,500 THE SHIT THEY MAKE IS ALL ABOUT THE SURFACE. 429 00:17:26,530 --> 00:17:30,270 PORN IS ABOUT THE REAL. 430 00:17:30,300 --> 00:17:32,600 "VAGINATOWN" IS GONNA BE MY MAGNUM OPUS. 431 00:17:32,640 --> 00:17:36,140 I WANT IT TO HAVE THE FEEL OF, UH, "THERE WILL BE BLOOD." 432 00:17:36,170 --> 00:17:38,140 YOU KNOW? I'M REALLY INTO PERIOD PORN. 433 00:17:39,780 --> 00:17:41,640 NOT THAT KIND OF PERIOD PORN. 434 00:17:41,680 --> 00:17:44,110 THIS IS WHY YOU HAVE TO HIRE DAISY, MAN. 435 00:17:44,150 --> 00:17:45,250 LOOK AT THIS GIRL. 436 00:17:45,280 --> 00:17:46,380 SHE'S KATHERINE. 437 00:17:46,420 --> 00:17:48,820 WHAT, DO YOU THINK SHE ARRIVED IN L.A. ALL TARTED UP? 438 00:17:48,850 --> 00:17:50,550 SHE'S FROM LONG ISLAND, MAN. 439 00:17:50,590 --> 00:17:52,890 SHE RAN AWAY FROM HOME, PREGNANT AT 16. 440 00:17:52,920 --> 00:17:56,260 SEXUALLY ABUSED, AM I RIGHT? 441 00:17:56,290 --> 00:17:58,530 SHE CAME TO L.A. WANTING TO BE AN ACTRESS, MAN -- 442 00:17:58,560 --> 00:18:00,530 STARS IN HER EYES, ALL THAT SHIT. 443 00:18:00,560 --> 00:18:02,400 AND THEN YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED. 444 00:18:02,430 --> 00:18:04,270 SHE GOT CRAPPED ON. 445 00:18:04,300 --> 00:18:05,830 OVER AND OVER AGAIN. 446 00:18:05,870 --> 00:18:09,440 CAN YOU TAP INTO THAT, DAISY? 447 00:18:09,470 --> 00:18:10,810 I DON'T KNOW. 448 00:18:10,840 --> 00:18:12,840 SHE CAN TAP INTO THAT. 449 00:18:12,880 --> 00:18:15,310 YOU CAN TAP INTO THAT. 450 00:18:16,850 --> 00:18:18,550 IT DOESN'T MATTER. 451 00:18:18,580 --> 00:18:20,380 THE MOVIE'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN ANYWAY. 452 00:18:20,420 --> 00:18:21,850 THE FINANCING JUST FELL THROUGH. 453 00:18:21,880 --> 00:18:23,320 YOU'RE SHITTING ME! 454 00:18:23,350 --> 00:18:24,920 I WISH I WAS. 455 00:18:24,950 --> 00:18:27,160 THE MONEYMEN DON'T SUPPORT MY VISION. 456 00:18:28,220 --> 00:18:29,860 WHICH I DON'T UNDERSTAND. 457 00:18:29,890 --> 00:18:32,400 THE "WALL OF COCKS" SEQUENCE ALONE... 458 00:18:32,430 --> 00:18:34,600 WOULD HAVE BLOWN PEOPLE'S MINDS. 459 00:18:34,630 --> 00:18:37,800 THE "WALL OF COCKS"... 460 00:18:40,440 --> 00:18:42,440 [ CHLOE LAUGHING ] 461 00:18:45,570 --> 00:18:46,840 I GOT SOMETHING FOR YOU. 462 00:18:46,880 --> 00:18:49,550 HOW ABOUT I DO BOTH YOU GUYS, HUH? RIGHT HERE. 463 00:18:49,580 --> 00:18:51,280 WHAT DO YOU SAY? [ LAUGHS ] 464 00:18:51,310 --> 00:18:52,780 TOO SHY FOR THAT. 465 00:18:52,820 --> 00:18:54,320 OH, YOU'RE SHY? 466 00:18:54,350 --> 00:18:56,920 THEN WHAT ABOUT WATCHING A LITTLE GIRL-ON-GIRL? 467 00:18:56,950 --> 00:18:59,290 WHAT DO YOU SAY, SUGAR? HUH? 468 00:18:59,320 --> 00:19:01,490 DO YOU WANT ME TO SLAP THE SHIT OUT OF YOU?! 469 00:19:01,520 --> 00:19:03,830 COME HERE. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?! 470 00:19:03,860 --> 00:19:05,960 [ TIRES SCREECH ] 471 00:19:05,990 --> 00:19:07,630 WHOA! 472 00:19:07,660 --> 00:19:09,160 UH-OH. 473 00:19:10,300 --> 00:19:12,640 THAT'S IT! OUT OF THE VEHICLE! 474 00:19:12,670 --> 00:19:14,540 YEAH, GET THE FUCK OUT. 475 00:19:14,570 --> 00:19:16,370 Hank: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?! 476 00:19:16,410 --> 00:19:17,810 AND YOU CAN'T COOK FOR SHIT! 477 00:19:17,840 --> 00:19:20,280 THAT DUCK BREAST WAS DRIER THAN THE FREAKIN' MOJAVE, 478 00:19:20,310 --> 00:19:21,480 YOU GODDAMN LUNATIC! 479 00:19:21,510 --> 00:19:23,780 YOU WANT TO KNOW WHO THE FUCK YOU'RE DEALING WITH, HUH?! 480 00:19:23,810 --> 00:19:25,710 CHLOE METZ! YEAH. THAT'S WHO. 481 00:19:25,750 --> 00:19:28,850 NUMBER 2 IN HOUSEHOLDS ON THE GODDAMN COOKING CHANNEL 482 00:19:28,880 --> 00:19:33,220 IN HOMES ALL ACROSS FUCKING AMERICA, YOU MOTHERFUCKER! 483 00:19:33,260 --> 00:19:34,420 Hank: CHLOE. OH, NOT YOU, HANK. 484 00:19:34,460 --> 00:19:35,420 HEY! HEY! 485 00:19:35,460 --> 00:19:37,730 IS THAT HOW YOU TREAT A LADY?! 486 00:19:40,900 --> 00:19:42,830 [ LAUGHING ] WHAT THE FUCK YOU DOING? 487 00:19:42,870 --> 00:19:45,670 YOU CAN'T JUST DUMP HER OUT HERE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. 488 00:19:45,700 --> 00:19:47,700 YEAH, SHE MIGHT RAPE SOMEBODY. 489 00:19:47,740 --> 00:19:49,270 STOP THE CAR. 490 00:19:49,310 --> 00:19:51,540 SERIOUSLY, SAM, STOP THIS PENIS-MOBILE THIS INSTANT. 491 00:19:51,570 --> 00:19:52,810 I'M GONNA GO BACK FOR HER. 492 00:19:52,840 --> 00:19:53,780 WHY? 493 00:19:53,810 --> 00:19:55,710 BECAUSE DESPITE ALL EVIDENCE TO THE CONTRARY, 494 00:19:55,740 --> 00:19:57,810 I AM A GENTLEMAN -- YOU JUST DON'T DO THAT SHIT. 495 00:19:57,850 --> 00:20:00,320 THIS IS NOT "MOTLEY CRUE: BEHIND THE MUSIC." 496 00:20:01,620 --> 00:20:04,420 WHATEVER, DUDE. LOOK, I GOT PLACES TO BE. 497 00:20:04,450 --> 00:20:07,320 GIVE SAM A CALL, YOU NEED A LIFT BACK. 498 00:20:07,360 --> 00:20:09,390 BUT JUST YOU. THAT SCHIZOPHRENIC COOKING WHORE -- 499 00:20:09,430 --> 00:20:11,890 NOT GETTING BACK IN THE FUCKING CAR, ALL RIGHT? 500 00:20:11,930 --> 00:20:12,930 YOU. 501 00:20:27,740 --> 00:20:29,480 HEY, BABY. 502 00:20:29,510 --> 00:20:31,680 HOW'D IT GO? YOU ROCK HER WORLD? 503 00:20:31,710 --> 00:20:34,020 IT WENT -- IT WENT GOOD, IT WENT GOOD. 504 00:20:34,050 --> 00:20:35,020 YEAH, I, UH... 505 00:20:35,050 --> 00:20:37,290 I-I GOT DAISY THE PART. 506 00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:40,590 OH, HELLS, YEAH! YOU GOT DAISY THE PART. 507 00:20:40,620 --> 00:20:42,790 'CAUSE THAT'S HOW CHARLIE RUNKLE ROLLS. 508 00:20:42,830 --> 00:20:43,690 THERE'S A LITTLE HITCH. 509 00:20:43,730 --> 00:20:45,530 YOU KNOW, IT'S JUST -- IT'S A LITTLE ONE. 510 00:20:45,560 --> 00:20:46,660 UH... 511 00:20:46,700 --> 00:20:48,800 I, UH, I HAD -- YOU KNOW, 512 00:20:48,830 --> 00:20:52,500 I HAD -- I HAD TO -- I HAD TO INVEST 50 GRAND IN HIS MOVIE. 513 00:20:55,070 --> 00:20:57,540 55. 514 00:20:59,640 --> 00:21:00,940 OR, ALL RIGHT, 60. 515 00:21:00,980 --> 00:21:03,710 I HAD -- I HAD -- I HAD TO. 516 00:21:03,750 --> 00:21:04,980 [ SIGHS ] 517 00:21:05,010 --> 00:21:07,420 I HAD TO INVEST 100 GRAND IN HIS MOVIE. 518 00:21:07,450 --> 00:21:12,290 WELL, FUCK MY RUSTY SHERIFF'S BADGE. 519 00:21:13,790 --> 00:21:16,060 OKAY. I-I'LL SEE YOU AT HOME. 520 00:21:23,830 --> 00:21:26,700 THINGS GOT A LITTLE CRAZY BACK THERE, HUH? 521 00:21:26,740 --> 00:21:29,440 JUST YOUR AVERAGE, TYPICAL, EVERYDAY WEDNESDAY. 522 00:21:29,470 --> 00:21:30,570 [ LAUGHS ] 523 00:21:30,610 --> 00:21:32,580 TUESDAY. 524 00:21:32,610 --> 00:21:34,810 [ LAUGHS ] 525 00:21:34,840 --> 00:21:38,850 SO, YOU HAVE A SIGNIFICANT OTHER OF SOME KIND? 526 00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:41,450 ONCE UPON A TIME. 527 00:21:41,480 --> 00:21:43,090 AH. 528 00:21:43,120 --> 00:21:44,590 "AH"? 529 00:21:44,620 --> 00:21:45,420 [ LAUGHS ] 530 00:21:45,450 --> 00:21:47,520 WELL, YOU SCREW LIKE YOU'RE TRYING 531 00:21:47,560 --> 00:21:49,690 TO GET SOMETHING OUT OF YOUR SYSTEM. 532 00:21:49,730 --> 00:21:50,660 MM. 533 00:21:50,690 --> 00:21:53,400 MAN, IF YOU THREW DOWN LIKE THAT ALL THE TIME, 534 00:21:53,430 --> 00:21:54,400 YOU'D BE DEAD. 535 00:21:54,430 --> 00:21:55,930 OR HAVE A VERY SORE PEE-PEE. 536 00:21:55,960 --> 00:21:58,600 [ CHUCKLES ] 537 00:21:59,770 --> 00:22:01,040 KIDS? 538 00:22:01,070 --> 00:22:03,640 WHAT'S WITH THE 20 QUESTIONS? 539 00:22:03,670 --> 00:22:06,110 UH...THEY WERE TWO QUESTIONS. 540 00:22:06,140 --> 00:22:07,480 RIGHT. SO? 541 00:22:07,510 --> 00:22:09,680 DAUGHTER. 542 00:22:09,710 --> 00:22:11,410 AND IT SCARES THE SHIT OUT OF ME 543 00:22:11,450 --> 00:22:13,650 TO THINK THAT SHE MIGHT END UP LIKE YOU. 544 00:22:13,680 --> 00:22:15,580 I MEAN, N-N-NO OFFENSE, 545 00:22:15,620 --> 00:22:19,150 BUT, YOU KNOW, LETTING SOME GUY ORDER YOU OFF THE TV 546 00:22:19,190 --> 00:22:21,020 LIKE YOU'RE CHINESE TAKE-OUT. 547 00:22:21,060 --> 00:22:23,060 IS THAT REALLY WHAT IT'S COME TO MEAN 548 00:22:23,090 --> 00:22:24,930 TO BE A MEMBER OF THE FAIRER SEX 549 00:22:24,960 --> 00:22:26,660 IN THE CITY OF ANGELS, CIRCA 2008? 550 00:22:26,700 --> 00:22:29,700 FOR SOMEONE AS ACCOMPLISHED AS YOU? 551 00:22:29,730 --> 00:22:32,370 YOU'RE CHLOE FUCKIN' METZ. 552 00:22:35,900 --> 00:22:38,470 AH, FUCK IF I KNOW. 553 00:22:38,510 --> 00:22:42,450 I'M JUST GLAD MY KID'S A BOY. 554 00:22:42,480 --> 00:22:43,850 ALL RIGHT. 555 00:22:43,880 --> 00:22:46,480 THAT'S A GOOD-ENOUGH ANSWER. 556 00:22:47,750 --> 00:22:50,750 I WOULD NEVER HAVE GUESSED THAT YOU JUST GAVE BIRTH, EITHER. 557 00:22:50,790 --> 00:22:52,150 YOU ARE... 558 00:22:52,190 --> 00:22:54,160 HOW DO I PUT THIS DELICATELY? 559 00:22:54,190 --> 00:22:56,120 ...TIGHT FOR A NEW MOM. 560 00:22:56,160 --> 00:22:58,030 [ LAUGHS ] 561 00:22:59,930 --> 00:23:01,100 YOU KNOW WHAT? HM? 562 00:23:01,130 --> 00:23:03,770 I THINK THAT'S THE SWEETEST THING ANYBODY'S EVER SAID TO ME. 563 00:23:03,800 --> 00:23:05,170 WELL, I'M NOT JUST SAYING IT. 564 00:23:05,200 --> 00:23:06,800 YOU'RE LIKE A NEWBORN KITTEN. 565 00:23:06,840 --> 00:23:08,500 FUCKIN'-A RIGHT I AM. 566 00:23:08,540 --> 00:23:11,810 N-NOT THAT I'VE EVER FUCKED A NEWBORN KITTEN. 567 00:23:11,840 --> 00:23:13,810 WELL, I WOULD HOPE NOT. 568 00:23:13,840 --> 00:23:16,210 I'M TAKING AN IMAGINATIVE LEAP. 569 00:23:16,240 --> 00:23:18,950 I KEGEL WHEN I COOK. 570 00:23:18,980 --> 00:23:21,580 OKAY, WELL, THAT'S REASON NUMBER 357 571 00:23:21,620 --> 00:23:25,050 TO TiVo THE SHIT OUT OF "COOKING WITH CHLOE." 572 00:23:28,260 --> 00:23:30,590 Chloe: WELL, THERE'S MARIO. 573 00:23:30,630 --> 00:23:32,600 MM. YOU GONNA BE ALL RIGHT? 574 00:23:32,630 --> 00:23:33,600 YEAH. 575 00:23:33,630 --> 00:23:35,460 YEAH, HE'S A PUSSYCAT. 576 00:23:35,500 --> 00:23:37,470 I'D HATE TO SEE HIM WHEN HE GETS MAD. 577 00:23:37,500 --> 00:23:39,030 [ LAUGHS ] 578 00:23:46,840 --> 00:23:48,610 HEY, BABY. 579 00:23:48,640 --> 00:23:50,110 YOU OKAY? 580 00:23:55,220 --> 00:23:57,590 MARIO, THIS IS HANK. 581 00:23:57,620 --> 00:23:59,720 PAISAN. 582 00:23:59,760 --> 00:24:01,860 YOU WANT A RIDE? 583 00:24:01,890 --> 00:24:03,760 UH, NO. NO, NO, NO. 584 00:24:03,790 --> 00:24:06,230 YOU AND MARIO GO BE TOGETHER. 585 00:24:24,050 --> 00:24:27,050 [ "DO YA" (ACOUSTIC) PLAYS ] 586 00:24:29,320 --> 00:24:33,760 * DO YA, DO YA WANT MY LOVE? * 587 00:24:33,790 --> 00:24:37,730 * DO YA, DO YA WANT MY FACE? * 588 00:24:37,760 --> 00:24:41,260 * DO YA, DO YA WANT MY MIND? * 589 00:24:41,300 --> 00:24:45,730 * DO YA, DO YA WANT MY LOVE? * 590 00:24:45,770 --> 00:24:47,600 [ CELLPHONE RINGING ] 591 00:24:47,640 --> 00:24:52,310 * IN THIS LIFE, I'VE SEEN EVERYTHING I COULD SEE, WOMAN * 592 00:24:52,340 --> 00:24:56,040 * SEEN LOVERS FLYING THROUGH THE AIR HAND IN HAND * 593 00:24:56,080 --> 00:24:57,610 HELLO? 594 00:24:57,650 --> 00:24:59,010 HEY. 595 00:24:59,050 --> 00:25:01,050 CAN I TALK TO HER? 596 00:25:01,080 --> 00:25:02,120 SHE'S OUT. 597 00:25:02,150 --> 00:25:04,090 Ohh. Don't say it. 598 00:25:04,120 --> 00:25:05,150 ON A DATE. 599 00:25:05,190 --> 00:25:06,120 AH, SHIT. 600 00:25:06,150 --> 00:25:08,960 KICK A GUY WHILE HE'S DOWN, WHY DON'T YOU? 601 00:25:08,990 --> 00:25:10,760 IT'S OKAY. IT'S JUST THE MOVIES. 602 00:25:10,790 --> 00:25:12,900 I'M GONNA GO GET THEM IN A COUPLE MINUTES. 603 00:25:12,930 --> 00:25:15,600 WELL, JUST, UM... 604 00:25:15,630 --> 00:25:18,100 YOU KNOW, TELL HER TO HOLLA BACK. 605 00:25:18,130 --> 00:25:19,570 I WILL. 606 00:25:19,600 --> 00:25:21,100 HEY, UM... 607 00:25:21,140 --> 00:25:23,240 YOU KNOW, I WISH YOU'D SEEN HER. 608 00:25:23,270 --> 00:25:26,040 SHE LOOKED SO CUTE. SHE WAS REALLY NERVOUS. 609 00:25:26,070 --> 00:25:26,880 YEAH. 610 00:25:26,910 --> 00:25:29,880 WHAT SHADE OF BLACK DID SHE GO WITH? 611 00:25:29,910 --> 00:25:32,250 OH, DON'T WORRY. SHE LOOKED BEAUTIFUL. 612 00:25:32,280 --> 00:25:33,350 I'm sure she did. 613 00:25:33,380 --> 00:25:35,950 SHE TAKES AFTER HER MOTHER THAT WAY. 614 00:25:35,980 --> 00:25:39,320 OH, SOMEONE'S SOUNDING LONELY TONIGHT. 615 00:25:39,350 --> 00:25:40,660 ALWAYS. 616 00:25:42,120 --> 00:25:44,060 WHAT ARE YOU UP TO? 617 00:25:44,090 --> 00:25:46,090 MM... 618 00:25:48,400 --> 00:25:52,330 NOTHING. JUST, UM...READING. 619 00:25:52,370 --> 00:25:54,800 WELL, SLEEP TIGHT. 620 00:25:55,940 --> 00:25:57,310 YOU TOO. 621 00:25:59,680 --> 00:26:02,750 [ CELLPHONE BEEPS, CLICKS SHUT ] 622 00:26:04,110 --> 00:26:08,150 * DO YA, DO YA WANT MY LOVE? * 623 00:26:08,180 --> 00:26:11,890 * DO YA, DO YA WANT MY FAITH? * 624 00:26:11,920 --> 00:26:15,320 * DO YA, DO YA WANT MY LOVE? * 625 00:26:17,760 --> 00:26:19,630 * 'CAUSE I 626 00:26:22,030 --> 00:26:26,270 * NEVER FELT NOTHIN' LIKE YOU 627 00:26:26,300 --> 00:26:29,270 -- Captions by VITAC -- www.vitac.com 628 00:26:29,300 --> 00:26:32,270 CLOSED CAPTIONING PROVIDED BY SHOWTIME NETWORKS 629 00:26:32,310 --> 00:26:35,280 AND BLIND DECKER PRODUCTIONS 630 00:26:35,310 --> 00:26:39,010 * WELL, I HEARD THE CROWD SINGIN' OUT OF TUNE * 631 00:26:39,050 --> 00:26:43,390 * AS THEY SAT AND SANG "AULD LANG SYNE" BY THE MOON * 632 00:26:43,420 --> 00:26:47,290 * HEARD PREACHERS BANGIN' ON THEIR DRUMS * 633 00:26:47,320 --> 00:26:51,760 * HEARD COPS PLAYIN' WITH THEIR GUNS * 634 00:26:51,790 --> 00:26:53,700 * BUT I 635 00:26:56,130 --> 00:27:00,900 * NEVER FELT NOTHIN' LIKE YOU 43661

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