All language subtitles for Californication S02E01 Slip of the Tongue

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:14,600 --> 00:00:17,170 PREVIOUSLY ON "CALIFORNICATION"... 2 00:00:17,200 --> 00:00:19,740 I'M HAVING WHAT YOU MIGHT CALL A CRISIS OF FAITH. 3 00:00:19,770 --> 00:00:21,510 TO PUT IT SIMPLY, I CAN'T WRITE. 4 00:00:21,540 --> 00:00:23,240 YOU HAVE THIS INCREDIBLE TALENT, 5 00:00:23,270 --> 00:00:25,240 AND YOU'RE JUST FLUSHING IT DOWN THE TOILET. 6 00:00:25,280 --> 00:00:27,140 MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT. I'M FUCKED UP RIGHT NOW. 7 00:00:27,180 --> 00:00:29,650 I NEED YOU. NO, I'M GETTING MARRIED. 8 00:00:30,850 --> 00:00:32,450 IS DAD A BAD PERSON? 9 00:00:32,480 --> 00:00:33,720 NO. NOT AT ALL. 10 00:00:33,750 --> 00:00:36,690 I MEAN, HE DOES HAVE A HABIT OF GETTING INTO TROUBLE SOMETIMES. 11 00:00:36,720 --> 00:00:38,290 FUCKIN' FUCKER! 12 00:00:38,320 --> 00:00:39,520 UGH! AAH! 13 00:00:39,560 --> 00:00:41,390 OOH! Bill: GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE. 14 00:00:41,430 --> 00:00:44,230 AND FORGET ABOUT THE WOMAN YOU DIDN'T WANT TO MARRY. 15 00:00:44,260 --> 00:00:45,460 AS YOUR FRIEND AND AGENT, 16 00:00:45,500 --> 00:00:47,630 MAY I SUGGEST YOU START LOOKING FOR A NICE GIRL. 17 00:00:47,660 --> 00:00:49,670 WHAT IS YOUR NAME, BY THE WAY? 18 00:00:49,700 --> 00:00:51,670 WOULDN'T YOU RATHER JUST FUCK ME? 19 00:00:51,700 --> 00:00:53,240 I'M A SCIENTOLOGIST, HANK. 20 00:00:53,270 --> 00:00:55,370 UGH. OH! AAH! 21 00:00:55,410 --> 00:00:57,570 SO, YOU'RE THE FAMOUS WRITER, HUH? 22 00:00:58,310 --> 00:01:00,410 THIS IS MIA, BILL'S DAUGHTER. 23 00:01:00,440 --> 00:01:02,310 SHE'S 16. 24 00:01:02,350 --> 00:01:05,150 WHAT HAPPENED THE OTHER NIGHT WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN. 25 00:01:05,180 --> 00:01:07,720 I KNOW YOU GUYS AREN'T GONNA LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER. 26 00:01:07,750 --> 00:01:09,550 IT'S JUST NICE TO BE TOGETHER SOMETIMES. 27 00:01:09,590 --> 00:01:12,760 Hank: I WANT TO GO BACK AND DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN. 28 00:01:12,790 --> 00:01:14,290 I'M GONNA MARRY BILL. 29 00:01:14,320 --> 00:01:16,290 I WROTE SOMETHING. Charlie: YOU WHAT? 30 00:01:16,330 --> 00:01:18,160 HANK WROTE A NEW BOOK? CAN I READ IT? 31 00:01:18,160 --> 00:01:19,600 I DON'T THINK THAT'S APPROPRIATE. 32 00:01:19,630 --> 00:01:21,170 Charlie: WHAT DID YOU WRITE? 33 00:01:21,200 --> 00:01:23,700 AN OLDER MAN UNWITTINGLY BEDS AN UNDERAGE GIRL. 34 00:01:23,730 --> 00:01:25,570 I WROTE THIS NOVEL. 35 00:01:25,600 --> 00:01:29,170 THIS YOUNG WOMAN'S WRITTEN THE BOOK OF THE YEAR. IS THAT RIGHT? 36 00:01:29,210 --> 00:01:31,280 IF I SAY ANYTHING, THERE'S NO STOPPING HER FROM TELLING KAREN -- 37 00:01:31,310 --> 00:01:32,540 FUCK, THE POLICE. 38 00:01:32,580 --> 00:01:35,250 IF ANYONE KNOWS OF A REASON WHY THIS COUPLE SHOULD NOT WED, 39 00:01:35,280 --> 00:01:37,180 SPEAK NOW OR FOREVER HOLD YOUR PEACE. 40 00:01:37,180 --> 00:01:38,920 WHAT? 41 00:01:38,950 --> 00:01:40,550 WAIT! HANK! 42 00:01:40,580 --> 00:01:42,920 YOU SURE? QUICK, BEFORE I CHANGE MY FUCKIN' MIND. 43 00:01:42,950 --> 00:01:45,290 KAREN, WAIT! COME BACK! [ TIRES SQUEAL ] 44 00:01:45,320 --> 00:01:47,290 [ LAUGHS ] 45 00:01:55,500 --> 00:01:59,370 [ THE MAMAS AND THE PAPAS' "CALIFORNIA DREAMIN'" PLAYS ] 46 00:01:59,400 --> 00:02:00,940 [ ALARM SOUNDS ] 47 00:02:02,370 --> 00:02:03,540 * ALL THE LEAVES ARE BROWN * ALL THE LEAVES ARE BROWN 48 00:02:04,670 --> 00:02:06,680 * AND THE SKY IS GRAY 49 00:02:06,710 --> 00:02:09,510 * AND THE SKY IS GRAY 50 00:02:10,650 --> 00:02:11,620 * I'VE BEEN FOR A WALK * I'VE BEEN FOR A WALK 51 00:02:12,980 --> 00:02:15,390 [ PAPER TEARS ] * ON A WINTER'S DAY 52 00:02:15,420 --> 00:02:17,950 * ON A WINTER'S DAY 53 00:02:19,420 --> 00:02:20,390 * I'D BE SAFE AND WARM * I'D BE SAFE AND WARM 54 00:02:21,860 --> 00:02:23,830 * IF I WAS IN L.A. 55 00:02:23,860 --> 00:02:26,560 * IF I WAS IN L.A. 56 00:02:27,660 --> 00:02:28,700 * CALIFORNIA DREAMIN' * CALIFORNIA DREAMIN' 57 00:02:30,530 --> 00:02:32,740 ARE YOU READY? 58 00:02:34,870 --> 00:02:37,340 FUCK, NO. 59 00:02:37,370 --> 00:02:40,240 YOU ARE GONNA BE SO GLAD YOU DID THIS. 60 00:02:40,280 --> 00:02:42,750 I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT RIGHT NOW. 61 00:02:42,780 --> 00:02:46,350 I'VE GOT A GODLIKE ERECTION. SEEMS A SHAME TO WASTE IT. 62 00:02:46,380 --> 00:02:47,650 WE GOT TO GET GOING. 63 00:02:47,680 --> 00:02:48,920 REALLY? MM-HMM. 64 00:02:48,950 --> 00:02:51,560 YOU'D DENY A DYING MAN HIS FINAL MEAL? 65 00:02:51,590 --> 00:02:53,290 [ CHUCKLES ] OH, MY GOD. 66 00:02:53,320 --> 00:02:56,390 YOU'RE GONNA MILK THIS FOR ALL IT'S WORTH, AREN'T YOU? 67 00:02:56,430 --> 00:02:57,530 ABSOLUTELY. 68 00:02:57,560 --> 00:03:00,600 DON'T MAKE ME BEG. IT'S UNSEEMLY. 69 00:03:00,630 --> 00:03:03,570 FINE. YOU BETTER MAKE IT SNAPPY. 70 00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:06,900 OH, YOU WON'T FEEL A THING. I PROMISE. 71 00:03:06,940 --> 00:03:09,270 OH, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 72 00:03:09,270 --> 00:03:11,340 JUST ASSUMING THE "POSISH." 73 00:03:11,380 --> 00:03:12,840 OH. OH, HOT DIGGETY. 74 00:03:12,880 --> 00:03:14,440 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 75 00:03:14,480 --> 00:03:16,380 I'M ASSUMING MY POSISH. 76 00:03:16,410 --> 00:03:17,580 GET A RUBBER. 77 00:03:17,610 --> 00:03:20,450 ONE MORE TIME. COME ON, WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL? 78 00:03:20,480 --> 00:03:21,850 THAT'S MY POINT EXACTLY. 79 00:03:21,890 --> 00:03:24,650 I'LL PULL OUT AND HOSE YOU DOWN. 80 00:03:24,690 --> 00:03:27,560 OH, IS THAT SUPPOSED TO TURN ME ON? 81 00:03:27,590 --> 00:03:28,560 UH, MAYBE. 82 00:03:28,590 --> 00:03:29,560 DID IT? 83 00:03:29,590 --> 00:03:30,960 NOT SO MUCH. 84 00:03:38,740 --> 00:03:40,670 YOU BETTER START TALKING DIRTY. 85 00:03:40,700 --> 00:03:42,910 THIS COULD TAKE A WHILE. UGH! 86 00:03:42,940 --> 00:03:43,640 OKAY. 87 00:03:43,670 --> 00:03:45,410 WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY? 88 00:03:45,440 --> 00:03:47,580 UH, RIGHT BEFORE YOU COME... 89 00:03:47,610 --> 00:03:48,550 MM-HMM? 90 00:03:48,580 --> 00:03:50,680 ...CALL ME BILL. [ CHUCKLES ] 91 00:03:50,710 --> 00:03:52,450 WHO SAYS I'M GONNA COME? 92 00:03:52,480 --> 00:03:54,320 OOH, A CHALLENGE. 93 00:03:55,420 --> 00:03:56,450 GAME ON. 94 00:03:56,490 --> 00:03:57,920 [ LATEX SNAPS ] 95 00:03:57,950 --> 00:04:00,890 GET READY FOR THOR'S HAMMER. 96 00:04:01,790 --> 00:04:02,830 * CALIFORNIA DREAMIN' * CALIFORNIA DREAMIN' 97 00:04:04,530 --> 00:04:06,330 * ON SUCH A WINTER'S DAY 98 00:04:07,800 --> 00:04:09,330 YOU WANT TO SEE IT? 99 00:04:09,370 --> 00:04:10,570 SEE WHAT? 100 00:04:10,600 --> 00:04:13,040 THE SECTION OF THE VAS DEF I JUST CUT OUT. 101 00:04:13,070 --> 00:04:14,600 OH, VAS DEFINITELY NOT. 102 00:04:14,640 --> 00:04:16,710 IF IT FEELS LIKE I'M SEWING THE FLESH 103 00:04:16,740 --> 00:04:18,880 AT THE BASE OF YOUR PENIS BACK TOGETHER, 104 00:04:18,910 --> 00:04:19,980 THAT'S BECAUSE I AM. 105 00:04:20,010 --> 00:04:21,580 WHY DO YOU LOOK LIKE A WELDER? 106 00:04:21,610 --> 00:04:22,880 YOU'RE NOT WELDING ANYTHING, ARE YOU? 107 00:04:22,910 --> 00:04:24,580 SO, WHY THE VASECTOMY? 108 00:04:24,610 --> 00:04:26,520 I HATE THE RUBBERS. 109 00:04:26,550 --> 00:04:27,880 YEAH, ME TOO. 110 00:04:27,920 --> 00:04:29,650 CAN'T FEEL A DAMN THING. 111 00:04:29,690 --> 00:04:30,590 OW. 112 00:04:30,620 --> 00:04:32,660 TRY NOT TO GIVE THE GUY A HARD-ON, OKAY? 113 00:04:32,690 --> 00:04:34,760 THAT WOULD BE MESSY. 114 00:04:34,790 --> 00:04:35,990 [ SIZZLE ] 115 00:04:36,030 --> 00:04:37,060 [ WHISTLES ] 116 00:04:37,090 --> 00:04:39,600 LOOKS LIKE THERE'S A NEW POPE. 117 00:04:39,630 --> 00:04:41,430 PAIN AND SWELLING -- TOTALLY NORMAL. 118 00:04:41,470 --> 00:04:43,400 A BAG OF FROZEN PEAS SHOULD DO THE TRICK. 119 00:04:43,430 --> 00:04:45,900 SOME PREFER EDAMAME. IT'S TOTALLY UP TO YOU. 120 00:04:45,940 --> 00:04:48,710 NO SEX FOR 48 HOURS, AND THAT INCLUDES MASTURBATION. 121 00:04:48,740 --> 00:04:50,540 AFTER THAT, THE MORE THE BETTER. 122 00:04:50,570 --> 00:04:53,780 SERIOUSLY. YOU STILL GOT A LOT OF VALUABLE SPERM UP IN THERE. 123 00:04:53,810 --> 00:04:55,380 GOT TO GET IT OUT SOMEHOW. 124 00:04:55,380 --> 00:04:57,980 IF YOU NEED ANY HELP, LET ME KNOW. 125 00:04:58,010 --> 00:05:00,080 GREAT-LOOKING COCK. 126 00:05:00,120 --> 00:05:02,450 [ BELL JINGLES ] 127 00:05:02,490 --> 00:05:03,950 THANK YOU. 128 00:05:54,540 --> 00:05:57,440 DON'T THINK I DON'T SEE WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE. 129 00:05:57,470 --> 00:05:58,240 OH, WHAT'S THAT? 130 00:05:58,270 --> 00:06:00,510 YOU'RE NOT ATTRACTED TO ME ANYMORE. 131 00:06:00,540 --> 00:06:02,050 THAT'S RIGHT, THAT'S RIGHT. 132 00:06:02,080 --> 00:06:04,450 I RAN AWAY WITH YOU ON MY WEDDING NIGHT 133 00:06:04,480 --> 00:06:06,850 BECAUSE YOU JUST DON'T DO IT FOR ME ANYMORE. 134 00:06:06,880 --> 00:06:08,950 YES. SEE, ON A PURELY CHEMICAL LEVEL, 135 00:06:08,990 --> 00:06:11,690 YOU REALIZE THAT I CAN'T IMPREGNATE YOU ANYMORE. 136 00:06:11,720 --> 00:06:14,120 THE BIOLOGICAL IMPERATIVE HAS BEEN COMPROMISED. 137 00:06:14,160 --> 00:06:16,160 YOU SHOULD CONSIDER YOURSELF LUCKY 138 00:06:16,190 --> 00:06:17,890 THAT WE'RE EVEN HAVING SEX. 139 00:06:17,930 --> 00:06:19,930 OH, I DO. I DO. AND IT'S BEEN RAD. 140 00:06:19,960 --> 00:06:22,830 YOU KNOW, I FORGOT WHAT A LITTLE HELLCAT YOU CAN BE. 141 00:06:22,870 --> 00:06:23,700 MEOW! 142 00:06:23,730 --> 00:06:25,740 NO, NO, NO, NO. PLEASE, DON'T DO THAT. 143 00:06:25,770 --> 00:06:27,640 AW, NO, THAT WAS GROSS. SERIOUSLY. 144 00:06:27,670 --> 00:06:29,010 MAN SHOULD NOT MEOW... EVER. 145 00:06:29,040 --> 00:06:32,140 WE'RE DOING WHAT COUPLES DO, HANK. 146 00:06:32,180 --> 00:06:35,780 WE'RE MAKING RESPONSIBLE, GROWNUP DECISIONS... 147 00:06:35,810 --> 00:06:36,880 TOGETHER. 148 00:06:36,910 --> 00:06:38,950 WHY ARE YOU SMILING LIKE THAT? 149 00:06:38,980 --> 00:06:40,120 HOW AM I SMILING? 150 00:06:40,150 --> 00:06:42,050 LIKE A RETARD. [ CHUCKLES ] 151 00:06:42,090 --> 00:06:45,790 IT WAS JUST NICE TO HEAR YOU REFER TO US AS A COUPLE AGAIN. 152 00:06:45,820 --> 00:06:47,490 SOUNDED GOOD. 153 00:06:47,520 --> 00:06:48,630 WOW. 154 00:06:48,660 --> 00:06:52,030 THEY REALLY DID NEUTER YOU, DIDN'T THEY? 155 00:06:52,060 --> 00:06:53,600 KISS THE EUNUCH. 156 00:06:53,630 --> 00:06:54,900 [ LAUGHS ] 157 00:06:54,930 --> 00:06:56,130 OH, HONEY! GOD. DON'T GRIND. 158 00:06:56,170 --> 00:06:57,170 I KNOW, BUT I FORGOT. 159 00:06:57,200 --> 00:06:58,570 NO GRINDING. I'M SO SORRY. 160 00:06:58,600 --> 00:07:01,200 [ HEAVY-METAL MUSIC PLAYS ] 161 00:07:05,110 --> 00:07:06,940 [ CROWD CHEERING ] 162 00:07:10,980 --> 00:07:12,850 [ MUSIC VOLUME DECREASES ] 163 00:07:15,250 --> 00:07:16,520 HOW'S THE PACKAGE? 164 00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:17,750 THIS IS NOT A CONVERSATION 165 00:07:17,790 --> 00:07:19,590 I EVER WANTED TO HAVE WITH MY DAUGHTER, 166 00:07:19,620 --> 00:07:20,990 BUT THANKS FOR ASKING, SWEETIE. 167 00:07:21,020 --> 00:07:23,530 SHE CALLED. SHE WHO? 168 00:07:23,530 --> 00:07:25,860 THAT REAL-ESTATE WHORE. 169 00:07:25,900 --> 00:07:27,900 SHE'S BRINGING SOME PEOPLE BY. 170 00:07:27,930 --> 00:07:29,170 LANGUAGE, YOUNG LADY. 171 00:07:29,200 --> 00:07:31,670 NEXT TIME SHE TELLS ME TO CLEAN MY ROOM, 172 00:07:31,700 --> 00:07:33,740 I'M GONNA SAY, "CLEAN THIS, LADY!" 173 00:07:33,770 --> 00:07:35,610 AND GIVE HER A TITTY TWISTER. 174 00:07:35,640 --> 00:07:36,710 [ LAUGHS ] 175 00:07:36,740 --> 00:07:38,910 AS MUCH AS I'D LIKE TO SEE THAT, 176 00:07:38,940 --> 00:07:41,780 THE IDEA IS TO SELL THIS PLACE AND GET OUT OF DODGE. 177 00:07:41,810 --> 00:07:44,150 IF YOU TIDIED UP YOUR SHRINE TO NORWEGIAN DEATH METAL, 178 00:07:44,180 --> 00:07:46,280 IT MIGHT FACILITATE THINGS A LITTLE BIT. 179 00:07:46,320 --> 00:07:48,180 I DON'T WANT TO HELP SELL THE PLACE 180 00:07:48,220 --> 00:07:49,920 BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO MOVE. 181 00:07:49,950 --> 00:07:51,890 THIS IS OUR HOME. WE'RE HAPPY HERE. 182 00:07:51,920 --> 00:07:54,020 I LOVE L.A. 183 00:07:54,060 --> 00:07:55,760 SHE'S YOUR DAUGHTER. 184 00:07:55,790 --> 00:07:59,560 HEY, HONEY, NOT THAT I MIND HAVING THIS CONVERSATION 185 00:07:59,600 --> 00:08:00,830 FOR THE 73rd TIME THIS WEEK, 186 00:08:00,860 --> 00:08:02,000 BUT COULD WE DO IT MAYBE 187 00:08:02,030 --> 00:08:03,830 WHEN DADDY'S BALLS DON'T ACHE SO MUCH? 188 00:08:03,870 --> 00:08:06,270 Becca: AND IT'S BLACK METAL, NOT NORWEGIAN! 189 00:08:06,300 --> 00:08:07,570 SHE NEEDS MORE TIME. 190 00:08:07,570 --> 00:08:09,610 NO -- KAREN, WE HAVE DISCUSSED THIS 191 00:08:09,640 --> 00:08:11,610 LIKE THE RESPONSIBLE PARENTS THAT WE ARE. 192 00:08:11,640 --> 00:08:14,110 HANK, NEW YORK WILL ALWAYS BE THERE FOR US. 193 00:08:14,140 --> 00:08:15,980 YOU AGREED THAT SHE'D BE BETTER OFF IN NEW YORK. 194 00:08:16,010 --> 00:08:17,650 BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN WE HAVE THE RIGHT 195 00:08:17,680 --> 00:08:19,250 TO YANK HER AWAY FROM THE ONLY LIFE SHE KNOWS. 196 00:08:19,280 --> 00:08:22,020 GODDAMN IT. I NEED A CIGARETTE. 197 00:08:22,050 --> 00:08:23,820 HOW ABOUT A VICODIN? 198 00:08:23,850 --> 00:08:26,020 OH, I LIKE-O-DIN. 199 00:08:26,060 --> 00:08:27,160 WELL, THAT'LL DO. 200 00:08:28,730 --> 00:08:30,890 MY POOR LITTLE GELDING. 201 00:08:30,930 --> 00:08:33,100 THAT'S MEAN. 202 00:08:35,630 --> 00:08:36,770 OH, KAREN. 203 00:08:36,800 --> 00:08:38,000 [ INHALES SHARPLY ] KAREN! 204 00:08:38,030 --> 00:08:39,600 PEAS! 205 00:08:39,640 --> 00:08:41,610 OR EDAMAME! 206 00:08:41,610 --> 00:08:43,610 [ HEAVY-METAL MUSIC CONTINUES ] 207 00:09:09,330 --> 00:09:10,770 OOH, OOH, OOH. 208 00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:12,870 [ DOOR OPENS ] THAT IS NICE. 209 00:09:19,710 --> 00:09:21,240 MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME. 210 00:09:21,280 --> 00:09:24,810 MI CASA ES SU CASA. 211 00:09:24,850 --> 00:09:28,650 MIGHT WANT TO START OUT AT THE PATIO, THOUGH. 212 00:09:34,120 --> 00:09:35,890 HEY, BIG FELLA, YOU THINK I MIGHT 213 00:09:35,930 --> 00:09:37,960 GET MY HANDS ON SOME FROZEN VEGGIES THERE? 214 00:09:37,990 --> 00:09:40,300 I THINK YOU SHOULD WAIT YOUR FUCKIN' TURN. 215 00:09:47,800 --> 00:09:48,910 YOU. 216 00:09:48,940 --> 00:09:50,040 ME. 217 00:09:50,070 --> 00:09:51,370 WE... SURE DID. 218 00:09:51,410 --> 00:09:53,040 COUPLE OF TIMES, ACTUALLY. 219 00:09:53,080 --> 00:09:54,980 LONG TIME AGO. 220 00:09:55,010 --> 00:09:57,680 IN A GALAXY NOT SO FAR AWAY. 221 00:09:57,680 --> 00:09:59,220 SO, WHAT'S GOING ON? 222 00:09:59,250 --> 00:10:00,320 OH, NOT MUCH. 223 00:10:00,350 --> 00:10:01,580 I'M JUST, UH, YOU KNOW, 224 00:10:01,620 --> 00:10:05,090 IN THE MARKET FOR SOME FROZEN PEAS, MAYBE SOME EDAMAME. 225 00:10:05,120 --> 00:10:07,660 TOTALLY UP TO ME. 226 00:10:07,690 --> 00:10:08,690 ARE YOU OKAY? YEAH. 227 00:10:08,730 --> 00:10:10,190 WHY? I'M -- I'M FINE. 228 00:10:10,230 --> 00:10:12,800 I DON'T KNOW, YOU SEEM LIKE YOU'RE IN PAIN. 229 00:10:12,830 --> 00:10:15,730 NO MORE THAN USUAL. HOW YOU DOING? 230 00:10:15,770 --> 00:10:18,400 SAME OLD. LIVIN' LA VIDA LOCA. 231 00:10:18,430 --> 00:10:19,400 TRUE DAT. 232 00:10:19,440 --> 00:10:21,070 IT'S HARD OUT THERE FOR A PIMP. 233 00:10:21,100 --> 00:10:22,340 [ CHUCKLES ] 234 00:10:22,370 --> 00:10:24,810 SO... 235 00:10:24,840 --> 00:10:27,110 DO YOU WANT TO GET HIGH 236 00:10:27,140 --> 00:10:30,450 AND LISTEN TO SOME... RECORDS? 237 00:10:30,480 --> 00:10:31,780 OH, DEAR. 238 00:10:31,820 --> 00:10:34,050 WOULD THAT I COULD, BUT... 239 00:10:34,080 --> 00:10:37,690 BIG LIFE CHANGES SINCE LAST WE MADE THE LOVE. 240 00:10:37,720 --> 00:10:40,360 GOT BACK TOGETHER WITH THE EX. OH. 241 00:10:40,390 --> 00:10:42,330 BABY MAMA. 242 00:10:42,360 --> 00:10:44,090 IT'S ON. 243 00:10:44,130 --> 00:10:46,800 THAT'S TOO BAD. 244 00:10:46,830 --> 00:10:49,470 YOU WERE A GREAT LAY. 245 00:10:49,500 --> 00:10:50,800 WOW. 246 00:10:50,830 --> 00:10:52,800 THAT IS... 247 00:10:52,840 --> 00:10:54,770 SO SWEET OF YOU TO SAY. 248 00:10:54,800 --> 00:10:57,940 I WILL TELL THE OLD LADY YOU SAID SO. 249 00:10:57,970 --> 00:10:59,910 BE WELL, HANK. 250 00:11:02,050 --> 00:11:03,050 OH. 251 00:11:05,250 --> 00:11:07,380 YOU -- YOU TOO... 252 00:11:11,960 --> 00:11:13,860 [ SIGHS ] ...SURFER GIRL. 253 00:11:13,890 --> 00:11:16,060 WHAT ARE YOU, SOME KIND OF PUSSY? 254 00:11:16,090 --> 00:11:18,060 SHE WOULD HAVE TOTALLY FUCKED YOU. 255 00:11:18,090 --> 00:11:19,100 I DON'T DO THAT ANYMORE. 256 00:11:19,130 --> 00:11:21,430 YOU SHOULD DO THAT WHILE YOU STILL CAN. 257 00:11:21,460 --> 00:11:24,000 YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN YOU'RE GONNA WIND UP IN ONE OF THESE. 258 00:11:24,030 --> 00:11:26,240 AW, COME ON, YOU DON'T REALLY NEED THAT THING. 259 00:11:26,270 --> 00:11:28,300 I BET YOU JUST LIKE TO ZIP AROUND IN IT. 260 00:11:28,340 --> 00:11:29,770 MAKES YOU FEEL SPECIAL. 261 00:11:29,810 --> 00:11:32,140 OH, YEAH? YOU EVER HEAR OF A PROLAPSED RECTUM? 262 00:11:32,180 --> 00:11:33,310 ASSHOLE. 263 00:11:33,340 --> 00:11:35,210 [ CELLPHONE RINGS ] RECTUM? 264 00:11:35,240 --> 00:11:37,810 DAMN NEAR KILLED HIM. 265 00:11:37,850 --> 00:11:38,820 [ BEEP ] 266 00:11:38,850 --> 00:11:40,520 HELLO? 267 00:11:40,550 --> 00:11:41,480 YEAH? NO. 268 00:11:41,520 --> 00:11:44,220 OH, SHE WAS THERE WHEN I LEFT. 269 00:11:44,250 --> 00:11:46,460 [ ELECTRIC GUITAR PLAYS ] 270 00:12:06,210 --> 00:12:08,080 YOU, BECCA. 271 00:12:08,110 --> 00:12:10,810 IN THE CAR -- NOW. DAD. 272 00:12:10,810 --> 00:12:12,350 I'M NOT FUCKIN' AROUND! NOW! 273 00:12:18,150 --> 00:12:20,460 SO, WHO IS THIS, LIKE, YOUR DAD? 274 00:12:20,490 --> 00:12:21,460 GO AWAY. 275 00:12:21,490 --> 00:12:23,530 I'M SERIOUS. I'LL KILL YOU. 276 00:12:24,990 --> 00:12:26,830 YOUR DAD'S KIND OF A DICK. 277 00:12:35,400 --> 00:12:36,470 Mia: KIND OF? 278 00:12:36,510 --> 00:12:38,840 I DON'T WANT HER HANGING OUT HERE. 279 00:12:38,880 --> 00:12:41,340 WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO, KICK HER TO THE CURB? 280 00:12:41,380 --> 00:12:42,950 SHE'S MY LITTLE PSEUDO-SISTER. 281 00:12:42,980 --> 00:12:44,210 WHAT IS THIS? 282 00:12:45,850 --> 00:12:46,980 IT'S NOT A MEMOIR. 283 00:12:47,020 --> 00:12:49,490 IT'S A WRITTEN ACCOUNT OF MY SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU. 284 00:12:49,520 --> 00:12:51,520 WRITTEN BY ME AS A FUCKIN' NOVEL. 285 00:12:51,550 --> 00:12:52,720 [ SCOFFS ] 286 00:12:52,760 --> 00:12:54,960 EVEN I'M CONFUSED, AND I STOLE THE DAMN THING. 287 00:12:54,990 --> 00:12:56,930 WELL, I HOPE YOU'RE ENJOYING IT. 288 00:12:56,960 --> 00:12:59,860 I HOPE ALL MY HARD WORK IS PAYING OFF FOR YOU. IS IT? 289 00:12:59,900 --> 00:13:01,360 IT IS, VERY MUCH SO. 290 00:13:01,400 --> 00:13:04,470 JUST AS I HOPE YOU'RE ENJOYING MY FATHER'S WIFE. 291 00:13:04,500 --> 00:13:06,070 HE SAYS HI, BY THE WAY. 292 00:13:06,100 --> 00:13:07,440 HE DOESN'T. 293 00:13:12,880 --> 00:13:14,880 [ GRUNTS ] 294 00:13:14,880 --> 00:13:17,610 ARE YOU ALL RIGHT... HERE? 295 00:13:17,650 --> 00:13:19,380 YOU'RE ALL ALONE, AND I... 296 00:13:20,650 --> 00:13:24,220 MUCH AS IT WARMS THE COCKLES TO HEAR YOU SAY IT, I'M FINE. 297 00:13:24,250 --> 00:13:27,060 DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME. WORRY ABOUT THE BECCA. 298 00:13:27,090 --> 00:13:28,990 SHE'S PISSED OFF, AND SHE'S SCARED. 299 00:13:29,030 --> 00:13:31,360 SCARED? 300 00:13:31,390 --> 00:13:32,160 THINK ABOUT IT. 301 00:13:32,200 --> 00:13:34,360 SHE GOT WHAT SHE ALWAYS WANTED -- 302 00:13:34,400 --> 00:13:36,930 THE HAPPY ENDING TO BEAT ALL HAPPY ENDINGS. 303 00:13:36,970 --> 00:13:39,500 SHE'S JUST WAITING FOR THE OTHER SHOE TO DROP -- 304 00:13:39,540 --> 00:13:40,940 FOR YOU TO FUCK IT UP, 305 00:13:40,970 --> 00:13:43,540 OR FOR KAREN TO REALIZE SHE MADE A BIG MISTAKE. 306 00:13:43,570 --> 00:13:46,180 BOTH HAVE BEEN KNOWN TO HAPPEN. 307 00:13:46,210 --> 00:13:49,150 GODDAMN IT, I NEED A CIGARETTE. 308 00:13:52,320 --> 00:13:54,580 GOODBYE. 309 00:14:02,630 --> 00:14:04,360 I KNOW YOU'RE PISSED AT ME. 310 00:14:04,390 --> 00:14:05,430 I KNOW YOUR MOTHER AND I 311 00:14:05,460 --> 00:14:07,660 HAVE DONE SOME PRETTY UNFORGIVABLE SHIT TO YOU, 312 00:14:07,700 --> 00:14:09,970 AND I KNOW YOU'RE RAPIDLY APPROACHING THAT AGE 313 00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:12,570 WHERE THE VERY THOUGHT OF HAVING A CONVERSATION WITH YOUR FATHER 314 00:14:12,600 --> 00:14:13,800 MAKES YOU NAUSEOUS. 315 00:14:13,840 --> 00:14:16,370 BUT I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I'M NOT GONNA QUIT TRYING. 316 00:14:16,410 --> 00:14:18,110 OKAY? 317 00:14:18,140 --> 00:14:22,080 'CAUSE YOU'RE THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME. 318 00:14:22,110 --> 00:14:24,310 AND I LOVE THE SHIT OUT OF YOU. 319 00:14:27,420 --> 00:14:29,290 HOW'S THE BALLS? 320 00:14:32,090 --> 00:14:34,990 THE BOYS HAVE SEEN BETTER DAYS. THANK YOU. 321 00:14:35,020 --> 00:14:37,560 WAS THAT A LAUGH? 322 00:14:37,590 --> 00:14:39,360 MY PAIN IS FUNNY TO YOU? 323 00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:41,600 JESUS, YOU'RE JUST LIKE YOUR MOTHER. 324 00:14:41,630 --> 00:14:43,670 YOU SHOULD KNOW WHAT THAT WOMAN PUT ME THROUGH. 325 00:14:43,700 --> 00:14:45,470 IT IS A HIDEOUS, BARBARIC... 326 00:14:45,500 --> 00:14:46,540 ...ALMOST MEDIEVAL PROCEDURE. 327 00:14:46,570 --> 00:14:49,240 HEY, BUDDY, YOU'RE PREACHING TO THE CHOIR, OKAY? 328 00:14:49,270 --> 00:14:50,040 I'VE BEEN THERE. 329 00:14:50,070 --> 00:14:51,980 REALLY? YOU'VE BEEN VASECTOMIZED? 330 00:14:51,980 --> 00:14:54,380 WHY DO YOU THINK WE DON'T HAVE ANY LITTLE RUG RATS? 331 00:14:54,410 --> 00:14:56,510 I GUESS I JUST ALWAYS ASSUMED YOU WERE BARREN... 332 00:14:56,550 --> 00:14:57,310 ASSHOLE. 333 00:14:57,350 --> 00:14:59,580 HEY, BE NICE TO MY WOUNDED SOLDIER. 334 00:14:59,620 --> 00:15:00,450 HE STARTED IT. 335 00:15:00,480 --> 00:15:02,390 ...OR THE BALD EAGLE WAS SHOOTING BLANKS. 336 00:15:02,420 --> 00:15:03,550 THAT I AM, MY GOOD MAN, 337 00:15:03,590 --> 00:15:05,190 EVER SINCE THE SNIP, SNIP, SNIP. 338 00:15:05,220 --> 00:15:06,560 WELL, THE SECOND ONE. 339 00:15:06,590 --> 00:15:08,560 SHH! YOU'RE GONNA FREAK HIM OUT. 340 00:15:08,590 --> 00:15:11,060 WHAT DO YOU MEAN "THE SECOND ONE"? THE SECOND WHAT? 341 00:15:11,090 --> 00:15:13,030 YOU KNOW, T-THEY -- SOMETIMES, UH... 342 00:15:13,060 --> 00:15:15,130 IT DOESN'T TAKE. DOESN'T TAKE? 343 00:15:15,160 --> 00:15:17,000 THAT'S NOT COOL. THAT'S NOT COOL AT ALL. 344 00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:18,400 SOMETIMES YOU GOT TO DO IT AGAIN. 345 00:15:18,430 --> 00:15:21,000 I DID NOT HAVE A PERFECTLY GOOD CHUNK OF MY VAS DEF CUT OFF 346 00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:22,640 JUST SO I COULD GO BACK TO WEARING CONDOMS 347 00:15:22,670 --> 00:15:24,370 JUST LIKE SOME PIMPLY-FACED TEENAGER. 348 00:15:24,410 --> 00:15:26,310 I LOVE THE RUBBERS. WHY? 349 00:15:26,340 --> 00:15:28,280 WHAT DO YOU MEAN? WHY DO YOU LOVE RUBBERS? 350 00:15:28,310 --> 00:15:30,280 THEY SLOW ME DOWN, MAN. KEEP ME IN THE GAME. 351 00:15:30,310 --> 00:15:31,550 OH. RETARD SENSATION. 352 00:15:31,580 --> 00:15:34,520 HE'S AN EXCITABLE BOY. THAT'S RIGHT. 353 00:15:34,550 --> 00:15:39,020 ARE YOU INTIMATING THAT HE EJACULATES PREMA-CHARLIE? [prematurely] 354 00:15:39,020 --> 00:15:41,120 NICE. THANK YOU. GREAT, RIGHT? 355 00:15:41,160 --> 00:15:43,660 [ BEEPS ] PRRRRRR! 356 00:15:43,690 --> 00:15:46,130 UH, WHY -- WHY WOULD YOU GUYS WANT TO GO BACK 357 00:15:46,160 --> 00:15:47,460 TO THAT DISGUSTING CITY OF YOURS? 358 00:15:47,500 --> 00:15:48,560 OH, DON'T BRING THAT UP. 359 00:15:48,600 --> 00:15:49,700 IT'S BECAUSE IT'S A CITY. 360 00:15:49,730 --> 00:15:51,500 Marcy: OH, COME ON. 361 00:15:51,530 --> 00:15:53,570 Julian: ...HAVE A WHITE WINE. 362 00:15:57,310 --> 00:16:00,180 YEAH...SONJA. HEY. HANK. 363 00:16:00,210 --> 00:16:01,110 OH. 364 00:16:01,140 --> 00:16:02,750 AWKWARD. 365 00:16:02,780 --> 00:16:04,080 [ BOTH LAUGH ] 366 00:16:04,110 --> 00:16:05,650 Hank: KAREN. 367 00:16:05,680 --> 00:16:06,380 HEY, KAREN! 368 00:16:06,420 --> 00:16:08,320 HEY, LOOK. Karen: HEY, SONJA. 369 00:16:08,350 --> 00:16:09,690 NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN. 370 00:16:11,690 --> 00:16:14,660 Hank: YOU MEAN TO SAY THAT YOU FOUND SOMETHING BETTER 371 00:16:14,690 --> 00:16:16,290 THAN A PSEUDO-RELIGIOUS CULT 372 00:16:16,330 --> 00:16:18,330 FOUNDED BY A LUNATIC SCI-FI HACK? 373 00:16:18,360 --> 00:16:19,530 DO TELL. 374 00:16:19,560 --> 00:16:21,300 WELL, IT'S A LITTLE COMPLICATED OVER DRINKS. 375 00:16:21,330 --> 00:16:22,470 BUT MAYBE LUNCH TOMORROW? 376 00:16:22,500 --> 00:16:24,370 YOU KNOW, IT'S BEEN TOO LONG. SURE. 377 00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:25,770 WAIT. WHOA, WHOA, HOLD ON A SECOND. 378 00:16:25,800 --> 00:16:26,740 I'M NOT SURE HOW I FEEL 379 00:16:26,770 --> 00:16:28,800 ABOUT TWO LADIES WITH WHOM I'VE MADE THE LOVE 380 00:16:28,840 --> 00:16:29,910 LUNCHING TOGETHER. HANK. 381 00:16:29,940 --> 00:16:33,080 OKAY, I'M PRETTY SURE I FEEL PRETTY GOOD ABOUT IT. 382 00:16:34,310 --> 00:16:35,640 YOU KNOW, IT'S CUTE. YOU GUYS ARE... 383 00:16:35,680 --> 00:16:37,550 WHAT -- YOU'RE OFFICIALLY BACK TOGETHER? 384 00:16:37,580 --> 00:16:40,180 FOR NOW. UNTIL WE FUCK IT UP, RIGHT? 385 00:16:40,220 --> 00:16:41,520 COULD BE ANY SECOND NOW. 386 00:16:41,550 --> 00:16:42,820 NO. 387 00:16:42,850 --> 00:16:45,090 DUDE, JULIAN'S A WRITER, TOO. REALLY? 388 00:16:45,090 --> 00:16:46,090 MY CONDOLENCES. 389 00:16:46,120 --> 00:16:47,690 HE WROTE "THE ARTIST WITHIN." 390 00:16:47,720 --> 00:16:49,330 FUCKING GENIUS. 391 00:16:49,360 --> 00:16:50,230 NO WAY. 392 00:16:50,260 --> 00:16:51,490 CHECK, PLEASE. 393 00:16:51,530 --> 00:16:53,130 HANK, THAT'S RUDE. 394 00:16:53,160 --> 00:16:54,630 I'LL SEND YOU GUYS A COPY IF YOU WANT. 395 00:16:54,660 --> 00:16:57,230 NO NEED. I HAVE IT ON MY NIGHTSTAND RIGHT NOW. 396 00:16:57,270 --> 00:16:59,340 I LOVE IT. 397 00:16:59,370 --> 00:17:00,800 LET ME TRY TO UNDERSTAND THIS. 398 00:17:00,840 --> 00:17:02,240 HOLD ON A SECOND. 399 00:17:02,270 --> 00:17:03,810 YOU WRITE ABOUT WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE AN ARTIST? 400 00:17:03,840 --> 00:17:05,270 DON'T BE A DOUCHE, HANK. 401 00:17:05,310 --> 00:17:07,280 OH, YOU ASK THE IMPOSSIBLE, SWEETHEART. 402 00:17:07,310 --> 00:17:09,110 Julian: NO, IT'S FINE. IT'S FINE. 403 00:17:09,150 --> 00:17:10,710 THE NEGATIVITY IS -- IT'S NORMAL. 404 00:17:10,750 --> 00:17:14,780 WHAT I WRITE ABOUT IS, UH, ACCESSING THE ARTIST 405 00:17:14,820 --> 00:17:17,290 THAT EXISTS INSIDE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US. 406 00:17:17,320 --> 00:17:18,690 YEAH, THAT REALLY WORKS. 407 00:17:18,720 --> 00:17:20,590 I MEAN, I'VE NEVER BEEN HAPPIER. 408 00:17:20,620 --> 00:17:22,590 MY BUSINESS HAS NEVER BEEN BETTER. 409 00:17:22,630 --> 00:17:24,530 IN FACT, I'M THINKING OF EXPANDING, 410 00:17:24,560 --> 00:17:26,200 BRINGING ON AN ARCHITECT. WE SHOULD TALK. 411 00:17:26,230 --> 00:17:28,530 SO, YOU -- YOU REALLY BELIEVE 412 00:17:28,560 --> 00:17:32,670 THAT EVERYBODY ON THIS PLANET HAS, UH, AN ARTIST INSIDE THEM, 413 00:17:32,700 --> 00:17:35,600 LIKE, AN INNER SCHNABEL, IF YOU WILL? 414 00:17:35,640 --> 00:17:36,840 I DO. 415 00:17:36,870 --> 00:17:39,540 WHICH MEANS YOU MUST CONSIDER YOURSELF AN ARTIST. 416 00:17:39,580 --> 00:17:42,880 UH, I LIKE TO THINK OF MYSELF AS MORE OF A... 417 00:17:42,910 --> 00:17:44,380 CREATIVE MIDWIFE. 418 00:17:44,410 --> 00:17:45,880 AH, WELL, I LIKE TO THINK OF MYSELF 419 00:17:45,910 --> 00:17:48,320 AS HAVING A 12-INCH COCK, BUT IT DOESN'T MAKE IT SO. 420 00:17:48,350 --> 00:17:50,390 OH, MY GOD. 2 INCHES SHY. 421 00:17:50,420 --> 00:17:51,550 HEY-O! 422 00:17:51,590 --> 00:17:52,460 Charlie: PRRRRRR! 423 00:17:52,490 --> 00:17:54,560 AH, WELL, WE HAVE TO GET GOING, BABY. 424 00:17:54,590 --> 00:17:56,290 FASHIONABLY LATE IS ONE THING... 425 00:17:56,330 --> 00:17:57,360 OH, RIGHT. 426 00:17:57,390 --> 00:17:58,390 YOU KNOW WHAT? 427 00:17:58,430 --> 00:18:00,600 WE'RE GOING TO THIS PARTY UP IN LAUREL CANYON. 428 00:18:00,630 --> 00:18:01,860 YOU GUYS WANT TO COME? 429 00:18:01,900 --> 00:18:03,600 YOU WOULD FUCKING LOVE THIS HOUSE. 430 00:18:03,630 --> 00:18:06,270 A PARTY? EVEN US?YEAH. YES, EVEN YOU. 431 00:18:06,300 --> 00:18:07,370 FUCKIN' "A," LET'S GO. 432 00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:08,600 Karen: YOU IN? NO, BUT HAVE FUN. 433 00:18:10,410 --> 00:18:11,770 [ ROCK 'N' ROLL PLAYS ] 434 00:18:23,320 --> 00:18:24,420 I QUIT SMOKING. 435 00:18:24,450 --> 00:18:26,190 OH, WOW. LOOK AT YOU. 436 00:18:26,220 --> 00:18:27,220 NO, I'M GOOD, THANKS. 437 00:18:27,260 --> 00:18:28,620 WHAT, DID YOU GIVE IT UP FOR LENT? 438 00:18:28,660 --> 00:18:29,930 [ CHUCKLES ] OH, NO, I'M, UH... 439 00:18:29,960 --> 00:18:31,430 I'M PREGNANT. 440 00:18:31,460 --> 00:18:33,700 YOU DIDN'T -- YOU DIDN'T NOTICE MY BUMP? 441 00:18:33,730 --> 00:18:34,860 YEAH, I DID. 442 00:18:34,900 --> 00:18:36,800 I JUST THOUGHT YOU PUT ON WEIGHT. NO. 443 00:18:36,830 --> 00:18:38,500 NO, I'M KIDDING. CONGRATULATIONS. 444 00:18:38,530 --> 00:18:41,440 THANKS. THANK YOU. YEAH, WE'RE VERY HAPPY. 445 00:18:41,470 --> 00:18:42,740 WELL DONE, LADY. 446 00:18:42,770 --> 00:18:45,810 LAST TIME I SAW YOU, YOU WERE BONING A DEGENERATE DOGGY-STYLE 447 00:18:45,840 --> 00:18:48,380 AND PROJECTILE-VOMITING ALL OVER BILL'S BEDROOM -- 448 00:18:48,410 --> 00:18:50,680 TWO THINGS WHICH I TOTALLY DUG ABOUT YOU. 449 00:18:50,710 --> 00:18:52,320 WAS -- WAS THAT ME? WOW. 450 00:18:52,350 --> 00:18:53,820 YEAH, DON'T EVER CHANGE. 451 00:18:53,850 --> 00:18:55,550 [ LAUGHS ] WHAT THE HELL? 452 00:18:55,580 --> 00:18:56,650 OH! WHAT? 453 00:18:56,690 --> 00:18:59,220 SHOOTING COCK PAIN. I GOT TO GO. 454 00:18:59,260 --> 00:19:00,960 GOOD TO SEE YOU. OH. OKAY. YEAH. 455 00:19:00,990 --> 00:19:02,690 OW. 456 00:19:02,730 --> 00:19:03,960 OW. OW. OW. 457 00:19:03,990 --> 00:19:07,230 [ INHALES SHARPLY ] OH! MY MAMA! 458 00:19:07,260 --> 00:19:08,660 WHAT THE FUCK?! 459 00:19:08,700 --> 00:19:10,900 I'VE ONLY BEEN GONE FOR TWO SECONDS. 460 00:19:10,930 --> 00:19:13,240 YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO DO THAT. 461 00:19:13,240 --> 00:19:14,470 WHY NOT, DADDY? 462 00:19:14,500 --> 00:19:15,840 YOU KNOW WHY NOT. 463 00:19:15,870 --> 00:19:17,710 I KNOW, BUT...[SNIFFS] 464 00:19:17,740 --> 00:19:20,310 JUST LOOK HOW NICE THEY LOOK. 465 00:19:20,340 --> 00:19:22,450 PRETTY LITTLE MAIDS ALL IN A ROW. JUST -- 466 00:19:22,480 --> 00:19:23,810 YOU WANT TO GO BACK TO PROMISES? 467 00:19:27,450 --> 00:19:28,750 COME ON. 468 00:19:30,320 --> 00:19:31,650 DON'T YOU REMEMBER... 469 00:19:34,820 --> 00:19:37,430 ...HOW GOOD THE SEX USED TO BE... 470 00:19:37,460 --> 00:19:41,300 [ English accent ] WHEN I USED TO SPRINKLE IT ON YOUR NAUGHTY BITS? 471 00:19:41,330 --> 00:19:42,300 [ SNIFFS ] 472 00:19:42,330 --> 00:19:43,430 I SEEM TO RECALL 473 00:19:43,470 --> 00:19:45,700 SOMETHING VAGUELY PLEASANT ABOUT THE SENSATION, YES. 474 00:19:45,730 --> 00:19:46,800 MM? 475 00:19:55,710 --> 00:19:56,650 AH! 476 00:19:58,610 --> 00:19:59,580 WOW. 477 00:19:59,620 --> 00:20:00,680 WHAT DO YOU KNOW -- 478 00:20:00,720 --> 00:20:02,720 YOU'RE WITHOUT "THE ARTIST WITHIN." 479 00:20:02,750 --> 00:20:03,850 MUST BE LONELY. 480 00:20:03,890 --> 00:20:06,860 YOU MUST BE JEALOUS. THAT'S KIND OF CUTE. 481 00:20:06,890 --> 00:20:09,530 MM. COME ON. WE GOT TO GO. 482 00:20:09,560 --> 00:20:10,960 HANK? HMM? 483 00:20:10,990 --> 00:20:14,900 I AM SO TOUCHED BY WHAT YOU DID FOR ME TODAY. 484 00:20:16,630 --> 00:20:17,600 I AM. 485 00:20:17,630 --> 00:20:18,630 YES, BUT... 486 00:20:18,670 --> 00:20:19,670 MMM.MMM. 487 00:20:19,700 --> 00:20:22,710 WHAT I DID FOR YOU TODAY MEANS THAT I CAN'T DO THIS 488 00:20:22,740 --> 00:20:25,010 OR ANYTHING LIKE IT FOR THE NEXT 48 HOURS. 489 00:20:25,040 --> 00:20:26,010 OH, YEAH. 490 00:20:27,640 --> 00:20:32,050 WELL, THERE'S MORE THAN ONE WAY TO SKIN A CAT. 491 00:20:32,080 --> 00:20:34,920 GEEZ, I LIKE YOU STONED. 492 00:20:34,950 --> 00:20:37,520 HMM. I LIKE YOU LIKING ME STONED. 493 00:20:37,550 --> 00:20:39,390 [ BOTH CHUCKLE ] 494 00:20:39,420 --> 00:20:41,560 MMM. 495 00:20:41,590 --> 00:20:42,690 HOLY SHIT. 496 00:20:42,730 --> 00:20:43,690 WHAT? 497 00:20:43,730 --> 00:20:45,460 I THINK YOU'RE GIVING ME A BONER. 498 00:20:45,490 --> 00:20:46,900 OH, WELL, THAT'S GREAT NEWS. 499 00:20:46,930 --> 00:20:48,660 IT IS GREAT NEWS. NO, NO, IT IS. 500 00:20:48,700 --> 00:20:50,730 I JUST -- I'M AFRAID I MIGHT POP A STITCH. 501 00:20:50,770 --> 00:20:51,830 COME HERE. 502 00:20:51,870 --> 00:20:53,040 NO, NO. I WANT TO CHECK IT. 503 00:20:53,070 --> 00:20:53,900 I-I'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 504 00:20:53,940 --> 00:20:55,940 I DON'T WANT YOU TO SEE HIM LIKE THIS. 505 00:20:55,970 --> 00:20:57,410 IT COULD BE BLOODY. 506 00:20:57,440 --> 00:20:59,540 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? HMM. 507 00:21:00,910 --> 00:21:02,910 ASSUMING THE POSISH. 508 00:21:02,950 --> 00:21:03,950 OH! 509 00:21:04,880 --> 00:21:07,750 FEEL FREE TO START WITHOUT ME. 510 00:21:12,620 --> 00:21:13,820 HEY, YOU GOT A RUBBER? 511 00:21:13,860 --> 00:21:16,930 UH, I THINK I GOT THE RAMSES IN MY WALLET FROM HIGH SCHOOL, 512 00:21:16,960 --> 00:21:18,860 BUT I'M PRETTY SURE IT'S EXPIRED. 513 00:21:18,890 --> 00:21:19,930 HAND IT OVER. 514 00:21:19,960 --> 00:21:21,630 I WAS KIDDING. OH. 515 00:21:21,660 --> 00:21:23,870 FUCKIN' CHICK IS INSISTING I, UH, WEAR A RUBBER. 516 00:21:23,900 --> 00:21:25,500 WHAT -- WHAT IS THAT ALL ABOUT? 517 00:21:25,530 --> 00:21:27,670 THAT'S NOT VERY ROCK-'N'-ROLL. NOT AT ALL. 518 00:21:27,700 --> 00:21:30,470 IF IT'S DARK ENOUGH, YOU COULD RIP OPEN AN ALKA-SELTZER. 519 00:21:30,510 --> 00:21:32,110 AND BANG HER WITH IT? [ Chuckling ] NO. 520 00:21:32,140 --> 00:21:33,680 JUST -- IT'LL CREATE THE ILLUSION 521 00:21:33,710 --> 00:21:35,740 THAT YOU'RE WEARING A JIMMY HAT. [ CHUCKLES ] 522 00:21:35,780 --> 00:21:37,480 DAVID COPPERFIELD DOES IT. 523 00:21:37,510 --> 00:21:38,910 NOT ONSTAGE. [ CHUCKLES ] 524 00:21:38,950 --> 00:21:40,620 THANKS, MAN. 525 00:21:40,650 --> 00:21:41,650 YOU KNOW, I WAS KIDDING. 526 00:21:41,680 --> 00:21:43,620 [ ROCK 'N' ROLL PLAYS ] 527 00:22:16,820 --> 00:22:19,490 [ BREATHING HEAVILY ] 528 00:22:19,520 --> 00:22:23,090 [ MOANING ] 529 00:22:23,130 --> 00:22:24,090 MMM. 530 00:22:25,660 --> 00:22:27,760 [ MOANING ] 531 00:22:41,810 --> 00:22:44,110 [ MOANING INTENSIFIES ] 532 00:22:48,550 --> 00:22:49,690 [ GASPS ] 533 00:22:53,590 --> 00:22:56,090 Woman: HEY, ASSHOLE! 534 00:22:56,120 --> 00:22:58,060 HEY! 535 00:22:58,090 --> 00:22:59,130 HELLO?! 536 00:22:59,160 --> 00:23:01,160 KAREN! 537 00:23:03,800 --> 00:23:06,540 KAREN! KAREN! 538 00:23:06,570 --> 00:23:08,600 HEY, ANYBODY GOT AN ALKA-SELTZER? 539 00:23:08,640 --> 00:23:10,640 Woman: LEW! 540 00:23:10,670 --> 00:23:13,140 THIS FUCKING PERV JUST TRIED TO MOUTH-RAPE ME! 541 00:23:13,180 --> 00:23:14,480 REALLY? 542 00:23:14,510 --> 00:23:16,140 WHAT THE FUCK, DUDE?! 543 00:23:16,180 --> 00:23:18,880 YOU'RE A GUEST IN MY HOME, AND YOU GO MOUTH-RAPE... 544 00:23:18,910 --> 00:23:20,720 WHAT'S YOUR NAME, SWEETHEART? 545 00:23:20,750 --> 00:23:21,880 DESTINY. 546 00:23:21,920 --> 00:23:23,720 FELICITY. 547 00:23:23,750 --> 00:23:25,590 COME ON, THERE WAS NO RAPING. 548 00:23:25,620 --> 00:23:28,490 I WASN'T RAPING. I'M NOT A RAPEY KIND OF GUY. 549 00:23:30,060 --> 00:23:32,500 KAREN. KAREN! I WAS LOOKING FOR YOU. 550 00:23:32,500 --> 00:23:35,530 THERE YOU ARE. GOD! TELL HIM I'M NOT RAPEY. 551 00:23:35,560 --> 00:23:37,770 I ACCIDENTALLY WENT DOWN ON HER. 552 00:23:37,800 --> 00:23:38,770 WHAT? 553 00:23:38,800 --> 00:23:40,900 HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY GO DOWN ON SOMEONE? 554 00:23:40,940 --> 00:23:42,610 BIG HOUSE, A LOT OF ROOMS, IT WAS DARK. 555 00:23:42,640 --> 00:23:44,770 I WENT TO THE BATHROOM, GOT TURNED AROUND, 556 00:23:44,810 --> 00:23:46,680 AND ACCIDENTALLY WENT DOWN ON HER. 557 00:23:48,710 --> 00:23:51,150 I BUY IT. 558 00:23:51,180 --> 00:23:53,120 SELL IT TO HER. 559 00:23:54,720 --> 00:23:58,090 AH, SO I SEEM TO HAVE PROCURED A LITTLE PROPHYLACTIC. 560 00:24:00,690 --> 00:24:02,830 I'LL GET THE CAR. 561 00:24:07,200 --> 00:24:09,600 I KNOW -- I SMELL LIKE PUSSY. 562 00:24:09,630 --> 00:24:12,170 I'M SORRY, KAREN. I'M VERY SORRY. 563 00:24:12,200 --> 00:24:14,600 THAT WAS AN HONEST MISTAKE. 564 00:24:14,640 --> 00:24:17,110 OH, YOU JUST HAD YOUR MOUTH ON ANOTHER WOMAN'S VAGINA? 565 00:24:17,140 --> 00:24:19,580 YES, I DID, BUT THE MOMENT MY TONGUE HIT CLIT, 566 00:24:19,610 --> 00:24:20,710 I KNEW IT WASN'T YOURS. 567 00:24:20,740 --> 00:24:22,110 SHUT UP. IT WASN'T PERFECT. 568 00:24:22,140 --> 00:24:24,210 I COULD PICK YOUR PUSSY OUT OF A POLICE LINEUP OF PUSSY. 569 00:24:24,250 --> 00:24:25,550 HANK. I COULD. 570 00:24:25,550 --> 00:24:28,980 YOU KNOW, IF YOUR PUSSY WAS EVER ARRESTED, GOD FORBID... HANK. 571 00:24:29,020 --> 00:24:31,890 ...AND IT HAD TO BE IDENTIFIED IN SOME KIND OF A LINEUP, 572 00:24:31,920 --> 00:24:33,220 I WOULD GET IT RIGHT AWAY. 573 00:24:33,260 --> 00:24:35,760 "PUSSY NUMBER 2, STEP FORWARD, TURN PROFILE. 574 00:24:35,790 --> 00:24:37,290 THAT'S KAREN." 575 00:24:37,330 --> 00:24:38,130 OH, MY GOD. 576 00:24:38,160 --> 00:24:40,560 I MUST HAVE BEEN FUCKING CRAZY 577 00:24:40,600 --> 00:24:42,830 THINKING THINGS COULD BE DIFFERENT. 578 00:24:42,870 --> 00:24:44,970 [ SIREN WAILING ] FUCK ME! 579 00:24:52,840 --> 00:24:56,210 DON'T START SAYING THINGS YOU CAN'T TAKE BACK. 580 00:24:56,240 --> 00:24:57,950 I DON'T WANT TO TAKE IT BACK. 581 00:24:57,980 --> 00:24:59,580 YES, YOU DO. NO, I DON'T. 582 00:24:59,580 --> 00:25:01,080 YOU DO. DON'T TELL ME WHAT I MEAN. 583 00:25:01,120 --> 00:25:03,050 GOOD EVENING, SIR, MA'AM. GOOD EVENING. 584 00:25:03,090 --> 00:25:04,990 YOU KNOW WHY I STOPPED YOU? 585 00:25:05,020 --> 00:25:06,150 UH, NO, I DON'T, SIR. 586 00:25:06,190 --> 00:25:08,790 EDUCATE ME, OFFICER... 587 00:25:08,820 --> 00:25:09,990 DICK? SHUT UP. 588 00:25:10,030 --> 00:25:11,330 [ Chuckling ] REALLY? 589 00:25:11,360 --> 00:25:13,630 Hank, shut up. OW. OFFICER DICK. 590 00:25:13,660 --> 00:25:15,900 AND THAT WAS MEAN, BY THE WAY. THAT WAS REALLY A LOW BLOW. 591 00:25:15,930 --> 00:25:18,730 Coming from the mouth rapist?! 592 00:25:18,770 --> 00:25:20,040 YOU HAVE A HEADLIGHT OUT. 593 00:25:20,070 --> 00:25:21,800 YES, IT'S BEEN THAT WAY FOR MONTHS, 594 00:25:21,840 --> 00:25:23,770 BUT TONIGHT I GET STOPPED, OF ALL NIGHTS. 595 00:25:23,810 --> 00:25:24,840 JUST MY FUCKIN' LUCK! 596 00:25:24,870 --> 00:25:26,980 OH, 'CAUSE IT'S ALL ABOUT LUCK. IT HAS NOTHING -- 597 00:25:27,010 --> 00:25:29,140 CAN WE JUST SLEEP ON IT? CAN WE SLEEP ON THIS? 598 00:25:29,180 --> 00:25:31,110 IS THERE A REASON YOU'RE NOT WEARING A SHIRT, SIR? 599 00:25:31,150 --> 00:25:33,320 [ SIGHS ] YES, THERE IS, OFFICER. 600 00:25:33,350 --> 00:25:34,920 THERE'S A VERY GOOD ONE, 601 00:25:34,950 --> 00:25:37,320 AND I COULDN'T EVEN BEGIN TO EXPLAIN. 602 00:25:37,350 --> 00:25:38,220 OH, NO. TRY, TRY. 603 00:25:38,250 --> 00:25:41,020 SEE IF HE THINKS IT WAS AN HONEST MISTAKE. 604 00:25:41,060 --> 00:25:42,960 OKAY, ONE MORE TIME, FOR THE CHEAP SEATS. 605 00:25:42,990 --> 00:25:45,630 WHAT HAPPENED BACK THERE COULD HAVE HAPPENED TO ANYBODY! 606 00:25:45,630 --> 00:25:47,730 WRONG PLACE, WRONG TIME... 607 00:25:47,760 --> 00:25:48,900 WRONG VAGINA! 608 00:25:48,930 --> 00:25:49,730 Shh! 609 00:25:49,770 --> 00:25:51,730 I-I'M SORRY. H-HE'S BEEN DRINKING. 610 00:25:51,770 --> 00:25:53,670 WHAT THE FUCK, KAREN?! 611 00:25:53,700 --> 00:25:55,870 HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKING, SIR? 612 00:25:55,900 --> 00:25:56,810 HOURS AGO. 613 00:25:56,840 --> 00:26:00,240 BUT NOT TO EXCESS. I DON'T DO THAT ANYMORE. 614 00:26:00,280 --> 00:26:04,350 I MEAN, I DO, BUT NOT NEARLY AS OFTEN AS I USED TO. 615 00:26:04,380 --> 00:26:06,180 AND HE'S BEEN TAKING VICODIN. 616 00:26:06,210 --> 00:26:08,950 [ Chuckling ] OH, COME ON, NOW. 617 00:26:08,980 --> 00:26:10,020 THAT'S -- KAREN. 618 00:26:10,050 --> 00:26:10,920 [ LAUGHING ] 619 00:26:10,950 --> 00:26:12,760 [ Chuckling ] I KNOW YOU'RE PISSED AT ME 620 00:26:12,790 --> 00:26:14,060 FOR GOING DOWN ON THAT WOMAN, 621 00:26:14,090 --> 00:26:16,190 BUT ARE YOU TRYING TO GET ME THROWN IN JAIL? 622 00:26:16,220 --> 00:26:17,260 Shut the fuck up. 623 00:26:17,290 --> 00:26:19,260 Officer: COULD YOU STEP OUT OF THE CAR, PLEASE? 624 00:26:19,290 --> 00:26:20,660 WHOA, WHOA, HOLD ON, SIR -- 625 00:26:20,700 --> 00:26:21,730 OUT OF THE CAR NOW. 626 00:26:21,760 --> 00:26:23,930 YOU JUST CAUGHT US AT A REALLY, REALLY BAD TIME. 627 00:26:23,970 --> 00:26:25,070 IT'S A BAD TIME FOR US. 628 00:26:25,100 --> 00:26:27,070 EXCUSE ME FOR SAYING SO, MA'AM. 629 00:26:27,100 --> 00:26:29,070 YOU DON'T HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THIS KIND OF BEHAVIOR. 630 00:26:29,100 --> 00:26:30,140 HEY! I KNOW. 631 00:26:30,170 --> 00:26:32,340 WHY DON'T YOU JUST MIND YOUR OWN FUCKIN' BUSINESS! 632 00:26:32,370 --> 00:26:33,880 HANK! EXCUSE ME, SIR? 633 00:26:33,910 --> 00:26:35,680 ALL DUE RESPECT, OFFICER, BUT AREN'T YOU 634 00:26:35,680 --> 00:26:37,310 STEPPING OUTSIDE THE JOB DESCRIPTION A LITTLE BIT? 635 00:26:37,350 --> 00:26:39,720 I DIDN'T KNOW YOU GUYS HAD THE RIGHT TO EDITORIALIZE. 636 00:26:39,750 --> 00:26:42,250 [ SNIFFS ] 637 00:26:42,280 --> 00:26:45,090 HAVE YOU BEEN SMOKING MARIJUANA, SIR? 638 00:26:46,090 --> 00:26:48,190 ONE HIT. ONE! 639 00:26:48,220 --> 00:26:49,390 OKAY, LET'S GO. TURN AROUND. 640 00:26:49,420 --> 00:26:51,790 COME ON, YOU CAN'T ARREST SOMEBODY FOR BEING A WISEASS. 641 00:26:51,830 --> 00:26:52,730 NO, BUT I CERTAINLY CAN 642 00:26:52,760 --> 00:26:54,960 FOR DRIVING UNDER THE INFLUENCE, CAN'T I? 643 00:26:55,000 --> 00:26:55,930 OFFICER, EXCUSE ME. 644 00:26:55,960 --> 00:26:58,370 THIS IS JUST, LIKE, A BIG MISUNDERSTANDING. 645 00:26:58,400 --> 00:26:59,970 OF COURSE IT IS. OKAY? 646 00:27:00,000 --> 00:27:02,710 YOU KNOW, THE THING THAT I CAN'T UNDERSTAND 647 00:27:02,710 --> 00:27:06,880 IS WHAT A WOMAN LIKE THAT IS DOING WITH A PRICK LIKE YOU. 648 00:27:06,910 --> 00:27:08,780 SHE'S GOT TO HAVE A SCREW LOOSE, RIGHT? 649 00:27:08,810 --> 00:27:11,110 MAYBE THAT'S HOW YOU LIKE 'EM, RIGHT, A LITTLE CRAZY? 650 00:27:11,150 --> 00:27:13,720 MAYBE IF YOU GO DOWN ON HER A LITTLE MORE OFTEN... 651 00:27:13,720 --> 00:27:15,150 UGH! 652 00:27:15,180 --> 00:27:16,150 HANK! 653 00:27:16,180 --> 00:27:18,750 WHAT THE... * WELL, I WENT TO THE DOCTOR 654 00:27:18,790 --> 00:27:19,990 HANK! NO! 655 00:27:20,020 --> 00:27:22,020 * I SAID, "I'M FEELIN' KIND OF ROUGH" * 656 00:27:22,060 --> 00:27:23,760 [ GASPS ] NO! 657 00:27:23,790 --> 00:27:25,330 * "LET ME BREAK IT TO YOU, SON" * 658 00:27:25,360 --> 00:27:26,730 [ KAREN GASPS ] 659 00:27:26,730 --> 00:27:29,060 * "YOUR SHIT'S FUCKED UP" 660 00:27:29,100 --> 00:27:30,400 OOH! 661 00:27:30,430 --> 00:27:32,330 NOT THE BALLS! 662 00:27:32,370 --> 00:27:33,370 AH! 663 00:27:33,400 --> 00:27:35,740 * "WELL, I DON'T SEE HOW" 664 00:27:36,440 --> 00:27:40,740 * HE SAID, "THE SHIT THAT USED TO WORK * 665 00:27:40,740 --> 00:27:43,150 * IT WON'T WORK NOW" 666 00:27:43,180 --> 00:27:45,850 * YEAH, MY SHIT'S FUCKED UP 667 00:27:50,050 --> 00:27:53,760 * THAT AMAZING GRACE 668 00:27:53,760 --> 00:27:57,060 * SORT OF PASSED YOU BY 669 00:27:57,090 --> 00:28:00,030 * YOU WAKE UP EVERY DAY 670 00:28:00,060 --> 00:28:03,900 * AND YOU START TO CRY 671 00:28:03,930 --> 00:28:07,070 * YOU WANT TO DIE 672 00:28:07,100 --> 00:28:10,340 * BUT YOU JUST CAN'T QUIT 673 00:28:10,370 --> 00:28:13,510 * LET ME BREAK IT ON DOWN 674 00:28:13,540 --> 00:28:17,380 * IT'S THE FUCKED-UP SHIT 675 00:28:17,410 --> 00:28:20,850 -- Captions by VITAC -- www.vitac.com 676 00:28:20,880 --> 00:28:23,350 CLOSED CAPTIONING PROVIDED BY SHOWTIME NETWORKS 677 00:28:23,390 --> 00:28:25,150 AND BLIND DECKER PRODUCTIONS 46794

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