All language subtitles for Californication S01E05 LOL

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:10,160 --> 00:00:11,060 PREVIOUSLY ON "CALIFORNICATION"... 2 00:00:11,830 --> 00:00:13,300 YOU COULD HAVE MADE ME LESS MOODY 3 00:00:13,330 --> 00:00:14,530 IF YOU'D MADE ME INTO A MOODY. 4 00:00:14,560 --> 00:00:15,800 I'LL MAKE YOU A MOODY RIGHT NOW. 5 00:00:15,830 --> 00:00:17,300 Bill: GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE 6 00:00:17,330 --> 00:00:20,140 AND FORGET ABOUT THE WOMAN YOU DIDN'T WANT TO MARRY. 7 00:00:20,170 --> 00:00:21,670 BACK TO WORK. YES, SIR. 8 00:00:21,710 --> 00:00:23,740 ANYTHING YOU WANT TO TELL ME ABOUT THERE, CAPTAIN? 9 00:00:23,770 --> 00:00:25,410 PLEASE. I'M A MARRIED MAN. 10 00:00:25,440 --> 00:00:26,440 HEY, BABY. 11 00:00:27,640 --> 00:00:29,550 MY NAME IS HANK. 12 00:00:29,580 --> 00:00:30,650 I KNOW. 13 00:00:31,750 --> 00:00:32,780 OW! 14 00:00:32,820 --> 00:00:36,820 THIS IS MIA, BILL'S DAUGHTER, AND THIS IS HANK. 15 00:00:36,850 --> 00:00:38,790 YOU TWO KNOW EACH OTHER? NO. 16 00:00:38,820 --> 00:00:40,160 I AM 16, YOU KNOW. 17 00:00:40,190 --> 00:00:41,460 SO I'VE BEEN TOLD. 18 00:00:41,490 --> 00:00:43,160 MY DAUGHTER'S AN ANGEL. 19 00:00:43,190 --> 00:00:44,490 OH, YOU POOR BASTARD. 20 00:00:44,530 --> 00:00:46,360 I HAVE A CREATIVE-WRITING COURSE, 21 00:00:46,400 --> 00:00:48,400 AND I NEED TO TURN SOMETHING IN TODAY. 22 00:00:48,430 --> 00:00:50,430 YOU MUST HAVE SOME PIECE-OF-SHIT SHORT STORY 23 00:00:50,470 --> 00:00:52,370 YOU NEVER PUBLISHED AROUND HERE SOMEWHERE. 24 00:00:52,400 --> 00:00:54,100 REMEMBER ME? HOW COULD I FORGET? 25 00:00:54,140 --> 00:00:56,410 I THINK WE TOOK THINGS TO A WHOLE OTHER LEVEL. 26 00:00:56,440 --> 00:00:59,110 CAN I TALK TO YOU FOR A SECOND? 27 00:00:59,140 --> 00:01:00,710 THAT'S MARRIED GUY. COME ON. 28 00:01:00,740 --> 00:01:02,710 I DIDN'T KNOW HE WAS GONNA BE HERE. 29 00:01:02,750 --> 00:01:05,180 LET HER GO. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 30 00:01:05,220 --> 00:01:06,450 FUCKER! 31 00:01:06,480 --> 00:01:08,250 OH! OH, MY GOD! 32 00:01:08,290 --> 00:01:11,190 I'M GLAD YOU CAME. 33 00:01:17,730 --> 00:01:21,730 * DOING THE RIGHT THING 34 00:01:34,210 --> 00:01:36,710 I'M BACK, AND YOU'RE BLACK, WHICH IS COOL. 35 00:01:36,750 --> 00:01:38,550 I'M A BIG FAN OF BLACK JESUS. 36 00:01:38,580 --> 00:01:40,750 HIGH FIVE. DON'T LEAVE ME HANGING. 37 00:01:40,780 --> 00:01:41,850 THERE YOU GO. 38 00:01:41,890 --> 00:01:44,320 [ ORGAN PLAYING OMINOUS MUSIC ] 39 00:01:44,350 --> 00:01:45,720 CAN I HELP YOU, MY SON? 40 00:01:45,760 --> 00:01:46,860 HEY, PADRE. 41 00:01:46,890 --> 00:01:50,260 NO, NO, I WAS JUST TRYING TO CHECK IN WITH J.Z. UP THERE. 42 00:01:50,290 --> 00:01:52,300 ANYTHING I CAN HELP YOU WITH? 43 00:01:52,330 --> 00:01:55,900 SURE YOU DON'T HAVE A GRAB-ASS APPOINTMENT WITH AN ALTAR BOY? 44 00:01:57,270 --> 00:01:58,840 THERE'S PLENTY OF TIME FOR THAT. 45 00:01:58,870 --> 00:02:00,940 WHOA. 46 00:02:00,970 --> 00:02:05,310 YOU, UH... YOU CHECKING OUT MY PACKAGE? 47 00:02:05,340 --> 00:02:09,510 YOU DON'T WANT TO SUCK MY COCK, DO YOU? 48 00:02:09,550 --> 00:02:12,180 DO YOU WANT ME TO SUCK YOUR COCK? 49 00:02:12,220 --> 00:02:16,920 DO YOU WANT ME TO WANT YOU TO SUCK MY COCK? 50 00:02:16,950 --> 00:02:19,360 DO YOU WANT TO TELL ME WHY YOU'RE HERE? 51 00:02:19,390 --> 00:02:22,190 IT'S ABOUT A GIRL. SHE'S BEAUTIFUL. 52 00:02:22,230 --> 00:02:25,800 SHE'S SMART AND FUNNY, UP FOR ALL KINDS OF INTERCOURSE. 53 00:02:25,830 --> 00:02:27,360 BUT SHE'S NOT KAREN. 54 00:02:27,400 --> 00:02:28,870 I DIDN'T SAY THAT. 55 00:02:28,900 --> 00:02:30,370 KAREN DOESN'T LOVE YOU, HANK. 56 00:02:31,500 --> 00:02:32,900 SHE LOVES ME. 57 00:02:51,260 --> 00:02:53,390 WITH A GAY PRIEST! 58 00:02:53,420 --> 00:02:56,630 OH, FUCK ME. 59 00:02:56,660 --> 00:03:00,260 HAS ANYONE EVER TOLD YOU YOU HAVE A LOT OF BAD DREAMS? 60 00:03:00,300 --> 00:03:02,000 OH, WHAT'S WRONG WITH BLACK JESUS 61 00:03:02,030 --> 00:03:04,600 AND A GAY PRIEST JUST LOOKING FOR A LITTLE ORAL 62 00:03:04,630 --> 00:03:06,340 TO GET HIM THROUGH HIS NIGHT? 63 00:03:06,370 --> 00:03:08,940 [ GIGGLES ] L.O.L. 64 00:03:08,970 --> 00:03:10,610 WHAT WAS THAT? HMM? 65 00:03:10,640 --> 00:03:12,640 WHAT'D YOU JUST SAY JUST NOW? 66 00:03:12,680 --> 00:03:14,580 WHAT? L.O.L. 67 00:03:14,610 --> 00:03:17,410 "LAUGH OUT LOUD"? YEP. 68 00:03:17,450 --> 00:03:20,320 THAT'S A PART OF YOUR LEXICON? 69 00:03:20,350 --> 00:03:21,950 REALLY? L.O.L.? 70 00:03:21,990 --> 00:03:24,290 SHOULDN'T IT BE PART OF YOURS, TOO? 71 00:03:24,320 --> 00:03:26,620 YOU ARE WRITING FOR CYBERSPACE, YOU KNOW. 72 00:03:26,660 --> 00:03:29,590 OH, AND THERE GOES MY BONER. WAVE BYE-BYE. 73 00:03:29,630 --> 00:03:31,960 WHAT IS YOUR ISSUE WITH "L.O.L."? 74 00:03:32,000 --> 00:03:33,600 I DON'T HAVE AN ISSUE, 75 00:03:33,630 --> 00:03:35,730 UNLESS YOU COUNT THE FACT THAT EVERY TIME YOU SAY IT, 76 00:03:35,770 --> 00:03:38,000 YOU'RE CONTRIBUTING TO THE DEATH OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE. 77 00:03:40,300 --> 00:03:42,310 SO, LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT. 78 00:03:42,340 --> 00:03:45,440 YOU'RE GONNA LET THE FACT THAT I JUST SAID "L.O.L." 79 00:03:45,480 --> 00:03:48,980 GET IN THE WAY OF ME GIVING YOU THE BEST B.J. OF YOUR LIFE? 80 00:03:50,780 --> 00:03:52,920 NOT WHEN YOU PUT IT THAT WAY. 81 00:03:57,950 --> 00:04:02,530 YEAH, I'M NOT THE BIGGEST FAN OF THE TERM "B.J." EITHER. 82 00:04:46,370 --> 00:04:48,040 [ DOG BARKING ] 83 00:04:48,070 --> 00:04:49,940 Marcy: BABY, DON'T MAKE ME BEG. 84 00:04:49,970 --> 00:04:52,410 WE HAVEN'T HAD SEX SINCE MY LAST PERIOD. 85 00:04:52,440 --> 00:04:54,410 YOU KNOW HOW FUCKING HORNY I GET. 86 00:04:57,650 --> 00:05:00,880 YOU CAN HAVE THE ASS IF YOU WANT. 87 00:05:00,920 --> 00:05:03,350 YOU CAN KEEP IT. 88 00:05:03,390 --> 00:05:05,990 LAST TIME WE TRIED ANAL DURING THE LIGHT OF DAY -- 89 00:05:06,020 --> 00:05:07,960 NOT PRETTY, REMEMBER? 90 00:05:07,990 --> 00:05:10,390 YOU USED TO BE ALL ABOUT THE MORNING SEX. 91 00:05:10,430 --> 00:05:11,660 WHAT'S GOING ON WITH YOU? 92 00:05:11,700 --> 00:05:13,530 I'M SORRY, BABY. I'M SORRY. 93 00:05:13,560 --> 00:05:16,670 IT'S JUST -- I'M REALLY STRESSED OUT RIGHT NOW, OKAY? 94 00:05:16,700 --> 00:05:18,700 IT'S WORK STUFF, REALLY. 95 00:05:18,740 --> 00:05:20,070 I KNOW. 96 00:05:20,100 --> 00:05:21,670 PRETEND I'M PARALYZED. 97 00:05:21,710 --> 00:05:22,670 WHAT? 98 00:05:22,710 --> 00:05:24,610 [ Chuckling ] GOD. 99 00:05:24,640 --> 00:05:26,410 COME ON. THIS WILL BE FUN. 100 00:05:26,440 --> 00:05:27,940 YOU NEED TO SHOOT SOME GLUE. 101 00:05:27,980 --> 00:05:30,580 I'LL JUST LAY HERE. DO WHAT YOU GOT TO DO. 102 00:05:30,610 --> 00:05:33,380 I-I'LL BE YOUR VESSEL. 103 00:05:38,520 --> 00:05:41,930 WHOA! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING BACK THERE? 104 00:05:41,960 --> 00:05:44,130 WHAT? YOU DON'T LIKE THAT? 105 00:05:44,160 --> 00:05:46,760 NO, I JUST -- 106 00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:50,030 YOU CAN'T JUST GO SEND PROBES INTO UNEXPLORED TERRITORY 107 00:05:50,070 --> 00:05:51,800 WITHOUT ANY ADVANCE WARNING. 108 00:05:51,840 --> 00:05:53,640 YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING? 109 00:05:53,670 --> 00:05:56,670 I WAS JUST TRYING TO SPICE THINGS UP A LITTLE BIT. 110 00:05:56,710 --> 00:05:58,640 WHY? YOU DON'T THINK THINGS HAVE BEEN HOT ENOUGH? 111 00:05:58,680 --> 00:06:01,880 IT WAS JUST A FINGER UP THE ASS. 112 00:06:01,910 --> 00:06:04,550 I COULD USE THE LITTLER ONE. 113 00:06:04,580 --> 00:06:07,720 I'VE GOT TO GET TO WORK, OKAY? 114 00:06:07,750 --> 00:06:09,890 I'M GONNA BE LATE. 115 00:06:11,760 --> 00:06:14,790 LOVE YOU. 116 00:06:16,790 --> 00:06:17,990 [ KNOCKING ON DOOR ] 117 00:06:18,030 --> 00:06:19,630 FUCK OFF! 118 00:06:20,800 --> 00:06:22,630 [ KNOCKING ON DOOR ] 119 00:06:25,130 --> 00:06:27,200 "B" TO THE "I" TO THE DOUBLE "L." 120 00:06:27,240 --> 00:06:29,040 WHAT'S UP, MY NIG NOG? 121 00:06:29,070 --> 00:06:31,040 I NEED TO TALK TO YOU. 122 00:06:31,070 --> 00:06:32,710 WELL, YOU SHOULD HAVE CALLED. 123 00:06:32,740 --> 00:06:35,510 I WOULDN'T HAVE ANSWERED, BUT YOU COULD'VE LEFT A MESSAGE, 124 00:06:35,550 --> 00:06:37,080 WHICH I WOULD HAVE QUICKLY ERASED. 125 00:06:37,110 --> 00:06:38,780 UH, YEAH, THIS ISN'T SOMETHING 126 00:06:38,820 --> 00:06:42,520 I WOULD CHOOSE TO DISCUSS OVER THE PHONE. 127 00:06:42,550 --> 00:06:44,050 THIS IS ABOUT MIA. 128 00:06:44,090 --> 00:06:46,760 OH. 129 00:06:46,790 --> 00:06:49,560 YOU'RE AWARE SHE'S IN HIGH SCHOOL, CORRECT? 130 00:06:49,590 --> 00:06:51,060 REALLY? UH, NO. 131 00:06:51,090 --> 00:06:53,960 I MEAN, I-I WAS THINKING SHE WAS OLDER THAN THAT -- 132 00:06:54,000 --> 00:06:55,930 UH, COLLEGE, GRAD SCHOOL MAYBE, 133 00:06:55,970 --> 00:06:57,500 UH, SOMETHING LIKE THAT. 134 00:06:57,530 --> 00:07:00,170 QUIT FUCKING AROUND, HANK. THIS IS SERIOUS. 135 00:07:00,200 --> 00:07:03,510 OH, SHIT, BILL. I'M SORRY, MAN. 136 00:07:03,540 --> 00:07:05,240 I'M REALLY SORRY, 137 00:07:05,270 --> 00:07:08,510 AND I -- YOU KNOW, THIS IS JUST A FUCKED-UP SITUATION. 138 00:07:08,550 --> 00:07:10,180 AND IT SHOULD HAVE NEVER HAPPENED, 139 00:07:10,210 --> 00:07:12,020 BUT NOBODY'S TO BLAME, REALLY. 140 00:07:12,050 --> 00:07:14,080 I'M GLAD, IN A WAY, THAT YOU'RE HERE, 141 00:07:14,120 --> 00:07:17,550 YOU KNOW, SO WE CAN GET ON THE SAME PAGE, ALL RIGHT, MAN? 142 00:07:17,590 --> 00:07:19,660 Y-YOUR TURN. 143 00:07:19,690 --> 00:07:23,190 WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 144 00:07:23,230 --> 00:07:25,230 I DON'T KNOW. WHAT ARE -- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING -- 145 00:07:25,260 --> 00:07:26,960 IT DEPENDS. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 146 00:07:27,000 --> 00:07:29,900 ARE YOU STONED OR DRUNK? 147 00:07:29,930 --> 00:07:32,900 WHAT AM I TALKING ABOUT? WHAT AM I TALKING ABOUT? 148 00:07:32,940 --> 00:07:37,110 WHATEVER. I MEAN... I GOT TO ASK YOU A FAVOR, HANK. 149 00:07:37,140 --> 00:07:40,540 OH. FUCK. WELL, A FAVOR. WOW. 150 00:07:40,580 --> 00:07:42,910 OKAY, THIS SHOULD BE ENTERTAINING. 151 00:07:42,950 --> 00:07:47,180 I-I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE GUEST SPEAKER AT MIA'S SCHOOL TODAY, 152 00:07:47,220 --> 00:07:48,850 BUT I HAVE TO GO OUT OF TOWN. 153 00:07:48,890 --> 00:07:50,290 UH-HUH. 154 00:07:50,320 --> 00:07:53,520 AND THIS CONCERNS ME HOW EXACTLY, WILLAMINA? 155 00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:56,290 WELL, I WAS HOPING THAT YOU MIGHT CONSIDER 156 00:07:56,330 --> 00:07:57,790 STEPPING IN FOR ME. 157 00:07:57,830 --> 00:08:00,660 IT'S A CREATIVE-WRITING CLASS, 158 00:08:00,700 --> 00:08:02,800 AND I WAS GONNA TALK ABOUT PUBLISHING. 159 00:08:02,830 --> 00:08:05,070 YOU CAN TALK ABOUT WRITING OR NOT WRITING 160 00:08:05,100 --> 00:08:07,070 OR WHATEVER WORKS. 161 00:08:07,100 --> 00:08:09,210 YEAH. 162 00:08:09,240 --> 00:08:11,710 AND WHAT'S IN IT FOR ME? 163 00:08:11,740 --> 00:08:13,210 WHAT DO YOU WANT? 164 00:08:15,210 --> 00:08:17,010 CALL OFF THE WEDDING. 165 00:08:17,050 --> 00:08:19,320 ANYTHING ELSE? 166 00:08:19,350 --> 00:08:21,790 HMM. 167 00:08:21,820 --> 00:08:23,820 MMM, THAT'S A NICE JACKET. 168 00:08:28,020 --> 00:08:30,230 [ BELL RINGS ] 169 00:08:37,030 --> 00:08:39,240 YOU A SMOKER? THERE YOU GO. 170 00:08:41,300 --> 00:08:44,010 Hank: ALL RIGHT, SO, AT THE END OF DAY, 171 00:08:44,040 --> 00:08:47,940 IF YOU CAN DO ANYTHING ELSE -- TELEMARKETING, 172 00:08:47,980 --> 00:08:51,250 PHARMACEUTICAL SALES, OR DITCH DIGGING, 173 00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:54,320 MAJOR LEAGUE UMPIRE -- I WOULD SUGGEST THAT YOU DO THAT, 174 00:08:54,350 --> 00:08:55,620 BECAUSE BEING A WRITER BLOWS. 175 00:08:55,650 --> 00:08:59,290 IT'S LIKE HAVING HOMEWORK EVERY DAY FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. 176 00:08:59,320 --> 00:09:00,790 [ LAUGHTER ] 177 00:09:00,820 --> 00:09:02,690 ANY MORE QUESTIONS? 178 00:09:02,730 --> 00:09:03,960 YIKES. YEAH? 179 00:09:03,990 --> 00:09:06,130 ARE YOU SINGLE? 180 00:09:06,160 --> 00:09:08,730 OF COURSE I AM. WHO WOULD HAVE ME? 181 00:09:08,770 --> 00:09:10,070 [ LAUGHTER ] 182 00:09:10,100 --> 00:09:12,140 [ BELL RINGS ] OKAY, GIRLS, LET'S THANK HANK 183 00:09:12,170 --> 00:09:13,840 FOR COMING IN ON SUCH SHORT NOTICE. 184 00:09:13,870 --> 00:09:16,310 [ APPLAUSE ] 185 00:09:16,340 --> 00:09:19,940 CIGARETTE BREAK, EVERYBODY. ALL RIGHT, BYE-BYE. 186 00:09:19,980 --> 00:09:21,910 BYE. 187 00:09:23,880 --> 00:09:27,080 DUDE, YOU'RE A FUCKING ROCK STAR. 188 00:09:27,120 --> 00:09:28,380 PLEASE. IT'S AN ALL-GIRLS SCHOOL. 189 00:09:28,420 --> 00:09:30,090 ANYTHING WITH A HALF A COCK AND ONE BALL 190 00:09:30,120 --> 00:09:31,690 IS GONNA GET A RISE OUT OF THESE KIDS. 191 00:09:31,720 --> 00:09:34,920 TELL ME ABOUT IT. BEST JOB I'VE EVER HAD. 192 00:09:34,960 --> 00:09:36,630 THEY'RE VERY YOUNG. 193 00:09:36,660 --> 00:09:38,230 OH, SAY THAT AGAIN... 194 00:09:38,260 --> 00:09:39,800 SLOWER THIS TIME. 195 00:09:39,830 --> 00:09:41,900 MY -- MY FLESHY T.A. DIDN'T HEAR YOU. 196 00:09:41,930 --> 00:09:42,900 STOP. 197 00:09:42,930 --> 00:09:44,070 LAUGH IT UP, FUNNY MAN, 198 00:09:44,100 --> 00:09:46,370 BUT YOU COULD GO TO JAIL FOR THAT SHIT. 199 00:09:46,400 --> 00:09:49,670 YOU'RE ACTING LIKE IT'S A FUCKING MOMMY & ME CLASS. 200 00:09:49,710 --> 00:09:52,810 THESE GIRLS ARE RIGHT ON THE CUSP OF THEIR WOMANINITY. 201 00:09:52,840 --> 00:09:54,940 WHAT ELSE IS OUT THERE FOR GUYS LIKE US? 202 00:09:54,980 --> 00:09:55,880 GUYS LIKE US? 203 00:09:55,910 --> 00:09:58,950 I WROTE A NOVEL... THREE OF THEM, ACTUALLY. 204 00:09:58,980 --> 00:10:00,350 OH, YEAH? 205 00:10:00,380 --> 00:10:01,950 THEY NEVER CAME OUT OF THE DRAWER, 206 00:10:01,990 --> 00:10:03,020 BUT I FUCKING WROTE THEM. 207 00:10:03,050 --> 00:10:04,820 I WROTE THE SHIT OUT OF THEM. 208 00:10:04,850 --> 00:10:05,890 SO, WHAT DO I DO? 209 00:10:05,920 --> 00:10:08,730 WRITE SCREENPLAYS LIKE THE REST OF THE FUCKING HERD? 210 00:10:08,760 --> 00:10:10,160 OR DO I FIGHT THE GOOD FIGHT 211 00:10:10,190 --> 00:10:12,800 AND PROMOTE AN APPRECIATION OF GREAT WRITING? 212 00:10:12,830 --> 00:10:14,060 AND JUST FUCK THE ONES 213 00:10:14,100 --> 00:10:17,170 WHO ARE JUST BORED AND STUPID ENOUGH TO SPREAD 'EM FOR YOU? 214 00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:21,140 SPEAKING OF WHICH, MIA IS A SERIOUSLY GOOD WRITER. 215 00:10:21,170 --> 00:10:22,070 YEAH? 216 00:10:22,110 --> 00:10:23,940 SHE'S WRITTEN A COUPLE GOOD SHORT STORIES, 217 00:10:23,970 --> 00:10:24,940 BUT NOTHING SINCE. 218 00:10:24,970 --> 00:10:26,340 BUT THEY'RE GOOD. 219 00:10:26,380 --> 00:10:28,140 WHO KNOWS? 220 00:10:28,180 --> 00:10:31,680 MAYBE I'M GRADING ON A CURVE 'CAUSE SHE GIVES ME WOOD. 221 00:10:31,720 --> 00:10:34,350 NOT SO MUCH WITH THE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT. 222 00:10:34,380 --> 00:10:35,950 AND THE PROSE WAS A LITTLE STIFF. 223 00:10:35,990 --> 00:10:37,320 SHE WAS TRYING TOO HARD, REALLY. 224 00:10:37,350 --> 00:10:39,260 RIGHT. 225 00:10:39,290 --> 00:10:40,960 VAN FUCKIN' HALEN. 226 00:10:49,730 --> 00:10:52,940 UGH! 227 00:10:54,370 --> 00:10:56,110 [ COUGHS ] 228 00:10:58,980 --> 00:11:00,080 BUSTED. 229 00:11:00,110 --> 00:11:01,480 OH, GOD, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. 230 00:11:01,510 --> 00:11:03,180 I COULD'VE BEEN THERE FOR HOURS. 231 00:11:03,210 --> 00:11:04,350 HUH. POOR HANK MOODY. 232 00:11:04,380 --> 00:11:06,350 WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH YOU AND MR. CHIPWICH? 233 00:11:06,380 --> 00:11:07,450 MEANING WHAT EXACTLY? 234 00:11:07,480 --> 00:11:08,750 YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. 235 00:11:08,790 --> 00:11:10,350 DOES HE HAVE CARNAL KNOWLEDGE? 236 00:11:10,390 --> 00:11:11,890 YEAH, THAT. 237 00:11:11,920 --> 00:11:13,020 NOT YET. 238 00:11:13,060 --> 00:11:14,160 BE CAREFUL. 239 00:11:14,190 --> 00:11:16,890 SAYS THE MUCH-OLDER MAN WHO ACTUALLY DID SLEEP WITH ME. 240 00:11:16,930 --> 00:11:17,990 THAT WAS AN ACCIDENT. 241 00:11:18,030 --> 00:11:20,230 RIGHT, THERE YOU WERE, JUST MINDING YOUR OWN BUSINESS, 242 00:11:20,260 --> 00:11:22,500 WALKING DOWN ABBOT KINNEY, WHEN YOUR DICK FELL IN ME. 243 00:11:22,530 --> 00:11:23,770 OOPSIE. 244 00:11:23,800 --> 00:11:25,330 WHAT IS THIS? OPEN-MIKE NIGHT? 245 00:11:25,370 --> 00:11:27,970 LOOK, JUST BE CAREFUL OF HIM AND THOSE OF HIS ILK. 246 00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:29,910 HANK MOODY, AS I LIVE AND BREATHE, 247 00:11:29,940 --> 00:11:31,370 ARE YOU LOOKING OUT FOR ME? 248 00:11:31,410 --> 00:11:32,380 WHY WOULDN'T I? 249 00:11:32,410 --> 00:11:34,840 ASIDE FROM THE FACT THAT YOU'RE MAD AS A HATTER, 250 00:11:34,880 --> 00:11:35,850 YOU'RE A GOOD KID. 251 00:11:35,880 --> 00:11:36,980 [ SIGHS ] 252 00:11:37,010 --> 00:11:39,920 WELL, SEEING AS I CAN'T SEEM TO GET YOU BACK IN THE SACK, 253 00:11:39,950 --> 00:11:42,020 I GUESS I'LL JUST HAVE TO SETTLE FOR HIM. 254 00:11:42,050 --> 00:11:44,350 I GET THE FEELING HE WON'T PLAY AS HARD TO GET. 255 00:11:44,390 --> 00:11:46,160 OUT OF THE CAR. 256 00:11:50,090 --> 00:11:52,030 HAVE A NICE DAY AT SCHOOL, DEAR. 257 00:11:52,060 --> 00:11:53,060 BYE, HANKARELLA. 258 00:11:57,270 --> 00:11:58,230 HOW DO I LOOK? 259 00:11:58,270 --> 00:12:00,800 OH, SWEETIE, YOU LOOK GREAT. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? 260 00:12:00,840 --> 00:12:03,240 IT'S A GUITAR LESSON. IT'S NOT A FASHION SHOW. 261 00:12:03,270 --> 00:12:07,140 MOTHER, ROCK, FASHION -- IT'S ALL ONE WORLD. 262 00:12:07,180 --> 00:12:09,080 OKAY, AVRIL. 263 00:12:09,110 --> 00:12:10,180 HE IS CUTE. 264 00:12:10,210 --> 00:12:12,320 HE IS? I HADN'T NOTICED. 265 00:12:12,350 --> 00:12:13,450 I LOOK LIKE A GEEK. 266 00:12:13,480 --> 00:12:15,180 [ DOORBELL RINGS ] OH! 267 00:12:15,220 --> 00:12:17,350 IT'S OKAY. I'LL GET IT. 268 00:12:18,190 --> 00:12:19,820 WELL, HELLO, DAVE. 269 00:12:19,860 --> 00:12:22,560 LADIES. 270 00:12:22,590 --> 00:12:23,360 YOUR SHIRT. 271 00:12:23,390 --> 00:12:26,500 WHAT? YOU'RE NOT A FAN, ARE YOU? 272 00:12:26,530 --> 00:12:28,830 THAT WOULD MAKE ME SO SAD. 273 00:12:28,870 --> 00:12:29,930 I THINK IT'S COOL. 274 00:12:29,970 --> 00:12:31,230 WELL, IT'S JUST, YOU KNOW... 275 00:12:31,270 --> 00:12:32,240 BECCA. 276 00:12:32,270 --> 00:12:34,240 RIGHT. SORRY ABOUT THAT. 277 00:12:34,270 --> 00:12:36,810 I WASN'T THINKING. THAT'S OKAY. 278 00:12:36,840 --> 00:12:38,470 SHE'S MY YOUNGEST STUDENT 279 00:12:38,510 --> 00:12:39,910 AND MY MOST PROMISING. 280 00:12:39,940 --> 00:12:41,850 OH, SHE IS? WELL, THAT'S GREAT. 281 00:12:41,880 --> 00:12:45,080 I PROBABLY HAVE SOME SMELLY, OLD THING IN MY CAR SOMEWHERE. 282 00:12:45,110 --> 00:12:47,250 OR YOU COULD JUST TURN IT INSIDE OUT. 283 00:12:47,280 --> 00:12:50,190 YOU KNOW, YOU COULD USE THE BATHROOM ON -- 284 00:12:50,220 --> 00:12:52,090 OR NOT. 285 00:12:52,120 --> 00:12:54,890 UM... 286 00:12:56,930 --> 00:12:59,230 HEY...DAVE. 287 00:12:59,260 --> 00:13:00,830 HEY, SWEETIE. 288 00:13:00,860 --> 00:13:02,470 BETTER? MUCH. 289 00:13:02,500 --> 00:13:04,970 I LIKED IT BETTER OFF, BUT THAT'S JUST ME. 290 00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:07,100 HOW YOU DOING? 291 00:13:07,140 --> 00:13:08,200 GOOD. 292 00:13:08,240 --> 00:13:10,010 YOU BEEN PRACTICING? 293 00:13:19,350 --> 00:13:21,520 Henry: I'M HERE WITH HANK MOODY, 294 00:13:21,550 --> 00:13:24,250 AUTHOR OF CELEBRATED UNDERGROUND NOVELS 295 00:13:24,290 --> 00:13:27,320 LIKE "SOUTH OF HEAVEN," "SEASONS IN THE ABYSS," 296 00:13:27,360 --> 00:13:30,390 AND MOST FAMOUSLY, "GOD HATES US ALL." 297 00:13:30,430 --> 00:13:31,630 HOW ARE YOU, HANK? 298 00:13:31,660 --> 00:13:34,200 I'M A LITTLE UNDER THE WEATHER, BUT IT'S GOOD TO BE HERE. 299 00:13:34,230 --> 00:13:37,530 SOME FOLKS HAVE COMPARED THE WAIT FOR YOUR NEXT NOVEL 300 00:13:37,570 --> 00:13:41,240 TO THE DECADE-PLUS WAIT FOR THE NEW GUNS N' ROSES ALBUM. 301 00:13:41,270 --> 00:13:44,010 WHICH ONE DO YOU THINK WILL SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY FIRST? 302 00:13:44,040 --> 00:13:47,080 WELL, I CERTAINLY HOPE THAT I BEAT GUNS N' ROSES TO THE PUNCH, 303 00:13:47,110 --> 00:13:49,310 BECAUSE I WANT TO GET ON OPRAH'S BOOK CLUB. 304 00:13:49,350 --> 00:13:51,410 I WANT THAT STICKER FROM THE BOOK CLUB. 305 00:13:51,450 --> 00:13:54,180 I WANT TO GET ON THAT SHOW, AND I WANT TO ASK HER... 306 00:13:54,220 --> 00:13:57,120 ABOUT THAT SCENE IN "BELOVED" WHERE SHE SQUATS AND PEES. 307 00:13:57,150 --> 00:13:58,990 HOW MANY TAKES DID SHE DO? WAS SHE METHOD? 308 00:13:59,020 --> 00:14:01,120 IN ALL SERIOUSNESS, YOUR BLOG FOR HELL-A MAGAZINE 309 00:14:01,160 --> 00:14:03,330 IS PROMPTING A LOT OF UNDERGROUND WATER-COOLER TALK. 310 00:14:03,360 --> 00:14:04,390 IT'S GREAT. 311 00:14:04,430 --> 00:14:06,530 THANK YOU, BUT IT'S REALLY -- 312 00:14:06,560 --> 00:14:10,270 IT'S MORE LIKE PISSING OUT OF MY ASS THAN ANYTHING ELSE. 313 00:14:10,300 --> 00:14:13,600 YOU KNOW, IT'S JUST -- THINGS BOTHER ME, AND I VENT. 314 00:14:13,640 --> 00:14:14,940 I WRITE IT DOWN. 315 00:14:14,970 --> 00:14:16,540 WHAT'S YOUR LATEST OBSESSION? 316 00:14:16,570 --> 00:14:18,670 JUST THE FACT THAT PEOPLE SEEM TO BE GETTING DUMBER AND DUMBER. 317 00:14:18,710 --> 00:14:21,010 I MEAN, WE HAVE ALL THIS AMAZING TECHNOLOGY, 318 00:14:21,040 --> 00:14:22,350 AND YET COMPUTERS HAVE TURNED 319 00:14:22,380 --> 00:14:24,380 INTO BASICALLY FOUR-FIGURE WANK MACHINES. 320 00:14:24,410 --> 00:14:27,620 THE INTERNET WAS SUPPOSED TO SET US FREE, DEMOCRATIZE US, 321 00:14:27,650 --> 00:14:31,250 BUT ALL IT'S REALLY GIVEN US IS HOWARD DEAN'S ABORTED CANDIDACY 322 00:14:31,290 --> 00:14:33,520 AND 24-HOUR-A-DAY ACCESS TO KIDDY PORN. 323 00:14:33,560 --> 00:14:36,260 PEOPLE -- THEY DON'T WRITE ANYMORE. THEY BLOG. 324 00:14:36,290 --> 00:14:38,260 INSTEAD OF TALKING, THEY TEXT -- 325 00:14:38,290 --> 00:14:41,560 NO PUNCTUATION, NO GRAMMAR, L.O.L. THIS AND L.M.F.A.O. THAT. 326 00:14:41,600 --> 00:14:44,330 IT JUST SEEMS TO ME THAT IT'S JUST A BUNCH OF STUPID PEOPLE 327 00:14:44,370 --> 00:14:47,000 PSEUDO-COMMUNICATING WITH A BUNCH OF OTHER STUPID PEOPLE 328 00:14:47,040 --> 00:14:48,000 IN A PROTOLANGUAGE 329 00:14:48,040 --> 00:14:50,110 THAT RESEMBLES MORE WHAT CAVEMEN USED TO SPEAK 330 00:14:50,140 --> 00:14:51,240 THAN THE KING'S ENGLISH. 331 00:14:51,270 --> 00:14:52,940 YET, YOU'RE PART OF THE PROBLEM. 332 00:14:52,980 --> 00:14:55,180 YOU'RE OUT THERE BLOGGING WITH THE BEST OF THEM. 333 00:14:55,210 --> 00:14:58,250 HENCE MY SELF-LOATHING, YOU KNOW. 334 00:14:58,280 --> 00:15:00,120 Dave: BAR CHORDS ARE TOUGH. I KNOW. 335 00:15:00,150 --> 00:15:01,150 BUT ONCE YOU MASTER THEM, 336 00:15:01,180 --> 00:15:03,490 ALL THE SECRETS OF THE ROCK 'N' ROLL UNIVERSE 337 00:15:03,520 --> 00:15:06,460 WILL BE REVEALED -- TRUST ME, OKAY? 338 00:15:06,490 --> 00:15:08,460 OKAY. 339 00:15:08,490 --> 00:15:11,260 UH, HOLD ON A SECOND. I HAVE SOMETHING FOR YOU. 340 00:15:11,290 --> 00:15:13,400 WAIT RIGHT HERE, OKAY? YOU GOT IT. 341 00:15:15,660 --> 00:15:17,130 HEY, HOW'D IT GO? 342 00:15:17,170 --> 00:15:19,600 I'M SURE YOU ALREADY KNOW THIS, 343 00:15:19,640 --> 00:15:22,640 BUT YOU HAVE A REALLY SWEET KID THERE. 344 00:15:22,670 --> 00:15:24,510 OH, YOU KNOW, YOU'RE PREACHING TO THE CHOIR. 345 00:15:24,540 --> 00:15:25,640 BUT THANKS. IT NEVER GETS OLD. 346 00:15:25,670 --> 00:15:29,010 SHE'S REALLY INTO IT, TOO, WHICH IS REALLY COOL TO SEE. 347 00:15:29,050 --> 00:15:30,980 MAKES MY JOB A PLEASURE. 348 00:15:31,010 --> 00:15:33,520 WELL, SHE COMES BY IT HONESTLY. 349 00:15:33,550 --> 00:15:38,150 HER DAD IS REALLY INTO MUSIC, AND, UH, I WAS IN A BAND ONCE. 350 00:15:38,190 --> 00:15:41,120 I'D LOVE TO HEAR THE STORIES SOMETIME. 351 00:15:41,160 --> 00:15:42,290 [ CHUCKLES ] 352 00:15:42,330 --> 00:15:44,960 [ TELEPHONE RINGS ] EXCUSE ME. 353 00:15:47,430 --> 00:15:49,170 HELLO? 354 00:15:49,200 --> 00:15:52,170 HEY, SWEETIE. HOW ARE YOU? 355 00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:55,270 HOW WAS THE FLIGHT? UH-HUH. 356 00:15:55,300 --> 00:15:57,410 AND THE HOTEL -- IS IT OKAY? 357 00:15:57,440 --> 00:16:00,010 HEY, YEAH, H-HOLD ON ONE SECOND. 358 00:16:00,040 --> 00:16:00,980 WHERE'D HE GO? 359 00:16:01,010 --> 00:16:04,280 BREATHE, HONEY. IT'S OKAY. HE'S JUST OUTSIDE. 360 00:16:04,310 --> 00:16:05,580 I GOT TO GO. 361 00:16:05,610 --> 00:16:08,250 UM, BECCA'S JUST FINISHING HER GUITAR LESSON. 362 00:16:08,280 --> 00:16:10,390 Mia: ...MUSIC THAT YOU LOVE. 363 00:16:10,420 --> 00:16:12,720 Dave: I AM A SUCKER FOR RADIOHEAD. 364 00:16:12,760 --> 00:16:16,090 WHAT ARE YOUR WEEKEND PLANS? 365 00:16:16,130 --> 00:16:17,630 GOT TO REHEARSE WITH THE BAND. 366 00:16:17,660 --> 00:16:19,200 WHAT DO YOU GUYS SOUND LIKE? 367 00:16:19,230 --> 00:16:22,570 IT'S LIKE RADIOHEAD. WE GOT A KILLER BASSIST. 368 00:16:22,600 --> 00:16:23,400 RIGHT. YEAH. 369 00:16:23,430 --> 00:16:26,200 ALL THOSE THINGS. ALL THOSE THINGS. 370 00:16:26,240 --> 00:16:28,400 WHAT'S THIS? 371 00:16:28,440 --> 00:16:30,810 I MADE IT FOR YOU -- SOME SONGS I LIKE. 372 00:16:30,840 --> 00:16:33,240 I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT LIKE THEM, TOO. 373 00:16:33,280 --> 00:16:38,150 WHOA. A MIX TAPE -- CD. 374 00:16:38,180 --> 00:16:40,820 NO ONE'S MADE ME ONE OF THESE IN A LONG TIME. 375 00:16:40,850 --> 00:16:44,250 THANK YOU, SWEETIE. I WILL TREASURE IT ALWAYS. 376 00:16:44,290 --> 00:16:46,060 SAME TIME NEXT WEEK? 377 00:16:46,090 --> 00:16:47,290 YEP. 378 00:16:47,320 --> 00:16:48,760 ADIOS. 379 00:16:56,330 --> 00:16:58,570 Hank: LOOK, I DON'T WANT TO TAKE SIDES HERE, 380 00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:01,170 BUT I WANT TO SAY, FOR THE RECORD, CATEGORICALLY, 381 00:17:01,200 --> 00:17:03,740 NEVER, NEVER STICK A FINGER UP A GROWN MAN'S ASS 382 00:17:03,770 --> 00:17:04,740 WITHOUT WARNING. 383 00:17:04,770 --> 00:17:06,280 DON'T DO IT. 384 00:17:06,310 --> 00:17:07,280 HI. 385 00:17:07,310 --> 00:17:08,510 THANK YOU. 386 00:17:08,540 --> 00:17:10,350 WRITE THAT DOWN. 387 00:17:10,380 --> 00:17:12,620 YOU KNOW WHAT? I'VE BEEN WITH OTHER GUYS. 388 00:17:12,650 --> 00:17:15,220 AND SOMETIMES A LITTLE ASS PLAY IS NOT ONLY WELCOME, 389 00:17:15,250 --> 00:17:16,390 BUT IT'S APPRECIATED. 390 00:17:16,420 --> 00:17:19,290 I UNDERSTAND, BUT YOU GOT TO BE GENTLE WITH THE BROWN EYE. 391 00:17:19,320 --> 00:17:21,120 MR. BROWN EYE'S A SENSITIVE MAN. 392 00:17:21,160 --> 00:17:23,230 HEY, HEY, HEY, SORRY I'M LATE. 393 00:17:23,260 --> 00:17:26,800 FOUND A REDHEAD WANDERING THE PARKING LOT. 394 00:17:26,830 --> 00:17:28,430 BROUGHT HER IN FOR YOU. 395 00:17:28,460 --> 00:17:30,570 SORRY I'M LATE. STUCK IN TRAFFIC. 396 00:17:30,600 --> 00:17:33,440 LISTENING TO THE RADIO -- VERY ENTERTAINING. 397 00:17:33,470 --> 00:17:35,370 L.O.L. 398 00:17:35,400 --> 00:17:37,170 SO, HAVE YOU BEEN TELLING HER 399 00:17:37,210 --> 00:17:39,510 WHAT AN AIRHEAD YOUR NEW GIRLFRIEND IS? 400 00:17:39,540 --> 00:17:44,110 UH, NO, I WAS JUST ABOUT TO. 401 00:17:44,150 --> 00:17:45,680 I HEARD THE INTERVIEW, HANK. 402 00:17:45,710 --> 00:17:48,720 NOTHING LIKE BEING THE OBJECT OF SCORN AND DERISION 403 00:17:48,750 --> 00:17:49,790 ON PUBLIC RADIO. 404 00:17:49,820 --> 00:17:52,390 WELL, THAT'S THE POINT, RIGHT? 405 00:17:52,420 --> 00:17:56,230 BECAUSE IT'S PUBLIC RADIO. WHO'S LISTENING? SO... 406 00:17:56,260 --> 00:17:59,530 SO, IS THIS WHY HIS RELATIONSHIPS DON'T LAST? 407 00:17:59,560 --> 00:18:01,160 BECAUSE THE GIRLS CAN'T LIVE UP 408 00:18:01,200 --> 00:18:02,700 TO SOME RIDICULOUS FUCKING GOLD STANDARD? 409 00:18:02,730 --> 00:18:05,800 WHAT DID YOU DO TODAY? DID YOU GET YOUR HAIR DONE? 410 00:18:05,830 --> 00:18:07,840 IF YOU SPENT LESS TIME FOCUSING ON OTHER PEOPLE'S FLAWS, 411 00:18:07,870 --> 00:18:09,840 YOU MIGHT NOTICE THAT YOU'VE GOT A COUPLE OF YOUR OWN. 412 00:18:09,870 --> 00:18:12,710 SPEAKING OF FLAWS, DODGER GAME, FRIDAY NIGHT? 413 00:18:12,740 --> 00:18:14,240 I DIDN'T SAY THAT I DIDN'T. 414 00:18:14,280 --> 00:18:15,440 GREAT. YOU WANT TO HEAR SOME? 415 00:18:15,480 --> 00:18:17,650 IT SEEMS LIKE YOU WANT TO TELL ME. 416 00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:18,550 YEAH, I DO. 417 00:18:18,580 --> 00:18:20,650 YOU DRINK TOO MUCH, WRITE TOO LITTLE, 418 00:18:20,680 --> 00:18:22,920 AND THE ONLY EXERCISE YOU GET IS IN THE BEDROOM. 419 00:18:22,950 --> 00:18:24,850 YOU LOVE WOMEN, BUT YOU HATE YOURSELF, 420 00:18:24,890 --> 00:18:27,660 SO THAT ANY WOMAN WHO ACTUALLY REALLY DOES LIKE YOU 421 00:18:27,690 --> 00:18:29,390 IS ULTIMATELY DEEMED A FOOL. 422 00:18:29,430 --> 00:18:34,460 AND SEEING AS THAT WOMAN COULD PRETTY MUCH BE ANYONE, 423 00:18:34,500 --> 00:18:37,170 THIS ONE IS SAYING GOODBYE. 424 00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:38,700 H-HOLD ON JUST ONE SECOND. 425 00:18:38,730 --> 00:18:41,170 I SEEM TO HAVE HURT YOU, AND I APOLOGIZE FOR THAT. 426 00:18:41,200 --> 00:18:43,710 BUT THAT'S NOT WHAT THIS IS ABOUT. 427 00:18:43,740 --> 00:18:44,910 THIS IS ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE. 428 00:18:44,940 --> 00:18:46,710 YOU WANT TO TELL ME WHAT IT'S ABOUT? 429 00:18:49,650 --> 00:18:51,210 B.R.B., HANK. 430 00:18:53,250 --> 00:18:56,590 I WILL GO AND MAKE SURE SHE DOESN'T KILL HERSELF THIS TIME. 431 00:18:56,620 --> 00:18:57,590 AND BY THE WAY, 432 00:18:57,620 --> 00:18:59,620 GETTING ALL AGGRO ABOUT A LITTLE STINKY PINKY 433 00:18:59,660 --> 00:19:05,290 IS DEFINITELY A SYMPTOM OF A MUCH BIGGER PROBLEM. 434 00:19:05,330 --> 00:19:06,730 Hank: OH, JEEZ. 435 00:19:10,870 --> 00:19:13,540 I DON'T KNOW WHAT SHE'S TALKING ABOUT. 436 00:19:15,870 --> 00:19:17,840 BITCHES. 437 00:19:27,620 --> 00:19:30,450 INTRUDER. 438 00:19:30,490 --> 00:19:32,990 WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? I JUST POOPED MYSELF. 439 00:19:33,020 --> 00:19:34,720 AH! 440 00:19:34,760 --> 00:19:36,360 THAT WAS VERY COOL -- 441 00:19:36,390 --> 00:19:39,560 WHAT YOU DID TODAY, TALKING AT MIA'S SCHOOL. 442 00:19:39,600 --> 00:19:41,860 OH, YEAH, CAN WE PLEASE AGREE RIGHT NOW 443 00:19:41,900 --> 00:19:43,530 TO NEVER SEND BECCA THERE? 444 00:19:43,570 --> 00:19:44,630 OKAY. 445 00:19:44,670 --> 00:19:45,730 HOW'S MY GIRL? 446 00:19:45,770 --> 00:19:46,840 I'M GOOD. 447 00:19:46,870 --> 00:19:48,870 I'VE GOT A LOT OF WORK ON, BUT, YEAH -- 448 00:19:48,900 --> 00:19:51,840 I WAS TALKING ABOUT BECCA, BUT I LIKE WHERE YOUR HEAD'S AT. 449 00:19:51,870 --> 00:19:53,280 THAT'S EMBARRASSING. 450 00:19:53,310 --> 00:19:55,910 I JUST SLIPPED INTO A PAST LIFE FOR A SECOND. 451 00:19:55,940 --> 00:19:57,610 I STILL GET MY MAIL THERE. 452 00:19:57,650 --> 00:20:00,020 I LOVE YOUR FEET. 453 00:20:00,050 --> 00:20:02,750 SHE'S GOT A CRUSH ON HER GUITAR TEACHER. 454 00:20:02,790 --> 00:20:04,020 OH, WELL, THAT'S GREAT. 455 00:20:04,050 --> 00:20:07,690 AT LEAST IT'S NOT THE CAPTAIN OF THE FUCKING FOOTBALL TEAM. 456 00:20:07,720 --> 00:20:08,660 IS HE CRUSH WORTHY? 457 00:20:08,690 --> 00:20:11,490 DOES HE BRING OUT YOUR INNER ROCKER SLUT? 458 00:20:11,530 --> 00:20:13,830 YOU KNOW, HE IS PRETTY FUCKIN' HOT, YEAH. 459 00:20:13,860 --> 00:20:15,560 SHOULD I BE WORRIED? 460 00:20:15,600 --> 00:20:16,770 ISN'T THAT BILL'S PROBLEM? 461 00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:19,570 YEAH, I DON'T KNOW IF BILL WORRIES ENOUGH. 462 00:20:19,600 --> 00:20:21,440 WHATEVER. 463 00:20:21,470 --> 00:20:23,410 HEY, YOU THINK I MIGHT, UH... 464 00:20:23,440 --> 00:20:26,610 TAKE BECCA OUT FOR SOME ICE CREAM OR SOMETHING? 465 00:20:26,640 --> 00:20:27,580 [ CHUCKLES ] 466 00:20:27,610 --> 00:20:30,410 YOU COULD, BUT, YOU KNOW, YOU JUST MISSED HER. 467 00:20:30,450 --> 00:20:32,720 SHE'S SNOOZING. SORRY. OH, SHIT. 468 00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:38,320 CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING? 469 00:20:38,350 --> 00:20:40,290 IF YOU MUST. 470 00:20:40,320 --> 00:20:47,930 IN THIS, UH...PAST LIFE OF OURS, WAS I MEAN TO YOU? 471 00:20:47,960 --> 00:20:52,670 DID I EVER -- DID I MAKE YOU FEEL STUPID? 472 00:20:52,700 --> 00:20:56,000 YOU WEREN'T MEAN, NO. 473 00:20:57,440 --> 00:21:00,540 BUT YOU CAN BE PRETTY HARD ON PEOPLE, HANK. 474 00:21:00,580 --> 00:21:04,780 I WISH IT WAS DIFFERENT. 475 00:21:04,810 --> 00:21:06,720 AND SO DO I. 476 00:21:06,750 --> 00:21:08,750 BUT IT'S NOT. 477 00:21:11,020 --> 00:21:13,960 HOW IS THAT GIRL FROM THE FUND-RAISER? 478 00:21:13,990 --> 00:21:16,560 SHE IS PISSED AT ME. 479 00:21:16,590 --> 00:21:17,990 SHE'S NOT. 480 00:21:18,030 --> 00:21:19,060 YEAH. 481 00:21:19,090 --> 00:21:21,960 [ CHUCKLES ] SHE'LL GET OVER IT. 482 00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:23,570 HANK? 483 00:21:23,600 --> 00:21:24,970 YEAH? 484 00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:28,100 IS THAT BILL'S JACKET? 485 00:21:28,140 --> 00:21:31,070 OH, THAT'S A LONG STORY. 486 00:21:31,110 --> 00:21:33,780 I GOT TO GO. GOOD NIGHT, FOOT. 487 00:21:38,580 --> 00:21:41,350 * ALL ALONE 488 00:21:41,380 --> 00:21:43,750 * ON THE FLOOR 489 00:21:43,790 --> 00:21:49,120 * NEXT TO YOUR TWIN-BED BOX SPRING AND MATTRESS * 490 00:21:49,160 --> 00:21:51,760 * THE DOOR 491 00:21:51,790 --> 00:21:54,600 * IS AJAR 492 00:21:54,630 --> 00:21:57,370 * FROM AFAR YOU CAN HEAR BANDS PRACTICING * 493 00:21:57,400 --> 00:22:00,140 [ HORN HONKS ] 494 00:22:00,170 --> 00:22:02,770 * AND WHEN YOU DREAM 495 00:22:02,810 --> 00:22:06,680 * YOU DREAM OF A DAY 496 00:22:06,710 --> 00:22:10,550 * WHEN YOU FIND SOMETHING YOU COULD LOVE * 497 00:22:10,580 --> 00:22:13,120 * HALF AS MUCH AS YOU LOVE 498 00:22:13,150 --> 00:22:17,550 * ALL YOUR LITTLE, ROUND MIRRORS * 499 00:22:17,590 --> 00:22:21,060 * SEE YOURSELF REFLECTED IN ONE * 500 00:22:21,090 --> 00:22:23,860 * THERE'S A HOLE IN THE MIDDLE 501 00:22:23,890 --> 00:22:27,900 * YOU CAN'T SEEM TO FILL 502 00:22:27,930 --> 00:22:30,530 HEY. 503 00:22:30,570 --> 00:22:32,900 YOU KNOW, IT'S NOT FAIR TO SAY "B.R.B." 504 00:22:32,940 --> 00:22:34,940 AND THEN NEVER ACTUALLY B.R.B.? 505 00:22:34,970 --> 00:22:37,570 BUT APOLOGY ACCEPTED. 506 00:22:37,610 --> 00:22:38,670 COME HERE. 507 00:22:38,710 --> 00:22:39,780 [ SCOFFS ] 508 00:22:39,810 --> 00:22:41,010 GOOD MORNING. 509 00:22:41,040 --> 00:22:42,410 GOOD MORNING. 510 00:22:42,450 --> 00:22:45,050 I, UH, NEEDED MY BLACK SKIRT. 511 00:22:45,080 --> 00:22:46,210 OH, THAT'S UNDERSTANDABLE. 512 00:22:46,250 --> 00:22:49,150 IT'S PROBABLY HARD TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY IN A COURTROOM 513 00:22:49,180 --> 00:22:50,520 WHEN YOU'RE BOTTOMLESS. 514 00:22:50,550 --> 00:22:54,620 THOUGH I WOULD TAKE YOU SERIOUSLY. 515 00:22:54,660 --> 00:22:58,830 I, UH, ALSO WANTED TO GIVE YOU THIS. 516 00:22:58,860 --> 00:23:00,960 OH, SHIT. 517 00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:03,170 SO, YOU'RE GONNA BLOW THIS WHOLE THING 518 00:23:03,200 --> 00:23:05,900 OVER MY ISSUES WITH THE LANGUAGE OF CYBERSPACE? 519 00:23:05,930 --> 00:23:08,600 WHAT'S THIS WHOLE THING YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT? 520 00:23:08,640 --> 00:23:09,540 WE DRINK, WE FUCK, 521 00:23:09,570 --> 00:23:11,840 WE WATCH OLD MOVIES IN YOUR APARTMENT, HANK. 522 00:23:11,870 --> 00:23:13,710 SOUNDS FUCKIN' AWESOME. 523 00:23:13,740 --> 00:23:16,780 YOU'RE JUST PISSED 'CAUSE I BEAT YOU TO THE PUNCH. 524 00:23:16,810 --> 00:23:19,450 YOU WERE LOOKING FOR ANY EXCUSE TO BAIL. 525 00:23:19,480 --> 00:23:20,520 SO SAYS YOU. 526 00:23:20,550 --> 00:23:23,120 BUT I GUESS WE'LL NEVER FIND OUT. 527 00:23:23,150 --> 00:23:24,420 I GUESS NOT. 528 00:23:28,020 --> 00:23:29,990 HE LEFT HIS WIFE. 529 00:23:30,030 --> 00:23:33,200 OH. 530 00:23:34,730 --> 00:23:36,700 OKAY. 531 00:23:36,730 --> 00:23:39,070 THAT'S WHAT THIS WAS ABOUT. FUCK. 532 00:23:39,100 --> 00:23:41,500 IN A WAY, I HAVE YOU TO THANK. 533 00:23:41,540 --> 00:23:43,210 YOU REALLY DID RATTLE HIS CAGE. 534 00:23:43,240 --> 00:23:44,470 YEAH. 535 00:23:44,510 --> 00:23:46,910 GLAD TO BE OF SERVICE, MILADY. 536 00:23:46,940 --> 00:23:48,780 [ INHALES DEEPLY ] 537 00:23:48,810 --> 00:23:49,850 I JUST -- 538 00:23:49,880 --> 00:23:51,150 [ CHUCKLES ] 539 00:23:51,180 --> 00:23:52,880 I JUST FEEL SO USED. 540 00:23:52,920 --> 00:23:56,120 SHUT UP. WE WERE USING EACH OTHER, HANK. 541 00:23:56,150 --> 00:23:57,190 OKAY. 542 00:23:57,220 --> 00:24:00,060 I LOVE HOW YOU'RE TAKING THE MORAL HIGH GROUND HERE. 543 00:24:00,090 --> 00:24:02,890 YOU KNOW, I'M SURE THAT IF I CANVASSED THE WEST SIDE, 544 00:24:02,930 --> 00:24:04,190 I WOULD FIND MORE THAN A FEW GIRLS 545 00:24:04,230 --> 00:24:05,430 WHO FEEL USED AND ABUSED BY YOU. 546 00:24:05,460 --> 00:24:09,500 Y-YOU SEEM TO THINK THAT I HAVE THIS NARROW PERCEPTION OF YOU? 547 00:24:09,530 --> 00:24:12,500 BUT IT'S YOU WITH THE NARROW PERCEPTION OF ME. 548 00:24:12,540 --> 00:24:14,870 I LOVE WOMEN. I HAVE ALL THEIR ALBUMS. 549 00:24:14,900 --> 00:24:16,640 SHIT! 550 00:24:16,670 --> 00:24:19,210 YOU KNOW, I THINK I'D JUST FEEL BETTER ABOUT THIS THING 551 00:24:19,240 --> 00:24:21,180 IF I DIDN'T THINK YOU WERE RE-ENTERING 552 00:24:21,210 --> 00:24:23,510 THIS HOPELESSLY DYSFUNCTIONAL RELATIONSHIP 553 00:24:23,550 --> 00:24:25,550 WITH AN AGGRESSIVELY MEDIOCRE WHITE GUY. 554 00:24:25,580 --> 00:24:28,950 I'VE SPENT TIME WITH THE MAN. TIME STOOD STILL. 555 00:24:28,980 --> 00:24:30,250 [ Chuckling ] OH. 556 00:24:30,290 --> 00:24:32,790 THIS FROM SOMEONE WHO'S STILL HOPELESSLY IN LOVE 557 00:24:32,820 --> 00:24:33,960 WITH HIS EX...WHATEVER. 558 00:24:33,990 --> 00:24:36,690 WELL, AT LEAST SHE'S COOL. 559 00:24:36,730 --> 00:24:38,730 OKAY, WHAT ARE YOU -- 4? 560 00:24:38,760 --> 00:24:40,530 [ CHUCKLES ] 561 00:24:40,560 --> 00:24:42,670 PERHAPS. 562 00:24:42,700 --> 00:24:43,830 I DON'T KNOW. 563 00:24:43,870 --> 00:24:46,800 WE JUST MISSED IT, HANK. 564 00:24:46,840 --> 00:24:49,810 IN ANOTHER LIFETIME, WE WOULD HAVE BEEN A SCORCHING COUPLE. 565 00:24:49,840 --> 00:24:51,170 YEAH. 566 00:24:51,210 --> 00:24:52,940 BUT IN THIS ONE, WE -- 567 00:24:52,980 --> 00:24:56,240 MISSED IT. MISSED IT. 568 00:24:56,280 --> 00:24:58,980 ALL RIGHT. 569 00:24:59,010 --> 00:25:00,580 WELL, CONGRATULATIONS. 570 00:25:00,620 --> 00:25:03,620 AND BEST OF LUCK IN ALL YOUR FUTURE ENDEAVORS. 571 00:25:03,650 --> 00:25:04,550 AND TRY NOT TO FORGET 572 00:25:04,590 --> 00:25:06,220 ALL THE TIMES I BROUGHT YOU TO FRUITION -- 573 00:25:06,250 --> 00:25:07,820 33, TO BE EXACT. 574 00:25:07,860 --> 00:25:12,260 AND WHEN MARRIED GUY GOES BACK TO HIS WIFE, 575 00:25:12,290 --> 00:25:13,960 WHICH HE WILL, 576 00:25:14,000 --> 00:25:17,670 I HOPE THAT YOU COME TRY TO FIND ME. 577 00:25:17,700 --> 00:25:20,340 I HOPE THAT YOU KNOW WHERE TO LOOK. 578 00:25:20,370 --> 00:25:23,870 FACE DOWN IN A PUDDLE OF YOUR OWN SICK? 579 00:25:23,910 --> 00:25:25,070 STILL NOT WRITING? 580 00:25:25,110 --> 00:25:26,210 L.O.L. 581 00:25:26,240 --> 00:25:27,780 [ LAUGHS ] 582 00:25:27,810 --> 00:25:29,950 L.O.-FUCKIN'-L. 583 00:25:29,980 --> 00:25:31,710 BYE. 584 00:25:31,750 --> 00:25:33,120 BYE. 585 00:26:11,220 --> 00:26:12,990 Hank: YOU'RE QUIET. 586 00:26:13,020 --> 00:26:15,120 Becca: I LIKE QUIET. 587 00:26:15,160 --> 00:26:17,660 YEAH, ME TOO... 588 00:26:17,690 --> 00:26:20,800 AS LONG AS YOU'RE OKAY. 589 00:26:20,830 --> 00:26:22,400 MY HEART HURTS. 590 00:26:22,430 --> 00:26:25,700 OH, GOD, BABY. MINE, TOO. 591 00:26:25,730 --> 00:26:27,800 IS IT BOY TROUBLE? 592 00:26:27,840 --> 00:26:32,140 ME TOO. WELL, GIRL TROUBLE. 593 00:26:32,170 --> 00:26:34,710 YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT? 594 00:26:34,740 --> 00:26:35,640 NO. 595 00:26:35,680 --> 00:26:38,950 I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHEN IT STOPS HURTING. 596 00:26:38,980 --> 00:26:40,750 WELL, HERE'S THE DEAL, 597 00:26:40,780 --> 00:26:42,320 AND YOU'RE NOT GONNA WANT TO HEAR THIS, 598 00:26:42,350 --> 00:26:44,220 SO IT'S GONNA SOUND LIKE PISS-POOR PARENTING, 599 00:26:44,250 --> 00:26:46,890 BUT IF YOU'RE LUCKY, NEVER. 600 00:26:49,290 --> 00:26:51,730 OH, WHAT COULD AIL THEE, KNIGHT AT ARMS, 601 00:26:51,760 --> 00:26:53,160 ALONE AND PALELY LOITERING? 602 00:26:53,200 --> 00:26:55,300 THE SEDGE HAS WITHERED FROM THE LAKE, 603 00:26:55,330 --> 00:26:57,700 AND NO BIRDS SING. 604 00:26:57,730 --> 00:27:00,340 KEATS, "LA BELLE DAME SANS MERCI"? 605 00:27:00,370 --> 00:27:03,070 IS THAT THE BEST YOU CAN DO, DAD? 606 00:27:03,110 --> 00:27:06,010 HOW ABOUT SOMETHING FROM THIS CENTURY? 607 00:27:06,040 --> 00:27:08,780 HOW ABOUT -- YOU GOT DYLAN'S "BLOOD ON THE TRACKS"? 608 00:27:08,810 --> 00:27:11,380 YOU EVER LISTEN TO THAT? CLASSIC HEARTBREAK ALBUM. 609 00:27:11,410 --> 00:27:13,350 I CAN GIFT IT TO YOU ON YOUR iPod. 610 00:27:13,380 --> 00:27:17,090 * IF YOU SEE HER, SAY HELLO DAD. 611 00:27:17,120 --> 00:27:20,060 * SHE MIGHT BE IN TANGIER DAD. 612 00:27:20,090 --> 00:27:23,090 * SHE LEFT HERE LAST EARLY SPRING * 613 00:27:23,130 --> 00:27:27,260 * IS LIVING THERE, I HEAR 614 00:27:27,300 --> 00:27:31,700 * SAY FOR ME THAT I'M ALL RIGHT * 615 00:27:31,730 --> 00:27:35,870 * THOUGH THINGS GET KIND OF SLOW * 616 00:27:35,900 --> 00:27:41,080 * SHE MIGHT THINK THAT I'VE FORGOTTEN HER * 617 00:27:41,110 --> 00:27:45,280 * DON'T TELL HER IT ISN'T SO 618 00:27:47,380 --> 00:27:50,350 -- Captions by VITAC -- www.vitac.com 619 00:27:50,390 --> 00:27:52,820 CLOSED CAPTIONING PROVIDED BY SHOWTIME NETWORKS 620 00:27:52,860 --> 00:27:54,390 AND BLIND DECKER PRODUCTIONS 43652

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