All language subtitles for Beauty Shop 2005 1080p.MAX.WEB-DL.DDP.5.1.H.265-PiRaTeS

WJLM

Hotlanta. Home of the Hawks.
The Atlanta Stomp.

And that fine-ass Michael Vick!

Michael. If you out there listenin'.
Come on over to WJLM

and touch down
on a sister's backside,

Your girl Helen's got an end zone
you wouldn't believe. Baby!

Holler at your girl!

Call me anytime

Call me if you need
someone to talk to

Call me.
Satisfaction guaranteed

- Darnelle. You see my blue sweater?
- Leave me alone.

Darnelle. I know
you be dippin' in my closet

and I'm not going anywhere until...

- Leave me alone.
- You missed.

Hey. Nana.

Look at you!

- Come on. Sit down. Baby.
- No. Thanks. I'm late.

Nana. Have you seen
my blue sweater?

I ain't seen it.

- Go ask your mama.
- Mama!

Stop screaming.
I'm back here.

Satisfaction guaranteed

You almost ready. Baby girl?
We gotta go.

I can't find my blue sweater.

That's because it's in the truck
where you left it.

Where you
pretty much leave everything.

Okay. I guess I'm ready.

You ain't strollin' up in school
with that pimp hat on.

Mom. It's not a pimp hat. It's fashion.
Alicia Keys has the same one.

Well. Good for her.
Lose the hat.

Why send me
to a performing arts school

if you're not gonna allow me
to be creative or express myself?

Sounds
like a contradiction to me.

"Sounds
like a contradiction to me, "

Lose the hat and the attitude.
I'll meet you in the car. Go ahead.

- Vanessa!
- Yeah?

Do you think these pants
make my butt look big?

- Yeah. They do.
- Perfect.

Call me if you need
someone to talk to

I'm gonna get the hell out of here.
I'll mess with it at the shop.

- I see my blue sweater.
- Yep.

Hi!

Told you.

Go ahead. Get out.

Wait.
Fly me some fingers.

- All right. Have a good day. Love you.
- Love you. Too.

Can't believe it.
She was right.

Hollering with Helen
in the morning

Hotlanta. How y'all is?

I hope y'all feeling somethin' like me,

I reckon y'all checkin'
my good mood this mornin'.

'Cause your girl Helen
is doin' quite well. Thank you very much,

See. One of my many mens-es
came through last night

and got crunk with my trunk,
If you know what I'm sayin'.

Yeah. He got a sister smilin'

like she just got
a thousand-dollar credit increase

on her gas card
and ready to get pumped!

Y'all know I ain't lyin' to you,
Just keepin' it real. For real. For real,

Holler at your girl Helen,
I'll holler,

Don't even worry about it.
I'll get the hair.

You just come on in and we...
Yeah. We'll see you at 10:00.

All right. Bye-bye.

No. No. I can't go.
I have my consultation later.

Finally getting those implants.

Dr. Kopelin says it'll take
like a week or so to recover.

Dr. Kopelin says it'll take
like a week or so to recover.

But I'll be so doped up
on Vicodin. Who cares?

Okay. I'll talk to you later.

Joanne, Joanne. Girl.
I'm telling you. Don't do it.

Or you know what? You'll be going
hot and heavy with your boyfriend.

He squeeze too hard.
That thing fly right out your mouth.

Besides. You don't need that. Girl.
Do you know why?

- Why?
- Because you are beautiful.

- Oh. My God, Gina! It's amazing.
- Well. You know.

You just have to give me a bottle
of that special conditioner you make.

Hey. You gotta keep that on the low.

Because Jorge only likes us
using Jorge products.

Oh. Forget about Jorge.

I swear. You're the best thing
that ever happened to him.

Is she now? I thought the best thing
to ever happen to Jorge's was Jorge.

My God, Joanne. You look fantastic.
You look incredible.

So. When you getting the implants?

Soon.

Jorge. You have a gem
on your hands.

- Gina is a miracle worker.
- Yeah. She's a... worker.

Sweetie. I gotta run.

I got some crow's feet screaming
for some Botox. So next week?

I'll be here.

Great to see you. Baby.

So, Gina. Nice work.

Thanks. Just doing what I do.

Well. About that. Just remember
that in doing what you do.

You're actually doing what I do.
What Jorge does.

The person whose name
is on the moniker, ja?

"My nigga"? What?

"Moniker, "
As in the name on the building.

So. That being said.
You just have a marvelous day, ja?

You need to learn
how to pronounce that correctly.

Jorge's time of the month again?

Let's go get some lunch.

I could use some air. Anyway.

You got a dictionary?
I gotta look up this word: "ma-nigga, "

- "Moniker"?
- "Ma-nigga, "

- "Ma-nigger"?
- That's what I thought he said.

- You said, "My nigga"?
- "My nigger"?

- Don't you ever say that again.
- What?

You know. You whites.
You can't really say that word.

But that's what I thought Jorge said!

The guy can do some hair.
Well. He can work a flip.

- But he's a idiot to work for.
- At least you got a chair.

- I'm stuck in shampoo hell.
- Girl. You'll get out.

Oh. Dear God. Let it be soon!

I've been dying
to show you something.

Pictures from a hair show
I worked last weekend.

Those are my models.

What?

You did this?

Girl. This is good.
Jorge is trippin' not giving you a chair.

Well. If it means anything to you.
You always got a chair in my shop.

- Why. Thank you.
- Well. When I get a shop.

What do you want a shop for?
Too much of a headache.

I always wanted my own shop.
Shoot. Sell my own products.

Vanessa getting accepted
into that expensive-ass music school

just moved it
from Chicago to here.

- But it'll happen.
- Yes. It will.

Until then. I'm just gonna kick back.
Stack my chips at Jorge's...

And try not to kill him.

- She can play. Can't she?
- Yeah. Just like her daddy.

Rest his soul.

She don't have the same passion
for it since he died. Though.

But still. All I got to do
is hear her play

to know why I put up
with Jorge's nonsense.

I want my daughter
to have the best. You know?

Hell. At this point.
All I want from my daughter

is some common sense
and some clothes that fit.

Gina. The girl put on a pair of pants

that came down
to the top of her burning bush.

Sometimes that girl
make me mad enough to chew bricks.

Don't mess
your dental work up over it.

- I don't know.
- She gonna be all right.

You look absolutely fantastic.

We going to make another appointment.
Touch up the roots, ja?

- Ja, Thank you. Jorge.
- Great to see you.

Don't be afraid to hop on top.

Listen. A man like a lady in the streets
and a freak in the bedroom.

You know. You got.
What. Seven kids? I'm telling you...

Terri is here.
I must go to Pilates.

Please make sure
that she's taken care of, ja?

Okay. Soon as I square away
Mrs. Dexter.

Pronto, Gina.

Fine. Jorge. Right away.

You might want to find a frame
for your memories.

Preferably not one from K-Mart.

Jorge's was not named
Best Designed Salon in Atlanta

for having Scottish tape
on some mirrors. Right? Ja?

Okay. I go now.

Hey, Terri. How you doin'?
Come on. Get comfortable.

I'm having this major party
for Steven and a few of his clients.

And I just have to look remarkable.
I just have to.

So I was hoping that. You know.

You would do a little
of your magic on me.

I think I can conjure up
somethin' for you.

You know what?
Lynn. I got this.

Why don't you go finish
setting Mrs. Dexter for me?

I don't know. I was just supposed
to shampoo till an available chair opens.

Well. Do you see me at my chair?

No.

Then it's open.
Go ahead. Girl. Do your thing.

Come on back.

- So tell me about this dinner party.
- Big. Big party.

But. Don't worry.
I've got everything under control.

I have caterers.
The kids all have play dates...

- Well. That's good to hear.
- Life is good.

You know.
Life is just really. Really good.

You havin' problems with Steven again?

Yeah. I am.

He just looks at me
like he hates me.

- He does.
- Come on. Now.

He doesn't hate you.
Don't even worry about it.

I got my special conditioner
to take care of that. So...

You know. I just don't know what to do.
I try to please him.

I do everything.
I've bought sex toys.

Did you get any
of them Chinese balls?

- Do you think that'll work?
- Oh. Man.

That's the move right there.

I mean. I hear
they make men go crazy.

You just sneak 'em up in there
and then go...

I don't know about that!

...out.
- Shampooer.

I guess.

So don't forget you gotta drink
a lot of water. Take those vitamins.

And come on back next week.

Let me give you
another treatment. Okay?

Thank you, Gina.
Your cream has just saved my hair.

- Oh, Terri. Come on.
- Thank you.

Take care now. Have fun!

- You're so sweet!
- Don't stress!

Hello. Shampooing girl.
Have you gone cuckoo clock in the head?

I don't remember saying
you could leave the shampooing area.

You are the shampooing girl.
You should be shampooing. No?

Lynn! Girl. You got
some skills on you!

Look at this. This is great!

- I hope I didn't get her in trouble.
- I hope not.

So. This is not the way
we do things here at Jorge's, ja?

Look. I know
it wasn't proper protocol.

But you were gone.
And I was busy and Lynn...

Look, Lynn has her license.
So I just told her to take a shot.

So you told her to take a shot.

Yeah.
And she dunked it.

I don't care
if she dunked it. Alley-ooped it.

Touch-downed it. Or any
of your other little street colloquialisms.

You don't get to give shots
here at Jorge's. Okay?

I give the shots...
unless you're diabetic.

Right? The stylists here. They work
for me. They don't work for you.

So if you wish
to continue working here.

I suggest that you
get with the program

and you give me
some proper respect, ja?

I showed you the proper respect
when I took care of your client

while you took a Pilates class.

So you wish to altercate with me?

You have no idea
what I wish to do with you.

You know. You act
like you own me or something.

Gina, Gina. Of course I do.

Without me. You would be
back in Chicago. Baby.

Washing hair
in your mama's kitchen.

Now you wanna talk
about my mama?

So do I own you?

Technically.
As in "have papers on you"? No.

Get your fingers out my face.

I've given you the lifestyle
that you have grown accustomed to.

Get your fingers out my face.

And. Like all things. What Jorge giveth.
Jorge can also taketh away.

You know what. Jorge?
I don't need a damn thing from you.

You hear me?

And you cannot "taketh"
anything away from me.

You know. Matter of fact.
I giveth it back. I quit.

- Oh. You quit?
- Yeah. I don't need this.

Shoot. I quit.

Outta here.
Snatch my picture off the wall.

Everybody knows I am the shit
all up and through Jorge's.

And what's up
with the K-Mart thing. Huh?

Is it 'cause I'm black?

Is it 'cause I'm black?
'Cause I'm black?!

Let me tell you something. Baby.
You're nothing without me.

You're going to fall flat on your ass.
I promise you that.

Well. I got a little cushion.

You wanna kiss it?
I didn't think so!

- What you doin' up?
- Can't sleep.

I miss him.

- So do I.
- Wait a minute.

Does this mean I'm gonna have
to leave music school now?

No. Why would you
say that, Vanessa?

Because. Mom... you got fired.

No. I quit.
There's a difference.

Please. If I wanted to go get
a job tomorrow at a shop. I could.

But that's not where my heart is.
It's time I owned somethin'.

I can't approve this.
Not for this much.

But didn't you read my business plan
or my letters of recommendation?

All very impressive. But...

But...

Miss Norris. See. You're
missing what we like to call here

at Southern Mutual
and Savings "the three C's, "

- Credit. Collateral...
- Color.

No. I was gonna say capital.

Which is something
that you could earn

by acquiring
one of our secured credit cards.

As opposed to you
throwing around your... race one.

And that's my lunch calling me.
But nature's calling me first.

So. Miss Norris.
Good day to you.

Don't kill me.

Stay still. Now. Or I'ma mess around
and take your eye out.

Relax. Woman.

There. Okay. Okay.

Let me get a look at you.
All right.

There.
A new face at the bank.

- You like it?
- Oh. You...

I guess that's a "yes, "
Or is that the way you fight?

No. I like it. I love it.

I haven't seen this woman in years.

Well. Now you got her back.
Try not to lose her.

All right. Go get
that cutie bank manager now.

Loan approved.

What?

You got your loan.

I got it? Oh. Yes!

Go Gina.
It's your birthday

I got a hundred-fifty thou'.
A hundred-fifty thou'

- No, Gina. No. No.
- A hundred-fifty...

No. I... No. We...
Not quite that much.

That's cool.

I'll take a hundred thousand!

- No. No, Gina.
- What? What? No?

What? Like 95? 85?

- I can work with sev... Lower than that?
- Thirty.

Thirty thousand dollars?
What kind of shop can I buy with that?

Lord Jesus. Have mercy!

Look like somebody swallowed
the '70s and threw it up in here.

Now, Gina. I've been
in some messed up salons. But damn!

Girl. This is just straight-up nasty!

Thanks. Darnelle.
Tell me how you really feel.

What's that supposed to be?

Looks like some kind of skylight.

Mama. That look like a big ol' hole
in the ceilin' to me.

I got an electrician
coming to look at that tomorrow.

Listen to that.
Whoever's up there can play.

And they need to stop.

The realtor told me I'd be inheriting
a few stylists. Not a whole damn band.

Well, Gina. Let's just look
at the blessing in it.

You've got your own beauty shop!

Be happy. It's yours!

Come on.
Let's make this place sparkle!

I'm ready!
Let's turn this into Gina's!

Turn that music on!

There we go...
Madam C.J.

Hi. Can I help you?

Yes. Ma'am.
I received a message yesterday.

Joe's Electrical Repairs.
I'm Joe.

I found your business card
on Miss Angeline's desk.

And I was guessing
you had done some work here before?

A little. Miss Angeline
wasn't exactly into repair and upkeep.

- Who you telling?
- Well. It looks nice.

- You've done a great job with it.
- Thank you.

And you are?

I'm Gina. Sorry.

And this is my mother-in-law.
That's Paulette and her daughter Darnelle.

- And that's my baby, Vanessa.
- Ladies.

So. You're familiar with the place.
How bad is it?

The place needs a lot of work.

Rotting wires. Outdated sockets...

And the main breaker
keeps getting tripped.

- Is that a problem?
- Not if you like standing in the dark.

A lot just needs to be done.
A total upgrade.

Well. Right now. I just need you
to take care of this one thing for me.

Now. You see
this big ol' hole in the ceilin'?

That just ain't workin' for me.

Neither's the piano playing coming
out of it. If you know what I'm saying.

So I just need you to take those wires

and sort of stuff 'em back up in there
so I can patch up the ceiling.

Can you do that for me?

Can you do that for me?

I could. But that's not going
to solve your dilemma.

So. Let's say I do
the whole upgrade thingamajig.

How much is that gonna cost me?

I'd say between 4.000 to 6.000.

Well. Don't let the doorknob
hit you on the way out.

Okay. Then... Good luck.

Wait. Wait.
Come on. What about the ceilin'?

Don't look at it.

I guess I'm supposed to ignore
the piano playin' comin' through it?

I'll try to play more quietly.

I play piano. Too.

Is that right. Mademoiselle?

Yeah. Maybe I can come up
and play some time?

Maybe. We'll see. Little one.

- Ladies. Ciao.
- Bye.

Mama. I like him.

And I like you
with this broom in your hand.

Gina. It's looking beautiful.

You think the ladies will like it
when they come in tomorrow?

Please. Compared
to what they were workin' with

before we got here.
They should love it.

So. What don't you like
about the place?

I ain't sayin' I don't like it.

I just say. You know. I don't think
it's all o' that. That's all.

For real. It's gonna take more
than a new little paint job

and some posters to impress me.

This coming from a woman
who had Popeye's cater her wedding.

Church's.
It was Church's. Josephine.

- It was chicken.
- I ain't mad at you.

I had Gladys Knight
Chicken and Waffles cater mine.

I still got waffles in the freezer.

Would y'all let the woman
who own the shop talk?

Go on, Gina.

Thank you. Miss Josephine.

Say what you got to say.
It's your shop. Sister.

All right. Now.
What I was trying to say wa...

They ain't gonna listen. No way.

Talk to us. Go on.

Go on.

What I was tryin' to say was. No...

What about the booth rent?

I hope you don't plan on raisin' it.

Can't be coming outta pocket, Gina.

I can't come outta pocket.

M.J. Got basketball camp.
Baby A-Rod need a new stroller.

And little Shaq. He need braces.

Dang. Girl. You got you
a little Dream Team over there. Huh?

And look. Auntie Gina. This one here
is Venus Serena Marion Jones. Junior.

Right. That's Auntie Gina's baby.

So, look. As of right now.
No. I'm not gonna raise the booth rent.

But I will be making
some changes around here.

Look. I'm trying to create an environment
where you can come and relax.

All right? We are professionals.
Professionals.

And you never know. Oprah
might come strollin' up in here one day.

Yeah. You know. If she mistook the place
for. What. A Krispy Kreme joint?

You need to hush. Little sister.
You ain't got a pot to piss in.

Oprah pot platinum. Baby.

You know that poem Maya Angelou wrote?
"Phenomenal Woman"?

"Pretty woman.
Wonder where my secret lies?

I ain't cute or built to fit
a fashion-model size, "

She's talking about Oprah. Hon!

Yes. She was! And just like Oprah.
I wanna be the best.

And in order to be the best.
We got to change the game a little bit.

Which brings me to this...
please. No more food on the counters.

Let's try to keep it
as clean as we can.

You know what?
I make you this promise.

I ain't gonna get
no food on your stuff.

Don't sit...

That's a little syrup
spilled on the seat.

That's a white couch.

But it look like Louis Vuitton.

They ain't gonna know.

- High fashion.
- Turn it over.

- You can Shout it out.
- Shout it out.

- Pull it out and throw it in the dryer.
- What's up?

Yo, look.
We gotta work as a team.

In order to work as a team.
We have to look like a team.

New smocks. One size fits all.
Porsche. Mercedes.

- What?
- Okay?

They ain't had none
of these with some Kente cloth

or somethin' more with a little
Motherland flavor. A cheetah print?

This ain't got no breast flap.
I mean. How am I supposed to...

If I... Maybe right here.
Maybe it'll slip through the hole.

Am I late?

Hey! No. No. No.

You right on time. Girl.
Come on in.

Everybody. This is Lynn.

Lynn is one of the baddest hair stylists
to ever set foot out of Augusta...

Blue Ridge.

Blue Ridge. Georgia.

She got mad skills.
The girl is talented.

And she gonna be working
here in the shop with us.

Working here. As what?

As a stylist.

Hell. No!

Hell. No!

Come on.
Okay. You know what?

I'm sorry. But you doing
a little too much around here. Okay?

I mean. You ain't tryin'
to. What. Brighten up the place.

You's tryin' to whiten up the place.

For real.

So. Here's what I'ma do, Gina.

I'ma let you and little Miss Blue Ridge.
Here. You know. Have the shop.

Do your thang.
Go on. Girl! Do your thang.

'Cause I can't be a part of this. Okay?
Porsche. Are you rollin'?

Yeah. I ain't gonna be able
to do it. Either.

- I didn't mean to run 'em out.
- No. No. Don't even worry about it.

Better we get rid
of the bad apples now.

Besides. Them girls
got too much attitude.

I 'bout to slap the shit
out of one o' they asses.

A'ight. Anybody else leavin'?
'Cause this white bitch here is stayin'.

Chanel.

You know. No white girl
is gonna mess up me and my money.

Y'all can go.

- Whatever.
- A'ight... whatever.

All right. Y'all. You wanna fly
outta here with them birds?

'Cause I got a business to run.
I need to know something.

That's what I'm talking about.
All right.

Gina's Beauty Shop.

No problem.
Thank you. Bye-bye.

- Excuse me.
- May I offer you a cappuccino?

I don't want
no damn cappa-whatever-it-is.

Where's Angeline at?

I'm sorry.
She's no longer here.

- She die?
- No. No. No. She didn't die.

Then where is she?
'Cause I got an appointment.

Well. My name is Gina.
I bought the shop from Miss Angeline.

I can have one of my other operators
assist you. If you like. Miss...

Mrs. Towner.

Mrs. Towner.

"T" as in "Tom, "
"O" as in "Othavee, "

"W" as in "Willacoochee. Georgia, "

- Willacoochee.
- And "ner" as in...

"I don't live 'ner' here, "

Well. Don't let me
keep you waiting any longer.

Come on. Now. Would you like
some water or something. Mrs. Towner?

Yes. Please. Thank you.

Lynn. Would you take care
of Mrs. Towner. Please?

Of course.
Hi. Mrs. Towner.

When'd you all get to be
so integrated 'round here?

This morning.
What can I do for you today?

Don't give me no 'fro.
Just keep my curls neat and tight.

And then maybe
you can pin it up for me.

Not a problem.

Girl. What you know
'bout doin' black folks' hair?

I'm not gonna screw it up.
If that's what you mean.

Good for you.

Here's your water. Miss Towner... Mrs.

Well. Thank you. Sweetie.

...and I'm tellin' him to move back
just a little bit. You know what I mean?

But he wouldn't even move back.

Well. Either I'm still buzzin'
from last night's party.

Or Miss Angeline done come up.

For real. Though. From backwood
to Hollywood. This is nice.

Ladies. Hi. I'm Gina.
I'm the new owner.

Can I offer you some cappuccinos?

- Or water? Some coffee?
- Don't mind if I do.

- I like you already. Miss Gina.
- Me. Too.

Damn! Look at you
with that big ol' rock on your finger!

You ought to be careful
rollin' with that.

Just a little six-karat keepsake
my husband bought me.

Christopher Clark...
power forward... Atlanta Hawks?

"Three-point Chris"?
That's your husband?

Oh. My God. Girl. He got game.

Yes. He does.

Anywho. I have an appointment
with Mercedes today.

Anywho. I have an appointment
with Mercedes today.

She no longer works here.

Well. We'll take Porsche today. Then.

She gone. Too.

Actually. We got rid
of all of our foreign cars.

Well. Damn!
I couldn't get a heads-up or something?

You know. We should
just go on over to Aspire. Girl.

And get in where we fit in.
'Cause obviously this...

Well. You could do that or...
you could let me do your hair.

I know how you like to roll.
You like to keep it tight. I can tell.

You don't play about your look.

And let me tell you somethin'. I will have
you lookin' fly as a mug courtside.

Did I tell you my name was Gina?
I don't play about my edges.

I will lay that hair down.

I'll have it shining
up on that big ol' Jumbotron.

That big monitor TV
that be in the arena.

Yeah. That's right.

You gonna have to just stop
and take a look at yourself.

Because everybody else
gonna be looking at you.

I'm so sorry.
But I don't really know you.

I'll do it for free.

So where should I sit?

No. I can't do highlights.

My client has an important game tonight.
And I'm trying to go with the P-I-M-P look.

Well. Perhaps Jorge
is not for you. Then.

No. You know...
Maybe Jorge is for me.

- Let's do this.
- Great.

Stacy. Where is the shampooing girl.
What's her name?

We need to get Corky washed.

You mean Lynn? She quit.

Come again?

She quit.

She called this morning.
I left a message on your desk.

She said that if anyone asks.
That she was working down at Gina's.

Working at Gina's what?

Gina's salon.

Okay. Well...

Today is your lucky day.
I'll wash you myself. Come with me.

Have a seat.

Don't forget to use a cape.

It's not my first day at the picnic. Stacy.
I know all about the cape, ja?

Shouldn't I be taking my jacket off?

Leave the jacket.
Take off your pants. I'm kidding.

Stacy! Stacy!

I'm sorry. I just need a moment.

Looks good. Don't it?

Girl. It looks good.
That's all you?

This is my hair. Blown out.

Yup. Girl. It's nice!

Well, Gina. I'm booking you. Girl.
When can you get me in?

- I can take you tomorrow at 10:00.
- I'll be here at 8:45.

Say. Now. Mama.
How you doing?

Damn!
You a nice little pound cake.

How y'all doin'?

Y'all want a little chocolate?
Y'all don't want nothin'?

Y'all looking. Sittin' over here.
lookin' all done up and thang.

So. I figured y'all want somethin'.

So y'all just gonna float on
past a brother.

Brother can't get no communicato?
A'ight. Then.

How you doin'?

Damn. You a thick one!
You got top and bottom.

Gimme a quarter. I promised my mama
I'd call her as soon as I fell in love.

Whassup. Little man?
What you sellin'?

Candy bars.

See. I'm raisin' money
so I can shoot my music video.

If you want. You could be in it.

Come and get low wit' it.
Shake it like a salt shaker.

Shake it like a salt shaker!

What is your name?

I'm Willie. A.k.a. Will-Boogie.
From Decatur. Georgia.

That my daddy pawn shop next door.

What yo' name. Meal?

My name is Gina. I own the shop.

And if you want to sell
your candy in here.

You gonna have to learn how to be
a little more courteous to the ladies.

- I got that. No doubt. My bad, Gina.
- All right. Okay.

So. Miss Gina. You gonna buy
some five-dollar chocolate

to go with those healthy
milk-sacks you got?

Don't bring your little behind back here
till you learn how to speak to a lady!

That's what you get!

She loves me.

Don't you even try. Girl.
I don't know whose bike this is.

- Can I have one?
- Can you have one?

Can I have one?

Hey. Nana.

- How's my girls?
- Good.

- Hey. Paulette.
- All right?

Go and get cleaned up. Baby.

It feels good to be home.

So, Gina. How was it?

Well. It was...

I know that bike out there ain't yours.

No. Girl. That's P.J.'s bike.

- I ain't even gonna ask.
- A'ight. Mama.

I'm gone.

- Bye.
- Bye. Darnelle.

- You be careful on that bike. Hear?
- Mama. I will.

Gina. I swear. It's more trouble
havin' that girl than it was makin' her.

See. Your father-in-law
had a crooked one.

I had to walk around the corner
just to get on it.

So. What were you...

So. I must've put it on the brother,
'Cause the fool wouldn't leave me alone,

I mean. He was blowin' up my phone.
My girlfriend's phone.

Drivin' by my house,
My mama's house,

This dude was straight trippin'.

So I did what any other normal
black woman would do,

'Cause a white girl wouldn't do this.

- They go down to the police station...
- Come on.

Get a restrainin' order,
Piss the man off and have him waitin'

in the damn bushes
with a butcher knife ready to kill a bitch,

- I had to get creative,
- That's great.

Go ghetto on a black man,

- Y'all say "ghetto, "
- Ghetto!

- Ghetto!
- A sistah had to get sinister on a Negro,

Basically. A woman
had to do what she had to do,

- What'd you do?
- I lied and told him I was pregnant,

I ain't seen that fool in ten years,
I ain't lyin'. Ladies. Wrong or right?

I wanna hear from ya. Hotlanta.

Holler at Helen
or hit me on my website

at www, how-to-shake-a-nigga, com.

No. She didn't.

I didn't know you could say
the "N" word on the radio.

No. No. Sweetie.
She can say it. You just can't.

You know what?

Now. You could be black. White.
Ghetto past. No ghetto past.

Ain't nobody sayin'
the "N" word up in this shop.

And no "bitches" and "hos, " either.
'Cept for the ones who don't leave a tip.

That's for real. That's for real.

But we will be wearin' our smocks
unless your name is Gina.

I forgot.

Look good. Don't it?
I had to put a little Motherland flavor on it.

Some sexiness.

It's a little too sexy.

You might wanna use
some of that mud cloth

and like. Kinda. You know.
Cover up the girls.

"Does my sexiness offend you?"

No. I'm just sayin'...

"Does it come as a surprise?"

Ah. Lord!

"That I dance like I got diamonds
at the meetin' of my thighs?"

Lord. Here we go.
Her and her Miss Angeloo.

Angelou.
"Does my haughtiness offend you?

"Don't you take it awful hard

"'cause I laugh
like I got gold mines

diggin' in my own backyard, "

Don't dig too deep.
Miss Josephine.

"Leavin' behind nights
of terror and fear

"I rise into a daybreak
that is wondrously clear.

"I rise bringin' the gifts
that the ancestors gave.

"I am the dream
and the hope of the slave.

I rise, "

I rise!

I rise!

Yeah. I rise!

All right. Let's rise our asses
back to work. Come on. Now.

Hotlanta. Helen be talkin'
to ya standin' up,

'Cause I just went
and got me a bikini wax.

Damn! That ain't natural,
Doin' that torture to yourself!

What's the big deal
'bout some stray hair?

You be doin' it to look
all clean for your man,

But it hurts so damn much. You don't
want him comin' nowhere near it!

Man, Gina. You can make
some serious bling.

You start doin' some waxes
up in here. Girl.

You like landscapin'.
Why don't you plant yourself a garden?

Please. Honey. My man loves it.

I know that's right.

And it helps 'em
know where they goin'.

Girl. Ain't nobody gonna come
over to your house if they can't find it.

Well. My man
found my door just fine.

That's a revolvin' door.

Okay. Nasty heifers.

You know. Real men
like a woman natural and wild!

Girl. Please. You are preaching
to your damn self. Honey.

My man likes it trimmed and perfect.
He even waxes his own brows.

Oh. Girl. You got one
o' them cryin' men. Don't you?

No. No. I don't.

You show me a man can't cry.

And I'll show you one
that's hittin' somebody.

I'm gonna let him cry.

I only got time for one cryin' man.

And in my house.
It better be the one wearin' the diapers.

Well. How about when you're
makin' mad. Passionate love...

...and he reaches his climax.

And that one little tear
starts rollin' down his face

like Denzel Washington in Glory?

Then you got him whipped!

She had to say Denzel.
She couldn't have said Brad Pitt.

Hell. She coulda said Bozo the Clown.

Hey. Darlin'!

How you doin'?
Bet you no good. Darlin'.

Look at this!
Is that Italian marble?

Girl. Who y'all got invested
up in here. Ted Turner?

Lord. Miss Rita got catfish dinner.

Sock-it-to-me cake
and blueberry bean pie.

- What y'all want. Darlings?
- Excuse me. Excuse me. Rita?

How you doin'. Darlin'?
Get in line. Sweetheart.

Get in line?
I don't think you understand.

I'm Gina.
I'm the new owner of this place.

- And I'd appreciate...
- You the new owner?

I'm so glad
you the new owner. Baby.

'Cause. You know. Miss Angeline.
Well. She used to skim off my fish dinners.

You know. She's a Christian.
But I think she La Cosa Nostra,

Hold this for me.

Here. Darlin'. I'll always have
a plate of food for you, Gina.

That's free food.
You need a extra piece of monkey bread?

The monkey just jump right outta me.
I don't know what happens to her.

- And then lookit. We got the greens...
- Oh. You!

Yeah. You. There. Hey.

Could you go ahead and park my car.
And just let me tip you later. Because...

Shit. Hold this for me.

Terri. How you doin'?
One second.

'Scuse me? Gimme them damn keys!
What's wrong with you?

Where'd the valet go?

He's... goin' to take a coffee break.

- What are you doin' around here?
- Look what Mindy at Jorge's did to me!

I look like a scarecrow!

You saved my hair, Gina.

Well. Don't make me
have to save it again. Girl.

I'm coming here.

Monkey bread?
It just come out of me like that.

- No. No. Thank you.
- For sure?

I made it fresh this mornin'!
You gonna love it.

- I got some greens. Some okra. Knuckles.
- Rita. Rita.

You gonna love it.

She says she don't want none.

Okay. My bad. I'm just tryin'
to put a little fat on her.

- Take that with you. Darlin'.
- No. I really shouldn't.

You see. Steven wants me
to lose a few pounds.

- Who is Steven?
- Her husband.

He wouldn't be singin' that song

if you had one of them
J. Lo/Beyonc� booties.

Or if he had one o' those.

This is the picture
I was talkin' about...

Damn! Now. See.
That's just too much ass.

See. Now. If a plane crash.
We could eat for days.

- That's all burger. Right there.
- Enjoy the view?

- Take a picture.
- All right.

Look at these... Get yo' ass
out of my window 'fore I call the police!

This ain't Magic City!
Broke-asses!

- You see them pervs over there?
- You know. I really do miss Steven.

- Seems like he's been gone forever.
- He gone again?

Well. Where's he off to this time.
Mr. Big-Time Sports Attorney?

Hawaii. Three weeks.
He's closin' some big deal or somethin'.

He's tryin' to close a deal
on smackin' some Hawaiian ass.

Girl. He's down there
bein' a Don Ho.

- He tappin' on somethin'.
- Tappin'? What's tappin?

- Tappin'. Tappin'. Tappin'.
- No. Steven's not like that.

He. You know. He loves me.
He just works really hard.

I bet he do.

- I do want to look pretty for him. Though.
- And you will.

I cannot believe that Jorge
passed me off on Mindy.

I mean. That shop is completely
out of control since you left.

- Well. Good. That's what he gets.
- Sorry.

Speak o' the devil!

My angel. Sweetness.
My God. I'm so sorry.

I heard about the mishap
with your hair.

And I want you to know
that Mindy has been released.

Sweetheart. Don't worry about that.
Gina's taking care of me.

Gina who?

You know, Gina Gina.

- Say "hello, " Gina.
- It's Gina. Bitch.

Bye. Jorge.

- That felt good!
- Yes. It did!

Can you get her
a free cappuccino. Please?

- The devil is everywhere. It don't mean...
- Be nice!

I ain't talking to that woman.

So what you girls think
about that Janice Jackson?

Janet. Janet. Baby.

Janet... Jackson.

She's crazy. Huh?

- Why she gotta be crazy?
- Well. You know. With the titty and all that.

- What's wrong with the titty?
- No. I like...

You like titties?

No. I mean...

I don't know if I'm fittin' in here.

- Well. You just got here.
- Yeah. I know.

I know I just got here.
But I feel really. Really...

white.

You feel really white
as opposed to what other color?

You know what I mean.
I'm not as hip as you guys are.

Don't get me wrong. I can handle
the girls. As lame as I think they are.

I can roll with the punches.

But the fact is. I've only
had one client since I got here.

And you gave her to me.

So... maybe I should just go.

Who should go
is that crazy-ass lady out there

hustlin' them bean pies
and monkey bread.

- Like she got Tourette's or somethin'.
- I don't know.

I ain't never seen
nobody do nothin' like that.

Got a twitch or somethin'.
No, Lynn. You fine.

You know.
Like when I was at Jorge's.

Shoot. You think it wasn't hard
bein' the only "moniker" up in the shop?

But I stuck it out.
And people warmed up...

And eventually. It was like. Blam!
I was doin' the damn thing.

And so will you.

Besides. You can't leave me
with these crazy people.

Girl. I knew you liked them greens!

You keep eatin' like that.
You gonna grow a big ol' Petey Pablo.

Lil Jon and the EastSide Boyz.
Ying Yang Twin booty!

Big booty just like Ida got.
You know. Turnips did all o' that.

Girl. I knew you liked 'em.

- Thank you, Gina.
- No problem. Girl.

- I got your back.
- Me. Too.

All right.

- What?!
- I got hungry.

- They're good.
- I see.

The oppressor.

- Who?
- State Board.

I'm Gina. I'm the new owner.

Well. Guess what, Gina-new-owner?

You have some major problems.
Inspector Crawford. State Board.

I have to cite you
for the discarded equipment

you have stacked up
out in the alley.

Big Mike's Moving & Hauling
is picking that up today.

- They always are.
- No. They real...

This is for $500.
Come on. Man. I just bought this place.

I can't afford to be gettin' hit
with tickets like this.

You sure can't.
Next one will be 1.000.

One more after that
and I shut you down.

Have a nice day.

"Have a nice day, "

Now y'all comin'.

Well. Your timin' is perfect.
Y'all slow.

My bad. I been
runnin' solo for a month.

And my boss. He think
I'm some kind of slave.

Sign here.

How long was you down for?

Four months. Paroled out early.

- Possession?
- Now. Why you gotta assume a brother...

Illegal sale of a restricted narcotic.

So. Where's the countertops and stuff?

- Everything is back there in the alley.
- A'ight.

By the way. Who does your hair?
Your braids is tight.

Thanks. I do it myself.

Come on.

For real. I used to braid
in the shop around the way.

Then I caught this little case.
You know.

But even in the pen. I did braid
all the homies' hair on the block.

You like drivin' that truck?

Ain't nothin' really else out there.

Well... we may take...

Dawg. How long it gon' take?

Our boy is fine.

Damn fine.

I'd do him in a heartbeat
if I wasn't so damn fertile.

- And didn't have a husband.
- He is cute.

Thanks.

Thanks.

You got me next. Right?

I think I was here before you.

What the hell is you talkin' about?
You ain't got no hair.

- What?
- What's he gon' do. Braid your scalp?

- You watch your...
- Ladies. Listen.

I promise I'll take care of both o' y'all.

- I think she was here first.
- But she...

Let me just take care o' her
and then I'll definitely gon' get back to you.

'Cause in my mind. I'm still tryin'
to figure out how I'm gonna...

But I'm telling you.
Somethin' just ain't right.

It's like he's too good-looking.

You can't tell by looking
at the brother if he's gender-specific.

Josephine. Come on!
Look at the muscles on that boy.

Fifty percent pumpin' iron.

And the rest from fightin'
the brothers off that booty.

He got a little swish down river.

He is beautiful. Ain't he?

- Straight diamond in the rough.
- All shiny.

'Scuse me. Let me see
if he wants some cappuccino.

No. Sh...

- Dang.
- I don't know.

I think he's straight.

You are so new.

James. You want a cappuccino?

- Yeah. Please.
- Here you go.

- You want one?
- No. I'm okay. Thanks.

Cappuccino?

Swish-swish.

You better work

Work it. Girl

- Cover girl.
- Do your thing!

- Shante. Shante.
- On the runway!

- Work. Cover gir...
- Get that phone.

It's a great day
for a press and curl here at Gin...

Hold on.

It's a Darnelle.

What up. D?

You where?

How does a grown-ass woman
get herself into this kind of trouble?

How was I supposed to know
the bike was stolen?

It don't matter.

You gonna have to start makin'
some better choices with these men.

This is the last time
I'm bailin' you out.

Next time. I'ma let
your little butt sit there

and let the chicks from "C" Block
pass you around for a carton o' cigarettes.

They'll love a little freak like you.

- You gonna tell my mom about this?
- No. I ain't gonna tell your mama.

I should.

- Look...
- Why raise her blood pressure?

Thank you. Okay? Thank you.
Look. I'm sorry and I'll pay you back.

- With what. D? You ain't even workin'.
- I know that.

But, look. I'll find a way.
I promise.

That's for sure. Ain't no secret
I'm gettin' my money back.

I'ma get my money
one way or another.

Cappuccino?

Cappuccino? Water?

There you go.
Say it like you mean it.

No. Scratch that.
Like you love it.

- You want a cappuccino?
- No. Baby.

I don't eat or drink
nothing I can't spell.

You must be
like the spellin' bee champ.

Don't look like your mouth
is shy to a fork at all.

Y'all hold it down.
I'm goin' to make a bank run.

Say now, lover.

Lookin' like a piece o' red velvet cake.
So nice and sweet.

Is your body named Visa?
'Cause it's everywhere I wanna be.

Why don't you get some business?

I got some business.
I'm shootin' footage for my music video.

If you want. You can come be in it.
Come shake a little somethin'.

Let me guess. You probably
want me to wear a bathing suit

or some tight booty shorts
with a fishnet halter top. Right?

You ain't gotta wear no fishnet.
You could just wear a T-shirt.

Just as long as you
don't mind gettin' it wet.

- What's that you're listenin' to?
- Bach.

Are you listenin' to Pac. Too?
That's what I listen to.

Bach... as in Johann Sebastian.
Classical composer.

He the one look like the old dude
on the oatmeal box. Right?

Yeah. That's the one.

Why you listen to that boring stuff?

It's not boring. It's art.

Dang.
Well. You got yo' art...

...and I got mine.

Now that's a money shot right there.

Let's hat up. Ya'll.

Cracker Barrel "bring-a-friend"
gon' be over!

I'm drivin'.
Y'all gon' be too full to walk back.

Is that a purse?

Nah. It's a man bag.

A man bag?

Yeah. A man bag.

It's like the hottest new accessory
in men's fashion.

You got some man lipstick
in that bag. James?

They done took metrosexual too far.

- Darnelle. You wanna come?
- I gotta stay and watch Vanessa.

Lynn. You comin'?

No. I'ma hang out. I'll be fine.

A'ight. I'ma bring you
back somethin' anyway.

Them girls don't like me
so much. Do they?

They don't even know you.

How do you get to know someone
without trying to get to know someone?

Like askin' 'em to lunch?

I mean. Well. Some folks
just feel comfortable

kickin' it with people they
have somethin' in common with.

That's just racial profilin'.
That's all that is.

When I worked
in my mama's shop in Blue Ridge.

I did black. White. Polka-dotted hair.

It don't matter.

Well. This ain't your mama's shop
in Blue Ridge.

This is the SWATS. The ghetto.

And you need to show people
that you tryin' to fit in. Girl.

I mean, look the part.

I'm not followin'.

Okay, Lynn, look.
It is all about the visual. Okay?

You could be
the best hair stylist up in here.

But can't nobody tell by lookin' at you!

Girl. Presentation... is the key.

Presentation?
What do you suggest?

Just wait and see.

Just trust me.

Miss Gina! I've been seein'

everything you have been doin'
around here with the beauty shop.

And the shop is fabulous. Honey!

- Thank you. Hon.
- But if you wanna let these divas have it.

You need one of my handbags
for the runway.

Because it's spring.
And you don't want to be caught in suede.

- That is cute.
- Yes. Miss Thing. Honey.

And the pink.
You gotta have your pink.

It's spring. Girl.
Push. Push. Fierce! It's fierce!

You always gettin' me started out here.

- Come on. Now. Chris.
- Girl. Honey.

- Better work it.
- I'm gonna work it. Girl.

- I'll catch you.
- I'll catch you.

- Now. Push. Baby.
- Push. Diva. And catch it. Honey.

I know that's right! I done talked to you
about slammin' in front of my shop!

...if you're gonna let
these girls have it. Diva!

Oh. My God.

Hi, Gina!

You like it?
Isn't it cute?

And don't look over here. Honey.
Darnelle did that.

- It look good. Right?
- It sure do.

- Right?
- Right.

I just said.
"When in Rome... "

Don't shake that baby loose.

Oh. Lord. Don't do that or we gon' get
indecency charges up in here.

See. I'm not one of these
so-called salad-chompin' sistahs

that weighs 52 pounds
with a wet T-shirt on,

I got hips. Thighs and don't discriminate
against pies. You feel me?

But. Ladies. Y'all with this gettin'
your stomach stapled just to lose weight?

That ain't good,

Y'all know damn well that ain't no staples
in the stomach gonna stop you

from poppin' one o' yo' mama's
famous biscuits in the mouth,

Am I in line?

Hotlanta. You know Helen's
keepin' it real with you,

Holler back at me.
I'll holler.

Holler!

Be quiet. Y'all.
Oprah's on.

- Where you think you goin'?
- I will be right back. Okay?

I'll be right back.

That's what I'm talkin' about.

- Gimme some of that thug love.
- Thank you for comin' to see me.

What's happenin' with ya?
How ya livin'?

Oh. Man!

I got in some trouble.
And Gina loaned me this money.

So she got me workin' it off
in her salon.

They got you twisted. Huh?

Come on. Get with the money train
and let's ride.

Money train?

- I got a plan for you. Shorty.
- Oh. Hell. Yeah.

They'll be a'ight.

- Can we go shopping?
- I hear that.

I got somethin' for you. Too.

Word for today is "chutzpah, "
It is... if you don't... do you know that word?

- Who keeps unplugging this?
- It is a Yiddish word that means...

Amazing grace

Shut up. Josephine!

Dang! Are y'all havin' a slumber party?
Y'all didn't invite me?

- Willie. Now is not the time!
- A'ight then.

Hey. But I just came by here to tell ya

that I saw that inspector dude
over there at the barber shop.

Damn! Like I need somethin' else
to be worried about.

Look. Just hold him off. Okay?
I'll be right back.

- I got that. Miss Gina.
- Go on over there with Auntie Lynn.

Go on. Go on. Get...
come up outta here. Go ahead.

Come on. Please be home. Joe.
I can't believe this.

Excuse me. Sir.
You wanna buy some candy bars?

- No. Thank you.
- I got Kit Kat. Mars. Snickers.

Come on. Kid. Not tonight.

Please let his sarcastic ass be here.

Please be there.
Please be there. Please be there.

I need your help.

Okay. Let me grab a shirt.

I got... I got cherry. Apple.

Okay. Well. How 'bout you buy
some candy. Right?

And I don't tell the fellas right here
that you got a Rolex in that briefcase.

I don't have a...

All right.
You say you got Blow Pops?

- Blow Pops.
- Every flavor. Dawg.

- Okay. I'll have a cherry.
- Five dollars. Okay. Yeah.

- You kinda broke.
- All right.

All right. Joe!

Oh. My God!
Thank you. Joe. You saved me.

The generator is only
going to hold for a while.

You need to get this place fixed.

I will.

- I just... I have to find the money to do it.
- You'll pay me later.

I'll help you out.

Bye. Ladies.

Bye. Joe.

Miss Norris.

What. Are we the only shop
in Atlanta you like to harass?

When Miss Angeline owned this place.
I ain't never seen y'all up in here.

I'm just doing my job.

All right, look.
The generator is just temporary.

But I have an electrician.
He's coming on Monday.

He's gonna rewire
the whole place for me.

It's all very nice. Very nice.
But there's a new state regulation

that says all hairdryers
of this capacity

have to have
their own independent wall plug.

This is a new regulation.

Well. How the hell
am I supposed to know about it?

I just told you.
That's how.

I just told you.
That's how.

Get up to speed. Miss Norris.
One more of those... closed for good.

Ladies.

A thousand dollars?!

I mean. It's like I take two steps forward
to get knocked three steps back.

Can you go down to the bank
and ask 'em to increase your loan?

Ask for a increase? I'm barely
keepin' up with the payments I got now.

I mean. Somethin'
gotta turn around for this thing.

Otherwise. It ain't lookin'
too good for the shop.

No, Gina.
Now. We can do somethin'.

I got a little bit stored away.
We can have a garage sale.

I mean. How much do we need?

Oh. Shit!
Excuse me. Lord.

We need Jesus.

Hey. Y'all.

In before dawn.
Good night, Gina.

- Gina. Did you tell her?
- No. I ain't tell her.

I swear Mama stay mad at me.

I wonder why.

What happened
to "I'll be right back"?

My bad, Gina.

Glen just came down from New York.
And I hadn't seen him.

Girl. He has his own record label.

And he wants me
to be on his next album.

You can't even sing.

A'ight. Look at this.

What's this?

That's the bail money that I owe you.

Glen gave me some cash.
So now we even.

I don't have to work
in the shop no more.

What'd you do to get that money?

Now, Gina. Come on. Please!

You know I don't get down
like that. Okay?

But, look. If a dude wanna pay my bills.
I'm gonna let him pay my bills.

You know what? Shut up. Darnelle.
'Cause you sound real stupid right now.

Okay? You just lazy.
You lazy and you wastin' your life.

And you wastin' my time!

Why don't you use
your little money to go buy a clue?

Stacy. I don't understand.

Joanne Marcus
was supposed to be here at 10:00.

And this is not a coffee shop.
If you want to eat. You eat in the back.

Doughnuts!

You killin' me. D.
Come on. Now.

If you change your mind and you
don't want any. They'll be in the back.

And I'll even restock
the shelves while I'm at it.

Joanne Marcus!
Terri. Where'd you find her?

Look at you!

Oh. Why not? Everyone else is.

You grew.

Yes. I did.

Eight thousand a pop.
Had my nipples done. Too.

You wanna feel them?

Maybe later.

I ran into Joanne
down at Saks and told her

how wonderful your new place was
and dragged her down to see you.

And not a moment too soon.
Girl. What you doin' with that hair?

I know.
My hair misses you, Gina.

Well. Your timin' is good.
My chair is open.

Girl! I got the same purse.

Did you get yours from Bernard
at the Piggly Wiggly in Decatur?

Piggly Wiggly?

Yeah. He sells thongs. Too.

He works here?

That he does.

Gina. Is that monkey-fish cat-bread lady
gonna be here today?

Bitch.

So. If you had to take a wild guess.
How many grams of fat

would you say
are in a plate of your greens?

Baby. My greens is all fat.

Matter of fact. I found every fat
you could find to put in my greens.

I got fatback. Salt pork.
Vienna sausage. Ham slices.

Pork chop. Pork rinds.
And I got bacon bits in these greens.

- Talk dirty to me!
- That's right.

Say it with me, "Fat is good, "

- Fat is good.
- That's right. Sho nuff is!

- You should cater.
- Baby. Franchise. Think big.

Please tell me you have some
of that magic potion hair stuff for me.

You know I do.

Some o' your magic what-what?

It's not no magic.

It's just some conditioner
that I mix up in my kitchen. What?

Mix up in yo' kitchen?
What is it? Hair crack?

The stuff is great.
They should be sellin' it in stores!

They should.
They really should.

Gina. I know a few corporate vendors
on the beauty supply side.

They're always lookin'
for the next big thing.

Well. Hey. You know
I wanna be the next big thing.

Well. Float me a few bottles.
I'll see what I can do.

Girl. I will float you a damn case.

Why you holdin' out, Gina?
Hook us up with some o' your hair crack.

It is not hair crack. It's conditioner.

Yeah, Gina. Hook us up!

Either you got a bee sting
of the breasts

or you got some serious work
done to your bosom area.

I sure did and I love 'em.

Well. For $8.000 a pop.
You better love 'em.

Hold up. Heidi.

You paid 8.000
American dollars... per titty?

Yes. I did.

Girl. You coulda bought
yourself a Saturn with that.

Now. You see all this right here.
All this ludicrousness goin' on here?

Okay. This implant. Plastic surgery stuff?
It's more of a white girl thing.

No, Chanel.
Black girls get it done. Too.

I'm not sayin' we don't.

I'm just sayin'. You know.
We don't get all crazy like y'all do.

You know. Injecting your asses
in your lips is just nasty.

Girl. Who you tellin'?

Now. I may get a couple
o' unruly back or chest hairs plucked.

Other than that.
I just be chillin'. I don't...

What?

So. What I'm saying is.
You know. Some folks. You know.

Have to pay to look good.
While other are just born that way.

It's the Motherland. Baby.

Well. Which way were you born.
Ass-backwards?

Because statements
like that just personifies your ignorance

as it pertains to the topic of beauty.

Excuse me? I know Botox Barbie
isn't tryin' to call me ignorant.

- I heard her say "your mama, "
- Hey. Calm down. Hussies.

This ain't no remake
o' "Black Mama. White Mama"!

I throw the peace card on ya.

Thank you. Miss Josephine.

Come on. Let's go get this hair done.
So you need to shampoo...

Does he ever leave that apartment?

That piano playin'
is gettin' on my nerves.

Which is why you
haven't patched up the ceiling yet.

Excuse you.
I've been busy, "mademoiselle, "

Why don't you get your things together
so I can take you to church to practice?

Have you decided
what you wanna play for your recital yet?

Shoot.

I was just...
checkin' out your big... spear.

Sorry.

Would you like to join us?

Can you show me the intervals again?

Well. Each chord progression
is three steps apart.

See? That's why
he called it "Giant Steps, "

You won't hear anybody
playin' this at my recital.

- So what are you gonna play?
- I don't know.

- I'm all confused.
- What are you confused about?

Listen to your heart...

...and your fingers will follow.

So. This next song
goes out to all the finger-in-your-face,

Callin'- me-out-my-name heifers,

You can get all up
in my face if you want to,

But don't get it twisted. Baby,

'Cause guess what?

Well. I'll take your man
right out the box

And put him
under my padlocks

So when you see us together
chillin' in the place

Cold walkin' and sportin' him
in your face

Go ahead. Roll your eyes.
Suck your teeth

Keep huffin' and puffin'
like a dog in heat

You know whassup
I ain't no poo-putt

'Cause Pepa kicks butt off
young bucks like you

And the rest of your crew

If moms want static
I'll diss her. Too

So scram.
You know who I am

Damn. Chick.
Don't play me close

'Cause I'll take your m...

You know. I was just...

Takin' someone's man?

I'll take your man

So I'm not playin'
any Beethoven or Mozart.

Too overdone.
I'm thinkin' Coltrane or Monk.

Too overdone.
I'm thinkin' Coltrane or Monk.

Then again. Some Miles
or Stevie Wonder. Maybe some...

Girl. Go and play
with your little friend. Please.

Clown.

Yo. Whassup. V?

- Still shootin' behinds. Huh?
- Yup.

The booty is the cornerstone
of all hip-hop videos today.

If it ain't shakin'. It ain't sellin'.

Whatever.

Are you down for some Krispy Kreme?
I got the hook-up.

My play cousin. Howard.
Works over there.

He got shrimp doughnuts.
He got buffalo doughnuts...

He got... big booty doughnuts.

No. You didn't.

I don't eat doughnuts
with boys who exploit women.

Well. How about a burger. Then?

I don't want any of your shrimp burgers
or your buffalo burgers.

So. You and your two play cousins
can get to steppin'!

See. That's why I like older women.

There's one o' your men.

- I'll be right back.
- That's what you always say.

I don't know if she's a ho or not.

I ain't gon' say nothin'
'cause that's Gina's sister-in-law.

Hey. Baby.

- Are you happy to see me?
- Hey. Baby.

- You're so sweet.
- Thank you.

This is how sweet you are.

Oh. My good... Is that for me?
Oh. Baby.

You and only... you.

So here's the plan.
Let's get outta here.

Go get a drink. Listen to some music.
Just chill out for the rest of the day.

- How's that sound?
- Baby. It sounds so good.

I wish I could. But I gotta work.

Baby. Don't work the whole day away.
I'll bring you back.

I know. But you know what?
I've really gotta work, 'cause Gin...

I'm tryin' to get close to you.

Gina needs me. Okay. Baby?
Thank you.

I don't give a damn about no Gina!

Don't you ever grab me up like that!

You know how much money
I just spent on you?

- What the hell?
- Gina. You all right?

What's this goin' on?

Shut your rantin' ass
and get in my car. You hear me?

- Hell. No!
- D. You all right?

I know I just didn't see you
put yo' hands on that girl.

Take your ass back in there.
Do some heads.

Don't be tellin' me
where to take my ass.

You take your ass
from the front of my shop!

- Bitch. Get out of my f...
- Bitch?

I will burn yo' ass
with this damn curlin' iron.

- Careful with that.
- You're crazy. You fake-ass Avon!

But you need to keep
your hands to yourself.

- I'll be back.
- Don't try to call me some type of bi...

- What you? What you?
- What?

When you gonna do
some hair? What you?

- I'll burn yo' ass.
- Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.

- We got a problem here?
- No. We ain't got no problem here. Man.

What you.
The mascot of the shop?

Take yo' foo-foo ass
back in there.

Go braid your eyebrows
or somethin'. Dawgs.

Check this out. Dude.

Did you see that?

I hate violence.

See? That's what you get.

You come here talkin' all that stuff
and you got knocked out!

See. That's why you need to learn
how to respect women.

Now. See, Willie got it all on camera
and he sell 'em in the hood for 14.99!

Well. I'll be damned!

I'm gonna get him.

Remember me?

Oh, ja, The shampooing girl.

So. How goes it
with the shampooing? Good?

The name is Lynn.
And I'm a stylist now. For your F.Y.I.

So?

So... yup.

Well. Well. Well.
You must be lost or somethin'.

Did you make a wrong turn
in your BMW?

No. Actually. I took the "Yaguar, "
And it's good to see you. Too, Gina.

He's in the "Yaguar, "

Sorry. I thought
you were in the Beamer.

Anyway. What do you want?

Gina. I am Jorge.

I want for nothing.
I just came by to see the shop.

I was curious about the place
that's been stealing all of my best clients.

Now I see why.
It's very trendy.

Very SoHo-loftish.
I love it.

I guess I'm not doin' too bad.
You know.

'Specially for a woman
who should be fallin' flat on her ass.

Ja, well... about that.

You know, Gina. I want you to know
I'm truly sorry for my words.

I was speaking
from that angry place.

And I do not wish
to reside there anymore.

I mean. I wish no ill will
upon you or your shop or your peeps.

I mean. Girlfriend.
You are doing it, ja?

Right?

It can't be easy. What with the overhead
and the paying of the fine

and the State Board coming by
at the worst times.

'Cause believe me. Baby. I've been there
and back to the other place.

And your point?

I just wanted to come by
to say that. You know.

If you ever need anything.
Anything at all. Lean on me.

When you're not strong.
I will be there. You know?

I mean. I am Jorge.
And there will always be

an open chair at Jorge's for Gina, ja?

Well. Thanks. Jorge.
That means a lot comin' from you.

But I don't think
I'm gonna be needin' that.

Okay. Well. Fair enough.
Ciao. Wiedersehen,

Congratulations on the twins.
But I see that they are not identical.

- What the hell did he want?
- He came over to hate.

He's just jealous.

- Who was that?
- That was the infamous Jorge.

Got some nice shoes. Though.

You got some issues.

- Gina. Who's your girl?
- You are.

Yes. And who. When asked
to make something happen.

Is making something happen?

- You again?
- Correct.

And who was it
that talked up your conditioner

to the head of marketing
for CoverGirl's line of boutique products?

And why do they
want to meet with you?

- Don't play with me. I can't take it.
- I'm serious.

They wanna meet with you.
Fly you to New York. Talk some business.

They wanna fly me
to New York? Me?!

Oh. My God!

- What?
- Thank you, Joanne!

- What's up?
- Oh. My God! Thank you!

Oh. My God!

CoverGirl,
"CoverGirl" is interested in my conditioner.

I can't believe it!

- You talkin' about that hair crack?
- Yes. I'm talkin' about the ha...

They can call it whatever they want.
As long as they sell it.

You hear me?
I feel like I just won the lottery.

That's great. It's brilliant.

Why don't you feel
like takin' us out to celebrate?

- Oh. Yeah. Man.
- I think I can do that.

We got to toast on this somewhere.

I can't drink. But I sure can eat
Cosmopolitan cheesecake!

Tonight we goin' out and we celebratin'.
We are gettin' it on. We gettin' tipsy...

Go on. Go sit your butt down.

We goin' out tonight! We partyin'!
Joanne. Please.

- Hey. Joe.
- Hey. Little one.

Guess what? CoverGirl
might buy my mom's conditioner.

So her and the girls
are goin' out tonight to celebrate.

Thought maybe you'd wanna come
and meet them there?

I'm not sure she wants me there.

But tell your mom I said congratulations.
That's great news.

- Talk to you later.
- Keep practicing.

Hey. Baby.

- Look at that girl over there.
- For real.

Girl. If I wasn't married. Pregnant.
And my feet didn't hurt.

I'd get with one
of these little chocolate kisses.

Yup. I can definitely see
why they call it Happy Hour!

Please. Honey. Happy Hour
ended a long time ago.

- It is Get Crunked Hour. Okay?
- All right.

Okay. Ladies... and James.

I just want to say thank you so much
for hangin' in there with me. Y'all.

You thought you wanted a Jorge's.

But you belong right here
in the 'hood with us.

- A'ight?
- Right. You ain't lyin'.

I ain't gonna front. When I met y'all
at Miss Angeline's that mornin'.

I thought I was in for the worst.

- What?
- And that's what I got.

Until them two birds left the shop.
And then I had the best!

All right. We'll toast to that.

Ah. Yes. Yes. I do.

To Gina.
Sistah. You are an inspiration.

"Whether it's the arch o' your back
or the sun o' your smile.

"The ride o' your breasts
or the grace o' your style.

"You are and always will be
a woman phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman!"
That's you.

Yes. It is.

Congratulations, Gina.
Would you like to dance?

What are you doing here?

Asking you to dance.

Now. Please. Say yes so it can look
like I have a little bit of game.

- Okay.
- Oh. My God. Girl!

- I wanna get tribal with y'all.
- That was like 1989.

Okay. Hand me the scissor.

So, Lynn...

You wanna move a little somethin'?

Move what?

He askin' you to dance. Crazy girl.

I thought he wanted me
to move some chairs or somethin'!

- Sure.
- All right. Go have fun.

- Go ahead.
- Go on. Now.

Her gonna need
some scissor. For real.

Did you see that?
Did you see that?

All these beautiful black girls
and he goes straight for the white girl.

I'm tellin' you. MTV is the devil.

Girl. What is wrong with you?
Okay. Who gives a damn?

The boy is gayer than Peter Pan
on a pair o' ice skates.

Okay. You know what?

- She dropped it like it's hot!
- Oh. Damn!

- I think we're bein' outdone.
- What? You think?

- What?!
- James is gay. All right.

He happier than hell!

- Girls...
- Yeah. Let's go.

- I see somethin' I need. Come on. Now.
- I'ma show her how you really do that.

Come on.

This goes out to my girl Gina,

Some old school
Chicago steppin' music. Girl,

- That's my song.
- Come on.

Is this your family?

My happily married sister
and her two kids.

They live in France.

Well. What about a wife and kids?

That never happen for you?

Many things
never happened for me.

And many things have.

I don't think I'm really...

You just played
the most beautiful chord ever.

- Pass the ball!
- Oh. Really?

Come on. Man. Pass the ball!

Gotta make sure you arrive safely.

Oh. My goodness.
That's it.

A case of my future
is on its way to CoverGirl,

Okay. Now. Listen. If they call you
and they need some more...

No, Gina. This is more than enough.

- Let's not get frantic. Okay?
- Okay.

Come on. Stop doin' that.

Could you carry this to my car for me?
It's just outside.

- Yeah. I'll take it.
- Thanks.

Firm.

Excuse me, Joanne.

Would you mind
not doing that anymore?

Doing what?

You know. The whole
smacking-on-the-butt thing.

James and I are kinda.
You know. Hanging out now.

I didn't know you guys were...

Yes. We are.

So. You understand.

Yeah. I understand...

...that you're afraid
of a little competition.

What's the matter, Lynn?
You afraid James might grow tired

of your wannabe-black girl routine
and fall for somethin' real. Like me?

Real?

Since when are two air bags
for breasts real, Joanne?

Maybe on my daddy's Chevy
they's real.

But on you.
They's just... ridiculous.

Excuse me?

You heard me.

Yeah. But I think I shouldn't have.

Yeah. But you did.

And I think what my girl
is sayin' is that she wants you

and your tetherball titties
to leave her man alone. All right?

Okay. Little Miss Hip-Hop.
I think I was speaking to Lynn.

White girl gone crazy.

What did you say to me?
Little Miss Hip-Hop?

- I will hip-hop my foot up...
- She threatened me.

- Did you hear that, Gina?
- Yeah. I heard all y'all.

I'm the client.
She should be fired. Right now!

Joanne. Calm down.
You know how we clown around here.

Now, look. Y'all are grown women.
Y'all can work this out.

So you're not gonna fire her?

No.

Okay. Fine. Yeah.

I see how things work around here.

You know what? You can forget
about your meeting with CoverGirl,

And you can forget
about me as a client.

How's that?

- Fine.
- I'm so sorry, Gina.

No. Ain't nothin'
to be sorry about.

I guess
it just wasn't meant to be.

What's going on?

There's a problem at the shop.

I still have men checking the area.
I'll let you know if we find something.

Thanks.

You try doin' your own thing.
And then somethin' like this happens.

Sorry, Gina.
I'm so sorry this happened to you.

I can't catch a break. I just...

I have Vanessa's recital tomorrow.

And I have to go up in there
with all o' this on my brain.

It's okay, Gina.
You'll get through this.

- You'll get through this.
- I wish that was true. Joe.

You will.

It's okay.

No. I can't...
I can't fix this one. I can't.

And now. Coming to the stage
for a piano solo.., Vanessa Norris.

Play from your heart.

Go. Baby. That's my baby girl.

Everything's gonna be all right.

- I love you. Mom.
- I love you. Too.

That's my baby! That's my baby!

Mom. How'd I do?

You were everything
I ever imagined.

Mom... you okay?

Yeah. I'm fine.

I'm just happy.

Come here.

Fly me some fingers. Girl.

Let's get outta here.

Surprise!

What? What... what the...

Y'all. I don't know what to say.
This is...

This is crazy.

No. This is Gina's House of...

House of... Okay. Maybe
it's just Gina's House. Okay?

Check that out. Oh. Yeah!

D. That's what I'm talkin' about. Girl!

Oh. Man. Y'all...

This is nice.

It is.

But I don't think we can do this.

Why not?

We brought blow dryers
and curlin' irons and hot c...

A new picture
of Madam C.J. Walker.

- Money. Did you bring any o' that?
- The point is, Gina. We're here.

The shop's here!
We're with you.

Lord! It is hotter
than a jalapeno's coochie out there!

Thank God y'all open.

Child. I done been to five shops in four
blocks and all them bitches is booked.

And I got a weddin'
to get to in three hours!

Lord. Please. Can somebody
do me? Please?

Anybody. Please.

Yeah. Sure. I'll hook you up. Girl.

Let me see
what we workin' with under this hat.

- Damn!
- Oh. My God!

- Hear me. Lord!
- God!

I'm havin'
some Don King issues. Damn it.

- Just one o' you heifers do me. Please!
- Okay. Okay.

You know what?
I can work with this.

- Don't even worry about it.
- Thank you.

Darnelle. Get her shampooed
and use a bottle of my conditioner.

No! Make that two bottles.

And... James. Get that percolator
percolatin'. Baby.

We back in business!
Shoot!

And. Everybody else...

Thank you.

- Gina. We love you.
- Thank you. Thank you.

That's right. Girl.
We open for business.

- What happened here?
- Good morning.

Hey. Well. Put it like this.
Not enough to make us quit.

- How you doin'. Girl?
- Fine.

I'm terrific. Actually.
Now that Steven and I split up.

- You all right?
- Yeah. I'm fine.

Hell. Y'all all knew he was cheatin' on me.
Now I know and now I'm free.

Well. Good for you.
Hey. Ida. Why don't you hook Terri up?

- Oh. Good. Hi.
- Come on. Girl.

You want me to sic
my cousin Travis on him?

He just got out the pen.
But he don't mind goin' back early.

- I just might take you up on that.
- All right. Come on. Sit down.

Oh. Shoot! Look
what the collard greens did to her booty!

- Go girl!
- Back that thing up. Girl!

Where'd you get that?

That is a ass, Terri.
You have a ass. Girl!

- Hi, Gina.
- Hi. Honey.

- For me?
- Something to brighten your day?

Thank you.

But you brightened my day
as soon as you came through that door.

- Excuse me.
- What a transformation.

Yeah. They hooked me up.

Looks like you're
stickin' around. Miss Norris.

- Yeah. I guess I am. Huh?
- Yes.

No. It ain't goin' down like that.
How you doin'. Miss Gina?

- Hey, Willie. What's up wit' you?
- I'm a'ight.

What. You feelin' froggy? Jump!

What is this?

Stacy? Yeah. Hi. Baby.
How ya doin'? This is me.

No. I'm just closing up.
So I'll meet you at the spa, ja?

I call you back.

- What a...
- Surprise.

I bet you I'm the last person on earth
you expected to see in here. Huh?

No. In fact.
I knew you would be back.

Well. I'm afraid I don't have time
for such a sudden intrusion.

I have a prior engagement.

Sorry. I didn't mean to intrude.
What kind o' engagement?

What. You goin' to meet up
with Inspector Crawford

and figure out how you
can burn my place down this time?

Gina. I just love it when you
let that imagination of yours run wild.

It's so street.

You haven't even begun
to see the street.

You know. I knew you
had somethin' to do with it.

You know. Comin' by my salon. Talkin'
'bout how hard it is to own a business.

What with the payin' o' fines
and the State Board comin' by.

And I asked myself.
"Why would he say somethin' like that?"

Look at me.
Look to Jorge.

Do I seem
like the type of person

that would reside
in such deviant behavior. Huh?

With those split ends?
Yeah. You kinda do.

- What is this?
- That is "World's Dumbest Criminals, "

Starrin' you and Inspector Crawford.

You should be a little more secretive
about the way you do dirt.

So... George Christie...

...of Austria. Via Nebraska.

Yeah. I know about you.
I know your secret.

The point is this.

You didn't break me.
I'm still standin'.

And my shop is open
and doin' very good business.

And you will never.
Ever intimidate me.

'Cause I'm a phenomenal woman.

Kinda like what you try to be
but don't really pull off.

Have a nice ride back
to that rib shack you call a shop!

Don't cut yourself
on the broken glass. Bitch!

Did somebody say "Cut"?

What? Was ist das?
What?!

- Sit up. Man.
- No! No! Shit!

Hotlanta! Whassup?

Once again. It's your girl Helen.

Hollerin' at ya this mornin'.
Tellin' ya to get your ass up,

'Cause it is a lovely day,

It's good. Right?
It always is.

Gina. Telephone.

Hello, Gina Norris.

- Hey, Gina. It's hollerin' Helen,
- Shut up.

You lyin'.
Turn the radio up. Turn it up.

Gina. Y'all doin'
the damn thing down there!

I'm on the radio!
I'm on the radio!

Ask her if she'd give a shout out to my kid.
Venus Serena Marion Jones. Junior!

Shout out to Africa!

Gina. I just called
to say thanks again

for hookin' my head up for my cousin
Shondrella's weddin' a couple o' days ago.

Girl. You saved my life!

That hair crack conditioner of yours

got me lookin'
all Halle Berry-ish and thangs,

- Don King? That was you?
- Sure was,

And I'ma need me
a touch-up in a minute,

My man came over last night
and kinda sweated out my flip!

Now. See. That's what got you
in trouble the last time.

Hotlanta. If you want
to get your crop dusted.

Your do did. Or your flip whipped.

Jump yo' butt in the hoopty.

Get on down
to Gina's Hair Salon in the SWATS

and let 'em hook you up with some
of Gina's famous hair crack conditioner.

Now. Since y'all my peeps.

I'ma let you ladies in the shop
pick Helen's topic for the day.

Holler at me. Ladies.

I'll holler!

Talk about how come there's never
a black man as The Bachelor, okay?

The revolution needs to be televised.

You know what? I think you should talk
about people who name their kids

names that they
ain't never gon' live up to.

Like a Porsche
that look like a Buick

and a Mercedes
that look like a doggone Pinto!

Talk about these athletes
goin' to jail these days.

They spend more time in the court
than on the court.

Keep this up.
Halftime gon' be a plea bargain.

No. Talk about interracial love.

You know you black.

No. Let's talk about legalizin' marijuana.
'Cause my glaucoma's gettin' bad now.

Talk about how
if you have sex with a man.

He put you out
before he give you breakfast.

After some good lovin'. I like to go
cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs for damn sho'!

Watch it, y'all!

Big ups to you, Gina.
I'll be callin' you in a minute for a touch-up.

Y'all keep holdin' it down.
I'll holler.

Holler!

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