All language subtitles for Mel.Brooks.The.99.Year.Old.Man.S01E01.HMAX.WEB.H264-EDITH.en[sdh]

♪ Here I am, I'm Melvin Brooks ♪

♪ I've come to stop the show ♪

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

♪ Just a ham who's minus looks ♪

♪ But in your hearts
I'll grow! ♪

♪ I'll tell you gags
I'll sing you songs ♪

♪ Happy little snappy tunes
That roll along ♪

♪ I'm out of my mind
So, won't you be kind ♪

♪ And please love... ♪

♪ Melvin Brooks ♪

All right.

This is your home.

You have a giant Buddha.

-MEL BROOKS: Mm-hmm.
-Why the Buddha?

-Just for luck.
-Just for luck.

MEL: A house needs a Buddha,
that's-- I can tell you that.

JUDD APATOW:
Every house needs a Buddha.

How'd this get decorated?
Who picked this?

MEL: My late great wife,
Anne Bancroft.

She had good taste
in everything except husbands.

-(CHUCKLES)
-♪ (GENTLE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

JUDD: Is it important to you
that people know your story?

You care about the legacy.

No, not so much about me,
but about little, short,

funny-looking Jews who are...

trepidatious about entering
show business.

JUDD: Yeah.

I said, if I can do it,
you can do it.

♪ (THRILLING MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

Will you raise it up?
Thank you, Phil.

Mel Brooks.

So, tell me,

do you have any more questions
about your favorite Jew?

JUDD: Part of this for me is,

almost everything
I've done is copying you.

-Oh, okay. Oh!
-Whoa.

JUDD: You're on TV.
You're funny in the interviews.

INTERVIEWER:
It's also the first time.

-(SNORES)
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

I'm sorry.

JUDD: You're doing
The 2000 Year Old Man.

You're kind of doing stand-ups.

...is what has kept you alive
for 2,000 years?

-An enormous fear of death.
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

(SCREAMING)

JUDD:
You're directing the movies,

you're acting in the movies,
you're writing the movies.

Work, work, work, work,
work, work, work, work, work.

Hello, boys.
Have a good night's rest?

I missed you.

JUDD: To a lot of people
who went into comedy...

It's good to be the king.

JUDD:
...they thought, "That seems

like the best job
in the world..."

-MEL: Yeah.
-JUDD: "...the Mel Brooks job."

I'm glad nobody took it.

-No one was as good.
-MEL: Yeah.

You couldn't be replaced,
but you could be copied.

-I'm working for Mel Brooks.
-♪ (THRILLING MUSIC CONTINUES) ♪

(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)

♪ (THRILLING MUSIC CONTINUES) ♪

Mel Brooks.

(VOCALIZING)

♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪

JUDD:
You've done a lot of interviews.

How accurate
are the great stories?

-They're inaccurate completely.
-JUDD: Yeah.

And do you feel
like you've had to create

a public persona of Mel Brooks?

I've done a lot--
I did a lot of interviews.

Half of them
were just completely fake.

JUDD: Do you think people know
who you really are?

-No.
-(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

Mel, why did you
become a comedian?

-Sex.
-MICHAEL ASPEL: I see.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

I thought I'd get some
if I got into show business.

And I danced my way
into the hearts of many women.

(GUEST CHUCKLING)

A lot of them
had to go to the hospital.

You don't dance your way
into a human heart.

There's a lot of surgery
that has to be...

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

MEL: The name I was born with
was Melvin Kaminsky.

JUDD: You grew up in Brooklyn.

MEL: 365 South Third Street.

MICHAEL: It is true,
is it not, that you were
from humble surroundings?

Yes, yes.

You lost your father
at an early age, didn't you?

No, no.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

My father died.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

Michael, if we'd lost him,

we would have sent people out
to find him.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

-JUDD: And who is this lady?
-MEL: That's Kitty Kaminsky.

She lost her husband
when he was only 34, my father.

Tuberculosis swept
through New York

and he was taken.

Terrible. And so she...

She took care of four boys
by herself.

JUDD: She looks tough.

MEL: She was.

But she was good-natured,
and she sang a lot.

I remember when, in the winter,

she dressed me under the covers

so when I popped out of bed,
I'd be warm.

JUDD: Yeah. (CHUCKLES)

So, she dressed me
under the covers.

I was about five years old,

ready to go to kindergarten,

and Bing Crosby was on
from 8:00 to 8:15 on the radio.

She'd sing along.

-♪ She was selling china ♪
-♪ (BING CROSBY SINGING
IN BACKGROUND) ♪

MEL:
♪ And when she caught my eye
I kept buying china ♪

♪ Until the crowd got... ♪

BING CROSBY:
♪ I kept buying china... ♪

JUDD: And that put the love
of that kind of music in you.

-Right?
-MEL: Oh, yeah.

She filled me with music
right from the beginning.

She raised our spirits with her
ever-positive outlook on life.

♪ ("I FOUND A MILLION DOLLAR
BABY" BY BING CROSBY PLAYING) ♪

JUDD: And so, raising four kids
in the Depression,

how did your family
just survive?

MEL: Survive? Aunt Sadie.

Aunt Sadie, God bless her.

Sadie not only gave
her part of her salary, but...

helped my mother earn something

like 12 or 15 dollars a week.

And I don't know
how she could do that,

get to sleep,

wake up before her four boys,

and prepare breakfast, you know?

And we had a real breakfast.

I remember we never had bacon

because my grandmother
lived next door.

JUDD: Yeah. (CHUCKLES)

And if she ever walked in
and saw bacon,

we'd all be arrested, you know?

-♪ ...and ten cent store ♪
-♪ (SONG CONCLUDES) ♪

♪ (PLAYFUL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

MEL: The movies to me
were the great escape.

The smell of the lamp
from the screen,

the candy.

CONAN O'BRIEN:
Who were you watching?

Who was funny to you
when you were a kid?

MEL: Buster Keaton.

Charlie Chaplin.

CONAN:
Did you like the Marx Brothers?

How do you like that?
I haven't been on the job
five minutes

and already
she's making advances to me.

MEL: I love them.

Not that I care,
but where is your husband?

Why, he's dead.

I'll bet he's just using
that as an excuse.

CONAN: There's something
about what they're doing

that always has felt evocative
to me about you, which is...

Anarchy.

Oh, I get it!
The old mortgage on the farm.

♪ (SINGING INDISTINCTLY) ♪

MEL:
I also liked the Ritz Brothers.

They were sensational.

They danced in unison.

They sang.

When you watch Jerry Lewis

or countless
great physical comics,

they're doing...
(IMITATES SOUND EFFECTS)

They're doing, "Harry..."

"I'll tell you the truth."

(IMITATES SQUEAK,
BLOWS RASPBERRY)
It's Harry Ritz.

Here you are, sir.

BEN STILER: Growing up
in that generation in the 1930s,

I know on my dad's side

how much fighting
there was about

you know, just paying the bills

and just surviving.

So, you know,

the comedy instinct
to get away from all that pain,

I think, is a very strong thing.

And they both
came out of a background

where nobody
was probably saying to them,

"Hey, go be a movie star
and make movies."

I know my dad's dad was saying,

you should be a stagehand.
He told him that.

Um... 'cause that was like,
it's like saying like,

"Go and..." you know,

"Go fly to the moon."

You know, it was that realistic.

Everybody's gone on
about you being

this short Jewish chap
from poor tenement.

-Right?
-Right, right.

MAVIS NICHOLSON:
And so from that,

it could be that you didn't have
a superiority complex,

or even just an ability
to see yourself as you are.

-But you did.
-I did.

I was able to make
all the guys on the block laugh.

I was able to tell the stories.
I was the commentator on life.

I was the Jiminy Cricket
to their Pinocchio.

I was the comic conscience
of my neighborhood.

And I always felt adored.

And I think that given a lot
of love as a child,

it was the need to continue it.

So, I never really
did feel inferior,

though I had every right to,

looking at myself in the mirror.

But I never did,
I never felt inferior.

-(HORN BLARING)
-♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

MEL: 365 South Third Street

had 22 apartments.

Every single apartment

contributed one or two members

to the Garment Center.

My friend Moshy Brown once said,

"So, what do you think
you'll be?

You think you'll be a comic?"

I said, "No,

I think I'm doomed."

"I think we're all...

heading... for Seventh Avenue,"

which was the Garment Center.

JUDD: So, what was the big break
that got you into comedy?

I actually got
into show business

because there was a guy
in my neighborhood

by the name of Don Appell.

He started in the Borscht Belt,
which is,

for those of you

of some exotic persuasion,

like Catholic...

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

...the Borscht Belt is a place
in the Jewish Catskills,

right outside of New York City.

♪ We're gonna hitchhike
Up to the Catskills ♪

MEL: The Borscht Belt
was a starting point

for the careers

-of a lot of Jewish comics.
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

MEL: So, in the summer of 1941,

Don used his influence
to get me a job

at the Butler Lodge.

I was sent there as a busboy

with... a caveat

that if an actor broke a leg
or something,

I could take his place.

You're an understudy busboy.

Understudy busboy.

Tonight is as appropriate
as any.

MEL: And I loved all the comics
in the mountains, you know?

People like Myron Cohen.

For example, this adorable
little eight-year-old girl...

That was my dream.

...walked into a bakery shop
and said to the baker,

"My mommy found a fly
in the raisin bread."

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

He says, "So bring back the fly,
I'll give you a raisin."

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

JUDD:
But not every kid sees that

and says,
"I want to be like them."

Well, it was the response of it.

The audience clapping
and laughing

and joy in their face.

I said, "Could there be
a better job than this?"

Anyway, I got my dream.

Life. Life is...

can turn on you in a second.

One of the actors

in a play called Uncle Harry.

Uncle Harry. He fell in a hole.

That is the truth.
He was walking.

He didn't see the hole.
He fell in the...

Nobody really falls into a hole.

Yeah, he fell in a hole.
(CHUCKLES) Nobody--

And he fell in a hole.
He banged himself up,

and he couldn't do the show
that night.

So, they called me.

I knew his lines.

"There, there, Harry.

Have a seat. Relax."

(GASPS) "He knows the words!"

I knew the words
of everybody in the cast.

-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
-I wanted to be an actor.

MEL: So, they made me up.

They gave me a big wig,
gave me a beard.

Play's going on.

Curtain is up in scene two.
I'm at my desk.

"There, there, Harry."

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

"Don't be nervous."

"Have some water

and tell me
in your own--" Crash!

-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
-(CHUCKLES)

I dropped that glass of water.

-(CHUCKLES)
-MEL: I mean..

I walked down to the footlights.

I take my hump out.
I take my wig off.

Take my beard. I said,
"I'm 14. I've never done this."

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

I knew then, "Okay, that's it."

You got that laugh,
and that's a chemical reaction.

MEL: That's it. It said...

(IMITATES MYSTICAL VOICE)
"You were meant
not for the Garment Center,

but to make people laugh.

Go forth from this place,
Melvin,

and make people happy.

Make them laugh,

and you'll get a lot more money
than the Garment Center."

(LAUGHS)

♪ (LIVELY MUSIC PLAYING
OVER SPEAKER) ♪

Always keep the beat.

I'm always
in the center of the beat.

MEL: (OVER RECORDING)
I was a drummer.

A tidbit of information,
only a few blocks away,

Buddy Rich,
the famous swing drummer,

did teach me some rudimentary
paradiddles, etcetera.

Never wrong. Born to do it.

INTERVIEWER:
When did you start drumming?

MEL: When I was about 14 years.

What I'm doing now is really

the most important thing
a drummer can do.

Not show off, just... drive.

MEL: I played weddings,
bar mitzvahs, subway platforms,

any place that would get
a couple of bucks.

TOM SNYDER:
How did you get from the drums

to standing up
and doing the jokes?

And don't tell me
the comedian got sick one night

and they called on you.

One night the comedian got sick
and they called on me.

-(TOM LAUGHS)
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

MEL: "Melvin the comic is sick
and going..."

When the comic fell ill,

I, the drummer,

knew all that bad material
and jumped to the stage,

and I did these kinds of jokes.

Good evening, ladies and germs.

Welcome to a bang-up
variety show presented by

and for the boys here
at the Good Luck Inn.

We have a swell lineup
for tonight, loads of talent,

lots of girls
will be out in a minute.

Girls will be coming out.

-Wait, wait, give me a break.
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

And I'm gonna be your MC,
that's short for "mental case."

I just flew in from Chicago
and...

"Boy, are my arms tired."

"I met a girl in Chicago
that was so skinny..."

So skinny,

that I took her to a restaurant
and the waiter said,

"Check their umbrella."

-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
-That's all. Lousy jokes, lousy.

But I loved it. It was all junk,

terrible stuff, but I loved it.

ALAN YENTOB:
Was there something special

about being Jewish in Brooklyn
at that time?

No, everybody was.

(ALAN CHUCKLING)

Every single human being
in Brooklyn

was a Jew at that point,

so there was nothing special
about it.

It was quite ordinary.
It was a pedestrian thing to be.

I mean, I went to Manhattan,
and I met all these Gentiles,

and it was a little frightening.

That was frightening.
I said, "My God,

you mean there are other people
besides Jews in the world?"

I mean...

So, we never felt
any-- any, uh, anti-Semitism

or any strangeness.

Had we been transported
to Nebraska or Kansas

or Abilene, Texas,

yes, we would have felt.
They would have said,

(WITH SOUTHERN ACCENT)
"What the hell
are that thing there talking in?

In that Jew talk.

And little. What the hell,
so little itty-bitty people.

They're so short, so funny.
And they can count."

"I got myself a Jew.

I wanted an Airedale,
but I got myself a Jew instead.

And, uh, it do everything.

It... It...

Ostensibly, it's my accountant,

but it's cuter
than an accountant.

It can count.
It don't even need a pencil.

It can count. You just...

All you-- Every night,
you just take a little matzos.

That's what they eat,
unleavened bread.

You put that in their dish
in a little water to soften up

because they'll cut their gums.

You don't want a little Jew
bleeding all over your carpet.

You give them the matzos,
and the little Jews,

and they love you for it.

They love you for it.
They're wonderful people."

(FILM REEL WHIRRING)

(AIRPLANE ENGINES ROARING)

MEL: I knew I wanted to go
into show business,

but Hitler had started a war.

-♪ (SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
-MEL: I was 17 years old,

and in my senior year,

when I joined
the Army Reserve trainees.

JUDD: Everyone goes off to war.
Did all your brothers go?

Four blue stars on a flag
in the window.

-JUDD: Wow.
-Can you believe that?

-JUDD: And your mom
is suddenly alone.
-And...

Suddenly she's alone
and she's...

praying every night
for her boys...

-JUDD: Wow.
-...to survive the war.

My brother Lenny was a hero,
literally.

He was a waist gunner
in a B-17 bomber.

He was shot down and he was
a prisoner of war for 18 months.

-JUDD: Wow.
-It was difficult.

I enlisted.
That was the last good war.

And I was going
to kill all the Nazis.

And I was sent
by the army to VMI,

the West Point of the South,
Virginia Military Institute.

And I was the only Jew

that ever rode a horse
and flashed a saber.

INTERVIEWER: You're acutely
aware of being Jewish.

MEL: Yes, I am.

And I was very aware of
being different.

I was very aware of
our being treated differently.

It was shocking

because I didn't think
we were different.

INTERVIEWER: How were you
treated differently?

MEL: "You Jew bastard!"
How's that for being treated?

And a punch in the eye

from a kid
that I extended my hand to,

I was gonna shake hands with.

But I didn't flee
and I didn't cry.

I grabbed him

and I hit him.

I beat him so badly
that no one ever,

ever again in that school

went near me
in a negative manner.

I was sent from a provincial
tenement in Brooklyn

to France.

1104th Engineer Combat
Battalion.

JUDD: And the Germans
had just left France?

MEL: Yeah.

JUDD:
And so your job was to make sure

-they didn't leave behind
booby traps?
-MEL: Right.

Forty-five degree angle
with your bayonet,

go through the soil,

find, find, find. Dink, dink.

Uh-oh.

The first thing we learned,

if you go to the bathroom,
never pull the chain.

-(JUDD CHUCKLES)
-'Cause...

that's one way ticket to death.

They put dynamite attached to,
you know, in the water closet.

-JUDD: Yeah.
-You pull that, boom.

Had I been born
six months earlier,

I would have been
in the Battle of the Bulge.

So, we're very, very lucky.

JUDD: And were you aware

what was happening
with the Holocaust?

MEL: I heard rumors, but...

no, not at all.

♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪

JUDD: Now, you're in the paper
during the war.

It says, "A Star is Born."

I left the engineers
and went into show business,

you know, army show business.

JUDD:
Head of the entertainment crew

-for special services.
-Exactly.

JUDD: So, you recreated
the Borscht Belt in Germany.

MEL: I surrounded myself
with German entertainers.

JUDD: Were they upset with you

'cause the city
had been bombed,

or were they happy
to be freed from Hitler?

MEL: They were happy to be freed

from not having to send

another boy to his grave.

♪ (PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

The war changed me.

Little by little,
I would see where people lived,

and I'd hear stories
where families...

were decimated, you know,
the whole family.

It wasn't good.

JUDD: And how does that affect
your sense of humor,

to see so much tragedy?

I don't know.
Maybe I just tried to, uh...

tried to... stuff it somewhere,

you know?

Finally, at 20,
I was discharged.

I missed my brothers, my mother.

Twenty, you're still a baby boy.
You're just a kid, you know?

JUDD:
That's a lot of life before 20.

MEL:
Yeah, it's a lot of life, right.

NICHOLAS BROOKS:
I remember my dad

in my Grandma Kitty's apartment.

There was a little box
of his war memorabilia,

and I remember
he tried to put on his jacket

that he had worn as a corporal.

Didn't quite fit him.

There was things
he was able to share with me.

For years after he, um--

he got back from Europe,

when there was
like a truck backfire,

he would just have to fight
not to hit the ground, you know?

There was
a little bit of that PTSD.

I think that was
part of his journey.

MEL: (OVER RECORDING)
My name is Melvin Kaminsky,

and today is February 24th,
1947...

MEL: If you don't get killed
in the army,

you can learn a lot.

I reconnected with Don Appell.

One of his discoveries
when he was a social director,

Sid Caesar was opening

at the Copacabana
as the leading comic.

We bonded immediately.

And if there was no Sid Caesar,

there would never have been
a Mel Brooks.

Why don't you answer the phone?

What are you guys,
a bunch of mice?

I'll answer the phone.

MEL: One day, Sid called me.

"Mel, they want me

to do this thing
called television."

Oh.

Well, look, honey, we're right
in the middle of a poker game.

-That's right.
-FRIEND 1: That's telling her.

-FRIEND 2: Atta boy, Charlie.
-FRIEND 3: That's telling her.

Now, look,
I can't do anything about that.

Now, look, I...
No, I'm sorry. Look.

Look, we're in the middle
of a poker game.

Will you understand that?

-FRIEND 1: That's telling her!
-FRIEND 2: Tell her
you're gonna be...

Now, look. Look, once in a mile,

a guy's got a right
to a night to play poker, right?

Now, look.
Now, just don't call up again.

Goodbye.

Atta boy, Charlie. (CHUCKLES)
You told her, Charlie boy, huh?

Yes, sir.

That was your wife, Danny.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

CONAN: As televisions
are making their way

across the United States...

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

...people are figuring out
what the format is.

These guys know
the stuff they loved,

which is Marx Brothers,
Ritz Brothers,

Borscht Belt.

There is a tradition.

There's a tradition
that's been around.

It's just now
there's a new technology.

(CLATTER)

No one will notice that.
It'll come right out in editing.

Look, boy.

-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
-We don't like your boy.

CONAN: If you are Jewish

and it's the late '40s,

and you wanna make it,

and you've got
some comedy talent,

there's a lot of things

that probably
aren't open to you.

But this is the way

for a Mel Brooks to make it.

Now hear this!

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

Mel Brooks was not on camera
on Your Show of Shows.

He was behind the scenes.
He was in the writer's room.

And he was staying
out of the view

of producer Max Liebman

'cause he technically
wasn't supposed to be there.

He was being paid
under the table by Sid Caesar.

-MEL: I belonged to Sid.
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

I didn't belong to the show,

I didn't belong
to Max Liebman...

-SID CAESAR: That's right.
-...I belonged to Sid.

Max wouldn't pay him
the 40 dollars a week,

so I paid him
the 40 dollars a week.

And then Mel pleaded with me,
said he needed 45 to live.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

And Max didn't care
if you lived or not.

And Max said no.

Max Liebman
was not exactly thrilled

to have me around.

When he saw me...

he assessed my character
and personality immediately.

-He was absolutely right.
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

You know?

He saw a very... an arrogant,

obnoxious little shithead...

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

...who thought
he knew everything

and had patience for nothing
but his own thoughts.

We had terrible fights,

and he said, "You're nothing.

You got a big mouth,
but you're nothing.

You talk a lot,
but you're nothing.

Make a lot of noise,
but you're nothing."

And I said,
"And you're the boss,

and you're the boss
over nothing!"

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

MEL: Max hated me.

He said, "Mel Brooks
is a living interruption."

Sometimes I would interrupt,
you know,

Jimmy Starbuck,
our choreographer,

would get them all lined up

and give them a step
that they could do together.

And suddenly,
I appeared from nowhere

because
I could not resist the shiny,

beautiful wooden floors.

I would run in,

slide all the way
across the dance floor,

hit the opposite wall and shout,
"Safe."

LARRY GELBART: I remember
when I went to work for Sid,

most everybody here was there

a little younger at the time.

(GUESTS CHUCKLING)

The late Selma Diamond
was there.

The late Mel Brooks was there.
Mel was always late.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

Always, yeah.

And the door would open,

and Mel would come in
with a straw hat

and he'd fling it
across the room,

and he said, "Lindy made it!"

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

-♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
-MEL: The writing staff.
Listen to this staff.

Larry Gelbart,
who wrote M.A.S.H.,

there was Neil Simon,

Mel Tolkin, Lucille Kallen,

and later,
there was Woody Allen.

This is your roving reporter,
Carl Reiner,

-here at LaGuardia Airport...
-MEL: And then
we discovered Carl Reiner.

He was my best friend
in the world,

and I loved him.

♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪

Mel has some kind of problem
with getting up.

Low blood sugar, we don't know.

He couldn't get up till twelve,
one o'clock,

and he would call
the Carnegie Delicatessen

and have his bagel
and coffee preceded him.

When the bagel and coffee came,

we knew Mel
would be soon behind.

I usually came
about 45 minutes late.

-SHELDON KELLER:
One o'clock in the afternoon.
-No, no, no, no.

-Everybody got in, what?
-10:00.

-10:00.
-About 10:00. And I would--

-SID: Not about 10:00, 10:00!
-They-- Hold on.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

MEL: I had trouble--

I had insomnia,
I had trouble sleeping.

I was a World War II
combat veteran.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

Sid was in the Coast Guard.
He went to Coney Island.

-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
-(GUESTS LAUGHING)

MEL: But one day, I go to Sid.

I said,
"Thank you for paying, Sid."

And I give him two dollars.
He said...

"No, no, no.
It's a little more than that."

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

I said, "How much?"

He said, "I gave the guy
a 25-dollar tip."

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

Well, he did.

He did.
He gave the guy a 25-dollar tip

to teach me a lesson
not to come late.

And the coffee was cold.

-(GUEST LAUGHING)
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

Two German planes go down.

(IMITATES PLANE ENGINES
SPUTTERING)

But still the Germans come on.

(IMITATES HEAVY GUNFIRE)

And the American...

-(VOCALIZES)
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

JUDD: All of your compatriots

always say

he was the funniest performer
of everybody.

Two more German planes go down.

(IMITATES PLANE ENGINES ROARING)

-(IMITATES ENGINES SPUTTERING)
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

(BLOWING RASPBERRY)

He's in trouble.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

Sid never came on as funny.

Funny was always
a bit of a surprise.

He came on
as being sincere and earnest.

And then he'd say things

that nobody who was sincere
or earnest would ever say.

(SPEAKING GERMAN)

Nose crooked...

(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)

MEL: He was
a very crazy combination

-(SOBS)
-MEL: ...of poetry...

(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)

Food... (SPEAKS GIBBERISH)

MEL: And caveman.

...knife and fork...

(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)

Knife and fork, get in my eye.

I would have been
a comic ten years earlier,

but he was such a great vehicle
for my passion.

He could do anything.
He mimicked people.

I mean, he didn't do Bogart,
he didn't do Cagney,

he just did people,
recognizable types.

He really was
incredibly talented.

(SPEAKING GIBBERISH
WITH ITALIAN ACCENT)

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

(BOTH SPEAKING GIBBERISH)

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

(SPEAKING GIBBERISH
WITH FRENCH ACCENT)

(SPEAKING GIBBERISH
WITH FRENCH ACCENT)

(BOTH SPEAKING GIBBERISH
WITH FRENCH ACCENT)

(BOTH SPEAKING GIBBERISH
WITH FRENCH ACCENT)

(BOTH SPEAKING GIBBERISH
WITH FRENCH ACCENT)

-En garde!
-En garde!

(GUNSHOT)

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

Sid was also
the strongest human being.

-The strongest--
-JOHNNY CARSON: Physically?

Physically, the golden boy.

He didn't like a joke,
he lifted the metal desk
and the typewriter.

"I don't like it!" he said.
"Okay."

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

"No-- Don't have to be in.
Don't have to be in." Right?

He took out a joke of mine
from a sketch

and I got very angry.

Mel fought for this joke
for a week.

I said,
"I want you to do that joke.

You're an idiot!

You've got to do that joke
because it's funny."

"You do the joke."

And I punched him in the face,
knocked him against the car.

I realized slowly...
"What have I done?"

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

He could have done this
and sent me to Chicago.

-(GUESTS LAUGHING)
-He looked at me and said,

"Well, if you feel that strong
about it, let's try it."

(GUESTS LAUGHING)

Very early on,
when we did the Show of Shows,

we went to Chicago.

And I was writing for Sid.

We played the Palmer House,

the Empire Room
at the Palmer House.

And Sid rented a car,
and we were driving in the car.

Cab cut us off.

Cab driver said things
you cannot say on television.

Sid said,
"Moment, moment, sir, moment."

Got out of the car,
went to the cab driver.

Cab driver wearing a yellow hat
and a little leather bow tie.

He's... And the cab driver

was looking through
this little clipper window.

Remember those?
It had a little clip--

And he says to Sid,
more invectives, more,

you know, very bad cursing.

And Sid just said to him,
"Do you remember birth?

JOHNNY: "Do you remember birth?"

Birth. He said, "What?"
"Do you remember being born?"

"Do you remember birth,
your birth?"

He said, "No. What?"

He said,
"We're going to reenact it."

He grabbed him
by the leather bow tie,

and began pulling him.

-(SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
-(JOHNNY AND AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

-(LAUGHING)
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING, APPLAUDING)

It was so...

Pulling him
through the little window?

And I promise you
Sid could have got him through,

but I bit his hand.

-(INAUDIBLE)
-(JOHNNY LAUGHING)

JOHNNY: Somewhere there's
a very long cab driver

back in Chicago, to this day.

INTERVIEWER: Your showbiz dream
is coming true,

but there's so much pressure
doing this weekly show

that you started
getting anxiety attacks.

MEL: I started to get nervous,

and I thought
I wasn't holding my end up.

So, I began
getting very anxious,

acutely depressed, nervous.

And I remember saying
to Mel Tolkin,

"Mel, I'm vomiting
between parked cars.

I can't do this. I can't sleep.

It's impossible."

He said, "Relax.
You're an animal.

You're not a person yet.

But you have the makings
of a very bright human being."

And he got me
into psychoanalysis.

I had a dream about being
at the wheel of a car

and the car was out of control.

"They're going to find me out.

I'm not a genius.
I'm not smart. I'm not funny.

I don't deserve it.

They're going to find me out
and fire me."

He said to me,

"So they're going
to find you out.

They're liable to find out
that you're really who you are,

that you're really talented,
that you really had a big hand

in making the show
successful and popular.

Tomorrow, when you go into work,

you're going to ask for a raise

because you think

you deserve it."

The next morning,

I went
into Max Liebman's office.

Max said,
"Absolutely not. Get out."

Ten minutes later,
after I told my story to Sid,

-Sid marched into Max's.
-Yeah.

"He gets it.

He's good.

He's earned it.

Give it to him.
If you don't, I will.

And if I have to,
I'll be very angry at you."

And I got it.

JUDD:
And did that help your insomnia?

MEL: Absolutely.

JUDD: So, your insomnia
got a little better?

MEL: A little better,
a little better.

JUDD: 'Cause you're still
a night owl.

Yeah.

JUDD: What are your hours
that you keep now?

I don't go to sleep until 4:00
or 5:00 in the morning.

JUDD: What are you doing?

What's happening at 3:30
in this house?

-I'm shaking.
-(JUDD LAUGHS)

♪ (GENTLE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

JUDD: At this time,
is that when you got married
for the first time

during Your Show of Shows?

MEL: Yeah.

She was a dancer
on the Show of Shows.

I got to meet her.
I got to like her very much.

And she got to like me.

And... when I was 23 or 24,
we got married.

JUDD: That's so young.

(INAUDIBLE)

NICHOLAS:
My mom at one point was...

dancing
for the Colgate Comedy Hour.

That was Martin and Lewis.

And Dean Martin

had such a case
of the hots for her,

just loved her.

She was a beautiful woman.

And he used to go up to her
and try to woo her.

And one of the things
he used to say to her was,

you know,
"Why are you hanging out

with that schleppy little,"
you know, "Jewish guy?"

You know, "You can have me.

He's a dead-ender," you know?

And my mom said,

"I'm sorry,
but I really like him."

"I really dig him."

So she took a pass.

JUDD: And you had three kids
in pretty quick succession.

And did she want a big family?

Not particularly.

It was thrust upon her

by her ever-loving husband.

I married her
out of show business

because I kept
getting her pregnant.

And that meant

that she could not
pursue her career.

But I could pursue mine.

♪ (GENTLE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

STEFANIE BROOKS: My father
made my mother stop working

because she was his wife.

It was a dynamic

that was very common
at the time.

But he was much more fun
than my mother was.

They both really wanted
to be nurtured,

and neither of them

was... very nurturing.

♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪

STEPHANIE:
He used to say,

"I'm known in the industry.

I'm not famous,

but they know me
in the business,"

he would say.

JUDD: What was your vision
for your career?

MEL: Movies.

-JUDD: "I'm gonna write movies."
-MEL: "I'm gonna write movies."

JUDD: And you tried to get Sid
to make movies with you?

MEL: Yeah, I said, "Sid...

you do a show on Saturday night,

and by Monday...

it's forgotten."

You can't just do television
'cause television evaporates.

And I pitched this idea.

"I quit, you quit.

We don't do the third year
of the Show of Shows.

We do the first year

of a picture
starring Sid Caesar,

a never-to-be-forgotten comedy

by that incredible comedy writer
Mel Brooks."

And I convinced him.

♪ (PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

MEL: A month goes by.

He said, "I got bad news.

They offered me something
I couldn't refuse.

A million dollars a season.

I'm big, but I'm not that big
that I can say no to that."

He said,
"I can get you a raise."

I said, "I don't want a raise.
I want movies."

JUDD:
So, your escape did not work.

MEL: No, no escape.

(INAUDIBLE)

MEL: The Show of Shows
was good for me for three years

and good for Sid Caesar
for three years.

And we were funny and brave
and outrageous.

But we went on,
we did that show for nine years

until we were no longer welcome

and we no longer
really had any enthusiasm

for the material.

If you get stuck
in any kind of a hit,

that in itself is a trap.

You must have the courage

to break out

and really discover

the parameters
of your own creativity,

your own talent.

Sid Caesar was a genius.
He really was.

The harder you work,
the more fierce the flame,

and the more quickly
you are consumed

by that very flame.

So it's a very difficult thing
to, uh...

He... he was used up.

JUDD: So, the show ended.

How much money were you making
when the show ended?

-Five thousand.
-JUDD: Wow.

-Five thousand a show.
-JUDD: That's real money.

That was real money.

And then I wasn't working.

JUDD: And your salary went
from 5,000 dollars

to 85 dollars a week.

MEL: Yep.

JUDD: I heard
you had to stop your analysis

because you couldn't afford it
anymore.

And then the car
went out of control again.

-(BOTH LAUGH)
-♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪

ALAN: As a writer,

you found success
with Show of Shows.

I mean, great success.

And yet then... that all went.
I mean, how did that affect you?

Um...

I cried.

I cried.
I mean, I cried for two years.

Thanks, Lee. All I did was cry.

For two years,
I did nothing but sob.

I mean, I was broke.

I mean, I didn't have a nickel.

NICHOLAS: My dad
was very hungry for stardom.

He really wanted desperately
to be a somebody,

not just to be
a kind of industry success

in some, you know, abstract way,

but to be recognized and noticed
and appreciated.

And my dad tended
to express anxiety,

stress, uh, through anger.

And he became
a very angry person,

very volatile mood-wise.

And it was difficult for my mom,
you know,

trying to raise these babies.

And I think
it just reached a point

where my dad was just,

frankly,
so difficult to live with.

It was just intolerable.

♪ (MELANCHOLIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

MEL: The marriage suffered
because...

I was very difficult
to live with.

'Cause
I was just disgusted of...

a dead end to my creativity.

And I don't blame her
for divorcing me and...

It was just...

hell living with me.

-I wasn't happy.
-JUDD: You were just unhappy.

MEL: Very unhappy.

JUDD: What would she ask of you?

Like when she said,
"Can you just do this?"

What would it be?

"All right, get home."
Certainly get...

you know, "Don't stop
for a drink anywhere."

-JUDD: Yeah.
-"Get home."

-JUDD: Yeah.
-Have dinner--

You know, six o'clock,

sit down with the kids
and have dinner.

JUDD: Yeah.

And most of the time
I could do that,

and sometimes I couldn't.

♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪

-Carl, are you there?
-HOST: Oh, yeah, he's there.

Where is--
You got a mic near, Carl?

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

Carl, tell us how it all began,

because it wasn't my fault
at all.

It was all his doing.

-HOST: No kidding.
-He was-- really.

CARL REINER: Are we interested

in the genesis
of The 2000 Year Old Man?

-Yes.
-CARL: Okay.

There was a show called
We the People Speak

with Dan Seymour.

"We the People Speak."

They recreated the news,
and I heard it one Sunday.

"Here's a man
who was actually
in Stalin's toilet,

and he heard Stalin say,

'Going to blow up the world
Thursday.'"

-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
-I said, "Oh, what a good idea
for a sketch."

I came and presented it
to Max Liebman and Sid.

And they thought
it was all right,

but they didn't do it.

And I was so sure
it was a great idea.

Mel was sitting just
as we're sitting,

you're sitting on a couch.

I was sitting on his left
and I said,

"Here's a man who was actually

at the scene of the crucifixion,

2,000 years ago.

Is that not true, sir?"

And he said...

"Oh, boy," that's all he said.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

CARL: (OVER RECORDING)
Those were the first words.

And I said,

"You were actually at the scene
of the crucifixion."

MEL:
Oh, what yelling, what yelling.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

At parties
for the next ten years,

I had a little tape recorder,
wire recorder.

I didn't want
to lose these gems.

I wanted
to be able to tell people,
"Look what he said."

CARL: (OVER RECORDING)
One, two, three, four. One, two.

Now, sir, are you telling us

that you actually knew
Jesus Christ?

MEL: Yes, yes. Thin, nervous.

Used to come in the store
for water.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

-CARL: You had a store then?
-MEL: Yeah, sure.

CARL: But remember, 1950
was five years after the war.

The Jews
are pretty well maligned,

and he's doing
a middle European Jewish accent.

CARL: (OVER RECORDING)
Did you like him personally?

MEL:
Lovely lad, nice, well-mannered.

I'd never know

if we figured he'd be a hit.
Never.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

And we figured
that The 2000 Year Old Man

was only for Jews
and non-antisemitic Gentiles.

Like you, sir.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

They did it for friends.
They would do it at a party.

"Come on,
do The 2000 Year Old Man."

And they'd just do schtick,
and they'd record it sometimes.

It would be on tape recording,

but they just did it
for themselves.

And at one party,

Steve Allen was there,

and he said,
"You know, you guys,

you gotta put this on record.
Put it on record."

Let's have a nice hand
for Carl Reiner and Mel Brooks.

Here they are.

ROB REINER: And that was
the first 2000 Year Old Man.

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

Thank you.

Ladies and gentlemen,
I feel indeed fortunate

to be able to discuss
with a man tonight

his history.

And it is fortunate
because this man

is actually 2,001 years old.

He came to us a year ago
from the Middle East.

He went to the Mayo Clinic.

They tested him
and it was proved

that he has lived
for 2,000 years.

He is 2,001 now,

and I'd like for him
to say hello to you

and tell us about the world
as he has seen it.

The 2000 Year Old Man.

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

Sir, I am applauding you

because you have lived
this long.

Hello there.

(LAUGHS)

-Would you sit down, sir?
-How are you? Nice to see you.

-Nice to see you.
-How old are you?

-Well, I am just 39.
-You're a punk. All right.

(LAUGHS)

Yes. Well, sir,
you are 2,001 now, isn't it?

Two thousand
and one years young,

how we say,
not to curse ourselves.

CARL: Yes, you don't use
the word old, I see.

-Old? No...
-CARL: It frightens you.

...because we're
too close to end there.

I see.
Well, you're not an old man.

You don't look
like an old man to me, sir.

No, I keep myself young,
and I keep it by exercise.

-Exercising.
-Yes, that's the key to my door.

(LAUGHS)

The key to your door to health,
you're trying to say.

-To health, yes.
-I see.

Thanks for the ending of that.
Yes.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

I met Mel when I was,
I think, four or five.

That was the first time
I ever met Mel.

Yeah, Mel was gonna come visit.

You know, at night,
he was coming in,

and he was gonna visit
for the weekend.

And the night before,
my dad says to me...

-"There's gonna be a man..."
-"There's a man..."

"...seated
in that little alcove,

so, don't be frightened."

"And just don't get nervous."

"The man is a friend,
so, in the morning,

don't wake him up
if you see him."

About 6:00 in the morning
or 7:00 or 8:00, I heard...

"Is that the man?"

-"That's the man."
-"That the man?"

"That's the man.
That's the man."

"I think that's the man."

"Mom said
don't wake up the man."

And Mel's eyes open,

and he sees
these two little kids.

"Are you the man?
You're the man, right?"

And then he went
to poke a finger in his eye.

He goes, "I'm up. I'm the man.
I'm the man. I'm up. I'm up."

(CHUCKLES) That's...

So, to me, that's who Mel was.

He was the man.
He was the man at age four.

-CARL: Sir Isaac Newton.
-MEL: I knew him.

-CARL: You knew him?
-MEL: Oh, sure.

ROB: My father was
like a second banana.

He never felt
he needed to be the star.

Mel is the star.

Of all the discoveries
of all time...

ROB:
My dad felt very comfortable

feeding the star.

-...fire?
-Fire, fire, far and away fire.

Fire was
the hottest thing going.

-Fire, you can't beat fire.
-Really?

Fire used to warm us
and light up our caves,

so we wouldn't walk into a wall,

so we wouldn't marry
our brother Bernie.

Fire.

-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
-(OVERLAPPING CHATTER)

And cooking.
Oh, fire. You can't beat fire.

When did they first learn
to cook with fire?

-It was an accident.
-Really?

-That was an accident.
-It was?

A chicken. Chicken walked
into the fire by mistake and...

(SPUTTERS, BLOWS RASPBERRY)
And over.

Burnt. Burnt up.

-What, a pet chicken?
-Yes. We didn't use them.

We kept them around the cave
as pets.

We loved to hear...
(IMITATES CHICKEN)
...We loved that.

(CHUCKLES)
Okay, ladies and gents.

So, we took it out
to give it a funeral,

you know, and bury it
'cause it was a pet.

And we all went... (SNIFFS)
"Hey, that smells good."

So, we ate him up,

and since then
we've been eating chickens.

You know, I've heard this story,
but I've heard that the animal

that wandered
into the fire accidentally

was a pig.

Not in my cave.

-(SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

He would push Mel into a corner,

and that would make Mel...

explode with creativity
and humor.

Two thousand years ago,

what was the main
means of transportation?

-ROB: He talks about...
-Fear.

ROB: ...fear.

-Fear.
-Fear?

An animal would growl
and give your leg a bite,

-you'd run a mile in a minute.
-So, fear transports you?

-Fear kept you moving, Charlie.
-I see.

That fear is the main motivator
for what he does.

The fear of not being funny,

the fear of not being liked,
whatever the fear is.

And because of that,
he becomes a lovable person.

INTERVIEWER: The Jewish timing

dictated most of modern comedy.

MEL: Yeah, you know,
it has to do with fear.

-INTERVIEWER: Yeah.
-MEL: There's a great energy

that fear can create.

Is that guy coming for me?

Is that...
Is that a fucking swastika?

You know, the-- like fear.

It's always lurking.

-INTERVIEWER: Yeah, yeah.
-MEL: So, I mean, and it creates
an energy, you know.

Fight or flight
is right there for every Jew.

Yeah, how about an anthem?

-We had a national anthem.
-What was the anthem?

Well, you see,
it was very fragmented.

-Yes. Yes.
-But it wasn't nations.

It was caves.
Each cave had a national anthem.

INTERVIEWER:
Yes. Well, do you remember

the national anthem
of your cave?

♪ Let them all go to hell
Except Cave 76 ♪

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

I had 2000 Year Old Man.
I had that.

I listened to it all the time
as a kid.

That voice he had was

100 percent
like every uncle I had

in Fort Lauderdale
when I would swim in the pool.

There were like 40 Mel voices
coming at you

from every one
of my father's friends.

I had the box set
in my car in high school

and that patter and that rhythm
really got in deep for me.

And eventually when we did
Oh, Hello...

You got the chills?
Are you sick?

No, I got the chills

from your
magnificent performance.

NICK KROLL: So much of it
is based on Carl Reiner,

Mel Brooks.

You know, I have mesothelioma.

-How did you get it?
-From a commercial.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

Did you practice polygamy
in those days?

I never practiced it.
I was perfect at it.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

NICK:
You watch two people so in sync

to the absolute pinnacle
of what they could be,

and you feel the spark
of improvisation in there.

It was absolutely
the worst thing
that ever happened to me.

-Why?
-I used to come home from work

and I'd open
that door and I'd hear,

"You're late for supper, supper,
supper, supper, supper."

I was obsessed and mystified

by how did they do that?

How did-- He just talks.

Carl Reiner just interviews him
as this character,

and he has
all these funny things to say.

We didn't--

We were trying to figure out
where funny came from.

Robin Hood, did he exist?

-A real person.
-Really?

A real person with long hair
and a green sunsuit,

and he ran around in the forest
with a band of merry gentlemen.

JERRY SEINFELD: Here's
what we didn't understand...

So, had he lived today,

he would have been
a dress designer.

JERRY:
When two very funny people...

Genghis Khan.

Genghis Cohen was his real name.

JERRY: ...look into
each other's eyes...

-For what reason?
-Business purposes.

JERRY: ...it's like
a third universe is created

just because they're together

and they're so happy
to be together.

How long have you had that cane?

I've had this cane
for three years.

-Who gave it to you?
-I went to the opera

and I came home with it.

Are you trying to say you stole?

JUDD: Is that the first time
the public saw you perform?

Just wipe it off just like that.
That's wonderful.

MEL: No. The first appearance...

You missed a fingerprint
over there.

Thank you so much, kid.
That's fine.

MEL: ...it was on
The Milton Berle Show.
It was crazy.

And it was years
before I got on to TV again.

And I don't know
why I was on TV again.

Maybe because of Carl.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

That's an antisocial act.

-Well, that's me.
-(LAUGHS)

Antisocial act.

MEL: Carl was a natural
straight man in the world.

He had opportunities to score.
He never did.

He always
threw the big punchlines,

the big jokes to me. Always...

-He was so kind.
-JUDD: Why was he so kind?

I don't know.

It was just a fault
of his nature. You know...

JUDD:
It's a thing you do at parties.

You put out the record
without expectation.

MEL: Right.

JUDD: And was it something
that was like

saving your ass in some way
that this party--

No, no saving any.

We just... joy,
the joy of doing it.

-JUDD: Yeah.
-And having people

grab their stomachs,
tumble over,

and fall on the ground.

-JUDD: Yeah.
-That was worth everything.

-JUDD: Yeah.
-Carl, I used to knock Carl down

-once in a while.
-JUDD: Yep.

By the way, how long
have you been wearing this suit?

This is not a suit
from 2,000 years ago.

-No, no.
-This is a modern suit. Yes.

This is a new suit.
Yes, I had this 100 years.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

-Yeah, about 100 years.
-It looks rather well, sir.

-Is it really a--
-What's this year?

This year is 18-- 1961.

-Get out of there.
-Yes.

-It is?
-It is.

I bought this suit

in the beginning
of the Civil War in 1861.

I bought canned goods
and this suit

to get through the war,
I knew I'd have something.

Yes. Well, I don't like
to doubt you, sir, because...

-That's all right.
-...the Mayo Clinic has said

-that you are 2,000--
-Yes, they've authenticated me.

-Yes.
-Yes.

But how can we
authenticate the suit?

Take a look at the tag.

Read the tag.
Read it to the people.

-"This suit is 100 years old."
-That's what it is.

-(LAUGHING)
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

Well, who put that tag
in there, sir?

When I bought it, I did,

because I knew
I would get these questions.

Well, if you put that tag
in there,

you knew it would last
a hundred years.

JUDD:
Did it strike you at the time,

like, how weird
that this is the thing,

The 2000 Year Old Man,

that broke
the whole thing through?

Did it seem surprising?

Yeah, well,
it was surprising to me.

I said, "Funny that,

you know, that this strange
little Jewish character

would be my way

to comedy fame.

INTERVIEWER: Now to our story
with Mel Brook,

whose-- Mel Brooks,

whose new hit funny record
is 2000 Years with Carl Reiner.

MEL: Here, this one.

INTERVIEWER: Just how and when

did the desire
to be a funny man hit you?

MEL: You're not interested
in the psychodynamics

-of why somebody becomes funny.
-INTERVIEWER: Yeah.

-MEL: I just tell you, funny.
-INTERVIEWER: You could've been
a shoe salesman.

-MEL: I could've been.
-INTERVIEWER: You could've
been a dentist.

You could've been
all kinds of things.
You decided to be a funny man.

-You wanted people
to laugh at you.
-MEL: I decided... Yes.

INTERVIEWER: Why?

MEL: Because I was little
and I thought

that the--
that I could overcompensate

by getting love this way,

because I wasn't
tall and blonde,

because I was short and ugly,

and I thought I'd get my love
that way.

INTERVIEWER: Your family
loved you, didn't they?

MEL: Well, what does that mean
to me? My family is nothing.

INTERVIEWER: You wanted--

MEL: I wanted
the love of strangers,
if you know what I mean.

-Would you like to hear a cat?
-INTERVIEWER: Uh-huh.

MEL: (IMITATES CAT SHRIEKING)
That's a cat.

-INTERVIEWER: How about a dog?
-MEL: A dog? Ruff.

He is the original
2000 Year Old Man.

Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome my co-host,

Mr. Mel Brooks.

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

MEL: But this was
not a great time for me

as far as making money
was concerned.

My only income

was from the 2000 Year Old Man
record

and a couple of TV appearances.

MEL: I was with the 1104th
Engineer Combat Battalion.

JOHNNY CARSON:
I'm surprised we won the war

with you over there.

MEL: I was on the very first
Tonight Show,

starring Johnny Carson.

MEL: Did the shoot open
or are you just short
all the time?

You cannot write a love letter
with a ballpoint.

MEL: I took almost
any job I could get.

MEL: (AS ANNOUNCER)
If you must express
yourself, get a Bic Banana.

MEL: Even doing the voiceover
for a commercial.

CAMERA ASSISTANT: Take 27.

MEL:
And a Ballantine Beer commercial

with Dick Cavett.

DICK CAVETT: (OVER RECORDING)
We're here at the beer festival,

and the 2,500 year old
brew master

has tasted all the beers.

Can you tell us, sir,
which one tasted best?

MEL: (WITH GERMAN ACCENT)
Well, unfortunately,

just before
I came to the beer festival,

I was at the garlic festival,

and I can't tell the difference
between beer and coffee.

(DICK LAUGHS)

MEL: (WITH NORMAL ACCENT)
You can use some of that, right?

It's possible
that I first met him

when we did
the Ballantine Beer commercials.

Yeah, that had to be it

because I remember
where there was a studio

and he pronounced me
to be spectacularly gentile.

DICK: Here's a Neanderthal man
right here

wearing some typical
caveman clothes.

MEL: Yes, you'll notice
the two darts in the side.

Those darts were hurled at me
by Murray the Maniac.

He lives in the next cave.

DICK:
Could it be something you said?

MEL: Well, I did call him
a son of a bitch.

(MEL AND DICK LAUGH)

JUDD: You were
rewriting Ladies' Man

for Jerry Lewis.

MEL: Yeah. I was warned.

They said he's a tough guy
to work for.

He's very demanding.

I said, "I can...
I work with Sid Caesar.

I can handle anybody."

But I really
couldn't handle Jerry.

-He was--
-JUDD: Frustrating work.

It was very frustrating
because...

I'd say, "Jerry, that's...
that's a good joke.

I know jokes. It's my life.

I know what works.
I know what gets laughs."

And...
But I couldn't do it anymore.

JUDD: Yeah.

MEL:
I couldn't take "No" anymore.

I came out to Hollywood
to write a movie.

I was at Universal Studios.

There was another bungalow.
We were working in a bungalow.

And on the top of the bungalow,
it said, "Grant Art."

I said, "What does that mean?
What the hell is Grant Art?"

He said, "Well,
that's Cary Grant's company.

Grant Art, Grant Art."

I said, "Does Cary Grant
ever come to that bungalow?"

He said, "Yeah, sure."

I'm walking down the steps,
and I hear,

(IMITATES CARY GRANT)
"Well, I don't believe it.

It's Mel Brooks.
Mel Brooks, is that you?"

I said, "Oh my God.
Oh my God. It's Cary Grant.

He's talking to me.
I heard my name."

He said,

"I've spent a thousand dollars
yesterday buying your record.

I've sent your records
to all my friends.

It's the funniest damn record
I've ever heard in my life.

I can't-- (SPEAKS GIBBERISH)"

And he said,
"Come on, what are you doing?"

I said, "Well, I'm going
into the lunchroom there."

He said,
"Oh, the commissary, yeah,

come with me, bud,
I'll buy you lunch."

"Oh my God, Cary Grant
is going to buy me lunch."

(EXCLAIMS)

So, we go to the commissary
together.

I walked past the guy,
my friend Murray.

I said, "Murray,
me and Cary are going to lunch."

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

We left together and he said,
walking down the path,

he said,
"What's your favorite color?"

I said, "Blue."
He said, "Yellow."

I said,
"Yellow is yours, blue is mine."

"What's your favorite car?"
I said, "A Buick."

He said, "A Rolls Royce."
I said, "That's nice."

And we talked like that,
you know.

He goes to Grant Art,
I go to Schwartz.

Go into the bungalow.
Everything is gone.

Next day. Ring.

"Is Mel Brooks there?"
"Yeah, he's there."

"It's Cary Grant."

"It's Cary Grant for me."
"Right. We, uh, going to lunch?"

"Yes, Cary.
I'll meet you just outside."

"Okay, buddy." "Okay, pal."

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

"We going to lunch?" Cary Grant
walking around. "How you doing?"

"What do you like,
double-breasted?

I like single-breasted, yeah."

"I like a red tie,
you like a blue tie.

Isn't that great?

I love your hair.
You like my hair?

Great, okay."

We go in, he has a boiled egg.
I have a tuna fish sandwich.

We finish lunch.

Next day. Ring. "Mel, Car!"

Now, this time,
by this time, we meet outside.

We're skipping to the lunchroom.

-(SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

Me and Cary Grant,

Mel Brooks and Cary Grant,
we're holding hands.

We-- We don't know
what to do for each other.

We don't know
what to say to each other.

Anyway,
let me tell you the punchline.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

Comes Friday.

The phone rings.

It's Cary Grant.
I said, "I'm not in."

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING, APPLAUDING)

Doctor, how do you know
you've met the right one?

Well, you know
when somebody's old enough,
if you don't have to say,

"George, put your rattle down,
we're eating now."

Seriously, how do you know
you've met the right one?

You don't, um,

and that's why
it's so difficult.

Theodore Reich said--
Excuse me. Theodore Reich said

that we marry each other

because we envy those traits
in our partners and wish to,

you know, actually make them

part of our
own character makeup.

And, so, we marry,

hoping to inculcate

their strange profile.

Marriage is really...

a good marriage should be

a good blend of the concavities
and convexities

of our different
emotional profiles

and our different
character traits.

I'll tell you later at home,
folks.

I don't want to get in the way.

Let's get back to the subject,
shall we?

People get married...

-We love it.
-Stop that!

People get married
to keep them out of jail.

HOST: Oh, I see.

Because you're aroused
and you get a little crazy,

you get married and it's legal.

-Now, seriously, I find that--
-(HOST LAUGHS LOUDLY)

Seriously, folks.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

Dr. Brothers,
the age-old question,

how do you know
when you're in love?

-Uh, we...
-MEL: I know.

Can I answer that?

Just that. Just that.

You know when you know?

I'll tell you when you know
when you're in love.

When your knees turn to jelly,
and you begin to tremble,

and there's cotton
in your mouth,

and you begin to shake
and you begin to vibrate...

-HOST: You're over 65 then.
-...and you begin to throb.

-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
-MEL: You're right.

I think I was describing
Parkinson's disease.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

What do you feel constitutes
a good marriage?

Love.

-I'm serious.
-Yeah. Okay.

-That's absolutely true.
-Yes.

-I really think you have to--
-Like is important, too.

Oh, like is very important,
but I mean,

I really feel that
when you love someone,

like is an ingredient of love.

Exactly. And I...

-(CHUCKLES)
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

-HOST: You did that so well.
-(CHUCKLES)

HOST: Well, where did you
and Mel first meet?

Um...

I was working with a guy
called Charles Strouse

and Lee Adams,

and we were doing
a show on Broadway

that didn't really make it.

It wasn't so bad.

It wasn't so good.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

MEL: It was called All American,
starring Ray Bolger.

Charles Strouse said,
"Come with me,

I have to go
to a Perry Como rehearsal."

And there on stage,
in a white dress,

is Anne Bancroft.

-♪ (SOFT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
-♪ It's not my cup of tea ♪

♪ They won't throw rice at me ♪

♪ For a while yet ♪

♪ I have no plan to wed ♪

♪ Be resolutely led ♪

♪ Down the aisle yet ♪

♪ With a smile yet ♪

♪ When the organ plays
Oh, promise me ♪

♪ I will be an absentee ♪

♪ For the months
I choose to be fancy free ♪

♪ They can throw old shoes ♪

♪ But they won't ♪

♪ (MUSIC TURNS UPBEAT) ♪

♪ Hit ♪

♪ Me ♪

ANNE BANCROFT: I was singing
"Married I Could Always Get."

♪ I live the life
That I'm used to ♪

He was in the audience,
and I was singing that,

and then he stood up
and he said,

"Anne Bancroft? I'm Mel Brooks."

And I think she said,
"Who gives a shit?"

I don't know,
I'm not sure how she responded.

♪ Married, I can always... ♪

And then he followed me
everywhere I went

for the next five days.

Where does she eat?
Where does she go?

Where does she...?

Every night that week,

I checked on where she would be.

"Anne,
I'm there at the Village--"

I'd show up
at a restaurant she was at,

or a nightclub.

"Anne, every night--"

What the hell is going...

(HESITATES) I would
end up everywhere she was.

I said, "It's kismet."

She said, "You're following me,
it's not kismet.

You're following me.

No kismet here."

♪ (UPLIFTING MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

ANNE: No matter
where I said I was going,

he said he was going there.

It just went on and on.

The man never left me alone.
Thank God.

♪ Married ♪

♪ Give me the single life ♪

-♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
-(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

JUDD: Right away, you thought,
"I've met my match."

Yeah.

JUDD: And it's like
where someone just gets you?

Yeah, she got... Exactly.

Eee...

-You said it.
-JUDD: Yeah.

You said it.

-JUDD: Was she as funny as you?
-She got me, she gets me.

JUDD: It seems
like she was crazy funny.

She was crazy funny.

JUDD: Yeah.

(SIGHS)

-♪ (PIANO MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
-♪ Hey, hey, hey
Time after time ♪

♪ I tell myself
That I am lucky ♪

♪ To be loving you ♪

Don't be afraid,
I don't fool around.

CARL:
Remember Annie, remember Annie.

I had a tennis tournament,

and there was a guy
named Don Meredith

in the audience,

and Mel Brooks
got up to perform,

and Anne Bancroft
was in the audience.

Don said it for all people.

He looked at Mel,
he looked at Anne,

and he just said...

"I don't get that deal."

And most people
just didn't get that deal.

But Mel and Anne, when they met,

it was just the opposite.

MEL: ♪ Time after time ♪.

♪ I tell myself that I... ♪

She came from the Bronx.
I came from Brooklyn.

We both like scrambled eggs.
Everything was terrific.

When were you aware that he,
as he claims,

was in love with you instantly?

When was I aware that he
was in love with me instantly?

INTERVIEWER: Yeah,
that he had fallen in love--

This moment. I had no idea

that he was in love with me
instantly.

INTERVIEWER: No,
that's what he said, that he--

Oh, no, I was in love with him
instantly.

-Really? Well, then both-- Yeah.
-Instantly.

Because, you see,
he looked like my father,

and he acted like my mother.

♪ So lucky to be loving ♪

Higher, higher.

(IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE)
♪ Time after time ♪

♪ It's always you ♪

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

I knew the moment that I saw him
that I was going to marry him.

I was madly in love

and I was going
to marry that man.

But the thing about Mel is

that Mel is so funny
and he knows all the answers,

but he's so vulnerable.

He's like a child
every once in a while.

No, don't cry.
Promise me you won't cry.

-That's true. Yes. Yes. Yes.
-INTERVIEWER: But it's true.

And you think Mel Brooks,

when you're with somebody
as witty

and as bright and sharp as Mel,

it's a little frightening
every once in a while.

And you sit down with him.

I've never known anybody
that's more interested

or more caring
about other people than him.

Yeah.
He's a very, very sweet man.

NICHOLAS: When my dad met Anne,

I did see my dad.

You know, to my mom's credit,

she never shut him
out of our lives.

So, he would come to visit two,
three, four times a week.

He would take us, you know,
to the park or the movies

and, uh, spend time with us.

But my parents separated
when I was like, six months old.

-♪ (SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
-So, when I was, like, three...

and my mother remarried,

I had this stepfather, Ed,
right?

Uh...

I thought he was my dad,

you know?

Now, there was this other guy

that came
to take Steffie and Nicky out.

And I knew
that was their father,

but... my father was Ed.

And then my mother sat me down
and said...

"Oh, Ed's not your father.

Mel's your father."

I was like,
"You mean the twitchy guy?"

You know?

MAX BROOKS:
And when my mother met him,

she understood
that he comes with three kids.

So, when he left work,

there was going to be
a couple hour delay

before he got home

because he always
stopped to see those kids

before he came home.

But when they moved in together,

he was on his ass.

He had nothing.

My father
didn't have a pot to piss in

when my mother met him.

He talks about how one time

they were
at a Chinese restaurant,

and she'd slip him money
under the table to pay,

so he could still be the man.

And he tipped,

and he tipped
a little bit too much.

And she kicked him
under the table and said,

"Oh, you're really generous
with my money."

And...

my mother tells the story
that...

when she started dating him,

someone else
from the Show of Shows,

who resented my dad,

said, "Oh, I understand
you're dating Mel.

You know he's over.
Never going to work again."

Which everybody felt.

So, he was done.

And my mother
saw something in him

and took care of him.

INTERVIEWER:
When you were struggling,

really, not so successful,

at that time,

a lot of men
really don't like it

if the woman
is making more money than them,

if the woman
is more successful than them.

How did you cope? Did you cope?

I didn't like it.
I'm going to tell you the truth.

I didn't like it.

I didn't like
her being the breadwinner.

I wanted to be the breadwinner.
And it bothered me.

It bothered me financially,
not artistically,

because she was a great artist,

and I didn't think, really,
that her...

her great art should be, um..

hidden under a bushel,

or I should
deprive the world of that.

But the money bothered me.

We would often go out to dinner
when I was broke.

I didn't have a penny,
a sou, mind you,

and she'd have to pay.

Even The 2000 Year Old Man,

the records I made
with Carl Reiner,

didn't really make
a lot of money for a while

until they caught on.

And so,
I was penniless for a while,

and Anne kept me going.

Those were pretty rough days,
very rough for me.

It was heartbreaking that,
you know, but...

Finally, Get Smart happened
with Don Adams.

I began to make some money.

Maxwell Smart, Agent 86.

86, report to headquarters
immediately.

Just a minute. Who is this?

Get in here, Max,

or I'll personally
tear you apart.

That's good enough for me,
Chief.

I'll be right over.

How did Get Smart come about?

Well, we wanted to do,
Buck Henry and I,

who's the co-creator
of Get Smart...

This is 86
reporting into control.

MEL: We wanted
to do something about...

Allow me, Princess.

MEL: ...the James Bond thing.

But we wanted
to have an inept agent.

A stumblebum agent.

-99?
-Yes, 86?

Put plan 49K into effect
immediately.

That's 49K.

Somebody who would
screw a silencer in

and make a louder sound.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

MEL:
We got Don Adams and it's...

Actually, Chief, I don't think

I'll be needing
the smoke pellet.

Would you believe it's a hit?

MEL: Get Smart freed me
from the tyranny

of having to do
like the Victor Borge special.

And I didn't want my agent
to call me and say,

"Mitzi Gaynor needs a big joke,"
you know?

(INTERVIEWER LAUGHS)

Because she just
wasn't Sid Caesar.

Let's face it.

♪ (UPBEAT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

MEL: So, Get Smart came along,
paid the rent for a while.

I was able to marry Anne.

I was able
to write The Producers

on the side.

The Producers was called
"Springtime for Hitler."

That was its original title.

JUDD: And in that period
after the war,

before Your Show of Shows,

didn't you work for a producer
at that time?

I worked for Benjamin Kutcher.

JUDD: Is that
what The Producers is based on?

MEL: Based on that guy.

(MOANING)

-Mr. Bialystock? Mr. Bialystock?
-MEL: I knocked at the door

-and I entered.
-Oh, how do you do? Oh my God.

He said, "What are you doing?

We're busy here."

Don't you just say oops
and get out.

(HESITATES)

MEL: Wait for "Enter"

before you stumble in
and destroy everything.

-(DOOR SLAMS)
-(GIGGLES)

-MEL: And then Mr. Kutcher,
he says...
-Oops.

Who are you? What do you want?

Why are you loitering
in my hallway?

Speak, dummy, speak!

"Tell me, what did you see
when you first came in?"

"What did I see? Nothing.

I saw nothing.
I didn't see a thing."

Come in, Mr. Tech.

MEL: So, I took from life
and threw it right in.

JUDD: Was he shady?

Oh, yeah, oh.

He was Mr. Shady.

Don't forget the checky.

Can't produce plays
without checky.

You can count on me.

MEL: Every day,

there'd be three or four
little old ladies

who could just about manage
to get up the steps.

He would invariably

make love to them
on a cracked leather couch.

And they'd always write out

a check
to his current production,

which was always named "Cash."

That was the name
of his current play,

-"Cash." They'd come with--
-HOST: Cash the Musical.

Cash the Musical,
Cash the Drama,

Cash the Comedy.
It was always "Cash."

Is it all right?
I made it out to "Cash."

You didn't tell me
the name of the play.

Fine. Fine. Good. Good.

MEL: And he was the character
that was in my mind.

Call me Max.

You know, I don't let everybody
call me Max.

It's only those people I like.

MEL: And I was the Leo Bloom,
the little caterpillar.

-And you can call me Leo.
-I already have.

MEL: Then I began to write it
as that.

LEO: I want everything
I've ever seen in the movies!

MEL: And the movie
is the result of a dream
that came true.

LEO: I'll do it!

By God, I'll do it!

He'll do it! He'll do it!

♪ (LIVELY MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

Now, you're a writer
and you're a director.

Yes, I've written and directed
a new motion flick

called The Producers,

starring Zero Mostel
and introducing Gene Wilder.

-Gene Wilder?
-Yes, I liked him immediately.

He was talented and he worked
for a dollar-eighty.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

INTERVIEWER:
I would have thought

a watershed in your career came

when you met Mel Brooks.

Did you see it

as an important meeting
right away?

(LAUGHS)

INTERVIEWER: What's so funny?

-(LAUGHS)
-(INTERVIEWER LAUGHS)

When God spoke to Moses
the first time, if you ask him,

"Was that significant
in your life?"

(LAUGHS)

INTERVIEWER:
It was like that, was it?

Yes, when the bush
actually went on fire.

(LAUGHS)

I would say it had
some minor importance, yes.

(INTERVIEWER LAUGHS)

It's absolutely amazing.

But under
the right circumstances,

a producer could
make more money with a flop

than he could with a hit.

The Producers is a story about

a producer and an accountant.

Yes.

MEL: And they devise a scheme,

and their scheme
is to produce a flop.

A-ha! So, in order
for this scheme to work,

we'd have to find
a surefire flop.

What scheme?

So, they're looking
for the worst play in the world.

How do you make the worst play
in the world?

First, you gotta get
the worst script in the world.

"Springtime for Hitler."

"A gay romp with Adolf and Eva
at Berchtesgaden."

-Wow.
-Wow.

MEL: I loved the idea.
I loved the idea.

Hello, boys.

Can make more money with a flop
than you can with a hit. Boom.

What do you want?

Relax, relax, Mr. Liebkind.
We're not from the government.

We came here
to talk about your play.

My play?

You mean Springtime for...
you know who?

-MAX: Yes.
-What about it?

DANA GOULD: When they
were getting ready
to make The Producers...

We love it.
We think it's a masterpiece.

That's why we're here.

We wish to produce it
on Broadway.

...Dustin Hoffman was signed
to play the playwright.

(EXCLAIMS) Oh, joy of joys.

-DANA: And Mel told me...
-Oh, dream of dreams.

I'm in my apartment and I hear,
"Mel! Mel!"

And I look down
onto Bleecker Street,

and there's Dustin Hoffman.

I open the window. I go,
"Hey, what's going on?"

And he goes,

"I might have a problem
with The Producers."

And I go,
"Why? What's the problem?"

He goes, "Well, they're flying
me out to the coast,

and I'm going to audition
for a Mike Nichols movie."

And I go, "The one Anne's in?"

He goes, "Yeah."

I go, "What-- What role?"

He goes, "The lead."

And I think, "Oh, well,
just let me know. Good luck."

And I closed the window
and I thought,

"I'm not worried."

Mrs. Robinson,
you're trying to seduce me.

(LAUGHS)

Aren't you?

But we got Kenny Mars.
(LAUGHS)

♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

JUDD: How'd you study up
to even know

how to be a director?

MEL: I didn't.
I didn't do a thing.

I just said,

"I'm going to say... 'Action'
and see what happens."

I only need one word. Courage.

The courage to do it.

I was just a traffic cop.

I mean,
I did very little directing.

With Gene,
I did very soft and quiet lying

and told him
that he was a genius

and that we were so fortunate
to have him.

And then I would go to Zero
and I would scream,

"Without you, we're finished!"

(SCREAMS, GASPS) My--

My blanket, my blue blanket!
Give me my blue blanket!

(BABBLING)

MATTHEW BRODERICK:
Gene was, aside from being

just the greatest at everything,

he was particularly good at
any kind of hysterics.

(WHINGING)

Nobody can do that.

I mean,
you can't really touch it.

-At least I can't, you know?
-And famously, they were filming

that scene,
the blue blanket scene...

I'm wet.

I'm wet.

I'm hysterical and I'm wet.

I'm in pain and I'm wet.

Mel decided, you know,

it was just a little
small budget film and they--

you know, and he said,
at the end of the day,

they had been filming all day,
he said,

"We're gonna try to do the scene
in the office."

And Gene was like,

"Oh, Mel, can we wait and do it
in the morning when I'm fresh?

I'm so tired. I don't think
I have the energy to do that."

And he sent out for candy bars.

He gave him
a lot of coffee and candy bars,

and then they shot that scene.

I'm an honest man.
You don't understand.

No, Bloom, you don't understand.
This is fate!

This is destiny! This is kismet!

There's no avoiding it.

Mr. Bialystock, not more
than five minutes ago,

I doctored your books.

MEL: It wasn't in the script
originally,

but when Gene fell,
I yelled down at him.

(YELLING) Oh!

I want that money!

-MEL: Say...
-Ooh, I fell on my keys.

It's nonsense.
It doesn't help the movie.

-But it's so unique.
-(JUDD CHUCKLES)

And so... Why would he confer?

Why would he tell us?

So, I decided to split
the difference between

smart comedy and cheap comedy.

-JUDD: Yeah.
-And cheap always won.

(INDISTINCT CLAMOR)

This is bedlam. Bedlam!

We must have some order!

-(INDISTINCT CLAMOR)
-(ROGER DE BRIS YELLING)

Will the dancing Hitlers
please wait in the wings?

We are only seeing
singing Hitlers.

(GROUP GROANING)

INTERVIEWER:
Well, you're a famous writer,

and you're
a great composer, too.

Oh. (CHUCKLES)

It's nothing,
but I mean it's nothing.

INTERVIEWER: No, you wrote
that Vinerian masterpiece,

which is called
"Springtime for Hitler."

Yes, it's... (LAUGHS)

INTERVIEWER:
Maybe you could sing it
for the French TV viewers, no?

(MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY)

♪ Germany was having trouble ♪

Yeah, that's it.

♪ (SINGING IN FRENCH) ♪
Okay, Germany.

♪ Germany was having trouble
What a sad, sad story ♪

♪ Needed a new leader
To restore its former glory ♪

♪ Where or where was he?
Where could that man be? ♪

♪ We looked around
Until we found ♪

♪ The man for you and me ♪

♪ And now it's... ♪

♪ Springtime for Hitler ♪

♪ And Germany ♪

♪ Deutschland is happy and gay ♪

♪ We're marching
To a faster pace ♪

♪ Look out
Here comes the master race ♪

MEL:
What makes The Producers work

is humanity.

Bloom is a caterpillar,

afraid to become a butterfly.

He's scared,
like a lot of people are scared.

He's the hidden ego.

And then you got
this other character,

who's a monster,

but he's beloved.

He's the id, he's the animal.

And that's Max Bialystock.

And they need each other,
they're symbiotic,

they help each other.

And that's really
the love story.

♪ ("SPRINGTIME FOR HITLER"
BY MEL BROOKS PLAYING) ♪

♪ I was born in Dusseldorf ♪

♪ And that is why
They call me Rolf ♪

♪ Don't be stupid, be a smarty
Come and join the Nazi party ♪

MEL: And then, of course,

you add a brushstroke of Hitler
to anything.

It's magic.

♪ Springtime for Hitler
And Germany ♪

♪ U-boats are sailing
Once more ♪

Well! Talk about bad taste.

♪ Springtime for Hitler ♪

♪ And Germany ♪

♪ Means that soon
We'll be going ♪

♪ We've got to be going ♪

♪ You know we'll be going ♪

♪ To war ♪

♪ (MUSIC CONCLDUES) ♪

-(CHEERRING)
-(ANGRY CHATTER)

JUDD: After World War II,

did people make fun of Hitler
in that way?

No.

I think I was the only one
doing it.

You know?

I don't know
why I should be proud,

but I have a feeling of pride

when I say I was the only one
doing Hitler jokes.

Did the importance of it
come up later?

The significance of making fun
of fascism and Nazis?

MEL: No.

Or did you know
the whole time, like,

this is significant to do this?

It's significant to do it
because it got a lot of laughs.

I made a comedy

and they're laughing.

-JUDD: Mm-hmm.
-Therefore,

maybe I can continue

to make comedies.

That's what I wanted to do.

MEL: (OVER RECORDING)
I really do want to be a writer.

I feel that I have made
some minor contributions

in that direction.

Before I die,

I would like
to make a lot of noise.

And you really can't make noise

if you fit
into prescribed grooves.

You really have to be
a little dangerous.

So hence,
"Springtime for Hitler."

♪ (PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

NICHOLAS: The Producers
premiered in early 1968,

in Philadelphia.

And it was a big movie house.

And, um, we were it.

There were only two people,

two other humans in the theater

when we saw The Producers.

One was a tall old man
in a raincoat,

and the other was a woman

surrounded by a kind of phalanx,

a fortress of shopping bags.

And when the lights came on...

the old man was asleep

and the old lady
with the shopping bags

was gone.

And I said to myself
at the time,

"Oh, my God,

this is not just a flop,

but... a kind of epic failure."

INTERVIEWER: The Producers
is now regarded by most people
as a classic,

but when it was first released,

the critics weren't
so nice to it, right?

MEL: Yes. One bad review.

You never forget it.

You always do.

In your heart of hearts,
you always agree

with the most negative reviews
because you know you're a fake.

You know you're a fraud.
You know you're no good.

You know what I mean?
And they just point that out
and you say,

"Right, you caught me,
you son of a bitch."

-(INTERVIEWER LAUGHS)
-You know?

And it's true.
I mean, you never...

One part of you is arrogant,

but then there is
the other pendulum swing

that brings you, you know,

down to your worst
paranoid fears,

that you really
were never meant to do it,

that you're not gifted,

that you have no talent,
you know.

The night The Times came out,

my wife, Anne, and I
were sitting...

♪ (MUSIC CONCLUES) ♪

...and crying,

holding each other's hands.

I said, "Look,

I was a hit writer
in television."

"I can always
go back to television,"

you know?

Yeah.

She slapped me
and she said, "Don't.

That's a great movie.

And you created
great characters,

Bialystok and Bloom,
they'll live forever.

Now you just keep making
those movies.

You stop making the movies,
I drop you like a stone."

♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

MEL: Somehow,
Peter Sellers took out a review.

He said, "This is
the greatest comedy ever..."

He went on and on about it.

Two full pages,
it cost him a lot of money.

And then the word of mouth
jumped right in.

-Word of mouth was great.
-(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

FRANK SINATRA: For the best
story and screenplay

written directly
for the screen,

the winner is Mel Brooks
for The Producers.

♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪

I didn't trust myself
in case I won,

so I wrote
a couple of things here.

I want to thank
the Academy of Arts,

Sciences, and Money

-for this wonderful award.
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

Um... Well, I'll just say
what's in my heart.

Ba-bump, ba-bump,
ba-bump, ba-bump.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING, APPLAUDING)

♪ (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

Tonight our show is called,
"How to Be a Jewish Son,"

or "My Son the Success."

Um...

It should be an evening of fun.
Now, about Jewish mothers.

Forget about Jewish mothers,
let's talk about sharks.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

DAVID SUSSKIND: Sharks?

MEL: Let me tell you
about my mother.

I like my mother.

I love my mother.

If I could...

I would go skinny dipping
with my mother.

(GUESTS LAUGHING)

DAVID:
But you're talking about--
What's it like being an...

Shut up, David. I mean...

(AUDIENCE AND GUEST LAUGHING)

Okay, go ahead.

When I introduced my mother
to my present wife,

who is not Jewish,

-I said...
-DAVID: Oh,. that must have been

-an interesting trauma...
-Yes. I said, "Mom,

I want you to meet Annie,"
and, um...

She knew that my wife
was Catholic and not Jewish.

And she said,

"Sit down,
make yourself comfortable,

you know,

take a piece of fruit and relax,

and I'll be in the kitchen,

my head'll be in the oven

-if you need me."
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

She says it quietly, you know.

It was... a big disaster.

And then
they came to know each other,

and my mother's head over heels
in love with Annie,

and they're best friends now.

His wife is one of...
the gracious,

beautiful, talented,
Anne Bancroft.

It was nothing.

-But...
-GUEST: Did she convert?

Did she convert?
Are you kidding?

She don't have to convert.
She's a star.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

GUEST:
You changed your name, too.

MEL: I never changed my name.

-DAVID:
Were you born Mel Brooks?
-No, sir, I was not.

-DAVID: What were you born?
-George M. Cohan.

-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
-(GUESTS LAUGHING)

There was, you know,
that cute...

I didn't want
to run into trouble,

so I changed it for Brooks.

Actually, my mother's
maiden name is Brookman,

so I took Brooks.

My father's name is Kaminsky,
and I was Melvin Kaminsky,

and I played the drums,
and I was booked on a date.

You remember Max Kaminsky,
the trumpet player?

-DAVID: Yes, very well.
-So, when I showed up,
they said,

"Where's your trumpet?"
I said, "I play drums."

And they
had booked Max Kaminsky,

and they got me.

So, I figured
Kaminsky with Kaminsky...

(BLOWS RASPBERRY)
...no good, right?

So, I was Brookman
for a while,

but I couldn't get it all
on a drum.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

So, I made it Brooks,
Mel Brooks.

It was a dopey name.

Now, think of me now
as a filmmaker.

Thirty-three years later,
a filmmaker.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, Mel Brooks.

Now that's a dopey name
for a filmmaker.

Mel Brooks is good for
"Th--Th-- That's all, folks."

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

That's a good name for that.

But for Kaminsky,

if I'd stuck
to my original name...

(SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY)

(SPEAKING GERMAN)

Kaminsky. (MUMBLING)

Would've been fantastic.

You look to me like a Muscovite.

Listen, tell me,
who lived here in the old days?

Oh, in the old days
was my master.

Ippolit Matveyevich
Vorobyaninov.

He was
a marshal of the nobility.

I loved him.

He hardly ever beat us.

Ah. Whatever became
of your lovable master?

One night, about ten years ago,
was a fearful noise.

It was bombs and cannons
and soldiers shooting.

It was terrible, terrible.

Oh, yes.

I think
it was called The Revolution.

-That was it. The Revolution.
-♪ (SOFT GLOOMY MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

You're smart.

You're smart
and you're gorgeous.

You're okay.

Privately,

I'm ashamed to say this,

but when I saw
the final cut of...

The Twelve Chairs...

♪ (SOFT GLOOMY MUSIC
CONTINUES) ♪

...I said, "Mel...

you've created a masterpiece."

Why are you after my chair?

-It's not yours.
-Then whose is it?

It's nationalized property.

-It belongs to the workers.
-Did you say the workers?

MEL: The book
was from two Russian writers,

Ilf and Petrov.

I remember it was
Mel Tolkin on the Show of Shows.

He said to me,

"Somewhere in you
is a bit of genius."

"You get near it
and then you hide."

He said,
"You got to let it all out.

You got to be brave."

"But what you're missing

are contemporaries
of you and your mind."

He wanted me to read

a lot of Dostoevsky,
Gogol, and Chekhov.

These, uh--
I always called them scholars.

They were probably
street urchins like me,

but they came up with good,

solid comedy ideas.

So, it was Mel

who got me on the track
of reading great writing.

Listen, scum,
I want those chairs.

Do you hear me?
I want those chairs!

PATTON OSWALT: The first time
I saw Twelve Chairs,

I didn't know enough
about Russian literature.

-I just thought...
-Get out of here!

...this is a really funny movie.
DeLuise is hilarious.

And then if you go and read

Dostoevsky, Tolstoy, Gogol,

all these deep,
dark Russian thinkers,

and you see Mel Brooks
is dinging riffs

off of some of the darkest shit
out there.

So, I think that movie goes
a little bit unappreciated.

♪ (SOFT GLOOMY MUSIC
CONTINUES) ♪

♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪

What can I tell you?

I could use
a little gin in this,

I'll tell you the truth.

-The Twelve Chairs.
-Yeah. That smells good.

The Twelve Chairs.

Twelve Chairs was a failure.

The Twelve Chairs
was a failure, Tony.

-You wanna talk
about it or not?
-TONY BILBOW: Hmm.

And you're still
nodding your head.

Look how he don't take a hint.

TONY: Why was it a failure?

It was a failure.
It was too good.

Sometimes I'm terrific
and sometimes I'm rotten.

You sure you want
to stay with those mauve socks?

No offense, Tony.

They are mauve.

Either they're mauve
or they're red that's gone...

Little borscht socks.
Folks, I swear to God,

I'm not making it up.
Here it is, borscht.

No offense. Yes, Tony. Do go on.

You ever see the guys,

you ever have interviews
with these types? "Yes."

TONY: Always very intense.

You know,
with your kind of introspection,

it's very difficult

to get to the heart
of what really is Mel Brooks.

What am I really?

I'm a coalescence of vapor.

Sometimes, sometimes
I think of myself...

as a wraith.

A wraith... make that a wreath.

It's easy to think
'cause if there's a...

you can hang a wreath,
you can't hang a wraith.

Yes, well, it's hard.

I don't know what
the essence of myself is,

but I know that everybody
who loves me has good taste.

You know what I mean?
(SMACKS)

And those who don't like me
are tasteless bores.

♪ (PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

MEL: Here I was,
a movie maker, right?

I'd made The Producers,
I'd made The Twelve Chairs,

and I was starving to death

I mean, I was really low.

I was walking with my head down,
and I heard a voice say,

"Hi Mel, looking for change?"

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

MEL: And I looked up
and it was David Begelman.

He says, "What are you doing?"
I said, "Zip. How's that?

I don't have a job."

He says, "I got a job for you."
I said, "What?"

He says, "Andrew Bergman..."

He had written this outline
for a screenplay called "Tex-Ex"

about a Black sheriff.

He said, "If you do it,
I will get you 100,000 dollars."

I said,
"David, I only do my own stuff.

I have pride.

I believe in my own art.

I'll do it."

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

Mel had done two flops
and he couldn't get arrested.

I was a graduate student.
I knew nothing from nothing.

Standard operating procedure
is you fire the original writer.

That's just...
that's traditional in Hollywood,

to get rid of that guy.

To Mel's credit,

He said,
"No, let's see what happens."

I said, "Let me do it like
the Show of Shows.

Let me get a gang of writers
that I love and respect."

And I got...

The first writer I got
was Richard Pryor.

INTERVIEWER:
I don't know how you feel
about the title of your album,

but I find it difficult to say.

You do? Most White people,
it's hard to say "Crazy."

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

MEL: We all had bagels and lox
for breakfast.

Pryor had Rémy Martin.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

The title of the album
is That Nigger's Crazy.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

-Don't that nigga look crazy?
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

See, now, you can just
say that on television.

-Yeah, look, it used to be...
-If I said that,
wouldn't you get mad?

I'd punch you out.

(INTERVIEW AND AUDIENCE
LAUGHING)

And as funny as the picture was,
that room was even funnier.

Richie Pryor and Mel Brooks,

it's like saying,
"Okay, you want to play tennis?

Here's McEnroe and Borg.
Why don't you hit with them
for a while?

I mean,
the script was so outrageous.

First of all, that they were
letting it get made

was amazing to us every day.

We redefined bad taste
according to our standards.

Excuse me while I whip this out.

-(CROWD CLAMORING)
-(WOMAN SCREAMING)

(CROWD SIGHS)

-(HEAVY CLANG)
-Ow!

Boris, I've got a special.
When can you work him in?

I couldn't possibly sneak him in
until Monday, sir.

I'm booked solid.

♪ (THRILLING DRAMATIC
MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

MEL: I said to these guys,
"This is gonna go nowhere.

It's a western."

Well, that's the end
of this suit.

MEL: People haven't seen
a western in 35 years,

they don't give a shit
about westerns.

They didn't give a fuck
about horses.

This is not gonna work.

-Ooh! Ow!
-♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪

Have you ever seen such cruelty?

So, let's do everything

that we weren't allowed to do
as comedy writers, as kids.

Let's just, you know,
all bets are off.

We go nuts.
And that's the way we wrote it.

JUDD: Did you know you were
being that bold at the time?

I didn't.

-I was just being me.
-JUDD: Yeah.

But I didn't know
that I was bold.

JUDD: Yeah.

Anything that I thought
was different and funny,

I threw into the movie.

-(FARTS)
-(COWBOY BURPS)

(FARTS)

(COWBOYS FARTING)

(FARTS)

(COWBOYS BURPING AND FARTING)

MEL: John Kelly,

he was in charge of production
at Warner Bros.

He said, "Mel, if you're going
to go up to the bell, ring it."

I never forgot that.

♪ (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

MEL: Strangely enough,
Richard Pryor fell in love
with Mongo.

Mongo only pawn

in game of life.

Richard Pryor
was supposed to play

-the Cleavon Little part.
-He was gonna be, yeah.
-I always thought...

-CONAN:
He was gonna be the sheriff.
-He was gonna be Black Bart,

but they wouldn't have him.

-♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
-I was troublesome, I guess.

I don't know.
I just-- hey, it's over.

So... I got to work
with Mel Brooks, though.

You understand that?

I was in a room with him
for about seven weeks.

LARRY KING: Another old friend.
There is insanity, right?

That is a man who has lost it.

-(LAUGHS)
-(LARRY LAUGHS)

He is a man who has lost it.
But he's a loving man.

I mean, his losing it is loving.
It's about love with him.

Good morning, ma'am.

And isn't it a lovely morning?

Up yours, nigger.

Obviously, the movie is brazen.

But to me, it just felt joyful.

Look what I got here.

Hey, where are
the white women at?

"Where are
all the white women at?"

As a kid,
I understood that joke.

(CHUCKLES)

You're not supposed
to fuck with them.

And at that time, I don't...

I mean, I was growing up in D.C.

I don't know that I didn't know

you weren't supposed
to talk about these things.

Black people talk
about this shit all the time.

White people
were in denial of it.

So, how courageous is Mel...

-Governor!
-DAVE CHAPPELLE:
...to use his platform...

Yes?

-Official business, sir.
-DAVE: ...to just talk about it.

Is it important?

It's very crucial.

(SIGHS) Be with you in a minute.

Throw something on
and stay in that position.

-DAVE: At the time...
-Wow!

DAVE: I mean,
the N-word is so different

in the world
and the culture now.

Have you gone berserk?

Can't you see
that that man is a ni--

-JUDD:
Were you all talking about...
-Wrong person. Forgive me.

JUDD: ...the reason
to make jokes like that?

Have you gone berserk?

Can't you see
that that man is a ni--

Actually,
I was spurred on by Richard.

He said,
"You got to tell the truth."

He said, "It's used.

Sometimes it's used sweetly
by brothers.

And sometimes
it's just a vicious...

terrible curse
which breaks your heart."

I said, "Well, I'm going
to tell the world.

I'm going
to tell them the truth.

I'm going to tell them
that it's your fault

that there are so many N-words
used in this movie."

HOWARD JOHNSON: As chairman
of the welcoming committee,

it is my privilege

to extend a laurel
and hearty handshake

to our new...

nigger.

MEL:
If you want a comedy to last,

you have to have
an engine driving it.

And in Blazing Saddles,
racial prejudice

is the engine
that really drives the film.

Hold it.

The next man makes a move,
the nigger gets it.

(CROWD MURMURING)

Hold it, men.

He's not bluffing.

Listen to him, men.
He's just crazy enough to do it.

Drop it, or I swear
I'll blow this nigger's head

all over this town!

Oh, Lordy, Lord, he's desperate!

Do what he say! Do what he say!

It takes courage to go there.

'Cause you're dealing
with dynamite.

'Cause it could have
gone the wrong way

and the NAACP
would have picketed the film

and everything
would have been upside down.

But because he did it with love,

there's a healing
that comes with it.

If you can attack race
straight on,

then people kind of go like,

"Oh, that's really true."

And of course now you look at it

and you're like,
"Oh my god, this movie."

You know,
people like to say, like,

"Oh, you couldn't make
Tropic Thunder today."

Like, you really couldn't make
Blazing Saddles today.

Or ever, I think.

But what's behind it,

what you realize is, like,
you know,

he's doing this satire,
you know,

but he's really going for it.

Trying to expose the hypocrisy

and how screwed up our world is

in terms of how people
treat other people.

I am depressed.

Excuse me,
Mr. Taggart, sir, but...

I sure do hate
to see you like this.

What if me and the boys was
to shoot that nigger dead?

-Would that pep you up some?
-That might help.

Could you make Blazing Saddles
today in the same way?

No, but I think what's...

but I think you...

Well, let me think about this
for a second.

Um...

Nah, you couldn't make it
with them saying the N-word

all the time like that. (LAUGHS)

Man, you can do
damn near anything

if it's funny.

So no, most people can't make
that movie, ever.

Today or even back then,
but Mel Brooks could.

You gotta remember

that these are
just simple farmers.

These are people of the land.

The common clay of the New West.

You know.

-Morons.
-(CHUCKLES)

JUDD: Gene Wilder was
a last-minute replacement,
right?

Oh, yeah.

I was looking for a real,

deep actor
who had suffered alcoholism

to play the Waco Kid.

So, I got Gig Young,

who was a great actor,
and he'd won an Academy Award

for They Shoot Horses,
Don't They?

-And was a genuine alcoholic.
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

Look, for God's sakes,
I'm trying to help you a little.

MEL: In the first scene,

he's struggling
to gain equilibrium.

He's hanging over the bed
in the jailhouse.

"Are we awake?"

And Gig Young says,
"I don't know."

-(IMITATES RETCHING)
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

I said, "All right."

I turned to my
assistant director, and I say,

-"This guy is fucking great."
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

He started talking

and then tornadoing.

Stuff came out of him.

Green material spews
from his mouth.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

It's like... It's like
I'm shooting The Exorcist here.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

MEL: I said, "Well,
this is a little too much.

-Call an ambulance." (CHUCKLES)
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

MEL: I called Gene that night,

literally in tears, crying.
I said, "Gene."

And he said,
"I'll be out tomorrow morning."

I said, "What do you mean?"
He said, "I can do that."

"I can play that part to a T.
I will save you.

(GROANING)

MEL: I will be magnificent

as the Waco Kid."

Are we awake?

We're not sure.

Are we... Black?

Yes, we are.

Then we're awake,

but we're very puzzled.

Okay, finished the movie,
showed it to the studio.

-♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
-I tell you,

I don't know why my heart
is beating today.

Ted Ashley catches me.

Ted Ashley
was head of the studio.

He says to me,
"Farting scene out."

I have a little pad. I say,

"Farting scene is out.
You got it."

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

"Punching the horse.
Punching the horse."

"Punching the horse is out.
You got it."

He says, "The Lili Von Shtupp
with the Black sheriff

and the thing about
the fashten-schnugger."

Would you care for another
schnitzen-gruben?

"Absolutely. You got it.
It's out."

He gave about 30 or 40 notes.

If I listened to every note
that he gave me,

I would have
an 18-minute picture.

So after he finished,

John Calley was sitting
next to me.

I took all the notes
that I had taken down

diligently in front of him.

And after he left,
I crumpled it up

and threw it
in a wastepaper basket.

And Calley said,

"Three points."

♪ (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

MEL: It was just
an immediate success.

♪ (MUSIC TURNS THRILLING) ♪

(HORSE NEIGHING)

-Student.
-Are you kidding?

Pain in the ass.

Let's wipe them out!

(INDISTINCT CLAMOR)

(HORSES NEIGHING)

LARRY KARASZEWSKI: The moment
where the fight is happening...

and you realize
that you're in a studio lot.

The effect that had
on an audience back in 1974

was just jaw-dropping.
You're like, "Oh, my gosh."

This movie
is taking you in a place

that movies
hadn't taken you before.

-♪ (MUSIC STOPS)♪
-(INDISTINCT CLAMOR)

We looked at Blazing Saddles
and said...

"Those are our kind of jokes."

My God, you can do a whole movie

that doesn't really rely
on an intricate plot,

and there's an audience
full of people laughing.

It also kind of
paved the way for,

"Hey, you can do anything."

You can break boundaries.

-And what always struck me...
-Cut!

What in the hell do you think
you're doing here?

-...is how fearless he was.
-This is a closed set!

Piss on you!
I'm working for Mel Brooks.

Not in the face!

-(CROWD GASPING)
-♪ (PLAYFUL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

Thank you.

(INDISTINCT CLAMOR)

HITLER ACTOR: They lose me
right after the bunker scene.

What the hell was that?

♪ (THRILLING MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

(INDISTINCT CLAMOR)

CONAN: Mel wasn't content

with just breaking
the fourth wall.

He exploded it and hundreds
and hundreds of people

come running
through the movie screen.

Taxi!

CONAN: And Harvey Korman
crosses the street and says,

"Get me out of this picture."

Mel's movie can't even contain
the actors who are in it.

PETER FARRELLY:
We went to that movie

like it was a concert.

It broke the mold for comedies
up to that point.

Come on, let's check out
the end of the flick.

PETER: 'Cause of that story...

Gee, I sure hope
there's a happy ending.

...and because
of the relationship

between Gene Wilder
and Cleavon Little,

-that was the heart
of that movie.
-♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪

Sheriff, you can't go now.
We need you.

My work here is done.

I'm needed elsewhere now.

I'm needed
wherever outlaws rule the West.

Wherever innocent women
and children

are afraid to walk the streets.

Wherever a man cannot live
in simple dignity.

And wherever a people cry out

for justice.

CROWD: Bullshit.

♪ ("BLAZING SADDLES MAIN TITLE"
BY JOHN MORRIS PLAYING) ♪

MEL: As long as I make
crazy funny pictures,

I'll be all right.

Because I think
that I can say anything serious

via comedy.

(SCREAMS)

MEL: My job, my first duty,

is to the flag
of laughter and entertainment.

Pull!

-(GUNSHOT)
-(PEASANT YELLING)

Drifting to the left.

MEL: I do the things

we all dream of doing.

DARK HELMET: I see your schwartz
is as big as mine.

MEL: And that's why
I am so loved...

(SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)

...and so hated.

INTERVIEWER:
Do you have everything you want?

MEL: No, of course I don't.

I want to conquer
other fields of thought.

I want to examine, in movies,

various aspects
of human endeavor.

All I'm doing is
what Shakespeare told me to do.

There's a mandate there.

Hold the mirror up to life,
as it were.

And that's what I do.

-♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
-(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

Can I tell you one private thing
and you won't repeat it?

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

This is really
between me and you

and nobody else.

I only cut one...

scene. I didn't cut the scene.

I cut the scene down.

It's a scene
where Madeleine Kahn

asks the sheriff
to come visit her

in her dressing room.

I feel refreshed.

MEL: And she says in the dark...

LILI VON SHTUPP:
Is it true what they say

about the way you people
are gifted?

"Is it true? Is it true?"

(IMITATES MOANING)

"It's true."

(IMITATES PANTING, MOANING)

"It's true. It's true.
It's true!"

And Cleavon says to her,

"I don't mean
to disillusion you,

Miss Von Shtupp,

but you're sucking on my arm."

-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
-(CHUCKLES)

I... It's not...

It's-- It's a bit too much.

It's a bit too much.
I took it out of the picture.

♪ ("BLAZING SADDLES MAIN TITLE"
BY JOHN MORRIS PLAYING) ♪

♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪