All language subtitles for 52.Tuesdays.2013.1080p.WEBRip.x264.AAC5.1-[YTS.MX]

Once upon a time, I had a mum
who told me everything.

You know, I knew about
her lovers and her break-ups.

We'd go to these parties

and I'd notice strangers
who were flirting with her

and... you know, I'd watch.

I'd watch her life
from under tables

and I'd listen in
from my bed and...

You know, we used to cuddle up

and she'd tell me her thoughts
about the world.

In my family,
we made decisions together.

I felt like an adult.

No fucking way.

- Dad, Mum's is left.
- Right, strap your helmet on.

Can you imagine, just you and me
living together all the time?

- Like, for how long?
- I'm not gonna answer anything

until you put your helmet on
properly, yeah?

- I want to tell her something.
- What?

Private.

- Between me and Mum.
- Ah.

- When did you decide this?
- I didn't decide any of this.

She was supposed
to tell you herself.

Mum?

- Mum?
- Wait one.

- Hang on, honey.
- Hey.

Tom's been telling
the biggest bunch of lies.

What do you mean?

He said that I'm gonna
live with him full-time now.

I mean, I love Dad and all,

but can you imagine,
even for a little while?

Also, I've got something

I really want to tell you.

Mum.

Mum, open the door.

Mum!

I can give you some pamphlets
and books if you like.

It'll set out the steps.

Um, I'll take hormones,
take a male name...

Have you seen my cardigan?
That new one?

- She's not listening.
- No, I get it.

You feel like a man.
You want to become a man.

You need a little space.

Look, you don't have to leave
right now.

- Can we sit and talk about it?
- I get it, Mum. It's OK.

Have you washed it?

- I don't know.
- Harry!

Harry?

Have you seen my red cardie?

Hey.

- Cold.
- Give it to me.

You can fuck off...

Warmer now.

Has she told you yet?

You knew?

Everyone knew except me.

My sister should just get
a fucking strap-on.

Get a fucking strap-on, woman!

Oh, get off.
We need to talk to Billie.

Until your mum grows
a bit more hair on her chest...

...she doesn't want you around.

Yeah, exactly what we need.

Shipping you off
to chef man here.

Yeah, and you work late.
You're never home.

- I'll make it work.
- For how long?

Yeah, for how long, brother?

Well, top surgery can
happen in about nine months,

maybe longer.

Full effects of testosterone
can take years.

- It's a long process.
- How long?

- With your dad?
- Yeah.

A year.

I was thinking a year.

My mum always used to tell me

how much of a drag it was
to breastfeed me.

You know,
I was a hungry child and I bit.

But she'd always tell me
that she never loved anyone

or anything in her life
more than she did then.

I loved my mum.

I wanted my mum to be happy.

You're not kicking Harry out,
are you?

- He's an adult.
- He's an idiot.

I just need my life
to be simple right now, Bill.

I'm not sure
I can finish this now.

I'll have it ready for you
next time you come around, OK?

Next time I come around?

A year.

Look. How about we make
a promise to each other?

How about every week
we set aside some time

to be with each other,
just you and me?

You could come over after school
and we'll drop everything

and it'll be our time together.

How does that sound?

Every week?

Same time, every week,
without fail.

Every Tuesday?

Do you promise?

I promise.

There are just so many things
that I should have said.

There were so many things that
I just wasn't clear about and...

These are all the things that
I should have said before now.

So at the moment,
because it's under Medicare,

prior to surgery being approved,

something called Real Life
Experience is required.

Do you know about
Real Life Experience, Billie?

Yeah, I've told her about RLE.

Good.
So you must understand

that before we can
prescribe hormones,

your mum must continue
to come to us for assessment.

Second session now.

I think this whole process

should take about
two or three months.

Then after about six months,
we can look at surgery.

Female-to-male
chest reconstruction surgery.

Hysterectomy can follow,
if that's what you want.

What's a hysterectomy?

It's where they take
the uterus out.

Now, I understand
you've taken a male name.

What do you think about
your mum's new name, Billie?

James is a lovely name.
Hello, James.

Um, hello.

Thanks.

So, do I call you Dad now?

Um... whatever you're
comfortable with, I suppose.

Dad.

When will I see you next, Dad?

Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad.

Dad.

Next week, same time.

Eat with your chopsticks, honey,
not with your fingers.

It tastes better... Dad.

It's rude... Billie.

- Ow, that hurt.
- It did not. Eat properly.

Mum? Harry?

Uncle Harry?

You know, you shouldn't
be missing school because of me.

It's not the point.

I just thought
we could hang out.

Yeah, well,
I've got appointments before,

and then after I've got to work.

Nice sideburns.

Look, I can't keep having
the school call,

saying you're skipping out.

I thought we'd have
more time together.

Let's just stick to
an agreed time. Four till ten?

Sure. Four till ten.

You promise?

- Just promise, will you?
- OK, OK, I promise.

And stay out of my stuff.

What?

What are you eating so fast for?

What do you do
on the other nights?

Not much. I work.

Do you go out?

Nah, not yet.

You will.

Jesus.

This house is so fucking cold.

Got another exciting night
planned together?

I'll take back
what you don't want.

Dad won't even know
what's missing.

Frida!
How long are you here for?

- Dad?
- Just for tonight, remember?

And then it's back to Mum's
tomorrow.

Back to Mum's tomorrow.
I get to sleep in your bed.

What's this?

scissors,
wool crepe, spirit gum,

pencil eyeliner, mascara?"

It'll be fun.

And then he turns around
and goes "Salt-water thief!"

"You, sir,
are a notable pirate!"

And then the other one comes in
and he goes,

"Don't call me names, sir!"

Adam's Apple.

- You're still into women, yeah?
- Yeah, of course.

If you're with them, are they
a lesbian or are they straight?

I don't want
to be with anyone yet.

- When, then?
- When I'm a man.

I thought you were a man now.

- Didn't you have any dinner?
- Nah.

- Hey.
- Hey.

...because of
the vacuum and stuff,

but it feels kind of peaceful.

There's a great view, too.

Hey, I've lost weight.

- Really?
- Yeah, really, really.

I was checking out
binders the other day because,

well, I thought mine
had stretched out.

Now it looks like
I've just lost weight.

Sorry.

Have you told anyone?

Nuh-uh.

No one. I haven't told anyone.

Good.

I don't even know your names,
so...

Josh.

- Jasmin.
- Josh and Jasmin?

Josh and Jasmin.
Jasmin and Josh.

Fuck off, then.

Oh, no, no.
I was thinking about my mum.

Uh, my mum's name
starts with a J,

and so when I was growing up,

I always wanted my name
to start with a J.

It just feels like a better
way to start a name,

with a J rather than a B.
Uh, Billie.

You know, growing up, the only
Billies I knew were pet dogs.

So you wanna play a game?

- Sure.
- Yeah.

I'm so, so sorry.
I completely lost track of time.

It's OK, honey,
don't worry about it.

- No, I'm so sorry.
- What were you doing?

I'm on my way now.
I'll be, like, 3O minutes.

Look, by the time you get here,

we'll only have a couple of
hours together

and then I'll have to
drive you home.

Just go straight to Tom's.

Really?
I'm literally on my way now.

It's OK, hon. If I go to work
early, I'll finish early.

- It'll be good.
- Are you sure?

Yeah. It'll be good to have
an early night for once.

OK.

Well, I'll see you next week?

I'll see you then. Love you.

Love you too. I'm so sorry.

Can't you just hit it to me?

What, you don't want
to play properly?

This is supposed to be fun,

and instead you're just
making fun of me.

Making me run
all over the fucking court.

I'm trying to say something.

You never fucking listen to me.

Is this about last week?

You were the one who was late.

I just thought it would be
easier if we just skipped it.

And I'm just saying
that I'm really sorry

and I never want to miss
hanging out with you. Never.

OK, well, let's just make sure
we never miss out again.

OK, exactly.

Let's just make sure.

- OK, let's.
- Good.

Now, do you want to play
or what?

Yes.

- Hey, open your mouth.
- Why?

Just open your mouth. Wider.

I've got spit all over my mouth.

- That's disgusting.
- Mm. Now the other side.

What does it taste like?

Minty fresh.

No, I mean...
what does he taste like?

Well, why don't you try?

OK.

Oh, shit, I've gotta go.

- What, really?
- Yeah.

No, you don't.

Yes, I do.

You know this is the last
time we have here?

What do you mean?

Well, cos it's the play
this weekend

and then us year elevens
go on holiday next week.

What, so we can't
come here anymore?

- No more rehearsals.
- That was the whole point.

I really have to go.

Your loss.

- Hi.
- Hey.

You have to get back?

I could stay forever.

No. I mean, I can't
believe it at this point.

Lunch time hook-ups,
pleasuring a beautiful woman.

Maybe I could pleasure you
some time.

I'm taking all the pleasure.

But it is my pleasure.

Charmer.

You're just a lovely surprise,
that's all.

Hi.

Hey. I'll be out in a tick.

OK.

OK, look at this.

So, whenever I meet
another person

with a transgender parent,

uh... one of the things
that we often talk about is...

...the amazing gift of knowing

that our parent has chosen
to live an authentic life.

What do you think about that?

You know,
what is an authentic life?

Is this an authentic life?

Oh, cool!
Your first testosterone shot!

- Yep, this morning.
- Awesome.

- About fucking time.
- Champagne.

So the doctor said
everything was fine, then?

Well, I mean, obviously.

Yep. I passed all the tests,
so to speak.

It's really happening.
I'm on the T.

- Here's to bigger clits.
- Harry.

It's OK, sweetheart. Nothing
could spoil my mood tonight.

So...
Fuck you.

Hey, Harry,
can you drive me home tonight?

You have dinner
and you hang out...

...and then you leave your house
and go to your other house.

Yep.

This is ridiculous.

It's just fucking ridiculous.

What time are you supposed to
leave Jane's? ...

Fucking James's anyway?

Ten.

We're already late.

It's OK. I told Dad 12.

Things might start
happening straight away.

Like what?

Um, my muscle mass
will increase and...

Oh, my hair is gonna get
coarser and grow more.

Even facial hair?

Um,
that'll probably take longer.

Just keep an eye out because
I could even start going bald.

- Is that good?
- What do you mean?

Well, if you go bald,
it'll mean it's working, right?

I mean, only men go bald,

so if you go bald,
is that gonna make you happy?

If I start seeing that,
should I mention it?

I mean, do you want me to only
mention the good things or...

Um, how about, if you see it,
you just let me know, OK?

Uh, this is my voice
on testosterone.

Um... One week.

Hey, I got some pictures
of some guys off the net too,

and these are guys that,
like me,

were born biologically female,

but they've taken testosterone
so...

What, is that all from
just taking testosterone?

Yep.

My gosh

You wouldn't even know.

No.

It's good, huh?

It's this one here.

OK, now start walking forward.

Harry.
Harry, can I just open my eyes?

No.

OK, now open your eyes.

Oh, my God.

Don't burn the place down
and don't go on the roof. OK?

What the fuck is this, anyway?

Boozing with buds or something?

No.

Well, what, then?

You're having an E party?
You're doing crack?

Do you want me
to get you anything?

I don't need anything.

What is this?

It's just friends from school

and we just need
somewhere to hang out.

Huh. You want me
to drop you off each Tuesday?

Yeah?

Yes.

Please.

That'd be good.

It'll be our little secret.

Do you notice anything?

Mm...

I don't know is...

Is it meant to have changed
in a week?

I don't know.

- Here?
- Yep.

Yeah, just in front
of the camera.

OK. And you can sit down in it.

Josh, come too.

No, Josh can go after.

Just you first.

What are you going to ask me?

Are you guys together,
like boyfriend and girlfriend?

Mm, no.

It's quite intoxicating, really.

So are you a man now?

I'm nearly a man.

It wasn't that stupid, you know,

the idea of rose petals on a
bed, listening to Barry White.

It wasn't that.

Was it good?

Yeah.

No. No, no, it wasn't, actually.

That one.

What noise do you make?

Good quality clothes.
I've got a beard.

I walk with, you know, intent.

You're a man.
It's like, you're smooth, man.

OK, have you ever
gone down on a girl?

- Yeah.
- What did it taste like?

- Tangy.
- Good?

- Tangy.
- Bad.

- Tangy. Just...

Do you like
that I'm filming you?

I don't mind it.

What do you think this is?

I think this is...
I think this is interesting.

The thing is,
I see myself every day

so I'm not sure if I'll notice.

Is your voice a bit deeper?

I've started shaving.

- Your face?
- Yeah.

Shaving it to make the hairs
grow thicker.

Oh. Is it working?

Well, I mean, I can only feel
like nudey-bum, but...

Ding-ding. Time.

Hey, hang on.

- See ya.
- See ya.

Are you more like
your mum or your dad?

I don't know my dad, so...
And I never want to be my mum.

OK, Jas, take your top off.

Lips.

Don't hover. You can kiss them.

Ah, don't lick them.

But you can bite, like a nibble.

Breasts.

You can't tweak or jiggle them,
or suck on them.

But you can cup them.

And you can cum on them.

Now I'm going to
have to start again.

Huh?

I show that to my kid, remember?

We met your brother.

Yeah, I know. He fives with me.

But you haven't told
your daughter about me?

No.

Well, now's a good time
to introduce me.

- Hi, Billie. My name's Lisa.
- Oh, fuck!

I'm fucking...
fucking your mother!

You look tanned this week.

What, you can't see that?

No.

But you look older.

Josh, what does it
feel like to be inside a girl?

- Do you hear something?
- Answer the question.

There it is again.
I swear I heard something.

- Ha-ha.
- Like a high-pitched squeal?

- Like a slug being baked.
- Fuck you, then.

Maybe if the slug came a little
closer, we'd be able to hear it.

What does it feel like?

I don't know.

Like a warm loaf of bread.

Wake up.

Merry Christmas,
my beautiful pumpkin.

Merry Christmas.

How was it?

- We didn't go.

We stayed home.

My folks are not pleased
about their new 38-year-old son.

No, they are not.

Lose a daughter, gain a son.

It's like James
got married to himself.

Your mum should never have said
anything to them, though,

that's the thing.

I mean, he just looks like
a dyke at the moment anyway,

and it took them long
enough to accept that.

The fuckers.

Hey. Hey, you got to wake up.

You stink of smoke.

I think I smell like pussy.

Billie...

Billie, you've got to wake up.

Billie...

I'm not so sure
I can take you tonight.

Billie, because, um...

I am...

I am very high...
and I will continue to be so.

Billie.

I'll tell James
about your secret.

OK. OK, OK, OK.

OK, I'm up.

I'm up, I'm awake.

- What?
- Um...

So, I've played
in every position, right?

I've batted, I bowled,
I fielded,

I batted for the other team.

I always knew what I wanted.

Not like your mum,
you know, and...

And, Billie, that's the thing.

I've got to tell you something
that's really important.

What?

Don't be like your mum.

Because you... because you
look up to her so much.

And you can't be like your mum.

- Like a man?
- Oh, no.

Jesus, you're retarded sometimes.

I mean... unless you want to be.

I don't know.

How would I know?

Just don't take
so fucking long to find out.

You don't have to wait
for inspiration.

You're not fucking Rembrandt.

You take your clothes off and
you roll around in the paint.

Promise.

OK, OK, OK.

OK, OK, yes.

Now, Harry, you just...
just go and let me sleep.

OK.

Hey, chef man!

Happy Christmas, motherfucker!

- Hey, kiddo.
- Hey.

- Ready to go?
- Yep.

- See ya.
- See ya.

Merry Christmas, Billie.

Merry Christmas, Mum.

- See ya.
- See ya, babe.

Dinner parties
and Christmas crackers...

♪ Stupid family
Christmas time...

Christmas sucks balls.

So, I can bite them,
but I can't lick them?

And I can't hover over them?

That's what I said.

Look, I'm sorry, OK?

Why? It's not your fault.

Well, then what?
You're so grumpy today.

It's just a testosterone thing.

What? Being fucking grumpy?

No.
There are just complications.

Like what?

Like... like this.

Like this.

That's what.

Hey. Hurry up with your
secret ladies' business.

I'm waiting on some test results
so we just have to wait and see.

What's wrong?

Jesus, good morning
to you, too.

Well, you never call,
and you knew I'd be sleeping...

So, what's up?

James?

I've had to stop testosterone.

It's got something to do with

over-production of liver enzymes.

Well, you saw me.

So, are you gonna stop
the treatments for good?

It's...

Apparently it's fucking rare,
but there've been other cases.

If I'd stayed on T,
I would've died.

I'm so sorry, J.

I don't know how to tell Billie.

Jesus.

Do you know,
that was my first thought?

How the fuck
am I gonna tell her?

She's gonna want
to move back in with you.

You know that, right?

I can't... I can't do it yet.
Please.

I just need time to think.

Tom?

I await your decision.

You should go to another doctor.
You can't just trust one doctor.

There has to be other ways.
Right?

No.

I don't know.

So, what now?

Look, I know this has been hard.
For all of us.

I...

I still need time
to work it out.

I think we should stick to...

Well, I'd like stick to
our Tuesdays.

I was always praised
for my sophistication,

my maturity,
my ability to adapt.

But it was never true.

You just have no choice, do you?

Hey-

Do you want me
to make dinner tonight?

It's time to get up!

Get up! Get out of bed!

Hula-hoop time!

Hula-hoop crime!

Hula-hoop time...

- Hey.
- Hey.

Is everything OK?

Yeah.

Mum?

Mum?

What the fuck, Mum?
Where were you?

Let's go, Bill. School.

Beautiful day.

Yeah.

Well?

OK, watch this.

We are currently on
our mission down

to the Pine Island Glacier
in West Antarctica.

When looking out of the window
of the aircraft,

we notice a fairly large crack
in the ice shelf.

These things happen
on a semi-regular basis

in both the Arctic
and the Antarctic,

but it's still
a fairly large event.

So we wanted to make sure

we capture as much of
that process as we could.

So much stuff happens in a year.

You know, the earth...

And there was...

There was civil wars
in Syria and Libya, and...

And in Antarctica, a glacier
the size of New York split off.

Or maybe it didn't split off
Fuck.

I can't remember
whose party it was,

but we were against the door,
cos there was no look,

and he pulled my pants down
straight away.

Can I do it?

No.

- Like that?
- A little rougher.

Like you want to show me
how much you want me.

Come on, guys.
When can I have a go?

Josh, just wait a sec.

Maybe cos it was Valentine's Day

and his girlfriend
was in the other room.

He wanted to do it
pretty quickly.

Sol let him, you know,
put it in me straight away.

Here... grab my leg.

Just put your fingers here.

Come on, guys.
I'm dying over here.

Is that right?

He kept on turning his head away
from me.

I forced it back
and got him to kiss me.

OK, let's go.

No, hang on, I'll do this.

OK, and go.

- You have to do it rough.
- OK.

OK.
Jas, you weren't wearing jeans.

- Not easy.
- OK.

- OK.
- Right, hold my leg.

- OK, come here.

Billie, what do you think?

Uh...

Come on, what do you like?

Uh, I... I don't know.

Come on, Billie.

Dude, we told you everything.
You gotta give us something.

Um...

So does this mean
you're still transitioning?

Yeah, of course.

I just don't remember
you telling me.

Don't worry. It'll happen.
Somehow.

This'll get bigger.

Is Harry here?

He's never here.

I hit the soap dish with my arse

and broke the soap dish
and fell into the bath,

but when I landed
I also passed out,

but not because I hit my head,

but because I thought
I'd cut my arse.

And then just ride naked?

Yeah. Yeah, absolutely.
Or dressed like a sperm.

Are you two brother and sister?

She's my niece.

You look like you
could be her brother.

She might as well be my sister.

I mean, I take care of her
like she's my sister.

Make sure my little Billie
doesn't get hurt.

You taking care of my Bill?

Are you using protection?

You're not...

You're not using
your mum's strap-on, are you?

If you are,
I really hope you're washing

that filthy fucking thing.

It's unsanitary.

No... No strap-ens here.

Is your mum a lesbian
or something?

Why are you here, Harry?

So, you just hang out here,
right?

You shoot the shit and talk
about your... your stuff?

What would you do
if you didn't have

this glorious place
I gave you, hey?

Where would you go?

I suppose you could go to your
mum's, Billie, couldn't you?

James is always at work
at this time

so he wouldn't know a thing.

Who's James?

OK.

...because I've already
been seeing the psychiatrist.

So basically...

...due to the changes in the
international standards of care,

I think I can get
chest reconstruction surgery

without being on hormones.

So what I wanted to ask was...

...do you want to come?

To the surgery?

To the psychiatrist.

For approval
in a couple of weeks.

Somewhere you'd rather be?

Yeah, sure, Mum. Book me in.

- Awesome, right?
- Yes.

This is so weird.

- What?
- Harry, it's Tom.

- Chef man.
- Is Billie there?

She's not answering
any of my calls.

Go fish.
She's not here, Pastry Pete.

- Where are they?
- Don't know.

I'll call Jane then.

Um, bad idea.

Why? Look, I need
to talk to Billie, man.

I came off my scooter.

Shit, dude.
Are you alright?

Cheers, mate.
Yeah, no, I'm good.

I'm alright, I was just son of
showing off at a friend's place

and came off
and scraped up my left side.

But I need to talk to Billie

cos I don't know
if I'm gonna be home.

So I'll just call Jane, eh?

Not a good idea.

You keep saying that.

Well, she's gonna be
back here anyway,

so I can just tell her then.

Or I could just call Jane now

No, don't.

Dude, what the fuck's going on?

Oh, fuck.

Alright, here's the deal...

Billie.

Sit down, mate.

Why didn't you answer
any of my calls?

Listen, Harry convinced me
not to call your mother

looking for you.

But he had to tell me why,
though.

I don't understand why
you thought you had to lie to me

about hanging out
with your mates.

Alright, we'll duke it out,
you and me.

I'm not gonna tell your mother.

Good. I don't want him to know.

No, you're gonna tell her.

It's him.

Fucking whatever, Bill.

This is something you're gonna
sort out yourself, yeah?

I just don't really wear
dresses like this at the moment.

Well, it's your birthday.

OK, well, can you just get out
so I can try something else on?

OK.

I've been thinking
it might be good for me

to start seeing people.

- Actually, I've...
- Do you need a hand?

No, thank you.

There's this woman at work
that's...

...kind of shown interest.

What, you're seeing someone?

- No, that's not
what I was saying.

How about trying this one on?

- Can you just give us a minute?
- Sure.

Look, I don't like any of these.
Can we just go?

Did you want to try
somewhere else?

No, just take me home.

When we were here,
this place...

Things made sense,
secret and separate.

No family.

It was precious, that stuff.
You know, it was mine.

Tell your mum, Bill.

Just start talking.

Where's the mother?

She's around.

Not enough to be in a photo
with her kids, though.

No, no, she's around.

I'm glad to see you back here.

We've spoken on the phone
a few times,

but your mum's not been here
for a while.

And you, Billie, I haven't
seen you here for... ages.

Seven months.
Yeah, it's been seven months.

OK.

How is everything, then?

Yeah, despite the hiccup,
things are pretty good.

And the two of you?
How has your time been together?

Yeah, it's been good.

Yeah, time together's been good.

Outside of that?

I've been lying to mum each week
about going to Tom's at ten.

So, that's good.

You know, actually, I've just
been going out with friends.

You know, fucking around without
anybody knowing where I am.

So, you know, that's...
that's really good.

And Mum hasn't known about
any of this until...

...until just now, so...

So that's really fucking good,
isn't it?

And James here
has been seeing someone,

I think someone from work, but
I don't know anything about that

so you're gonna have to ask him
if that's been good because...

...because I have absolutely
no fucking idea.

I mean, maybe you could tell me?

- I'm busy, guys.
- Unbelievable.

I mean,
in front of the psychiatrist.

Billie could've really
fucked things up for me today.

I'm sure he deals with
fucked-up families all the time.

We gotta do this shit now, guys?
It's busy, yeah?

Yeah, we have to do it now.
It needs to be sorted out.

It's between you and Billie,
man.

No, it's not. This has been
really badly managed.

And she's been lying to you,
too, you know

I mean,
why the fuck do you think

I would let her stay out till 12
on a school night?

And have you bothered to ask her
what she's been doing?

Cos she won't bloody tell me.

I mean,
are you even remotely worried?

I mean, this is our daughter
we're talking about.

Every Tuesday she's
your daughter, I agree, yes.

But not at any other time.

You no longer decide
what happens to Billie

after the clock strikes ten.
She's my responsibility then.

Oh, well, great job.

Hey, this was your fucking idea,
remember?

You need to fucking deal
with it.

For some reason
I can only guess at,

you've chosen to be her mother
for a mere six hours

out of every week.
That's 24 hours in a month.

A day.
So in the last six months,

you've chosen to be her mother
for, what, six days?

Six days. Is that about right?

You got no say, man.

Is everything alright?

I don't mind it rough,
don't get me wrong.

No, don't...

I'm bleeding.

I just hate it.
It's fucking painful.

For me too. For lots of women.

I used to think it was,
you know, hormones.

- I didn't get it.
- Get what?

That I hated it
because I couldn't escape

that I was a woman.

I mean, this body is still...

...here.

I didn't realize you were
getting periods again.

Billie thinks I've been
seeing you for months, you know.

Thinks that I've been lying
about not seeing anyone.

She's a smart cookie.

Tom and I split
when Billie was one.

We moved houses,
but kept sharing them,

trying for some strange version
of a family, I guess.

Until it was clear
I was totally into women.

In front of Billie,
he said he hated me

for being so slow to
realize who I was.

And when he finally moved out,
demanded we share Billie.

And then my kid brother
Harry moved in.

Messy.

It was just so much
change for such a little kid.

Awesome, right?

I mean, there I was,

Hey, I'm a lesbian,
it's all cool.

But there was something else.

One night, it was so simple.
I dressed up.

I just decided to do it.

In what?

I put on men's clothes,
drew a beard,

and there I was.

In the mirror I finally
recognized myself, and...

I was a beautiful man.

I wish I had a photo of that.

No, you don't.

It was so liberating, but
I was really scared, like...

I'd screwed Billie and Tom
around so much by then.

So, I made a decision
that I'd just shelve it.

I mean, I couldn't do anything
simple to change it anyway,

so it wasn't important.

Billie was important.

Then ten years later,
it came screaming out at me.

If you can't work out
how to live with yourself,

you might as well not be here.

Do you wish you were born a man?

I mean, what would have happened

if I'd kept putting it off?

The kindest,
most loving kid in the world.

I didn't want to resent her.

I just needed some time.

Do you wish you were born a man?

Yes.

But then you wouldn't
have had Billie.

No.

I'm sick of tiptoeing,
but I just...

I just don't want to
do this anymore.

Well...
how about you move back in?

No.

Hey, it's Billie.
Uh, leave me a message.

- OK, bye.

Hey, it's Mum.
Um, it's after five now,

so I'm just wondering
if you're coming.

I haven't heard anything
back from you, so, um...

Well, I'll be at home,
so give me a call.

on!

Hey, it's Billie.
Uh, leave me a message.

- OK, bye.

Hiya. Um...

I think we should at least talk.

I'm not sure if you're even
listening to these messages,

and I'm not helping, at all.

Um, just...

Can we at least just talk?

- Sorry I'm late. We're busy.
- Thanks for coming.

- Take a seat.
- OK.

I was just saying that,

apart from a couple of
truancy incidences last year,

we haven't had any trouble
with Billie before.

So, in our view, this incident
is out of character.

Yeah, well, you know, we're
just as surprised as you are.

Yes, it's really come
out of the blue for us as well,

so that's why we're all here.

Well, we're here to help.
So, what exactly happened?

Well, Billie texted another
girl in a different year,

Jasmin Miller,
during class time.

And Jasmin's teacher
happened to notice

and so he confiscated the phone.

And he noticed that the message

was a photograph of Billie
in a state of nakedness.

Really?

And trust me, this is serious.

I want to make it very clear
that if you're a minor,

a naked photograph of yourself

can be regarded
as child pornography.

You know, normally I'd bring the
police into this straight away,

but I'm not going to
in this case.

I really want to just bring it
to your attention.

Because a family like yours,
in a unique situation...

I wanted to make sure
you understood the consequences.

Unique situation?

Well, I think you have
a more complicated view of life,

- a family like yours.
- What? Separated?

Look, I think Billie
has really good perspective,

if that's what you mean.

And I think we've equipped
our daughter

with a better understanding
of things

than most other parents might.

Yeah,
but I think it might have been

a confusing time
for Billie lately.

I'm not going through her stuff.

You can watch
for hours if you want.

She won't move.

She really doesn't do much else,
but especially on a Tuesday.

It's her favorite TV night.

Packed to the Rafters and NCIS.

Now The Voice is on.
She likes to watch that.

Does she live here by herself?

She has two kids.
A girl and a boy.

And if they're all
home together,

they'll watch The Voice.

She hates outside.
She doesn't really go out much.

Wouldn't Child Services
know about this?

They cover for her.

They make excuses
if anyone asks for her.

They can't afford
to get in trouble at school

because the school
always calls the parents.

And she won't come. She can't.

- You have a brother?
- Younger.

Now, what's so shit about
your life you haven't told us?

What's so shit about yours?
You get to do whatever you want.

Oh, my God.

You don't get it.

My mum's sick.

I'm sick of being
your play-thing.

Fuck off.

Hey. it's 5:30 in the morning.

Um, I'm still jetlagged,

so it could be the crazy old
yelling man out here.

Oh, can you see him?

Anyway...
San Fran's pretty amazing.

Um... I met some interesting
trans guys already,

and, um... Yeah.

I hope you're watching these,

and I'll talk to you soon,
hopefully.

I have identified
as a trans guy for many years.

I identify as gender queer.

Fuck if I know what a man is.

For me, it's a thing that
I believed about myself

from before conscious memory.

I didn't know that I
was trans until I was about 26.

As a child too,
I had a twin sister,

so it was really easy
for me to understand

what it looked like
to be comfortable as female,

and I was not that.

You know my questions, being,
OK, now that I can't take T,

how do I kind of be the man

that I've seen in my head
for me to be?

That I've taken
this year off to do?

Me, I've been on for 18 years
and, you know,

I don't think that it's
necessary for gender identity.

Um... I'm not on T,

but I just had top surgery.

I'm on like day 16
after top surgery

and it's really fulfilling.

I'm married to a woman
and have a seven-year-old kid,

and I transitioned
before he was born,

so he's always known me
as his dad.

But I've still had
to come out to him

and help him know that
I'm a different kind of dad.

It took me a really long time

to feel comfortable
accepting myself as a man.

And still sometimes
after 11 years,

I have moments where
I'm just like, it's so crazy.

And not like I feel like
a woman,

but it just feels like, um...

I don't know,
I feel nervous or scared

about claiming that identity.

My dad became a woman

about 14 years ago
when I was 17,

and it really transformed
our relationship.

Initially, when my dad came out,

I said,
"Oh, I love you no matter what."

"This will be fine."

Then like a month or so later,

I realized that I was, like,
sad about something.

I lived with my mom,
and so I told her,

like, "I feel a little weird
about something."

She was like, “Do you think
it's because your dad

came out to you
as transgender?"

Cheers.

So, you want me to get
this camera off Harry?

- Yeah.
- Because...

Because he stole it from me
and won't give it back.

Well, what's on there?

Nothing's on there. I just
need it for a school project.

So, why did he steal it?

I don't know.

He was worried it had
shit of his own on there,

that it would incriminate him
or something.

I don't know.

Can you get it or not?

Tom still letting you
hang around

with those friends of yours?

Dad lets me be an adult.

I am able to make
my own decisions, you know.

Well, sending a naked photo of
yourself to a relative stranger

doesn't seem like
the best decision to me.

Can you just give it a rest?

OK.

Why don't you come to mine
and we can talk together?

And how is it any different
from you sending over videos

of your gay adventures
in San Francisco?

It's different.
You're a child, for one thing.

But in a year, all of a sudden,
I just won't be?

A year is a long time,
especially at your age.

I knew this was a bad idea.

You can't even get
my friggin' camera back.

Where are you going?
Just sit down.

Let's not do this.

...with this special robot
that we can remote control.

- It was really funny.
- That's really cheeky.

Right, I'm going to
take James' car.

I'll be able to pick him up
when he gets released.

I'll bring him home.

But after that,
we've all got to pitch in.

- Who's the emergency contact?
- No one's gonna die.

There's the risk of death
in every surgery, alright?

Now, how do we find out
who the emergency contact is?

Just promise me you'll be home
when he gets out.

Yeah, yeah, look, I'll be there,
OK? Sponge in hand.

But I'm not riding your scooter.
I hate that thing.

- What's wrong with your car?
- It's dead. Died.

Anyway, if I'm gonna be
the emergency contact,

I should take the car.

Just take the damn bike, mate.

- I'm gonna find out
- Dad, can we go new

Just a sec, honey, OK?
Excuse me.

You've hardly said a word.

Please don't ask me to.

Look, I can't. Like, I just...
I really can't do it.

OK. You know she's gonna be out
of action for a while, alright?

I can't be the only one
holding this family together.

Why am I the only one
that James can rely on here?

Trust me, you're not
holding anything together.

Give me the goddamn scooter key.

I'm the emergency contact?

Nope. Lisa.

Would you put that out?
You're disgusting.

That's no way to speak
to your nurse.

I do have other stuff
I normally do, you know.

Will you put it out?

Make me.

it's probably seeping
into my wounds, poisoning me.

It's right here so you can
just reach out and grab it.

You really are horrible.

Come on. This is so boring.

I need a break.

Where's your girlfriend?

Busy.

Busy? Trouble in paradise?

Shouldn't Billie be here?

What time is she getting here

on this particularly
special Tuesday?

Light breeze.

What?

How come
you're not at your man's?

I thought I was grounded.

Not to help your
debilitated mother, you're not.

- James doesn't need me.
- I know.

I'm sure he's doing just fine
over there with Harry.

There are others.
Plenty of others.

And don't you
try and trick me again,

picking me up after school
and taking me there.

Hijacking me or something.

Scooter chef man.

Are you high?

Jesus, Billie.

Come on.

OK

Look, I'm just doing
what he's always wanted.

You know, I'm staying away.

Don't test my patience
on this, Bill.

Do you really wanna do this?

What are you gonna do, Pops?

Double-ground me?

Yeah, well, she should be here.

You guys have got
a responsibility to each other.

What, like you with Frida?

What do you mean?
We get along great.

Yeah, because you
only see her once a month.

Yeah, and we still
get along great.

Because you get to
come and go as you like

and she treats it like
she should be grateful

that you've graced her
with your presence.

I need a cigarette, OK?

Just sort your shit out
with Billie,

and save us all
a lot of trouble.

Great.

Oh, Harry.

It wasn't me.

Must be the fuse again.

Very funny. Ha-ha.

Oh, pipe down, sport.

Oh, no, just making sure.

Great.

Yep.

Ne. Three (Mocks gram.

Before I come in,

did you know I go by
the name James these days?

Yeah. I shouldn't be surprised.

Word gets out.

OK, I'll see you then.

Cheers.

How are you?

OK.

Billie.

No offence, but your
dad is a scary dude.

I don't want to cross him.

Who cares?

I don't have to do what he says.

Yeah.

- Have you heard from Jas?
- Oh, yeah...

She's not answering
my phone calls.

Yeah. I think she's blocked you.

If I gave you a message,
would you pass it on?

You know, something to apologize
or something?

Look...

I don't know.

You said you needed it tonight.

Yes.

How many of these are there?

Just that one.

Well, I can see
why Harry took it off you.

He wasn't protecting me.

This is...

...something.

Why record this?

Why record your transition?

Or your trip to America?

To be able to go back.

To see things I couldn't
see at the time.

The small changes.

To show you.

You look exactly the same.

Do I?

This whole year
was about becoming a man.

I know.

You said you'd take testosterone.

You said you'd get a male chest.

Well, I got surgery
and it feels great,

but without testosterone,
it's gonna take a while.

I agreed to this

because I thought you were
going to become a man.

I was. I am.

So, when the fuck do you change?

It's not just
about the physical.

- It never ends.
- No, it doesn't.

This is why I still need
to sort some stuff out.

Where have I heard that before?

Do you need another year?

What could you possibly
have to sort out?

You.

I need to sort things
out with you.

Can I just have it back?

You want this for school, right?

This art project?

Does it matter?

It's dangerous.

Look, it's not what you think.

It doesn't matter what I think.

You shouldn't have
what's on there.

You know what I should do?

I should burn this.

I should go through everything
you own and burn it all.

If you do anything to that tape,
I will walk out that door

and happily not speak to you
ever again.

If this gets out...

Please.

- Don't you dare.
- I'm sorry.

When we were here...

This place...

Things made sense.

This is my mum. This is
what his back looks like.

There are so many things that
I should have said before now.

You know, that I should've
told you about, but...

I felt stuck or something

and I didn't feel like
I could talk.

Fuck.

It is a really big thing to keep
from your daughter.

And then Tuesdays became
our special time.

All this stuff happened.

You know, important stuff.

It happens all the time.

Jasmin?

There's food left
if you want it.

Earth's population
reached seven billion.

And then, you know,
in Antarctica,

a glacier the size of New York
split off.

Or it nearly split off.

You know, there was all
that Arab Spring stuff.

And Occupy Wall Street,

and, I don't know,
everything in Egypt.

I mean, you became a year 12,

Josh grew
three different beards,

and... my mum became a man.

Al! this stuff happened.

You know, important stuff.

And it happens all the time.

And how do you... how do you
know what bits really matter?

Back at the start,
I didn't know how to be.

You know, how supportive,
how angry, how worried.

And you...

You just seemed so clear.

I mean, you both did.

You know, clear about what
you liked and what you felt.

I wasn't.

And sex...

...still didn't make sense, but
it did feel great and weird,

and at least I didn't
feel like the Billie

that James was trying
to get away from.

I felt like myself.

Look, I just... I didn't
want to talk about my mum,

and how it'd be easier for him
if I wasn't around,

or probably even better for him
if I didn't even exist.

I wanted to know about you...
and Josh.

...clear about what
you liked and what you felt.

This section here,

it's really obvious
that they're having sex.

It's incredibly graphic.

And how much other footage
is out there?

This is supposed to be
a school project.

- What is going on?
- I agree that this...

...the Billie that James

was trying to get away from.
lfelt like myself.

You need to get rid of
it. If this got out online...

- Why would it get online?
- You're having sex on camera.

It wasn't meant for anyone else.

I can't believe you'd do this.

But you do understand
why you need to get rid of it?

No.

You know we can take this
to the police.

But that'll get them
all in trouble.

Billie was under
the age of consent.

- Are you blackmailing us?
- Not at all.

I'm saying that
bringing the police in

is going to ruin all their lives,

so we need to convince Billie
to destroy the footage herself.

Even if she agrees to it,
how can we take her word for it?

Look, guys, I'll make sure
she does it, alright?

Maybe we can be there,
so we can make sure.

But my point is
that we can never be sure.

So, you're basically saying
you can't trust me.

I am trying to explain the
impossible position we're in.

Look...

After this, you won't have
to listen to me anymore,

I swear.

You won't even have
to have me in your life

if that's what you want.

But if you keep going like this,

you're not gonna have much else.

You just had to give it to Jasmin.

How could you watch it?

Because I showed her.

What am I supposed to do
with all this?

I didn't know what to do,
so I showed Mum.

And then she called us,
eventually.

There are worse things
in the world

than having a mum that
wants to be someone.

Trust me.

I wanted to hang out with you.

I liked the camera.

But now, I don't want
anyone else to see this.

- Hit it.

Hit it. Hit it.

Hit it. Again.

Hit it.

Hit it. Hit it.

Keep going.

Hit it. Hit it.

So, you got
your fuck buddies back, then?

I got rid of everything.

Kiddie porn free now, are we?

Am I?

You think that
I've still got something?

Frida!

Just tell me.

Come on, why worry?

You're in the clear now.

No more games, Harry, please.

Later, when all this is over,
right, wouldn't it be great

to just have
one tiny piece left, you know

Fuck 'em. No-one's gonna know.

Why are you doing this?

Frida, will you stop that?!

- What do you want me to say?
- Say you don't have anything.

OK, well, how about anything
I say you won't believe.

How about that?

Yeah. You're right.

That's why we need to go
right now,

so you can show me
you don't have anything.

I can't, even if I wanted to.

I was lumped with Frida,
and then I've got sound check,

and then I've got the gig.

Go to the house yourself
and check. I don't care.

- You know James will be there.
- So?

- I'm not going on my own.
- You're just gonna avoid him

for the rest of your life now,
are you?

Why? You don't trust him?

Do you?

Well, you're gonna have to go
and look for yourself, alright?

I can't go over there.

I'm not going over there.

- Dude, I gotta go to work.
- Do you have to go?

Fuck, yeah,
I gotta go to work, Bill.

You know, they're dying
over there without me.

I've wasted too much time
on all this shit.

Sorry. I'm tired, alright?

Look, I'll go.

I'll go right after work.

In the meantime,
don't wait up, kid.

Watch a movie, or read a book...

Just take care of yourself, eh?

Billie.

You came.

I wasn't sure.

on, God.

Of course I came.

It's Tuesday.

Can't stay here forever.

I'll keep it quick so I don't
embarrass myself too much.

Or cry.

You watch your child grow older

and know they've changed,
but don't know how or what,

or exactly when it happened.

It's hard to pinpoint the when,
isn't it?

But you were actually
pretty good at it.

Knowing the how or what or when.

Much better than t ever was.

So...

I hope you're around a lot
longer to keep me up to date.

Alright.

With the cheese, it kind of,
like, counter-balances it.

Balances out, so it's like the
creaminess and the broth base.

Sir, you're up.

Sir, you're up. Cup of tea.

How was school?

James visited earlier.

He looks good.

He's slow, you know,
but he gets there.

He just put it off for so long.

Please don't tell me
it was all for my benefit.

Come on, man.

You loved Jane. Unconditionally.

You idolized her.

What mother
would want to change that?

He certainly didn't.

You know, most people do
things with the best intentions,

and sometimes
it just doesn't work out.

Things happen,
you make a stupid decision...

You get lazy.

You crash your scooter.

That's life, Bill.

It still hurts.

Sure.

You don't want
what you had before...

...knowing only
a few pieces of someone.

James has shown you, Bill,
he's not hiding anything.

You have a chance to know
who your mother really is.

And that's when you can
choose to love him.

Or not.

You can make that choice
every day, if you like.

But there's no other way.

OK. I'm ready.

♪ I am dreaming, dear, of you

♪ Day by day

♪ Dreaming when the skies are blue

♪ And when they're gray

♪ Cos when the silvery moonlight gleams

♪ Still I wander on in dreams,

♪ In a land of love, it seems

♪ Just with you

♪ Let me call you "Sweetheart"

♪ I'm in love with you

♪ Let me hear you whisper

♪ That you love me too

♪ Keep the love-light glowing

♪ In your eyes so true

♪ And let me call you
"Sweetheart," babe

♪ Cos I'm in love with you

♪ Longing for you all the while

♪ More and more

♪ Longing for your sunny smile

♪ I adore

♪ Birds are singing far and near

♪ Roses blooming everywhere

♪ You, alone my heart can cheer

♪ You, just you

♪ Let me call you "Sweetheart"

♪ I'm in love with you

♪ Let me hear you whisper

♪ That you love me too

♪ And keep the love-light glowing

♪ In your eyes so true

♪ And let me call you
"Sweetheart," babe

♪ Cos I'm in love with you