All language subtitles for The.Soul.Man.S05E07.Sex.Lies.and.Video.Store.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-BurCyg_track3_[eng]

♪

- Baby!

Ha!

Bam!

- Wow, babe.
That is a giant cake.

- But it'’s not every day

my husband'’s first
campaign commercial airs.

- And you thought we should
celebrate with diabetes.

- Okay, so you want me
to take back the giant cake.

- Hey, now, now, now,
don'’t get crazy.

[chuckles]
You know?

You know what we need
to wash this down.

- Milk?
- Champagne.

- Ooh!
Even better.

[sighs]

- Hey!
- Oh!

- Shut up!

- Oh, Lolli!
- Hello!

- It'’s Paul and Robyn,
your old neighbors from Vegas!

- I know who you are.

- Well, you know, we thought
you may have forgot,

you know, '’cause we moved
to St. Louis a month ago,

and we keep calling you,
and you never call us back.

- I am so sorry.

It'’s just that you guys moved
right when Boyce

started his campaign,
and things have just been crazy.

Crazy, crazy, crazy.

- Ah, well, we get it.
We just miss you, is all.

Seems like
the only time we see you

is when Paul flies his drone
over your house.

- Uh, his what, now?

- My remote-controlled drone.

Has an HD camera
and a radius of 5 miles.

- By the way,
you should'’ve talked to us

before you got
that new fridge.

Paul'’s got a guy.

- Does he have a guy who could
get us thicker curtains?

- Lolli, there'’s no secrets
between us; we'’re family.

- Uh, well, technically,
we'’re not related.

- Oh, we'’re like family.

- No, neighbors, but--

- We'’re very close.

- Sure.

- Anyway, uh,
we should hang out

when you'’re
a little less crazy.

What you doin'’ tonight?

- Uh, tonight?

- Oh, look at
that huge cake.

You'’re having a party.
Oh, that'’s perfect!

- [stammering]
Uh, no, no, no.

We are nothaving a party.

- No?
- It'’s--no.

- Lolli, got the bubbly!

- Oh!
- Boyce! Hey!

[both laughing
and cheering]

- Paul and Robyn.

- Look at all
that champagne, Robyn!

Oh!
It is a party!

- N-no.
Oh, no, no, no.

No, it'’s just a...
- Small...

- Small get-together

to watch my first
campaign commercial.

- Oh, that sounds so exciting!

- It'’s a viewing party!
- [laughs]

We'’ll be there!
Well, what should we bring?

And don'’t tell us
just to bring ourselves,

'’cause we'’re not rude
like that.

[both chuckle]

- We never come empty-handed!
- Haha!

Ooh, Paul, make a mixtape.

- Oh, I'’ma go all out.

♪ Boyce the Choice

- Oh!

[soul music]

♪

- If I knew
you were inviting people,

I would'’ve called
Cooter and '’em.

- We'’re not inviting people,
Barton.

Paul and Robyn
invited themselves.

- Well, your big-ass cake
told on us.

- Boyce, let'’s just
turn off the lights

and pretend
like we'’re not home.

- That won'’t work.

They have a drone.

- I don'’t even know why you'’re
friends with those people.

- Don'’t you have friends
that you can'’t stand?

- Yeah, Cooter and '’em.

- Well, so much
for my quiet evening.

- Babe, can we just

focus on the positive?

In less than an hour,
all of St. Louis

is gonna see your
great campaign commercial.

- Yeah...

- So proud my boy'’s
gonna be on TV.

- Dad, when I was a singer,

I was on TV more times
than I can count.

- I know,

but this time,
I'’m gonna be proud.

[doorbell chimes]

- [groans]

- Hey!
- Oh! Oh!

- Oh! [stammers]
Nice hats.

- We took this picture of you
from my drone.

- Yes!
[chuckles]

- Your dad'’s here?

Shut up!

- We brought cake.

- Isn'’t that sweet?

The one thing
you knew we already had.

- Eh...

- Hey, sorry we'’re late.

On the way over,
we kept seeing

yard signs
for that Saxby.

We tore them all out.
[chuckles]

- How thoughtful.

- Uh, guys, look.

I appreciate the gesture,

but I can'’t have you
doing that.

- Oh, well, of course not.Wink.

- No, I'’m serious.

I'’m trying to run
a clean campaign.

- Clean as a whistle!

Wink, wink!

- Would you stop saying
"wink"?

- Understood.

- Excuse me.

- Yeah, just
put those right there.

- Hey! Paul and Robyn!

What'’s happening?
What y'’all been up to?

- I'’m glad you asked.

We are now
entrepreneurs, Stamps.

- Yeah, we'’re opening
a business!

- What kind of business?

- Well, you know how those

Redbox DVD rental machines
can be so confusing?

- No, not really.

- Well, you know how
they'’re always outside,

so you'’re all gettin'’
just rained on?

- They'’re usually covered,
but go on.

- Well, we'’re gonna
open up a store

where you can
rent those movies--

but inside!

- Haha!

- Y'’all are opening
a video store?

- No, no, no--
the world'’s first Redbox store.

Now, of course, we gonna
have employees that can,

you know, display their
favorite movies on the shelf.

- You'’re describing
a video store.

- I don'’t understand
what'’s so hard about this--

- Ah, they just don'’t get it.
- Don'’t understand this.

[doorbell chimes]

- I'’ll get it.

- I used one of
those machines once.

Tried renting "Passenger 57"
and ended up

with something called
"My Big Fat Greek Wedding."

Now, who wants to watch that?

It did end up being
a hell of a movie, though.

- [laughs]

- That daddy
used Windex on everything.

- Yeah, he did.
Yeah, he did.

[laughter]

- Alicia? I didn'’t know
youwere coming over.

- Nice to see you too,
Stamps.

Especially since
you stood me up last night.

- Stood youup?

You texted me and said,

"Meet me in five
to hit this."

- Well, I'’m sorry.

Should I have sent you flowers

and a teddy bear that says,
"I wuv you beary much"?

- Alicia,
what are you doing here?

- Oh, well, hey, brother,

uh, she is
your campaign manager,

so, you know, clearly,
she'’s here to see you.

[chuckles]
Why would you even ask that?

What?
Am I on trial here?

Everybody just needs
to relax!

- Boyce, I have been
calling and calling you.

- I know, and I'’ve been
declining and declining you.

- Well, she--yes.

- We'’re in the middle
of a campaign here.

- Yes--no?
- No, no, no.

Not tonight, we'’re not.

Tonight is Boyce'’s night off.
- Off, yeah.

- Which is perfect,
because we need to strategize.

- We have to strategize.

So we--no.
- No.

Alicia, it'’s a night off.
- It'’s off a night--

- A night off to strategize.

- To strategize;
it'’s a good thing.

- You need to get a life.

Don'’t you have a boyfriend

or a strong showerhead
or something?

- Oh, so who'’s this

tall drink of skim milk?

- Never seen her
on the drone.

- Guys, this is my
campaign manager, Alicia.

- I'’m sorry.
I didn'’t catch your names.

- Oh, well, we'’re Boyce
and Lolli'’s best friends.

You must have heard of us.
We'’re Paul and Robyn from Vegas.

- Oh, Paul and Robyn
from Vegas.

I have heard
such nice things about you.

[mouthing words]

So what brings you
to St. Louis?

- Oh, I am glad you asked.

Do you love
watching movies at home

but hate the inconvenience
of streaming?

- Here we go.

- Now, what would you say
if we told you

there was a place
you could go

and rent DVDs
with no hassle?

- You mean like a video store?

- Must be a Midwest thing.
- Whoosh...

- Well, good luck with that,
and vote for Boyce.

- Oh! Hey! Haha!
- Oh! Of course! Yes!

- Look, Uh, Boyce and Lolli,

we wouldn'’t be your friends

if we didn'’t give you
the chance

to get in on the ground floor
of this thing.

- Oh, there it is!

They'’re looking
for investors.

- Hear them out.
This is a good idea.

You don'’t want to miss out
on the next Facebook.

- Oh. Good news.

I'’ve got a window
at 4:00 tomorrow.

Your place?
- No.

- Well, I could push it to 4:10,
but then it gets dicey.

- Alicia,
I'’m not a piece of meat.

Are you even interested in me
as a person?

I mean, you never ask me
anything about myself.

- Okay, fine.

What'’s your favorite color?

- Oh, blue.

- Oh, mine too.
This was meant to be.

Tomorrow at 4:00.

- Well, wait a minute, now!

- Ooh.
Table beer.

- Oh, there'’s a whole
energy right here.

- Mm-hmm.

- All right, everybody!

Boyce'’s commercial airs
in 15 minutes.

- Oh, I'’m so excited!

Oh, um, Lolli,
so how long

have Stamps and the white girl
been, um, dating?

- Stamps and Alicia?

Ha!

[together]
Ha!

- No, no, no, no.
Don'’t laugh.

Robyn is very astute

at picking up
on social cues.

- [gulps]
- Is she now?

Uh, b-babe, you ain'’t gonna
believe this.

Robyn thinks that this one
and this one are smashin'’.

- Haha! Come on, now.
That'’s ridiculous.

- Yeah. Ridiculous.
- Pfft.

- Yeah, I just call '’em
like I see '’em.

- Nothing gets past her.

That'’s why
I couldn'’t cheat.

Not that I would,
because I wouldn'’t,

but if I wanted to,
which I don'’t, I couldn'’t.

[clears throat]

Love you, dumpling.

- Love you more.

- Well, you know,
I hate to question someone

who'’s "never wrong,"
but you'’re wrong.

- Way wrong.
- Couldn'’t be wronger.

- Okay, they'’re right.
It'’s true.

- No--what the hell? No!
- Say what now?

- When I say, "Always,"
you say, "Right"!

Always!
- Right!

- Always!
- Right!

When I say, "Never,"
you say, "Wrong"!

Never!
- Wrong!

- Never!
- Wrong!

- Oh, my goodness.

So you and you are...

- Smashing!

- Behind my back.

- Why did you tell them?

- Stamps, be realistic.

It was only a matter of time
before this got out,

and I don'’t want
to lie to Boyce.

- Oh, how noble of you.

- I can'’t believe this.

- I have needs, Boyce.

I'’ve been working
very long hours,

and Stamps
is very attractive.

He'’s in incredible shape.

I mean,
have you seen his abs?

They'’re like speed bumps,
just ba-ba--

- La-la-la!
- Okay, all right. Okay.

That'’s enough.
That'’s plenty.

- He is beautiful.

- The bottom line is,
it was just sex--

very quick and to the point.

- She'’s not kidding.

I mean, if anything,
I'’m the victim here.

I'’m the one that got hurt.

- Oh, it was
a little hot wax.

Boo-hoo.

Can'’t we just please
get past the fact

that I slept with Stamps
a couple of times?

- It was 11.

I'’m a person!

- Oh, my God!

This is supposed to be

a relaxing evening
for my husband.

- I mean, really, Alicia,

you come and tell me
I'’m down in the polls,

and here you are,
down on Stamp'’s--

- Baby!

- Okay!

Daddy, what did you do?

- Just checking on the score
of the Cardinals game.

- You can'’t change
the channel.

My commercial'’s
about to come on.

- Well, I can'’t turn away!

Wainwright'’s working on
a no-hitter.

- It'’s the second inning, Dad!

Turn it back.

- All right.
All right.

What'’s got you so worked up?

- Ah...
[mutters]

Just found out something
about Stamps and Alicia.

- That they'’re getting it on?

- You knew?

Why didn'’t you say anything?

- I stay out
of grown folks'’ business.

- You know what? My campaign
has got enough problems.

I don'’t need this.

- Well, careful, Boyce.

If you stand in the way
of their romance,

you risk pushing them
closer together.

Toula'’s father
found that out the hard way

in "My Big Fat Greek Wedding."

- Thank you, Dad.
Big help.

- Hey, I just wanted
to make sure we'’re cool.

- Cool?

You know, I don'’t think cool

is how I feel right now.

- Look, I'’m sorry
if you felt I disrespected you,

but I spend
17 working hours a day,

every day,
thinking about this campaign.

For one hour a day,
I have me time.

Sometimes I take a hot bath,

sometimes I eat a brownie,

and sometimes,
on low-carb days,

I booty-call your brother.

- If you'’d let me watch
the Cardinals game,

I wouldn'’t have
to listen to this.

- Alicia, I am
in this campaign to win it.

Now, I need to know
that you'’re giving me 100%.

And even if 1% of that

is slowed down by
my brother'’s speed bumps,

then we have a problem.

- I am in this 100%,
and if I have to kill Stamps

to get you elected,
I will do it.

- Good.

You know, you can
be terrifying sometimes.

- All right, everybody.

T minus two minutes
until Boyce'’s commercial.

- Ah, look at you two!

Made up already, huh?

- Yeah, I knew you would.

I sensed it.

- Of course you did.

Should'’ve known
you were a freak.

It'’s always
the uptight ones.

- You know,
I got to say,

I think it'’s pretty chill
that you guys were able

to move past
your snafu from earlier.

- Well, it'’s behind us, so...

- Well, I'’m just saying,

if I hired a superhot manager
for our store

and she started sleeping
with my brother--

- Hold up a minute, honey.

Who'’s this trollop
you'’re hiring?

- Robyn, it'’s just
a "for instance."

- Oh, oh, okay. So it'’s not
a "Darlene from the bank"?

- Anyway, we'’re past it, guys.
- Oh, come on, Paul.

Nobody goes in the bank
anymore.

I know your game.

- Oh, God forbid we hire
a little eye candy

to draw people into the store.

- Oh!
So it isDarlene.

- She'’s very unhappy
at the bank!

- Wait a minute. Wait.

Can'’t we just put
a pin in this for now?

- You really think you got
a shot at Darlene?

You'’re not cut like Stamps.

- I really don'’t want
to be involved--

- Take the compliment!

And there'’s no way
that hoochie Darlene

is working in our store!

- Would you two
calm down?

No one cares about
your stupid store!

- Stupid?

- Your father
doesn'’t think it'’s stupid.

He'’s investing in it.

- What?
- What?

- Dad, you can'’t do that!

- I just really miss
video stores.

- Dad, no one goes
to video stores anymore.

They'’re obsolete.

- That'’s what they said

about Toula'’s travel agency.

- Enough with
"My Big Fat Greek Wedding."

- You should watch it.
You might learn something.

- You know,
if I do, I'’ll stream it,

like everybody else does
in the world today.

- Why you got to be so negative
about our store, Boyce?

- Because
it'’s a terrible idea.

It'’s 30 years too late.

I can'’t believe
you two are so clueless.

- We'’re clueless?

You'’re the one
that didn'’t know

your campaign manager
and your brother

were bumping uglies
under your nose.

- Okay, that was unnecessary.

- Yeah, and we have
moved past it.

- Oh, yeah?
Then why does it keep coming up?

- '’Cause y'’all keep
bringing it up!

- All I wanted was a nice, quiet
evening with my family.

- Well, Boyce, we'’re--

- Ba-ba-ba-ba.
Do not say that we are family.

Because we are not family.

Not by blood.
Not by marriage.

We'’re not even play cousins.

- [gasps]

Well, if you hate us so much,
why did you invite us?

both: We didn'’t!

- Okay.

We know when
we'’re not welcome.

- Really?
Did you sense it?

- Okay.
You just lost our vote.

- Oh, great.
- Good-bye.

We'’re gonna go put all those
Saxby signs back up.

- Yeah, because we are
Saxby people now.

- Mm-hmm.
- Good. Go to his house.

- ♪ Saxby the Choice

- What he said!

- Don'’t--don'’t take my sign!

- Hey, guys!
Guys, it'’s on! It'’s on!

- Ooh!

- I'’m Boyce Ballentine,

and I approve this message.

[all sighing and groaning]

- Whoa, whoa.
Did we just miss my commercial?

- Well, the last two seconds
were great.

- Let'’s watch
the ball game, then.

- Bro, I'’m really sorry

about the whole mess
with Alicia.

I mean, I tried to break it off
with her for, like, a week,

but, man, she wants
what she wants.

- Oh, I know.

She'’s a piece of work.

- Trying to tell her "no"

is like being on the phone
with a credit card company.

You keep saying,

"Representative,
representative."

But the machine
just ignores you

and makes you
keep having sex with it.

- I was with you right up
until the end there, uh...

- Ah!
There he is.

The "milkman."

- Uh, not anymore, Lolli.

Today is the day I'’m gonna go
to Alicia and end it.

- Good for you, Stamps.

I mean,
you saying no

to unlimited sex
with no strings attached--

I'’m impressed.

- I know.

I don'’t know
who I am anymore.

- Babe, even though
last night

was not
the relaxing evening

we planned for,
the plus side is,

we got Paul and Robyn
out of our lives.

- And you know what?

Even if I lose to Saxby
by two votes,

it'’s totally worth it.

- Ha!
You know that'’s right.

- And I bet you, if we checked
our phones right now,

we'’d have ten messages
from them.

- Oh, yeah.

"It'’s Paul and Robyn,

your neighbors from Vegas."

- "We can'’t stay mad at you."

both: "Shut up!"

- Oh...

No, I don'’t have
any messages.

You?
- I got one. Let'’s see here.

No, it'’s nothing.

Just another robocall
from Saxby.

- Hmm...
How do you feel?

- I don'’t know.
How do you feel?

- [scoffs]
I feel good!

I feel terrible.

I feel like I just kicked
a puppy into another puppy.

- Me too.
I mean, I don'’t get it.

It'’s what we wanted
for years.

No more Paul and Robyn.

So why do we feel so bad?

- I don'’t know!

- Well, you know what?

What'’s done is done.
We can'’t dwell on it.

Might as well just kick back
and enjoy the quiet.

- Agreed.

[sighs]

both: Damn it!

- Look, Alicia,
we need to talk.

- Oh, Stamps, hey.
We'’re over.

- I-I'’m sorry.What?

- Us hooking up--
it'’s run its course,

and now it'’s getting
in the way,

so moving on.

- No!
No, no, no. No.

Now, I was gonna
break up with you, man!

- Oh.
Good!

No.
No, no, no!

It'’s not good!Okay?

You'’ve been in control of this
every step of the way.

At least let me have this.

- Okay, fine.
Proceed.

- Thank you.

[huffs]
Look, Alicia, you know,

we have had
a really good time,

and you'’re a sweet girl,but...

[cell phone ringing]

It'’s best that I move--
- Ooh!

I'’ve been waiting
for this reporter

to get back to me all day.

- You'’ve got to be kidding me.

- Can we just
put a pin in this

and then wrap it up later?

Great!

Bob. Oh, hey.

Oh, no,
this is a perfect time.

Uh-huh.
That'’s right!

- She'’s hurting on the inside.

- Bob, you crazy bastard.
I love it!

- Do we need Spanish onions?

- I don'’t know.

Get a couple to be safe.

- How are we on pluots?
- I don'’t know.

- Oh!
- [gasps]

- No, shut up! Shut up!
- Shut up!

- It'’s Boyce and Lolli,

your old neighbors

when you lived in Vegas!

- Oh. Hey.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We know who you are.

- It is so great
to see you guys!

- Hey, hope there'’s no hard
feelings about what happened.

- Whatever you say.
It'’s cool.

- Yeah.
We'’ll see you around.

- Yeah.

- Well, guess we'’re
finished shopping.

- Hey, uh, what do you
have in there?

Pretzel sticks, peanuts,
and Rice Chex?

- You, uh, putting together
a little--little party mix?

- Yes, we are.

- Yeah. Party.

And I was thinking,

if the two of you
are not busy--

- [shrieks]
- Of course we'’re coming!

- Can'’t stay mad
at our best friends!

- All right!

- We got the karaoke machine
in the Winnebago!

- I'’m not even surprised.

♪ Paul the Wall

- Hey, hey!
- ♪ Boyce the Choice

[soul music]

♪

- ♪ The soul man

- ♪ Hey