All language subtitles for The.Soul.Man.S05E05.Southern.Discomfort.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-BurCyg_track3_[eng]

- Hello, Mr. Wallach.

My name is
Boyce Ballentine.

I'’m running for mayor
of St. Louis,

and I could really
use your support.

A donation of any sort--hello?

- Hello, Ms. Maynard.
My name is Lolli Ballentine,

and my husband Boyce Ballentine
is running for mayor, and--

Hello?

Come on!

- Keep it going.

The key to fundraising
is persistence.

- I'’ve gotten like three
hang-ups in a row.

One guy did keep me
on the phone for a while

but I had the feeling
he was touching himself.

- Did he ask you
what you have on?

I got the same dude.
All right.

- Keep rolling
those calls, Kelvin,

and remember, put
a smile in your voice.

- Oh, but I hate it.

I hate--I hate, hate, hate--
hey!

Mr. Bendix,
my name is Lolli Ballentine...

And my husband Boyce Ballentine
is running for mayor, and I--

[dial tone]
Hate, hate, hate it!

- You'’re doing great.

Keep '’em going, Kelvin.

- Son, we need to talk.

- Dad, I can'’t right now.

I got 1,000 more
fundraising calls to make.

- This can'’t wait.

This is not about
running for mayor.

This is about the job
you already have

as leader of your church.

Yesterday'’s sermon
was terrible.

That whole thing about Jesus

being the turn signal
that never stops blinking?

- I came up with
that in the car.

- No kidding.

Son, you'’re stretching
yourself too thin.

You can'’t run a campaign and
a church at the same time.

- I know, Dad.

I got to find a preacher
to sub for me.

You think you
can help me out?

- Don'’t look at me.
I'’m retired.

- I mean, I wasn'’t
looking at you.

I'’m saying can you
help me find somebody?

- I'’ll start
making some calls.

Before you start writing your
sermons on the commode.

- You will?

Thank you, Mr. Heflin.

How much can I
put you down for?

Three doll--$3?

Come on, man!

You can'’t be that cheap!

You'’re that stingy that--

At least I was smiling.

[soul music]

♪

- Hey, Alicia.

Can I talk to you
for a minute?

- Yeah, absolutely.

- So, you know,
I was thinking about

my role in the campaign.
- Mm-hmm.

- Or maybe I should say,
"lack of role"

because, you know, sometimes
I feel like I'’m not--

Are you listeningto me?

- Yeah, of course.
Lack of something?

- Right, right.

You know, I heard
a new expression today.

It'’s called "phubbing."

You know, phubbing
is a combination

of "phone" and "snubbing."

Yeah, it'’s one of
those new words you get

when you put old words together,
like "Sharknado."

- I'’m sorry, what?

- Okay, let'’s start again.

"Sharknado."
Half shark, half tornado--

- Hey, hey.
- Finally!

Where have you been?

- Oh, just went to lunch.

It'’s only been,
like, 15 minutes.

- Yeah.

You do not want me
on these phones when I'’m hangry.

- See?
"Hangry."

"Hungry" and "angry."

- Look, you can eat lunch
when you get home tonight.

- Uh, that would be dinner.
- That'’s dinner.

- Whatever.
I can'’t just have you two

skipping off whenever
you feel like it.

Look at this ad Saxby'’s
campaign just dropped.

- He seems like a good guy.

But what do we really know
about Pastor Boyce Ballentine?

In 2004, he appeared on UPN'’s
"Celebrity Home Wreckers,"

with Dennis Rodman...

- I told you
not to do that.

- The same Dennis Rodman
who went to North Korea

and met with Kim Jong-Un,

a dictator
with nuclear missiles

that could reach Hawaii.

That'’s a risk
we can'’t afford to take.

- Paid for by St. Louisans
to Re-Elect Ron Saxby.

- You know what?
They can'’t air that.

That'’s crazy.

- Yeah, Boyce loves Hawaii.

- That is why we need
to be raising

as much money as possible

so we can make our own
misleading and defamatory ads.

- We'’re already
on the phones all day.

- I'’m not talking
about the phones.

What if I told you
I could solve

all of your money problems
in one night?

- Is it legal?

- [laughs]

It'’s an election.

Everything is legal.

- I didn'’t think
that was a dumb question.

- [laughs]

You keep me young.

- Laugh again, and
you won'’t get any older, okay?

- So what'’s the solution
to our problems?

- Denny Doyle.

He owns all
those 59 Cents Stores

that sell loose batteries
and Mexican cereal.

- Those places
are nasty.

- But he is a huge
fan of Boyce.

- Well, I do like
Mexican cereal.

- And he really likes me?

- Well, sure, but
he really hates Saxby.

All you have to do is go to
a dinner at his estate,

make nice, and he will hand you
a big fat check.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

This isn'’t one of those
indecent proposals

where a guy gives Boyce money

to have his way with me.

- Lolli.
- I'’m just saying.

Whatever gets me
off these stupid phones.

[upbeat music]

♪

- Well, Reverend, the folks at
First Baptist were right.

You are terrific.

- Well, thank you all
for having me.

I'’d be honored to help you out.

- All right,
we'’ll be in touch.

- All right.

- [chuckles]
All right.

- Not bad, huh?
- Yeah, I like him.

- Next!

- What was wrong
with him?

- That suit?
That jewelry?

Son, you'’re hiring a pastor,
not a pit boss.

- The man was fragrant.

- I get my aftershave
at the 59 Cents Store.

- Daddy, if you'’re gonna
reject every single candidate,

we'’ll never find
a replacement.

- Son, I'’m not just gonna
hand our congregation over

to any clown with a Bible.

- Mm-hmm.
Clowns are scary.

- Would you stop agreeing with
every crazy thing my daddy says?

- Your dad is the founding
pastor of this church.

He has earned my respect.
- Thank you.

- And he scares me.
More than clowns.

- All right, look,
I got to get to an event.

And, Daddy, you got to pick
somebody, anybody.

And I don'’t care if it'’s
a tongue-tied rapper

without a Wikipedia page,okay?

[upbeat music]

- [gasps]

[whispers]
Boyce!

This is fabulous!

- Wow.

Guess those 59 cents
add up, hmm?

- Ah, Pastor Ballentine!

- How are you?
- And you must be Lolli.

- Oh!
[laughs]

- I'’m Denny Doyle.
Big fan, big fan.

- You know, my daddy'’s actually
a big fan of your aftershave.

- Old Space?

It'’s a 59 Cents Store
version of Old Spice.

You can also use it
to kill ants.

- And we have never seen
an ant on your daddy.

- Thank you so much
for coming.

You know,
I'’ve studied your platform,

and I'’ve got to say,
it'’s terrific.

You'’re just the voice
people need in City Hall.

- Nice, nice.
Do you hear what he did, babe?

You heard that, right?
That was nice.

- Smooth.
Very smooth.

- I'’m excited for you to meet my
friends who--

wink, wink--are also
very generous.

Please, now, make
yourselves at home.

The bar is in
the living room.

You should try my store
brand vodka, Grey Moose.

- Is that your version
of Grey Goose?

- Grey what, now?

Just kidding.

Don'’t worry, I broke out
the good stuff for you guys.

All right, enjoy.

- I like this guy!

- Now that dude'’s check
won'’t bounce.

- Oh, Boyce.

This beats the heck out of

begging for money
on the phone.

audience: Ooh!

I want a drink.
Where'’s the bar?

- Over there by that big-ass
Confederate flag.

- Sorry. I need this
more than you do.

- So you are
seeing this, right?

- Yes, it'’s
a very large flag.

- Yes, it is.

But it wasn'’t the size
that jumped out at me.

- Boyce, you know how
rich people are.

They collect all
sorts of crazy crap.

- You know what,
you'’re right.

I bet you in the next room
is probably a picture

of Martin Luther King or
Tupac or something.

No, there'’s just more
Confederate flags.

- I just saw flags.

- Unlike Boyce Ballentine,
Mayor Ron Saxby will always

put the city of St. Louis ahead
of Communist North Korea.

- Damn you, Saxby.
I will take you down.

- You know, I'’ve been working
on some ideas for Boyce'’s ad

and I was thinking that--

- Stamps, I have
professionals working on it.

Isn'’t there a gym
open somewhere?

- Ah.
Oh yeah, I get it.

You think that I'’m just
biceps and abs.

But I'’m a person
with a lot of layers.

Sure, the top layer
is 2% body fat,

but I could be very
useful to this campaign.

- All right,
let'’s review.

I put you on
voter registration;

you hit on women.

I had you put up lawn signs;
you hit on women.

I sent you to do community
outreach at the Elks Lodge,

and somehow you still
hit on women.

- Wait.Come on.

Just give me a chance
to pitch myself.

- Go ahead.
- All right--No, no, no, no.

No phubbing.
- What, now?

- I explained it
to you yesterday.

- I don'’t remember.

- Because you were
looking at your phone.

Yeah, you'’re addicted!

You'’re like a baby
with its blankie.

- I am not!
I'’m just busy.

- Okay, I bet you can'’t put
your phone down for 30 minutes.

- No, I can'’t.
I'’m running a campaign.

- 15 then, okay?
It'’s 7:45 now.

Give me till 8:00.
- [groans]

- Oh.
Baby need her blankie?

- Fine, but you
call me "baby" again,

and I will end you.

- This is gonna be fun!

- Ugh.

[upbeat music]

- So if you want to be
our new pastor,

we need to know
that you share

the same values
as our community.

Tell me, what is the most
important thing to you?

- Family.

- Wrong. It'’s God.
Next.

The story of the poor
widow'’s offering

is told in two of the gospels.
Which--

- Mark 12:41-44
and Luke 21:1-4.

- Oh.
Someone knows his stuff!

- What coins did--
- Two mites.

- How many mites in a quadrans?

- There are two mites
in a Roman quadrans.

- How many leptons in a mite?
- Three. No, four.

- A lepton isa mite!
Next!

- Shh, shh, shh.
It'’s okay, brother.

Let it out.

It'’s not you.
It'’s him.

You are a mean,
terrible, old man!

- I said "next."

- I can'’t stay
in this man'’s house

with that thing
hanging on the wall.

Come on,
let'’s get out of here.

- Boyce, we will be fine
without his money.

- Yeah.

We'’ll just have to
make some more phone calls.

- Phone calls?
- Let'’s go.

- Before we go,
let'’s consider

that wemight be the ones
who are prejudiced.

- How so?

- Maybe he'’s just a fan
of "The Dukes of Hazzard."

- You know what, I did
like "The Dukes of Hazzard."

And I never thought
of them as racist.

- Me neither!
I always wore

my little cut-off
Daisy Dukes.

- And that doesn'’t
make you a bad person.

Hell, that'’s half
the reason I married you.

There he is.
Hey.

- Look at that wave.
He seems so nice.

- I know, and he'’s
gonna write me a big check,

which is also nice.

[both sigh]

- And he'’s got
a black friend.

- He probably got
a lot of black--

- Oh, damn.
- Oh Lord, that'’s the caterer.

- Boyce, I hate to say it,

but we should probably
call Alicia.

- You know,
good thinking.

She'’ll know
what to do here.

Plus she'’s alwayson call.

- So really, if I hadn'’t gotten
my driver'’s license taken away,

Boyce would'’ve never started
the fight with City Hall,

and he wouldn'’t be
running for mayor.

- So you'’re a bad driver,
a screw-up,

and a burden on
your brother.

- I prefer the term
"catalyst for change."

[phone buzzing]

- Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah!
No blankie.

- Just let me see
who it is.

- Sure.
In nine minutes.

[phone buzzing]

- [sighs] Damn it.

I keep trying to text
Alicia and every time

I put in the word "debacle,"
it autocorrects to "DeBarge."

- Boyce, he'’s coming this way.
What do we say?

What do we say?

both: Hey.

- Boyce, Lolli,
why are your glasses empty?

- We are drinking
a lot faster than normal.

- Before I forget,
I got you a little something.

- Oh, whoa.
- Whoa!

That'’s one more zero
than I expected.

- Well, you two are more
delightful than I expected.

- [laughing]
- Thank you, Denny.

We appreciate it.

You know, we couldn'’t
help but notice

that you have a big
collection of, um...

things.

- Flags and such.
- Oh.

- Now, that'’s a real piece
of Missouri history.

It'’s an original.
150 years old.

- Amazing in all that time
it wasn'’t destroyed.

- I know.
Especially these days.

Luckily I got it before people

started making such
a big hullabaloo.

- [mutters unintelligibly]

- Oh, excuse me.

- Boyce, I guarantee you
that somewhere in this house,

that man has Django,
chained.

- So everyone
was telling me,

"What kind of road managerare you,

booking Boyce '’the Voice'’
at the Grand Ole Opry?"

Well, I'’ll tell you
what kind:

a smart one.

- Wow, they liked him?

- Oh, God no.

They booed him
off the stage.

The smart part was,
I got him paid up front.

Now, in terms
of dollars per minute.

Boyce is the highest paid
performer in showbiz history.

- All right,
I admit you tell

some pretty good stories,
Stamps.

But I'’m not sure
how that proves

you'’d be an asset
to the campaign.

- I'’ll tell you
what it proves.

You said you'’d give me
till 8:00?

Well, it'’s almost 9:00.

- Oh, my God,
is it?

- Heh, I just Grand Ole Opry'’d
your ass.

- [scoffs]

- See, Alicia,

this is my skill, okay?

I can sell people anything.

Now, come on.

Boyce has done
so much for me.

I want to do something
for my brother.

- All right.
- Thank you.

Here'’s your phone.

- Oh, my God!
Ten messages from Boyce?

Boyce, what'’s wrong?
Did you get the check?

- I got the check,
but I don'’t think I can keep it.

The man has a Confederate flag
hanging on his wall.

- Huh.

- Yeah.

- Let'’s handle this
in a sane, thoughtful manner.

Why don'’t you take the check,

we'’ll spend it on ads,
and then when you'’re mayor

we'’ll discuss whether
it was the right thing to do.

- No. He and I are going
to discuss this now.

- [exasperated sigh]

Great.

- Boyce, Lolli,
chocolate-covered strawberry?

- Wow!

- Not now, Denny.
- Oh, don'’t worry.

They'’re not from my store.

They'’re fresh.

- Look, we appreciate that,
but I gotta tell you.

You know all those people
that made a hullabaloo

about the Confederate flag?

Well, I'’m one of
those people.

- Oh, come on, Boyce.

It'’s just
a historical artifact.

- Yeah,
an artifact of slavery.

- It'’s my heritage.

- A heritage of slavery.

- Okay, slow down there,
Boyce.

- You see, my ancestors
were just proud people

fighting
for their independence.

- Well, so were mine.

Independence
from your people.

- Boyce, I just want to talk
about the future of the city.

Why are we arguing
about something

that happened 150 years ago?

- Because you have the flag
hanging in there now.

- Yeah, making it seem like
those were the good ol'’ days.

- Now wait
just a cotton-pickin'’ minute.

- Why does our minute
gotta have cotton in it, Denny?

- I don'’t understand why
y'’all are making such a big deal

about all this.
- See? That'’s just it.

You don'’t get it, do you?

If you understood what that flag
means to millions of people,

you wouldn'’t keep
decorating with it.

- Ah!
- Yeah.

- I still don'’t get it.
- Okay.

You know what?
We'’re done here.

You can keep your check.

- I'’m surprised,Boyce.

I thought you were
one of the good ones.

- Oh, I know you didn'’t
go all the way therewith it.

- I meant one
of the good politicians.

- Don'’t catch a case.

- I know he ain'’t gonna
roll up on my like that, baby.

I'’ll take your little 59 Cent
and make change.

[platter clatters]

- I was gonna eat
one of those.

- So I can put you downfor $75?

Thank you for your support.

Hey.
- $3?

Thank you for your support.

- Well, I did my best, son,

but I couldn'’t find you
a substitute pastor.

- You gotta be kidding me.

- None of '’em measured up.

- Oh. Oh, yeah,
they were terrible, Pastor.

One guy had a bad haircut.

One guy had his watch
on the wrong wrist.

Then there was the guy
who blinked too much.

Then there was the guy
who didn'’t blink enough.

- It was like watching
a robot preach.

- Well, guess we'’re stuck
without a preacher,

since clearly nobody,
nobody at all,

is qualified to do the job.

- Okay, you twisted my arm.
I'’ll do it.

- Of course you will.
Come on, admit it, Daddy.

This is what you wanted
the whole time.

- Wow!

- Don'’t "wow."

I don'’t know
what y'’all talking about.

- Really, Daddy?

You get to preach
and complain about it.

That'’s like heaven on Earth
for you.

- Well, fine,
I won'’t do it then.

- I'’ll do it!
- [sighs]

- So look, on Sunday
when you first get up there,

you just want to...
- You know what?

You Ballentines are mean.

- Lester, you know I'’m kidding.
Lester, come on now.

You made him mad, Daddy.

Lester, I ain'’t
gonna call you again.

both: Lester! Lester!

- My throat is sore.

Can I be finished
on the phones?

- Nope.
Set her up, Kelvin.

- It'’s pointless.

I'’ve been on the phone
two hours.

You know I could have made
more money drumming on a bucket

in front of the grocery store?

- Oh, come on, Mr. Bradley.
I thought we were tight.

Dig a little deeper, dog.

Ah!
That'’s what I'’m talking about.

Oh, yeah.
You and I are going to do shots

at Boyce'’s victory party,
let me tell you.

[chuckles]
All righty, all righty.

Buh-bye.
That'’s already $250.

Hey, Kelvin, hit me again.
Time is money.

What'’s up, Loll?
Hey, Ms. Keller?

Let me ask you,
how do you feel about freedom?

[chuckles]
Me too. Me too.

- Do you want me
to ask Stamps

to help you
with your phone technique?

- Hell no.
I'’ll show you technique.

Hit me, Kelvin.

- Hello, Mr. Kinnard,
this is Lolli,

and I have something
very important

to talk you you about.

Oh, I'’m sorry, punkin,
is your daddy home?

Put him on the phone.

Put him on the phone!

[soul music]

♪

- ♪ The soul man

- ♪ Hey