All language subtitles for The.Soul.Man.S05E03.Hangin.with.Mr.Cupper.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-BurCyg_track3_[eng]

- Hey, hey, everybody.
- Hey, Pastor.

- Hey!
- Hey. How you doing?

- Hey, Pastor, First Lady.
- Ooh!

Lookin'’ good!

- Did they charge by the inch?

- Listen up, everybody.
Oh, good, you'’re here.

I have a questionnaire
for you to fill out.

- Why are these guys
shorter than me?

- Our focus group said this was
the most relatable height.

- Where was this focus group
from?

Munchkinland?

- They also find your sarcasm
off-putting.

Now, if I'’m going to run
this campaign effectively,

I need to know everything
about all of you.

- Like what?

- Anything
from any of your pasts

that could embarrass
this campaign.

I am talking
brushes with the law,

tax problems,
questionable associates...

- I'’m gonna need
some more paper.

- Any sexual indiscretions.

- Keep the paper a-coming.

- Look.
I have nothing to hide.

- Pastor'’s an open book.

He'’s the best man I know.

- Oh, thank you, Merv.

I don'’t know about all that,
but he is right.

- So there'’s no chance there are
any pictures of your...

personal business
floating around out there?

- Oh, no, no, no, no.

I keep my business
out the streets.

- Okay,
so then what'’s this?

[both gasp]

- Oh, my God.

- Pastor, you nasty.

- Hey, Shirley,
would you mind?

Shirley?

Look, it was the '’90s,
you know?

I was on tour with Cameo then.

You know, we all had
the cups going...

- Boyce!

This isn'’t you.

- [sighs]
- Oh. Oh, good.

Great. '’Cause I--
at first I thought

somebody caught me
getting out the pool.

That'’s...

- The point is
you weren'’t sure it wasn'’t,

and that is a problem.

Now, if there is anything
like this out there,

I need to know.

- Look, Alicia--

- Ah. It'’s Ah-lees-eya.

- Boyce, why she got
her hand up?

- Okay...
- Why?

- [murmuring]
Just keep them down.

[mouthing] Hands down.
- Listen.

You need to ratchet it down
a little bit, okay?

I'’ma ask you to chill.

- Oh, I don'’t chill.
You chill, you lose.

When I am on a campaign,
I don'’t eat, I don'’t sleep.

I just work.

The closest thing I'’ve had
to a date

in the last six months

is when I printed this out.

- Okay. Would you mind
not pointing that thing at me?

- Okay. Homophobic.

That'’s not gonna help.

[soul music]

♪

- Lolli?
- Hey, Babe.

- Babe,
it'’s 3:00 in the morning.

What are you doing?

- Hating you for buying
these little bite-sized cookies.

How many of these little cookies
you think it takes

to make one regular cookie?

I'’m hoping 32.

- Okay. What'’s wrong?

- Okay, Boyce,
I might as well tell you,

'’cause like Alicia said,
it'’s gonna come out eventually.

- Tell me what?

- Okay, Boyce,
you remember last spring

when me and the girls went
on that Chocolate Chick weekend?

- Yeah. I remember.

You came home all hungover.

Breath smelling like happy hour
and last call had a baby.

- Yeah. Yeah.
I had too much to drink.

together: Way too much--
- To drink.

I know. Okay, well,

a woman attacked me, Boyce,
and I got into a fight.

- Well, Lolli,
that'’s self-defense.

They can'’t blame you for that.

- Well...there'’s more.

I wound up on the floor,

and people started
taking pictures

'’cause my booby popped out.

- Oh--oh! Which one?

Laverne or Shirley?

- Laverne.

- Babe, are you--you sure
the pictures are out there?

- Boyce.
Cameras, these, the Internet.

You know how these things go.

- [sighs]

So where are they?

- I don'’t know.
It'’s not like I go around

Googling my own naked boobies
on the Internet.

- This could be bad
for the campaign.

We gonna have to call Alicia.

- It'’s Ah-lees-eya.

And don'’t bother.

I don'’t want to hear
her mouth.

My chest, my mess.

- Now you got me worried.

- I'’m sorry, babe.

Here. Have a cookie.

- You know,
I'’m gonna take one more.

- Pastor!

Welcome to your new
campaign headquarters.

- Not bad.

Hey, whoa, my man,

Are you about to throw
that satellite dish away?

- I'’ll sell it to you.
Deep discount.

- And I can get all the
NBA games if I put that up?

- Just got to call the satellite
company and open an account.

- But if I'’m paying
the satellite company,

don'’t they give me
a satellite dish for free?

- They do.

- Okay, I can see
why you going out of business.

Go on.

- Pastor,
how you like the sign?

- Ah, very nice.

You know what, Mervin?

Just one little thing.

Can you make sure
that the sign faces outside?

I believe all the people inside
know it'’s headquarters already.

- [laughs]
Ha oh! My bad.

There you go,
thinking like a mayor.

[both laughing]

- I'’ll fix it after lunch.

- Well, if you--okay.

- Great news.
I just got confirmation

Channel 6 News will be here
interviewing you live.

- Really?
That'’s fantastic.

- Now, I combed over
your personal details,

and I need you to clean up
a few things

before they get out
and bite us.

- Like what?
- Well, first,

I understand
Lolli has a fur coat.

- Oh, no,
that'’s not Lolli'’s.

- Well, then it definitely
needs to go.

And, uh, your employee
Mervin Brenningham?

- Yeah, what about Merv?
- You need to fire him.

- What? Why?

- He has an arrest record.

- Oh, yeah, yeah. Okay.
You know what?

He did get
in a little trouble,

but he did community service,
and then he came to me

and he said,
"Pastor, I need your help."

And together we worked it out,
you know?

It is a really
inspiring story.

- He was groping
women'’s behinds.

- Oh, it wasn'’t groping.
It was cupping.

- I don'’t know what that is.

- Well, cupping.

You know, well, as Mervin
explained it in court--

and the judge
saw the distinction here--

Um, "groping" is groping.

[makes growling sounds]

- [mouthing words]
- But he was cupping,

which is bi--
no clenching involved.

And, uh, I'’m still
not defending it, you know.

I'’m just saying I'’m gonna make
sure we acknowledge

his actual crime,
which was cupping, you know?

But the thing is, everybody
deserves a second chance, right?

- I can see you'’re
very passionate about this.

- Thank you.
- Fire him.

- Hey, Lolli!

I got your text.
What'’s up?

- Stamps,
you watch tons of porn.

- Is this an intervention?
Because I'’ve cut down.

- Listen.
I got a serious situation.

I need to find pictures
of boobies on the Internet,

and I don'’t know
where to look.

- Where wouldn'’t you look?

I mean, the Internet
is 87% boobs.

The other 13% is cats.

- Okay, I'’m not just looking
for any boobs.

I'’m...I'’m looking for
a specific pair of breasts.

- Cool. What, exactly,
are you looking for?

Big? Small?

Pierced? Lopsided?
Cross-eyed?

- No, Stamps!I'’m...

I'’m looking for mine,okay?

Look,

this cannot
leave this room.

There'’s a picture of my
loose boob on the Internet.

I need to find it
and take it down

before it hurts
Boyce'’s campaign.

[Stamps laughs]
- What?

- Man, that'’s great.

I thought I'’d be the one
to derail Boyce'’s campaign.

Ha-ha!

- Will you help me?

- Okay, okay, look.
Let me just start

with a basic image search.

All right,
give me some keywords.

- Okay, uh...

Chicago.

Uh...chick fight.

Bountiful.

Uh...

World'’s largest areola.

- All right.
Let'’s see what we got.

- Wait, wait!
Don'’t look!

- Well, if I can'’t look,
how am I gonna know it'’s you?

- Well--
well, just glance.

Why don'’t you just--
just squint?

A-and blink.

At the same time.

Squink!

- I'’m squinking.
Lolli, this hurts!

- Ugh.
[door slams]

- Hi, babe.
- Hey, bro.

- Hey, y'’all.
What'’s going on?

- Nothing.
Stamps is just helping me find

a picture of my loose boob
on the Internet.

- Y'’all check
"world'’s largest areola"?

together: Something'’s wrong.

- Boyce?

What'’s wrong?

- Babe, you know Mervin
from the office?

- Yeah. Merv the Perv.

- Merv the Reformed Perv.

Alicia wants me to fire him.
Said he can hurt my campaign.

- Well, that makes sense.
You should can him.

- Babe.
But he'’s a new man.

You know, I'’m not condoning
what he did,

but is he gonna
have to pay for it forever?

- You'’re right.
You got to keep him.

- [exhales]
But if I keep him,

then he could cost me
the election.

[scoffs/laughs]
Then that'’s helping nobody.

- Boom. Sacrificial lamb.

Get him out of there.

- You know what?
To heck with it.

Merv put his faith in me,

and I can'’t betray him
like that.

I'’d rather lose this election
being myself

than to win
being somebody I'’m not.

You feel me, babe?

Babe?

Lolli? Lolli!

- Huh?
Oh, I'’m sorry.

I just thought of a new keyword
for my image search.

Stamps!

Google "chocolate heaven"!

- Can you excuse us?

- Okay,
don'’t go too far.

I don'’t want to be shiny.

- Boyce, listen to me.

This Mervin thing
is gonna come out,

blow up in your face,
and bite you in the ass.

- My face and my ass?

When they find out you have
a deviant on your payroll,

you are gonna spend
the rest of this campaign

on the defensive.
- Well, you know what?

Then I'’ll just go
on the offensive.

Look, I'’ve been
a public figure for years.

I think I know a thing or two
about handling the press.

The bottom line: I'’m not
turning my back on Mervin.

- No one should turn their back
on Mervin.

- He'’s reformed!

He'’s reformed.

- Lolli, I can'’t find them.

- Stamps, come on.

They gotta be out there
somewhere.

- I'’m telling you, I'’ve searched
every site I can think of.

I even went to
"Big-ol'’-jigglies-dot-com."

- Did you go to
"Big-ol'’-jigglies-dot-net"?

- Yes.

Dot-org?

- Lolli, please.

I'’ve looked at thousands
of pictures of women'’s breasts,

and I never thought I'’d say
this, but I'’m hootered out.

- Stamps,
let'’s just be clear.

I got to find those pictures
and get them taken down.

Permanently.
- I do know a guy.

Someone who can comb
the far reaches of the Deep Web.

But it'’s gonna cost you.

- Well, okay, Stamps.
Money is no object.

Not when it comes to
Boyce'’s campaign.

- All right.
I'’m reaching out to The Wolf.

- What kind of stupid name
is The Wolf?

- I'’m Megan Farrington,

and I'’m here today
with Pastor Boyce Ballentine.

- Ooh, my baby'’s on TV!

- Thank you, Megan.
I appreciate your time.

- Now, you'’ve been
many things in your life,

from Boyce the Voice
to Boyce the Pastor.

- I believe you'’re forgetting
that brief reggae phase

when I was Boyce Lion.

♪ Island lady

♪ Smell like mango

♪ Oh-oh-oh

Watch me!

- So, now, Reverend,
you want to be mayor?

What prompted you
to get into this race?

- Well, Megan,
I love St. Louis.

But we have lost
our priorities.

The city is balancing
its budget

on the backs of the little guy,
and that'’s got to change.

- You tell '’em, baby!

- You'’re going up against
Mayor Ron Saxby,

who has years of experience
in government.

Now, you'’ve never held
public office in your life.

- Well, Mayor Saxby
has years of experience

saying one thing
and doing another.

Now, I'’m not a politician.
I won'’t abandon

what I stand for just to
score some political points,

even though some people
on my own campaign

urge me to do just that.

- Can you give us an example?

- Well, sure.

For one, there is a guy
who works for me

that a while back got in
a little trouble with the law.

Now, if I were playing
politics, I would fire that man

before the press
could use it against me.

But I don'’t play that game.

People are more important
than politics.

- Who is this man?

- Just a man who needed
a second chance.

- Wonder who he'’s talking about.
- You got me.

Probably no one we know.

[nervous laugh]

- When you ask
the citizens of St. Louis

what it is that they want
to talk about,

it'’ll be three points.

- Is the man you'’re referring to
Mervin Brenningham?

- Uh, say what, now?

- What, exactly,
did Mr. Brenningham do?

- What he did
was change his life.

You can'’t always--
- Was Mr. Brenningham charged

with multiple counts
of lewd conduct?

- Why isn'’t St. Louis
in the running

for the 2024 Summer Olympics?

I am glad you asked me that.

- I didn'’t ask that.
- Would you? Please?

- Mr. Brenningham allegedly
groped the buttocks

of multiple women in public.

- Okay, how many pieces of paper
does this guy have?

- Reverend Ballentine,
we need to know--

- Okay, it wasn'’t groping.

It was cupping.

- [mouthing words]
- Cupping?

- Sure. There is a fine
distinction here.

- No, no, no, Boyce,
don'’t go there, don'’t go there!

- "Groping" is groping.
Everybody like, "Ah, ooh!

What you doing?"

But "cupping"
is more of a contouring,

if you will.

- [mouthing words] Stop,
please, for the love of God--

- What I'’m trying to say is that
this is about forgiveness.

- I had no idea

there was a stone-cold
freak among us.

So...

what'’s up?

- What we need to remember here

is that this is about
forgiveness.

Like the Bible says,
turn the other cheek.

I knew that was a bad quote

as it was coming
out of my mouth.

- Now, Lolli,

are you sure you'’re up
for this?

- You saw Boyce
on television.

He can'’t afford
another disaster.

- Don'’t worry, all right?

If your pictures
are on the Internet,

The Wolf will find them.

- Well, let'’s get this
over with.

This place is making me
start to itch.

- Lolli,

this is The Wolf.

- '’Sup?

- Curtis?

That'’s no damn wolf.
That'’s your weed dealer!

- Lolli, I couldn'’t afford
all this off one hustle.

I'’m also doing taxes now.
Y'’all good on taxes?

- Brah, I'’ve been meaning
to ask you--

Can I write off shoes
as transportation?

- Yeah, you'’re good.

- Can we get back
to my problem?

- Lolli, relax. If your booby'’s
floating around out there,

I'’ll find it,
and I'’ll rub it out.

- Excuse me?

- No, h-he means erase it.

- But it'’ll cost you.2 Gs.

- 2,000?

You ain'’t Olivia Pope!

I'’ll give you $75.

- All right, then.

But I want it in all 1s.

I'’m gonna hit the strip club
after this.

Sit down.

- Okay.
What are we doing?

- I'’m gonna run
a facial recognition search.

I need a picture of you making
the same face you were making

the moments
the pictures was taken.

- O-okay, well,
this ratchet punched me,

and then all hell
broke loose,

I went down...

[shrilly]aah...

and Laverne popped out.

- Got it.

Now, we could
cut the search time in half

if I had a picture of your--

- Curtis, don'’t make me
slap the black off of you.

- Congratulations, Boyce.

I think you locked up
the grab-ass vote.

- Look. I'’m not saying
it was my greatest triumph.

- Well, at least
we all learned something.

You have got to listento me.

- No. Actually,

you have got to listento me.

- Excuse me?
- I told you from day one

what kind of candidate
I was gonna be.

You work for me.

It'’s your job
to figure me out.

- You'’re right.

- Uh--what?

Really?

I was expecting to have
a big fight over this.

- In my business, you gotta
work with what you got.

You know that honesty
of yours...

is really irritating.

- Well, trust me.
You'’re gonna find out

there are a lot of people
who appreciate my honesty.

Merv, how you doing,
my brother?

- I'’m not your brother,
Mayor McSnitch.

- Look, Merv, I'’m sorry
that stuff got out there.

That was not my intention.

But in my defense:
I took a stand for you.

- It would'’ve been better
if you had just fired me.

Then my wife
wouldn'’t have found out.

- Your wife didn'’t know?
- Hell, no!

You think I'’m gonna put
"booty cupper"

on my Christian Mingle?

- Well, Merv, look.
We can work this out.

- No, we can'’t.

I quit.

- Mervin.

Oh, you just taking that?

- It'’s called severance,
bitch.

- Well, joke'’s on him,

'’cause he'’s still got to call
the satellite company

to hook that thing up.

And now he don'’t have a job.

- I can only order Taco Bell,

so let'’s not put
I speak Spanish on there.

- Boyce, I got good news.

- What'’s up, babe?

- My boob is not on the Internet
anywhere.

- Well, that'’s great.
- Yeah, just great.

- Okay, what'’s wrong,
Lolli?

- What'’s wrong is that my boob
is not on the Internet anywhere!

Nobody posted it!

My naked body!

- Aww.
- The party'’s over.

- Ohh...
The party'’s not over.

You know I'’ll always be a fan
of Laverne and Shirley.

- Aww.

- I don'’t mean to pry,

but is there something
I need to know about?

- No, there'’s nothing you need
to know about, Ah-lees-ya.

- Okay.

Lolli had reason to believe

she had some compromising
pictures on the Internet,

but it turned out
to be a false alarm.

- Are you talking about Lolli
on the floor of a club,

top down, one boob out?

- Yes!
- I got rid of those days ago.

- What are you saying?

- Lolli, when I met you,
I said to myself,

"This is a woman
with tit pics on the Internet."

I had my cyber guys
scrub them.

It cost a fortune.
Those pics were everywhere.

together: Everywhere?

- Did you hear that, Boyce?

I still got it!
Ah-ha-ha!

- Lolli--Laverne, Laverne!

- Ooh.

[soul music]

♪

♪ The soul man

♪ Hey