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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,243 --> 00:00:03,420 - THE SOUL MANIS RECORDED 2 00:00:03,420 --> 00:00:03,520 - THE SOUL MANIS RECORDED 3 00:00:03,555 --> 00:00:05,591 IN FRONT OF A LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE. 4 00:00:07,041 --> 00:00:08,560 - HEY, BABE... 5 00:00:08,594 --> 00:00:10,320 WHAT DO YOU THINK? 6 00:00:10,355 --> 00:00:11,597 - I THINK YOU LOOK LIKE 7 00:00:11,632 --> 00:00:14,704 YOU ABOUT TO GO OUT AND WHACK SOMEBODY. 8 00:00:14,738 --> 00:00:17,327 - BABE. I'M MEETING WITH THE COUNCIL 9 00:00:17,362 --> 00:00:19,157 OF THE UNITED LEADERS OF FAITH...ALL RIGHT? 10 00:00:19,191 --> 00:00:20,503 AND I GOT A LOT RIDING ON THIS. 11 00:00:20,537 --> 00:00:21,676 THESE THE BIG BOYS. 12 00:00:21,711 --> 00:00:23,644 THEY CAN MAKE OR BREAK YOU AS A PREACHER. 13 00:00:23,678 --> 00:00:25,404 THEY ALMOST LIKE 14 00:00:25,439 --> 00:00:28,994 THE CORLEONES FOR CHRIST. 15 00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:33,171 AND BY THE TIME I GET HOME, I COULD BE A MADE MAN. 16 00:00:33,205 --> 00:00:35,587 - ALL RIGHT, WELL, YOU WANNA TRADE PLACES WITH ME? 17 00:00:35,621 --> 00:00:37,727 'CAUSE I GOTTA HOLD A TEA FOR THE CHURCH LADIES, 18 00:00:37,761 --> 00:00:39,591 AND I DON'T EVEN DRINK TEA. 19 00:00:39,625 --> 00:00:42,628 UNLESS IT'S LONG ISLAND. 20 00:00:42,663 --> 00:00:43,802 - OH BABY, WHY YOU WORRIED? 21 00:00:43,836 --> 00:00:46,805 THEY DON'T LIKE YOU ANYWAY. 22 00:00:46,839 --> 00:00:50,533 I'M JUST SAYING, AT LEAST I GOT A CHANCE WITH THESE GUYS. 23 00:00:50,567 --> 00:00:53,467 - OKAY, YOU GOT JOKES. BUT JUST REMEMBER, 24 00:00:53,501 --> 00:00:54,882 I'M DOIN' ALL THIS FOR YOU. 25 00:00:54,916 --> 00:00:57,264 - I KNOW BABE, AND I APPRECIATE IT. 26 00:00:57,298 --> 00:00:59,369 IT COULDN'T BE EASY BEING THE FIRST LADY OF THE CHURCH. 27 00:00:59,404 --> 00:01:00,991 - NO, IT'S NOT. THEY ALL THINK 28 00:01:01,026 --> 00:01:03,063 I'M TOO SHINY FOR ST. LOUIS. 29 00:01:03,097 --> 00:01:05,824 MAKE HER PUT ON SOME PANTYHOSE, COVER UP HER CLEAVAGE. 30 00:01:05,858 --> 00:01:09,828 WHICH GOD GAVE ME, AND I ENJOY SHOWIN' OFF. 31 00:01:09,862 --> 00:01:11,416 - IT IS PRETTY WONDERFUL. 32 00:01:11,450 --> 00:01:13,211 - UHH! 33 00:01:13,245 --> 00:01:14,557 - YOU ARE GONNA COVER THAT UP 34 00:01:14,591 --> 00:01:18,595 BEFORE THEY COME THOUGH, RIGHT? 35 00:01:21,598 --> 00:01:23,393 - YOU READY? 36 00:01:23,428 --> 00:01:25,430 - "JUST WHEN I THOUGHT I WAS OUT, 37 00:01:25,464 --> 00:01:27,949 THEY DRAG ME BACK IN AGAIN." 38 00:01:27,984 --> 00:01:29,779 [laughs] 39 00:01:29,813 --> 00:01:32,437 - I REALLY DON'T THINK YOU NEED TO BE JOKING ABOUT THIS. 40 00:01:32,471 --> 00:01:34,335 AND TAKE OFF THAT HAT. 41 00:01:34,370 --> 00:01:35,888 THESE GUYS ARE NOT THE MOB, 42 00:01:35,923 --> 00:01:38,443 THEY'RE THE HEAD OF THE FIVE RELIGIOUS HOUSES OF ST. LOUIS. 43 00:01:38,477 --> 00:01:40,928 AND IF THEY ACCEPT YOU, THEY WILL TAKE CARE OF YOU. 44 00:01:40,962 --> 00:01:42,826 IF YOU CROSS 'EM, YOU'RE HISTORY. 45 00:01:42,861 --> 00:01:46,278 - YEAH, THAT DON'T SOUND LIKE THE MOB AT ALL. 46 00:01:46,313 --> 00:01:48,625 - NOW, YOU NEED TO MAKE A GOOD IMPRESSION ON THESE GUYS. 47 00:01:48,660 --> 00:01:51,145 OUR CHURCH HAS BEEN A MEMBER OF THIS GROUP FOR OVER 60 YEARS, 48 00:01:51,180 --> 00:01:54,183 AND IT'S UP TO YOU TO MAKE SURE THAT WE STAY THERE. 49 00:01:54,217 --> 00:01:56,426 YOU REMEMBER THE LAKESIDE CHURCH OF GOD? 50 00:01:56,461 --> 00:01:57,496 - NOT REALLY. 51 00:01:57,531 --> 00:01:58,808 - OF COURSE YOU DON'T. 52 00:01:58,842 --> 00:02:01,121 THEY A BOWLING ALLEY NOW. 53 00:02:03,157 --> 00:02:06,022 WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOIN', BOY? 54 00:02:06,056 --> 00:02:07,127 - WELL, BOYCE TOLD ME ABOUT YOUR MEETING, 55 00:02:07,161 --> 00:02:08,852 SO I THOUGHT I'D COME ALONG FOR BACKUP. 56 00:02:08,887 --> 00:02:09,922 I'LL BE YOUR MUSCLE. 57 00:02:09,957 --> 00:02:13,202 BECAUSE...WELL, I GOT MUSCLES. 58 00:02:13,236 --> 00:02:17,378 JUST CALL ME STAMPS "TWO TIMES," STAMPS "TWO TIMES." 59 00:02:17,413 --> 00:02:19,208 - THIS IS NOT FUNNY. 60 00:02:19,242 --> 00:02:20,485 - "YOU TALKIN' TO ME?" 61 00:02:20,519 --> 00:02:21,865 IS YOU TALKIN' TO ME? 62 00:02:21,900 --> 00:02:24,627 - THAT'S NOT A GANGSTER MOVIE. 63 00:02:24,661 --> 00:02:27,423 - [as the Terminator] "I'LL BE BACK." 64 00:02:27,457 --> 00:02:29,942 - ALL RIGHT SWEETHEART, WE'LL SEE YOU SOON. 65 00:02:29,977 --> 00:02:31,565 BABE, THAT WAS YOUR COUSIN NIKKI. 66 00:02:31,599 --> 00:02:33,774 SHE'S IN TOWN, AND WANTS TO STOP BY AND SAY HI. 67 00:02:33,808 --> 00:02:34,809 - NIKKI. OH, NO. 68 00:02:34,844 --> 00:02:36,501 NO, NO, NO, NO. 69 00:02:36,535 --> 00:02:37,916 SHE IS NOT WELCOME IN THIS HOUSE. 70 00:02:37,950 --> 00:02:39,469 - NOW, BOYCE, REMEMBER, SHE'S FAMILY. 71 00:02:39,504 --> 00:02:41,678 - AND I THINK SHE'S FUN. - FUN? 72 00:02:41,713 --> 00:02:43,818 THE GIRL AIN'T NOTHING BUT TROUBLE. 73 00:02:43,853 --> 00:02:46,269 EVERY TIME SHE'S AROUND US, SHE COST US MONEY. 74 00:02:46,304 --> 00:02:49,203 USUALLY IN THE FORM OF BAIL. 75 00:02:49,238 --> 00:02:50,273 TELL HER WE NOT HOME. 76 00:02:50,308 --> 00:02:51,447 [doorbell rings] 77 00:02:51,481 --> 00:02:54,726 - TELL HER YOURSELF. 78 00:02:56,072 --> 00:03:00,145 [excited screaming] 79 00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:05,564 - BREAK OUT THE CHAMPAGNE. COUSIN NIKKI IS HERE. 80 00:03:05,599 --> 00:03:07,359 BOYCE, CAN I HAVE $100 FOR THE CAB RIDE? 81 00:03:07,394 --> 00:03:11,018 - I'LL GIVE YOU 500 TO GET BACK IN IT. 82 00:03:13,089 --> 00:03:16,057 [upbeat R&B music] 83 00:03:16,092 --> 00:03:21,339 ♪ 84 00:03:21,373 --> 00:03:24,342 [upbeat gospel music] 85 00:03:24,376 --> 00:03:25,619 ♪ 86 00:03:25,653 --> 00:03:29,070 ♪ THE SOUL MAN 87 00:03:29,105 --> 00:03:33,143 - OH, LOLLI, MY FAVORITE COUSIN! 88 00:03:33,178 --> 00:03:34,524 - NIKKI, I HAVE MISSED YOU SO MUCH. 89 00:03:34,559 --> 00:03:35,560 GIRL, LOOK AT YOU. 90 00:03:35,594 --> 00:03:37,044 - LOOK AT YOU. 91 00:03:37,078 --> 00:03:39,391 I KNOW YOU ARE BLOWIN' AWAY THIS TOWN WITH YOUR CLASS. 92 00:03:39,426 --> 00:03:40,427 [laughs] 93 00:03:40,461 --> 00:03:44,362 UNCLE BART, YOU OLD BASTARD! 94 00:03:44,396 --> 00:03:47,675 I THOUGHT YOU DIED. 95 00:03:47,710 --> 00:03:48,711 - NOT YET, NIKKI. 96 00:03:48,745 --> 00:03:49,850 HOW'S YOUR MOTHER? 97 00:03:49,884 --> 00:03:51,610 - OH, BACK IN REHAB. 98 00:03:51,645 --> 00:03:54,234 I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY SHE BOTHERS. 99 00:03:54,268 --> 00:03:55,407 SO BOYCE, 100 00:03:55,442 --> 00:03:58,514 DO I CALL YOU "REVEREND BALLENTINE" NOW? 101 00:03:58,548 --> 00:04:02,276 'CAUSE I REMEMBER WHEN I USED TO CALL YOU "COUSIN BINKY." 102 00:04:02,311 --> 00:04:04,520 - I REMEMBER WE USED TO CALL YOU-- 103 00:04:04,554 --> 00:04:06,936 - CAREFUL! YOU'RE A PREACHER. 104 00:04:06,970 --> 00:04:10,250 - HER NICKNAME. SHE EARNED IT. 105 00:04:10,284 --> 00:04:12,666 - THAT DOESN'T SOUND VERY PREACHERLY, BOYCE. 106 00:04:12,700 --> 00:04:14,254 THERE'S GOTTA BE SOME PASSAGE IN THE BIBLE 107 00:04:14,288 --> 00:04:16,221 THAT TALKS ABOUT BEING NICE TO YOUR COUSIN. 108 00:04:16,256 --> 00:04:19,155 - YEAH, I BELIEVE IT'S MATTHEW 7:17. 109 00:04:19,189 --> 00:04:20,881 "DON'T LET THE DOORKNOB HIT THEE 110 00:04:20,915 --> 00:04:25,403 WHERE THE GOOD LORD SPLIT THEE." 111 00:04:25,437 --> 00:04:29,096 - BOYCE, UH, WE GOTTA GO. 112 00:04:29,130 --> 00:04:30,787 - ALL RIGHT, LOOK. I WANT HER GONE 113 00:04:30,822 --> 00:04:32,306 BEFORE THE CHURCH LADIES GET HERE. 114 00:04:32,341 --> 00:04:33,445 - CHURCH LADIES? 115 00:04:33,480 --> 00:04:35,171 I WANNA MEET THE CHURCH LADIES. 116 00:04:35,205 --> 00:04:36,966 I COULD TEACH 'EM A THING OR TWO. 117 00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:40,072 - ALL RIGHT, OKAY, THAT'S IT. YOU KNOW, 118 00:04:40,107 --> 00:04:41,833 HOW MUCH MONEY IS IT GONNA TAKE 119 00:04:41,867 --> 00:04:43,144 FOR ME TO MAKE YOU LEAVE? 120 00:04:43,179 --> 00:04:45,008 - I DON'T WANT YOUR MONEY, CUZ. 121 00:04:45,043 --> 00:04:46,458 I GOT A GOOD JOB NOW. 122 00:04:46,493 --> 00:04:49,392 - [chuckles] WHO YOU HUSTLING THIS TIME? 123 00:04:49,427 --> 00:04:50,980 - IT'S NOT A HUSTLE. 124 00:04:51,014 --> 00:04:53,293 I WAS SALESWOMAN OF THE MONTH LAST MONTH. 125 00:04:53,327 --> 00:04:55,329 I GOT A $500 BONUS, 126 00:04:55,364 --> 00:04:57,469 AND A FREE TRIP TO THE VIRGIN ISLANDS. 127 00:04:57,504 --> 00:05:00,921 both: VIRGIN? 128 00:05:00,955 --> 00:05:03,924 - THEY NOT GONNA LET YOU IN THERE. 129 00:05:06,996 --> 00:05:08,308 - ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE READY FOR THIS? 130 00:05:08,342 --> 00:05:09,792 - YEAH, I'M READY. 131 00:05:09,826 --> 00:05:11,828 - "FASTEN YOUR SEATBELTS, IT'S GOING TO BE A BUMPY NIGHT." 132 00:05:11,863 --> 00:05:13,830 - WHY ARE YOU QUOTIN' BETTE DAVIS? 133 00:05:13,865 --> 00:05:15,176 - 'CAUSE SHE GANGSTA. 134 00:05:15,211 --> 00:05:17,006 - SHE WAS PRETTY GANGSTA... - [laughing] RIGHT? 135 00:05:17,040 --> 00:05:18,145 - YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? 136 00:05:18,179 --> 00:05:19,802 - WOULD YOU TWO TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY? 137 00:05:19,836 --> 00:05:21,321 NOW TRUST ME, 138 00:05:21,355 --> 00:05:22,667 HOW YOU PERFORM IN THERE WILL AFFECT 139 00:05:22,701 --> 00:05:23,909 THE REST OF YOUR LIFE AS A MINISTER. 140 00:05:23,944 --> 00:05:26,567 - I'M A GROWN MAN. I CAN HANDLE THIS. 141 00:05:30,157 --> 00:05:32,055 [knocking from other side] 142 00:05:34,782 --> 00:05:37,820 - YOU REVEREND BOYCE BALLENTINE? 143 00:05:37,854 --> 00:05:42,687 - DADDY, YOU COMIN' IN HERE WITH ME, RIGHT? 144 00:05:42,721 --> 00:05:46,932 - PLEASE, BE SEATED. 145 00:05:49,072 --> 00:05:51,489 - WELL, HE SEEMS NICE. 146 00:05:51,523 --> 00:05:53,249 THEY ALWAYS THIS WARM AND FRIENDLY? 147 00:05:53,283 --> 00:05:57,667 - HE IN A GOOD MOOD TODAY. 148 00:06:01,602 --> 00:06:03,224 - THE REVEREND FATHER IGNATIUS. 149 00:06:03,259 --> 00:06:05,054 - I'D LIKE TO START THIS MEETING BY THANKING 150 00:06:05,088 --> 00:06:07,228 THE REVEREND BARTON BALLENTINE FOR HIS 151 00:06:07,263 --> 00:06:09,058 EXEMPLARY SERVICE TO THE LORD. 152 00:06:09,092 --> 00:06:10,991 35 YEARS. 153 00:06:11,025 --> 00:06:15,133 BARTON, THERE IS NO MAN WHO CAN TAKE YOUR PLACE. 154 00:06:15,167 --> 00:06:16,997 - THANK YOU, FATHER. 155 00:06:17,031 --> 00:06:21,898 - AND THIS IS THE MAN WHO WILL BE TAKING YOUR PLACE. 156 00:06:21,933 --> 00:06:24,591 - YES, UM-- WELL--YOU KNOW, 157 00:06:24,625 --> 00:06:27,525 LET ME SAY IT'S AN HONOR TO MEET EVERYBODY TODAY. 158 00:06:27,559 --> 00:06:32,461 IT'S A--IT'S A HOT ONE OUT THERE, HUH? 159 00:06:32,495 --> 00:06:34,359 [clears throat] 160 00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:36,085 IT'S K--IT'S KIND OF HOT IN HERE, TOO. 161 00:06:36,119 --> 00:06:38,467 SOMEBODY WANT TO OPEN UP A WINDOW OR SOMETHING? 162 00:06:38,501 --> 00:06:42,781 - I AM TOLD THAT YOU ARE THE FORMER RHYTHM AND BLUES SINGER 163 00:06:42,816 --> 00:06:45,335 WHO POPULARIZED THE SONG, 164 00:06:45,370 --> 00:06:49,132 I WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU. 165 00:06:49,167 --> 00:06:51,721 - WELL, ACTUALLY, IT'S "WITCHOO." 166 00:06:51,756 --> 00:06:54,275 THE, UH, "T" IS SILENT. 167 00:06:54,310 --> 00:06:55,794 - FATHER, 168 00:06:55,829 --> 00:06:57,624 MAY I START THE QUESTIONING? 169 00:06:57,658 --> 00:07:00,109 - BY ALL MEANS, PASTOR FANUCCI. 170 00:07:00,143 --> 00:07:02,629 - WE WANT TO TEST YOUR BIBLE KNOWLEDGE. 171 00:07:02,663 --> 00:07:03,802 A SIMPLE QUESTION. 172 00:07:03,837 --> 00:07:05,494 WHO MADE GOD? 173 00:07:05,528 --> 00:07:08,324 - SAY WHAT NOW? 174 00:07:08,358 --> 00:07:09,636 - ANSWER THE QUESTION. 175 00:07:09,670 --> 00:07:11,431 WHO MADE GOD? 176 00:07:11,465 --> 00:07:13,502 - WELL, UH, 177 00:07:13,536 --> 00:07:14,606 GOD MADE GOD. 178 00:07:14,641 --> 00:07:16,677 EXCEPT HE DIDN'T HAVE TO, 179 00:07:16,712 --> 00:07:20,819 BECAUSE GOD HAS ALWAYS BEEN. 180 00:07:20,854 --> 00:07:23,063 SO... 181 00:07:23,097 --> 00:07:26,031 NOBODY MADE GOD. YOU KNOW, 182 00:07:26,066 --> 00:07:29,621 GOD IS, WAS, AND WILL EVER BE. 183 00:07:29,656 --> 00:07:31,381 - EXCUSE US A SECOND. 184 00:07:38,941 --> 00:07:41,184 WE'LL ACCEPT THAT. 185 00:07:41,219 --> 00:07:42,634 - COOL. 186 00:07:42,669 --> 00:07:46,845 I'MA TAKE SPORTS FOR $200. 187 00:07:46,880 --> 00:07:48,744 [clears throat] 188 00:07:48,778 --> 00:07:51,298 GOT A PRETTY SERIOUS ROOM HERE, I SEE. 189 00:07:52,472 --> 00:07:53,749 - SECOND QUESTION. 190 00:07:53,783 --> 00:07:56,130 WHEN WILL THE WORLD END? 191 00:07:56,165 --> 00:07:58,339 - HM. 192 00:07:58,374 --> 00:08:01,653 NOW WOULD BE A GOOD TIME. 193 00:08:03,931 --> 00:08:07,072 SO, [clears throat] ACCORDING TO MY CALCULATIONS, 194 00:08:07,107 --> 00:08:10,110 IT W--IT WOULD BE 25 PEOPLE ON THE BUS, 195 00:08:10,144 --> 00:08:12,250 AND THE BUS DRIVER WOULD BE, UH-- 196 00:08:12,284 --> 00:08:16,081 JESUS? 197 00:08:17,151 --> 00:08:20,258 - THAT IS CORRECT. 198 00:08:20,292 --> 00:08:22,985 - THIS CONCLUDES THE QUESTION-AND-ANSWER PERIOD 199 00:08:23,019 --> 00:08:24,883 FOR THIS AFTERNOON. 200 00:08:24,918 --> 00:08:28,956 REVEREND COX, PLEASE BRING FORTH EXHIBIT "B." 201 00:08:28,991 --> 00:08:32,166 THIS IS THE SECULAR MUSIC THAT YOU PRODUCED 202 00:08:32,201 --> 00:08:34,928 BETWEEN 1992 AND 2010. 203 00:08:34,962 --> 00:08:37,517 WE WANT YOU TO GO THROUGH EACH AND EVERY LYRIC 204 00:08:37,551 --> 00:08:40,450 AND EXPLAIN EXACTLY WHAT THEY MEAN, 205 00:08:40,485 --> 00:08:42,763 STARTING WITH YOUR FIRST HIT, 206 00:08:42,798 --> 00:08:46,767 SPANKING IS NOT JUST FOR KIDS. 207 00:08:47,906 --> 00:08:51,461 - WELL, UM--OKAY, HOW CAN I PUT THIS? 208 00:08:51,496 --> 00:08:53,843 [clears throat] 209 00:08:53,878 --> 00:08:57,226 SPANKINGS CAN BE... 210 00:08:57,260 --> 00:09:00,367 BOTH PAINFUL AND PLEASURABLE. 211 00:09:00,401 --> 00:09:03,473 AS LONG AS EVERYBODY AGREE ON A SAFE WORD, 212 00:09:03,508 --> 00:09:05,061 THE NIGHT CAN BE DELICIOUS, 213 00:09:05,096 --> 00:09:07,339 IN THE SENSE THAT, YOU KNOW, 214 00:09:07,374 --> 00:09:09,618 IF YOU CHOOSE THE RIGHT KITCHEN UTENSILS. 215 00:09:09,652 --> 00:09:10,964 IS THIS-- 216 00:09:14,968 --> 00:09:18,109 - MOM, WHY DO THEY CALL THESE "FINGER SANDWICHES"? 217 00:09:18,143 --> 00:09:21,250 - BECAUSE YOU EAT 'EM WITH YOUR FINGERS. 218 00:09:21,284 --> 00:09:24,149 - YOU EAT ALL SANDWICHES WITH YOUR FINGERS. 219 00:09:24,184 --> 00:09:27,497 THAT'S THE DEFINITION OF A SANDWICH. 220 00:09:27,532 --> 00:09:29,741 - GIRLFRIEND GOT A GOOD POINT. 221 00:09:29,776 --> 00:09:32,019 - DO YOU HAVE TO DRIVE ME CRAZY TODAY? 222 00:09:32,054 --> 00:09:33,918 - YEAH, 'CAUSE I DON'T WANNA BE HERE. 223 00:09:33,952 --> 00:09:35,195 I'D RATHER HANG OUT WITH MY FRIENDS. 224 00:09:35,229 --> 00:09:37,024 - I DON'T WANNA BE HERE EITHER. 225 00:09:37,059 --> 00:09:40,234 THESE OLD HAGS DON'T EVEN LIKE ME. 226 00:09:40,269 --> 00:09:41,822 - THEN WHY ARE YOU DOING IT? 227 00:09:41,857 --> 00:09:43,686 - BECAUSE BOYCE ASKED ME TO. 228 00:09:43,721 --> 00:09:46,240 - I WOULDN'T BE CAUGHT DEAD DOING SOMETHING I DON'T WANNA DO 229 00:09:46,275 --> 00:09:48,622 JUST BECAUSE MY HUSBAND TOLD ME TO. 230 00:09:50,244 --> 00:09:53,662 - AND, THAT'S WHY YOU'RE NOT MARRIED. 231 00:09:53,696 --> 00:09:55,042 - I DON'T NEED A MAN. 232 00:09:55,077 --> 00:09:59,012 'CEPT FOR A LITTLE BUMP AND JUMP EVERY NOW AND THEN. 233 00:09:59,046 --> 00:10:00,323 YOU DID NOT HEAR THAT. 234 00:10:00,358 --> 00:10:02,947 - [giggles] ACTUALLY, I DID. 235 00:10:02,981 --> 00:10:04,327 BUT THAT'S WHY I LOVE YOU, COUSIN NIKKI: 236 00:10:04,362 --> 00:10:06,709 YOU JUST SAY WHAT YOU MEAN. 237 00:10:06,744 --> 00:10:08,780 - LISTEN, IF YOU GONNA STAY FOR THIS PARTY, 238 00:10:08,815 --> 00:10:11,541 YOU GOTTA PROMISE ME YOU WON'T JUST SAY WHAT YOU MEAN 239 00:10:11,576 --> 00:10:12,819 IN FRONT OF THESE LADIES. 240 00:10:12,853 --> 00:10:15,097 - DON'T WORRY. I'LL SAY THE RIGHT THING. 241 00:10:15,131 --> 00:10:17,686 IF THERE'S ONE THING I KNOW HOW TO DO, IT'S BREAK THE ICE. 242 00:10:17,720 --> 00:10:20,136 - THAT'S WHAT I'M WORRIED ABOUT. 243 00:10:20,171 --> 00:10:21,586 OH, I GOTTA BRING OVER THE SCONES. 244 00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:23,001 - WHY DO THEY CALL THEM "SCONES"? 245 00:10:23,036 --> 00:10:26,177 - WOULD YOU STOP? 246 00:10:26,211 --> 00:10:28,248 - HMM... 247 00:10:28,282 --> 00:10:32,632 NIKKI'S SECRET RECIPE FOR BREAKING THE ICE. 248 00:10:32,666 --> 00:10:35,220 [cackling] 249 00:10:38,258 --> 00:10:39,535 - CAN I TRY SOME? 250 00:10:39,569 --> 00:10:41,226 - WAIT A MINUTE, HOW OLD ARE YOU? 251 00:10:41,261 --> 00:10:42,262 - 16. 252 00:10:42,296 --> 00:10:44,609 - OH. BE MY GUEST. 253 00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:46,715 [doorbell rings] 254 00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:52,928 - LADIES, WELCOME TO MY HOME. 255 00:10:52,962 --> 00:10:54,274 COME IN. 256 00:10:54,308 --> 00:10:55,655 - WELL, WELL, WELL. 257 00:10:55,689 --> 00:10:56,897 I'M SURPRISED YOU EVER GOT AROUND TO 258 00:10:56,932 --> 00:10:58,312 INVITING US TO YOUR HOUSE. 259 00:10:58,347 --> 00:11:01,350 - ARE WE TOO MUCH CHURCH OR NOT ENOUGH VEGAS? 260 00:11:01,384 --> 00:11:04,767 - [laughs] YOU--YOU'RE FUNNY. 261 00:11:04,802 --> 00:11:07,459 COME ON IN. 262 00:11:07,494 --> 00:11:11,222 - OHH. UH, WHAT IS IT, SIX BEDROOMS, 263 00:11:11,256 --> 00:11:13,293 AND UH, WHAT, THREE OF YOU? 264 00:11:13,327 --> 00:11:16,676 DOES EVERYONE HAVE TO HAVE TWO BEDROOMS? 265 00:11:16,710 --> 00:11:18,608 - WELL, W-WE-- 266 00:11:18,643 --> 00:11:21,370 WE SAW THE HOUSE AND WE LIKED IT, SO... 267 00:11:21,404 --> 00:11:23,061 - NOW HOW MUCH DID YOU PAY FOR THOSE SHOES? 268 00:11:23,096 --> 00:11:25,857 - OH, THAT LOOKS LIKE A DESIGNER DRESS. 269 00:11:25,892 --> 00:11:28,411 - W-WELL, EVERY DRESS HAS A DESIGNER, 270 00:11:28,446 --> 00:11:30,413 IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT. 271 00:11:30,448 --> 00:11:33,762 - LOLLI, DID YOU GET A LITTLE WORK DONE? 272 00:11:33,796 --> 00:11:36,419 YOUR CHEEKS LOOK TOO TIGHT. 273 00:11:36,454 --> 00:11:37,489 - OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT? THAT'S IT-- 274 00:11:37,524 --> 00:11:39,595 - OH, HELLO, LADIES! 275 00:11:39,629 --> 00:11:41,942 I AM NIKKI, THE GOOD REVEREND'S COUSIN. 276 00:11:41,977 --> 00:11:43,772 AND I THINK IT'S TIME FOR A LITTLE PUNCH. 277 00:11:43,806 --> 00:11:45,635 - THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I WAS THINKIN'. 278 00:11:45,670 --> 00:11:48,880 - OH, EXCUSE ME. - THANK YOU, EXCUSE ME. 279 00:11:48,915 --> 00:11:50,951 - PUNCH IS NOT GONNA SAVE THIS PARTY. 280 00:11:50,986 --> 00:11:54,886 - [chuckling] OH, THIS PUNCH WILL. 281 00:11:58,062 --> 00:11:59,788 - SO, IN CONCLUSION, 282 00:11:59,822 --> 00:12:03,930 THAT'S WHY YOU CAN'T TRUST A BIG BUTT AND A SMILE. 283 00:12:05,138 --> 00:12:07,623 - INTERESTING. 284 00:12:07,657 --> 00:12:10,315 - LOOK. ALL RIGHT, GUYS, THAT'S THE LAST OF 'EM. 285 00:12:10,350 --> 00:12:12,524 - WELL, UNLESS YOU WANNA GET STARTED ON THE IMPORTS. 286 00:12:12,559 --> 00:12:14,734 - NO, NO, NO, NO, I THINK THAT'S ENOUGH. 287 00:12:14,768 --> 00:12:16,390 - THANK YOU, REVEREND BALLENTINE. 288 00:12:16,425 --> 00:12:17,702 IT WAS VERY ENLIGHTENING. 289 00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:19,704 - A-AND I JUST WANT TO BE CLEAR TO ALL YOU 290 00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:22,293 THAT THISIS NOT MY THING ANYMORE. 291 00:12:22,327 --> 00:12:24,882 - OH, I'M SURE YOU'VE CHANGED TOTALLY. 292 00:12:24,916 --> 00:12:29,162 AND NOW FOR THE NEXT PHASE OF THE EVENING. 293 00:12:29,196 --> 00:12:31,302 THE SCAVENGER HUNT. 294 00:12:31,336 --> 00:12:32,475 WE'RE GOING TO NEED YOU TO 295 00:12:32,510 --> 00:12:36,928 GO OUT AND COLLECT THESE RELIGIOUS ARTIFACTS. 296 00:12:36,963 --> 00:12:41,105 - YOU HAVE AN HOUR AND 20 MINUTES STARTING RIGHT NOW. 297 00:12:45,040 --> 00:12:47,905 - ALL RIGHT. THAT'S IT, I AM DONE WITH THIS CRAP. 298 00:12:47,939 --> 00:12:50,459 I MEAN, WHY ARE Y'ALL DOING THIS TO ME? 299 00:12:50,493 --> 00:12:55,326 - BECAUSE WE THINK IT'S FUNNY. 300 00:12:57,604 --> 00:12:59,951 - [shouting] ARE YOU GUYS TEN YEARS OLD? 301 00:12:59,986 --> 00:13:02,091 LOOK MAN, I CAME HERE TO TALK ABOUT 302 00:13:02,126 --> 00:13:04,784 BUILDING A HOMELESS SHELTER AND A TEEN REC CENTER 303 00:13:04,818 --> 00:13:06,164 FOR MY NEIGHBORHOOD, MY CHURCH, 304 00:13:06,199 --> 00:13:07,959 AND MY COMMUNITY. - YES, YES, YES, YES, 305 00:13:07,994 --> 00:13:09,167 WE'RE GONNA DO ALL THAT. 306 00:13:09,202 --> 00:13:12,826 WE JUST AREN'T DONE HAVING FUN WITH YOU YET. 307 00:13:12,861 --> 00:13:15,760 - NOW YOU MUST SWALLOW THIS SPOONFUL OF CINNAMON. 308 00:13:18,763 --> 00:13:20,696 - ALL RIGHT, I AM DONE WITH YOU PEOPLE. 309 00:13:20,730 --> 00:13:22,836 I DON'T CARE IF YOU LET ME IN, OR NOT. 310 00:13:22,871 --> 00:13:24,804 - NO, NO, NO, NO, WE'RE JUST KIDDING. YOU'RE IN. 311 00:13:24,838 --> 00:13:26,046 - I AM? 312 00:13:26,081 --> 00:13:28,635 - YOU ARE, SON. 313 00:13:28,669 --> 00:13:30,499 - OOH, LOLLI? 314 00:13:30,533 --> 00:13:33,640 THIS PUNCH IS SOMETHIN' ELSE! 315 00:13:33,674 --> 00:13:34,883 WHAT'S IN IT? 316 00:13:34,917 --> 00:13:36,746 - OH, THAT'S JUST A LITTLE CITRUS PUNCH, 317 00:13:36,781 --> 00:13:37,989 SOME ORANGE JUICE-- 318 00:13:38,024 --> 00:13:41,372 - NO, WE MEAN WHAT KIND OF BOOZE? 319 00:13:41,406 --> 00:13:44,168 - OH! NO, NO, NO, THERE'S NO BOOZE. 320 00:13:44,202 --> 00:13:45,859 - OH, THERE'S BOOZE. 321 00:13:45,894 --> 00:13:49,242 I MIGHT'VE ACCIDENTALLY PUT A FIFTH OF VODKA IN IT. 322 00:13:49,276 --> 00:13:50,657 JUST TO LIGHTEN THE LOAD A LITTLE. 323 00:13:50,691 --> 00:13:54,764 - WELL, IT'S LIGHTENING THIS LOAD JUST FINE. 324 00:13:54,799 --> 00:13:58,078 - OOH, AND YOUR COUSIN NIKKI IS A TOTAL DELIGHT. 325 00:13:58,113 --> 00:13:59,666 YOU KNOW, I AM SO SORRY THAT 326 00:13:59,700 --> 00:14:03,912 IT HAS TAKEN US SO LONG TO GET TOGETHER LIKE THIS. 327 00:14:03,946 --> 00:14:05,603 AND... 328 00:14:05,637 --> 00:14:08,054 AND I AM SORRY IF WE HAVE MADE IT 329 00:14:08,088 --> 00:14:09,849 A LITTLE DIFFICULT FOR YOU. 330 00:14:09,883 --> 00:14:13,300 - WOW. THANK YOU, SISTER PEARLY. 331 00:14:13,335 --> 00:14:15,578 MY GOD, GIRL. 332 00:14:15,613 --> 00:14:18,064 IF I WOULD'VE KNOWN THIS WAS GONNA BE THIS EASY, 333 00:14:18,098 --> 00:14:22,862 I WOULD'VE GOT THESE HAGS LIQUORED UP A LONG TIME AGO. 334 00:14:22,896 --> 00:14:25,485 - OH, THAT'S JUST THE BEGINNING. 335 00:14:25,519 --> 00:14:28,522 WAIT AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I REALLYWORK MY MAGIC. 336 00:14:28,557 --> 00:14:31,249 - OH--LYRIC? REMEMBER WHEN YOU SAID 337 00:14:31,284 --> 00:14:32,872 YOU WANTED TO GO HANG OUT WITH YOUR FRIENDS? 338 00:14:32,906 --> 00:14:35,875 - UH-HUH. - GO HANG OUT WITH YOUR FRIENDS. 339 00:14:35,909 --> 00:14:39,223 - LADIES, LADIES, MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE? 340 00:14:39,257 --> 00:14:41,639 I WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT NEEDS. YOUR NEEDS. 341 00:14:41,673 --> 00:14:44,228 NOW WE ALL HAVE TO TAKE CARE AND PAMPER OURSELVES, AM I CORRECT? 342 00:14:44,262 --> 00:14:45,712 [overlapping agreement] 343 00:14:45,746 --> 00:14:48,853 - AND NOBODY CAN DO THAT FOR YOU BUT YOU, RIGHT? 344 00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:51,614 - AIN'T THAT THE TRUTH. 345 00:14:51,649 --> 00:14:54,617 - LADIES, LET ME INTRODUCE YOU 346 00:14:54,652 --> 00:14:56,896 TO THE WONDERFUL WORLD 347 00:14:56,930 --> 00:14:59,726 OF REVCO TOYS-- 348 00:14:59,760 --> 00:15:02,487 THE NATION'S NUMBER ONE PROVIDER OF PLEASURE DEVICES 349 00:15:02,522 --> 00:15:04,144 FOR THE DISCERNING WOMAN. 350 00:15:04,179 --> 00:15:05,697 [gasps] 351 00:15:05,732 --> 00:15:06,871 - NIKKI, YOU DIDN'T. 352 00:15:06,906 --> 00:15:08,217 - WELL, I NEVER! 353 00:15:08,252 --> 00:15:11,220 - OH, THESE TOYS WILL TAKE CARE OF THAT. 354 00:15:14,154 --> 00:15:15,811 - LADIES, I AM SO SORRY. 355 00:15:15,845 --> 00:15:18,503 I REALLY WANTED THIS DAY TO TURN OUT WELL FOR ALL OF US, 356 00:15:18,538 --> 00:15:20,989 AND I HAD NO IDEA MY COUSIN WAS GONNA SHOW UP 357 00:15:21,023 --> 00:15:24,337 WITH A SUITCASE FULL OF SEX TOYS. 358 00:15:24,371 --> 00:15:26,684 - LOLLI, YOU CAN APOLOGIZE ALL YOU WANT, 359 00:15:26,718 --> 00:15:30,205 JUST STEP ASIDE AND LET'S SEE WHAT SHE'S SELLIN'. 360 00:15:30,239 --> 00:15:32,655 - W-WAIT-- EXCUSE ME? 361 00:15:32,690 --> 00:15:36,625 - MOVE IT, HONEY. 362 00:15:36,659 --> 00:15:40,594 [overlapping chatter] 363 00:15:40,629 --> 00:15:42,286 - OOH, YOU THINK THESE COME IN A SET? 364 00:15:42,320 --> 00:15:46,014 THESE WOULD MAKE WONDERFUL STOCKING STUFFERS. 365 00:15:46,048 --> 00:15:48,188 - OOH, THESE LOOK THERAPEUTIC. 366 00:15:48,223 --> 00:15:52,882 DO YOU THINK MEDICARE WILL COVER THEM? 367 00:15:52,917 --> 00:15:54,436 - IT NEVER FAILS. 368 00:15:54,470 --> 00:15:55,955 THIS STUFF JUST SELLS ITSELF. 369 00:15:55,989 --> 00:16:00,269 - I'M LEARNIN' A LOT ABOUT THESE CHURCH LADIES. 370 00:16:00,304 --> 00:16:04,411 - OOH... - NO, THAT'S MINE. 371 00:16:04,446 --> 00:16:06,206 - SO YOU KNEW THOSE GUYS 372 00:16:06,241 --> 00:16:07,449 WERE GONNA MESS WITH ME LIKE THAT? 373 00:16:07,483 --> 00:16:08,726 - I SURE DID. 374 00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:11,108 AND I ENJOYED EVERY MINUTE OF IT, TOO. [laughs] 375 00:16:11,142 --> 00:16:13,041 - YOU DID, HUH? 376 00:16:13,075 --> 00:16:15,836 - YOU SITTIN' THERE TRYING TO EXPLAIN YOUR MUSIC-- 377 00:16:15,871 --> 00:16:18,253 THAT WAS PRICELESS. 378 00:16:18,287 --> 00:16:20,703 - DADDY, YOU KNOW, I THINK IT'S RIDICULOUS Y'ALL MESS WITH 379 00:16:20,738 --> 00:16:22,222 PEOPLE LIKE THAT. - OH, COME ON, 380 00:16:22,257 --> 00:16:24,742 IT WAS JUST AN INITIATION INTO THE GROUP. 381 00:16:24,776 --> 00:16:26,019 FUN FOR EVERYBODY. 382 00:16:26,054 --> 00:16:27,710 - IT WASN'T FUN FOR ME. 383 00:16:27,745 --> 00:16:31,231 - THAT'S BECAUSE YOU COULDN'T SEE YOUR FACE. 384 00:16:31,266 --> 00:16:32,646 - THE BEST PART ABOUT IT IS, 385 00:16:32,681 --> 00:16:34,890 YOU GET TO DO THAT TO THE NEXT GUY THEY BRING IN. 386 00:16:34,924 --> 00:16:36,926 - REALLY? I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT? 387 00:16:36,961 --> 00:16:38,135 - ABSOLUTELY. 388 00:16:38,169 --> 00:16:40,827 - HA! OKAY, THIS GONNA BE GREAT. 389 00:16:40,861 --> 00:16:42,587 I GOT THE WHEELS TURNIN' ALREADY. 390 00:16:42,622 --> 00:16:45,763 - WELCOME TO THE GOSPEL GOODFELLAS, SON. 391 00:16:49,387 --> 00:16:51,079 - OH, SISTER NIKKI. 392 00:16:51,113 --> 00:16:53,012 I USED MY DEBIT CARD. 393 00:16:53,046 --> 00:16:56,843 NOW, HOW IS THIS GOING TO APPEAR ON MY STATEMENT? 394 00:16:56,877 --> 00:16:58,431 - INDUSTRIAL SUPPLIES. 395 00:16:58,465 --> 00:17:01,434 - OOH, CLEVER. 396 00:17:01,468 --> 00:17:03,505 - SISTER LOLLI, 397 00:17:03,539 --> 00:17:06,680 THANK YOU FOR THE MOST WONDERFUL AFTERNOON! 398 00:17:06,715 --> 00:17:09,545 - OH, AND YOU ARE COMING TO OUR WOMEN'S BIBLE CLASS, 399 00:17:09,580 --> 00:17:10,822 ON WEDNESDAY AFTERNOON? 400 00:17:10,857 --> 00:17:14,067 - I WOULDN'T MISS IT. 401 00:17:14,102 --> 00:17:16,173 - WELL, I GUESS THIS WENT WELL. 402 00:17:16,207 --> 00:17:18,382 - OH, REVEREND BOYCE, IT WAS THE BEST AFTERNOON TEA 403 00:17:18,416 --> 00:17:19,900 I HAVE EVER BEEN TO. 404 00:17:19,935 --> 00:17:22,696 YOUR WIFE LOLLI CAME UP WITH THE MOST GLORIOUS IDEA 405 00:17:22,731 --> 00:17:24,595 FOR A CHURCH STIMULUS PACKAGE. 406 00:17:24,629 --> 00:17:27,218 YES, SHE DID! 407 00:17:27,253 --> 00:17:30,808 - REVEREND BOYCE, I AM SO GLAD 408 00:17:30,842 --> 00:17:35,640 TO FINALLY GET TO KNOW THE REAL LOLLI BALLENTINE. 409 00:17:35,675 --> 00:17:37,470 OOH! AND YOUR COUSIN NIKKI, 410 00:17:37,504 --> 00:17:39,782 OH, SHE IS A TREAT! 411 00:17:39,817 --> 00:17:41,336 - NIKKI? - MM-HMM. 412 00:17:41,370 --> 00:17:43,234 - A TREAT? 413 00:17:43,269 --> 00:17:46,203 OKAY. WELL, I'M GLAD Y'ALL HAD A GOOD TIME. 414 00:17:46,237 --> 00:17:47,790 - OH, FANTASTIC. BYE-BYE! 415 00:17:47,825 --> 00:17:50,517 SO MUCH FUN. SO MUCH FUN! 416 00:17:50,552 --> 00:17:51,967 - WELL. SO, NIKKI, 417 00:17:52,001 --> 00:17:53,520 YOU KNOW, I GOTTA SAY I'M SHOCKED. 418 00:17:53,555 --> 00:17:56,075 I MEAN, I REALLY THOUGHT IF YOU STAYED HERE 419 00:17:56,109 --> 00:17:57,628 YOU WOULD DO SOMETHING OUTRAGEOUS, 420 00:17:57,662 --> 00:17:59,423 AND I'D END UP PAYIN' FOR IT. 421 00:17:59,457 --> 00:18:02,564 - YOU SEE? A LEOPARD DOES CHANGE HIS STRIPES. 422 00:18:02,598 --> 00:18:05,670 - HIS SPOTS, BUT OKAY. 423 00:18:05,705 --> 00:18:07,914 - LOLLI, ARE YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANNA BUY 424 00:18:07,948 --> 00:18:09,398 ANY OF MY MERCHANDISE? 425 00:18:09,433 --> 00:18:12,712 REMEMBER, YOU GET A FAMILY DISCOUNT. 426 00:18:12,746 --> 00:18:14,265 - WHAT IS SHE SELLING? 427 00:18:14,300 --> 00:18:16,785 - UH, BOOTY SUPPLIES-- I MEAN, BEAUTY! 428 00:18:16,819 --> 00:18:18,580 BEAUTY SUPPLIES. YOU DON-- 429 00:18:18,614 --> 00:18:19,857 YOU WOULDN'T BE INTERESTED. 430 00:18:19,891 --> 00:18:23,550 UH, HOW DID THINGS GO WITH THE UH--THE GODFATHERS? 431 00:18:23,585 --> 00:18:26,381 - WELL, LET'S JUST SAY YOU LOOKIN' AT A MADE MAN. 432 00:18:26,415 --> 00:18:29,763 - OHH, DOES THAT MAKE ME A MADE WOMAN? 433 00:18:29,798 --> 00:18:33,767 - YES, IT DOES. [chuckles] 434 00:18:33,802 --> 00:18:35,079 - LET ME GET A LITTLE PUNCH, BABE. 435 00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:37,046 - HUH? W-- UM, NO. 436 00:18:37,081 --> 00:18:39,463 YOU DON'T--YOU DON'T WANT THAT, IT'S BEEN SITTING OUT. 437 00:18:39,497 --> 00:18:42,017 LET ME GET YOU SOMETHING FRESH FROM THE KITCHEN. 438 00:18:42,051 --> 00:18:44,847 FRESH DRINK FOR MY MADE MAN. 439 00:18:44,882 --> 00:18:49,128 - YEAH... I AM TIRED. 440 00:18:49,162 --> 00:18:51,060 [grunts] 441 00:18:51,095 --> 00:18:53,028 [mechanical buzzing] 442 00:18:54,961 --> 00:18:59,034 WHEN WE GET A VIBRATIN' SOFA? 443 00:19:03,003 --> 00:19:05,868 - ♪ EVERY TIME I SEE YOUR FACE ♪ 444 00:19:05,903 --> 00:19:08,423 ♪ I FEEL A LOVE I CAN'T REPLACE ♪ 445 00:19:08,457 --> 00:19:12,047 ♪ GIRL, IT'S YOU, YES, IT'S TRUE ♪ 446 00:19:12,081 --> 00:19:13,876 ♪ I SAID 447 00:19:13,911 --> 00:19:15,878 ♪ I WANT YOU 448 00:19:15,913 --> 00:19:17,984 ♪ I NEED YOU 449 00:19:18,018 --> 00:19:21,746 ♪ I JUST CAN'T REMEMBER YOUR NAME ♪ 450 00:19:21,781 --> 00:19:23,852 ♪ I WANT YOU 451 00:19:23,886 --> 00:19:25,164 ♪ I NEED YOU 452 00:19:25,198 --> 00:19:26,406 ♪ WHAT'S YOUR DAMN NAME? 453 00:19:26,441 --> 00:19:27,683 WHAT IS IT? 32437

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