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1
00:00:02,243 --> 00:00:03,420
- THE SOUL MANIS RECORDED
2
00:00:03,420 --> 00:00:03,520
- THE SOUL MANIS RECORDED
3
00:00:03,555 --> 00:00:05,591
IN FRONT OF A LIVE
STUDIO AUDIENCE.
4
00:00:07,041 --> 00:00:08,560
- HEY, BABE...
5
00:00:08,594 --> 00:00:10,320
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
6
00:00:10,355 --> 00:00:11,597
- I THINK YOU LOOK LIKE
7
00:00:11,632 --> 00:00:14,704
YOU ABOUT TO GO OUT
AND WHACK SOMEBODY.
8
00:00:14,738 --> 00:00:17,327
- BABE. I'M MEETING
WITH THE COUNCIL
9
00:00:17,362 --> 00:00:19,157
OF THE UNITED LEADERS
OF FAITH...ALL RIGHT?
10
00:00:19,191 --> 00:00:20,503
AND I GOT A LOT
RIDING ON THIS.
11
00:00:20,537 --> 00:00:21,676
THESE THE BIG BOYS.
12
00:00:21,711 --> 00:00:23,644
THEY CAN MAKE OR BREAK YOU
AS A PREACHER.
13
00:00:23,678 --> 00:00:25,404
THEY ALMOST LIKE
14
00:00:25,439 --> 00:00:28,994
THE CORLEONES FOR CHRIST.
15
00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:33,171
AND BY THE TIME I GET HOME,
I COULD BE A MADE MAN.
16
00:00:33,205 --> 00:00:35,587
- ALL RIGHT, WELL, YOU WANNA
TRADE PLACES WITH ME?
17
00:00:35,621 --> 00:00:37,727
'CAUSE I GOTTA HOLD A TEA
FOR THE CHURCH LADIES,
18
00:00:37,761 --> 00:00:39,591
AND I DON'T EVEN
DRINK TEA.
19
00:00:39,625 --> 00:00:42,628
UNLESS IT'S LONG ISLAND.
20
00:00:42,663 --> 00:00:43,802
- OH BABY,
WHY YOU WORRIED?
21
00:00:43,836 --> 00:00:46,805
THEY DON'T
LIKE YOU ANYWAY.
22
00:00:46,839 --> 00:00:50,533
I'M JUST SAYING, AT LEAST
I GOT A CHANCE WITH THESE GUYS.
23
00:00:50,567 --> 00:00:53,467
- OKAY, YOU GOT JOKES.
BUT JUST REMEMBER,
24
00:00:53,501 --> 00:00:54,882
I'M DOIN' ALL THIS
FOR YOU.
25
00:00:54,916 --> 00:00:57,264
- I KNOW BABE,
AND I APPRECIATE IT.
26
00:00:57,298 --> 00:00:59,369
IT COULDN'T BE EASY BEING
THE FIRST LADY OF THE CHURCH.
27
00:00:59,404 --> 00:01:00,991
- NO, IT'S NOT.
THEY ALL THINK
28
00:01:01,026 --> 00:01:03,063
I'M TOO SHINY
FOR ST. LOUIS.
29
00:01:03,097 --> 00:01:05,824
MAKE HER PUT ON SOME PANTYHOSE,
COVER UP HER CLEAVAGE.
30
00:01:05,858 --> 00:01:09,828
WHICH GOD GAVE ME,
AND I ENJOY SHOWIN' OFF.
31
00:01:09,862 --> 00:01:11,416
- IT IS PRETTY WONDERFUL.
32
00:01:11,450 --> 00:01:13,211
- UHH!
33
00:01:13,245 --> 00:01:14,557
- YOU ARE GONNA
COVER THAT UP
34
00:01:14,591 --> 00:01:18,595
BEFORE THEY COME THOUGH,
RIGHT?
35
00:01:21,598 --> 00:01:23,393
- YOU READY?
36
00:01:23,428 --> 00:01:25,430
- "JUST WHEN I THOUGHT
I WAS OUT,
37
00:01:25,464 --> 00:01:27,949
THEY DRAG ME
BACK IN AGAIN."
38
00:01:27,984 --> 00:01:29,779
[laughs]
39
00:01:29,813 --> 00:01:32,437
- I REALLY DON'T THINK YOU
NEED TO BE JOKING ABOUT THIS.
40
00:01:32,471 --> 00:01:34,335
AND TAKE OFF
THAT HAT.
41
00:01:34,370 --> 00:01:35,888
THESE GUYS
ARE NOT THE MOB,
42
00:01:35,923 --> 00:01:38,443
THEY'RE THE HEAD OF THE FIVE
RELIGIOUS HOUSES OF ST. LOUIS.
43
00:01:38,477 --> 00:01:40,928
AND IF THEY ACCEPT YOU,
THEY WILL TAKE CARE OF YOU.
44
00:01:40,962 --> 00:01:42,826
IF YOU CROSS 'EM,
YOU'RE HISTORY.
45
00:01:42,861 --> 00:01:46,278
- YEAH, THAT DON'T
SOUND LIKE THE MOB AT ALL.
46
00:01:46,313 --> 00:01:48,625
- NOW, YOU NEED TO MAKE A GOOD
IMPRESSION ON THESE GUYS.
47
00:01:48,660 --> 00:01:51,145
OUR CHURCH HAS BEEN A MEMBER OF
THIS GROUP FOR OVER 60 YEARS,
48
00:01:51,180 --> 00:01:54,183
AND IT'S UP TO YOU TO
MAKE SURE THAT WE STAY THERE.
49
00:01:54,217 --> 00:01:56,426
YOU REMEMBER
THE LAKESIDE CHURCH OF GOD?
50
00:01:56,461 --> 00:01:57,496
- NOT REALLY.
51
00:01:57,531 --> 00:01:58,808
- OF COURSE YOU DON'T.
52
00:01:58,842 --> 00:02:01,121
THEY A BOWLING ALLEY NOW.
53
00:02:03,157 --> 00:02:06,022
WHAT THE HELL
ARE YOU DOIN', BOY?
54
00:02:06,056 --> 00:02:07,127
- WELL, BOYCE TOLD ME
ABOUT YOUR MEETING,
55
00:02:07,161 --> 00:02:08,852
SO I THOUGHT I'D
COME ALONG FOR BACKUP.
56
00:02:08,887 --> 00:02:09,922
I'LL BE
YOUR MUSCLE.
57
00:02:09,957 --> 00:02:13,202
BECAUSE...WELL,
I GOT MUSCLES.
58
00:02:13,236 --> 00:02:17,378
JUST CALL ME STAMPS "TWO TIMES,"
STAMPS "TWO TIMES."
59
00:02:17,413 --> 00:02:19,208
- THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
60
00:02:19,242 --> 00:02:20,485
- "YOU TALKIN' TO ME?"
61
00:02:20,519 --> 00:02:21,865
IS YOU TALKIN' TO ME?
62
00:02:21,900 --> 00:02:24,627
- THAT'S NOT
A GANGSTER MOVIE.
63
00:02:24,661 --> 00:02:27,423
- [as the Terminator]
"I'LL BE BACK."
64
00:02:27,457 --> 00:02:29,942
- ALL RIGHT SWEETHEART,
WE'LL SEE YOU SOON.
65
00:02:29,977 --> 00:02:31,565
BABE, THAT WAS
YOUR COUSIN NIKKI.
66
00:02:31,599 --> 00:02:33,774
SHE'S IN TOWN, AND WANTS
TO STOP BY AND SAY HI.
67
00:02:33,808 --> 00:02:34,809
- NIKKI. OH, NO.
68
00:02:34,844 --> 00:02:36,501
NO, NO, NO, NO.
69
00:02:36,535 --> 00:02:37,916
SHE IS NOT WELCOME
IN THIS HOUSE.
70
00:02:37,950 --> 00:02:39,469
- NOW, BOYCE, REMEMBER,
SHE'S FAMILY.
71
00:02:39,504 --> 00:02:41,678
- AND I THINK SHE'S FUN.
- FUN?
72
00:02:41,713 --> 00:02:43,818
THE GIRL AIN'T NOTHING
BUT TROUBLE.
73
00:02:43,853 --> 00:02:46,269
EVERY TIME SHE'S AROUND US,
SHE COST US MONEY.
74
00:02:46,304 --> 00:02:49,203
USUALLY IN THE FORM
OF BAIL.
75
00:02:49,238 --> 00:02:50,273
TELL HER WE NOT HOME.
76
00:02:50,308 --> 00:02:51,447
[doorbell rings]
77
00:02:51,481 --> 00:02:54,726
- TELL HER YOURSELF.
78
00:02:56,072 --> 00:03:00,145
[excited screaming]
79
00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:05,564
- BREAK OUT THE CHAMPAGNE.
COUSIN NIKKI IS HERE.
80
00:03:05,599 --> 00:03:07,359
BOYCE, CAN I HAVE $100
FOR THE CAB RIDE?
81
00:03:07,394 --> 00:03:11,018
- I'LL GIVE YOU 500
TO GET BACK IN IT.
82
00:03:13,089 --> 00:03:16,057
[upbeat R&B music]
83
00:03:16,092 --> 00:03:21,339
♪
84
00:03:21,373 --> 00:03:24,342
[upbeat gospel music]
85
00:03:24,376 --> 00:03:25,619
♪
86
00:03:25,653 --> 00:03:29,070
♪ THE SOUL MAN
87
00:03:29,105 --> 00:03:33,143
- OH, LOLLI,
MY FAVORITE COUSIN!
88
00:03:33,178 --> 00:03:34,524
- NIKKI, I HAVE
MISSED YOU SO MUCH.
89
00:03:34,559 --> 00:03:35,560
GIRL, LOOK AT YOU.
90
00:03:35,594 --> 00:03:37,044
- LOOK AT YOU.
91
00:03:37,078 --> 00:03:39,391
I KNOW YOU ARE BLOWIN' AWAY
THIS TOWN WITH YOUR CLASS.
92
00:03:39,426 --> 00:03:40,427
[laughs]
93
00:03:40,461 --> 00:03:44,362
UNCLE BART,
YOU OLD BASTARD!
94
00:03:44,396 --> 00:03:47,675
I THOUGHT YOU DIED.
95
00:03:47,710 --> 00:03:48,711
- NOT YET, NIKKI.
96
00:03:48,745 --> 00:03:49,850
HOW'S YOUR MOTHER?
97
00:03:49,884 --> 00:03:51,610
- OH, BACK IN REHAB.
98
00:03:51,645 --> 00:03:54,234
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY
SHE BOTHERS.
99
00:03:54,268 --> 00:03:55,407
SO BOYCE,
100
00:03:55,442 --> 00:03:58,514
DO I CALL YOU
"REVEREND BALLENTINE" NOW?
101
00:03:58,548 --> 00:04:02,276
'CAUSE I REMEMBER WHEN I USED TO
CALL YOU "COUSIN BINKY."
102
00:04:02,311 --> 00:04:04,520
- I REMEMBER WE
USED TO CALL YOU--
103
00:04:04,554 --> 00:04:06,936
- CAREFUL!
YOU'RE A PREACHER.
104
00:04:06,970 --> 00:04:10,250
- HER NICKNAME.
SHE EARNED IT.
105
00:04:10,284 --> 00:04:12,666
- THAT DOESN'T SOUND VERY
PREACHERLY, BOYCE.
106
00:04:12,700 --> 00:04:14,254
THERE'S GOTTA BE SOME
PASSAGE IN THE BIBLE
107
00:04:14,288 --> 00:04:16,221
THAT TALKS ABOUT
BEING NICE TO YOUR COUSIN.
108
00:04:16,256 --> 00:04:19,155
- YEAH, I BELIEVE
IT'S MATTHEW 7:17.
109
00:04:19,189 --> 00:04:20,881
"DON'T LET
THE DOORKNOB HIT THEE
110
00:04:20,915 --> 00:04:25,403
WHERE
THE GOOD LORD SPLIT THEE."
111
00:04:25,437 --> 00:04:29,096
- BOYCE, UH,
WE GOTTA GO.
112
00:04:29,130 --> 00:04:30,787
- ALL RIGHT, LOOK.
I WANT HER GONE
113
00:04:30,822 --> 00:04:32,306
BEFORE THE CHURCH LADIES
GET HERE.
114
00:04:32,341 --> 00:04:33,445
- CHURCH LADIES?
115
00:04:33,480 --> 00:04:35,171
I WANNA MEET
THE CHURCH LADIES.
116
00:04:35,205 --> 00:04:36,966
I COULD TEACH 'EM
A THING OR TWO.
117
00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:40,072
- ALL RIGHT, OKAY, THAT'S IT.
YOU KNOW,
118
00:04:40,107 --> 00:04:41,833
HOW MUCH MONEY
IS IT GONNA TAKE
119
00:04:41,867 --> 00:04:43,144
FOR ME TO
MAKE YOU LEAVE?
120
00:04:43,179 --> 00:04:45,008
- I DON'T WANT
YOUR MONEY, CUZ.
121
00:04:45,043 --> 00:04:46,458
I GOT A GOOD JOB NOW.
122
00:04:46,493 --> 00:04:49,392
- [chuckles]
WHO YOU HUSTLING THIS TIME?
123
00:04:49,427 --> 00:04:50,980
- IT'S NOT A HUSTLE.
124
00:04:51,014 --> 00:04:53,293
I WAS SALESWOMAN
OF THE MONTH LAST MONTH.
125
00:04:53,327 --> 00:04:55,329
I GOT A $500 BONUS,
126
00:04:55,364 --> 00:04:57,469
AND A FREE TRIP
TO THE VIRGIN ISLANDS.
127
00:04:57,504 --> 00:05:00,921
both:
VIRGIN?
128
00:05:00,955 --> 00:05:03,924
- THEY NOT GONNA
LET YOU IN THERE.
129
00:05:06,996 --> 00:05:08,308
- ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE
READY FOR THIS?
130
00:05:08,342 --> 00:05:09,792
- YEAH, I'M READY.
131
00:05:09,826 --> 00:05:11,828
- "FASTEN YOUR SEATBELTS,
IT'S GOING TO BE A BUMPY NIGHT."
132
00:05:11,863 --> 00:05:13,830
- WHY ARE YOU QUOTIN'
BETTE DAVIS?
133
00:05:13,865 --> 00:05:15,176
- 'CAUSE SHE GANGSTA.
134
00:05:15,211 --> 00:05:17,006
- SHE WAS PRETTY GANGSTA...
- [laughing] RIGHT?
135
00:05:17,040 --> 00:05:18,145
- YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
136
00:05:18,179 --> 00:05:19,802
- WOULD YOU TWO
TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY?
137
00:05:19,836 --> 00:05:21,321
NOW TRUST ME,
138
00:05:21,355 --> 00:05:22,667
HOW YOU PERFORM
IN THERE WILL AFFECT
139
00:05:22,701 --> 00:05:23,909
THE REST OF YOUR LIFE
AS A MINISTER.
140
00:05:23,944 --> 00:05:26,567
- I'M A GROWN MAN.
I CAN HANDLE THIS.
141
00:05:30,157 --> 00:05:32,055
[knocking from other side]
142
00:05:34,782 --> 00:05:37,820
- YOU REVEREND
BOYCE BALLENTINE?
143
00:05:37,854 --> 00:05:42,687
- DADDY, YOU COMIN'
IN HERE WITH ME, RIGHT?
144
00:05:42,721 --> 00:05:46,932
- PLEASE, BE SEATED.
145
00:05:49,072 --> 00:05:51,489
- WELL, HE SEEMS NICE.
146
00:05:51,523 --> 00:05:53,249
THEY ALWAYS THIS
WARM AND FRIENDLY?
147
00:05:53,283 --> 00:05:57,667
- HE IN
A GOOD MOOD TODAY.
148
00:06:01,602 --> 00:06:03,224
- THE REVEREND
FATHER IGNATIUS.
149
00:06:03,259 --> 00:06:05,054
- I'D LIKE TO START
THIS MEETING BY THANKING
150
00:06:05,088 --> 00:06:07,228
THE REVEREND
BARTON BALLENTINE FOR HIS
151
00:06:07,263 --> 00:06:09,058
EXEMPLARY SERVICE
TO THE LORD.
152
00:06:09,092 --> 00:06:10,991
35 YEARS.
153
00:06:11,025 --> 00:06:15,133
BARTON, THERE IS NO MAN
WHO CAN TAKE YOUR PLACE.
154
00:06:15,167 --> 00:06:16,997
- THANK YOU, FATHER.
155
00:06:17,031 --> 00:06:21,898
- AND THIS IS THE MAN WHO
WILL BE TAKING YOUR PLACE.
156
00:06:21,933 --> 00:06:24,591
- YES, UM--
WELL--YOU KNOW,
157
00:06:24,625 --> 00:06:27,525
LET ME SAY IT'S AN HONOR
TO MEET EVERYBODY TODAY.
158
00:06:27,559 --> 00:06:32,461
IT'S A--IT'S
A HOT ONE OUT THERE, HUH?
159
00:06:32,495 --> 00:06:34,359
[clears throat]
160
00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:36,085
IT'S K--IT'S KIND OF
HOT IN HERE, TOO.
161
00:06:36,119 --> 00:06:38,467
SOMEBODY WANT TO OPEN UP
A WINDOW OR SOMETHING?
162
00:06:38,501 --> 00:06:42,781
- I AM TOLD THAT YOU ARE THE
FORMER RHYTHM AND BLUES SINGER
163
00:06:42,816 --> 00:06:45,335
WHO POPULARIZED THE SONG,
164
00:06:45,370 --> 00:06:49,132
I WANT TO HAVE SEX
WITH YOU.
165
00:06:49,167 --> 00:06:51,721
- WELL, ACTUALLY,
IT'S "WITCHOO."
166
00:06:51,756 --> 00:06:54,275
THE, UH,
"T" IS SILENT.
167
00:06:54,310 --> 00:06:55,794
- FATHER,
168
00:06:55,829 --> 00:06:57,624
MAY I START
THE QUESTIONING?
169
00:06:57,658 --> 00:07:00,109
- BY ALL MEANS,
PASTOR FANUCCI.
170
00:07:00,143 --> 00:07:02,629
- WE WANT TO TEST
YOUR BIBLE KNOWLEDGE.
171
00:07:02,663 --> 00:07:03,802
A SIMPLE QUESTION.
172
00:07:03,837 --> 00:07:05,494
WHO MADE GOD?
173
00:07:05,528 --> 00:07:08,324
- SAY WHAT NOW?
174
00:07:08,358 --> 00:07:09,636
- ANSWER THE QUESTION.
175
00:07:09,670 --> 00:07:11,431
WHO MADE GOD?
176
00:07:11,465 --> 00:07:13,502
- WELL, UH,
177
00:07:13,536 --> 00:07:14,606
GOD MADE GOD.
178
00:07:14,641 --> 00:07:16,677
EXCEPT HE DIDN'T
HAVE TO,
179
00:07:16,712 --> 00:07:20,819
BECAUSE GOD
HAS ALWAYS BEEN.
180
00:07:20,854 --> 00:07:23,063
SO...
181
00:07:23,097 --> 00:07:26,031
NOBODY MADE GOD.
YOU KNOW,
182
00:07:26,066 --> 00:07:29,621
GOD IS, WAS,
AND WILL EVER BE.
183
00:07:29,656 --> 00:07:31,381
- EXCUSE US A SECOND.
184
00:07:38,941 --> 00:07:41,184
WE'LL ACCEPT THAT.
185
00:07:41,219 --> 00:07:42,634
- COOL.
186
00:07:42,669 --> 00:07:46,845
I'MA TAKE
SPORTS FOR $200.
187
00:07:46,880 --> 00:07:48,744
[clears throat]
188
00:07:48,778 --> 00:07:51,298
GOT A PRETTY SERIOUS
ROOM HERE, I SEE.
189
00:07:52,472 --> 00:07:53,749
- SECOND QUESTION.
190
00:07:53,783 --> 00:07:56,130
WHEN WILL
THE WORLD END?
191
00:07:56,165 --> 00:07:58,339
- HM.
192
00:07:58,374 --> 00:08:01,653
NOW WOULD BE
A GOOD TIME.
193
00:08:03,931 --> 00:08:07,072
SO, [clears throat]
ACCORDING TO MY CALCULATIONS,
194
00:08:07,107 --> 00:08:10,110
IT W--IT WOULD BE
25 PEOPLE ON THE BUS,
195
00:08:10,144 --> 00:08:12,250
AND THE BUS DRIVER
WOULD BE, UH--
196
00:08:12,284 --> 00:08:16,081
JESUS?
197
00:08:17,151 --> 00:08:20,258
- THAT IS CORRECT.
198
00:08:20,292 --> 00:08:22,985
- THIS CONCLUDES
THE QUESTION-AND-ANSWER PERIOD
199
00:08:23,019 --> 00:08:24,883
FOR THIS AFTERNOON.
200
00:08:24,918 --> 00:08:28,956
REVEREND COX, PLEASE
BRING FORTH EXHIBIT "B."
201
00:08:28,991 --> 00:08:32,166
THIS IS THE SECULAR MUSIC
THAT YOU PRODUCED
202
00:08:32,201 --> 00:08:34,928
BETWEEN 1992 AND 2010.
203
00:08:34,962 --> 00:08:37,517
WE WANT YOU TO GO THROUGH
EACH AND EVERY LYRIC
204
00:08:37,551 --> 00:08:40,450
AND EXPLAIN EXACTLY
WHAT THEY MEAN,
205
00:08:40,485 --> 00:08:42,763
STARTING WITH
YOUR FIRST HIT,
206
00:08:42,798 --> 00:08:46,767
SPANKING IS NOT
JUST FOR KIDS.
207
00:08:47,906 --> 00:08:51,461
- WELL, UM--OKAY,
HOW CAN I PUT THIS?
208
00:08:51,496 --> 00:08:53,843
[clears throat]
209
00:08:53,878 --> 00:08:57,226
SPANKINGS CAN BE...
210
00:08:57,260 --> 00:09:00,367
BOTH PAINFUL
AND PLEASURABLE.
211
00:09:00,401 --> 00:09:03,473
AS LONG AS EVERYBODY
AGREE ON A SAFE WORD,
212
00:09:03,508 --> 00:09:05,061
THE NIGHT
CAN BE DELICIOUS,
213
00:09:05,096 --> 00:09:07,339
IN THE SENSE THAT,
YOU KNOW,
214
00:09:07,374 --> 00:09:09,618
IF YOU CHOOSE THE RIGHT
KITCHEN UTENSILS.
215
00:09:09,652 --> 00:09:10,964
IS THIS--
216
00:09:14,968 --> 00:09:18,109
- MOM, WHY DO THEY CALL THESE
"FINGER SANDWICHES"?
217
00:09:18,143 --> 00:09:21,250
- BECAUSE YOU EAT 'EM
WITH YOUR FINGERS.
218
00:09:21,284 --> 00:09:24,149
- YOU EAT ALL SANDWICHES
WITH YOUR FINGERS.
219
00:09:24,184 --> 00:09:27,497
THAT'S THE DEFINITION
OF A SANDWICH.
220
00:09:27,532 --> 00:09:29,741
- GIRLFRIEND
GOT A GOOD POINT.
221
00:09:29,776 --> 00:09:32,019
- DO YOU HAVE TO
DRIVE ME CRAZY TODAY?
222
00:09:32,054 --> 00:09:33,918
- YEAH, 'CAUSE I DON'T
WANNA BE HERE.
223
00:09:33,952 --> 00:09:35,195
I'D RATHER HANG OUT
WITH MY FRIENDS.
224
00:09:35,229 --> 00:09:37,024
- I DON'T WANNA
BE HERE EITHER.
225
00:09:37,059 --> 00:09:40,234
THESE OLD HAGS
DON'T EVEN LIKE ME.
226
00:09:40,269 --> 00:09:41,822
- THEN WHY ARE
YOU DOING IT?
227
00:09:41,857 --> 00:09:43,686
- BECAUSE BOYCE
ASKED ME TO.
228
00:09:43,721 --> 00:09:46,240
- I WOULDN'T BE CAUGHT DEAD
DOING SOMETHING I DON'T WANNA DO
229
00:09:46,275 --> 00:09:48,622
JUST BECAUSE MY HUSBAND
TOLD ME TO.
230
00:09:50,244 --> 00:09:53,662
- AND, THAT'S WHY
YOU'RE NOT MARRIED.
231
00:09:53,696 --> 00:09:55,042
- I DON'T NEED A MAN.
232
00:09:55,077 --> 00:09:59,012
'CEPT FOR A LITTLE BUMP AND JUMP
EVERY NOW AND THEN.
233
00:09:59,046 --> 00:10:00,323
YOU DID NOT HEAR THAT.
234
00:10:00,358 --> 00:10:02,947
- [giggles]
ACTUALLY, I DID.
235
00:10:02,981 --> 00:10:04,327
BUT THAT'S WHY I LOVE YOU,
COUSIN NIKKI:
236
00:10:04,362 --> 00:10:06,709
YOU JUST SAY
WHAT YOU MEAN.
237
00:10:06,744 --> 00:10:08,780
- LISTEN, IF YOU GONNA
STAY FOR THIS PARTY,
238
00:10:08,815 --> 00:10:11,541
YOU GOTTA PROMISE ME YOU WON'T
JUST SAY WHAT YOU MEAN
239
00:10:11,576 --> 00:10:12,819
IN FRONT OF THESE LADIES.
240
00:10:12,853 --> 00:10:15,097
- DON'T WORRY.
I'LL SAY THE RIGHT THING.
241
00:10:15,131 --> 00:10:17,686
IF THERE'S ONE THING I KNOW
HOW TO DO, IT'S BREAK THE ICE.
242
00:10:17,720 --> 00:10:20,136
- THAT'S WHAT
I'M WORRIED ABOUT.
243
00:10:20,171 --> 00:10:21,586
OH, I GOTTA BRING
OVER THE SCONES.
244
00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:23,001
- WHY DO THEY
CALL THEM "SCONES"?
245
00:10:23,036 --> 00:10:26,177
- WOULD YOU STOP?
246
00:10:26,211 --> 00:10:28,248
- HMM...
247
00:10:28,282 --> 00:10:32,632
NIKKI'S SECRET RECIPE
FOR BREAKING THE ICE.
248
00:10:32,666 --> 00:10:35,220
[cackling]
249
00:10:38,258 --> 00:10:39,535
- CAN I TRY SOME?
250
00:10:39,569 --> 00:10:41,226
- WAIT A MINUTE,
HOW OLD ARE YOU?
251
00:10:41,261 --> 00:10:42,262
- 16.
252
00:10:42,296 --> 00:10:44,609
- OH.
BE MY GUEST.
253
00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:46,715
[doorbell rings]
254
00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:52,928
- LADIES,
WELCOME TO MY HOME.
255
00:10:52,962 --> 00:10:54,274
COME IN.
256
00:10:54,308 --> 00:10:55,655
- WELL, WELL, WELL.
257
00:10:55,689 --> 00:10:56,897
I'M SURPRISED YOU
EVER GOT AROUND TO
258
00:10:56,932 --> 00:10:58,312
INVITING US
TO YOUR HOUSE.
259
00:10:58,347 --> 00:11:01,350
- ARE WE TOO MUCH CHURCH
OR NOT ENOUGH VEGAS?
260
00:11:01,384 --> 00:11:04,767
- [laughs]
YOU--YOU'RE FUNNY.
261
00:11:04,802 --> 00:11:07,459
COME ON IN.
262
00:11:07,494 --> 00:11:11,222
- OHH. UH, WHAT IS IT,
SIX BEDROOMS,
263
00:11:11,256 --> 00:11:13,293
AND UH, WHAT,
THREE OF YOU?
264
00:11:13,327 --> 00:11:16,676
DOES EVERYONE
HAVE TO HAVE TWO BEDROOMS?
265
00:11:16,710 --> 00:11:18,608
- WELL, W-WE--
266
00:11:18,643 --> 00:11:21,370
WE SAW THE HOUSE
AND WE LIKED IT, SO...
267
00:11:21,404 --> 00:11:23,061
- NOW HOW MUCH DID YOU
PAY FOR THOSE SHOES?
268
00:11:23,096 --> 00:11:25,857
- OH, THAT LOOKS LIKE
A DESIGNER DRESS.
269
00:11:25,892 --> 00:11:28,411
- W-WELL, EVERY DRESS
HAS A DESIGNER,
270
00:11:28,446 --> 00:11:30,413
IF YOU THINK
ABOUT IT.
271
00:11:30,448 --> 00:11:33,762
- LOLLI, DID YOU GET
A LITTLE WORK DONE?
272
00:11:33,796 --> 00:11:36,419
YOUR CHEEKS LOOK
TOO TIGHT.
273
00:11:36,454 --> 00:11:37,489
- OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
THAT'S IT--
274
00:11:37,524 --> 00:11:39,595
- OH, HELLO, LADIES!
275
00:11:39,629 --> 00:11:41,942
I AM NIKKI, THE GOOD
REVEREND'S COUSIN.
276
00:11:41,977 --> 00:11:43,772
AND I THINK IT'S TIME
FOR A LITTLE PUNCH.
277
00:11:43,806 --> 00:11:45,635
- THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT
I WAS THINKIN'.
278
00:11:45,670 --> 00:11:48,880
- OH, EXCUSE ME.
- THANK YOU, EXCUSE ME.
279
00:11:48,915 --> 00:11:50,951
- PUNCH IS NOT GONNA
SAVE THIS PARTY.
280
00:11:50,986 --> 00:11:54,886
- [chuckling]
OH, THIS PUNCH WILL.
281
00:11:58,062 --> 00:11:59,788
- SO, IN CONCLUSION,
282
00:11:59,822 --> 00:12:03,930
THAT'S WHY YOU CAN'T TRUST
A BIG BUTT AND A SMILE.
283
00:12:05,138 --> 00:12:07,623
- INTERESTING.
284
00:12:07,657 --> 00:12:10,315
- LOOK. ALL RIGHT, GUYS,
THAT'S THE LAST OF 'EM.
285
00:12:10,350 --> 00:12:12,524
- WELL, UNLESS YOU WANNA GET
STARTED ON THE IMPORTS.
286
00:12:12,559 --> 00:12:14,734
- NO, NO, NO, NO,
I THINK THAT'S ENOUGH.
287
00:12:14,768 --> 00:12:16,390
- THANK YOU,
REVEREND BALLENTINE.
288
00:12:16,425 --> 00:12:17,702
IT WAS VERY
ENLIGHTENING.
289
00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:19,704
- A-AND I JUST WANT
TO BE CLEAR TO ALL YOU
290
00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:22,293
THAT THISIS
NOT MY THING ANYMORE.
291
00:12:22,327 --> 00:12:24,882
- OH, I'M SURE
YOU'VE CHANGED TOTALLY.
292
00:12:24,916 --> 00:12:29,162
AND NOW FOR THE NEXT PHASE
OF THE EVENING.
293
00:12:29,196 --> 00:12:31,302
THE SCAVENGER HUNT.
294
00:12:31,336 --> 00:12:32,475
WE'RE GOING TO
NEED YOU TO
295
00:12:32,510 --> 00:12:36,928
GO OUT AND COLLECT THESE
RELIGIOUS ARTIFACTS.
296
00:12:36,963 --> 00:12:41,105
- YOU HAVE AN HOUR AND
20 MINUTES STARTING RIGHT NOW.
297
00:12:45,040 --> 00:12:47,905
- ALL RIGHT. THAT'S IT,
I AM DONE WITH THIS CRAP.
298
00:12:47,939 --> 00:12:50,459
I MEAN, WHY ARE Y'ALL
DOING THIS TO ME?
299
00:12:50,493 --> 00:12:55,326
- BECAUSE WE THINK
IT'S FUNNY.
300
00:12:57,604 --> 00:12:59,951
- [shouting] ARE YOU GUYS
TEN YEARS OLD?
301
00:12:59,986 --> 00:13:02,091
LOOK MAN, I CAME HERE
TO TALK ABOUT
302
00:13:02,126 --> 00:13:04,784
BUILDING A HOMELESS SHELTER
AND A TEEN REC CENTER
303
00:13:04,818 --> 00:13:06,164
FOR MY NEIGHBORHOOD,
MY CHURCH,
304
00:13:06,199 --> 00:13:07,959
AND MY COMMUNITY.
- YES, YES, YES, YES,
305
00:13:07,994 --> 00:13:09,167
WE'RE GONNA DO
ALL THAT.
306
00:13:09,202 --> 00:13:12,826
WE JUST AREN'T DONE
HAVING FUN WITH YOU YET.
307
00:13:12,861 --> 00:13:15,760
- NOW YOU MUST SWALLOW THIS
SPOONFUL OF CINNAMON.
308
00:13:18,763 --> 00:13:20,696
- ALL RIGHT, I AM DONE
WITH YOU PEOPLE.
309
00:13:20,730 --> 00:13:22,836
I DON'T CARE IF YOU
LET ME IN, OR NOT.
310
00:13:22,871 --> 00:13:24,804
- NO, NO, NO, NO, WE'RE JUST
KIDDING. YOU'RE IN.
311
00:13:24,838 --> 00:13:26,046
- I AM?
312
00:13:26,081 --> 00:13:28,635
- YOU ARE, SON.
313
00:13:28,669 --> 00:13:30,499
- OOH, LOLLI?
314
00:13:30,533 --> 00:13:33,640
THIS PUNCH
IS SOMETHIN' ELSE!
315
00:13:33,674 --> 00:13:34,883
WHAT'S IN IT?
316
00:13:34,917 --> 00:13:36,746
- OH, THAT'S JUST
A LITTLE CITRUS PUNCH,
317
00:13:36,781 --> 00:13:37,989
SOME ORANGE JUICE--
318
00:13:38,024 --> 00:13:41,372
- NO, WE MEAN
WHAT KIND OF BOOZE?
319
00:13:41,406 --> 00:13:44,168
- OH! NO, NO, NO,
THERE'S NO BOOZE.
320
00:13:44,202 --> 00:13:45,859
- OH, THERE'S BOOZE.
321
00:13:45,894 --> 00:13:49,242
I MIGHT'VE ACCIDENTALLY
PUT A FIFTH OF VODKA IN IT.
322
00:13:49,276 --> 00:13:50,657
JUST TO LIGHTEN THE LOAD
A LITTLE.
323
00:13:50,691 --> 00:13:54,764
- WELL, IT'S LIGHTENING
THIS LOAD JUST FINE.
324
00:13:54,799 --> 00:13:58,078
- OOH, AND YOUR COUSIN NIKKI
IS A TOTAL DELIGHT.
325
00:13:58,113 --> 00:13:59,666
YOU KNOW,
I AM SO SORRY THAT
326
00:13:59,700 --> 00:14:03,912
IT HAS TAKEN US SO LONG
TO GET TOGETHER LIKE THIS.
327
00:14:03,946 --> 00:14:05,603
AND...
328
00:14:05,637 --> 00:14:08,054
AND I AM SORRY
IF WE HAVE MADE IT
329
00:14:08,088 --> 00:14:09,849
A LITTLE
DIFFICULT FOR YOU.
330
00:14:09,883 --> 00:14:13,300
- WOW. THANK YOU,
SISTER PEARLY.
331
00:14:13,335 --> 00:14:15,578
MY GOD, GIRL.
332
00:14:15,613 --> 00:14:18,064
IF I WOULD'VE KNOWN
THIS WAS GONNA BE THIS EASY,
333
00:14:18,098 --> 00:14:22,862
I WOULD'VE GOT THESE HAGS
LIQUORED UP A LONG TIME AGO.
334
00:14:22,896 --> 00:14:25,485
- OH, THAT'S JUST
THE BEGINNING.
335
00:14:25,519 --> 00:14:28,522
WAIT AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS
WHEN I REALLYWORK MY MAGIC.
336
00:14:28,557 --> 00:14:31,249
- OH--LYRIC?
REMEMBER WHEN YOU SAID
337
00:14:31,284 --> 00:14:32,872
YOU WANTED TO GO HANG OUT
WITH YOUR FRIENDS?
338
00:14:32,906 --> 00:14:35,875
- UH-HUH.
- GO HANG OUT WITH YOUR FRIENDS.
339
00:14:35,909 --> 00:14:39,223
- LADIES, LADIES, MAY I HAVE
YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE?
340
00:14:39,257 --> 00:14:41,639
I WANT TO TALK TO YOU
ABOUT NEEDS. YOUR NEEDS.
341
00:14:41,673 --> 00:14:44,228
NOW WE ALL HAVE TO TAKE CARE AND
PAMPER OURSELVES, AM I CORRECT?
342
00:14:44,262 --> 00:14:45,712
[overlapping agreement]
343
00:14:45,746 --> 00:14:48,853
- AND NOBODY CAN DO THAT
FOR YOU BUT YOU, RIGHT?
344
00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:51,614
- AIN'T THAT THE TRUTH.
345
00:14:51,649 --> 00:14:54,617
- LADIES, LET ME
INTRODUCE YOU
346
00:14:54,652 --> 00:14:56,896
TO THE WONDERFUL WORLD
347
00:14:56,930 --> 00:14:59,726
OF REVCO TOYS--
348
00:14:59,760 --> 00:15:02,487
THE NATION'S NUMBER ONE
PROVIDER OF PLEASURE DEVICES
349
00:15:02,522 --> 00:15:04,144
FOR THE DISCERNING WOMAN.
350
00:15:04,179 --> 00:15:05,697
[gasps]
351
00:15:05,732 --> 00:15:06,871
- NIKKI, YOU DIDN'T.
352
00:15:06,906 --> 00:15:08,217
- WELL, I NEVER!
353
00:15:08,252 --> 00:15:11,220
- OH, THESE TOYS
WILL TAKE CARE OF THAT.
354
00:15:14,154 --> 00:15:15,811
- LADIES,
I AM SO SORRY.
355
00:15:15,845 --> 00:15:18,503
I REALLY WANTED THIS DAY
TO TURN OUT WELL FOR ALL OF US,
356
00:15:18,538 --> 00:15:20,989
AND I HAD NO IDEA
MY COUSIN WAS GONNA SHOW UP
357
00:15:21,023 --> 00:15:24,337
WITH A SUITCASE
FULL OF SEX TOYS.
358
00:15:24,371 --> 00:15:26,684
- LOLLI, YOU CAN
APOLOGIZE ALL YOU WANT,
359
00:15:26,718 --> 00:15:30,205
JUST STEP ASIDE AND
LET'S SEE WHAT SHE'S SELLIN'.
360
00:15:30,239 --> 00:15:32,655
- W-WAIT--
EXCUSE ME?
361
00:15:32,690 --> 00:15:36,625
- MOVE IT, HONEY.
362
00:15:36,659 --> 00:15:40,594
[overlapping chatter]
363
00:15:40,629 --> 00:15:42,286
- OOH, YOU THINK
THESE COME IN A SET?
364
00:15:42,320 --> 00:15:46,014
THESE WOULD MAKE WONDERFUL
STOCKING STUFFERS.
365
00:15:46,048 --> 00:15:48,188
- OOH, THESE LOOK
THERAPEUTIC.
366
00:15:48,223 --> 00:15:52,882
DO YOU THINK MEDICARE
WILL COVER THEM?
367
00:15:52,917 --> 00:15:54,436
- IT NEVER FAILS.
368
00:15:54,470 --> 00:15:55,955
THIS STUFF
JUST SELLS ITSELF.
369
00:15:55,989 --> 00:16:00,269
- I'M LEARNIN' A LOT
ABOUT THESE CHURCH LADIES.
370
00:16:00,304 --> 00:16:04,411
- OOH...
- NO, THAT'S MINE.
371
00:16:04,446 --> 00:16:06,206
- SO YOU KNEW
THOSE GUYS
372
00:16:06,241 --> 00:16:07,449
WERE GONNA MESS
WITH ME LIKE THAT?
373
00:16:07,483 --> 00:16:08,726
- I SURE DID.
374
00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:11,108
AND I ENJOYED EVERY MINUTE
OF IT, TOO. [laughs]
375
00:16:11,142 --> 00:16:13,041
- YOU DID, HUH?
376
00:16:13,075 --> 00:16:15,836
- YOU SITTIN' THERE
TRYING TO EXPLAIN YOUR MUSIC--
377
00:16:15,871 --> 00:16:18,253
THAT WAS PRICELESS.
378
00:16:18,287 --> 00:16:20,703
- DADDY, YOU KNOW, I THINK
IT'S RIDICULOUS Y'ALL MESS WITH
379
00:16:20,738 --> 00:16:22,222
PEOPLE LIKE THAT.
- OH, COME ON,
380
00:16:22,257 --> 00:16:24,742
IT WAS JUST AN INITIATION
INTO THE GROUP.
381
00:16:24,776 --> 00:16:26,019
FUN FOR EVERYBODY.
382
00:16:26,054 --> 00:16:27,710
- IT WASN'T FUN FOR ME.
383
00:16:27,745 --> 00:16:31,231
- THAT'S BECAUSE
YOU COULDN'T SEE YOUR FACE.
384
00:16:31,266 --> 00:16:32,646
- THE BEST PART
ABOUT IT IS,
385
00:16:32,681 --> 00:16:34,890
YOU GET TO DO THAT TO
THE NEXT GUY THEY BRING IN.
386
00:16:34,924 --> 00:16:36,926
- REALLY?
I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT?
387
00:16:36,961 --> 00:16:38,135
- ABSOLUTELY.
388
00:16:38,169 --> 00:16:40,827
- HA! OKAY,
THIS GONNA BE GREAT.
389
00:16:40,861 --> 00:16:42,587
I GOT THE WHEELS
TURNIN' ALREADY.
390
00:16:42,622 --> 00:16:45,763
- WELCOME TO THE GOSPEL
GOODFELLAS, SON.
391
00:16:49,387 --> 00:16:51,079
- OH, SISTER NIKKI.
392
00:16:51,113 --> 00:16:53,012
I USED MY DEBIT CARD.
393
00:16:53,046 --> 00:16:56,843
NOW, HOW IS THIS GOING
TO APPEAR ON MY STATEMENT?
394
00:16:56,877 --> 00:16:58,431
- INDUSTRIAL SUPPLIES.
395
00:16:58,465 --> 00:17:01,434
- OOH, CLEVER.
396
00:17:01,468 --> 00:17:03,505
- SISTER LOLLI,
397
00:17:03,539 --> 00:17:06,680
THANK YOU FOR THE MOST
WONDERFUL AFTERNOON!
398
00:17:06,715 --> 00:17:09,545
- OH, AND YOU ARE COMING TO
OUR WOMEN'S BIBLE CLASS,
399
00:17:09,580 --> 00:17:10,822
ON WEDNESDAY AFTERNOON?
400
00:17:10,857 --> 00:17:14,067
- I WOULDN'T MISS IT.
401
00:17:14,102 --> 00:17:16,173
- WELL, I GUESS
THIS WENT WELL.
402
00:17:16,207 --> 00:17:18,382
- OH, REVEREND BOYCE,
IT WAS THE BEST AFTERNOON TEA
403
00:17:18,416 --> 00:17:19,900
I HAVE EVER BEEN TO.
404
00:17:19,935 --> 00:17:22,696
YOUR WIFE LOLLI CAME UP WITH
THE MOST GLORIOUS IDEA
405
00:17:22,731 --> 00:17:24,595
FOR A CHURCH
STIMULUS PACKAGE.
406
00:17:24,629 --> 00:17:27,218
YES, SHE DID!
407
00:17:27,253 --> 00:17:30,808
- REVEREND BOYCE,
I AM SO GLAD
408
00:17:30,842 --> 00:17:35,640
TO FINALLY GET TO KNOW
THE REAL LOLLI BALLENTINE.
409
00:17:35,675 --> 00:17:37,470
OOH! AND YOUR
COUSIN NIKKI,
410
00:17:37,504 --> 00:17:39,782
OH, SHE IS
A TREAT!
411
00:17:39,817 --> 00:17:41,336
- NIKKI?
- MM-HMM.
412
00:17:41,370 --> 00:17:43,234
- A TREAT?
413
00:17:43,269 --> 00:17:46,203
OKAY. WELL, I'M GLAD
Y'ALL HAD A GOOD TIME.
414
00:17:46,237 --> 00:17:47,790
- OH, FANTASTIC.
BYE-BYE!
415
00:17:47,825 --> 00:17:50,517
SO MUCH FUN.
SO MUCH FUN!
416
00:17:50,552 --> 00:17:51,967
- WELL. SO, NIKKI,
417
00:17:52,001 --> 00:17:53,520
YOU KNOW, I GOTTA SAY
I'M SHOCKED.
418
00:17:53,555 --> 00:17:56,075
I MEAN, I REALLY THOUGHT
IF YOU STAYED HERE
419
00:17:56,109 --> 00:17:57,628
YOU WOULD DO
SOMETHING OUTRAGEOUS,
420
00:17:57,662 --> 00:17:59,423
AND I'D END UP
PAYIN' FOR IT.
421
00:17:59,457 --> 00:18:02,564
- YOU SEE? A LEOPARD
DOES CHANGE HIS STRIPES.
422
00:18:02,598 --> 00:18:05,670
- HIS SPOTS, BUT OKAY.
423
00:18:05,705 --> 00:18:07,914
- LOLLI, ARE YOU SURE
YOU DON'T WANNA BUY
424
00:18:07,948 --> 00:18:09,398
ANY OF MY MERCHANDISE?
425
00:18:09,433 --> 00:18:12,712
REMEMBER, YOU GET
A FAMILY DISCOUNT.
426
00:18:12,746 --> 00:18:14,265
- WHAT IS SHE SELLING?
427
00:18:14,300 --> 00:18:16,785
- UH, BOOTY SUPPLIES--
I MEAN, BEAUTY!
428
00:18:16,819 --> 00:18:18,580
BEAUTY SUPPLIES.
YOU DON--
429
00:18:18,614 --> 00:18:19,857
YOU WOULDN'T
BE INTERESTED.
430
00:18:19,891 --> 00:18:23,550
UH, HOW DID THINGS GO WITH
THE UH--THE GODFATHERS?
431
00:18:23,585 --> 00:18:26,381
- WELL, LET'S JUST SAY
YOU LOOKIN' AT A MADE MAN.
432
00:18:26,415 --> 00:18:29,763
- OHH, DOES THAT
MAKE ME A MADE WOMAN?
433
00:18:29,798 --> 00:18:33,767
- YES, IT DOES.
[chuckles]
434
00:18:33,802 --> 00:18:35,079
- LET ME GET
A LITTLE PUNCH, BABE.
435
00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:37,046
- HUH? W--
UM, NO.
436
00:18:37,081 --> 00:18:39,463
YOU DON'T--YOU DON'T WANT THAT,
IT'S BEEN SITTING OUT.
437
00:18:39,497 --> 00:18:42,017
LET ME GET YOU SOMETHING
FRESH FROM THE KITCHEN.
438
00:18:42,051 --> 00:18:44,847
FRESH DRINK
FOR MY MADE MAN.
439
00:18:44,882 --> 00:18:49,128
- YEAH...
I AM TIRED.
440
00:18:49,162 --> 00:18:51,060
[grunts]
441
00:18:51,095 --> 00:18:53,028
[mechanical buzzing]
442
00:18:54,961 --> 00:18:59,034
WHEN WE GET
A VIBRATIN' SOFA?
443
00:19:03,003 --> 00:19:05,868
- ♪ EVERY TIME
I SEE YOUR FACE ♪
444
00:19:05,903 --> 00:19:08,423
♪ I FEEL A LOVE
I CAN'T REPLACE ♪
445
00:19:08,457 --> 00:19:12,047
♪ GIRL, IT'S YOU,
YES, IT'S TRUE ♪
446
00:19:12,081 --> 00:19:13,876
♪ I SAID
447
00:19:13,911 --> 00:19:15,878
♪ I WANT YOU
448
00:19:15,913 --> 00:19:17,984
♪ I NEED YOU
449
00:19:18,018 --> 00:19:21,746
♪ I JUST CAN'T
REMEMBER YOUR NAME ♪
450
00:19:21,781 --> 00:19:23,852
♪ I WANT YOU
451
00:19:23,886 --> 00:19:25,164
♪ I NEED YOU
452
00:19:25,198 --> 00:19:26,406
♪ WHAT'S YOUR DAMN NAME?
453
00:19:26,441 --> 00:19:27,683
WHAT IS IT?
32437
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