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1
00:00:13,413 --> 00:00:15,482
[? "Captain�s Table" playing]
2
00:00:15,483 --> 00:00:19,485
[Frank] Man, something ain�t right.
I think I�m getting cold feet.
3
00:00:19,486 --> 00:00:21,721
What do you mean, man?
I thought Sam was your soulmate.
4
00:00:21,722 --> 00:00:24,190
You know, I don�t even know
where to begin with this thing, honestly.
5
00:00:24,191 --> 00:00:26,492
You know what,
why don�t you just tie it in a double knot
6
00:00:26,493 --> 00:00:28,495
and go Colonel Sanders style?
7
00:00:28,528 --> 00:00:30,798
Well, it ain�t that.
I�m-I�m crazy about her.
8
00:00:30,831 --> 00:00:32,466
Last night we did it in a pond.
9
00:00:32,499 --> 00:00:34,768
Frogs croaking... [mutters]
10
00:00:34,801 --> 00:00:36,570
...mud in our toes.
11
00:00:36,603 --> 00:00:39,106
And there was a Starbucks
in the... in the distance,
12
00:00:39,139 --> 00:00:41,308
and I made eye contact
with the clerk.
13
00:00:41,341 --> 00:00:42,676
He knew what was up.
14
00:00:42,677 --> 00:00:44,577
Maybe we should just get
some clip-on ones.
15
00:00:44,578 --> 00:00:46,245
-I�ll take a Sanders.
-No, we�re not doing a...
16
00:00:46,246 --> 00:00:48,314
We�re not doing
Colonel Sanders bow ties, okay?
17
00:00:48,315 --> 00:00:50,750
-That�s-That�s gonna
look crazy, okay? -[clears throat]
18
00:00:50,751 --> 00:00:52,801
Mac, does your mom
have to smoke in here?
19
00:00:52,819 --> 00:00:54,588
Jesus, our tuxes are
gonna reek.
20
00:00:54,589 --> 00:00:56,522
You�re the one that
banished her to the kitchen
21
00:00:56,523 --> 00:00:58,691
because she�s not
one of the groomsmen, dude.
22
00:00:58,692 --> 00:01:00,693
I could have her sit
by the window and we could switch if you want,
23
00:01:00,694 --> 00:01:02,795
but she�s already got
her ten steps in for the day.
24
00:01:02,796 --> 00:01:05,065
I don�t want her here at all.
25
00:01:05,066 --> 00:01:07,833
Have a heart, dude.
She lost her best friend. Right, Mom?
26
00:01:07,834 --> 00:01:09,503
[grunts]
27
00:01:09,504 --> 00:01:11,604
-[door opens]
-Yo. Hey, sorry I�m late, guys.
28
00:01:11,605 --> 00:01:13,706
I couldn�t get the stupid tie,
so I just kinda went KFC with it.
29
00:01:13,707 --> 00:01:15,408
-Yeah, it�s a good look.
-Goddamn it.
30
00:01:15,409 --> 00:01:17,176
You going with that?
It�s not bad, right?
31
00:01:17,177 --> 00:01:19,446
-What are you holding?
-Huh? Oh, it�s my mom.
32
00:01:19,447 --> 00:01:22,181
Yeah, I feel like we never
really properly mourned her passing.
33
00:01:22,182 --> 00:01:25,117
So I thought maybe we could do something
cool with her ashes at the wedding.
34
00:01:25,118 --> 00:01:27,554
No. No, we acknowledged this
already, man.
35
00:01:27,587 --> 00:01:30,424
Remember the other day
I was like, "Oh, your mom died."
36
00:01:30,425 --> 00:01:32,658
And I gave you
a little pat on the back, and I was like, "Aw."
37
00:01:32,659 --> 00:01:35,296
And then I had a tear
in my eye.
38
00:01:35,329 --> 00:01:38,299
-Yeah, well,
I saw your onion, dude. -Yeah, well...
39
00:01:38,300 --> 00:01:40,666
You had the onion,
kinda rubbed it on your eye, you know...
40
00:01:40,667 --> 00:01:42,835
-I knew what you were doing.
-Sure, yeah, there was an onion.
41
00:01:42,836 --> 00:01:45,404
-There was an onion.
-But I brought that for you, pal.
42
00:01:45,405 --> 00:01:48,074
-He said he was
gonna bring it for you. -But it just cheapens it.
43
00:01:48,075 --> 00:01:51,177
I know, but do you think it�s easy to
know when and when not to bring an onion?
44
00:01:51,178 --> 00:01:53,347
Do you have an onion
on you right now?
45
00:01:53,348 --> 00:01:55,548
-No, because I didn�t know
you were gonna... -I can smell the onion.
46
00:01:55,549 --> 00:01:57,783
-He has the onion.
He does, he does. -Well, it�s good to have.
47
00:01:57,784 --> 00:02:00,586
Look, this is my chance
to do something spectacular for my mom.
48
00:02:00,587 --> 00:02:03,656
I mean, there�s gonna be news,
there�s gonna be cameras, you know.
49
00:02:03,657 --> 00:02:07,628
No, no, but-but... Okay, but cameras
being there is precisely why I don�t want you
50
00:02:07,629 --> 00:02:10,830
doing something spectacular
with your dead mother�s remains, Charlie.
51
00:02:10,831 --> 00:02:13,434
I mean, come on, man.
Plus, this is Frank�s big day.
52
00:02:13,435 --> 00:02:15,401
-Right? Can we just
focus on that? -Yeah.
53
00:02:15,402 --> 00:02:17,670
-We should focus on him.
-All right, all right. Yeah, yeah.
54
00:02:17,671 --> 00:02:21,242
So no cold feet, you know?
No, uh... [chuckles] ...fried chicken bow ties.
55
00:02:21,243 --> 00:02:24,143
And for the love of God,
I mean, last thing we need is for this wedding
56
00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:27,281
to come off as
some kind of funeral. [chuckles]
57
00:02:27,314 --> 00:02:30,283
[? "Temptation Sensation"
playing]
58
00:02:47,274 --> 00:02:52,772
Ugh, thank you, ladies, so much
for helping me with this.
59
00:02:52,773 --> 00:02:54,808
Mmm. So, the old hag
has no friends?
60
00:02:54,841 --> 00:02:57,811
Nope, and I�ll tell you why.
She�s a con woman.
61
00:02:57,812 --> 00:03:00,146
Bitch told me she had
chicken money, but guess what?
62
00:03:00,147 --> 00:03:02,815
I was thinking that was, like,
Perdue or Sanderson Farms.
63
00:03:02,816 --> 00:03:05,352
No, she was talking
about rubber chickens. What?
64
00:03:05,353 --> 00:03:07,653
Everybody knows
there�s no money in rubber chickens.
65
00:03:07,654 --> 00:03:10,222
She�s planning on
bleeding Frank dry, and I�m not gonna have it.
66
00:03:10,223 --> 00:03:12,191
Okay, what does any of this
have to do with us?
67
00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:15,062
You guys are gonna
help me stop this wedding.
68
00:03:15,095 --> 00:03:17,197
-Done.
-Yes!
69
00:03:17,198 --> 00:03:18,864
-That bitch is
stealing my sidepiece. -She is. She�s trying.
70
00:03:18,865 --> 00:03:20,801
[Gail sucking teeth]
71
00:03:20,802 --> 00:03:22,501
-[Artemis, The Waitress] Oh.
-When�s the stripper get here?
72
00:03:22,502 --> 00:03:24,238
There�s no strippers, Gail.
73
00:03:24,239 --> 00:03:26,205
-Then why are we doing this?
-I just explained it.
74
00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:28,442
-I�ll do it for your Vitamix.
-What?
75
00:03:28,443 --> 00:03:30,843
There�s no reason I should help
you, so I�ll do it for your blender.
76
00:03:30,844 --> 00:03:33,080
-Fine.
-I�ll take the colander.
77
00:03:33,081 --> 00:03:35,615
You... What...
What happened to you being a-a-a scorned lover?
78
00:03:35,616 --> 00:03:37,518
I still need
to strain spaghetti.
79
00:03:37,551 --> 00:03:40,487
Oh, hey, do you have
one of those, uh, bottle openers
80
00:03:40,520 --> 00:03:42,590
that�s shaped
like a woman�s vag?
81
00:03:42,591 --> 00:03:44,590
What are you...
No, of course I don�t. That�s not a thing.
82
00:03:44,591 --> 00:03:46,760
-[knocking at door]
-It should be.
83
00:03:46,761 --> 00:03:49,295
I�ll trade you a colander
and a non-stick frying pan for the Vitamix.
84
00:03:49,296 --> 00:03:51,097
-Goddamn it. Just-
-[The Waitress] Deal.
85
00:03:51,098 --> 00:03:54,235
Put my stuff back, okay?
Do not poach my entire kitchen.
86
00:03:54,268 --> 00:03:55,636
Knock that shit off.
87
00:03:55,637 --> 00:03:57,737
[gasps] There she is!
Happy wedding day!
88
00:03:57,738 --> 00:03:58,806
How are you feeling?
89
00:03:58,839 --> 00:04:00,474
Well, it�s funny.
90
00:04:00,507 --> 00:04:03,143
I didn�t sleep too good.
I have a bad neck.
91
00:04:03,144 --> 00:04:05,311
Oh, you think we should
call off the wedding? [laughs]
92
00:04:05,312 --> 00:04:07,513
-[chuckles]
-Just kidding. Get on in here. Come on!
93
00:04:07,514 --> 00:04:09,149
-Come on.
-Okay, okay.
94
00:04:09,150 --> 00:04:11,384
-[Artemis] Oh, my God, soups...
-[Dee] Come on.
95
00:04:11,385 --> 00:04:13,735
-[objects clattering]
-[Artemis] Soup this...
96
00:04:15,355 --> 00:04:16,657
Who are these women?
97
00:04:16,690 --> 00:04:19,025
These are your bridesmaids.
98
00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:21,195
These are your friends?
99
00:04:21,228 --> 00:04:23,264
-Not really.
-[stammers, laughs]
100
00:04:23,265 --> 00:04:25,331
That dumb bitch.
She�s always joking around.
101
00:04:25,332 --> 00:04:27,133
-[chuckles]
-Yeah, these are my friends,
102
00:04:27,134 --> 00:04:29,635
and I thought it would be great
for you to get a load of,
103
00:04:29,636 --> 00:04:32,805
you know, the kind of people that you�ll
be hanging out with once you marry Frank.
104
00:04:32,806 --> 00:04:34,607
-Oh.
-So, let�s not waste any more time.
105
00:04:34,608 --> 00:04:36,676
We gotta get you
into that wedding dress, huh?
106
00:04:36,677 --> 00:04:39,111
[singsongy]
Get this party started. [chuckles] Okay.
107
00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:41,147
You put my shit back
and don�t be bitches.
108
00:04:41,148 --> 00:04:43,317
Okay, now, I like this.
109
00:04:43,350 --> 00:04:45,085
I think
we�d get away with that.
110
00:04:45,686 --> 00:04:47,221
What? Those look insane.
111
00:04:47,254 --> 00:04:49,556
Did you guys cut them?
112
00:04:49,557 --> 00:04:51,757
Yeah, it�s like a mini tie,
right? Just make it like a little miniature tie.
113
00:04:51,758 --> 00:04:54,160
-You said cut the tie,
so we cut- -I said tie the tie.
114
00:04:54,161 --> 00:04:56,397
-I can�t feel my fingers.
-Uh... really?
115
00:04:56,430 --> 00:04:57,765
Yeah. [mutters]
116
00:04:57,798 --> 00:04:59,833
Whoa. Guys,
his hands are cold as ice.
117
00:04:59,866 --> 00:05:02,169
Yeah, I... I think
we better call off the wedding.
118
00:05:02,202 --> 00:05:03,804
I always listen to my body.
119
00:05:03,805 --> 00:05:05,571
That�s true, dude.
He always listens to his body.
120
00:05:05,572 --> 00:05:07,440
Frank, you have never once
listened to your body.
121
00:05:07,441 --> 00:05:09,208
Look, buddy,
you�re just cold, okay?
122
00:05:09,209 --> 00:05:11,077
Charlie, get him in
a hot shower, warm him up.
123
00:05:11,078 --> 00:05:13,679
Speaking of cutting things,
what if I cut his shoes, right?
124
00:05:13,680 --> 00:05:16,582
So his toes are hanging out,
gets a little more circulation going.
125
00:05:16,583 --> 00:05:20,186
Maybe I�ll even cut his shirt,
like, to here, and then his belly can breathe.
126
00:05:20,187 --> 00:05:23,789
Can we just keep things simple?
Yeah? I mean, we�ve all got our roles here.
127
00:05:23,790 --> 00:05:26,193
Let�s keep it simple, you know?
128
00:05:26,194 --> 00:05:29,428
Frank, you�re the, uh,
aging groom with one last shot at love, you know?
129
00:05:29,429 --> 00:05:32,498
Charlie, you�re the best man
who, uh, plays "Here Comes the Bride"
130
00:05:32,499 --> 00:05:34,700
on the keyboards as we walk
down the aisle, you know?
131
00:05:34,701 --> 00:05:37,104
Me walking Frank
down the aisle.
132
00:05:37,105 --> 00:05:39,639
Dee walking Sam, you know?
Mac�s the gay woke priest who weds them.
133
00:05:39,640 --> 00:05:42,343
What? No. Who...
Who�s gay? No one�s gay.
134
00:05:42,376 --> 00:05:43,677
-No.
-You�re gay.
135
00:05:43,710 --> 00:05:46,080
-No! Me? I�m not gay.
-What?
136
00:05:46,081 --> 00:05:48,614
-What are you talking about?
-What is this guy talking about?
137
00:05:48,615 --> 00:05:52,086
[whispers] My mom is right in the
other room, so I just didn�t wanna...
138
00:05:52,119 --> 00:05:53,286
I�m not gay.
139
00:05:53,954 --> 00:05:55,644
Have you not
come out to your mom?
140
00:05:55,645 --> 00:05:57,857
[whispering] And come up
with a whole new dance?
141
00:05:57,858 --> 00:06:00,159
I don�t even know if
the choreographer is available.
142
00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:02,361
I have to come up
with an entirely different repertoire.
143
00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:04,196
No, you don�t.
What are you talking about?
144
00:06:04,197 --> 00:06:06,333
-Yeah-
-[Mrs. Mac] No. No, no, no, no.
145
00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:08,369
-Just... No...
-See? You�ve upset her.
146
00:06:08,370 --> 00:06:10,703
Mo-Mom, uh,
what-what you�ve heard is completely untrue.
147
00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:13,040
Mac�s coming.
He�s got something to tell you.
148
00:06:13,073 --> 00:06:15,042
No, Mom. Mom.
149
00:06:15,043 --> 00:06:18,110
Mommy, Mommy,
whatever you just heard is completely untrue.
150
00:06:18,111 --> 00:06:19,161
[shrieks]
151
00:06:19,512 --> 00:06:20,562
What is that?
152
00:06:20,563 --> 00:06:23,516
Oh, we�ve got problems.
We�ve got huge problems.
153
00:06:23,517 --> 00:06:26,120
What is that?
154
00:06:26,121 --> 00:06:27,820
I�ll tell you what it�s not.
It�s not my mom�s cigarettes, okay?
155
00:06:27,821 --> 00:06:29,655
I-I must have grabbed
the wrong box at Uncle Jack�s.
156
00:06:29,656 --> 00:06:31,766
I don�t know,
but she is freaking out, man.
157
00:06:31,767 --> 00:06:34,160
Okay, well, uh,
why don�t you just go buy her some more smokes?
158
00:06:34,161 --> 00:06:36,764
No, I can�t...
I can�t just go buy her some more smokes.
159
00:06:36,797 --> 00:06:39,233
She smokes a-a discontinued
brand from China.
160
00:06:39,234 --> 00:06:41,434
You can�t afford that.
Think of the tariffs.
161
00:06:41,435 --> 00:06:43,102
-The tariffs alone!
-[sighing] Okay...
162
00:06:43,103 --> 00:06:45,539
Guys, guys, bad news.
His feet are still cold.
163
00:06:45,572 --> 00:06:47,274
[Frank shuddering]
164
00:06:47,275 --> 00:06:49,609
You didn�t take him
out of the tux?
165
00:06:49,610 --> 00:06:51,578
[continues shuddering]
166
00:06:52,146 --> 00:06:55,149
Sam, these ladies
were so sweet. They each got you a gift.
167
00:06:55,182 --> 00:06:57,151
-You�re kidding.
-We did?
168
00:06:57,152 --> 00:06:58,818
You sure did. Yeah.
You probably just forgot.
169
00:06:58,819 --> 00:07:01,789
Have you and Frank ever had sex
in a Dollar Tree bathroom?
170
00:07:01,822 --> 00:07:05,492
Well, we did it
in a pond last night.
171
00:07:05,525 --> 00:07:07,595
The one that forms
near the Starbucks?
172
00:07:07,596 --> 00:07:10,363
[scoffs] I never did that.
Don�t care for standing water.
173
00:07:10,364 --> 00:07:12,600
Well, you�re missing out.
174
00:07:12,633 --> 00:07:14,735
Yeah, I did it
in a waterfall once,
175
00:07:14,736 --> 00:07:16,469
but it turned out
to be city runoff.
176
00:07:16,470 --> 00:07:18,072
[chuckles] So random.
177
00:07:18,073 --> 00:07:20,139
[chuckles] Yeah,
maybe a little too random.
178
00:07:20,140 --> 00:07:22,109
Let�s stay on topic here, okay?
179
00:07:22,142 --> 00:07:24,211
So anyway,
the theme of the gifts,
180
00:07:24,212 --> 00:07:26,112
something old, something new,
something borrowed, something blue.
181
00:07:26,113 --> 00:07:27,381
Blew deez nuts.
182
00:07:27,414 --> 00:07:29,116
Thank you for that. Okay.
183
00:07:29,149 --> 00:07:33,420
Uh, first gift is
from Frank�s niece, Gail,
184
00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:35,689
a woman who we refer to
as a snail.
185
00:07:35,722 --> 00:07:38,191
-Ha-ha. Yup-yup.
-[Sam] Interesting.
186
00:07:38,592 --> 00:07:42,195
-Oh, uh, what am I looking at
here, Snail? -[Dee] Hmm?
187
00:07:42,796 --> 00:07:44,131
Shit if I know.
188
00:07:44,164 --> 00:07:46,267
Yeah. Okay. Of course you know.
189
00:07:46,300 --> 00:07:49,670
It�s something old.
It�s an old photo of Frank and Gail.
190
00:07:49,703 --> 00:07:51,305
-[Sam] Mmm.
-That, of course,
191
00:07:51,338 --> 00:07:53,808
is before they started
having sexual relations.
192
00:07:54,408 --> 00:07:56,076
-Wh-What?
-Oh, yeah.
193
00:07:56,109 --> 00:07:58,479
Frank did a ton of
real gross sex stuff
194
00:07:58,512 --> 00:08:01,582
with the daughter
of his wife�s sister.
195
00:08:01,615 --> 00:08:04,151
[sucks teeth] Just hand stuff.
Pretty random.
196
00:08:04,184 --> 00:08:07,387
Uh, moving on, this next gift
is from The Waitress.
197
00:08:07,888 --> 00:08:10,758
Oh, Waitress. [chuckles]
Is that your name?
198
00:08:10,791 --> 00:08:12,593
No, my name is-
199
00:08:12,594 --> 00:08:14,460
Will you shut up and let her
open her present? My God.
200
00:08:14,461 --> 00:08:16,163
Well, look at that.
201
00:08:16,196 --> 00:08:18,332
What is this?
This looks like it�s a...
202
00:08:18,365 --> 00:08:20,768
Oh. It�s a copy
of a court summons for Frank. Okay.
203
00:08:20,801 --> 00:08:23,404
Oh, yeah, I�m suing
the shit out of Frank.
204
00:08:23,437 --> 00:08:25,539
-Huh.
-Oh, why?
205
00:08:25,572 --> 00:08:27,374
Oh, �cause
he owes me a Cybertruck.
206
00:08:27,407 --> 00:08:30,210
Oh, yes, I do
remember that now. I do.
207
00:08:30,243 --> 00:08:33,681
The funny thing here is that
that�s one of many legal snafus
208
00:08:33,714 --> 00:08:35,649
that Frank is mixed up in.
209
00:08:35,650 --> 00:08:37,450
I bet that�s disturbing and
brand-new information for you.
210
00:08:37,451 --> 00:08:40,454
Anyway, uh-uh, the last gift
is something borrowed,
211
00:08:40,487 --> 00:08:42,623
and it�s from Artemis.
212
00:08:42,656 --> 00:08:46,060
Oh. Well,
that is very nice. [gasps]
213
00:08:46,093 --> 00:08:49,396
"Vaginal burning relief cream."
214
00:08:49,429 --> 00:08:52,700
Oh, you know,
that is so kind of you to loan that to her,
215
00:08:52,733 --> 00:08:56,283
seeing as how she�s probably going
to catch whatever it is that you had.
216
00:08:56,403 --> 00:08:57,504
-Probably.
-Mmm.
217
00:08:57,537 --> 00:08:58,772
[? jovial music]
218
00:08:58,805 --> 00:09:01,408
-Ms. Dee.
-Mm-hmm?
219
00:09:01,441 --> 00:09:04,078
Could I just borrow you
for a private word?
220
00:09:04,111 --> 00:09:05,212
Absolutely.
221
00:09:05,245 --> 00:09:07,181
We�ll rush right back.
222
00:09:07,214 --> 00:09:10,050
[sucks teeth] If you don�t want
this cream, I�ll take it.
223
00:09:10,083 --> 00:09:11,685
That bitch owes me oven mitts.
224
00:09:11,718 --> 00:09:13,888
-I need plastic wrap.
-See what else she has...
225
00:09:15,922 --> 00:09:18,392
-[ob muttering]
226
00:09:18,425 --> 00:09:21,595
Goddamn vultures,
picking me dry. [sighs]
227
00:09:21,996 --> 00:09:23,230
What�s up?
228
00:09:23,731 --> 00:09:26,233
-I know what this is.
-What are you talking about?
229
00:09:26,266 --> 00:09:29,569
Why are you trying
to break up my wedding?
230
00:09:29,570 --> 00:09:33,105
Okay, I�ll tell you exactly
what this is about.
231
00:09:33,106 --> 00:09:35,641
You know that chicken money
you�ve been talking about?
232
00:09:35,642 --> 00:09:38,045
-It�s rubber chickens.
-[chuckles]
233
00:09:38,046 --> 00:09:39,645
You are trying
to bleed Frank dry,
234
00:09:39,646 --> 00:09:41,814
and that means I would end up
not having any money,
235
00:09:41,815 --> 00:09:44,451
and I�m not gonna
let that happen. You got it?
236
00:09:44,484 --> 00:09:50,524
You familiar with those yellow rubber
chickens that have the red neckties?
237
00:09:50,557 --> 00:09:54,762
-Of course I am. I have like seven of �em.
-My father invented those,
238
00:09:54,795 --> 00:09:58,499
and I inherited
his novelty gag fortune.
239
00:09:58,532 --> 00:10:01,335
So, I�m a billionaire.
240
00:10:01,368 --> 00:10:02,418
[stammers]
241
00:10:03,236 --> 00:10:04,538
Is that with a "B"?
242
00:10:05,039 --> 00:10:07,207
No other way to spell it.
243
00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:09,110
[breathes shakily]
No, there�s not.
244
00:10:09,376 --> 00:10:10,711
Oh.
245
00:10:10,744 --> 00:10:12,312
Know what, honey?
246
00:10:12,679 --> 00:10:15,783
I like your moxie,
and I never had kids of my own,
247
00:10:15,816 --> 00:10:18,619
so if you support me,
248
00:10:18,652 --> 00:10:22,055
I could make you
a very wealthy woman.
249
00:10:22,056 --> 00:10:25,224
-Are you joking?
[breathing heavily] -I-I�m not a big joker.
250
00:10:25,225 --> 00:10:29,229
-Well, okay. Wow. [laughs]
-[chuckles]
251
00:10:29,262 --> 00:10:31,465
-Um, it�s a deal. [chuckles]
-It�s a deal.
252
00:10:31,466 --> 00:10:34,367
Yeah, well... [stammers]
Would you be willing to put that in writing?
253
00:10:34,368 --> 00:10:37,370
-Oh, I wouldn�t have it
any other way. -Oh, God. I love you so much.
254
00:10:37,371 --> 00:10:40,574
Yeah. [chuckles] I�m gonna make
a quick phone call. Oh, God.
255
00:10:40,607 --> 00:10:42,376
[? jovial music]
256
00:10:42,377 --> 00:10:44,243
Where have you been?
I haven�t seen you in a while.
257
00:10:44,244 --> 00:10:45,778
I�ve been doing stuff.
It�s none of your business.
258
00:10:45,779 --> 00:10:47,346
What do you mean
it�s none of my business?
259
00:10:47,347 --> 00:10:49,097
-He was with us. We had him.
-Um, yeah.
260
00:10:49,116 --> 00:10:51,051
Okay, well, I just...
I haven�t seen you.
261
00:10:51,084 --> 00:10:52,720
I... Sometimes
I like to use you.
262
00:10:52,753 --> 00:10:54,803
-Use me? You cocksucker.
-[Dennis] Jack.
263
00:10:54,821 --> 00:10:56,757
Um, what�s happening?
264
00:10:56,790 --> 00:10:58,459
-Uh, why...
-What is this?
265
00:10:58,492 --> 00:11:00,628
Why do you even
have that thing, man?
266
00:11:00,661 --> 00:11:04,064
It�s a legal tool
I use in mediations.
267
00:11:04,498 --> 00:11:06,367
-No.
-No, absolutely not.
268
00:11:06,368 --> 00:11:08,501
That�s... No, I don�t believe
that for a second.
269
00:11:08,502 --> 00:11:11,637
Uh, sometimes people,
I�ve found, are more comfortable talking
270
00:11:11,638 --> 00:11:13,539
to Sherman,
or as Sherman. [chuckles]
271
00:11:13,540 --> 00:11:15,175
-Yeah, okay.
-Okay.
272
00:11:15,208 --> 00:11:17,444
Uh, I�m just gonna
move past it. Uh, Jack.
273
00:11:17,477 --> 00:11:21,215
Listen, I-I think that, uh,
you should let Mac�s mom move back in.
274
00:11:21,248 --> 00:11:24,351
Okay. Uh, this is perfect.
Let�s use the doll.
275
00:11:24,384 --> 00:11:27,187
Why don�t you tell Sherman
how you feel?
276
00:11:27,220 --> 00:11:28,622
-How I feel?
-I�ll go. Yeah.
277
00:11:28,655 --> 00:11:30,491
No, Mac, don�t get distracted-
278
00:11:30,492 --> 00:11:32,525
Sherman, I feel like my mother
should be able to stay here.
279
00:11:32,526 --> 00:11:35,127
Even though
she wasn�t on the lease, this is her home.
280
00:11:35,128 --> 00:11:39,066
[high-pitched] Mac, that lady
has as much charm as a wood chipper.
281
00:11:39,099 --> 00:11:40,534
She smokes, never flushes.
282
00:11:40,567 --> 00:11:44,071
I say good riddance!
283
00:11:44,104 --> 00:11:46,073
You can have her, ya fruit!
284
00:11:46,106 --> 00:11:48,108
I�m not a fruit,
you little wooden fuck.
285
00:11:48,109 --> 00:11:50,142
Give me the doll.
Give me the goddamn doll.
286
00:11:50,143 --> 00:11:51,645
I-I�m doing it. I�m doing it.
287
00:11:51,678 --> 00:11:54,214
Don�t talk shit about
my mother, all right?
288
00:11:54,247 --> 00:11:57,617
Uh, or my masculinity, because
I am as straight as the...
289
00:11:59,086 --> 00:12:00,287
straight as the...
290
00:12:01,555 --> 00:12:03,223
[high-pitched] Rio Grande!
291
00:12:03,690 --> 00:12:05,459
Rio Grande?
292
00:12:05,460 --> 00:12:07,827
What-What are you talking
about, Sherman? No, I...
293
00:12:07,828 --> 00:12:11,297
I like women, okay? I don�t even
understand what you�re talking about.
294
00:12:11,298 --> 00:12:14,066
[high-pitched] Queer.
[normal] What? Why is he saying that?
295
00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:16,235
[high-pitched]
Just tell her, Mac. [normal] What? What?
296
00:12:16,236 --> 00:12:17,603
[high-pitched] Tell your mom.
297
00:12:17,604 --> 00:12:19,272
[normal] There�s nothing
to say.
298
00:12:19,273 --> 00:12:20,773
[high-pitched] Tell your mom
the goddamn truth.
299
00:12:20,774 --> 00:12:22,742
You don�t need to dance.
You want me to dance?
300
00:12:22,743 --> 00:12:24,610
I�ll dance right fucking now.
I�m gonna do a dance.
301
00:12:24,611 --> 00:12:26,779
-I�m gonna do a dance.
-What are you doing? Mac. Stop!
302
00:12:26,780 --> 00:12:29,081
-Will you stop it?
-[high-pitched] Mommy, Mommy!
303
00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:31,550
-You are controlling the dummy.
-[high-pitched] I�m doing a dance.
304
00:12:31,551 --> 00:12:35,489
Okay, stop, everybody. [stammers] Okay.
We�re gonna try to stay on topic here.
305
00:12:35,490 --> 00:12:38,624
I think we can work something out, though.
How about this? How about this?
306
00:12:38,625 --> 00:12:42,129
Why don�t we all pitch in and,
uh, put her in a nursing home?
307
00:12:42,162 --> 00:12:43,631
Okay, I�d be up for that.
308
00:12:43,632 --> 00:12:45,398
-Hey, see? That works.
-A nursing home?
309
00:12:45,399 --> 00:12:47,033
I don�t know.
What do you think?
310
00:12:47,934 --> 00:12:51,438
What... What do you mean?
Don�t ask him. You-You are controlling him.
311
00:12:51,471 --> 00:12:54,341
-[phone ringing, buzzing]
-Oh.
312
00:12:54,374 --> 00:12:56,210
Oh! Uh-oh, boys. I gotta run.
313
00:12:56,243 --> 00:12:58,746
Hey, cigarettes are
in the cabinet, okay?
314
00:12:58,747 --> 00:13:01,514
-Oh, let me get the doll.
-[high-pitched] Don�t leave me to him!
315
00:13:01,515 --> 00:13:02,583
[normal] Oh, God.
316
00:13:02,584 --> 00:13:03,749
[high-pitched] Please!
317
00:13:03,750 --> 00:13:05,386
Listen, we�ll take care of him.
318
00:13:05,387 --> 00:13:07,553
[high-pitched]
He�s done terrible things.
319
00:13:07,554 --> 00:13:09,255
We�ll bring him
with us for a while. We might be able to use him.
320
00:13:09,256 --> 00:13:11,725
I�m not sure if you guys
will be safe with him.
321
00:13:11,726 --> 00:13:14,794
Just go. We�ll-We�ll take care
of him. I-I promise. We�re gonna be okay.
322
00:13:14,795 --> 00:13:17,163
All right. Sherman,
don�t tell them anything I told you.
323
00:13:17,164 --> 00:13:18,465
What is happening?
324
00:13:19,199 --> 00:13:22,069
Okay, so I�ve drawn up
the terms of the contract.
325
00:13:22,102 --> 00:13:23,737
Hey, sexy, take it off.
326
00:13:23,770 --> 00:13:26,607
-Not a stripper, Snail.
-Well, I-I could grind him.
327
00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:28,709
-That would be random.
-Just ignore her.
328
00:13:28,742 --> 00:13:33,314
Right. Um, the document says
that once Sam and Frank are married,
329
00:13:33,347 --> 00:13:35,616
Dee is entitled
to half her inheritance.
330
00:13:35,649 --> 00:13:38,752
-[Dee gasps]
-That is, if the wedding happens.
331
00:13:38,785 --> 00:13:42,189
Yeah, yeah. Boom, boom.
Lock it in, Mommy. You cool if I call you that?
332
00:13:42,222 --> 00:13:44,091
-Mmm. A little...
Don�t push it. -Okay.
333
00:13:44,124 --> 00:13:47,261
So sign here and
that bottom one, and then...
334
00:13:47,294 --> 00:13:49,797
Oh, this is fun.
We�re gonna do thumbprints.
335
00:13:49,798 --> 00:13:52,164
Ooh. I�m actually gonna skip
the thumbprint part
336
00:13:52,165 --> 00:13:54,367
because I don�t want
black thumbs for the wedding
337
00:13:54,368 --> 00:13:56,269
and I don�t want to get it
all over my dress.
338
00:13:56,270 --> 00:13:58,405
No, no, no, it comes right off.
Look. Boom.
339
00:13:58,406 --> 00:14:00,106
[sucks]
340
00:14:00,107 --> 00:14:02,209
-See?
-Yeah.
341
00:14:03,210 --> 00:14:04,260
Wait, hold on.
342
00:14:06,113 --> 00:14:07,381
Get it, big boy.
343
00:14:07,414 --> 00:14:08,984
-[Dee] Um...
-It came off earlier.
344
00:14:09,516 --> 00:14:12,753
It�s not coming off
and I also do see it on your shirt, so...
345
00:14:12,754 --> 00:14:15,154
Well, no, that�s �cause of...
That�s from earlier.
346
00:14:15,155 --> 00:14:18,492
You know, um, I wonder
if you two could excuse me,
347
00:14:18,525 --> 00:14:23,130
because my neck is really hurting
and I�m feeling a little under the weather.
348
00:14:23,163 --> 00:14:26,367
So could I maybe lie down
on your bed for a minute?
349
00:14:26,368 --> 00:14:28,534
-You wanna
take a little rest? Let�s go. -Yes, I�ll rest.
350
00:14:28,535 --> 00:14:31,070
-Let�s do it, Mama.
-Okay. We�ll do this when you come back.
351
00:14:31,071 --> 00:14:34,041
Yeah. Let�s get you
all rested up for the big moment, okay?
352
00:14:34,042 --> 00:14:36,275
-[Sam chuckles] The big moment.
-[Dee] The big moment. Okay.
353
00:14:36,276 --> 00:14:38,078
You take a load off, okay?
354
00:14:38,111 --> 00:14:39,212
I love you.
355
00:14:39,213 --> 00:14:42,081
-All right, you bitches
gotta buzz off. -What? Why?
356
00:14:42,082 --> 00:14:44,350
Because this whole thing�s off.
The wedding�s back on.
357
00:14:44,351 --> 00:14:47,321
I don�t mind switching gears,
but it is gonna cost you.
358
00:14:47,322 --> 00:14:49,355
It already cost me.
You took my entire kitchen.
359
00:14:49,356 --> 00:14:51,524
This is peanuts.
If you�re getting a big payday,
360
00:14:51,525 --> 00:14:53,793
I want a cut of that
or I�m gonna ruin the wedding.
361
00:14:53,794 --> 00:14:57,231
-Ooh, what she said.
-Ah, shit. Oh, you guys are the worst.
362
00:14:57,232 --> 00:15:00,099
Fine, Uncle Jack,
we�re gonna need a few more contracts drawn up.
363
00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:02,570
[coughs, gags] That was...
That was too deep.
364
00:15:02,603 --> 00:15:04,738
[? jovial music]
365
00:15:05,606 --> 00:15:07,173
Contracts. All right.
366
00:15:07,874 --> 00:15:10,778
-[Charlie] ? Oh, she�s dead ?
-[piano playing]
367
00:15:10,811 --> 00:15:14,448
? Take a good look
�Cause she�s gone ?
368
00:15:14,481 --> 00:15:19,053
? Ain�t nothing left
On the flesh and the bone ?
369
00:15:19,086 --> 00:15:22,756
? So farewell and so long ?
370
00:15:22,789 --> 00:15:29,663
? There�s a dead woman
In this room ?
371
00:15:29,664 --> 00:15:31,831
Then I�ll say, "Let�s have
a nice wedding," or something.
372
00:15:31,832 --> 00:15:34,201
Oh, good. Yeah.
What is happening?
373
00:15:34,234 --> 00:15:37,605
I called Chambray to see
if she can warm me up, but it�s not working.
374
00:15:37,638 --> 00:15:39,340
I�m only getting colder.
375
00:15:39,341 --> 00:15:41,073
-We got to stop the wedding.
-[Mrs. Mac exclaims]
376
00:15:41,074 --> 00:15:43,710
Whoa. Oh! Oh, Jesus, no.
Hold on, hold on, hold on.
377
00:15:44,178 --> 00:15:46,113
Here you go, Mom. [huffs]
378
00:15:46,114 --> 00:15:48,114
Guys, that was close.
She almost broke the chain.
379
00:15:48,115 --> 00:15:50,084
She almost broke the chain.
380
00:15:50,085 --> 00:15:51,784
Listen, I�m having
second thoughts about this home thing.
381
00:15:51,785 --> 00:15:53,252
I don�t think they�ll even
let her smoke there.
382
00:15:53,253 --> 00:15:55,222
Let me play the song
one more time.
383
00:15:55,223 --> 00:15:56,422
-No. Everybody stop. No, stop!
-? She�s dead- ?
384
00:15:56,423 --> 00:15:58,192
Stop, stop.
385
00:15:58,193 --> 00:15:59,825
Final trades
until the closing bell, okay?
386
00:15:59,826 --> 00:16:02,062
One nipple. One nipple.
387
00:16:02,063 --> 00:16:04,163
-[all chattering]
-Make sure you put the measuring spoon...
388
00:16:04,164 --> 00:16:06,565
Measuring spoon. All right.
Okay. Could you stop? Leave me alone.
389
00:16:06,566 --> 00:16:09,370
I want this! Rolling pin.
Rolling pin for me.
390
00:16:09,403 --> 00:16:10,613
-Rolling pin.
-So if you...
391
00:16:10,637 --> 00:16:12,473
Jack, the goddamn bell!
392
00:16:12,474 --> 00:16:14,340
-All right.
And I want the bell. -The bell.
393
00:16:14,341 --> 00:16:16,776
-Okay. The bell. The bell.
-Great, you get the bell! Good!
394
00:16:16,777 --> 00:16:19,545
Now, get your shit and get out of
here, okay? Gonna go wake up the hag.
395
00:16:19,546 --> 00:16:21,681
She�ll sleep through the whole
goddamn wedding. Jesus.
396
00:16:21,682 --> 00:16:24,317
We�re done. Can I...
Let me have my clothes back.
397
00:16:26,420 --> 00:16:31,458
Oh, sleeping beauty,
it�s time to wake up.
398
00:16:32,392 --> 00:16:34,427
Sam. Mommy.
399
00:16:35,429 --> 00:16:36,596
Sa-Sam.
400
00:16:37,164 --> 00:16:38,331
Sam.
401
00:16:39,366 --> 00:16:41,167
Mama. Sam?
402
00:16:41,501 --> 00:16:42,669
Oh, shit.
403
00:16:45,772 --> 00:16:47,107
[? jovial music]
404
00:16:47,140 --> 00:16:49,243
Are you sure she�s dead?
405
00:16:49,244 --> 00:16:51,510
Well, she hasn�t moved,
breathed, or had a heartbeat in over an hour.
406
00:16:51,511 --> 00:16:53,614
-Can a person survive that?
-[sighs]
407
00:16:53,647 --> 00:16:55,282
-No, I don�t think they can.
-No.
408
00:16:55,315 --> 00:16:56,617
What the hell happened?
409
00:16:56,650 --> 00:16:58,520
Nothing. I think
just sometimes, uh,
410
00:16:58,552 --> 00:17:01,555
when you�re that age,
you just die, you know?
411
00:17:01,556 --> 00:17:02,855
-Right.
-God, this is terrible.
412
00:17:02,856 --> 00:17:04,758
I know, it�s-it�s so sad.
413
00:17:04,791 --> 00:17:06,226
No, I mean for me.
414
00:17:06,259 --> 00:17:08,629
-Apparently, she was loaded.
-Mm-hmm.
415
00:17:08,630 --> 00:17:11,130
Do you know that there�s real money
in rubber chickens if you get in early?
416
00:17:11,131 --> 00:17:13,132
What are you doing,
looking for your onion?
417
00:17:13,133 --> 00:17:15,202
Yeah, I guess I left it behind.
418
00:17:15,203 --> 00:17:16,502
Don�t do it for me.
I don�t care.
419
00:17:16,503 --> 00:17:18,133
You know
what the worst part is?
420
00:17:18,134 --> 00:17:21,674
I made a deal with her that
I would get some of that money
421
00:17:21,675 --> 00:17:23,710
as long as she
and Frank got married.
422
00:17:23,711 --> 00:17:26,779
Yeah, you know what?
I have a confession to make.
423
00:17:26,780 --> 00:17:28,616
I-I knew she was rich.
424
00:17:28,617 --> 00:17:30,182
-You knew?
-Yeah, I found out about a week ago.
425
00:17:30,183 --> 00:17:31,784
I actually had
one of those drawn up, too.
426
00:17:31,785 --> 00:17:33,387
-You did?
-Yeah, I sure did.
427
00:17:33,420 --> 00:17:35,089
-Uncle Jack?
-Yeah.
428
00:17:35,122 --> 00:17:37,052
Ah, shit.
Well, now we�re both screwed.
429
00:17:37,724 --> 00:17:40,734
Well, yeah, but-but only if
they don�t get married, right?
430
00:17:42,396 --> 00:17:43,597
What does that mean?
431
00:17:44,264 --> 00:17:45,498
[inhales] Dee,
432
00:17:46,166 --> 00:17:48,301
how much do you know
about puppets?
433
00:17:48,735 --> 00:17:51,272
[? jovial music]
434
00:17:51,273 --> 00:17:52,772
[Dennis] All right.
You ready for this?
435
00:17:52,773 --> 00:17:55,075
I can�t feel anything.
436
00:17:55,108 --> 00:17:57,778
Okay, well, trust the strings.
Here we go. [inhales]
437
00:17:57,811 --> 00:17:59,379
Now? Oh, yeah.
438
00:17:59,913 --> 00:18:02,616
[? "Here Comes The Bride"
playing]
439
00:18:02,649 --> 00:18:04,485
Don�t play that song now.
Goddamn it.
440
00:18:04,518 --> 00:18:07,421
[sighs] How you doin�?
Hi. Good to see you.
441
00:18:07,454 --> 00:18:09,222
You good? How are you?
442
00:18:10,157 --> 00:18:12,626
Isn�t that something?
[grunts, chuckles]
443
00:18:12,627 --> 00:18:14,527
He�s doing, like...
It�s like a Frankenstein.
444
00:18:14,528 --> 00:18:16,148
Frank, you know? Frankenstein?
445
00:18:16,663 --> 00:18:17,713
[sighs]
446
00:18:18,165 --> 00:18:20,501
Why don�t you stand
right about there?
447
00:18:20,502 --> 00:18:22,501
-Yeah. That�s good.
-[grunts] I�m gonna puke. [sputters]
448
00:18:22,502 --> 00:18:25,238
[Dennis] Choke it down.
Choke it the fuck down.
449
00:18:25,239 --> 00:18:30,376
-[whispering] Charlie,
play the song. -I played the song.
450
00:18:30,377 --> 00:18:31,677
Now, she�s coming
down the aisle.
451
00:18:31,678 --> 00:18:33,480
I can play my song?
452
00:18:33,481 --> 00:18:35,581
Yeah, okay, thanks, man.
Yeah, cool. [clears throat]
453
00:18:35,582 --> 00:18:37,151
-Just...
-[Frank groans]
454
00:18:37,184 --> 00:18:39,653
[wailing]
455
00:18:39,686 --> 00:18:41,121
? She�s dead ?
456
00:18:41,154 --> 00:18:43,090
[piano playing]
457
00:18:43,123 --> 00:18:45,092
? Take a good look
�Cause she�s gone ?
458
00:18:45,125 --> 00:18:47,161
[guests murmuring]
459
00:18:47,162 --> 00:18:49,528
? Ain�t no one there
There�s no flesh and no bone ?
460
00:18:49,529 --> 00:18:51,765
? She�s dead and she�s gone
Goodbye, Mom ?
461
00:18:51,798 --> 00:18:53,366
[Dee grunting]
462
00:18:53,367 --> 00:18:56,502
? Why am I the only one
Who can see ?
463
00:18:56,503 --> 00:18:58,472
Go in a straight line.
She�s so excited.
464
00:18:58,505 --> 00:19:00,640
? There�s a dead woman
Here in this room ?
465
00:19:01,241 --> 00:19:03,677
? You�re all happy
And wedding and such... ?
466
00:19:03,678 --> 00:19:06,779
[whispering] This doesn�t
seem like a wedding march. I don�t know...
467
00:19:06,780 --> 00:19:09,483
-[Charlie]
? �Cause she�s dead ? -Ooh. [chuckling]
468
00:19:09,516 --> 00:19:11,652
? Take a good look
�Cause she�s gone ?
469
00:19:11,685 --> 00:19:13,754
Oh, I love love so much.
[grunts]
470
00:19:13,755 --> 00:19:15,788
? Ain�t no one there
There�s no flesh and no bone ?
471
00:19:15,789 --> 00:19:17,823
? She�s dead and she�s gone
Goodbye, Mom ?
472
00:19:17,824 --> 00:19:19,459
[guests continue murmuring]
473
00:19:20,560 --> 00:19:24,632
-? She�s dead and gone ?
-[person applauding]
474
00:19:24,665 --> 00:19:27,468
-Ooh, you on fire, baby.
-Sick! Thanks.
475
00:19:27,501 --> 00:19:29,203
-Okay.
-Sam.
476
00:19:29,236 --> 00:19:33,641
-You look beautiful, Sam.
-Yeah.
477
00:19:33,642 --> 00:19:35,408
Look at that.
She�s speechless, Frank.
478
00:19:35,409 --> 00:19:38,812
-Why don�t we begin?
-I got Sherman!
479
00:19:38,845 --> 00:19:40,781
-Oh, no. No, no, no.
-[Mac chuckles]
480
00:19:40,814 --> 00:19:45,252
[high-pitched] Welcome,
ladies and genitals. [laughs]
481
00:19:45,285 --> 00:19:48,188
Mrs. Mac, do you know
that your son...
482
00:19:49,690 --> 00:19:51,057
[whispering] ...is gay?
483
00:19:54,695 --> 00:19:56,230
No shit.
484
00:19:56,263 --> 00:19:57,597
[guests murmuring]
485
00:19:59,566 --> 00:20:00,800
Okay. Uh...
486
00:20:00,801 --> 00:20:05,371
-Are we...
Are we clapping or... -[guests applauding]
487
00:20:05,372 --> 00:20:07,608
-Nope. Let�s... Not for that.
-No. No.
488
00:20:07,609 --> 00:20:09,709
[Dennis] Mac,
you wanna go ahead and marry these two?
489
00:20:09,710 --> 00:20:11,677
-That went better
than I thought. -Did it?
490
00:20:11,678 --> 00:20:16,182
Uh, Frank, do you
take this woman to be your bride?
491
00:20:17,651 --> 00:20:19,553
-I do.
-[Dee, Dennis] Aw!
492
00:20:19,554 --> 00:20:21,454
-Oh, that�s good. That�s good.
-That�s so sweet.
493
00:20:21,455 --> 00:20:25,058
Uh, and now, Sam, do you
take Frank to be your husband?
494
00:20:26,860 --> 00:20:29,163
Look at that,
a big ole emphatic yes.
495
00:20:29,164 --> 00:20:31,697
-Uh, she�s gotta say it.
-She doesn�t have to say it. No.
496
00:20:31,698 --> 00:20:34,400
-I think she�s got to say
it, right? -No, she... she said it.
497
00:20:34,401 --> 00:20:36,370
She indicated. She went...
498
00:20:36,371 --> 00:20:38,371
-That�s the universal
head move for yes. -[Dee] Yeah.
499
00:20:38,372 --> 00:20:40,140
Everybody knows
what that means.
500
00:20:40,173 --> 00:20:41,474
[high-pitched] I do.
501
00:20:41,908 --> 00:20:44,111
-Oh!
-Oh. Now she said it.
502
00:20:44,112 --> 00:20:45,578
-That was clearly Dee.
-That was Dee. I saw her mouth move.
503
00:20:45,579 --> 00:20:47,348
Me? No. That�s...
Why would it be me?
504
00:20:47,349 --> 00:20:49,515
I don�t want to marry Frank.
[laughs] Gross.
505
00:20:49,516 --> 00:20:51,385
Moving on, lock it up.
506
00:20:51,386 --> 00:20:52,785
Let�s keep this thing moving.
They�re getting tired.
507
00:20:52,786 --> 00:20:55,356
Okay. Uh,
by the power vested in me
508
00:20:55,389 --> 00:20:57,825
by the online class,
you are man and wife.
509
00:20:57,858 --> 00:20:59,827
-Yes.
-Yes!
510
00:20:59,860 --> 00:21:02,129
-[Dee] Yes!
-[laughing]
511
00:21:02,130 --> 00:21:03,829
-Yes! They�re married.
-They�re married, everybody.
512
00:21:03,830 --> 00:21:05,766
It�s official and legal.
513
00:21:05,767 --> 00:21:07,366
-That�s legal and official.
-It�s legal and binding.
514
00:21:07,367 --> 00:21:09,470
-[chuckling]
-Do I kiss the bride now?
515
00:21:09,471 --> 00:21:11,504
-No!
-No, what? No, just-just do that later.
516
00:21:11,505 --> 00:21:13,641
-I�ll kiss Sam.
-[Dee] That happens later.
517
00:21:13,642 --> 00:21:15,675
-[high-pitched] Kiss her or it�s not real.
-No, he doesn�t have to.
518
00:21:15,676 --> 00:21:18,078
You want a kiss, Sam?
519
00:21:18,079 --> 00:21:19,712
-[Dee, high-pitched]
No, thank you, Frank. -[Dennis] She said, "No."
520
00:21:19,713 --> 00:21:21,580
-[Dee] There was no consent.
-No means no. No means no.
521
00:21:21,581 --> 00:21:22,631
No means no!
522
00:21:22,649 --> 00:21:25,519
[all gagging, gasping]
523
00:21:25,552 --> 00:21:27,755
[all exclaiming]
524
00:21:27,788 --> 00:21:30,291
Tragedy struck
at Paddy�s Pub yesterday
525
00:21:30,324 --> 00:21:33,994
when a Golden Bachelor wedding
turned into a real-life house of horrors.
526
00:21:34,795 --> 00:21:36,764
[guests exclaiming]
527
00:21:36,797 --> 00:21:38,732
-[Dee screams]
-[bleep]
528
00:21:39,366 --> 00:21:43,470
A flesh-eating bacteria
chewed through the spinal cord of the bride
529
00:21:43,503 --> 00:21:46,140
while the groom
barely survived the ordeal.
530
00:21:46,173 --> 00:21:48,642
-In other news...
-Turn that thing off, will you?
531
00:21:48,675 --> 00:21:51,512
-I�m really sorry
about Sam, Frank. -[Frank grunts]
532
00:21:51,513 --> 00:21:54,113
But hey,
look on the bright side, at least you survived.
533
00:21:54,114 --> 00:21:57,516
You may want to avoid having sex in,
uh, stagnant water in the future, though.
534
00:21:57,517 --> 00:21:59,553
-Yeah.
-Yeah, that�s a general rule.
535
00:21:59,554 --> 00:22:01,721
-If you see a puddle form,
don�t go... -Go away from it.
536
00:22:01,722 --> 00:22:03,422
-...banging in it.
-Don�t use it for sex.
537
00:22:03,423 --> 00:22:05,125
Yeah, Arty was right
on that one.
538
00:22:05,126 --> 00:22:06,659
-Yeah. [chuckles] Yeah.
-Guess so.
539
00:22:06,660 --> 00:22:08,728
[? "Butterfly By" playing]
540
00:22:08,778 --> 00:22:13,328
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