All language subtitles for Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia s18e01 Frank Marries a Corpse.eng

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic Download
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American) Download
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:13,413 --> 00:00:15,482 [? "Captain�s Table" playing] 2 00:00:15,483 --> 00:00:19,485 [Frank] Man, something ain�t right. I think I�m getting cold feet. 3 00:00:19,486 --> 00:00:21,721 What do you mean, man? I thought Sam was your soulmate. 4 00:00:21,722 --> 00:00:24,190 You know, I don�t even know where to begin with this thing, honestly. 5 00:00:24,191 --> 00:00:26,492 You know what, why don�t you just tie it in a double knot 6 00:00:26,493 --> 00:00:28,495 and go Colonel Sanders style? 7 00:00:28,528 --> 00:00:30,798 Well, it ain�t that. I�m-I�m crazy about her. 8 00:00:30,831 --> 00:00:32,466 Last night we did it in a pond. 9 00:00:32,499 --> 00:00:34,768 Frogs croaking... [mutters] 10 00:00:34,801 --> 00:00:36,570 ...mud in our toes. 11 00:00:36,603 --> 00:00:39,106 And there was a Starbucks in the... in the distance, 12 00:00:39,139 --> 00:00:41,308 and I made eye contact with the clerk. 13 00:00:41,341 --> 00:00:42,676 He knew what was up. 14 00:00:42,677 --> 00:00:44,577 Maybe we should just get some clip-on ones. 15 00:00:44,578 --> 00:00:46,245 -I�ll take a Sanders. -No, we�re not doing a... 16 00:00:46,246 --> 00:00:48,314 We�re not doing Colonel Sanders bow ties, okay? 17 00:00:48,315 --> 00:00:50,750 -That�s-That�s gonna look crazy, okay? -[clears throat] 18 00:00:50,751 --> 00:00:52,801 Mac, does your mom have to smoke in here? 19 00:00:52,819 --> 00:00:54,588 Jesus, our tuxes are gonna reek. 20 00:00:54,589 --> 00:00:56,522 You�re the one that banished her to the kitchen 21 00:00:56,523 --> 00:00:58,691 because she�s not one of the groomsmen, dude. 22 00:00:58,692 --> 00:01:00,693 I could have her sit by the window and we could switch if you want, 23 00:01:00,694 --> 00:01:02,795 but she�s already got her ten steps in for the day. 24 00:01:02,796 --> 00:01:05,065 I don�t want her here at all. 25 00:01:05,066 --> 00:01:07,833 Have a heart, dude. She lost her best friend. Right, Mom? 26 00:01:07,834 --> 00:01:09,503 [grunts] 27 00:01:09,504 --> 00:01:11,604 -[door opens] -Yo. Hey, sorry I�m late, guys. 28 00:01:11,605 --> 00:01:13,706 I couldn�t get the stupid tie, so I just kinda went KFC with it. 29 00:01:13,707 --> 00:01:15,408 -Yeah, it�s a good look. -Goddamn it. 30 00:01:15,409 --> 00:01:17,176 You going with that? It�s not bad, right? 31 00:01:17,177 --> 00:01:19,446 -What are you holding? -Huh? Oh, it�s my mom. 32 00:01:19,447 --> 00:01:22,181 Yeah, I feel like we never really properly mourned her passing. 33 00:01:22,182 --> 00:01:25,117 So I thought maybe we could do something cool with her ashes at the wedding. 34 00:01:25,118 --> 00:01:27,554 No. No, we acknowledged this already, man. 35 00:01:27,587 --> 00:01:30,424 Remember the other day I was like, "Oh, your mom died." 36 00:01:30,425 --> 00:01:32,658 And I gave you a little pat on the back, and I was like, "Aw." 37 00:01:32,659 --> 00:01:35,296 And then I had a tear in my eye. 38 00:01:35,329 --> 00:01:38,299 -Yeah, well, I saw your onion, dude. -Yeah, well... 39 00:01:38,300 --> 00:01:40,666 You had the onion, kinda rubbed it on your eye, you know... 40 00:01:40,667 --> 00:01:42,835 -I knew what you were doing. -Sure, yeah, there was an onion. 41 00:01:42,836 --> 00:01:45,404 -There was an onion. -But I brought that for you, pal. 42 00:01:45,405 --> 00:01:48,074 -He said he was gonna bring it for you. -But it just cheapens it. 43 00:01:48,075 --> 00:01:51,177 I know, but do you think it�s easy to know when and when not to bring an onion? 44 00:01:51,178 --> 00:01:53,347 Do you have an onion on you right now? 45 00:01:53,348 --> 00:01:55,548 -No, because I didn�t know you were gonna... -I can smell the onion. 46 00:01:55,549 --> 00:01:57,783 -He has the onion. He does, he does. -Well, it�s good to have. 47 00:01:57,784 --> 00:02:00,586 Look, this is my chance to do something spectacular for my mom. 48 00:02:00,587 --> 00:02:03,656 I mean, there�s gonna be news, there�s gonna be cameras, you know. 49 00:02:03,657 --> 00:02:07,628 No, no, but-but... Okay, but cameras being there is precisely why I don�t want you 50 00:02:07,629 --> 00:02:10,830 doing something spectacular with your dead mother�s remains, Charlie. 51 00:02:10,831 --> 00:02:13,434 I mean, come on, man. Plus, this is Frank�s big day. 52 00:02:13,435 --> 00:02:15,401 -Right? Can we just focus on that? -Yeah. 53 00:02:15,402 --> 00:02:17,670 -We should focus on him. -All right, all right. Yeah, yeah. 54 00:02:17,671 --> 00:02:21,242 So no cold feet, you know? No, uh... [chuckles] ...fried chicken bow ties. 55 00:02:21,243 --> 00:02:24,143 And for the love of God, I mean, last thing we need is for this wedding 56 00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:27,281 to come off as some kind of funeral. [chuckles] 57 00:02:27,314 --> 00:02:30,283 [? "Temptation Sensation" playing] 58 00:02:47,274 --> 00:02:52,772 Ugh, thank you, ladies, so much for helping me with this. 59 00:02:52,773 --> 00:02:54,808 Mmm. So, the old hag has no friends? 60 00:02:54,841 --> 00:02:57,811 Nope, and I�ll tell you why. She�s a con woman. 61 00:02:57,812 --> 00:03:00,146 Bitch told me she had chicken money, but guess what? 62 00:03:00,147 --> 00:03:02,815 I was thinking that was, like, Perdue or Sanderson Farms. 63 00:03:02,816 --> 00:03:05,352 No, she was talking about rubber chickens. What? 64 00:03:05,353 --> 00:03:07,653 Everybody knows there�s no money in rubber chickens. 65 00:03:07,654 --> 00:03:10,222 She�s planning on bleeding Frank dry, and I�m not gonna have it. 66 00:03:10,223 --> 00:03:12,191 Okay, what does any of this have to do with us? 67 00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:15,062 You guys are gonna help me stop this wedding. 68 00:03:15,095 --> 00:03:17,197 -Done. -Yes! 69 00:03:17,198 --> 00:03:18,864 -That bitch is stealing my sidepiece. -She is. She�s trying. 70 00:03:18,865 --> 00:03:20,801 [Gail sucking teeth] 71 00:03:20,802 --> 00:03:22,501 -[Artemis, The Waitress] Oh. -When�s the stripper get here? 72 00:03:22,502 --> 00:03:24,238 There�s no strippers, Gail. 73 00:03:24,239 --> 00:03:26,205 -Then why are we doing this? -I just explained it. 74 00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:28,442 -I�ll do it for your Vitamix. -What? 75 00:03:28,443 --> 00:03:30,843 There�s no reason I should help you, so I�ll do it for your blender. 76 00:03:30,844 --> 00:03:33,080 -Fine. -I�ll take the colander. 77 00:03:33,081 --> 00:03:35,615 You... What... What happened to you being a-a-a scorned lover? 78 00:03:35,616 --> 00:03:37,518 I still need to strain spaghetti. 79 00:03:37,551 --> 00:03:40,487 Oh, hey, do you have one of those, uh, bottle openers 80 00:03:40,520 --> 00:03:42,590 that�s shaped like a woman�s vag? 81 00:03:42,591 --> 00:03:44,590 What are you... No, of course I don�t. That�s not a thing. 82 00:03:44,591 --> 00:03:46,760 -[knocking at door] -It should be. 83 00:03:46,761 --> 00:03:49,295 I�ll trade you a colander and a non-stick frying pan for the Vitamix. 84 00:03:49,296 --> 00:03:51,097 -Goddamn it. Just- -[The Waitress] Deal. 85 00:03:51,098 --> 00:03:54,235 Put my stuff back, okay? Do not poach my entire kitchen. 86 00:03:54,268 --> 00:03:55,636 Knock that shit off. 87 00:03:55,637 --> 00:03:57,737 [gasps] There she is! Happy wedding day! 88 00:03:57,738 --> 00:03:58,806 How are you feeling? 89 00:03:58,839 --> 00:04:00,474 Well, it�s funny. 90 00:04:00,507 --> 00:04:03,143 I didn�t sleep too good. I have a bad neck. 91 00:04:03,144 --> 00:04:05,311 Oh, you think we should call off the wedding? [laughs] 92 00:04:05,312 --> 00:04:07,513 -[chuckles] -Just kidding. Get on in here. Come on! 93 00:04:07,514 --> 00:04:09,149 -Come on. -Okay, okay. 94 00:04:09,150 --> 00:04:11,384 -[Artemis] Oh, my God, soups... -[Dee] Come on. 95 00:04:11,385 --> 00:04:13,735 -[objects clattering] -[Artemis] Soup this... 96 00:04:15,355 --> 00:04:16,657 Who are these women? 97 00:04:16,690 --> 00:04:19,025 These are your bridesmaids. 98 00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:21,195 These are your friends? 99 00:04:21,228 --> 00:04:23,264 -Not really. -[stammers, laughs] 100 00:04:23,265 --> 00:04:25,331 That dumb bitch. She�s always joking around. 101 00:04:25,332 --> 00:04:27,133 -[chuckles] -Yeah, these are my friends, 102 00:04:27,134 --> 00:04:29,635 and I thought it would be great for you to get a load of, 103 00:04:29,636 --> 00:04:32,805 you know, the kind of people that you�ll be hanging out with once you marry Frank. 104 00:04:32,806 --> 00:04:34,607 -Oh. -So, let�s not waste any more time. 105 00:04:34,608 --> 00:04:36,676 We gotta get you into that wedding dress, huh? 106 00:04:36,677 --> 00:04:39,111 [singsongy] Get this party started. [chuckles] Okay. 107 00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:41,147 You put my shit back and don�t be bitches. 108 00:04:41,148 --> 00:04:43,317 Okay, now, I like this. 109 00:04:43,350 --> 00:04:45,085 I think we�d get away with that. 110 00:04:45,686 --> 00:04:47,221 What? Those look insane. 111 00:04:47,254 --> 00:04:49,556 Did you guys cut them? 112 00:04:49,557 --> 00:04:51,757 Yeah, it�s like a mini tie, right? Just make it like a little miniature tie. 113 00:04:51,758 --> 00:04:54,160 -You said cut the tie, so we cut- -I said tie the tie. 114 00:04:54,161 --> 00:04:56,397 -I can�t feel my fingers. -Uh... really? 115 00:04:56,430 --> 00:04:57,765 Yeah. [mutters] 116 00:04:57,798 --> 00:04:59,833 Whoa. Guys, his hands are cold as ice. 117 00:04:59,866 --> 00:05:02,169 Yeah, I... I think we better call off the wedding. 118 00:05:02,202 --> 00:05:03,804 I always listen to my body. 119 00:05:03,805 --> 00:05:05,571 That�s true, dude. He always listens to his body. 120 00:05:05,572 --> 00:05:07,440 Frank, you have never once listened to your body. 121 00:05:07,441 --> 00:05:09,208 Look, buddy, you�re just cold, okay? 122 00:05:09,209 --> 00:05:11,077 Charlie, get him in a hot shower, warm him up. 123 00:05:11,078 --> 00:05:13,679 Speaking of cutting things, what if I cut his shoes, right? 124 00:05:13,680 --> 00:05:16,582 So his toes are hanging out, gets a little more circulation going. 125 00:05:16,583 --> 00:05:20,186 Maybe I�ll even cut his shirt, like, to here, and then his belly can breathe. 126 00:05:20,187 --> 00:05:23,789 Can we just keep things simple? Yeah? I mean, we�ve all got our roles here. 127 00:05:23,790 --> 00:05:26,193 Let�s keep it simple, you know? 128 00:05:26,194 --> 00:05:29,428 Frank, you�re the, uh, aging groom with one last shot at love, you know? 129 00:05:29,429 --> 00:05:32,498 Charlie, you�re the best man who, uh, plays "Here Comes the Bride" 130 00:05:32,499 --> 00:05:34,700 on the keyboards as we walk down the aisle, you know? 131 00:05:34,701 --> 00:05:37,104 Me walking Frank down the aisle. 132 00:05:37,105 --> 00:05:39,639 Dee walking Sam, you know? Mac�s the gay woke priest who weds them. 133 00:05:39,640 --> 00:05:42,343 What? No. Who... Who�s gay? No one�s gay. 134 00:05:42,376 --> 00:05:43,677 -No. -You�re gay. 135 00:05:43,710 --> 00:05:46,080 -No! Me? I�m not gay. -What? 136 00:05:46,081 --> 00:05:48,614 -What are you talking about? -What is this guy talking about? 137 00:05:48,615 --> 00:05:52,086 [whispers] My mom is right in the other room, so I just didn�t wanna... 138 00:05:52,119 --> 00:05:53,286 I�m not gay. 139 00:05:53,954 --> 00:05:55,644 Have you not come out to your mom? 140 00:05:55,645 --> 00:05:57,857 [whispering] And come up with a whole new dance? 141 00:05:57,858 --> 00:06:00,159 I don�t even know if the choreographer is available. 142 00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:02,361 I have to come up with an entirely different repertoire. 143 00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:04,196 No, you don�t. What are you talking about? 144 00:06:04,197 --> 00:06:06,333 -Yeah- -[Mrs. Mac] No. No, no, no, no. 145 00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:08,369 -Just... No... -See? You�ve upset her. 146 00:06:08,370 --> 00:06:10,703 Mo-Mom, uh, what-what you�ve heard is completely untrue. 147 00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:13,040 Mac�s coming. He�s got something to tell you. 148 00:06:13,073 --> 00:06:15,042 No, Mom. Mom. 149 00:06:15,043 --> 00:06:18,110 Mommy, Mommy, whatever you just heard is completely untrue. 150 00:06:18,111 --> 00:06:19,161 [shrieks] 151 00:06:19,512 --> 00:06:20,562 What is that? 152 00:06:20,563 --> 00:06:23,516 Oh, we�ve got problems. We�ve got huge problems. 153 00:06:23,517 --> 00:06:26,120 What is that? 154 00:06:26,121 --> 00:06:27,820 I�ll tell you what it�s not. It�s not my mom�s cigarettes, okay? 155 00:06:27,821 --> 00:06:29,655 I-I must have grabbed the wrong box at Uncle Jack�s. 156 00:06:29,656 --> 00:06:31,766 I don�t know, but she is freaking out, man. 157 00:06:31,767 --> 00:06:34,160 Okay, well, uh, why don�t you just go buy her some more smokes? 158 00:06:34,161 --> 00:06:36,764 No, I can�t... I can�t just go buy her some more smokes. 159 00:06:36,797 --> 00:06:39,233 She smokes a-a discontinued brand from China. 160 00:06:39,234 --> 00:06:41,434 You can�t afford that. Think of the tariffs. 161 00:06:41,435 --> 00:06:43,102 -The tariffs alone! -[sighing] Okay... 162 00:06:43,103 --> 00:06:45,539 Guys, guys, bad news. His feet are still cold. 163 00:06:45,572 --> 00:06:47,274 [Frank shuddering] 164 00:06:47,275 --> 00:06:49,609 You didn�t take him out of the tux? 165 00:06:49,610 --> 00:06:51,578 [continues shuddering] 166 00:06:52,146 --> 00:06:55,149 Sam, these ladies were so sweet. They each got you a gift. 167 00:06:55,182 --> 00:06:57,151 -You�re kidding. -We did? 168 00:06:57,152 --> 00:06:58,818 You sure did. Yeah. You probably just forgot. 169 00:06:58,819 --> 00:07:01,789 Have you and Frank ever had sex in a Dollar Tree bathroom? 170 00:07:01,822 --> 00:07:05,492 Well, we did it in a pond last night. 171 00:07:05,525 --> 00:07:07,595 The one that forms near the Starbucks? 172 00:07:07,596 --> 00:07:10,363 [scoffs] I never did that. Don�t care for standing water. 173 00:07:10,364 --> 00:07:12,600 Well, you�re missing out. 174 00:07:12,633 --> 00:07:14,735 Yeah, I did it in a waterfall once, 175 00:07:14,736 --> 00:07:16,469 but it turned out to be city runoff. 176 00:07:16,470 --> 00:07:18,072 [chuckles] So random. 177 00:07:18,073 --> 00:07:20,139 [chuckles] Yeah, maybe a little too random. 178 00:07:20,140 --> 00:07:22,109 Let�s stay on topic here, okay? 179 00:07:22,142 --> 00:07:24,211 So anyway, the theme of the gifts, 180 00:07:24,212 --> 00:07:26,112 something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue. 181 00:07:26,113 --> 00:07:27,381 Blew deez nuts. 182 00:07:27,414 --> 00:07:29,116 Thank you for that. Okay. 183 00:07:29,149 --> 00:07:33,420 Uh, first gift is from Frank�s niece, Gail, 184 00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:35,689 a woman who we refer to as a snail. 185 00:07:35,722 --> 00:07:38,191 -Ha-ha. Yup-yup. -[Sam] Interesting. 186 00:07:38,592 --> 00:07:42,195 -Oh, uh, what am I looking at here, Snail? -[Dee] Hmm? 187 00:07:42,796 --> 00:07:44,131 Shit if I know. 188 00:07:44,164 --> 00:07:46,267 Yeah. Okay. Of course you know. 189 00:07:46,300 --> 00:07:49,670 It�s something old. It�s an old photo of Frank and Gail. 190 00:07:49,703 --> 00:07:51,305 -[Sam] Mmm. -That, of course, 191 00:07:51,338 --> 00:07:53,808 is before they started having sexual relations. 192 00:07:54,408 --> 00:07:56,076 -Wh-What? -Oh, yeah. 193 00:07:56,109 --> 00:07:58,479 Frank did a ton of real gross sex stuff 194 00:07:58,512 --> 00:08:01,582 with the daughter of his wife�s sister. 195 00:08:01,615 --> 00:08:04,151 [sucks teeth] Just hand stuff. Pretty random. 196 00:08:04,184 --> 00:08:07,387 Uh, moving on, this next gift is from The Waitress. 197 00:08:07,888 --> 00:08:10,758 Oh, Waitress. [chuckles] Is that your name? 198 00:08:10,791 --> 00:08:12,593 No, my name is- 199 00:08:12,594 --> 00:08:14,460 Will you shut up and let her open her present? My God. 200 00:08:14,461 --> 00:08:16,163 Well, look at that. 201 00:08:16,196 --> 00:08:18,332 What is this? This looks like it�s a... 202 00:08:18,365 --> 00:08:20,768 Oh. It�s a copy of a court summons for Frank. Okay. 203 00:08:20,801 --> 00:08:23,404 Oh, yeah, I�m suing the shit out of Frank. 204 00:08:23,437 --> 00:08:25,539 -Huh. -Oh, why? 205 00:08:25,572 --> 00:08:27,374 Oh, �cause he owes me a Cybertruck. 206 00:08:27,407 --> 00:08:30,210 Oh, yes, I do remember that now. I do. 207 00:08:30,243 --> 00:08:33,681 The funny thing here is that that�s one of many legal snafus 208 00:08:33,714 --> 00:08:35,649 that Frank is mixed up in. 209 00:08:35,650 --> 00:08:37,450 I bet that�s disturbing and brand-new information for you. 210 00:08:37,451 --> 00:08:40,454 Anyway, uh-uh, the last gift is something borrowed, 211 00:08:40,487 --> 00:08:42,623 and it�s from Artemis. 212 00:08:42,656 --> 00:08:46,060 Oh. Well, that is very nice. [gasps] 213 00:08:46,093 --> 00:08:49,396 "Vaginal burning relief cream." 214 00:08:49,429 --> 00:08:52,700 Oh, you know, that is so kind of you to loan that to her, 215 00:08:52,733 --> 00:08:56,283 seeing as how she�s probably going to catch whatever it is that you had. 216 00:08:56,403 --> 00:08:57,504 -Probably. -Mmm. 217 00:08:57,537 --> 00:08:58,772 [? jovial music] 218 00:08:58,805 --> 00:09:01,408 -Ms. Dee. -Mm-hmm? 219 00:09:01,441 --> 00:09:04,078 Could I just borrow you for a private word? 220 00:09:04,111 --> 00:09:05,212 Absolutely. 221 00:09:05,245 --> 00:09:07,181 We�ll rush right back. 222 00:09:07,214 --> 00:09:10,050 [sucks teeth] If you don�t want this cream, I�ll take it. 223 00:09:10,083 --> 00:09:11,685 That bitch owes me oven mitts. 224 00:09:11,718 --> 00:09:13,888 -I need plastic wrap. -See what else she has... 225 00:09:15,922 --> 00:09:18,392 -[ob muttering] 226 00:09:18,425 --> 00:09:21,595 Goddamn vultures, picking me dry. [sighs] 227 00:09:21,996 --> 00:09:23,230 What�s up? 228 00:09:23,731 --> 00:09:26,233 -I know what this is. -What are you talking about? 229 00:09:26,266 --> 00:09:29,569 Why are you trying to break up my wedding? 230 00:09:29,570 --> 00:09:33,105 Okay, I�ll tell you exactly what this is about. 231 00:09:33,106 --> 00:09:35,641 You know that chicken money you�ve been talking about? 232 00:09:35,642 --> 00:09:38,045 -It�s rubber chickens. -[chuckles] 233 00:09:38,046 --> 00:09:39,645 You are trying to bleed Frank dry, 234 00:09:39,646 --> 00:09:41,814 and that means I would end up not having any money, 235 00:09:41,815 --> 00:09:44,451 and I�m not gonna let that happen. You got it? 236 00:09:44,484 --> 00:09:50,524 You familiar with those yellow rubber chickens that have the red neckties? 237 00:09:50,557 --> 00:09:54,762 -Of course I am. I have like seven of �em. -My father invented those, 238 00:09:54,795 --> 00:09:58,499 and I inherited his novelty gag fortune. 239 00:09:58,532 --> 00:10:01,335 So, I�m a billionaire. 240 00:10:01,368 --> 00:10:02,418 [stammers] 241 00:10:03,236 --> 00:10:04,538 Is that with a "B"? 242 00:10:05,039 --> 00:10:07,207 No other way to spell it. 243 00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:09,110 [breathes shakily] No, there�s not. 244 00:10:09,376 --> 00:10:10,711 Oh. 245 00:10:10,744 --> 00:10:12,312 Know what, honey? 246 00:10:12,679 --> 00:10:15,783 I like your moxie, and I never had kids of my own, 247 00:10:15,816 --> 00:10:18,619 so if you support me, 248 00:10:18,652 --> 00:10:22,055 I could make you a very wealthy woman. 249 00:10:22,056 --> 00:10:25,224 -Are you joking? [breathing heavily] -I-I�m not a big joker. 250 00:10:25,225 --> 00:10:29,229 -Well, okay. Wow. [laughs] -[chuckles] 251 00:10:29,262 --> 00:10:31,465 -Um, it�s a deal. [chuckles] -It�s a deal. 252 00:10:31,466 --> 00:10:34,367 Yeah, well... [stammers] Would you be willing to put that in writing? 253 00:10:34,368 --> 00:10:37,370 -Oh, I wouldn�t have it any other way. -Oh, God. I love you so much. 254 00:10:37,371 --> 00:10:40,574 Yeah. [chuckles] I�m gonna make a quick phone call. Oh, God. 255 00:10:40,607 --> 00:10:42,376 [? jovial music] 256 00:10:42,377 --> 00:10:44,243 Where have you been? I haven�t seen you in a while. 257 00:10:44,244 --> 00:10:45,778 I�ve been doing stuff. It�s none of your business. 258 00:10:45,779 --> 00:10:47,346 What do you mean it�s none of my business? 259 00:10:47,347 --> 00:10:49,097 -He was with us. We had him. -Um, yeah. 260 00:10:49,116 --> 00:10:51,051 Okay, well, I just... I haven�t seen you. 261 00:10:51,084 --> 00:10:52,720 I... Sometimes I like to use you. 262 00:10:52,753 --> 00:10:54,803 -Use me? You cocksucker. -[Dennis] Jack. 263 00:10:54,821 --> 00:10:56,757 Um, what�s happening? 264 00:10:56,790 --> 00:10:58,459 -Uh, why... -What is this? 265 00:10:58,492 --> 00:11:00,628 Why do you even have that thing, man? 266 00:11:00,661 --> 00:11:04,064 It�s a legal tool I use in mediations. 267 00:11:04,498 --> 00:11:06,367 -No. -No, absolutely not. 268 00:11:06,368 --> 00:11:08,501 That�s... No, I don�t believe that for a second. 269 00:11:08,502 --> 00:11:11,637 Uh, sometimes people, I�ve found, are more comfortable talking 270 00:11:11,638 --> 00:11:13,539 to Sherman, or as Sherman. [chuckles] 271 00:11:13,540 --> 00:11:15,175 -Yeah, okay. -Okay. 272 00:11:15,208 --> 00:11:17,444 Uh, I�m just gonna move past it. Uh, Jack. 273 00:11:17,477 --> 00:11:21,215 Listen, I-I think that, uh, you should let Mac�s mom move back in. 274 00:11:21,248 --> 00:11:24,351 Okay. Uh, this is perfect. Let�s use the doll. 275 00:11:24,384 --> 00:11:27,187 Why don�t you tell Sherman how you feel? 276 00:11:27,220 --> 00:11:28,622 -How I feel? -I�ll go. Yeah. 277 00:11:28,655 --> 00:11:30,491 No, Mac, don�t get distracted- 278 00:11:30,492 --> 00:11:32,525 Sherman, I feel like my mother should be able to stay here. 279 00:11:32,526 --> 00:11:35,127 Even though she wasn�t on the lease, this is her home. 280 00:11:35,128 --> 00:11:39,066 [high-pitched] Mac, that lady has as much charm as a wood chipper. 281 00:11:39,099 --> 00:11:40,534 She smokes, never flushes. 282 00:11:40,567 --> 00:11:44,071 I say good riddance! 283 00:11:44,104 --> 00:11:46,073 You can have her, ya fruit! 284 00:11:46,106 --> 00:11:48,108 I�m not a fruit, you little wooden fuck. 285 00:11:48,109 --> 00:11:50,142 Give me the doll. Give me the goddamn doll. 286 00:11:50,143 --> 00:11:51,645 I-I�m doing it. I�m doing it. 287 00:11:51,678 --> 00:11:54,214 Don�t talk shit about my mother, all right? 288 00:11:54,247 --> 00:11:57,617 Uh, or my masculinity, because I am as straight as the... 289 00:11:59,086 --> 00:12:00,287 straight as the... 290 00:12:01,555 --> 00:12:03,223 [high-pitched] Rio Grande! 291 00:12:03,690 --> 00:12:05,459 Rio Grande? 292 00:12:05,460 --> 00:12:07,827 What-What are you talking about, Sherman? No, I... 293 00:12:07,828 --> 00:12:11,297 I like women, okay? I don�t even understand what you�re talking about. 294 00:12:11,298 --> 00:12:14,066 [high-pitched] Queer. [normal] What? Why is he saying that? 295 00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:16,235 [high-pitched] Just tell her, Mac. [normal] What? What? 296 00:12:16,236 --> 00:12:17,603 [high-pitched] Tell your mom. 297 00:12:17,604 --> 00:12:19,272 [normal] There�s nothing to say. 298 00:12:19,273 --> 00:12:20,773 [high-pitched] Tell your mom the goddamn truth. 299 00:12:20,774 --> 00:12:22,742 You don�t need to dance. You want me to dance? 300 00:12:22,743 --> 00:12:24,610 I�ll dance right fucking now. I�m gonna do a dance. 301 00:12:24,611 --> 00:12:26,779 -I�m gonna do a dance. -What are you doing? Mac. Stop! 302 00:12:26,780 --> 00:12:29,081 -Will you stop it? -[high-pitched] Mommy, Mommy! 303 00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:31,550 -You are controlling the dummy. -[high-pitched] I�m doing a dance. 304 00:12:31,551 --> 00:12:35,489 Okay, stop, everybody. [stammers] Okay. We�re gonna try to stay on topic here. 305 00:12:35,490 --> 00:12:38,624 I think we can work something out, though. How about this? How about this? 306 00:12:38,625 --> 00:12:42,129 Why don�t we all pitch in and, uh, put her in a nursing home? 307 00:12:42,162 --> 00:12:43,631 Okay, I�d be up for that. 308 00:12:43,632 --> 00:12:45,398 -Hey, see? That works. -A nursing home? 309 00:12:45,399 --> 00:12:47,033 I don�t know. What do you think? 310 00:12:47,934 --> 00:12:51,438 What... What do you mean? Don�t ask him. You-You are controlling him. 311 00:12:51,471 --> 00:12:54,341 -[phone ringing, buzzing] -Oh. 312 00:12:54,374 --> 00:12:56,210 Oh! Uh-oh, boys. I gotta run. 313 00:12:56,243 --> 00:12:58,746 Hey, cigarettes are in the cabinet, okay? 314 00:12:58,747 --> 00:13:01,514 -Oh, let me get the doll. -[high-pitched] Don�t leave me to him! 315 00:13:01,515 --> 00:13:02,583 [normal] Oh, God. 316 00:13:02,584 --> 00:13:03,749 [high-pitched] Please! 317 00:13:03,750 --> 00:13:05,386 Listen, we�ll take care of him. 318 00:13:05,387 --> 00:13:07,553 [high-pitched] He�s done terrible things. 319 00:13:07,554 --> 00:13:09,255 We�ll bring him with us for a while. We might be able to use him. 320 00:13:09,256 --> 00:13:11,725 I�m not sure if you guys will be safe with him. 321 00:13:11,726 --> 00:13:14,794 Just go. We�ll-We�ll take care of him. I-I promise. We�re gonna be okay. 322 00:13:14,795 --> 00:13:17,163 All right. Sherman, don�t tell them anything I told you. 323 00:13:17,164 --> 00:13:18,465 What is happening? 324 00:13:19,199 --> 00:13:22,069 Okay, so I�ve drawn up the terms of the contract. 325 00:13:22,102 --> 00:13:23,737 Hey, sexy, take it off. 326 00:13:23,770 --> 00:13:26,607 -Not a stripper, Snail. -Well, I-I could grind him. 327 00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:28,709 -That would be random. -Just ignore her. 328 00:13:28,742 --> 00:13:33,314 Right. Um, the document says that once Sam and Frank are married, 329 00:13:33,347 --> 00:13:35,616 Dee is entitled to half her inheritance. 330 00:13:35,649 --> 00:13:38,752 -[Dee gasps] -That is, if the wedding happens. 331 00:13:38,785 --> 00:13:42,189 Yeah, yeah. Boom, boom. Lock it in, Mommy. You cool if I call you that? 332 00:13:42,222 --> 00:13:44,091 -Mmm. A little... Don�t push it. -Okay. 333 00:13:44,124 --> 00:13:47,261 So sign here and that bottom one, and then... 334 00:13:47,294 --> 00:13:49,797 Oh, this is fun. We�re gonna do thumbprints. 335 00:13:49,798 --> 00:13:52,164 Ooh. I�m actually gonna skip the thumbprint part 336 00:13:52,165 --> 00:13:54,367 because I don�t want black thumbs for the wedding 337 00:13:54,368 --> 00:13:56,269 and I don�t want to get it all over my dress. 338 00:13:56,270 --> 00:13:58,405 No, no, no, it comes right off. Look. Boom. 339 00:13:58,406 --> 00:14:00,106 [sucks] 340 00:14:00,107 --> 00:14:02,209 -See? -Yeah. 341 00:14:03,210 --> 00:14:04,260 Wait, hold on. 342 00:14:06,113 --> 00:14:07,381 Get it, big boy. 343 00:14:07,414 --> 00:14:08,984 -[Dee] Um... -It came off earlier. 344 00:14:09,516 --> 00:14:12,753 It�s not coming off and I also do see it on your shirt, so... 345 00:14:12,754 --> 00:14:15,154 Well, no, that�s �cause of... That�s from earlier. 346 00:14:15,155 --> 00:14:18,492 You know, um, I wonder if you two could excuse me, 347 00:14:18,525 --> 00:14:23,130 because my neck is really hurting and I�m feeling a little under the weather. 348 00:14:23,163 --> 00:14:26,367 So could I maybe lie down on your bed for a minute? 349 00:14:26,368 --> 00:14:28,534 -You wanna take a little rest? Let�s go. -Yes, I�ll rest. 350 00:14:28,535 --> 00:14:31,070 -Let�s do it, Mama. -Okay. We�ll do this when you come back. 351 00:14:31,071 --> 00:14:34,041 Yeah. Let�s get you all rested up for the big moment, okay? 352 00:14:34,042 --> 00:14:36,275 -[Sam chuckles] The big moment. -[Dee] The big moment. Okay. 353 00:14:36,276 --> 00:14:38,078 You take a load off, okay? 354 00:14:38,111 --> 00:14:39,212 I love you. 355 00:14:39,213 --> 00:14:42,081 -All right, you bitches gotta buzz off. -What? Why? 356 00:14:42,082 --> 00:14:44,350 Because this whole thing�s off. The wedding�s back on. 357 00:14:44,351 --> 00:14:47,321 I don�t mind switching gears, but it is gonna cost you. 358 00:14:47,322 --> 00:14:49,355 It already cost me. You took my entire kitchen. 359 00:14:49,356 --> 00:14:51,524 This is peanuts. If you�re getting a big payday, 360 00:14:51,525 --> 00:14:53,793 I want a cut of that or I�m gonna ruin the wedding. 361 00:14:53,794 --> 00:14:57,231 -Ooh, what she said. -Ah, shit. Oh, you guys are the worst. 362 00:14:57,232 --> 00:15:00,099 Fine, Uncle Jack, we�re gonna need a few more contracts drawn up. 363 00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:02,570 [coughs, gags] That was... That was too deep. 364 00:15:02,603 --> 00:15:04,738 [? jovial music] 365 00:15:05,606 --> 00:15:07,173 Contracts. All right. 366 00:15:07,874 --> 00:15:10,778 -[Charlie] ? Oh, she�s dead ? -[piano playing] 367 00:15:10,811 --> 00:15:14,448 ? Take a good look �Cause she�s gone ? 368 00:15:14,481 --> 00:15:19,053 ? Ain�t nothing left On the flesh and the bone ? 369 00:15:19,086 --> 00:15:22,756 ? So farewell and so long ? 370 00:15:22,789 --> 00:15:29,663 ? There�s a dead woman In this room ? 371 00:15:29,664 --> 00:15:31,831 Then I�ll say, "Let�s have a nice wedding," or something. 372 00:15:31,832 --> 00:15:34,201 Oh, good. Yeah. What is happening? 373 00:15:34,234 --> 00:15:37,605 I called Chambray to see if she can warm me up, but it�s not working. 374 00:15:37,638 --> 00:15:39,340 I�m only getting colder. 375 00:15:39,341 --> 00:15:41,073 -We got to stop the wedding. -[Mrs. Mac exclaims] 376 00:15:41,074 --> 00:15:43,710 Whoa. Oh! Oh, Jesus, no. Hold on, hold on, hold on. 377 00:15:44,178 --> 00:15:46,113 Here you go, Mom. [huffs] 378 00:15:46,114 --> 00:15:48,114 Guys, that was close. She almost broke the chain. 379 00:15:48,115 --> 00:15:50,084 She almost broke the chain. 380 00:15:50,085 --> 00:15:51,784 Listen, I�m having second thoughts about this home thing. 381 00:15:51,785 --> 00:15:53,252 I don�t think they�ll even let her smoke there. 382 00:15:53,253 --> 00:15:55,222 Let me play the song one more time. 383 00:15:55,223 --> 00:15:56,422 -No. Everybody stop. No, stop! -? She�s dead- ? 384 00:15:56,423 --> 00:15:58,192 Stop, stop. 385 00:15:58,193 --> 00:15:59,825 Final trades until the closing bell, okay? 386 00:15:59,826 --> 00:16:02,062 One nipple. One nipple. 387 00:16:02,063 --> 00:16:04,163 -[all chattering] -Make sure you put the measuring spoon... 388 00:16:04,164 --> 00:16:06,565 Measuring spoon. All right. Okay. Could you stop? Leave me alone. 389 00:16:06,566 --> 00:16:09,370 I want this! Rolling pin. Rolling pin for me. 390 00:16:09,403 --> 00:16:10,613 -Rolling pin. -So if you... 391 00:16:10,637 --> 00:16:12,473 Jack, the goddamn bell! 392 00:16:12,474 --> 00:16:14,340 -All right. And I want the bell. -The bell. 393 00:16:14,341 --> 00:16:16,776 -Okay. The bell. The bell. -Great, you get the bell! Good! 394 00:16:16,777 --> 00:16:19,545 Now, get your shit and get out of here, okay? Gonna go wake up the hag. 395 00:16:19,546 --> 00:16:21,681 She�ll sleep through the whole goddamn wedding. Jesus. 396 00:16:21,682 --> 00:16:24,317 We�re done. Can I... Let me have my clothes back. 397 00:16:26,420 --> 00:16:31,458 Oh, sleeping beauty, it�s time to wake up. 398 00:16:32,392 --> 00:16:34,427 Sam. Mommy. 399 00:16:35,429 --> 00:16:36,596 Sa-Sam. 400 00:16:37,164 --> 00:16:38,331 Sam. 401 00:16:39,366 --> 00:16:41,167 Mama. Sam? 402 00:16:41,501 --> 00:16:42,669 Oh, shit. 403 00:16:45,772 --> 00:16:47,107 [? jovial music] 404 00:16:47,140 --> 00:16:49,243 Are you sure she�s dead? 405 00:16:49,244 --> 00:16:51,510 Well, she hasn�t moved, breathed, or had a heartbeat in over an hour. 406 00:16:51,511 --> 00:16:53,614 -Can a person survive that? -[sighs] 407 00:16:53,647 --> 00:16:55,282 -No, I don�t think they can. -No. 408 00:16:55,315 --> 00:16:56,617 What the hell happened? 409 00:16:56,650 --> 00:16:58,520 Nothing. I think just sometimes, uh, 410 00:16:58,552 --> 00:17:01,555 when you�re that age, you just die, you know? 411 00:17:01,556 --> 00:17:02,855 -Right. -God, this is terrible. 412 00:17:02,856 --> 00:17:04,758 I know, it�s-it�s so sad. 413 00:17:04,791 --> 00:17:06,226 No, I mean for me. 414 00:17:06,259 --> 00:17:08,629 -Apparently, she was loaded. -Mm-hmm. 415 00:17:08,630 --> 00:17:11,130 Do you know that there�s real money in rubber chickens if you get in early? 416 00:17:11,131 --> 00:17:13,132 What are you doing, looking for your onion? 417 00:17:13,133 --> 00:17:15,202 Yeah, I guess I left it behind. 418 00:17:15,203 --> 00:17:16,502 Don�t do it for me. I don�t care. 419 00:17:16,503 --> 00:17:18,133 You know what the worst part is? 420 00:17:18,134 --> 00:17:21,674 I made a deal with her that I would get some of that money 421 00:17:21,675 --> 00:17:23,710 as long as she and Frank got married. 422 00:17:23,711 --> 00:17:26,779 Yeah, you know what? I have a confession to make. 423 00:17:26,780 --> 00:17:28,616 I-I knew she was rich. 424 00:17:28,617 --> 00:17:30,182 -You knew? -Yeah, I found out about a week ago. 425 00:17:30,183 --> 00:17:31,784 I actually had one of those drawn up, too. 426 00:17:31,785 --> 00:17:33,387 -You did? -Yeah, I sure did. 427 00:17:33,420 --> 00:17:35,089 -Uncle Jack? -Yeah. 428 00:17:35,122 --> 00:17:37,052 Ah, shit. Well, now we�re both screwed. 429 00:17:37,724 --> 00:17:40,734 Well, yeah, but-but only if they don�t get married, right? 430 00:17:42,396 --> 00:17:43,597 What does that mean? 431 00:17:44,264 --> 00:17:45,498 [inhales] Dee, 432 00:17:46,166 --> 00:17:48,301 how much do you know about puppets? 433 00:17:48,735 --> 00:17:51,272 [? jovial music] 434 00:17:51,273 --> 00:17:52,772 [Dennis] All right. You ready for this? 435 00:17:52,773 --> 00:17:55,075 I can�t feel anything. 436 00:17:55,108 --> 00:17:57,778 Okay, well, trust the strings. Here we go. [inhales] 437 00:17:57,811 --> 00:17:59,379 Now? Oh, yeah. 438 00:17:59,913 --> 00:18:02,616 [? "Here Comes The Bride" playing] 439 00:18:02,649 --> 00:18:04,485 Don�t play that song now. Goddamn it. 440 00:18:04,518 --> 00:18:07,421 [sighs] How you doin�? Hi. Good to see you. 441 00:18:07,454 --> 00:18:09,222 You good? How are you? 442 00:18:10,157 --> 00:18:12,626 Isn�t that something? [grunts, chuckles] 443 00:18:12,627 --> 00:18:14,527 He�s doing, like... It�s like a Frankenstein. 444 00:18:14,528 --> 00:18:16,148 Frank, you know? Frankenstein? 445 00:18:16,663 --> 00:18:17,713 [sighs] 446 00:18:18,165 --> 00:18:20,501 Why don�t you stand right about there? 447 00:18:20,502 --> 00:18:22,501 -Yeah. That�s good. -[grunts] I�m gonna puke. [sputters] 448 00:18:22,502 --> 00:18:25,238 [Dennis] Choke it down. Choke it the fuck down. 449 00:18:25,239 --> 00:18:30,376 -[whispering] Charlie, play the song. -I played the song. 450 00:18:30,377 --> 00:18:31,677 Now, she�s coming down the aisle. 451 00:18:31,678 --> 00:18:33,480 I can play my song? 452 00:18:33,481 --> 00:18:35,581 Yeah, okay, thanks, man. Yeah, cool. [clears throat] 453 00:18:35,582 --> 00:18:37,151 -Just... -[Frank groans] 454 00:18:37,184 --> 00:18:39,653 [wailing] 455 00:18:39,686 --> 00:18:41,121 ? She�s dead ? 456 00:18:41,154 --> 00:18:43,090 [piano playing] 457 00:18:43,123 --> 00:18:45,092 ? Take a good look �Cause she�s gone ? 458 00:18:45,125 --> 00:18:47,161 [guests murmuring] 459 00:18:47,162 --> 00:18:49,528 ? Ain�t no one there There�s no flesh and no bone ? 460 00:18:49,529 --> 00:18:51,765 ? She�s dead and she�s gone Goodbye, Mom ? 461 00:18:51,798 --> 00:18:53,366 [Dee grunting] 462 00:18:53,367 --> 00:18:56,502 ? Why am I the only one Who can see ? 463 00:18:56,503 --> 00:18:58,472 Go in a straight line. She�s so excited. 464 00:18:58,505 --> 00:19:00,640 ? There�s a dead woman Here in this room ? 465 00:19:01,241 --> 00:19:03,677 ? You�re all happy And wedding and such... ? 466 00:19:03,678 --> 00:19:06,779 [whispering] This doesn�t seem like a wedding march. I don�t know... 467 00:19:06,780 --> 00:19:09,483 -[Charlie] ? �Cause she�s dead ? -Ooh. [chuckling] 468 00:19:09,516 --> 00:19:11,652 ? Take a good look �Cause she�s gone ? 469 00:19:11,685 --> 00:19:13,754 Oh, I love love so much. [grunts] 470 00:19:13,755 --> 00:19:15,788 ? Ain�t no one there There�s no flesh and no bone ? 471 00:19:15,789 --> 00:19:17,823 ? She�s dead and she�s gone Goodbye, Mom ? 472 00:19:17,824 --> 00:19:19,459 [guests continue murmuring] 473 00:19:20,560 --> 00:19:24,632 -? She�s dead and gone ? -[person applauding] 474 00:19:24,665 --> 00:19:27,468 -Ooh, you on fire, baby. -Sick! Thanks. 475 00:19:27,501 --> 00:19:29,203 -Okay. -Sam. 476 00:19:29,236 --> 00:19:33,641 -You look beautiful, Sam. -Yeah. 477 00:19:33,642 --> 00:19:35,408 Look at that. She�s speechless, Frank. 478 00:19:35,409 --> 00:19:38,812 -Why don�t we begin? -I got Sherman! 479 00:19:38,845 --> 00:19:40,781 -Oh, no. No, no, no. -[Mac chuckles] 480 00:19:40,814 --> 00:19:45,252 [high-pitched] Welcome, ladies and genitals. [laughs] 481 00:19:45,285 --> 00:19:48,188 Mrs. Mac, do you know that your son... 482 00:19:49,690 --> 00:19:51,057 [whispering] ...is gay? 483 00:19:54,695 --> 00:19:56,230 No shit. 484 00:19:56,263 --> 00:19:57,597 [guests murmuring] 485 00:19:59,566 --> 00:20:00,800 Okay. Uh... 486 00:20:00,801 --> 00:20:05,371 -Are we... Are we clapping or... -[guests applauding] 487 00:20:05,372 --> 00:20:07,608 -Nope. Let�s... Not for that. -No. No. 488 00:20:07,609 --> 00:20:09,709 [Dennis] Mac, you wanna go ahead and marry these two? 489 00:20:09,710 --> 00:20:11,677 -That went better than I thought. -Did it? 490 00:20:11,678 --> 00:20:16,182 Uh, Frank, do you take this woman to be your bride? 491 00:20:17,651 --> 00:20:19,553 -I do. -[Dee, Dennis] Aw! 492 00:20:19,554 --> 00:20:21,454 -Oh, that�s good. That�s good. -That�s so sweet. 493 00:20:21,455 --> 00:20:25,058 Uh, and now, Sam, do you take Frank to be your husband? 494 00:20:26,860 --> 00:20:29,163 Look at that, a big ole emphatic yes. 495 00:20:29,164 --> 00:20:31,697 -Uh, she�s gotta say it. -She doesn�t have to say it. No. 496 00:20:31,698 --> 00:20:34,400 -I think she�s got to say it, right? -No, she... she said it. 497 00:20:34,401 --> 00:20:36,370 She indicated. She went... 498 00:20:36,371 --> 00:20:38,371 -That�s the universal head move for yes. -[Dee] Yeah. 499 00:20:38,372 --> 00:20:40,140 Everybody knows what that means. 500 00:20:40,173 --> 00:20:41,474 [high-pitched] I do. 501 00:20:41,908 --> 00:20:44,111 -Oh! -Oh. Now she said it. 502 00:20:44,112 --> 00:20:45,578 -That was clearly Dee. -That was Dee. I saw her mouth move. 503 00:20:45,579 --> 00:20:47,348 Me? No. That�s... Why would it be me? 504 00:20:47,349 --> 00:20:49,515 I don�t want to marry Frank. [laughs] Gross. 505 00:20:49,516 --> 00:20:51,385 Moving on, lock it up. 506 00:20:51,386 --> 00:20:52,785 Let�s keep this thing moving. They�re getting tired. 507 00:20:52,786 --> 00:20:55,356 Okay. Uh, by the power vested in me 508 00:20:55,389 --> 00:20:57,825 by the online class, you are man and wife. 509 00:20:57,858 --> 00:20:59,827 -Yes. -Yes! 510 00:20:59,860 --> 00:21:02,129 -[Dee] Yes! -[laughing] 511 00:21:02,130 --> 00:21:03,829 -Yes! They�re married. -They�re married, everybody. 512 00:21:03,830 --> 00:21:05,766 It�s official and legal. 513 00:21:05,767 --> 00:21:07,366 -That�s legal and official. -It�s legal and binding. 514 00:21:07,367 --> 00:21:09,470 -[chuckling] -Do I kiss the bride now? 515 00:21:09,471 --> 00:21:11,504 -No! -No, what? No, just-just do that later. 516 00:21:11,505 --> 00:21:13,641 -I�ll kiss Sam. -[Dee] That happens later. 517 00:21:13,642 --> 00:21:15,675 -[high-pitched] Kiss her or it�s not real. -No, he doesn�t have to. 518 00:21:15,676 --> 00:21:18,078 You want a kiss, Sam? 519 00:21:18,079 --> 00:21:19,712 -[Dee, high-pitched] No, thank you, Frank. -[Dennis] She said, "No." 520 00:21:19,713 --> 00:21:21,580 -[Dee] There was no consent. -No means no. No means no. 521 00:21:21,581 --> 00:21:22,631 No means no! 522 00:21:22,649 --> 00:21:25,519 [all gagging, gasping] 523 00:21:25,552 --> 00:21:27,755 [all exclaiming] 524 00:21:27,788 --> 00:21:30,291 Tragedy struck at Paddy�s Pub yesterday 525 00:21:30,324 --> 00:21:33,994 when a Golden Bachelor wedding turned into a real-life house of horrors. 526 00:21:34,795 --> 00:21:36,764 [guests exclaiming] 527 00:21:36,797 --> 00:21:38,732 -[Dee screams] -[bleep] 528 00:21:39,366 --> 00:21:43,470 A flesh-eating bacteria chewed through the spinal cord of the bride 529 00:21:43,503 --> 00:21:46,140 while the groom barely survived the ordeal. 530 00:21:46,173 --> 00:21:48,642 -In other news... -Turn that thing off, will you? 531 00:21:48,675 --> 00:21:51,512 -I�m really sorry about Sam, Frank. -[Frank grunts] 532 00:21:51,513 --> 00:21:54,113 But hey, look on the bright side, at least you survived. 533 00:21:54,114 --> 00:21:57,516 You may want to avoid having sex in, uh, stagnant water in the future, though. 534 00:21:57,517 --> 00:21:59,553 -Yeah. -Yeah, that�s a general rule. 535 00:21:59,554 --> 00:22:01,721 -If you see a puddle form, don�t go... -Go away from it. 536 00:22:01,722 --> 00:22:03,422 -...banging in it. -Don�t use it for sex. 537 00:22:03,423 --> 00:22:05,125 Yeah, Arty was right on that one. 538 00:22:05,126 --> 00:22:06,659 -Yeah. [chuckles] Yeah. -Guess so. 539 00:22:06,660 --> 00:22:08,728 [? "Butterfly By" playing] 540 00:22:08,778 --> 00:22:13,328 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 44730

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.