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[MUSIC PLAYING]
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I did all of this books.
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I did all of this books.
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[INAUDIBLE]
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[MUSIC PLAYING]
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Oh, ha ha ha ha!
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This baby rocks!
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Hey, you've been gone for three hours!
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I told you to pick me up some milk and maxi pads!
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I know, dear, the lines are just awful here.
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Don't BS me!
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You've taken that new prototype jet fighter out
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for a test drive, haven't you?
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Gotta go, dear.
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I'm at the register and the cashier is giving me daggers.
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Phew!
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[SCREAMING]
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Jeez, I hope the insurance covers that.
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What am I doing here?
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I paid that parking ticket.
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Well, I should check.
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It's in the mail.
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I post-added it.
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Just don't cash it until Tuesday.
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That's not why we brought you here.
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It's about all those jury summons I never got.
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It's not like I tore them up or anything.
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No, Chode.
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There's something I want you to take a look at.
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This happened three nights ago.
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What are you waiting for?
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Go take space, mind!
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Blancy, I could edit for the last hour.
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You have?
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Ow.
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I thought that was your pancake.
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Look, I'm flattered, but I don't do group scenes.
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That was the wrong D.V.D. Nimrod.
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This is what I wanted you to see.
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If anyone is picking this up, please send help.
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[SCREAMING]
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My husband was test piloting an experimental fighter
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jet
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when his plane went down on Vitaleus 4.
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Vitaleus 4?
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We've sent two search parties and haven't heard from
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them since.
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I wonder.
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It's the official dumping ground for the most heinous
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creatures
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in the galaxy.
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No way, lady.
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Please, Chode, you have to do something.
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OK.
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If you give me your address, I'll
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be sure to send you a sympathy card.
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No, Chode.
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You've got to find him for me.
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Only an idiot would go down to Vitaleus 4.
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Why do you think I came to you?
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I'll pay you 250,000 cronigs to bring Adam back alive.
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Sorry, Nance, there's not enough money in the
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universe
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for me to put my life on the line for anybody.
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Let's let your under-endowed husband.
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That's what I thought.
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[SCREAMING]
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Say hello to my little friend.
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[GASPING]
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[SCREAMING]
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Find Adam, your three-eyed piece of purple vodka.
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[SCREAMING]
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What did you just do?
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I just put a near-wig that will consume your brain
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in exactly 24 hours, unless you're given the antidote.
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You've already lost two search crews.
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What makes you think I could save Adam?
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Because you're the most selfish alien in the galaxy.
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You do anything to save your own ass.
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Find Adam, and you get to live.
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I don't have a choice.
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You're going to need this.
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Hey.
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I know.
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It runs a little fast.
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This is a deal, see?
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I'm about to inherit a lot of money, and it's all in
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quarters.
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So I'm going to need help carrying it.
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See?
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Of course, I'm going to split it five ways.
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Why would you do that?
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Well, isn't it obvious?
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Because it's only fair.
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You're my best friends, actually, more like family.
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You plan on tucking us in at the end of this story.
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OK, look, what I have is this treasure map,
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and all you need to do is try that again only this
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time
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with more feeling.
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It's a beachfront time share.
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You know how to tell when the captain's lying?
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His lips move.
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OK, OK, OK, look, look, look, look.
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Commander Adam is lost on Vitalius 4,
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and unless I find him in 24 hours,
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some parasites could aid my brain.
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No, that's the real story. Look, I'm wearing a death
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watch.
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Cool.
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I always wanted one of those.
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Cool, my ass.
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People, you gotta believe me.
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I'm a goner.
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I just did a scan of your brain.
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Let's see what we've got.
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Can you get any closer?
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Oh, my god, his watch is even faster than mine.
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Now do you see how important this is?
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We've got less than 22 hours to find Commander Adam,
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or I'm a dead man walking.
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Wait a minute.
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Isn't Vitalius 4 the planet with all those killer
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monsters?
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I just remembered I have bingo tonight.
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Me too.
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Please, if I don't find Adam soon, I'm a dead man.
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I know.
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You keep harping on that like it's a bad thing.
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Yeah, what's that about?
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Come on, guys.
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Chode would be the first to rise to the occasion
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for any of us, right, Chode?
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Yeah, sure.
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I mean, probably.
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Of course I'd save you.
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I'll finally fix the soda machine.
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I know I've said it before, but this time I mean it.
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Come on, people.
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Ice cold soda.
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Well, I guess.
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That'll do it for me.
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It tastes pretty good.
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Be an improvement.
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No doubt about it.
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This is where Adam touched down.
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Hey, well, I try to walk on to Commander Adam's life
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signal.
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Everyone else scouted the area for clues.
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He was obviously terrified of something.
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Or he got hold of some spicy Thai food.
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I don't know what he was so scared about.
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This place looks absolutely divine.
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It's coming from over there.
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[SCREAMING]
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Wow.
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That must have been some really spicy Thai food.
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Chode, what are you doing?
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Not now.
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Get that hairy thing away from me.
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Hey, look at that.
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I think I finally locked on to Commander Adam's life
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signal.
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[SCREAMING]
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Phew, what a relief.
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According to this, we're less than two kilometers
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away from Commander Adam.
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Somebody help me.
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How about somebody helping me, huh?
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I'm trying to figure out which way is north on this
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day.
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Oh, for the love of God, if you want something done
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right, do it yourself.
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[SCREAMING]
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Six, really?
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This is hardly the time or place to do the nasty.
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I got a parasite ready to eat my brain in case you
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forgot.
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All right, people, stop goofing around.
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OK, north should be this way.
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[SCREAMING]
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Look, it's Alf.
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[SCREAMING]
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[SCREAMING]
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There goes his comeback.
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Well, let's prove that those do some good.
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[MUSIC PLAYING]
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[SCREAMING]
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Huh.
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[SCREAMING]
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Ah!
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[SCREAMING]
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[MUSIC PLAYING]
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[SCREAMING]
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[MUSIC PLAYING]
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Oh, no!
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Lady, there ain't no way I'm the right man to fill
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that job's opening.
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[MUSIC PLAYING]
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No!
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Hm.
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What's this?
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Watch out for the snakehead terror.
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Oh, nonsense.
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Everyone knows they're extinct.
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Oh, really?
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Tell him.
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[SCREAMING]
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What the hell is that?
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It's a Mansquito.
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Yuck.
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Try dating one.
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One little prick, and it's all over.
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Buzz off!
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[SCREAMING]
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Huh?
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Huh?
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[SCREAMING]
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Unless someone's got a giant can of raid,
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we're going to have to find another way around.
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Looks like we're going to have to go straight across
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that fallen tree trunk.
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Wait a minute.
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Something's not right.
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These tree trunks breathing?
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[MUSIC PLAYING]
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Run!
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[SCREAMING]
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[MUSIC PLAYING]
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Gotta keep moving.
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Let's go.
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How do you like that?
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I guess I've finally figured out a way to put their
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differences aside.
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Golly, sevens.
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Go, fish.
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I distinctly remember you picking up a seven.
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You calling me a cheat?
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I knew it.
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You're not worth it.
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[MUSIC PLAYING]
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[SCREAMING]
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My face!
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My beautiful face!
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[LAUGHING]
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[MUSIC PLAYING]
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I'm a happily married man.
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Well, not happily, but I'm still married.
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[LAUGHING]
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What are you doing down there?
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Don't!
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[LAUGHING]
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I mean it.
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Please, don't!
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Don't stop!
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Oh, oh, baby!
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Oh, that's what I'm talking about!
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Oh, yeah!
259
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Well, Commander Adams' life signal is coming from
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just across the other side of what looks like a lagoon.
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Where the hell is it?
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I don't see the lagoon.
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[SCREAMING]
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Oh, why didn't I see that before?
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[SCREAMING]
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[SCREAMING]
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[SCREAMING]
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[SCREAMING]
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[SCREAMING]
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[SCREAMING]
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The ungodly monster has seen us, and will no doubt
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seek revenge.
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Run!
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Too late.
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They're still telling what danger lies within that
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swamp.
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We need to find another way across.
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Ziggs, I got less than an hour before that parasite
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starts fricassee in my brain.
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00:11:57,240 --> 00:12:01,000
But if you're afraid, then I'll just have to take my
281
00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:02,240
chances on my own.
282
00:12:02,240 --> 00:12:05,240
Nice knowing you, kid. Here's mud in your eye.
283
00:12:05,240 --> 00:12:07,900
Now, Chode, you know I'd never leave you. You're
284
00:12:07,900 --> 00:12:09,240
being silly.
285
00:12:09,240 --> 00:12:11,480
Now, let me see your PDA. Maybe I can figure out a
286
00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:12,240
shortcut.
287
00:12:12,240 --> 00:12:16,240
Help me!
288
00:12:16,240 --> 00:12:18,240
Help me!
289
00:12:18,240 --> 00:12:24,240
What have we got right through here?
290
00:12:24,240 --> 00:12:26,240
That's what we're going to take us to there.
291
00:12:26,240 --> 00:12:28,240
[SCREAMING]
292
00:12:28,240 --> 00:12:30,240
[GRUNTS]
293
00:12:30,240 --> 00:12:32,240
[GRUNTS]
294
00:12:32,240 --> 00:12:34,240
Feed me, Seymour.
295
00:12:34,240 --> 00:12:37,240
How about a bucket of Kentucky Fried Wraithass?
296
00:12:37,240 --> 00:12:44,240
Damn, this mud is riding my thong underwear like sandpaper.
297
00:12:44,240 --> 00:12:46,240
That's why I always wear crotchless whenever I travel.
298
00:12:46,240 --> 00:12:48,240
Can you do Chetty-Cat, he's going to move on?
299
00:12:48,240 --> 00:12:51,240
I know it's only my life in the balance.
300
00:12:51,240 --> 00:12:54,620
Okay, according to Commander Adam's life signal, he's
301
00:12:54,620 --> 00:12:56,240
on the top of that mountain.
302
00:12:56,240 --> 00:12:58,240
Great, let's go get him.
303
00:12:58,240 --> 00:13:00,240
Wait.
304
00:13:00,240 --> 00:13:02,240
What happened to Gus?
305
00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:04,240
Maybe he drowned.
306
00:13:04,240 --> 00:13:06,820
Or some horrible monster could be eating him right
307
00:13:06,820 --> 00:13:07,240
now.
308
00:13:07,240 --> 00:13:08,240
[GRUNTS]
309
00:13:08,240 --> 00:13:10,240
Commander's room to knock.
310
00:13:10,240 --> 00:13:12,240
I've no place for all my shoes.
311
00:13:12,240 --> 00:13:14,240
Snack it off, Mother Teresa.
312
00:13:14,240 --> 00:13:16,240
No one Gus, he probably stopped to smell a flower.
313
00:13:16,240 --> 00:13:19,510
Catch a butterfly or whatever gay guy's doing in the
314
00:13:19,510 --> 00:13:20,240
bushes.
315
00:13:20,240 --> 00:13:22,240
That is such a stereotype.
316
00:13:22,240 --> 00:13:30,240
Thanks, Leroy. That was fun.
317
00:13:30,240 --> 00:13:31,240
I rest my case.
318
00:13:31,240 --> 00:13:32,240
Call me.
319
00:13:32,240 --> 00:13:34,240
I'm off every other Friday.
320
00:13:34,240 --> 00:13:35,240
Maybe we could catch a movie.
321
00:13:35,240 --> 00:13:40,240
Hey, lovey-dovey, my life, brain parasite, hello!
322
00:13:40,240 --> 00:13:41,240
[GASPS]
323
00:13:41,240 --> 00:13:52,240
That's it. I'm a goner, Six.
324
00:13:52,240 --> 00:13:53,240
We still have time.
325
00:13:53,240 --> 00:13:55,240
There's no way I can get to the top of that mountain
326
00:13:55,240 --> 00:13:57,240
and back in time.
327
00:13:57,240 --> 00:14:00,840
Now, may as well spend the last 15 minutes of my life
328
00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:02,240
making love to you.
329
00:14:02,240 --> 00:14:04,240
What do you plan on doing with the other 13 minutes?
330
00:14:04,240 --> 00:14:06,240
Yeah, very funny. Not...
331
00:14:06,240 --> 00:14:09,340
If only we had somebody with the legs of a billy goat,
332
00:14:09,340 --> 00:14:10,240
the strength of an ox,
333
00:14:10,240 --> 00:14:12,550
and the stubbornness of a jackass to climb that
334
00:14:12,550 --> 00:14:13,240
mountain.
335
00:14:13,240 --> 00:14:14,240
[SIGHS]
336
00:14:14,240 --> 00:14:16,240
I'm trying to blank.
337
00:14:16,240 --> 00:14:17,240
You, to nook.
338
00:14:17,240 --> 00:14:18,240
All right, chode.
339
00:14:18,240 --> 00:14:21,240
I'll get Commander Adam if it'll save your life.
340
00:14:21,240 --> 00:14:23,240
You will? Thanks to nook.
341
00:14:23,240 --> 00:14:24,240
I was kidding.
342
00:14:24,240 --> 00:14:27,750
I just wanted to see the look on your face and I was
343
00:14:27,750 --> 00:14:28,240
right.
344
00:14:28,240 --> 00:14:30,240
It was priceless.
345
00:14:30,240 --> 00:14:31,240
To nook.
346
00:14:31,240 --> 00:14:34,240
All right, I'll do it.
347
00:14:34,240 --> 00:14:36,240
[SIGHS]
348
00:14:36,240 --> 00:14:48,590
Wow. If that's a first date, I can't wait to see what
349
00:14:48,590 --> 00:14:50,240
you do on the second one.
350
00:14:50,240 --> 00:14:52,240
[LAUGHING]
351
00:14:52,240 --> 00:14:55,240
Get away from him, you bitch.
352
00:14:55,240 --> 00:14:57,240
[GROAN]
353
00:14:57,240 --> 00:15:00,240
You want a piece of me?
354
00:15:00,240 --> 00:15:04,240
I want the whole thing, you 50-foot floozy.
355
00:15:04,240 --> 00:15:06,240
[GROANING]
356
00:15:06,240 --> 00:15:14,240
Over here. Now I'm over here.
357
00:15:14,240 --> 00:15:16,240
Follow my vice, Dami.
358
00:15:16,240 --> 00:15:18,240
[GROANING]
359
00:15:18,240 --> 00:15:24,240
What's taking her so long? This is ridiculous.
360
00:15:24,240 --> 00:15:27,240
To nook's putting her life on the line for you, chode,
361
00:15:27,240 --> 00:15:29,240
the least you could do is be appreciative.
362
00:15:29,240 --> 00:15:31,600
Yes, sure, whatever. If she saves my life, then come
363
00:15:31,600 --> 00:15:32,240
talk to me.
364
00:15:32,240 --> 00:15:34,240
[SCREAMS]
365
00:15:34,240 --> 00:15:46,240
Ooh, that's going to leave a mark.
366
00:15:46,240 --> 00:15:49,240
Hey, there's to nook with Adam.
367
00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:56,240
Where was he?
368
00:15:56,240 --> 00:15:58,560
Playing grab-ass with a chick with a hundred-pound
369
00:15:58,560 --> 00:15:59,240
knockers.
370
00:15:59,240 --> 00:16:02,510
Chode, I can't believe you of all people showed up to
371
00:16:02,510 --> 00:16:03,240
save me.
372
00:16:03,240 --> 00:16:06,610
You and me both, but if I don't get your ass back in
373
00:16:06,610 --> 00:16:08,560
five minutes and get that antidote from your wife, my
374
00:16:08,560 --> 00:16:11,240
brain is going to be lunch.
375
00:16:11,240 --> 00:16:19,240
With two minutes to spare. You hear that, Six? Six?
376
00:16:19,240 --> 00:16:21,240
She was right behind me.
377
00:16:21,240 --> 00:16:22,240
The Ataconda's got six.
378
00:16:22,240 --> 00:16:27,240
[GASPS] Uncle Chode, what are you going to do?
379
00:16:27,240 --> 00:16:33,960
Nancy was right. I've been a selfish bastard my whole
380
00:16:33,960 --> 00:16:34,240
life.
381
00:16:34,240 --> 00:16:39,240
And that's about to change. I'm going in after her.
382
00:16:39,240 --> 00:16:43,940
Wow, I haven't seen guts like this since James Brolin,
383
00:16:43,940 --> 00:16:48,240
French kiss, proper strice, and at the altar.
384
00:16:48,240 --> 00:16:50,240
[GASPS]
385
00:16:51,240 --> 00:16:53,240
I said take me!
386
00:16:53,240 --> 00:17:02,240
Hold on, Six. I'll get you out of here.
387
00:17:02,240 --> 00:17:05,240
What's going on?
388
00:17:05,240 --> 00:17:07,240
Chode's inside the snake trying to save your life.
389
00:17:07,240 --> 00:17:08,240
[GASPS]
390
00:17:08,240 --> 00:17:09,240
Where were you?
391
00:17:09,240 --> 00:17:11,240
Calling Nancy. She's on her way down.
392
00:17:11,240 --> 00:17:13,240
[SCREAMS]
393
00:17:19,240 --> 00:17:24,240
No, this can't be. The antidote is really gone.
394
00:17:24,240 --> 00:17:27,240
Gee, I never thought I'd miss the pain in the ass.
395
00:17:27,240 --> 00:17:30,240
And guess what? I was right.
396
00:17:30,240 --> 00:17:34,240
To nook, please. A moment of silence, people.
397
00:17:34,240 --> 00:17:37,240
Look!
398
00:17:37,240 --> 00:17:46,240
My hero.
399
00:17:46,240 --> 00:17:48,240
[GRUNTS]
400
00:17:48,240 --> 00:17:51,240
Down, boy. What died in your mouth?
401
00:17:51,240 --> 00:17:54,240
He's got a lot of nerve working your corner.
402
00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:56,240
I knew he was a player.
403
00:17:56,240 --> 00:17:58,240
[GRUNTS]
404
00:17:58,240 --> 00:18:01,240
I tried everything, but I couldn't save her.
405
00:18:01,240 --> 00:18:02,240
Chode?
406
00:18:02,240 --> 00:18:03,240
Sorry, Six.
407
00:18:03,240 --> 00:18:04,240
[GRUNTS]
408
00:18:04,240 --> 00:18:05,240
You're alive!
409
00:18:05,240 --> 00:18:08,630
Oh, Chode, you really were willing to sacrifice
410
00:18:08,630 --> 00:18:10,240
yourself to save me.
411
00:18:10,240 --> 00:18:12,240
What can I say? That's what I'm made of.
412
00:18:12,240 --> 00:18:14,240
Not an a lot of bull.
413
00:18:14,240 --> 00:18:16,240
[GRUNTS]
414
00:18:16,240 --> 00:18:18,240
That's it. I'm cooked.
415
00:18:18,240 --> 00:18:22,240
It's been nice knowing you.
416
00:18:22,240 --> 00:18:24,240
[GRUNTS]
417
00:18:24,240 --> 00:18:34,240
Whoa! What a rush.
418
00:18:34,240 --> 00:18:35,240
Are you okay?
419
00:18:35,240 --> 00:18:36,240
I think so.
420
00:18:36,240 --> 00:18:38,240
[GRUNTS]
421
00:18:43,240 --> 00:18:45,240
Mama?
422
00:18:45,240 --> 00:18:47,240
Yes, baby, it's me.
423
00:18:47,240 --> 00:18:49,240
Where have you been?
424
00:18:49,240 --> 00:18:51,240
Oh, Chode.
425
00:18:51,240 --> 00:18:59,240
All right, you two. Break it up or I've got a room.
426
00:18:59,240 --> 00:19:02,510
Thanks for getting here in the nick of time. Good
427
00:19:02,510 --> 00:19:04,240
thing you didn't catch traffic.
428
00:19:04,240 --> 00:19:07,440
I'm just so happy to have him back. So where did you
429
00:19:07,440 --> 00:19:08,240
find him?
430
00:19:08,240 --> 00:19:12,640
Don't worry. What happens on Vitaleus 4 stays on Vitaleus
431
00:19:12,640 --> 00:19:13,240
4.
432
00:19:13,240 --> 00:19:16,710
It was unspeakable. Trust me, Nancy, you don't want
433
00:19:16,710 --> 00:19:17,240
to know.
434
00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:19,240
Oh, you poor darling.
435
00:19:19,240 --> 00:19:32,240
Wow, Chode. This is all for you.
436
00:19:32,240 --> 00:19:35,080
Yeah, right. What about the jackass that went up the
437
00:19:35,080 --> 00:19:37,240
hill to fight that overgrown nympho?
438
00:19:37,240 --> 00:19:40,090
Tanuk, I'm going to tell everyone that you're the
439
00:19:40,090 --> 00:19:41,240
real hero here today
440
00:19:41,240 --> 00:19:43,240
and that you deserve the medal, not me.
441
00:19:43,240 --> 00:19:45,240
You are?
442
00:19:45,240 --> 00:19:48,600
No, of course not. I just wanted to see the look on
443
00:19:48,600 --> 00:19:49,240
your face.
444
00:19:49,240 --> 00:19:52,240
Captain, they're waiting for you.
445
00:19:52,240 --> 00:19:57,240
Chode McBlob, on behalf of the Confederation,
446
00:19:57,240 --> 00:20:01,240
I give you this medal for a selfless act of bravery
447
00:20:01,240 --> 00:20:03,240
in the face of danger.
448
00:20:03,240 --> 00:20:10,240
[applause]
449
00:20:10,240 --> 00:20:13,750
It was nothing, really. I just stood up and took
450
00:20:13,750 --> 00:20:16,240
control of the situation like anyone would in my spot.
451
00:20:16,240 --> 00:20:20,240
I suppose you could say, "Courage is my middle name."
452
00:20:20,240 --> 00:20:31,240
They'll have no surety like a woman scorned.
453
00:20:31,240 --> 00:20:34,240
[laughter]
454
00:20:34,240 --> 00:20:38,240
Oops, your girlfriend's back and she looks pissed.
455
00:20:38,240 --> 00:20:40,240
Always call the next day.
456
00:20:40,240 --> 00:20:43,240
Girlfriend?
457
00:20:43,240 --> 00:20:46,980
I did not have sexual relations with that 50-foot
458
00:20:46,980 --> 00:20:48,240
woman, miss.
459
00:20:48,240 --> 00:20:51,240
What did you say your name was again, honey?
460
00:20:51,240 --> 00:20:57,240
I won't be ignored. You don't want to do that.
461
00:20:57,240 --> 00:20:59,240
Give me the knife.
462
00:20:59,240 --> 00:21:03,240
[music]
463
00:21:03,240 --> 00:21:05,240
Thank you.
464
00:21:05,240 --> 00:21:07,240
Now I can kill it myself!
465
00:21:07,240 --> 00:21:14,240
[screaming]
466
00:21:14,240 --> 00:21:28,240
[music]
467
00:21:28,240 --> 00:21:39,240
[music]
30666
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