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1
00:00:02,085 --> 00:00:05,046
Hal, you've been out here
for six hours.
2
00:00:05,088 --> 00:00:06,757
That's all you're
throwing away?
3
00:00:06,799 --> 00:00:08,467
No. This is my "maybe" pile.
4
00:00:08,509 --> 00:00:11,052
Look, I want to able to fit
the van in the garage.
5
00:00:11,094 --> 00:00:13,054
That's the whole point
of having a garage!
6
00:00:13,096 --> 00:00:15,349
You don't realize
how complicated this is.
7
00:00:15,390 --> 00:00:17,351
Hal.
Lois, I promise you.
8
00:00:17,392 --> 00:00:19,478
The van will fit
in the garage!
9
00:00:36,203 --> 00:00:39,581
I think you owe
me an apology.
10
00:00:39,623 --> 00:00:43,084
♪ Yes, no, maybe ♪
11
00:00:43,126 --> 00:00:45,713
♪ I don't know ♪
12
00:00:45,754 --> 00:00:49,008
♪ Can you repeat the question? ♪
13
00:00:49,048 --> 00:00:51,134
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
14
00:00:51,176 --> 00:00:53,595
♪ You're not
the boss of me now ♪
15
00:00:53,637 --> 00:00:56,097
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
16
00:00:56,139 --> 00:00:58,099
♪ And you're not so big ♪
17
00:00:58,141 --> 00:01:00,602
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
18
00:01:00,644 --> 00:01:02,563
♪ You're not
the boss of me now ♪
19
00:01:02,604 --> 00:01:05,106
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
20
00:01:05,148 --> 00:01:07,985
♪ And you're not so big ♪
21
00:01:08,027 --> 00:01:12,364
♪ Life is unfair. ♪
22
00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:19,329
Francis is home visiting
with his wife, Piama.
23
00:01:19,371 --> 00:01:20,581
It's been so nice around here
since they came.
24
00:01:20,622 --> 00:01:22,791
Good dinner, Mom.
25
00:01:22,833 --> 00:01:24,209
Please. It's completely
overcooked.
26
00:01:24,251 --> 00:01:26,378
You must really be hurting
for some decent cooking.
27
00:01:28,964 --> 00:01:31,132
See? Mom's so busy
being mean to Piama,
28
00:01:31,174 --> 00:01:32,843
she doesn't even notice us.
29
00:01:32,885 --> 00:01:35,136
We've been getting away
with murder.
30
00:01:36,179 --> 00:01:37,806
Hello?
31
00:01:37,848 --> 00:01:39,808
Uh, hi, Claire.
32
00:01:39,850 --> 00:01:41,977
It's my sister!
Oh, God.
33
00:01:42,019 --> 00:01:43,144
I'm gonna hang up on her.
34
00:01:43,186 --> 00:01:45,022
No, Hal. Find out
what she wants.
35
00:01:45,064 --> 00:01:47,066
So what's up?
36
00:01:47,106 --> 00:01:48,442
Uh-huh.
37
00:01:48,483 --> 00:01:50,402
Family reunion this weekend
for my Dad's birthday.
38
00:01:50,444 --> 00:01:52,863
I'm sorry, Claire,
but I'm having foot surgery,
39
00:01:52,905 --> 00:01:54,239
so we'll have to pass.
40
00:01:54,281 --> 00:01:57,242
No, Hal, it's been too long
already, we should go.
41
00:01:57,284 --> 00:01:58,744
But you know what,
my foot feels fine now.
42
00:01:58,786 --> 00:02:00,537
So, I'm going to cancel
that surgery
43
00:02:00,579 --> 00:02:02,163
and we'll see you Saturday.
Wait a minute.
44
00:02:02,205 --> 00:02:04,165
They're inviting us
only two days before
45
00:02:04,207 --> 00:02:05,417
we have to be there?
Forget it, Hal.
46
00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:06,752
They don't want us there.
47
00:02:06,794 --> 00:02:09,004
But you can never be
too careful with feet.
48
00:02:09,046 --> 00:02:11,172
Which is exactly
why we should go.
49
00:02:11,214 --> 00:02:12,215
What am I thinking?
50
00:02:12,257 --> 00:02:14,009
I've already had foot surgery.
51
00:02:14,051 --> 00:02:15,636
Okay, so we'll see you Saturday.
52
00:02:19,389 --> 00:02:20,808
So what's Grandpa like?
53
00:02:20,849 --> 00:02:23,102
He's okay, but the
rest of Dad's family
54
00:02:23,143 --> 00:02:25,186
treat Mom like crap;
they're jerks.
55
00:02:25,228 --> 00:02:27,856
Rich jerks, and Grandpa's
the richest of them all.
56
00:02:27,898 --> 00:02:29,650
And he loves kids;
just say and do
57
00:02:29,691 --> 00:02:32,069
what I tell you,
and we'll be set for life.
58
00:02:32,111 --> 00:02:34,279
You're nuts.
Look, it's too late
for you and me,
59
00:02:34,321 --> 00:02:36,031
but Dewey's still young
and adorable.
60
00:02:36,073 --> 00:02:38,199
Although we do have
a narrow window to work with.
61
00:02:38,241 --> 00:02:40,285
In a year, you're gonna
look like a freak.
62
00:02:40,327 --> 00:02:41,870
Sorry it's so cramped, Piama.
63
00:02:41,912 --> 00:02:44,123
This van really isn't designed
to carry seven people.
64
00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:46,416
Oh. I guess I was thrown off
by the seven seats
65
00:02:46,458 --> 00:02:48,127
and the seven seat belts.
66
00:02:48,167 --> 00:02:49,795
Uh, Francis, how's that
ranch job treating you?
67
00:02:49,837 --> 00:02:51,839
Oh, great.
Never a dull moment.
68
00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:55,216
In fact, last week I got
to castrate a bull calf.
69
00:02:55,258 --> 00:02:56,301
What does castrate mean?
70
00:02:56,343 --> 00:02:57,719
Ask your mother.
71
00:02:57,761 --> 00:03:00,014
You know, I have
always wanted to know
72
00:03:00,055 --> 00:03:01,598
how to castrate
a bull calf.
73
00:03:01,640 --> 00:03:02,808
Tell me about it.
74
00:03:02,850 --> 00:03:04,225
Well, it's
fascinating stuff.
75
00:03:04,267 --> 00:03:05,853
We use this tool
called a burdizzo--
76
00:03:05,894 --> 00:03:07,437
it looks like
a giant pair of pliers--
77
00:03:07,479 --> 00:03:09,023
and the calf has
to be restrained
78
00:03:09,064 --> 00:03:10,440
so that it
doesn't kick...
79
00:03:10,482 --> 00:03:13,234
...so once you cut off
their blood supply,
80
00:03:13,276 --> 00:03:16,488
they shrivel up and are
replaced by fat tissue.
81
00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:18,866
What a great story, Francis.
82
00:03:18,907 --> 00:03:22,911
It really made the last hour
and a half fly by.
83
00:03:25,204 --> 00:03:26,707
Here come the clones.
84
00:03:26,748 --> 00:03:28,333
Hal, be nice.
85
00:03:28,375 --> 00:03:31,419
Hey, there's my kid brother!
86
00:03:31,461 --> 00:03:33,338
Hi, Claire. Hello, Tom.
87
00:03:33,380 --> 00:03:35,465
Hal, that shirt
looks fabulous on you.
88
00:03:35,507 --> 00:03:37,258
Honey, isn't he
looking handsome?
89
00:03:38,301 --> 00:03:39,344
He certainly is.
90
00:03:39,386 --> 00:03:41,304
Lois.
91
00:03:45,308 --> 00:03:46,267
Hey!
92
00:03:46,309 --> 00:03:47,477
Who's this?
Your cousin Pete.
93
00:03:47,519 --> 00:03:49,437
Pete-O!
94
00:03:49,479 --> 00:03:50,981
What's this?
95
00:03:51,023 --> 00:03:53,192
Your dad's birthday present;
we all chipped in.
96
00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:55,944
We?
We're going to
chip in, too.
97
00:03:55,986 --> 00:03:58,279
Oh, don't worry,
we'll put your name on the card.
98
00:03:58,321 --> 00:04:00,074
Eh, come on.
99
00:04:00,115 --> 00:04:01,282
Let's get you inside.
100
00:04:01,324 --> 00:04:03,326
You must be worn out
from that drive.
101
00:04:03,368 --> 00:04:05,079
Actually, it
wasn't so bad.
102
00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:08,123
Nonsense. Look at those
sweat stains on Lois.
103
00:04:17,424 --> 00:04:19,300
Wow.
104
00:04:19,342 --> 00:04:21,720
It figures this is the side
of the family we never see.
105
00:04:21,762 --> 00:04:24,681
Meanwhile, the grandma who
goes shopping in her bra
106
00:04:24,723 --> 00:04:26,183
visits five times a year.
107
00:04:26,225 --> 00:04:27,308
We can leave right now.
108
00:04:27,350 --> 00:04:28,810
Just get in the car
and drive.
109
00:04:28,852 --> 00:04:31,230
Sandusky Caverns is just
40 minutes from here.
110
00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:33,190
Hal, relax.
We can do this.
111
00:04:33,232 --> 00:04:34,315
I can't help it.
112
00:04:34,357 --> 00:04:35,734
I work myself into knots
113
00:04:35,776 --> 00:04:37,152
whenever I have to face
the grand patriarch.
114
00:04:37,194 --> 00:04:38,653
Hi, Dad!
115
00:04:39,613 --> 00:04:42,157
Hal, you made it!
116
00:04:43,366 --> 00:04:45,744
Anybody help an old man
out of the pool?
117
00:04:45,786 --> 00:04:47,579
I got you, Grandpa.
118
00:04:50,832 --> 00:04:52,375
Aah, right.
119
00:04:57,881 --> 00:04:59,591
Hey, hey, hey, whoa, whoa.
120
00:04:59,633 --> 00:05:01,593
What do you think
that guy's for?
121
00:05:01,635 --> 00:05:03,053
His name is Francis.
122
00:05:03,095 --> 00:05:05,555
If you kill him, you
don't get another one.
123
00:05:12,312 --> 00:05:14,648
Welcome one and all!
124
00:05:14,689 --> 00:05:15,649
Hey.
125
00:05:17,276 --> 00:05:19,194
Lois.
126
00:05:19,236 --> 00:05:20,737
Dewey!
127
00:05:20,779 --> 00:05:21,947
Goodness, you've grown!
128
00:05:21,989 --> 00:05:24,074
I bet you don't
even remember me.
129
00:05:25,284 --> 00:05:26,827
Yes, I do.
130
00:05:26,868 --> 00:05:29,246
You thang to me
when I wath thweeping.
131
00:05:29,288 --> 00:05:31,081
You remember that?!
132
00:05:31,123 --> 00:05:33,000
Why, that's adorable!
133
00:05:33,041 --> 00:05:34,668
So good to see you, Dad.
134
00:05:34,709 --> 00:05:37,879
I have to admit, I was a little
nervous about coming back here
135
00:05:37,921 --> 00:05:39,256
after so much time had gone by.
136
00:05:39,298 --> 00:05:40,381
I was expecting...
137
00:05:40,423 --> 00:05:41,800
Expecting car trouble?
138
00:05:41,842 --> 00:05:44,178
Because it looks like
you packed a spare tire!
139
00:05:47,222 --> 00:05:48,640
Ah, Malcolm!
140
00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:51,476
I understand they finally
figured out you're a genius.
141
00:05:51,518 --> 00:05:53,812
What's your favorite subject
in school?
142
00:05:53,854 --> 00:05:54,980
I don't know. History.
143
00:05:55,022 --> 00:05:56,315
History, is it?
144
00:05:56,355 --> 00:05:58,984
What do you think
about the Civil War?
145
00:05:59,026 --> 00:06:00,986
I guess it's kind
of interesting.
146
00:06:01,028 --> 00:06:03,404
Ooh. Have I got something
to show you!
147
00:06:03,446 --> 00:06:05,032
- There you two are!
- Hi, Amelia.
148
00:06:05,073 --> 00:06:08,202
This reunion is going
to be the death of me.
149
00:06:08,243 --> 00:06:09,328
Feeding this many
people every day.
150
00:06:09,368 --> 00:06:10,871
Keeping track
of all the kids.
151
00:06:10,912 --> 00:06:13,414
I swear I had to run the croquet
tournament on Thursday
152
00:06:13,456 --> 00:06:14,457
all by myself.
153
00:06:14,499 --> 00:06:16,293
Tomorrow we've got
a pancake breakfast,
154
00:06:16,335 --> 00:06:18,419
a family photo
at 3:00, a birthday
dinner at 5:00
155
00:06:18,461 --> 00:06:20,922
and gifts at 6:00,
all with no one to
take charge but me.
156
00:06:20,964 --> 00:06:22,423
This is what
General Schwarzkopf
157
00:06:22,465 --> 00:06:25,426
must have felt like
during Desert Storm!
158
00:06:25,468 --> 00:06:30,557
Lois, no one else is
wearing a name tag.
159
00:06:31,558 --> 00:06:34,435
Hal, it's fine.
160
00:06:34,477 --> 00:06:37,898
Hey, untie his hands
and give him his pants back!
161
00:06:37,939 --> 00:06:40,817
You're the only grandkid
I've let in here.
162
00:06:40,859 --> 00:06:44,363
These are my most
precious possessions.
163
00:06:44,403 --> 00:06:45,446
Cool.
164
00:06:45,488 --> 00:06:47,157
Oh, never mind that stuff.
165
00:06:47,199 --> 00:06:50,327
You don't want to waste your
time with a bunch of guns.
166
00:06:50,369 --> 00:06:53,247
Take a look at this
quartermasters' ledger books.
167
00:06:53,288 --> 00:06:56,333
This is where the war
was really won.
168
00:06:56,375 --> 00:06:57,918
Take a look at this.
169
00:06:57,959 --> 00:07:00,419
Notice anything?
170
00:07:01,588 --> 00:07:04,049
Oh, yeah. The numbers
don't add up here.
Ah.
171
00:07:04,091 --> 00:07:05,342
What?
172
00:07:05,384 --> 00:07:06,551
In that column.
173
00:07:06,593 --> 00:07:08,678
The numbers add up to 1,286
174
00:07:08,720 --> 00:07:10,931
but the total at the bottom
says 1,179.
175
00:07:10,972 --> 00:07:14,976
I was just hoping you'd notice
how the S's look like F's
176
00:07:15,018 --> 00:07:16,477
but this is incredible.
177
00:07:16,519 --> 00:07:20,148
I think this quartermaster
was skimming rifles.
178
00:07:20,190 --> 00:07:22,483
This is the kind of thing
that gets your name
179
00:07:22,525 --> 00:07:23,944
in the Civil War Quarterly.
180
00:07:23,985 --> 00:07:25,653
Good job, Malcolm!
181
00:07:25,695 --> 00:07:29,490
Let's see what else
this guy was up to!
182
00:07:31,534 --> 00:07:33,954
I would never be
massaged by a woman.
183
00:07:33,995 --> 00:07:35,997
I mean, you need
that strength.
184
00:07:36,039 --> 00:07:37,665
When my body's in need,
185
00:07:37,707 --> 00:07:40,710
I want a man to
really get in there.
186
00:07:40,752 --> 00:07:43,504
Okay, just one more lap.
187
00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:49,386
Boy, those kids have really
taken a shine to Francis.
188
00:07:49,428 --> 00:07:51,596
He's not ready
for kids, Piama;
don't rush him.
189
00:07:51,638 --> 00:07:52,806
More cake, Lois?
190
00:07:52,847 --> 00:07:54,141
Oh, no, thank you.
191
00:07:54,182 --> 00:07:55,516
Ah, don't be shy.
192
00:07:55,558 --> 00:07:57,518
I saw the way you scarfed
down your first piece.
193
00:07:57,560 --> 00:08:00,521
Oh, I'm sorry, you're probably
on a diet, aren't you?
194
00:08:04,651 --> 00:08:06,527
Dad?
195
00:08:06,569 --> 00:08:08,155
Have you seen the cookies?
196
00:08:08,196 --> 00:08:09,823
We have to talk.
197
00:08:09,864 --> 00:08:11,116
It's about Lois.
198
00:08:11,158 --> 00:08:13,160
Ever since we got here,
199
00:08:13,201 --> 00:08:15,620
the family's taken
every opportunity to...
200
00:08:16,746 --> 00:08:18,539
Dad, don't do the face.
201
00:08:18,581 --> 00:08:19,540
What face?
202
00:08:19,582 --> 00:08:21,126
No, you know the face!
203
00:08:21,168 --> 00:08:22,627
Don't do that, I'm serious.
204
00:08:22,669 --> 00:08:25,213
Oh. Can I do the voice?
205
00:08:27,424 --> 00:08:28,591
Dad, I'm not kidding.
206
00:08:28,633 --> 00:08:31,552
Then why are you laughing?
207
00:08:31,594 --> 00:08:33,013
Dad!
208
00:08:33,054 --> 00:08:35,474
Nothing funny heeere.
209
00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:37,725
No, sireeeeee!
210
00:09:08,631 --> 00:09:11,301
Okay, you want a story,
here's a story.
211
00:09:11,343 --> 00:09:15,263
It's called "The Kids Who
Couldn't Play By Themselves."
212
00:09:15,305 --> 00:09:16,848
We did some good work today.
213
00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:18,599
Tomorrow, we'll hit Grandpa
214
00:09:18,641 --> 00:09:21,686
with the "Good Ship Lollipop"
number right after breakfast.
215
00:09:21,728 --> 00:09:23,438
I want to swim in the pool.
216
00:09:23,480 --> 00:09:25,606
You can swim in the pool
when we own the pool.
217
00:09:25,648 --> 00:09:27,608
Nice angle you're working
with Grandpa, Malcolm.
218
00:09:27,650 --> 00:09:29,694
I have to admit, you're getting
a lot of face time
219
00:09:29,736 --> 00:09:31,654
but when he croaks,
all he's gonna leave you
220
00:09:31,696 --> 00:09:33,073
is that stupid Civil War crap.
221
00:09:33,114 --> 00:09:35,700
Reese...
You can have it, but I want it
222
00:09:35,742 --> 00:09:37,577
out of the house.
223
00:09:39,662 --> 00:09:41,331
Back off Grandpa.
He's ours.
224
00:09:41,373 --> 00:09:43,208
What?
225
00:09:43,250 --> 00:09:45,460
We've been working this guy
for three years,
226
00:09:45,502 --> 00:09:48,213
and we're not about
to let you waltz in here
227
00:09:48,255 --> 00:09:50,131
and snake him out
from under us.
228
00:09:50,173 --> 00:09:51,632
What are you saying?
229
00:09:51,674 --> 00:09:56,096
It's a big house;
accidents happen.
230
00:09:57,472 --> 00:09:59,474
...and then the little boy,
about your age,
231
00:09:59,516 --> 00:10:02,227
was found hanging
in the moonlight,
232
00:10:02,269 --> 00:10:04,729
strangled by his own intestines.
233
00:10:04,771 --> 00:10:09,234
And there was just enough life
left in him to say...
234
00:10:09,276 --> 00:10:10,360
"You're next!!"
235
00:10:16,783 --> 00:10:17,867
Come out!
236
00:10:17,909 --> 00:10:20,120
He was lying;
it was just a story.
237
00:10:25,708 --> 00:10:28,920
All I want is two seconds
of honest, human conversation
238
00:10:28,962 --> 00:10:31,672
with my own father.
239
00:10:31,714 --> 00:10:33,925
I mean, what is so awful
about me
240
00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:38,096
that he has to distance himself
with jokes and silly faces?
241
00:10:38,138 --> 00:10:40,557
Hal, you're not going
to make any progress
242
00:10:40,599 --> 00:10:43,477
if you keep personalizing
other people's problems.
243
00:10:43,518 --> 00:10:45,853
We've talked about this.
You just don't get it.
244
00:10:45,895 --> 00:10:47,730
How could you? You don't
have any father issues.
245
00:10:47,772 --> 00:10:50,691
I'm blessed.
246
00:10:50,733 --> 00:10:52,402
There's got to be some way
to break this cycle.
247
00:10:52,444 --> 00:10:55,696
Some way to make my dad
let his guard down
248
00:10:55,738 --> 00:10:59,409
and engage me
on an emotional level...
249
00:10:59,451 --> 00:11:00,868
Are you even listening?
250
00:11:00,910 --> 00:11:02,621
Sorry.
251
00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:04,539
Oh!
252
00:11:04,581 --> 00:11:06,707
Hal, the answer
to this is simple.
253
00:11:06,749 --> 00:11:08,627
You just have to
look at your life;
254
00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:10,211
look at what you've
accomplished.
255
00:11:10,253 --> 00:11:13,214
You have a good relationship
with your sons.
256
00:11:13,256 --> 00:11:15,716
They can talk to you
about anything.
257
00:11:15,758 --> 00:11:18,011
You have a wife
and home and family
258
00:11:18,052 --> 00:11:20,430
a lot of people
would envy.
259
00:11:20,472 --> 00:11:21,389
You're past this.
260
00:11:21,431 --> 00:11:22,432
You think?
261
00:11:22,474 --> 00:11:23,724
Yes, I do.
262
00:11:23,766 --> 00:11:26,811
Hal, you're all grown up.
263
00:11:29,063 --> 00:11:30,357
Uh-oh.
264
00:11:30,398 --> 00:11:31,732
What?
265
00:11:31,774 --> 00:11:33,443
I...
266
00:11:33,485 --> 00:11:35,654
I wet the bed.
267
00:11:40,950 --> 00:11:42,743
Oh, that tears it,
Lois.
268
00:11:42,785 --> 00:11:44,745
You know I've been
telling myself that
everything's okay,
269
00:11:44,787 --> 00:11:46,331
but my bladder knew different.
270
00:11:46,373 --> 00:11:48,749
I am not leaving here until
I've had this out with my dad.
271
00:11:48,791 --> 00:11:50,751
Hal, are you sure
you want to do this?
272
00:11:50,793 --> 00:11:52,420
Lois, he just sits by
273
00:11:52,462 --> 00:11:54,005
while everyone treats
you like a dog,
274
00:11:54,047 --> 00:11:56,049
when they're not treating
you like a servant.
275
00:11:56,090 --> 00:11:58,468
It's not that bad.
Did you notice last night
276
00:11:58,510 --> 00:12:00,053
when you gave Helen
your chair
277
00:12:00,094 --> 00:12:02,597
and she flipped
the cushion over
before she sat down?
278
00:12:02,639 --> 00:12:05,308
No.
279
00:12:10,771 --> 00:12:12,649
Why are we staring
at a mall, Grandpa?
280
00:12:12,691 --> 00:12:14,609
This is a battlefield,
Private,
281
00:12:14,651 --> 00:12:15,776
and I'm not your Grandpa.
282
00:12:15,818 --> 00:12:17,778
I'm Captain Atticus
P. Featherton,
283
00:12:17,820 --> 00:12:21,824
commander of
the Company "A" cavalry.
284
00:12:21,866 --> 00:12:23,784
It's 1864.
285
00:12:23,826 --> 00:12:25,620
Cannonballs
are flying overhead.
286
00:12:25,662 --> 00:12:29,207
The nostrils curl with
the smell of burning flesh.
287
00:12:30,417 --> 00:12:31,792
Can I get a yogurt?
288
00:12:31,834 --> 00:12:33,794
You're ravaged by dysentery,
you don't want a yogurt.
289
00:12:33,836 --> 00:12:35,296
Edith, where are my keys?
290
00:12:35,338 --> 00:12:36,964
They're supposed to be
in the key thingy.
291
00:12:37,006 --> 00:12:38,841
I can't trust you
with anything.
292
00:12:38,883 --> 00:12:40,801
Now, there's
Confederate sharpshooters
293
00:12:40,843 --> 00:12:42,429
on that ridge over there.
294
00:12:42,470 --> 00:12:44,805
We have to sit very still
while we wait for our orders
295
00:12:44,847 --> 00:12:46,807
or they'll pick us off
one by one.
296
00:12:46,849 --> 00:12:50,311
But...
Very still, Private.
297
00:12:52,939 --> 00:12:55,108
More still than that!
298
00:12:57,318 --> 00:12:59,654
Isn't this great?
299
00:13:03,116 --> 00:13:05,076
I asked for these
to be ironed.
300
00:13:05,118 --> 00:13:07,786
What is wrong
with you people?
301
00:13:15,462 --> 00:13:17,464
Nice touch with
the backwards "E."
302
00:13:17,505 --> 00:13:20,216
You've got a real gift
for this butt kissing stuff.
303
00:13:20,258 --> 00:13:21,842
We are so in.
304
00:13:21,884 --> 00:13:24,803
What do you mean "we"?
305
00:13:27,806 --> 00:13:29,850
Ma, you got to let us
hide in here; these kids...
306
00:13:29,892 --> 00:13:30,935
What's wrong?
307
00:13:30,977 --> 00:13:32,562
Oh, I forgot to pack
my good shoes.
308
00:13:32,604 --> 00:13:34,230
I can't believe it.
What am I supposed to do?
309
00:13:34,272 --> 00:13:35,856
All I've got are my sneakers.
310
00:13:35,898 --> 00:13:37,942
I'm supposed to take them off
and run around barefoot
311
00:13:37,984 --> 00:13:39,778
like a hillbilly
in front of these people?
312
00:13:39,818 --> 00:13:41,154
Mom, it's just shoes.
Relax.
313
00:13:41,195 --> 00:13:42,863
Oh, Francis,
it's not just shoes.
314
00:13:42,905 --> 00:13:44,157
You have no idea
what it's like
315
00:13:44,198 --> 00:13:45,866
trying to please
someone else's family
316
00:13:45,908 --> 00:13:47,868
and always coming up short.
317
00:13:47,910 --> 00:13:49,870
And would it kill you
to dress up a little
318
00:13:49,912 --> 00:13:51,830
for a family picture?
319
00:13:55,293 --> 00:13:57,504
Oh, hey, Hal.
320
00:13:57,545 --> 00:13:59,255
You know, that Malcolm of yours
321
00:13:59,297 --> 00:14:01,090
doesn't handle the heat
very well.
322
00:14:01,132 --> 00:14:03,510
Dad, we need to talk.
This is serious.
323
00:14:03,551 --> 00:14:05,679
Then I better put on
my serious face.
324
00:14:05,720 --> 00:14:07,597
No, Dad, no faces.
325
00:14:07,639 --> 00:14:09,474
Unless we deal with this,
326
00:14:09,516 --> 00:14:11,892
you and I will never have
a meaningful relationship.
327
00:14:11,934 --> 00:14:13,894
Our relationship is fine.
328
00:14:13,936 --> 00:14:15,896
No, it's not fine.
329
00:14:15,938 --> 00:14:17,982
There's a big piece missing.
330
00:14:18,024 --> 00:14:19,317
Oh, sure we laugh,
331
00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:21,486
we-we have fun,
but that's all we do.
332
00:14:21,528 --> 00:14:22,903
We just skim along
the surface
333
00:14:22,945 --> 00:14:25,615
without talking about
anything important.
334
00:14:25,657 --> 00:14:26,991
Do you understand?
335
00:14:27,033 --> 00:14:29,828
Let's ask Mr. Tickles.
336
00:14:31,204 --> 00:14:32,747
Remember, Mr. Tickles?
337
00:14:34,248 --> 00:14:35,792
No, Dad, I mean it!
338
00:14:35,834 --> 00:14:38,085
Well, Mr. Tickles means it, too.
339
00:14:39,962 --> 00:14:42,423
We used to do this all the
time when you were a kid.
340
00:14:42,465 --> 00:14:45,301
You loved Mr. Tickles.
341
00:14:45,343 --> 00:14:47,928
Ooh, it's almost picture time.
342
00:14:49,013 --> 00:14:51,307
Hey, this was fun, Hal.
343
00:14:51,349 --> 00:14:53,601
I'm glad you're
feeling better.
344
00:14:53,643 --> 00:14:58,481
Oh!
345
00:15:00,650 --> 00:15:03,403
That's not where
we keep the liquor.
346
00:15:03,444 --> 00:15:04,821
I'm not looking
for liquor.
347
00:15:04,863 --> 00:15:06,947
I'm looking for shoes.
348
00:15:06,989 --> 00:15:08,742
For some reason,
I forgot to pack
my good shoes
349
00:15:08,783 --> 00:15:10,577
and now I have nothing to wear
with this dress
350
00:15:10,618 --> 00:15:13,037
that I rushed out to buy so I
would look nice for this family
351
00:15:13,079 --> 00:15:14,121
that thinks I can't
352
00:15:14,163 --> 00:15:15,956
do anything right.
353
00:15:15,998 --> 00:15:17,584
You know what?
354
00:15:17,625 --> 00:15:21,212
I have some extra shoes
in the back of our car.
355
00:15:21,254 --> 00:15:23,214
I bet they might fit you.
356
00:15:23,256 --> 00:15:24,674
Really?
357
00:15:24,716 --> 00:15:26,967
It's the black Jaguar
parked out by the gate.
358
00:15:27,009 --> 00:15:28,219
It's unlocked.
359
00:15:28,261 --> 00:15:32,056
Thank you. Really.
360
00:15:36,811 --> 00:15:39,105
Don't you guys want to be
with your parents?
361
00:15:41,023 --> 00:15:42,400
My socks are itchy.
362
00:15:42,442 --> 00:15:45,069
Malcolm, I hear
your sock itchiness
363
00:15:45,111 --> 00:15:46,987
and I'm glad you're
telling me about it.
364
00:15:47,029 --> 00:15:48,865
You boys should know
that I am here for you
365
00:15:48,907 --> 00:15:49,990
anytime you want
to talk about anything.
366
00:15:50,032 --> 00:15:51,451
After we get this picture taken,
367
00:15:51,492 --> 00:15:53,160
I'm going to spend
some time with each of you
368
00:15:53,202 --> 00:15:55,246
because I am involved
and into everything
369
00:15:55,288 --> 00:15:56,790
that's going on
with this family.
370
00:15:56,831 --> 00:15:59,041
Where's your mother?
371
00:15:59,083 --> 00:16:00,293
Amelia?
372
00:16:00,334 --> 00:16:02,002
There aren't any shoes
in your car.
373
00:16:02,044 --> 00:16:03,212
Are you sure...?
374
00:16:03,254 --> 00:16:06,006
Okay, everybody, big smiles.
375
00:16:06,048 --> 00:16:07,675
Cheese on three.
One, two...
376
00:16:07,717 --> 00:16:08,718
three.
377
00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:09,928
Cheese!
378
00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:11,763
Okay, let me get
one more real quick.
379
00:16:13,097 --> 00:16:14,849
Excellent.
380
00:16:14,891 --> 00:16:15,934
Thank you, everybody.
381
00:16:18,895 --> 00:16:22,064
You weren't
in the photo, Lois?
382
00:16:23,733 --> 00:16:27,403
Well, I guess we can try
to take another one.
383
00:16:27,445 --> 00:16:30,239
You know, if we can
regather everybody.
384
00:16:30,281 --> 00:16:34,034
And if we can get
the photographer back.
385
00:16:34,076 --> 00:16:35,745
And talk to the caterers
386
00:16:35,787 --> 00:16:38,456
to see if they can
hold off on dinner.
387
00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:40,333
Lois, where were you?
388
00:16:59,978 --> 00:17:01,688
Honey?
389
00:17:03,523 --> 00:17:05,149
Honey?
390
00:17:05,191 --> 00:17:06,860
Honey...
391
00:17:06,901 --> 00:17:09,362
God.
392
00:17:33,553 --> 00:17:36,222
Hey, is Lois going
to help with the salad?
393
00:17:37,515 --> 00:17:41,185
Oh, God. More drama
from that woman.
394
00:17:49,402 --> 00:17:50,695
What are you
going to do?
395
00:17:50,737 --> 00:17:53,614
We don't know.
We never know.
396
00:17:57,618 --> 00:17:59,203
Hal...
397
00:17:59,245 --> 00:18:01,831
what are you doing?
398
00:18:01,873 --> 00:18:04,124
Taking a stand
for my dignity.
399
00:18:04,166 --> 00:18:05,710
You've driven me
to this, Dad.
400
00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:07,127
My wife is upstairs crying
401
00:18:07,169 --> 00:18:09,129
because of the way
this family treats her
402
00:18:09,171 --> 00:18:10,548
and it's got to stop.
403
00:18:10,590 --> 00:18:11,758
Uh-oh.
404
00:18:11,799 --> 00:18:15,219
Someone's a Gloomy Gus.
405
00:18:17,221 --> 00:18:19,766
You never face up to any
real problems, do you?
406
00:18:19,807 --> 00:18:23,019
You just think if you
make enough jokes,
they'll all go away.
407
00:18:23,061 --> 00:18:25,229
Don't you see that
through my entire life,
408
00:18:25,271 --> 00:18:26,647
you've avoided
dealing with me
409
00:18:26,689 --> 00:18:28,566
whenever I was going
through a tough time?
410
00:18:28,608 --> 00:18:30,192
Really, this is
beyond the pale.
411
00:18:30,234 --> 00:18:33,029
You never helped me when
my girlfriend dumped me...
412
00:18:33,071 --> 00:18:35,155
when my dog died...
Hey.
413
00:18:35,197 --> 00:18:37,157
when my best friend
moved away...
414
00:18:37,199 --> 00:18:39,159
when I got beaten up
at school...
415
00:18:39,201 --> 00:18:41,161
when I spent
a whole summer crying
416
00:18:41,203 --> 00:18:42,162
and I didn't know why!
417
00:18:42,204 --> 00:18:44,206
Hal, stop it!
418
00:18:44,248 --> 00:18:45,583
And you haven't helped me
while my family has been
419
00:18:45,625 --> 00:18:47,460
habitually tormenting my wife
420
00:18:47,501 --> 00:18:51,422
to the point where I've had
to avoid both them and you!
421
00:18:53,382 --> 00:18:56,636
I haven't had a father
for the past 15 years
422
00:18:56,677 --> 00:18:59,430
because you won't deal
with anything!
423
00:19:04,936 --> 00:19:07,021
Okay, that's off my chest.
424
00:19:07,063 --> 00:19:10,190
I hope you heard it.
425
00:19:10,232 --> 00:19:12,192
I love you, Dad.
426
00:19:17,156 --> 00:19:18,950
I'll go get you a towel.
427
00:19:20,242 --> 00:19:22,620
One of the old ones, please.
428
00:19:25,247 --> 00:19:26,916
All right, everybody ready?
429
00:19:26,958 --> 00:19:29,710
I was born ready.
430
00:19:45,852 --> 00:19:48,228
The cake!
431
00:19:48,270 --> 00:19:49,522
The cake!
The cart!
432
00:20:27,393 --> 00:20:30,479
We had to get out of there
pretty fast for our own safety.
433
00:20:30,521 --> 00:20:33,273
It was unbelievable.
We drove three blocks
434
00:20:33,315 --> 00:20:35,568
before Aunt Claire let go
of the door handle.
435
00:20:35,609 --> 00:20:39,155
I am so very disappointed
in all of you.
436
00:20:39,197 --> 00:20:41,157
I don't care
what those people did,
437
00:20:41,199 --> 00:20:43,283
that was no way
for you to behave.
438
00:20:43,325 --> 00:20:44,284
Right, Hal?
439
00:20:44,326 --> 00:20:45,953
Yeah, you boys
are on notice.
440
00:20:45,995 --> 00:20:48,956
If you ever drive a golf
cart over a catered dinner
441
00:20:48,998 --> 00:20:50,332
and into a
swimming pool again,
442
00:20:50,374 --> 00:20:54,754
there will be consequences.
Dire consequences.
443
00:20:54,795 --> 00:20:57,548
I guess we just kissed off
a six-figure trust fund.
444
00:20:57,590 --> 00:20:59,884
I told Grandpa you tied
me to the golf cart.
445
00:20:59,926 --> 00:21:00,968
What?!
446
00:21:01,010 --> 00:21:03,554
He still likes you.
447
00:21:03,596 --> 00:21:05,556
Nice, we're back
in the game.
448
00:21:05,598 --> 00:21:08,559
Yeah.
449
00:21:08,601 --> 00:21:10,310
Oh, Piama.
450
00:21:10,352 --> 00:21:12,271
Is that too much air on you?
451
00:21:13,231 --> 00:21:15,024
No.
31997
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