All language subtitles for 【FULL】2026爆笑喜劇：親媽一天排8場相親，她反手一句“愛好男模月入3萬毛”，直接把對方幹沉默！.zh-TW
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1
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你好我今年27
2
00:00:01,766 --> 00:00:02,666
愛好劈腿
3
00:00:02,666 --> 00:00:04,400
吃喝嫖賭樣樣精通
4
00:00:04,400 --> 00:00:05,400
收入不規定
5
00:00:05,400 --> 00:00:07,066
主要看女方給我打多少錢
6
00:00:07,066 --> 00:00:07,900
不會做飯
7
00:00:08,100 --> 00:00:09,100
我很中意你
8
00:00:09,100 --> 00:00:10,200
加個聯絡方式
9
00:00:10,666 --> 00:00:12,866
沒錯啊照片對得上但
10
00:00:13,133 --> 00:00:15,066
這是在搞抽象嗎
11
00:00:15,266 --> 00:00:16,566
怎麼不滿意
12
00:00:16,666 --> 00:00:19,066
那散了這杯蜜雪咱AA了吧
13
00:00:19,533 --> 00:00:22,200
等等該是我的婚會了
14
00:00:22,366 --> 00:00:23,533
我今年25
15
00:00:23,533 --> 00:00:24,400
愛好男模
16
00:00:24,466 --> 00:00:26,200
每月收入高達30萬
17
00:00:26,333 --> 00:00:27,600
我也很中意你
18
00:00:27,733 --> 00:00:28,800
明天見家長
19
00:00:28,800 --> 00:00:30,100
我愛打人
20
00:00:30,266 --> 00:00:31,166
我會報警
21
00:00:33,266 --> 00:00:34,600
再也不玩抽象了
22
00:00:34,600 --> 00:00:35,900
李老師求放過
23
00:00:36,133 --> 00:00:38,200
小寶貝快讓我親親
24
00:00:38,300 --> 00:00:40,266
麼麼麼麼麼麼麼麼麼麼
25
00:00:40,266 --> 00:00:42,800
哎哎哎媽疼死了
26
00:00:43,200 --> 00:00:43,966
一天天的
27
00:00:43,966 --> 00:00:45,400
就知道抱著個貓親
28
00:00:45,500 --> 00:00:46,933
連個女朋友都沒有
29
00:00:47,466 --> 00:00:48,366
媽疼
30
00:00:48,500 --> 00:00:50,400
明天給我滾去相親
31
00:00:51,766 --> 00:00:52,566
我不去
32
00:00:52,666 --> 00:00:55,000
不去不去也行
33
00:00:55,466 --> 00:00:56,900
那你明天就辭職
34
00:00:56,966 --> 00:00:58,533
滾去你爸公司上班
35
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以後每天朝九晚五給我打卡
36
00:01:01,100 --> 00:01:02,300
我去還不成嗎
37
00:01:02,333 --> 00:01:03,566
明天穿帥一點
38
00:01:03,600 --> 00:01:04,800
爭取留個好印象
39
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知道了
40
00:01:06,900 --> 00:01:08,533
哼區區相親
41
00:01:08,800 --> 00:01:10,366
我有的是力氣和手段
42
00:01:10,366 --> 00:01:11,733
誰家親媽給自家閨女
43
00:01:11,733 --> 00:01:13,733
一天安排8場相親的
44
00:01:14,066 --> 00:01:15,700
你看看我那些老姐妹
45
00:01:15,766 --> 00:01:17,100
孫子都抱上了
46
00:01:17,200 --> 00:01:19,166
今天給你安排了8場相親
47
00:01:19,200 --> 00:01:20,700
趕緊給我挑一個回來
48
00:01:20,766 --> 00:01:23,733
8場我上班都沒這麼密的排期
49
00:01:24,533 --> 00:01:26,300
你以後不用再要強了
50
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因為你的牆來了
51
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啊啊
52
00:01:32,766 --> 00:01:35,066
結婚後你得負責做家務帶孩子
53
00:01:35,066 --> 00:01:35,900
我媽說了
54
00:01:35,900 --> 00:01:37,500
女生就該賢惠持家
55
00:01:37,766 --> 00:01:40,466
跟你媽結婚去吧神經病
56
00:01:42,966 --> 00:01:43,566
什麼情況
57
00:01:43,566 --> 00:01:44,400
7個都不行
58
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對都不行
59
00:01:45,600 --> 00:01:47,300
讓他們組團去救爺爺吧
60
00:01:47,300 --> 00:01:49,166
那下一個肯定合你眼緣
61
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長得很帥
62
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還是個動物醫生
63
00:01:51,600 --> 00:01:54,766
成了後咱家的王總以後就能白嫖了
64
00:01:54,966 --> 00:01:57,000
媽一隻貓能花多少錢
65
00:01:57,000 --> 00:01:57,933
你這算盤打的
66
00:01:57,933 --> 00:01:59,466
我隔著手機都聽到了
67
00:01:59,766 --> 00:02:02,166
別打岔你不會做飯又懶
68
00:02:02,400 --> 00:02:03,400
他考過廚師證
69
00:02:03,400 --> 00:02:04,866
還可以讓他給你做飯
70
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啊怎麼還帶拉踩我的
71
00:02:07,666 --> 00:02:08,900
還有啊年紀輕輕就
72
00:02:08,900 --> 00:02:09,933
我已經有三套房了
73
00:02:09,933 --> 00:02:11,133
還喜歡小動物
74
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說明什麼
75
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說明他善吶
76
00:02:14,333 --> 00:02:15,300
就是有點貓奴
77
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不過沒事
78
00:02:16,100 --> 00:02:17,166
你也是個貓奴
79
00:02:17,166 --> 00:02:18,466
你倆天生一對
80
00:02:18,666 --> 00:02:20,666
那媽媽你來跟他相親唄
81
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滾
82
00:02:28,566 --> 00:02:29,533
鈕樂晴
83
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啊
84
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呃
85
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林淵
86
00:02:34,533 --> 00:02:36,700
呵你的名字很好聽
87
00:02:36,766 --> 00:02:38,866
當然只有像言情小說男主
88
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一樣的名才配得上我
89
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嗯
90
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哈哈哈
91
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羨慕
92
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啊
93
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哎
94
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我知道我知道
95
00:02:46,100 --> 00:02:47,666
現在能全款拿下一杯
96
00:02:47,666 --> 00:02:49,266
蜜雪的人確實不多
97
00:02:49,600 --> 00:02:53,533
但放心我也不是什麼小氣的人記得AA
98
00:02:53,766 --> 00:02:54,966
你這杯6塊
99
00:02:55,100 --> 00:02:55,800
啊
100
00:02:55,800 --> 00:02:58,166
我經常被很多人說大方哈哈哈
101
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一個天吶
102
00:02:59,500 --> 00:03:01,733
沒錯啊照片對得上但
103
00:03:02,200 --> 00:03:03,933
是在搞抽象嗎
104
00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:05,366
小美女怎麼不說話
105
00:03:05,466 --> 00:03:07,400
這麼高冷都把我凍感冒了
106
00:03:07,400 --> 00:03:08,733
生病我刷你醫保
107
00:03:08,866 --> 00:03:11,000
哥們我的沉默震耳欲聾
108
00:03:11,700 --> 00:03:12,966
那也不耽誤我時間了
109
00:03:12,966 --> 00:03:14,000
進入正題吧
110
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好的
111
00:03:14,766 --> 00:03:17,566
我呢上個月剛過完27歲生日
112
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啊禮物你也不用補送了
113
00:03:19,100 --> 00:03:20,500
我就是這麼替別人考慮
114
00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:22,166
哈哈你還挺貼心
115
00:03:22,300 --> 00:03:23,766
我的愛好比較小眾
116
00:03:23,966 --> 00:03:25,066
我愛好p嘴
117
00:03:25,066 --> 00:03:26,800
吃喝嫖賭樣樣精通
118
00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:28,666
你的抽象令我摸不著頭
119
00:03:28,700 --> 00:03:30,066
收入呢也不固定
120
00:03:30,066 --> 00:03:31,600
主要看女方給我打多少錢
121
00:03:31,600 --> 00:03:32,566
畢竟我這麼貼心
122
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我的前任們對我依舊念念不忘
123
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希望你能理解哈
124
00:03:35,466 --> 00:03:36,400
媽呀大哥
125
00:03:36,466 --> 00:03:37,333
也不會做飯
126
00:03:37,366 --> 00:03:38,900
你以後一日三餐給我做飯
127
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得有米其林餐廳那種水準
128
00:03:40,400 --> 00:03:41,400
我這是相親
129
00:03:41,500 --> 00:03:42,500
還是來應聘米其林
130
00:03:42,500 --> 00:03:44,133
免費廚師兼提款機的
131
00:03:44,400 --> 00:03:45,300
我很中意你
132
00:03:45,300 --> 00:03:46,333
加個聯絡方式
133
00:03:46,800 --> 00:03:48,000
怎麼不滿意
134
00:03:48,100 --> 00:03:50,166
那算了這杯蜜雪咱AA了吧
135
00:03:50,166 --> 00:03:52,533
等等只有我單方面瞭解你怎麼行呢
136
00:03:52,533 --> 00:03:53,900
我也得自我介紹一下
137
00:03:54,166 --> 00:03:54,966
好啊
138
00:03:55,466 --> 00:03:57,766
我呢是個很追求浪漫主義的人
139
00:03:57,766 --> 00:03:59,266
我還有三個月過生日
140
00:03:59,266 --> 00:04:00,400
希望你從現在開始
141
00:04:00,400 --> 00:04:02,200
每天給我轉賬5,200塊
142
00:04:02,533 --> 00:04:03,966
備註自願贈與
143
00:04:04,166 --> 00:04:05,466
再說到愛好啊
144
00:04:05,666 --> 00:04:07,166
哎本人沒什麼愛好
145
00:04:07,533 --> 00:04:10,200
平常喜歡點男模陪我喝點小酒
146
00:04:11,066 --> 00:04:12,500
我還有個好習慣
147
00:04:12,666 --> 00:04:13,900
就是喜歡舉報
148
00:04:13,966 --> 00:04:15,600
畢竟作為一個合格的公民
149
00:04:15,600 --> 00:04:18,000
舉報違法犯罪是我應盡的義務
150
00:04:18,066 --> 00:04:19,066
我的收入呢
151
00:04:19,066 --> 00:04:21,000
也已經高達每個月3萬毛
152
00:04:21,300 --> 00:04:22,933
全款拿下這杯咪雪
153
00:04:23,466 --> 00:04:24,566
易如反掌
154
00:04:26,300 --> 00:04:27,700
我也很中意你
155
00:04:28,266 --> 00:04:29,933
明天要不就領證吧
156
00:04:29,933 --> 00:04:31,166
我愛打人
157
00:04:31,266 --> 00:04:32,200
我會報警
158
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就這
159
00:04:37,800 --> 00:04:39,733
我要申請場外支援
160
00:04:40,533 --> 00:04:42,400
哈哈哈你請
161
00:04:43,966 --> 00:04:44,766
進展如何
162
00:04:44,766 --> 00:04:45,866
實力各有千秋
163
00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:47,166
聊得有來有往
164
00:04:47,400 --> 00:04:49,800
似乎對方可能也是被催著來相親的
165
00:04:50,466 --> 00:04:52,200
怎麼感覺我媽很開心的樣子
166
00:04:52,533 --> 00:04:53,800
關於人品收入等等
167
00:04:53,800 --> 00:04:55,300
我們應該也瞭解的差不多了
168
00:04:55,300 --> 00:04:57,566
接下來我們先加個聯絡方式再聊
169
00:04:57,666 --> 00:04:59,533
以為這樣就可以拿捏我了嗎
170
00:04:59,666 --> 00:05:03,300
一步一步落入我的圈套吧哈哈哈
171
00:05:04,100 --> 00:05:05,133
加個聯絡方式吧
172
00:05:05,133 --> 00:05:07,100
這是轉戰線上了
173
00:05:07,533 --> 00:05:10,733
好帥哥獸醫不加白不加
174
00:05:10,766 --> 00:05:11,966
這是付款碼
175
00:05:12,600 --> 00:05:13,400
哼哼哼
176
00:05:14,000 --> 00:05:14,800
啊
177
00:05:15,466 --> 00:05:16,533
哈怎麼了
178
00:05:16,900 --> 00:05:19,566
你不是暗示我跟你領證費用也要AA嗎
179
00:05:19,566 --> 00:05:21,400
哎呦瞧你小帥哥
180
00:05:21,466 --> 00:05:23,966
下次別這麼拐彎抹角我都懂
181
00:05:26,933 --> 00:05:29,533
明天民政局不見不散哈
182
00:05:29,600 --> 00:05:31,933
天真生活裡哪來的回合制
183
00:05:32,166 --> 00:05:34,366
你可沒有下一次能贏我的機會了
184
00:05:34,700 --> 00:05:35,500
嘿
185
00:05:36,700 --> 00:05:37,566
金龜婿呢
186
00:05:37,566 --> 00:05:38,600
怎麼沒帶回家
187
00:05:38,700 --> 00:05:40,266
不知道有緣再見吧
188
00:05:40,800 --> 00:05:43,366
那你好歹把人帶回來給我見見啊
189
00:05:43,600 --> 00:05:44,500
你別想了
190
00:05:44,500 --> 00:05:46,466
人家可沒有認真相親的心思
191
00:05:46,466 --> 00:05:47,700
金龜婿都是假的
192
00:05:47,700 --> 00:05:49,166
現實裡哪有那種男人啊
193
00:05:49,166 --> 00:05:50,900
你努把力不就有了
194
00:05:50,933 --> 00:05:52,466
明天我帶王總去醫院
195
00:05:52,466 --> 00:05:54,700
你想個辦法把8號男傑獎約出來
196
00:05:54,700 --> 00:05:56,533
機會是給有準備的人的
197
00:05:56,533 --> 00:05:57,533
我準備什麼
198
00:05:57,666 --> 00:05:59,500
800頁後的創文學嗎
199
00:05:59,566 --> 00:06:00,366
你說什麼
200
00:06:00,866 --> 00:06:02,933
哎說了你也不懂
201
00:06:03,066 --> 00:06:04,133
總之約不了
202
00:06:04,133 --> 00:06:05,133
沒加好友
203
00:06:06,466 --> 00:06:09,300
你怎麼這也沒搞到你等著
204
00:06:13,900 --> 00:06:14,700
哎
205
00:06:17,666 --> 00:06:19,566
媽你還沒睡呢
206
00:06:20,366 --> 00:06:21,066
過來
207
00:06:21,066 --> 00:06:22,200
我讓你穿好看點
208
00:06:22,200 --> 00:06:23,700
你就穿這這個去的
209
00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:25,766
什麼破爛衣服都往自己身上穿
210
00:06:25,766 --> 00:06:27,300
你是去相還是去逃荒
211
00:06:27,366 --> 00:06:28,366
媽你不懂
212
00:06:28,533 --> 00:06:29,466
這是潮流
213
00:06:29,500 --> 00:06:30,800
現在年輕人都這麼穿
214
00:06:30,900 --> 00:06:33,100
潮流那你平時怎麼不這麼穿
215
00:06:33,266 --> 00:06:35,366
別以為我不知道你打的什麼主意
216
00:06:35,733 --> 00:06:36,800
故意穿的非主流
217
00:06:36,800 --> 00:06:38,000
嚇跑人家姑娘
218
00:06:38,066 --> 00:06:40,000
連女生的微信都沒加上吧
219
00:06:40,133 --> 00:06:41,133
媽你怎麼知道
220
00:06:41,200 --> 00:06:42,866
我知道的事多了
221
00:06:42,966 --> 00:06:44,533
女孩的微信我發給你了
222
00:06:44,533 --> 00:06:45,700
你趕緊加一下
223
00:06:45,700 --> 00:06:47,133
男孩子要主動一點
224
00:06:47,133 --> 00:06:48,200
別整天像個木頭
225
00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:48,733
好了好了
226
00:06:48,733 --> 00:06:49,533
我知道了
227
00:06:49,566 --> 00:06:50,700
您趕緊休息去吧
228
00:06:53,300 --> 00:06:54,700
風裡來雨裡去
229
00:06:54,700 --> 00:06:55,766
民政局前等你
230
00:06:55,766 --> 00:06:57,333
午夜憂鬱純情總裁
231
00:06:57,366 --> 00:06:59,300
好非主流的暱稱和頭像
232
00:06:59,400 --> 00:07:01,500
難道是我他的好勝心魔出來了
233
00:07:03,700 --> 00:07:04,900
我好熱哦
234
00:07:04,933 --> 00:07:07,266
括號粉嫩嫩的小嘴巴嘟囔著
235
00:07:10,200 --> 00:07:11,900
你真的好帥啊
236
00:07:12,166 --> 00:07:13,933
我好像有點喜歡你
237
00:07:14,133 --> 00:07:15,500
夏天怎麼穿這麼多
238
00:07:15,533 --> 00:07:17,133
當心別放中暑了呀
239
00:07:17,266 --> 00:07:18,466
哎呀別穿成這麼多了
240
00:07:18,466 --> 00:07:19,700
給我看一下好不好
241
00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:21,266
乖寶怎麼
242
00:07:21,366 --> 00:07:22,600
說話在嗎
243
00:07:22,600 --> 00:07:23,500
看看腹肌
244
00:07:23,533 --> 00:07:24,933
看看爺爺的老婆
245
00:07:29,866 --> 00:07:31,000
把我刪了
246
00:07:31,166 --> 00:07:32,300
這就認輸了
247
00:07:32,800 --> 00:07:34,133
你鬧夠了沒有
248
00:07:34,300 --> 00:07:35,800
如果對我有什麼不滿
249
00:07:35,800 --> 00:07:37,200
你可以先冷靜一下
250
00:07:37,200 --> 00:07:39,666
等冷靜了再給我看也為時不晚
251
00:07:43,200 --> 00:07:44,200
我們不合適
252
00:07:44,200 --> 00:07:45,133
你別再追了
253
00:07:45,133 --> 00:07:46,700
我已經心有所屬了
254
00:07:47,333 --> 00:07:48,400
是吧傲天
255
00:07:50,966 --> 00:07:52,533
啊你早說唄
256
00:07:52,533 --> 00:07:54,933
我跟你AA的結婚證4塊5能退我一下嗎
257
00:07:54,933 --> 00:07:57,133
呵呵其實我也不是很想看你脫衣服
258
00:07:57,166 --> 00:07:59,166
呵呵誰叫你穿這麼多勾引我
259
00:07:59,166 --> 00:08:01,533
笑死了我其實只是幫朋友問一下而已
260
00:08:01,533 --> 00:08:02,866
給我看看怎麼了呢
261
00:08:02,866 --> 00:08:04,000
你真的很裝
262
00:08:06,566 --> 00:08:07,366
哼
263
00:08:07,533 --> 00:08:08,333
瘋掉
264
00:08:10,133 --> 00:08:11,200
大獲全勝
265
00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:12,333
簡直易如反掌
266
00:08:12,800 --> 00:08:14,733
翻手為雲覆手為雨
267
00:08:14,800 --> 00:08:16,066
我這什麼水平啊
268
00:08:16,333 --> 00:08:17,666
能寫我簡歷上嗎
269
00:08:18,266 --> 00:08:20,566
本以為和林淵算是緣分到頭了
270
00:08:20,566 --> 00:08:23,166
但是沒想到該死的緣分還在追我
271
00:08:23,566 --> 00:08:25,900
喵女士是喵女士嗎
272
00:08:25,966 --> 00:08:28,200
預約的王總下午1點的體檢
273
00:08:28,400 --> 00:08:31,133
不是啊你認錯人了吧
274
00:08:32,466 --> 00:08:33,566
既然躲不過
275
00:08:33,666 --> 00:08:35,766
就只能先發制人了哼
276
00:08:37,666 --> 00:08:38,766
哎帥哥
277
00:08:39,066 --> 00:08:40,700
咱們是不是在哪裡見過
278
00:08:40,933 --> 00:08:43,266
你是那個午夜幽
279
00:08:43,333 --> 00:08:44,133
哼哼哼
280
00:08:44,300 --> 00:08:45,266
怪可愛的
281
00:08:45,300 --> 00:08:46,566
我就喜歡看人吃餅
282
00:08:46,566 --> 00:08:47,466
你倆認識
283
00:08:47,600 --> 00:08:49,300
也不算吧小哥哥
284
00:08:49,400 --> 00:08:51,533
結婚證的四塊五還沒a給我
285
00:08:51,600 --> 00:08:54,300
括號粉嫩嫩的小嘴巴巴嘟囔著
286
00:08:54,400 --> 00:08:55,266
開玩笑的
287
00:08:55,400 --> 00:08:56,066
別當真
288
00:08:56,066 --> 00:08:58,466
我看到帥哥就有點忍不住想調戲
289
00:08:58,566 --> 00:09:00,166
嗯這兩個人絕對認識
290
00:09:00,166 --> 00:09:01,266
而且關係不簡單
291
00:09:01,333 --> 00:09:03,200
繆女士你本來預約的沈醫生
292
00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:04,700
不過沈醫生那裡人有點多
293
00:09:04,700 --> 00:09:05,600
如果趕時間的話
294
00:09:05,600 --> 00:09:06,966
讓林醫生給您的貓看看
295
00:09:07,100 --> 00:09:07,900
可以
296
00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:12,500
他平常這麼沉默寡言嗎
297
00:09:12,500 --> 00:09:13,966
林醫生其實人很好的
298
00:09:13,966 --> 00:09:15,066
就是有點慢熱
299
00:09:15,066 --> 00:09:17,533
不過他好像不太會跟女孩子聊天
300
00:09:17,533 --> 00:09:19,800
昨天還很惆悵的跟大家起叫怎麼
301
00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:20,600
玉樂晴
302
00:09:21,400 --> 00:09:22,266
完蛋了
303
00:09:22,600 --> 00:09:25,600
幹嘛呀本來給你打樂琴樂場打挺好的
304
00:09:25,600 --> 00:09:27,000
你這麼一叫我的名字
305
00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:29,066
不是直接說明我倆真認識了嗎
306
00:09:29,066 --> 00:09:29,700
哼
307
00:09:29,700 --> 00:09:31,000
這不是正合你意嗎
308
00:09:31,066 --> 00:09:32,933
林哥哥我們這樣
309
00:09:32,933 --> 00:09:34,600
你心上人不會知道吧
310
00:09:40,933 --> 00:09:42,166
王總有哪裡不舒服嗎
311
00:09:42,933 --> 00:09:45,400
沒有我就是帶王總來體檢
312
00:09:45,766 --> 00:09:47,700
你給貓起的名還挺別緻的
313
00:09:47,766 --> 00:09:50,500
畢竟王總聽起來就膀大腰圓還有錢
314
00:09:50,533 --> 00:09:52,333
我剛撿到王總的時候
315
00:09:52,466 --> 00:09:53,300
他一身病
316
00:09:53,300 --> 00:09:54,266
瘦的不行
317
00:09:56,300 --> 00:09:58,533
不是我是什麼魔鬼嗎
318
00:09:58,733 --> 00:09:59,900
姐跟你玩抽象
319
00:10:00,166 --> 00:10:02,266
你不會真把姐當傻子吧
320
00:10:04,100 --> 00:10:06,000
我不是故意要摸你手的
321
00:10:06,400 --> 00:10:08,300
我摸的肯定是咪咪啊
322
00:10:10,600 --> 00:10:13,300
我真要摸的話肯定不止摸你手了
323
00:10:13,500 --> 00:10:16,166
不不是說要摸你的咪咪的意思
324
00:10:16,400 --> 00:10:16,933
那
325
00:10:16,933 --> 00:10:19,266
我是說我要摸的話肯定是摸咪
326
00:10:20,333 --> 00:10:20,733
不是
327
00:10:20,733 --> 00:10:22,966
這個咪咪應該不是你想的那個咪咪
328
00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:24,900
也不是可能就是你想的咪
329
00:10:24,966 --> 00:10:26,300
哎我的意思是
330
00:10:27,533 --> 00:10:28,466
啊不是
331
00:10:28,533 --> 00:10:29,266
我啊
332
00:10:29,266 --> 00:10:30,066
阿巴阿巴
333
00:10:30,266 --> 00:10:31,500
雖然我網上變態
334
00:10:31,566 --> 00:10:33,600
但我線下還沒那麼猛真的
335
00:10:33,666 --> 00:10:34,866
原來你對我的慾望
336
00:10:34,966 --> 00:10:36,733
已經到這種地步了嗎
337
00:10:36,733 --> 00:10:38,766
抱歉我不能答應你
338
00:10:39,866 --> 00:10:41,500
如果我現在揍人罵人
339
00:10:41,500 --> 00:10:43,100
他肯定以為我是愛而不得
340
00:10:43,100 --> 00:10:44,100
發怒發狂
341
00:10:45,100 --> 00:10:46,933
而如果我乾巴乾巴的說
342
00:10:46,933 --> 00:10:48,100
不你誤會了
343
00:10:48,100 --> 00:10:49,500
我只是跟你玩抽象
344
00:10:49,600 --> 00:10:50,800
他一定也會以為是我
345
00:10:50,800 --> 00:10:52,500
求愛被拒絕後的藉口
346
00:10:52,766 --> 00:10:53,933
如果我默不作聲
347
00:10:53,933 --> 00:10:55,466
他也會覺得是我被拒絕了
348
00:10:55,466 --> 00:10:56,933
獨自黯然神傷吧
349
00:10:57,100 --> 00:10:58,466
這個人不得了啊
350
00:10:58,566 --> 00:10:59,466
在不知不覺中
351
00:10:59,466 --> 00:11:00,666
我就被將軍了
352
00:11:00,666 --> 00:11:01,766
到賽點了
353
00:11:02,266 --> 00:11:03,333
就將錯就錯
354
00:11:03,533 --> 00:11:04,600
不要臉到底
355
00:11:04,666 --> 00:11:05,966
一條路走到黑
356
00:11:06,100 --> 00:11:07,600
都說烈男怕纏娘
357
00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:08,900
你有什麼不能答應的
358
00:11:08,900 --> 00:11:11,533
你看不上我每月高達3萬毛的收入
359
00:11:11,533 --> 00:11:12,866
這條件還不夠好嗎
360
00:11:12,866 --> 00:11:14,900
還是說你覺得不能跟我AA
361
00:11:14,900 --> 00:11:16,400
有點對不起我對你的喜歡
362
00:11:16,400 --> 00:11:18,066
王總的體檢費你也要AA
363
00:11:18,466 --> 00:11:19,266
咳
364
00:11:19,533 --> 00:11:20,966
我先給王總做檢查
365
00:11:21,900 --> 00:11:23,600
不是什麼情況啊
366
00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:24,566
對方打出了一擊
367
00:11:24,566 --> 00:11:25,466
顧左右而言他
368
00:11:25,466 --> 00:11:26,600
我方連連敗退
369
00:11:26,866 --> 00:11:27,700
再抽象下去
370
00:11:27,700 --> 00:11:28,800
我就真成傻子了
371
00:11:28,800 --> 00:11:31,000
我現在懷疑林淵是不是玩第五人格
372
00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:32,400
不然他怎麼短短幾分鐘裡
373
00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:33,933
會有這麼多不同的人格
374
00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:35,800
嘿
375
00:11:37,666 --> 00:11:39,200
這笑我可太熟悉了
376
00:11:39,500 --> 00:11:41,700
他肯定誤以為自己吃到瓜了
377
00:11:42,066 --> 00:11:43,366
加個聯絡方式吧
378
00:11:44,700 --> 00:11:46,200
換頭像和女名了
379
00:11:46,500 --> 00:11:48,133
現在怎麼不玩抽象了
380
00:11:48,300 --> 00:11:49,466
你怎麼還不走
381
00:11:49,733 --> 00:11:51,666
我下班還有很久
382
00:11:51,766 --> 00:11:53,700
我還沒付我王總的體檢費
383
00:11:55,400 --> 00:11:57,966
咳咳今晚王總的消費我來買單
384
00:11:58,800 --> 00:11:59,100
你
385
00:11:59,100 --> 00:12:00,100
又想幹什麼
386
00:12:00,366 --> 00:12:02,366
王總我只照這一次懂
387
00:12:02,933 --> 00:12:04,800
大哥還是你厲害
388
00:12:07,266 --> 00:12:08,066
哎
389
00:12:09,300 --> 00:12:10,700
你不是說AA嗎
390
00:12:10,866 --> 00:12:11,700
嗯嗯嗯
391
00:12:12,333 --> 00:12:13,466
跟你開玩笑呢
392
00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:15,200
你忙去吧好嗎好的
393
00:12:16,600 --> 00:12:19,200
另外沈醫生的微信推我一下吧
394
00:12:19,266 --> 00:12:20,933
我下次還是找沈醫生吧
395
00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:21,800
好的
396
00:12:24,466 --> 00:12:25,266
咦
397
00:12:26,200 --> 00:12:27,000
他一直這樣
398
00:12:27,133 --> 00:12:28,100
也不是啦
399
00:12:28,200 --> 00:12:29,566
他還說自己心有所屬
400
00:12:29,566 --> 00:12:30,366
真的嗎
401
00:12:30,366 --> 00:12:33,266
有算是有吧就是呃
402
00:12:33,366 --> 00:12:35,100
怎麼說話結結巴巴的
403
00:12:35,133 --> 00:12:36,500
是有還是沒有啊
404
00:12:36,500 --> 00:12:38,066
不會是追不到人家吧
405
00:12:38,100 --> 00:12:39,500
其實哎呀
406
00:12:39,500 --> 00:12:40,933
你和他熟了就知道了
407
00:12:42,566 --> 00:12:44,533
市裡的寵物醫院都翻遍了
408
00:12:44,533 --> 00:12:46,533
之前一直去的那家還倒閉了
409
00:12:46,700 --> 00:12:48,700
其他家的評價也不是特別好
410
00:12:49,133 --> 00:12:50,266
找不到下家
411
00:12:50,300 --> 00:12:51,466
這可怎麼辦啊
412
00:12:51,766 --> 00:12:53,733
媽擋著我看電視了
413
00:12:54,666 --> 00:12:56,666
和8號男物件怎麼樣
414
00:12:56,700 --> 00:12:57,600
有聯絡嗎
415
00:12:57,666 --> 00:12:58,700
哎有是有
416
00:12:58,700 --> 00:12:59,800
但他拒絕我了
417
00:12:59,800 --> 00:13:00,800
我倆不合適
418
00:13:00,866 --> 00:13:02,266
你換個男物件吧
419
00:13:02,400 --> 00:13:05,366
怎麼會他憑什麼拒絕你
420
00:13:06,666 --> 00:13:09,166
雖然他喜歡林玉安這種型別的女婿
421
00:13:09,466 --> 00:13:10,533
但是在他心裡
422
00:13:10,600 --> 00:13:13,000
世界上最優秀的人永遠還是我
423
00:13:13,066 --> 00:13:15,333
先前前男友提分手的時候
424
00:13:15,333 --> 00:13:16,733
媽媽險些抄刀去問
425
00:13:16,733 --> 00:13:18,166
對方憑什麼跟我分手
426
00:13:18,166 --> 00:13:19,766
要分手也該是我來提
427
00:13:19,933 --> 00:13:21,000
你仔細說說
428
00:13:21,100 --> 00:13:22,300
他為什麼拒絕你
429
00:13:22,333 --> 00:13:23,800
你這麼優秀漂亮的
430
00:13:23,800 --> 00:13:24,933
他真是瞎了
431
00:13:24,966 --> 00:13:25,766
呃
432
00:13:25,966 --> 00:13:27,266
因為他善
433
00:13:34,333 --> 00:13:35,700
明天要出來約會嗎
434
00:13:36,100 --> 00:13:36,900
啊
435
00:13:37,466 --> 00:13:39,133
盜號了詐騙
436
00:13:39,333 --> 00:13:41,000
怎麼誰給你發訊息了
437
00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:42,100
8號男嘉賓
438
00:13:42,400 --> 00:13:45,166
也沒我也沒瞎呀
439
00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:46,566
也沒認錯字啊
440
00:13:47,800 --> 00:13:49,533
我已經有老公了
441
00:13:49,533 --> 00:13:50,466
你別這樣
442
00:13:50,600 --> 00:13:51,666
開玩笑的
443
00:13:51,666 --> 00:13:53,100
你是不是發錯人了
444
00:13:54,366 --> 00:13:56,066
這哥們明明拒絕我
445
00:13:56,066 --> 00:13:57,533
說是心有所屬了
446
00:13:57,600 --> 00:13:58,600
這是在幹嘛
447
00:13:58,800 --> 00:14:00,166
新的抽象文學
448
00:14:00,966 --> 00:14:01,866
沒有發錯
449
00:14:01,900 --> 00:14:02,900
就是約你
450
00:14:03,133 --> 00:14:04,133
明天有空嗎
451
00:14:04,700 --> 00:14:06,766
文案很有欺詐性拿了
452
00:14:08,900 --> 00:14:09,466
嗯
453
00:14:09,466 --> 00:14:10,866
天后天大後天
454
00:14:10,866 --> 00:14:12,566
這輩子下輩子都沒空
455
00:14:12,566 --> 00:14:14,600
約在下下輩子的週末吧
456
00:14:14,733 --> 00:14:15,933
哈哈哈
457
00:14:16,200 --> 00:14:18,666
後來他總是給我發些莫名其妙的訊息
458
00:14:18,733 --> 00:14:20,166
他主動的毫無邏輯
459
00:14:20,200 --> 00:14:21,866
我實在是摸不著頭腦
460
00:14:21,900 --> 00:14:23,966
但他的抽象文案確實不錯
461
00:14:24,066 --> 00:14:25,200
我頗有收穫
462
00:14:30,533 --> 00:14:31,100
喂
463
00:14:31,100 --> 00:14:32,733
王總的體檢結果出來了
464
00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:33,966
你要過來看一下嗎
465
00:14:33,966 --> 00:14:35,366
你看看有沒有問題
466
00:14:35,566 --> 00:14:36,866
沒什麼問題的話
467
00:14:36,966 --> 00:14:38,100
我就不過去了
468
00:14:38,100 --> 00:14:38,900
有問題
469
00:14:39,266 --> 00:14:40,666
什麼怎麼了
470
00:14:40,666 --> 00:14:41,366
哪有問題
471
00:14:41,366 --> 00:14:42,666
問題大嗎嚴重嗎
472
00:14:42,666 --> 00:14:43,533
是我有問題
473
00:14:43,933 --> 00:14:45,000
神經病
474
00:14:46,266 --> 00:14:47,133
媽媽在我這
475
00:14:47,700 --> 00:14:48,733
你要多少錢
476
00:14:48,733 --> 00:14:49,800
我一分都沒有
477
00:14:49,800 --> 00:14:50,666
我就是沒錢
478
00:14:50,666 --> 00:14:51,500
你看著辦
479
00:14:51,533 --> 00:14:52,666
我開玩笑啦
480
00:14:52,733 --> 00:14:54,300
嘿嘿我這就過去
481
00:14:59,900 --> 00:15:00,700
啊
482
00:15:03,933 --> 00:15:05,933
哎呀這是樂晴吧
483
00:15:06,100 --> 00:15:06,900
啊
484
00:15:08,933 --> 00:15:10,466
阿姨好
485
00:15:10,533 --> 00:15:12,000
嗯不錯不錯
486
00:15:12,533 --> 00:15:14,266
這是從哪得出的結論
487
00:15:14,733 --> 00:15:15,900
林淵救我
488
00:15:16,266 --> 00:15:17,100
你自救吧
489
00:15:17,100 --> 00:15:18,466
男人果然靠不住啊
490
00:15:18,533 --> 00:15:19,933
只能撒點錢了
491
00:15:21,066 --> 00:15:23,733
阿姨您是要和我媽媽一起去吃晚飯嗎
492
00:15:23,733 --> 00:15:24,700
我請客吧
493
00:15:24,700 --> 00:15:26,400
哎呦別叫阿姨了
494
00:15:26,500 --> 00:15:28,600
如果哪天能叫我媽就好了
495
00:15:29,666 --> 00:15:31,600
我兒子可都沒這麼貼心
496
00:15:31,733 --> 00:15:33,733
連讓他送送我都不樂意呢
497
00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:34,600
啊
498
00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:36,666
什麼兒子誰媽
499
00:15:36,966 --> 00:15:38,133
我送你們去吃飯
500
00:15:38,566 --> 00:15:39,700
原來是你媽
501
00:15:39,866 --> 00:15:40,800
不用不用
502
00:15:41,466 --> 00:15:43,566
小林你送樂晴吧
503
00:15:43,966 --> 00:15:44,933
什麼不
504
00:15:45,200 --> 00:15:46,100
什麼意思啊
505
00:15:46,700 --> 00:15:49,166
意思是你得等我一起下班了
506
00:15:49,366 --> 00:15:51,733
我就是不想接受這個事實啊
507
00:15:53,900 --> 00:15:55,366
哦你倆是
508
00:15:55,400 --> 00:15:57,200
快打住什麼都克
509
00:15:57,400 --> 00:15:58,566
只會害了你
510
00:15:58,800 --> 00:16:00,066
只是經此一遭
511
00:16:00,333 --> 00:16:01,666
我算是想明白媽媽
512
00:16:01,666 --> 00:16:03,166
平時在跟誰打電話了
513
00:16:03,166 --> 00:16:05,800
也想明白林玉安最近的主動是為什麼
514
00:16:06,100 --> 00:16:08,333
感情都是被逼的可憐人啊
515
00:16:08,566 --> 00:16:10,566
來之前還沒吃幾口飯
516
00:16:10,933 --> 00:16:12,100
現在餓了
517
00:16:12,533 --> 00:16:13,333
餓了嗎
518
00:16:13,566 --> 00:16:14,366
啊
519
00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:16,066
他竟然察覺到了
520
00:16:16,166 --> 00:16:17,600
還主動跟我說話
521
00:16:18,300 --> 00:16:19,100
餓
522
00:16:19,333 --> 00:16:20,133
嗯
523
00:16:22,866 --> 00:16:23,666
啊
524
00:16:23,866 --> 00:16:25,133
原來沒下雨啊
525
00:16:25,200 --> 00:16:26,266
怪不得我無雨
526
00:16:27,300 --> 00:16:28,200
你餓了
527
00:16:28,333 --> 00:16:29,133
啊不餓
528
00:16:29,300 --> 00:16:30,266
吃了來的
529
00:16:30,366 --> 00:16:31,700
竟然信了
530
00:16:31,866 --> 00:16:33,533
我真想把他打一頓
531
00:16:34,100 --> 00:16:36,466
幹嘛沒見過純恨戰士啊
532
00:16:36,766 --> 00:16:37,766
上學恨老師
533
00:16:37,766 --> 00:16:38,600
軍訓恨教官
534
00:16:38,600 --> 00:16:39,766
小組作業恨同學
535
00:16:39,766 --> 00:16:40,666
放假恨火車
536
00:16:40,666 --> 00:16:41,800
工作了恨領導同事
537
00:16:41,800 --> 00:16:43,133
坐地鐵恨冰涼鐵椅子
538
00:16:43,133 --> 00:16:44,800
坐沙發當然就恨沙發了
539
00:16:44,866 --> 00:16:46,566
恨才能感受生命的真實
540
00:16:46,666 --> 00:16:48,166
愛一個人可能是裝的
541
00:16:48,166 --> 00:16:50,666
但恨一個人帶來的痛苦是很難忘懷的
542
00:16:50,666 --> 00:16:51,466
懂
543
00:16:51,700 --> 00:16:53,166
那你活著痛苦嗎
544
00:16:53,166 --> 00:16:53,966
嗯
545
00:16:54,600 --> 00:16:55,600
哪個方面
546
00:16:56,300 --> 00:16:58,200
你希望我抽象的回答
547
00:16:58,333 --> 00:16:59,700
還是哲學的回答
548
00:16:59,966 --> 00:17:00,900
活著痛苦
549
00:17:01,300 --> 00:17:03,866
因為生命的縮寫是s和m
550
00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:05,866
大哥還是你厲害
551
00:17:06,866 --> 00:17:08,333
你在這裡休息會吧
552
00:17:08,400 --> 00:17:09,466
桌子上有小零食
553
00:17:09,466 --> 00:17:10,266
你先吃點
554
00:17:10,266 --> 00:17:11,266
我得去接診了
555
00:17:11,266 --> 00:17:12,366
在抽象完後
556
00:17:12,366 --> 00:17:12,866
他不理我
557
00:17:12,866 --> 00:17:14,166
我也只能玩手機
558
00:17:14,266 --> 00:17:15,500
玩到手機沒電
559
00:17:15,500 --> 00:17:16,866
我終於老實了
560
00:17:17,666 --> 00:17:19,600
有沒有充電器啊林醫生
561
00:17:20,766 --> 00:17:23,066
你還在我以為你已經
562
00:17:26,200 --> 00:17:28,133
不是你說等你下班的嗎
563
00:17:28,333 --> 00:17:29,500
算了我回去了
564
00:17:30,533 --> 00:17:31,933
哎我送你
565
00:17:31,933 --> 00:17:33,066
等我換下衣服
566
00:17:34,900 --> 00:17:35,933
我送你
567
00:17:37,133 --> 00:17:38,500
啊保時捷
568
00:17:38,666 --> 00:17:39,766
帶你去吃宵夜吧
569
00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:41,100
這麼有實力
570
00:17:41,400 --> 00:17:41,933
嗯
571
00:17:41,933 --> 00:17:42,766
那走吧
572
00:17:47,333 --> 00:17:49,333
你家保時捷長這樣
573
00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:51,100
真沒開玩笑
574
00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:52,933
我的保時捷就是淋了雨後
575
00:17:52,933 --> 00:17:54,733
被腐蝕成了粉色電瓶車
576
00:17:54,966 --> 00:17:57,400
你沒見過不代表世上沒有
577
00:17:57,900 --> 00:18:00,700
玩你一輩子的抽象去吧神經病
578
00:18:04,566 --> 00:18:06,066
林醫生林醫生
579
00:18:06,100 --> 00:18:07,800
3號籠的表貓術後吐了
580
00:18:07,800 --> 00:18:09,300
吐了好幾次帶血絲
581
00:18:11,333 --> 00:18:12,133
來了
582
00:18:20,066 --> 00:18:20,933
還有蛋糕嗎
583
00:18:20,933 --> 00:18:21,933
有您挑挑
584
00:18:23,166 --> 00:18:24,266
這個幫我打包
585
00:18:32,366 --> 00:18:33,366
跟著我幹嘛
586
00:18:34,600 --> 00:18:36,100
咳不好意思啊
587
00:18:36,100 --> 00:18:37,166
我認錯人了
588
00:18:37,166 --> 00:18:37,966
沒事
589
00:18:39,366 --> 00:18:41,533
完了手機沒電關機了
590
00:18:41,900 --> 00:18:42,600
跟你吵架
591
00:18:42,600 --> 00:18:44,166
你怎麼不哄哄我啊
592
00:18:44,300 --> 00:18:45,166
知道錯了
593
00:18:45,566 --> 00:18:47,866
好吧我大發慈悲原諒你了
594
00:18:48,066 --> 00:18:48,866
我還沒走多遠
595
00:18:48,866 --> 00:18:49,866
快來接我啊
596
00:18:51,166 --> 00:18:52,133
你好慢呀
597
00:18:52,133 --> 00:18:53,000
你到哪裡了
598
00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:54,066
我回去找你
599
00:18:54,366 --> 00:18:55,166
美女
600
00:18:55,500 --> 00:18:56,400
你等等我
601
00:18:56,400 --> 00:18:57,966
有個大叔在喊我
602
00:18:58,900 --> 00:19:01,266
小美女和男朋友吵架呢
603
00:19:01,466 --> 00:19:02,566
我們和好了
604
00:19:02,700 --> 00:19:05,000
大叔你跟著我是還有什麼事嗎
605
00:19:05,166 --> 00:19:06,066
沒什麼事
606
00:19:06,466 --> 00:19:07,900
想跟你交個朋友
607
00:19:08,000 --> 00:19:08,900
不想交
608
00:19:10,333 --> 00:19:11,333
這麼晚了
609
00:19:11,500 --> 00:19:13,700
你男朋友怎麼放心你一個人在外面走
610
00:19:13,800 --> 00:19:15,100
叔叔不是壞人
611
00:19:15,366 --> 00:19:16,733
叔叔是保護你
612
00:19:17,066 --> 00:19:18,400
小美女怎麼不說話
613
00:19:18,533 --> 00:19:20,366
叔叔就是想和你交個朋友
614
00:19:20,733 --> 00:19:22,466
多交個朋友又不是壞事
615
00:19:23,100 --> 00:19:25,566
老公你來接我了
616
00:19:33,966 --> 00:19:34,933
發什麼事了
617
00:19:37,766 --> 00:19:40,066
老公你來的好慢啊
618
00:19:41,566 --> 00:19:42,500
王八蛋
619
00:19:44,266 --> 00:19:45,766
你是她男朋友啊
620
00:19:47,933 --> 00:19:48,733
啊
621
00:19:49,100 --> 00:19:50,966
你想對我女朋友幹什麼
622
00:19:51,133 --> 00:19:51,933
沒幹什麼
623
00:19:52,733 --> 00:19:54,100
就看他一個人在外面
624
00:19:54,133 --> 00:19:55,400
想跟他交個朋友
625
00:19:56,533 --> 00:19:57,700
你再不走
626
00:19:58,166 --> 00:19:59,500
我就報警了
627
00:19:59,500 --> 00:20:00,666
哎你這個人
628
00:20:01,166 --> 00:20:02,566
就交個朋友而已
629
00:20:02,566 --> 00:20:03,700
不要生氣嘛
630
00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:08,500
滾別再讓我說第二遍
631
00:20:09,133 --> 00:20:10,000
神經病
632
00:20:10,933 --> 00:20:12,800
鼻涕擦你衣服上了
633
00:20:13,400 --> 00:20:14,200
啊
634
00:20:22,066 --> 00:20:22,933
有腹肌
635
00:20:25,900 --> 00:20:27,000
讓你害怕了對不起
636
00:20:29,100 --> 00:20:30,800
本來想直接追上你的
637
00:20:31,133 --> 00:20:32,866
但一想到你應該很餓
638
00:20:33,166 --> 00:20:35,700
所以我先買了蛋糕對不起
639
00:20:36,533 --> 00:20:37,533
你說什麼
640
00:20:38,400 --> 00:20:40,933
我說帶你去吃宵夜
641
00:20:41,066 --> 00:20:42,166
如果你想回家
642
00:20:42,166 --> 00:20:43,400
我就送你回去
643
00:20:43,700 --> 00:20:45,700
或者你想去做什麼我陪你
644
00:20:47,566 --> 00:20:54,100
我我我還是先回家吧
645
00:20:59,933 --> 00:21:01,566
那個謝謝你
646
00:21:02,666 --> 00:21:04,800
還有之前跟你生氣
647
00:21:05,200 --> 00:21:07,366
其實我也有錯對不起
648
00:21:07,666 --> 00:21:09,366
我們本來認識就不久
649
00:21:09,600 --> 00:21:11,600
我生氣後你還來找我
650
00:21:11,766 --> 00:21:13,133
謝謝你啊再見哦
651
00:21:13,133 --> 00:21:14,066
等你進去了
652
00:21:14,766 --> 00:21:15,766
na na
653
00:21:17,733 --> 00:21:19,666
na na
654
00:21:22,400 --> 00:21:23,400
na na
655
00:21:28,133 --> 00:21:30,333
怪不得小說裡英雄救美
656
00:21:30,333 --> 00:21:32,366
總是一段情緣的開始呢
657
00:21:32,566 --> 00:21:35,466
哈哈哈
658
00:21:39,600 --> 00:21:40,666
啊不對
659
00:21:40,866 --> 00:21:42,866
不對這什麼情況啊
660
00:21:42,933 --> 00:21:43,766
我跟你說
661
00:21:43,766 --> 00:21:45,366
今天真的氣死我了
662
00:21:45,366 --> 00:21:47,000
你跟抽象哥還聊著啊
663
00:21:47,066 --> 00:21:48,133
說來話長
664
00:21:48,300 --> 00:21:49,800
但我不介意細說
665
00:21:49,900 --> 00:21:50,933
然後還有還有
666
00:21:50,933 --> 00:21:51,666
重點提過雪茄
667
00:21:51,666 --> 00:21:52,533
重點是麗嬪和教官
668
00:21:52,533 --> 00:21:53,333
有得到復仇嗎
669
00:21:53,333 --> 00:21:54,333
說不是草六級的都
670
00:21:54,333 --> 00:21:55,533
你是不是見色起意
671
00:21:55,766 --> 00:21:56,566
啊
672
00:21:56,800 --> 00:21:57,700
沒有吧
673
00:21:58,266 --> 00:21:59,333
不過聽你這麼說
674
00:21:59,500 --> 00:22:00,966
抽象哥其實人還不錯
675
00:22:01,166 --> 00:22:02,733
抽象的時候提供情緒價值
676
00:22:02,733 --> 00:22:04,566
不抽象的時候還挺靠譜的
677
00:22:04,566 --> 00:22:06,100
你起意就起意吧
678
00:22:06,200 --> 00:22:08,166
不啊我起什麼意啊
679
00:22:08,166 --> 00:22:09,866
我又不是那種360行
680
00:22:09,866 --> 00:22:12,066
行行出新郎那種很花心的人
681
00:22:12,100 --> 00:22:14,600
我才不會見到帥哥就起意呢
682
00:22:24,566 --> 00:22:26,300
每一條是林玉安發的
683
00:22:26,866 --> 00:22:28,133
我落寞什麼
684
00:22:28,733 --> 00:22:30,100
等等這不對吧
685
00:22:30,100 --> 00:22:32,266
我怎麼會在意抽象哥給不給我發訊息
686
00:22:32,266 --> 00:22:33,666
不這不會是真的
687
00:22:33,666 --> 00:22:34,766
一定還是錯覺
688
00:22:35,533 --> 00:22:36,400
醒了嗎
689
00:22:37,566 --> 00:22:38,366
啊
690
00:22:39,600 --> 00:22:42,366
我不允許自己在意一個抽象哥
691
00:22:42,866 --> 00:22:44,966
要是被朋友知道我真喜歡林玉安
692
00:22:44,966 --> 00:22:46,533
我可能會被笑一輩子
693
00:22:47,133 --> 00:22:48,533
區區一個抽象哥
694
00:22:50,366 --> 00:22:51,166
啊
695
00:22:52,400 --> 00:22:53,533
好點了嗎
696
00:22:57,566 --> 00:22:59,066
其實拋開抽象不戳
697
00:22:59,166 --> 00:23:01,333
林玉安確實是個很不錯的人
698
00:23:01,333 --> 00:23:03,000
於是我高冷沒幾天
699
00:23:03,000 --> 00:23:04,566
就忍不住原形畢露
700
00:23:04,700 --> 00:23:06,500
我本身就是個話很多的人
701
00:23:06,500 --> 00:23:07,866
在對方接得住梗
702
00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:09,666
還願意陪我玩的情況下
703
00:23:09,666 --> 00:23:12,366
我連拉的屎都想拍照給對方看
704
00:23:13,000 --> 00:23:14,766
你最近是不是吃少了
705
00:23:15,900 --> 00:23:17,000
然後我媽就會
706
00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:18,800
莫名其妙像得了指令一樣
707
00:23:18,800 --> 00:23:20,300
給我頓頓吃菜
708
00:23:20,466 --> 00:23:21,900
我覺得我媽這種頓頓
709
00:23:21,900 --> 00:23:23,300
不吃肉就難受的人
710
00:23:23,300 --> 00:23:25,700
會主動端上一桌子的綠色蔬菜
711
00:23:25,866 --> 00:23:27,500
一定和林玉安有關係
712
00:23:28,500 --> 00:23:29,800
怨不得我多想
713
00:23:30,400 --> 00:23:32,266
一開始我和林餘安會相親
714
00:23:32,266 --> 00:23:33,700
包括相親後還有聯絡
715
00:23:33,866 --> 00:23:35,900
全是我媽和林餘安媽媽搞的鬼
716
00:23:36,166 --> 00:23:37,300
一位壓著我
717
00:23:37,300 --> 00:23:38,600
一位壓著林餘安
718
00:23:39,900 --> 00:23:41,966
只是我不肯低下高傲的頭顱
719
00:23:42,466 --> 00:23:44,533
林玉安倒是從善如流
720
00:23:44,700 --> 00:23:46,366
他媽媽讓他主動聯絡我
721
00:23:46,366 --> 00:23:47,266
他就聯絡了
722
00:23:47,266 --> 00:23:48,466
一開始玩了抽下
723
00:23:48,466 --> 00:23:49,566
想把我嚇跑
724
00:23:49,666 --> 00:23:52,566
結果沒想到我的抽下藝術也頗有造詣
725
00:23:52,766 --> 00:23:54,300
我們打的有來有回
726
00:23:54,366 --> 00:23:55,666
一時分不出高下
727
00:23:55,666 --> 00:23:57,400
最後演變成現在這樣
728
00:23:57,466 --> 00:23:58,600
我想不明白
729
00:23:59,166 --> 00:24:00,500
莫非他喜歡我
730
00:24:00,500 --> 00:24:01,600
我搞不來了
731
00:24:01,933 --> 00:24:04,100
現在就連林玉安撤回訊息的時候
732
00:24:04,100 --> 00:24:07,133
我都發不出又和我表白呢這種話了
733
00:24:07,733 --> 00:24:10,366
我們的關係回不到曾經了嗎
734
00:24:12,066 --> 00:24:12,866
飛
735
00:24:13,800 --> 00:24:16,000
但沃斯基夫斯基曾經說過
736
00:24:16,266 --> 00:24:18,533
當你覺得一個事情搞不明白的時候
737
00:24:18,533 --> 00:24:20,166
那你就直接丟擲問題
738
00:24:20,266 --> 00:24:21,533
於是我開啟手機
739
00:24:21,566 --> 00:24:22,733
做行動的巨人
740
00:24:22,733 --> 00:24:24,266
給林玉安發訊息
741
00:24:24,666 --> 00:24:26,466
我看著頂端的正在輸入中
742
00:24:26,466 --> 00:24:28,066
一會顯示一會消失的
743
00:24:28,066 --> 00:24:29,933
連筷子都緊張的不動了
744
00:24:33,666 --> 00:24:34,866
我心一涼
745
00:24:36,866 --> 00:24:38,100
都已經否認了
746
00:24:38,100 --> 00:24:39,966
為什麼還要重新說一遍啊
747
00:24:40,266 --> 00:24:41,966
我心更涼了
748
00:24:42,133 --> 00:24:44,766
桌上4個青菜更是食之無味
749
00:24:44,800 --> 00:24:46,866
哦其實我也不是覺得你喜歡我
750
00:24:46,866 --> 00:24:48,166
我就是隨便一說
751
00:24:48,200 --> 00:24:50,733
我也不是很想知道你到底喜不喜歡我
752
00:24:50,866 --> 00:24:51,533
趕緊解釋
753
00:24:51,533 --> 00:24:53,166
不能讓她覺得我討厭她
754
00:24:54,166 --> 00:24:55,366
其實沒有很在意
755
00:24:56,300 --> 00:24:57,100
啊
756
00:24:57,566 --> 00:24:59,600
這樣像此地無銀三百兩啊
757
00:25:00,666 --> 00:25:02,000
其實我是純愛戰士
758
00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:03,500
我見一個愛一個
759
00:25:03,733 --> 00:25:05,533
笑死你真的很裝
760
00:25:05,600 --> 00:25:06,566
你真的很裝
761
00:25:07,133 --> 00:25:09,266
更不行我要崩潰了
762
00:25:09,900 --> 00:25:11,466
林雲安正在輸入中
763
00:25:12,466 --> 00:25:14,300
他該不會是要跟我表白
764
00:25:16,133 --> 00:25:16,933
我操
765
00:25:20,666 --> 00:25:21,066
林雲兒
766
00:25:21,066 --> 00:25:21,866
林雲兒
767
00:25:26,566 --> 00:25:30,200
哈哈哈
768
00:25:30,733 --> 00:25:33,466
別笑了今天又是王總的體檢日
769
00:25:33,466 --> 00:25:34,400
你說怎麼辦啊
770
00:25:34,666 --> 00:25:36,366
最近我跟林淵都沒見過面
771
00:25:36,366 --> 00:25:37,266
雖然他約過我
772
00:25:37,266 --> 00:25:38,500
但我都拒絕了
773
00:25:38,666 --> 00:25:41,000
莫名有一種要和網友面基的尷尬
774
00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:42,400
就當朋友見面唄
775
00:25:42,400 --> 00:25:44,933
再說了你讓你媽媽去也不是不行嘛
776
00:25:45,133 --> 00:25:45,866
哎
777
00:25:45,866 --> 00:25:46,666
很有道理
778
00:25:46,666 --> 00:25:47,366
逃避可起
779
00:25:47,366 --> 00:25:48,866
但是確實也沒用
780
00:25:48,866 --> 00:25:51,133
我一向不喜歡把心事留太久
781
00:25:51,133 --> 00:25:52,366
林元安是個例外
782
00:25:52,400 --> 00:25:54,400
可能因為他真的太抽象了
783
00:25:54,400 --> 00:25:56,566
我摸不準他的下一步行動方針
784
00:25:56,566 --> 00:25:57,666
於是我認命
785
00:25:57,666 --> 00:25:59,800
我脫鞋把王總抱進貓包
786
00:25:59,866 --> 00:26:01,600
出門前給林元安發了個訊息
787
00:26:01,600 --> 00:26:03,266
我帶王總來體檢了
788
00:26:03,933 --> 00:26:05,466
等我到寵物醫院的時候
789
00:26:05,566 --> 00:26:06,733
他也沒回訊息
790
00:26:06,866 --> 00:26:08,300
今天林醫生那人很多
791
00:26:08,300 --> 00:26:09,366
沈醫生稍微少點
792
00:26:09,366 --> 00:26:10,800
要去沈醫生那看嗎
793
00:26:11,466 --> 00:26:12,300
也行
794
00:26:13,366 --> 00:26:14,466
是你嗎
795
00:26:14,866 --> 00:26:15,666
啥
796
00:26:16,266 --> 00:26:18,300
那個深夜流淚的女孩
797
00:26:20,466 --> 00:26:21,466
什麼意思啊
798
00:26:21,966 --> 00:26:23,766
哎不是你的話
799
00:26:23,766 --> 00:26:25,000
還會是誰啊
800
00:26:25,100 --> 00:26:27,333
也對你都取沈醫生的號了
801
00:26:27,333 --> 00:26:28,300
應該不是你
802
00:26:30,300 --> 00:26:32,300
請停止打俺咪好嗎
803
00:26:32,300 --> 00:26:35,166
好的而且就算是我又怎麼了
804
00:26:35,266 --> 00:26:36,366
給我的貓體檢而已
805
00:26:36,366 --> 00:26:37,900
我要守什麼賽博貞操嗎
806
00:26:37,933 --> 00:26:38,866
是這樣的啊
807
00:26:38,900 --> 00:26:39,900
我跟你說
808
00:26:39,966 --> 00:26:41,200
大概一個多月前
809
00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:42,200
一個深夜
810
00:26:42,400 --> 00:26:45,066
林醫生突然在我們的小群裡發了一句
811
00:26:45,133 --> 00:26:48,333
為什麼看一個女孩子流眼淚會心疼呢
812
00:26:48,800 --> 00:26:49,700
為什麼呢
813
00:26:49,933 --> 00:26:51,366
哎呀你笨
814
00:26:51,566 --> 00:26:52,866
當然是東西啦
815
00:26:54,000 --> 00:26:55,700
這樣哦我心一涼
816
00:26:55,733 --> 00:26:58,500
林玉安之前就說過自己心有所屬來著
817
00:26:58,566 --> 00:27:01,166
難道他喜歡的是那個會哭哭的女孩子
818
00:27:01,300 --> 00:27:03,266
既然對方有喜歡的女孩子了
819
00:27:03,266 --> 00:27:05,200
我是不是得保持點距離了
820
00:27:07,300 --> 00:27:08,100
這
821
00:27:08,166 --> 00:27:09,466
林淵都有喜歡的人了
822
00:27:09,466 --> 00:27:10,600
還天天跟我聊天
823
00:27:10,666 --> 00:27:11,800
不要臉的是他
824
00:27:14,466 --> 00:27:16,733
啊打閃了到我了啊
825
00:27:17,200 --> 00:27:18,666
又這樣勾引我
826
00:27:18,800 --> 00:27:20,733
幹嘛逗我玩啊
827
00:27:20,933 --> 00:27:23,200
請A01號到診室就診
828
00:27:26,000 --> 00:27:27,900
沈醫生長得也是一表人才
829
00:27:28,200 --> 00:27:29,366
賞心悅目啊
830
00:27:29,900 --> 00:27:31,900
人果然不能只吊死在一棵樹上
831
00:27:31,900 --> 00:27:33,266
能加個聯絡方式嗎
832
00:27:33,766 --> 00:27:34,700
我認識你
833
00:27:34,700 --> 00:27:36,500
你是那個抽象姐
834
00:27:36,500 --> 00:27:37,333
呃不是
835
00:27:37,500 --> 00:27:38,500
林醫生的朋友
836
00:27:38,733 --> 00:27:39,866
我聽到了
837
00:27:39,966 --> 00:27:41,466
你叫我抽象姐
838
00:27:41,700 --> 00:27:44,100
呃我確實認識林醫生
839
00:27:44,400 --> 00:27:45,866
這是婉拒我嗎
840
00:27:46,100 --> 00:27:47,400
你覺得林醫生怎麼樣
841
00:27:47,933 --> 00:27:48,733
啊
842
00:27:49,133 --> 00:27:50,700
他其實蠻純情的
843
00:27:50,966 --> 00:27:53,166
為了討好喜歡的女孩子也很努力
844
00:27:54,100 --> 00:27:54,966
真的嗎
845
00:27:55,533 --> 00:27:58,200
一開始他確實是想借著玩抽象
846
00:27:58,200 --> 00:28:00,733
的名義應付掉媽媽安排的相親
847
00:28:01,066 --> 00:28:03,533
但是你這還有消毒溼巾嗎我拿
848
00:28:03,533 --> 00:28:04,333
呃哦
849
00:28:11,900 --> 00:28:13,700
明明我們什麼關係都沒有
850
00:28:14,100 --> 00:28:16,500
為什麼我卻有一種被捉姦的心虛感
851
00:28:19,266 --> 00:28:20,133
他怎麼了
852
00:28:20,266 --> 00:28:21,866
自從喜歡上林玉安後
853
00:28:21,900 --> 00:28:23,500
我好像經常隨地大小幹
854
00:28:23,533 --> 00:28:24,333
吃醋吧
855
00:28:25,266 --> 00:28:26,133
吃誰的
856
00:28:27,200 --> 00:28:28,300
他喜歡你
857
00:28:28,900 --> 00:28:29,700
哦
858
00:28:29,766 --> 00:28:30,766
你不要命了
859
00:28:30,766 --> 00:28:32,000
還是我不要命了
860
00:28:32,000 --> 00:28:33,500
在異性戀這裡說這個
861
00:28:33,666 --> 00:28:34,466
對不起
862
00:28:34,966 --> 00:28:36,366
那他是喜歡我
863
00:28:36,966 --> 00:28:38,766
這麼明顯你都看不出來
864
00:28:38,900 --> 00:28:40,133
可能看出來了
865
00:28:40,133 --> 00:28:41,766
但是被當事人否了啊
866
00:28:41,900 --> 00:28:44,766
哈哈哈不過當時他那麼抽象
867
00:28:44,800 --> 00:28:46,100
你都沒被嚇跑
868
00:28:46,933 --> 00:28:48,466
你倆確實很般配啊
869
00:28:49,066 --> 00:28:50,333
不枉他在我這研習了
870
00:28:50,333 --> 00:28:51,566
這麼久的抽象文學
871
00:28:51,700 --> 00:28:55,000
原來他當時找的道士外援是你啊
872
00:28:55,700 --> 00:28:58,466
但知道林元安其實喜歡我
873
00:28:58,966 --> 00:29:00,666
我還是挺開心的
874
00:29:06,066 --> 00:29:07,400
不是體檢完了嗎
875
00:29:07,733 --> 00:29:08,566
好的好的
876
00:29:08,566 --> 00:29:09,566
那我先回家了
877
00:29:09,566 --> 00:29:10,400
我下次再來
878
00:29:10,400 --> 00:29:11,200
嗯
879
00:29:11,766 --> 00:29:12,566
啊
880
00:29:15,800 --> 00:29:17,400
我大概還有一個小時
881
00:29:17,400 --> 00:29:19,066
你在這裡等等我好嗎
882
00:29:19,800 --> 00:29:21,533
哎好吧
883
00:29:22,100 --> 00:29:24,133
他的臉又莫名其妙的紅了起來
884
00:29:24,133 --> 00:29:25,700
搞得我也有點莫名其妙
885
00:29:25,900 --> 00:29:27,300
但是休息室裡有空調
886
00:29:27,300 --> 00:29:28,066
有電視機
887
00:29:28,066 --> 00:29:29,000
有吃有喝
888
00:29:29,000 --> 00:29:30,366
我再待一會也沒事
889
00:29:30,366 --> 00:29:32,500
我預感林雲安應該有話跟我說
890
00:29:32,766 --> 00:29:33,900
我不介意等等
891
00:29:36,166 --> 00:29:37,900
林淵你再跟我玩抽象
892
00:29:38,000 --> 00:29:39,166
那我就只能說想要
893
00:29:39,166 --> 00:29:40,500
天上掉美女的有福了
894
00:29:40,500 --> 00:29:41,766
因為我要跳樓了
895
00:29:42,266 --> 00:29:44,300
絕對不能被同一個人耍兩次
896
00:29:46,300 --> 00:29:47,200
反正無聊
897
00:29:47,200 --> 00:29:48,166
吃點零食
898
00:29:50,700 --> 00:29:52,133
我已經主動過了
899
00:29:52,333 --> 00:29:53,966
現在該是他的回合了
900
00:29:53,966 --> 00:29:55,266
我今天有點忙
901
00:29:55,500 --> 00:29:56,966
你等的很無聊吧
902
00:29:57,200 --> 00:29:58,000
還好
903
00:29:58,366 --> 00:30:00,333
走我帶你去個地方
904
00:30:01,366 --> 00:30:03,666
等等我果凍還沒吃完呢
905
00:30:04,166 --> 00:30:05,133
那就帶著
906
00:30:06,733 --> 00:30:08,166
那王總怎麼辦
907
00:30:08,700 --> 00:30:09,500
放心
908
00:30:09,666 --> 00:30:12,100
我已經讓沈醫生把王總送回你家了
909
00:30:20,100 --> 00:30:20,900
上車吧
910
00:30:22,900 --> 00:30:24,066
這是你的車
911
00:30:25,466 --> 00:30:27,966
當然上次不是故意騙你的
912
00:30:27,966 --> 00:30:28,866
那天限號
913
00:30:28,966 --> 00:30:30,933
所以騎了我媽的電動車
914
00:30:31,200 --> 00:30:33,000
好吧那我原諒你了
915
00:30:33,866 --> 00:30:36,300
so now i throw that body ass out
916
00:30:36,600 --> 00:30:38,600
i'm crazy crazy crazy
917
00:30:52,900 --> 00:30:53,866
你沒事的話
918
00:30:53,866 --> 00:30:54,900
我要回家了
919
00:30:56,400 --> 00:30:57,200
再等等
920
00:30:58,200 --> 00:30:59,600
我得做下心理準備
921
00:31:01,166 --> 00:31:02,100
我準備好了
922
00:31:02,166 --> 00:31:02,966
我還沒有
923
00:31:03,800 --> 00:31:04,600
別急啊
924
00:31:05,466 --> 00:31:06,366
我是第一次
925
00:31:07,100 --> 00:31:08,466
那我能先提問嗎
926
00:31:09,300 --> 00:31:10,133
你喜歡我嗎
927
00:31:12,766 --> 00:31:13,466
聽我說
928
00:31:13,466 --> 00:31:14,266
嗯
929
00:31:16,066 --> 00:31:16,866
繆樂晴
930
00:31:18,366 --> 00:31:21,333
一開始是被家裡人催婚催的急了
931
00:31:21,600 --> 00:31:23,066
才一時應下相親
932
00:31:23,166 --> 00:31:24,733
當時的我確實還沒
933
00:31:24,733 --> 00:31:26,000
什麼想談戀愛的念頭
934
00:31:26,166 --> 00:31:27,333
我想著我可以一輩子
935
00:31:27,333 --> 00:31:28,600
和我的貓生活在一起
936
00:31:28,600 --> 00:31:30,000
有沒有伴侶都無所謂
937
00:31:30,533 --> 00:31:32,333
於是我想先隨便應付一下
938
00:31:32,366 --> 00:31:33,533
只要你說不喜歡我
939
00:31:33,533 --> 00:31:34,766
我就可以以此為藉口
940
00:31:34,766 --> 00:31:36,466
堵住他們催婚的悠悠之口
941
00:31:37,000 --> 00:31:37,800
所以說
942
00:31:37,866 --> 00:31:40,866
當時心有所屬的其實是養的小貓嗎
943
00:31:41,333 --> 00:31:44,366
對當時是你像是越挫越勇一樣
944
00:31:45,166 --> 00:31:47,066
我第一次遇見你這樣的女孩子
945
00:31:49,166 --> 00:31:50,133
之前你問我
946
00:31:50,666 --> 00:31:52,266
我是不是喜歡你的時候
947
00:31:52,600 --> 00:31:53,500
我否認了
948
00:31:54,366 --> 00:31:56,866
那是因為我覺得表白
949
00:31:56,866 --> 00:31:58,166
應該是我來做才對
950
00:31:58,500 --> 00:31:59,600
可是我每一次約你
951
00:31:59,600 --> 00:32:01,400
你都不願意出來雲樂晴
952
00:32:02,766 --> 00:32:05,333
對不起第一次你見面的時候
953
00:32:05,533 --> 00:32:06,766
我表現的像個
954
00:32:07,266 --> 00:32:08,000
神經病
955
00:32:08,000 --> 00:32:08,366
沒有
956
00:32:08,366 --> 00:32:09,166
現在
957
00:32:09,866 --> 00:32:11,666
我想重新介紹一下我自己
958
00:32:13,000 --> 00:32:14,000
我叫林餘安
959
00:32:14,600 --> 00:32:15,766
今年27歲
960
00:32:16,500 --> 00:32:18,566
目前經營著一家寵物醫院
961
00:32:19,200 --> 00:32:20,466
沒有不良嗜好
962
00:32:20,866 --> 00:32:22,700
也沒有亂七八糟的男女關係
963
00:32:22,900 --> 00:32:23,966
我喜歡做飯
964
00:32:24,166 --> 00:32:25,900
你想吃什麼我都可以給你做
965
00:32:26,866 --> 00:32:28,733
我平時可能偶爾有點幼稚
966
00:32:29,000 --> 00:32:29,966
但我保證
967
00:32:30,333 --> 00:32:32,400
在照顧人和照顧小動物這方面
968
00:32:32,500 --> 00:32:33,666
我一直都很靠譜
969
00:32:35,466 --> 00:32:36,266
所以
970
00:32:37,133 --> 00:32:38,200
我喜歡你
971
00:32:38,866 --> 00:32:40,066
你願意給我一個機會
972
00:32:40,066 --> 00:32:41,466
讓我做你的男朋友嗎
973
00:32:44,400 --> 00:32:45,966
我不是現在就要你的回答
974
00:32:46,400 --> 00:32:47,400
你可以慢慢考慮
975
00:32:53,733 --> 00:32:54,533
你
976
00:32:58,666 --> 00:32:59,466
不好意思啊
977
00:32:59,766 --> 00:33:00,800
吃果凍呢
978
00:33:00,900 --> 00:33:02,400
一下吸你嘴上了
979
00:33:02,733 --> 00:33:04,533
你看這個事鬧的
980
00:33:09,333 --> 00:33:10,400
能再來一次嗎
981
00:33:20,666 --> 00:33:21,900
我開玩笑的
982
00:33:21,933 --> 00:33:23,000
我開玩笑的
983
00:33:25,000 --> 00:33:25,800
可以
984
00:33:30,066 --> 00:33:31,133
多少次都可以
985
00:33:31,200 --> 00:33:33,266
bang bang bang bang bang bang bang
986
00:33:33,266 --> 00:33:35,066
baby won't you share with me
987
00:33:43,733 --> 00:33:45,866
ba ba balling you no more
988
00:33:45,866 --> 00:33:47,966
no Messiah it's about to know
989
00:33:47,966 --> 00:33:51,066
so i'm so i'm falling in you
57043