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This program is intended for mature audiences.
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Parental discretion is advised.
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Does anybody really care that they cancel that prize?
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Is that the prize?
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Whip! Those chores were supposed to be done yesterday!
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I'm working!
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Moth the deck, jettison the trash, trim the bushes.
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Those guys who regret treating me like a slave. What
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am I, somebody?
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[music playing]
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My dear, I'm sorry, but you did ask me to...
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Your brain's out.
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Serving number 13. Let's make that 13 and 14.
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Whip! Whip!
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Get back to work, you lazy loafer. I need my toenails
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clipped.
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What, you look at me?
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I think the colored water brings out the blue in your
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warts.
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You really think so?
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Nice try, you useless teenage slacker.
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If you can't do this right, how in hell do you expect
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to make something of yourself?
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Whip, your room is an absolute wreck.
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When was the last time you did your laundry?
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Your underwear has more crap on it than a proctologist's
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cufflinks.
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What's got your panties in a bunch?
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This boy's room is a nauseating mix of bodily excretions
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and rotting food.
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And what's particularly upsetting is I'm having
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trouble differentiating between the two.
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I should not have to put up with this. I am not his
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maid.
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Then maybe you shouldn't dress like that.
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Oh sure, blame the victim.
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I realize that working on this ship means I have to
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put up with a lot of childishness.
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But turning a blind eye to this is beyond the call of
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duty.
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Childishness? Where are you getting that?
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She said duty.
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I can't believe I almost missed that one.
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Which one of you adolescents planted the spy cam in
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my shower head?
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In my diff- did you say shower head?
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Yes.
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Well, me. Mine's in the drain so I can get an upshot
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of the old Batcave.
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Whip, I am shocked.
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This woman is not a toy put on this ship for our
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sexual entertainment.
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She was put here for my sexual entertainment.
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You got some nerve sneaking a free peek at my ladies'
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knocker doodles.
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You know I charge for that kind of thing. Where's
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your integrity?
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Thanks for sticking up for me.
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Don't mention it. That's all well and good, but we
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have yet to solve the whip problem.
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Still in the room.
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He won't. There was work.
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They're menial tasks.
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His head is constantly in the clouds.
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I'd call him a daydreamer, but that would exclude the
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large portion of evening hours he's dawdling.
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And when he's not daydreaming, he's usually playing
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video games.
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Something has to be done.
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Have you taken a look at his role models lately?
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Jeez, cut the kids some slack, will ya?
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Whip!
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Picking pepperoni off a man's pizza?
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You crossed the line this time.
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I wish you guys had stopped treating me like I'm a
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little kid.
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Get up! Go to your room, you're grounded.
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Oh, is it time out? I don't know, whatever. Just get
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out of my sight.
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Someday you wish you never treated me like this.
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I don't always play video games.
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This game is for freakin' five-year-olds.
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I need something with more power.
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Maybe Chode's got some cool games hidden on the mainframe.
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Hey, hey, hey, slow down! Just 'cause everyone else
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pissed in your crunchberries doesn't mean you can
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take it out on...
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Would you like to play a game?
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A flight simulator? Cool!
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Hey, Danuck! Didn't I tell you no more talking on
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your cell phone while you're driving?
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I wasn't! I got a kayak back.
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Wait a minute, there's something wrong!
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Someone has taken over the ship. I can't access the
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controls.
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These realistic effects rock!
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It's Whip, the little bastard hacked into me.
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Chode, Whip's in the mainframe.
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Whip's in chain six. This is no time to get free.
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Whip is in the mainframe.
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Well then stop talking about S&M and let me do
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something about it.
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Let's see what this baby can do. Rift factor eight.
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Whoooo!
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Whoa!
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Stop! You're in control of the ship!
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Hey, what's going on?
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What are you doing? You're gonna cause me a life!
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Yeah, and you just about cost us all of our lives.
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You weren't controlling the game, you weren't
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controlling the ship, you lame-ass.
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Wow, if that ain't the Scientologist calling the Hare
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Krishna a weirdo.
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What are you talking about?
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Thanks to you, the ship is now completely out of
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control and we're sort of headed right for that
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planet!
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I unhooked the game.
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No, you unhooked the game controller.
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Aaaaaaah!
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This is so coming out of his allowance, if he had an
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allowance.
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He's destroyed our ship.
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I say we kill him and sell his kidneys on the black
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market to cover the repair bill.
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Why bother when Gus will do it for free?
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It'll take days.
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Once again, I'm forced to clean up after that teenage
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tornado. We can skip the organ harvesting and just
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kill him, can't we?
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Freeze! Raise your various appendages. Now!
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You picked the wrong planet to land on, buddy.
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Hey, Ernie, can I kill him first? You got to do it
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last time.
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Sure. I don't see why not.
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Hey, good news. I found a piece of the bumper. I
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could bang this 10,000.
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My God. Is it? Oh, holy crap, I don't believe it.
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You, here on our planet.
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Aaaaaah! It's him! Oh, it's him!
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Take my picture with him. May I?
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Sure.
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Now me! Would you sign my phaser?
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[laughing]
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Why are all these girls going so crazy? I don't get
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it.
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My poor ears. I haven't heard high-pitched screaming
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like this since the obstetrician gave my mother her
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first look at me.
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Shut up! The sooner Gus gets the shit fixed, the
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better.
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I can understand it if it was for me. I'm pretty hot,
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but whip? He can't masturbate and chew gum at the
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same time.
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There's something suspicious about all this.
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It's electric here, Mark. The king has declared a
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planetary holiday, allowing people to show up in droves.
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They seem to alternate between uncontrollable hysteria
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and jaw-dropping awe as the hottest new star on the
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planet passes.
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What the hell's going on here? Whip a star?
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His name's Whip? You heard it here first, ladies and
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gentlemen. The lizard's name is Whip. Just look at
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him.
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Could you see the length of that tongue? We may have
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to cut to a commercial so I can wring out my undies.
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Yeah, you know, you got a little junk in your trunk.
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You want to play army.
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How do you play that?
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I salute, and you blow the hell out of me.
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Ladies and gentlemen, kings are off.
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On behalf of the planet, Craven, I welcome you. Whip
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my honor.
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I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.
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No worries, dude. I'm fine.
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Then let the feast begin.
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Can we at least get some breadsticks here?
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For your information, I'm a famous food critic and
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you're losing stars faster than a block-hall.
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Yeah, right. FYI, there's no reason to go out in
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public like that. There is a vaccine for mad cow
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disease.
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Ha! I don't get it. Why him?
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Maybe it's a lizard thing. I heard he's the only reptile
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on the planet.
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You never know what qualities are going to appeal to
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the masses.
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Yeah, but lazy and dumb?
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If that's the case, you're the next big thing.
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Would you like your friends to partake in the feast?
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They may have whatever their hearts desire.
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You're asking me?
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Of course. You're bigger than Jesus.
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But not the Beatles.
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Me? Well then, I know just the thing.
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Well, it's about time.
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Pull!
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Can you believe that jerk?
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This instant stardom is going to his head.
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There's only one thing to do.
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Leave?
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No. Include this little episode in a sorted tell-all
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expose and sell it to the Galactic Enquirer.
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I can't take it anymore.
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I've done it.
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It's time to go, Whip.
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Hey!
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Is there a problem here?
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Nah, these are my...
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Yeah, there is.
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Mr. Too Big for his britches here is acting like an
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ass. Let's go.
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Whip, you can't leave. You're booked on TRL. Total Request,
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Blizzard.
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Looks like I gotta stay.
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For eternity, if you like.
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Fine. You want this no-talent teeny-bopper, you can
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keep it.
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I think this is for the best, you know.
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See, where I'm going, I couldn't take you guys.
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But hey, no heart feelings.
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Be careful who you step on on the way up, Whip,
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'cause you're gonna see us again all the way back
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down.
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You people seem to think that I can't handle all this.
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By the way, I say you people, 'cause your name's
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escaped me at the moment.
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The exit's gotta be around here somewhere.
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Chode, you just can't leave Whip here.
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Oh, yeah? Watch me.
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Chode, look! They're gonna kill Whip!
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Yeah, well, show business murder. Hey, look, an exit
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sign.
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You can't let him die.
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Why, is he owe me money?
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Chode, we're his real friends, not like those phony
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hangers on.
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Yeah, they just wanna use him.
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By the way, if he did die, would his estate pictures,
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records and films
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be ours to license and possibly make a small fortune
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from?
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Just asking.
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So, Whip, if you were a Tweet, what kind of Tweet
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would you be?
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Show Tweet? Oh, God, I swore to myself I wouldn't cry.
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Cut, print. Take five, everybody.
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You must come with us. These people are planning to
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fatten you up
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then hunt you down.
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Yeah, right. Don't you get it?
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I'm the biggest thing to hit this planet in decades.
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My autograph is selling for a thousand cronigs on
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eBay.
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I'm pretending to date Demi Moore.
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And there were three bikini-clad babes waiting next
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door
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to take a plaster cast of the old balls and chain.
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And did I mention I have an entourage?
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Two, yeah!
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More like a bunch of iguanavies.
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Whip, buddy, it looks like we need to have a little
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heart to heart.
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00:12:28,500 --> 00:12:32,500
Dearest nephew, to put it simply, there is no way in
265
00:12:32,500 --> 00:12:34,500
you deserve all this attention.
266
00:12:34,500 --> 00:12:37,110
Wait, wait, wait, hear me out. I'm going to let you
267
00:12:37,110 --> 00:12:37,500
down easy.
268
00:12:37,500 --> 00:12:40,500
You're a, well, you're a 16-year-old slacker loser
269
00:12:40,500 --> 00:12:43,500
and out of a possible 10, you're a two at best.
270
00:12:43,500 --> 00:12:44,500
What?
271
00:12:44,500 --> 00:12:46,500
I'm sorry, let me rephrase that.
272
00:12:46,500 --> 00:12:48,500
In the personality department, you're a two.
273
00:12:48,500 --> 00:12:51,500
In the looks department, you're a minus one.
274
00:12:51,500 --> 00:12:54,210
And you're just jealous. The green monster has
275
00:12:54,210 --> 00:12:55,500
finally reared its ugly head.
276
00:12:55,500 --> 00:12:58,400
Well, I wouldn't call you a monster, but I think you're
277
00:12:58,400 --> 00:12:59,500
getting the picture.
278
00:12:59,500 --> 00:13:02,500
Buddy guards, toss these never-wises out of here.
279
00:13:02,500 --> 00:13:14,500
Soon I'll have the complete set.
280
00:13:14,500 --> 00:13:16,500
[laughs]
281
00:13:16,500 --> 00:13:28,500
Tell me, tell me, who are you wearing?
282
00:13:28,500 --> 00:13:31,500
Dolce and iguana, of course. So, what's all this for?
283
00:13:31,500 --> 00:13:36,500
Your TV show. It's called Celebrity Hunt.
284
00:13:36,500 --> 00:13:41,500
So, what are we shooting?
285
00:13:41,500 --> 00:13:43,500
I didn't get this script this morning.
286
00:13:43,500 --> 00:13:46,500
What? But who?
287
00:13:46,500 --> 00:13:47,500
I give up. Who?
288
00:13:47,500 --> 00:13:51,480
Apparently, this time we're hunting the galaxy's dumbest
289
00:13:51,480 --> 00:13:52,500
lizard.
290
00:13:52,500 --> 00:13:54,500
Sounds like fun. Do I know him?
291
00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:55,500
It's you.
292
00:13:55,500 --> 00:13:59,100
What? You can't. You like me. You really, really like
293
00:13:59,100 --> 00:13:59,500
me.
294
00:13:59,500 --> 00:14:02,160
I do, but realize this is the biggest thing that
295
00:14:02,160 --> 00:14:03,500
could happen to you.
296
00:14:03,500 --> 00:14:05,680
You're getting top billing, an exec producer credit,
297
00:14:05,680 --> 00:14:07,500
and a televised funeral.
298
00:14:07,500 --> 00:14:10,520
Complete with the personalized Elton John song of
299
00:14:10,520 --> 00:14:11,500
your choice.
300
00:14:11,500 --> 00:14:14,500
Oh, I think crack it out of luck would be appropriate,
301
00:14:14,500 --> 00:14:16,500
I've always felt this like, wait a minute!
302
00:14:16,500 --> 00:14:19,500
Relax, kid. I'll give you a sporting chance.
303
00:14:19,500 --> 00:14:21,500
I'll cover my eyes and count to three.
304
00:14:21,500 --> 00:14:25,500
One, two, three! Yeah!
305
00:14:25,500 --> 00:14:27,500
[laughs]
306
00:14:27,500 --> 00:14:36,500
No!
307
00:14:36,500 --> 00:14:38,500
[crashing]
308
00:14:38,500 --> 00:14:43,500
Ouch.
309
00:14:43,500 --> 00:14:47,500
Mary Kate, Ashley, hunt!
310
00:14:47,500 --> 00:14:54,500
Conditions could not be better for today's hunt.
311
00:14:54,500 --> 00:14:57,500
Powering cannot be better.
312
00:14:57,500 --> 00:15:00,500
I can't believe it.
313
00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:04,490
He autographed this picture to whom am I concerned,
314
00:15:04,490 --> 00:15:06,500
of all the cold-blooded reptiles?
315
00:15:06,500 --> 00:15:08,600
Jeez, Gus, you've been working on that hose for a
316
00:15:08,600 --> 00:15:09,500
good ten minutes.
317
00:15:09,500 --> 00:15:12,420
At what point does maintenance end and inappropriate
318
00:15:12,420 --> 00:15:13,500
touching begin?
319
00:15:13,500 --> 00:15:16,500
Well, stop your whining. I must repair you.
320
00:15:16,500 --> 00:15:18,100
Then at least have the decency to cut my ball
321
00:15:18,100 --> 00:15:19,500
bearings while you're doing it.
322
00:15:19,500 --> 00:15:25,500
[laughs]
323
00:15:26,500 --> 00:15:28,500
[screams]
324
00:15:28,500 --> 00:15:34,500
[cheering]
325
00:15:34,500 --> 00:15:43,500
Whip, is that you? You come to apologize.
326
00:15:43,500 --> 00:15:44,500
[grunts]
327
00:15:44,500 --> 00:15:47,500
Mind. I'm trying to take a lady like Tinkle.
328
00:15:47,500 --> 00:15:50,500
God will somebody please shoot me.
329
00:15:50,500 --> 00:15:51,500
[grunts]
330
00:15:51,500 --> 00:15:54,500
He's up, he's up. It's just an expression.
331
00:15:54,500 --> 00:15:57,910
They're hunting Whip. We have to do something this
332
00:15:57,910 --> 00:15:58,500
way.
333
00:15:58,500 --> 00:16:03,500
Where are you going? It's coming from over there.
334
00:16:03,500 --> 00:16:06,930
I swear it came from over here, the same direction as
335
00:16:06,930 --> 00:16:07,500
our ship.
336
00:16:07,500 --> 00:16:10,500
That has a force field and a large propulsion system
337
00:16:10,500 --> 00:16:13,500
designed to specifically get me the f*** out of here.
338
00:16:13,500 --> 00:16:22,500
Chode, I know Whip treated us poorly.
339
00:16:22,500 --> 00:16:25,870
Like ABC Gums stuck to the bottom of his shoe, little
340
00:16:25,870 --> 00:16:26,500
bastard.
341
00:16:26,500 --> 00:16:28,500
A little bastard you care about.
342
00:16:28,500 --> 00:16:29,500
Not a nuh.
343
00:16:29,500 --> 00:16:32,500
It wouldn't bother you if he got hurt or worse killed.
344
00:16:32,500 --> 00:16:33,500
Well...
345
00:16:33,500 --> 00:16:36,270
Face it, Chode. Underneath that goofball three-eyed
346
00:16:36,270 --> 00:16:39,470
sideshow freak exterior beats the heart of a kinder,
347
00:16:39,470 --> 00:16:41,500
gentler sideshow freak.
348
00:16:41,500 --> 00:16:43,500
You'll have a shut up.
349
00:16:44,500 --> 00:16:46,500
[music]
350
00:16:46,500 --> 00:16:55,500
Good dogs! You've freed him.
351
00:16:55,500 --> 00:16:58,500
It looks like this could be it. Hurry!
352
00:16:58,500 --> 00:17:00,500
This could be it.
353
00:17:00,500 --> 00:17:03,500
Shoot him, shoot him, shoot him.
354
00:17:03,500 --> 00:17:08,500
Say hello to Elvis for me.
355
00:17:10,500 --> 00:17:13,500
Aw, they always go to commercial at the good part.
356
00:17:13,500 --> 00:17:20,850
Whip, you idiot! You're a chameleon! Blend in for God's
357
00:17:20,850 --> 00:17:21,500
sake.
358
00:17:21,500 --> 00:17:23,500
Oh, oh yeah!
359
00:17:23,500 --> 00:17:25,500
Where'd he go?
360
00:17:25,500 --> 00:17:26,500
Damn!
361
00:17:26,500 --> 00:17:29,500
Who made that excellent suggestion?
362
00:17:29,500 --> 00:17:34,590
Done. I don't know whether to smoke a cigarette or
363
00:17:34,590 --> 00:17:37,660
sob uncontrollably, huddled in the corner of a hot
364
00:17:37,660 --> 00:17:38,500
shower.
365
00:17:38,500 --> 00:17:40,500
Are they?
366
00:17:40,500 --> 00:17:45,500
Oh, crap.
367
00:17:45,500 --> 00:17:52,500
Please tell me that's Tanook taking another tinkle.
368
00:17:52,500 --> 00:17:55,500
And she's suffering from irritable bowel syndrome?
369
00:17:55,500 --> 00:17:57,500
Wasn't me.
370
00:17:57,500 --> 00:18:03,340
Oh, look, Mary Kate. Something that might even tempt
371
00:18:03,340 --> 00:18:04,500
you into eating.
372
00:18:04,500 --> 00:18:08,500
So help me, Chode, if you're screaming your calls.
373
00:18:08,500 --> 00:18:14,500
Mary Kate, Ashley, guard them.
374
00:18:14,500 --> 00:18:20,500
This isn't the first time I've hunted your kind.
375
00:18:20,500 --> 00:18:24,500
You can run, but you can't hide.
376
00:18:24,500 --> 00:18:27,730
I'd probably have better luck if I didn't constantly
377
00:18:27,730 --> 00:18:29,500
announce my intentions loud.
378
00:18:29,500 --> 00:18:33,050
I hated the dialogue they wrote for me. Damn non-union
379
00:18:33,050 --> 00:18:33,500
writers.
380
00:18:34,500 --> 00:18:37,500
My heavens. What's happened here?
381
00:18:37,500 --> 00:18:40,500
Are you okay?
382
00:18:40,500 --> 00:18:42,500
Yeah, but you have to help Wip.
383
00:18:42,500 --> 00:18:43,500
Where is he?
384
00:18:43,500 --> 00:18:44,500
He went that way.
385
00:18:44,500 --> 00:18:45,500
Where?
386
00:18:45,500 --> 00:18:48,190
There. He crawled over those rocks, up that hill, and
387
00:18:48,190 --> 00:18:49,500
then down the other side.
388
00:18:49,500 --> 00:18:51,500
Good.
389
00:18:51,500 --> 00:19:02,500
Say hello to my little friend.
390
00:19:02,500 --> 00:19:03,500
Aha!
391
00:19:03,500 --> 00:19:18,500
Too bad I was never allowed to fly this thing.
392
00:19:18,500 --> 00:19:20,500
Suddenly you're pulling a conscience out of your ass?
393
00:19:20,500 --> 00:19:23,130
Where was the damn thing when you decided to hijack
394
00:19:23,130 --> 00:19:23,500
me?
395
00:19:23,500 --> 00:19:24,500
Hmm.
396
00:19:24,500 --> 00:19:42,500
It looks like the hunter has become the hunted.
397
00:19:42,500 --> 00:19:44,500
Ah! Damn it!
398
00:19:44,500 --> 00:19:49,500
What? That thing's somewhere else? It's my bad sign.
399
00:19:49,500 --> 00:19:50,500
Don't!
400
00:19:52,500 --> 00:19:54,500
Oh, kind of! Ha! It's this!
401
00:19:54,500 --> 00:19:56,500
Kill the king! Kill the king!
402
00:19:56,500 --> 00:19:59,500
Woo!
403
00:19:59,500 --> 00:20:04,650
Then he ran down an incredibly long bumpy path and
404
00:20:04,650 --> 00:20:05,500
did a loop-de-loop when he tripped over...
405
00:20:05,500 --> 00:20:08,500
Just on tires to shake up point.
406
00:20:08,500 --> 00:20:10,500
You know, do the bumpy path again.
407
00:20:10,500 --> 00:20:13,500
Hey, hey, check it out, check it out.
408
00:20:13,500 --> 00:20:15,500
Over there, 300 pounds of horse meat.
409
00:20:15,500 --> 00:20:19,500
Wow, it's Wip!
410
00:20:20,500 --> 00:20:21,500
Dang it!
411
00:20:21,500 --> 00:20:27,500
No!
412
00:20:27,500 --> 00:20:33,500
It was cool being a celebrity, but I got the feeling
413
00:20:33,500 --> 00:20:37,500
they cared more about Wip the star than Wip the
414
00:20:37,500 --> 00:20:39,500
More like Wip the prey.
415
00:20:39,500 --> 00:20:41,750
Say what you want, but that planet won't be
416
00:20:41,750 --> 00:20:43,500
forgetting me anytime soon.
417
00:20:43,500 --> 00:20:45,500
Apparently you haven't seen this.
418
00:20:45,500 --> 00:20:47,500
He's taken the planet by storm.
419
00:20:47,500 --> 00:20:50,500
I'm running for president of his fan club.
420
00:20:50,500 --> 00:20:51,500
Oh.
421
00:20:51,500 --> 00:20:52,500
Face it, kid.
422
00:20:52,500 --> 00:20:55,500
Fans are fickle, they build you up just so they can
423
00:20:55,500 --> 00:20:57,500
tear you down, but not me.
424
00:20:57,500 --> 00:20:59,500
Uh-uh, we're family.
425
00:20:59,500 --> 00:21:01,970
No matter what dumbass thing you do, I'll never turn
426
00:21:01,970 --> 00:21:02,500
on you.
427
00:21:02,500 --> 00:21:05,500
Now, open that bottle of bubbly, my brilliant protégé.
428
00:21:05,500 --> 00:21:15,530
You idiot! If I live, I'm gonna hunt you down and
429
00:21:15,530 --> 00:21:16,500
kill you!
430
00:21:16,500 --> 00:21:18,903
[MUSIC PLAYING]
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