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[Music]
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[Music]
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my name is charlie wood
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i think i made a big mistake
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[Music]
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you
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[Music]
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higher can't sweetheart any higher
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you're gonna hit the moon
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[Music]
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that's right smart girl and get a bump
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[Music]
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hey emily look who it is
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[Music]
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hi how are you okay
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okay
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i've got her lunch uh an extra thermos
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of apple juice uh her elmo doll mr
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frizzles
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uh 12 grapes and a bag i got it mr wood
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[Music]
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i'll see you at five
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all right sweetheart
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high five
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[Music]
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[Music]
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first the wyoming widow now the oregon
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undertaker hmm well they just pulled a
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dead girl out of the reservoir god
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suicide well if she chopped off her own
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arms and legs before strangling herself
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and then jumping off the pier
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then maybe then i'm eating they're
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figuring it's the oregon undertaker
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again
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that'll be the fourth girl in six months
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each one mutilated and disemboweled
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worse
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pen
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oh sorry baby
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listen charlie
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you don't have to do this you know of
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course i do we can't go on living on one
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income anymore how many nights this week
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have you given emily spaghettios
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she likes spaghettios
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hey baby trust me once they buy your
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book you're gonna a single publisher has
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called pam
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not a single one
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the term black hole is a very recent
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origin that was coined in 1969 by the
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american scientist john
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[Music]
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we handle nearly 200
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000 calls a day the hotlines to some of
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the biggest corporations in the country
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until online melanie speaking how can i
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help you centel online melanie speaking
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how can i help you again my name is
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melanie and have a great day do you only
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hire women named melanie
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it's a trick of the trade callers like
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to think they get the same service rep
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this here is the melanie and john
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section and you are over here with the
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jennifers and stevens this
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is you
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what do you mean this is me i was told i
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had a supervisor position
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you gotta spend six months in the
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trenches before you can interview her
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supervisor
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but i have a phd uh surely
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yeah you want the job or not okay
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yeah
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great gus here will help get you started
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kay stephen uh uh it's charlie
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sure it is
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in the file menu do you see where it
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says open
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okey dokey can you open the open menu
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okey dokey again my name is steven thank
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you for calling centel you have a great
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day
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i actually liked gus at first sight
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welcome to hell [ __ ]
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well maybe not first sight i'm sorry
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hell
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people hooked up to machines like slaves
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and the smell
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it's pure underarm
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okay so um what do we do here
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santel online steven speaking how may i
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help you
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okey dokey ma'am have you checked to see
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if your pc is on
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no ma'am i'm not a [ __ ] that's simply
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the protocol
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sorry
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okey dokey i'm gonna check that with my
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supervisor real quick and uh i'm gonna
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put you on hold
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you feel feisty you whiny little turkey
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neck [ __ ] why don't you hop up on my
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dick and bounce and see if that fires up
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your monitor sweetheart
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hello ma'am thanks for waiting listen
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i'm gonna transfer you over to our
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technical service department okey dokey
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please hold
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in the kingdom of the blind the one-eyed
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dwarf is king
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that's my wife stephanie ex-wife keep
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forgetting
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and uh that there is my little daughter
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kaise
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that's pretty name yeah it's uh greek it
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means beloved
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tyus has his problem with her eye
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pressure and uh
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doctors said if she doesn't get a cornea
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transplant in like a year then uh she's
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gonna go blind
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every year 65 000 diabetics develop
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proliferative retinopathy one of the
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leading precursors to blindness
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she's not diabetic
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so
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are you gonna be able to afford the
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surgery before she
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yeah yeah i hope so if everything you
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know
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goes as expected
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what do you mean
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huh
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i have a plan
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i'm 65 years old now and my husband is
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asking me to do a donkey style okay
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ma'am um i'm going to transfer you to
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our technical department please hold
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good god are you expecting a call
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um centel online this is charlie how uh
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steven how can i help you yeah my ip
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address is stuck on 169. okay
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sir um have you checked to make sure
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your computer is on
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did you hear what i just said yes
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oh i p address i p
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address
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here we go
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your ip address should start with 81.
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so
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does it i just told you it was stuck on
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169 chief sir said that the cleaning
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lady answered the phone in there sir now
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discern me [ __ ] just help me out with
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my [ __ ] problem
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jesus please hold on a second while i
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check with our technical department
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yes sir your wife is one of 3.8 of
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american women who secretly engage in
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regular online chats with a total
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stranger accompanied by vigorous
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masturbation
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my wife just died three months ago
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but i'd like to discuss that with your
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supervisor steven
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hey
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charlie wait wait
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it's my fault ah don't worry about it
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i'll be all right
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look
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you know i said i had a plan yep well
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why don't you come in on it with me
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you know be like a partner or something
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you know i just i sure as hell feel like
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i owe you one man
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it's not anything illegal is it what
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yep
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right
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look meet me at the monkey wrench nine
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o'clock okay yeah
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[Music]
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would i be awakened
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where the wrong side renders
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but i did not
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would i be dangling toward the mice
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but i did not
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forgetting about the innocent splendors
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[Music]
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[Music]
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two bottles of your finest mass-produced
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lager
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so
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so
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i stumbled across the database of work
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the online history of each and every
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member of santel online
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look this is their record everyone in
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the state that went online in the last
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three months and logged onto an illegal
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porn site
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now i figured there's got to be somebody
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in here willing to fork over some coins
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they all look the same i mean if they're
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not
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rev neville smalls what's rev
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reverend
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exactly it's brilliant don't you think
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um you know i um i really don't think
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i'm criminal material guys no wait wait
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wait wait wait wait wait wait
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wait talking about a so-called man of
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the cloth who likes to watch teenage
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boys and girls take off their clothes
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and have god knows who do god knows what
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to them
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who's the real criminal here
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i tried to do things by the book charlie
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the stomach the nine to five you know
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what got me my daughter is about to go
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blind charlie blind
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well how much are you good for me 50 for
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you even
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a hundred
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thousand
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dollars it's not much to preserve one's
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reputation don't you think what if
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somebody gets hurt it's a completely
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non-violent enterprise no harm done
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whatsoever and pretty much all i need is
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for you to be my alibi
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that's all
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that's all
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okay
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you pick the blue one and you go back to
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your old life but pick the red one and
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you finally get to be a free man
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but i must warn you once you eat the red
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one
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there's no turning back
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i gotta tell you i was a little nervous
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about going solo
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okay
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rule number one preparation is king
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okay more than anything else we want to
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totally rule out the element of surprise
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josie
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how long were you sitting there
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long enough to ask how you'd feel about
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bringing in a third ah
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okay here's the touching story of how
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gus met josie
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uh miss
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yes sir i'm gonna get the check
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why does the chef have curly hair
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no
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i'm gonna get the check
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you work at the call center huh
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yeah how can you tell well half the town
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does all right you have that same look
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the rest of them do what look is that at
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how much longer till i drop dead
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so i don't have to go to my stupid job
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anymore
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yeah that'd be the one
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you from here nope
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oklahoma oh
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oklahoma right what's that like
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nowhere near as sexy as you
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i'll get that
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[Music]
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so um care to hear about our dessert
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special latina how old are you
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19
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more or less look
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is it more or is it less well
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let's i guess
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[ __ ]
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the hell's the matter with you you're a
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child for christ's sakes do i look like
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a child
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huh all right is there anything else you
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forgot to mention
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[Music]
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who are you charlie wood former
288
00:15:35,839 --> 00:15:41,040
co-worker of gus's josie mcbroom
289
00:15:38,560 --> 00:15:43,519
gus and i rented him back in the day
290
00:15:41,040 --> 00:15:46,959
what look i'm sorry to interrupt but gus
291
00:15:43,519 --> 00:15:46,959
what are we going to do i want in
292
00:15:47,440 --> 00:15:53,279
all right read my lips okay no
293
00:15:50,480 --> 00:15:55,680
way you guys can't do the job without me
294
00:15:53,279 --> 00:15:57,360
why is that because dum-dum i'm the only
295
00:15:55,680 --> 00:15:58,560
one who can make the call
296
00:15:57,360 --> 00:15:59,920
if the preacher goes and starts
297
00:15:58,560 --> 00:16:01,680
recording you on his answering machine
298
00:15:59,920 --> 00:16:03,279
or something the first thing they're
299
00:16:01,680 --> 00:16:06,079
gonna do is try and match it up with the
300
00:16:03,279 --> 00:16:07,600
voice records from the call center
301
00:16:06,079 --> 00:16:09,920
you guys would be screwed
302
00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:11,759
stuffed and mounted
303
00:16:09,920 --> 00:16:14,000
is that true kinda
304
00:16:11,759 --> 00:16:15,600
how'd you work that out
305
00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:19,040
i told you
306
00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:19,040
i was miss teen oklahoma
307
00:16:19,600 --> 00:16:23,920
how much do you want twenty 000
308
00:16:21,920 --> 00:16:26,240
20 000
309
00:16:23,920 --> 00:16:27,980
for making a phone call
310
00:16:26,240 --> 00:16:31,869
for making the phone call
311
00:16:27,980 --> 00:16:31,869
[Music]
312
00:16:34,639 --> 00:16:40,160
the average person makes about 1 140
313
00:16:37,920 --> 00:16:42,079
phone calls each year none of which go
314
00:16:40,160 --> 00:16:43,839
anything like this
315
00:16:42,079 --> 00:16:46,460
may i speak to the reverend smalls
316
00:16:43,839 --> 00:16:49,559
please
317
00:16:46,460 --> 00:16:49,559
[Music]
318
00:16:50,800 --> 00:16:54,880
hi reverend are you by any chance
319
00:16:52,959 --> 00:16:56,279
familiar with a website that goes by the
320
00:16:54,880 --> 00:17:01,519
name of
321
00:16:56,279 --> 00:17:01,519
teenorgies.com or young and hung.com
322
00:17:02,079 --> 00:17:06,480
someone who knows what the mouse plays
323
00:17:03,519 --> 00:17:06,480
when the wife's away
324
00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:11,520
listen up sicko i have in my hand a list
325
00:17:09,919 --> 00:17:13,360
of all your favorite sites your credit
326
00:17:11,520 --> 00:17:17,240
card number dates and times of all your
327
00:17:13,360 --> 00:17:20,640
connections so you better cut the crap
328
00:17:17,240 --> 00:17:22,319
[Music]
329
00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:23,819
what do i want
330
00:17:22,319 --> 00:17:26,240
100 000
331
00:17:23,819 --> 00:17:29,520
[Music]
332
00:17:26,240 --> 00:17:29,520
100 000
333
00:17:30,240 --> 00:17:34,400
200 thousand what
334
00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:37,280
you heard me i want two hundred thousand
335
00:17:34,400 --> 00:17:39,039
dollars cash
336
00:17:37,280 --> 00:17:40,559
take it or leave it rev
337
00:17:39,039 --> 00:17:42,080
but if i don't have my money by tomorrow
338
00:17:40,559 --> 00:17:45,960
evening the church newsletter next
339
00:17:42,080 --> 00:17:45,960
month's gonna be a doozy
340
00:17:49,520 --> 00:17:52,799
and i'll be sending somebody
341
00:17:51,550 --> 00:17:54,960
[Music]
342
00:17:52,799 --> 00:17:57,919
well now i think that somebody deserves
343
00:17:54,960 --> 00:17:59,120
to be made full partner don't you
344
00:17:57,919 --> 00:18:00,880
wait
345
00:17:59,120 --> 00:18:03,120
i took a chance and it worked now we
346
00:18:00,880 --> 00:18:04,919
each get 70 000
347
00:18:03,120 --> 00:18:07,200
it's actually 66
348
00:18:04,919 --> 00:18:09,520
666 followed by an infinite number of
349
00:18:07,200 --> 00:18:11,200
sixes thanks rain man
350
00:18:09,520 --> 00:18:12,880
right look from now on okay anybody
351
00:18:11,200 --> 00:18:14,640
pulls any out of the blue candy ass
352
00:18:12,880 --> 00:18:16,559
stunts she's out
353
00:18:14,640 --> 00:18:18,799
all right if we're partners let's start
354
00:18:16,559 --> 00:18:21,600
acting like it this is a plan
355
00:18:18,799 --> 00:18:23,679
i go get the money at 9 00 pm tomorrow
356
00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:25,120
at exactly the same time charlie enters
357
00:18:23,679 --> 00:18:28,000
the monkey wrench and pretends that we
358
00:18:25,120 --> 00:18:29,760
ran out of gas on the road to milk creek
359
00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:31,760
he also says that i'm on my way to the
360
00:18:29,760 --> 00:18:34,480
gas station okay the one that opens 24
361
00:18:31,760 --> 00:18:35,919
7. don't forget to say that 10 pm after
362
00:18:34,480 --> 00:18:37,760
i stash the money in a locker at the
363
00:18:35,919 --> 00:18:39,360
railway station i come back to the
364
00:18:37,760 --> 00:18:41,440
monkey wrench and i tell everybody about
365
00:18:39,360 --> 00:18:43,280
my walk in the dark that way if it comes
366
00:18:41,440 --> 00:18:44,640
up charlie was at the bar i was at the
367
00:18:43,280 --> 00:18:46,320
gas station wait a minute the guy at the
368
00:18:44,640 --> 00:18:49,200
station will testify that he never saw
369
00:18:46,320 --> 00:18:51,200
you sure you know why because he's blind
370
00:18:49,200 --> 00:18:53,280
oh pretty bro
371
00:18:51,200 --> 00:18:54,880
the following day we meet up at noon we
372
00:18:53,280 --> 00:18:57,360
divvy up the money and we all go our
373
00:18:54,880 --> 00:18:58,400
respective ways okay now any questions
374
00:18:57,360 --> 00:18:59,679
yeah
375
00:18:58,400 --> 00:19:01,520
why don't we just divvy up the money
376
00:18:59,679 --> 00:19:03,360
immediately
377
00:19:01,520 --> 00:19:05,600
rule number two always let the dust
378
00:19:03,360 --> 00:19:06,880
settle after a job rule number two
379
00:19:05,600 --> 00:19:08,840
number two what you've been reading
380
00:19:06,880 --> 00:19:11,600
blackmailing for dummies or
381
00:19:08,840 --> 00:19:13,679
something any questions
382
00:19:11,600 --> 00:19:15,520
great rule number three no matter what
383
00:19:13,679 --> 00:19:19,320
happens
384
00:19:15,520 --> 00:19:19,320
oh let's stick to the plan
385
00:19:23,250 --> 00:19:26,359
[Music]
386
00:19:26,640 --> 00:19:31,600
the next day might have been the longest
387
00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:31,600
one i'd ever known
388
00:19:33,600 --> 00:19:36,320
for the first time since i could
389
00:19:35,360 --> 00:19:38,160
remember
390
00:19:36,320 --> 00:19:41,600
i'd be able to bring security and
391
00:19:38,160 --> 00:19:41,600
happiness to my family
392
00:19:44,890 --> 00:19:47,989
[Music]
393
00:19:48,559 --> 00:19:52,320
i couldn't tell you if what i felt
394
00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:55,039
pumping through my veins was fear or
395
00:19:52,320 --> 00:19:55,039
excitement
396
00:19:55,760 --> 00:20:01,280
so mr supervisor talk to me do you have
397
00:19:58,880 --> 00:20:03,360
a secretary yep
398
00:20:01,280 --> 00:20:05,919
is she pretty
399
00:20:03,360 --> 00:20:07,280
pretty um no she's she's more
400
00:20:05,919 --> 00:20:09,679
nondescript
401
00:20:07,280 --> 00:20:10,799
what's her name
402
00:20:09,679 --> 00:20:12,080
sharon
403
00:20:10,799 --> 00:20:13,919
sharon
404
00:20:12,080 --> 00:20:16,400
sharon what um
405
00:20:13,919 --> 00:20:16,400
stone
406
00:20:16,559 --> 00:20:21,280
sharon stone i know
407
00:20:19,280 --> 00:20:24,000
so how was your day oh phenomenal and to
408
00:20:21,280 --> 00:20:26,960
top it off the fbi is sending in the eye
409
00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:30,159
the what the who bionic supersonic
410
00:20:26,960 --> 00:20:30,960
special agent chester hines fbi aka the
411
00:20:30,159 --> 00:20:32,240
i
412
00:20:30,960 --> 00:20:34,000
which is just what i need with the
413
00:20:32,240 --> 00:20:37,600
undertaker okay spinning out of control
414
00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:38,880
no leads no fingerprints nothing
415
00:20:37,600 --> 00:20:40,559
honestly
416
00:20:38,880 --> 00:20:44,159
why some folks suddenly have to go and
417
00:20:40,559 --> 00:20:44,159
turn into criminals is the army
418
00:20:46,159 --> 00:20:49,060
what if i did
419
00:20:47,760 --> 00:20:50,640
what if you did what
420
00:20:49,060 --> 00:20:53,280
[Music]
421
00:20:50,640 --> 00:20:55,360
if i became a criminal
422
00:20:53,280 --> 00:20:56,559
like if i uh
423
00:20:55,360 --> 00:20:58,480
i don't know
424
00:20:56,559 --> 00:21:01,799
stole some money or something that
425
00:20:58,480 --> 00:21:01,799
arrest you
426
00:21:06,960 --> 00:21:10,559
but but let's say um
427
00:21:09,200 --> 00:21:11,760
let's say
428
00:21:10,559 --> 00:21:13,679
i had to
429
00:21:11,760 --> 00:21:17,919
you know like we had no other choice and
430
00:21:13,679 --> 00:21:20,720
i and i had to steal something um
431
00:21:17,919 --> 00:21:23,440
because because i had to what what then
432
00:21:20,720 --> 00:21:23,440
i'd arrest you
433
00:21:24,080 --> 00:21:27,120
why
434
00:21:25,120 --> 00:21:27,840
because a good cop always gets from me
435
00:21:27,120 --> 00:21:31,440
nope
436
00:21:27,840 --> 00:21:33,039
i'm serious ben what
437
00:21:31,440 --> 00:21:35,760
why should emily have to put up with
438
00:21:33,039 --> 00:21:38,799
second-hand toys second-hand clothes
439
00:21:35,760 --> 00:21:38,799
secondhand life
440
00:21:38,960 --> 00:21:42,840
charlie
441
00:21:40,000 --> 00:21:46,799
you have your book you have me and
442
00:21:42,840 --> 00:21:46,799
emily and that makes us rich
443
00:21:50,170 --> 00:21:53,309
[Music]
444
00:21:53,600 --> 00:21:58,559
don't get a lot of time
445
00:21:56,080 --> 00:22:01,200
don't give a damn
446
00:21:58,559 --> 00:22:03,600
don't tell me what to do
447
00:22:01,200 --> 00:22:06,080
i am the man
448
00:22:03,600 --> 00:22:08,559
if there's a god affair
449
00:22:06,080 --> 00:22:12,559
something above
450
00:22:08,559 --> 00:22:12,559
god shine your light down here
451
00:22:14,270 --> 00:22:19,920
[Music]
452
00:22:24,480 --> 00:22:28,799
what a crazy night
453
00:22:26,720 --> 00:22:30,320
my car ran out of gas you gonna order
454
00:22:28,799 --> 00:22:32,799
something
455
00:22:30,320 --> 00:22:35,799
sure beer please one of your finest
456
00:22:32,799 --> 00:22:35,799
mass-produced
457
00:22:37,680 --> 00:22:40,959
[Music]
458
00:22:45,280 --> 00:22:49,760
my friend gus um
459
00:22:47,120 --> 00:22:52,080
uh oh you know gus gus dickinson works
460
00:22:49,760 --> 00:22:55,480
at the works down at the call center
461
00:22:52,080 --> 00:22:55,480
reverend smalls
462
00:22:57,760 --> 00:23:03,120
and that's where he is now
463
00:22:59,840 --> 00:23:05,280
walking down that road to the station
464
00:23:03,120 --> 00:23:06,720
reverend swan
465
00:23:05,280 --> 00:23:08,559
oh
466
00:23:06,720 --> 00:23:10,880
the old blind guy who runs the station
467
00:23:08,559 --> 00:23:13,760
keeps it open 24 hours a day seven days
468
00:23:10,880 --> 00:23:15,870
a week oh blind guy is celebrating his
469
00:23:13,760 --> 00:23:19,760
80th birthday tonight young fella
470
00:23:15,870 --> 00:23:23,360
[Music]
471
00:23:19,760 --> 00:23:24,320
who the hell are you
472
00:23:23,360 --> 00:23:26,799
uh
473
00:23:24,320 --> 00:23:29,799
i'm the guy that's here to collect the
474
00:23:26,799 --> 00:23:29,799
money
475
00:23:39,120 --> 00:23:44,559
give me your gun
476
00:23:41,679 --> 00:23:44,559
i don't have one
477
00:23:44,880 --> 00:23:48,799
you come to get money for me and you
478
00:23:46,240 --> 00:23:51,520
ain't even packing
479
00:23:48,799 --> 00:23:56,120
give my regards to the big bearded guy
480
00:23:51,520 --> 00:23:56,120
you don't mean santa claus do you
481
00:24:04,960 --> 00:24:07,960
god
482
00:24:26,880 --> 00:24:29,880
gas
483
00:24:59,679 --> 00:25:04,000
if it's you jose [ __ ] off and don't call
484
00:25:02,159 --> 00:25:06,400
back everybody else please leave a
485
00:25:04,000 --> 00:25:06,400
message
486
00:25:06,559 --> 00:25:09,760
josie pick up
487
00:25:10,400 --> 00:25:17,240
josie josie are you there we have a real
488
00:25:13,200 --> 00:25:17,240
problem here pick up
489
00:25:31,380 --> 00:25:38,580
[Music]
490
00:25:39,679 --> 00:25:53,259
oh
491
00:25:42,260 --> 00:25:53,259
[Music]
492
00:25:57,730 --> 00:26:11,819
[Music]
493
00:26:12,880 --> 00:26:15,880
feels
494
00:26:16,170 --> 00:26:26,959
[Music]
495
00:26:32,960 --> 00:26:35,960
because
496
00:26:47,840 --> 00:26:50,840
gosh
497
00:26:52,320 --> 00:26:56,880
cass
498
00:26:54,080 --> 00:26:56,880
cass you there
499
00:27:10,080 --> 00:27:14,320
oh my god
500
00:27:11,679 --> 00:27:15,279
what happened what are you doing here
501
00:27:14,320 --> 00:27:17,279
what
502
00:27:15,279 --> 00:27:19,760
the station's closed
503
00:27:17,279 --> 00:27:20,480
our alibi so i came here and then i died
504
00:27:19,760 --> 00:27:22,799
first
505
00:27:20,480 --> 00:27:24,559
calm down what the hell happened bastard
506
00:27:22,799 --> 00:27:26,000
pulled a gun on me and he was gonna
507
00:27:24,559 --> 00:27:28,559
shoot me and i grabbed the gun and it
508
00:27:26,000 --> 00:27:30,799
went off accidentally okay no biggie no
509
00:27:28,559 --> 00:27:31,760
biggie i conked him on the head with the
510
00:27:30,799 --> 00:27:32,960
face
511
00:27:31,760 --> 00:27:35,840
all right he's gonna wake up any minute
512
00:27:32,960 --> 00:27:35,840
now
513
00:27:37,840 --> 00:27:40,480
well guys
514
00:27:43,760 --> 00:27:47,720
i think i made a big mistake
515
00:27:48,159 --> 00:27:52,159
did you call the cops i i put them in
516
00:27:50,559 --> 00:27:53,200
the septic tank
517
00:27:52,159 --> 00:27:54,559
who
518
00:27:53,200 --> 00:27:59,039
the corpse
519
00:27:54,559 --> 00:27:59,039
what corpse the reverend's corpse
520
00:27:59,120 --> 00:28:02,799
the reverend wasn't a corpse when i left
521
00:28:00,880 --> 00:28:04,960
him charlie but there was blood i mean i
522
00:28:02,799 --> 00:28:06,640
saw blood it's my blood
523
00:28:04,960 --> 00:28:09,279
he shot me through the leg looking cling
524
00:28:06,640 --> 00:28:09,279
through the muscle
525
00:28:10,000 --> 00:28:12,799
oh my god
526
00:28:13,600 --> 00:28:19,840
why didn't you answer when i called you
527
00:28:16,080 --> 00:28:19,840
i was in the bathroom cleaning the wound
528
00:28:21,279 --> 00:28:28,159
well i i checked his pulse i mean well
529
00:28:25,360 --> 00:28:28,799
maybe i missed it i mean 17 you missed
530
00:28:28,159 --> 00:28:29,760
it
531
00:28:28,799 --> 00:28:31,600
what
532
00:28:29,760 --> 00:28:32,559
can't we get him out of the tank oh yeah
533
00:28:31,600 --> 00:28:35,120
how long has he been down there
534
00:28:32,559 --> 00:28:37,039
breathing liquid [ __ ] ten minutes tops
535
00:28:35,120 --> 00:28:40,000
what
536
00:28:37,039 --> 00:28:41,760
i thought i said no matter what stick to
537
00:28:40,000 --> 00:28:43,360
the [ __ ] plan well you know there
538
00:28:41,760 --> 00:28:44,960
wasn't anything in the [ __ ] plan
539
00:28:43,360 --> 00:28:46,799
about the blind guy's birthday and the
540
00:28:44,960 --> 00:28:49,120
reverend in a pool of blood
541
00:28:46,799 --> 00:28:50,799
let's just calm down okay what about
542
00:28:49,120 --> 00:28:52,799
what about you don't you need a doctor
543
00:28:50,799 --> 00:28:56,120
yeah slightly more pressing matter to
544
00:28:52,799 --> 00:28:56,120
tackle first
545
00:29:23,760 --> 00:29:26,650
what are you doing
546
00:29:25,200 --> 00:29:27,919
he's crying
547
00:29:26,650 --> 00:29:30,240
[Music]
548
00:29:27,919 --> 00:29:33,039
jesus gus he's crying for what we've
549
00:29:30,240 --> 00:29:34,720
done for our sin
550
00:29:33,039 --> 00:29:37,950
jesus
551
00:29:34,720 --> 00:29:41,329
know mary full of grace
552
00:29:37,950 --> 00:29:41,329
[Music]
553
00:29:41,679 --> 00:29:43,760
god
554
00:29:42,559 --> 00:29:45,840
damn it
555
00:29:43,760 --> 00:29:47,919
is that part of your plan huh after you
556
00:29:45,840 --> 00:29:50,159
kill someone you take a nice hot bath i
557
00:29:47,919 --> 00:29:51,679
didn't kill anybody first of all second
558
00:29:50,159 --> 00:29:53,440
i don't go around praying to leaky
559
00:29:51,679 --> 00:29:55,279
ceilings
560
00:29:53,440 --> 00:29:57,440
well you know what guys i'm i'm having a
561
00:29:55,279 --> 00:30:01,279
tough time here okay i just drowned a
562
00:29:57,440 --> 00:30:03,360
man of the cloth in crap
563
00:30:01,279 --> 00:30:06,240
maybe i should just turn myself in no no
564
00:30:03,360 --> 00:30:08,159
no nobody is turning anybody in okay now
565
00:30:06,240 --> 00:30:10,000
did you know the priest was alive when
566
00:30:08,159 --> 00:30:13,520
you killed him
567
00:30:10,000 --> 00:30:13,520
no there you go then
568
00:30:17,279 --> 00:30:23,039
how how could we have thought of
569
00:30:18,880 --> 00:30:24,720
reverend would have 200 000 in cash
570
00:30:23,039 --> 00:30:26,720
the average household savings of an
571
00:30:24,720 --> 00:30:28,240
american couple between 35 and 50 is
572
00:30:26,720 --> 00:30:29,840
fifteen thousand two hundred and fifty
573
00:30:28,240 --> 00:30:32,240
six dollars
574
00:30:29,840 --> 00:30:35,480
charlie charlie
575
00:30:32,240 --> 00:30:35,480
shut up
576
00:30:40,640 --> 00:30:45,440
never return to the scene of the crime
577
00:30:41,919 --> 00:30:46,880
it's jose's card i left it by the phone
578
00:30:45,440 --> 00:30:48,159
rule number five if your partner turns
579
00:30:46,880 --> 00:30:51,159
out to be an idiot forget rule number
580
00:30:48,159 --> 00:30:51,159
four
581
00:30:56,320 --> 00:30:59,559
it's gone
582
00:31:08,399 --> 00:31:11,640
got it
583
00:31:24,399 --> 00:31:31,320
shouldn't we be going
584
00:31:27,440 --> 00:31:31,320
aren't you just a little curious
585
00:31:35,039 --> 00:31:40,679
look right there
586
00:31:36,880 --> 00:31:40,679
this beauty huh
587
00:31:41,760 --> 00:31:46,080
look at this
588
00:31:43,279 --> 00:31:49,279
this is for you all right
589
00:31:46,080 --> 00:31:53,440
she's an actress right shut up all right
590
00:31:49,279 --> 00:31:53,440
i'm gonna carve your face up huh
591
00:31:53,919 --> 00:31:57,519
shut up
592
00:31:56,320 --> 00:31:59,200
if i didn't know better you know what
593
00:31:57,519 --> 00:32:01,840
i'd say this looks like
594
00:31:59,200 --> 00:32:01,840
shut up
595
00:32:02,480 --> 00:32:04,960
snuff
596
00:32:11,360 --> 00:32:16,480
holy moly
597
00:32:13,440 --> 00:32:17,440
who says holy moly is it important right
598
00:32:16,480 --> 00:32:19,440
now
599
00:32:17,440 --> 00:32:21,200
this is why he was so keen to cop a deal
600
00:32:19,440 --> 00:32:22,720
cause he's part of a snuff film ring
601
00:32:21,200 --> 00:32:24,000
this is getting way too big all right we
602
00:32:22,720 --> 00:32:25,360
gotta call the police what are we gonna
603
00:32:24,000 --> 00:32:27,120
tell them we're doing here
604
00:32:25,360 --> 00:32:29,039
look if they find the body they're not
605
00:32:27,120 --> 00:32:30,960
gonna find the body all right the septic
606
00:32:29,039 --> 00:32:34,640
tank was genius look at it this way we
607
00:32:30,960 --> 00:32:34,640
may have saved lives tonight
608
00:32:34,720 --> 00:32:37,360
wait you think he's the oregon
609
00:32:35,840 --> 00:32:39,360
undertaker
610
00:32:37,360 --> 00:32:42,799
who knows but undertaker or not he sure
611
00:32:39,360 --> 00:32:46,080
as hell got what he deserved
612
00:32:42,799 --> 00:32:46,080
charlie charlie wait
613
00:32:47,600 --> 00:32:50,480
you mind if i come in
614
00:32:52,240 --> 00:32:54,480
what
615
00:32:55,440 --> 00:32:58,880
we found the reverend's body
616
00:32:59,840 --> 00:33:03,519
it was an accident no this was no
617
00:33:01,919 --> 00:33:06,159
accident someone
618
00:33:03,519 --> 00:33:07,760
shot him three times in the head
619
00:33:06,159 --> 00:33:10,640
left him in his car by the side of the
620
00:33:07,760 --> 00:33:13,760
road
621
00:33:10,640 --> 00:33:16,640
it's a it's a hard pill to swallow
622
00:33:13,760 --> 00:33:16,640
murder always is
623
00:33:16,880 --> 00:33:21,440
i'm sorry are you certain that it's the
624
00:33:19,360 --> 00:33:26,799
uh reverend smalls oh yeah we got
625
00:33:21,440 --> 00:33:26,799
positive id then who's who's what
626
00:33:26,960 --> 00:33:31,720
who is
627
00:33:29,760 --> 00:33:34,320
safe in this
628
00:33:31,720 --> 00:33:35,919
god-forsaken world family
629
00:33:34,320 --> 00:33:37,440
yeah no
630
00:33:35,919 --> 00:33:39,360
just a friend
631
00:33:37,440 --> 00:33:43,039
a family friend
632
00:33:39,360 --> 00:33:43,039
and your name is steven
633
00:33:43,840 --> 00:33:48,919
stephen hawking
634
00:33:45,919 --> 00:33:48,919
modified
635
00:33:50,080 --> 00:33:53,270
[Music]
636
00:34:04,880 --> 00:34:07,760
we're watching a dvd huh
637
00:34:06,880 --> 00:34:09,440
yeah
638
00:34:07,760 --> 00:34:12,639
no
639
00:34:09,440 --> 00:34:14,440
i mean did you know that dvd sales have
640
00:34:12,639 --> 00:34:17,760
risen by
641
00:34:14,440 --> 00:34:19,359
226 over the last six months
642
00:34:17,760 --> 00:34:21,280
well
643
00:34:19,359 --> 00:34:23,839
no
644
00:34:21,280 --> 00:34:26,879
but i sure am 100 glad to know that
645
00:34:23,839 --> 00:34:26,879
thanks for the factoid
646
00:34:30,399 --> 00:34:34,399
so um
647
00:34:31,760 --> 00:34:38,480
can i can i get you a drink
648
00:34:34,399 --> 00:34:38,480
glass of h2o if you please mr hawking
649
00:34:46,240 --> 00:34:49,839
there's some blood on the floor
650
00:34:57,440 --> 00:35:02,560
mr honking oh yeah i um i broke a vase
651
00:35:01,040 --> 00:35:05,119
and uh
652
00:35:02,560 --> 00:35:07,680
accidentally cut my arm on on one of the
653
00:35:05,119 --> 00:35:07,680
shards
654
00:35:14,839 --> 00:35:21,119
look oh doggie
655
00:35:17,760 --> 00:35:21,119
well that hurts just looking at it
656
00:35:21,200 --> 00:35:25,599
what are you doing just getting a sample
657
00:35:23,680 --> 00:35:27,280
standard procedure of course deputy
658
00:35:25,599 --> 00:35:28,720
garmin detective wood's expecting you
659
00:35:27,280 --> 00:35:31,839
back at the station
660
00:35:28,720 --> 00:35:34,079
copy that detective wood
661
00:35:31,839 --> 00:35:35,440
always breathing down my neck
662
00:35:34,079 --> 00:35:37,760
ain't had a good poke in a while if you
663
00:35:35,440 --> 00:35:37,760
ask me
664
00:35:37,839 --> 00:35:40,480
i'm not asking
665
00:35:39,440 --> 00:35:41,680
but
666
00:35:40,480 --> 00:35:42,560
whatever
667
00:35:41,680 --> 00:35:45,839
well
668
00:35:42,560 --> 00:35:45,839
i better get a move on
669
00:35:50,320 --> 00:35:56,839
what a beautiful night
670
00:35:52,960 --> 00:35:58,480
you could almost touch those stars huh
671
00:35:56,839 --> 00:36:00,240
yep
672
00:35:58,480 --> 00:36:02,480
although even if you were traveling the
673
00:36:00,240 --> 00:36:04,960
speed of light it would take you 1460
674
00:36:02,480 --> 00:36:06,960
days to reach the closest one
675
00:36:04,960 --> 00:36:09,040
is that right
676
00:36:06,960 --> 00:36:11,760
well you are just a walking factoid
677
00:36:09,040 --> 00:36:13,920
factory partner
678
00:36:11,760 --> 00:36:16,320
you have yourself a good night you too
679
00:36:13,920 --> 00:36:16,320
officer
680
00:36:17,280 --> 00:36:20,960
oh
681
00:36:19,200 --> 00:36:24,400
would you mind if i took a gander at
682
00:36:20,960 --> 00:36:24,400
that dvd you were watching
683
00:36:25,520 --> 00:36:29,599
curiosity killed the cat officer
684
00:36:27,760 --> 00:36:33,560
actually in my line of work
685
00:36:29,599 --> 00:36:33,560
cat gets a raise and a promotion
686
00:36:40,640 --> 00:36:47,520
[Music]
687
00:36:44,240 --> 00:36:49,680
my nine-year-old loves this one
688
00:36:47,520 --> 00:36:50,130
especially this part with this singing
689
00:36:49,680 --> 00:36:52,720
cow
690
00:36:50,130 --> 00:36:55,040
[Music]
691
00:36:52,720 --> 00:36:56,079
i got to admit stephen
692
00:36:55,040 --> 00:36:59,400
for a minute there i thought you were
693
00:36:56,079 --> 00:36:59,400
hiding something
694
00:37:02,730 --> 00:37:08,550
[Applause]
695
00:37:16,160 --> 00:37:20,320
kind of looks like something got dragged
696
00:37:17,839 --> 00:37:20,320
here don't
697
00:37:20,839 --> 00:37:24,800
it you want to come with me
698
00:37:28,560 --> 00:37:31,280
i need you to lift this up for me
699
00:37:30,000 --> 00:37:35,880
stephen
700
00:37:31,280 --> 00:37:35,880
officer really you don't want to open it
701
00:37:42,240 --> 00:37:46,160
so much for the raisin the promotion
702
00:37:43,839 --> 00:37:48,400
officer
703
00:37:46,160 --> 00:37:50,240
there we go
704
00:37:48,400 --> 00:37:51,359
see i i knew colombo here come back for
705
00:37:50,240 --> 00:37:52,240
the dvd
706
00:37:51,359 --> 00:37:53,680
okay
707
00:37:52,240 --> 00:37:55,680
what do we do with him i have a better
708
00:37:53,680 --> 00:37:57,280
question who is in the septic tank how
709
00:37:55,680 --> 00:37:59,040
do i know check the papers in the
710
00:37:57,280 --> 00:38:02,320
morning see who turns up missing and
711
00:37:59,040 --> 00:38:04,960
then what gus we killed somebody oh now
712
00:38:02,320 --> 00:38:07,599
you killed somebody well you you
713
00:38:04,960 --> 00:38:09,760
kidnapped a cop oh yes
714
00:38:07,599 --> 00:38:11,280
yes i did what do you propose i'm
715
00:38:09,760 --> 00:38:12,640
turning myself in
716
00:38:11,280 --> 00:38:14,320
well you realize they'll they'll charge
717
00:38:12,640 --> 00:38:16,079
you with the real reverend's murder i
718
00:38:14,320 --> 00:38:18,320
have nothing to do with that so what do
719
00:38:16,079 --> 00:38:20,960
they care makes it all nice and neat for
720
00:38:18,320 --> 00:38:22,480
him no messy loose ends i bet good money
721
00:38:20,960 --> 00:38:24,640
they'll be all gosh darn it weed
722
00:38:22,480 --> 00:38:26,240
unfinally caught us the undertaker
723
00:38:24,640 --> 00:38:28,240
you'd be spitting firing crying sparks
724
00:38:26,240 --> 00:38:30,400
in no time enough okay let's not make
725
00:38:28,240 --> 00:38:33,839
this any worse than it is charlie how
726
00:38:30,400 --> 00:38:33,839
could this be any worse
727
00:38:34,160 --> 00:38:37,200
you're not going anywhere
728
00:38:37,359 --> 00:38:41,200
what you're gonna shoot me gus
729
00:38:39,200 --> 00:38:43,680
i got a family too charlie
730
00:38:41,200 --> 00:38:47,200
i am not going to jail
731
00:38:43,680 --> 00:38:48,880
i am going to shoot you charlie
732
00:38:47,200 --> 00:38:51,680
no you're not
733
00:38:48,880 --> 00:38:51,680
yes i am
734
00:38:53,599 --> 00:38:58,040
no you're not yes i am
735
00:39:00,480 --> 00:39:02,800
[ __ ]
736
00:39:11,040 --> 00:39:17,280
i i knew you would
737
00:39:14,480 --> 00:39:17,280
i wouldn't do that
738
00:39:24,160 --> 00:39:28,720
who the hell are you considering that i
739
00:39:26,240 --> 00:39:29,920
live here young man i think the question
740
00:39:28,720 --> 00:39:32,560
is
741
00:39:29,920 --> 00:39:34,800
who the hell are you
742
00:39:32,560 --> 00:39:37,119
it's it's not what you think mrs smalls
743
00:39:34,800 --> 00:39:38,480
we're not burglars
744
00:39:37,119 --> 00:39:40,560
look
745
00:39:38,480 --> 00:39:43,520
we have some terrible news your husband
746
00:39:40,560 --> 00:39:45,599
the reverend has
747
00:39:43,520 --> 00:39:46,960
has passed on
748
00:39:45,599 --> 00:39:48,960
considering i went through the trouble
749
00:39:46,960 --> 00:39:51,200
of putting three bullets in his head i
750
00:39:48,960 --> 00:39:53,119
should certainly hope so
751
00:39:51,200 --> 00:39:55,040
mrs smalls
752
00:39:53,119 --> 00:39:57,680
you have the right to remain silent
753
00:39:55,040 --> 00:40:00,240
anything you say
754
00:39:57,680 --> 00:40:03,040
so you killed him i spent years turning
755
00:40:00,240 --> 00:40:05,680
a blind eye to that perverts uh
756
00:40:03,040 --> 00:40:07,280
shall we say filmmaking aspirations
757
00:40:05,680 --> 00:40:09,280
max and i felt we deserved a share of
758
00:40:07,280 --> 00:40:11,520
his benefits
759
00:40:09,280 --> 00:40:13,520
who's max
760
00:40:11,520 --> 00:40:15,440
a real man
761
00:40:13,520 --> 00:40:17,040
we're meeting here and then we're going
762
00:40:15,440 --> 00:40:19,839
somewhere where we'll never worry about
763
00:40:17,040 --> 00:40:22,079
anything ever again
764
00:40:19,839 --> 00:40:23,280
um
765
00:40:22,079 --> 00:40:26,560
what
766
00:40:23,280 --> 00:40:28,319
i think he may already be there
767
00:40:26,560 --> 00:40:29,760
what are you talking about
768
00:40:28,319 --> 00:40:32,000
he never would have left without me
769
00:40:29,760 --> 00:40:34,319
didn't really have a choice it was an
770
00:40:32,000 --> 00:40:38,119
accident okay would you shut up why
771
00:40:34,319 --> 00:40:38,119
don't you both shut up
772
00:40:38,960 --> 00:40:42,960
all right
773
00:40:40,720 --> 00:40:43,920
where's the money
774
00:40:42,960 --> 00:40:45,280
sorry
775
00:40:43,920 --> 00:40:48,319
what money oh come on two million
776
00:40:45,280 --> 00:40:51,960
dollars in cash doesn't just vanish too
777
00:40:48,319 --> 00:40:51,960
yeah where is it
778
00:40:52,000 --> 00:40:54,480
oh dear
779
00:40:54,880 --> 00:41:00,640
i guess i'll just have to count to three
780
00:40:57,920 --> 00:41:05,400
one no mr smalls don't tell the word we
781
00:41:00,640 --> 00:41:05,400
don't know i swear to god two tell her
782
00:41:18,079 --> 00:41:23,200
well i'll be
783
00:41:19,280 --> 00:41:23,200
i haven't heard pink floyd in years
784
00:41:29,760 --> 00:41:34,640
well paw time to fire up the old septic
785
00:41:32,240 --> 00:41:37,920
tank oh by the way anyone care to tell
786
00:41:34,640 --> 00:41:37,920
me what happened exactly
787
00:41:38,400 --> 00:41:41,280
sure
788
00:41:39,359 --> 00:41:42,560
you see charlie drowned the reverend who
789
00:41:41,280 --> 00:41:44,880
he thought was dead even though he
790
00:41:42,560 --> 00:41:46,400
wasn't in the septic tank turns out he
791
00:41:44,880 --> 00:41:47,680
wasn't even the real reverend meanwhile
792
00:41:46,400 --> 00:41:49,200
the actual reverend was being murdered
793
00:41:47,680 --> 00:41:51,280
by his wife mrs smalls the woman whose
794
00:41:49,200 --> 00:41:53,520
head you just split with an axe stellar
795
00:41:51,280 --> 00:41:55,040
timing by the way oh you won she also
796
00:41:53,520 --> 00:41:56,720
just confessed to planning to run away
797
00:41:55,040 --> 00:41:58,640
with her lover max recently deceased
798
00:41:56,720 --> 00:41:59,920
thanks to charlie and the two million
799
00:41:58,640 --> 00:42:01,680
some odd dollars her husband the
800
00:41:59,920 --> 00:42:03,680
reverend raised from his side venture in
801
00:42:01,680 --> 00:42:05,440
shooting and selling snuff films okey
802
00:42:03,680 --> 00:42:07,280
dokey
803
00:42:05,440 --> 00:42:09,280
ruby
804
00:42:07,280 --> 00:42:12,240
groovy
805
00:42:09,280 --> 00:42:14,240
three people died tonight josie
806
00:42:12,240 --> 00:42:17,119
in this business unfortunately death is
807
00:42:14,240 --> 00:42:18,720
an occupational hazard and by the way
808
00:42:17,119 --> 00:42:19,920
way to go using my name in front of the
809
00:42:18,720 --> 00:42:21,200
cop
810
00:42:19,920 --> 00:42:23,200
charlie
811
00:42:21,200 --> 00:42:25,119
hey hey look um
812
00:42:23,200 --> 00:42:26,960
i can help
813
00:42:25,119 --> 00:42:28,960
i'll testify that i heard mrs smalls
814
00:42:26,960 --> 00:42:31,119
confessed to killing her husband
815
00:42:28,960 --> 00:42:32,480
and as for miss smalls herself
816
00:42:31,119 --> 00:42:34,400
well she was threatening the life of a
817
00:42:32,480 --> 00:42:36,720
police officer
818
00:42:34,400 --> 00:42:38,640
but what about the guy in the tank
819
00:42:36,720 --> 00:42:40,319
you killed him by accident you wouldn't
820
00:42:38,640 --> 00:42:42,480
do much time at all
821
00:42:40,319 --> 00:42:45,800
five years tops
822
00:42:42,480 --> 00:42:45,800
oh my god
823
00:42:52,560 --> 00:42:57,680
well that doesn't suck
824
00:42:55,920 --> 00:43:00,400
i have to hand it to you
825
00:42:57,680 --> 00:43:02,960
that was a brilliant plan after all
826
00:43:00,400 --> 00:43:04,800
can you believe it we're rich
827
00:43:02,960 --> 00:43:07,680
you guys can keep my share
828
00:43:04,800 --> 00:43:09,760
i'm gonna turn myself in if i go to jail
829
00:43:07,680 --> 00:43:11,440
i go to jail don't be ridiculous you
830
00:43:09,760 --> 00:43:13,680
earned this they're just gonna hunt us
831
00:43:11,440 --> 00:43:15,440
down like animals gus with this kind of
832
00:43:13,680 --> 00:43:17,359
money you can disappear and never be
833
00:43:15,440 --> 00:43:20,800
found i have a wife and daughter i don't
834
00:43:17,359 --> 00:43:22,560
want to disappear no okay fine gus and
835
00:43:20,800 --> 00:43:23,839
i'll leave the state and we'll just drop
836
00:43:22,560 --> 00:43:26,240
you in the deputy in the middle of
837
00:43:23,839 --> 00:43:28,480
nowhere how's that sound now shouldn't
838
00:43:26,240 --> 00:43:30,079
we get rid of the deputy what oh yeah
839
00:43:28,480 --> 00:43:31,680
good thing ken since he's the only one
840
00:43:30,079 --> 00:43:34,079
who can testify we're innocent of the
841
00:43:31,680 --> 00:43:37,060
murders dumb dumb okay miss teen
842
00:43:34,079 --> 00:43:42,459
oklahoma then how come
843
00:43:37,060 --> 00:43:42,459
[Music]
844
00:43:44,460 --> 00:43:49,810
[Music]
845
00:43:50,470 --> 00:43:53,820
[Applause]
846
00:43:52,800 --> 00:43:56,919
got
847
00:43:53,820 --> 00:43:56,919
[Music]
848
00:44:01,460 --> 00:44:06,260
[Music]
849
00:44:06,400 --> 00:44:12,749
hold his hat
850
00:44:09,690 --> 00:44:12,749
[Music]
851
00:44:19,280 --> 00:44:23,040
my friend here decided to surrender so
852
00:44:21,599 --> 00:44:24,960
we're gonna drop you both somewhere it's
853
00:44:23,040 --> 00:44:27,040
nice and say goodbye
854
00:44:24,960 --> 00:44:29,920
you're making a big mistake
855
00:44:27,040 --> 00:44:29,920
let's get out of here
856
00:44:30,800 --> 00:44:33,520
wait wait
857
00:44:33,680 --> 00:44:38,560
i gotta go pee
858
00:44:36,160 --> 00:44:38,560
please
859
00:44:41,839 --> 00:44:44,079
wait
860
00:44:44,240 --> 00:44:50,839
they're handcuffs in your dreams
861
00:44:47,200 --> 00:44:50,839
there are certain requirements
862
00:44:56,660 --> 00:44:59,770
[Music]
863
00:45:00,400 --> 00:45:04,440
there
864
00:45:01,440 --> 00:45:04,440
enjoy
865
00:45:22,720 --> 00:45:25,200
i'm sorry
866
00:45:25,440 --> 00:45:32,000
i can't go if you're um
867
00:45:27,119 --> 00:45:33,440
watching could you just close
868
00:45:32,000 --> 00:45:37,319
stage fright
869
00:45:33,440 --> 00:45:37,319
happens to the best of us
870
00:45:46,690 --> 00:45:49,760
[Music]
871
00:45:55,230 --> 00:46:01,160
[Music]
872
00:45:57,680 --> 00:46:01,160
one minute warning
873
00:46:05,920 --> 00:46:08,560
you dropped this
874
00:46:10,960 --> 00:46:15,280
no i can explain ah
875
00:46:13,520 --> 00:46:17,359
get up partner what the hell's the
876
00:46:15,280 --> 00:46:19,920
matter with you look look it's a flight
877
00:46:17,359 --> 00:46:21,119
to vegas 8 a.m tomorrow funny right
878
00:46:19,920 --> 00:46:22,880
considering we're supposed to meet at
879
00:46:21,119 --> 00:46:24,560
noon to split up the money that [ __ ]
880
00:46:22,880 --> 00:46:27,520
broke my nose well you better have a
881
00:46:24,560 --> 00:46:29,520
real friendly explanation all right okay
882
00:46:27,520 --> 00:46:32,960
i lied about thais needing a cordial
883
00:46:29,520 --> 00:46:35,599
transplant all right she's fine
884
00:46:32,960 --> 00:46:39,280
i owe my wife 300 000 bucks
885
00:46:35,599 --> 00:46:40,880
i'm sorry i owe my ex-wife 300 000 and
886
00:46:39,280 --> 00:46:42,240
because of that snake of a lawyer of
887
00:46:40,880 --> 00:46:44,480
hers there is a restraining order
888
00:46:42,240 --> 00:46:46,160
against me until i pay up i have not
889
00:46:44,480 --> 00:46:48,319
seen or talked to my daughter in two
890
00:46:46,160 --> 00:46:50,400
years why didn't you just tell me would
891
00:46:48,319 --> 00:46:53,720
you have helped of course not well there
892
00:46:50,400 --> 00:46:53,720
you go then
893
00:46:58,880 --> 00:47:03,000
oh my god
894
00:47:00,319 --> 00:47:04,800
there goes our alibi uh-uh freaking
895
00:47:03,000 --> 00:47:06,640
fantastic
896
00:47:04,800 --> 00:47:09,440
don't you see none of us has to run away
897
00:47:06,640 --> 00:47:11,280
or turn ourselves in what do you propose
898
00:47:09,440 --> 00:47:14,960
we roam the country living on the land
899
00:47:11,280 --> 00:47:17,040
like bonnie and clyde and clyde no first
900
00:47:14,960 --> 00:47:18,720
we take the cop's car and crash it into
901
00:47:17,040 --> 00:47:20,880
a tree up the road
902
00:47:18,720 --> 00:47:22,720
then we take him and the reverend's wife
903
00:47:20,880 --> 00:47:24,000
and put him in her car and then we push
904
00:47:22,720 --> 00:47:25,359
it over the cliff at gross point yeah
905
00:47:24,000 --> 00:47:28,400
but they find the car in a couple of
906
00:47:25,359 --> 00:47:30,079
days yeah and with the forensic figure
907
00:47:28,400 --> 00:47:32,640
that the deputy was driving under the
908
00:47:30,079 --> 00:47:34,640
influence of alcohol crashed into a tree
909
00:47:32,640 --> 00:47:36,800
flagged down another car driven by mrs
910
00:47:34,640 --> 00:47:38,960
smalls took control of the wheel and and
911
00:47:36,800 --> 00:47:40,559
drove them off a cliff and and the
912
00:47:38,960 --> 00:47:42,400
wounds i mean they'd be more than
913
00:47:40,559 --> 00:47:44,400
covered up by the crash so the reverend
914
00:47:42,400 --> 00:47:46,880
gets murdered on the very same night
915
00:47:44,400 --> 00:47:49,200
that his wife gets driven off a cliff by
916
00:47:46,880 --> 00:47:51,119
a drunken cop what about that doesn't
917
00:47:49,200 --> 00:47:53,280
sound very accidental you know he has a
918
00:47:51,119 --> 00:47:54,079
point for once
919
00:47:53,280 --> 00:47:55,760
okay
920
00:47:54,079 --> 00:47:57,440
um
921
00:47:55,760 --> 00:47:58,640
okay then we plant mr small's gun in the
922
00:47:57,440 --> 00:47:59,760
car with them
923
00:47:58,640 --> 00:48:00,960
they figure out it was the weapon that
924
00:47:59,760 --> 00:48:02,480
killed the reverend
925
00:48:00,960 --> 00:48:04,480
they think
926
00:48:02,480 --> 00:48:05,839
maybe she had an affair with the deputy
927
00:48:04,480 --> 00:48:08,160
maybe they decide to off the poor
928
00:48:05,839 --> 00:48:10,079
reverend and then you know maybe they
929
00:48:08,160 --> 00:48:12,319
had an accident
930
00:48:10,079 --> 00:48:16,599
that's a hell of a lot of maybes
931
00:48:12,319 --> 00:48:16,599
let's hear your bright idea then boss
932
00:48:21,280 --> 00:48:25,520
ah
933
00:48:23,440 --> 00:48:29,119
all brought sure liked your food
934
00:48:25,520 --> 00:48:29,119
fancy body bags
935
00:48:31,040 --> 00:48:36,400
you're sitting here eating a lollipop i
936
00:48:32,800 --> 00:48:37,520
didn't have any dinner i need the sugar
937
00:48:36,400 --> 00:48:40,400
oh
938
00:48:37,520 --> 00:48:42,880
are you okay yeah yeah let's just uh get
939
00:48:40,400 --> 00:48:42,880
this done
940
00:48:43,599 --> 00:48:50,800
the hands on the bevel
941
00:48:47,359 --> 00:48:55,040
scared like a child
942
00:48:50,800 --> 00:48:59,000
and god holds your level
943
00:48:55,040 --> 00:48:59,000
for what you've done
944
00:49:00,290 --> 00:49:12,849
[Music]
945
00:49:13,119 --> 00:49:19,710
you can't believe
946
00:49:16,600 --> 00:49:19,710
[Music]
947
00:49:22,020 --> 00:49:31,839
[Music]
948
00:49:27,760 --> 00:49:31,839
rats in the attic
949
00:49:35,750 --> 00:49:38,800
[Music]
950
00:49:46,280 --> 00:49:52,349
[Music]
951
00:49:53,520 --> 00:49:56,720
now do we
952
00:49:54,880 --> 00:49:58,800
no we don't want to go back in time now
953
00:49:56,720 --> 00:50:00,640
do we
954
00:49:58,800 --> 00:50:02,240
actually it's only by going faster than
955
00:50:00,640 --> 00:50:03,680
light that one could even theoretically
956
00:50:02,240 --> 00:50:07,760
go back in time
957
00:50:03,680 --> 00:50:07,760
yeah do me a favor shut the [ __ ] up
958
00:50:08,400 --> 00:50:11,359
you seem to have some serious
959
00:50:10,000 --> 00:50:13,680
stress-related issues you're not
960
00:50:11,359 --> 00:50:15,200
canadian by any chance are you what what
961
00:50:13,680 --> 00:50:17,599
what
962
00:50:15,200 --> 00:50:19,760
well the 2003 statistical report on the
963
00:50:17,599 --> 00:50:21,280
health of canadians states that 62
964
00:50:19,760 --> 00:50:23,520
percent of workers hell is wrong with
965
00:50:21,280 --> 00:50:25,359
you you keep pulling these random
966
00:50:23,520 --> 00:50:26,880
ridiculous facts and stats out of your
967
00:50:25,359 --> 00:50:30,000
ass and it's like
968
00:50:26,880 --> 00:50:32,319
nobody really gives a [ __ ] guys jesus
969
00:50:30,000 --> 00:50:34,319
christ man you know charlie here's a
970
00:50:32,319 --> 00:50:36,160
nifty little stat for you for a guy that
971
00:50:34,319 --> 00:50:38,000
knows everything about everything to get
972
00:50:36,160 --> 00:50:40,000
a job in a call center you have to be
973
00:50:38,000 --> 00:50:45,000
bar none the biggest loser i have ever
974
00:50:40,000 --> 00:50:45,000
met in my life and i'm from las vegas
975
00:50:45,290 --> 00:50:49,689
[Music]
976
00:50:56,880 --> 00:51:01,040
you ever hear of a neurotransmitter
977
00:50:58,640 --> 00:51:03,119
called acetylcholine
978
00:51:01,040 --> 00:51:05,760
a what called what it's the chemical
979
00:51:03,119 --> 00:51:07,599
your brain uses for memory
980
00:51:05,760 --> 00:51:10,800
dummy
981
00:51:07,599 --> 00:51:13,760
does it yeah that's exactly right
982
00:51:10,800 --> 00:51:16,000
see the reason i lost my teaching job is
983
00:51:13,760 --> 00:51:18,559
i have this disorder typified by a
984
00:51:16,000 --> 00:51:21,040
gradual acute neurodegeneration of the
985
00:51:18,559 --> 00:51:24,240
cerebral cortex or if that's too pulled
986
00:51:21,040 --> 00:51:27,040
out of my ass for you i'm slowly losing
987
00:51:24,240 --> 00:51:27,040
my memory
988
00:51:27,200 --> 00:51:31,440
are you making this up
989
00:51:28,720 --> 00:51:33,599
the doctors think that in a year or two
990
00:51:31,440 --> 00:51:35,280
my mind will be a total blank so the
991
00:51:33,599 --> 00:51:38,079
only thing i could do to slow things
992
00:51:35,280 --> 00:51:40,800
down is to keep working my memory as
993
00:51:38,079 --> 00:51:42,960
much as possible
994
00:51:40,800 --> 00:51:45,680
do you remember what's in the blue bag
995
00:51:42,960 --> 00:51:45,680
what blue bag
996
00:51:46,960 --> 00:51:51,839
geez guy i am i'm really sorry i you
997
00:51:49,520 --> 00:51:51,839
know
998
00:51:59,359 --> 00:52:05,319
it does
999
00:52:00,960 --> 00:52:05,319
what's the greek word for [ __ ]
1000
00:52:13,370 --> 00:52:16,570
[Applause]
1001
00:52:17,520 --> 00:52:22,160
are you [ __ ] crazy he lied to us
1002
00:52:20,319 --> 00:52:24,160
again he doesn't have a daughter you
1003
00:52:22,160 --> 00:52:27,440
probably don't even have an ex-wife
1004
00:52:24,160 --> 00:52:27,440
is everyone okay in there
1005
00:52:29,520 --> 00:52:33,040
we're fine
1006
00:52:31,200 --> 00:52:35,200
everything everything's fine
1007
00:52:33,040 --> 00:52:37,680
so thanks for coming over i think we
1008
00:52:35,200 --> 00:52:39,440
should call the police don't you wha
1009
00:52:37,680 --> 00:52:41,040
no come on let's not bother them you
1010
00:52:39,440 --> 00:52:43,599
know they got a lot on their plate and
1011
00:52:41,040 --> 00:52:45,760
you're fine your car's fine so yeah but
1012
00:52:43,599 --> 00:52:48,160
i'm pretty sure that standard procedure
1013
00:52:45,760 --> 00:52:49,599
isn't it
1014
00:52:48,160 --> 00:52:51,680
i'll be honest with you ass i don't give
1015
00:52:49,599 --> 00:52:53,920
a rat's ass about standard procedure
1016
00:52:51,680 --> 00:52:56,559
okay so here why don't you uh let you
1017
00:52:53,920 --> 00:52:58,079
pack your fat ass back in your car okay
1018
00:52:56,559 --> 00:52:59,680
and and go buy yourself as big a
1019
00:52:58,079 --> 00:53:02,559
sandwich as your heart desires right
1020
00:52:59,680 --> 00:53:05,920
that's stan enough procedure for you
1021
00:53:02,559 --> 00:53:05,920
your trunk is open what
1022
00:53:06,720 --> 00:53:10,640
are you all going on a trip somewhere
1023
00:53:09,119 --> 00:53:12,640
sure looks like you're packed for a long
1024
00:53:10,640 --> 00:53:17,119
one is that your entire wardrobe you got
1025
00:53:12,640 --> 00:53:17,119
in there it's a couple of dead bodies
1026
00:53:20,720 --> 00:53:24,480
that was a good one that was great i'm
1027
00:53:22,640 --> 00:53:26,319
glad you liked it
1028
00:53:24,480 --> 00:53:30,000
oh geez
1029
00:53:26,319 --> 00:53:32,160
oh it's time for old stingy
1030
00:53:30,000 --> 00:53:34,400
wait what
1031
00:53:32,160 --> 00:53:37,400
oh it's insulin
1032
00:53:34,400 --> 00:53:37,400
whatever
1033
00:53:43,760 --> 00:53:47,200
freak show
1034
00:53:49,599 --> 00:53:53,760
son of a [ __ ] charlie granted i lied
1035
00:53:52,079 --> 00:53:56,160
but i have a responsibility towards
1036
00:53:53,760 --> 00:53:58,079
myself right when i got out of prison i
1037
00:53:56,160 --> 00:53:59,920
swore what
1038
00:53:58,079 --> 00:54:02,079
you were in prison
1039
00:53:59,920 --> 00:54:04,079
for what i kind of
1040
00:54:02,079 --> 00:54:06,079
convinced some people to invest in some
1041
00:54:04,079 --> 00:54:08,319
businesses that weren't actually
1042
00:54:06,079 --> 00:54:10,880
technically in existence anything else
1043
00:54:08,319 --> 00:54:12,800
you forgot to mention sociopath oh come
1044
00:54:10,880 --> 00:54:15,280
on aren't you overreacting like a little
1045
00:54:12,800 --> 00:54:17,040
bit overreacting i happen to be a very
1046
00:54:15,280 --> 00:54:18,640
good con man
1047
00:54:17,040 --> 00:54:20,240
all right that's my talent what do you
1048
00:54:18,640 --> 00:54:22,000
want me to do waste it
1049
00:54:20,240 --> 00:54:25,599
you don't go around using it on your
1050
00:54:22,000 --> 00:54:27,599
partner's jerk you know i bet guts isn't
1051
00:54:25,599 --> 00:54:30,000
even your real name is it
1052
00:54:27,599 --> 00:54:34,839
what is it don't no no really i i'd love
1053
00:54:30,000 --> 00:54:34,839
to know my mother god rest her soul
1054
00:54:44,799 --> 00:54:47,799
is
1055
00:54:52,559 --> 00:54:55,559
oh
1056
00:55:09,240 --> 00:55:12,400
[Applause]
1057
00:55:18,319 --> 00:55:21,599
maybe she jumped out of the trunk along
1058
00:55:19,680 --> 00:55:22,720
the way somewhere she didn't jump out of
1059
00:55:21,599 --> 00:55:24,240
any trunk
1060
00:55:22,720 --> 00:55:26,559
she's [ __ ] dead
1061
00:55:24,240 --> 00:55:28,319
did you check her pulse uh no
1062
00:55:26,559 --> 00:55:30,799
why didn't you check her goddamn pulse
1063
00:55:28,319 --> 00:55:32,079
because charlie stupid me i assume that
1064
00:55:30,799 --> 00:55:34,240
when you have an axe lodged in your
1065
00:55:32,079 --> 00:55:35,520
skull your pulse tends to pot him out on
1066
00:55:34,240 --> 00:55:37,680
you well maybe you shouldn't assume so
1067
00:55:35,520 --> 00:55:38,880
much all right just settle down kids all
1068
00:55:37,680 --> 00:55:40,720
right
1069
00:55:38,880 --> 00:55:42,960
all that matters now is that we find her
1070
00:55:40,720 --> 00:55:44,799
before someone else does right
1071
00:55:42,960 --> 00:55:47,680
try to keep it on the road this time hey
1072
00:55:44,799 --> 00:55:50,480
[ __ ] you [ __ ] you both when people ain't
1073
00:55:47,680 --> 00:55:54,220
sucker punching me in the eye my driving
1074
00:55:50,480 --> 00:55:58,470
is just perfect thank you very much
1075
00:55:54,220 --> 00:55:58,470
[Applause]
1076
00:56:17,440 --> 00:56:21,240
want me to check her pulse
1077
00:56:31,920 --> 00:56:35,920
charlie hi honey
1078
00:56:34,400 --> 00:56:38,880
what are you doing here
1079
00:56:35,920 --> 00:56:40,400
what what are you doing here
1080
00:56:38,880 --> 00:56:41,920
well
1081
00:56:40,400 --> 00:56:43,520
we received an anonymous call reporting
1082
00:56:41,920 --> 00:56:45,440
a body in the middle of the road well we
1083
00:56:43,520 --> 00:56:46,640
just ran over it
1084
00:56:45,440 --> 00:56:48,720
hi
1085
00:56:46,640 --> 00:56:51,040
i'm josie mcbroom i thought you were
1086
00:56:48,720 --> 00:56:53,680
having a drink with your supervisor
1087
00:56:51,040 --> 00:56:56,799
technically i'm junior supervisor but
1088
00:56:53,680 --> 00:56:57,680
they did place charlie under my tutelage
1089
00:56:56,799 --> 00:57:01,119
oh
1090
00:56:57,680 --> 00:57:03,920
and you must be uh penelope wood
1091
00:57:01,119 --> 00:57:06,240
penelope detective penelope would of
1092
00:57:03,920 --> 00:57:07,680
course charlie has told me
1093
00:57:06,240 --> 00:57:09,599
a lot
1094
00:57:07,680 --> 00:57:11,040
about you did he mention that he has a
1095
00:57:09,599 --> 00:57:12,240
little girl and that i had to bring her
1096
00:57:11,040 --> 00:57:15,280
with me emily's here because there was
1097
00:57:12,240 --> 00:57:17,359
nobody home to look after her
1098
00:57:15,280 --> 00:57:18,640
now what happened exactly
1099
00:57:17,359 --> 00:57:21,359
well
1100
00:57:18,640 --> 00:57:24,319
we were driving into town
1101
00:57:21,359 --> 00:57:25,920
and all of a sudden bang you know we ran
1102
00:57:24,319 --> 00:57:28,079
over this body here i mean there was
1103
00:57:25,920 --> 00:57:30,240
nothing i could do to avoid her no one
1104
00:57:28,079 --> 00:57:32,480
no one could have you know i swear she
1105
00:57:30,240 --> 00:57:35,920
just popped out of nowhere
1106
00:57:32,480 --> 00:57:37,920
and you are who me i am uh gus
1107
00:57:35,920 --> 00:57:41,559
got sticking some name
1108
00:57:37,920 --> 00:57:41,559
co-worker charlie's
1109
00:57:41,839 --> 00:57:46,000
who are you calling
1110
00:57:43,359 --> 00:57:46,000
my deputy
1111
00:57:53,760 --> 00:57:57,520
aren't you gonna answer that
1112
00:57:56,559 --> 00:57:59,680
uh-uh
1113
00:57:57,520 --> 00:58:03,599
it's probably just my ex-boyfriend
1114
00:57:59,680 --> 00:58:03,599
freaking stalker you know
1115
00:58:04,720 --> 00:58:10,799
deputy garmin detective wood here you
1116
00:58:07,119 --> 00:58:10,799
need to report in immediately
1117
00:58:11,599 --> 00:58:14,400
detective wood
1118
00:58:14,559 --> 00:58:16,880
where
1119
00:58:18,160 --> 00:58:23,200
[ __ ]
1120
00:58:20,240 --> 00:58:24,319
the eye is at the station the what all
1121
00:58:23,200 --> 00:58:26,240
right
1122
00:58:24,319 --> 00:58:28,079
i want you all to follow me down there
1123
00:58:26,240 --> 00:58:30,319
i'm gonna need your statements can that
1124
00:58:28,079 --> 00:58:31,920
wait till tomorrow cause like i'm sure
1125
00:58:30,319 --> 00:58:36,359
it'll be a lot more productive if we'd
1126
00:58:31,920 --> 00:58:36,359
had like a good night's sleep right
1127
00:58:38,319 --> 00:58:41,440
you might have mentioned the part about
1128
00:58:39,599 --> 00:58:42,559
your wife being a detective
1129
00:58:41,440 --> 00:58:43,599
shut up
1130
00:58:42,559 --> 00:58:44,720
yeah gus
1131
00:58:43,599 --> 00:58:46,160
you might have mentioned the part about
1132
00:58:44,720 --> 00:58:48,000
not really owing alimony to your
1133
00:58:46,160 --> 00:58:52,720
imaginary ex-wife and your imaginary
1134
00:58:48,000 --> 00:58:52,720
daughter not really going blind touche
1135
00:58:53,040 --> 00:58:56,640
everyone this is special agent chester
1136
00:58:55,280 --> 00:58:57,680
hines
1137
00:58:56,640 --> 00:58:59,119
well
1138
00:58:57,680 --> 00:59:02,160
can you beat this
1139
00:58:59,119 --> 00:59:03,040
my friends with the bodies in the trunk
1140
00:59:02,160 --> 00:59:05,839
what
1141
00:59:03,040 --> 00:59:09,119
it's an inside joke we uh ran into each
1142
00:59:05,839 --> 00:59:10,960
other earlier how do you do it
1143
00:59:09,119 --> 00:59:12,640
i'm ready when you are charlie can you
1144
00:59:10,960 --> 00:59:15,119
look after emmy for a second you two
1145
00:59:12,640 --> 00:59:15,119
follow us
1146
00:59:16,720 --> 00:59:20,240
we're screwed nobody's screwed if we
1147
00:59:18,640 --> 00:59:21,760
just keep our story straight we had a
1148
00:59:20,240 --> 00:59:22,880
few beers at gus's place that's the end
1149
00:59:21,760 --> 00:59:23,839
of it
1150
00:59:22,880 --> 00:59:26,240
got it
1151
00:59:23,839 --> 00:59:26,240
got it
1152
00:59:26,880 --> 00:59:32,160
gus
1153
00:59:29,119 --> 00:59:33,680
we're screwed oh come on you really
1154
00:59:32,160 --> 00:59:34,880
think special agent hippo is gonna
1155
00:59:33,680 --> 00:59:37,680
figure anything out more than where to
1156
00:59:34,880 --> 00:59:40,480
find a really great buffet
1157
00:59:37,680 --> 00:59:41,760
these we can deduce that mrs smalls
1158
00:59:40,480 --> 00:59:44,319
would be killer
1159
00:59:41,760 --> 00:59:47,520
presupposed her already dead when she
1160
00:59:44,319 --> 00:59:50,400
was transported by automobile
1161
00:59:47,520 --> 00:59:53,040
are you all right mr dickinson
1162
00:59:50,400 --> 00:59:55,359
um yeah yeah i'm just this is a
1163
00:59:53,040 --> 00:59:57,680
first dead body for me so and i drunk
1164
00:59:55,359 --> 00:59:59,920
beers at my place
1165
00:59:57,680 --> 01:00:01,920
other than the axe wound which judging
1166
00:59:59,920 --> 01:00:04,880
from the angle of entry came from a much
1167
01:00:01,920 --> 01:00:07,200
shorter person possibly female nothing
1168
01:00:04,880 --> 01:00:08,799
here indicates any sort of fisticuffs
1169
01:00:07,200 --> 01:00:10,400
ever took place
1170
01:00:08,799 --> 01:00:12,839
i can safely say
1171
01:00:10,400 --> 01:00:16,480
that the mrs smalls murderer can be
1172
01:00:12,839 --> 01:00:17,920
found within this very room
1173
01:00:16,480 --> 01:00:20,000
what
1174
01:00:17,920 --> 01:00:23,440
the just a figure of speech what i mean
1175
01:00:20,000 --> 01:00:26,000
to say is her body will tell me who her
1176
01:00:23,440 --> 01:00:27,440
killer is after a more thorough
1177
01:00:26,000 --> 01:00:28,720
examination
1178
01:00:27,440 --> 01:00:31,920
however
1179
01:00:28,720 --> 01:00:34,640
i can hazard a name right now
1180
01:00:31,920 --> 01:00:35,839
please do i'm sure it will come as no
1181
01:00:34,640 --> 01:00:37,839
surprise
1182
01:00:35,839 --> 01:00:41,359
that her killing
1183
01:00:37,839 --> 01:00:41,359
is none other than
1184
01:00:41,760 --> 01:00:46,160
the oregon undertaker
1185
01:00:43,760 --> 01:00:48,720
well we all could have figured that out
1186
01:00:46,160 --> 01:00:51,720
agent heims
1187
01:00:48,720 --> 01:00:51,720
indeed
1188
01:00:55,400 --> 01:00:58,860
[Music]
1189
01:01:02,480 --> 01:01:18,480
uh
1190
01:01:04,110 --> 01:01:21,480
[Music]
1191
01:01:18,480 --> 01:01:21,480
ah
1192
01:01:25,599 --> 01:01:29,119
everything's gonna be okay sweetie
1193
01:01:29,320 --> 01:01:35,079
[Music]
1194
01:01:36,839 --> 01:01:45,200
hey so uh i guess i'll take emily home
1195
01:01:41,680 --> 01:01:49,680
why don't you leave her here with me
1196
01:01:45,200 --> 01:01:49,680
yeah but i i can easily good night
1197
01:01:51,200 --> 01:01:56,319
wait
1198
01:01:52,960 --> 01:01:59,960
you're not going anywhere little lady
1199
01:01:56,319 --> 01:01:59,960
not without your coat
1200
01:02:07,280 --> 01:02:11,839
would anyone care to say something just
1201
01:02:09,359 --> 01:02:14,240
take me home
1202
01:02:11,839 --> 01:02:16,799
no way we got a dead cop to ditch first
1203
01:02:14,240 --> 01:02:18,400
what i don't i don't care about the cop
1204
01:02:16,799 --> 01:02:20,319
okay i don't even care about the money
1205
01:02:18,400 --> 01:02:22,880
anymore i just want to go home and
1206
01:02:20,319 --> 01:02:24,400
pretend this never happened
1207
01:02:22,880 --> 01:02:26,400
yeah it hasn't exactly been a
1208
01:02:24,400 --> 01:02:28,160
run-of-the-mill night on the town has it
1209
01:02:26,400 --> 01:02:30,160
all i wanted was to take care of my
1210
01:02:28,160 --> 01:02:32,079
family
1211
01:02:30,160 --> 01:02:34,160
okay charlie
1212
01:02:32,079 --> 01:02:35,200
the sooner we dispose of the deputy's
1213
01:02:34,160 --> 01:02:36,960
body
1214
01:02:35,200 --> 01:02:39,520
the sooner you can get started on your
1215
01:02:36,960 --> 01:02:42,520
pretend happily ever after how does that
1216
01:02:39,520 --> 01:02:42,520
sound
1217
01:02:54,000 --> 01:02:59,880
come on sweetheart
1218
01:02:56,079 --> 01:02:59,880
it's time to go home
1219
01:03:10,880 --> 01:03:14,359
oh charlie
1220
01:03:19,900 --> 01:03:22,999
[Music]
1221
01:03:27,660 --> 01:03:36,689
[Music]
1222
01:03:42,400 --> 01:03:46,079
you sure he'll actually sink in there
1223
01:03:44,160 --> 01:03:48,400
absolutely
1224
01:03:46,079 --> 01:03:50,240
you done this before never unrefined
1225
01:03:48,400 --> 01:03:52,319
unheated tar has a viscosity grade of
1226
01:03:50,240 --> 01:03:54,160
250 000.
1227
01:03:52,319 --> 01:03:56,799
so what does that mean
1228
01:03:54,160 --> 01:03:59,039
he won't sink oh he'll sink
1229
01:03:56,799 --> 01:04:00,960
it might take a week or so but he'll
1230
01:03:59,039 --> 01:04:02,559
sink
1231
01:04:00,960 --> 01:04:06,440
wow
1232
01:04:02,559 --> 01:04:06,440
better get started then
1233
01:04:12,040 --> 01:04:15,159
[Music]
1234
01:04:22,799 --> 01:04:26,119
hold it
1235
01:04:26,280 --> 01:04:29,760
[Music]
1236
01:04:27,680 --> 01:04:31,599
he followed us i figured it would be a
1237
01:04:29,760 --> 01:04:34,880
little more expedient than listening to
1238
01:04:31,599 --> 01:04:37,440
a heap full of bull pucky testimony
1239
01:04:34,880 --> 01:04:39,680
i guess i was right just like always
1240
01:04:37,440 --> 01:04:41,039
okay listen um
1241
01:04:39,680 --> 01:04:42,960
agent hymes
1242
01:04:41,039 --> 01:04:44,400
you let us go
1243
01:04:42,960 --> 01:04:45,760
and there's a million dollars with your
1244
01:04:44,400 --> 01:04:48,400
name on them
1245
01:04:45,760 --> 01:04:50,799
uh you're offering a federal agent a
1246
01:04:48,400 --> 01:04:50,799
bribe
1247
01:04:50,880 --> 01:04:55,039
thanks little lady
1248
01:04:53,440 --> 01:04:58,400
guys
1249
01:04:55,039 --> 01:04:58,400
come over here for a sec would you
1250
01:05:00,160 --> 01:05:03,039
tell me i'm fat
1251
01:05:04,559 --> 01:05:09,520
i was joking i want to hear you tell the
1252
01:05:07,039 --> 01:05:12,720
fat guy how fat he is
1253
01:05:09,520 --> 01:05:14,720
i was kidding all right
1254
01:05:12,720 --> 01:05:16,000
you might be a little on the heavy side
1255
01:05:14,720 --> 01:05:19,440
you know but it's nothing that a few
1256
01:05:16,000 --> 01:05:19,440
centuries jogging can't fix
1257
01:05:19,520 --> 01:05:23,680
son of a [ __ ] sorry did that [ __ ] all
1258
01:05:22,880 --> 01:05:26,960
right
1259
01:05:23,680 --> 01:05:29,359
the official version is that gus here
1260
01:05:26,960 --> 01:05:32,799
attacked me during an arrest and i was
1261
01:05:29,359 --> 01:05:35,119
defending myself stupid war
1262
01:05:32,799 --> 01:05:38,480
the official version is the ghost trip
1263
01:05:35,119 --> 01:05:40,160
that fell on his face during the arrest
1264
01:05:38,480 --> 01:05:42,000
okay okay look there's two million
1265
01:05:40,160 --> 01:05:44,559
dollars in a bag in the car it's all
1266
01:05:42,000 --> 01:05:46,079
yours just take it wow
1267
01:05:44,559 --> 01:05:48,720
can you beat that
1268
01:05:46,079 --> 01:05:50,720
one million just became two million and
1269
01:05:48,720 --> 01:05:53,440
people said this economy would never
1270
01:05:50,720 --> 01:05:53,440
bounce back
1271
01:05:56,850 --> 01:06:00,640
[Applause]
1272
01:05:58,720 --> 01:06:04,960
shoot him in the [ __ ] eye shoot him
1273
01:06:00,640 --> 01:06:06,720
shut up wake wake don't move
1274
01:06:04,960 --> 01:06:07,520
i know who you are
1275
01:06:06,720 --> 01:06:09,680
what
1276
01:06:07,520 --> 01:06:10,880
i thought you look familiar
1277
01:06:09,680 --> 01:06:14,240
fellas
1278
01:06:10,880 --> 01:06:19,119
your accomplice here is lucy broom aka
1279
01:06:14,240 --> 01:06:20,799
lucy mcjoseph aka josie mcpro
1280
01:06:19,119 --> 01:06:23,280
what are you talking about
1281
01:06:20,799 --> 01:06:24,799
you're the wyoming widow
1282
01:06:23,280 --> 01:06:26,079
what
1283
01:06:24,799 --> 01:06:28,160
gentlemen
1284
01:06:26,079 --> 01:06:28,960
the wyoming widow's mo is always the
1285
01:06:28,160 --> 01:06:31,680
same
1286
01:06:28,960 --> 01:06:34,160
she seduces an unsuspecting fellow
1287
01:06:31,680 --> 01:06:35,920
she fornicates with him
1288
01:06:34,160 --> 01:06:38,319
and then she offers up a little sip of
1289
01:06:35,920 --> 01:06:40,319
whiskey the poor sucker never lives long
1290
01:06:38,319 --> 01:06:44,240
enough to realize that he also just
1291
01:06:40,319 --> 01:06:46,640
drank highly concentrated valium yeah
1292
01:06:44,240 --> 01:06:47,700
even watching too many soap operas agent
1293
01:06:46,640 --> 01:06:51,290
times
1294
01:06:47,700 --> 01:06:51,290
[Music]
1295
01:06:51,520 --> 01:06:55,119
you're not actually believing this crap
1296
01:06:53,280 --> 01:06:57,440
are you they say
1297
01:06:55,119 --> 01:06:58,559
that she always keeps a trusty flask on
1298
01:06:57,440 --> 01:07:01,280
her person
1299
01:06:58,559 --> 01:07:02,880
just in case the next bug flies into our
1300
01:07:01,280 --> 01:07:04,960
web
1301
01:07:02,880 --> 01:07:07,200
oh come on
1302
01:07:04,960 --> 01:07:10,000
he's just making this crap up to save
1303
01:07:07,200 --> 01:07:11,920
his ass i could have sworn i felt one
1304
01:07:10,000 --> 01:07:13,030
inside of a coat pocket back at the
1305
01:07:11,920 --> 01:07:16,079
station
1306
01:07:13,030 --> 01:07:19,599
[Music]
1307
01:07:16,079 --> 01:07:19,599
empty your pockets josie
1308
01:07:20,079 --> 01:07:23,079
charlie
1309
01:07:23,260 --> 01:07:27,749
[Music]
1310
01:07:31,280 --> 01:07:34,799
holy [ __ ]
1311
01:07:32,640 --> 01:07:37,200
you planted this in my coat back at the
1312
01:07:34,799 --> 01:07:40,319
station didn't you oh no no i didn't i
1313
01:07:37,200 --> 01:07:43,839
swear to god i didn't this isn't mine
1314
01:07:40,319 --> 01:07:46,559
he is lying he is lying
1315
01:07:43,839 --> 01:07:46,559
take a drink
1316
01:07:46,720 --> 01:07:51,160
oh
1317
01:07:47,599 --> 01:07:51,160
take a sip josie
1318
01:07:58,000 --> 01:08:00,240
there
1319
01:08:01,359 --> 01:08:03,839
oh yeah
1320
01:08:05,200 --> 01:08:09,039
josie
1321
01:08:06,480 --> 01:08:12,319
oh my god oh god josie josie
1322
01:08:09,039 --> 01:08:12,319
josie come on cut it out
1323
01:08:14,400 --> 01:08:20,960
you were so pathetic that was not funny
1324
01:08:19,359 --> 01:08:22,799
[Music]
1325
01:08:20,960 --> 01:08:26,000
you dumb [ __ ] i told you he's just
1326
01:08:22,799 --> 01:08:29,159
trying to mess with us [ __ ] [ __ ]
1327
01:08:26,000 --> 01:08:29,159
[Music]
1328
01:08:33,859 --> 01:08:42,539
[Music]
1329
01:08:44,480 --> 01:08:47,480
so
1330
01:09:00,439 --> 01:09:03,519
[Music]
1331
01:09:04,239 --> 01:09:07,239
m
1332
01:09:17,710 --> 01:09:33,139
[Music]
1333
01:09:35,800 --> 01:09:39,279
[Music]
1334
01:09:36,880 --> 01:09:39,279
jesus
1335
01:09:42,480 --> 01:09:47,839
i think that belongs to uncle sam
1336
01:09:45,359 --> 01:09:50,239
now hold on we're on the same side here
1337
01:09:47,839 --> 01:09:50,239
chester
1338
01:09:51,040 --> 01:09:54,000
i'm an agent too
1339
01:09:58,640 --> 01:10:03,840
when the hell did you take that off me
1340
01:10:00,800 --> 01:10:05,520
back at the station
1341
01:10:03,840 --> 01:10:07,520
listen
1342
01:10:05,520 --> 01:10:09,520
here's the thing gus
1343
01:10:07,520 --> 01:10:10,640
there's a friend of mine an agent one of
1344
01:10:09,520 --> 01:10:12,159
the best
1345
01:10:10,640 --> 01:10:13,760
he's been protecting the innocent for a
1346
01:10:12,159 --> 01:10:14,840
long time now
1347
01:10:13,760 --> 01:10:18,400
and uh
1348
01:10:14,840 --> 01:10:19,760
well he's gotten fed up with working his
1349
01:10:18,400 --> 01:10:24,159
ass off for
1350
01:10:19,760 --> 01:10:26,320
ungrateful morons who call him fatty
1351
01:10:24,159 --> 01:10:28,080
the pat on the back if things go right
1352
01:10:26,320 --> 01:10:29,440
or the stars and stripes on this coffin
1353
01:10:28,080 --> 01:10:32,880
if they don't
1354
01:10:29,440 --> 01:10:32,880
it just doesn't cut it anymore
1355
01:10:33,679 --> 01:10:38,000
i have two million here all right and
1356
01:10:35,920 --> 01:10:40,239
believe me when i say no one will ever
1357
01:10:38,000 --> 01:10:43,440
claim it tell your friend there's a
1358
01:10:40,239 --> 01:10:45,600
million for him and a millionaire about
1359
01:10:43,440 --> 01:10:48,320
2 million for him
1360
01:10:45,600 --> 01:10:51,679
and nuts for you oh come on jetty
1361
01:10:48,320 --> 01:10:54,000
we're partners here you insult me gus
1362
01:10:51,679 --> 01:10:56,640
you're not even a real criminal
1363
01:10:54,000 --> 01:10:58,239
you're just a small-time crook
1364
01:10:56,640 --> 01:11:00,560
who got shot twice in the chest
1365
01:10:58,239 --> 01:11:02,239
resisting arrest
1366
01:11:00,560 --> 01:11:03,440
listen i have a daughter
1367
01:11:02,239 --> 01:11:06,320
tais
1368
01:11:03,440 --> 01:11:06,320
and um please
1369
01:11:06,560 --> 01:11:10,440
that's greek for beloved
1370
01:11:12,320 --> 01:11:15,679
you shot me
1371
01:11:13,840 --> 01:11:18,679
that's the first truth thing you've said
1372
01:11:15,679 --> 01:11:18,679
yet
1373
01:11:21,550 --> 01:11:24,909
[Music]
1374
01:11:27,230 --> 01:11:33,560
[Music]
1375
01:11:29,760 --> 01:11:33,560
what took you so long
1376
01:11:36,650 --> 01:11:41,220
[Applause]
1377
01:11:42,180 --> 01:11:48,120
[Music]
1378
01:11:45,120 --> 01:11:48,120
so
1379
01:11:48,850 --> 01:11:55,179
[Music]
1380
01:11:58,000 --> 01:12:01,000
so
1381
01:12:13,040 --> 01:12:17,280
mommy
1382
01:12:15,600 --> 01:12:20,840
it's all right sweetheart
1383
01:12:17,280 --> 01:12:20,840
get back to sleep
1384
01:12:30,159 --> 01:12:34,320
wait
1385
01:12:31,679 --> 01:12:36,560
you know i can't eat this much sugar
1386
01:12:34,320 --> 01:12:40,000
you shouldn't do this like you shouldn't
1387
01:12:36,560 --> 01:12:40,000
have killed gus keep eating
1388
01:12:42,080 --> 01:12:47,199
this was a backstabber
1389
01:12:44,320 --> 01:12:49,280
he told me he was gonna kill you and
1390
01:12:47,199 --> 01:12:51,280
make off with the money
1391
01:12:49,280 --> 01:12:53,120
that's why i killed him
1392
01:12:51,280 --> 01:12:56,640
i saved your life i'm telling you the
1393
01:12:53,120 --> 01:12:59,760
truth 89.9 of all u.s government agents
1394
01:12:56,640 --> 01:12:59,760
can beat a lie detector
1395
01:13:00,880 --> 01:13:04,800
wait
1396
01:13:02,239 --> 01:13:06,480
this isn't right charlie you know this
1397
01:13:04,800 --> 01:13:08,880
isn't right
1398
01:13:06,480 --> 01:13:12,239
your wife is an officer of the law shut
1399
01:13:08,880 --> 01:13:12,239
up shut the [ __ ] up
1400
01:13:13,280 --> 01:13:16,600
oh god
1401
01:13:22,239 --> 01:13:25,239
please
1402
01:13:36,320 --> 01:13:40,000
god we really did it huh
1403
01:13:39,040 --> 01:13:43,760
what
1404
01:13:40,000 --> 01:13:43,760
we really turned into monsters
1405
01:13:44,159 --> 01:13:47,560
oh charlie
1406
01:13:50,719 --> 01:13:56,239
oh come on
1407
01:13:53,040 --> 01:13:56,239
i say it was worth it
1408
01:13:56,560 --> 01:14:02,080
let's get the body in the car i'm sure
1409
01:13:58,159 --> 01:14:02,080
it's heavy enough to sink now no wait
1410
01:14:02,640 --> 01:14:06,480
there's still one passenger missing
1411
01:14:10,159 --> 01:14:15,840
he said you wanted to pretend none of
1412
01:14:12,080 --> 01:14:15,840
this ever happened
1413
01:14:16,080 --> 01:14:22,159
one sip of this
1414
01:14:18,000 --> 01:14:22,159
you can kiss all your worries goodbye
1415
01:14:23,600 --> 01:14:27,480
the wyoming widow
1416
01:14:28,719 --> 01:14:36,560
but i saw you drink it
1417
01:14:31,760 --> 01:14:36,560
never far from my trusty flasks
1418
01:14:36,640 --> 01:14:43,440
brilliant yeah after all
1419
01:14:39,679 --> 01:14:45,440
i was miss teen wyoming
1420
01:14:43,440 --> 01:14:48,000
now obviously i can't let you go and
1421
01:14:45,440 --> 01:14:49,679
risk having you report me
1422
01:14:48,000 --> 01:14:51,520
and [ __ ]
1423
01:14:49,679 --> 01:14:54,000
2 million does sound a heck of a lot
1424
01:14:51,520 --> 01:14:57,840
nicer than 1 million
1425
01:14:54,000 --> 01:14:59,679
you were right penny what's that
1426
01:14:57,840 --> 01:15:02,080
penelope always said money won't make
1427
01:14:59,679 --> 01:15:05,120
you rich i just
1428
01:15:02,080 --> 01:15:07,440
i just didn't believe her
1429
01:15:05,120 --> 01:15:08,960
you do seem like a genuinely decent guy
1430
01:15:07,440 --> 01:15:11,440
charlie
1431
01:15:08,960 --> 01:15:14,000
i'm real sorry i got to do this
1432
01:15:11,440 --> 01:15:16,400
hey you don't have a choice do you no i
1433
01:15:14,000 --> 01:15:18,400
don't but you do
1434
01:15:16,400 --> 01:15:22,360
you want me to shoot you
1435
01:15:18,400 --> 01:15:22,360
or you want to go for the whiskey
1436
01:15:24,000 --> 01:15:27,840
did hans say you used oh concentrated
1437
01:15:26,560 --> 01:15:31,120
thallium
1438
01:15:27,840 --> 01:15:31,120
much quicker than the cyanide
1439
01:15:35,760 --> 01:15:39,719
any last words charlie
1440
01:15:41,360 --> 01:15:45,480
don't spend it all in one place
1441
01:15:48,570 --> 01:15:54,450
[Music]
1442
01:15:58,480 --> 01:16:01,310
what
1443
01:16:00,159 --> 01:16:29,840
what
1444
01:16:01,310 --> 01:16:33,080
[Music]
1445
01:16:29,840 --> 01:16:33,080
to you
1446
01:16:40,540 --> 01:16:48,560
[Music]
1447
01:16:46,480 --> 01:16:50,320
charlie penelope and emily can't come to
1448
01:16:48,560 --> 01:16:52,719
the phone right now please leave us a
1449
01:16:50,320 --> 01:16:52,719
message
1450
01:16:52,800 --> 01:16:56,880
this is a message for charlie wood
1451
01:16:54,960 --> 01:16:58,640
charlie my name is samuel koenig i'm
1452
01:16:56,880 --> 01:17:00,560
senior vp of barstow publishing
1453
01:16:58,640 --> 01:17:02,719
self-help division here in seattle
1454
01:17:00,560 --> 01:17:04,800
listen i'm calling in regards to this
1455
01:17:02,719 --> 01:17:06,800
book you've sent us build a better brain
1456
01:17:04,800 --> 01:17:08,480
and beat the big nothing it seems to me
1457
01:17:06,800 --> 01:17:10,480
like it's a no-brainer
1458
01:17:08,480 --> 01:17:12,320
yeah seriously though we have an offer
1459
01:17:10,480 --> 01:17:15,800
for you uh we certainly think you'll be
1460
01:17:12,320 --> 01:17:15,800
happy with it
1461
01:17:19,280 --> 01:17:30,239
i've been traveling
1462
01:17:22,700 --> 01:17:34,440
[Music]
1463
01:17:30,239 --> 01:17:34,440
thing that is
1464
01:17:35,950 --> 01:17:50,850
[Music]
1465
01:17:54,410 --> 01:17:57,479
[Music]
1466
01:18:02,400 --> 01:18:05,400
hmm
1467
01:18:16,000 --> 01:18:19,279
[Music]
1468
01:18:20,400 --> 01:18:23,840
hi hi
1469
01:18:21,920 --> 01:18:25,600
where are you headed as far away from
1470
01:18:23,840 --> 01:18:28,239
here as possible
1471
01:18:25,600 --> 01:18:31,679
i think that one we can do for you
1472
01:18:28,239 --> 01:18:31,679
this must be my lucky day
1473
01:18:34,640 --> 01:18:39,640
uh let me just double check something
1474
01:18:36,480 --> 01:18:39,640
real quick
1475
01:18:48,960 --> 01:18:51,960
so
1476
01:18:53,850 --> 01:18:56,560
[Music]
1477
01:18:55,440 --> 01:18:59,640
all set
1478
01:18:56,560 --> 01:18:59,640
all right
1479
01:19:02,760 --> 01:19:22,960
[Music]
1480
01:19:20,560 --> 01:19:22,960
and you
1481
01:19:27,560 --> 01:19:33,810
[Music]
1482
01:19:34,719 --> 01:19:37,840
you know
1483
01:19:39,250 --> 01:19:42,430
[Music]
1484
01:19:45,400 --> 01:19:59,520
[Music]
1485
01:20:03,360 --> 01:20:05,840
again
1486
01:20:07,760 --> 01:20:10,080
again
1487
01:20:12,159 --> 01:20:18,439
and again
1488
01:20:15,310 --> 01:20:18,439
[Applause]
1489
01:20:22,520 --> 01:20:31,360
[Music]
1490
01:20:29,360 --> 01:20:43,920
something wrong
1491
01:20:31,360 --> 01:20:46,660
[Music]
1492
01:20:43,920 --> 01:20:54,529
i don't feel
1493
01:20:46,660 --> 01:20:54,529
[Music]
1494
01:20:56,800 --> 01:21:03,970
to
1495
01:20:58,990 --> 01:21:03,970
[Music]
1496
01:21:06,380 --> 01:21:13,850
[Music]
1497
01:21:11,199 --> 01:21:24,480
on the floor
1498
01:21:13,850 --> 01:21:27,020
[Music]
1499
01:21:24,480 --> 01:21:34,830
in the sky
1500
01:21:27,020 --> 01:21:34,830
[Music]
1501
01:21:38,560 --> 01:21:47,630
stars
1502
01:21:41,180 --> 01:21:47,630
[Music]
1503
01:21:54,540 --> 01:22:06,840
[Music]
1504
01:22:03,840 --> 01:22:06,840
just
1505
01:22:11,260 --> 01:22:14,879
[Music]
1506
01:22:15,280 --> 01:22:18,280
so
1507
01:22:20,170 --> 01:22:23,420
[Applause]
1508
01:22:25,199 --> 01:22:43,550
um
1509
01:22:28,000 --> 01:22:43,550
[Music]
1510
01:22:43,840 --> 01:22:46,840
yes
1511
01:22:50,020 --> 01:22:58,270
[Music]
1512
01:22:56,400 --> 01:23:01,379
just
1513
01:22:58,270 --> 01:23:01,379
[Music]
1514
01:23:02,280 --> 01:23:04,270
[Applause]
1515
01:23:02,630 --> 01:23:07,340
[Music]
1516
01:23:04,270 --> 01:23:21,560
[Applause]
1517
01:23:07,340 --> 01:23:21,560
[Music]
1518
01:23:24,830 --> 01:23:31,620
[Music]
1519
01:23:28,530 --> 01:23:31,620
[Applause]
1520
01:23:31,750 --> 01:23:48,679
[Music]
1521
01:23:45,679 --> 01:23:48,679
so
1522
01:23:50,920 --> 01:23:59,760
[Music]
1523
01:23:58,400 --> 01:24:13,110
hmm
1524
01:23:59,760 --> 01:24:13,110
[Music]
1525
01:24:13,360 --> 01:24:19,719
[Applause]
1526
01:24:14,880 --> 01:24:19,719
oh i got him i got it
1527
01:24:21,950 --> 01:24:25,060
[Music]
1528
01:24:27,490 --> 01:24:30,660
[Applause]
1529
01:24:31,000 --> 01:24:34,090
[Music]
1530
01:24:36,260 --> 01:24:39,520
[Music]
1531
01:24:46,960 --> 01:24:49,040
you
92783
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