Original subtitles

Previously on "Crawford"...

MAN: One, two, three.

(BIG SPLASH) Woo!

(WATER BUBBLES)

(ENGINE RUMBLES, BRAKES SQUEAK)

(DOOR CREAKS)

Who the hell are you, huh?

This is private land. Everly land.

Ancient Everly land.

(VOICE) Good afternoon, we are standing on government land.

- BRIAN: Dad! - (COUGHING)

- Sorry! - Oof!

- (PUNCHING THUDS) - Ugh! UGH!

He came at me, we defended ourselves.

- Just take it easy, buddy. - Hey chill, dude.

- You are on our property... - Hey! Hey!

Next time, we are calling the cops, all right?

- (DRYWALL TEARS) - (FLOORBOARD SPLINTERS)

(RACCOONS CHITTER)

No.

BRIAN: you have a way with animals and that's cool.

They threw this through Exquisite showroom window.

It's photographs.

This looks like they are starting a fire.

It does, doesn't it?

(BOTTLES AND CANS CLINK)

No man, I guess the recycling is mixed up.

BRIAN: The old man has been bent out of shape

ever since he got shot.

Wendy are you sitting? It's about Cox.

How could you do this to me?

This is not what you think it looks like. Wendy!

It's your loss, man, here we go!

Wait, you're gonna choke me out?

Real original, man!

- He's fine. - Take him home, Brian.

Hell yeah.

Oh, thanks.

(LOUD ROCK MUSIC PLAYS)

(BIRDS CHIRP)

(TOOTHBRUSH RASPS)

(CHITTERS)

(DOOR OPENS)

Hey, dad. I'll rock out with you if you want.

Shhh.

Mom's home. Vacation?

(VOICE) You mother and I are gonna watch Netflix and chill.

(BLUEPRINTS RUSTLE)

WOMAN: Chris I'm breaking a ten.

Can I help you with something?

Uh, no. Um, I'm taken care of it.

I-I got a meeting, it's all good.

Okay, well, there's actually a client waiting room for you

just around the corner. You will be more comfortable there.

Great, okay, thanks.

Hey, do you know where I can get

a fantastic cup of coffee around here?

Oh, well there is decent-ish coffee in the waiting room.

So, got you covered if you are looking for decent.

Okay. See you later.

(TAPS)

(CAR RUMBLES)

(DOOR OPENS AND SHUTS)

(WOMAN YELLING ON THE STREET)

(TRAFFIC WHOOSHES)

You want me to make a passage for you to the fish department,

like m-make a hole in the grocery store?

(PHONE RINGS)

Dad, guess who's calling again? It's Cox.

Man, why does that guy keep on calling,

I mean, does he wanna get choked out again?

Hey, can you teach me how you choked that guy out

so I can take care of him again.

(EFFORT GRUNTS)

Dad, your hair smells like tires. Why?

I can't do it. Too big.

- Hey guys. - Oh!

I haven't slept past 6 am in about 3 months.

Oh, oh what is this Owey up to?

(GASPS)

Oh...

oh, yeah.

Thank you.

You know what?

I'm gonna take the whole week off,

just to laze around, sleep in. Order in.

I might even hit the wine

and hit some of dads goofballs.

Where are nanny's pillowcases?

Brian, nanny's pillowcases the ones with the lace?

You know the ones I'm talking about.

No I don't. I don't know what you are talking about.

Yeah, you do.

Where are they guys? Hey guys where are they?

Where are they?

Dad, don't you remember that Don used those for the Raccoons?

When she finds out what happened to those things,

she's gonna freak.

We are going into unchartered territory, man.

She's gonna go on a full on cleaning rage.

I'm a target.

You are on your own, man.

(CHITTERS)

(PHONE CHIMES)

(VOICE) Brian said, you used mom's pillowcase

for your precious raccoons.

(WATER SPLASHES)

REPORTER: ...which will make things feel even hotter than they are.

We have a low pressure system rolling in from the northwest,

which should keep warm weather locked in for a few days.

Barometric pressure is holding...

(TAPE RASPS)

(WATER SPLASHES)

???

(PHONE RINGS, SIGHS)

Hi, it's Wendy, leave a message.

If it's Darren, fuck you!

(BEEP)

- (PHONE RINGS) - Hello?

Hey dickhead, it's Cox.

Don't say anything for a second, okay?

Listen who is this guy Dallas?

Is t-that his name, Dallas?

- Dallas? Are you saying Dallas? - Dallas, right?

Why are you calling me with this?

I-I don't know who Dallas is, okay? Oh, shit!

I couldn't... (OBJECTS CLATTER)

Darren, could you, could you repeat yourself?

You know who he is, Don.

Tell me how long Wendy has been dating this guy, at least.

You know he keeps calling my phone, he keeps...

Oh, oh. Actually Darren, now that you mention it,

I do remember who Dallas is.

Dallas is the name of the punch in the face

that's coming your way. Dummy.

Don I, I deserve that punch in the face, man.

I do. I was an asshole. Okay?

I screwed up, I screwed up big time.

(SIGHS) I mean, you know that your sister meant

everything to me, man.

She did and she still does.

I blew it.

Darren, I'm a,

I'm kind of having a day here, okay?

I can't really um, deal with your stuff right now, bud.

Okay? Life, you know, it's a solitary existence,

love hurts. Why don't you just cry yourself to sleep

like the rest of us, okay?

Thanks, Don.

(BEADS CLANK)

(CHITTERS)

Yeah.

(WATER POURS)

(CHITTERS)

You okay? You were zoning with them again.

Rita, I'm fine, I'm just tired.

Don, you're all janked up. Look at your back.

I can help you.

Come here, come here.

(GULPS) Mmm.

- What, what are we doing? - Okay turn around.

- Oh, oh. - Okay.

So when you are zoning in with them like that,

what is going on?

- - I don't know, I just like... - My turn.

I just like make up names for them,

like people do with pets, Rita.

It's totally normal human behaviour, they just...

You don't have to bounce me.

Sometimes they say things back to me.

Wait, sometimes they say things back?

Yeah, yeah. They just stay stuff like,

do you want to go dig for bugs?

Do you have ringworms?

Or, is your brother losing his head fur?

You know stuff like that.

Suppose that sounds absolutely insane.

Don, I don't think you sound insane at all,

because I don't thing you're insane.

I have watched those raccoons when they look at you,

it's like they are in a trance or something.

Can you tell me what it feels like?

I don't know how to explain it, it's like, it's...

it's like I'm having thoughts.

But you know, they're not my thoughts.

It's, their talking is like a single organism

and it starts to whisper and, it's kinda growing into this...

(CHITTERS)

and I don't really know what to think anymore.

It sounds to me like you're in love with the raccoons.

- It's complicated. - Love is complicated.

Now roll up your sleeve.

Hey hon.

What's with uh, all the recycling?

Where is it, where is it from?

Did you bring in recycling from the rest of the neighbourhood?

(UPSET EXHALES)

Owen, Owen it's okay! It's okay.

It's okay, it's just a little misfire.

You know, you did everybody a huge favour,

you did a good thing. They're going to love that.

It's all right. (LOUD ROCK MUSIC PLAYS)

(DOOR SLAMS, ALARM BEEPS ON)

Sir, Owen. Cynthia, ma'am.

I got to talk to Wendy. She's not picking up her phone,

she might be seeing someone now.

I gotta apologize, hey, let me help you with that.

(BAGS CLANK)

Listen, you choked the stupid out of me,

the last time I was here.

I-I was an idiot.

But, I'm an idiot that is in love with your daughter.

So uh, you know, there is a lot of garbage.

Why don't you let me help?

We don't need help with the garbage.

Especially not from human garbage,

from Midtown Pool Hall.

Yeah, right.

I suck and I know it.

A lot of people suck and that's fine.

I don't deserve Wendy and I accept that we are broken up.

I just need to talk to her and explain in person,

just one time.

Can you at least just give her this? It's...

Please. Thank you.

I really appreciate this.

I guess I can understand that reaction, that's fair.

I'll go.

You know, I always liked you guys.

You have sort of a liveliness to you, I just uh,

was worried I wasn't smart enough.

I'll just put this here.

(CANS CLANK)

(DOOR SHUTS, ENGINE ROARS, SQUEALS OFF)

(SIGHS) We're finally rid of him.

Don, Don! Your blood is clean!

Okay. Clean blood means we're not dealing

with any radiated ringworm hallucinations

or some bullshit. Which leaves two explanations.

One, raccoons are communicating with you

through mental telepathy

or two, you are experiencing symptoms of a disorder

that you should speak to someone about.

Which is cool, I thought about doing it myself.

But it might correct some things that don't need to be corrected.

- Like what? - Like my love of animals over humans.

Animals here, humans here.

Then I guess you will understand when I tell you,

I got animal calls to make and things to do, Rita.

There's nothing wrong with you, dickweed.

Also, never tell anyone that I did your blood work

or your dead and we will no longer be associates.

Who am I going to tell, Rita? You're my only friend

and we are not even friends.

Good talk.

(FOOTSTEPS THUD)

(BANGING ON DOOR)

May I come in?

Oh, may I come in?

- Uh, sure. - Coffee?

Ah, I see you found the waiting room.

Cream and sugar, I hope that's all right?

I'm sorry to bother you at work but you are Wendy?

- Owens' daughter right? - Who wants to know?

I do, on behalf of my clients.

I'm following up in regards to a peculiar situation

resulting in property damage; arson actually.

My clients truck was set on fire.

- I don't uh... - Look familiar?

I'm sure you understand why

I wanna ask you a few questions.

- I'm sorry, who are you? - Oh, I'm how rude of me.

I'm Dallas Frasier, I'm a lawyer.

- No. - All right well,

I look forward to uh, speaking to you, real soon.

Oh, you can keep these pictures.

You sure are a wild one, aren't you?

So you're taking pictures of me?

No, no, no, my clients are doing that.

But w-what's your arsonists boyfriends name again?

- Oh, Manny! - No, wrong! He's so gay.

(DOOR SLAMS, OBJECTS CLATTER)

Vacation is off. I'm cleaning today.

Full on cleaning and finding those pillowcases.

Oh hey, there's still time to return the bags

before the truck comes.

(PHONE CHIMES)

(SIREN WAILS IN THE DISTANCE)

(VOICE) Get your ass home and explain

where mom's pillowcases are.

Hey hon, are you done already?

Oh, that's great, after you're done returning the recycling

you can come upstairs and help me wash the floors

and the windows.

(DOOR OPENS)

(EXASPERATED SIGH)

(DOOR SHUTS)

(SPRAY HISSES)

(GRUNTS)

(SIGHS)

(PAPERS RUSTLE)

(SINISTER MUSIC)

???

???

(BREATHS HEAVILY)

Now I'm involved too, dad.

He knew my name, he knew you,

he seemed to imply that you burnt his clients truck.

- (VOICE) They're lying. - Yeah, are you sure?

Because he called me a wild one,

And Manny, my arsonist boyfriend.

Why would someone come ask me all these questions

unless they're threatening me?

(VOICE) These men are cowards, no need for concern.

Don't tell your mother.

Okay, then shut it down.

And in the future if you are gonna go around kicking ass

instead of calling Manny and Brian,

you can call me and I'll bring my boys;

a Spank and Moxy.

(VOICE) You're right, I will include you in the future.

Okay, now, what are we gonna do about this right now?

- Owen! - Hi Lieutenant Grady.

Yeah, my dad wants to talk to you.

(VOICE) This is Owen. This is not a recording.

Owen, everything okay? Is anything wrong?

(DOORS OPEN)

(POLICE RADIO CHATTER)

We looked into this Dallas Frasier guy.

- Look at his goofy picture. - Yeah, that's the guy.

That's the creep who came to my office.

Yeah, he's just a low level mall lawyer.

Punch in the face kind of guy.

He's working for those dirty freak brothers, Paul and Bryan.

It's clear they're mounting some kind of case.

It has to be linked to the night in question when we,

when Manny sent a message.

(VOICE) And Manny?

There's been no police reports, no fire department, nothing.

They reported nothing. So that's what this is, nothing.

Worst case, he fired a flare gun in a dispute. Not illegal.

I saw it with my own eyes.

The truck wasn't on fire when we left.

I put it out myself.

(VOICE) They burned it themselves.

We will find out exactly what they did. Trust me.

You don't have to be concerned with this Dallas guy.

He is a mall lawyer looking for a quick settlement.

Yeah, he's a real punch in the face kind of guy.

Oh, I miss when you could punch guys in the face.

We'll be in touch. C'mon Reno.

- Over there? - Reno!

So, what's the deal with mom's pillowcases?

I didn't do anything, why are you mad at me?

(CAR RUMBLES)

(LOUD RADIO PLAYS)

- How was your day Wendy? - Oh it was uh, very good,

super normal, super regular.

Oh Don. Start talking.

Okay... mom, I screwed up.

I know that, I just, when I started working

with the raccoons I had to improvise,

so the first thing I reached for were those pillowcases,

- they were right there. - Unbelievable.

- Your nana's pillowcases. - I know,

but they were the perfect size for raccoons

and they have holes in them, and the lace

and they can breath in there and it's soft.

Oh wow, um, you know, I'm really glad

they are comfy for raccoons, that's great.

Those pillowcases are precious to me,

they are all I have left of my nana.

You jacked up mom's pillowcases?

Mom, look,

I think I have cleaned a couple of these, all right?

Now if you just come over here I think,

I think they look pretty okay.

Uh, you know, they look okay on two sides.

We could always put them on the guest bed.

I'm sorry I didn't mean to make you mad or upset you

or do whatever it is I always do.

Don, it's all right. What's done is done.

Yeah.

Are things okay at the new place? Are you sleeping?

- It's good. - Because you look dehydrated.

The raccoons make a lot of noises at night,

- but I'm getting used to it. - What?

Nothing, Wendy. Shut up.

The reason I ask, is while I was cleaning I found this.

- No, no, no, no... - How long has it been?

I was, this is a hobby. This is my personal, no,

I was hoping I couldn't talk about this

is front of the family, this is a personal thing of mine.

You're right, you're right. I'm sorry.

But you know, maybe, now is a good time to talk about it.

I think this raccoon thing is becoming a bit of an obsession.

No, no it's not an obsession.

It's a job guys, it's a job. It's just...

When you moved back in,

I put you back on the medical plan,

so you know maybe if you wanna talk to somebody.

Hey, okay, look I got to say something.

It was me who lost the pillowcases, okay?

I took them and I went out and played with friends.

And it got really windy, you know how windy it gets,

and it blew away and I'm sorry.

Brian, I already told her. We're good.

Okay. Cool.

Is that poutine?

Everything okay?

No, I think I might need to get help.

I'm losing my mind, Brian,

I think I might need to talk to a professional.

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