All language subtitles for arrested.development.s04e09.internal.bdrip.x264-archivist

Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com

NARRATOR: The Austerity Clinic
was a well-known rehab facility

that, on this particular day,

was about to get
a new therapist.

Hello, everyone,
I am Dr. Tobias Funke

and I will be your therapist.

(officers clear throats)

Yes, I'm getting to that.

And I am also
a registered sex offender.

Now, let's have a wrap-about.

(sighs)

I am here because...

Lucille Austero has given me
the opportunity

to pay my debt to society.

- I'm doing this pro bono...
- NARRATOR: Although technically

it was society that owed him,
as he was the victim

of a merry mix-up.

Is there a little girl here
all by herself?

Daddy needs to get his rocks...

NARRATOR: We don't have
to hear this again,

but he was arrested
despite his innocence.

Oh, hey, Officers,
are you here for the raccoon?

Oh, no, I'm not a raccoon,
I'm...

NARRATOR AND BEARD:
Because, instead

of asking for a lawyer...

BEARD:
...this creep chose to ask

about a more pressing matter.

Oh, is this going to be
SAG or AFTRA?

NARRATOR:
And for the first time,

Tobias started
to get recognized

for his television work.

Oh, no, no, that's not
representative of who I am.

- Anus tart.
- Yep, that's me.

NARRATOR: Fortunately
Tobias, who had once

turned down an offer
from Lucille 2...

- How would you like to come work
for me at Austerity? - Hmm... no.

- Hmm... - ... had, after
a particularly vicious beating

with a soup ladle,
changed his tune...

but didn't want
to look too eager.

Yes.

I'm also an analyst
and a therapist,

which makes me...

Prison had taught Tobias
at least one thing...

...a theralyst.

(sighs)
Now, let's have a wrap-about,

and what we'll do is just
take a comfy pose.

I want everybody just to sit
back and relax where they are

and let's learn
about each other

and let's find out about each...

Oh, my goodness.

Wow, well, uh, it seems as if
we are amongst royalty here.

(laughs)

I-I'm sorry, how old are you?

- 23.
- Ah, well within my rights.

Yes, why don't you, uh, take
the comfortable chair?

And, um, and we're going
to start with you,

and, please, first names only.

Hi, I'm Mark.

Mark Cherry-- we all know that--
but, please, first names only.

Mark is my first name,
Cherry is my last name.

Oh, and Simon says you're out.

No, no, Mark Cherry,
I was, I was having fun.

I, I have a bit of a wit.

Sometimes I have to tell people
'cause they can't figure it out

from when I say the things
that I...

But, please, Mr. Cherry,
first names only.

So I got involved with drugs,

and there were bees
and drinking and...

I just decided it was time
to get away. In fact...

ALL: ♪ Go away, Getaway,
get away, Getaway. ♪

All right, all right, all right.

We're not doing a musical here.

MARK:
Thank you.

♪ Hopelessly hopeless. ♪

(chuckles)

And speaking of hopeless,
I think we all recognize

this gentleman.

(humming "Johnny's Theme"
from The Tonight Show)

I'm not Andy (bleep) ing Richter.

I'm Emmett.

NARRATOR: Although he was Andy's
identical quintuplet brother.

Unfortunately he wouldn't
allow us to show his face.

- Emmett who?
- Richter.

Simon says you're out.

No, I was being witty.

What-What's wrong with you?

I hoard.

Now, that's what we call
a breakthrough.

That wasn't a breakthrough.

And that's when a patient
entered who was also looking

- for a new start.
- First sign of a breakthrough...

Sorry I'm late, everybody.

- DeBrie!
- And found one.

- Tobias. - I-I didn't know
if I'd ever see you again.

- Y-You look great, very, very healthy.
- Yeah.

I haven't had anything
for six weeks.

Mark C., uh, checked me in.

- It's Mark Cherry.
- I know.

After a devastating night
of hard partying in Malibu...

(indistinct chatter)

(bees buzzing)

(DeBrie screaming)

MARK:
She reminds me of my grandma,

like a, a real sick version.

So sweet.

So how are you?

Good, gosh, great, yes.

Uh, after you left,
I, I booked a guesty

on a hidden camera show.

- (clears throat)
- Could you give me one second

to organically get...?

And I'm also
a registered sex offender.

- How are you?
- Aw-- oh.

So you two know each other?

Yes, we do.

We, we were a couple
of sorts, uh...

Or are, are a couple?

Or-- I...

Do you have time for a chat?

- Uh, yes.
- NARRATOR: And that's when Argyle Austero,

the director of the clinic,

could no longer hold
his tongue.

If you and DeBrie had
a previous relationship,

there is no way
you can be her therapist.

But I love her.

Surely there must be some way
we can be together.

I'm sorry, I can't allow it.

Sobriety is too important.

I am only sober because
musical theater saved my life.

- Is that right?
- Mm-hmm.

I-I'm somewhat
of an actor myself.

I just had something on the air
three weeks ago.

It was an "as myself,"

but whatever fills out
the reel, yes?

♪ Hot cops,
we'll clean up the town... ♪

I ain't no squealer.

ANNOUNCER:
He escaped to the country.

- Carl Weathers.
- Mr. Weathers-- Carl Weathers.

♪ You know we'll get down
on our knees ♪

♪ We're taking on
the bad guys... ♪

I got here soon as I could.

I'm Dr. House,
and it's called GVH.

The graft is rejecting

the host.

- ♪ Just give us a squeeze ♪
- (grunts)

♪ Hot cops. ♪

You know,
we could put on a musical.

This place is littered
with talent.

I could direct, we could get
Mark Cherry to do the music,

and we can cast it
with patients.

NARRATOR:
It was a desperate attempt

to get to be
with the woman he loved,

but Argyle had
a professional responsibility.

I don't know if I'd want
to risk a patient's sobriety

with that kind of pressure.

NARRATOR:
But like a dog's wagging tail,

Argyle's tapping feet betrayed
his true feelings.

Well, when it comes to DeBrie,

you don't have to worry
about her being under pressure

because she's
a professional actress.

NARRATOR: Which also made
its way onto Tobias' reel

for some reason.

♪ Hot cops. ♪

She was in the movie
The Fantastic Four.

Oh, my God.

I was in The Fantasticks.

- Well...
- (stammers)

- (both laughing)
- Look at that.

My sister and I played
the young lovers.

♪ I can see it ♪

- ♪ Shining somewhere ♪
- ♪ Shining somehow-- where ♪

- ♪ And I'm ready, I can see it... ♪
- ♪ Ready-- can see... ♪

NARRATOR: It was uncanny how
much the two men had in common.

They used to call me
Mr. Fantastic.

♪Mr. F.♪

Wait a minute,

DeBrie played Sue Storm,
you played Mr. Fantastic.

I have a suit made of rocks

if I can get it back
from the State of California.

We shall mount a musical
of The Fantastic Four.

I don't like it... I love it.

- Huzzah!
- ♪ I... ♪

- ♪ I can hear it ♪
- ♪ I can hear-- sing it while-- yes? ♪

NARRATOR:
Now the story of a family

whose future
was abruptly canceled

and the one son-in-law
who had no choice

but to keep himself together.

It's Tobias'
Arrested Development.

Tobias had found a way to spend
time with the woman he loved.

Please, DeBrie,
you've got to do this.

NARRATOR: Now he just had
to talk her into it.

I mean, this could be good for
you and it could be a huge hit

and it's really the only way
they're gonna keep us together.

They won't let me be
your therapist,

but they'll let me be
your director.

I want the world to be able
to see this angel face.

- Oh.
- Oh, oh, dear.

Well, that's a good luck sign
on Broadway.

On the East Coast it's "break
a leg," on the West Coast it's

- "lose a tooth."
- And so, excited that he'd found a way

- to both be with DeBrie...
- Let's get you some epoxy.

- ...and help her recovery, Tobias went...
- Beard!

...to Sudden Valley.

Beard, I'm only here
to pick up my car keys.

GOB:
Tobias?

Gob?

(Gob grunts)

Good to see you, old friend.

What have you been up to?

Oh, uh, things are good,
nothing much.

I'm a registered sex offender,

- but things are good.
- Yes, yes.

And I'm working
at Lucille 2's rehab center--

the one she owns, not the one
she famously went to 12 times.

Can we finish this up
over breakfast? I'm starving.

Oh, is it finishing?
Okay.

And the two friends caught up.

But if I wouldn't have gotten
arrested, I wouldn't have

ended up working at the rehab

and I wouldn't have reconnected
with my love.

True, I can't ethically ravage
her body.

I have to leave that
to time, but

she's just so much fun
to be with.

I too am in a relationship,

but this person is
sort of a celebrity.

Well, turns out my femme fatale
is a bit of a celebrity herself.

Well, looks like life is going
pretty well for both of us,

except that I'm broke.

And I'm a sex offender.

Michael expects me to sell

these split-level death traps.

And how am I
supposed to do that?

I mean, there are no schools
or libraries or Internet

or playgrounds
within 20 miles of here.

You know, it's funny, I've been
looking for a place to live,

and that fills virtually
every parole requirement I have.

That's great.

When can you move in?

Uh, duh. Now.

And with his living
arrangements taken care of,

Tobias returned to his
court-appointed work-release.

One, two, three, four, five...

And so began
an intense workshop to create

the Fantastic Four musical,
written and directed by Tobias.

Now, the script is in process,
but the goal is

that we all get a little outing
on the Cinco de Cuatro,

where we'll be performing it
on a boat.

I hope no one gets seasick.

Okay. And Mark Cherry is going
to be doing the music for us.

And this will make
my stay shorter, right?

I'll get out of here
a week sooner?

Well, sobriety is
the most important thing,

but we'll see
how good the music is.

Tobias inspired the troops.

All right, let's get up!

And after some
initial trepidation,

Argyle set to work
with the choreography.

Okay-- oh, I like this, too.

I-- oh, where's Argyle?
She's choreographing.

Let's all do it, too.

And we'll just follow her lead.

When she comes up,
we come up as a group.

So, DeBrie, when you come up,

- we shall rise with you.
- (DeBrie groaning loudly)

(others groaning loudly)

Go with her! Go!

Follow her! Follow her!

Go!

Am I crazy,
or is this really good?

♪ I'm gonna stomp
all over your face ♪

♪ Even if my heart
won't snap back into place ♪

♪ I'm gonna stomp
all over your face ♪

♪ Even though my heart
won't snap back into place ♪

♪ Fantastic Four. ♪

(groans)

I can't do it.

It's good, it's great.
No, you're great.

The problem is with you.

See, you keep writing this
infantile, ridiculous melody

over and over and over again.

And I... I say that
as your director.

As your therapist, I'm-I'm happy
that you're expressing yourself.

But as a director,
I don't have to like it.

And I don't.

But, also, good for you.

Therapist now speaking.

But, also, no.

And as the music evolved,

- so did DeBrie's confidence.
- (group singing)

Tobias, I just do this now.

- Just...
- ♪ Ooh, baby... ♪

One, one move.

Let's work with that.
Let's use that.

- Or no move.
- Good. The-the power.

And she's disappearing
as we dance.

♪ Ooh, baby. ♪

And a big finish right to her!

(music ends)

Tobias, it's bleeding again.

(music resumes)

And with the evidence tag

off the rock monster suit,

the project was
coming halfway to life.

- ♪ Fantastic Three ♪
- ♪ Fantastic Three ♪

♪ Fantastic Four. ♪

(music ends)

Am I crazy, or is this good?

It's really good.

And then Tobias asked
the question

that nobody was thinking.

How much would it cost
to do this right?

I mean, really right.

To do a Broadway-level
production

of the eight minutes
we have right now?

Ballpark.

$700,000.

(whistles)

Hey! I can whistle.

Ooh, we have to use that
in the show.

Now what if, say, I could raise
between $50 and $100?

How much of the remainder
could you generate?

Well, if my sister could call in
some debts, probably all of it.

- Oh.
- But that means

we'd have to use
the Cinco show as a preview,

and she would want to know
that we have the rights.

Of course, of course.

Wait a minute.
We don't have the rights?

- Well, not yet.
- (others murmuring)

Not yet, but I was
going to ask you about that.

Who produced the one
you were in?

Uh, I think
it's Imagine Generic.

Ron Howard's company.

Imagine Generic
was a division set up

to extend the rights to films
that studios weren't

prepared to make yet.

I just hope the three of us
make it back.

Three of us?

Houston, we're having a baby.

DeBRIE: I don't want
to get arrested again

because we don't
have the rights.

- (others murmuring)
- Okay, no, all right.

No, no! All right. Settle down.

Settle down.
This has happened to

every Broadway show in
the history of Broadway shows.

And I swear I shall
acquire the rights.

NARRATOR:
So Tobias went to do so,

as Argyle set a dinner date
with his sister

at the Balboa Club...

- Imagine Entertainment.
- Oh!

...on the same night
that Michael's date, Rebel,

was finding her father's
character under attack.

...uh, Ron is not
like that at all.

Of course, Michael thought
Ron was Rebel's boyfriend.

In fact,
he's almost too generous.

Sounds like the Ron Howard

Man of the Year Awards, though,
you know?

And the evening broke up

of its own accord.

- My son is sick, so...
- Oh, no.

I have to go.

Rebel.

Rebel, let me come.
I'm great with kids.

It's not about the kid.

I'm not comfortable here.

Okay. Are you off to see him?

Listen, if you've got a problem
with me seeing other people,

why don't you just
come out and say it?

No, no, no, I can.

What do you mean?
I can handle that.

We'll see each other a la carte,
you know?

Like the $18 baked potato

you ordered
that you didn't touch.

Yeah, you're not comfortable.

Yeah, no, well, listen.

Rebel, Rebel.

Fine. See you later.

Say hi to Ron Howard for me.

And perhaps because neither
Michael nor Lindsay

could handle rejection,
they blamed each other.

Well, hope you're happy.
My girlfriend left,

'cause she can't stand
your right-wing

American scallop-eating
boyfriend.

Well, he left because
your chirpy little actress

- couldn't keep her mouth shut.
- That's it.

Know what?
You're out of the movie.

Fine.

- Good night.
- Good night.

And with his evening freed up,
Michael reached out to a son

- he'd earlier blown off.
- Good night.

George Michael, hey.

Got out of it.

I just-- I made
a ton of people angry,

but you know what I always say:
family...

GEORGE MICHAEL: Well, ah, gosh,
you know, I really wanted to,

uh, do that, but I just had
this work thing come up.

And, uh, it's like
you always say:

family first,
unless there's a work thing,

and then work first.

I have said that, too.

Well, I've got politics
and producing stuff I can...

After being kicked out
of his son's dorm

and stood up
at the Ealing Club,

this particular rejection
really hurt.

Another time.

But he tried to put on
a brave face

when he ran into a woman
he was in debt to.

- Who is this?
- Oh, this is

my baby brother, Argyle.

And here's the family joke:

I'm a tall drink of water,
and he's the chaser.

(both laugh)

Should be flipped, right?

No, because here's another joke:
you owe my sister

$700,000, and I'm going to
chase you down until you pay up.

And if you don't pay up
by the fourth,

you're gonna be washing up

with the rest of
the broken piñatas on the fifth.

WOMAN:
Lucille!

Oh, hello.

Who's-- ow, ow!

God, what is on the bottom
of those shoes?

Taps.

And I can tap dance
all over your face,

if you know what I mean.

Even if my heart won't

- snap back into place.
- (snaps fingers)

I don't know what you meant
with the last part there.

I'll chase you down
and find you, Michael.

You can't hide
in a gorilla suit from me.

(tapping shoes rhythmically)

♪Mr. F.♪

Argyle was wrong on that count.

It was Buster
who wore the gorilla suit.

ARGYLE: He's a producer,
and he says he'll pay up.

Any progress on the rights?

I'm in talks with Imagine.

NARRATOR:
Well, kinda.

(phone ringing)

LOUISA:
Ron Howard's office.

TOBIAS:
Yes, this is Tobias Funke.

I'm a registered sex offender,

- and I'd like to talk to Ron...
- (dial tone)

Well, then you're gonna have
to work with our new patient,

and good luck with her.

We call her the "B" word
from the "C" ward.

Or is it the "C" word
from the "B" ward?

(knocks)

NARRATOR: And that's when
Tobias got some more bad news.

Hello, anus tart.

And she never even saw
the license plate.

NARRATOR: Tobias had no way
of being around DeBrie

without the rights
to Fantastic Four.

And that's when he ran into
an equally worried Michael.

You okay?

Michael.
(chuckles)

What a pleasant surprise.

Please, make yourself at home.

I am. I'm home.

This is my-- I own
all the homes here, actually.

And Gob's supposed to be
selling these, so...

Where is he? Do you know?

Oh, out and about.

Me doth think he hath a lady.

- As doth I dooth.
- Oh.

And they're both
bit of, uh, celebrities.

Well, that is odd, because
I-I'm also dating a celebrity.

Oh, perchance a double date
is in our future,

- eh, brother-in-law?
- I don't...

Tell me about her.

(inhales sharply)

I-- you know, I-I don't think

that-that you're the best one
to talk to

about my relationship
difficulties.

Fair enough.

It's only what I do
for a living, Michael.

(voice breaking):
What I'm trained to do.

- Well, let-let me tell you
a little bit about her. - Okay.

So it's a simple choice, really.

If I keep seeing her,

he'll find out
and kill the movie.

So I either keep the girl
and lose the movie,

or I keep the movie,
lose the girl.

But the whole reason that I did
the movie was to get the girl.

It's...

(sighs)

Michael, I appreciate
your bravery.

And I know
everything seems doomed now--

and believe me, I'm in
a similar situation myself--

but trust me...

(sighs)

...we are (bleep).

You're (bleep).

(bleep).

I mean, unless some sort of
miracle coincidence happens.

But, no, the best thing to do
is just walk away,

and we'll lick
each other's wounds.

I guess I'm just going
to have to give up my dream

and my love forever.

I think I should just go tell
Ron Howard that it is over.

Yes. R-Ron Howard?

- Ron Howard's making this movie?
- Yeah.

Michael, you can't just
walk away from this.

You have to go talk to him.

You just told me
the exact opposite.

Reverse psychology.
It didn't work.

How's this?

What I'm going to do for you,
Michael,

is, I am going to go there
with you for moral support

and I will act as your assistant

and maybe I'll do
my famous gay character.

I don't think you've seen
that character.

I think I have.

Mm... I don't think so.

NARRATOR:
The next day Michael sat down

for a one-on-one meeting
with Ron Howard

- at Imagine.
- Hi, thank you for seeing me.

Oh, well, that's fine, but

I should warn you, this is what
I call a haircut meeting, so

- we probably don't have much time.
- Okay.

It would be so much better
if we could just lose

- the baseball cap.
- We go through this every time.

This is a hat-on haircut,

so you just cut
what they can see.

You got it, Floyd?

I call all my barbers Floyd.

I'm gonna make this quick.

(Tobias clearing throat)

Are you not going
to introduce me?

Thought you were going
to wait in the lobby.

Tobias Funke.

I am a producer as well.

- Hey.
- But I'm also an actor.

That's probably
what confused you.

Um, I've done
several inmate roles

as well as a couple
of "And as it is such,

so also as such is it
unto you"s,

but I'll get to you after.

Well, that's terrific.

- Do you notice that he's already
on my neck hair? - Yes.

Last time I was in here,
we talked about,

I wouldn't come back until I had
all the release signatures.

- I wanted to give you
an update on that. - Terrific.

You can just leave 'em
on Louisa's desk.

What-- but that, uh,
that's the update.

I don't have them.

FLOYD:
Done.

Okay, well, thanks for coming.

Well, um...

- Don't you have something else
you wanted to say? - Yeah.

If not, I'll do mine.

No, no, no.
What? I don't...

(sighs)
Ron,

I care about someone deeply
and I think

that you may also care
about this person.

Hey, that's terrific.

It's Rebel-- Rebel Alley,

and she thinks that you're going
to always be in her life.

I'm glad to know
she thinks that.

- Yeah.
- Tell him how you feel about her.

Yeah, I-- you know,
I'm crazy about her,

and, and I just-- I'm not going
to be able to do anything

about that until you let her go.

- She's my little num-num.
- Sure.

- You understand what I'm saying?
- Of course.

I-I've changed her,
I've bathed her.

Well, now you want to bathe her.

Yeah, it's, it's my time
to bathe her.

She should be your num-num.

She should be my num-num,
and you've got

to just let her go, I think,
once and for all.

You know, a father doesn't
really like to hear that

when it comes to his daughter.

I haven't had a chance
to talk to her father.

Yeah, I have,
I have not yet had a chance

to talk to her father, but...

No, no, I was,
I was saying that.

Because you are talking
to her father.

Did you not know
that I'm Rebel's dad?

I knew that part.

But I, I also--

I thought that, that, that,
that you might also be...

her...

Her lover?

- No.
- Well,

this is hardly an episode
of Happy Days.

I get it.

I was arrested
as a sex offender,

but at least I knew
it was my daughter

- I was arrested for coming on to.
- (chuckles nervously)

Now, about my project,
it's a family piece.

Does this mean
our project is dead?

Listen, I never let personal
matters interfere with business.

However, you should know
she's dating someone else, and

I'll do everything in my power
to make sure

she never dates you again.

Incredibly fair of you.

Well, that was
a merry mix-up, eh? (chuckles)

Now, about my project--

it's based on something
that you produced in '92--

The Fantastic Four.

- Well, that was a favor that I
did for Fox. - Well, it turns out

that one of the leads, DeBrie,
played Sue Storm.

In fact, she is the leading lady

in my production
of Fantastic Four: The Musical,

which, with a wave
of your little pink hand,

you could make happen,

and then I'd owe you one.

Well, uh, thanks,
but, uh, I couldn't do that.

It, it would just be
so incredibly meaningful

an-an-and change so many lives.

I can't do it, but...

...I also don't want to.

(laughing)

You are ruining my life,
Ron Howard!

No, no, no, no, no, no.

- No, no, no, no...
- You're ruining... -Aah, Louisa!

I'm gonna start wearing a hat
when I get my hair cut, too.

What is wrong with you?

You knew that Ron Howard was
Rebel Alley's father?

Yes, everyone does.

I didn't realize that's who
you thought the other man was,

but the good news is,
at least one of our projects

is still going, which, by the
way, I haven't signed this yet.

Should I?

Yes, absolutely, thank you.

Okay, my movie rights.

Tobias Onyango Funke.

Initial down here.

This is exciting.

Thank you.

You're out of the movie.

(elevator bell dings)

NARRATOR:
Tobias was defeated.

And the most important thing is,
we must never be distracted...

Without the play,
he'd lose DeBrie from his life,

but he'd made his bed and had
no choice but to lie in it.

He's back.

I got the rights.

We're going to make a musical.

NARRATOR:
Or just lie.

- Yay.
- Yay.

(both chuckling nervously)

- Yay.
- Yay.

- Yay.
- Yay.

- Yay.
- Yay.

(both chuckling nervously)

♪ I don't want to be
invisible... ♪

And so the group went into
their final rehearsal process,

and although DeBrie still had
butterflies-- and worms...

- ♪ Miserable, invisible ♪
- ♪Miserable, invisible...♪

...the play did have
a new backer

- who had a few notes.
- ♪Invisible.♪

- Yes.
- Is anyone going to tell her

she needs to lose weight?

Because I'm not buying
invisible,

and you don't want
to be out there

on a raft that's listing.

- ♪ I can reach you ♪
- ♪ No one can reach me... ♪

NARRATOR: Yes, Lucille had found
someone to mother.

No one can reach me.

No one can reach me?

Is that how she's going
to say that line?

No one can reach me?

NARRATOR: But all the pressure
was compelling DeBrie

to think about a slip.

♪ Fantastic Four. ♪

Maybe they should retitle this
Fantastic Three and Lousy One.

(laughs)

Oh, that's my bad...

- (group gasps)
- TOBIAS: Oh, DeBrie.

Or ankle or knee.

I think I need some drugs.

No, it's okay, that's okay,
no drugs are necessary.

We all want drugs,
but that's a no-no, yes?

NARRATOR: And soon it was
the night of their big show,

and Tobias
and his ragtag troupe

of substance abusers showed up

for their big moment on stage.

In case you didn't know,
the stage adds seven pounds.

Two words: diet pills.

(whispering):
Do you have any?

Lucille, please.

Okay, Fan Four, company meeting.

Now, I know everybody
has made a commitment

to stay in the program
for at least 30 more days,

but I think we can all afford
one night

of intense pressure, yes?

We're all hoofers--
we can take the pressure, huh?

Argyle, not helping, okay?

(clanging)

Does anybody have any questions?

Yeah, I got a question-- you're
sure the Hispanic community

is okay with all of this?

Hmm, I'm sure they think of this
as an homage.

Yes. Okay, well, I'm going to go
put on my rock monster outfit

and pass out some fliers.

You can take any boat
to the float.

Oh, Tobias.

I don't think I can do this.

You can do anything
I want you to do.

And-and you want to do as well.

We need this.

This will make
all our old dreams come true.

But maybe they're old
for a reason.

Oh, you're focusing
on the wrong words.

If we can get through tonight,
DeBrie,

we can get through anything.

Don't worry about it.

The audience will be
completely drunk,

and if we're not perfect,
they'll take it out on us,

but... that's why you're going
to be perfect.

You have to be perfect.

- (laughs): Okay.
- (shudders): Okay.

- All right.
- But Tobias was about

to discover a situation
that was less than perfect.

- What?! Oh, no.
- CHILD: Fantastic Four!

Who would bring kids here?
This is no place for...

I'm a registered sex offender.

All right.

I'm a registered...

I'm a registered sex offender.

I'm a registered
sex offender.

Tobias knew that wearing
the Thing outfit

would only make him
more recognizable,

- so he was at a loss.
- Fantastic Four!

- DeBrie was also at a loss.
- Okay, okay.

Feeling frightened and fragile,

she tried to keep it together
in a very slippery place.

And she probably would have
made it,

if the calming waves
she was looking at

weren't down current
from where Dr. Norman

was flushing away the remains
of his medical career.

And so DeBrie, who had been
in the safe harbor

of a drug-free zone,
found herself

in the free drug zone
of an unsafe harbor.

And that's when fate dealt
Tobias a new hand.

Buster. Oh, thank God.
I need your help.

I've got a show to do
in ten minutes and I haven't got

a thing to wear...
this Thing suit.

And that's how Buster
was drafted

to be in Tobias' musical.

You're a monster,
you don't have to be good.

- What?
- It wasn't a great choice of words.

Butch it up
and sing your heart out.

- Having recast the Thing,
- DeBrie! DeBrie?

Tobias returned to check
on his leading lady.

(laughs): No, I'm looking
for a woman named DeBrie.

DeBrie!

Fantastic Four!

Have you been drinking?

No... it's pills.

How could you do this to me?

Or did I do this to you?

You to me.

I should have left you happy
and healthy and sober

in that rehab instead of trying
to rekindle the career

that brought you there
in the first place.

LUCILLE 2:
Is she drunk?

TOBIAS:
Uh, no.

- It's pills.
- Eh.

Can I talk to you for a second?

Yes. Uh, yes. Yes.

LUCILLE 2:
That is unacceptable.

Patients doing pills
on a literal pile of garbage,

that's not what we're about
at Austerity.

Where's Argyle?
It's his...

I can't let you blame Argyle
for this.

It would destroy his confidence
and he's a little shaky

on the lyrics as it is.

He's not very good.

Fine, then I blame you.

Someone has to pay for this.

You're putting Austerity
in jeopardy.

You're out!

No, don't fire me. I'm on
a work-release program.

If you fire me, then I have
to go back to prison.

I can't go to prison.

And you're investing
in this show.

What if we get killer notices?

We'll talk about it on Monday.

Now, get rid of her

before someone sees her
with their camera phone.

You know they have those
nowadays.

So I've got until Monday
to fix this.

(breathy laugh)

(laughing)

That red-haired lady can't throw
her wad at that guy.

Oh, DeBrie.

But on the other side
of the Dumpster,

things hadn't been
so laughable.

Hi, honey.
Are you in the play?

- Yeah.
- What is the play, honey?

Fantastic Three

and Lousy One,

so Four.

- Four?
- Yeah.

And who do you play?

Sue Storm.

Okay, Sue Storm
and the Fantastic Four

are both trademarked by the
Marvel Entertainment LLC.

This is a cease and desist
letter.

If you violate it, you will go
to prison for a long, long time.

And you certainly can't wear
a four in a logo.

In fact, it wasn't even Marvel

that owned the four
in a circle.

It was trademarked
by the Four Feinbergs.

Hey, can anyone just throw
one of these little Mexico

- guitars off the dock?
- I don't want to go to prison.

I'm going to do it.

Well, Lucille 2 has threatened
me with prison,

but it's going to take more than
one prison threat...

Oh, you got one, too.

Well, universe,
you seem to be putting up

all sorts of walls between me
and my dreams.

Today.

Well, if we have any chance
of beating this,

it's by putting on
the best show possible.

A real wowzer.

I just need to find a Sue Storm.

(sighs):
I guess I'll need this.

Before I go any further
with this,

there's no way a hot cup
of coffee and a

glass of "the show must
go on" spirit

will encourage you in any way,
will it?

Let me die.

(Tobias sighs)

No, you're not in any shape
to go out and perform tonight.

Tobias knew he couldn't leave
DeBrie in the trash

in a highly trafficked area,

but also knew he had a show
to put on.

And so he went off to search
for any Sue Storm in the port.

And when the search proved
unsuccessful,

he ended up finding one
inside himself.

Time to channel
my inner Storm.

And because he didn't have
the costume,

he created one
out of some makeup

he'd always had
in case he got a call.

And perhaps it was his muscle
memory that led to this.

Tobias, what are you doing?

Oh. Pardon the mess.

I just blue myself for the first
time in five years.

(falsetto): Excuse me.
Make way for Sue Storm.

And now the almost invisible
Invisible Girl,

got on the boat to head
to the floating stage.

Unfortunately,
and not for the first time,

Tobias got on the wrong boat.

Except this one
was piloted by a man

who not only expected a woman
in disguise,

but also had a real bad case
of face blindness.

And as it turned out,
the woman he was expecting

had just given a rousing speech

and joined the Love campaign
as they took the message

that Marky had vowed
to torpedo to the sea.

TOBIAS: I think this is going
to make quite a splash.

(Marky laughing)

Oh, I know it is.

- ♪ I can reach you... ♪
- After weeks of rehearsal

it becomes clear
that the unauthorized

- Fantastic Four musical...
- ♪ Fantastic Four ♪

♪ Don't want to be ♪

♪ Invisible, invisible... ♪

...does not look like
it's going to Broadway.

♪ Invisible... ♪

But since they worked so hard,

we're going to run credits
over it.

♪ I'm going to stomp all over
your face ♪

♪ Even if my heart won't snap
back into place ♪

♪ Invisible, invisible ♪

♪ Invisible,
invisible ♪

♪ Invisible ♪

- ♪ Fantastic Two ♪
- ♪Fantastic Two♪

- ♪ Fantastic Three ♪
- ♪Fantastic Three♪

♪ Fantastic Four... ♪

♪ It's not who we were... ♪

EMMETT: The only thing that
can destroy me... water.

ARGYLE:
Nice ad-lib.

Not an ad-lib-- I can't swim.

Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com