All language subtitles for Fawlty Towers - 202 - The Psychiatrist.ENG

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:30,655 --> 00:00:30,775 Oh, dear. Oh, dear. 2 00:00:30,775 --> 00:00:34,295 Oh, dear. Oh, dear. 3 00:00:34,295 --> 00:00:36,615 - Hello? - What a shame. 4 00:00:36,615 --> 00:00:38,735 - Manuel? - Operator, what is going on? 5 00:00:38,735 --> 00:00:40,895 Oh, I know. 6 00:00:40,895 --> 00:00:43,125 I've been trying to get through to the speaking clock. 7 00:00:44,615 --> 00:00:46,095 Oh, dear. 8 00:00:46,095 --> 00:00:48,815 Well, it's engaged. 9 00:00:48,815 --> 00:00:49,895 How awful. 10 00:00:49,895 --> 00:00:51,455 It's been engaged for 10 minutes. 11 00:00:51,455 --> 00:00:53,605 How is this possible? My wife isn't talking to it. 12 00:00:55,055 --> 00:00:57,055 Hold your head back. 13 00:00:57,055 --> 00:00:58,895 That usually stops it. 14 00:00:58,895 --> 00:01:01,295 The speaking clock has taken the phone off the hook. 15 00:01:01,295 --> 00:01:04,055 Or there's been a light shower within 20 miles. 16 00:01:04,055 --> 00:01:05,975 Well, you'd better not go on 17 00:01:05,975 --> 00:01:07,975 if it's getting on the bedspread. 18 00:01:07,975 --> 00:01:10,055 Unobtainable. The clock's been cut off. 19 00:01:10,055 --> 00:01:12,215 Obviously didn't pay its bill. 20 00:01:12,215 --> 00:01:15,335 Call me back when you've staunched it. 21 00:01:15,335 --> 00:01:18,095 I don't know why she stays with him. 22 00:01:18,095 --> 00:01:19,535 Oh, that's pretty. 23 00:01:19,535 --> 00:01:21,495 Hello, you got the guide. 24 00:01:21,495 --> 00:01:23,175 Good evening, Mr. Johnson. 25 00:01:23,175 --> 00:01:24,375 Evening, any messages? 26 00:01:24,375 --> 00:01:26,055 Three, I think. 27 00:01:26,055 --> 00:01:28,815 Three? Everybody wants you, don't they? 28 00:01:28,815 --> 00:01:30,055 I wouldn't say that. 29 00:01:30,055 --> 00:01:33,055 Ah, well. You're only single once. 30 00:01:33,055 --> 00:01:35,444 Twice can be arranged. 31 00:01:36,655 --> 00:01:39,044 - What, basil? - Nothing, my dear. 32 00:01:41,255 --> 00:01:43,325 We got enough bananas this week, dear? 33 00:01:54,335 --> 00:01:56,055 So Harry says, 34 00:01:56,055 --> 00:01:58,015 "You don't like me anymore. Why not?" 35 00:01:58,015 --> 00:01:59,055 And he says, 36 00:01:59,055 --> 00:02:00,975 "'Cause you got so terribly pretentious." 37 00:02:00,975 --> 00:02:03,489 And Harry says, "Pretentious, moi?" 38 00:02:04,895 --> 00:02:06,535 I'll just try that number. 39 00:02:06,535 --> 00:02:09,175 Oh, that's awfully good, isn't it? 40 00:02:09,175 --> 00:02:11,055 "Moi," ha ha! 41 00:02:11,055 --> 00:02:12,415 Did you hear it, Basil? 42 00:02:12,415 --> 00:02:14,455 - What, dear? - The joke. 43 00:02:14,455 --> 00:02:16,055 Oh, a joke. No, I heard you laugh. 44 00:02:16,055 --> 00:02:18,215 I thought perhaps he was having a tea party. 45 00:02:18,215 --> 00:02:20,215 Tea party? 46 00:02:20,215 --> 00:02:23,015 Oh, now I understand the banana reference, 47 00:02:23,015 --> 00:02:24,775 you mean you think he looks like a monkey. 48 00:02:24,775 --> 00:02:26,055 Only from some angles. 49 00:02:26,055 --> 00:02:29,055 Well, from my angle, he's very attractive. 50 00:02:29,055 --> 00:02:30,375 Attractive? 51 00:02:30,375 --> 00:02:33,135 You know, easy and amusing and charming. 52 00:02:33,135 --> 00:02:34,415 Charming, eh? 53 00:02:34,415 --> 00:02:36,055 Well, he's certainly covered in charms. 54 00:02:36,055 --> 00:02:38,735 I've never seen so many medals 'round one neck in my life. 55 00:02:38,735 --> 00:02:41,055 He must be the bravest orangutan in Britain. 56 00:02:41,055 --> 00:02:43,655 What is the point of decorating yourself like that? 57 00:02:43,655 --> 00:02:45,695 They're not just for decoration, 58 00:02:45,695 --> 00:02:47,055 they have symbolic meaning. 59 00:02:47,055 --> 00:02:49,415 Sybil, that type would wear a dog turd 'round its neck 60 00:02:49,415 --> 00:02:51,255 if it was made of gold. 61 00:02:51,255 --> 00:02:54,455 Basil, you're so ignorant sometimes. 62 00:02:54,455 --> 00:02:57,055 One of them happens to be a rhino's tooth. 63 00:02:57,055 --> 00:02:59,495 One's an ancient Egyptian fertility symbol... 64 00:02:59,495 --> 00:03:01,415 Well, that must come in handy. 65 00:03:01,415 --> 00:03:04,015 It's not supposed to be handy, Basil. 66 00:03:04,015 --> 00:03:06,055 It goes back to the dawn of civilization. 67 00:03:06,055 --> 00:03:09,015 By the look of his forehead, so does he. 68 00:03:09,015 --> 00:03:10,655 Tell me, Basil, what is it about 69 00:03:10,655 --> 00:03:14,295 the Mediterranean type that antagonizes you so? 70 00:03:14,295 --> 00:03:16,255 Is it because women find them attractive? 71 00:03:16,255 --> 00:03:17,775 - Sybil... - You seem to think 72 00:03:17,775 --> 00:03:19,055 that we girls should be aroused 73 00:03:19,055 --> 00:03:21,695 by people like Gladstone and Earl Haig 74 00:03:21,695 --> 00:03:23,375 and Baden-Powell, don't you? 75 00:03:23,375 --> 00:03:24,855 Well, at least they had a certain dignity. 76 00:03:24,855 --> 00:03:26,775 It's hard to imagine Earl Haig wandering round 77 00:03:26,775 --> 00:03:28,175 with his shirt open at the waist, 78 00:03:28,175 --> 00:03:29,975 covered with identity bracelets, isn't it? 79 00:03:29,975 --> 00:03:32,415 Well, he didn't mind the medals, did he? 80 00:03:32,415 --> 00:03:34,055 The military decorations? 81 00:03:34,055 --> 00:03:35,575 That's not the point. 82 00:03:35,575 --> 00:03:37,535 I suppose the reason you confuse them with monkeys 83 00:03:37,535 --> 00:03:38,935 is that monkeys have fun. 84 00:03:38,935 --> 00:03:40,815 They know how to enjoy themselves. 85 00:03:40,815 --> 00:03:42,255 That's what makes them sexy, I suppose. 86 00:03:42,255 --> 00:03:43,455 I never thought of that. 87 00:03:43,455 --> 00:03:45,055 - Good evening. - Good evening. 88 00:03:45,055 --> 00:03:46,935 I telephoned earlier. The name is Abbott. 89 00:03:46,935 --> 00:03:50,055 Oh, yes. There hasn't been a cancellation, I'm afraid, 90 00:03:50,055 --> 00:03:51,655 so it is still a room without bath. 91 00:03:51,655 --> 00:03:53,215 - That's fine. - Oh, good. 92 00:03:53,215 --> 00:03:55,046 Will you just fill that in for me, please? 93 00:03:58,055 --> 00:04:00,415 Yes, we're terribly busy at the moment. 94 00:04:00,415 --> 00:04:02,055 Just enjoying myself. Good evening. 95 00:04:02,055 --> 00:04:03,175 Good evening. 96 00:04:03,175 --> 00:04:04,688 - Good evening. - Good evening. 97 00:04:06,055 --> 00:04:08,375 That felt better. 98 00:04:08,375 --> 00:04:10,575 Thank you, Mr. Abbott. 99 00:04:10,575 --> 00:04:12,575 Oh, Dr. Abbott, sorry. 100 00:04:12,575 --> 00:04:14,495 - Doctor? - Yes? 101 00:04:14,495 --> 00:04:16,455 I'm terribly sorry, we hadn't been told. 102 00:04:16,455 --> 00:04:18,215 We hadn't been told you were a doctor. 103 00:04:18,215 --> 00:04:19,335 How do you do, doctor? 104 00:04:19,335 --> 00:04:20,455 Very nice to have you with us, doctor. 105 00:04:20,455 --> 00:04:21,495 Thank you. 106 00:04:21,495 --> 00:04:23,255 You're in room five, doctor. 107 00:04:23,255 --> 00:04:24,735 And Mrs. Abbott, how do you do? 108 00:04:24,735 --> 00:04:25,735 Dr. Abbott, actually. 109 00:04:25,735 --> 00:04:27,615 - I'm sorry? - Dr. Abbott. 110 00:04:27,615 --> 00:04:28,615 Two doctors. 111 00:04:28,615 --> 00:04:30,575 - You're two doctors? - Yes. 112 00:04:30,575 --> 00:04:32,055 How did you become two doctors? 113 00:04:32,055 --> 00:04:33,295 Most unusual. I mean, 114 00:04:33,295 --> 00:04:34,091 did you take the exam twice, or... 115 00:04:35,535 --> 00:04:36,935 No. My wife's a doctor. 116 00:04:36,935 --> 00:04:38,255 I'm a doctor. 117 00:04:38,255 --> 00:04:40,375 You're a doctor, too. So you're three doctors! 118 00:04:40,375 --> 00:04:42,135 No, I'm just one doctor. 119 00:04:42,135 --> 00:04:43,935 My wife is another doctor. 120 00:04:43,935 --> 00:04:45,615 Manuel. 121 00:04:45,615 --> 00:04:48,295 Your room is at the top of the stairs and on to the left. 122 00:04:48,295 --> 00:04:50,255 Oh, I see! I thought when you said two doctors... 123 00:04:50,255 --> 00:04:53,055 Manuel, would you take the doctors' cases up 124 00:04:53,055 --> 00:04:54,055 to number five, please? 125 00:04:54,055 --> 00:04:56,255 Yes, this way please, doctors. 126 00:04:56,255 --> 00:04:58,255 When you said that you were two doctors, 127 00:04:58,255 --> 00:05:00,055 I thought perhaps you were a doctor of medicine 128 00:05:00,055 --> 00:05:00,895 and perhaps a doctor of... 129 00:05:00,895 --> 00:05:01,775 and perhaps a doctor of... 130 00:05:01,775 --> 00:05:03,055 Did you get through all right? 131 00:05:03,055 --> 00:05:04,735 One was busy. I'll try again in a minute. 132 00:05:04,735 --> 00:05:06,735 I forgot to ask, any news on a room for my mother? 133 00:05:06,735 --> 00:05:08,215 Oh, yes. 134 00:05:08,215 --> 00:05:10,135 Number 16 has decided to stay, I'm afraid. 135 00:05:10,135 --> 00:05:11,935 I tried a couple of other places for you 136 00:05:11,935 --> 00:05:13,255 but everywhere's full at the moment. 137 00:05:13,255 --> 00:05:15,175 Oh well, no hassle. She won't mind sharing with me. 138 00:05:15,175 --> 00:05:17,095 Lucky mum, ha ha. 139 00:05:17,095 --> 00:05:18,935 I'll just go and try that number again. 140 00:05:18,935 --> 00:05:20,535 Here, use this one. 141 00:05:20,535 --> 00:05:21,604 Oh. Thank you. 142 00:05:24,615 --> 00:05:26,055 May I ask... 143 00:05:26,055 --> 00:05:30,535 the sign on the chain by the Egyptian fertility symbol, 144 00:05:30,535 --> 00:05:32,055 what is that? 145 00:05:32,055 --> 00:05:34,335 It's, um... Greek astrological sign. 146 00:05:34,335 --> 00:05:36,895 Oh, it's beautiful. Where did you get it? 147 00:05:36,895 --> 00:05:38,575 Um, Colchester, I think. 148 00:05:38,575 --> 00:05:41,055 - Colchester! - Hello. 149 00:05:41,055 --> 00:05:42,295 Can I speak to John Lawson, please? 150 00:05:42,295 --> 00:05:44,415 All right, I'll hold on. 151 00:05:44,415 --> 00:05:46,735 So, your mother will be arriving tomorrow? 152 00:05:46,735 --> 00:05:48,055 Yes, first thing. She's getting 153 00:05:48,055 --> 00:05:49,095 the overnight train down from Newcastle. 154 00:05:49,095 --> 00:05:50,495 Newcastle? 155 00:05:50,495 --> 00:05:52,535 Yeah, visiting grandchildren. She's 77. 156 00:05:52,535 --> 00:05:54,015 77. 157 00:05:54,015 --> 00:05:56,055 Isn't that amazing? 158 00:05:56,055 --> 00:05:58,055 Old people are wonderful 159 00:05:58,055 --> 00:05:59,935 when they have so much life, aren't they? 160 00:05:59,935 --> 00:06:01,926 Gives us all hope, doesn't it? 161 00:06:03,015 --> 00:06:05,135 My mother, on the other hand, 162 00:06:05,135 --> 00:06:07,695 is a little bit of a trial, really. 163 00:06:07,695 --> 00:06:10,615 You know, it's all right when they have the life force, 164 00:06:10,615 --> 00:06:11,975 but mother, well... 165 00:06:11,975 --> 00:06:14,535 she's got more of the death force, really. 166 00:06:14,535 --> 00:06:15,935 She's a worrier... 167 00:06:15,935 --> 00:06:17,215 No, it's all right. I'll hold. 168 00:06:17,215 --> 00:06:19,055 She has these... 169 00:06:19,055 --> 00:06:22,135 well, morbid fears they are, really. 170 00:06:22,135 --> 00:06:24,569 Vans is one. 171 00:06:26,015 --> 00:06:29,415 Rats... Doorknobs... 172 00:06:29,415 --> 00:06:33,055 Birds, heights, open spaces... 173 00:06:33,055 --> 00:06:35,095 Confined spaces... 174 00:06:35,095 --> 00:06:38,855 It's very difficult getting the space right for her, really. 175 00:06:38,855 --> 00:06:40,815 You know... 176 00:06:40,815 --> 00:06:45,455 Footballs, bicycles, cows... 177 00:06:45,455 --> 00:06:48,295 And she's always on about men following her. 178 00:06:48,295 --> 00:06:50,775 I don't know what she thinks they're going to do to her. 179 00:06:50,775 --> 00:06:53,255 Vomit on her, Basil says. 180 00:06:53,255 --> 00:06:55,975 Can I leave my number? He can call me back. 181 00:06:55,975 --> 00:06:58,535 - And death. - I see. Right. 182 00:06:58,535 --> 00:07:00,055 She's frightened of death. 183 00:07:00,055 --> 00:07:02,615 I've told her there's nothing she can do about it. 184 00:07:02,615 --> 00:07:04,735 On about it the whole time, she is. 185 00:07:04,735 --> 00:07:06,455 I mean, nature can only take its course. 186 00:07:06,455 --> 00:07:07,775 The only thing you can hope for 187 00:07:07,775 --> 00:07:10,095 is that it won't be long drawn out and painful. 188 00:07:10,095 --> 00:07:11,535 But she can't accept that. 189 00:07:11,535 --> 00:07:13,095 Oh, excuse me. Hello, John? 190 00:07:13,095 --> 00:07:14,575 How are you? Oh, fine. 191 00:07:14,575 --> 00:07:16,327 Just down for the weekend. 192 00:07:18,055 --> 00:07:19,215 Charming people. 193 00:07:19,215 --> 00:07:20,495 Hmm? 194 00:07:20,495 --> 00:07:22,215 The Abbotts. Charming couple. 195 00:07:22,215 --> 00:07:23,855 Yes, all three of them. 196 00:07:23,855 --> 00:07:26,055 No, I'm all right for tonight. 197 00:07:26,055 --> 00:07:27,255 You know dear, that, um, 198 00:07:27,255 --> 00:07:29,135 that outfit Mrs. Abbott was wearing, 199 00:07:29,135 --> 00:07:30,655 you should get yourself something like that. 200 00:07:30,655 --> 00:07:32,495 What, for the gardening, you mean? 201 00:07:32,495 --> 00:07:34,415 No, I can't tomorrow night. How about lunch? 202 00:07:34,415 --> 00:07:35,575 Yes, attractive woman. 203 00:07:35,575 --> 00:07:37,055 How old would you say she was, Sybil? 204 00:07:37,055 --> 00:07:39,775 - 48, 50? - Oh, now, Sybil! 205 00:07:39,775 --> 00:07:42,055 I really don't know, Basil, perhaps she's 12. 206 00:07:42,055 --> 00:07:44,055 Favorite. Magic. 207 00:07:44,055 --> 00:07:46,935 It's nice to have that kind of person staying, isn't it? 208 00:07:46,935 --> 00:07:48,255 Professional class, educated, 209 00:07:48,255 --> 00:07:49,295 civilized. 210 00:07:49,295 --> 00:07:51,295 We've both ends of the evolutionary scale 211 00:07:51,295 --> 00:07:52,523 this week, haven't we? 212 00:07:55,535 --> 00:07:57,655 Good evening. 213 00:07:57,655 --> 00:07:59,335 We're just going out for a stroll. 214 00:07:59,335 --> 00:08:00,085 What time do you serve dinner? 215 00:08:00,575 --> 00:08:01,775 7:30 till 9:00. 216 00:08:01,775 --> 00:08:03,055 See you tomorrow then. Ciao. 217 00:08:03,055 --> 00:08:04,455 Do you have a guide to Torquay? 218 00:08:04,455 --> 00:08:05,615 A guide... 219 00:08:05,615 --> 00:08:07,735 Um, oh dear. I think we're out of them again. 220 00:08:07,735 --> 00:08:09,055 Do you want to look at this one? 221 00:08:09,055 --> 00:08:10,055 I got it in town. 222 00:08:10,055 --> 00:08:11,055 Oh, thanks. 223 00:08:11,055 --> 00:08:12,415 "What's on in Torquay." 224 00:08:12,415 --> 00:08:14,371 One of the world's shortest books. 225 00:08:15,815 --> 00:08:16,930 What? 226 00:08:17,975 --> 00:08:20,255 One of the world's shortest books. 227 00:08:20,255 --> 00:08:23,095 Like "The Wit of Margaret Thatcher." 228 00:08:23,095 --> 00:08:24,495 Or "Great English Lovers." 229 00:08:24,495 --> 00:08:26,055 He's very funny, isn't he, Basil? 230 00:08:26,055 --> 00:08:27,647 Thank you. 231 00:08:29,415 --> 00:08:32,615 - Are you taking dinner here tonight? - Sorry? 232 00:08:32,615 --> 00:08:35,055 Are you dining here tonight, here in this unfashionable dump? 233 00:08:35,055 --> 00:08:37,055 I wasn't planning to. 234 00:08:37,055 --> 00:08:38,655 No, not really your scene, is it? 235 00:08:38,655 --> 00:08:40,855 Thought I'd try somewhere in town. Anywhere you'd recommend? 236 00:08:40,855 --> 00:08:43,695 What sort of food were you thinking of? Fruit, or... 237 00:08:43,695 --> 00:08:45,495 Anywhere they do French food? 238 00:08:45,495 --> 00:08:46,655 Yes, France, I believe. 239 00:08:46,655 --> 00:08:47,935 They seem to like it there, 240 00:08:47,935 --> 00:08:50,295 and the swim would certainly sharpen your appetite. 241 00:08:50,295 --> 00:08:52,935 You'd better hurry. The tide leaves in six minutes. 242 00:08:52,935 --> 00:08:56,735 Excuse my husband's sledgehammer wit, Mr. Johnson. 243 00:08:56,735 --> 00:08:59,215 There is a very nice place, La pomme d'amour. 244 00:08:59,215 --> 00:09:01,055 La pomme d'amour. The apple of love. 245 00:09:01,055 --> 00:09:02,975 Yes, in Orchard Street. 246 00:09:02,975 --> 00:09:04,735 Or that ancient Egyptian place, 247 00:09:04,735 --> 00:09:06,054 the Golden Dog something... 248 00:09:07,055 --> 00:09:08,895 Do enjoy yourself. We'll see you later. 249 00:09:08,895 --> 00:09:10,295 Thank you. 250 00:09:10,295 --> 00:09:13,055 I have had it up to here with you. 251 00:09:13,055 --> 00:09:14,055 What, dear? 252 00:09:14,055 --> 00:09:15,655 You never get it right, do you? 253 00:09:15,655 --> 00:09:17,455 You're either crawling all over them, 254 00:09:17,455 --> 00:09:18,735 licking their boots, 255 00:09:18,735 --> 00:09:20,055 or spitting poison at them 256 00:09:20,055 --> 00:09:21,886 like some Benzedrine puff adder. 257 00:09:24,415 --> 00:09:25,928 Just trying to enjoy myself. 258 00:09:29,055 --> 00:09:30,535 Did you enjoy your beef? 259 00:09:30,535 --> 00:09:31,775 Oh, yes, thank you. 260 00:09:31,775 --> 00:09:33,535 Good. Would you care for dessert? 261 00:09:33,535 --> 00:09:35,015 No, just coffee, thank you. 262 00:09:35,015 --> 00:09:36,055 Just coffee for me. 263 00:09:36,055 --> 00:09:37,055 Two coffees, Sybil. 264 00:09:37,055 --> 00:09:38,375 Two coffees. Here. Please. Dear. 265 00:09:38,375 --> 00:09:40,695 Would you care for a little something with us? 266 00:09:40,695 --> 00:09:42,335 A little aperitif, cognac, brandy? 267 00:09:42,335 --> 00:09:44,055 On us... with us... which we'll pay for, 268 00:09:44,055 --> 00:09:45,615 on the house, as it were? 269 00:09:45,615 --> 00:09:46,975 Well, thank you. 270 00:09:46,975 --> 00:09:48,294 I'd like a cognac, if I may? 271 00:09:49,055 --> 00:09:50,935 - Dr. Abbott? - A port, thank you. 272 00:09:50,935 --> 00:09:52,050 Mon plaisir. 273 00:09:52,735 --> 00:09:55,175 - Coffee for you, doctor. - Thank you. 274 00:09:55,175 --> 00:09:56,855 - And for you, doctor. - Thank you. 275 00:09:56,855 --> 00:09:58,295 Have you been to Torquay before? 276 00:09:58,295 --> 00:09:59,575 Not for a few years, no. 277 00:09:59,575 --> 00:10:02,055 We had a free weekend, and we suddenly thought 278 00:10:02,055 --> 00:10:03,495 we'd like to get out of London. 279 00:10:03,495 --> 00:10:05,770 - Lovely. White or black? - Black, thank you. 280 00:10:07,335 --> 00:10:09,055 - And black for you, doctor? - Thank you. 281 00:10:09,055 --> 00:10:10,175 Cognac for you, doctor. 282 00:10:10,175 --> 00:10:12,095 It's rather fascinating, your both being doctors. 283 00:10:12,095 --> 00:10:13,695 Port for you, doctor. 284 00:10:13,695 --> 00:10:15,815 At one stage, I was contemplating becoming a surgeon. 285 00:10:15,815 --> 00:10:17,851 A tree surgeon! 286 00:10:19,095 --> 00:10:20,095 Thank you, Sybil. 287 00:10:20,095 --> 00:10:21,535 Had to give it up. 288 00:10:21,535 --> 00:10:23,491 Couldn't stand the sight of sap. Ha! 289 00:10:25,255 --> 00:10:26,535 It's a bit old, isn't it, dear? 290 00:10:26,535 --> 00:10:29,015 My great-grandfather on my mother's side 291 00:10:29,015 --> 00:10:30,895 was a doctor, so it was always felt I might... 292 00:10:30,895 --> 00:10:33,045 Run a hotel. 293 00:10:34,295 --> 00:10:36,335 Are you both in general practice? 294 00:10:36,335 --> 00:10:38,175 No, I'm a pediatrician. 295 00:10:38,175 --> 00:10:39,815 - Feet! - Children. 296 00:10:39,815 --> 00:10:42,055 Oh, Basil! 297 00:10:42,055 --> 00:10:43,735 Children have feet, don't they? That's how they move around. 298 00:10:43,735 --> 00:10:45,695 You must take a look next time. It's most interesting. 299 00:10:45,695 --> 00:10:47,735 And you, doctor, are you a... 300 00:10:47,735 --> 00:10:48,855 I'm a psychiatrist. 301 00:10:48,855 --> 00:10:50,368 Very nice too, cheers. 302 00:10:53,215 --> 00:10:54,975 I'll get you another one. Sorry. 303 00:10:54,975 --> 00:10:58,055 A psychiatrist. How fascinating. 304 00:10:58,055 --> 00:11:00,455 We never had a psychiatrist staying here before. 305 00:11:00,455 --> 00:11:01,735 We had a faith healer 306 00:11:01,735 --> 00:11:03,655 the first month we were open. 307 00:11:03,655 --> 00:11:04,735 Really? 308 00:11:04,735 --> 00:11:06,415 It's a relatively new profession, 309 00:11:06,415 --> 00:11:07,775 psychiatry, isn't it? 310 00:11:07,775 --> 00:11:10,255 Well, Freud started about 1880. 311 00:11:10,255 --> 00:11:11,615 Yes, but it's only now 312 00:11:11,615 --> 00:11:13,253 we're seeing them on the television. 313 00:11:14,535 --> 00:11:17,055 Here we are. I must... excuse me. 314 00:11:17,055 --> 00:11:19,335 How long have you had this hotel? 315 00:11:19,335 --> 00:11:20,335 My husband and I... 316 00:11:20,335 --> 00:11:21,855 Keep back, keep back. 317 00:11:21,855 --> 00:11:22,895 What is it? 318 00:11:22,895 --> 00:11:24,055 - Abbott. - What the matter with him? 319 00:11:24,055 --> 00:11:25,255 Psychiatrist. 320 00:11:25,255 --> 00:11:26,415 Look at him. Look. 321 00:11:26,415 --> 00:11:27,895 Look at the way he's listening, see? 322 00:11:27,895 --> 00:11:29,335 He's taking it all in. She doesn't realize. 323 00:11:29,335 --> 00:11:30,535 Look at the way she's talking. 324 00:11:30,535 --> 00:11:32,055 They've got photographic memories. 325 00:11:32,055 --> 00:11:33,055 Uh, Sybil! 326 00:11:33,055 --> 00:11:35,095 - Sybil? - Yes, Basil? 327 00:11:35,095 --> 00:11:36,375 Could I just bother you, dear? 328 00:11:36,375 --> 00:11:37,695 - What is it? - Just a little problem. 329 00:11:37,695 --> 00:11:39,855 Nothing personal, nothing of a private nature. 330 00:11:39,855 --> 00:11:41,055 Just in here... 331 00:11:41,055 --> 00:11:42,886 Excuse me, would you? 332 00:11:44,695 --> 00:11:45,855 What is it, Basil? 333 00:11:45,855 --> 00:11:49,215 Just take it easy, okay? Just keep your distance. 334 00:11:49,215 --> 00:11:50,335 Remember who you are, all right? 335 00:11:50,335 --> 00:11:51,335 Remember what? 336 00:11:51,335 --> 00:11:53,295 Just don't tell him too much about yourself, all right? 337 00:11:53,295 --> 00:11:54,895 Basil, I'm perfectly capa... 338 00:11:54,895 --> 00:11:55,935 All right. All right. What have you told him? 339 00:11:55,935 --> 00:11:58,095 Nothing, we were talking about Scotland. 340 00:11:58,095 --> 00:12:00,055 Scotland? What's he want to know about Scotland? 341 00:12:00,055 --> 00:12:01,095 Oh, Basil Fawl... 342 00:12:01,095 --> 00:12:02,615 - Don't do that! - Why are you so nervous? 343 00:12:02,615 --> 00:12:04,735 I'm not nervous! I'm just saying take it easy, all right? 344 00:12:04,735 --> 00:12:05,855 All of us, just take it easy, all right? 345 00:12:05,855 --> 00:12:07,055 What's got into you? 346 00:12:07,055 --> 00:12:08,495 Nothing's got into... I'm just saying take... 347 00:12:08,495 --> 00:12:10,295 Can't I say "take it easy" without starting a panic? 348 00:12:10,295 --> 00:12:11,975 I mean, what is going on here? 349 00:12:11,975 --> 00:12:14,095 Mr. Fawlty, take it easy. 350 00:12:14,095 --> 00:12:15,615 Now look... 351 00:12:15,615 --> 00:12:17,055 Get one thing clear, all right? 352 00:12:17,055 --> 00:12:18,815 You don't tell me to take it easy. 353 00:12:18,815 --> 00:12:20,295 I don't pay you to tell me to take it easy. 354 00:12:20,295 --> 00:12:21,335 I pay you to take it... 355 00:12:21,335 --> 00:12:23,055 No, I pay you to tell you to take it easy, 356 00:12:23,055 --> 00:12:24,055 so take it easy, all right? 357 00:12:24,055 --> 00:12:27,735 Listen, why are you getting so upset? 358 00:12:27,735 --> 00:12:29,575 - I'm not. - You liked him when he arrived. 359 00:12:29,575 --> 00:12:30,815 Look, look... 360 00:12:30,815 --> 00:12:32,375 And just because you find out he's a psychiatrist... 361 00:12:32,375 --> 00:12:34,335 I'm not bothered by that. 362 00:12:34,335 --> 00:12:36,375 If he wants to be a psychiatrist that's his own funeral. 363 00:12:36,375 --> 00:12:38,255 They're all as mad as bloody march hares anyway. 364 00:12:38,255 --> 00:12:40,455 That's not the point. How does he earn his money? 365 00:12:40,455 --> 00:12:43,055 He gets... he get paid for sticking his nose... 366 00:12:43,055 --> 00:12:44,975 - Oh, Basil. - No, I'm going to have my say. 367 00:12:44,975 --> 00:12:47,095 Into people's private, um... details. 368 00:12:47,095 --> 00:12:48,135 Just speaking for myself, 369 00:12:48,135 --> 00:12:49,415 I don't want some total stranger 370 00:12:49,415 --> 00:12:51,015 nosing around in my private parts... 371 00:12:51,015 --> 00:12:52,295 details! That's all I'm saying. 372 00:12:52,295 --> 00:12:54,495 They're here on holiday. 373 00:12:54,495 --> 00:12:56,055 They're just here to enjoy themselves. 374 00:12:56,055 --> 00:12:57,455 - He can't! - Can't what? 375 00:12:57,455 --> 00:12:58,615 He can't tell me anything 376 00:12:58,615 --> 00:13:00,055 about myself that I don't know already. 377 00:13:00,055 --> 00:13:01,855 All this psychiatry, it's a load of tommyrot. 378 00:13:01,855 --> 00:13:03,255 Here. 379 00:13:03,255 --> 00:13:05,055 You know what they're all obsessed with, don't you? 380 00:13:05,055 --> 00:13:07,375 You know what they say it's all about, don't you? 381 00:13:07,375 --> 00:13:08,375 Hmm? 382 00:13:08,375 --> 00:13:09,575 Sex. 383 00:13:09,575 --> 00:13:11,015 Everything's connected with sex. 384 00:13:11,015 --> 00:13:12,573 Huh! What a load of cobblers. 385 00:13:14,055 --> 00:13:14,095 Yes, you see, if they wanted to do that, 386 00:13:14,095 --> 00:13:16,215 Yes, you see, if they wanted to do that, 387 00:13:16,215 --> 00:13:18,495 well, they'd have to close the hotel, wouldn't they? 388 00:13:18,495 --> 00:13:20,095 Yes, if you would, just sign that. 389 00:13:20,095 --> 00:13:21,255 Thank you so much. 390 00:13:21,255 --> 00:13:23,415 Yes. We were just speculating 391 00:13:23,415 --> 00:13:24,815 how people in your profession 392 00:13:24,815 --> 00:13:26,175 arrange their holidays. 393 00:13:26,175 --> 00:13:27,972 How often you can get away. 394 00:13:29,775 --> 00:13:31,970 How often do you manage it? 395 00:13:33,575 --> 00:13:34,775 Pardon? 396 00:13:34,775 --> 00:13:37,050 How often can you and your wife manage it? 397 00:13:42,335 --> 00:13:43,975 You don't mind my asking? 398 00:13:43,975 --> 00:13:46,455 Not at all. Not at all. 399 00:13:46,455 --> 00:13:48,175 About average, since you asked. 400 00:13:48,175 --> 00:13:50,655 - Average? - Mm-hmm. 401 00:13:50,655 --> 00:13:53,055 What would be average? 402 00:13:53,055 --> 00:13:55,295 Well, you tell me. 403 00:13:55,295 --> 00:13:56,895 Well, uh... 404 00:13:56,895 --> 00:13:58,214 Couple of times a year? 405 00:13:59,655 --> 00:14:01,055 What? 406 00:14:01,055 --> 00:14:02,283 Once a year? 407 00:14:03,695 --> 00:14:05,255 Well, we knew it must be difficult. 408 00:14:05,255 --> 00:14:07,095 My wife didn't see 409 00:14:07,095 --> 00:14:09,529 how you could manage it at all. 410 00:14:12,615 --> 00:14:14,055 Well, as you've asked, 411 00:14:14,055 --> 00:14:15,695 two or three times a week, actually. 412 00:14:15,695 --> 00:14:17,095 A week? 413 00:14:17,095 --> 00:14:18,695 Yes. Pretty normal, isn't it? 414 00:14:18,695 --> 00:14:20,890 We're quite normal down here in Torquay, you know? 415 00:14:21,895 --> 00:14:23,455 And he says, 416 00:14:23,455 --> 00:14:25,730 "Pretentious? Moi?" 417 00:14:28,415 --> 00:14:30,883 I always like a man who can make me laugh. 418 00:14:32,575 --> 00:14:34,095 Are you all right, Mr. Fawlty? 419 00:14:34,095 --> 00:14:35,415 Mm-hmm, yes, yes. Fine. 420 00:14:35,415 --> 00:14:36,735 What's the matter, Basil? 421 00:14:36,735 --> 00:14:38,455 Nothing, dear. Just talking to Dr. Abbott. 422 00:14:38,455 --> 00:14:41,055 If I had the money to go to a psychiatrist, 423 00:14:41,055 --> 00:14:42,655 he's just the sort I'd choose. 424 00:14:42,655 --> 00:14:44,055 I can't think of anything nicer 425 00:14:44,055 --> 00:14:46,055 than having a good old heart-to-heart. 426 00:14:46,055 --> 00:14:48,255 I'm sure they understand women. 427 00:14:48,255 --> 00:14:50,055 - Sybil? - What, darling? 428 00:14:50,055 --> 00:14:51,255 Do you kn... 429 00:14:51,255 --> 00:14:53,455 Do you know what he asked me, just now, out there? 430 00:14:53,455 --> 00:14:54,495 What? What? 431 00:14:54,495 --> 00:14:55,848 He asked me... 432 00:14:58,055 --> 00:14:59,375 Oh, don't be ridiculous, Basil. 433 00:14:59,375 --> 00:15:01,495 I'm telling you the truth. Honest as God's witness! 434 00:15:01,495 --> 00:15:03,295 What's got into you today? 435 00:15:03,295 --> 00:15:04,855 He turned round and asked me, just like that. 436 00:15:04,855 --> 00:15:05,855 What did he say? 437 00:15:05,855 --> 00:15:06,924 He said... 438 00:15:08,975 --> 00:15:10,055 His wife said... 439 00:15:10,055 --> 00:15:12,295 They're talking about holidays, Basil. 440 00:15:12,295 --> 00:15:13,735 I was just saying to them 441 00:15:13,735 --> 00:15:15,054 about how difficult it is to get any. 442 00:15:16,175 --> 00:15:19,055 Twice a year! Oh, my... What did I say? 443 00:15:19,055 --> 00:15:21,410 - It doesn't matter. - How was I to know? 444 00:15:24,855 --> 00:15:26,375 Hello! 445 00:15:26,375 --> 00:15:28,295 We were at cross purposes just now. 446 00:15:28,295 --> 00:15:30,015 There you were talking about sex, 447 00:15:30,015 --> 00:15:32,135 I thought you were talking about walks. 448 00:15:32,135 --> 00:15:33,735 Not sex! Holidays, holidays! 449 00:15:33,735 --> 00:15:35,535 Ha, sex. Ha, ha, ha. 450 00:15:35,535 --> 00:15:37,815 No, my wife and I have one about twice a year. 451 00:15:37,815 --> 00:15:39,095 I mean a holiday, a holiday. 452 00:15:39,095 --> 00:15:40,895 Whereas so far as a good walk goes, 453 00:15:40,895 --> 00:15:42,255 we have a jolly good walk 454 00:15:42,255 --> 00:15:43,495 about two or three times a week, average. 455 00:15:43,495 --> 00:15:45,775 Well, we're just taking ours now. 456 00:15:45,775 --> 00:15:48,375 Thank you. Well, enjoy it. 457 00:15:48,375 --> 00:15:49,735 Uh, the walk! 458 00:15:49,735 --> 00:15:51,055 I'm so sorry. 459 00:15:51,055 --> 00:15:53,055 My name is Raylene Miles. 460 00:15:53,055 --> 00:15:54,575 I have a reservation. 461 00:15:54,575 --> 00:15:56,055 Ahh, yes. That's right. 462 00:15:56,055 --> 00:15:57,815 Would you be so kind as to fill this in? 463 00:15:57,815 --> 00:15:58,815 Mm-hmm. 464 00:15:58,815 --> 00:15:59,804 Thank you. 465 00:16:08,055 --> 00:16:09,295 Very nice. 466 00:16:09,295 --> 00:16:11,615 Oh, ah... Thank you. 467 00:16:11,615 --> 00:16:13,615 Your thing. 468 00:16:13,615 --> 00:16:15,055 I mean your charms! Your charm, in the middle. 469 00:16:15,055 --> 00:16:16,090 Yes, I know. 470 00:16:18,415 --> 00:16:19,855 May I ask what it is? 471 00:16:19,855 --> 00:16:21,255 It's a Saint Christopher's medal. 472 00:16:21,255 --> 00:16:23,415 - Saint...? - Saint Christopher. 473 00:16:23,415 --> 00:16:25,335 Patron saint of travelers. 474 00:16:25,335 --> 00:16:27,615 Hello, dear. 475 00:16:27,615 --> 00:16:29,735 Saint Christopher's medal, protects travelers. 476 00:16:29,735 --> 00:16:30,935 Very pretty. 477 00:16:30,935 --> 00:16:31,935 Yes, isn't she? 478 00:16:31,935 --> 00:16:33,135 Where did you put the order forms? 479 00:16:33,135 --> 00:16:35,335 - Down there, dear. - Where? 480 00:16:35,335 --> 00:16:36,927 Down here, dear. Um... 481 00:16:43,935 --> 00:16:46,095 Hello! Can I have the key for number six, please? 482 00:16:46,095 --> 00:16:48,455 You're back early this evening, Mr. Johnson. 483 00:16:48,455 --> 00:16:50,335 Yes, well, got to be up early for mother. 484 00:16:50,335 --> 00:16:53,255 Thank you. We put you in number seven. 485 00:16:53,255 --> 00:16:54,735 Manuel! 486 00:16:54,735 --> 00:16:56,055 It's all right, dear. I'll take them up. 487 00:16:56,055 --> 00:16:58,895 We have a Spanish porter we're training at the moment. 488 00:16:58,895 --> 00:17:00,089 It'd be quicker to train an ape! 489 00:17:03,255 --> 00:17:04,895 Never mind, Manuel. 490 00:17:04,895 --> 00:17:06,044 Oh! 491 00:17:17,055 --> 00:17:18,055 I was just wondering, 492 00:17:18,055 --> 00:17:20,015 are you in fact Australian at all, 493 00:17:20,015 --> 00:17:21,455 by any chance, may I ask? 494 00:17:21,455 --> 00:17:23,735 Oh, dear. Is my accent that strong? 495 00:17:23,735 --> 00:17:25,175 Oh no, no. It's just that you're quite tall, 496 00:17:25,175 --> 00:17:26,695 so I thought, perhaps, you know. 497 00:17:26,695 --> 00:17:28,175 Here we are, this is your room. 498 00:17:28,175 --> 00:17:29,775 I hope it's to your liking. 499 00:17:29,775 --> 00:17:31,135 A view of the English Riviera, 500 00:17:31,135 --> 00:17:32,735 down there, behind the trees. 501 00:17:32,735 --> 00:17:34,487 This is your bathroom, here we are... 502 00:17:36,215 --> 00:17:37,575 Oh, light's not working. 503 00:17:37,575 --> 00:17:39,055 I'll just fix it. 504 00:17:39,055 --> 00:17:41,255 Have you had a tiring journey? 505 00:17:41,255 --> 00:17:44,055 Seven hours in the coach, is the... 506 00:17:44,055 --> 00:17:45,975 is the dining room still open? 507 00:17:45,975 --> 00:17:47,575 The chef leaves at 9:00, I'm afraid. 508 00:17:47,575 --> 00:17:48,735 We could always do you sandwiches. 509 00:17:48,735 --> 00:17:50,935 I'd like a hot meal, really. 510 00:17:50,935 --> 00:17:53,255 Is there a restaurant near here? 511 00:17:53,255 --> 00:17:55,015 There's an awfully good little Welsh place, 512 00:17:55,015 --> 00:17:56,655 Leek house, about five minutes walk. 513 00:17:56,655 --> 00:17:58,015 You'd have to go straight away. 514 00:17:58,015 --> 00:17:59,695 That'll do fine. 515 00:17:59,695 --> 00:18:01,175 Just turn left out at the gate and straight on 516 00:18:01,175 --> 00:18:02,654 and it's on your right. 517 00:18:11,855 --> 00:18:14,775 You left this downstairs. 518 00:18:14,775 --> 00:18:16,295 Sorry! I was trying the switch! 519 00:18:16,295 --> 00:18:17,615 Sybil! Sybil! Sybil! Sybil! 520 00:18:17,615 --> 00:18:18,855 I'm sorry. I didn't know she was there! 521 00:18:18,855 --> 00:18:21,055 - I was trying the switch. - It's pathetic, Basil. 522 00:18:21,055 --> 00:18:23,055 No, look, Sybil, I was reaching round for the switch. 523 00:18:23,055 --> 00:18:24,255 Don't bother. 524 00:18:24,255 --> 00:18:25,695 The lights weren't working in the bathroom, right? 525 00:18:25,695 --> 00:18:27,015 Okay? So I went in, checked the fitting, 526 00:18:27,015 --> 00:18:28,015 which was loose... 527 00:18:28,015 --> 00:18:30,935 I've read about it, Basil. The male menopause it's called. 528 00:18:30,935 --> 00:18:33,695 Oh, and one word of advice: 529 00:18:33,695 --> 00:18:35,215 If you're going to grope a girl 530 00:18:35,215 --> 00:18:37,495 have the gallantry to stay in the room with her 531 00:18:37,495 --> 00:18:39,213 while you're doing it, hmm? 532 00:18:44,775 --> 00:18:46,455 I'm sorry. I do apologize for just now. 533 00:18:46,455 --> 00:18:47,775 I was sort of feeling for the switch... 534 00:18:47,775 --> 00:18:49,495 Oh, I realize. That's perfectly all right. 535 00:18:49,495 --> 00:18:51,055 I hope your wife didn't... 536 00:18:51,055 --> 00:18:52,775 Oh no, no. 537 00:18:52,775 --> 00:18:54,495 My wife, she's been on about that. 538 00:18:54,495 --> 00:18:56,175 Uh, where was that restaurant again? 539 00:18:56,175 --> 00:18:57,935 Out of the gate, turn left, 540 00:18:57,935 --> 00:18:59,535 five minutes on your right. Leek house. 541 00:18:59,535 --> 00:19:01,014 - Thank you. - Not at all. 542 00:19:05,055 --> 00:19:07,046 "Pretentious, moi?" 543 00:19:19,055 --> 00:19:20,695 Yes? Can I help you? 544 00:19:20,695 --> 00:19:22,055 Um... 545 00:19:22,055 --> 00:19:24,055 I was just wondering if I could get, um... 546 00:19:24,055 --> 00:19:25,335 A drink now? 547 00:19:25,335 --> 00:19:27,015 A drink? 548 00:19:27,015 --> 00:19:29,135 Well, a bottle of champagne. 549 00:19:29,135 --> 00:19:31,135 - Champagne? - Yes. 550 00:19:31,135 --> 00:19:33,055 I see. You are aware of our rule 551 00:19:33,055 --> 00:19:34,495 about visitors, are you? 552 00:19:34,495 --> 00:19:35,655 Hmm? 553 00:19:35,655 --> 00:19:38,010 No visitors in guests' rooms after 10:00. 554 00:19:39,015 --> 00:19:40,775 Of the opposite... sex. 555 00:19:40,775 --> 00:19:42,003 No, I wasn't. 556 00:19:43,015 --> 00:19:44,415 But I am now. 557 00:19:44,415 --> 00:19:46,055 So you'll send up the champagne, will you? 558 00:19:46,055 --> 00:19:47,415 What? 559 00:19:47,415 --> 00:19:49,295 The champagne. 560 00:19:49,295 --> 00:19:50,615 You're drinking it on your own, are you? 561 00:19:50,615 --> 00:19:51,615 Guess I'll have to. 562 00:19:51,615 --> 00:19:53,455 Very well. 563 00:19:53,455 --> 00:19:55,375 One bottle of champagne, for one. 564 00:19:55,375 --> 00:19:57,535 - Thank you. - And one glass. 565 00:19:57,535 --> 00:19:59,735 That's all I'll need, unless you'd care to join me? 566 00:19:59,735 --> 00:20:01,255 No, thank you. Not while I'm on the job. 567 00:20:01,255 --> 00:20:02,813 That's when I enjoy it the most. 568 00:20:08,455 --> 00:20:10,055 Manuel, Manuel, Manuel. 569 00:20:10,055 --> 00:20:12,046 Bottle of champagne, one glass, quick! 570 00:20:19,175 --> 00:20:20,695 Mr. Fawlty? 571 00:20:20,695 --> 00:20:23,055 Did you know there's a psychiatrist staying? 572 00:20:23,055 --> 00:20:24,495 Yes, yes I did. 573 00:20:24,495 --> 00:20:26,095 Has he come for the Major? 574 00:20:26,095 --> 00:20:28,495 - What? - Has he come for the Major? 575 00:20:28,495 --> 00:20:29,495 No. 576 00:20:29,495 --> 00:20:30,495 Oh, good. 577 00:20:30,495 --> 00:20:32,055 We were rather worried. 578 00:20:32,055 --> 00:20:34,011 I'm sure they have them in Birmingham too. 579 00:20:35,815 --> 00:20:37,135 Good night, ladies! 580 00:20:37,135 --> 00:20:38,409 Just coming. 581 00:20:40,615 --> 00:20:41,843 Won't be a moment. 582 00:21:05,495 --> 00:21:06,695 This wall... 583 00:21:06,695 --> 00:21:08,055 we had some complaints from downstairs 584 00:21:08,055 --> 00:21:09,255 so I'm just giving it a check. 585 00:21:09,255 --> 00:21:11,928 Yes, I think that's fine. 586 00:21:12,015 --> 00:21:13,055 No, hang on. 587 00:21:13,055 --> 00:21:15,575 Nope, we're all right. 588 00:21:15,575 --> 00:21:17,095 Fine. Well, sorry to disturb you. 589 00:21:17,095 --> 00:21:19,051 - Good night. - Good night. 590 00:21:28,535 --> 00:21:29,695 Can I help you? 591 00:21:29,695 --> 00:21:30,775 The bathroom? 592 00:21:30,775 --> 00:21:31,975 Yes, second on the left. 593 00:21:31,975 --> 00:21:33,055 Thank you. 594 00:21:33,055 --> 00:21:34,966 - Yes? - It's just coming. 595 00:21:59,135 --> 00:22:00,615 Stupidissimo! 596 00:22:00,615 --> 00:22:02,215 You continental cretin! 597 00:22:02,215 --> 00:22:03,575 I'm sorry, I'll get you another one. 598 00:22:03,575 --> 00:22:06,055 Un otro. Pronto! Pronto! Pronto! 599 00:22:06,055 --> 00:22:07,775 Yes, fine, thank you. 600 00:22:07,775 --> 00:22:09,135 I'm afraid that Spanish ape... 601 00:22:09,135 --> 00:22:11,135 Sorry, person... bungled it again. 602 00:22:11,135 --> 00:22:13,055 Dago birdbrain. 603 00:22:13,055 --> 00:22:15,295 God knows how they ever got an Armada together. 604 00:22:15,295 --> 00:22:17,055 Still, I'll clear all this up. 605 00:22:17,055 --> 00:22:19,055 If you... if you'd like to, uh... 606 00:22:19,055 --> 00:22:21,175 Go back to your rooms... 607 00:22:21,175 --> 00:22:22,654 Thank you. 608 00:22:26,495 --> 00:22:27,495 Fawlty. 609 00:22:27,495 --> 00:22:29,215 - Yes? - Here, here. 610 00:22:29,215 --> 00:22:31,415 L... I thought you ought to know. 611 00:22:31,415 --> 00:22:32,775 - What? - There's... 612 00:22:32,775 --> 00:22:35,375 There's a psychiatrist in the hotel. 613 00:22:35,375 --> 00:22:36,575 Yes, I know. 614 00:22:36,575 --> 00:22:38,055 - Oh, you know. - Yes. 615 00:22:38,055 --> 00:22:41,455 Oh. Well, apparently, he's dressed up as a guest. 616 00:22:41,455 --> 00:22:42,975 He is a guest, Major. 617 00:22:42,975 --> 00:22:45,773 Oh, well, your guess is as good as mine. 618 00:22:49,055 --> 00:22:50,852 Perhaps he has come to get you. 619 00:23:01,495 --> 00:23:02,974 Come. 620 00:23:07,535 --> 00:23:09,571 Oh, thank you. On the table, please. 621 00:23:17,055 --> 00:23:18,408 Thank you. 622 00:23:27,975 --> 00:23:29,533 Yes? 623 00:23:41,735 --> 00:23:42,895 Whew! Filthy habit. 624 00:23:42,895 --> 00:23:44,055 The bathroom? 625 00:23:44,055 --> 00:23:45,044 Second on the left. 626 00:23:58,295 --> 00:24:00,215 Aaah! Who is it? 627 00:24:00,215 --> 00:24:01,775 - It's all right! - Who is it? 628 00:24:01,775 --> 00:24:02,935 - It's only me! Please! - What do you want? 629 00:24:02,935 --> 00:24:03,975 What's going on? 630 00:24:03,975 --> 00:24:05,895 Nothing! I didn't know she was in here. 631 00:24:05,895 --> 00:24:07,055 I just came in to check the walls. 632 00:24:07,055 --> 00:24:08,095 Do you mind? Sorry. 633 00:24:08,095 --> 00:24:09,375 I thought you'd gone to the restaurant. 634 00:24:09,375 --> 00:24:10,535 I was just so tired. 635 00:24:10,535 --> 00:24:12,535 That's fine. Sorry to disturb you. 636 00:24:12,535 --> 00:24:13,615 Bloody walls. 637 00:24:13,615 --> 00:24:14,815 You all right now? 638 00:24:14,815 --> 00:24:16,695 - What was that? - Hmm? Nothing, dear. 639 00:24:16,695 --> 00:24:18,215 Why was she screaming? What were you doing? 640 00:24:18,215 --> 00:24:19,415 What's going on? 641 00:24:19,415 --> 00:24:21,295 Nothing. She thought there was someone in her room. 642 00:24:21,295 --> 00:24:23,055 - Someone in her room? - Yes. 643 00:24:23,055 --> 00:24:26,015 Have to charge her double then. 644 00:24:26,015 --> 00:24:27,895 What were you doing in there? 645 00:24:27,895 --> 00:24:29,935 Is she all right? 646 00:24:29,935 --> 00:24:31,615 She is all right. 647 00:24:31,615 --> 00:24:33,455 What were you doing in there? 648 00:24:33,455 --> 00:24:35,535 Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Fawlty. 649 00:24:35,535 --> 00:24:36,615 I didn't realize it was you. 650 00:24:36,615 --> 00:24:38,535 That's all right. I'll tell you in a moment. 651 00:24:38,535 --> 00:24:39,895 Silly of me. 652 00:24:39,895 --> 00:24:40,935 I didn't know it was him. 653 00:24:40,935 --> 00:24:42,335 He came in to check the walls. 654 00:24:42,335 --> 00:24:44,055 To check the walls? 655 00:24:44,055 --> 00:24:46,615 Manuel. Manuel, quick. 656 00:24:46,615 --> 00:24:48,575 Come on! 657 00:24:48,575 --> 00:24:49,769 Quick! 658 00:25:44,335 --> 00:25:46,815 Oh... 'elp... 659 00:25:46,815 --> 00:25:48,255 Socorro! Socorro! 660 00:25:48,255 --> 00:25:50,086 'Elp! 'elp! 661 00:25:52,455 --> 00:25:53,888 Basil. 662 00:25:55,615 --> 00:25:56,895 Basil? 663 00:25:56,895 --> 00:25:59,015 Mrs. Fawlty, Mrs. Fawlty! 664 00:25:59,015 --> 00:26:00,455 Mrs. Fawlty, Mr. Fawlty... 665 00:26:00,455 --> 00:26:01,575 - What? - He hurt. 666 00:26:01,575 --> 00:26:03,735 - He fall off ladder! - Off a ladder? 667 00:26:03,735 --> 00:26:05,055 Sí, sí. Come, come come. 668 00:26:05,055 --> 00:26:06,815 What was he doing up a ladder? 669 00:26:06,815 --> 00:26:08,055 He try to see girl. 670 00:26:08,055 --> 00:26:09,055 What? 671 00:26:09,055 --> 00:26:10,535 He try to see in room to see girl. 672 00:26:10,535 --> 00:26:12,055 She make him crazy. Come, come, come. 673 00:26:12,055 --> 00:26:13,055 I see. 674 00:26:13,055 --> 00:26:15,455 I tell him careful, but he go to see girl. 675 00:26:15,455 --> 00:26:16,683 Right. 676 00:26:22,775 --> 00:26:23,935 Hello, dear. 677 00:26:23,935 --> 00:26:25,607 I was just going to, uh... 678 00:26:31,735 --> 00:26:33,566 What the... 679 00:26:49,055 --> 00:26:51,095 What in God's name do you think you're doing? 680 00:26:51,095 --> 00:26:52,135 What did you hit me for? 681 00:26:52,135 --> 00:26:53,250 How dare you! 682 00:26:54,495 --> 00:26:56,055 How dare you! 683 00:26:56,055 --> 00:26:57,535 Have you gone mad? What's got into you? 684 00:26:57,535 --> 00:26:59,055 - You really don't know? - No, I don't. 685 00:26:59,055 --> 00:27:00,935 What were you doing up that ladder? Come on! 686 00:27:00,935 --> 00:27:02,175 I was trying to see the girl. 687 00:27:02,175 --> 00:27:04,055 Is that so strange? 688 00:27:04,055 --> 00:27:05,535 Stop hitting me! 689 00:27:05,535 --> 00:27:06,895 Get away from this door 690 00:27:06,895 --> 00:27:09,284 and don't you dare try and come in here tonight. 691 00:27:13,375 --> 00:27:14,694 Mad. 692 00:27:16,055 --> 00:27:17,455 She's gone completely mad. 693 00:27:17,455 --> 00:27:20,055 Crazy, she go crazy. 694 00:27:20,055 --> 00:27:21,895 - I mean what... - Crazy. 695 00:27:21,895 --> 00:27:23,175 I say to her 696 00:27:23,175 --> 00:27:24,855 you try and see in girl's room 697 00:27:24,855 --> 00:27:26,527 and she go crazy. 698 00:27:28,135 --> 00:27:29,375 What? 699 00:27:29,375 --> 00:27:32,055 I tell her you go to see girl in room. 700 00:27:32,055 --> 00:27:33,175 You crazy about this girl, okay? 701 00:27:33,175 --> 00:27:34,655 Okay, so... 702 00:27:34,655 --> 00:27:36,495 You go up to try to look at her 703 00:27:36,495 --> 00:27:39,055 and Mrs. Fawlty, she go crazy. 704 00:27:44,935 --> 00:27:46,493 You crazy little dago! 705 00:27:50,815 --> 00:27:53,135 Now, that's how an Englishman would do it, you see? 706 00:27:53,135 --> 00:27:55,855 Now, a German, a German would go... 707 00:27:55,855 --> 00:27:57,575 No, that's enough for tonight. 708 00:27:57,575 --> 00:27:59,055 All right, we'll go on with your training in the morning. 709 00:27:59,055 --> 00:28:02,335 We're just training him in the art of hotel management. 710 00:28:02,335 --> 00:28:03,935 It's rather interesting actually. 711 00:28:03,935 --> 00:28:05,766 He's from Barcelona, and one of the more... 712 00:28:08,095 --> 00:28:09,815 Sorry, I missed the door. 713 00:28:09,815 --> 00:28:11,055 - Oh. - Everything all right? 714 00:28:11,055 --> 00:28:12,775 Everything, uh, normal? 715 00:28:12,775 --> 00:28:14,335 - Yes, thank you. - Fine, well... 716 00:28:14,335 --> 00:28:15,609 I'll leave you to it, then. 717 00:28:16,495 --> 00:28:17,495 I mean to go to bed. 718 00:28:17,495 --> 00:28:18,575 To sleep! To sleep, that is. 719 00:28:18,575 --> 00:28:19,775 Perchance to dream, ha, ha. 720 00:28:19,775 --> 00:28:22,055 Have a good night... good night's sleep. 721 00:28:22,055 --> 00:28:24,215 - Sleep well. - Good night. And you. 722 00:28:24,215 --> 00:28:25,495 Thank you, yes, I will. 723 00:28:25,495 --> 00:28:28,009 God knows where. 724 00:28:34,295 --> 00:28:37,526 I'll get you, you pilked-down ponce. 725 00:28:47,055 --> 00:28:48,055 Are you all right? 726 00:28:48,055 --> 00:28:49,495 - Hmm? - Are you all right? 727 00:28:49,495 --> 00:28:51,375 Yes, fine. Give me one of those. 728 00:28:51,375 --> 00:28:53,047 Right, go on. Go on. 729 00:28:59,055 --> 00:29:00,055 Sybil, dear? 730 00:29:00,055 --> 00:29:01,615 What do you want? 731 00:29:01,615 --> 00:29:02,815 Got your tea for you, dear. 732 00:29:02,815 --> 00:29:05,415 Just leave it outside the room. 733 00:29:05,415 --> 00:29:07,055 Yes, all right, dear. 734 00:29:07,055 --> 00:29:08,255 Um... 735 00:29:08,255 --> 00:29:09,975 Sybil? 736 00:29:09,975 --> 00:29:12,055 I'm not speaking to you, Basil. 737 00:29:12,055 --> 00:29:13,535 Could I just have my electric razor, dear? 738 00:29:13,535 --> 00:29:14,888 Just for the guests? 739 00:29:16,535 --> 00:29:17,855 Thank you, dear. Look, look... 740 00:29:17,855 --> 00:29:19,055 - Basil, will you... - Just let me explain. 741 00:29:19,055 --> 00:29:20,615 Get your foot out of the door. 742 00:29:20,615 --> 00:29:22,695 - Let me explain. - I'm not interested. 743 00:29:22,695 --> 00:29:23,895 When I said "That girl," 744 00:29:23,895 --> 00:29:26,095 I wasn't talking about that ray... something, the Australian girl. 745 00:29:26,095 --> 00:29:28,135 I was talking about the girl in the room next to hers... 746 00:29:28,135 --> 00:29:29,335 in Johnson's room! 747 00:29:29,335 --> 00:29:31,535 Johnson smuggled a girl into his room last night. 748 00:29:31,535 --> 00:29:33,055 That is the one I was trying to get a look at, 749 00:29:33,055 --> 00:29:34,495 not that Australian hayseed. 750 00:29:34,495 --> 00:29:36,975 Basil, you've had eight hours to think of something. 751 00:29:36,975 --> 00:29:39,055 Is that really the best you can come up with? 752 00:29:39,055 --> 00:29:40,815 You don't believe it. 753 00:29:40,815 --> 00:29:43,015 - Oh, go away. - Right, I'll get her. 754 00:29:43,015 --> 00:29:44,055 I'll get her and show her to you. 755 00:29:44,055 --> 00:29:46,055 - Yes, you do that. - I will. 756 00:29:46,055 --> 00:29:48,046 Right. All right. 757 00:29:50,295 --> 00:29:51,489 Go. 758 00:29:53,695 --> 00:29:55,455 Come. 759 00:29:55,455 --> 00:29:57,855 Mr. Johnson, did you want your guide back? 760 00:29:57,855 --> 00:29:59,573 Oh, thank you, yes. 761 00:30:07,495 --> 00:30:09,095 See you later. Thank you. 762 00:30:09,095 --> 00:30:11,245 Okay, darling. 763 00:30:12,255 --> 00:30:13,893 Right, the game's up. 764 00:30:16,695 --> 00:30:18,055 Up there. 765 00:30:18,055 --> 00:30:20,095 Bit of game pie, got stuck up there. 766 00:30:20,095 --> 00:30:23,335 Right, everything back to normal. 767 00:30:23,335 --> 00:30:25,166 Enjoy your walk. 768 00:30:34,055 --> 00:30:37,684 There's enough material there for an entire conference. 769 00:30:51,095 --> 00:30:52,653 Okay, all clear. 770 00:30:59,375 --> 00:31:00,375 Right, that's it. 771 00:31:00,375 --> 00:31:02,055 Aah! What are you doing? 772 00:31:02,055 --> 00:31:03,975 Oh, jeez, what going on? 773 00:31:03,975 --> 00:31:05,815 I'm sorry. I thought you were somebody else. 774 00:31:05,815 --> 00:31:07,055 You scared the hell out of me! 775 00:31:07,055 --> 00:31:08,855 I'm awfully sorry. There's a girl in there. 776 00:31:08,855 --> 00:31:10,175 The bloke smuggled her in... 777 00:31:10,175 --> 00:31:11,775 Oh, hello, dear. 778 00:31:11,775 --> 00:31:14,175 Just explaining to Miss Miles about our little problem, 779 00:31:14,175 --> 00:31:15,375 with the extra guest, 780 00:31:15,375 --> 00:31:16,575 Mr. Johnson's friend, 781 00:31:16,575 --> 00:31:18,054 in six, last night. 782 00:31:19,255 --> 00:31:21,535 What's that on your hand, Basil? 783 00:31:21,535 --> 00:31:24,695 What... oh, that's some stuff in the cupboard, dear. 784 00:31:24,695 --> 00:31:26,048 Something I knocked over. 785 00:31:28,935 --> 00:31:31,165 Sorry! I got confused. 786 00:31:32,375 --> 00:31:33,455 Sorry, I got confused. 787 00:31:33,455 --> 00:31:35,535 Sybil! Sybil! Sybil! 788 00:31:35,535 --> 00:31:36,975 Sybil! Sybil! Sybil! 789 00:31:36,975 --> 00:31:38,335 Look, I'll tell her to go. 790 00:31:38,335 --> 00:31:39,815 I'm gonna get the other girl just to prove it to you, 791 00:31:39,815 --> 00:31:41,455 but I'll tell Miss Miles to... 792 00:31:41,455 --> 00:31:43,286 To leave. Out. Out! 793 00:31:49,655 --> 00:31:51,055 Excuse me. 794 00:31:51,055 --> 00:31:52,215 I do apologize, but I'm afraid 795 00:31:52,215 --> 00:31:53,568 I shall have to ask you to... 796 00:32:01,095 --> 00:32:02,972 Come in. 797 00:32:03,975 --> 00:32:06,415 Sorry to bother you, I thought I'd better apologize 798 00:32:06,415 --> 00:32:07,695 for my husband's behavior. 799 00:32:07,695 --> 00:32:09,655 No, please, really, Mrs. Fawlty. 800 00:32:09,655 --> 00:32:11,255 He's going through rather a disturbed time 801 00:32:11,255 --> 00:32:12,415 at the moment. 802 00:32:12,415 --> 00:32:14,415 No, please look, I don't quite understand, 803 00:32:14,415 --> 00:32:16,055 he does seem a bit worked up about something, 804 00:32:16,055 --> 00:32:18,694 but I'm sure there's some quite innocent explanation. 805 00:32:29,295 --> 00:32:30,808 Basil. 806 00:32:35,175 --> 00:32:37,052 Hi, dear. Just checking the doors. 807 00:32:40,335 --> 00:32:42,055 All right, what's going on? 808 00:32:42,055 --> 00:32:43,695 I was in the bathroom. 809 00:32:43,695 --> 00:32:45,055 Yes, she was, dear, so I just popped in 810 00:32:45,055 --> 00:32:47,455 to have a look at these hinges. You know, the ones we've... 811 00:32:47,455 --> 00:32:51,575 Do you really imagine, even in your wildest dreams, 812 00:32:51,575 --> 00:32:54,655 that a girl like this could possibly be interested 813 00:32:54,655 --> 00:32:58,045 in an aging, brilliantined stick insect like you? 814 00:32:59,895 --> 00:33:02,375 - A girl like who, dear? - This one, Basil. 815 00:33:02,375 --> 00:33:04,375 The one you've been chasing ever since she arrived. 816 00:33:04,375 --> 00:33:06,055 Dear woman, are you out of your mind? 817 00:33:06,055 --> 00:33:07,335 What are you doing in there? 818 00:33:07,335 --> 00:33:09,055 You know the trouble we've been having with these hinges. 819 00:33:09,055 --> 00:33:11,015 Why would l... all right, if you really want to know, 820 00:33:11,015 --> 00:33:12,775 I came to apologize for the incident just now, 821 00:33:12,775 --> 00:33:14,055 when I thought she was that girl in Johnson's room, 822 00:33:14,055 --> 00:33:15,488 you know, when I put my hand on the... 823 00:33:18,455 --> 00:33:19,935 Sybil, Sybil. Look... 824 00:33:19,935 --> 00:33:22,055 If you think I've got time to listen to any more 825 00:33:22,055 --> 00:33:25,215 of your hopeless lily-livered jellyfish lies... 826 00:33:25,215 --> 00:33:27,055 They are not lies. I am trying to... 827 00:33:27,055 --> 00:33:28,375 Why can't you be a man? 828 00:33:28,375 --> 00:33:30,055 If you want to grope the guests, 829 00:33:30,055 --> 00:33:31,895 why can't you at least be honest about it 830 00:33:31,895 --> 00:33:33,895 without making up some pathetic song and dance... 831 00:33:33,895 --> 00:33:34,935 Shut up! 832 00:33:34,935 --> 00:33:36,815 Oh, you've done it now. 833 00:33:36,815 --> 00:33:38,215 No, I haven't. I'm just going to. 834 00:33:38,215 --> 00:33:42,055 I'm fed up with you, you rancorous, coiffeured old sow! 835 00:33:42,055 --> 00:33:44,495 Why don't you syringe the donuts out of your ear 836 00:33:44,495 --> 00:33:46,695 and get some sense into the dormant organ 837 00:33:46,695 --> 00:33:48,655 you keep hidden in that rat's maze of yours? 838 00:33:48,655 --> 00:33:51,615 - Basil, Bas... - There is a woman in that room, 839 00:33:51,615 --> 00:33:53,015 that Johnson smuggled in last night. 840 00:33:53,015 --> 00:33:55,055 That's the woman I've been trying to get hold of. 841 00:33:55,055 --> 00:33:57,215 Right, right! Stand there. 842 00:33:57,215 --> 00:33:59,126 Stand there and watch. 843 00:34:03,215 --> 00:34:04,215 Champagne? 844 00:34:04,215 --> 00:34:05,935 What? 845 00:34:05,935 --> 00:34:07,295 Another bottle of champagne, perhaps? 846 00:34:07,295 --> 00:34:09,055 I thought you said you rather enjoyed it 847 00:34:09,055 --> 00:34:10,055 when you were on the job? 848 00:34:10,055 --> 00:34:11,775 Have you got a screw loose? 849 00:34:11,775 --> 00:34:14,215 A screw? No, no. It's just that I thought 850 00:34:14,215 --> 00:34:15,855 that I'd rather formed the impression 851 00:34:15,855 --> 00:34:17,375 that there was someone in the room, there, with you. 852 00:34:17,375 --> 00:34:20,055 A female person. Perhaps a lady. 853 00:34:20,055 --> 00:34:22,215 An opposite person of the contradictory gender, 854 00:34:22,215 --> 00:34:23,215 that sort of thing. 855 00:34:23,215 --> 00:34:25,735 Mrs. Johnson is in here, yes. 856 00:34:25,735 --> 00:34:28,735 Oh, of course. 857 00:34:28,735 --> 00:34:31,855 I should have guessed. Oh, yes. Of course, 858 00:34:31,855 --> 00:34:34,055 the little woman, eh? The only thing is, 859 00:34:34,055 --> 00:34:35,695 I thought you told my wife that you were single? 860 00:34:35,695 --> 00:34:37,095 I am. 861 00:34:37,095 --> 00:34:39,455 I see. So who's this Mrs. Johnson then? 862 00:34:39,455 --> 00:34:40,815 The late President's wife, or... 863 00:34:40,815 --> 00:34:42,487 She's my mother. 864 00:34:44,095 --> 00:34:45,615 Your mother? 865 00:34:45,615 --> 00:34:47,175 Oh, I see. 866 00:34:47,175 --> 00:34:51,655 This bit of crumpet's your old mummy, is she? 867 00:34:51,655 --> 00:34:52,855 Oh, this is rich. 868 00:34:52,855 --> 00:34:54,455 Old mother Johnson popped up 869 00:34:54,455 --> 00:34:56,575 for a quickie, did she? May I meet her? 870 00:34:56,575 --> 00:34:57,895 Certainly. 871 00:34:57,895 --> 00:34:59,855 Mother Johnson, mother Johnson? 872 00:34:59,855 --> 00:35:01,495 Come out, come out, wherever you are. 873 00:35:01,495 --> 00:35:04,735 How do you do? Are you enjoying your stay? 874 00:35:04,735 --> 00:35:06,215 Yes, thank you. 875 00:35:06,215 --> 00:35:07,575 Well, I'll get the champagne. 876 00:35:07,575 --> 00:35:09,293 This calls for a celebration. 877 00:35:27,055 --> 00:35:28,852 I'm on a holiday. 57246

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