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1
00:00:26,105 --> 00:00:28,345
So you're sure
you'll be all right?
2
00:00:28,345 --> 00:00:30,305
- What, Basil?
- You'll be all right?
3
00:00:30,305 --> 00:00:32,905
Will you get me
my bed jacket?
4
00:00:32,905 --> 00:00:34,065
Bed jacket.
5
00:00:34,065 --> 00:00:35,505
In the drawer,
the blue one,
6
00:00:35,505 --> 00:00:36,904
in the drawer!
7
00:00:38,865 --> 00:00:41,265
Now, you won't forget
the fire drill tomorrow?
8
00:00:41,265 --> 00:00:43,265
I won't, dear.
I can cope, you know.
9
00:00:43,265 --> 00:00:44,585
This one?
10
00:00:44,585 --> 00:00:45,865
That's not blue.
11
00:00:45,865 --> 00:00:47,345
It's got
blue things on it.
12
00:00:47,345 --> 00:00:49,105
They're flowers,
and I didn't ask
13
00:00:49,105 --> 00:00:50,385
for the one
with flowers, did I?
14
00:00:50,385 --> 00:00:51,705
No, you didn't.
15
00:00:51,705 --> 00:00:54,065
I only picked that
one up to annoy you.
16
00:00:54,065 --> 00:00:55,865
What have you got
all this stuff for?
17
00:00:55,865 --> 00:00:56,985
What?
18
00:00:56,985 --> 00:00:58,145
You're only here
three days,
19
00:00:58,145 --> 00:00:59,665
you gonna play charades
every night?
20
00:00:59,665 --> 00:01:00,705
This one?
21
00:01:00,705 --> 00:01:02,855
- Is it blue?
- Bluish, I suppose.
22
00:01:04,065 --> 00:01:06,025
Now you will remember
to collect the stuff
23
00:01:06,025 --> 00:01:07,185
from Thomas', won't you?
24
00:01:07,185 --> 00:01:08,945
Yes, I will.
25
00:01:08,945 --> 00:01:10,345
And I forgot
to scrape the mold
26
00:01:10,345 --> 00:01:12,465
off the cheddar this morning,
so remind the chef.
27
00:01:12,465 --> 00:01:13,454
Right.
28
00:01:14,905 --> 00:01:17,225
And try to find time
to get the moosey's head up.
29
00:01:17,225 --> 00:01:18,225
Oh.
30
00:01:18,225 --> 00:01:20,745
It's been sitting there
for two weeks, Basil.
31
00:01:20,745 --> 00:01:22,065
Yes, yes, yes.
32
00:01:22,065 --> 00:01:23,985
I don't know
why you bought it.
33
00:01:23,985 --> 00:01:26,945
It will lend the lobby
a certain ambience, Sybil.
34
00:01:26,945 --> 00:01:28,465
It has a touch
of style about it.
35
00:01:28,465 --> 00:01:30,665
It's got a touch
of mange about it.
36
00:01:30,665 --> 00:01:31,825
That is not so.
37
00:01:31,825 --> 00:01:33,545
It's got things
living in it, Basil.
38
00:01:33,545 --> 00:01:34,545
It's nasty.
39
00:01:34,545 --> 00:01:36,305
It is not nasty,
it is superb.
40
00:01:36,305 --> 00:01:38,585
I'm not going to argue
with you, Basil,
41
00:01:38,585 --> 00:01:40,185
just get it up
out of the way.
42
00:01:40,185 --> 00:01:42,425
I don't want to snag
any more cardies on it.
43
00:01:42,425 --> 00:01:44,105
And will you get me
my phone book, please?
44
00:01:44,105 --> 00:01:45,905
Like I don't have
enough to do.
45
00:01:45,905 --> 00:01:46,985
I mean,
I'm on my own,
46
00:01:46,985 --> 00:01:48,105
the Germans are
arriving tomorrow...
47
00:01:48,105 --> 00:01:50,145
not till lunchtime.
You could do it in the morning.
48
00:01:50,145 --> 00:01:51,465
I've got the fire drill
in the morning.
49
00:01:51,465 --> 00:01:53,145
That only takes 10 minutes...
in the bag!
50
00:01:53,145 --> 00:01:55,784
I thought slavery'd
been abolished.
51
00:01:56,785 --> 00:01:58,065
Don't you
ever think
52
00:01:58,065 --> 00:01:59,865
about anybody
but yourself?
53
00:01:59,865 --> 00:02:01,625
In the bag!
54
00:02:01,625 --> 00:02:03,145
Oh, in the bag.
Let me do it.
55
00:02:03,145 --> 00:02:05,025
You just lie there
with your feet up
56
00:02:05,025 --> 00:02:06,185
and I'll
carry you up
57
00:02:06,185 --> 00:02:08,225
another hundredweight
of lime creams.
58
00:02:08,225 --> 00:02:11,705
I am actually about to undergo
an operation, Basil.
59
00:02:11,705 --> 00:02:14,385
Oh, yes, how is
the old toenail?
60
00:02:14,385 --> 00:02:15,665
Still growing in,
61
00:02:15,665 --> 00:02:17,785
still burrowing its way down
to the bone,
62
00:02:17,785 --> 00:02:19,745
still macheteing its way
through the nerve?
63
00:02:19,745 --> 00:02:21,224
Nasty old nail.
64
00:02:22,225 --> 00:02:25,025
It's still hurting,
if that's what you mean, Basil.
65
00:02:25,025 --> 00:02:26,825
It'll be out in the morning,
poor little devil.
66
00:02:26,825 --> 00:02:28,465
I wonder if
they'd mount it for me,
67
00:02:28,465 --> 00:02:30,225
just for
old time's sake.
68
00:02:30,225 --> 00:02:31,945
I'm sure
it's worth asking.
69
00:02:31,945 --> 00:02:33,305
You could hang it on the wall,
next to the moose.
70
00:02:33,305 --> 00:02:35,225
- They'd go well together.
- Ha, ha, ha.
71
00:02:35,225 --> 00:02:37,455
There you are.
Come along, out you go.
72
00:02:39,545 --> 00:02:40,905
Oh, were you
talking to me?
73
00:02:40,905 --> 00:02:42,385
I'm sorry, I thought there
was a dog in here.
74
00:02:42,385 --> 00:02:44,065
No, no dogs in here.
75
00:02:44,065 --> 00:02:45,465
I wouldn't bet on it.
76
00:02:45,465 --> 00:02:47,545
Now come along,
you're in the way.
77
00:02:47,545 --> 00:02:49,545
Fawlty's the name.
Mr. Fawlty.
78
00:02:49,545 --> 00:02:53,065
- Let's sit you up a bit.
- Thank you, sister.
79
00:02:53,065 --> 00:02:55,021
Now pop that
under your tongue.
80
00:02:55,945 --> 00:02:57,145
You still here?
81
00:02:57,145 --> 00:02:58,945
Apparently.
82
00:02:58,945 --> 00:03:00,585
The doctor's coming.
83
00:03:00,585 --> 00:03:03,465
My God! A doctor,
here in the hospital?
84
00:03:03,465 --> 00:03:04,905
Whatever can we do?
85
00:03:04,905 --> 00:03:06,825
You can leave.
86
00:03:06,825 --> 00:03:09,065
Why do they
call you "Sister"?
87
00:03:09,065 --> 00:03:10,305
Is it a term
of endearment?
88
00:03:10,305 --> 00:03:13,065
Now look, Mr. Fawlty,
I won't ask you again!
89
00:03:13,065 --> 00:03:14,545
Presumably
you wouldn't mind
90
00:03:14,545 --> 00:03:15,785
if I said goodbye
to my wife?
91
00:03:15,785 --> 00:03:17,065
She is under
the knife tomorrow.
92
00:03:17,065 --> 00:03:19,345
It's an ingrowing toenail.
93
00:03:19,345 --> 00:03:21,105
You know, do you?
That'll help.
94
00:03:21,105 --> 00:03:23,505
Just take care,
95
00:03:23,505 --> 00:03:25,305
and if you think of any
more things for me to do,
96
00:03:25,305 --> 00:03:27,185
don't hesitate to call.
97
00:03:27,185 --> 00:03:28,905
- Finished?
- Just.
98
00:03:28,905 --> 00:03:29,985
Thank you so much.
99
00:03:29,985 --> 00:03:31,425
Not at all.
100
00:03:31,425 --> 00:03:32,865
Ingrowing toenail.
Right foot.
101
00:03:32,865 --> 00:03:35,065
You'll find it
on the end of the leg.
102
00:03:35,065 --> 00:03:36,384
Bye, darling.
103
00:03:38,825 --> 00:03:40,025
Mr. Fawlty?
104
00:03:40,025 --> 00:03:41,225
Yes?
105
00:03:41,225 --> 00:03:42,214
Dr. Fin.
106
00:03:43,225 --> 00:03:45,065
How do you do,
doctor?
107
00:03:45,065 --> 00:03:46,305
You've just
seen your wife?
108
00:03:46,305 --> 00:03:48,665
Just said goodbye...
Well, au revoir.
109
00:03:48,665 --> 00:03:52,305
Yes, it is a very
simple operation,
110
00:03:52,305 --> 00:03:54,105
but it will be quite
painful afterwards.
111
00:03:54,105 --> 00:03:56,105
Will it?
Oh, dear.
112
00:03:56,105 --> 00:03:58,665
Just for a time,
but don't worry.
113
00:03:58,665 --> 00:04:01,505
I'll try not to.
114
00:04:01,505 --> 00:04:03,305
Quite painful?
115
00:04:03,305 --> 00:04:04,454
Yes.
116
00:04:12,025 --> 00:04:13,065
Evening, Major.
117
00:04:13,065 --> 00:04:15,385
Evening, Fawlty.
Hampshire won.
118
00:04:15,385 --> 00:04:17,065
Did it?
Oh, isn't that good?
119
00:04:17,065 --> 00:04:18,065
How splendid.
120
00:04:18,065 --> 00:04:21,065
Oh, Fawlty,
How's... um...
121
00:04:21,065 --> 00:04:22,065
My wife?
122
00:04:22,065 --> 00:04:23,065
That's it.
123
00:04:23,065 --> 00:04:24,705
Fine.
Absolutely fine.
124
00:04:24,705 --> 00:04:26,065
They're taking it out
tomorrow morning.
125
00:04:26,065 --> 00:04:27,305
Is she? Good.
126
00:04:27,305 --> 00:04:28,305
Not her, the nail.
127
00:04:28,305 --> 00:04:30,025
They won't have operated
till tomorrow.
128
00:04:30,025 --> 00:04:31,065
- What?
- The nail.
129
00:04:31,065 --> 00:04:32,145
They're taking it out
tomorrow.
130
00:04:32,145 --> 00:04:34,825
How did she get
a nail in her?
131
00:04:34,825 --> 00:04:38,065
I told you, she's
having her toenail out.
132
00:04:38,065 --> 00:04:40,105
What, just one of them?
133
00:04:40,105 --> 00:04:41,385
It's an ingrowing one.
134
00:04:41,385 --> 00:04:44,065
If it's causing you pain,
you have it out.
135
00:04:44,065 --> 00:04:46,745
Exactly.
So I'm on my own now,
136
00:04:46,745 --> 00:04:48,025
start running
this place properly.
137
00:04:48,025 --> 00:04:49,705
So you're
on your own?
138
00:04:49,705 --> 00:04:51,025
Apparently, yes.
139
00:04:51,025 --> 00:04:52,785
She won't be away
for long, will she?
140
00:04:52,785 --> 00:04:54,985
Not unless
there's a serious mistake.
141
00:04:54,985 --> 00:04:56,825
You've always got
Elsie to help you.
142
00:04:56,825 --> 00:04:58,825
- Who?
- Elsie.
143
00:04:58,825 --> 00:05:01,745
She left a couple
of years ago, major.
144
00:05:01,745 --> 00:05:04,025
Funny, I thought
I saw her yesterday.
145
00:05:04,025 --> 00:05:06,065
I don't think so.
She's in Canada.
146
00:05:06,065 --> 00:05:08,385
Strange creatures,
women.
147
00:05:08,385 --> 00:05:09,785
Well, can't stand around
all day...
148
00:05:09,785 --> 00:05:11,065
I knew one once.
149
00:05:11,065 --> 00:05:13,465
Striking looking girl,
tall, you know.
150
00:05:13,465 --> 00:05:15,025
Father was a banker.
151
00:05:15,025 --> 00:05:16,065
Really?
152
00:05:16,065 --> 00:05:17,665
Don't remember
the name of the bank.
153
00:05:17,665 --> 00:05:18,785
Never mind.
154
00:05:18,785 --> 00:05:21,025
I must have been
keen on her
155
00:05:21,025 --> 00:05:22,665
because I took her
156
00:05:22,665 --> 00:05:24,585
to see India!
157
00:05:24,585 --> 00:05:26,105
India?
158
00:05:26,105 --> 00:05:28,505
At the Oval!
159
00:05:28,505 --> 00:05:31,065
Fine match.
A marvelous finish.
160
00:05:31,065 --> 00:05:34,065
Now, Surrey had to get
33 in half an hour,
161
00:05:34,065 --> 00:05:35,985
and she went off
to powder her...
162
00:05:35,985 --> 00:05:37,065
Her hands
or something.
163
00:05:37,065 --> 00:05:40,185
Women...
never came back.
164
00:05:40,185 --> 00:05:41,465
What a shame.
165
00:05:41,465 --> 00:05:44,785
The strange thing was that
throughout the morning,
166
00:05:44,785 --> 00:05:46,905
she kept referring to the Indians
as "Niggers."
167
00:05:46,905 --> 00:05:49,465
No, no, I said.
168
00:05:49,465 --> 00:05:51,665
Niggers are
the West Indians,
169
00:05:51,665 --> 00:05:53,257
these people are Wogs!
170
00:05:54,425 --> 00:05:56,065
No, no, she said,
171
00:05:56,065 --> 00:05:58,185
all cricketers
are Niggers.
172
00:05:58,185 --> 00:06:00,305
They do get
awfully confused.
173
00:06:00,305 --> 00:06:02,425
They're not thinkers.
I see it with Sybil every day.
174
00:06:02,425 --> 00:06:04,905
I wish I could
remember her name,
175
00:06:04,905 --> 00:06:06,985
she's still got
my wallet.
176
00:06:06,985 --> 00:06:08,065
As I was saying,
177
00:06:08,065 --> 00:06:09,505
no capacity
for logical thought.
178
00:06:09,505 --> 00:06:10,745
Who?
179
00:06:10,745 --> 00:06:12,225
Women.
180
00:06:12,225 --> 00:06:15,145
Oh, yes.
I thought you meant Indians.
181
00:06:15,145 --> 00:06:17,585
No, wasn't it
Oscar Wilde who said,
182
00:06:17,585 --> 00:06:19,265
"They have minds
like Swiss cheese"?
183
00:06:19,265 --> 00:06:20,385
What do you mean?
Hard?
184
00:06:20,385 --> 00:06:22,705
No, full of holes.
185
00:06:22,705 --> 00:06:25,065
Really?
186
00:06:25,065 --> 00:06:26,065
Indians?
187
00:06:26,065 --> 00:06:27,225
No, women!
188
00:06:27,225 --> 00:06:28,745
Oh.
189
00:06:28,745 --> 00:06:30,065
Can we help you?
190
00:06:30,065 --> 00:06:31,185
Hello.
191
00:06:31,185 --> 00:06:32,825
You see?
Three years at college,
192
00:06:32,825 --> 00:06:33,825
she doesn't know
the time of day.
193
00:06:33,825 --> 00:06:36,065
About two minutes
to 6:00.
194
00:06:36,065 --> 00:06:37,265
What are you
looking for?
195
00:06:37,265 --> 00:06:38,505
My German book.
196
00:06:38,505 --> 00:06:40,345
We've got some Germans
arriving tomorrow,
197
00:06:40,345 --> 00:06:41,625
so Polly's brushing up
198
00:06:41,625 --> 00:06:43,385
another one
of her languages.
199
00:06:43,385 --> 00:06:45,065
Germans?
Coming here?
200
00:06:45,065 --> 00:06:47,065
Just for a couple
of days, major.
201
00:06:47,065 --> 00:06:49,545
I don't care much
for Germans.
202
00:06:49,545 --> 00:06:50,825
I know what
you mean, but...
203
00:06:50,825 --> 00:06:53,025
bunch of Krauts,
that's what they are,
204
00:06:53,025 --> 00:06:54,665
all of 'em.
Bad eggs!
205
00:06:54,665 --> 00:06:57,345
Forgive and forget,
Major...
206
00:06:57,345 --> 00:07:00,065
God knows how,
the bastards, still...
207
00:07:00,065 --> 00:07:01,745
I'd better put
the moose up.
208
00:07:01,745 --> 00:07:03,185
Well, you've got
to love 'em,
209
00:07:03,185 --> 00:07:04,545
I suppose,
haven't you?
210
00:07:04,545 --> 00:07:05,785
Germans?
211
00:07:05,785 --> 00:07:07,065
No, women!
212
00:07:07,065 --> 00:07:09,065
I hate Germans...
213
00:07:09,065 --> 00:07:10,545
Love women.
214
00:07:10,545 --> 00:07:12,585
What about
German women?
215
00:07:12,585 --> 00:07:14,185
Good card players,
216
00:07:14,185 --> 00:07:18,065
but I wouldn't give
them the time of day.
217
00:07:18,065 --> 00:07:19,465
Found it.
218
00:07:19,465 --> 00:07:21,625
I don't know what you're
bothering with that for.
219
00:07:21,625 --> 00:07:23,585
They said some of them
didn't speak English.
220
00:07:23,585 --> 00:07:25,225
Well, that's
their problem, isn't it?
221
00:07:25,225 --> 00:07:27,864
I don't know why she's got
to complicate everything.
222
00:07:28,865 --> 00:07:30,583
Got her cardy,
did you?
223
00:07:37,985 --> 00:07:39,945
By Jove!
224
00:07:39,945 --> 00:07:41,785
Nearly 6:00,
Fawlty.
225
00:07:41,785 --> 00:07:42,785
Is it?
226
00:07:42,785 --> 00:07:44,185
Yes, well,
227
00:07:44,185 --> 00:07:45,505
when you're ready,
228
00:07:45,505 --> 00:07:47,185
I might have a fruit juice
or something.
229
00:07:47,185 --> 00:07:49,545
I'll open up the moment
I've done this, Major.
230
00:07:49,545 --> 00:07:52,025
No immediate hurry.
231
00:07:52,025 --> 00:07:55,345
Drunken old sod.
232
00:07:55,345 --> 00:07:56,334
Polly!
233
00:07:58,345 --> 00:08:00,222
Polly!
234
00:08:01,985 --> 00:08:03,265
Manuel!
235
00:08:03,265 --> 00:08:05,096
Oh...
236
00:08:10,505 --> 00:08:13,065
Yes, Fawlty Towers,
Hello?
237
00:08:13,065 --> 00:08:16,065
I was just doing it,
you stupid woman,
238
00:08:16,065 --> 00:08:17,385
I just put it down
to come here
239
00:08:17,385 --> 00:08:19,665
to be reminded by you
to do what I'm already...
240
00:08:19,665 --> 00:08:21,065
What's the point
of reminding me
241
00:08:21,065 --> 00:08:23,745
to do what I'm already doing?
What is the bloody point?
242
00:08:23,745 --> 00:08:25,497
I'm doing it,
aren't I?
243
00:08:26,905 --> 00:08:28,985
Yes, I picked it up.
244
00:08:28,985 --> 00:08:31,065
No, I haven't had
a chance yet.
245
00:08:31,065 --> 00:08:33,105
I've been at it solidly
ever since I got back.
246
00:08:33,105 --> 00:08:35,065
Yes, I will.
247
00:08:35,065 --> 00:08:36,745
No, I haven't yet,
but I will,
248
00:08:36,745 --> 00:08:40,065
yes, I know it, I'll try
and get it cleared up.
249
00:08:40,065 --> 00:08:41,265
Anything else? I mean,
250
00:08:41,265 --> 00:08:44,465
would you like the hotel
moved a bit to the left, or...
251
00:08:44,465 --> 00:08:47,385
Enjoy the operation, dear,
let's hope nothing goes wrong.
252
00:08:47,385 --> 00:08:49,455
I wish it was
an ingrowing tongue.
253
00:08:50,985 --> 00:08:52,134
Yes?
254
00:08:53,385 --> 00:08:55,665
It's the Admirable Crichton.
Well?
255
00:08:55,665 --> 00:08:57,305
You called, sir?
256
00:08:57,305 --> 00:08:59,305
Last week.
But not to worry.
257
00:08:59,305 --> 00:09:00,345
¿Qué?
258
00:09:00,345 --> 00:09:01,505
Oh, Buddah.
259
00:09:01,505 --> 00:09:03,945
Look, go and
get me a hammer.
260
00:09:03,945 --> 00:09:05,065
¿Cômo?
261
00:09:05,065 --> 00:09:06,385
Hammer.
262
00:09:06,385 --> 00:09:08,785
"Hammer"...Oh,
hammer sandwich!
263
00:09:08,785 --> 00:09:11,065
Do I have to go
through this every time?
264
00:09:11,065 --> 00:09:12,505
Look, a hammer!
265
00:09:12,505 --> 00:09:14,065
My hamster?
266
00:09:14,065 --> 00:09:15,425
No,
not your hamster.
267
00:09:15,425 --> 00:09:17,305
How can I knock a nail
in with your hamster?
268
00:09:17,305 --> 00:09:19,105
Well, I could try,
no, it doesn't matter,
269
00:09:19,105 --> 00:09:20,705
all right, I'll get it,
you come here,
270
00:09:20,705 --> 00:09:22,265
and tidy.
You know, tidy?
271
00:09:22,265 --> 00:09:23,905
Oh, tidy, sí.
272
00:09:23,905 --> 00:09:26,425
I get hhhammer and hhhit you
on the hhhead with it hhhard.
273
00:09:26,425 --> 00:09:28,145
Hammer. Hammer.
274
00:09:28,145 --> 00:09:29,945
How are you, sir?
275
00:09:29,945 --> 00:09:32,185
You see, I speak
English well.
276
00:09:32,185 --> 00:09:34,225
I learn it
from a book.
277
00:09:34,225 --> 00:09:38,065
Hello.
I am English.
278
00:09:38,065 --> 00:09:40,056
Hello.
279
00:09:42,545 --> 00:09:44,661
How are you, sir?
280
00:09:46,825 --> 00:09:48,861
I can speak English.
281
00:09:52,585 --> 00:09:54,257
Oh, hello, Major.
How are you today?
282
00:09:57,465 --> 00:09:59,505
I'm... I'm... I'm...
283
00:09:59,505 --> 00:10:00,545
fine, thank you.
284
00:10:00,545 --> 00:10:03,059
Is a beautiful
day today.
285
00:10:04,065 --> 00:10:06,785
Is it?
Yes, yes, I suppose it is.
286
00:10:06,785 --> 00:10:09,060
Yes,
I can speak English.
287
00:10:10,585 --> 00:10:13,065
I learn it
from a book.
288
00:10:13,065 --> 00:10:15,665
Did you?
Did you really?
289
00:10:15,665 --> 00:10:16,665
There you are,
Fawlty.
290
00:10:16,665 --> 00:10:18,305
Yes, I'm just going
to open up, Major.
291
00:10:18,305 --> 00:10:19,945
Oh, fine.
292
00:10:19,945 --> 00:10:22,065
I say, that's
a remarkable animal
293
00:10:22,065 --> 00:10:23,425
you have there,
Fawlty.
294
00:10:23,425 --> 00:10:24,865
Where did you get it?
295
00:10:24,865 --> 00:10:26,345
Samson's,
in the town.
296
00:10:26,345 --> 00:10:29,945
Really?
Was it expensive?
297
00:10:29,945 --> 00:10:30,945
£12, I think.
298
00:10:30,945 --> 00:10:32,385
Good Lord.
299
00:10:32,385 --> 00:10:33,943
Japanese, was it?
300
00:10:36,225 --> 00:10:37,425
Canadian,
I think, major.
301
00:10:37,425 --> 00:10:39,385
I didn't know
the Canadians
302
00:10:39,385 --> 00:10:41,501
were as clever
as that. My God.
303
00:10:42,905 --> 00:10:44,054
He started early.
304
00:10:47,265 --> 00:10:48,905
Polly,
what's that smell?
305
00:10:48,905 --> 00:10:51,065
Flowers. I just got
them from the garden.
306
00:10:51,065 --> 00:10:53,265
What are you stinking
the place out for?
307
00:10:53,265 --> 00:10:55,625
What's happened
to the plastic ones?
308
00:10:55,625 --> 00:10:57,058
Being ironed.
309
00:11:00,345 --> 00:11:01,385
Will you answer
that please?
310
00:11:01,385 --> 00:11:02,505
I'm trying to
put this up.
311
00:11:02,505 --> 00:11:05,065
Fawlty Towers?
312
00:11:05,065 --> 00:11:06,185
Oh, hello,
Mrs. Fawlty.
313
00:11:06,185 --> 00:11:07,865
I'm doing it!
I'm doing it now!
314
00:11:07,865 --> 00:11:09,705
Tell her I'm
doing it now!
315
00:11:09,705 --> 00:11:11,065
He says he's
doing it now.
316
00:11:11,065 --> 00:11:12,065
How's the nail?
317
00:11:12,065 --> 00:11:13,214
I wish it was
this one.
318
00:11:15,865 --> 00:11:17,425
There.
Tell the Tyrant Queen
319
00:11:17,425 --> 00:11:19,105
her cardies
are safe forever.
320
00:11:19,105 --> 00:11:20,985
Mr. Moose is up.
321
00:11:20,985 --> 00:11:23,065
It's done, done, done!
322
00:11:23,065 --> 00:11:24,862
It's up.
323
00:11:26,345 --> 00:11:27,778
It's down again.
324
00:11:29,145 --> 00:11:30,505
Did you use
a wall plug?
325
00:11:30,505 --> 00:11:31,505
Give it to me!
Give it to me...
326
00:11:31,505 --> 00:11:32,494
Aaah!
327
00:11:33,505 --> 00:11:35,065
No, he just fell
over Manuel,
328
00:11:35,065 --> 00:11:36,865
and he seems to have
got himself jammed
329
00:11:36,865 --> 00:11:38,185
under the swivel chair.
330
00:11:38,185 --> 00:11:40,465
And the flowers have
just fallen on him.
331
00:11:40,465 --> 00:11:43,059
No, everything else
is fine.
332
00:11:48,065 --> 00:11:50,825
Up. Up. Easy.
333
00:11:50,825 --> 00:11:52,265
Very good.
334
00:11:52,265 --> 00:11:53,698
- Right.
- Good.
335
00:11:59,825 --> 00:12:01,178
Is good.
Is good.
336
00:12:03,785 --> 00:12:04,774
Oh, what is...
337
00:12:08,065 --> 00:12:09,783
Right, well, go on,
get back to your work.
338
00:12:10,785 --> 00:12:11,979
£12.
339
00:12:15,065 --> 00:12:16,745
- Good morning.
- Good morning.
340
00:12:16,745 --> 00:12:19,025
You know there's a fire drill
in a few minutes, do you?
341
00:12:19,025 --> 00:12:20,385
No, no, we didn't.
342
00:12:20,385 --> 00:12:21,505
You hadn't read
the notice?
343
00:12:21,505 --> 00:12:22,505
No.
344
00:12:22,505 --> 00:12:23,905
Right, well, when
you hear the bell
345
00:12:23,905 --> 00:12:25,465
if you'd be so kind as to
get out for a few moments,
346
00:12:25,465 --> 00:12:27,023
we have to clear the building.
Thank you so much.
347
00:12:27,985 --> 00:12:29,385
Mr. Fawlty, you know
it's nearly 12:00?
348
00:12:29,385 --> 00:12:31,065
- Yes?
- Well, the fire drill?
349
00:12:31,065 --> 00:12:32,305
Yes, I hadn't forgotten.
350
00:12:32,305 --> 00:12:34,065
I just told somebody.
I can cope.
351
00:12:34,065 --> 00:12:36,065
I mean, you know what
you're doing, do you?
352
00:12:36,065 --> 00:12:38,025
Help get people out
of the bedrooms upstairs,
353
00:12:38,025 --> 00:12:40,305
while learning
two Oriental languages.
354
00:12:40,305 --> 00:12:42,065
- Mr. Fawlty?
- Yes?
355
00:12:42,065 --> 00:12:43,265
Who else is doing
the upstairs?
356
00:12:43,265 --> 00:12:44,585
Only you, it doesn't
take a moment.
357
00:12:44,585 --> 00:12:46,305
Yes, but I'm only here
at mealtimes.
358
00:12:46,305 --> 00:12:47,585
So?
359
00:12:47,585 --> 00:12:49,665
What happens if there's
a fire when I'm not here?
360
00:12:49,665 --> 00:12:51,945
Who does the upstairs then?
361
00:12:51,945 --> 00:12:53,385
Well, we'll worry about that
when we come to it.
362
00:12:53,385 --> 00:12:54,745
What's the panic?
363
00:12:54,745 --> 00:12:56,064
Always an argument
about everything.
364
00:12:58,345 --> 00:13:00,985
Hello, Fawlty Towers?
365
00:13:00,985 --> 00:13:04,105
Oh, what is it now?
Can't you leave me in peace?
366
00:13:04,105 --> 00:13:06,625
Yes, we're just gonna have it,
I haven't forgotten!
367
00:13:06,625 --> 00:13:09,185
Yes, I know
I need the key...
368
00:13:09,185 --> 00:13:11,105
It's on the top of the...
369
00:13:11,105 --> 00:13:13,065
Well, where is it?
370
00:13:13,065 --> 00:13:14,665
Well, what'd you
put it in there for?
371
00:13:14,665 --> 00:13:17,065
Nobody's going to steal it,
are they?
372
00:13:17,065 --> 00:13:19,545
Yes, yes, I know that you
know, but I don't...
373
00:13:19,545 --> 00:13:21,265
Yes, I do now,
thank you so much.
374
00:13:21,265 --> 00:13:23,065
Why's she got
to complicate it?
375
00:13:23,065 --> 00:13:24,705
I put something down,
I know where it is,
376
00:13:24,705 --> 00:13:27,856
so she has to come along and
move the damn thing so I can't find it.
377
00:13:29,785 --> 00:13:31,265
Well, what'd she
put that on...
378
00:13:31,265 --> 00:13:32,665
Oh, I might've guessed.
379
00:13:32,665 --> 00:13:35,025
Sorry, Major, only
the burglar alarm. Sorry.
380
00:13:35,025 --> 00:13:36,065
What?
381
00:13:36,065 --> 00:13:37,865
Sorry, Miss Tibbs.
382
00:13:37,865 --> 00:13:39,025
That was
the burglar alarm.
383
00:13:39,025 --> 00:13:40,385
Fire drill's not for
a couple minutes. Sorry.
384
00:13:40,385 --> 00:13:42,065
- Excuse me?
- Burglars, Fawlty?
385
00:13:42,065 --> 00:13:44,065
No, no, my wife left...
excuse me?
386
00:13:44,065 --> 00:13:45,105
Yes?
387
00:13:45,105 --> 00:13:46,505
Sorry, that wasn't
the fire bell...
388
00:13:46,505 --> 00:13:47,505
sorry, that was
just the...
389
00:13:47,505 --> 00:13:48,665
I thought there
was a drill.
390
00:13:48,665 --> 00:13:50,545
Yes, there is.
At 12:00, but not yet.
391
00:13:50,545 --> 00:13:51,545
But it is 12:00.
392
00:13:51,545 --> 00:13:53,065
Not quite, thank you.
Excuse me?
393
00:13:53,065 --> 00:13:54,625
Well,
I make it 12:00.
394
00:13:54,625 --> 00:13:55,665
I'm afraid
that wasn't the...
395
00:13:55,665 --> 00:13:57,065
What time do you
make it, Major?
396
00:13:57,065 --> 00:13:58,745
- Look...
- Burglars about, I think.
397
00:13:58,745 --> 00:14:00,305
It doesn't matter
what time he makes it,
398
00:14:00,305 --> 00:14:01,305
it hasn't started yet.
399
00:14:01,305 --> 00:14:03,305
- What?
- It hasn't started yet!
400
00:14:03,305 --> 00:14:04,825
But that was the bell,
wasn't it?
401
00:14:04,825 --> 00:14:06,065
No!
402
00:14:06,065 --> 00:14:07,865
He means the drill
hasn't started yet.
403
00:14:07,865 --> 00:14:09,505
What drill?
We didn't hear a drill.
404
00:14:09,505 --> 00:14:10,665
No, no, look, look...
405
00:14:10,665 --> 00:14:12,225
That was
the burglar alarm.
406
00:14:12,225 --> 00:14:13,225
See!
407
00:14:13,225 --> 00:14:15,065
- The burglar alarm?
- Yes!
408
00:14:15,065 --> 00:14:16,545
- Are there burglars?
- Evidently.
409
00:14:16,545 --> 00:14:17,945
No, what's the matter
with you all?
410
00:14:17,945 --> 00:14:19,065
It's perfectly simple.
411
00:14:19,065 --> 00:14:21,545
We have the fire drill
when I ring the fire bell.
412
00:14:21,545 --> 00:14:23,385
That wasn't
the fire bell, right?
413
00:14:23,385 --> 00:14:24,625
Well, how were we
supposed to know
414
00:14:24,625 --> 00:14:25,785
that wasn't
the fire bell?
415
00:14:25,785 --> 00:14:27,585
Because it doesn't sound
like the fire bell!
416
00:14:27,585 --> 00:14:28,785
- It did!
- It didn't!
417
00:14:28,785 --> 00:14:30,385
- It did!
- No, it didn't!
418
00:14:30,385 --> 00:14:31,585
The fire bell's
a different...
419
00:14:31,585 --> 00:14:33,305
it's a semi-tone higher!
420
00:14:33,305 --> 00:14:34,305
A semi-tone?
421
00:14:34,305 --> 00:14:35,865
At least!
Anyway, the fire drill
422
00:14:35,865 --> 00:14:37,945
doesn't start
till 12:00!
423
00:14:37,945 --> 00:14:39,025
It is 12:00!
424
00:14:39,025 --> 00:14:40,225
Well, it is now,
425
00:14:40,225 --> 00:14:43,545
because we've been standing
about arguing about it!
426
00:14:43,545 --> 00:14:45,425
How on earth
can you expect us
427
00:14:45,425 --> 00:14:47,465
to tell which bell
is which?
428
00:14:47,465 --> 00:14:49,425
We haven't heard
them yet, have we?
429
00:14:49,425 --> 00:14:51,065
You want to hear them?
Suits me.
430
00:14:51,065 --> 00:14:52,825
Here's the burglar alarm.
431
00:14:52,825 --> 00:14:54,305
Ought we to
catch them first?
432
00:14:54,305 --> 00:14:55,705
There aren't any!
433
00:14:55,705 --> 00:14:57,585
Then why does the alarm
keep going?
434
00:14:57,585 --> 00:14:59,305
All right? Got that?
Right?
435
00:14:59,305 --> 00:15:01,065
What's happening now?
436
00:15:01,065 --> 00:15:03,305
Now here's
the fire bell, right?
437
00:15:03,305 --> 00:15:05,580
It's a completely
different sound, listen.
438
00:15:09,145 --> 00:15:10,785
Well, where are you going?
439
00:15:10,785 --> 00:15:12,465
Well, there is a drill,
isn't there?
440
00:15:12,465 --> 00:15:14,905
No, no, no, no, no,
don't be... this is so that
441
00:15:14,905 --> 00:15:17,225
you can hear the bell
so you know in a moment
442
00:15:17,225 --> 00:15:18,785
When I ring the bell!
443
00:15:18,785 --> 00:15:20,705
What are you doing?
Will you come back?
444
00:15:20,705 --> 00:15:22,185
We're going outside.
445
00:15:22,185 --> 00:15:24,265
No, just listen to it,
you old fool!
446
00:15:24,265 --> 00:15:26,345
- What?
- Listen to it!
447
00:15:26,345 --> 00:15:29,545
Fire, fire,
everybody out please, fire!
448
00:15:29,545 --> 00:15:30,625
Out, out.
449
00:15:30,625 --> 00:15:33,065
Will you shut up?
Will you shut up?
450
00:15:33,065 --> 00:15:34,105
- Is fire.
- Is not fire.
451
00:15:34,105 --> 00:15:35,625
Is only bell.
452
00:15:35,625 --> 00:15:37,065
Where are
you going?
453
00:15:37,065 --> 00:15:38,065
Upstairs...
454
00:15:38,065 --> 00:15:39,865
There isn't a drill yet,
I'm just showing them
455
00:15:39,865 --> 00:15:41,025
what the bell
sounds like.
456
00:15:41,025 --> 00:15:42,225
Now will you
go in there?
457
00:15:42,225 --> 00:15:43,865
- Go help chef.
- Chef not here.
458
00:15:43,865 --> 00:15:45,145
Well, go and
start the chips.
459
00:15:45,145 --> 00:15:46,145
- Chips?
- Yes.
460
00:15:46,145 --> 00:15:47,745
When bell
go again, stay.
461
00:15:47,745 --> 00:15:50,065
No fire, only practice.
Tell him, Polly.
462
00:15:50,065 --> 00:15:51,945
Thank you, thank you,
Ladies and Gentlemen,
463
00:15:51,945 --> 00:15:53,065
thank you so much.
464
00:15:53,065 --> 00:15:54,185
Perhaps
they're upstairs.
465
00:15:54,185 --> 00:15:55,823
What's happening now?
466
00:15:58,065 --> 00:16:00,056
We're having it!
467
00:16:01,065 --> 00:16:02,905
Now, are we all agreed
468
00:16:02,905 --> 00:16:04,785
on what the fire bell
sounds like?
469
00:16:04,785 --> 00:16:05,785
Yes.
470
00:16:05,785 --> 00:16:06,985
Splendid.
471
00:16:06,985 --> 00:16:08,665
Well, now that's settled,
we'll have the fire drill,
472
00:16:08,665 --> 00:16:11,745
which will commence in exactly
30 seconds from now.
473
00:16:11,745 --> 00:16:13,064
Thank you so much.
474
00:16:18,625 --> 00:16:19,853
What are you doing?
475
00:16:22,225 --> 00:16:23,705
I mean, are you just
going to stand there?
476
00:16:23,705 --> 00:16:24,985
Well, what do
you suggest?
477
00:16:24,985 --> 00:16:26,625
Well, couldn't one or two
of you go in the bar
478
00:16:26,625 --> 00:16:28,825
and a few in the dining room?
Use your imagination!
479
00:16:28,825 --> 00:16:30,025
Why?
480
00:16:30,025 --> 00:16:31,865
Well, this is supposed
to be a fire drill.
481
00:16:31,865 --> 00:16:33,298
There's only
a few seconds.
482
00:16:34,385 --> 00:16:35,985
Right, right.
Well, stay where you are
483
00:16:35,985 --> 00:16:37,545
because obviously
if there was a fire,
484
00:16:37,545 --> 00:16:39,265
you'd all be standing
down here like this
485
00:16:39,265 --> 00:16:40,745
in the lobby,
wouldn't you?
486
00:16:40,745 --> 00:16:42,940
Don't know why we bother.
We should let you all burn!
487
00:16:46,505 --> 00:16:47,505
No, no, no.
488
00:16:47,505 --> 00:16:49,063
Please.
No, no, no, no.
489
00:17:04,825 --> 00:17:07,225
Fuego! Fuego! Fuego!
490
00:17:07,225 --> 00:17:08,385
Fuego! Aah!
491
00:17:08,385 --> 00:17:10,065
No, no,
there aren't any, Major,
492
00:17:10,065 --> 00:17:11,465
it went off
by accident.
493
00:17:11,465 --> 00:17:13,065
Oh, come on, Angina.
494
00:17:13,065 --> 00:17:14,945
Oh, thank you,
thank you so much.
495
00:17:14,945 --> 00:17:17,585
Fire! Fire! Fire!
496
00:17:17,585 --> 00:17:19,665
- No!
- Yes! Sí!
497
00:17:19,665 --> 00:17:21,735
Look, will you
get back in there?
498
00:17:23,985 --> 00:17:26,185
Shut up! I mean, just
get on with your work!
499
00:17:26,185 --> 00:17:28,065
Please, Mr. Fawlty,
is fire!
500
00:17:28,065 --> 00:17:29,065
Did you hear
what I said?
501
00:17:29,065 --> 00:17:30,065
No, but is fire.
502
00:17:30,065 --> 00:17:32,065
Is no fire.
Is only bell.
503
00:17:32,065 --> 00:17:34,454
Is fire, is fire, is fire!
504
00:17:38,825 --> 00:17:40,025
He thinks
there's a fire.
505
00:17:40,025 --> 00:17:41,705
Everybody's out upstairs.
506
00:17:41,705 --> 00:17:43,305
No, Manuel,
listen, de nada,
507
00:17:43,305 --> 00:17:45,065
de nada,
there is no fire!
508
00:17:45,065 --> 00:17:46,054
Is fire! Is fire!
509
00:17:48,505 --> 00:17:50,985
Well, that'll keep
the fire department happy
510
00:17:50,985 --> 00:17:52,623
for another six months,
why we bother...
511
00:17:52,945 --> 00:17:55,254
- Fire!
- Will you shut up?
512
00:17:57,065 --> 00:17:59,021
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen,
you can come back in now.
513
00:18:02,585 --> 00:18:03,865
Yes, we've just had it.
514
00:18:03,865 --> 00:18:05,865
Shut up!
515
00:18:05,865 --> 00:18:08,065
Yes, I will.
516
00:18:08,065 --> 00:18:10,265
Have you told chef
about the cheddar?
517
00:18:10,265 --> 00:18:12,025
Mr. Fawlty!
Mr. Fawlty!
518
00:18:12,025 --> 00:18:13,465
Yes?
There's an awful row.
519
00:18:13,465 --> 00:18:15,905
Yes, I know... right,
right, I'll deal with it.
520
00:18:15,905 --> 00:18:18,977
Thank you so much for
poking your nose in where...
521
00:18:21,905 --> 00:18:23,065
if you don't
stop this...
522
00:18:23,065 --> 00:18:24,293
You save me!
523
00:18:28,425 --> 00:18:30,105
Right. Ladies and gentlemen,
524
00:18:30,105 --> 00:18:32,585
could I have everyone
down here in the lobby?
525
00:18:32,585 --> 00:18:36,665
Yes, sorry, sorry to
disturb you like this,
526
00:18:36,665 --> 00:18:37,745
but there is something
527
00:18:37,745 --> 00:18:39,105
that I think
I ought to mention.
528
00:18:39,105 --> 00:18:42,185
I'm not quite sure
how this happened,
529
00:18:42,185 --> 00:18:45,385
in fact, it's never happened
at this hotel before,
530
00:18:45,385 --> 00:18:47,865
and I'm not quite sure
how it's started now.
531
00:18:47,865 --> 00:18:49,065
What is it?
532
00:18:49,065 --> 00:18:51,374
Well, the point is,
can I put it this way?
533
00:18:53,905 --> 00:18:55,905
- F...
- What?
534
00:18:55,905 --> 00:18:58,585
F-fire. F-f-fire.
535
00:18:58,585 --> 00:19:00,305
- Fire?
- Fire!
536
00:19:00,305 --> 00:19:01,545
- Where?
- There!
537
00:19:01,545 --> 00:19:03,065
Fire.
538
00:19:03,065 --> 00:19:04,745
Fire!
539
00:19:04,745 --> 00:19:05,825
Fire!
540
00:19:05,825 --> 00:19:07,065
Fire!
541
00:19:07,065 --> 00:19:08,505
Fire!
542
00:19:08,505 --> 00:19:09,705
Fire! I don't know
what to do!
543
00:19:09,705 --> 00:19:11,025
I'll call Sybil!
544
00:19:11,025 --> 00:19:12,065
- Ring the alarm.
- What?
545
00:19:12,065 --> 00:19:14,135
- Ring the alarm.
- Oh, right.
546
00:19:16,185 --> 00:19:17,385
Where's the key?
547
00:19:17,385 --> 00:19:19,025
Where is the... I mean
would you believe it?
548
00:19:19,025 --> 00:19:20,185
I mean,
would you believe it?
549
00:19:20,185 --> 00:19:23,225
The first time we've ever had
a fire here in this hotel
550
00:19:23,225 --> 00:19:25,105
and somebody's
lost the key!
551
00:19:25,105 --> 00:19:27,265
I mean isn't that typical
of this place?
552
00:19:27,265 --> 00:19:30,785
Oh, thank you, God!
Thank you so bloody much!
553
00:19:30,785 --> 00:19:32,385
Smash the glass!
554
00:19:32,385 --> 00:19:33,385
What?
555
00:19:33,385 --> 00:19:34,613
Smash the glass.
556
00:19:44,065 --> 00:19:45,065
Hello?
557
00:19:45,065 --> 00:19:46,465
Thank you.
558
00:19:46,465 --> 00:19:48,774
Right, right,
out the door.
559
00:19:56,745 --> 00:19:59,305
Quick, Manuel!
560
00:19:59,305 --> 00:20:01,065
Pull, pull,
man, pull!
561
00:20:01,065 --> 00:20:02,498
Right, open the door.
562
00:20:38,065 --> 00:20:40,215
Well, thank you
for coming to see me.
563
00:20:43,985 --> 00:20:45,625
Not at all,
I was just...
564
00:20:45,625 --> 00:20:46,665
How are you feeling?
565
00:20:46,665 --> 00:20:48,065
The fire!
566
00:20:48,065 --> 00:20:49,625
- It's all...
- The fire!
567
00:20:49,625 --> 00:20:51,625
It's out.
There's not much damage.
568
00:20:51,625 --> 00:20:52,825
Where is it,
where are they?
569
00:20:52,825 --> 00:20:54,065
What are you doing?
570
00:20:54,065 --> 00:20:55,065
Got to get back.
571
00:20:55,065 --> 00:20:56,185
Basil, will you
get back into bed?
572
00:20:56,185 --> 00:20:58,065
Yes, what is it now?!
573
00:20:58,065 --> 00:20:59,065
I'm going
to call someone
574
00:20:59,065 --> 00:21:00,265
if you don't
get back into bed.
575
00:21:00,265 --> 00:21:01,585
Listen, Sybil, please,
576
00:21:01,585 --> 00:21:02,945
I'll handle this
if you don't mind.
577
00:21:02,945 --> 00:21:04,985
Now, what sort of
a room do you want?
578
00:21:04,985 --> 00:21:06,065
Basil!
579
00:21:06,065 --> 00:21:07,065
Oh, there you are,
580
00:21:07,065 --> 00:21:09,025
I can't stand around
chattering all day,
581
00:21:09,025 --> 00:21:10,025
I've got to get back.
582
00:21:10,025 --> 00:21:11,025
Basil, you are not well.
583
00:21:11,025 --> 00:21:12,105
The doctor says
you've got concussion.
584
00:21:12,105 --> 00:21:13,145
You must rest.
585
00:21:13,145 --> 00:21:14,825
I'll rest when
I get to the hotel.
586
00:21:14,825 --> 00:21:16,065
I've just spoken
to Polly,
587
00:21:16,065 --> 00:21:17,625
they are managing
perfectly well.
588
00:21:17,625 --> 00:21:19,625
Do you know what that
fire extinguisher did?
589
00:21:19,625 --> 00:21:21,225
It exploded in my face.
590
00:21:21,225 --> 00:21:23,665
I mean, what is the point
of a fire extinguisher?
591
00:21:23,665 --> 00:21:25,265
It sits there for months,
592
00:21:25,265 --> 00:21:26,945
and when you actually
have a fire,
593
00:21:26,945 --> 00:21:28,585
when you actually need
the bloody thing,
594
00:21:28,585 --> 00:21:29,625
it blows your head off!
595
00:21:29,625 --> 00:21:31,065
I mean, what is happening
to this country?
596
00:21:31,065 --> 00:21:32,498
It's bloody Wilson!
597
00:21:33,705 --> 00:21:35,105
What a lot of noise.
598
00:21:35,105 --> 00:21:37,065
Now what are you doing
out of your bed?
599
00:21:37,065 --> 00:21:38,785
I'm going home,
thank you so much.
600
00:21:38,785 --> 00:21:40,065
Yes, well,
we'll let the doctor
601
00:21:40,065 --> 00:21:41,385
decide that now,
shall we?
602
00:21:41,385 --> 00:21:43,185
- No, let's not.
- Now, come along.
603
00:21:43,185 --> 00:21:44,585
Don't touch me.
I don't know where you've been.
604
00:21:44,585 --> 00:21:48,385
Yes, yes, we must have our
little jokes, mustn't we?
605
00:21:48,385 --> 00:21:49,505
Yes, we must,
mustn't we?
606
00:21:49,505 --> 00:21:52,065
My God,
you're ugly, aren't you?
607
00:21:53,345 --> 00:21:54,545
Mind boggling.
608
00:21:54,545 --> 00:21:55,585
Basil?
609
00:21:55,585 --> 00:21:57,585
- Hmm?
- I'll get the doctor.
610
00:21:57,585 --> 00:21:59,940
You need a plastic surgeon,
dear, not a doctor.
611
00:22:01,745 --> 00:22:03,425
How dare you talk
to sister like that.
612
00:22:03,425 --> 00:22:05,025
Get back into bed.
613
00:22:05,025 --> 00:22:06,025
You do not seem
to realize
614
00:22:06,025 --> 00:22:07,065
that I am needed
at the hotel.
615
00:22:07,065 --> 00:22:08,065
No, you're not.
616
00:22:08,065 --> 00:22:09,425
It's running beautifully
without you.
617
00:22:09,425 --> 00:22:11,065
Polly cannot cope!
618
00:22:11,065 --> 00:22:12,745
Well, she can't
fall over waiters,
619
00:22:12,745 --> 00:22:14,305
or get herself
jammed under desks,
620
00:22:14,305 --> 00:22:15,465
or start burglar alarms,
621
00:22:15,465 --> 00:22:17,065
or lock people
in burning rooms,
622
00:22:17,065 --> 00:22:19,305
or fire fire extinguishers
straight in her own face,
623
00:22:19,305 --> 00:22:20,705
but I'd think
the hotel can do
624
00:22:20,705 --> 00:22:22,425
without that sort of coping
for a couple of days.
625
00:22:22,425 --> 00:22:24,065
What do you think,
Basil, hmm?
626
00:22:24,065 --> 00:22:26,065
What?
Oh, hello, doctor.
627
00:22:26,065 --> 00:22:27,465
Out of bed,
Mr. Fawlty?
628
00:22:27,465 --> 00:22:28,745
Sort of, oh,
there they are.
629
00:22:28,745 --> 00:22:30,065
Well, better get back
into bed.
630
00:22:30,065 --> 00:22:32,065
Oh, feel
a little bit woozy.
631
00:22:32,065 --> 00:22:34,065
You will for a time,
Mr. Fawlty, you will.
632
00:22:34,065 --> 00:22:36,545
Yes, quite, quite.
633
00:22:36,545 --> 00:22:38,345
You should get
as much rest as you can...
634
00:22:38,345 --> 00:22:41,065
As much rest
as you can...
635
00:22:41,065 --> 00:22:43,101
As much rest
as you can.
636
00:23:05,865 --> 00:23:08,065
Gnaediges fraeulein,
koennen sie mir sagen,
637
00:23:08,065 --> 00:23:10,065
Wann das mittagessen
serviert wird, bitte?
638
00:23:10,065 --> 00:23:12,425
Um ein uhr.
Fuenf minuten.
639
00:23:12,425 --> 00:23:13,824
- Vielen dank.
- Bitte schoen.
640
00:23:20,065 --> 00:23:22,065
- Manuel?
- Oh, Mr. Fawlty.
641
00:23:22,065 --> 00:23:23,065
Ah, good evening.
642
00:23:23,065 --> 00:23:24,065
Are you all
right now?
643
00:23:24,065 --> 00:23:25,105
Perfectly, thank you.
644
00:23:25,105 --> 00:23:26,105
Take this to the room,
please, dear.
645
00:23:26,105 --> 00:23:28,065
Are you sure
you're all right?
646
00:23:28,065 --> 00:23:29,942
Perfectly, thank you.
Right as rain.
647
00:23:36,745 --> 00:23:38,065
You okay?
648
00:23:38,065 --> 00:23:39,065
Fine, thank you, dear.
649
00:23:39,065 --> 00:23:40,065
You go and have
a lie down.
650
00:23:40,065 --> 00:23:41,065
¿Qué?
651
00:23:41,065 --> 00:23:42,265
Ah, there you are.
652
00:23:42,265 --> 00:23:45,145
Would you take my case...
how did you get that?
653
00:23:45,145 --> 00:23:46,345
What?
654
00:23:46,345 --> 00:23:48,665
Oh, never mind.
Take it, take it upstairs.
655
00:23:48,665 --> 00:23:50,945
- ¿Qué?
- Take it, take it.
656
00:23:50,945 --> 00:23:52,145
I go get Polly.
657
00:23:52,145 --> 00:23:53,145
I've already had one.
658
00:23:53,145 --> 00:23:54,625
Take it.
Take it now.
659
00:23:54,625 --> 00:23:56,820
God, the people I have
to deal with.
660
00:23:57,825 --> 00:23:59,185
Sprechen Sie Deutsch?
661
00:23:59,185 --> 00:24:00,664
I beg your pardon?
662
00:24:04,905 --> 00:24:06,065
I'm sorry, could you
say that again?
663
00:24:06,065 --> 00:24:07,985
Do you
speak German?
664
00:24:07,985 --> 00:24:10,265
Oh, German!
I'm sorry.
665
00:24:10,265 --> 00:24:11,785
I thought there was
something wrong with you.
666
00:24:11,785 --> 00:24:14,065
Of course.
667
00:24:14,065 --> 00:24:15,065
The Germans.
668
00:24:15,065 --> 00:24:16,385
You speak German.
669
00:24:16,385 --> 00:24:18,065
Well, a little, I get by.
670
00:24:18,065 --> 00:24:19,054
Ein bisschen.
671
00:24:21,385 --> 00:24:23,065
- Well, why not?
- Bitte.
672
00:24:23,065 --> 00:24:24,145
Little bit tricky,
673
00:24:24,145 --> 00:24:25,145
would you mind
saying it again?
674
00:24:25,145 --> 00:24:26,145
"Please."
675
00:24:26,145 --> 00:24:27,145
Could you repeat,
676
00:24:27,145 --> 00:24:29,065
amplify... you know,
reiterate... yes?
677
00:24:29,065 --> 00:24:30,265
Wir...
678
00:24:30,265 --> 00:24:31,865
Wir... Yes, we'll
come back to that.
679
00:24:31,865 --> 00:24:33,065
Wollen...
680
00:24:33,065 --> 00:24:34,065
"Wollen..."
"Voluntary"?
681
00:24:34,065 --> 00:24:35,305
Ein auto mieten.
682
00:24:35,305 --> 00:24:37,065
"Out to..." "Out to..."
683
00:24:37,065 --> 00:24:40,065
Oh, I see, you're volunteering
to go out to get some meat.
684
00:24:40,065 --> 00:24:43,216
Not necessary.
We have meat here.
685
00:24:45,025 --> 00:24:47,664
Vee haff meet hier
in ze building.
686
00:24:54,065 --> 00:24:55,985
Ah, Polly, just explaining
about the meat.
687
00:24:55,985 --> 00:24:57,585
We weren't
expecting you.
688
00:24:57,585 --> 00:24:58,585
Oh, weren't you?
689
00:24:58,585 --> 00:24:59,865
They're Germans,
don't mention the war.
690
00:24:59,865 --> 00:25:01,865
I see...
691
00:25:01,865 --> 00:25:03,225
Well, Mrs. Fawlty
said you were going
692
00:25:03,225 --> 00:25:04,665
to have a rest for
a couple of days,
693
00:25:04,665 --> 00:25:05,905
you know,
in the hospital.
694
00:25:05,905 --> 00:25:07,705
Idle hands
get in the way
695
00:25:07,705 --> 00:25:10,065
of the devil's work,
Fawlty. Now...
696
00:25:10,065 --> 00:25:12,065
Right. Why don't you
go have a lie down?
697
00:25:12,065 --> 00:25:13,065
And I can deal
with this.
698
00:25:13,065 --> 00:25:14,985
Yes, yes, good idea.
Good idea, Elsie.
699
00:25:14,985 --> 00:25:16,385
Yes, bit of
a headache actually.
700
00:25:16,385 --> 00:25:18,545
We don't think
you're well, Mr. Fawlty.
701
00:25:18,545 --> 00:25:19,545
Well, perhaps not,
702
00:25:19,545 --> 00:25:20,660
but I'll live
longer than you.
703
00:25:21,825 --> 00:25:24,265
You must have
hurt yourself.
704
00:25:24,265 --> 00:25:26,145
My dear woman,
a blow on the head,
705
00:25:26,145 --> 00:25:28,345
like that...
706
00:25:28,345 --> 00:25:29,825
is worth two
in the bush.
707
00:25:29,825 --> 00:25:33,185
Oh, we know, but it
was a nasty knock.
708
00:25:33,185 --> 00:25:35,779
Would you like one?
Next please.
709
00:25:36,985 --> 00:25:38,345
Polly, are these
Germans, too?
710
00:25:38,345 --> 00:25:39,545
Oh, yes, but I can
deal with it.
711
00:25:39,545 --> 00:25:40,905
Right, right.
Here's the plan:
712
00:25:40,905 --> 00:25:43,065
I'll stand there
and ask them
713
00:25:43,065 --> 00:25:45,265
if they want something to drink
before the war.
714
00:25:45,265 --> 00:25:47,305
Before their lunch!
715
00:25:47,305 --> 00:25:50,058
Before their lunch.
Don't mention the war.
716
00:25:53,065 --> 00:25:54,703
Ja, ja.
717
00:26:02,625 --> 00:26:08,065
- Can we help you?
- Oh, you speak English?
718
00:26:08,065 --> 00:26:09,345
Of course.
719
00:26:09,345 --> 00:26:12,145
Ah, wonderful!
Wunderbar! Ah.
720
00:26:12,145 --> 00:26:13,985
Please allow me to
introduce myself.
721
00:26:13,985 --> 00:26:16,425
I am the owner
of Fawlty Towers,
722
00:26:16,425 --> 00:26:18,865
and may I welcome
your war... you war...
723
00:26:18,865 --> 00:26:21,065
you all, you all,
724
00:26:21,065 --> 00:26:22,505
and hope
that your stay
725
00:26:22,505 --> 00:26:23,785
will be a happy one.
726
00:26:23,785 --> 00:26:25,985
Now, would you like
to eat first
727
00:26:25,985 --> 00:26:27,025
or would you like
a drink
728
00:26:27,025 --> 00:26:28,145
before the war?
729
00:26:28,145 --> 00:26:30,945
...ning... that
trespassers will be
730
00:26:30,945 --> 00:26:32,945
tied up
with piano wire.
731
00:26:32,945 --> 00:26:35,665
Sorry, sorry, trouble
with the old leg.
732
00:26:35,665 --> 00:26:37,705
Got a touch of shrapnel
in the war.
733
00:26:37,705 --> 00:26:40,665
Korean! Korean war!
Sorry, Korean.
734
00:26:40,665 --> 00:26:42,585
Thank you.
We will eat now.
735
00:26:42,585 --> 00:26:44,465
Oh, good, please,
do allow me.
736
00:26:44,465 --> 00:26:45,705
May I say
how pleased we are
737
00:26:45,705 --> 00:26:46,985
to have some
Europeans here
738
00:26:46,985 --> 00:26:49,025
now that we are
on the continent?
739
00:26:49,025 --> 00:26:51,065
Can I speak to
Dr. Fin, please?
740
00:26:51,065 --> 00:26:52,545
Didn't vote for it myself
quite honestly,
741
00:26:52,545 --> 00:26:53,545
but now that we're in,
742
00:26:53,545 --> 00:26:54,745
I'm determined
to make it work,
743
00:26:54,745 --> 00:26:56,145
so I'd like to welcome
you all to Britain.
744
00:26:56,145 --> 00:26:57,985
The plaice is grilled,
but that doesn't matter,
745
00:26:57,985 --> 00:26:59,185
there's life in
the old thing yet...
746
00:26:59,185 --> 00:27:01,025
wait a moment,
got a bit confused there,
747
00:27:01,025 --> 00:27:02,465
oh, yes,
the plaice is grilled...
748
00:27:02,465 --> 00:27:04,065
the whole room's
warm, isn't it?
749
00:27:04,065 --> 00:27:05,545
I'll open a window,
have a look...
750
00:27:05,545 --> 00:27:07,825
and the veal chop
is done with rosemary...
751
00:27:07,825 --> 00:27:10,145
that's funny, I thought
she'd gone to Canada...
752
00:27:10,145 --> 00:27:13,065
and is delicious
and nutritious,
753
00:27:13,065 --> 00:27:15,065
in fact,
it's veally good.
754
00:27:15,065 --> 00:27:17,185
Veally good, ha ha!
755
00:27:17,185 --> 00:27:18,265
The veal is good?
756
00:27:18,265 --> 00:27:19,665
Yes, doesn't matter,
never mind.
757
00:27:19,665 --> 00:27:22,185
May we have two
eggs mayonnaises, please?
758
00:27:22,185 --> 00:27:24,065
Certainly. Why not?
Why not, indeed?
759
00:27:24,065 --> 00:27:25,425
We are all
friends now, eh?
760
00:27:25,425 --> 00:27:26,425
A prawn cocktail.
761
00:27:26,425 --> 00:27:28,185
All in the market
together,
762
00:27:28,185 --> 00:27:29,665
all differences forgotten,
763
00:27:29,665 --> 00:27:31,145
and no need at all
to mention the war.
764
00:27:31,145 --> 00:27:33,585
Sorry, sorry, sorry,
what was it again?
765
00:27:33,585 --> 00:27:34,945
A prawn cocktail.
766
00:27:34,945 --> 00:27:36,585
Prawn, that was it.
When you said prawn,
767
00:27:36,585 --> 00:27:38,465
I thought you said war.
768
00:27:38,465 --> 00:27:41,865
Oh, the war, oh, yes,
completely slipped my mind,
769
00:27:41,865 --> 00:27:42,865
yes, I'd forgotten
all about it.
770
00:27:42,865 --> 00:27:44,065
Hitler, Himmler
and all that lot,
771
00:27:44,065 --> 00:27:46,056
yes, completely forgotten it,
just like that.
772
00:27:48,065 --> 00:27:49,065
Sorry, what was
it again?
773
00:27:49,065 --> 00:27:50,665
A prawn cocktail!
774
00:27:50,665 --> 00:27:53,345
Oh, yes, Eva Prawn, yes,
and Goebbels too,
775
00:27:53,345 --> 00:27:55,065
another one I can
hardly remember.
776
00:27:55,065 --> 00:27:56,745
And a pickled herring.
777
00:27:56,745 --> 00:27:58,105
Hermann Goering,
yes, yes.
778
00:27:58,105 --> 00:28:00,105
And Von Ribbentrop,
that was another one.
779
00:28:00,105 --> 00:28:02,545
And four cold meat
salads, please.
780
00:28:02,545 --> 00:28:04,585
Certainly, I'll just
get your hors d'oeuvres,
781
00:28:04,585 --> 00:28:07,065
hors d'oeuvres
which must be obeyed
782
00:28:07,065 --> 00:28:08,785
at all times
without question.
783
00:28:08,785 --> 00:28:10,065
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
784
00:28:10,065 --> 00:28:12,585
Mr. Fawlty, would you please
call your wife immediately?
785
00:28:12,585 --> 00:28:13,825
Sybil! Sybil...
786
00:28:13,825 --> 00:28:16,065
She's in the hospital,
you silly girl.
787
00:28:16,065 --> 00:28:17,145
Yes,
call her there.
788
00:28:17,145 --> 00:28:18,705
I can't, I've got
too much to do.
789
00:28:18,705 --> 00:28:19,985
Listen, don't
mention the war.
790
00:28:19,985 --> 00:28:21,145
I mentioned it once,
791
00:28:21,145 --> 00:28:23,065
but I think I got away
with it all right.
792
00:28:23,065 --> 00:28:25,185
So, it's all
forgotten now
793
00:28:25,185 --> 00:28:26,825
and let's hear
no more about it.
794
00:28:26,825 --> 00:28:29,065
So, two eggs mayonnaise,
a prawn goebbels,
795
00:28:29,065 --> 00:28:31,985
a herman goering,
and four colditz salads.
796
00:28:31,985 --> 00:28:34,065
Wait a moment, I got
a bit confused here.
797
00:28:34,065 --> 00:28:35,305
I got a bit confused
798
00:28:35,305 --> 00:28:37,065
'cause everyone's
mentioning the war.
799
00:28:37,065 --> 00:28:38,625
So, could you...
what's the matter?
800
00:28:38,625 --> 00:28:39,745
It's all right.
801
00:28:39,745 --> 00:28:41,065
Is there
something wrong?
802
00:28:41,065 --> 00:28:43,105
Will you stop
talking about the war?
803
00:28:43,105 --> 00:28:44,265
Me? You started it!
804
00:28:44,265 --> 00:28:46,065
We did not start it.
805
00:28:46,065 --> 00:28:47,862
Yes, you did,
you invaded Poland.
806
00:28:49,225 --> 00:28:51,705
Here, blow, here,
this'll cheer you up.
807
00:28:51,705 --> 00:28:52,865
You'll like this one:
808
00:28:52,865 --> 00:28:54,065
There's this woman,
she's completely stupid,
809
00:28:54,065 --> 00:28:55,505
she'd never
remember anything,
810
00:28:55,505 --> 00:28:58,224
and her husband's
in a bomber over Berlin,
811
00:29:00,705 --> 00:29:02,265
she'll love this one,
she'll laugh...
812
00:29:02,265 --> 00:29:04,065
- Leave her alone.
- No, this is a scream.
813
00:29:04,065 --> 00:29:06,065
I have never seen anyone
not laugh at this.
814
00:29:06,065 --> 00:29:07,065
Go away!
815
00:29:07,065 --> 00:29:08,464
Look, she'll love it,
she's German.
816
00:29:09,825 --> 00:29:10,905
No, Mr. Fawlty!
817
00:29:10,905 --> 00:29:12,785
- What?
- Do Jimmy Cagney instead.
818
00:29:12,785 --> 00:29:14,185
- What?
- Jimmy Cagney.
819
00:29:14,185 --> 00:29:15,185
Jimmy Cagney?
820
00:29:15,185 --> 00:29:16,905
You know,
"You dirty rat."
821
00:29:16,905 --> 00:29:18,465
I can't do Jimmy Cagney.
822
00:29:18,465 --> 00:29:20,145
Please try,
"I'm going to get you."
823
00:29:20,145 --> 00:29:21,145
Shut up.
824
00:29:21,145 --> 00:29:22,305
Here, watch.
825
00:29:22,305 --> 00:29:23,943
Who's this then?
826
00:29:27,625 --> 00:29:28,853
I'll do the funny walk.
827
00:29:37,105 --> 00:29:38,465
- Stop it!
- What?
828
00:29:38,465 --> 00:29:39,665
Stop it!
829
00:29:39,665 --> 00:29:42,545
I'm trying to cheer her up,
you stupid Kraut!
830
00:29:42,545 --> 00:29:44,105
It's not funny
for her!
831
00:29:44,105 --> 00:29:47,065
Not funny? Not funny?
832
00:29:47,065 --> 00:29:48,305
You're joking!
833
00:29:48,305 --> 00:29:51,865
Not for her, not for us,
not for any German people.
834
00:29:51,865 --> 00:29:55,065
You have absolutely
no sense of humor, do you?
835
00:29:55,065 --> 00:29:56,665
This is not funny!
836
00:29:56,665 --> 00:29:59,945
Who won the bloody war
anyway?
837
00:29:59,945 --> 00:30:02,265
Mr. Fawlty, you'll be
all right, come with me.
838
00:30:02,265 --> 00:30:03,254
Fine.
839
00:30:24,105 --> 00:30:26,625
Oh, he hit me
on the head!
840
00:30:26,625 --> 00:30:29,065
No, you hit him
on the head.
841
00:30:29,065 --> 00:30:30,817
You naughty moose!
842
00:30:32,345 --> 00:30:34,142
However did they win?
53469
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